#is going to make sense i just need to say words while crying then itll be fine probably
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PLOT INCOMING
Aradia and Kyrril come to see Loom. They’re upset. They don’t feel well. Eventually, they fall asleep after some nice time together. Here is the not good time:
Loom
Zzz they fall asleep and probably mumble the others can leave if and when they want.
Aradia
ee doesnt leave
Kyrril
As if he'd even think about it. After he's sure they're settled though, he will kind of... raise an eyebrow questioningly at Aradia. Girl do you know anything?
Aradia
she shakes her head and shrugs, nope!
Kyrril
A little frown. A lil more brow furrow. Troubling.
Aradia
she nods like yeah...
Loom
Sn,snore
Aradia
she tries not to giggle too loud and accidentally wake them up
little noises...
Loom
They've started changing to their true form when they sleep! Aradia got all 6 arms around her.
Aradia
oh fuck hella pinned
Loom
She ain't going nowhere
Aradia
kyrril help i am being engulfed
Loom
Kyrril under hair
Aradia
they are both entangled
lord help them
Kyrril
This is fine. More than fine. He gave a soft little chirp of amusement.
More hands to hold. Don't complain!
Loom
Chirp.....
Aradia
ee isnt complaining, she giggles at kyrril cute noise
Loom
Loom eventually moves to their back. Hold both babes.
Aradia
oh they are hold
ees face is on their chest
pillow
Loom
Their shirt sags at the middle, covering their stupid torso mouth
Pillow
Kyrril
Hey, it's a good mouth torso.
Aradia
omg their torso mouth is open. kyrril try not to get too horny
Kyrril
Kyrril will try to hold all three of the hands on his side. he will NOT get horny thank you. he can read the room
Aradia
that would be hilarious
ee pats their torso teeth
they are so big
Loom
The teeth wiggle slightly at the gum
Aradia
'0mg...'
'the teeth m0ve'
Kyrril
his eyes do that thing a cat's do when they're interested in smth. BIG pupils. But he will resist. Whisper time. "Now is not the time. To experiment. They need the rest."
Aradia
'if its anything like last time they are a heavy sleeper. im just waiting f0r the tentacles t0 sh0w up'
Loom
The mouth will open wider, slowly. Teeth bloom and flower to move out of the way. A hand reaches out. Long nails, exposed muscle. Blue and black tar dripping from it
Its only finger tips at first
Kyrril
uh
UH.
Aradia
'uh 0h'
'i jinxed it'
Loom
The eyes that bubble and float within their maw follow as if underwater, but fade out of existence the higher they go. Some pop. Their freckles stop glowing, one by one.
Aradia
'y0u never cease t0 amaze me l00mie' kiss on the cheek
Kyrril
He is........ Alarmed. Sitting up just slightly, peaking curiously under their shirt at the mouth.
Aradia
's0... are y0u g0ing t0 h0ld that hand? i th0ught i was being ungrateful'
Loom
Words come from within. another hand emerges, like trying to pull itself out. Arms lead into the maw
Kyrril
"Aradia." it's a.... warning tone. "I do not think. This is. Normal."
Loom
When Kyrril looks, deep down inside, it goes for miles. Lift up the shirt, kyrril. Pressure in the room shifts
Aradia
she pokes a floating eyeball seeing if itll pop
Loom
It pops.
Aradia
vu0!
Kyrril
Yeah, sorry Loom, he's nosy. Shirt gets shoved up, since Aradia actin a fool, he gonna take this somewhat seriously. Gonna. Touch one of the hands. Should he just. Shove it back in?
Aradia
'hey y0u were the 0ne g00fing ar0und last time getting all c0zy with mystery limbs last time, and i was w0rried, and i was sh0wed up since n0thing bad happened'
Kyrril
"Last time. Something was not trying to crawl out of our mate's chest."
Aradia
'h0w d0 y0u kn0w this isnt just m0re 0f them'
Loom
The hand recoils, and the slimy skinless mess grabs him for leverage. It pulls. It wants out. Shoulders dislocate, the maw is not large enough.
There is gurgling scream, a half formed face pressed up to the teeth that cage it in. Eyes striking blue, filled with hate. Hunger. Deparation.
Aradia
'0k n0w im w0rried' she crawls out of looms arms or at least tries to
Loom
Loom themself is limp
Aradia
she is peeking over the side of the bed from the floor
Loom
LET ME OUT. I COMMAND IT. LET ME OUT.
Kyrril
Ah, Ahhh, he does NOT like that, thank you!! If it's going to grab him, he's not gonna yank it back, just shove it further in. Back! Back ye foul beast!
Aradia
'wh0 are y0u' she calls from behind the safety of the edge of the bed
Kyrril
"Loom? Loom wake up."
Loom
Its claws dig into him.
Aradia
aradia flies up and on kyrrils side trying to dislodge the hand from him
Loom
I AM THE RIGHTFUL HEIR.
The screams are pained, dry yet wet. The voice is distinctly female.
Aradia
'rightful heir?'
Kyrril
Oh, now you wanna help. But he knows not to be petty right now. He'd really, really like to not lose his hand, thanks! And this hurts like a bitch. Noticeably, he's shaking. "You are not welcome here."
Loom
You are mine. You are MINE.
It growls, almost sobbing.
Highblood, please, dont let me die again.
I'll kneel. I will kneel this time.
Aradia
Aradia pulls the creatures fingers out of kyrrils arm while trying to make sense of all this
"Are y0u sure this is s0mething kyrril"
Kyrril
Okay! Okay this is getting weird. His pupils are pinpoints, the orange of his eyes red. "I don't know. What this is. Aradia." It's scary and skinless and screaming
Loom
Makara. Please.
It bubbles.
Aradia
"Hes n0t gamzee!" She calls defensively
Kyrril
He's tearing himself away fast enough to fall off the end of the bed
Man down
Aradia
She helps him up
Loom
Gamzee, gamzee, gamzee--
Crazed and reaching out.
Rustblood. Please, you're alive. You're back now, tell him I'm good. I did what he wanted. You're here. You're all here.
The hands are slipping back in. They hold loosely to the teeth that keep it back.
Please. Please.
Aradia
'Equius?' She crawls back into bed approaching carefully
"Hes n0t gamzee... but he thinks y0ure really g00d"
Loom
The tar has melted anyway. There is a clear face. Its loom, its not. Soft features, full breasts, blue eyelashes and a slit throat.
She reaches out slowly, slipping.
Aradia
Aradia wants to pat their head out of pity but is afraid of being grabbed. Her hand reaches out but she hesitates
Loom
Please.
She begs, lurid blue tears streaking comparably pale skin. It's a steep drop, into the abyss.
Slip.
Aradia
Oh god
Aradia
Aradia looks into the hole
And occasionally back to kyrril to make sure he isnt dead
Loom
Their body is like a cracked chrysalis. The echoing scream fades after a bit. Looms freckles ignite again
But they dont stir
Kyrril
He's not dead, just.... frozen. He doesn't know what to do with this. He's.... scared, almost.
"........What.... was that."
Aradia
"I think it was 0ld v0idl00m"
"Fr0m the m0ment bef0re they were killed. By gamzee. Wh0 they c0nfused y0u with. Which is unf0rtunate"
Loom
The mouth closes, teeth forming a tight lattice.
Aradia
"It cl0sed..."
"I feel s0 bad..."
Kyrril
He remembers hearing about Gamzee! Doesn't like that at all. Doesn't like any of this at all. Hearing that it closed, he dares a step closer.
"...Bad?" He's so lost. He's. So damn confused. "Why.. Why was it-- Why were they here?"
Aradia
"Are y0u 0k?" She says in a pathetic voice, cracking as if shes about to cry
"I d0nt kn0w why they were here! But they were calling f0r help... and they fell"
Kyrril
"Yes." No. Absolutely not. But he's mechanically climbing back into the bed. Grab one of Loom's hands to squeeze probably too tightly.
".....is this. What they were so concerned with.?"
Loom Looms going to be out for a while. But their chest begins to animate, and they are mortal again.
Gray skin. Black hair. Heart deathly slow.
Aradia
"P0ssibly... i mean this sickness. Its happened bef0re"
"It seems like with what happened back then. But back then everything that appeared. The hands, the tentacles. All them. Makes sense that w0uld have been them as well"
Kyrril
"But that. Finished." He had his heart attack about all that already!! Why again.
Aradia
"We d0nt kn0w that! We d0nt kn0w ab0ut anything thats g0ing 0n! And n0w y0ure hurt... and l00m... wh0 kn0ws when theyll even wake up"
Loom
They groan actually. Brow furrowed, but still asleep.
Aradia
She sighs in relief
Kyrril
He gives her a look like he hadn't considered that, and is very mad she put the thought in his head. But the movement is. Good. Promising. He's settling down to lay beside them with jerky movements. He won't sleep but. You know. "We can speak with them. Tomorrow."
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My notes on the finale:
THE DOGGGG
jared runs so funny ahah
This regular life is killing my soul
DO WE NEED TO SEE SHEET FOLDING FOR SO LONG IN THE FINALE
Why does dean look fine
Why are they both fine,,,,
Im so so confused
Ok thats the crying line
What is this fucking universe
"Sad sam" UH
CAS MENTION
DEAN WH
WHAT
????
U
U ARENT MOURNING
hey look its us, clown masks and all
Is that tree really just a tree
Ok the special effects are killing me
Commercial break 1
Not a mime,,,?
Why the outfit change
Lol the lil knife
"If those kids are dead he's gonna use a spoon" wHat even is this show i--
b a r n
"Erotic fantasy" line @ the barn
What is this alternate universe shit i--
No mention of Eileen even???
Commercial break 2
What does this have to do with anything??
Ok deans face while being grabbed--i wheezed
who is this
jenny? Ohgod this is bad for me i havent seen this show
"Hey dean" shut up
Thank u sam i needed her dead. But what was the purpose of that flashback? Her head got cut off /immediately/
Dean stuck in the barn?????
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON
IS DEAN DYING?? WHAT
IS THIS GONNA MONOLOGUE
DEAN DIES IN A BARN BC OF FARM EQUIPMENT???
THAT LINE AA
if he mentions cas imma scream
ITS ONLY BEEN 30 MIN
ok thats gonna make me cry
This doesnt feel right at all
This context is lost on me f
Ok sweet bro moment but like uh cas used to be around for a bit
WHAT IS THE NEXT 30 MIN GON BE
IM SO FUCKING LOST
U COULDNT SAY THAT TO CAS U MOTHER FUCKER
im sorry the tears are flowing for them but i'm just so fuckin lost
Ok wrong forehead touch i'm sueing.
Commercial break 3
Ok sam and the dog
Im just so fukin lost?-?-?-?
i feel so cheated i--
Show me them at least together u cowards
I was so certain of so many things
Ok yes dean is gone dont accept it get him back and cas too
The table :((((
If this ends with him just leaving the bunker imma be *pissed*
'Every man has to die' shut up song
Literally no dialogue yet and its been 3 min
Ok first word was consoling the dog
Phone,,,call...??
Bee is panic messaging me i can hear it
Who's calling---
Ok literally no one important.
Ok thats sad i'm sorry Sam that i literally cannot even. This feels final like he aint returning.
Ok but,,, what is the next scene-
Commercial break 4
Uhhh--- dean?
Findcasfindcasfindcas
Caspleasecasplease
Ok if dean wanted to die maybe to see cas-- maybe itll be forgiven a bit,,,
'Every one together' cascascas
Cascascas pls
'Its the heaven u deserve' wheres cas-- please--
CAS HELPED
'Almost perfect' "he'll be along" oh im clowning i thought he meant cas but its sam,,
'What are u gonna do now dean' cas pls
WAIT IS CAS GONNA BE IN A FIELD
literally that is my only thought
The lighting makes sense, he's alone,,,
Cmon
Please
NO
The song--
Ok sams son dean but no reference to eileen????
Is that her in the back not even visible
Who wanted this ending
I feel so like. Bad.
He's gonna die in the impala? Show up beside dean? No ok he grows old literally no mention of anything
This episode is so fuckin quiet??? Theres been barely any dialogue
I feel so fucking bad for the cast. Because the fans are not gonna be happy. They both die. Dean to a rusty nail in a barn. Sam old. No cas. The fans are gonna eat them alive at their panel.
Oh god bee's messaging me they're gonna be so upset.
Dont throw the word empty at me now, show. U don't fucking get to do that.
Yeah sam's there yeah i know but this was fuckin bad.
Why was this like. Worse. Than we thought it could have been. How did 20 make 19 look like. The same.
Oh so they're talking to us now???
FAN SUPPORT yeah the fans are gonna eat u alive this weekend
End notes:
So uh. It went badly.
I'm so fucking sorry for anyone/everyone invested in this show. You deserved better. Do what you can to be okay.
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um..i would like to make a request if that's okay with you :). Could you do Bubba Sawyer, Thomas Hewitt, Brahms Heelshire and Micheal Myers reacting to s/o having a severe mental breakdown and trying to hurt themselves? Sorry if this is so angsty I'm just going through tough times and need some slasher love
BUBBA SAWYER
• He notices you've been acting weird lately but pushes it off bc you said you're fine so you should be okay right?
• But the second he sees you cry and hurting yourself he loses it.
• He takes away any sharp object in your hand and throws it far away. Then he'll cuddle into you crying and sobbing. He'll whine and whimper until you confess how you've been feeling lately.
• You thought Bubba was affectionate and clingy before? Well you ain't seen nothing yet!
• Wont let you lift a finger and tries to tell you how amazing and beautiful you are without words while trying to baby proof the house so you dont cut again. He'll make you any kind of food and you'll be getting gifts everyday. Especially jewelry and clothes from his female victims. Hell he'll even let you wear his masks if itll make you feel better
• Hes very observant afterwards. Knowing how fast to react when he sees you off so you don't hurt yourself again. You're the best thing to happen to him, he wants to make you as happy as you make him.
THOMAS HEWITT
• He knows what it's like to self harm. He mutilated his body when he got upset. So unlike Bubba he can see the warning signs. But you pushing it aside and him having to work all the time it goes on for a little too long.
• He finds you in his basement one night after waking up without your warmth next to him. The second he sees the blood and you hurting yourself he let's out a loud growl and startles you so you drop the item.
• He runs to you and wraps his arms around you so tight you can barely breathe. He's crying. He never cries but this pushes him over the edge.
• He leans down and grabs your face with his hands and just kisses the FUCK outta you. The next couple of weeks and possible months are just filled with affection and treats.
