#im so excited for friday everyone TUNE THE FUCK IN!!!

[cartwheelapple]

poster I made for the c!aimsey finale (22 september | 7:30 pm bst >:))

#c!aimsey #hope for an endless sunset #sunshipduo #aimsey fanart #LOOOK I DID A THING!!! #best comission EVER AAAHHH #im so excited for friday everyone TUNE THE FUCK IN!!! #apple's cool and awesome art

[jokeringcutio]

im getting too excited for that stepbrother!stu macher and stepdad!william afton fic. im literally drooling.

- 🪻

ANON ME TOO 💜 I just continued scheduling stories for the upcoming days....

It's gonna be a bit boring for a few days: Today (6th of January '24) the last baby drabble with stepdad Afton came out. 🍼 Tomorrow I'll upload a new chapter to Explore with dear William.👀 Then Monday we''ll have Otis Driftwood fucking Reader into labor (as per requested, and I did do research for that one but not in the field obviously). Tuesday, Art the clown becomes a dad and you're gonna have to be clever to stay alive. Wednesday, Abijah Fowler discovers Reader is pregnant (and we all know he kills his bastards so can you get away?) That's the end of the baby themed drabbles for now. Though there'll be more in the future. I am your ficwriting mom so you are going to suffer under my hand from time to time. Thursday, We're finally meeting stepbrother STU 8D Yay.🥳 <- This one is interesting for you anon. Put it in your agenda, highlight it. January 11th is the start of a brand new drabble series. (And psst, William is in it as your stepdad too). Friday, we're catching stepdad William taking a shit 👀 Saturday, Male Reader is gonna get boned by Sir Thomas Sharpe but Romantically. Monday, finally baking cookies with big stepbro Stu again🥹

And there is more to come. I have several Stepbrother Stu fics ready or in progress. I'm thinking of making a range where it's just Stepbrother Stu Macher x Reader being involved, some in which Reader has both men willingly, and perhaps one where Stepdad William Afton isn't a nice guy and Stepbrother Stu wants to protect his new younger sister from the evil pervy man 🥹 Basically, I have too many ideas and not enough time to write everything as quickly as I want to. But drabbles are coming, so strap in 😈 EDIT: To everyone who has sent in prompts, ideas, or random messages that I have not yet answered. I have read them, I loved them. Stay tuned. I am working on some prompt fills so you'll be seeing them appear soon

#Anon answered

[whosaskingwrites]

A Thousand Times (Osamu x Reader)

A/n: I'm gonna be real this took so long because I just didn't know what to do? And then I started a various! Haikyu x reader. But I got this done finally so if you've been waiting for this one here it is. Also I just really like putting Osamu through the ringer huh? I'm so sorry bby. And Forget You beat out Unrequited for top one-shot recently!

WARNINGS: Angst. There's one mention of assault as well. Told from third person Osamu p.o.v

Date: Friday November 6th, 2020

Details: 5 pages 1,800 words

Theme: Star Tears- The victim cries tiny star-shaped tears. They are extremely painful and eventually cause the victim to go blind. They produce a dim glow and make a light 'Tinkling' sound when they hit the ground. The blindness can be cured if the person the victim loves makes a statement of love and means it.

Angst Masterlist

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

There were so many other ways this was supposed to go. He thought while he looked at her. She stood twirling around the white dress catching the light and sparkling. She was beautiful to him and of course someone else thought so or else they wouldn't be here right now.

But here they were. 'Maybe' he thought if he hadn't been a coward then it would have been him dancing with her in a suit while she wore a white gown. It would have been him telling her he loved her. It would have been him calling her Mrs. Miya as they danced. Maybe he should have told her the day of their first date. While he helped her pick an outfit she had been panicked.

"Calm down Y/n," She scoffed in response "Calm down? Samu you and I both know I've never been on a date before. And now I'm going on one with my childhood best friend!" He watched her his heart rate picking up as she held up different clothes in the mirror.

"It's not that big of a deal y'know? He's known you pretty much your whole life," He stated feeling uncomfortable helping her. Maybe making her more nervous would be a better idea so she'd cancel and they could spend the day together. "I guess you're right but still! It's different now!" She stated. "Okay just...Treat it normally and you'll be fine,"

She went into the closet coming out in a cute outfit that fit her b/t figure just right. "Alright Samu I'm off. Wish me luck!" He waved by as she ran out the door a bright smile on her face and excitement in her eyes. He stood heading back to his own house with slow steps.

Arriving home he closed the door to his room intent on hiding away from everyone. He laid down staring at the ceiling as the familiar burning sensation built up behind his eyes.

"Fuck," he mumbled when he heard it the soft twinkle of a star tear and the pale glow that lit up a small area around his bed. More of them fell sparking pain in his eyes and across his face. The pain followed the trail left behind by the glowing stars and despite his best efforts to shove his palm into his eyes and stop the tears it didn't work.

"You know I didn't even think they liked each other!" Osamu tuned into her moms voice and then he heard his own mother speak and he sighed. "I know! I always thought she'd end up with Osamu not...," He tuned out knowing what they were talking about. He didn't need to listen anymore.

"Samu what's wrong with ya?" Atsumu was looking at him with judgement. His arms were crossed in front of him clearly upset and honestly he didn't blame Atsumu. "Nothing's wrong with me," He answered him. "Bullshit," His own eyes narrowed at his brother "I just don't like it okay?" Atsumu rolled his eyes "I told you you wouldnt," Atsumu voiced.

"Osamu," He looked to the right his eyes meeting the blank pair of Kita's. "Kita," he answered back watching Kita gesture with his hand. He stood following Kita outside throwing one last glance over his shoulder at Y/n as she danced around with Aran her dress sparking like freshly fallen snow.

"What is it Kita?" He asked when the two of them were outside. "You have to let her go Osamu," Kita voiced quietly. "I cant let her go," He said back. "Osamu...You shouldn't love her...Not when it causes this," Kita gestured to his face where the star tears were already prevalent. 

"And you especially shouldn't love her now that she just got married," Kita sent him a pointed look. "I would go blind over and over if it meant I could love her," He answered the male staring forward. The wind softly brushed them causing their hair to flutter. "Osamu...We all know we didn't expect it to go this far...but he loves her so you have to let her go," They heard a series of dull thumps against the ground turning they saw Atsumu jogging over.

