#is it toxic yeah but like ykno

[kxllerblond]

my toxic trait after getting block by small rpc canons i try following first is immediately thinking im better than them

#is it toxic yeah but like ykno #if its between that and wallowing and feeling like shit #i feel like my reaction is arguably the better one to have lmAO #again. toxic. but especially if theyre low activity and are barely writing anyway like #*tucks hair behind my ear and giggles* oh so like. you're not here to actually write. just to take a url :3c #cw negativity #my second toxic trait is feeling inclined to make my own version of that canon. be super active. and redirect the rpc to my blog instead #anyway gonna be here for awhile since writing muse is kinda eh and as big boy as i am #it does kinda blow to not even be given a chance so i dont feel like being on my multi rn #just for a bit tho ill bounce back :)

[sourcreammachine]

a little something fun about the transition from reddit to tumblr

i worldbuild. that’s me hobby. my notes app is all a load of random bullshit. i think of a world idea and then i do notes on it. i think of a fiction idea and i do notes on it. i think of any fun thing and i write nonsense notes on it

on reddit, whenever you shared that shit, it had to be presentable. you needed to be good at worldbuilding AND adept at photoshop. if it looks ugly, gtfo amateur. so i never bothered sharing, i mean, i shared a few things but at my low-medium skill level with graphic design n shit it always took me a lot of effort to do it up, and i never could be bothered to give the amount of effort it took me

so i kept it all to myself and my notes app turned into an unreadable apocrypha that made sense only to me. who gives a shit. nobody’s gonna read it

then spez spezzed everywhere and r/196 became #196. i can share anything i want here! the community is far more personal and personable, and text posts are okay here. it’s not that the bar is lower, but that the bar is more accessible. you don’t need to create a massive .psd every time you want to share some creativity, just share it! and i do, i write stuff for tumbr and put it out there and love doing it, and i’ll fucking do it again

but, my biggest projects, my most proud worlds, were all created when i was closed off, for me only. i’d love to share them to tumbr. but they’re fucking unreadable. even though it’s far more accessible i’d have to edit it into a readable, presentable format and guide people through it better, which it very much was not built to do. it’s like ancient manuscripts. you’d need a rosetta stone. it is not for human consumption. the FSA classes it as toxic waste

so yeah. i have some good shit waiting for you. maybe one day you’ll get to see it when i actually edit it and type it up, but don’t count on anything, because, ykno, severe chronic depressive

#196

[padfootastic]

dear miss padfootastic: harry learning he's gonna be a dad and promptly losing his mind and going to the only person he can think of for dad advice: sirius.

gosh miss imp i have so many thoughts about this!!!!!! (i wrote almost all of this and realised that i did it post birth lol bc that’s the moment that made the most sense to me but we can easily doctor it to be pre birth as well!!)

- the first time harry holds james sirius in his hands, he has to dip out in three minutes flat to puke all over the nearest washroom. it’s sirius holding him, brushing his hair back, and soothing him on the dirty hospital floor. tells him that he did something super similar when he held harry for the first time too. it doesn’t hit harry then.

- when they’re all back at home, the first few days, it’s all a sort of frantic autopilot where he has no time to think. it’s only when things calm down a bit that he realised how his hands shake and his pulse races when he thinks about being a father. it’s not…debilitating bc it’s his duty, one he asked for, and harry’s never been one to back down from a duty. but it’s still—he doesn’t want to be a passable dad, he wants to be a good one.

- so he goes to the best one he knows: sirius.

- the thing here is, harry thinks he’s gonna be a terrible dad. he was abused and neglected in his most developmental stages of life, never really knew what unconditional love felt like let alone parental, and does not trust himself around a vulnerable defenceless child. knowledge of his anger and it’s consequences does not help.

- but also to consider: sirius had almost an exact similar experience. he was equally terrified to be a godfather for harry bc he never trusted himself w delicate things. so he knows, intimately, what’s it’s like to fear yourself.

- it doesn’t get better with one conversation. sirius knew this going in. what he does, instead, is help harry become confident by being there, always, without fail. makes him see that he’s got this down pat, and his child loves and trusts and adores him and there’s no greater privilege than that. he’s there every single time as a safety net, to tell harry that nothing will go wrong, yes, but also to prove he doesn’t need anyone else.

- it’s also a whole lot of ‘omg this is so difficult, you did this for me?????’ and just. realisations about ‘omg u changed my diaper??? i peED ON YOU??????’ that basically make it impossible for him to look sirius in the eye for a few days.

- another point to consider: harry sees sirius with jemmy from an outsider pov yeah? and he can finally see what others have all this time: how sirius looks at someone he loves wholeheartedly, how much he adores his children. and it’s humbling and awe-inspiring and a bit terrifying. imagining the full force of that love directed towards him, making him wonder what he did to deserve it

- there’s a loooooot of midnight/asscrack of morning firecalls/mirror calls etc for emergency assistance bc ‘are babies supposed to sleep like tho at! he’s been farting all night sirius iTS SO BAD! omg his poop is green padfoot is my baby toxic?????’ ykno. normal new dad stuff.