• Dont think about working too hard or working really at all for a bit. The family saw what Tommy's habits did to him and your family now, they don't want you ending up scarred.
• All in all Tommy understands but makes sure it never happens again.
BRAHMS HEELSHIRE
• He knows as soon as you do it. Either a sixth sense or hearing you through the walls. He immediately starts yelling in his child's voice, takes the weapon away and holds you close for as long as possible. He asks "Why?" Over and over again.
• After you explain he just nods into your shoulder and nuzzles you even more. He becomes 10x more clingy and 10x less needy. He blames himself at first for being so needy that he didn't meet your needs. Once you explain further he realizes that shit happens.
• Hes WAY more helpful though. He really wants you to be happy. He's a man child but you're his partner and he loves you dearly.
• On some days he does still throw guts but not as bad as before. And now he actually feels bad because hes worried hes making you worse and he doesn't want you to leave him.
MICHAEL MYERS
• He notices after a night with you. I dont think he'd catch you unless you'd hurt yourself while he was there. Either way he'd be confused, pissed and upset.
• First he'd grab the area where you hurt yourself. "Explain." Don't lie. He can see right through you. So you do.
• He stops being confused and his anger dissipated a bit. He takes off his mask. One of the few times you get to see his face aside from sleeping showering and sex.
• He kisses you fiercely and then nuzzles into your neck. He traces his hand all over you. "You're mine Y/N." He says.
• Hes nicer to you for awhile. He understands that you have problems and issues and wants to help you but unsure.
• When he sees you getting better and happier he swells up with pride but will never admit it.
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do you have any tips for people who want to start writing?? specifically poems but ill take anything. as my new mom i feel like its your job.
Next ask from them: (poet person here) sorry that sounded forceful and rude. you dont have to answer. :)
Hahahah dont worry dear!! I didnt think you sounds rude! I've never really ever had people ask me for writing advice so here my best shot at it!!
I’m not super good at poetry, so my advice might not mean very much or it might be the opposite of what most people would tell you. Who knows, not me, I just sorta do the thing.
I find that with poetry, specifically, I really really need to have the emotion or feeling in mind that I want to convey. And I don't mean ‘I want to convey happiness.’ Because that’s too broad of a topic. I mean :
What kind of happiness?
The kind that feels like a ray of sun,
Warming the sky just to come kiss your cheek hello,
Nudging the flowers awake so that they might witness your feet leave the ground
Your heart floating to a universe that's as excited to greet the new day as you are.
Or is the kind of happiness that settles in your bones?
Deep and calming and velvety soft against your frayed nerves,
Radiating self peace seeped so slowly but steadily from the earth it feels like coming home.
Calm, eternal, warm, peaceful. Drifting you off to sleep without closing your eyes.
Maybe its the kind of happiness that is yours to hold dear.
Clutched against your chest like a bird that might fly away,
A thought that might escape,
A laugh ready to run away,
A private reason to smile tugging at your hands and ready to see the world
Perhaps it rolls through your veins more wild than rapids,
Whispers through your hair and tickles your nose,
Wrinkles your eyes and aches your belly, the best kind of pain in the world.
Part of the reason I started writing one word prompts every weekend was because I wanted to practice making the most with the space I had, without letting myself add more to it. I wanted to practice really deciding what I wanted people to feel, to see, or to hear with every piece that I write. I find with poems this is even more important.
( If you have problems with this part, try closing your eyes and think about what you want to convey? If you’re trying to convey fear: What memories come to mind? Why are they scary? How did you feel the last time you were really scared? And then pay close attention to the details that seem to be the theme, if that makes sense.
Like, for me, most of my fears boil down to 3 essential things
Not knowing what person / creature is there with me (Fear of the dark, the ocean, being blindfolded, supernatural creatures)
Sounding like a dumbass (Public speaking, professional emails, anything to do with school, answering phone calls and checking voicemails)
Losing things I love (My pet dying or running away, car accidents, confrontation, huge life changes)
So when I think about the way those situations or fears make me feel in particular, its easier to identify my common ‘fear responses’ both physical and emotional.
For Example: For fear i could talk about how it feels like the ocean rests on top of my heart to keep it from beating, how my skin feels cold and warm at the same time and i struggle between laughing and crying. How my body wants to run far, far away but is too scared of what might be out there to move, even as the danger draws slowly closer. How my mind is dizzy and spinning with thoughts all the while I can’t understand a single thing. There’s a voice in my head that is trying to spew logic but the other part doesn't care and it always seems to win.
Things like the above examples are MUCH more specific than ‘i feel scared’
In my prompts I have 1000 words to tell you about the exact kind happiness somebody feels, 1000 words to try and weave it seamlessly enough into my audiences heart and mind that they can feel it in themselves. They can feel the longing, the shatter of sorrow, the gift of hope and the tip of laughter on their tongue. But you can’t do any of those things if you can’t be very, very specific about the emotion you want to convery. (Vagueness I personally find (often) turnes poems into a kind of …. Pain oatmeal kinda thing. Like… I’m aware that I should be tasting something…. And i think I am …. But i’m also not quite sure what .. specifically … the flavor is …????
But in poems you have wwwwaaaayyyy less time to accomplish this same idea. To really bring out the flavor, if you will.
So for poetry I find have to be very, very, careful and deliberate with every single word or phrase choice. Because I don’t have time to explain the differences between things, so i’ll have to use specific words.
Example:
Fly VS Flit - To me, ‘Fly’ sounds like a very boring action, really. Very unoriginal, it just makes me picture something not touching the ground. ‘Flit’ however, to me sounds like an action with more attitude. More youth, speed and agility.
Burning VS Devouring - To have a fire burning a forest is kinda ‘meh’ it describes whats happening, but nothing too fancy. ‘Devouring’ however gives me and image of a fire ripping through forests at high speeds, flames rising high into the air and smoke blowing in all directions. It’s spread across the ground like water through a river bed.
Word choice can really change the entire mood of the poem I find, especially when a word throws off the beat of the poem or image they were setting before. Poems are not the time for half-way emotions and weak verbs or nouns.
And the last major point that weaves in with the other two: Write what you know or at the very least have a very good understanding of.
If you’re allergic or scared of horses and you try to write a poem about the joy of being on a horse, chances are itll come out pretty awkward. Especially to somebody who’s a horse lover and has ridden them all her life. Without really having a specific understanding of an experience or emotion I think it definitely makes it much harder to be specific enough with the feelings and word choice.
Meanwhile, lets say you love the ocean and going snorkeling and you went diving for the first time and wrote a poem about how at one with the sea and the creature in it you felt, chances are it would sound much more authentic than if i tried to write it on the account I don’t like the ocean and scuba diving scares me.
1) Be Specific In What You Want Your Audience To Feel Or To See
2) Pick Every Word Like This Is Going To Be Your Baby’s Name Forever.
3) Don't Know It? Haven't felt it? Don’t Believe In It? Then Don't Write It.
#answered asks#haleigh speaks#nonqualified writing advice#poem writing advice#not tolkien#writing things
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💢💢💢💢💢!!!!!!!
Contained censored cursing. Zom!Athena Au is used. Zom!Athena is close to irl me... So i will be reacting to how I normally would and say... I say lots of bad words... Sailors seem like angels compared to me... Also bugsnaxs spoilers. Itll make sense when you read...
Zom!Athena was usually mild mannered and kind. She can usually take a lot and when provoked usually only results in a smart mouth. But not today...
It involved a failed peer review from a team of scientists rejecting her latest scientific discovery: the ecology of Never Fairies. Claiming that magical creatures "are not real".
"BULL****!" She yelled while sitting on the couch. Avery Richman leaned over right beside her.
He sighed. "Got rejected? Why would they reject that?"
"I... I... F***!" She boomed as she threw the papers across the room. It hit the wall and tumbled down unceremoniously taking down a vacation photo with it.
"F***! F***! F***! F***! F*********!" She grinded her teeth and punched her legs.
Avery hugged her not knowing what else to do. The awkward silence coupled with the fuming fat living dead girl made him just confused.
"I exist... You exist... F***ing Mickey Mouse exists!" She hissed, her southern accent coming out.
"You met my Dad, Redleaf! You took pictures with him. A tiny fairy in your hands. What more proof do they f***in' want?! Are you s***ing me?! Really, Mother f***ers'?! Are you f***in' s***in' me?!" She broke free from his embrace and angrily picked up the papers and replaced the photo back up.
She mockingly read it out loud. "Despite how well written it is, we cannot accept facts about fantastical creatures at this time. And your title of a supernatural biologist is simply made up. We recommend you put your talents into the science fiction genre."
Avery winced over the last line. "You may want to speak to a higher up about that. They may just have a hard time accepting fictional characters becoming real."
"They accepted bugsnaxs like no f***ing problem. And bugsnaxs are parasitic f***ing gremlins not beneficial helpers like never fairies. No classification, no on bothered to make a phylogenetic tree for them. Nor figure out their real origins beyond what we know. They just gave cute widdle names... F*** outta here, man."
Avery picked up his car keys and his coat as she kept fussing.
"No speciation, no word on reproduction, no evolutionary history, nothing! Just f*** all nothing! Just.. "This is a strabby!" AND?! THE F*** DOES IT DO?! And don't get me started on the Island of Chew-and-swallow!"
Avery gently held her hand and pulled her away. "Let's get some food. You haven't eaten today. How about we grab some hibachi and have a picnic, eh?"
She sighed and took a deep breath. "Aight... Ok! Let's go."
It was a lovely day to go to the park. The sun was shining, big fluffy white clouds making shapes as far as the imagination could muster, the sky was beautiful blue, bright vivid flowers, and soft grass made the scene. The couple decided to eat near a river next to a playground where kids happily screamed their heads off having fun!
Apparently, another team of scientists and their rich donors also thought it was a nice place to eat today. A young hotshot strolled over to the couple smirking.
Both Athena and Avery's eyes began to narrow.
"Hello, Dr. Richman..." He said mockingly.
Athena growled. "I am Dr. Fallington! Avery did not work for this degree, I did... I am to be called as such."
"Oh Im soooo sorry. Nice to know that the disaster of a paper you wrote was completely your own doing..."
Avery chimed in. "Young man, You better show some respect..."
"Or what, Boomer... Gonna bore me to death about trains?"
"Boomer?!" Avery gasped. "I'm not that old..." He muttered.
Athena got in front of the hotshot's face. "Listen here, you little s***... I'm five seconds away from going complete apes*** on your a** if you don't quit it. You and I both know that as more as fiction merges with reality, supernatural biology will become more and more important. So... Kindly take five steps back, turn around, and f*** off!"
She sat back down and shoved some chicken and broccoli in her mouth.
"Well..." The hotshot said. "Still... Good luck on finding anymore grants for your fanfictions. But judging on your chubby chasing sugar daddy, maybe if sell your body he'll shell out enough for you..."
In five seconds flat a 298 pound girl was on top beating the everliving s*** out this fool.
"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" was her war cry as she tackled him to the ground. The kids stop playing and began cheering for her.
"すごいです!"
"Awesome!"
The other scientists rushing over. And Avery trying to peel her off.
"Try me again, b****! I bet you think that you can insult me! And how that s*** is cute. I'll shove your head up your a** for you! I'm sick of you b****! I'm f***ing sick of you!" She shrieked as she punched him.
Avery finally managing to wrap his arms under her shoulders and hoist her off. "Snap out of it!"
The hotshot now dishelved mess coughed.
"This is why you zombies need to go back to where you belong, in the dirt... Take your ancient husband with you."
At that remark Avery let her go. "Nevermind... Have at him..."
Everyone else did nothing as she once again released her fox frenzy of fury upon him.
When Athena was tired. She and Avery bailed the scene before the police arrived with the kids running back to play.
Athena slammer the car door shut. "Let's get the f*** outta here... I... I think I'm good for now..."
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Part 1 - Intruder
Hi could would you be interested in writing a Bane fic were he and one or two of his men need to hideout, and they come across this home kinda of hidden away or in an isolated area and a girl lives there on her own. He decides to keep her alive and eventually they fall for each other. I'd also like him to to be kinda mean and dominant. + She has to stay in main room with bane so he can make sure she doesn't escape😉 I'm sensing a smutty imagine. I like my bane a Dom with choking of course. I don't ask for much do I 🤣🤣
Part 2
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The mountains were tall, overlooking the lit city. Lights lined the buildings for the Christmas season, various shades of red and green. Trees twinkled with applied lights and music played in the distance, tempting people to come to their establishments and enjoy the holiday season. Bane straightened on the cliff. The jacket he wore was bulky with a line of fur, but it wasn’t doing much to protect him from the cold air that whipped around him and his men. Beneath his boots, pebbles and stones bounced from the impact of his shoe and rolled off the side of the ledge, falling down, down, down until they met the ground. It was probably a seventy foot drop. Bane wasn’t on the run. He was never on the run, he didn’t have to worry about someone overpowering him, but he did need a place to sleep at night and because his home had been invaded by the scum of the earth, he couldn’t exactly return there.
“Boss.” The shorter one of his men spoke up. His name was Oscar. “Don’t see no lights on.” He informed his leader. They needed a place to stay for the night, it didn’t matter if it was cold as well and didn’t have any source of heat, at least there would be a roof over their head. This had been the perfect spot. It was high, up out of most people’s eye line and it looked worn and abandoned. The exterior needed a lot of work done and the man was sure that the interior was just the same, but he didn’t care. Not tonight. Tonight, he just needed a bed. Bane’s boots hit the floor loudly as he made his way up the rest of the path and toward the front door. It was silent, not even the wind dared to whistle. He extended his arm, hand curling around the rusted handle before he twisted it. The wood opened without much force and creaked due to the rusted, stiff hinges. He rubbed his lips together before looking around the room. It was dusty and dark, impossible to see anything. He set his hand on the wall, tracing the soft wallpaper until his pointer finger skimmed the light switch. He flicked it on and froze at the sight.
The sink was lined with dirty dishes and it was void of a faucet. Ants raced along the countertop, no doubt fighting to get speckles and crumbs from the remaining food on the plates. Cabinets were opened here and there and the floor looked as if it were in desperate need of a deep cleansing. But Bane wasn’t fussy about any of that, no, he was a little more worried about the girl fast asleep at the kitchen table.
Your hair fell across the surface in messy waves. Despite the filthy home, you didn’t look anywhere near as bad as the place did. He squinted toward you, inspecting your features. You looked just fine. Oscar exchanged a look with Larry, Bane’s other helper, before looking back toward you. He figured this was just a bonus. They had a hostage, something to play with while they waited for morning. But bane had no intentions of harming you — scaring you, maybe, but only so you’d comply. They needed to stay here at least for the night, so they’d be doing that. Whether you said yes or not.