"Hey what are you two doing out here?" Atsumu stopped as he got closer a wide smile decorating his face. "Oh we were just catching some air y'know," Kita easily responded handing Osamu his handkerchief as he stepped infront of him, blocking him from Atsumu's view. He wiped his eyes quickly hiding the star tears before they could give him away.

"Shouldn't you be inside Tsumu?" He voiced at his brother while said male hummed. "Ah they don't need me in there right now. Sakusa’s getting drunk and Bokuto’s dancing with Y/n," He flinched at the last part of the sentence. Though Atsumu never seemed to notice "Isn't Bokuto drunk? Are you sure they should be dancing?" Atsumu shrugged at Kita's question. "I think they'll be fine," Atsumu adjusted the sleeves of his button up with a hum as if he was truly thinking it over.

"You know maybe I should go-," "There you are!" The group looked past Atsumu. Y/n was there a bright smile on her face her hands were wrapped into the skirt of her wedding dress. Her head was tilted to the side eyes crinkling in pure mirth. "Hey what are you doin' out here?" Atsumu asked turning to face her. "Ah Bokuto passed out Akaashi and Hinata are sitting him down now. But I think the party is wrapping up soon," she giggled it was a light sound and God did Osamu love it.

"Alright we'll be back over soon. Kita can you bring the lovely bride back to the party?" Atsumu asked with a small smile. "Alright ya flirt," Y/n said with a laugh taking Kita's arm as they walked back. Atsumu sighed as he sat down. "So...I know you're upset about this...," Atsumu started off quietly.

"Im not upset Tsumu...I had my chance and I blew it," He voiced. Atsumu sighed as he stood up heading back to the party. "Hey Tsumu," He said looking at his brothers back. Atsumu turned back facing him with a questioning look. "You told me that if at any point I wanted her you'd back off...I know that deals off the table now so just...don't hurt her okay?" 

Atsumu shook his head "Im not going to hurt her Samu...She's everything to me," He raised a hand up to push his hair back the light from a nearby lamppost reflected off his ring. "You didn't even like her at first," He scoffed.

"Look Samu we all know you like her!" Atsumu claimed with an eye roll. "No i don't. You're just being stupid," He denied quickly just like every other time. "Alright fine Samu. I'll give you a deal," he rolled his eyes at his brothers provocation. "What?" He asked "You either ask her out by the end of the week or I do," Atsumu challenged.

He scrunched his nose in distaste "You don't even like her why would you ask her out?" He asked. "To spur you on. If you tell me to back off at any point I will y'know?" Atsumu said. "So you're just gonna string along our childhood best friend for this?" He asked incredulously. "No she'll get over it," Atsumu shrugged. "No. I'm not letting you string her along," He stated.

"You're right I didn't," Atsumu hummed in agreement. "But I love her now and that's what matters," He stared off into the distance with a smile. "You remember the day I told her I loved her? It was an accident too," he laughed.

They were playing at nationals. Atsumu and him were third years now and Y/n was watching from the stands. She wore Atsumu's jersey and everytime they looked at her she made a face at them before trying to get away from the guy next to her. Atsumu glared at the guy mumbling something under his breath "Let's finish this game," he angrily said. Sending one last glare at the man.

They finished the game with a service ace from Atsumu and as soon as the whistle blew Y/n raced down to the court the strange guy following her. She showed up on court with a smile "Tsumu!" He turned and on instinct Atsumu smiled as well. "Y/n," she hugged Atsumu while his nose crinkled. "Babe I'm all sweaty!" She pulled away placing a kiss on his cheek. "Dont care! I'll be outside okay?" She said skipping off.

Only five minutes later they were leaving the building looking for Y/n. Only for the team to pause as they spotted her. She stood trying to get away and the stranger that was in the stands with her was harshly gripping her wrist. "Come on baby I just wanna show you a good time!" "No thank you!" Atsumu moved first separating the two while grabbing the collar of the man. 

Osamu grabbed Y/n holding her close to him while she held on just as tightly. "Hey! Why are you putting your hands on my girl!" Atsumu yelled. He wasn't paying attention too busy trying to sooth Y/n the handprint already forming on her wrist. "You're okay," he whispered into her hair line.

"Y/n," He was thrown back into reality then remembering that no he wasn't the one dating Y/n. "Tsumu," He let go of her watching her throw herself at Atsumu and he held on to her just as tightly. "Fuck you alright babe?" He said catching her arm and seeing the bruise. "Im okay now," she smiled at him. He didn't know what his brother was thinking in that moment but he just watched Atsumu kiss her and pull away. "Im glad you're okay...I love you Y/n," she gasped then and smiled again. "I love you too Tsumu,"

"I remember," he got up following his brother into the party he stood off to the side watching them as Kita and Suna came over. Atsumu reached Y/n and kissed her Atsumu's voice carrying as tears started to drip down his face. "Ready to go Mrs. Y/n Miya?" She laughed taking his arm. "Of course Mr. Atsumu Miya," and as they walked out the last image he could see was Atsumu and Y/n looking at each other matching smiles on their faces.

Her dress sparkled next to the black suit Atsumu was wearing. They were holding hands matching rings sparkling on their hands. His vision faded until it was just black but despise that he smiled.

"Take care of her okay Tsumu?"

___________________________________________

TAGLIST: @wonhomarshmallow

#haikyu #haikyu x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! #whosaskingangst #osamu miya #osamu x reader #osamu angst #atsumu x reader #atsumu miya

[thathonleygirl]

The Beginning

November 2019 – June 2020 Background

I decided to start this documentation of my journey into motorcycling for many reasons, mainly because I want to work on my writing skills and sometimes it’s nice to take a break from the mindless scrolling. I also think I’ll enjoy going back and reading this when I’m less of a rookie I’ll be recreating the timeline from the MSF course to the present from memory. I decided to dive into motorcycling as a hobby for myself, and also as a hobby for me to share with my boyfriend of 2+ years, Chris. Ultimately I can confidently say he inspired me to ride on my own and has been so supportive every step of the way.

