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#im tired everythings too hard not sure how imma get food later and I just want someone to hug mw
im-traumatised · 1 year
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When the joint pain so bad you can't even hold your phone for too long
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wh6res · 3 years
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127 SQUAD AND ROMANTIC BF TINGS
tw a lil bit of suggestive on jae's but nothing explicit
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✰ — TAEIL would sing lullabies over the phone or video call. you and him would just be doing your own thing, not talking but enjoying being each other's presence. he'll probably pull out his guitar and start singing random songs until he eventually notices you fell asleep on him. will not end the call and when you wake up in the morning, his snores and his cute sleeping face is the first thing you see. "love? you still there? ... taeil?" then laugh out loud when you hear his snores instead. "okay yeah lets sleep more" the call will only end probably because his phone died. he kinda strikes me as a guy who's phone is always < 50% battery lmao
✰ — JOHNNY is your everything. literally. as long as he has the power of youtube, google, and instruction manuals on his side, he can fix anything and everything for you. we've all seen him do crafty things on jcc lmao so it'll probably apply to relationships as well. will 100% say you now owe him cuddles for fixing something for you. you kinda dont like the fact that he's doing all these things for you so you try doing them on your own without him knowing only to fail big time. "what did we learn today?" "never touch the pipes under the sink" "and?" "and always ask johnny for help" "nuh-uh thats not how i said it" you sigh exasperatedly "always let my smokin hot amazing handsome boyfriend johnny suh get the job done"
✰ — TAEYONG doesn't care whether you take the time shopping or not. in fact, he loves seeing you all excited and giddy for pampering yourself as you should. totally the type to hold the paper bags even if you complain and say you can manage on your own. is a complete angel and will wait patiently outside changing rooms and will give you genuine insight he has of the clothes you picked. "that looks nice. you should get that. the length is just right and the sleeves help accentuate your waist" "really yongie?" "yes love. i mean you look pretty in everything anyway" miss ma'am my heart just fucking melted ?¿?
✰ — YUTA doesn't look like it but will exert real effort into things. would be the type to have a note or a google doc about your favorite orders from restaurants because he just loves how your eyes light up appreciatively and you look so smitten by him. its like a cheat sheet. eventually he memorizes the list with how much time he spends with you and he wont even need it. the type to always bring you food before meeting you (if its just hanging out inside the house). "no way! i was just craving for these!" he smiles before kissing your forehead, volunteering to put the food out its container for you. "i figured. you'd been working since this afternoon. lets eat first then you can tell me about what you've been working on so i can help you, okay?"
✰ — DOYOUNG loves cooking for you. i highkey feel like its his love language? like cooking for you and seeing your eyes light up as it darts back to him after you take your first bite from whatever he cooked just gives him so much happiness. its disgustingly sappy and he doesn't like talking about it. now he understood fully what it meant to see your loved ones eating and being full yourself or some shit. idk how the actual quote goes okay dont come 4 me but u probably get it. anyway the type to always pack you lunch and will get hella mad if you skip meals. "what do you mean you havent eaten yet?" "yeah but i will after i--" "you mean you're going to eat Now?" "what? no maybe later--" "thats it im coming over"
✰ — JAEHYUN would be the type to make you playlists. its really random sometimes he'll send them to you in the early morning for the heck of it bc he cant sleep. most of the time its him being horny lmao the frat boy in him awakening and sending you a playlist called imma blow your back out or something extremely cringey and thirsty pls dont block his sorry ass maybe he'd spell out the words using song titles too! idk jae just rlly strikes me as a guy who's love language is music. "hey babe did you check the playlist i sent you?" "wtf its 4am???" "oh so you havent listened to it yet?" "fuck off" but at the end of the day he'll come over and will use the playlist to,,, you know,,, do the sexy thing ;)
✰ — JUNGWOO always makes sure you walk on the inside of the road. you know when you're walking in the street and he softly nudges your waist? yes. will probably even scold you playfully because with how long its been since you both are together, "babe you always walk on the inside of the road how many times do i have to tell you?" is also the type to remind you to wear your seatbelt immediately after hopping onto his car. would ask you Again while in the middle of the car ride because he forgot that he already asked you earlier. please don't mind him he's just looking out for you bb. "seatbelt?" "yes, babe. already done" "are you sure? i dont think i heard it click--" "babe eyes on the road please" "oh right sorry"
✰ — MARK sends you tiktoks, vines, or memes. this is his love language fite me im calling it. he just wants to see you laugh too okay? thats why he does it. i mean it made him laugh, so maybe it will you laugh too. also because he hopes to make inside jokes with u cuz he believes thats how people really get close and stuff. would definitely love it if you do the same thing with him. you'd be chilling in the sofa while khalid plays on the bluetooth speaker and he'll suddenly go "babe babe babe check this out!" then you both proceed to laugh at a vine for the next thirty minutes <3 #living.the.yn.life
✰ — HAECHAN will do your skincare for you when you're drunk or super tired that you just passed out cold on the bed. would probably come into the room to see you snoring and tutting bc now he has to do it for you again but meh deep down he loves it because he enjoys admiring your sleeping face. its sorta like a healing thing for him? yeah it just washes away all the stress he's feeling and bb is just excited about the idea that this becomes "your thing" with him if u get what im saying? altho the next day he'll probably use it as a leverage to get out of chores :) "no way im not folding our clothes" "and why is that?" "i took your make up off yesterday u know how hard that is? im still tired" "but its literally the next day--" "awww thank you for doing my chores, baby! u the best!" ._.
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muwur · 4 years
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long distance headcanons
✧ hc’s ✧ for daichi, suga, hinata & tsukki
❧ gn reader
✎ 1.5k words
a/n: hello yall this is my first post! nobody asked, but i just started this haikyuu reader insert blog, feel free to check my page n see wazzap. also requests are open pls come fhorfjepfiwf;
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daichi
✧ after high school, he stayed in miyagi while you went to tokyo, about 5 hours away, for college
✧ texting or calling whenever u can!
