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localspacelesbian · 4 years

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To Dance Again

i wrote this for @secretly-of-course for the multifandom exchange. taking crackships too seriously is kind of my specialty, and you put this idea in my head, and i couldn’t get it out, so i hope you like it! i also made a playlist to go with it. thank you @swingsetboys for setting this whole thing up! this was a lot of fun

here’s the fic:

After Ashlyn breaks up with him, Big Red forms an unexpected bond with a certain choreographer who encourages him to dance again.

word count: 9511

Big Red walked into the theatre and was surprised to hear music playing. He didn’t recognize the song, but it definitely wasn’t from Beauty and the Beast. He walked up to the stage and saw Carlos there, dancing. That part wasn’t as surprising; Carlos was pretty much always in the theatre and pretty much always dancing. He froze when he saw Big Red approach.

“Sorry. I didn’t know anyone else would be in here,” Big Red immediately apologized.

Carlos walked over to where his phone was sitting on the floor and picked it up to pause the music. “It’s fine. I can go.”

“No, I’ll go. You were here first.” Big Red waved his hand. “You’re a really good dancer, by the way. But you probably already know that. You are the choreographer.” Someone please make him stop talking.

Carlos smiled softly at him. “Thanks. Um, did you come in here for a reason?”

Big Red shrugged. “I just wanted to be alone.”

Carlos nodded. “Me too.”

“I guess I should go then.”

Carlos took a step forward. “You can stay, if you want.”

“Oh. I thought you wanted to be alone.”

Carlos shrugged. “Maybe I changed my mind.”

Big Red smiled and then hopped up on the stage and sat down, his legs hanging off the edge. Carlos sat down next to him. “Is there a particular reason you wanted to be alone?”

Carlos sighed and pulled his knees up to his chest. “Seb broke up with me.”

“Oh.” Big Red had not been expecting that. He turned towards Carlos, pulling one leg up onto the stage. “I’m sorry.”

Carlos shrugged. “It’s whatever.” Big Red didn’t believe that for a second, but he didn’t want to push him. “What about you? Why did you want to be alone?”

He shrugged. “The same thing, kind of. I mean, not Seb, obviously. Um, Ashlyn broke up with me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s whatever.” He pulled his other leg up on the stage and crossed his legs. He really wasn’t that upset about it. He just didn’t want to face everyone asking him about it. Or Gina and EJ glaring at him. Or Ricky pretending care while texting Nini. And he really didn’t want to confront the reason she’d dumped him. But maybe Carlos would get it. He and Carlos weren’t super close, but Red would consider them to be friends. And he was… They sat in silence for a moment, and Big Red couldn’t tell if it was an awkward silence or a comfortable silence as he started to get lost in his thoughts. “I’m gay,” He blurted out eventually, not looking at Carlos.

Carlos looked over at him, and Big Red couldn’t tell which one of them was more surprised. “Oh.”

Red looked down. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to just dump that on you. I’ve never actually said it out loud before. Ashlyn is the only other person who knows.”

Carlos nodded. “It’s fine. I’m guessing that’s why you two…” Red nodded. “How long have you known?”

“I think I’ve known for a while. I just didn’t want to admit it. And then Ash kind of called me out, and…” He shrugged.

“That’s not very fair. She shouldn’t push you to come out before you’re ready.”

“No, it’s fine. She didn’t really push. And she was right. It probably wasn’t very fair of me to date her when I liked someone else. Even if I hadn’t fully admitted it to myself yet. And I thought I liked her, but I guess I didn’t, at least not the way I wanted to.”

“I’m sorry.”

Big Red shrugged again and started absentmindedly playing with the cuffs of his jeans. “It’s whatever,” he repeated.

“Do you mind if I ask who you like?”

Red tilted his head to the side and looked at Carlos. as he thought about how he wanted to answer that. “Take a guess. According to Ashlyn, I haven’t exactly been subtle.”

Carlos thought for a second and then guessed, “Ricky?” Red nodded once. Carlos winced. “Oof. No offense, but why is everyone so in love with him? Like, sure, he’s cute, but so not my type,” he joked.

“Oh really?”

Carlos nodded. “Yeah, I don’t usually go for skater boys.” Red almost laughed. “Seriously though, what is the appeal of Ricky Bowen?”

“It’s mostly the hair, I think.” Carlos snorted. “And you know, everyone likes a guy who can sing.”

“We’re theatre kids,” Carlos pointed out, in a deadpan voice. “We’re constantly surrounded by people who can sing. Even us techies can sing.”

Red had to agree. “True. East High does have a weirdly high proportion of people who can sing really well.”

Carlos laughed. “It’s that Disney magic Zac Efron left behind when they filmed High School Musical.”

“He didn’t even sing in the first movie,” Big Red pointed out.

Carlos gasped dramatically and put his hand over his chest. “You take that back! Disney dubbing over his songs with Drew Seeley’s voice without even telling Zac is the greatest crime they’ve ever committed.”

“This is Disney we’re talking about, right? I think that bar is pretty high.”

“Yeah. And?”

They suddenly found themselves caught in an unprompted staring contest, both daring the other to break first. Carlos raised his eyebrow, and that was all it took. Once Red started laughing, Carlos joined in immediately. All of the tension Big Red had been feeling just disappeared as he let himself laugh harder than he had in a while. They started to calm down, but then they looked at each other again, and it started all over again. It wasn’t even that funny, but they fell back onto the stage floor from laughing so hard. Eventually, they slowly calmed down for real and lapsed into silence again. A comfortable one, this time Red was sure.

Realizing that there probably wasn’t much time left before the bell rang, Red was surprised that he didn’t want to stop hanging out with Carlos. “Hey, after rehearsal tonight, do you wanna come over and like eat pizza and ice cream and watch movies, or whatever people usually do when they get dumped?”

Carlos turned his head to face him, and it hit Red how close they were, but he didn’t move. “If by ‘movies’ you mean ‘musicals,’ then sure.” He smiled. “That sounds like fun.”

Red smiled back, and said in a soft voice, “Cool.”

Red was worried that, with two newly broken up couples, rehearsals would be uncomfortable at best. But they managed to survive with only minimal tension between Carlos and Seb and Big Red and Ashlyn. Well, mostly. Unfortunately, the rest of the cast could clearly tell that Something was up but didn’t want to say anything, which significantly increased the amount of tension in the room. Eventually, Carlos got sick of it and decided to just rip the bandage off. He clapped his hands together once to get everyone’s attention. “Yes, Seb and I broke up. No, we don’t want to talk about it. No, it’s not any of your business. And no, it’s not going to affect the show, because some of us are professionals and can handle working together with our exes.” He looked pointedly as Nini, Ricky, and EJ. “Ok? Ok. Now can we please get back to rehearsal and start taking this seriously?” A few people nodded. “Good. Seb?”

Red noticed that Seb’s face was bright pink, but he simply nodded and turned back to the piano, playing the song they were trying to choreograph.

After that, the cast managed to mostly focus on practice, but Red noticed they were still a little awkward. He did his best to ignore them and hoped that Carlos and Seb were doing a better job of that than he was. He smiled at Carlos a few times in a way that he hoped came off as comforting.

When rehearsal was over and everyone was starting to pack up their things, Red walked over to Carlos.

From the other side of the room, he heard Seb say, “Amber? What are you doing here?”

Red noticed Carlos stiffen at the words and looked over to see Seb talking to someone he didn’t recognize. “Who’s that?” he asked Carlos.

“His cousin. She scares me.” Carlos quickly turned to Red. “Don’t tell anyone I said that.”

Big Red nodded, and they both looked back over at Seb and Amber. “I’m here to give you a ride home.”

“But I drove myself today. And you don’t even live here.”

She waved her hand. “I was in the area.” She ignored his continued questioning as she looked around the room. She saw Carlos and smiled in a way that made it suddenly very clear to Big Red exactly why she scared him. She waved. “Hi, Carlos.”

Carlos took a step closer to her, doing a very good job at not seeming as nervous as Red was pretty sure he was. “Hi, Amber.”

Seb, who seemed to realize what was happening at the same time as Big Red did, reached out and grabbed Amber’s wrist. “Amber…”

She turned to give him an ‘innocent’ look that didn’t actually look at all innocent. “I’m just saying hi. Why don’t you trust me? I’m really nice now, remember?”

“You know, people who are really nice don’t have to keep telling people that they’re really nice now,” Carlos said, which was pretty brave in Big Red’s opinion.

Amber raised her eyebrow at him. Red had never really paid much attention to someone’s eyebrows before, but hers were intimidating. Carlos crossed his arms. The tension between them was tangible. The room was frozen. No one moved. No one said anything. Red wasn’t sure how much time passed before Seb finally stepped between them and put everyone out of their misery. “Ok, time to go. Bye, everyone. See you on Monday.” He turned to Amber, and she rolled her eyes before turning around and walking out of the room with him.

Just before leaving, she turned back and waved. “Bye, Carlos.”

As soon as they were gone, Carlos sunk onto his knees and then fell back on the ground. “She should have just murdered me on the spot. It would have been less painful.”

“Are you ok?” Ashlyn asked.

“What just happened?” Ricky asked.

“Never date a soft cowboy with like a million overprotective relatives. If I get murdered in my sleep tonight…” He paused for a second, looking off to the side like he rethinking all his life choices. “Honestly, it could be anyone.” He sat up on his elbows. “Why did I do this to myself?”

“Do what? Break up with Seb?” Ricky asked.

Carlos scoffed. “As if I would be the one to dump him. I’m pretty sure that’s literally impossible. Have you met him?”

Sensing that Ricky was going to ask another stupid question, Big Red walked over to Carlos and held out his hand to help him up. “Come on. ‘Just got dumped by literal angels with terrifying, overprotective cousins’ party at my house.” Carlos exhaled quickly through his nose and accepted Red’s hand. He grabbed Carlos’s bag and handed it to him before they walked out of the practice room together, doing their best to avoid everyone else’s stares, especially those of the Caswells.

