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xtrablak674 · 2 months

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Femficatio - A showcase of experimental writing and art.

[Due to some creative differences this interview wasn't published. I love that term due to "creative differences", I had some kind of falling out with the persons behind this blog, lets be clear its not a magazine but a blog that only ran for twelve issues starting back in 2012. But there was something I liked about their questions and my answers that lead me to want to share this unpublished interview, which I believe I also shared on my FB page when that was still live.]

How did your artistic journey began?

This is a very good question. And a hard one for me to answer because I'm still on that journey. I think that being an artist is a journey. A quick aside, I feel that everybody is an artist, whether they choose to take the trip or not is the question. Personally I encourage everyone to travel, artistically or otherwise.

Now where did my artistic journey begin? You know I'm really not trying to avoid the question but even the designation 'artist' is a larger conversation for me. To be perfectly honest I never even thought I was worthy of being an artist. I feel it's important to mention my past in context of talking about my journey to becoming an artist.

My father was a poet, my grandmother was a painter. I have an aunt who writes novels and paints. My first experience with the arts to be perfectly honest had to do with the TV show called Fame. I was always performing in school and church plays, but Fame got me really excited about dancing. I remember placing a tape recorder up against the TV and recording the songs from the show, and performing them later. This led to me auditioning for the High School of Performing Arts, the same school that the TV show was based on. I auditioned for drama and dance, but even with my brief Dance Theater of Harlem background, I didn't get in for dance, but I did get accepted for drama, the irony of which is not lost on me.

I attended school with the likes of Adrien Brody, Omar Epps and Marlon Wayans but still really didn't consider myself an artist. The title of artist I just always felt was reserved for someone with I don't know, more ability than me. It took me easily over a decade before I became comfortable with the fact that I was an artist and actually have always been one.

I would compare this to gender identity, even before having the language I never felt my gender was binary. When I first heard the term two-spirited, I felt very seen, but didn't want to appropriate someone else's cultural traditions. Off the record I still consider myself two-spirited, but in any official capacity I am a non-binary transgender person.

The journey for me really began when I set up an account on a website called Flickr, and begin posting photos of things that I saw. Surprisingly people actually liked these photos which was a total shock to me. This Internet-based support gave me the confidence to approach a curator I knew and do my first exhibition in 2007.

Since that first exhibition I haven't looked back. I presented work at different museums, been published and exhibited internationally, reviewed by The New York Times and this was all in my first three years of being an artist. I'm humbled by the experience that I've had but I'm really focused on what's next.

Does your art construct or deconstruct?

I think it depends on which work you're talking about. Not everyone knows this but I have two bodies of work one is the abstract stuff that you see quite often, and then I also have a body of intimate work.

In the former I shoot digitally and in post production process the photos minimally. There is some controversy around digital work even being fine art. I do think that my eye for composition color and texture challenges the notion of what abstract art can be for some people. Ultimately I think if you think it's beautiful, than I've done my job because all my work at its base is beautiful.

With the latter intimate work, I would say I definitely challenge gender identity and the definitions thereof. As a queer person one who has very strong female and male energy, I love the conflict and contrast of those spirits in my own body. In the work I often explore that ambiguity and entice people to redefine their notions of masculinity and femininity. Furthermore I confront the somewhat arbitrary labels around sexuality and attraction, and force people to see if they're being honest about who they are in their relationship to the world around them.

I realize that my intimate work is not for everyone and some of the themes are provocative, but I think they are important issues especially in a world of HIV and AIDS. As an artist it's definitely a conversation that I'm trying to have, even if I don't have as many outlets to have that discussion.

I think I as a person I have a tendency to deconstruct, as a self acclaimed iconoclast. I choose to challenge tradition, hegemony and institutions. I realize this is only natural to an artist, and if some of that spills into the work so be it.

If the world was less violent, would your art be different from what it is today?

Short answer, I don't think so.

As I previously said at its core all of my work is about beauty so whether we're in a violent world or non-violent world I think everyone can appreciate beauty.

Personally, I don't think we appreciate it enough and we really don't appreciate nontraditional forms of beauty. My work definitely explores themes around nontraditional beauty. Accepting nontraditional beauty is like embracing difference once you can realize that things or people that are different from you can be beautiful, you've really taken the first step towards knowledge, acceptance and compassion.

What do you refuse to ignore?

As a photographer composition is really key to me. But I'm learning with age and experience that sometimes it's okay to let go of that, and in some ways I had felt that without strong composition my work wouldn't be very good. I was also trying to overcompensate with making sure that everything was always perfect, trying to prove to myself that I'm an artist. In my head I equated artistry with perfection, this is something I have moved away from.

As I said in the beginning this is something that I continue to struggle with, not being worthy of being an artist. Real talk, some of this thinking is a society influence, society says artist are a certain thing, they behave a certain way, they are educated differently. I've learned to let go of a lot of those notions but I can definitely say with confidence it's still a journey and a struggle.

Why do you think you are an artist?

This is like torture. Because seriously every other day of the week I really don't think I am. I think I'm a fraud. I would be lying if I didn't say I suffered from imposter syndrome, even with my moderate successes.

I started an audio journal recently, and through it I discovered that my eccentric behavior is not because I'm a freak or weird or different I'm just wired differently than other people. I experience the world around me in a different way than others I take the path that's less traveled and ultimately that's the journey of every artist.

[Photos by Brown Estate, this piece has been edited for clarity and updated around how I define my gender identity, sexuality and work.]

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