✧ you be like “heyyy”
✧ then he clap back with a “go focus on your lecture”
✧ “im not in lectureee”
✧ “you gave me your schedule so i know you’re in the middle of class”
✧ “...”
✧ makes sure you’re awake on time for your classes and calls you if he thinks you’re oversleeping (and hes usually right, this man just KNOWS)
✧ “morning y/n, i think you need to get to class soon”
✧ “mmrghhhghhh” *checks time* “holy sHI-- i forgot to set my alarm. IMMA BE LATE. THANKS DAICHI I LOVE YOU ILL TALK TO YOU LATER BYE”
✧ definitely skips out on some nights out with his friends to video chat you. you catch up, talk about future plans, reminisce, complain about not being able to hug one another, etc. occasionally one of you falls asleep on call, particularly after a long day or week. if he sleeps, you make sure you screenshot his sleeping face and start a picture collection  
✧ you hit him up when you get drunk lMAO
✧ “daiichiii, i miss youuu, i needdd youuuu AND i needa peeee---” “hey daichi, this is y/n’s friend. y/n’s pretty out of it now but they’ll be okay! we’re heading back to our place right now” “im gonna pEE IN THIS CAR”
✧ daichi coordinates with your friends to make sure you arrive home safely, use the bathroom, and get tucked into bed. he thanks the universe you have good friends. if it weren’t for them he’d probs have a heart attacc. sends you cute, reassuring voice messages for you to wake up to the next morning with hangover tips he learned from suga
✧ always checks in with you throughout the day, every day. able to pick up on the slightest hints if you’re feeling unwell and calls you immediately to try to make you feel better
✧ makes plans to visit you! you get really excited to introduce him to your college friends (who, after meeting him, tell you not only is he a hottie but is such a kind guy, fosho a keeper. they also ask if he has any cute friends)
✧ either holding your hand or has an arm around you most of the time.
✧ you spend all day together outside and wandering the city, then spend the night back at your place (sorry roommate, but we’re gonna have to kick you out for a lil bit--)    
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sugawara
✧ you finally secured a job! unfortunately, the company required you to work for a year at their main facility, which was a 4 hour drive away from miyagi
✧ if suga wasn’t needed in miyagi for his teaching job, he would’ve tried to come with you
✧ after unloading your things in your new apartment and before parting ways, suga was like
✧ “everything’s unloaded everything from the car?”
✧ “yes maam”
✧ “do you have enough snacks?”
✧ “we just went to the grocery hun”
✧ “did you bring enough underwear?”
✧ “gDI yEs I dID”
✧ “:c promise to call me often”
✧ “<3333 of course”</p>
✧ good morning texts before y’all leave for work! you send each other cute pictures when you’re getting ready for the day (suga with bedhead, brushing his teeth? suga with his tie half done?? sign me up)
✧ always texts you when something reminds him of you, usually sends a picture along with it
✧ “the store was having a special on oranges today! this one reminds me of you”
✧ “why”
✧ “it just looks so cute~”
✧ will immediately call you if you send him any sort of message that worries him
-“hello? y/n what’s wrong, why is there blood?? speak to me, you haven’t replied in 5 minutes”
✧ “ohhh my bad, i’m just cleaning up don’t worry! i didn’t explain, but the picture i sent you isn’t blood, it’s ketchup i spilled on myself lolol”
✧ poor man nearly fainted from worry
✧ would pay you a surprise visit, making sure to plan it carefully so he knew you weren’t busy with work or plans. brings you gifts of your favorite snacks and a scarf that matches one of his own for the upcoming winter
✧ plans out that weekend for y’all, mans did his research beforehand. together, you toured the city and the surrounding nature, took lots of selfies (and many candids of you), and taste tested lots of foods before returning to your apartment and collapsing into your bed with exhaustion
✧ but y’all not too tired for cuddling n a lil something else >.>
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hinata
✧ sure, being a couple hours away was hard for some... but y’all in different countries right now
✧ calls you immediately when there’s any inconvenience that occurs in his life, no matter how minor, thinking you’ll know how to fix it (or at least give him the reassurance he needs)
✧ “hey y/n...”
✧ “what’s wrong? you sound worried”
✧ “i broke my bike, what do i do”
✧ “you what? are you alright?? how? where are you? it’s midnight there, honey”
✧ “i was biking back to my apartment after staying late to practice! i didn’t wanna hit this turtle, so i swerved into a pole and now my bike’s wrecked :**”
✧ “ahh, are you okay?? you’re not hurt are you :(”
✧ “no, im okay... but im tired and i have two miles to go ;(((”
✧ “;( im sorry babe but you gotta walk home. we’ll get you a new bike. ill stay on the phone with you until you get back. tell me about your day <3″</p>
✧ talks about you all the time to his friends! introduces you through video chat to them! “look how pretty and cute y/n is!”
✧ together you work out your time differences and busy schedules so you can chat whenever possible
✧ he lets you know whenever he bought something for you, but never shows it to you because he’s excited to see your reaction in person when you reunite
✧ always asks you to send him pictures of yourself, he wants to see what you look like everyday he’s missing you in real life
✧ you surprise visit HIM. he’s so happy he could cry. shows you around every place he loves, shows you off to everyone he knows, holds your hand the entire time and never wants to let go, is practically glued to you not that you mind  
✧ you spend your last night together lying in the grass, hand in hand, looking at the stars and sharing sweet kisses  
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tsukishima
✧ y’all went to separate universities. while he stayed relatively close to miyagi, you went across the country to okinawa, which was about a 3 hour flight away
✧ he sees all the couples around campus n becomes lowkey bitter, texts you immediately about gross pda like hand holding that he secretly wishes he could do with you “these people in relationships are too happy, i didn’t ask to see them gawk at each other all day” “u just miss me lmao”
✧ once overheard a convo on a shuttle at school that went like :
✧ person 1: “ugh, he’s so cute”
✧ person 2: “why dont you go out with him??”