“What do you think is a good post-breakup musical?”

Big Red glanced at Carlos, who was sitting in the passenger seat of his car, just long enough to check if he was serious. He appeared to be. “Are you actually asking me that? I’ve only seen like two musicals.”

Carlos shook his head. “That’s going to have to change. But first, and this is very important, which two have you seen? And please tell me you aren’t including High School Musical in that.”

Red snorted. “Nah, Ashlyn made me watch a couple with her. I think the first one was Wicked. I remember because she went off about how the book is better for like a week.” Carlos snorted. “And we watched Into the Woods. That was pretty good.”

“Wait, the movie or the musical?”

“The movie I think.”

Carlos shook his head disapprovingly. “So just those two then? I guess that’s not too bad.”

“Oh! There was also that Harry Potter one.”

“A Very Potter Musical?” Big Red nodded, and Carlos nodded back. “Ok yeah, that tracks for Ashlyn, but the Potter musicals are not Starkid’s best work. Maybe we should watch one of those. They’re pretty lighthearted.” Big Red nodded even though he’d only seen the one. Carlos kept talking, more thinking out loud than anything else. “Ok… let’s see, Twisted is one of the best ones, especially if you’ve seen Wicked already, but I don’t think I’m in the mood to watch something so… romantic.” He paused for a second before lighting up. “Oh! What about Trail to Oregon?”

“What’s that about?”

“You know that really old video game, Oregon Trail?”

“Yeah…” He had vague memories of playing that game in elementary school.

“It’s a parody of that.”

“Ok…” Of all the musicals to make a parody musical of?

“It’s better than it sounds, I promise.”

Big Red nodded. “Ok, I believe you.” He pulled into his driveway. “Come on.”

They walked inside and downstairs. It was a little weird seeing Carlos here. The only other time he’d been here was when the whole cast had been here when Miss Jenn had almost been fired. This time, Big Red felt much more exposed as Carlos looked around the room. He dropped their stuff next to his bed.

“Are those tap shoes?”

Shit. Why would those be out? “Um…” He looked over to see what Carlos was looking at, and yeah, he couldn’t exactly deny that they were in fact tap shoes. “Maybe.”

Carlos looked at him in disbelief. “You tap dance?”

“Maybe.”

“How did I not know that? I’m the choreographer.”

“I’m not an actor,” Big Red pointed out. “And I made Ashlyn promise not to tell anyone.”

Carlos raised his eyebrows. “Ashlyn knows?”

Red shrugged, blushing slightly. “She may have seen me.”

“You make it sound like it’s something to be ashamed of. You know it’s not, right?”

“I know.” Were they still talking about tap dancing?

“Can I see?” God, he hoped they were.

“You wanna see me tap dance?” Carlos nodded. “Right now?”

Carlos nodded again. “Only if you want. I just think it’s really cool.”

“Yeah, ok.” He got out his tap dance mat and put on his shoes, and Carlos sat cross-legged on the bed to watch him, looking unreasonably excited. Feeling a little awkward dancing for one person in his basement with no music playing, Big Red didn’t do a particularly long or complicated dance. Just something simple and fun he still remembered from years ago.

But when he finished, Carlos started clapping, startling Red slightly. “Oh my god, that was amazing.” Big Red blushed and looked down. “Seriously.” He got off the bed and walked up to Red. “I need you to tap dance in the show.”

He looked up. “I’m not even in the cast. And I’m pretty sure there’s no tap dancing in Beauty and the Beast.”

“I don’t care. It needs to happen.”

Big Red shook his head while smiling. “Ok, if you can find a way to make it work and get Miss Jenn to agree, I’ll do it.”

Carlos smiled at him. “You might want to bring those shoes to our next rehearsal.”

Big Red shook his head again, but before he could respond, his mom was yelling that the pizza was here.

Red took off his shoes and then ran upstairs to get the pizza. When he came back, Carlos had pulled up the musical on his laptop. Red set the pizza box and napkins on his bed, so he could take the laptop from Carlos and plug it into the TV. As the two of them sat on the bed, eating pizza, watching Trail to Oregon, and nearly choking from laughter, Red could tell that Carlos knew every word by heart, not just the songs, but the dialogue too, and he couldn’t help but find it adorable. He also had a warm fuzzy feeling in his chest as he thought about how much happier Carlos seemed now than when Red had found him in the theatre earlier that day. Sure, he knew it was just a temporary distraction, but it was something. And Red had helped make it happen.

Once everyone had settled into the practice room for rehearsal on Monday after school, Carlos announced that they were going to start working on the choreography for Be Our Guest. Big Red flipped to the song in his script as the actors who were a part of the song got up and moved into place. He felt someone staring at him and looked up to see Carlos smiling mischievously, hugging his own script in his arms. “Big Red, I hope you brought your tap shoes.”

Everyone, Big Red included, froze in surprise. “Um… why would I do that?”

“Because I told you to,” Carlos answered, as if it was obvious.

“I didn’t think you were serious.”

“Honey, I’m always serious when it comes to dance. Now come on, you aren’t getting out of this that easily.”

Red set down his script and stood up. “I don’t dance.”

Carlos smirked and took a step closer to him. “I say you can.”

Red just shook his head, trying and failing to hide a smile as he searched for an excuse to get out of it, even though he wasn’t as upset as he thought he’d be that Carlos had basically just outed him as a tap dancer. “Who’s gonna run the lights during this song then?”

Carlos looked at Miss Jenn, who looked around the room at the cast and crew. “Natalie! Do you think you can handle running the lights for this song?”

She shrugged. “Sure.” But she didn’t sound very sure.

“Big Red can teach you how.” She turned to him. “Right, Big Red?”

Red looked between Carlos, Miss Jenn, and Natalie Bagley. “I guess.”

“Perfect.”

Ricky raised his hand. “Wait, sorry, I’m confused. Since when can Big Red dance?” Everyone else, except Ashlyn, looked equally confused.

Carlos turned to Big Red with his eyebrow raised, as if to say ‘This is the guy you have a crush on?’

Big Red just shrugged and chose not to answer. “Better question: since when does Be Our Guest have tap dancing in it?”

Carlos pointed at him. “You said, and I quote, ‘if you can find a way to make it work and get Miss Jenn to agree, I’ll do it.’” He had said that, hadn’t he? “So, I asked Miss Jenn, and she loved the idea, and we spent all weekend trying to figure out how to make it work. Trust me; it’ll work.”

“No offense, but have you ever actually choreographed tap before?”

“Well, no. I figured we could work out the details later. But you’ll do it, right? You did say you would.” There was a slight hesitation in Carlos’s voice at the end.

Red looked around the room and was surprised to see not a single look of judgement. In fact, most of the cast was looking at him excitedly. Like they genuinely wanted to see him tap dance. And ok, yeah, Ashlyn had told him they’d all think it was cool, but he hadn’t actually believed her. “Fine.”

Of course, Big Red agreeing to tap dance meant that he and Carlos had to meet up in the mornings before school to choreograph it together. But he quickly decided that he didn’t actually mind. In fact, he even started to look forward to waking up an hour early to see Carlos every day.

By the end of the week, things were already starting to come together. It helped that it wasn’t a particularly long dance, but Carlos kept trying to push him to make it more complicated, to show off as much as possible. Big Red was enjoying the challenge and having more fun working with Carlos than he’d thought he would. He’d kind of been under the impression that Carlos preferred to work alone, but he seemed to know exactly when his choreography expertise was needed and when to back off because Big Red new more about tap dancing than he did.

When Red finished the number all the way through for the third time on Friday morning, Carlos came up to him, smiling and clapping his hands together. “That was great!”

Big Red smiled, blushing. “Thanks.”

Carlos spun around in a circle. “I can’t wait to see how it looks with the rest of the song.” He pointed at Red with a smug look on his face. “And you said I couldn’t put tap dancing in Beauty and the Beast.”

“I think I did most of the choreographing, actually,” Red pointed out jokingly.

“Hush. We did it together.”

Red shrugged one shoulder. “Ok fine, I’ll give you that.” It really had been a team effort.

Carlos handed him his water bottle and the two of them sat down on the floor together, knowing without saying anything that they were done practicing, but not yet ready to leave.

“So how are things with Seb? Rehearsals seem to be getting less awkward.” They hadn’t talked about it much because Red didn’t want to push Carlos, but he had seemed to be doing a bit better over the course of the week, and Red wanted to check in.

Carlos nodded. “Yeah, we talked the other day, and I think we’re good now. I don’t think I’ll be invited to a dance party at Amber’s anytime soon, but I’m pretty sure no one in the Matthew-Smith-Kippen family is going to murder me, so there’s that. Although, Seb’s older sister is away at college, so we’ll see what happens when she comes back to see the show.”

“I’d say I’ll protect you, but I think we both know I wouldn’t stand a chance.”

Carlos snorted. “I appreciate the thought anyway.” He smiled and the hit Red’s leg with his knee. “What about you? EJ and Gina were both ready to murder you last week.”

“I think Ashlyn talked to them.”

“She didn’t tell them why she dumped you, did she?”

“Nah. She wouldn’t do that.”

“How’s that going, by the way? Still got a crush on skater boy Rick?”

Red snorted. “You mean since I told you about it a week ago? Yeah, not much has changed. And he’s still my best friend, so don’t be a dick.” He hit him back with his knee.

“Is he?”

“What do you mean?”

“No offense Red, but Nini’s not even in this state, and I’m pretty sure she spends more time with him than you do. And that’s including rehearsal time.”

He shrugged. “So? They’re dating. That’s what people who are dating do.”

“Doesn’t mean he gets to pretend like you don’t exist until he needs you for something.”

“He doesn’t-” Carlos cut him off with a look, and Red had to admit that he had a point. “Ok maybe a little.” He laid down and sighed. “Why do I have to have feelings?”

