#im trying not to despair bc i know myself and i know that despair doesnt motivate me

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#theres this feeling i get sometimes. i find it very hard to articulate. its part despair and part awe. dispair at how beautiful the world is #all those intricate little process coming together to organize the chaos. i dont kno y i feel it so deeply or y it hurts so much #because its just. no matters what horrible things r going on in the world. ur body is this miraculous collection of chemicals and reactions #mobile containers of water with a history that spirals back billions of years. and you can hear and see and experience and reflect #and when you die the world goes on spinning without you. if we as humans destroyed this planet past the part of our ability to inhabit it #it wouldnt even matter. there would be continued life past humanity. cosmically we r tiny and insignificant and we dont matter #but were beautiful and wonderful and infinity complex and knowing that leaves me in agony. because i want to kno everything right now but #mind is too small and i walk around with the disorientation of someone whos just been hit in thr face ans i cant focus enough to read #cant make the words make sense and i cant justify the time it would take to try. so i sit on my deck. in the sun. crying as i think about #how the light hit the grass in my front yard the last time i was home. how the cliffs in the backyard are ringed with red lines of iron #separated out as the water leached through the sandstone. how every avaliable surface is stained green as organisms reach upward toward #the sun. and its beautiful and i dont kno y im crying. maybe its bc i cant just throw everything aside and chase that feeling. im not #allowed to feel it. im not allowed to talk abt it in the way i want. bc im afraid no one cares as much as me in the same way. bc when i #talk abt what i study its obscure and academic and so far from what most ppl think abt that they get intimidated and dont try to understand #so i just try not to talk abt it. or maybe im just afraid. bc i have my 1st TA meeting tomorrow and i meet with my new advisor friday #and im worried and im afraid i wont b able to do this in a way that doesnt make me feel like im dying. bc i like to b busy and i like having #a strict schedule but if u throw me that knife im going to stab myself with it bc i dont kno how wield it as a tool without hurting myself #sure ill get the job done. but at what cost? whatever. ill try to b better this time. try to hold tight to the wonder. but that feels like #reaching out into forever. knowing ill never make contact. not knowing what im reaching for. #the closest approximation to the feeling i can find is that scene in the terror. where go0dsir is asking if god is there. any god. and it #doesnt matter bc he can see god in the landscape. in an environment that's so harsh and barren that its killing him slowly in the worst of #ways and its beautiful. its still beautiful to him. there is wonder here. and im wasting my time laying in a dark room crying bc i put #myself into a container so constrictive that the surface snaps and i come spilling out as an angry liquid. smearing away into nothing #unrelated

[caramelmochacrow]

i am a guy/dude. (<- they have no feelings abt saying this whatsoever)

*uses he/him in some shape or form* (<- he is happy af to the point that his stomach is churning and he feels giddy)

#crow talks #might try using he/him when talking abt myself more #if i cant do it irl might as well do it online #doesnt mean i hate they/them tho i like that one a lot #they/them is. for if u dont know me very well. #they/them is like my comfort zone. me likey. #but he/him is like the forbidden fruit #i have been denied of such a thing until i gave into my selfish desires #but it could just be me but it doesnt feel selfish. just a desire in general. #maybe the reason i like he/him is bc ive always been told that if i like “boy” stuff im a “boy” ever since i remember #EVEN LIKE. JUST. COLORS?? #like i say i like blue and suddenly im a man? #ty for the free testosterone color blue??? #also. oh no u like. like BEYBLADES??? u. ur one of the guys now!!!! oh the despair!!!! (sarcasm) #beyblades are fucking cool ok? i only played it three times in my life bc of fucked up gender shit #also i lost friends bc of it in my last school #we kept hanging out together during school and did normal friend shit yk? #then people started saying one of them liked me and at first it was just 'haha ok lol we're just friends' #then after a year it became fucking 'oooh yeah sorry we're not going to hang out w u anymore' to the point we lost touch #sick of it. #befriending people who were the same gender as me also messes me up bc i had nothing in common w them at school. #i did not know what the fuck they were saying when they talked abt popular/anything relating to social media #they talk abt a new show and say something and im just going ???? #im still dealing w this rn but less stressful and confusing bc i know some slang now #but i still have no clue what the fuck is happening sometimes

[235uranium]

god reading about the state of things rn makes me want to just break shit

#☢️.txt #the fun thing about being physically disabled is that i cant do most of the things that would be of the most help #calling reps is all i have and they just dont fucking care! they dont care! #im almost always an optimist who believes the best of humaninity but this shit is so fucking bleak #israel is going to continue their genocide and the us is gonna help no matter how much us citizens actually complain because they dont care #theyve never cared. us foreign policy has never been based on democracy its just based on pure imperialism and white supremacy n capitalism #but i think usually its. usually i can just assume the average american doesnt know #most americans are calling for a ceasefire and we cant even get that fucking done #because the government doesnt care! they dont fucking care! #and unfortunately the left is so fucking disorganized at the moment. maybe itll finally actually galvanize people but. itll be too late #im trying not to despair bc i know myself and i know that despair doesnt motivate me #i know that unfortunately my anger rarely translates into action #but god. i just want to scream. does it matter if most of humanity is good if the people in power #will sit and watch atrocities?

[psychewritesbs]

Been reading your opinions on the boy of all time megumi and can I just say firstly, thank you for being so good w words BC man you get his character so well and you're so good at getting into all the little details abt him that I can never properly describe to ppl, Like, the whole breaks the trope while following the trope thing?? YOU GOT THAT ALL SO CORRECT THATS EXACTLY IT IT'S ONE OF THE REASONS I LOVE HIS CHARACTER SM BC EVEN JUST RIGHT OFF THE BAT HE BREAKS THE USUAL STOIC BROODING CHARACTER TROPE(THE trope) BY ACTUALLY CONSTANTLY SHOWING although subtly THAT HE DOESNT HATE EVERYONE?? im getting way off track already i actually popped in here to just ask abt how you think the whole sukuna possessing megumi thing will all turn out?? I honestly feel like slapping myself for not seeing it coming tbh like they talked about the head of the six eyes and ten shadows battling it out to the death before and sukuna kept on hyping up megumi like they were so obviously setting that up there and I just. Denied. But I'm just asking BC personally I think that it would really show the final steps of growth for megumi's character if he is actually able to surprise sukuna, even for a little, and come back from the depths of where ever tf he is rn bc yk his whole issue w/ self worth and what he believes he's capable of and I just wanted to know what you think the best outcome for his character would be? Sorry this is such a mess I just have so many thoughts zooming around my brain and I'm trying to...make them make sense...