(and this is random but there’s also one,,,,forbidden conversation with sirius about it he’d ever hated him bc harry had some very unsavoury thoughts in the beginning when he had teddy that he hates himself for to this day and if he has to hear his godfather say he didn’t want him to get rid of them then he’ll do it. it’s a tough but necessary one)

#sirius black #harry potter #good godfather sirius black #this has been *languishing* in my inbox bc i wanted to write a drabble #bc that’s really what he is #since i had a similar prompt in my notes #but alas #twasnt to be #or really just—good FATHER sirius black #man this ask made me realise how long it’s been since i’ve written anything s&h :((( #my first loves #should get back probably #i just feel like. sirius would be like harry’s personal google service #bc on some level h still thinks that sirius knows everything #(not entirely wrong. in addition to being very very smart sirius is also just. unwilling to admit he doesn’t know sumn #esp to his kid. #so he spends hours finding answers to stuff he doesn’t know) #basically: he’s the best parental advice figure to have around #harry goes to him in a dad-panic all 3 times he has a child #sirius is equally patient and indulgent each time #pen’s asks

[silver-wield]

It's refreshing to see more people waking up and speaking about Aerith not being a good friend to Tifa. SE can try to sell the "they are best friends" all they want but if it isn't shown on the game then it's bullshit.

Yeah, I'm happy people are being all "You're just a hater" like they did when I raised Aerith's bullshit toxic behaviour back when I first played Remake.

I was on that FF forum, the lifestream or whatever it's called and I said how I felt Aerith's behaviour was stalkery and it made me very uncomfortable to see how she ignored Cloud's words and actions and literally barricaded him in a bedroom and forced him to stay when he tried to leave and that if the gender roles were reversed people would be raging at how it's not okay to lock girls in rooms and stalk them like that's okay, and they blocked me for "lying about the characters and plot"

🤨🤨🤨

Like wtaf?! Did they think it was cute having Cloud say he wants to leave over and over, and have to sneak out, only to be literally shoved back in a bedroom when he failed?

Even the devs said it was creepy.

And when a few people pointed out how fucking cringe it is Aerith goes on about "loving the slums" when she lives in a McMansion with a fucking waterfall and tons of fresh food, so much that she clearly wastes loads, but doesn't donate it to the orphans down the road, nauuu she thinks flowers are a better gift, we got massively shouted down despite proving it with SS from the game, and info from the material ulti showing that what Aerith has isn't normal and that her world view is fucked up and she sounds like a privileged stupid princess living in an ivory tower with no fucking clue how the world works. She's even arrogant enough to say "so what?" When Cloud warns her how tough Sephiroth is in the final battle. She's stupid and full of herself and only thinks of herself and that's why nobody likes her.

And now they expect us to believe she's friends with Tifa while she's trying to crawl all over cloud the second Tifa's back is turned? And she does this while knowing Cloud and Tifa have a thing.

And ykno, even if she's not a two faced bitch in the playthrough, that's the impression SE chose to give us of her in the trailers and demo. They think Aerith being a selfish two faced back stabbing hypocritical bitch is gonna endear her to us.

Us @ SE

#ship war #for the plot #for the fandom

[grokebaby]

I might be stating the obvious but the black feathered lady next to Nan here is ofc Mrs. Varpunen (Lassi's bio mom)

Oh yeah, another "is this already obvious?" statement would be that Varpunen means sparrow in finnish. Their last name is Sparrow.

You can quite obviously see alot of Lassi's facial traits like nose and jaw shape in her! How strange that Lassi himself isn't more beastly than he is, considering the Mrs. Here. However a big portion of his traits also come from the Mr - notably, blue skin.

She shall remain anonymous, but throughout this I'll refer to Mrs Varpunen as P

Back when the kids were small, Nan didn't talk about the Mr and P with names, hence why they're called that (Mr and Mrs) now. She would've talked about them with names if the kids ever asked but they never really did. Ykno how, as a parent, you don't talk about your fellow parent with their first name to your child?

"Why didn't she call them mom and dad?" because they weren't that to Lassi and Siru. Nan is their mom, and they had no dad. She raised them single. Though she did say "Dad" about the Mr every now and then in some contexts, it was moreso used to denote who we're talking about rather than earning him the title.

P was always an insecure and easily anxious demon, though she had better times prior to her marriage. She could be joking and brash and fun, even if that sometimes did lead her to more anxiety causing situations. I say anxiety, as in, if she could've been diagnosed, she would've had a disorder. She was born into warriorhood but the stress of guarding others lives and fighting threats put a huge strain on her mental health which, in her adolescence, caused her to leave the lifestyle behind. This unfortunately isolated her from most of her loved ones and relatives, since she moved elsewhere upon quitting, and well (insert lore that explains more why here). Ykno. You get the point.

This post will discuss emotional/psychological abuse and/or manipulation, and misogyny after this point.

Having to grow into her adulthood with untreated anxiety and consequently depression, P was easily swayed by Mr's charms when they first met. He's the kind of person who can make you feel good about yourself in his company only. He was quick to notice Ps insecurities and offered emotional support and attention she clearly hadn't received before. He ofc thought of himself as helping her but ykno, getting a deeply insecure and struggling individual to latch onto you in order to make them a loyal spouse is... Well shitty is an understatement..

I'm not saying there wasn't genuine affections from both sides, however that doesn't change the fact that their relationship was deeply unhealthy. The existence of love doesn't cancel out abuse.

Mr Varpunen met P first and Nan later, which is a part of why she was swayed to join the relationship in the first place. The Mr alone would've at most earned an eyeroll from Nan. But he'd gained more experience in how he navigated intimate relationships by the time they met, plus the inclusion of a third person in the relationship gave Nan some reassurance in it's stability.

Before anyone says anything about this: None of this is meant to put polyamory in a negative light, this is meant to portray a toxic relationship, in general - polygamous relationships can be toxic same as monogamous ones. Even if this was all monogamous, there still would've been all the same issues with Mr Varpunen included. In the setting where these three originate, polyamory is common and considered as normal as monogamy. None of this is intended to come off as criticism of the relationship model (I'm a poly attracted person myself btw), it's criticism of misogyny.