“I don’t know. I stopped having feelings years ago.”

Red hit him in the arm. “Shut up.”

Carlos laid down next to him. “Seriously though, I really don’t get the appeal of Ricky Bowen. And I think you could do better.”

“Could I?”

Now it was Carlos’s turn to hit Big Red. “Of course you could. Ricky’s like the straightest guy in this school. It’s only uphill from there.”

“What about EJ?”

“Ok, you got me there.”

They both laughed, and Red was suddenly hit with the thought that he laughed with Carlos more than he did with most people.

The bell rang, and Big Red was disappointed that they had to get up and go to class, but he told himself that that was just because his first class was English, not because it meant that he had to stop hanging out with Carlos. He sat up, changed his shoes, and let Carlos help him up. As they left the room, heading their separate ways to their lockers, Big Red found himself looking back over his shoulder at Carlos as he walked away.

“Big Red, are you even listening to me?”

Big Red looked up from his phone. “Yeah, of course.” Ashlyn was sitting at the piano in her living room, and he was standing next to it, leaning against the wall.

She raised an eyebrow at him. “What? Did Ricky finally text you back or something?”

He gave her a confused look. “Why would you assume it’s Ricky? I have other friends.”

She pointed at his face. “Cause you’ve got that look on your face.”

“What look?”

“The ‘I’m texting my crush’ look.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

She looked confused. “Wait, are you actually denying it? I already know you like him. It’s fine.”

“No, I mean it’s ridiculous because I’m actually not texting Ricky.”

She seemed surprised. “Seriously? Who are you texting then?”

“Carlos.”

“When did you two get so close?”

He shrugged. “We’re friends.”

“Last I checked, you two were friends in the ‘talking to each other at rehearsals and cast parties’ kind of way, not in the ‘texting each other constantly on a random Sunday afternoon’ kind of way.”

He shrugged again. “We’ve been working on the choreography for the tap dancing scene together, and I don’t know. He’s cool.”

She nodded slowly. “Yeah… how did that happen anyway? Cause when I found out you could tap dance, you made me swear on EJ’s grave not to tell anyone.”

“I don’t know. We hung out last Friday, you know, after we broke up, and he saw my tap shoes and we were kind of joking around, and I told him I’d do it for the show.”

She nodded slowly again. “Right…”

“So, did you want to show me that song you were working on, or?”

She nodded and turned back to the piano. Big Red put his phone in his pocket, so he could listen to her this time. He really did like listening to Ashlyn sing, and he was really glad that they were still friends, but he couldn’t get the conversation about Carlos out of his head. Was it weird that they were hanging out so much all of a sudden? Had he really been making a weird face when he was texting him? Did that actually mean anything?

At rehearsal the next day, the whole cast was there to work on the choreography for Be Our Guest, and Big Red couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed that the private rehearsals with Carlos were over so soon. They’d met that morning to go over it one last time, but they couldn’t stay long because Red had a Robotics Club meeting. When he walked into the practice room, Carlos said hi to him, and he smiled as he said hi back. Ashlyn sent him a look, and he felt his face heat up a bit. Damn, why’d she have to get in his head?

Today was his first time tap dancing in front of the rest of the cast, and he was a little nervous, but they all assured him that he’d do great. It wasn’t perfect, but they made it all the way through the song without disaster. Afterward, Carlos came up and hugged him, and Big Red felt his brain short circuit and his heartbeat pick up. He told himself that it was just adrenaline from the dancing, but he wasn’t sure if he believed that.

Carlos let go but put his hands on Big Red’s arms. “That was great!”

Miss Jenn stepped up, and Carlos dropped his arms. “Yes, Carlos, it was, but I’m me, and I have notes.” Miss Jenn smiled and started critiquing all the dancers, with occasional input from Carlos. Red was surprised that neither of them had too much to say about him.

Toward the end of rehearsal, Big Red was talking to Ashlyn when Carlos came up to them. “Hey Ashlyn, can I have a ride home? My parents can’t, and it feels weird to ask Seb now.”

“Oh, um… I’d have to ask EJ…” She spoke slowly and kept glancing at Big Red.

It took a second (and her elbowing him) but he eventually got what she was trying to say. “Oh, I can give you a ride,” he offered. Ashlyn smiled, and he was relieved he had interpreted her correctly. “If you want.”

Carlos smiled. “What, no skateboard today?”

“After Ricky fell off his last week, Miss Jenn banned them until after the show’s over.” Carlos laughed. Then Red remembered, Ricky. Shit, he was supposed to give him a ride, too. That wouldn’t be weird, would it? No. Why would it be? They were all friends. He decided to just deal with it when it happened.

Ashlyn said goodbye to them and disappeared, but the two of them barely noticed. They continued talking as they cleaned up and got their stuff together. By the time they were ready to leave, Red looked around and most of the cast, including Ricky, were gone. He checked his phone and saw that he had a text from Ashlyn. ‘I got Kourtney to give Ricky a ride home. You’re welcome. ;)’ He shook his head and put his phone back in his pocket before looking over at Carlos. “You ready to go?” Carlos nodded, and the two of them walked out to his car.

As they drove, Big Red let Carlos plug in his phone and was perfectly content to listen to him sing along with whatever showtunes he was playing, even if it meant he took a couple wrong turns because Carlos was distracted and forgot he was supposed to be giving him directions. Eventually, they made it, and Red pulled up in front of Carlos’s house. Carlos waited until the song was over, turning to Big Red to sing the last couple lines dramatically. “I’m a sexy mouse.” He struck a pose, and Red laughed.

“What is that from?”

Carlos rolled his eyes as he unplugged his phone. “Mean Girls, obviously.”

“There’s a Mean Girls musical?”

Carlos sighed. “I can’t believe I’m friends with someone so uncultured. How are you even a theatre kid?”

“Hey, you know I only kind of fell into the whole theatre thing last semester.”

“Yes, I know. Don’t worry. I’ll add it to the list.”

“List?”

“Of musicals I’m going to make you watch,” Carlos said matter of factly.

“You have a list?”

Carlos’s smile faltered a bit. “Only if you want, of course. I’m not actually going to make you. I just-”

Big Red smiled. “What else is on the list?”

Carlos bit his lip. “I don’t know if I should tell you. Don’t want to ruin the surprise after all. Or overwhelm you.”

Red nodded. “Well, I can’t wait.”

Carlos smiled. “Cool.” He glanced out the window at his house. “I should probably…” He put his hand on the door handle.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll see you.”

“Yeah. Do you need a ride tomorrow morning?”

“Uh, sure.” Carlos opened the door. “Thanks, Big Red.”

Red watched Carlos walk up to his house. As he got to the door, He turned back and waved. Red waved back and waited until he was inside before he drove away.

The next morning, Red pulled up in front of Carlos’s house right on time. Carlos immediately came outside and walked to the car, pulling the door open and sitting down with a sigh. “Do you think we have time to get coffee?” He asked as he put on his seatbelt. “I’m exhausted.”

Red looked at the clock. “Maybe?”

“I’ll pay.”

Red smiled as he started to drive away. “Yeah, we probably have time”

Carlos smiled and didn’t even ask this time before he plugged in his phone to play music. “Oh, oh, oh, woke up today feeling the way I always do…”

“What is this from?”

“Hairspray? Come on, it’s a classic. Zac Efron’s in it.”

“Is it on the list?”

“It is now.” He continued singing along. “The rhythm uptown starts calling me down. It's like a message from high above.”

“How do you have this much energy? You just said you were exhausted.”

“I’m gay. If iced coffee isn’t available as an energy source, showtunes will have to do.” Big Red laughed and shook his head in amusement as Carlos continued singing. No, he wasn’t just singing. He was performing. At 7 am. In the passenger seat of Big Red’s car. “Good morning Baltimore!”

As it turned out, they did not have time to stop for coffee, but that didn’t stop them. They showed up almost ten minutes late to rehearsal, much to everyone’s surprise. Carlos was never late. Except that one time, but we don’t talk about that. Fortunately, he had at least had the foresight to order Miss Jenn a coffee as well, so she wasn’t too mad.

The next day, Big Red stopped and got coffee before picking Carlos up, and it was worth it to see the look on Carlos’s face when he got in the car and saw it. And, you know, to not have Miss Jenn be mad at them. Big Red soon found out that blasting Good Morning Baltimore on the way to school was a part of Carlos’s morning routine. He didn’t mind adding it to his own morning routine as long as it meant that getting coffee and hanging out with Carlos was also a part of it. And it helped that the song was a bop.

On Friday after rehearsal, Carlos came over to Big Red’s house, so they could check another musical off his List, which he still wouldn’t actually show him. They ended up staying up so late talking that they decided Carlos might as well just stay the night.

As they got ready for bed, Big Red was worried that the sound of his CPAP would annoy Carlos like it had Ricky, but he said he didn’t mind. He did, however, mind sleeping on the floor. Red offered to sleep on the floor and let him have the bed, but Carlos just rolled his eyes and said, “I’m not gonna make you sleep on the floor in your own house.”

“But I thought-”

“I’m not some emotionally repressed straight boy who’s afraid of sharing a bed with my friend.” Red opened his mouth, and then closed it when he didn’t know what to say. To be fair, the only guy Red had ever had a sleepover with was Ricky, and he always overthought everything he did around Ricky, trying not to come off as ‘gay’ or make him uncomfortable. “I can say ‘no homo’ if that would make you feel better.”

Red rolled his eyes. “Yeah, ok, I get it.”

Just two gay teenage boys who definitely didn’t have feelings for each other sharing a bed right after having a very passionate discussion about Hairspray (ok, let’s be real, mostly Zac Efron). What could be straighter than that?

When Big Red woke up, he was laying on his back, Carlos curled up at his side resting his head on his chest, Red’s arm on his back. He tried to carefully remove his arm from Carlos’s back without disturbing him, so he could turn off the CPAP and take off the mask, but just as he set it on his bedside table, he felt Carlos stir beside him.