November 2019 – MSF Class & getting my motorcycle endorsement I remember this weekend like it was yesterday. It was a freezing weekend and I’m out in the parking lot of RCCC bundled up from head to toe. I was happy it was cold because I was super nervous and excited, and heat stresses me out. There’s about 15 of us in the class, and right off the bat everyone is super friendly because we’re all here for the same thing – there was defiantly a wide range of skill levels and reasons for taking the class – but we’re all there for the same class. The two teachers of the class were AWESOME, and I’ll remember them for the rest of my riding career. They took us through the basics – controls, friction zone, etc. and soon we were riding through the first set of drills. My bike was a Kawasaki Eliminator from the 1800’s and it kept shutting off due to the cold weather. It also was impossible to find neutral, even the instructors couldn’t find it – I was just relieved that it wasn’t operator error. At the end of the 1st riding day they both told me they were impressed and proud of how I did – which meant so much to me considering I had never touched a clutch before, lol. The second day was a little rough, but still a success, mainly because I began to overthink every little thing because I knew there was going to be a test at the end of the day. This is when I first learned the importance of your headspace when on the bike, and how too much anxiety can be catastrophic. That being said, I still passed the class and got my endorsement the next week I really wish I had gotten the contact info for the people in the class, but the excitement of passing the class got the best of me.

March 2020 – Meeting Jolene I’d be lying if I said the process of bringing Jolene home was smooth, and the truth is I have a newfound hatred for dealerships and salespeople, LOL. But it was all well worth it. I went to Team Charlotte Motorsports with the intention of buying a Honda Rebel 500 in all black, but was disappointed when they didn’t have the right colors, and the bike just didn’t feel right when I first sat on one. But oh boy, when I first sat on Jolene I knew she was the one and I knew I had to have her. I’ve always been super laid back but when my mind is set on something, I get DETERMINED. After leaving the dealership because the price was too high, I began to obsess. After a week of negotiating and an extra fiery in-person negotiation, I finally got the price I wanted and Chris rode her home the next day. The whole process was rewarding in the sense of getting what I want and not backing down!

March-April 2020 – Attitude Adjustment I was off to a ROCKY start, and a few times I lost a lot of hope and had a lot of “WTF did I get myself into?!” moments in my first few loops around our neighborhood. My bike felt 100x heavier and harder to maneuver than my Eliminator, and my nerves were getting the best of me. I was scared to even let out the clutch at first. But after a few times stalling, I was doing loops in first gear around the neighborhood. On the third round of neighborhood loops, I was having a moment overthinking a left turn from a stop sign, and dropped the bike after it stalled and jerked in the middle of the turn. It was a devastating moment because my immediate reaction was that I just ruined my brand new bike in less than 100 miles, and the salt in the wound was the fact that I couldn’t pick the bike up. Luckily, a good Samaritan neighbor was close by with help, and the bike was totally fine (just wasn’t in neutral so it wouldn’t start). Not even a scratch, I’m a lucky girl. I spent some time feeling sorry for myself and hopeless but that was getting me nowhere. In that moment, I realized one theme in all my “practice” – I was scared of my bike, and was not taking control over her like I should be. I began to try and change my mindset, and just love the fuck out of her like she was my best friend. It’s crazy how much your mental state affects performance, especially on a motorcycle. As my attitude shifted, so did my confidence and success. After endless neighborhood loops and sideways stares from the neighbors, I finally made it out on the road (just down the street to the nearest park, but out of the neighborhood nevertheless! That was a game changing feeling for me. That is what it’s all about.

April 2020 – Real Deal At this point, im still having pretty intense nerves before every ride, but I have made it out of Edison Square (finally). The first ride ALL THE WAY out of the neighborhood was me following Chris who was driving his truck, leading me on what would become my trusty loop. We wanted to take some pictures for Instagram, which I’ve been trying to grow since I got Jolene. The biker community on social media is AWESOME, it’s incredible how many other riders around the world I’ve gotten to share experiences with and learn from, most importantly being able to “meet” other girl riders. Anyways, during that first mini trip following chris I finally made it into 5th gear and got into some twistys, I was smiling so hard in my helmet the whole time. I feel so close to my bike now and with every ride I feel more in tune, and less intimidated by her. I almost feel like she’s a horse or something, lol. We stopped to take some pictures in front of some office building which was empty because Covid – I felt so uncomfortable taking pictures but Chris was such a good sport in trying to get the best angles LOL. The whole Instagram thing has defiantly taken me out of my comfort zone – but so has riding as a whole – and I never want to go back. After this trip, I started going out on the same trip as much as I could, but still was having intense pre-ride jitters – but with every ride, I felt less anxiety and I could actually enjoy and have fun while still learning and practicing the basics. The post-ride bliss, however, was always an amazing feeling and I noticed that on the days I did get out to ride, I felt more at ease and generally better for the rest of the day. Meanwhile, we are still waiting on chris’s bike to be done getting worked on.

May 2020 – First Group Ride We finally got chris’ bike back after SUCH a long time. It’s crazy how much I worry when he’s riding his bike with me driving the car; but I don’t worry at all about myself when I’m riding lol. Side note – I’m such a lucky girl to have chris and he amazes me on a daily basis. I love how he set up the group ride, knew the route we were going to ride and also planned out how we would meet up with our two friends along the way. Before this ride, I finally just felt excited for the ride, and less nerves in the pit of my stomach. I found myself agonizing over which placement in the lineup I wanted to ride in, weighing out the pros and cons of each – I had to keep reminding myself that I don’t know shit, there’s no point in worrying, and just to trust chris (that option hasn’t let me down yet!) Side rant – im realizing as I ride more and more miles that most of my fears have been irrational. It starts with me conjuring up a situation that I feel would be dicey on a motorcycle, then I obsess over all the possible negative outcomes in those situations, and then I obsess over when I will come across them in my journey. So far – I have not been right a single time. For example – left turn at a yellow blinking light – I wanted to actually reroute my ride to avoid this, but when I was forced to do it, I rode through it with NO issues. It’s crazy what a whirlwind our minds can conjure up with little to no reason or backup to support our fears. Long story short, I need to get over myself and go with the flow, and take each learning experience as just that. Again, chris’s patience is remarkable. Back to the group ride – it was awesome. I was again, smiling so hard in my helmet as chris and I chatted through the turns, as he’s telling me how proud he is of me and just having all the good feelings along the way. So glad we went with the Cardo systems, I can’t imagine the ride without them. We rode over 100 miles through the country around Midland and hit a bunch of turns. I got to practice things I don’t necessarily enjoy, like stoplights, a LOT which was great. I still need to work on speeding up my starts especially turning starts. Getting home from the ride was a great feeling, it’s such a high – the post ride bliss. We got to head to the beach right after for a long weekend, which was much needed. We came home from the beach and chris surprised me with a longboard, which I had been talking a lot about wanting lately. Words just aren’t enough to describe how grateful I am to call him mine.