Back to the characters.

P was fond of Nan from the start, even if she felt worried about what this would change for her and Mr's relationship. This was ofc due to her unhealthy dependency on him. She rarely spoke to Nan 1x1 outside of any instance that warranted it - she didn't go out of her way to avoid it but would always look to her husband for the majority of things. She did often wish she and Nan could've gotten closer to each other but didn't find the courage to approach her, nor receive any advances she made, in fear of what Mr Varpunen would think of it.

Mr would later come to make multiple lighthearted remarks about being pleased his two wives are getting along - "Just so long as you don't get along TOO well", so they wouldn't stop needing him.. He didn't feel threatened by their relationship to each other in the slightest since he perceived himself as the one in control, and couldn't imagine things getting out of hand. It's no surprise he flew too close to the sun (or in this case the death God's mouth) later.

P often felt conflicted towards Nan since, despite finding her a genuinely sweet and reasonable person, the damage had already been done by then and she often resented Nan for being more seemingly "Well adjusted", levelheaded and independent (Though most people would seem more independent to P in comparison to herself). She often secretly wished Nan would be expelled of the relationship, jealous, and all sorts of other things she ultimately also felt guilty for thinking. She did acknowledge to an extent that her thoughts only came as a result of the emotional abuse but that wasn't enough to help her out of it.

Despite everything, P was always held up by Mr as the more "Attractive" and desirable one, however subtly. Nan was used to being modest and putting others before herself so she didn't really have the confidence to call this out, especially since it was done so implicitly. Had she mentioned, it would've been all "Oh Nan's jealous now, is that it? You want more attention than the other wife?? You're demanding even more from me???" with Mr. Nan was the humble, low maintenance wife, and P was the hot, special, "can't be left alone poor girl". P's appeal was due to her being apparently stronger and more potent supernaturally since she was born into a warrior/"beast" lineage. You'd think this would earn some respect but it was mostly just being objectified unfortunately.

Mr would live at their homeside with his wives, but go out to the human realm to work a job he'd acquired there, and so he'd leave almost daily, sometimes for multiple days at a time. This was however balanced by him sometimes staying home for a few days in turn. Oh, Nan and P? Taking care of the home and all, ykno.. "As women should".

Vaguely related, but Lassi came out of an egg, whereas Siru was born. (is that how you say it? Birthed??)

Both chicklings were covered in silky black plumage at first, ykno, baby feathers, but they shed it in under a month as they tend to do. Lassi ended up being the favorite due to being a fat little peep and resembling the Mr more than Siru. Neither wife felt quite right about the obvious favoritism, however P was just relieved it was the one she made that became the Fave. Nan never talked about this to either of the children later on and though she mentioned Lassi resembling the Mr more, she preferred being vague about it as to not cause rifts between the siblings. Ykno, like a decent parent.

Though the names of the kids were decided as a group, Mr Varpunen insisted they were named the "human way", against the traditions of their kind. He was of course planning ahead on bringing the kids with him, as he intended for the whole family to move to the human realm eventually.

Both Siru and Lassi were under a year old when P and Mr Varpunen met their demise.

#Character notes #(the variety where it's a huge essay about the intricacies of their psyche) #Nan #Lassi's mom #Demon oc #Backstory #Uhh yeh!!! Drops this on you #Content warnings in text

[haven-gum-rockrose]

11 & 29 !

tumblr ate the fucking shit i was typing for this- lets see if i can replicate.

okay! thanks so much also first of all- really appreciate it

so 11(describe your ideal day) and 29 (three songs you connect with right now)

okay so 11 is difficult cuz im not a very- planning and future oriented bitchbut id probably have to say its a day where i do things? or have an idea or something?

so maybe like- i wake up and do the shit people normally do when they wake up, yall know the deal- the ideal. actually eat breakfast lol. id go on a walk because even hell knows i need the sunlight, maybe pet a dog in the process. Theres a park by the house so id probably go there for a bit. if its an ideal day im not spending it at home. itd be sunny but not too hot- enough to sunburn tho. wouldnt do much at the park, im not a park person, but maybe id make a temporary friend? like the kind youre never gonna see again but while you were talking you made eachother's day just a bit brighter. i probably would have brought my sketchbook or art tablet and maybe i was able to do a really nice drawing or something. Then i remember theres bugs and that- oh also a nice patch of grass is very important for it to be ideal. kidding i dont really mind dirt. but anyways i start heading back because its noon or approaching noon or something. i have absolutely no endurance tho so at some point i stop and just sit on the curb and watch the road for a bit? idk i think it sounds nice.

[obligatory paragraph break] OH! and its one of those days where you're able to consciously recognize the beauty of everything, fucking love those. come back and clean and do laundry and shit because i fucking need to. and then sleep for six fucking hours straight uninterrupted. wake up, see what yall have been up to cuz cuz thats always a highlight, and by then its like 6 or 8? oh also not talking to any family lol- except maybe my sister. yeah, ideal day i talk to my sister for a bit. also i think in order for it to be the ideal day i would have had to help at least like one person, and maybe they said thanks but its not really necessary. its a bit hard to plan for people needing help tho- and seems a bit iffy regardless so - ykno.

anyways its a bit basic for something so long but- idk i dont really think about that stuff much so - take it or leave it.