ITS THE MEGUMI LOVE!!!! Yessssss. Thank you for sending me Megumi love! I love getting Megumi love 🫶🏼.

Man, Megumi is just such a good character. Truly one of Gege's best. Everything he's done with him from how his character is based on the trope while also subverting the trope, to his backstory and his growth arc and how it's been executed... It's poetic justice.

I love Megumi so much, and any time I see someone hate on Megumi for really shallow or toxic reasons I just lose all faith in humanity. It's one thing to not care for him as a character and quite another to dislike him for being a "disappointing deuteragonist" because he's "weak", "hasn't had character development", and "did not master 10 Shadows"..................................................

Bruh...

ANYWAYS 😂 you see... this is the thing... I am trying really hard not to speculate about what might happen regarding Sukuna WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY I'M GOING TO SPECULATE BECAUSE I LOVE SUKUNA BUT FUCK SUKUNA!

ehem. More of me not being normal about Megumi under the cut.

Ok in all seriousness... with chapter 230 and how Sukuna forced Megumi to take the brunt hit of Unlimited Void, something shifted in me.

For some time I've been reluctant to make any predictions about Megumi coming out alive because I don't want to have preconceived expectations coloring my weekly reading experience, but mostly because, like Megumi, I have a tendency to bunt instead of swinging for the fence so as to not experience disappointment. Read this to mean I don't want to get my hopes up about Megumi surviving.

That is not to mention that I took Sukuna possessing Megumi's body personal. idk, something about seeing Megumi lose his agency felt both so wrong and yet so right on a metaphorical level. Wrong because DAMN YOU SUKUNA GO BACK TO YOUR BODY! and right because... as you said, Megumi had it coming both from a narrative and psychological perspective.

From then on, we just saw him sink deeper and deeper into learned helplessness and despair, culminating on this beautiful image of him in the fetal position.

Truly a reversal of ego back into the metaphorical mother (the unconscious) as though he was in the birth canal waiting for rebirth. And come to think of it, in the Japanese fandom, one of the more popular theories revolved around "birth" or something like that.

So with ch. 230, my hope for Megumi is renewed somehow. A lot of people think he's done for, especially after UV. But I'm on camp #this is going to backfire badly on both Gojo and Sukuna... or at least I hope it does.

So....

I'm just asking BC personally I think that it would really show the final steps of growth for megumi's character if he is actually able to surprise sukuna, even for a little

EXACTLY! And see, this is the thing, I don't want to see Megumi be saved by anyone other than himself. If Megumi is saved by others, then he didn't learn his lesson.

Basically, Megumi has taken Tsumiki's place as the Sleeping Beauty that is in need of rescuing. He's become a passive agent in his own life, which is exactly what gave Sukuna an opening.

If Gojo or Yuji, or anyone for that matter, comes in and saves Megumi without Megumi putting up a fight, then this whole growth process is metaphorically and literally aborted.

Like you, I personally think that this period could be a metaphorical gestational period for Megumi and I wonder if he's going to reach a tipping point where the anger he feels is stronger than the learned helplessness or something like that.

I just wanted to know what you think the best outcome for his character would be?

ALL THAT TO SAY THAT YES. Sukuna might be my other fave, but I am looking forward to either Megumi giving him a hard time or straight up beating the crap out of him.

Megumi has earned that privilege.

Right now, I am wondering how UV has affected Megumi's brain and what that will mean for his behavior. My hc is that his negative self-image is partly due to "reason". In other words, reason = his sense of self as the story he tells himself about himself.

But Megumi levels up because of imagination. Now that he's been hit by UV (I understand it's been 5 times?), how has being flooded with infinity affected the left (reason or logic, analytical) hemisphere of his brain?

Another idea I've been keeping quiet about is that part of the rebirth process involves moving through hell and up into heaven (a la Dante's Divine Comedy as a metaphor for a process of initiation or enlightenment). Megumi right now is sinking in hell as he comes face to face with inner evil.

So can we expect him to come back up? Will Beatrice make a cameo? I'm looking forward to whatever the cursed cat is cooking.

I just have so many thoughts zooming around my brain and I'm trying to...make them make sense...

ahaha, same tho.

Hey thanks again for the Megumi love, the kind comments, and for stopping by! Here's to hoping Gege does bring our boy back 🙌.

#god i love jujutsu kaisen #ask the mental gymnastics anime girl

[fauslayer]

I'm gonna say it, Faust

LETS GO BABY LOVE DA FAUMT

– Overall opinion of them

faust is my dear sweet guy. my srumple. my blorbus. whatever of those words you want to use but not in the fandom sense. he is deeply important to me and infinitely fascinating. he is kind and he is weird and he is your friend.

– Gender/sexuality headcanons

no matter what the sexuality part is i think A. he is nonbinary (i have proof of this or whatever) and B. he likes men

– Favorite moment in canon

this entire scene. the whole thing.

his voice cracking on the last part of that first screenshot, brought to tears while i-no lays in silence on the ground. does he let himself cry because he feels alone? because he is resolute? idk. there is a sense of himself healing in this scene for me. i like scenes where hes talking about being a doctor in a way that doesnt have the usual undertones of "im a doctor and thats all i am an anything else is a fluke", where he recognizes himself as a person with a lot of love to give.

also, the scene in the strive another story where ramlethal shuts down his plan to sacrifice himself for delilah by finally getting it through to him that hes precious cargo too; he is also a life to be saved, and him subsequently letting go of the him that bundled such resentment against himself for so many years. square one <3

– Favorite moment in a fanwork

GO HERE AND READ SPAGHETTIS FICS NOWWWWWWWWWW

if you want specific requests for faust stuff:

primum non nocere is a excellent dive into fausts perception of the parts of himself and it makes me cry like a little baby bitch i love you faumt most importantly i love you spag IM GOING TO FUCKING GET YOU!!!!!!!

trains in the depot is gorgeous post-ST another story calm. fuaaaa...

a doctor, a politician, and a cowboy walk into a desert... is perfect slapstick and perfect character piecing. i love goldlewis. i love goldlewis.

polyester coffin is part of the faust autism agenda, alongside being a wonderfully moody piece that cuts to the bone of his character and ends with loving catharsis towards his future.

i think i need to stop myself here bc im realizing now that im just going down the list essentially and that would be 27 recommendations so you should just click the link i gave you if youre reading this and GOD FUCK I DIDNT EVEN GET TO TALK ABOUT THE BEDMAN FIC CHAPTER WITH HIM OR JUST ANOTHER DAY OR INTO THE VOID OR HELPING HANDS GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO G