May 26th 2020 – 2nd Group Ride It’s been raining for the past two weeks, pretty much ever since we picked Chris’s bike up from the shop. Side note – Chris and I are doing a watermelon cleanse from Tuesday through Friday, and we were at the end of day 1 at this point. I didn’t realize how much of a toll the fast had taken on me until I started riding, I was overthinking every move I made and just felt unstable overall. Everything just felt harder, and it was such a reminder of how much your mental state affects your riding. Overall the ride was great and I’m so glad we got out and rode though, the country roads were beautiful and the temperature was just perfect at around 70. I guess I need to focus on the positives here – that the ride was beautiful, we didn’t get caught in the rain and I got to experience new roads. And of course got some great pics. I’ve officially become that girl who takes pictures in the parking lot for Instagram, but I really don’t care because it’s been fun building my social media presence.

May 31st 2020 – 300 milestone Well, I finally did it – I hit 300 miles on the bike, the halfway mark to my first 600 mile service, lol. Last night’s ride was absolutely perfect, I couldn’t have asked for better weather (mid 70’s, not humid at all) and feeling the crisp air as I was passing my previous top speed at 60+ mph was an unmatchable feeling. Every time I have a ride like this, I always think to myself, “This is what it’s all about.” My headspace was at a great spot and I felt confident and smooth throughout the ride. My starts were quicker and more fluent, my turns were smooth and I had less anxiety and anxious thoughts about shifting gears and going through the motions of riding in general. It’s crazy what a few days of healthy food and relaxing will do to your mind – this ride compared to the last entry was like night and day. We took the bikes to Mac’s Speed Shop for dinner – I was excited to ride my own bike there. Once we pulled up and Chris quickly whipped around to back his bike into his spot, I was reminded of my severe performance anxiety yet again, lol. I really need to get over the thought of people watching me and get over myself, people are going to watch what’s right in front of them, and a girl on a bike is sort of a rare occurrence. I feel like when people watch me, specifically men, they are just waiting for me to mess up because how could a girl like me be on her own bike? In reality, I’m sure they are barely even thinking about me at all, LOL. That brings me to something I really need to work on in general. I get really anxious when people watch me and I really need to make a conscious effort to work on getting over that. People are not worried about me – I know this – but rational thoughts get tossed out the window when I’m placed in front of a crowd. This trait of mine exists in every avenue of life – whether it is work, play, whatever; and I need to take time to grow out of this. I think it will help me have less social anxiety and will probably help my confidence which will have residual effects like an improved posture and overall sense of stability. I just wonder if this is a habit that can just naturally be broken with practice/repetition or is this something that requires more attention and effort to fix. Wow – such a rabbit hole, lol, but I doubt anyone will even read this. Back to the ride – I have absolutely loved the feeling of making it home from a successful ride, or “post – ride bliss.” Chilling on the couch with my honey after a perfect ride (for both of us) is my ideal Sunday evening. Chris’s longboard finally came in so we were able to skate over and get ice cream before we called it a night. I just love our life together and think that we truly have the perfect relationship that is a mixture of best friends and lovers that just keeps getting stronger and better with time. I am so happy. With our economy tanking due to a virus in our country that’s being burnt down all around us, he is my peace. To work on –faster upshifting –downshift through EACH gear when approaching a stop (stop banging down all the gears without releasing the clutch in between) –get over performance anxiety –work on maneuvering the bike when off (in and out of parking spots, getting gas, backing out of garage, etc) –ride the bike into the garage myself! I’m so blessed to have Chris to help, teach and support me on this journey. He reminds me I don’t need to be able to do everything immediately but still pushes me to learn and become a better biker when he knows I’m capable of doing something.

June 11 – Making Progress Two big milestones this week. The first is installing my mini floorboards, the second being my skills improving on the bike. Last night Chris and I rode to Gamestop to pick up a Tony Hawk game, and I was nervous for the ride beforehand given the newness of my floorboards along with the general nerves I get before a ride. The ride ended up being AWESOME. I made sure to pay attention and downshift completely through each gear when coming to a stop, and I was able to do it successfully most of the time, lol. Also had way faster starts, and beat Chris out of the stop lights a few times. The feeling of just riding with no traffic or light in sight is unmatchable, especially in 5th gear when it feels like nothing can hold Jolene back. During these stretches of the ride, my thoughts are always revolving around THIS being what it’s all about, THIS is riding, and this is freedom. It’s an unmatchable feeling. I also felt good when we pulled into eastfield for dinner because I was able to smoothly maneuver around the parking lot that was semi-full without issue. Also I didn’t need help when leaving the parking spot outside of gamestop. taking rides after work used to be kind of a fear of mine, and I was usually reluctant to take them in fear that I would be too braindead after a full workday. The ride last night, however, proved this fear wrong. I think no matter the time of day, day of the week, temperature, WHATEVER it may be, it’s all about your headspace and that is the greatest determinant for the outcome of the ride. I’m glad that I’m starting to feel less and less anxiety prepping for and starting out on each ride, the stomach aches and general feelings of fear are melting away with every mile in the seat. Soon I’ll be scheduling my 600 mile service To work on be more gentle when downshifting, especially to first. Stop stomping on the poor shifter ride the bike into the garage myself keep improving engine breaking/downshifting completely through each gear to 2nd or 1st