AND 29 CUZ YOU KNOW IM A FUCKING PLAYLIST BITCH

Girl Anachronism by The Dresden Dolls: probably not great how much i relate to this song on a personal level but it also gives me gender and mentally ill swag ig so its cool. yall i could pull fucking any line from this song and essay on how i relate to it (theres just a couple i couldnt actually)

Toxic Thoughts by Faith Marie: Yall this has been- one of those "my song"s since for the past like 4-5 years or something- 100% played a role in shaping who i try to be and how i view the world. like yeah its a wee bit cheesy the lyrics but like- yall dont know how much this shit impacted me. go as far as to say it mightve played a part in me being here still? idk tho i think i still would be regardless but like- yeah W song for me

EP. 4: Important by Ian McConnell: i need everyone with anxiety to listen to this actually. it goes so fucking hard and its so goofy. absolute god tier exhanple of positive nihilistic philosophy. actually for ease of access lemme do this cuz im not overexaggerating this shits iconic: (maybe not it may just be my philosphy brain likeing the change of perspective on typically negative thoughts and the comedic delivery of it)

#ask game #personal post #for 11 i figured if a put enough lil insignificant things itll count as somethign that makes sense? it doesnt tho but idk what else i dont #really have one i think? but thatd be nice

[almightytrashcan]

thoughts

and yeah theres a reason why i did not want to get into the fandom side of any show i watch bc stuff over there are very wacky and goofy (derogatory)

but anyway it’s v interesting to see ppl make a 1-1 connection between how one prefers a particular ship w toxic underpinnings and their relationship preferences, which is very. Not Cool. bc it’s not supposed to be a 1-1 connection?

ok lmao i’ll bite the bullet it’s tommy/lizzie as opposed to tommy/grace which is incredibly shallow bc recognizing fucked up dynamics and finding them more interesting doesnt mean u like that shit irl? ive indulged in my own dead dove shit over the years (shortlist includes noncon, dubious omegaverse mechanics like bitching, yanderes, that shit) but im actively making sure me and my partner do our best to be honest and communicative abt anything that could trouble us. it’s no morally superior type shit bc neither of them are good one is just the lesser evil over the other. marge simpson voice i just think theyre neat! and the same applies for ppl who prefer tommy/lizzie over tommy/grace.

usual conversation that fiction helps to explore these kinda dynamics wo actually endangering anyone irl ykno the drill. lizzie’s character couldve been given more nuance in contrast to tommy post grace’s death (i say this as someone who hasnt finished s3e1), but like….ofc theyre fucking gangsters theyre not the textbook definition of a healthy relationship. not even grace and tommy.

idk if i say any more i might shoot myself in d foot so ykno, just some food for thought out there 🫡🫡🫡

[mayz1er]

talkin abt ily the fic but it’s mostly me worrying so it’s not that great ^_^

guys :( the next cjapter is making me sad :( so much so i had to pause like five times while editing. also i accidentally make it 17k words long instead of 12k i hope u don’t mind :( fuck it’s gonna be a pain in the ass to edit esp since i don’t think ill have any1 to beta read it but it’s ok

i’m also on mobile haha tap tap on my little phone screen. i think i made my writing to incomprehensible. it feels so dense to me and i’m not sure how to fix it. good writing is understandable and i feel like mine is not. that. right now. maybe it’s just cuz it’s so many words idk i got a headache half way thru editing only the last section of the chap.

i accidentally started projecting on present life flashback ranboo migjtve accidentally given him mommy issues?? soz?? but he’s so fucked it i feel so bad this poor kid

i feel like with how stupidly flowery my writing style can be, it’s like i’m romantacizing things i shouldn’t be. i had this problem w blood red presidential ties too, because sure dark topics hidden in metaphors are cool but r they still cool if it looks like it’s supposed to be pretty?? i don’t wanna glamorize things that shudnt be glamorized especially with important topics that effect not only me but the readers that deal w the same issues. i don’t wanna paint a pretty picture of an ugly topic, ykno?

ilybeeduo :( tragic. star crossed lovers or whatever the fuck it’s called. i miss them alrdy. i’ll tell you something, i’m seeing this story as a loop. i outlined this fic in a circle rather than a straight line that ends. do i wanna break the cycle? maybe i do. maybe i will! but u won’t like that ending either tbh. not as in “it’s a bad ending” no it wud just also probably be a little sad. let me tell u a little more. ranboo is a lamb to the slaughter. ranboo is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. PRWTEND LAMB AND SHEEP R THE SAME THING 4 THE SAKE OF THIS METAPHOR. also another worry i have is that i’m conveying ilybeeduo as toxic like i mean yeah a little bit like. FUCK AISIEKOK ok i’m calm. they love each other. they don’t purposely hurt each other. ok ok ok.

i’m actually sick n twisted for this chapter i feel so bad oh god but i’m gonna post it bc i need this out in the world. or at least to the readers LMAO. i wanna say that there’s a distinct lesson to learn by the end of reading it, like how presidential ties was me trying to convey a message of healing and hope. but that doesn’t exist in ily the fic. i’m sorry 2 say that i don’t think i’ll write a healing and hopeful ending. it just doesn’t work out, at least in the time frame i have. maybe there’ll be a sequel. who knows.

i mean it when i think this is a make or break chapter and it’s less so the story and more of my progress in writing. this is either the best or worst thing i’ve ever written. this story is either beautifully inctricate or a stupid piece of shit. ew ok i don’t even hate this fic or my writing that much rn but like that’s what i’m thinking. i feel like i rlly did push myself out of my comfort zone while writing especially this chapter and these characters and the amount of thinking i had 2 do to interlace the backstories and part present future but like. idk. what if it flops???? what if i haven’t improved as much as i wanted to??? eh. idk! i’m just saying things

also i love ily!alliumduo so much i love them so much i totally wasn’t projecting my old friendships on them naurrr id never do thy 🤨🤨🤨🤨

lmao i feel like i’m saying everything n nothing at the same time cuz i have 2 be vague in order to not spoil it. but dont worry i’m alright w my stance on ily the fic it’s just. i want this chapter to be good.