– Favorite line, in canon or otherwise

the "forgive me, i seem to have lost control" bit from xrd, as well as "lying is bad for your body, you know?" delivered in that certain lilt from the sign post-credits sequence between him and chronus. there are so many other lines that make me roll around and shout so this is just the ones i can think of but pweh pweh pweh pweh

– Characters I love seeing them interact with

SLAYER is the big one. from their interactions starting in x2 to their deeply personal (for fausts standards, especially) implied relationship (friendship or further) in xrd just really fucking gets to me. someone on the internet put it best with "Slayer is one of the few people capable of grabbing him by the arm, looking him in the eyes, and saying in a stern, yet caring voice, ’no. You are staying here. Rest.’ And it was a power he was happy to abuse."

other than that, his interactions with fanny in petit are INCREDIBLY fun (she doesnt like him but i totally think they could start an actual friendship in the future once shes done despairing), and of course ZAPPA my MEGASCRUNKLE i LOVE whenever they get to be in the same room.

his interactions with baiken, testament, and potemkin also make me weh cry i love guilty gear

– Last thing before sleeping headcanons

i think as of strive hes trying to be a little more gentle with himself before sleep. actually nestling down his stuff and tucking himself in and everything. I do not think he did that before. i think he slept on the ground and felt bad about anything else unless it was his rinky dink clinic that got burnt down in ggx.

– Sleeping habits headcanons

pre strive: doesnt sleep a lot, usually only out of exhaustion. wants to fall asleep as FAST as he can (fainting is good for this) because he doesnt like being alone w/his thoughts before it happens. nightmares flare up randomly but are better around xx.

post strive: likes big, fluffy nonsense and is getting better at admitting this to himself. loves soft and silky textures so at the very least hes buying a nice blanket to carry around. trying to follow his own sleep advice, but does often find himself lacking still. sleeping habits are just things that are hard to fix.

all the time: man sleeps like an Embryo. his back is so unbelievably fucked up from everything, whether it be his build or his posture, and his sleep is definitely a big wedge. hes as stiff as a rock when he sleeps.

– First thing after waking up headcanons

pre strive: guy who hypes himself up by saying "keep going bitch!" in different accents in the mirror and one day its gonna work. basically just gets dressed, sorts his supplies and gets on his way for another exciting day of Earth

post strive: gets himself a little more leg room, maybe some actual breakfast. its easier to sleep and be comfortable in a bed when you are in a nice place and/or have sleeping clothes and dont wear your dress pants and shirt to bed (xrd).

all the time: he has comical striped old man pajamas with the bauble hat and everything but they only seem to be on when its funny for him to have them. hes an enigma. guy who sleeps in boxers and a big shirt when applicable tho.

– Favorite locations headcanon

faust loves the world AND the people in it, but in my head i always think of him with like. a specific attraction to festivals. maybe its like. this old fanart i saw of him just towering over a traditional festival ground and having all the lights reflecting on him, but i think those kinds of energetic spaces would both compliment his silliness and also give him an opportunity for stillness, in that he can let the world around him keep spinning and laughing and for once, simply bask in it. that kinda stuff.

thank you dearly for the question! i cat kiss gif you

#guilty gear #long post #faust #asks

[rrxnjun]

ok. i was gonna reply to ur comment but it got a bit too long of a rant HAHAHHA sorry😭

but girl i will never stop raving about ur fics istg like something about the way you write and your characters always seem to hit home for me like i always seem to connect with your characters. you make their emotions and the scenarios they're in so vivid and raw and IBFIWRFO i eat it up😭😭😭

i never used to like reading angst but you execute it so well that i'll literally love it when you do it (e.g. fics like two people, when nobody's watching, potential) IDK MAN it physically hurts my heart I FEEL THE EMOTIONS OF THE CHARACTERS MAN IDK

when nobody's watching: when the reader's looking at renjun thru the years from her perspective when the reader wants to reach out, I WANT TO REACH OUT LIKESJFGOWRG WHEN RENJUN SMASHES THE BOTTLE AT THE PARTY YK????

two people: the way you describe jeno and y/n's suffocating one way relationship, I UNDERSTAND THE READER!!! jeno is perfect, he tries to fix the relationship but IT JUST DOESNT WORK THAT WAY the relationship was way over before he tried to fix it and ITS SO REAL!!!! the inner turmoil the reader went thru and the slow changing feels for mark WAS JUST- UGH *chefs kiss

potential: man. where do i even start with this fic. it's a storyline that i never knew i needed to read in my life. like bar u don't understand, potential had me in despair for the next 4 days. i can understand chenle's pain, y/n's confusion, their complicated love for each other. i don't think words can describe how special this story is to me.

this.... became a lot longer than i anticipated and IM SORRY FOR RAMBLING ON ABOUT THE SAME THREE FICS OVER AND OVER OSBFOWRGO but seriously tho, i genuinely love everything you put out, keep up the hard work💗

(i think this is the longest ask i've ever sent lol)

i treat writing as my therapy session so maybe thats why the characters are always so raw- NO but omg this is such an honor bc i really focus more on the characters than the plot i think and i really try to develop them really well and stuff and i focus a lot on the feelings and emotions so >:((( i am so happy that you like that about my writing !!!

the paradox is that i HATE reading angst. like if its in a long fic where its mixed up i dont mind and i think its important to have angstier parts in a long fic too but if its a drabble and its angsty i just won't read it LMAOOO

when nobody's watching was such a spontaneous fic istg i wrote it in what. two days? at uni LMAO. i got the idea when i was like,, watching this guy from afar and then i realised i ALWAYS DO THIS like i always have those silly crushes on ppl and never tell them bc im scared but i care so deeply for ppl that dont even know i exist 😭😭😭 but also i find that i used to change myself a lot to fit into social circles and even tho uni was really lonely for me at first that i kinda let go of that the same way renjun did so it was definitely cathartic to write :,)

honestly to this day idk how i even managed to write two people. like i think its the only fic i have thats about adult mature ppl LMAO all my other fics are like college aus and shit. like where did all of that pain and angst even come from ???? but i am so glad u liked it, i didnt expect ppl to enjoy that kind of fic >:((

DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON POTENTIAL why are my best fics always the most spontaneous. its literally like in my top 5 fav fics ive ever written so i am insanely happy that you like it sm !!! <33 chenle's character in this fic is insanely personal to me also :,) the readers and his dynamic is also one of my favs ive ever written,, idk idk theres just something about this fic...