✧ person 1: “i dunno, his dorm’s down the street, i can’t really do long distance”
✧ nANI (by the way, this is a irl conversation my friend overheard, oml)
✧ tsukki nearly choked on his morning coffee
✧ bothers texts you in class bc he’s bored and in need of your attention
✧ “hey tsukki this prof’s lectures are rlly dense, i needa focus, ill text u after”
✧ “but arent i more interesting than rocks”
✧ “trust me, id even rather watch some dino documentaries with you than be here”
✧ *read*
✧ likes to chat with you most nights as he lies in bed before going to sleep, staring up at the dark ceiling and listening to your voice through his headphones. usually just talking about how your days went (as if you weren’t texting all day) or just casual talk and banter
✧ you remind him to make sure he’s taking care of himself and eating well
✧ “who are you? my mother?”
✧ “no but you’re about to be single”
✧ surprise visits you, tells you it was yamaguchi’s idea when it was really his own and yamaguchi was just teasing him about it  
✧ you show him around the city, sharing what you know about its rich history and culture. you visit most areas you both wanted to see before calling it a day
✧ your roommate conveniently spends that night over at their friend’s they just wanna give you alone time, which y’all very much needed. you make it a note to repay your roommate somehow.
✧ sweet lovin that he’s been missing, then some spooning as you sleep    
a/n: just wanna tackle these about 4 characters at a time but if u wanna see this headcanon w/ other characters feel free to hmu w/ an ask <3<b> also sorry if i text type a lot and that im inconsistent with my apostrophes, let me know if that’s something you want me to fix! 
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dayasbun · 5 years
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Fame - Angus Cloud (5)
Summary- a luckily timed audition leads to you falling for your new and unexpected co-star.
Warnings- okay HI welcome to my first multi chapter series woah?! this is actually so exciting for me like wow especially since angus doesn’t have any fics yet im just really really excited- so warnings! smut for sure, bad words, lotsa fluff, angst- everything in one basically. here comes a ride and I hope you enjoy :)
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5 {reading now}
-
You woke up to an empty bed and cold covers. With a sigh you sat up, wondering where Storm and Z had gone. Grabbing your phone, you shook your head as you read the messages on your home screen.
Babygirl Z <3: Yoooo so we dipped cuz Angus's weird-ass kinda threatened us to gtfo out cuz he wanted to spend time w you but don't tell him I told you that, I don't wanna deal w him
Lil storm!: i think the hood boy in love with you or sum- it's weird.
Angus ☁️: you free today? i got some plans for us so if you ain't you free now
Angus ☁️: i'm playin btw like if you ain't free i can change shit around
You giggled as you heard your nails click against the phone's screen as you sent responses.
-mhm i'll act like i never saw this...have a good day of filming gorgeous <3
-see storm, i highly disagree
-i'm free :) is this a date mr cloud? don’t forget we have filming today
You got up brushing your teeth and washing your face. You waited for Angus's response before picking an outfit for the day, and instead decided on making breakfast for now.
Babygirl Z <3: thanks lovely same to you!!!
Lil storm! laughed at your message
Angus ☁️: shittttt ion know maybe- n yeah ik
-i'm making breakfast, come over if you want
Angus ☁️: food?? i'm already on the way
-my trailer door is unlocked so just come in
A few minutes later you heard the heavy trailer door creak open. You flipped a pancake before turning around and facing the taller man in front of you. "Gooooood morning- you look so tired?"
"Damn, thanks Y/N you look great too!" Angus said sarcastically rolling his eyes.
"Boy, I'm kidding." You grinned wrapping your arms around his waist "How'd you sleep?"
"I slept ight, you? Any dream-"
"SHUTUP!"
"I was just checking damn, just checking!"
You let off the hug and walked back over to the stove turning off the burners. "Okay, done! Pancakes and eggs- and fruit! Can't beat that." You made both you and Angus a plate and sat them down on the small table.
You both ate with smiles on your faces, talking the whole time. You learned some more about Angus and his past, and he learned more about you and what you want your future to be like. You couldn't help but laugh when he spotted a carton of store-bought sugar cookies on your counter and insisted he eat at least five. You didn't deny his request, so he polished them off with the rest of his pancakes.
As soon as the breakfast came to a close, both of your phones dinged at the exact same time.
"That's strange," You said picking up the electrical device. You quickly unlocked it as your eyes scanned the screen, and when you finished you immediately looked up at Angus. From the look on his face, you could tell that he clearly had finished reading the message as well.
"So…" he said quietly.
"Yeah."
"Yep."
The text message wasn't too big of a deal, just a simple message from Mary of a suddenly new shooting schedule. You weren't worried until you reached the paragraph that made very clear that instead of shooting you and Angus's sex scenes next week, or possibly two weeks away, they would be shot tomorrow and for the rest of the week.
Shooting the scenes wasn't exactly the problem, it was the caliber of the scenes that you two would be shooting that was the problem. Also the fact- that though there isn't much talking during the sex scenes- you would have to memorize the lines of the new episode. Even though you and Angus were more comfortable with each other, sex scenes were not anything that you two were ready for, you guys hadn't even kissed yet, whether that was a real kiss, or a kiss practicing for the scene.
"I think we need practice."
"I agree."
"So uh..." He turned red as he picked at his nails.
You let out a sigh. "Okay so look. Basically, the scene just consists of me being naked, you being naked as well, but they're going to jimmy rig something so that obviously we aren't actually doing it. Mary told me in my message that I would have some type of pad over my you know what, and you would have some type of cup on."
"But-"
"I'm not done, wait. There are covers over us; so even though I have to give the effect of riding you, I'll just kind of be awkwardly rubbing my padded- you- know- what up against the cup."
"Okay, don't we make out before?"
"Yeah, we do." You stood up and rinsed off the plates. After placing them in the dishwasher, you turned back to your male co-star. "Okay, so it's about 11 AM right now. If we practice our lines, make out some, and I awkwardly ride you clothed in my bed, I think we should be fine..what about your plans?" You asked softly.
"It’s ight, they can wait. But there's another scene- where I smash you from the back. That's the part where I gotta show my cheeks man, damn I don't wanna show my cheeks!"