Bane’s thigh bumped the table on accident and the wooden legs wobbled threateningly. The motion startled your slumbering form and scared you even further when your eyes fluttered open. Glistening pools of curiosity and fear latched on to the bald man’s blue eyes. His lips twitched before dragging upwards. He pasted a sickeningly sweet smile on his lips and set his large palm down on the dirty table. A hostage wasn’t a part of the plan, but he was to expect the unexpected. Running his tongue over his lips, his mouth parted as he readied himself to speak, but your sudden movement ceased his words. The chair you were sat in groaned out noisily as the legs scraped along the tile. You rose up hurriedly, breaths deep and shallow, causing your chest to rise and fall rapidly with your worried inhales and exhales. Bane watched you under a heated gaze. No fear danced in his orbs. Why would it? He wasn’t on his own. He didn’t have someone breaking in and waking him. You swallowed thickly, unable to get a single word of question or a believable threat out. Instead, you stood glued to the spot, fingers shaking as your body followed suit.
“Look at her, boss, she’s trembling.” Oscar spoke up. The man was smaller than the surrounding occupants of the room, but that didn’t stop him from being confident enough to approach. The black vest he wore matched his dark trousers. Around his waist, he had a holster and tucked away inside was no doubt a dangerous weapon. You quivered. The soles of your feet scraped the wooden floors as you backed up. He neared without hesitation. “Come here, darling, I don’t bite.”
Run. Your brain pleaded. Cry. Your mind screamed. Beg. Your brain warned. They were going to kill you. Why else were they here? The small bloke grabbed ahold of your wrist and twisted it painfully around your back. His strength didn’t match his stature so it took you by surprise. You weren’t a fighter though. You were quiet, kept to yourself. Obedient. Sweet. Gentle. Too pure for the pain and heartache that the world offered to the city below. That’s why you lived on your own in a dump. Nobody bothered you and you didn’t bother anybody — until now. Bane growled out softly.
“Easy.” He droned. The heavy thud of his boots was enough warning to silence the building cry in your throat. A painful tingle raced along the length of your arm, tearing at the nerves. “Let her go.” Bane demanded. Oscar did so without question. Your arm fell limply to your side. Rubbing the soreness to ease the pain would look weak and you knew that was the last thing that you needed to look right now. Bane crinkled his nose before stepping around the table and moving toward you. Fuzzy-minded and bleary-eyed from your sleep, you sniffled before looking toward him. “Do you speak?” He asked. It was then, as your brain began to register everything other than ‘intruders’, that you realized he wore a mask on his face. It embraced the lower half of him and created a loud hiss underneath his words. You had to strain your ears in order to comprehend him.
“Yes.” The tone of your voice was so soft. Soft enough to make bane want to take your tender throat in his palm and push you out the front door so you could be on your way. But that was too risky. He didn’t want the police showing up.
“Good.” He uttered. He didn’t look toward you further, he simply paced the length of the kitchen before coming to a stop at the counter. Photographs were laid out messily, some stained with unknown substances. He traced the corner of one with his finger before tonguing his cheek. “We need a place to stay.” He looked back toward you. “And we’ve chosen your house.”
“Lucky girl.” Larry chortled out. He sneered. A sickening smile resided on his lips and his eyes warned you to sleep with one eye open. Bane looked to Larry with a warning glare before moving his eyes back to you. Scaring you wasn’t going to do the trick. That was for when you disobeyed or acted like a brat. He inspected you closely. Faint freckles, gleaming hair, soft appearing skin and inviting eyes. He stepped toward you when you didn’t speak. What were you meant to say. ‘No’? A lot of good that would do you.
“It’ll just be for the night.” He assured you. There was no question in his tone. He wasn’t asking, he was telling. “Oscar and Larry.” He pointed toward the table. “Here’s your bed.” His eyes moved back to you. “And you, wherever your bed is, that’s my bed.” The fear in your eyes doubled, and the urge to grab a nearby knife was suffocatingly strong. But it would be so foolish. God knew what kind of weapon he had on him.
“I don’t..” Bane cocked a brow as you spoke up, testing you to deny him.
“Let me tell you something.” He stepped toward you. His hand lifted to your chin, fingers delicate as they traced your flesh. “It’ll do you no good to talk back or disagree. Comply and you’ll be alright.” He lowered his hand to the throat he’d wished to take ahold of earlier. “Bedroom.” He stated again. He felt your esophagus twitch beneath his palm as you swallowed. His grip wasn’t tight or hard so you drew back a step and swiftly stepped around him. He followed hot on your heels, blue eyes twinkling.
The living room was a wreck. Newspapers and old food sat in the place. Flies buzzed, flying from dish to dish to devour whatever was left behind and uneaten. Empty soda cans laid on their sides on the floor and coffee table and smoke poured from the fire place, a sign that the lit flame had died. You moved to the corridor and led him down the tan-painted hall to the bedroom at the end of the way. The door opened without so much as a creak. A bed resided in the center with a blue duvet. It wasn’t the biggest bed, but it would suffice. A window sat in the far right with a nearby vanity jammed pack with various knick-knacks. This was the cleanest room.
“It’s.. this is the only room.” You explained to him. “A.. apart from the bathroom which is just right there.” Pointing to the connected room which held a tub and a toilet, you folded your arms over your chest and slowly backed up.
“Itll do.” He told you quietly. He removed his weaponless holster and then his belt. Draping the accessories over the chair in the corner, he scratched the back of his head before looking toward you. “You can return to the dining room to sleep,” He ushered to the door with his pointer finger. “or stay here with me.” He licked his lips. “But you are to remain under someone’s watch at all times.” Your eyes flickered.
“You mean until morning?” Your question made bane frown.
“I mean.. until it’s safe to go.” His earlier words had been a brief comfort. Oscar and Larry were oblivious to the fact that they’d be hiding out here for a while. But Bane, he called they shots, so they wouldn’t complain. “You don’t get in my way and I won’t be in yours.” He pointed to the bed. “Now, you choose. Bed or table?” His hands moved along his stomach, rubbing the surface before he stepped toward the bed and climbed on to the comfy surface. You slowly followed after him. He didn’t seem to want to hurt you. Or touch you. But the other men.. you didnt trust them in the slightest. This one, you were sure, would’ve let them do as they pleaded and would’ve told you to ‘undress’ or ‘lay down’ if his intentions were to cause physical harm. But he didn’t. He laid down and shut his eyes. But you could tell he certainly wasn’t sleeping.
‘I don’t want to share a bed with you.’ ‘Get out.’ Stab him. Hit him. Run. Climb out the window. Scream as loud as possible. Your mind warned you to do this and that, urged you to get out and away, but you didn’t. Anxiety raced through your body and made you fidget. The quiet sound of your feet padding against the floor told Bane that you’d chosen to stay with him, and when the bed began to jiggle beneath your applied weight, it merely confirmed his initial assumption.
There wasn’t much space, but the two of you managed. He was slumped on his back and you were laid on your side, elbow folded beneath your head to act as an extra pillow. The duvet was crumpled beneath his body and the pillows were crookedly placed. You didn’t want to ask him to move though so you could curl up, so instead, you shivered at his side. So many questions filled your head. You wanted answers, but your throat was dry, tight, and it was impossible to get even a squeak of sound out. You squirmed slightly, legs accidentally skimming his own now and then. He didn’t say anything and you didn’t either. Little mumbled apologies were vacant and he didn’t offer to scoot over to give you more room.
He was so tired. He’d been on his feet all day. Bane knew it was rather foolish to fall asleep so quickly, leaving himself vulnerable to you, but there was no controlling the situation — and you, even if you had the courage to harm him, wouldn’t.
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The embarrassment of the filthy home hit you in the morning. The sun was rising in the distance, it’s rays beginning to pour through open windows to wake the slumbering people, tucked away in their beds. You’d managed to leave the bedroom, undetected and had had about an hour to clean. The other two men who’d come along with the bald one in your bedroom were nowhere to be seen, so you’d taken advantage of their absence. The kitchen table was scrubbed clean and the dishes in the sink were halfway done. You knew it was foolish to worry about cleaning so the intruders didn’t find you repelling, but it was more than that. It was just the judgement that bothered you - it didn’t matter who it came from.
What a poor choice to leave the room without the man in the mask.
Their fingers were rough in your hair as they twisted and tugged, fighting over you. Your hipbones dug roughly into the counter you were learn against, Larry tugging you toward him as he shouted at Oscar. ‘I got first dibs, let her go’, he insisted. Oscar would then yank on you harder, bruising your scalp more so than Larry was. You winced. You pleaded. You moaned out. Internally, you begged for their boss to wake seeing as last night he didn’t seem like he was here to deal with any shenanigans. You moaned out again when Oscar lost his grip on your hair and your body was thrown into Larry’s. He didn’t have an amazing grip though either because the suddenness of your body against his made him topple over and to the floor.
Run. You did. Fool. To the bedroom. Why hadn’t you gone to the front door? Oscar was hot on your heels, sprinting along behind you to try and get to you before you could get to Bane. The door to your bedroom was thrown open roughly. The sound of it was enough to wake the man on the bed, but if it hadn’t of done it then your weight, slung on top of his own, would’ve. Bane woke with a straight face, but internally he was stunned. He sat up tiredly, eyes squinted and brows furrowed in confusion. He looked to you, curled up in a small ball at his side as a panting Oscar stood in the doorway with angry eyes and a fling of regret. And then revenge. You shifted, fearfully cowering away.
Bane sat up further, shielding you from the piercing gaze of Oscar.
“Out.” He ordered harshly. The man in the door obeyed. He twisted around and left the room without so much as an apology. The booming voices, belonging to Oscar and Larry were suddenly overlapping. Arguing. Fighting because they knew they were in trouble. Idiots. “Are you alright?” His question was dripping with concern, but it was genuine. He stood from the mattress, beginning to re-dress in the attire he’d removed the previous night.
“Your men..” You started before falling silent. This wouldn’t help. He was aware of what happened. He didn’t need a play-by-play. “I’m fine.” You whispered out. He nodded. Bane didn’t have time for this. Trouble was following and because he wasn’t a runner, he was a confronter, he needed to know what was happening at all times. Having to go down the hall and shout at grown men for trying to mess around with a younger, female hostage — it just pissed him off. It didn’t help in the slightest, it just slowed him down. He zipped the vest up before leaving the room to handle what has woken him. You curled up on your side and buried your face into your pillow before letting your eyes shut. Your fingers crossed slowly, a silent pray for the men in your dining room to leave today. What would you do if bane came back in and told you they had to stay for more time than he’d said last night. A day, okay. But any more than that.. you didn’t know what would happen.
It was then, in that moment that you realized you were on your own. You climbed off the bed hurriedly, bane’s words playing over and over in your head about how you would always be under someone’s watch. The doors to your closet opened with a loud creak. Your dainty fingers wrapped in a yellow blouse, yanking it out before you then grabbed a pair of jeans. Practically tearing your pajamas from your body, you struggled to move at a quick pace, clothing yourself in something much more appropriate before the return of Bane. And if you had time.. maybe you could get out the cracked window. It was only two stories high. Not too far of a jump. But the sudden sound of thudding boots in the hall made you freeze. Clad only in your underwear, blouse, and a pair of socks, you whimpered out in sudden anxiousness. The attempt to pull on your trousers while also watching the door was poor. Bane was seconds away from stumbling into the room to check on you and you.. well your jeans were only halfway on.
“Alright,” He spoke before he was even in the room. “I’m sorry about that, they’re both absolute idiots.” He continued to talk, his rough voice carrying down the length of the hall. “But you,” He turned the corner, just as you fastened the button on the front of your slacks. “are to tell me if they bother you again. I’ll ensure it doesn’t happen again.” It wasn’t going to anyway. Neither of them would even think about doing vile things to you after what he’d said to them. His tongue pushed against his cheek, hidden by the plastic mask on his face. “But, unfortunately for you,” He inhaled deeply, blue eyes locking on to your own as he stood in the doorway. “We are going to be here for at least a few more days.”
Your body ran hot. Skin on fire. Mouth run dry. The shiver that raced along your spine made you feel weak. No arguing, no complaining, no disagreeing. He wasn’t asking. He was telling. And all you could do was nod. You didn’t have a choice.
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PSA, absolute garbage rant
Literally this is like a 10 minute post just about bull, that I'm frustrated about and I'm tired so it doesn't even make sense but I had to put words onto my frustration.
I live in a like...8×3 ish room. So my bed goes wall to wall on the smaller side and takes up 90% of my room. It's not even a 'room'its essentially a cubby. I share a room with my grandma and they put shelving units between us for some semblance of privacy. My doors will close but hers stay open so my aunt can see when she needs help. Problem with that? I literally havent been able to have a private conversation in my room for...2 years? Had to call a gynecologist to get an IUD? Aunt overheard. (ABSOLUTE TMI) trying to have a intimate moment with Hamish. Basically just cant, I rarely even try unless everyone's asleep or away. (TMI OVER). Crying because I'm overwhelmed, stressed, something happened, people will overhear and ask me about it later. Singing? Aunt tells me to be quiet even though I'm singing quieter than my grandma's westers that she watches almost 24/7. She cant turn her light off cuz of bathroom reasons, so I havent been able to sleep in the dark for the last 2 years other than when I was with Hamish and the week i got to sleep in my parents room when they were gone. Speaking of bathrooms my grandmother uses a kamode cuz she's not really mobile. Which means so goes in our room....for the last 2 years... I frequently have to leave for bits of time or it wakes me up cuz...yeah. I moved into my aunts house being told it was temporary, a month or so at most. Then it became financially hard to move for us...then my aunt lost her job and my mom felt to bad to move cuz she'd loose her house. Then my cousin got into and accident and came go live with us. Then my grandpa passed away so my aunt became her caretaker and my mom felt tripley bad. I cant move out by myself because a 1 bedroom in this area is about 1500-2000 a month. A 2 bed room is like 1500-2500 a month. My best friend I was supposed to move in with got another great offer and she moved in with them. I have 2 other friends that I could move in with but a 3 bedroom is 2500-3000 and they have animals and one of them is frequently in and out of jobs. So it's not feasible for me to move out in this area.