#it sounds like i’m venting BUT IM NOT i’m just talking abt my fic n shit #ily rambles #don’t rb #might delete this later lol

[denkilightning]

IM SO GLAD I FOUND YOUR BLOG!!! I really connected with Denki and I don’t understand how the fandom likes Jirou so much??? Like she doesn’t mean it or whatever but she’s lowkey ableist. How are you gonna hc Denki with adhd then have her calling him stupid all the time as a joke?? Idk, I have adhd and Jirou reminds me of those ppl I would laugh with cause I was too embarrassed to say anything else and it’s giving me rancid vibes

fdajkahgjk thankk uuu

i think no one really calls her out is because she’s cool and shit. like the only reason why its not the discourse on the level of bkdk is a) jirou isnt even in the main 10 of the cast and their relationship is not the main drive of the story lmao b) shes not a character like bakugou, you dont get her anger and all the other emotions thrown in your face at all times, and she never went to the extreme of telling kami to kill himself (which was the lowest point for bakugou). she lashes out sometimes, but all other than that she’s super cool! she’s kinda cold, but gets embarrassed easily and shes shy about her hobbies and shes a good friend! /s

well to everyone except kaminari. being a good or even a decent friend isn’t just worrying over them when theyre in grave danger. thats just,,, a thing most of humans do. and she doesnt even respect him that much, and at usj she literally kicked him at a villain. if his self defence didn’t activate he’d probably get seriously injured or even fucking die. like??  

coming back to bakugou and jirou, i kind of think about them as two different traumatised kids (collective trauma is a thing yall): bakugou is the loud, angry and ugly one, while jirou is the quiet, and cute and talented one. she’s what people want to see. and because shes “good” and people want to see her, they dont acknowledge her flaws.

no one acknowledges jirou actively picking on kaminari (remember when they were thinking of hero names and she had to attract his attention first to then proceed to make fun of him? yeah. that.), or how she laughs the loudest at him, because to those people its funny too. its written as funny. 

and like at this point its pretty toxic, if not borderline bullying ykno

and kaminari doesnt think of her as a friend, either, to be honest. like in the cultural festival shes just ‘that girl jirou’. and remember he drove the whole arc by encouraging others to encourage her to do the concert.

but yeah if it wasnt prominent enough: i agree so much. also someone should take NT’s right to write denki away. they dont deserve him. iida, too.

what i just said is probably incoherent but thats because i forgot to eat so yeah im gonna eat now, but yeah love you nonnie

[black-mesa-slut-voice]

Dear goodness please don’t make me make a dni list. I.. usually don’t much care who interacts with me but I’m seeing some weird shit in my notes!!!

Ugh. Okay whatever I’m cool on most things but here’s some stuff:

-Im a non-binary lesbian. I use they/she. I’m probably somewhere on a weird grey/asexuality spectrum I haven’t figured out yet

-kinnies are valid. It’s all fun and cool man

-I’m queer, and I respect you if you don’t want to use that word or be called it, and won’t call you it without your permission, but it’s still our word. Some of us use it. and if you think people reclaiming it is bad then I’m sorry bro. I’m out here living my best life lovin myself and I don’t wanna make u uncomfy

-I support mogai and people calling themselves whatever sexualities and shit they want. Labels are labels and they’re just for personal comfort and you gotta love yourself. Literally what is wrong with calling yourself anything as long as ur not hurting anyone? As long as it makes u feel good that’s what matters.

-Ace, pan, and trans pals, you’re welcome here. If you don’t support ace, pan and trans people I’m sorry you have a stick up ur ass u should get it checked out (obv I don’t include like. Pedophiles and shit. Incest isn’t a sexuality eugh). Pan isn’t inherently transphobic tf are some of you on about?? Literally one of my best friends is pan and trans wh

-I post GORE and BODY HORROR. YEs I tag things. Yeah I enjoy a lot of other fandoms that aren’t perfect, cus I can consume media critically? When did SU become problematic. Yeah it has its flaws but. It’s a good cartoon for kids w leabians I can enjoy???

(That said, if you dislike certain media for trauma reasons that’s valid and I’ll make sure to tag any other fandom that might work it’s way in here but like. Please. If you think you can’t consume media unless it’s perfect then I’m sorry bro it don’t work like that. Cancel culture is toxic. Enjoy that kinda shitty video game as long as you’re aware of the bad parts. Love urself n have fun)

-I’ve never read homestuck but a bunch of my trusted friends like it so (???). I don’t have any disc horse on that bro I’m neutral. Don’t worry I’ll tag any that might be referenced here It’s valid if u don’t like it ig?? Ya

-dear GOD I hate trump and everything he says. Acab and so is he. No I will not discuss this I thought we were all on the same page here??? Christ

-basically I’m a normal decent human being. I try to be polite and read DNI’s before interacting and holy hell some of y’all........... please........ quarantine really be getting to ya huh

-if u have any questions feel free to shoot an ask I don’t bite

Anyway I’m saying this cus I use tag crawler on my art (sending love to everyone who leaves nice tags), and I usually follow people that way but. Whew.

If any of this makes you’re uncomfortable, you’re welcome to block me if so! In fact, I encourage it, if I in any way make you uncomfortable. I try to be accommodating for everyone but sometimes people just got fundamentally different beliefs yo. Also don’t worry, I really hate drama and shit like this so posts like this will NOT become a regular thing. I just... had to say SOMETHING ykno.