You laughed a bit "You'll be fine... tomorrow we'll be shooting probably just making out, then the next day the riding scene, and then the day after that more. And I know this seems kind of shitty, but if you read over other peoples paragraphs besides just ours, a lot of their sex scenes were moved up too, and some of the pairings are a bit weird and unexpected."
"Okay let's stop talking about it and just do it."
You nodded and silently walked into your small bedroom, sitting on the messy bed. You hadn't made it because, well you didn't exactly expect to have Angus in your bedroom, let alone to do this.
"So..."
You turned to look at him with a raised brow, "What?"
"So imma kiss you."
Why did that one sentence make your heart. Skip. So. Many. Fucking. Beats.
"Yeah well, that's what the script says right?"
He nodded and licked his lips. "Come get on my lap."
"Why? That's not in the-"
"It'll be more comfortable, especially if we doing this for a minute."
You took in a breath as you went over and straddled his lap, your legs around his waist, and your arms resting comfortably on his shoulders, wrapping around his neck.
You looked into his eyes, and god they were just gorgeous. "Angus.." You said softly.
"Yeah?"
And for .2 seconds you actually debated telling him- telling him that when you kissed him, you didn't want it just to be practice for the show. Telling him that you felt like you lived for the nights that he would facetime you and tell you dumbest shit that would just have you dead tired the next day. Telling him how much he made you laugh, and how it made you so unbearably happy every time you saw his name and knew it was the cause of your phone screen lighting up. Making sure he knew that the past 2 months of your life had gotten so much brighter just because of him.
You didn't though.
But if you had? He would've told you how he felt the exact same way. He would tell you how he loved how your eyes sparkle in the sunlight, how he loved how your nose scrunched up when you laughed. About how you were the only person who would listen to his dumb Mandela effects, even though he knew you didn't believe in all of them. And how it made him blush every time you sent him a mirror selfie on Snapchat for your streak- which he always lost.
But neither of you said anything.
Instead, you made out for a full 32 minutes with absolutely no passion, no lust, no nothing. Too scared to open up to the other due to the fear of rejection.
Until he got hard.
Again.
And that was your little 'ding!' to let you know yet again, 'he wants you.'
So your hips began to move {finally, after 32 minutes of dead nothingness} and you and Angus's lips began to fight for dominance. His hands moved from being awkwardly placed on your sides to under your shirt on your waist. Feeling his hands on your bare skin, you let out a soft moan into his mouth- which you could tell completely caught him off guard.
"Fuck you moaning for?" He teased, still not letting off of the kiss.
"For you."
He bit your lip causing you to moan yet again, your hips still bucking against his hard-on- holy fuck that felt a lot better than it should've. You grinned a bit as you felt his beard brush against your face.
"God. you're so hot."
'Oh my god' you thought, 'It's happening.'
"Baby, I have nothing on you." You replied seductively, sliding your hand down from his shoulder to his crotch.
"Fuck Jess..."
You grinned as he- wait what?
Jess- right, your characters name. Reel it in, you told yourself. This is just acting, nothing more. Just acting. Though you stayed into it, something about him calling you Jess turned you off a bit. After 10 more minutes or so you stopped, getting off of his lap and sitting on the side of him.
“Wel-”
“Yeah, that was good!” You quickly cut him off. “I definitely think our awkwardness has melted away a bit.”
“But don’t you wanna talk-” 
“We have some scenes to film at 1, its 12:30 right now so we should head to wardrobe.”
Angus looked at you with a confused expression on his face, but just nodded slowly and stood up following you out.
All you two had to film was the scene of you coming back, so it was a calm and chill collection of scenes to go through. Everything ran smoothly, and by the time you two were done around 9PM, you were as tired as could be.
“You're such a good fucking actress Y/N.” Angus complimented you as you two walked back to his trailer. He offered you to stay over for the night- just to sleep of course- and you couldn't reject the offer even if you wanted to- which you didn't want to. “Thank you,” you replied softly. “You’re quite talented as well.”
“Nah girl, I'm just being me.”
You two went into his warm trailer talking of filming the scenes, and how tired you both were. You both tried to avoid the topic of the scenes you had to film tomorrow and for the rest of the week; though you were supposedly ready, it was a strangely sore topic.
Soon showers were taken, clothes were changed, and all that was left to do was cuddle.
Angus flipped off the lights and then crawled into the bed with you. You moved closer to him, listening to his rapid heartbeat as you traced hearts on his chest. “Night Redhead.” you said softly, placing a kiss against his cheek.
“Goodnight Mamas.”
And as you lay next to him listening to his light snores, you thought about something. You thought about how though today had been so amazing, and finally, you felt as though the awkwardness had melted away… it was all acting.
Angus didn't like you; that's what you told yourself. Any man would get hard if an attractive woman was sitting on his lap, so that was self-explanatory. Any man would call you baby during a heated moment, any man would talk dirty to you in a heated moment. And a good man like Angus would always make you feel comfortable when you practiced for a scene- that's all he was doing, he wanted you to feel comfortable.
You couldn't be hurt about the situation, the whole point of doing any of that was just practicing for the scenes. And after all, Angus called you Jess, not Y/N.
But at the same time, a little part of you wouldn't stop screaming that you really really really wished he had said your name instead. A little part of you-
Your thoughts were interrupted by the soft glow of your phone lighting up along with a light vibration. A smile appeared on your face as you saw who the message was from.
Babygirl Z <3: GIRL
Babygirl Z <3: BABES ARE YOU UP??!
-yeah you okay? what's wrong?
Babygirl Z <3: shit I'm sorry but i have to tell you this
-what's wrong????? are you okay?
Babygirl Z <3: I'm fine but
-?????
Babygirl Z <3: fuck don't hate me ily okay this is for the best just remember that
-Z get to the point...
Babygirl Z <3: okay so...storm and i just did some digging and
-and?