Anyways, my mother won quite a bit of money and she bought a trailer. Which I'm happy for her it was a life goal for her. The problem is, that leaves an open room. I'd already talked to my aunt and she was going to take down her bed frame in there so I could put mine in, and I'd have my parents room. But before my cousin moved out years ago that was his room. And hes currently complaining that his 14×12 room is way to small for him and his stuff and he wants his room back....so my aunt gave it to him even though I already talked to her about it...which I'm still grateful I even will have a room with a closed door I'm just very frustrated...because my aunt wants to 'deep clean that room because of our nasty dogs we had'. Which that pissed me off because literally less than a month ago I had to make a call to put my last dog down because he went into extreme diabetic shock while my parents were on vacation and it was pretty traumatizing for me. And all 3 of my dogs have been put down in the last 2 years... so it was extremely insenstive( which is just my aunt in a nutshell). But that means itll be about 2 weeks till my cousin moves into my parents room and at least another 2 weeks to clean his room/ however long it takes her to decide she wants to do it cuz if it ever involves me they just kinda avoid it. When I used to be in my cousin's right now room. I had about 7×4 room because it was their storage room and they didnt actuall move anything out until they decided they wanted the shelving for their "hobby room" and then 2 weeks later or so my cousin got into an accident and moved into my grandma's room and then my grandpa died and I had to move into my grandma's room to share it with her.
It's literally like 1 am and I'm just so. Fucking. Frustrated. My uncle said I shouldn't even get a room because I'd leave it less than I leave mine already and at least they can look over the wall to see if I'm alive....I literally cant even sleep in light cloths for fear a tiddie will fall out and someone will decide at 5 or 6 am to open my door and look in or look over the wall at me...which has happened....a lot. I just. I wish I had like a go pro of my life to put some of the clips in from my life of my cousin being soooooo pissed off that toothpaste got onto the counter from my dad, or someone moved his bread to get to another bread, or I left one hair in the shower on accident, or his girlfriend broke up with him...again. cuz hes a massive fucking narcissistic prick with intense anger problems. That he literally goes around the house screaming about everything and taking it out on anyone he sees and opening doors to slam them that most days hes home. I'm literally afraid to leave my room. Or have dinner with him cuz I'm afraid to talk cuz he'll tell at me.
I really...just cant wait to move...I have to take a another fall quarter at my college which means I'll have to wait till at least january after i get married to move...assuming Hamish gets a good enough job for me to be able to. But honestly I've been thinking about just living in a car when I get my license. Buying a cheap ass car and living in it cuz...I cant...
I used to have quite a lot of anxiety attacks...like...almost every other night but they relatively went away before I moved here after dating Hamish, maybe once a month every other month I'd have one here. And now they've mostly stopped. But every. Single. One. Of my anxiety attacks I still have, are all caused by my family. Work and school stresses me out but I can handle that shit. It's literally just my family and the constant lack of privacy, thought about my feelings, jibbing me about the way I eat the way I look or the way I talk. Literally I'm pretty sure the only reason I still have body issues is because of them. I'll have an amazing week of loving myself and then my aunt will tell me I look stupid in my super cute crop top, or I look like I'm putting myself out there or I look like I gained weight. My step dad gives me anxiety sometimes too but that's for different reasons. My parents are pretty much exempt when I say "family problems" obviously we have our problems but it's never major or anything, just annoyances.
I gave one of my cousins one of my trumpets cuz he really wants to do band and his mom has 5 kids and cant afford one so I let him use it for now and he gave me a hug and everything, I didnt get a thank you, appreciation or anything. It was indifference to me even being there showing him how to take care of it and start to learn how to make noise with it. She was actually pretty annoyed when I said he'd need slide grease and oil for the keys.
Anyways, this has been my diary post of things I feel bad talking to people about cuz first world problems but they're still vivid feelings to me.
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Plants
For this week’s @finnreyfridays. This is a one-shot that takes place in the time skip between TLJ and IX.
The mission turned out to be a wild goose chase and now Finn, Rey, Poe, and joined today by Jessika Pava wandered through a lush jungle as they were positively fuming with anger.
Another trap to lure Rey into the hands of the First Order now that they were all hell-bent on killing her. She did murder Supreme Leader Snoke – Supreme Leader Ren had said so, he couldn’t be lying about that. She’s a Jedi. The enemy. This time, they burned an entire village to the ground, hoping the pain and agony of the villagers would capture her attention, which, of course it did.
Luckily, Finn knew the First Order and their tactics better than anyone else and there already had been too many close calls for Rey. He knew something was up the moment Rey told the Resistance that she sensed a problem. The village had no prior alliance or connection with them and they wouldn’t just go in to a place that didn’t serve a purpose to them. Unless they were interested in the potential for logging or the Spice Trade on the world – which Finn knew they didn’t – there was no reason for them to be there. They had nothing that the First Order wanted.
And that tipped him off to two things. One, the First Order knew the Resistance was somewhere close by to this world and, two, they were betting on the goodness of Rey’s heart to want to help others.
Still, it hurt him to see her in so much agony when the massacre happened. Drifting in space, it started with Rey clutching at her head and pacing up and down the corridors of the Falcon. Then she panicked – something that was very much not like Rey – and kept begging Poe and Chewbacca to land them on the world they were orbiting.
Finn did not envy her for having a strong grasp on the Force now. Ever since she threw herself into the Jedi texts and teachings, her abilities grew by the tenfold. It was amazing to watch her wield this power, but things like this made him realize that being a Jedi really didn’t seem all that great. It worried him, actually. Rey’s heart was always in the right place, but he wondered if in a dire situation that she would forget her head and follow her emotions instead. Just the thought made Finn want to clutch at his panicked heart. He wasn’t sure what he would do if suddenly Rey ran off to save the day with no planning - probably run after her, he realized after a moment. He didn’t want to think about a world where Rey no longer existed...
When she had turned to him with pleading eyes, silently begging him to help her, Finn’s resolve weakened. He warned her of his suspicions, but she insisted that they wouldn’t run straight into the area. Instead, she just wanted to check things out before she jumped in to try to save the day.
It turned out that there was no one alive to save. Stormtroopers surrounded the area, and hacking into their comms confirmed that the First Order had just slaughtered a village hoping that they would lure out a single woman. The Supreme Leader commanded it.
If he ever met Ren face to face again, he might not need the Force or a lightsaber to cut him down. Maybe Finn’s anger and rage would be enough to run him straight through and bring an end to all of this.
But he also couldn’t quite imagine how Rey must have felt…
She had said nothing since they ran off from their cliff side perch to view the remains of the village. Instead, she hung her head and silently followed behind Jess, clutching her saber in her hand as she held her arm limply against her side. He wondered if she would be crying now if no one else had been with her.
He wished that he knew how to help her. If it were tactics and strategy, Finn would be comfortable in giving advice. This was a matter of the Force and the heart, something he was not sure he quite understood.
“I think we should stop to rest,” Poe announced. He glanced at Rey and frowned. Finn guessed that he was thinking something similar about her mental state at the moment.
Jess nodded. “We can try to have BB-8 and CB-23 land nearby. I don’t think we should stick around here much longer.”
They looked to Finn as he tried to patch his comm up to connect with the Millennium Falcon, shaking his head when he had no luck.
Jess looked around. “These trees might be interfering with the signal,” she observed before looking at Poe. “Think Bee could try for us?”
“It’s worth a shot,” Poe answered. “We’re not leaving until these two are safe on the Falcon.”
When Rey slumped herself against a thick trunk of a nearby tree, Finn found that he couldn’t help but mirror her and stay close to her. He didn’t know what to say to her to make this better, and he realized that words could not fix this mess. From the looks of their faces, Poe and Jess had noticed Rey's mood and were concerned about her, yet they opted to say nothing before they left.
So he sat with her. That was all he knew he could do.
Jess and Poe moved a little more into the open while they tried to reach Chewbacca back on the Falcon. The jungle was just too thick and it was affecting their reception.
And that left Finn and Rey alone, silent and still.
Rey reached for her canteen and lifted it to her lips. Drops of water dotted along the side of her lips. Then, she returned to her silence, staring at nothing in particular.
Finn said nothing, but eventually, Rey leaned herself against him.
“I used to think that if you were lucky enough to live in a place like this, full of plants and water, you had nothing to worry about,” she told him. “I couldn’t have been more wrong.”
He placed his hand on her arm. “You wouldn’t have known,” he reassured her. “You never knew anything other than Jakku.”
She sighed. “I suppose so. But now, simply because I exist, people are dying.”
“That has nothing to do with you,” Finn growled. “The First Order did that. They did not care if those people died for nothing. They just wanted to see if they could lure you out.”
“And it worked…”
“They don’t know that,” Finn pointed out. “I doubt they will do it again.” But even he doubted those words. He had no idea what the First Order would do now that Kylo Ren was running the show. It was possible he was worse than Snoke.
Then, he spotted something just out of reach. Vibrant and violet, he turned his head to admire a flower situated just at the base of the tree to his left. He pointed to it.
Rey glanced over in the direction he was pointing to. She sighed. “It’s lovely.”
“Do you want to take it back with us?”
After a moment of thought, she shook her head against him. “It’ll die, won’t it? That’s too much death for one day. It deserves to live here and grow and spread its seeds. More lovely flowers.”
That last part was whispered by her, but Finn understood her sentiment.
In silence, they sat close to each other, admiring the flora and finding comfort in each other.
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RWBY Musings #64: A Squiggles Meister’s Views on the potential parallels between the RWBY V3 and V6 finales.
I’ve been saying this for a while now but I believe the CRWBY Writers might be gearing us fans up to have the V6 finale pay homage to the epic V3 finale or at least that’s my theory. So if I had to guess the parallels to V3 that might pop up during the V6 finale, here’s what I think they’ll be:
Grimm Rampage through Vale ------ Grimm Rampage through Argus
During V3, the City of Vale got rampaged by hordes of Grimm including one colossal Grimm Dragon. I have been wondering what the point of the Wall of Argus was alluding to. I still stand by my previous hunch that something is going to come from beyond the wall to rampage the city. Either that’s the case or the one in my next parallel.
Grimm Dragon from Mountain Glenn ----- Grimm Hecatonchire from the Wall of Argus
A bit of a stretch but what if… there’s secretly a Grimm Titan like a Hecatonchire Grimm that’s secretly hidden inside the Wall of Argus. Since Cordo preached about her Atlesian ancestors helping to form Argus, imagine if those same ancestors put Grimm inside the Wall of Argus or built the city around one that’s been dormant for centuries just like the Grimm Dragon.
In the series, Attack on Titan, it was revealed in a later season that there were Titans in the actual walls that were supposed to keep humanity safe from the Titans. Imagine how cool it would be if a Grimm Hecatonchire suddenly immerged from the Wall of Argus in the same fashion as the Grimm Dragon in V3 and similar to its Dragon counterpart, it also brings forth legions of Grimm to prey on the innocent civilians of Argus, forcing the Argus Military to cease their pursuit of our heroes and take immediate charge to protect the citizens of Argus.
Huntsman vs Atlesian Paladins-----Huntsmen vs Atlesian Megazord
In V3, we got all the main huntsmen from different academies working together to defend Beacon against the swarm of corrupted Atlesian Paladins. Now in V6, it seems C10 set up out heroes who, may not be from different academies but represent the diversity of the kingdoms in a sense (minus Vacuo) going toe to toe against Cordo and her Atlesian Megazord.
Weiss Summons Armor Gigas against the Paladins---Weiss summon Armor Gigas against Cordo
In V3, we got Weiss summoning part of her Armour Gigas for the first time. Right now, Weiss’s trademark summon is the only thing that can grow to a size big enough to give Cordo’s giant megazord a run for its money provided she has the aura levels to do so. I’m sure if Jaune were to amplify Weiss’ aura, the same way he did with her last season and at the start of V6 with Ren, we could get our first ever giant robot vs giant armoured summon fight in the history of RWBY.
Velvet Weapon Reveal ----- Oscar Weapon Reveal
Need I say more? V3 was the first time we saw Velvet’s weapon and her semblance I think too in action. Who knows? If we play our cards right we might finally see what the Oz-cane can do at its true power because as a Pinehead, I have definitely been wondering what tricks to the Oz-cane Oz was talking about back in V5.
Cinder killed Ozpin ---- Neo kills Oscar
Now before my fellow Pineheads come at me with them pitchforks for daring to even theorize this, let me explain my hunch. What if…on the same level as Adam’s reappearance, Cinder Fall also shows her face in Argus and she targets Ruby as expected. So Cinder overpowers Ruby with Neo’s help and just as Neo is about the deal the final blow to Ruby, Oscar jumps in and takes it for her, right through the heart.
I have been hearing this whole thing about Neo doing something to make the fandom hate her going around for a while and I’ve even had one or two fellow FNDM come to me with the theory of Neo harming Oscar. Well here’s my rendition of that theory. What if…Neo goes in for the kill on Ruby but Oscar daringly jumps infront of Ruby to shield her and takes it. So Oscar is there on the ground on the cusp of death. Maybe to make the situation even more dramatic, he straight up does die in Ruby’s arms, shocking her and the fandom.
Then after Oscar technically dies, instead of going to the afterlife as one would expect or reincarnating, Oscar shockingly winds up in the Realm between Realms where he meets the God of Darkness, similar to how God of Light met with Ozma. To Oscar’s surprise, a reluctant Ozpin is also present. The God of Darkness then offers the two souls something neither could refuse. He offers them the chance to undo what his brother did centuries ago. As it turns out, the whole reincarnation thing was all Light’s idea because he still believed in humanity and that they could change.
His brother felt the opposite but he did want to entertain himself a bit with his brother’s immortal pet. So he offers both Ozpin and Oscar the chance to undo his brother’s curse so that they may return to their normal lives free of having to be revived to continue his brother’s dirty work.
But he only offers the deed to one. In order to decide who gets to return to the land of the living, God of Darkness forces Oscar and Ozpin to fight each other one and one to see which soul gets revived only. And to Oscar’s surprise, Ozpin actually wants to fight him so that he can finally be free. So the two souls fight. Of course, Oscar wins and gets to go back but this time he’ll be revived by himself as himself. No longer will he have Ozpin’s voice inside of his head. He’ll be his own person again. He’ll be…alone; a comment made by a grief stricken Ozpin.
It’d be interesting if we could get an equivalent of Oscar calling out Ozpin in the same manner Ruby did to Qrow in V6 C10. Oscar scolds Ozpin for his words implying that he’s never been alone. He’s always had his people. His friends and so does Oscar and so long as they accept him and wish to keep fighting, so will he until his dying breath. His last dying breath in his now only life.