i am really honored to recieve this in my inbox its so sweet of you and i definitely appreciate it a LOT hope you dont mind me rambling about the fics i just enjoy talking about my writing :,)

#💌ask #j 🌱 #feedback !! #fic: when nobody's watching #fic: potential #fic: two people

[deaths-wife]

**Fruits basket (2019) ending spoilers!!**

I iwas. i was nOT prepared for the ending of fruits basket. The speech Tohru's mom gives in the death flashback?? about living and growing old?? the fact Kyo watched her die??? oh my god Akitos arc?? she was so lonely that whole time?? every single character in that goddamn show has. so much. trauma. send them ALL to therapy PLEASE. I kin Isuzu which is. honestly worrying. and specifically in that scene where she finally accepts Tohru's help and just??? sobs on her????? wow. WOW. AND MOMIJI!!! I honestly wasnt prepared for him to grow up so much in s3 like physically and mentally that poor lil bunny :(( there was a serious lack of Uo-chan and Hanajima in s3 tho ngl bc i absolutely adore those two bitches (Uotani reminds me a lot of Beidou from GI i think bc of the hair, voice, and bad bih attitude so my sapphic ass dEFINITELY has a type oops)

anyway im so glad that everyone got their happy endings but. ngl that show has forever changed me and i will forever love it and ill miss that ill never get to watch it for the first time again. everyone in it grew so much, helped eachother, forgave people, it even addresses when Isuzu doesnt want to forgive Akito when most of the other Sohmas do (understandably, Akito damaged her SO much)

anyway have some of my favourite fruits basket quotes:

"Sure, the idea of forgetting does make me sad- but if that's what it takes, I'll grin and bear it... I do have one thing to ask you- if I forget you, please befriend me again?" - Tohru Honda, S1E2

"People like me cling to kind people. We seek them out. We leech them dry. That’s why I won’t involve anyone else in this. It’s better if I go it alone. I’ll keep running alone. Nobody has to understand me. It’s easier if they hate me. It’s better if I’m all alone. That’s what I decided, and I intend to stick with it. I decided I wouldn’t cry." - Isuzu (Rin) Sohma, ?

"I hate this. This is why I didn't want to get near her. She's that type of person. The type of person who makes me feel this. I wanted to burst into tears. I wanted to run to her, let myself lie in her lap- and surrender my heart to her. I wanted to whine and complain about my weakness. I couldn't do that. People like me lean on, yearn for- and take advantage of kind people.. I'm sorry! I'm going to lean on you- I'm so powerless- I'm so weak. I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know!" - Isuzu (Rin) Sohma, S2E19

"It's scary to be by yourself. It's scary to be- on your own." - (to Isuzu) Tohru Honda, S2E19

"Come on carrots, I don't get what you are so embarrassed about. It's not like I'm asking you to pick up panties for her or something. Jeez." - best girl Uotani :3, ?

"When somebody is important to you, there are times where it can be hard, times when where they may feel lonely… but in the end, it's worth it. Happier, sad, together or apart, my weakness will always be.. Tohru." - best girl Hanajima <3, S1E21

"Just as no matter how hard you try to keep it away, despair will attack you again and again. In the same manner, hope will return to you. Again and again." - Kazuma (Senpai/Master) Sohma, ?

"Even if the world doesn’t need us, we live for the people who do." - Kyoko Honda, ?

"I never thought I’d be praised. I never thought that day would come. I’m imperfect, warped, defective…and yet here is someone who’s praising me." - Machi Kuragi, ?

"If I keep trying, then someday… I’ll be strong enough that those memories can’t defeat me. I want to believe that there’s no such thing as a memory that’s okay to forget." - Momiji Sohma, ?

"I knew it. I knew it all along. Just as there’s rejection in this world, there are people who will reach out to you." - Kyo Sohma, ?

"When did I start thinking stupid, sappy things like that? And why? It's almost like… I'm…" - Kyo Sohma, S2E9

"She must have known that if she let go… I would never return. If I slipped through her hands, I'd be gone. And no one would be able to bring me back. She didn't erase all my pain or offer to solve all of my problems. She didn't fix everything that was broken. But that's not what I needed anyway. Not really. What mattered most was that… she stayed." - Kyo Sohma, S2E9

"I wish I could’ve lived my life without making any wrong turns. But that’s impossible. A path like that doesn’t exist. We fail. We trip. We get lost. We make mistakes. And little by little, one step at a time, we push forward. It’s all we can do. On our own two feet." - Yuki Sohma, ?

"I think it’s true what they say…crying, unexpectedly, does make you feel better. Without shame, like a child. When you get older, you forget about that. It’s not easy to have a good cry anymore." - Hatori Sohma, ?

"You've been sad- miserable- and so very lonely." - (to Akito) Tohru Honda, S3E9

"No- I'm scared! I don't want this! I was promised- so much more! This world- where no one needs me, where everyone's a stranger- I don't want it... No! It's too late! Don't you understand that? This world is unrecognisable. There are no promises, or bonds- no hope of eternity. I'm scared. I can't live surrounded by strangers- alone. Without any guarantee that- I'll be loved? I can't." - Akito Sohma, S3E9

"The second I cry, you'll decide you've had enough. If I complain, you'll get mad. You'll stop liking me- and throw me out of your life!" - (to Tohru) Akito Sohma, S3E9

"Akito- please, don't cry. It's alright. Everything's alright, the scary times are over. You made it." - Tohru Honda, S3E9

"I'm begging you please, do what I cant. Protect my baby girl... Sorry, honey. I guess this is goodbye. I have to go- but I pray that you'll be happy. I pray that your years will be full of people who love you. Live the kind of life you can be proud of in the end. Even if you make mistakes, or take the long way around. Live so that- when it's your time to go- people will say; "You fought well." Have lots of happy times, and sad times, and everything in-between. That's how I want you to grow old." - Kyoko Honda, S3E12

ok thats it, promise.

ik like no one will read this post so its mostly for myself but if anyone out there in the void also enjoys fruits basket- pls take this offering xoxo

#fruits basket #tohru honda #kyo soma #yuki soma #rin soma #isuzu soma #kyoko honda #fruits basket 2019 #akito soma #momiji soma #saki hanajima #arisa uotani #im gay #i love woman #i love women #so much #happy #national girlfriends day #btw #bc apparently thats #a thing #also kyo is hot #same en va as #saiki k #!!! #i love both these shows #anyway uh #bye #its 3:48am #i wish i was kidding

[mbabol]

howwow night

finally. defeated soulmaster. jesus christ. i hated him. closest thing i felt to despair in this game

erm i only went that way to the city also bc npc told me i should get my weapon upgraded before i challenge mantislords. so i did. where am i gonna find ore btw

mantislords honestly ngl felt so much better than soulmaster. soulmaster made me wanna commit violence. mantislords made sense.