Babygirl Z <3: and we think Angus got a girl back @ home
-
taglist:
@nikkixostan @melaninmarvel @celiajrs @siriuslycollins @patientplum @babygurlbarnes
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cryinggameff · 5 years
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Seventy-Five
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Randi
Cameron’s crying woke me up early in the morning as usual. I started to get up but Cayden mumbled, "I got him," and got up from the bed. I looked over at the clock. It was 8am. Cayden would be leaving for work soon and I'd be going to drop Cam at my moms. I was trying to slowly get back to going to work, a couple of times a week anyways. Cayden worked a normal 9-5 schedule now, the ride share app he had invested in had blown up and now he was a cowener in a big time company which kept him busy. He really loved what he was doing which made me happy. I was co-owner of 2 salons now. After almost 2 years of back and forth, a second location was up. That required me putting in more regular hours though, which meant leaving Cameron. I felt guilty about working for months after He was born, but now a year later, Cayden and Ms. Williams,my therapist, both convinced me that working was good for me and that i wasn't evil for doing so. He was 1 now and I felt better about leaving him with someone else. I wasn’t breastfeeding anymore and he didn’t need 24/7 attention. But i couldn't deny being a mom came first on my list of priorities and consumed most of my time and thoughts, and i was fine with that.
"You going into the salon today?" Cayden asked, coming back in the room with Cam. I smiled reaching out for him. Seeing him in the morning was the best part of my day because after sleeping for a few hours I missed him. His face lit up when he saw me and he giggled, bringing out his cute dimples. When I looked at him I thought about the fact that I almost missed out on this because I was set on not having kids. I also thought about everything I went through to give birth to him and the fact that I’d do it all over again.
"Good morning mommy's baby," i cooed, nuzzling his face. "Yeah, i'm going in. I have so much to do for tax season," I said.
"My mom taking him this week?" he asked. I nodded. Our parents switched who would watch him. It was perfect because they all didn't work anymore. God knows i couldn't leave Cam with strangers. Cayden took his shirt off to go shower, revealing his perfect chest, well perfect except the gunshot wound under his right peck. He leaned down to kiss me and i met him. He kissed me for a long time and Cam started crying.
"You need to get ready, and i gotta get him some food," i said. We went separate ways and went about our morning routines.
At the door Cayden gave Cameron some last cuddles then handed him to me. He kissed my forehead.
"Imma see you tonight beautiful," he said. I smiled and nodded. I watched him get in his car and go. Then i had to get Cam and myself in my car and drove to Cay's mom's house. On the way there I thought about how normal life was now, Cayden going to work in the morning, to a legit job, m dropping of our kid, and going to work. Life was so different now.
I got to the salon later in the morning and went back to my office. I sat down and immediately checked my phone. It was habit now whenever someone else was watching Cam. I checked for texts or calls about him. When i saw nothing i reluctantly got my computer on and started pulling up my files. I worked for about 2 hours before i cracked and checked grabbed my phone to call Cay's mom. She didn't answer my call and i put my phone down angrily.
"He's fine Randi," i said to myself, turning back to my computer. The separation anxiety i felt with him was hard to explain. It was different than with Cayden. When he wasn't with me i got that feeling like when you think you're forgetting something really important, but constant. It was weird not hearing him cry or laugh for so long, it put me on edge. I wasn't sure how Cayden was able to just go to work like it was nothing.
Jada came in then.
"Hey, I put all those receipts on your desk, did you see them?" She asked.
"yeah," i said with a sigh. I glanced at my phone again.
"Whats up with you?" She asked.
"It's Cameron," i said.
"Why is he sick?" she asked with a frown.
"No. But Cayden's mom won't answer my calls. I just want a picture of him so i know he's ok," i said.
"She's probably busy watching him, it's a good thing she not on her phone," she said. She had a good point. "You worry too much," she said, leaving the office. I knew i worried too much, i didnt wanna be like this. It just came with the whole mom thing.
Later a knock came at my door and i looked up. It was a delivery guy.
"Mrs. Jones?" he asked.
"yeah, thats me,"i said. He gave me the clipboard and i signed it, looking around for the package.
"Package is out front," he said. I thanked him and went out to the front desk to check what is was. China turned to look at me.
"I hate you," she said. I was confused, then i saw the huge bouquet of flowers. I smiled like an idiot, jumping up and down a little. I picked up the card.
--->To my beautiful wife, because i can't stop thinking about you. Im sure you're thinking about Cam not me but that's ok. P.S he's fine, stop worrying. From: Cay and Cam
I teared up and held the card to my chest. I loved how thoughtful Cayden could be. That gave me the motivation i needed to get through the day.
I picked Cam up around 3 and made my way back home. Cole called me on my way saying that he was coming over. He beat me home and was waiting in the drive way when i got there. He helped me get Cam out of the car.
“My little man!” He said, taking him from his car seat.
“He just put on a show on the way home, cried the whole ride. He's so tired.” We went inside.
“You on your own?” He asked.
“Yeah, Cayden still at work.”
“Damn, he really taking this CEO shit serious. You can always leave him with me if you need a break,” he said.
“I’m seriously gonna take you up on that, but anyways, so bachelor party. I have everything set, just need to know what time you want the limo.”
“Like 10 probably. I plan on being drunk by then so it don’t really matter,” he chuckled, letting Cam play with his fingers.
“Ok. I still need an outfit, I’m always scared to be out dressed by the strippers,” I said. I was gonna be the only girl at the bachelor party, I wasn’t planning on staying too long anyways, I knew I’d be missing Cameron and I wanted to let Cole hang with his buddies.
"Aint that weird? Going to a strip club with your man?" He asked, putting Cam's pacifier back in his mouth.
"Not really. Im used to it," i said, "but he doesn't even go anymore. This will be the first time he's gone since Cam was born. But why are you going to a female strip club when you don't like girls is the real question?"
"Male strip clubs aint the same," he shrugged. "Only thing is i know Ty attracted to females so that's gonna be a bit weird." I went around the kitchen making something to eat for all of us. I started cutting stuff up for a salad and warming a bottle for Cameron. Cole came to sit at the island.
"Im sure he'll behave himself," i said. "He's marrying you, so clearly he's not checking for anyone else, male or female" i assured him. He nodded.
“Did you get nervous before your wedding?” He asked. I nodded.
“Hell yeah. You know i was a mess leading up to it. I had a panic attack day of too," i laughed remembering. "You getting nervous bout it?"