Carlos sat up quickly and didn’t look at him. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Red sat up. “You said ‘no homo,’ right?” He joked.

Carlos visibly relaxed as he looked at him and tilted his head to the side, feigning confusion. “Hmm… that doesn’t sound like something I’d say. I’m always 100% homo.”

Big nodded once, smirking slightly. “Oh, sorry, I must have heard you wrong. Is that why I’m suddenly gay now?”

“Yeah, I forgot to tell you, your application for your gay card was approved last night. It should be coming in the mail any day now.”

“Oh good. I was wondering when I’d get that.”

Carlos nodded. “Yep. By having seen at least two musicals starring Zac Efron, you’ve officially met the requirement to be a Level 1 Gay.”

Red raised his eyebrow. “There are levels?”

“Of course.”

“How do I advance to the next level?”

Carlos tapped his chin as he thought. “I think that cuddling with a fellow Gay qualifies you for level 2, but to get to level 3, it is a requirement to drink iced coffee.”

Red wrinkled his nose. Coffee was meant to be hot, and he stood by that. They’d had that conversation several times already that week. “Is there no other way?”

Carlos shrugged. “You might be able to watch enough musicals to get to level 3, but we’d have to make it most of the way through my list.”

“And how many musicals is that?”

“Sorry. Still can’t tell you that.”

“Anything else?”

“There are a couple non-musical movies that could earn you a few points. Love, Simon obviously. Brokeback Mountain automatically moves you up 2 levels, but I don’t think you’re ready for that. Honestly, I don’t even know if I’m ready for that.”

“What level are you at then?”

“23.”

Red raised an eyebrow. “Oh really?”

“Of course. Have you met me?”

“How many levels are there?”

“I don’t think there’s a limit. I believe Hayley Kiyoko is at level 100 though.”

“Who?”

Carlos gasped and put his hand on his chest. “Lesbian Jesus.” Big Red just stared at him blankly. Carlos put his other hand on Red’s arm. “Oh honey, you have a lot to learn in the ways of the Gay.”

“Well, can I learn later? I need to pee.”

Carlos shook his head. “Still needing to pee? Smh. Once you get to level 20, you don’t need to worry about things like that anymore.”

Big Red rolled his eyes and got up to go to the bathroom. “You’re ridiculous.”

Carlos just laughed and fell back onto the bed.

Big Red got home from dropping off Carlos, humming Without Love as he went down the stairs to his bedroom. He skipped the last couple steps and then froze when he saw Ricky there, sitting on his bed. “Hey.”

Ricky waved at him. “Hey.”

Red took a couple steps closer to him. “Sorry, should I have known you’d be here?”

Ricky shook his head. “No. Sorry. I just came over. I didn’t expect you to not be here. Your mom said you’d be right back and that I could wait here.”

Red nodded slowly. “Right. So what’s up?”

Ricky shrugged. “Can’t a guy come see his best friend? I feel like it’s been forever since we hung out.”

And whose fault is that? But Red was nothing if not forgiving, so he just nodded. “Ok um, you wanna play Fortnite?”

Ricky nodded. “Sure.” Red turned on his tv and handed Ricky a remote. “Where were you anyway?”

Red didn’t look up from the tv remote as he answered while switching the tv to the right source. “I was just giving Carlos a ride home.”

“Carlos?”

Red grabbed the other XBox remote and sat next to Ricky. “Yeah, he stayed the night.”

Ricky looked confused. “Oh. I didn’t realize you two were that close.”

Red shrugged, still not looking at Ricky, pretending to focus on the screen as he opened the game. He hated that he felt weird talking about Carlos with Ricky. “Yeah, he’s cool.”

“Yeah, I guess I just didn’t think you two had a lot in common.”

Red just shrugged again, not knowing what to say. They started playing the game, but Red had a hard time getting into it. He just felt so… weird. And not even in the way he normally felt weird around Ricky. There were no butterflies or worrying about saying the wrong thing. Just this tension. Like neither of them knew how to talk to each other anymore. After dying who knows how many times, Red paused the game and stood up in frustration. “I’m hungry. Are you hungry? Should we get pizza?”

He started to walk away, but Ricky stopped him. “Hey, Big Red?”

Red stopped and turned to look at him. “Yeah?”

“How long have you been tap dancing?”

Where the hell did that come from? He shrugged. “Since like fourth grade. Why?”

“How come you never told me?”

“I guess it never came up.”

“In seven years? Come on.”

Red sighed and looked down. “I guess I thought you’d make fun of me.”

“Oh.” He paused for a second. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Because you’re probably right.”

Ok, he hadn’t expected that. He looked back up at Ricky. “What?”

Ricky turned his body to face him more. “I was a jerk, Red. I took the whole ‘hating musicals’ thing so far I got Nini and I kicked out of a movie theatre because I thought I was funny. So yeah, as much as I’d love to say I wouldn’t have made fun of you for tap dancing, I honestly don’t know if I can. I’ve been a shit friend. I’m sorry.”

Red sat back down next to Ricky. “Hey, it’s ok. You didn’t make fun of me when you did find out. And you definitely don’t hate musicals anymore.”

Ricky shook his head. “That can’t be where the bar is. Look, Red, I know I haven’t been a great friend to you lately since me and Nini got back together. And before that too. I haven’t been spending enough time with you or listening to you enough. And I’m sorry. I’m gonna try to do better. If you don’t hate me anyway.”

Red bumped his shoulder into Ricky’s. “I could never hate you, Ricky.”

Ricky smiled. “Good. Cause I missed you.” He winced. “Sorry. That sounded cheesy.”

Red smiled and shrugged. “I don’t mind cheesy. Except for actual cheese. You know, too much lactose.” Ricky started laughing, and Red laughed too, already feeling way lighter than he had when he’d first seen Ricky that morning. After a few seconds of comfortable silence, Big Red made a decision. “Hey, Ricky?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I tell you something?”

“Of course.”

Red looked down, suddenly feeling nervous. Only a couple hours ago, he’d sat on this very bed and made jokes about it with Carlos, but now he was struggling to get the words out to his best friend. He took a deep breath and looked back up at Ricky, who was looking at him expectantly. “I’m gay.”

“Oh. Ok.”

Red exhaled in relief and felt himself smile slightly. “Ok.”

“Um… How long have you known?”

“Honestly? I only fully realized it like a couple weeks ago when Ashlyn broke up with me.” Damn, had it really only been a couple weeks ago? “But looking back, it probably should have been obvious way before that.”

“Oh. Have you told anyone else?”

“Just Ashlyn. And Carlos.”

“Oh. Is that why…” He trailed off, but Red knew what he meant.

He nodded. “I think so. Like we only really started hanging out like two weeks ago, but I pretty much instantly felt more comfortable around him. Like I didn’t have to hide anymore, you know?” Even though Ricky didn’t, couldn’t, really know what that felt like.

Ricky nodded. “Yeah, that makes sense.” After a couple seconds, he shook his head, as if trying to shake himself out of his thoughts. “So, is pizza still on the table?”

Red smiled. “In this house? Always.”

After Ricky left, Red pulled out his phone and texted Carlos.

Big Red:

so… I came out to Ricky

Carlos:

oh?

how’d it go?

Big Red:

surprisingly well?

he came over and just like apologized for being a bad friend out of nowhere?

and then I came out to him?

and then we ate pizza and played fortnite for like 5 hours?

Carlos:

sorry, i’m too pretty to know what a fortnite is

but i’m proud of you

Big Red:

thanks

Carlos:

so did you also tell him you like him?

Big Red:

he’s still dating Nini, remember?

also

i’m not so sure that i do still like him?

Carlos:

oh tea??

Big Red:

yeah

i don’t know

we hung out all day

and i didn’t feel the way i used to feel around him?

like at all?

Carlos:

aww

gayby is all grown up

getting over his first crush on his straight best friend

i feel like a proud parent

Big Red:

i’m older than you

Carlos:

yes but i’m gayer than you

Big Red:

you’re ridiculous

Big Red enjoyed running lights. It was a lot of fun, making sure to press all the right buttons at the right times. It was kind of like a video game. Not to mention, he had the best view in the house. He got to watch his best friends perform their hearts out every night, getting better and better every time until it finally all came together on opening night. With the stress of tech week behind them, Big Red could only sit back, do his job, and hope everyone else did theirs. Which was actually only slightly less stressful. But Act One was going great so far: the acting, the singing, the dancing, the choreography, the lighting (if he did say so himself). It was all perfect. He looked down at the stage in pride as he adjusted the lights, but his stomach filled with nerves as he thought about what song was coming up next. Natalie came into the booth, and he let her take over. He knew that she knew what to do. He’d gone over it more times than was probably necessary, but it felt weird to leave the booth in the middle of a show. “Are you sure you got this?”

She rolled her eyes. “Yes! Now go!” She waved him out of the booth, and he ran around the theatre to the dressing room.

Kourtney took his headset from him, so he could get changed. Then, she did his makeup before pushing him into the wings. “You got this.” He smiled at her and then stepped on stage right on cue. He danced along with the ensemble as he made his way to where Rico and Kaden could help him up onto the table in the middle of the stage. He could practically feel the moment the audience realized he was wearing tap shoes. He hadn’t performed in front of an audience in years, and a children’s dance recital had completely different energy to musical performed in a packed theatre. He was nervous but also excited. As he danced, he couldn’t stop himself from grinning the whole time. As much as he loved running the lights, he could see why the others liked being on stage so much. It was exhilarating.

The curtains closed at the end of the song, and the cast surrounded him in a group hug. Everyone started talking, and Big Red got swept up in it all as they made their way into the dressing rooms for intermission. He changed back into his normal clothes and shoes and was trying to get his makeup off when Carlos appeared in front of him.

“Need some help?”

Red smiled. “Sure.”