June 13 – Passing 500 on my first real trip So many milestones (literally) passed this weekend! 1 – passed the 500 mile mark & 2 – first 100+ mile trip! Minus one close-call, the whole trip/day was amazing with my love. We first headed out to Asheboro Harley Davidson dealership, stopping at a couple gas stations along the way. I passed my previous top speed and managed to hit 65+ mph, and I don’t know if that was Jolene’s limit or if it was user-error. Aside from the wind feeling like it was going to blow me off of the bike, it felt exhilarating to ride fast on the open highway. After we left the second gas station, I was following Chris (a little too closely) and the left turn we were supposed to take snuck up on us so I locked up my brakes and skidded (loudly) down the street, fishtailing straight down the street, missing the turn. Mid-way through the skid, the only thought running through my head was “fuck, we’re going down.” Somehow either my reflexes or my guardian angel, or a combination of the two, were looking out for me and Jolene stayed upright. Somehow I knew to kind of let go of the breaks and handlebars and let the bike do its thing, and sure enough I was able to straighten out and stay upright. It was a sobering experience for sure, and it took a little while to gain my confidence back for the rest of the ride. Chris is a patient angel though. We made it to the Asheboro Harley dealership to pick up our poker chips and chill for a little bit, and we were surprised to see it was crowded. It’s such a nice dealership though, they had a food truck serving Greek food, free beer on tap and the MSF course happening in the parking lot that we could watch while eating our lunch. Chris and I talked about how we always feel like outcasts from the “Harley crowd” but the people we talked to were nice. It started getting late so we headed out to the next stop, the Moonset general store near Uwharrie and Badin Lake. The rest of the ride was uneventful, and Chris and quickly became exhausted lol. I kept wondering to myself if I would always feel this tired from riding. It’s just such a mental thing that takes your full attention and effort at all times, and being hyper-aware of your surroundings at all times. There’s also the physical side of riding that involves every extremity in unison just to work the bike controls. I think that’s what makes coming home from a trip feel so rewarding. Once we made it home, we got burgers at Eastfield and called it a night after we both fell asleep on the couch lol. We took a short ride to pinky’s after detailing the bikes on Sunday and that was also a great ride. Short and sweet.

June 23 – Ready for 1st Service The more experience and riding I’ve gotten, the less I feel the need to write and blog which is a good thing more time spent actually riding. Passed the 600 mile mark and trying to schedule my service appointment this week after I install my new Vance and Hines pipes on Wednesday, so pumped for the new sound and look. I’m feeling so much more comfortable now riding, still have a few things I want to work on but when I think about the first few times I took Jolene out and compare that to how I feel riding now, it’s almost like I’m a whole new person. The things that used to scare me to death are things I can do without thinking twice now. I’m learning that the faster I go, the more comfortable I feel, and that the fears I used to have are pretty irrational. Over the weekend Chris, his mom and I went on a ride through the country before it got too hot outside. It made me happy to see how happy Chris’s mom was after the ride. We talked about how great of a teacher he is and how supportive he is every step of the way. The next day, Chris, his brother and I went on a ride to Statesville Harley and got lunch at Grouchos (Chris chose for me because I always talk about how ive always wanted to eat there, hehe). It was a great ride, minus almost running over a snake haha. One other biker that was at Grouchos joined in with us for part of the ride home, then another biker on the road joined in too. It was cool to hold up the middle, lol. Chris said I did a good job. The sense of community in the biker world is something amazing and it makes me so excited for the future, and how many cool people I will meet along the way.

#girlswhoride

[chocojjk]

Eggs

summary: badboy! changbin if you squint 

words: 7k

warnings: one mention of death by illness

a/n: this took way too long cause i got so lazy lmfao, slide into my inbox with prompts cause idk what to write after this 

not edited per usual, im lazy :(((

you and changbin lived in different worlds

changbin has always been the schools most notorious bad boy

along with his group, 3racha

he was the typical bad boy -- gets into fights, wears leather, barely shows up to class, etc.

after watching countless of rom-coms, you and i, reader, should know that bad boys like to keep to themselves

and they won't bother you unless you cross their territory, not at all different from changbin

someone bullies one of his friends???

you might as well run now , because he will be coming for your ass

he catches you talking shit?

you should probably say goodbye to your mouth and have a doctors appointment ready

the point im trying to make is that seo changbin does not take shit from anyone

which doesn't really matter at this point because everyone has learned to fear him

on the other hand, you're, what they say is a “good girl”

too caught up with your books and your grades, in the library 24/7, worrying too much about the future you envision

you stayed away from drama as much as possible, happy with the 2-3 friends that you have  

and,,,

well,,,

you probably saw this coming,, but just in case you didnt, ill say it

your two different worlds are about to collide

---------------

youve been searching for a little over 20 minutes to where he could be when you finally spotted him at the table all way in the back of the library

you let out the deepest sigh, you shouldve figured he would choose that table jfc

‘he really is sticking to his reputation’ you think to yourself as you made your way over to him

“hi, im y/n, i'm your tutor,” you say, giving him a soft smile

changbin doesn't even bother to reply to you as he got up and left

you were left standing there like,,,

what the fuck just happened ??

before you finally snapped out of your confused trance and chased after him

catching up to him you grab his arm, putting a complete halt to his movement

and suddenly the library was even quieter than it should be

every single eye in the room focused on the interaction that lies in front of them

the notorious bad boy and the goody two shoes,,, how incredibly cliche

he looks at you, his eyes dark and unreadable

the expression on his face was emotionless yet it felt like he was crushing you under his stare

finally noticing that your hand was still gripped around his arm, you quickly let go, letting out a small “ehem”

the tension in the air was thick, it felt like someone just put a dark cloud above your head and you couldn’t blow it away

god damn this was awkward

not even the good awkward where you can laugh about it later, this is the kind of awkward situation that hits you in the middle of the night and suddenly you're just cringing at every bad thing you have done in the past

“uhm, im suppose to tutor you,” you try to say confidently as soon as you found your voice, but really it was barely above a whisper

“maybe show up on time,” he says, his voice as dark and as strong as his aura

and with one final look at you, he walked out of there

you didnt bother anymore, you knew you were at fault

‘we’ll try again tomorrow,’ you think to yourself before your best friend, hyunjin walked up to you, pulling you outside the library  

“dude are you okay?”

“uhmm, why wouldn’t i be?”

“i just saw you talking to changbin”

“ok and ?”

“he’s bad news y/n,” your best friend says, warning you

“ i dont really have a choice hyunjin” you reply

you think back to 3 days ago when you were called to the principal's office

not gonna lie, you were shaking in your boots,, only bad kids get randomly sent to the principal's office

as you entered the room, Mrs. Seo was already waiting for you behind her desk

“hi ms. l/n, i dont think weve formally met,” she says, reaching out to shake your hand

“ its nice to meet you”

“ please, sit down, make yourself comfortable,” she continued, pointing to the seat right in front of her

sensing your nervousness she quickly added a, “don't worry, you're not in trouble”

phew

your brain was starting to hurt from trying to rack what you must have done wrong to be seated in the big office

“ why am i here then if you don't mind me asking?”