"A little," he shrugged. It was odd to see Cole unsure or worried about anything. He was always so care free, go with the flow type of guy.
"It'll go away once you see him on the day," i assured him. He nodded in agreement.
"One more week to go," he said.
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Cayden
I was in meetings all day today which was tiring. Sometimes this job was more tiring than drug dealing, which i ever expected. I really liked doing something different though. When i thought about it, i kind of did the same thing when i was in charge of the warehouses, i handled all the business behind the dealing. Negotiated with cartels, contracted people, allocated supplies. That's pretty much what i did now, just not with drugs. I was really into the whole tech thing too, the dudes i worked with were crazy smart, inventing apps and shit.
After my meetings i went to my office to check my emails. I checked my phone too and saw the message from Randi thanking me for the flowers.
There was also a message from Keisha which I opened.  It was a photo of her son after a basketball game. Yes, i had stayed in touch with her, because that was my nephew, and the circumstances didn’t change that. Randi was all for it and we’d even have him over sometimes. So I’d see him here and there and she kept me up to date on what he was doing. I chuckled a little at his big gap smile, he looked so much like Trey it scared me at times. The more I was getting to know him the more I saw Trey in him, and that made me feel like my brother was still here.
After replying some emails I finally made my way home. It was an hour past Cameron’s bed time which meant I wouldn’t get to hang with him before he slept. I walked around downstairs and when I didn’t see Randi I went upstairs. I could hear her in the nursery. I walked over quietly and stood by the door. Randi was bouncing Cameron in her arms while he was fussing. She was so small he took up her whole torso now and he was only 1.
“Shhh, Mommy’s got you Cam ” she said softly,rubbing his back in circles. He finally got quiet and she went to put him back in his crib. She turned on the rain machine for him because he loved that shit and couldn't sleep without it. She finally turned towards the door and she jumped when she saw me, putting her hand to her chest.
“Jesus Cay, how long you been standing there?”
“Not long, but I can watch you with him all day,” i said, going up to wrap my arms around her waist.Her hair was all messed up, coming out of the bun she had, and she was wearing sweats, but she still looked fine. I looked over her head to Cam in his crib. “I tried to get home before he went to sleep," i said. I had stayed at the office later than usual.
“You just missed him. He woke up from a bad dream,” she frowned.
“I know what you’re thinking. We didn’t give him bad dreams Ran, he’s a baby, probably just wanted some attention” i could read her mind. Randi had this theory that Cameron inherited bad dreams from us because sometimes he would wake up crying or screaming. We both had a history of bad dreams so maybe it was possible but I still assured her that wasn’t the case.
“You don’t know that,” she mumbled. I tugged a piece of her hair.
"Come on, you gonna wake him up," i said, pulling her out of the room. I dragged her into our room so i could change. "I talked to Ty today, the suit is ready. Can you pick it up tomorrow for me?"
"Yeah, i have to go pick up my dress anyways," she said. "I'm so excited, I can’t believe this is finally happening" she smiled, folding her legs.
"Im just surprised neither one of them backed out yet, i thought for sure Ty would have wigged out by now," i said, taking my shirt off.
"Cole is the one I was worried about. He came over earlier, he was freaking out a little," she said, grabbing my shirt and straightening it out. "But i told him that was normal. I was loosing my shit before our wedding, but if i made it down the aisle, he can."
"True. I deadass thought you weren't gonna show up to our wedding,"i laughed remembering.
"Thought about running, my dad dragged me out of that room though," she laughed as well.
"Your ass lucky i still married you after making a nigga self conscious and shit," i mumbled. It was easy trying to lock her down. She grabbed my arm.
"I been lucky since the night you drove me home from the club," she said, referring to the first time we met. I thought back to that night and where we were now. "Even though you didn't say one word to me that whole car ride."
"I was having a bad day," i chuckled, "it wasn't personal. And i showed up to your house the next day didn't i. And day after that, and pretty much everyday after."
"You were,” she nodded. I sat down beside her and pulled her in to me. “I think that’s why I liked you. You were consistent, and I needed that,” she said like she was deep in thought. “Who would have thought back then that we'd be married and have a kid together?"
"I thought so," i said with a loud laugh. She looked at me like i was crazy. "Dead ass. I knew after that first day, that was it, you was the one. I never just wanted to be around someone all the time before,” I played with her hair.
“Why do you say all the right things?” She said softly, looking back at me.
“I also say the wrong things sometimes,” I reminded her. “You was just mad at me yesterday.”
“That’s true,” she gave me a  side eye remembering the petty argument we had gotten into. We didn’t really fight like that anymore. Having a kid together made other things seem irrelevant, and we had a different level of respect for each other now as his parents.
“You know what’s weird? Like a year ago we probably would have been sorting through duffle bags of coke right now,”I said randomly. She laughed.
“Yup, I’d be counting, estimating profits,” she shook her head, “that feels like a life time ago.”
“You was really ride or die for a nigga,” I said, “even when shit was hot,” I looked at the scar on my rib and thought about how she had taken care of me.
“I knew what I signed up for. It was hard for me after the shooting though, I can’t lie. After that day...I knew I was done. Then I got pregnant, and that just pushed me to say what had been in my mind for a long time, it was all about Cam from that moment on,” she played with my hand in hers. “Do you miss all that?”
“Nah. I was done with that part of my life. I was already starting my plan to get out before you told me, but that just made it that much more important to do it. I knew the life you wanted and I wanted to give it to you, and to our kid” I looked over her face. She nodded and we sat in silence for a little bit. After some time she looked down and put a hand to her stomach.
“Sometimes I miss having him inside of me,” she smiled. I raised a brow.
“Does that mean you ready for a second one?” I said excited, pulling her closer in to me.
“Hey don’t get excited. We talked about this, we said next year,”  she reminded me, pushing me away.
“We gotta start now if we gonna get 5 out the way before we old,” I said. She leaned back and looked at me like i was insane. I tried to kiss her and she was trying to run away.
“Cayyyyy” she complained as I planted my lips on her neck.