It’s 7:30 am and I haven’t slept so I’m sorry if this is rambly but hot damn y’all. Anyway. back to the regular schedule

#id rather yall not reblog but if you do thats fine ig #please. some of u need a capri sun and a snickers bar

[starfoxrry]

To be honest I have never liked Nick, I tried since him and Harry were friends. But he just rubs me the wrong way. I am glad Harry is getting those who are toxic out of his life.

yeah I get it. a lot of ppl don’t like him and outside of his interviews w ot4 im indifferent to him too. and i know a lot of ppl hv been hurt by the racist n transphobic things he’s said and I’m glad harrys cut off a toxic person from his life but I’m just ykno a bit :/ that we’re not gonna get harry being a silly billy w a close friend of his in interviews anymore but that’s whatever it’s not rlly that deep

#answered

[thesecondmost]

I read over my rules every now and again and it keeps bothering me how harsh I sound on my stance on morm*r so I’m just gonna...ramble a little to make me sound a little less dickish. This isn’t very coherent and I’m just kinda word vomiting on the topic

Q: Why don’t I ship morm*or right off the bat?

A: 1.) For one, I like slow build. I don’t like established romantic relationships in general because I feel like the work and time and development put into relationships are like...most of the fun.

2.) Every Mor*arty is different and the chemistry is going to be different. It’s all about chemistry, especially with my Moran and Jim is too complex of a character to be the same all the way across the board between all the people who write him.

3.) My Moran is a difficult character. He’s got similarities to the commonly accepted fandom interpretation but he’s....super different. His views on Jim are complex. He’s starry eyed but he also would like to see the man butchered ykno?? Jim treats him like garbo but also like his best and favorite garbo. it’s not the sort of relationship that has Moran right off the bat going like haha wow i love this dude like nah. 

they’re both toxic individuals. to others, to each other, to themselves. it’s a great ship because of this and the complexity, but the fandom has sort of diminished this and simplified them into “cute murder bfs teehee” and it does put a certain pressure on ppl who rp the characters and don’t really align with this interpretation. 

Plus, my Moran has a whole plethora of fucking detachment and emotional issues on TOP of being on the grey spectrum. Even if I wanted to, he’s just not the kind of character that I’d be capable of dumping right into a relationship.

Q: So I do ship it though???

A: Hell yeah I do. But, like I said above. It’s got so many variables depending on my partner, so much work that needs to go in it. Some Jims Moran might have the ability to fall for pretty fast, some not at all, some Jims Seb would legitimately betray. some jims he’s super fucking torn up about when they die. some he’s like lol bYE bitch. Like.....this ship can be suuuuch a wildcard and that’s why I love and hate it at the same time.

misc thoughts;;

early relationship;;

Early Jim and Seb is sooooo rocky. It’s such a struggle for power and I imagine Jim nearly kills Sebastian a few fucking times or seb nearly kills jim. 

The business relationship I do usually play established is the eventual outcome of that early stage, not really Seb backing down but it’s just more of like. earned respect I guess. it’s two near equals kind of balancing out. 

It’s Seb settling and falling into place as the loyal guard dog because Jim can do things for him no one else can and that he values, because he knows Jim deserves it, because he wants to understand this man better and fuck like??? seb prob legit wants to impress the dude because like as much as he hates him jim can also just be like this incomprehensible, fascinating fucker that is so above everyone and everything else and who doesnt want that sort of person’s approval???

and i imagine jim let’s him closer than anyone else because he knows moran better than anyone and knows that this dude aint gonna do shit to him and if he does like so what?? if its gonna be anyone ykno it might as well be his chief of staff [granted this mindset prob changes once sherl comes into play but thats another post for another day]

romantic relationship;;

Do I think it’s capable of being a loving relationship? Dunno, really. I think it can have ‘normal’ and ‘domestic’ moments, but I also think for every fucking idk night up layin in some bed together being “cute” there are like 3 nights of them nearly killing each other or putting each other through these mental gymnastics to see who breaks first. 

I do think it can be loyal, on Seb’s side at least. (i mean i have thoughts on Jim’s side, but I don’t rp him lol) He’s a very opportunistic and selfish man as I play him. I even have a headcanon post floating around that states by default he’s not even truly loyal to Jim, just the IDEA of Jim and what he represents.

 I think, depending on the Jim, this can change. I can see my Moran legitimately caring about Jim’s well being and caring about him as a person and being loyal to him as a person rather than just treating him as an asset that makes his life better and more appealing.

My Moran had a fucked up childhood (surprise, surprise) so emotional bonding is just not....easy for him. But I do imagine once that raaaaaare someone manages to get through to him, they get his all. Like, 110% loyal, would burn the world to a crisp to protect them type.

the process;;

Honestly r i p to Moran. Whether it’s the process to becoming legit loyal or thinking of Jim as a friend or someone he cares about to legit fallin in love with him I imagine it’s just this whole process of Sebastian being fucking confused and angry and scared. like that sort of attachment is weakness and Moran refuses to be weak even if the attachment would be to someone as ykno powerful as Jim. 

If his parents taught him anything it’s that no amount of blood relation or love will make ppl stay. ppl are selfish and the only one who gives a fuck about you is yourself and the only person you should care about is yourself. 

and if being a fucking top class sniper has taught him anything its that life is so fucking fragile. just in general, Moran is fucked in this situation because like this poor fucker not only has detachment issues but once he manages to get attached, he’s got fucking abandonment issues and fear of loss. like. oooooooooooooof. 

he’s so unused to having things he cares about that he’s also wholly unprepared to handled losing those things.