Carlos took the makeup wipe from him, and started removing his makeup for him. He closed his eyes, and his heart started pounding when he realized how close they were. Eventually, he felt Carlos move back. “Ok, I think I got it all.”

Red opened his eyes and looked in the mirror. “Thanks.”

Carlos tossed the makeup wipe in the trash. “No problem.”

Kourtney came over and interrupted them. She took off Red’s headset and handed it to him. “Here, you can have this back.”

He took it and put it around his neck. “Thanks.”

Suddenly, she looked up and her eyes widened as she saw something behind him. “Nini?”

She ran passed Carlos and Big Red, who both turned to see Nini standing by the door, holding hands with Ricky. The rest of the cast was already starting to surround them. She dropped Ricky’s hand as Kourtney approached, so they could throw their arms around each other in a hug. Red and Carlos shared a look before getting up and walking over to join them.

“Sorry to interrupt. I was going to wait until after the show to come see you guys, but I couldn’t resist. You’re all doing amazing.” She hugged Gina. “You are killing it as Belle.” She saw Big Red and walked up to him. “Oh my god, Big Red!” She hugged him. “It’s about time everyone sees how talented you are.” She pulled back and held his hands. “Seriously, when you walked out on stage, my jaw dropped. I thought you quit tap years ago.”

Ricky looked taken aback. “Wait, you knew?”

Nini turned to him. “Um. Maybe?” She looked back at Red. “But seriously, what happened?”

Big Red glanced at Carlos then looked back at Nini and shrugged. “Peer pressure?”

She laughed and hugged Big Red again. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.” He really had. No matter how annoying it was when Ricky talked about her all the time, Red could never be mad at Nini for it because he loved her so much. She was just so nice. And she was like a sister to him. And he was so relieved that now that he’d worked things out with Ricky, maybe things between their whole friend group could go back to normal. At least, until she went back to Denver at the end of the summer. But he didn’t want to think about that right now.

Natalie Bagley came over and interrupted them. “Yes, we all missed Nini, but there will be plenty of time to catch up after the show. Five minutes until places for Act Two.”

Shit, yeah. Everyone jumped into action, finishing last minute touch ups to their makeup and costumes and psyching themselves up for the next act. Red grabbed his xylophone and walked with Nini out to the lobby.

“So… what’s up with you and Carlos?” Nini asked, as soon as they were alone.

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh come on, I’ve been back for like 2 seconds, and I can see the way you look at each other.” When he didn’t say anything, she continued. “It’s the same way you used to look at Ricky.”

He stopped. “Wait, you knew about that?”

She turned and looked at him. “Of course I did.” She gave him a sad smile. “I’m sorry.”

“For what? It’s not your fault he chose you.” It’s not your fault he’s straight.

She bit her lip and nodded. “I know. But still.” She turned, and the two started walking again. “I like Carlos. I think you two are good for each other.”

“Yeah?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I never would have guessed it, but now that I see it, it makes a lot of sense. You both have a lot of love to give. He’s already making you more confident.” She nudged him lightly with her elbow. “I mean, he’s the one who got you to dance again, isn’t he?” Red just gave a small nod. “And I think you make him softer. More grounded.”

“Really?” He wondered how much she’d noticed in the few seconds she’d seen them together. Or how much Kourtney had told her over the past few weeks.

She nodded. “You deserve to be happy, Big Red. And I could see how happy you were up on that stage. And you deserve to love someone who loves you back.”

“You think he does?” He thought it was a bit soon for ‘love,’ but maybe…

“I do.” She looked around the lobby. “I should probably…”

He nodded. “Me too.” He held up his xylophone. After all, he had a job to do.

When the show was over and the theatre was emptying, Red was still in the booth, resetting the lights and cleaning up for the next show. He heard someone walk in and looked up to see Carlos standing there, holding all the microphones in his hands. “I brought these for you.”

“Thanks.” The two of them set to work plugging them in to charge and putting them where they were supposed to be, so the cast could come grab them the next day. When they were done, they stood there kind of awkwardly for a second, not wanting to leave, but not quite knowing what to say. Red broke the silence, clearing his throat as he pulled something out of his pocket. “I got you something. Like an opening night thing.”

“Oh?”

Red nodded and handed it to him. It was a small black card, about the size of a business card. Carlos looked confused for a second and then smiled as he looked down at it, laughing when he realized what it was. There was a little pink flower in the top right corner, and in the middle, in a rainbow cursive font, were the words:

Carlos Rodriguez

Level 23 Gay™

Red bit his lip nervously. “Do you like it?”

“It’s a Gay Card.” He looked up. “I love it. This might be the greatest gift I’ve ever received.” He kept laughing. “And I can’t believe…” He shook his head and looked up at Red. “I got you something, too.”

“You did?”

“Of course.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a similar-looking white card.

Red took it and started laughing too when he read it. There was a rainbow going across it diagonally, and in black comic sans font, it said:

Big Red

Level 3 Gay™

Red tilted his head to the side and gave Carlos a confused look. “Wait, I thought I was only a Level 2 Gay?”

Carlos bit his lip and stepped closer to Red. He looked confident, but Red could tell he was a little nervous. “I thought of something else you could do to be promoted to the next level.”

“What is it?”

Carlos’s eyes flickered down to Red’s lips. “Kiss a boy.”

Oh. Oh. “Oh.” So he definitely hadn’t imagined that then. He smiled. “That sounds way more fun then drinking iced coffee.”

Carlos smiled. “Just a little bit.”

“Got a particular boy in mind?” Red asked because he needed to be sure, even as he glanced down at Carlos’s lips.

Carlos’s hand brushed against Red’s. “Perhaps.”

“I thought you didn’t go for skater boys.”

“Maybe I changed my mind.”

Their hands that had brushed together found each other and interlocked. Red wasn’t entirely sure who initiated it, but suddenly they were kissing. Carlos’s lips were soft and tasted vaguely like chapstick. Red barely noticed his card flutter to the ground as his hand instinctively moved to Carlos’s waist and he felt Carlos’s hand in his hair. As he melted into the kiss, his mind screamed, ‘Oh my god I’m kissing Carlos!’ and then ‘So that’s what kissing is supposed to feel like.’ Because while kissing Ashlyn had been nice, it was nothing like this. This time, there were those fireworks that Ricky had always talked about that Red hadn’t been convinced were real. This time, he felt comfortable and warm and so so happy. Red smiled and felt Carlos smile back, cutting the kiss short. They leaned their foreheads against each other, looking into each other’s eyes, grinning widely and breathing a little more heavily than normal.

“You know, I think you’re right. I feel gayer already.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Carlos kissed him again, just a short peck on the lips this time, and Red kissed him back, just because he could.

Unfortunately, they couldn’t stay there kissing forever. Big Red leaned down to pick up the cards they’d dropped, handing Carlos his and putting his own in his pocket, not letting go of his hand the whole time. “So… what happens now?”

“We all go to Denny’s and cry and then we come back tomorrow and do the whole thing over again.”

Red shook his head and smiled. “That part I remember actually. I meant, what happens with us.”

Carlos nodded, smiling back. “I don’t know.” He squeezed Red’s hand. “But we have as much time as we need to figure it out. The question now is,” he held up their hands, “do we walk out there holding hands or not?”

Red thought for a second before answering by squeezing Carlos’s hand back. The two of them left the light booth together, and Red turned off the light just before closing the door behind them. They walked into the lobby, where their friends and family were waiting for them, their hands still intertwined with no intention of letting go any time soon.

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thorne93 · 4 years

Text

Inside the Criminal Mind (Part 22)

Prompt: You’re married to Dr. Spencer Reid of the BAU, and are a distinguished doctor yourself on the team. You’re sent down to Miami, Florida for teaching and as a side request from the FBI, to investigate a string of missing persons. When you think you’ve figured out who the unsub is, your life becomes more complicated than you ever could’ve imagined.

Word Count: 1023

Warnings: (throughout the fic –>) death, blood, gore, killings, language, disturbing mental notions, mentions of rapes/murder/etc (You know, Dexter and Criminal Minds related business)

Notes: Thank you so much to @arrow-guy, @carryonmyswansong, and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo - without each of you, I couldn’t have finished, written, or properly navigated this story. Each of you helped me fish out details that were incredibly important to me. Beta’d by @carryonmyswansong and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo… Aesthetic by @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo

This is a crossover of Criminal Minds x Dexter. First time writing Dexter.

Also, the timeline is after Season 1 of Dexter, but during season 14-ish of Criminal minds into Season 15. Enjoy!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next two days weren’t easy, but they were a lot easier than what you expected. Each day, Spence got up and he went to work. Except for Emily, no one else knew you were back and you two agreed to keep it that way. You wanted some time to yourself to decompress.

You spent the first day completely cleaning, making the house spotless. Of course, you called Dexter and talked to him briefly, telling him he could breathe easy. He thanked you and tried to reassure you again, but you told him you still weren’t sure if Spence was totally on board with being married still. He hadn’t said it, but the fact that he barely looked at you was reason enough to worry. You told him to give your love to Rita and the kids, say hi to Deb, and you’d talk to him again.

You made dinner and Spence ate it happily, but he ate it at the kitchen island, rather than the table where you sat. This crushed you, but you had to just keep reminding yourself that he needed time, that this was better than a jail cell.

You crawled into bed that night, your heart breaking at the coldness, the isolation, the unfamiliarity of the guest room. You laid there, silence surrounding you for hours. You tried to sleep, but it never came. How could it? Just because the threat of imprisonment was gone, that’s not what you worried about, that’s never what bothered you the most.

All you wanted now was your husband back, but you knew that might be a while, a good while.

You weren’t sure what time it was, but the door to the guest room clicked open and you laid still, wondering what Spencer was up to. Even for a flicker of moments, you slightly worried he was here to kill you. It might’ve been irrational, but maybe he couldn’t cope with his wife being a serial killer and instead of watching you go through trials and prison, he’d just end it.