THE MANTISES ACCEPT ME NOW........THEY DONT ATTACK ME WTH

i havent even been able to keep up with the lore stuff. um. i didnt go into the deep nest yet bc i wanted to unlock the areas i could go with slam.

got lost trying to find the crystal slam spot and ended up getting into the caves thru some other bullshit path.

got EXTREMELY lost as a result, i hate thise flying crystal bugs btw

get so lost i fall into the burial mounds somehow (?)

DREAM VISION? I WAS RIGHT AGAIN THERES THREE GUYS AND A MAIN ONE. WHY ARE THEY HERE ? I WAS SO SCARED THAT I WOULD HAVE TO FIGHT

i was so impatient btw to get out that when the dream sequence wnded and i was supposed to follow the appearing steps i literally kept jumping off my platform before the steps could form. i did that like four times before i gave up and just waited to see what would maybe happen

SO THATS WHAT RHOSE WEIRDO TREES ARE FOR <- dream nail

i somehow make my way back to the crystal caves after all this. i hate most of these puzzles. i REALLYYYY hated the crusher puzzles. i legitimatelt thought i wouldnt be able to finish those

i did tho.

i think i finished most of the crystal caves....? i got the crystal power dash so. yeah

caterpillar grandpa gave me a grub charm !

went back to the city of tears dont rmember why. exploring. i opened sewers the first time around but didnt go in bc it was dark. went in with the firefly lamp thing i bought. its horrifying down there.

THE MOBS IN THE SEWERS WERE SO CREEPYYYYYY UGHHHH I HATED IT !!!

the sounds they made wrre so unpleasant i honestly need to go back to finish exploring bc i mightve missed loot. i defeated the sewer boss tho one try hell yeah

oh yeah i died like five times in the crystal caves

i lost money once too.

found kings station......intriguing. also the poor little rich citizen zombies. i feel so bad abt the one who runs away. am i the bad guy? ive got a couple more cutscenes and plaques that suggest that i might be

OH YEAH I KNOW NOW so it seems like someone called the hollow knight sacrificed themselves to contain the orange plague in some way. it doesnt look very contained to me, but idk if that means it didnt work or if this is the best they can do actually and its just not spreading further. so i assume the hollow knight like. holds it somehow. in their body. which im wondering if i will end up doing in the end. bc. from the early game comment. i might be a little bit hollow myself.

the ghosties also said something like fhe plague is coming back...? do we need to renew the seal or somethng? i knew it wasnt really working as planned

um also i challenged the red guy in the burial grounds. he also wasnt too bad especialg when i figured out he cant get me when im healing underneath rhe platform. so. he also said some strange things. why did he attack the king? why was it assumed i would also attack the king? i thought the king was providing me soul? why provide soul if he isnt benevolent? what would i gain from fighting him? questions wuestions

im also trying so hard to save these grubs I HAD TO GO IN A TOMB FOR ONE. RHERE WERE GROSS MUMMY MOBS !!! IT WAS DISGUSTING THE SOUNDSSS THEY MADE

uh also somewhere in fungal mounds or whatever its called theres a crying person but i cant figure out how to get to them to talk lol

theres also some puzzles that i couldnt figure out that i might retry. acid is somehow my worst enemy still

i have so many rancid eggs now. why am i collecting thwm ?

#HK

[hinamikasa]

:)

#hey uh i hate myself so much i cannot stand myself at all #pretty sure all my friends are annoyed of me xxxx #i just want to die so bad i rlly just wanna tear myself to pieces i hate myself #what do ppl mean life gets better it doesnt at all #and even when it does it gets ruined and u lose all the progress u have made #and then u have to start again #i hate myself.jpg #i dont feel most of my emotions anymore like when something happens that i know i wouldve been so excited about #i feel absolutely Nothing and then i try to force myself to be happy about whatever it is because i know i should be #and when terrible things happen i dont feel shock anymore i just feel this despair that everything just gets worse and worse and worse #and i try to force myself to be shocked because i know i should be #but im not! just wanna!!! die!!!! so badly!!!!!!!!!! #im certain no one cares about me i cant even imagine anyone caring for me #negative #personal #delete later #i feel so lonely all the time and it makes me want to choke #its just a feeling ill have forever no matter how many ppl im around #and bc im so lonely im so clingy towards ppl to the point its overwhelming for them #bye !!!!!! deliver death to the front steps of my house pls and thank!!!!!!!!!! #no one :))) cares abt me :))))))) #vent

[somedayslater]

ok last spam of me bc of this chapter i swear lol

but how did everyone understood the sentence “you... would you believe me ?” of MGS ?

because im seeing ppl interpretations being “he needs HT to still believe him, to have someone trust in him”. which is a cool interpretation but i actually interpreted that in a totally other way ! I think MGS is asking HT to stop believing in what he just said, aka “its my own problem, i can solve it”. No he cant solve it ! no he cant take it anymore and he needs someone to help him ! its so obvious he cant solve this problem, but he cant admit it. he’s asking HT if HT continues to believe in MGS false bravado and, frankly, utter bullshit. He needs someone to tell him “no you cant solve it on your own, just let yourself be helped. im here”.

i dont know if im explainnig well, so like lets see panel by panel  :

First, we have MGS being totally burn out, desperate. He cant pretend anymore ; hes not fine, hes not angry, hes just suffering and wants things to stop just for a while. He doesnt have strenght anymore and he completely lets his guard down, prompted by HT silent listening and desperate hug. He is, at least, honest. (why does it have to take so much fr you to be honest little mo T^T)

Second : then, he seems to recover a little, remember where he is and with who. Almost by instinct, he returns to his refrain : its doesnt concern you, i can do it myself, whats it to you, i dont know you, blabla.... He gives HT a weak shove, trying to hold on to his usual “badass” (*kof kof*), self-relient, independant persona, but its obvious he cant really bring himself to play this part fully rn. his own voice doesnt even follow him, what with the bubble being all... not-round. he still fighting to preserve the walls he always have around him, but hes just so weak tonight, he cant.