“ ah yes, i need you to tutor my son”

,,,,,

oh

(◎_◎;)

,,,

“umm, why me?”

“you're top 1 in the class, is there anyone better than you to do it?”

well,,, she wasn't wrong

you mentally pat yourself at the back for this, happy that your efforts were being noticed

“don't worry ms. l/n, if you succeed, i’ll make sure you get into any college that you desire “

‘pshhhh, im top 1 ms seo, i can do that on my own’ you think to yourself 

“....and fully paid for.”

well, shit , how can you say no to that offer

its literally free education right in your fingertips  

what's the catch??

“ you can do that?” you ask

“ of course. i know very important people. so what do you say?”

and after a few minutes of contemplating within yourself, you finally agreed

“ also, while you're at it, i want you to change my son's reputation.”

and there it is

“ i'm sorry?” you reply,, maybe you just misheard the fact that she literally asked you to change her son

“ i don't just want you to tutor him in english, i want you to make him a better person.”

“how do you expect me to do that?”

“be his friend. teach him the ways of life, i'm not always gonna be around to get him out of trouble. You're a smart girl ms. l/n you'll figure it out.”

without giving you a final say, she ushered you out of there but not before she added

“ one last thing ms. l/n, dont tell anyone about this.”

the way she said it was so scary, and its like a spell was casted on you and you could only utter out an

“ of course mam”

i guess from her standpoint, she made sense

“ i just dont understand why Mrs. Seo chose you out of all the people”

“ we’ve already gon over this hyunjin”

“ yeah yeah, its cause youre the smartest of the class-”

hyunjin continues to talk however you’ve tuned him out as your eyes went to focus on changbin, himself

greeting the rest of his friends, an actual smile on his face, much different from the changbin you encountered a couple minutes ago

he gets up on his motorcycle and was about ready to put his helmet on when he felt someone staring at him ( i told yall, tYpiCAl bad boy )

he whips his head around in quick search for the culprit

and for the second time that day, you found yourself looking in the dark brown eyes of the the one and only, seo changbin

his smile quickly disappearing once he found your eyes

putting on his helmet whilst still maintaining the eye contact, he quickly drove away and you can't help but continue to just watch his figure retreat to the size of a dot until he was completely away from your line of vision

the next day - friday

you were in the library, seated in the table changbin used the day before

unlike yesterday, you were there dummy early

exactly 30 minutes before the actual tutoring session

he wasn't going to get away this time

finally , the chair across from you gets occupied, a backpack loudly flopping its way unto the table

he doesn't say a word,

he doesn't even look at you

he just sits there, staring at the table between you guys

“uhm, i think we got on the wrong foot yesterday, im y/n”

you say, a wide smile on your face, trying to change the atmosphere

he scoffs at this

‘omyfuckinggod who does he think he is’

‘im gonna fucking murder this kid’

‘his mom was right when he said he needed to change’

as much as you wanted to just punch him in the face, you plastered a small smile on your face instead

“should we start?” you continue

“i guess”

for the next hour, you learn that changbin doesn’t even need tutoring

he was definitely smarter than he lead on

he knew the answer to every single question you asked and didnt even seem like he was trying 

“uhmm, changbin can i ask you something?”

he just nods at you, urging you to go on

“are you failing your class on purpose?”

and with that he stands up, giving you a small smirk, “i think this session is over,”

“i-okay- i-i’ll see you on monday!” you say even though he was already a good 5 feet away from you  

-----------

as you laid in your bed that night, you wondered why the boy chose to fail his class

but no matter what scenario you could think of, you just cant understand it

is this what privileged people do ?

they know that they can get away with anything so they dont even try ?

‘aish, why am i thinking about him,’

‘y/n stop it’

‘ahhhhh’

you tried forcing yourself to sleep, to completely shut off all thoughts

but damn that stupid smirk on his face just keeps reappearing

and with that you slapped your pillow unto your face, not at all excited for the days to come

saturday night - 9 pm

to be honest, you weren't the type to go out on a saturday night

however you stayed in bed the whole day binging your netflix shows that you completely forgot to run your errands

so now you're here, at the local supermarket, buying your weekly groceries

you may be asking why can't your parents just do it?

well,,,

you only live with your mom, and she was very busy running the night shift at the hospital + picking up extra shifts

so she's really never home 

and when she is, she crashes right to sleep, exhausted from work

so ever since two years ago, when you turned 16, this has been the life that you were used to

you weren't complaining of course, she was only working to provide for you and your future

the least you could do is help around the house

after a good 7 minutes, you finally gathered everything that you needed

eggs, check

bread, check

peanut butter, check

a bag of hot cheetos,,,, check check and check

you nodded, proud of yourself for finishing it so fast and made your way to your car until a loud crash stops you from doing so

the next thing you know, you were being dragged into the alleyway

“1!!!!1111! I- get off of me,” you say thrashing and kicking, trying to get away

‘oh god, im gonna die tonight,’

‘if there is a god out there,, pls,,, not tonight’

‘i haven't finished my netflix series yet,, plssss’

however your thoughts were cut short when your captor whispered, “shhh, its changbin”

changbin??

chaNgbIN???

chANGBIN???

he finally turns you around, making you face him

“play along if you don't want to get hurt,”

and in one quick motion, his lips were on yours,,,

seo changbin was kissing you

your eyes open, stunned at what was happening

and then you noticed it...5 men walking around the area

and hoping that you've watched the right dramas, you pieced together what you think is happening

leading you to closing your eyes and kissing him back

which honestly caught changbin off guard, “good girls” dont react this way???

but he’d never let you know that, as he pulled you closer to him,

his arms snaking  around your waist

your hands going around his neck, the grocery bag being forgotten

yall were full on making out now

too caught up with each other’s taste to even notice the 5 guys leaving

(((im really bad at writing these kinds of scenes jfc, this sounds awkward as hell pls just picture it)))

until finally after like 23823 years, you pulled away, trying to catch your breath

damn, that kiss was good

probably the best one you’ve ever had

what????

just cause you're a goody-two-shoes doesn't mean you haven't been kissed before okay,,, were not going THAT cliche

he slowly lets go of you, his eyes darting to the grocery bag on the ground

“your eggs are broken,” he says

“m-my eggs?”, you reply, still on cloud nine,

following his gaze, you snapped out of your daze

“oh, r-right, my eggs,” you say softly, a frown making its way upon your face

changbin grabs your hand, pulling you towards the grocery store

“what are you doing?”

as usual, he doesn’t reply

honestly, you should be used to this by now

he dashes around the supermarket

you were right behind him, trying to keep up with his fast paced speed

finally, he gets to his location, the egg aisle

“which one do you want?”