#(;ooc) #;tbd #im gonna delete this mess eventually and thats all this is a m E SS #idk sometimes its rlly hard to put into words my opinions and thoughts of this ship but like #i guess thats what makes me keep coming back to it. there's also more to like #think about it never gets stale

[padfootastic]

Ship and let ship but remus x sirius has traumatised me forever. Their stans are also scary af and they are the majority in fandom. They are obsessed with making Sirius the bad guy in wolfstar and the way for the ship to work is sirius should grovel and snivel at remrem's feet all the time.

ahahaha it’s so funny the way we talk about fandoms/fans as if it’s a mini internet mafia setup but i get where you’re coming from 💀 i’ve seen some absolute militant fans, acting like rabid packs who go off on those with the ‘wrong’ headcanons (as if we’re all not going off of crumbs ykno?)

it’s kinda sad (for me, personally) because i’ve become so sensitive with my fictional interests like sirius (and james, and harry to a lesser extent) are my comfort characters and seeing any sort of slander for them just,,,hurts me. (ofc i know that’s a purely me issue so i keep it on my own dash and try not to enter anyone’s dms/comments)

and i used to really enjoy wolfstar a while ago, but then it just…turned into a bash fest all of a sudden? i have no idea what happened? i mean, if you shipped sirius with the wrong person, you were an asshole. if remus wasn’t written a certain way, you’re wrong. if you even read remus/tonks, you’re homophobic. it was just—too much. like i read fiction for some hardcore escapism and all this was…yeah, just kind of drove me away from marauders content for a while there. i read a lot of harry-centric stuff, time/dimension travel, hermione with basically everyone, and only recently rediscovered the marauders again.

i’ve learnt my lesson, though, because now i’m using all sorts of filters/tags, staying away from shit i know i won’t like, and just generally curating my own space so i can minimise grief. also learning to not take things personally (if i can have strong opinions, so can others, yeah?) and it’s,,,something. idk.

#harry potter #fandom critical #that got deep huh #idk i joke about it often but fanfiction has been a coping mechanism for a while for me #so seeing all that vitriol and hatred for something as stupid as the wrong ship just…hit me ykno? #and i wasn’t even super into shipping lol is the thing #like i don’t care about romantic attachment i’m only there for certain characters #but still. people went absolutely *mental* #hell i still see stuff like ‘shipping sirius with a woman is homophobic’ and some of that is said in complete seriousness? #i get jokes i do the same #but unironically? #yeah so basically i try to stay away from discourse these days #(i realise i’m not helping by answering all this and all but i justify it by thinking it’s my page ykno?) #atleast i’m not engaging with others like i used to before #just do not have the mental bandwidth for it anymore #i’m here to have fun and escape real life #why interact with toxicity and negativity #i could just look around me if i wanted that lol #it’s why i can barely read/write realistic fics too #hits too close to home #and why i can’t do identity hcs for characters #i’m a sensitive bean ok don’t @ me #pen’s asks

[silver-wield]

Those morons were attacking and piling shit on a 16 year old for calling cleriff stupid because it would be weird for a guy to go after their best friend's girlfriend/ex whatever. I just thought it was crazy because these dumb asses were the ones who told us we were crazy for calling them out on suicide baiting and now they're doing the wildest shit because oh no!! How dare a child think their shitty ship reeks like ass.

These people are living in some 90's toxic teen movie. They love all that shit with bf/gf swapping and backstabbing bff's but it's okay cause they forgive and support each other and it's not fucking disgusting at all!

Ykno like when your older sibling shows you shit that used to be on when they were a kid? Yeah, mine do that all the time. And the hs shit that used to be on is so fucking gross! I was like "but they're supposed to be friends" and my siblings would be all "🤷" like that's normal.

It's not normal.

#ship war #for the fandom

[youcancallmemeimei]

hey i wish you are doing well, and thank you so much for your sincere reply ^ㅡ^)/ did you try to make me cry ..?! maybe I'm just a little bit too emo thesedays but wow.. you really do put your emotions into your writings and it just shoots straight to the bottom of my heart like constant thundering and lightening as in a goood way! you must be a natural writer who could write stuff like the actual writers do! meaning your writings are pretty powerful and I could almost feel your breath in it!! Really Impressive.

and about why I didn't want to see a sunlight the other day.. maybe I should tell you some of my personal stuffs so you could better understand of me first but then it will become... like a book literally.. lol so I will try to keep it simple for you, and say I was just bit blue the other day.. ^^ just like everyone gets their time ykno, and thank you so much for the wishes!

and idk why.. but your supermarket example is so on point and makes me smile somehow haha you sound like a very cute and smart person, because you get to learn when you ask things to others and you already know that mechanism so well :) and your cheering words are very touching and bringing positive emotions to me and I much appreciate it for your kindness ^^! and you are right.. I got you! an online buddy :)

and about the hiding things .. and omg haha those LEGO and rocket examples indeed you nailed them again! ^^ and yep you got the good points! and I hope i didn’t confuse you at the same time. Many of these stuffs i was talking about were the things that happened at work because mainly my life is just between home and the work. and as you could imagine some work environment can be very toxical with a lot of politics involved, and because i was in a such role to discuss with other parties that are not my side of the team i had to often times represent my twhole division to discuss and argue with others to defend my team. and It could easily become very muddy, dirty and finger pointing. I’ve got hammered down a few times at work and they became very traumatic for me. i was trying to stay clean and transparent about my stuff so i said thing just as they were, and not giving them what they wanted to hear, and yea. But anyways, i couldn’t agree with you more to ur saying about LEGO (lego in capital letters makes it so much like it lol) and rocket in general. and Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

Do you still hold your own small world inside of you? You know those small worlds where you can nurture your own imaginations, dreams, thought processes, ego, self esteem and all that?