And third : he turns around and maybe im reading too much into it, but the wide-eyed, the hesitation in his face, his unspilled tears.... I think the walls are cumbling. He doesnt know what to believe anymore. Can he solve it by himself ? really ? he cant even believe that himself. So he’s asking HT, i think, if he still should believe in this lie. If he have to assume this self-independant badass persona again, or if he can just let go and confess that no, he cant solve it, and maybe its not his own problem anymore. “do you believe in the lies i keep telling myself ? should i still believe in it ?” He cant tell he needs help directly, he cant totally succomb to the despair in front of HT. He’s letting HT taking the decision for the both of them, and HT gentle kiss (”im here. you’re not alone.”) is a wonderful answer.

(thanks @alexc1ting​ for the translation and your wonderfull and quick work !! i know you’re not a professional translator nor speak current chinese so i cant imagine how much work it take to translate it <3 <3 maybe “would you believe me” is not a perfect translation but i still want to read too much into it lol)

#19 days #tianshan #and thanks whatever deities HT didnt kiss mgs on the mouth #it would have break the whole scene

[ankhisms]

ok im just going to rewrite the post i tried to make talking about alice in borderland bc tumblr decided to eat it but i finished it and. well. i have mixed feelings

tws for rape mention and antiblackness (specifically appropriating black culture)

so there were a good amount of things that i liked about this show, i do really like mysteries and thrillers and despite being a horror it wasnt too gorey which can be a problem for me bc i dont like a lot of gore in horror. the visuals in this show were very well done along with the filming having some really interesting and well shot scenes, there were a lot of moments where i found myself going oh thats a really good shot oh i love the framing in that oh the colors in that are so good. the actors all did fantastic in their roles as well.

i think that this show is much more character driven to me more than anything despite having a very complex, mysterious, and dark premise for the plot where we only barely get some answers illuminating what might be going on at the end of the 8 episodes. the characters are probably what i liked most about this show, i love arisus character because of how starkly he contrasts the antagonists in this show. the antagonists are shown to be saying stuff about how they think that the world of the game is "how the real world and humans actually are were all evil in reality and this is just showing how we all really are" (which is a mindset that i DESPISE) and arisu directly opposes that mindset. arisu is shown over and over again to be shocked and horrified that people are doing these horrible things to each other and he continues to do everything he can to save EVERYONE and not just himself, risking his life in the process and at one point even trying to get everyone else to let HIM die so that they can survive.

the friendships in this show were also what i liked especially the friendship between the first trio, and the way things played out with them leaving arisu alone was absolutely devastating. arisus friendship with usagi is then really good, i really loved that she saved him from letting himself just die laying on the ground in despair because she saw herself in him because she had also felt like that when her father died. her telling arisu that she wanted him to live really stuck with me and they make a good team and are good partners. i feel like friendship is an overall theme in this show which is always something im a sucker for and was interesting to see with the two creators of the beach during the last episode

my big issues with this are first the attempted rape scene in episode 6. usagi doesnt get raped, but she is assaulted by being held down by people and licked by one of the main antagonists who very clearly states his intent to rape her, shes able to escape and the scene is framed as a bad and horrifying event done by a character who has been shown to us to be an awful scumbag who just kills whoever he wants whenever he wants and thinks he can do whatever he pleases. hes then burned alive later and is killed which like good but despite this scene being framed as bad and horrifying, it being included at all was just really awful? like watching that out of nowhere made me feel terrible, it was such a jarring thing to happen at all and personally i feel like including scenes where a character is almost raped even if the rape doesnt actually happen is still just not good and something that i feel like could be avoided entirely.

theres also the issue of a nonblack character having dreads as her hairstyle which i shouldnt have to explain why thats a bad and antiblack

also i dont want to overstep since im tme so i wont say much on this but i felt like i should mention it, i was suprised that this show has a canon trans woman in it? she doesnt die and isnt harmed or misgendered, and in a flashback we see her mother accepting her and calling her beautiful. i dont think that her actress is trans tho i couldnt find anything confirming that when i looked her up

like i said in the beginning i have very mixed feelings about this show, the plot is interesting and theres a good build up of suspense and a sense of wanting to know whats going on. the visuals and acting are great and i do really love the main characters in this show. but the attempted rape scene especially really just 😬😬😬😬 yknow. its like idk this sure was a show that i watched. i feel like i could write more thoughts but tumblr already ate my last post and a lot of my feelings are a lot of (waves my hands around while going ehhhhh out loud)

#rape mention

[davemillerspoopsock]

Hi um I just wanted to say I really like the concept of Ibuki using xe/xyr! Is there any way I could get more info on your au? 👉👈 🥺

AA YES OMG UR THE FIRST ONE TO ASK  ok so i havent really thought about her backstory that much but i HAVE thought about her story in the game and a little bit in the anime!!  This is probably the part where i should put a spoiler warning even though i havent watched the anime myself yet but i know bitz and piecez about it BUT  SPOILER WARNING FOR THE GAME AND ANIME anywayz, ibuki and nagito are in a band called enraged babiez and how they met was nagito was the first to come out to ibuki but then ibuki was all like “ur not alone! in fact im trans too, if it isnt a problem, could u use xe/xyr pronounz,,?” and nagito was like “lol yeah” so they started a band!! obviously ibuki chose the name. during concertz at the island, guitarz are usually broken

in the anime, they met the same way except since nagito was a big thing for hope, he usually dragged ibuki onto adventurez on stopping the remnantz of despair. soon he found out that ibuki actually BECOMEZ one of the remnantz of despair so after a concert he basically sayz “we have to break up the band.” and that doesnt help ibuki bc that just createz more despair for her. but then therez this thing that happenz where hajime and some other goodbye despair/trigger happy havoc cast join him in trying to undo what junko has done. junko sayz she will help because she has “new planz” but she has to undo what she has done to get started, but hajime and some of the otherz have a plan to stop her before she does anything. 

nagito triez to get ibuki to help but shez still pissed off after him basically abandoning her, and since she and hiyoko were basically working together to cause despair (ibuki didnt know this), nagito was all like “please dont stay with her. she’ll cause despair and thatz kinda what we were trying to avoid.” but ibuki has heard shit like that 4 a while so she was like “nagito stop with that, hiyoko’z not doing anything wrong.” 

but uhh thatz all i have rn im sorry gfgfjg!! im also sorry if this is a lot to read ty 4 actually being curious about it!! if u have any more questionz about my au i would b glad to answer!! <3

#danganronpa au #danganronpa #ibuki and nagito #they r close homiez #woo yeah friendz #i kinda just rambled on im sorry