The God of Light’s curse was bestowed so that Ozma was never alone during his cycle but Oscar would be revived as himself without Ozpin. He will be the last incarnate. The last life. The last Wizard of Light. So as Ozpin goes to the afterlife, Oscar returns to the real world where he returns as himself to continue the good fight.
This parallel will probably not happen at all. Definitely not. But as always, I wanted to toss it out there just to entertain myself at the possibility, y’know what I mean?
Team JNPR dies with Pyrhha ---- Team JNPR is reborn with Oscar
Ya’ll know I’ve been saying this since the beginning, right? Ya’ll know how much I want that Team JNPR Revival with Oscar replacing Pyrhha right? I feel like these past two episodes are slowly gearing up to have this happen. Though I didn’t particularly enjoy C9, it did give me my biggest indicators of Jaune asking Oscar to join JNR.
That Pyrhha closure for JNR. Jaune mentioning in his own words how valuable Oscar is to the team. Bruh, at this point, I’m just waiting for this to come. I’m waiting on this conversation.
Cinder killed Pyrhha----Jaune kills Cinder
This one I’m a little iffy about. I know I’ve been waiting for Jaune to have Justice for Pyrhha moment with Cinder but after C9 I don’t think Jaune will be as angry to kill Cinder anymore. I mean, if Cinder turns into a Grimm monster or gets eaten by a Grimm only to fuse with said Grimm making her less human. Then I can see Jaune being the one to deal the final blow on Grimm Cinder. I’ve said this before too. If anyone deserves to kill Cinder, it’s Jaune.
I doubt the Writers will make him kill her as human but…if she turns into a Grimm then it’s a bigger possibility but that’s just me.
Adam vs Blake and Yang ----- Adam vs Blake and Yang The Remix
Duh. Just duh. This doesn’t even need to be on the list because it’s something the season has been alluding to all volume. Plus C10 already showed it happening. The only twist I can think of from this fight is if Adam dying at the end. I know some people like Adam as a character (like EruptionFang) but I really feel the Writers might be setting up for V6 to be Adam’s curtain call.
I can’t see Adam moving forward, not after the focus he’s been given this season. It’ll be interesting if Adam ends up dying in a similar fashion to Gaston from the Beauty and the Beast. Like he tries to stab Blake but ends up missing and falling to his death. Or maybe he ends up caught on the ledge and Blake tries to help him. Like I’m picturing Adam on the ledge with Blake offering him her hand only for Adam to refuse and fall to his death or something. That’s my hunch.
Then after the Adam fight is one and he’s no longer a thorn in their lives, the Bumblebee could finally have their closure with that. Who knows? Maybe they might make Bumblebee have a moment in the V6 finale. Instead of Blake crying over Yang getting hurt, it’s the two smiling at each other after being found safe together. Maybe they might even kiss, who knows? I’m not a Bumblebee shipper but if a kiss somehow happens between these two gals, I won’t be shocked. I can expect Yang to kiss Blake revealing she’s in love with her.
Again, I ship BlackSun but Bumblebee peaks my curiosity particularly with how Yang sees Blake. I’ve always viewed the Bees as being a ship driven by Yang mostly. Ironic since Yang’s motorcycle is also named Bumblebee. Any Bumblebee hints or vibes I’ve gotten throughout the seasons came mostly from Yang. I think Yang might care for Blake in the romantic sense. Blake I’m not sure about.
I don’t know if Bumblebee is in the cards. All I know is that I think the series has kind of dropped one or two hints about Yang’s true feelings that I’m waiting to see addressed in some shape or form in this remix rematch battle. If all the Bees do is hug then cool. But if they kiss, I’m just saying I won’t be shocked. But that’s just me.
Arkos First Kiss ---- Renora First Kiss
Nothing serious, I just want to see these two kids kiss finally. And what would be great is if Nora and Ren kiss after the group save Argus. The Arkos first kiss was bittersweet because it was Pyrhha’s last chance to let the boy she loves know how she felt about him before she sacrificed herself. A Renora after battle kiss would mean hope and happiness. For Pete’s sake, it’s been six seasons, let these two kiss already you cowards!
Alrighty then, I think that’s all the parallels I have in mind. If I think of anymore I’ll add them to the list later. For now, enjoy guys!
More Squiggles’ RWBY Content
~LittleMissSquiggles (2018)
#rwby#oscar pine#ruby rose#jaune arc#yang xiao long#blake beladonna#rwby theories#rwby volume 6 spoilers#rwby volume 6 theories#rwby musings
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WHAT THE HELL😭😭😭 CURRENTLY CEYING AS I AM TYOING THIS,, THE ENDING😭😭😭 I SHOULDVE KNOWN IT WAS GOINGG TO BE AS PAINFUL AS THE DRAMA😭😭😭
ALSO LMFAO ANCIENT COCK
BUT OHMYGOD UT TOOK ME 3 HRZ TO READ QJXJAJXJNA THAT WA SS SO BEAUTIFUL I CANT BELIEVE U RIGHT NWO MY HEART IS IN SO MUCH PAIN😭😭😭
I LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT CRYING RN I DONT THUNJ IM EVER GOING TO RECOVER FROM THIS I LOVEHATE U😔💔
THE PART WHERE IT SAYS THERE WERE NO EMPLOYEES WITH THE NAME YUNHO MY HEART FUCKING DROPPED MY PINKY TOE DIED
ALSO THE ANKLET PART NGL IT SHIVERED MY TIMBERS
CANT BELEIVE JM ALLOWING U TO CAUSE THIS MUCH PAIN😔
IT IS DEFINITELY WORTH THE WAUT OMG MY FUCKING EYES HURT FROM CRYING FR WHY WOULD U HURT ME LIKE THAT😟
in all seriousness,, this was very well written ofc bcs its ur work<3 considering u told me that u dont really plan out ur fics jwjdjwj HOW IS IT NOT MESSY AT ALL THAT IS LITERALLY TALENT RIGJT THERE
how the story is told is very amazing😔 how u managed to not really put too much of the story from the actual drama and add smth new to it too is very wOW idk if tht made sense lmfao im sorry
THIS MIGHT BE MY FAVE NOW EHEHEHE
how you connect all ur hwa fics is so wOW i might not understand ateez lore but at least im smart enough to understand ur storylines and how ur universe works😭
that wa shonestly a rollercoaster of emotions ngl i felt scared with the lady anklets going inside ur bedroom if u dont lock ur doors i even chabged my position in bed lmfao while reading bcs i was facing the wall at first then once i read that part i faced the door so that i can see whats happening in the entire room
im not really good at words but i hope u get what i mean from what i said above😭 my vocabulary isnt wide enough for me to have enough words to praise ur writing skills<3
i really love how u wrote the story pleek spare some talent for the peasants me
now excuse while i go ahead and cry about moon lovers hwa and digest the story bcs im still hurt😔 i need time for the story to completely sink in HEIXJJSJD i will read it again zfter i finished another one of my homeowrkz bcs ily<3
hope u had a great day today! stay safe and healthy
-🍤
WHAT THE HELL😭😭😭 CURRENTLY CEYING AS I AM TYOING THIS,, THE ENDING😭😭😭 I SHOULDVE KNOWN IT WAS GOINGG TO BE AS PAINFUL AS THE DRAMA😭😭😭
LMFAOOOO HRWKHDWK NAURRR 😭😭😭😭 JDJDJD HEY I WARNED 🔫😭😭
ALSO LMFAO ANCIENT COCK
BDKWHDKW SENDS ME TOO, IDK WHAT I WAS ON BUT I DONT REGRET IT FBFB
BUT OHMYGOD UT TOOK ME 3 HRZ TO READ QJXJAJXJNA THAT WA SS SO BEAUTIFUL I CANT BELIEVE U RIGHT NWO MY HEART IS IN SO MUCH PAIN😭😭😭
3HRS 😭😭😭😭 OMF THANK U SO MUCH 😭😭😭😭 BEDBHD UR MISSPELL MAKES ME IMAGINE U CRYING FR FR
I LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT CRYING RN I DONT THUNJ IM EVER GOING TO RECOVER FROM THIS I LOVEHATE U😔💔
U WENT FROM LOVERS TO ENEMIES TO LOVERS DBDBDB
THE PART WHERE IT SAYS THERE WERE NO EMPLOYEES WITH THE NAME YUNHO MY HEART FUCKING DROPPED MY PINKY TOE DIED
NOT THE PINKY PLSBFMWBDKWHDKW yeah he disappeared ✨🤌🏼☺️ originally he just wasn’t supposed to rmr her but i just vanished him mysteriously ☺️☺️
ALSO THE ANKLET PART NGL IT SHIVERED MY TIMBERS
GODADAMDNAN I ACTUALLY GOT IT FROM A POPULAR STORY FROM MY HOMETOWN HDJD OLDER PALACES WHERE ROYALTY LIVED, PPL WHO VISIT TODAY CAN HEAR THE ANKLET SOUNDS AT NIGHT 🔫🔫
CANT BELEIVE JM ALLOWING U TO CAUSE THIS MUCH PAIN😔
<3 <3 <3 ☺️☺️
IT IS DEFINITELY WORTH THE WAUT OMG MY FUCKING EYES HURT FROM CRYING FR WHY WOULD U HURT ME LIKE THAT😟
BDMWBDSK IM SORRYNFBFB THIS ONE FOR ME WAS A DISAPPOINTMENT BUT WITH THE NEXT FIC ITLL BE BETTER BC I HAVE MORE TIME <3
in all seriousness,, this was very well written ofc bcs its ur work<3 considering u told me that u dont really plan out ur fics jwjdjwj HOW IS IT NOT MESSY AT ALL THAT IS LITERALLY TALENT RIGJT THERE
😭😭😭😭 thank u thank yew so much but ik it’s not written as well as my past fics !!!! BRWJHDWKN NO TALENT JUST A MIND THAT BOTHERS ME TO ORGANIZE EVERYTHING
how the story is told is very amazing😔 how u managed to not really put too much of the story from the actual drama and add smth new to it too is very wOW idk if tht made sense lmfao im sorry
i didn’t wanna get a copyright or something from the kdrama bdndbd might as well make it duke and his general’s <3 ☺️☺️ tHANK U 😭😭😭
THIS MIGHT BE MY FAVE NOW EHEHEHE how you connect all ur hwa fics is so wOW i might not understand ateez lore but at least im smart enough to understand ur storylines and how ur universe works😭
JDJDJDJD IM GLAD SOMEONE EVEN UNDERSTANDS THE LORE IT WAS UNINTENTIONALLY DONE BUT I HOPE IT MAKES SENSE 😭😭
that wa shonestly a rollercoaster of emotions ngl i felt scared with the lady anklets going inside ur bedroom if u dont lock ur doors i even chabged my position in bed lmfao while reading bcs i was facing the wall at first then once i read that part i faced the door so that i can see whats happening in the entire room
STOP IT ATOP IT I SCREAMED FBWBDDN FACING THE WALL UR SO MF FUNNY STOP IM CRYING LAUGHING 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
im not really good at words but i hope u get what i mean from what i said above😭 my vocabulary isnt wide enough for me to have enough words to praise ur writing skills<3
i do i do !!!!! i really appreciate it from every being in my body fr 😭😭😭😭 your vocab is wide enough for me to lAUGH REPEATEDLY DNDN
i really love how u wrote the story pleek spare some talent for the peasants me
bestie take my drafts pls i will offer anyone my wips anyday 😭😭😭
now excuse while i go ahead and cry about moon lovers hwa and digest the story bcs im still hurt😔 i need time for the story to completely sink in HEIXJJSJD i will read it again zfter i finished another one of my homeowrkz bcs ily<3
BFMWDJW IM SORRY NOT RLY BUT U KNOW DBDB !!! heh ☺️
hope u had a great day today! stay safe and healthy
shrimp thank u so much for this i hope u have an amazing day and or night 😭😭😭😭 u had me laughing so much pls fbwndbns
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This is the strangest and most 隨便 and least emotional ranking reveal ever
What is xikan's weird pink streaked hair
You know it makes no sense for xzx to make it in when cxh is #23 and they're literally the same person except for his connection to gjm... CMON CXH TOTALLY KNOWS ITS RIGGED LOOK AT HIS FACE
so did akey only make it in bc 20boy or did youku add him into top 14 just so it wouldnt look weird for xzx to be the only unexpected one
Wait did we get to see them eat hotpot together or am I forgetting something
Aw all of zlj's group came together except zhan yu bc tyger lol
Ofcourse ycw could get emotional lol
That was a weird transition straight into a shot of douzi lol
Also can we talk about how awkward zry and xzx are on stage LOLLL actually when I think about it, in comparison, ycw being as comfortable as he is on stage is pretty impressive.
Also gz's voice sounds nice! But also theres some weird audio stuff going on with the live and recorded voices not lining up LOL awkward.
Im just watching this perf being like why this song.....
LOL SBR'S MILK TEA SHOP
wait so people who didnt make it in ep 1 just dont exist to this show LOL rip
LOL LI HAOS FACE when syh is talking hahahahhhahahahahha
Lol this second group just standing on stage all bored of waiting lol
Omg lin mos voice
Wat just happened to him lol
Ooof lin rans voice is so fitting ahhhh
So why are they still singing covers during the finale lol
Lol why am I so amused that lin mos interaction with the girl was basically no interaction LOL
Lol feels like they're not singing live
Lin mo has lost a lot of weight
PLEASE LET LIN RAN CENTER PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HE NEEEEEEDS THISSSSSS
Please please please please please omg this can be it, this can be a lyj moment!!!
LOL WHY DO THEY GET MULTIPLE VOTES lol wasting everyone's time making things over dramatic
I'm sorry I love ycw but lin ran neeeeeeeds this
OMGOMGOGMGOMGMGNGMG YESSSSSSSSSS LIN RAN CENTERRRRRR
Lol they look out of sync and they don't seem to be singing live either?
Man this isnt as satisfying as I thought itd be bc the center doesnt stand out very much?? He doesnt even get a particularly nice outfit.... the camera is also not particularly focusing on him....
This song is okay but why is xzx suddenly a vocal
看我的手段!!!!!!! Tyger!!!!!
Tbh this perf looks messy and the outfits and staging are so mediocre??? This is so far from what I imagined a finale stage to look like.
The top 14 is missing a strong vocal like ZHAN YU lol... even renyu when dancing doesnt sound particularly strong :/
Lol ylq and cyc sitting together lol
Ay Jin fan and zhan yu!!!!!