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Cole
***a week later***
Today was the day, and to say I was nervous was an understatement. I had never been this nervous to step out on the football field, or even when I came out to my family. This was different. I knew I wanted to be with Ty forever, but it was the idea of ‘marriage’ that made it all so fucking scary.
It was funny to me because this was all Ty’s idea. He had asked me to marry him. It had crossed my mind too but I wasn’t sure he wanted all that. I was happy to just be whatever we were. Living together was the main thing I had wanted and I got that.
Our families now loved each other and we were both in good places with them. My mom and I were the closest we had ever been, which I wouldn’t have expected 3 years ago after all the family drama. But this wedding was a big part of why we came together. She wanted to be there for me and was happy to see me happy. She was helping me tie my bow tie, and crying while doing it.
“I’m really happy for you Cole” she said, “I can tell Ty is in love with you, and it’s clear you love him.”
“I do,” I said.
“All I’ve ever wanted was this for you. I know it may not always have seemed like it. I just hate that we weren’t on good terms for so long,” she wiped a tear, “when you’re my only son. I know now that I was wrong,” she said.
“I was wrong too mama. I was so angry I couldn’t put my pride aside and fix things with you,” I admitted.
“Well, that’s all in the past now. The important thing is everything is how it should be now. Just me and my baby,” she said with a smile.
“I love you mama” I said, kissing her cheek.
“I love you too baby,” she patted my cheek. “There, you look handsome as ever. That Ty is so lucky he scored you.”
“You ready to walk me down the aisle?” I asked, holding my arm out. Both of our mothers were walking us down. Ty was supposed to go first and I knew he was already there and waiting for me. That made me excited. The music started playing then and my stomach flipped.
“That’s our cue,” my mom said, opened the doors to the ceremony room.  
I could see Ty standing there on a suit, something I hadn’t seen since Cayden and Randi’s wedding, anxiously waiting. He was touching the cuffs on his shirt but then looked up and made eye contact with me. We both smiled and the nerves and anxiety melted away.
The reception was lit. We had a DJ and all our friends and family were on the dance floor. A slow song came on and Ty grabbed me to dance with him. I had been separated from him for a while talking to people.
“I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” he said. I smirked.
“Awe you missed me?” I said. He rolled his eyes.
“Maybe,” He said.
“Well you bout to be stuck with me for a real long time now if that makes you feel any better.”
“I still can’t believe we’re married, that’s kind of lame,” he said, looking at the ring on his hand.
“Yeah but it’s cute. We still gonna be the same so,” i shrugged.
“Yeah, I’m glad we did it. For our families too,” he looked around at the people around us and I did the same. There was a lot of people happy to see us happy, and that touched both of us since not everyone was ok with our life style. I spotted Randi then, standing just off the dance floor holding Cameron on her hip. Cayden had his arm around her. I winked at her and she winked back. Both our lives had turned around in a matter of a couple years, and we were happier than ever. It made a nigga a bit emotional. I had been at her wedding and now she was at mine, that was some movie shit.
“I hope your winking at your mother, or else I’m throwing hands,” Ty said, following my gaze. “Oh it’s Randi.”
“You jealous?” I teased.
“Y’all petty niggas deserve each other,” he said, shrugging. “The friendship still confuses me though,” he said.
“Me too. But I just know she been there for me like nobody else, other than you. She was my family when I wasn’t on good terms with mine,” I explained.
“I get that,” he nodded.
“Now i have it all, my family,my friends, and you,” i smirked. He smiled back at me and pulled me in to kiss me.We kissed like it wasn’t a room full of people.
Randi
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I was standing watching Cole and Ty be cute when my mom came and took Cam from me.
“You two go dance,” she said, nodding at the dance floor. Cayden took my hand and pulled me in that direction. He put his arms around my waist and I put mine over his shoulders.
“This reminds me of our first dance,” I said, grinning like a little kid. “I’m just missing the dress, and I have an extra 30 pounds on me now but other than that,” I laughed. He slipped his hands to my butt as if we weren’t in public.
“I like the way you look now,” he said, “you sexy as hell to me,” sliding his hands around to my hips, “Shit, i been thinking about taking that dress off all night,”
“Thank you Baby,” I said, “you make me feel sexy.” He really did, even when I was pregnant and blowing up, or now when my body was still not the way it used to be.
When we got home I wanted to take off my makeup and shower so Cay signed up to put Cameron to sleep. I took a quick shower and then went to peak in the nursery wondering what was taking him so long. Cayden was sitting in the rocking chair with Cameron in his lap and a book in his hands. I stood outside listening for a while and i laughed quietly at the voices he gave all the characters. Creating a human with someone changed the relationship forever. Yes i loved him even before i had his baby, but loving Cameron together on top of loving each other was a strange and powerful thing.Plus him being caring and protective was such a turn on and made me wanna give him 5 more kids. He was such a hands on dad too, which i knew he would be. When Cam was first born all I really did was breastfeed or pump, Cayden changed all the diapers, got him cleaned and dressed, and took him when I needed sleep. That’s the kind of husband and dad he was.
"Randi I know you eavesdropping" he said once he was finished the book.
"What?! how did you know?" I moved into view and then walked inside the room.
"I could hear your ass laughing," he said, "You just salty he likes my reading better."
"You are really good at story time," i smiled, sitting on his lap beside Cameron. I looked at his adorable face and took him in like i did several times a day in disbelief at how perfect he was. The best part was he now had freckles coming in slowly just like Cayden’s. I touched his cheek and then Cayden's, comparing.
"Why you not in bed?" Cayden asked.
"Well, I had to tell you something really important," i said seriously like i was gonna drop some big news. His brows came together in confusion.
"What?"
"I been wanting to say this for a while..." i said, dragging it out. "But i wasn't sure how."
"You can tell me anything," he said, rubbing my arm. I sighed then paused.
"Ok, here it goes," i said, "Cayden, i...love you" i grinned. He kissed his teeth and tried to push me off him. I laughed and grabbed on to his neck to stay on. "Babe!" i pleaded, fighting to stay on while he was pushing me.