[almightyyasian]

as i fall back into despair bc of the state of the world i fear that i may be projecting my bitterness and nihilism to those around me. its not my job to fix the world. that would be hubris to think that. no one person can help everyone; it has to be a collective effort. but when the collective would rather self serve their own desires and fortunes i cant help but ask what the point of going on is. i dont care how naive and unrealistic it is to want to help everyone. i can finish school, pass my boards and nurse as many people back to good health as i can. but for what. the wealthy and powerful will still dominate while the lesser class of humanity will struggle and suffer. everyone plays a role in this giant mess called life. a part of me says its entitlement to make those at the top help those at the bottom. its a shame nobody cares until it effects themselves. the world is a dark and selfish place. but within the disgusting shadows of greed and corruption its easy to miss out on the beauty of whats lit up around you. i have an awful habit of all or nothing thinking. despite trying my best to change my way of thinking to the positives first, i cant help but succumb to the negatives. my greatest fear is failure. and thats all i ever believed myself to be despite making it this far. ill never be enough for myself. i dont know if i want to accept that ive been living in that fear all this time or not bc i dont think im truly a failure. but when all i think about are the constant negatives it feels like its just second nature and failure is all i see. ive been doing my best to change my way of thinking for a few months now. hell i thought i was making progress since last year but here i am. lost. sad. hopeless for the future. but for what? im going to finish school soon. i have people that i love and appreciate. there are plenty of methods and people available for me to guide and “fix” my way of thinking/living. so why am i in my position again. it might not be the priority question but i cant keep getting into this cycle of despair and hope. what do you live for. the answer is different for everyone. for some it may be same. i thought i had an answer but i guess it slipped away. i thought i wouldnt be this hopeless again but here i am. but i know change doesnt happen immediately. i learned that pretty well in the past two years.

[roymusdamn]

we are probably facing one of the worst physical and mental health crisis here in our collective. practically no one in the headships is okay and seemingly there would be one or two people daily being in the brink of ending everything. im surprised ive come this far , trying to be objective and receiving all of their heavy feelings to relieve themselves. cant seem to sleep anymore or even shower after 3 days. p sure i knew just how to shut this off before or command myself to sleep bc its the only logical solution to something i cant solve yet but here i am 3 days in with practically almost 5 hrs sleep daily. my mind cant shut up and probably also other comrades’ bc theyre still talking to me up until 3 am. i just feel like i have to reply and listen (except for that one that i could not muster up even everything ive learned and practiced from MLM to reply and be objective at this point). im fucken tired. yet i cant stop or disassociate bc i wouldnt want that and at the same time this government is fucking killing everyone bc of their class interest. sometimes i agree with the farmers when they said they wouldve brought a pillbox with them just to make my university listen. everyday state violence should be faced with revolutionary violence. despite all of these, everything violent that happened in the past months are within groups of people that I know and struggled with. why would you fight other kasamas? why would you push them to the brink of wanting to leave a house bc that entire place is a big truckload of triggers? why would u push someone who experienced one of the worst covid effects to still not heal at this point bc of everything that happened? why hasnt the pandemic ended on our part and continue to separate all of us from each other? why is it so hopeless for some important people in my life that they genuinely believe theyre just a nuisance in my/our lives when theyre one of the reasons i/we could still keep on going? literally why are we going through all of this? a lot of us are 20 year olds. people this young deserve this? this shitfuck of a feeling that they would feel truly happy if they never woke up again? it just doesnt make sense to me (or even if i did bc i could root it all back to class exploitation) and idk if theres anything that could be given to me/us which I would consider as having ‘justice’. i probably have to accept that this is already happening and i would have to live with it for the rest of my/our lives. whatever damage this whole ‘thing’ has done is just going to be there forever. thats why i cling so much to my collective bc its just too heartbreaking; its heartbreaking to see comrades i would die for experience all of these. they all deserve love if not happiness in this godforsaken mkmp society. idk if i could give it to everyone but i know others feel the same way (and thats why they should act like they love each other and not treat them like they arent their comrade). i know the communities and schools we’ve done mass work love us not only in the sense we’re able to help out in socio economic needs but bc they are also the ones we are with in struggle. it should be everyones primary task daily to show their love for comrades and the masses. everyday should be a reminder that we arent alone in the struggle. no comrade deserves to feel despair. my heart is always so overwhelmingly full of care for the well being of my comrades , i feel myself getting more and more sleepless in times they arent okay. i just hope we get through this, and i know we will (bc change has been in grained in me since i started here). i just hope others would be strong enough to see thru it til the end. i know we’ll pull each other towards it.

another sleepless night but i know one of these days ill be able to finally rest well

#me #text

[hagiographically]

summer qtr review/thoughts

buckle up kiddos its gonna be long -- this is mainly for my benefit tbh (tw for ed talk but as usual, no detail about behaviors)

but i feel like i tumbled less this summer and tbh i think that is ?? probably good

anyway

the quarter started off horrifically bad because i deteriorated a lot in florence. like, im so happy i went to florence and i experienced so many things and got so much braver and more confident, but i didn’t realize those positive effects until many weeks in, and they didn’t develop fully until i’d left

but i lost like..... at least 15 pounds without trying to or even realizing

surprise! italy is triggering for eating disorders....who knew....not this stanford-educated bitch right here....

anyway i was half dead when i got home to new jersey. i figured this summer i’d have to Actually Recover, and i’d dropped out of my program in south africa to be at stanford, catch up on my major, and get my shit together health-wise

That Did Not Happen, Unsurprisingly

having a disorder means.....the worse u get.....ur brain cares less about recovering....so I hit my lowest weight ever a couple weeks after getting back to ol’ stanf

it sukked cuz summer is triggering because it’s so beautiful and warm outside and like !!! shorts!!! crop tops!!! but anyway i hauled ass to the doctor to make sure i wasn’t going to die

she said “libby you are going to die very soon if you keep doing this”

but!!! that was the go-ahead i needed to flip the switch into Recovery Mode(tm) and i went to cvs the next day and bought hundreds of dollars worth of vitamins and supplements and safe foods because it was an Investment or whatever

and like......it’s been rocky. I’ve slipped up countless times. I gained 10 lbs in the first week and that was super scary lol so I relapsed, and then half-recovered from that, and since then it’s been a tug-of-war with the mental illness goblin

BUT that being said, the whole process has been kind of fun/motivating in a weird way, like I was a scientist and my body was the experiment, and I was just throwing data points into it and seeing what worked.