winters have come to me about few years ago, and started to shadow over my life a little bit. and I had to make some mess inside of that small world. Funny thing is.. sometimes u get to hate what you used love especially when things go bad around u. it's really irony but that's how strong the perspective plays its role in our life I think. I used to love and care for my small world and built the strong wall around it, but for some reason it became like a very dark gotham city haha not that I'm a batman who tries to save it but more like one of those villains that lives in gotham city who's full of hatred LOL. yeah it sounds bit too stretchy, and yea probably i'm just stretching it to just make it sound funny..^^* LOL. just, there has been some undisclosed paradox in my life which i interpreted things wrongly and things went bad, and i no longer can fully trust my own thoughts or ideas. i'll keep that a short like that because it's not gonna be a good story anyways and i think i already said many bluesy things up there lol. ^^; excuse me for writing such stuff, i’m also slightly venting in here,

Anyways, thanks for the kind and warm words and emotions. And yes i should be happy on my own. And i wish thay they come sooner than later as well, because i’m really barely hanging on in this life haha, desperately need to find some way to gain back those self trusts lol.. well i will just silently wait until then because when i ‘try’ things it don’t go so well, but when i let things just flow as they supposed to be sometimes that work more better. idk lol, i still believe god is there for all of us, might shed me some light on me when the season comes.

and YES i do feel very happy that i could write something like unnecessarily wrong wall of texts with poor grammars and not really organized but you still try to understand and guving me your thought about it is really a small miracle to me indeed :) thanks many times.

i wish we had apple watches so we could give nudges each other LOL , but let’s think.. maybe sharing the apple music playlist? Idk. If you wan i can give you my id. or we could be on a same discord channel and be able to hear each other all through out the day? HAHA omg imagine that i forget to turn it off before going to the bathroom, gosh this is the worst idea.... haha i will try to think aboit that as well.. if you get some better thought do let me know too because whatever that is i think could be helpful and fun :) but just way you suggested this in your writing is somehow very touching to me and thanks for letting me feeling that. Back to think of it, i think i miss those feelings.

Hey Good morning! and in case I don't see ya; good afternoon, good evening, and good night! -🐸

Thank you!! I'm not a writer but i do love to write sometimes, but there's no one to read so....

I'm glad I'm making you feel happy, (i hope so haha) and I'm glad you're no longer in that toxic situation, i mean.... Jobs are usually hard but I've heard people say your job should be like "you're being paid to do what you love" and sometimes were privileged enough to do it but sometimes were not, and when you are in a toxic environment where your mental and physical are threatened you should think about it twice before staying there, but also we should try a little more, because we're not always the victims in bad situations, sometimes it's our fault, what I mean is that we should analyze both parties right? Your side and their side, sometimes were taking things too personal, but others times we should be taking them personal. It's all about balance and knowing were yours boundaries are but also knowing your weak points.

Of course I do have my own little world, and I'm happy to keep a couple of things just for myself. Because at the end of the day I'm all i have, and of course there's situations where our small world is troubled but why should we give our energy to something that doesn't deserve it, idk, sometimes we worry about such little things and we feed them and feed them and feed them just but thinking about it,then they start to be bigger than us when they should've just never existed in first place, something's are not worth it, is not even worth it to be thinking about them, and yeah, sometimes we change our mind and the things that we used to love are not pleasant anymore, that's what growing up is about, but that doesn't make you a villain, that makes you a human, you're not wrong for changing your mind.

Sometimes we push so hard so things to go on our way when we're better how we are, have you heard "go with the flow"? That's what we should do, a sudden situation happens? Let it happen, take the best from it, learn from it and keep going, of course God is there for us, we should look for him, and we'll find him!

I think being in a discord chanel together would be nice!!

So I've done it already, here's the link!

You've got an hour hahaha

https://discord.gg/dQ3b9s5

Good morning!!!! Or night? Afternoon? Evening?

[apologeticallys]

@crowferi

feri, im sorry I treated you the way I did. not respecting that you needed time when your friend left you was,,, shitty,,, and then leaving you,,, i had another fp when I left, as I always have if im the one to leave someone. hey ykno, i once received an ask from someone, once, on my v0lt/r0/n blog, that was probably you, wasnt it? I went super panicky and searched all my old friends i talked to within th3 last year or two to see if they reblogged any vltrn posts, and you did(u were like... the only one..nksjsnbf). so, that was you, yeah? I was too afraid to contact you abt it, i felt bad for how i treated you, tho you were rly a great friend, n thank u for sending that ask even tho it caused me 2 freak out even tho it literally had good intentions djkskwjbr. i kind of? would like to have you back in my life? if tjats okay? but. i also, i also got so much worse. more toxic. more abusive. more manipulative w ppl. it was good i left you when I did cuz 2016? hell year. 2017? worst year of my life. cuz... uh.... i mean.... I'm not making this apology blog for nothing... i want to apologize to those im sorry for even if they never get to see it cuz.... i want to at least do that before I die. ..... ,..,., , ,,, not lik,,, like that isnt,,, to get you to start talking 2 me asap... but like,,, irs,,, complicated,,, if im still alive and have availability to my phone whenever you see this, i can explain, if you still want me to be your friend. bt anyways , even if you dont, i want you 2 kno im sorry for being a shitty friend and not working shit out likr... respecting u needed space and time 2 deal w ur friend.... instead of demanding u talk 2 me and reassure me u still care nn jus ,,, ,,, , im sorry man. you deserved bettr then that

edit ive just discovered from sources tjat u were Not the person whomst sent me that tumblr anon on the vl..d blog so um im cancelled dmowkj

#feri