Gz and zlj are both really good dancers and maybe I'm just biased but I feel like the other group did better, just had more strength? Their friendship is cute tho hahaha
Omg hwx and lm imitating them IM DED
I'm not super perturbed who gets center bc I dont think itll really matter for these kids, they're ranked so safe. But hoping itll be xikan just bc I love xikan :')
Xikan and zuo ye repping IP ayyyy
AY XIKAN but c'mon if it wasnt, it wouldn't make much sense. plus youku owes him LOL
Xse rap a bit messy
But this song and stage is so much more high quality designed than lin ran's smh
Lol did zlj just say "booty" wat
Lol did lin mo mess up
Im just so happy they actually LOOK good, and even tho the prerecorded is so overbearing at least lin mos voice sounds nice on it LOL
When zlj is in a group of strong performers like this, you really notice how much he gets buried...
LUO ZHENGGGGGGG OMGGGG HE LOOKS SO MATURE WTFFFFF I'm so happy he came, what real friendship :')
Lol ycw's mom would be here lol
Awwww luo jie.....
Aww dxy and lxk first meeting and cyc and ycw wow such warm beginnings
Aw Jin fan and sbh friendshipp
LOL LI HAO RIPPING THE CAMERA OFF THE WALL
Ylq crying like a ycw lol
Ayy I hear lin mo cheers :')
Lol they added shoulder pads to their uniforms, is this ytzm style lol
I would not be surprised if star master paid for 2 tygers to make it into the top 14 lol
aw akey's crying.... I'm happy for him, doing so much better this time around. He deserves to have more recognition for all he does
Lol ycw isnt crying??? Loljk and even cyc aw
LIN RANNNNN aw hes crying too... and xue en
Aw gz reminding us that hes really just a smol child inside.
Lin mo's been through all of this before so hes trying really hard to be strong. Ofcourse youku is suppressing his votes to put him at the edge to add drama ugh this is the type of thing that would happen to lin mo.... literally he deserves to be so safe pls
Hwx also just a child inside aw
lol I'm sorry this is supposed to be so emotiona but hwx's foundation is such a weird shade lol actually zuo ye's is too LOL
I'm grateful for the extra xue en footage? Lol seems random but hes so handsome darn
Omg is xikan teaching a bunch of moms how to dance eiei
I love tygers
Omg LI HAO THIS VCR ENDING IS TOP QUALITY HAHAHHHAA
Singapore broooooos
Ofcourse li hao yet again delivering us the eng subs lol
Oh gosh seeing lin mo sing this type of song with this look of sadness reminds me too strongly of the qcyn finale. Oh gosh the hair, the gaze, it's such a punch to the gut
Wow these kids look so uninvested LOOOOLLL but also I'm surprised they let all them back on stage for this and not the theme song?
Oscar comforting a distraught lin ran omg can we pls talk about this
Hm how did they do this part distribution lol
Literally youku keeps using junrong for his voice but gives him no recognition ugh
The crowd cheering for xikan yus
Oh I notice enyu's hair is styled like a wave oo
Why is Jin Fan's hair such a strange color
Lol ycw would be completely ruined
Aw lin mo's little smile at the end of his words
Youku is really bent on making this the longest finale ever lol...... another song???? With everyone??? Uhhh and obviously some people's mics aren't on??? I'm so confused what is happening why cant I hear some of their voices lol
LOL LI HAO RUNNING INYO ENYU HAHAHA
This is really dragging things out lol I'm just doing work while watching bc no ones got time for this much unnecessary build up..... good thing all my meetings are in the afternoon today lol
At least they kinda highlighted xikan more in that last montage... finally
Ugh why did renyu get 6th. I think it means it's over for lin ran. You know I'm not surprised but also I still cant believe youku did this. What a disaster.... I knew I'd be disappointed by these results :( im literally shaking my head.
the rest is gonna be lxk zlj hwx zy lm gz in whatever order youku wants. Well it's over. Thanks for the quick ending to the suspense youku lol
They even had the audacity to put zry 6th.....not even 7th..... is this an insult? Theres no way. It's like they want to make it seem like he was safely at the top but theres no way.
Well I knew not to get my hopes up, gotta be ready for disappointment lol.... lm hasn't been announced yet at #3..... lol is this what star master had to pay to get akey in top 14? Pulling lin mo down. Well I feel like this is gonna be a damper on his career bc the media wont care how high you ranked before, but only where you rank at the end. And the ranking becomes how the media defines you.
How tf would lin mo go from 3rd to 7th wtf. Theres no way. He literally has one of the largest fan bases lol this makes zero sense. Way to play with someone's career for the sake of your dumb drama youku
Why is stanning lin mo always like this...... ugh he always gets stepped on and mistreated
I'm sure hes disappointed, hes supposed to be higher and everyone knows. Theres a reason the fans were demanding 高位, not just debut
Also rip lin ran sigh I'm so sad for lin ran too.... what will lin ran do now... he was so close this time :( is he gonna have to do this again?
and the kid has been so distraught for the better half of this 4 hour show.... you can tell how much this really means to him and how desperate he is and how empty and completely ruined he’ll feel when he realizes hes lost. tbh i dont think renyu would’ve felt that destroyed. but youku is here to destroy lin ran.
I knew youku would disappoint me
THANK YOU AT LEAST XIKAN IS CENTER. If anything, he shouldn't be so emotional bc he shouldn't have needed to be so worried. He so safely has the largest fanbase, but youku just didnt make it easy for him. The main reason why he has doubt in himself is because of youku, and it's sad bc he deserve to feel safe, he shouldn't have to feel so insecure.
Me still smh to see renyu on the other side and lin ran stuck in the back.
Lol the right side of the debut group (the public's picks) vs the left side (youku's picks)....
Lol SKY could be worse
Lol feels like youku just being like let's pick a random english word
Okay but really, I just really want to know what lin ran will do next
I have zero hopes youku will actually manage this group well. Let's look at new storm or blackace lol
Like we all knew this lineup would happen but it doesnt make me any less sad or disappointed
Welp at least it's over now. Time to continue doing my work lol
renyu makes nice songs
but that doesnt mean he fits in a boy band better than lin ran
i dont think ill ever get over this
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An ending
Hey you. Regular visitor huh. Well. I'm not really sure what happened in our last conversation. But that's okay. I rarely understand much nowadays. And its okay that you don't understand me too. But I do understand it was wrong of me to regard this /gestures around the site/ as my safe space. I apologize. I'm going to stop posting here alright? Don't worry, I'm not cutting you off or avoiding you. I told you I don't do that. It's not like I have a separate account I created somewhere just to exclude you from my life. Nah, you have about the same access to me as just about everyone whom I've shared access to me does. But this blog has been nothing but tragedy and despair and, though you might not agree, extra unnecessary pain for you. It would also be for anyone who reads it too. So I'm gonna stop. Posting here. Am I gonna shift my content somewhere else? Nah no I'm not. Nor am I reconfiguring my community to exclude you either. I'm just stopping an outflow of negativity from me. Not that you should no, no by all means go ahead. Its healthy to let it all out and sometimes, yknow sometimes, maybe someone will see and ask about how you've been. Not saying itll be me yknow but maybe itll help all the same. Its good for you, even if you have to constantly restrict my access or ability to view what you post. I mean I understand. It's difficult to post something about me when I'll see and you don't want to hurt me but you have to get it out anyways. I understand. That's kind of my definition of leaving actually haha excluding someone in particular. ... I read what I could whenever it was available. I mean I never brought it up because it felt like you needed to share it without the fear of having me see it and that's alright. Though that didn't stop me from caring enough to try everyday though. Oh well. The restrictions you put up seem to be full-proof nowadays. Or maybe I'm just unlucky. Who knows?
Much of what I posted recently have been sitting in my draft box for months actually. I'm sorry if that made you feel a little dumb. You're not I promise. You're actually rather intelligent, except for the times you form logically-flawed conclusions. You've gotten better at reading my pieces though! I mean you don't pick up a lot of things (who does?) but its much better than before when you completely missed the point. I hope itll help with Lit.
We're incompatible. I know you can't understand this right now but I hope one day you will? Idk. After all my debasing and shedding of personalities, I can sort of see it right now. It's how I hope to deal with myself in the future too.
Not all of the pieces are on you dont worry.
I have an archive similar to this one actually except I try to keep it purely love. I started it about a year back? Its a bit sad I guess but my love seems so dangerous I think its best to keep it out of reach for and from everyone.
I decided I'm not going to try and prove my pain to the world. Though you probably shouldn't copy me. It's not like I'm doing it to hurt myself. I just sort of realized I kinda wanted attention or people to recognize that hey, I'm going through some stuff too. I mean I like think my pain is much more immense and unique but I'm conceited that way. Plus, trying to prove it means I'm actualizing it further leading to a self-defeatist loop. In much of the same sense, I've decided that I'm going to stop trying to prove that I love too. Allah is sufficient for me as a witness and if not, I'm going to work towards that.
The maelstrom is worse closer to me. It basically means I kind of don't have anyone in the really friend category. 2 points that sort of make it logically unfeasible. One, the closer you are to me the more I want to be a good person to you but that also means I'll try not to drag you under the water which also means you aren't going closer to me. Hence, contradiction. Two, no one I've met can survive and I've stopped trying to prove my pain and so it is not possible for anyone to attempt a venture into the maelstrom. I'm going to clarify here. It's not that I don't have friends. I do. And they're wonderful people and so loving and caring and you are too. And I'm grateful to have all of you. It's just I've always thought someone in that category would, after I'd shared, would be able to make me feel better and still match me when I flick back into the positives. I mean, laugh together, cry together right? It would be nice I guess but I've sacrificed too many people, yourself included, to the maelstrom. I'm so very grateful to all of you. But the Maelstrom is now closed. Permanently. Don't take it personally. I have a right to choose what I want to do don't I? If you feel that I'm not a real friend to you and that I don't care enough for you to share that I guess that's your pain that you cooked up and decided to eat. I...can't seem to protect you from you.
You should know that one of my most dreaded situations is one where nobody believes that I love them and regards me in hateful/despising uncertainty. It is one of my most dreaded because I'd sometimes unconsciously work towards it. So if you mention someone that hates me or if you threaten to despise me and I don't react the way you'd think I would, it doesn't mean I don't care what you think. On the contrary, I really do. But the temptation of giving in to a scenario where all the love of the world is kept from you and stacked against you, I guess its too much.
You hurt me when you negate my love.
To the rest of you whom I've shared this blog with, hi. Not sure if you've continued reading after all this while. If you erm hate me, um its okay. Because I still care for you a lot. (I'm transitioning to care because love is a dangerous word) Yeah, you guys are still in my thoughts. Yes, even you. I know what it means to love and not be loved back perhaps the most out of all of us here, simply by quantity and at times, even quality and I choose it out of my own volition. So if you're wondering, no its not weird to talk to me after so long and yes, I do still care for you a bunch and though I largely prefer abstract conversation, if you hmu I'll try my best to pick it up from where we left off. Also, I'm sorry if I seem a bit colder than before. I just recently tried putting myself first when I need to but I'm still bad at it so don't worry too much.
Well. I guess this is it huh. A door to me closed forever. Okay haha maybe not a door maybe like a peephole. With like translucent glass. In the dark.
I'll keep all of you in my prayers InsyaAllah.
This probably won't apply to you because its you but for some of you guys it might be the last time I can actually say
Goodnight
and sweet dreams.
I have never left you.
Even if I'm never seen.
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Ali & Carly
Ali: Have you been to the Drs yet?
Ali: I can come with if you want
Carly: what are you talking about?
Carly: why would I?
Ali: When was your last period?
Carly: idk
Carly: who cares
Ali: I think you're pregnant, Carly
Ali: whatever you plan to do, the sooner you get it handled the better
Carly: wtf no
Carly: im not
Ali: Have you done a test?
Ali: worth a check
Carly: i dont need to
Carly: id know if i was having a baby
Carly: you have it doesnt mean youre an expert k
Ali: Girl, you ain't seen 'I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant'?
Ali: its not all the drama and vomming its usually made out to be
Ali: not always
Carly: k
Carly: but youre wasting your time telling me
Carly: i dont need to know
Ali: Fair enough
Ali: but I don't mind
Ali: how have things been then?
Carly: good
Carly: what about you?
Ali: i'm glad
Ali: you know, bit stressful but getting into the swing of things with Edie
Ali: basically ready to go Singapore
Ali: just a few loose ends to sort
Carly: yea
Carly: she's good?
Ali: Yeah, pretty chill, bless her
Ali: how's Drew
Carly: he's him
Ali: Yeah
Ali: Could you tell him Meena would like to see him
Ali: he doesn't need to worry
Ali: not an ambush
Carly: k yea i will
Ali: Thanks Carly
Carly: he'll wanna see her
Carly: dont thank me
Ali: I know but thanks all the same
Ali: Its going to be weird leaving this place
Ali: I'll miss ya
Carly: no you won't
Carly: youll be having too much fun
Ali: I mean, its the plan but three kids and a full-time course
Ali: doesn't scream party party 😜
Ali: anyway, who there will let me art all over them? not a euphemism
Carly: too busy wiping baby butts and having breakdowns then
Carly: Caleb will
Carly: on both counts
Ali: Exactly, I'll be sobbing down the phone
Ali: like I never left 😂
Ali: and the jury's out there
Ali: 🤞 though
Carly: dont
Carly: unless you give me warning to zone out
Carly: he will
Carly: he loves you
Ali: duh, friend's prerogative
Ali: its best if you don't dole out the advice
Ali: not that that stops me but so I've heard
Ali: I know
Ali: Still hurt him
Ali: sometimes you can't come back from shit, so we'll see
Carly: sometimes you can
Ali: Of course
Ali: I never got to say sorry to you
Ali: that was shitty of me
Ali: things were hectic
Ali: but I really am
Carly: why
Carly: he wasnt mine
Ali: No but I knew how you felt about him
Ali: I could explain why it happened and the specific circumstances but I don't want to if you don't wanna hear it
Carly: no i didnt know
Carly: dont he wanted you for years
Carly: he got it out of his system
Ali: Okay, well I had my suspicions then
Ali: that was what it was for him
Ali: but not me
Carly: i know
Carly: you have a lot of supicious
Carly: thinking im knocked up dont make me laugh
Ali: I know the signs, Carly
Carly: i hope so
Carly: 3 kids
Ali: and you're showing them
Carly: im not
Carly: why are you trying to put the idea in my head
Carly: drew dont want your kid were not going there
Ali: because someone needs to
Ali: i don't care what drew wants
Ali: i'm telling you for you
Ali: so you can do what you want
Carly: well i do
Carly: i care what he wants
Carly: and i dont want any kids either
Ali: cool, that's totally fine but then you're on a time limit here
Ali: there's things you need to get sorted before you can't
Ali: this isn't an induction into the club, i don't need a yummy mummy friend
Ali: i care about you, i want you to do right by you on this
Carly: if you care then stop
Carly: seeing things that arent there
Carly: youre messing with my head here
Ali: i'm not trying to
Ali: do you wanna take the risk?