and ????? Some Things Worked !!! and it really awakens my sense of curiosity to see what things help me-- the nutrition and supplements helped my mood, energy, relationships (kinda? who knows what it would’ve been like otherwise), academics (same as relationships), confidence, etc. it even changed my personality i think, or at least minimized the things i didn’t like about myself and let me cultivate the things i like

like for example, i’m actually.....not an introvert i don’t think? i was talking to my mom about this yesterday -- she thinks she’s a 60/40 E/I and I’m the opposite, so we’re both ambiverts with different leanings. I identify as an introvert because I like solitary activities bc I’m used to being alone, but I realized this summer that.....being alone isn’t always good for me because it awakens mental illness goblin, but also I ??? really like talking to people and I’m good at conversations ??? I met lots of non-Stanf people from going out so much and it was always really refreshing and cool and I got energy from it....definition of an extravert

had conversations that really cemented my current values - got to talk about my classes and how much i loved them, how much the shallowness of bay area tech bothers me, how much i loved italy (florence is so hazy to me rn!! bizarre), regional differences in psychology (my passion tbh) and it just feels so good to care about things wow !! is this what it’s like to be neurotypical? no wonder yall are out there doin it

so I am not recovered in any sense of the word but I am so. much. better. I reduced a hella lot of behaviors, rarely felt depressed, and achieved pretty much everything i wanted, even though this was my sixth straight quarter of college and if i hadn’t done this self-imposed health regimen i don’t think i would’ve died, but i would’ve eroded and probably dropped out of school to go back to residential

should i be getting professional treatment? i think a lot of recovery blogs or experts would say yes, because they’re of the mind you can’t half-recover, and treatment comes before education, etc. and i don’t completely disagree and maybe once i graduate i’ll agree. but. i know that right now i want to be in school. i cannot fully recover on my own, but on my own is the only way i can get pieces of everything that i want. 

i’m healthier and happier because i made the best grades i’ve ever gotten at stanford (easy-ass classes for sure, but i’m still glad i performed as well as i possibly could. it’s a point of pride for me that even though my illness can get really severe, it’s never impacted my grades.) and i still did lots of really fun things! it was less social than last summer, where i went out every other day, but i still went to santa cruz beach boardwalk, an ed sheeran concert, a gay club in SF, SO MANY bars in downtown palo alto (at the point where multiple bartenders recognize me), a play in redwood city, coffee shops and dinner dates and sunlit morning walks to class listening to jukebox the ghost and happy-buzzed from green tea.

i’ll just say it, my fashion was kinda lit this summer....i was very physically confident, which is mixed because i might be romanticizing unhealthiness even though i am healthier than before. who knows. i am in transit

i feel like i didnt socialize as much this quarter with my actual close friends but instead met lots of one-time people and like, it was really nice meeting new people, bc when the people are always changing, i can see which elements of me stay the same. and getting to know who i am now is so interesting because tbh?? ive been through a lot this year (and also with, like, life) it’s so weird thinking of myself As A Whole when anything more than a year ago feels like a fever dream or made up story....anyway!

i did get to see my friends fairly frequently and i’m grateful for every time i did because i’m v lucky to have anyone in my life when i change as much as the fricken weather

my friends who loved stanford before are more over it now, and its funny bc i used to hate it but now im used to the school so i dont anymore. im a senior, i know the school well, ive been a member of so many clubs, been to so many on campus houses, explored the area extensively, taken a variety of classes….im not totally out of FOMO but its so reduced that im confident with what ive done there, and my ego isnt as threatened by other people bc i know i have my own kind of value. it doesnt matter if its objective or not bc how i feel is ultimately what matters

like its not all about what i feel if i dont do anything about it. but ive done some stuff! and im trying to make the shitty interpersonal stuff better! its going!

was able to read and write a little bit which is neaterino ! and i liked my job at the library, it was fun and easy

anyway if i think too much about it i’ll trip out because thinking about life sends me into existential despair, but this was a good quarter. up there with sophomore spring for my favorite/happiest/best feeling quarter? probably even better than soph spring because i was sick for most of the spring. every quarter has ups and downs and this was no exception but the downs didn’t feel as debilitating and the air didn’t feel like a fire blanket for once, and now that i have some strategies under my belt i can’t imagine things ever really getting that bad for a while

#THIS IS LONG IM ANNOYING! #writing #stan #idk how i tag these #summer17

[shikkokunoprelude]

i finished drv3 earlier today, it was alright tho i dont know what to think about the ending. i think i understand what they were going for but... imma just ramble and try to figure out my thoughts bc i dont really have someone to discuss with

so the twist is that in the world of drv3, danganronpa is a reality tv series and its been going on for 53 seasons, it’s popular bc of the battle of hope vs despair. people want to see that struggle & it’s a form of escapism for many.

everything related to danganronpa is now retroactively part of this “reality tv show” concept. the other games, the dr3 anime, i assume the light novels like dr zero, all of it is now part of this tv series

that... doesnt sit well with me, bc i understood the events and characters as real in relation to the world of those characters. so when the mastermind says it’s all a tv show & all the characters, their personalities, their motivations, etc are fabricated in their world.... i feel disconnected from the world that danganronpa takes place in. it all start to feels meaningless bc these characters weren’t struggling & growing, they were acting (albeit they were brainwashed but.... ive got problems w/ that too)

HOWEVER the ending also presents another side, that there is truth in fiction & that all these events were not meaningless. the survivors band together and decide that even though everything they know is fiction, it was real to them. and they convince the audience that fiction is not pointless, that fiction can affect reality & they “end” danganronpa

i.... don’t think i can put myself in the place of this audience who watches the reality show, at least not fully. that’s not what danganronpa was to me, when i decide to replay one of the games or something im going to be thinking “oh in the world of these characters, this is all one big tv show”

and the tv show angle just raises lots of questions for me. like what kind of world do they live in that greenlit this show? is it a hunger games kind of world? everyone in that world is apparently really miserable & totally amoral if theyre fine with viewing AND participating in a killing show, that has gone on for 53 seasons. the drv3 demo ends w/ finding out it was all an act, naegi & hajime & hagakure were acting out a murder so does that have anything to do with the tv show? if the demo is connected then could all the deaths be faked? was shirogane brainwashed into becoming the mastermind or was she already like that? where exactly was this show taking place bc we never find out

.....was it all a lie? was shirogane lying about the reality tv show? the epilogue leave that question up in the air. and shiogane might be a bigger liar than ouma

even though saihara said “we’re gonna end danganronpa” they didn’t, there is no guarantee that the reality show ended or if it was even the truth to begin with. and kodaka/his team could always continue the series.

#ely plays drv3 #ndrv3 spoilers #oh boy this got long.... #i just had to spill out a ton of thoughts out #i think theres more i could say but thats enough #i dont expect ppl to read it #i just wanted to write my thoughts ot #**out