After a second of silence though, you felt the covers lift and he crawled into bed behind you, placing a hand on your hip, kissing your bare shoulder exposed by a tank top.

You rolled over to face him.

“You’re awake?” he questioned, slightly confused.

“Can’t sleep.”

“Me either.”

“I haven’t been able to sleep since you found out,” you confessed.

“Even though I’m not turning you in?” he wondered, peering at you.

“That’s never what I worried about, not really,” you informed, tears escaping quietly. “I was worried you’d leave me. If you felt you had to turn me in as an agent, I would understand that. But… leaving me, that was something I wouldn't have been prepared for. I knew it was a possibility, I knew you might not accept me, what I’d done, but that doesn’t mean I was ready for it -- for this. Sleeping apart, wondering if you still love me, if you still want me, if you can be around me--”

He held up his hand to your face, thumbing away a tear. He smiled at you. “Y/N, I’ll always love you. I still love you. That hasn’t changed. Of course I want you. I just… needed some time.”

You nodded. “I know. I don’t expect you to welcome me with open arms, but we’ve barely talked, and we aren’t sleeping together and… and it’s killing me,” you admitted, tears still flowing heavily.

“I know, me too.” He slowly leaned forward and gave you a small kiss on the lips, making you feel utterly alive for the first time in weeks. “I love you, and I want to make this work.”

“I do too. In any way I can, just tell me what I can do.”

Spence looked down. “For starters, you could come to me first, if you get those urges again.”

You nodded fervently. “I can do that.”

“And no more lying. Even if you break and you go off and kill on your own before telling me, just… let me know. I want to know. I want to be the one you come with when you’re facing this.”

You pressed your lips together in a line. “It’s not a compulsion, Spence. I don’t need to do it. I want to do it. I won’t have any problem stopping for you, if that’s what you really want.”

He paused for a moment, not saying anything as you could see the wheels turn in his head. “It’s not so much my matter of opinion. Whether I support your… vigilante justice or not, isn’t what I’m worried about. I’ve been to prison, wrongly. I don’t want to see you get caught for this. I don’t want to see you go through what I did. I just really need you to stop for your safety, and our happiness. I don’t want to spend our married life visiting you in jail.”

You nodded, your lips turning up slightly in understanding. “I know. I understand that.”

He slowly leaned forward and kissed you softly, his lips lingering on yours, and it felt like heaven.

“I think… that if we’re going to get back to what we were, to get back to normal, we need to do just that.”

“You mean like pretend everything is normal?” you questioned, slightly confused.

“No, not pretend. I’ve accepted what you��ve done and forgiven you. I mean truly go back to normal. You sleep in our bed, we go back to work together, we eat dinner together… Unless, for some reason you want to take things slower.”

You shook your head rather animatedly. “I’d like nothing more, honestly. If we could just get back to where we were before all this, I’d be happy.”

“Then, I think that’s what we should do,” he said with a smile. “Let’s start with getting you in the right bed.”

You nodded as the two of you got up and Spencer offered you his hand. You took it more than happily and he led you back to your bedroom. The rightful place where you should be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tagging:

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#inside the criminal mind #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fic #spencer reid #dexter morgan #dexter #dexter fic

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thedoctorishereguys · 6 years

Text

Stole this from @hawkland

Go to your works page, expand all the filters, and answer the following questions:

1. What’s your first and second most common work ratings? Any surprises?

· Explicit (48)

· General Audiences (39)

Okay, so, uh… Not sure what to make of that. Either I write porn or I write the exact opposite, apparently. I’m not entirely surprised so much of it is porn – frequent readers will remember that I have a long list of making Munch and Fin do kinky stuff together. I am honestly way more surprised that so much of it is so firmly in the G area. (And a lot more of my fic these days will wind up there – lately I’ve had zero interest in writing porn. Suggestive is about the best I can do. So, idk, T? Let’s go with T).

2. What’s your most common archive warning? Least common? Do you consider yourself an adventurous writer?

No Archive Warnings Apply (110)

Major Character Death (5)

Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings (2)

Yeah, not surprised. I generally dislike deathfic, so I don’t write much of it. The ones I do write tend to come when they’ve lived long lives (not always, I’ve written a suicide fic, but that’s not on AO3, and I’m not a fan of that one for many reasons). I have two tagged with the chose not to use warnings, and for one, I’m not even sure why I tagged it that way – I read it and have zero idea why I chose that. Coming Around Again definitely should be tagged that way, I think, since it involves canon-typical violence and potential non-con that others may find objectionable, but it is canon-typical. And that’s absolutely clarified in the tags, although by now, the tags are a paragraph!

And what the fuck do you mean by ‘adventurous writer’? I write out of my comfort zone all the time – pairings I wouldn’t normally consider, kinks I wouldn’t normally think of, issues I wouldn’t always tackle. I write kinky smut as a pastime, isn’t that adventurous? God, I have at least five fics where Munch dresses up in women’s clothes to seduce Fin, and several where Fin whips Munch before fucking the life out of him. Is that adventurous? Or are we just classifying it based on using those tags? Because I don’t care for deathfic, and rape/non-con is not something I particularly write into my pairings. I’m not against it; I just don’t see it happening in my pairings.

3. How many fics have you written in each relationship category? Is this more accidental, or do you have preferences?

M/M (116)

F/M (5)

And that sums that up. There is literally nothing accidental about that. I prefer m/m ships by far. I’m more comfortable, for god only knows what reason, writing men having sex than I am writing women having sex (even though I’ve had sex primarily with women and am myself biologically female. Go figure). I find male characters far, far more developed and fleshed out on screen than females, and that is not a coincidence – they are written that way for fuck’s sake. I’m absolutely not against f/f or f/m ships, provided they give me an interesting female character, but I don’t hold my breath waiting for the primarily male writers of such shows to do so. (The only show where I could see myself writing F/F or F/M would be Doctor Who, and I don’t write Doctor Who fic. Or not much, anyway.)

4. What are your top 4 fandoms by numbers? Are you still active in any of them, and do you tend to migrate a lot?

Law & Order: SVU (91)

House MD (16)

Doctor Who (5)

Jeeves & Wooster (4)

I migrate a lot. I’m not active in House, haven’t been for years. God, about… 8 or 9 by now. Law & Order I still write some for, but I’ve been withdrawing more and more as the show spirals rapidly downward and the fandom wank goes crazy (yes, I’m looking at you, Barisi fandom. *sideeye*). It’s hard to keep coming up with ideas and wanting to write for something when the new canon is so consistently disappointing. I honestly feel like I’d be more invested if they had just cancelled it and let it be.

Doctor Who is one of my all-time favorite shows, but I rarely – if ever – write fic for it, because it’s a little too special, if that makes sense. I don’t like adding to that fandom. I don’t even partake in that fandom at all. People don’t understand don’t spoil or tag for spoilers, so I stay the fuck away, because I hate spoilers. The fics I have read for that can be wonderful. They can also be horrendous, though.

Jeeves & Wooster is one of those I barely write for – the ones I wrote were all Doctor Who crossovers. It’s very, very hard to mimic that style! However, that’s a fandom I go back to time and time again to read the stories!

And my new one, which doesn’t show up on the list but should soon – Sherlock. That’s one I’m throwing myself into whole-heartedly. And that’s really the way I do it. I find a new one and give it basically my all, and if the fandom is really good, if the canon and the fic is excellent, I’ll keep a part of it when I move on. If not, I’ll let it go completely. (So yeah, serial monogamist is a good way to describe me too, ha)

5. What are your top character tags? Does this match how you feel about the characters, or are you puzzled?

Odafin “Fin” Tutuola (68)

John Munch (68)

The rest aren’t even worth mentioning – the next one is Olivia with 27 mentions. And yes this matches how I feel about the characters. Munch and Fin were the only reason to watch the show in the 1.0 and early 2.0 days. Lack of Fin these days makes the show dull, and while I adore Sonny, that partnership between Munch and Fin is irreplaceable. (And Olivia may be mentioned often, but it’s not always with kindness. Elliot Stabler, when he’s mentioned… well, that’s never nicely. Mentioning is not the same as treating well).

6. What are your top 2 most used additional tags, and your bottom 2? What would happen if you combined all 4 of these into a fic?

Established Relationship (82)

Humor (31)

Semi-Public Sex (2)

Roleplay (2)

Uhhh… Pretty sure I did write this. Okay, no, I checked, and I didn’t. But please, that would be supremely easy to do. I checked the ones with semi-public or public sex, and those tended to be funny-ish fics. Roleplay ones are easy enough to write funny. And most of those are established relationship. Yeah, this would be literally the easiest one to pull off.

7. How many WIPs do you have currently running on AO3? Any you don’t plan on finishing?

Only one. Coming Around Again, cowritten with the wonderful @hawkland! (And, to be strictly truthful, due to many, many reasons, I have bowed out of the writing process after a long discussions of where we’re going with this with her. It is for the best, and I still have a hand in the planning process, if not the actual writing. And she has been gracious in that if a specific scene appeals to me, I have the option of writing it. It is for the best! I’m assuming she plans on finishing it!) Anyway, that is my only one, because I loathe posting WIPs. I’ve found far, far too many WIPs that I fell in love with, started reading, and went… fuck, where’s the rest, then found out that it was posted 2 years ago with no updates.

Also, I’m an inveterate meddler when it comes to my fics. No matter how good I think something sounds when I’m writing, I end up changing bits. Something doesn’t work later with bits I end up writing. A bit of canon occurs to me that I realize I should mention. Something gives me an idea that I want to add in, but first I have to set it up. (For example, in my current WIP – not posted – I wanted to poison someone, and to have someone else have the antidote on hand. First I had to set it up that the other someone carries a medical kit with poison antidotes, and why, otherwise it’s a bit Deus Ex Machina that said someone else just happens to pull out physostigmine right when the first someone ingests belladonna. Had I started posting when I first wrote the fic, I wouldn’t’ve been able to do that, because that idea occurred far later, and I had to go back and set up the medical kit with the poison antidotes).