“what?”

“eggs, which one?” he replies

“uhm, you don't have to, i can ju-”

“i'm not doing this for you,” he replies, cutting you off

you looked at him , not knowing what he meant

‘if he wasn't doing it for me then who the fuck is he buying these eggs for, i don't see anyone else here’

sensing your dumbness he grabbed a carton of the most expensive eggs and made his way to the cashier, pulling you along  

and you don't know why, or what has gotten into you, but all you could do was watch and follow

“here. were even now.” he says, before walking away, leaving you in front of the grocery store, holding a carton of eggs

monday

and now we’re back to the start of the week

which means another week of tutoring

as you waited for changbin to show up at the usual spot, you can’t help but think back to two nights ago

the feeling of his lips against yours all a distant memory yet at the same time, one that you could still remember clearly

“hey,” changbin says, breaking you out of your thoughts

“hi?” you reply, confused as to why he even greeted you in the first place

you guys do the usual, read a couple of flash cards, learn new words blah blah blah and all that boring crap that you learn in a high school English class

at one point you guys find yourself just sat in silence, and you can’t help but ask the question that’s been on your mind since Saturday night

“so who were those guys?”

“doesn’t concern you”

“uhm, the fact that you had your tongue down my mouth says otherwise,”

changbin was shocked, he wasn’t used to people responding to him the way you just did

don’t you know who he is???

he gives you one of his signature smirks, regaining his composure

“you liked my tongue being down your throat,” he says teasingly

o_O

＜(。_。)＞

excuse me what

is he flirting with you ??

what’s happening ??

“who said I did?” you say mimicking his tone, not allowing yourself to back down of this conversation

after Saturday night you told yourself that you were never going to just watch and follow

if you didn’t want the damn egg, you should’ve said something, you were so disappointed in yourself

you had your own brain, you can make your own decisions

besides you were here to be in control over him, not the other way around

“oh cmon, you’re really gonna try to refute it??” he says, the stupid smirk still evident on his stupid face

god, how you wish you could just smack it off

with your mouth

wait, who said that???

“you enjoyed it just as much as I did,” you say, knowing that if you answer then he would stop

and you were right, he completely shut his mouth and let the silence envelop you once again

“they were kids from another school,”

you look up at him, shocked that he actually answered

“why were they looking for you?”

“I may have keyed their car,” he says chuckling

“Because?”

“Isn’t that enough questions y/n?”

y/n

that was the first time he’s ever said your name

and you weren’t gonna lie, you liked how it sounded

“sorry”

“it’s fine”

“i don’t want to question it but why are you being so nice?”

“you helped me out without questioning me which means you trust me. im just returning the favor.”

“so, what im hearing is , you trust me?”

<(￣︶￣)>

“don’t make me have to say it out loud”

trust

you don’t know how you did it so quickly,

maybe the gods are at your side, but you finally got thE seo changbin to trust you

2  weeks later

you’ve been tutoring changbin just the same

same time

same table

same library

however, so much has changed

mostly the dynamic of your guys’ relationship

it was like he was a totally different person

like I said before, changbin was smart

but in these last couple of days, you realized just how smart he actually was,

he can honestly probably give you a run for your money

and because of this, your past tutoring sessions have ended up with you guys just laughing and joking around

weird, right ?

changbin and laughing ?

who would’ve thought ??

even onlookers were surprised

and everytime changbin laughed at one of your guys’ silly antics, you swear you can hear a pin drop

the whole room just becomes silent

at first, it bothered you how people were just listening in to your conversation, obviously judging the scene

but as the days went by and it seemed that changbin could care less, you started not caring either

and if you were being completely honest, you looked forward to spending time with him

when changbin was with you, it was just you and changbin, nothing else

he somehow manages to make you forget about reality

“lets ditch tutoring sessions today,” he says as soon as he took the seat next to you

“changbin, no”

“c’mon y/n, live a little”

“excuse you! I do have a life!”

“making out with your homework and watching Netflix shows 24/7 is not a life”

“okAy, now you’re just being mean,” you say, pouting at him

“im not being mean, I’m being honest,”

“yeAH and?? no one asked for your honesty,”

changbin laughs at this

lately he found himself laughing more

and for once, he didn’t mind it

you were doing something to him

and he liked it

“cmon, I’m not taking no for an answer,” he says, packing up your things

you sigh in defeat

you know that once changbin sets his mind to something, there's no changing it

so here you are, standing in front of an abandoned music building

“uhhhh, what are we doing here?”

“have you ever trespassed before?” he replies, a smug smile on his face

“nu-uh nope, no way in hell changbin!” you say, your attempt to stop this from happening

however, changbin was already making his way towards the door, completely breaking the lock

aannnndd

he was inside  

“c’mon y/n,” he says reaching out his hand to yours

even though all you need to do is take two steps forward and you're officially a criminal

you were scared shitless

what happens if you get caught omg

almost like he was reading your mind, he quickly says, “y/n, ive been here over a million times and ive never gotten caught,”

“i dont know changbin”

“hm, thats too bad, i wanted to share a secret with you,” he says, a hint of playfulness in his voice before he stepped out of the building and made his way towards his motorcycle

but of course,,,

you being a nosy bitch

“wait,”

“yes?”