Ali: i'll get you a test
Ali: prove me wrong and tell me to fuck off
Ali: I WANNA be wrong too but I don't think I am so
Carly: dont
Carly: save your money for your kids
Carly: I'm not having one
Carly: i dont need to prove that or anything to you
Ali: Okay
Ali: that's all I've got to say
Ali: I won't speak on it again
Carly: good
Carly: i dont need it from you
Ali: I can imagine
Ali: but I didn't see anyone else letting you know
Ali: Had to, I'm not sorry for doing it but I am sorry its got to be me
Carly: its nobodys business
Carly: it's not even mine its not happening
Ali: Not what you do, no
Ali: but someone should be taking care of you
Ali: is Drew?
Carly: he loves me
Ali: doesn't answer the question
Carly: its not what you wanna hear you mean
Ali: Not gonna say I'm happy for you 'cos how could I?
Ali: But if you think I want Drew
Ali: then no
Carly: you should
Carly: you should want him
Ali: Well, I don't
Ali: I'm not saying he's the devil incarnate but I just don't
Ali: and you wouldn't want me to so?
Carly: i want him to be happy
Ali: We all want that for him
Ali: he doesn't feel it rn I know
Ali: but we do
Ali: You too, Carly
Carly: like i said im good
Ali: I hope so
Ali: don't you think you make Drew happy?
Carly: he wanted you and his kid you know that
Ali: No he didn't, doesn't
Ali: He's not seen her at all, its been a month
Ali: and you know he has no plans
Carly: im not telling tales on him
Carly: you know why he hasn't been around
Ali: Not asking you to
Ali: just bare in mind that he's got his side and I've got mine
Ali: Respect his but don't deny me mine, I know what happened and what was said to me
Carly: k
Ali: [Drewsif: I want nothing to do with it, that thing, fuck you both]
Ali: last I heard
Ali: I'm taking him at his word
Carly: he's in pieces
Carly: he doesnt want you and caleb pushing him out
Carly: her calling someone else dad while he pays up
Ali: We all are but we have to talk about it, to work it out
Ali: He's not being pushed out
Ali: its self-exile
Ali: and he isn't paying anything, don't expect him to, even though I'd be within my rights to ask
Ali: that ain't me
Ali: He's her Father, always will be but if he won't communicate with me, how can I make him step up?
Ali: I'm not about to make him, he has to want it, want her
Carly: he's scared
Ali: Understandable
Ali: He isn't the only one
Ali: he's allowed to be
Ali: but he isn't allowed to use her as a pawn, no
Carly: i know
Carly: i wish i could help
Ali: I know
Ali: you're a good person, Carly
Ali: I'm not trying to be a cunt, to anyone
Ali: but especially not you
Ali: I just wish everything could be sorted
Carly: Don't make laugh
Carly: I am not
Carly: everything'll get sorted he just needs to sort his head first
Ali: You are
Ali: Can't even help yourself, like 😘
Ali: I want him too
Ali: but if he could, keep us in the loop
Ali: because then I'll know what to say and do
Ali: I've got to think of Edie, first
Ali: but I don't hate Drew, and I want what's best for him
Ali: for all of us
Carly: can't help myself about load of shit
Carly: not that
Carly: give him a bit more time
Carly: not years just
Carly: she's so little
Ali: Nah
Ali: You've got many good deeds tallied to your name, trust
Ali: outweighs the rest
Ali: Okay
Ali: at the end of the day, we're always going to be here
Ali: not here here but
Ali: whenever he comes around, if he can prove he's worth it, he'll be given the chance
Ali: I'm not being unfair or keeping her from him
Carly: i know you wouldnt
Carly: i know what hes worth too
Ali: I take your word on it
Ali: but at the moment, that's all I got
Ali: but I'll be waiting on him, I promise, okay?
Carly: yea
Carly: thanks ali
Carly: youre still sweet
Ali: any time
Ali: you too girl
Carly: if i had a ma like you
Carly: the kids are lucky
Carly: and theyre gonna be good
Carly: youll see
Ali: get ready to plug your ears
Ali: too hormonal, you're gonna make me cry!
Ali: but i'm putting my life on it
Ali: its going to be good
Carly: its ok you can
Carly: have a sob
Carly: itll be kicking in for me when you get going
Ali: Thought you meant your hormones
Ali: Hope you stopped listening already, don't fight me 😉
Carly: I've killed them off
Carly: havent bleed regular since i started
Carly: it'll be all that good microwave nutrition
Ali: Gurl
Ali: Please, please PLEASE stop by the restaurant
Ali: I'll tell Gus and co, put it on my tab
Ali: If I could I'd be bringing you meals myself but I ain't gone be here
Ali: Promise bitch
Carly: itd be wasted on these tastebuds
Carly: dead too
Carly: youve got enough mouths to feed, bitch
Ali: then grub is grub so shut up and like it
Ali: need them nutrients
Ali: scrappy lil thing 😘
Carly: when she's a feeder. Thought you stopped fancying me years back
Ali: Oh no, I'm just out here biding time, poppin' out kids, 'til you come to your senses
Carly: i'll bring my imaginary kid when i roll up
Carly: you can name it
Ali: Ugh, my favourite bit!
Ali: know the way to my 💚 babe
Ali: I'll be pondering
Carly: boy or girl since you know everything
Ali: I'd have to run some tests
Ali: not bought from the chemists
Ali: lemme get the string and ring and be right there, like
Carly: ha
Carly: what do you do with that
Carly: tie me down
Ali: Literally, hog-tied and wifed up in one
Carly: casual weekday
Ali: you know it
Ali: how else did i end up the teen mum trash i am today
Carly: you arent
Carly: youre the best mum
Carly: if i was having any babies id want tips
Ali: Stop! 😭 When she's trying to break you #killabitchwithkindness
Ali: I'll set up the mummy blog now 😉 get in on it before i'm mega famous and getting those nappy brand deals
Carly: no need to link me
Carly: clueless and childless until death
Ali: hey, doesn't sound like the worst life to me
Ali: former bliss, latter...probs the same
Carly: when you going?
Carly: to singapore not the afterlife
Ali: just over a week
Ali: scary stuff, man
Carly: won't see you then
Carly: busy girl you are
Ali: I can make time
Ali: My Mother will be having an aneurysm but I'm pretty chill, ya know 😜
Carly: yea
Carly: thatd be good
Ali: Wicked, might have some kiddos in tow, at least the bab, can throw the others into Nursery mwahahaha
Ali: want me to bring the gun again, give you something to remember me by? 👌😋
Carly: aw
Carly: but the boys my fave
Carly: yea you should
Ali: when she wants you to bring a man
Ali: #baitedagain
Ali: you are his fave, why not, play dates are the chillest form of socialisation
Ali: fuck the club tbh
Ali: I will then
Ali: matching? be dem hoes?
Carly: ha
Carly: when hes that cute
Carly: aw
Carly: yea we have to
Carly: everyones thinking it
Ali: 🙌 let 'em think, make 'em talk
Carly: ill miss you
Ali: i'll miss you too
Ali: but i won't let ya, be on that phone 24/7
Ali: i've been made to swear on my life i'll be back for christmas, s'only a few months
Ali: we'll catch up then?
Carly: yea
Carly: theres your gift
Ali: yay, i'll bring you back some cool shit we don't have here no doubt
Carly: better drugs or worse
Carly: let me know
Carly: dont wanna fill your case with any old shit
Ali: with MY vagina? baggies fall right out
Ali: soz babe
Ali: mail order bride?
Ali: you know you wanna
Carly: ha
Carly: drew'd be happy
Carly: so yea should do
Ali: hm, i'll get him a keyring
Ali: 😉
Carly: he is always losing mine
Ali: See? I just KNOW things
Carly: bring him an address book too cant pretend he dont know where i am
Ali: He needs that alright
Ali: maybe I'll invent a microchip while I'm out there
Ali: hotwire his brain
Carly: yea
Carly: make me one too
Carly: different programming but
Ali: I will
Ali: get your requests in now
Carly: ill do my list
Ali: So many lists
Ali: my head is lists
Ali: as if they don't have socks there 🙄
Carly: use mine for storage
Carly: its emptied out
Ali: nah, might be nights out lights out
Ali: but you still in there
Ali: better be, not gotta make a cake but you know I'm coming so 💚
Carly: never made one but for you id give it a try
Carly: especially if you bring my fave boy
Ali: Obviously! Mum rule #1, bribe 'em with sugar, always
Ali: 😍 lets make fairy cakes #domesticgoddesses
Carly: dont think the caravan is kitted out for that
Carly: but yea
Ali: come over here man
Ali: there isn't a kitchen better stocked
Ali: can't even take the cred
Carly: serious? i can
Ali: Of course, hell yeah
Ali: ngl, save me getting out the pram of hell, double wide, you'd see me coming from a mile off 🙄😂
Carly: gonna borrow that when im feeling tired
Carly: ill fit
Ali: you probably would, its tempting
Ali: get Junie walking for me and there's a spot with your name on it
Carly: run into my arms sweet boy
Ali: [Sends Junior selfie]
Ali: The look of love, he's buzzin'
Carly: aw
Carly: trying to make me wish there is a kid in here
Carly: if its a boy like him
Ali: they'll work on you like that
Ali: sneaky adorable bastards
Carly: itd be a rio
Carly: i know
Ali: shh, she might hear you 😜
Ali: i can't hold her back, gurl, you'll be on your own
Carly: junie will protect me
Ali: Fair, he's her weak spot
Ali: Solid plan
Carly: whats edie gonna say
Carly: havent even seen her
Ali: she's not much of a talker
Ali: i'll whack my tit out if she gets aggro
Ali: that always works
Carly: on all the girls yea i know
Ali: you said it baby
Carly: war flashbacks happening
Carly: been on more tits than you
Ali: alright, don't rub it in
Ali: straight bitch
Carly: dont say rub
Carly: ive done my time
Ali: 😂 you say that but no one forced you
Ali: self-inflicted punishment still punishment, yeah?
Carly: yea yea
Ali: Well, I better go buy those vacuum pack things
Ali: WILD
Ali: need anything?
Carly: fun
Carly: no thanks
Carly: im set
Ali: coolio, catch you in a bit bitch 💋
Carly: love you bitch
Ali: always gon' love you
Ali: BITCH
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ok, here is a full account of what happened yesterday and the new events from today. caleb if you are seeing this please respect my privacy and stop reading now
ok so it started the other day. caleb texted me at night saying he wanted to talk to me about something serious the next day. i asked what it was about and he said he just wanted to be friends but i didnt read too much into it bc he is impulsive so i figured he would come to his senses the next day
so then yesterday happened. i had just gotten out of sociology at like 10:40am and i saw that he had texted me all these things about breaking up. then when i got to my car he called me on the phone. he then proceeded to break up with me over the phone. his reasoning was that since hes prob moving in a few weeks, he wanted to stop being boyfriends now that way when he does leave itll hurt less than it would, so like easing himself out of the relationship basically. i think its a stupid idea
so these are the issues i had. the first was that he broke up with me over the phone, not even in person. and like i was crying over the phone and his tone was just like very cold and detached and business like and that really hurt me bc he obv knew i was crying but i didnt feel any sympathy from him whatsoever. like if he was crying i would obv be comforting him and trying to make him feel better not talking like a robot. another thing that hurt was that he gave up on the long distance relationship before we could even try it. it made me feel like i was so worthless and unimportant that he didnt even feel like putting forth the effort to make our relationship work. and the fact that he did this all over a 10 minute phone call on his way to the gym. and then like 20 min after he had the NERVE to post a video on his snap story of him at the gym saying “feeling so good *blushing smile emoji*” like that really hurt my feelings and when i told him that later he was like “oh stop making everything about you it was just how i was feeling after working out” but like? i know he obv wasnt saying that he felt so good about breaking up. but what bothered me was that like after he broke up w me, i was a mess i was literally crying all day and i couldnt do anything but cry i was so upset. and then here he is just going on with his day like its another normal tuesday. like the fact that he was capable of being so happy not even a few hours after breaking my heart made me feel like i was nothing, like it was just an errand like “oh im gonna break up with perry then go to the gym lol” and the fact that he did it over the phone just made me feel so insignificant like i was nothing to him and that really hurt. and like ive tried to be the best boyfriend i can be for him and i try to do everything he asks of me so for him to just break up with me in such a dismissive way makes it feel like he doesnt even care
so i was crying in my car, like really bad like i was BAWLING. so i went to the student counseling center and asked for a crisis meeting and i got set up w this counselor named josh. he was nice and tried to help me calm down and focus on orgo. it was nice to have someone to talk to i guess
so then i went home. he called me again to like try to explain himself but only made me feel worse. he was like “you know when i move im not gonna be able to see you everyday and cuddle with you and fall asleep on your chest anymore” and that just made me sadder and i was crying again on the phone. then later we were texting and he was like denying breaking up with me. like, you said you wanted to just be friends and you explicitly said that you didnt want to be boyfriends anymore so how is that not breaking up??? and he said “i was trying to have a conversation with you but all you did was cry.” with the period to show how serious he was. and it really hurt me when he said that bc it felt like he was mad at me and using me crying against me, like i somehow did something wrong by crying. again if he was the one crying i would not be holding it against him like that so i really wish he didnt say that bc it made me feel bad for being emotional which should not be something to feel bad about. and at the end of the call he didnt say i love you like he always does so that hurt my feelings as well
and like i took away the hearts from his contact name and changed my phone backgrounds since they were pictures of him and that just made me really sad
i skipped psych and anatomy lecture but i couldnt skip my anatomy practical. i cried when i was backing up my car to leave bc i saw the “hi <3″ that he wrote in the dirt on my back windshield a while ago and it just set me off. so i got to school and i was planning on having this be the dropped grade so i wasnt like worried but i got a 90 anyways so that was nice. the prof was like “perry whats wrong you look depressed” and i was like im just a little sad today and he was like why and i was like “bc my significant other broke up w me” (i used s/o bc idk how my prof is about those things so i didnt wanna say bf). he told me this story about how in his senior year of college he had such bad mono it was misdiagnosed as hodgkins disease so he was given 18 months to live and his gf of 4 years left him after finding out. so he told me “perry, girls are like a bus. if you miss one, another one will come along in 15 minutes. if i had daughters i would tell them the same thing about guys” so that was nice that he tried to cheer me up. then when i was leaving from the other room (bc we leave our stuff in the other room during the practical) the TA came to me from the main room and wished me luck on my finals so that was nice of him
so then i went home. then at 10pm i met w caleb in person in his car. we talked and at first he would not let me get a word in and he just kept defending himself and what also upset me was that he thought the reason i was so upset was that he was moving and he was so defensive like “i wish i could stay here but i have no choice i cant afford to live here its too expensive” and like that is not what upset me!!! i already knew he was moving ive had time to accept it what upset me was how he broke up w me for no reason w almost no warning and did it in such a cold way. and like the way i see it is since hes leaving instead of easing ourselves out of the relationship to stop us from getting hurt when he actually leaves (which wont happen bc itll hurt regardless), i figured we should make the most of our time together and enjoy each other as much as possible since we’ll have plenty of time to get over each other AFTER he moves. so when i told him my point of view he was like “i wish i thought of it like that, im really bad at this” so that was how i resolved the issue. he was hesitant about keeping the bf label but i told im i really wanted to and i didnt see a point in taking away the label now anyways. i also told him i at least wanted to try long distance instead of giving up before it even happens. i dont remember what he said to it though lol i was too emotional. but yeah the beginning of the convo just felt like he was berating me and i started to cry again bc i dont like it when hes rude to me like that
then he told me that im so sensitive i could see a squirrel in the road and cry and i had to explain to him that i am not a sensitive and emotional person! im normally v reserved w my emotions like ive only cried maybe 3 times the past 8 years and that im just emotional when it comes to him bc i care about him so much
another thing that bothered me was that he said every relationship teaches a lesson, and from ours he learned not to rush into things. i dont get that bc yes we did rush but that wasnt really a bad thing? like he wouldve moved regardless so taking things slow wouldnt have changed that. and like since we rushed into things it will hurt more when he leaves since we are closer than we would be if we took it slow but also like, if we didnt rush we wouldnt have gotten so close and had so much fun together in the first place. so imo the benefits of getting so close so fast vastly outweighed the pain of him leaving
so everything would be great except for this next part. he told me the easing out of the relationship thing was bc he got the advice to do that from his mom and leeann. so when i got home i made a post calling leeann toxic and his mom stupid for interfering in our relationship. and like yall can tell that obv i was kidding and just exaggerating for humorous effect like i dont really think his mom is stupid or that leeann was toxic, just that their advice in the situation was bad. but caleb texted me this morning being so rude calling me disgustingly disrespectful for saying that and he said that “next time you think about doing this remember how it felt when i dumped you (so he admitted that he did dump me) - and get those tissues ready” (since ive been using a lot of tissues since i was crying so much). that really really hurt my feelings bc 1. he is once again using me crying against me and 2. it shows a total lack of sympathy for me crying, like it felt like hell yesterday i was so upset and he knows that so for him to threaten to put me through that again just shows he doesnt really care about me or my feelings.