I’m not tagging anyone, so feel free to take it & answer it if you wish!

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thorne93 · 7 years

Text

Past Vs Present (Part 13)

Prompt: Imagine being best friends with Loki, but this wasn’t always the case, since you’d grown up with Anakin Skywalker. And when Anakin needs your help one day,it starts a wave of events.

Word Count: 2063

Warnings: language, drama, fighting, arguing, angst.

Notes: This takes place like right before Thor 1 and after-ish Revenge of the Sith (without Anakin turning) Thanks a million to my beta @like-a-bag-of-potatoes I couldn’t have finished this without you and thank you for being the queen of angst, darling! and @queendivaofthedark you were amazing, thank you so much!

Crossover of Thor (Loki) and Star Wars

Tags (let me know if you want added or removed): @phantomgirl2298 @munlis @cocosierra94 @ultrarebelheart @marvel-imagines-yes-please @blueinkblot

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shortly after you had your heartbreaking altercation with Anakin, Loki had ran into you in the hall.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Loki sang.

“Morning,” you said in a grumble.

“Are you alright?” he questioned as his brows knitted together and he peered at you.

You sighed. “Not exactly,” you admitted.

“I was just on my way to practice sword work. Would you like to come with me? Maybe it’ll make you feel better. I know fighting has usually helped in the past,” he said with a smile and a wink.

You offered him a weak smile and nodded. “Sure.”

You’d been practicing for about half an hour now, Loki’s footwork was remarkable, but you seemed to be off your game. He nearly nicked you over ten times and you’d failed to dodge over eighty-percent of his strikes.

“How about we take a little break?” Loki asked, holstering his sword. You didn't have the energy to protest and followed him as he lead you over to a nearby bench.

“What's got you so distracted?” he asked casually. It was unusual for you to let your emotions get the better of you like this, and it worried him.

“It's nothing,” you lied. Talking to Loki about another man didn't feel right to you. Even if he thought Anakin was just a friend, you knew better, and you were scared Loki would see right through you, especially since you obviously had a hard time controlling your emotions today.

“Alright. We’ll talk about something else then,” he said cheerfully. “How’s Skywalker doing? Did he get his voice back?” A small snicker came from him and you wondered why it was so funny to him.

“He's fine, I guess, when he isn’t behaving like a jerk.” You mumbled that last part.

“Jerk? Is that what has you so distracted?”

“What tipped you off?” you asked sarcastically.

“You aren’t usually this...melancholy. What did he do? Is everything alright between you two?”

“You seem awfully interested suddenly in my friend and me. Why is that?” you asked, suspicion in your voice. Loki wasn't Anakin's biggest fan, something he hadn't exactly tried to hide, and now all of a sudden he was so interested in him.

“I’m just concerned for your well being, Y/N,” he said. “You seem upset and I can't stand to see you hurt. Even if I don't care for him, I know that you do.”

“Well, after last night though, I’m reconsidering my feelings for him,” you said casually with a tinge of anger in your voice.

“What did he do?” he questioned.

“He was a total idiot. He said some things, some hateful things, and...I don't know... He kind of broke my heart. I knew he had anger in him, but I never thought he could be so… cruel. We have been friends for so long, but after yesterday I'm scared that even that is gone.” You had to fight against the lump in your throat, your eyes prickling as tears threatened to spill once more.

You had chanced a glance up at Loki and for the briefest of seconds, a smirk flashed across his face before he recomposed it with a more serious, concerned face.

You slowly stood from your seat, your eyes growing wide as an eery thought entered your mind. “Loki,” you started, the little seed that Anakin had planted was starting to take root. He had been right. Anakin was telling the truth.. Of course he was. He had never lied to you before, so why on earth should he start now. You had seen him act like a tyrant to everyone - except you. So why would he choose the night that he had gone out of his way to make special for you? Anakin wasn't the one to deflect his feelings into anger like that. Sure, he got angry, and he would let you know that, but it was always direct and to the point. He would verbally and directly tell you why he was upset.

“Hmm?” he hummed.

“You...didn’t shapeshift last night, did you?”

“What? Why would you ask that?”

“Because Anakin said you disguised yourself as Obi-Wan to knock him out. Did you come back to the dinner as him?” you demanded, your voice even, trying not to accuse your best friend but it was becoming hard.

“Why would I do that? I think your friend might be lying to you.”

“And why would he lie?” you inquired.

“Perhaps he’s a liar,” he accused.

“Tread carefully, Loki, regardless of his behavior last night he is still my oldest and truest friend.”

“Well maybe you shouldn’t put your faith in people as fickle as him,” he snapped.

“Loki, did you or did you not pretend to be Anakin last night?” you demanded, tiring of the game.

“No, of course not,” he answered.

Your heart sank at his words. That tone...you’d heard it before.

Barely above a whisper, you said, “You’re lying to me.”

“What? No, I’m not.”

Your gaze shot up to his, shooting daggers out of your eyes. “Loki, that tone. I’ve heard you use it on your parents, on the other warriors, on the help, even on Thor. But never me. That’s the same tone you use when you lie.”

Never had he used that voice on you, and never had you imagined a time when he would. It was the slightest inflection ever, something unnoticed. But you’d spent countless hours with this man and you knew his speech patterns inside and out. You knew when he was being sarcastic, when he was genuine, when he was hurt, when he was angry, when he was lashing out. You knew every facet of his behavior and tone. And that tone, that he just used, was the tone of lying.

“Y/N,” he started, reaching toward you.

Then your heart snapped in half. He lied to you.

“How could you?!” you screamed as you charged toward him and hit his chest with your fists. “How could you do that? How could you do that to me? You sabotaged my date with him for--for what?! Tell me!” you demanded, tears pricking your eyes.

He stood motionless, his expression had shifted to one of coolness.

“Why?” you asked again in a worn out voice. “Why would you do that? You lied to me. You caused a problem between Anakin and me. You ruined my date. You knocked him out. All for what? Huh?”

Why? Why had he done this? What could drive him to hurt you so deeply? Why did Anakin bother him so much? How could he sit there, as Anakin and pretend to hurt you? What kind of a person does that?

You thought you loved him. You thought you were in love with him. All those hours in the library, reading, laughing at the most absurd passages in books. All those days laying in the sun after training, all of the whispered secrets and giggles when the Princes dined with the warriors. All the times you fought side by side, equals in every way, taking down foe after foe with magic and the Force. All those times comforting him when Odin had said something cruel to him, when Thor seemed to be getting more praise for an equal effort on their parts. You’d felt a connection to him.

And he destroyed all of that with one stupid move. Not only did he ruin your relationship with him, he ruined your relationship with Anakin. With one terrible decision on his part, he knowingly decided to break your heart.

Did none of it mean anything to him? How could he do this to you? He’d been your savior, your light, your friend, your rock when you first arrived. And now...now he was willing to hurt you.

You’d misjudged Loki so badly. Three years bonding, flirting, caring, falling in love with a man who was nothing but selfish, cold, and cruel.

And now what did you have? Three people with broken hearts and anger in their veins. This was all your fault for even getting involved with men who were destined to never have a choice in their love life. What did you honestly think would happen? That you’d court them both and you’d just fall out of love with one of them? That somehow you wouldn’t care for one as much?

No, all the courting did was solidify the fact that you felt something more for both of them. But now that assurance had been shattered.

How had you been so blind, stupid, and naive? You should’ve just stayed away...No wonder the Jedi forbid romantic love if this is what happens….

“Isn't it obvious?” Loki asked, surprised at your question. “I was losing you to him. You were slipping away from me and I got scared. The thought of losing you frightens me to my deepest core, the thought of spending my life without you brings me more pain than any wound received in battle. In a desperate attempt to keep you, I did something rash, something dumb. But only because I love you. I deeply regret hurting you, but I saw no other way.”

“You regret hurting me? Loki, you disguised yourself as my oldest friend and knowingly shattered my heart. This wasn't a rash decision, this took time and planning. How can I believe you have any kind of love for me after learning about this?”

“I do apologize. Please… Just tell me how I can make this up to you,” he pleaded, his face pinching in pain.

“You can't. You broke my heart. You broke my best friends heart. You ruined my relationship with Anakin. You ruined our relationship,” you said, motioning between the two of you. “You ruined me..” Your voice broke at the last words. You couldn't believe him, what he had done. You always thought you were the only one Loki would never use his tricks on. Obviously, he wasn't the man you believed him to be.

“Y/N,” Loki tried, his face faltering. He appeared to be hiding tears in his glassy eyes.

“I am not done,” you warned, raising your hand to silence him. “When we got to know each other, I saw only goodness in you, inspite of what I was being told by others. Since then I have stood by your side, I have been loyal to a fault, never once questioned you. You were the same as me, on the outside looking in, different fom your kin, and it brought us together. Now I can finally understand what the others meant, why they never respected you, why they never let you in. You are a disease, Loki Odinson, seeping into the people around you, tainting them with your evil. That is why you will never be the king of Asgard, you will ruin it before it has a chance to live under your rule. That is why you will never have my forgiveness, or my heart.”

“You can't mean that,” Loki said in disbelief, not trying to hide his tears anymore. This couldn’t be real. He started to panic, realizing his plan had completely backfired. You were the only one he had ever felt a connection with. You were the one who had appreciated that he was different, you were the one who had liked him for who he was and not because he was Odin’s son or Thor’s brother.

You straightened up and folded your hands behind your back. “I request that you keep your distance from me, and I will do the same. As soon as I have a chance I will resign my position in Odin’s army. Now, if your highness would please excuse me...” You ended with a deep bow before turning around and walking away, not offering the prince another look.

Loki stood there, dumbfounded, looking at you walking away from him, walking out of his life. The words you had spoken played on a loop in his mind as tears cascaded down his face. He had never thought you would be one to hurt him, but then again, he had never imagined that he would be one to hurt you either. He wanted to follow you so badly, but his legs felt weak and heavy.