"Why you waste my time like you was gonna say something important," he said annoyed. He was really mad. I giggled and cupped his cheek.
"Im sorry," i said. "But i really have been wanting to tell you how much i love you," i said. His face changed to a little less mad. “I know I don’t always show my appreciation for you, and I’m not good at the romantic stuff like you, but I just wanted you to know that i do thank God everyday for you. You keep me grounded, and you're my rock” I finished. His cheeks were pink which was so adorable. He hated being complimented and never knew how to respond. He closed the space between us and kissed me tenderly.
“I told you i always got you, and I love you too." Cam grabbed my shirt then and i smiled down at him and picked him up. I held him close to me and he immediately closed his eyes. I looked from him to Cayden, and then back at him and i felt everything I couldn’t years ago during the darkest period of my life. I was filled with hope, and joy, and a fierce love for life.
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I never told anybody about the reason why I never went to prom.
I always said it was because I just couldn't find somebody to go with.
The truth was, I put so pressure on my self that when I didn't accept that my body was beautiful the way it was, just because it was big.
Lumpy, and I would hear guys that I like talk about other big girls and say "she's too big" or "she had stretch marks" as if me being the almost the exact same size as them made me feel indifferent to ever being accepted by a man and/or finding a girlfriend later on.
I still feel intimidated if I see a woman I thinks beautiful, gorgeous, cute, classy, sexy....but there's no chance because I couldn't be her size in a month. It'll will take me over 2 years to lose 100 pounds.
And still build up the muscle to even look good and not have saggy skin in my arms. Because if you lose the weight too fast, it comes off fast, but now you gotta wait to grow muscle to look tight, clean firm or you gotta pay for surgery to get your arms and your tits redid to look even more perkier and firmer, because I'll be real...my tits aren't naturally perky like these instagram models who can wear tops without a bra and it looks tight, firm, poking out.
I have to build a whole lotta muscle and lose a lot of weight to get my tits to look the way I want them to. To get my legs to look strong, but not too strong like a guy's or I lose more men suitors.
Because I like attention and I like to have more suitable options to pick from. Cause lets be real, with us plus size women...its hard for us not to settle when we don't feel loved and feel competitive, like me, to get the guys to stare at your boobs because you don't have a smoking, hot, hard ass, or even nice, big perky ass that shows off your body in just the right sized t-shirt that fits you.
So many times, I've felt like I've missed out because I didn't have the right body type to be liked enough to get committed to by someone I loved or even liked. Its a misjustice to myself that I even feel surprised and so quick to rush to accommodate another person who accepts me, as I am, and they're ok with my weight or at they say they do, but I don't. Because I don't believe that I'm beautiful enough to even date a nice, sweet, guy like mike or to even date someone who is way nicer and hotter looking than Mike, because I assume skinny, white dudes (based on what I've seen) want to hookup with me, but I've never met one person yet that took me seriously when it came to dating.
And that we actually had a reciprocal, mutual feeling scenario. I've only been with 5 people sexually. The first person I fell in love with was in middle school, and this Jay person....who I probably never will, never want to (logically) speak to...hurt me to my ever most softest core of my world, so I neglect to think....
That there is somebody more special than Jay that will make me feel like that person did when they showed me affection, when they kissed me, when they held me, when they told me I was beautiful, loved everything about me..
But what I'm most scared of now is...How can I trust another human being who sees that in me, but chooses to hurt me, trick me, and even use me for just meaningless, casual sex.
When every time I wanna have sex or even kiss somebody else, I'm thinking about Jay...and Im thinking wowwww.
I must really not be over them. And then I hate myself all over again. That my heart just won't let that memory of them die. Those cherish able moments, not the bad ones, but the good ones. Why can't you see that there is plenty of more capable men, women, whoever, cause I try not to care about gender that much rn, but im sensitive around trans people, because Jay was...
But how do I know for sure, somebody won't make me feel better and make me feel sicker, all at the same time? Cause my heart has been broken by so many other timers and triers, and I'm like wow, why do people disappoint me? And why does disappointment and rejection hurt this much?
Can I be ok, when the next guy ends up not being interested?
Will I be ok, being single and alone for awhile when I finally get my driver's license and move to somewhere safer and freer. Away from my family's prejudices about who and what I do for the rest of my life?
Cause I really do want to give polyamory a try, but im just not that confident enough, because I don't feel secure in love.
And maybe I did sorta fall too fast for Teddy, maybe thats why I never felt so hurt by a man who reminded me of my father, but totally depreciated my value to hooking up with me, and sleeping with toxic people who was only out for a place to stay. He risked our commitment, for somebody who probably never even thought to buy him food when his fridge only had real milk and he was lactose intolerant. I showed more care for him, and I got lower class treatment, that girl got to move in with you and she had a dick and a butthole for you to cum on/in. That was wayyyy more important to you, than spending time with me and getting to know me. It was sex, magic cards, and money. That was all more important than me, to you.
I never wanna reduce myself to a relationship that makes me feel sexless, petty, aggressive, and provoked jealousy or settling for once a month dates. I need more contact, affection, and love than that.
And Im not a move in sex slave for you to have fun with on the weekends you gf or your wife isn't interested in sleeping with you.
Im tired of being "omg you're so hot, so beautiful" but oh, you're serious?? I dont really have time, money, or a place to fit you into my life, so let me just reschedule you as always available and objectifying me as a lustful piece of furniture always waiting on you to text me or call me, cause you're busy.
Imma start being busy too. Imma wait up on God, cause this casual, short term, not as interested in you, but ok, cool I'll date you just because you look good shit...is annoying.
I want someone better than Jay, emotionally available, healthier minded, into the same interests, doesn't mind what I do, what I say, what I sing about and doesn't call me out my name or degrade, dismiss, or bully me. I dont wanna be pushed away anymore. Work towards love, success, and commitment, and careers. Somebody with a healthy work/play/life balance. Where I dont have to feel like im settling for less time, nor any silly shit.
I'm ready God. Send me the right man who will love me right and be there for me when I feel like life is kicking me in the ass.
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