he also said i need to stop using him and leeann and his mom as “characters in your online stories” like...these arent online stories? this blog is where i vent and talk about my feelings since i dont have anyone to do that with irl and i need to get them out somewhere im not writing these posts to be mean it just feels good to put my thoughts into words instead of bottling them up and even my therapist thinks its a good thing for me to do
so he said that but i was NOT having it. i typed up a long text in response and even i admit it was kinda mean. like in his he said “dont even talk to me for the rest of the day” so at the end of my text i said “dont talk to me ever i am perfectly fine w never talking to you again the rest of my life so bye have fun in new hampshire or whatever” and he was like “perry stop you dont mean that last part” and then he called me and once again got defensive he said he was just trying to have a convo w me and i was being aggressive for no reason. like, no??? a convo would have been texting me like “perry i know its your personal blog where you post your feelings but this post upset me and this is why” not coming at me with 4 super rude texts out of nowhere. so he was trying to play the victim and paint me as irrational and that im overreacting just like he did yesterday and i didnt like it! he was just dismissing my feelings again. so i went OFF in this phone call like wow i really snapped and it felt good tbh
like i think he was just expecting me to sit there and take it and apologize like i usually do when he gets like this but i am done doing that! so i think he was caught off guard that i stood up for myself. i was like caleb i really dont care i have the most important orgo test of the semester today you already took yesterday from me but today i am not entertaining it if you have an issue call me after my test” and i ended the convo and hung up and then he texted me “good luck on your test” like ok hi king of passive aggressiveness
so thats it. i felt good at first but later on i felt bad so i texted him apologizing for snapping at him but i said i wont discuss the tumblr issue until we are in person. i asked if he was free tonight and he said no he wants a day or two to be separate and normally i would understand but like...hes moving in a few weeks i really dont want to waste time fighting and being in this weird place
not to be out of order but another thing that got on my nerves was when we made up last night. he said “once i move youll have more free time for things like school, work, maybe going to the gym” like once again here he is commenting on my appearance! like yes i know im scrawny and i wish i wasnt but im sick of him taking jabs at my looks like my body, acne, and eyebrows when i literally have NOTHING but nice things to say about how he looks. it makes me feel bad when he points out my flaws like that and a good boyfriend is not supposed to make me feel like that
now for the most recent development. leeann sent me this LONG fb message bc caleb told her what i posted about her. like why does he have to expose me like that! i didnt read the message i was like “yeah im not reading this but just so you know i was kidding i wasnt serious i was exaggerating lol” and she was like ok lol
i just dont know why she thinks i care about her input on MY relationship? like youre calebs friend not mine to be frank i dont give a fuck what you think about whats best for my relationship like you dont know me so mind your business
and thats another thing. in the past caleb has gotten pissed at me for sharing our business too much (by telling my friends (who he will literally never meet since they all went away for school) and by posting on here) yet here he goes telling leeann everything! seems hypocritical to me
and heres a second thing. i have always told caleb that my blog is my personal space where i can safely vent and talk about my feelings and that he should respect my privacy by not reading my personal posts. and ive told him that if he does wanna read them then hes doing so at his own risk bc im not going to filter myself bc this is MY space not his so if he really wants to overstep his boundaries and look at my posts then he cant get mad at me for them bc HE is the one choosing to read them even after my warning! so i dont think he should be getting mad at me especially when i was in such an extreme state of mind yesterday since he put me through the worst day of my life for no reason which literally couldve been 100% avoided if he had just waited to talk to me in person instead of breaking up w me over the phone. and like now i feel like this isnt even a space place for me to express myself anymore since theres a chance of him seeing. and i tried blocking him before but he made a new blog and wont tell me the url so i cant block him smh
so yeah thats everything that happened. im kinda stressed rn w this whole leeann drama even though he shouldnt have been reading my posts in the first place. like its just so much drama and i dont like how it feels and idk why this relationship turned sour so fast and i wish he would just be nice and sweet to me again. so hopefully things get better
#this is so long omg#if any of you actually read all of this or even just skim it i love you <3#personal
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speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep
its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot.
I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,
its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time
and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So
and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore.
and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him
when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack
and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird
n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that
i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk
and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!
and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself
all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right
idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary
sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy
time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind
#personal#animal abuse/#self harm/#other stuff probably i guess#nya#its long uhh full disclosure i sjt wanted to feel like i was talkin 2 someone nyall can ignore this
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The Kid Machine (Part 1)
So this is my first attempt at a VLD fanfic and using Tumblr so if you have any tips or anything hit me up. I will be posting more parts later.
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Lance pov
“Ha take that!”
Before anyone could blink the last shot i took ended up causing the entire battleship to explode before the ion canon was able to take a shot at the castle.
“Yeah good job Lance! That was a great shot!” Shiro said as i was doing my victory dance.
“Of course that awesome of shot could only come from someone equally as awesome.” i gloated because for once i was actually happy with what i managed to do.
“Wait then how did you make that shot?” Keith said instantly making me stop my dance whilst thoughts i tried to keep away started to come back full force.
“Shut it mullet youre just jealous you couldnt pull off that shot.” I instantly shot back at him. Before he had a chance to reply Shiro told us to stop arguing and get back to the castle which was now landed on the planet below us called Kuros. Keith didnt bother saying something again but i did manage to hear him growl lowly.
As we stepped out of our lions the aliens who inhabit Kuros, kurens as they are called, started swarming us and started dragging us to the castle where the king and queen would be holding a party for us. This one little alien seemed to be only a child about 3 followed me around for a little bit before he attatched himself to my leg and went with me where ever i went. The kid seemed like he was getting bored so i pulled him up until he was on my shoulders then started dancing around to the music that was playing. Eventually a song came on the required a partner so i forced the closest person to me, who happened to be Keith, to dance with us. “Lance what are you doing!? I cant even dance!” Keith yelled as i pulled him with us while i started spinning us around to the beat. “Relax, Keith and follow my lead.” The dance that went with this song was very fast beat and kind of hard to follow at first but watching the other partners i managed to get into the rhythm of the dance since it was quite repetitive. Keith was against it at first and kept trying to pull away but i think the fact that the Kuren child was enjoying himself and laughing quite loud convinced keith to just go along with what was happening. The party was going on for quite a while and i was getting bored so i grabbed onto Keiths arm while setting down the tired Kuren child and started pulling keith up the stairs to go exploring. “What are you doing?” He asked as we turned a corner. “I am taking you exploring!” “Well why are you taking me exactly?” He questioned while slightly trying to pull his arm out of my grasp but i just tighted my hold while still dragging him with me. “Well because you were the closest person to me duh.” I said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world but honestly i think it was the most obvious because thats how i roll. I heard him sigh but he let me pull him to where ever. im pretty sure he doesnt know his way around and if i know Keith he will just blame me if we get caught so itd be better for him to be with me for that to make sense. I found double doors at the end of the hall that just seemed to scream my name, ok not really i just liked how they were really pretty. why does a flipping door need to sparkle, like dude thats awesome! I pushed the doors open and walked in all excited and noticed the room was dark except for the light coming from huge windows on both sides of the room but there was only a tube looking machine in the center of the room. Confused i walked into the machine with keith still right behind me when i reached out to press a button but Keiths voice stopped me. “Maybe you shouldnt press that we dont know what itll do.” “Nah its okay its not like theyd have anything harmful where someone could just walk in and find it.” Before Keith could react i quickly pushed the button which caused the tube doors to close. We both started to bang on the glass but no one was around us and our helmet comms werent working in here so i turned back to the only button thats available to press. “Maybe theyll open if i pressed the button again?” “Nooo-” i cut Keith off mid sentance by hitting the button causing a red light to flash for a second. I quickly jumped back and grabbed Keith kinda scared on what was going to happen when the light stopped blinking and the door opened. We both basically threw ourselves out of the tube as quick as we could. The room was almost pitch black since the sun went down and no lights were on in the room when we suddenly heard Shiro talk. “Guys! Lance! Keith! Can you hear me where are you we are in front of the ship the parties over.” “Heyyy Shiro were here we can hear you we are on our way now.” I said really quick so he would stop yelling. “Yep we can hear you be there in a little bit.” Keith also replied at rhe same time. We both quickly let each other go then started walking out of the pitch black room when Keith spoke up again. “Lance stop screwing around let go of my leg.” “How the butts can i be touching you when im in front of you?” I asked really confused “Wait so that... Isnt you?” “Nope whatever that is isnt me.” I assured him. After those words were out of my mouth he quickly kicked whatever had a hold of his leg off of him then was about to take off running when i heard what sounded like crying from the direction the thing landed. Keith turned on the light in our suits while i moved toward the crying thing when the light reached the object i realized it was a human child who had short black hair and blue eyes lile my own he looked to be about 3 years old at least. “Keith you kicked a child a child do you hear me!” I exclaimed while picking up the child cuddling it to my chest softly repeating that its okay and he didnt mean it “Where the hell did it come from?” “Language Keith hes a child no cussing in from of him!” I took my eyes off Keith and turned my attention to the young boy in my arms. “Hello there. Can you tell me your name?” He looked at me confused then shrugged so i took a different approach. “Okay how about where are your parents little one?” At that his expression brightened and pointed to both keith and i. “Well obviously you and dad, papa!” After hearing that i froze and i could feel Keith tense up behind me. “I mean i can see it Keith he has your hair color and my eyes.” i said while turning so Keith could see the boy in my arms easier. “There is no way in hel-” I quickly interrupted him “no swearing in front of our child alright thats a bad word.” “Papa, dad said a bad word, is he mad at me? “The little boy was tearing up while looking up at me and i could feel my heart just breaking “No little one dads not mad at you are you keith?” I looked at him pointedly as if saying to go along with it. “Of course im not mad at you but i am sorry i kicked you i didnt realize that was you.” Keith said but im pretty sure hes warming up to our little angel already. Even though it is really weird knowing.i have a kid now and with Keith no less i dont mind because i already love our child even if the other parent is Keith. “Its alright dad im not mad at you as long as you arent mad at me!” The kid said smiling brightly. Keith pov After the kid who is apparently mine and ugh lances kid finished telling me hes not mad at me he smiled in a way that reminded me of Lance very big and very bright. “Papa i wanna go see dad can i please?” The kid started making what do you call them? Grabby hands at me wanting me to carry him. Lance just smiled at him and in that smile you could see that this kid was already the center of Lances world. “Of course little one off you go.” He started handing me the kid when we heard Shrio speak up so Lance froze with the child halfway to me. “Guys what is taking so long are you almost on your way?” “Uh yeah we ar- wait ok its ok i got you.” I tried answering but lance just thrusted the kid into my arms whilst i was mid sentance. "What who are you talking to?" “No dont touch that come on lets follow.... Yeah hes right there. I told the kid as Lance started walking away with my following before i remembered Shiro could here me and was probably even more confused then before “dont worry shiro we are on our way go on into the ship be there in a couple of minutes.” “Alright i guess if you say so…” was the only reply i got. You could hear the confusion in his voice before i turned the comms off and started chasing Lance to catch up to him when the kid spoke up “Papa wait up youre going to fall.” that was all it took for Lance to stop so we could catch up. “Sorry bought that bud i promise ill stay closer this time alright?” The kid seemed happy with that answer so he cuddled up to me making me smile. As we were about to enter the castle the kid muttered about where we were and how pretty the castle is.
#voltron#voltron legendary defender#keith (voltron)#lance#keith kogane#kid machine#shiro#pidge#takashi shirogane#pidge gunderson#hunk garrett#hunk#klance#langst
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