How had he screwed up so royally? How had he come to this?

#past vs present #loki #loki fic #loki odinson #loki odinson fic #loki odinson x reader #anakin skywalker #thor fic #thor #anakin skywalker fic #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin x reader

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thorne93 · 7 years

Text

Past VS Present (Part 7)

Prompt: Imagine being best friends with Loki, but this wasn’t always the case, since you’d grown up with Anakin Skywalker. And when Anakin needs your help one day,it starts a wave of events.

Word Count: 1847

Warnings: language (later in series), drama,

Notes: This takes place like right before Thor 1 and after-ish Reveng of the Sith (without Anakin turning) Thanks a million to my beta @like-a-bag-of-potatoes I couldn’t have finished this without you. and @queendivaofthedark you were amazing, thank you so much!

Crossover of Thor (Loki) and Star Wars

Tags (let me know if you want added or removed): @phantomgirl2298 @munlis @cocosierra94

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That night, you were getting ready for bed, you had already slipped into a silk nightgown, about to get under the covers when a knock came at your door. You were exhausted from your day and just wanted to rest so you huffed out some air and started to open the door.

“This better be goo--Anakin,” you gasped at your handsome friend standing before you.

“We got cut short earlier, when we were training. Let me take you out.”

You peered around him into the hall that was dimly lit by some candle flames. “What? Right now? It’s late.”

“Please? We will hardly get to see each other otherwise. For me?” He pouted a little and you sighed. You could never resist him or any request he dared make.

You rolled your eyes as you opened the door. “Fine. Come in so I can change.”

He stepped in and shut the door behind him while you stole away to slip into some comfortable pants and a lightweight shirt.

“Where are we going?” you asked as you grabbed your saber hilt and hooked it on your belt.

“I wanna show you a place,” he said as took your hand, the feeling instantly putting a languid sensation that cascaded over you.

“You want to show me a place? You do realize this is where I live now,” you commented as you made your way through the tranquil night. Torches and candles everywhere lit your way, and if it wasn’t lit by torches, the moonlight and the night sky afforded more than enough light for you to see almost as if it were daytime.

“I know, but I can try to show you something special, maybe something new you’ve yet to see yet.”

“I can’t wait,” you remarked in a flirtatious tone. You hadn’t really done this. This whole...courting business. You’d possibly courted one man since you left the Jedi. And even that was a stretch. It was a few casual dates with a normal blacksmith. He was alright, he just….lacked that spark you saw within Anakin and Loki.

Anakin was leading you down the side of the hill next to the palace. The palace sat on relatively flat land, but once you got to the edge where the stables were, the land had an incline that looked like a road. He continued to lead you down until he rounded the side of the ground that was jutting up above your heads. Once he took the corner he began to escort you through some shrubs and a small grove of trees.

You laughed a delighted laugh as he still held firm to your hand. “Anakin, where are we going?” you demanded with a giggle.

“We’re almost there!” he called back. Then finally, the grove broke and before you was a small sandy beach, lush and bright foliage, and a rushing waterfall that was glowing neon blue. “We made it!” he exclaimed as he turned to you and hugged you.

“How did you find this place?” you gasped.

“Part of our duty, as I’m sure you remember, is to become acquainted with the perimeter of our mission. I stumbled across it one afternoon.”

“How have I never found it?”

“Possibly because you’ve been hiding yourself away in books? You hardly leave the palace grounds.”

You laughed lightly and put your hair behind your ear. You suppose you had become a little too cautious.

“Come! Come swim!” Anakin requested as he grabbed your hand again and began pulling you toward the shore.

“Anakin!” you cried out, resisting. “No, Anakin!” You squealed. “I don’t have the proper clothing to go swimming.”

“So take it off!” he suggested with a wide grin.

Your cheeks heated to an impossible degree as you covered yourself with your arms as if he could somehow see beneath your clothing.

“Oh, come on now, we’re both adults. We were raised together. We’ve seen each other before,” he noted.

“Yes, when we were around five years old. Not….not all grown up,” you protested.

“Well I didn’t bring you all the way down here so I couldn’t swim,” he said as he pulled his black robe shirts off over his head, leaving his bare chest. He raised his eyebrows at you in a daring, flirtatious notion and you merely screwed your mouth to the side, still holding your arms over yourself. He slipped off his shoes and got down to his underpants and stepped all the way in, until he was wading in the water. The water was so bright, you could see him in his entirety.

“Come on! It’s really warm.” He splashed you and laughed as you jumped back. You stood on the shore, biting your lip, hopping from one foot to the other.

“If you don’t get in, I’m going to make you come in,” he threatened in a tone that made your body react in a very foreign way.

“You wouldn’t dare,” you remarked, putting your hands on your hips.

“Oh, I wouldn’t?” he said as he promptly made for the shore and you began to back up.

“No,” you protested playfully. “No, Anakin!” You started to retreat but his wet hand caught yours and he pulled you into his arms, his body trickling wet, soaking your clothing.

“Come on,” he tried once more. “I’m giving you a chance to save your clothing.”

“Okay! Fine!” you responded as you pushed him away, begrudgingly. “I’ll get undressed.”

You stripped down to your undershirt and underwear and stood there, feeling the slightest cool in the air.

“There, happy now?”

“I’m ecstatic,” he remarked with a cocky grin. “Now, come on!” With that, he grabbed your hand and pulled you into the water which was so warm it was almost like bath water. You welcomed the sensation all the way up to your shoulders.

“Oh my gosh, Anakin, this is wonderful.”

He lightly splashed you as the water rushed around you. “See? What did I tell you? Now, let’s say we take a dive?” he asked with daring inquisition of his eyes and brows.

“Dive? Are you out of your mind?!” you demanded.

“You need to remember how to have fun. Come on. I’ve tested the jump, it’ll be fine. You still trust me, right?” He extended his hand and you nodded, taking his hand.

“How far is it?’ you questioned cautiously as you moved with him toward the edge.

“Only a thirty foot drop,” he said as he got you right to the edge. You immediately tensed up and wrenched backwards away from him.

“What?! That’s too far! What if there are rocks?”

“It is not,” he countered. “There aren’t any rocks. Please? Trust me? Close your eyes if you want.”

You took a deep breath and started to move back toward the edge. Again, his request outweighed your inhibitions.

“Okay, let’s g--”

But that was all you got out before Anakin took your hand and pulled you over the edge with him. You were about to scream, but by the time you found your voice, you were in the waters below, the impact soft and surrounding. You landed well below the water, thankfully you had the natural sense to hold your breath before colliding with the water. Once you got above the water's surface and swam away from the falling water, you found Anakin. His hair was entirely soaked, pulled back from his face, making you marvel at him.

“By the Force!” you exclaimed, throwing your arms around him. “That was exhilarating!”

“It was, wasn’t it?” he said, his arms snaking around your waist. “Over there,” he started, looking toward the opposite direction of the falls, “is where the falls continue. You can sort of glide down a series of much smaller falls.”

“For now, I just want to stay put. That was quite enough for one night,” you said. “And you jerk! You pulled me over the edge!”

“You never would’ve gone had I not,” he protested lightly. His eyes were staring into yours, making your insides completely turn to mush and jelly.

Nodding side to side, you finally agreed. “I suppose you’re right...Thank you, for showing me this. This is...wonderful.”

“You’re welcome,” he said in that smooth voice of his. “I’m glad you liked it.”

After a moment of moving slowly in each other’s arms in the water, almost as if you were slow dancing underwater, you said, “I’ve really missed you. I hadn’t realized how much, until I went and visited you. Does that make me terrible?”

He smiled a half smile, putting hair behind your ear. “Hardly. The Jedi haven’t been the same since you left. I can’t do a single thing without thinking of you.”

Your heart seemed to stop at his words. “Really?” you breathed.

“Really. When I rise, I think you’ll be there. When we go to dine for breakfast, I expect you there, stealing my food.” He nuzzled your nose. “When we are sent out on missions, I still fight as if you’re by my side, protecting me and helping me. You leaving has really thrown my world off balance.”

Guilt bubbled inside your stomach and chest. “I’m sorry,” you apologized sincerely.

“Don't be. My happiness is no greater than yours. Jedi, Asgard, the moon of Endor, I don’t care where you live or what you do, so long as you are happy, I am too.”

No words came to you for him. You had no verbal response. No way to say what you were feeling, so you showed him. You knew it was wrong, forbidden, frowned upon. But you did it.

Without a second thought, you put your lips on his. At first he didn’t move, possibly stunned, possibly he didn’t want this. You pulled away, horrified at what you had done. You just crossed the boundary from longest, closest, friendship into….what was this?

“Anakin, I’m so sorry,” you gasped.

He didn’t respond except for tilting his head slightly and returning to the kiss. The kiss took form this time, your lips moving with his. This felt so...right. But how? How could your childhood best friend, someone who you should consider a brother, how could this feel natural?

You pulled away, fighting all the senses and urges in your body telling you to continue.

“Anakin.”

“Hmm?” he murmured, his forehead resting against yours.

“We can’t do this.”

“Why not?” he asked dreamily.

“It’s forbidden for you.”

“So?”

“So...I’m not going to destroy your reputation or chance as Jedi Master.” You pulled away farther so he could see your face. The conviction in it was strong, he had to see that.

He sighed. “I suppose you’re right.”

You simply nodded and you two broke away from each other.

“Race you to the shore?” you challenged.

Anakin’s face morphed from sadness to excitement as he nodded and you two took off full speed toward the shore. Once you reached it, you continued back up the hill to grab your clothing, slipping it on before heading back up to the palace, hand in hand.

#past vs present #loki #loki odinson #loki odinson x reader #loki fic #loki x reader #anakin skywalker #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker fic #anakin x reader #star wars fic #star wars #thor #thor fic

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