“lets go inside”

you guys enter the building, the rooms getting darker and darker the deeper you go (this building is huge okAY)

if you weren't shitting your pants before, you definitely are now 

an abandoned building???

and its dark???

youve seen this in every scary movie out there

it never goes well

“uhm changbin,” you whisper, as you guys continue to walk

“hm”

“i-um can i hold your hand? im scared and - actually you know what its fine its dumb you dont hav-”

but before you can even finish your sentence, his hand were already laced around yours, providing you the comfort and security that you were looking for

you shut your mouth after that, just letting changbin lead the way

passing by so many rooms, each one looking the same as the other, it was starting to feel like a maze

however , changbin seemed to know exactly where to go

‘I guess he has been here over a million times’ you thought to yourself

“were here,” he says, opening the door and letting go of your hands as he reached out for the lights

not gonna lie, you were missing the way his hand felt around yours but thats not the time to think about that

“a music room?” you asked, clearly puzzled

“yeah, you might not know this about me but i can spit barsss,” he says, letting out chuckle

“eyE”

“you dont believe me huh”

“absolutely not”

“ok, watch this”

and with that he entered the recording booth, of course not after he pressed a bunch of buttons

honestly , you have no idea what he’s doing

but as soon as he put the headphones on

*cue any 3racha song because im too indecisive to choose one*

he was,,

indeed,,,

spitting bars

you could not believe your ears

who the fuck is this

you stood there, stunned at the fact the he was rapping about real shit and not something stupid and meaningless (rip wow, she is meaNinGFUL to me okAY)

after he finished rapping, the room was absolute silent

changbin felt dumb, he thought you were gonna praise him but there you were not uttering a single word,

he need you to say something ,anything,, hell, you can even laugh

he’d prefer anything over the silence  

he’s literally the ‘i just showed u my dick pls respond’ meme but its like ‘i showed u my talent pls validate me’

avoiding to make eye contact with you, he walks out of the recording booth

sitting on the couch against the wall, he finally breaks the silence

“so yeah, thats a song my friends and i wrote, its stupid-”

“its not stupid.” you say quickly

“oh?”

“since when where you into this?” you ask, curiosity filling your eyes, taking the seat right next to him

“what do you mean? music?? everyone’s into music y/n” changbin retorts, not wanting to go into detail

“hhhh, you know what i mean changbin,”

changbin doesnt know why

but he wanted to share this side of him with you

maybe because you were the first person that he has ever allowed himself to be close with

or maybe it was because you stuck around him for this long, no one, besides chan and jisung were able to do that

whatever it was, he wants to keep you by his side

he figured that showing you his true self would do just that

so after having a battle with his inner thoughts, he finally says

“my dad was really into this stuff, he taught me everything i know,” changbin beamed

“oh! thats really cool, do you still make music with him?” you say, genuinely interested, youve never really heard about his dad before

“uhmm, hes not really around for me to do that,”

aaaannd,,, thats why,, god reader smh

“oh, im sorry,” you say softly, mentally slapping yourself

“no its okay, you didnt know….he passed away when i was 11”

“what happened?,,,, y-you dont have to tell me if you dont want to,” you quickly added

“I want to,” changbin says, reassuring you

“he just,,, he just died in his sleep, apparently it was a stroke,” sighing, he looked up at the ceiling, trying to hold back his tears

“you must miss him,” you say, your voice still soft

for the first time since youve met changbin, he resembled a piece of glass

so fragile

he was giving you a piece of him, letting you see clearly a part of who he was

and all you wanna do is make sure that you won’t break that piece

“he built this studio...wanted to start his own music company,” he continued as you sat there just listening to him

“my mom hates it though, she stopped funding this place as soon as she can,”

oh

the mention of his mom suddenly brought you back to the deal that you have made 2 weeks ago

and god, you felt guilty

you were here, trying to change him, when nothing should be changed

sure seo changbin had a bad reputation but he is not bad

he’s just protective is all

to be honest, he was one of the kindest, gentlest soul you have met

“i promised myself that i would continue our dream, for him and me, but mostly for him,”

“i-is that why youre failing your classes?” you ask, everything finally piecing together

“huh?”

“you dont care about school because you already know what you want to do...where you want to be”

“hm, you truly are a smart girl y/n,” he says before nodding and flashing you a smile

those words

so similar to the ones his mom has given you

but this time you weren't in the mood to pat yourself in the back

because shit, this is thE dumbest thing you've ever done in your life

after hearing this, you made up your mind, you werent gonna partake in this deal anymore

if you were really as smart as everyone says, you can get into the school you want without any problem

sure it won't be free, but your mom aint working her ass off during her nightly shifts for nothing

and so, right when you go to school tomorrow, you were determined to end it

you’d still tutor changbin, you just won't accept any of the perks that came along with it

“thank you for sharing this with me,” you say genuinely, a smile creeping unto your face

“thank you for caring enough to listen,” changbin replies, his smile getting wider

and then it hits you,

“wait, so you mean to tell me that this is YOUR studio all along??”

and at this changbin lets out the loudest laugh

and you can't help but mirror his actions

1 week later

oof, that time jump, i thought you were gonna end it the next day reader

welp,,

you work hard, but somehow satan, aka the author, works harder

Mrs. Seo had to leave for two weeks, attending board meetings around the country, and whatever principals do,,, i'm too lazy to research what they actually do  

╥﹏╥

and so you spent another week, with seo changbin by your side

one week down, another to go

and when that day comes, you can finally freely hang out with him without all the guilt eating you up

this week you guys even hung out outside of the library

you’ve been with him so much, even your friends have started to notice it

“y/n, are you coming with us to the movies,” felix asks

“oh,, umm sorry guys, i cant,”

“who else are you gonna be with? i thought we were your only friends,” minho pointed out, a pout on his face  

“with changbin of course,” hyunjin hissed, obviously upset that you have been pushing them to the side  

“ i can hang out with anyone that i want,” you argued, really not having any of his attitude 

“ you shouldnt hang out with people like him,” hyunjin retorted

you scoffed, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

“i mean blink once if youre being held captive” hyunjin joked, as the rest of the table snickered

however, you didn't find it funny,

who were they to talk about changbin like that??

they didnt even know him

and so you stood up, leaving all your friends calling out for you

-------------

walking to the table, you flopped down on your chair, slamming your backpack on the floor

“what's got you in such a bad mood?” changbin asks

“nothing,” you huffed, getting your materials out of your backpack

you didn't want to tell changbin that your best friends think hes the devil himself and didn't want you around him

meanwhile , changbin was annoyed

it seems like he's shared so much with you since the music room yet he still barely knows anything about you

he wondered that maybe you didn't want to be in his life the way he wanted to be in yours

but fuck it, he’s just gonna spend the time he has with you enjoying it rather than filling his mind with negative thoughts

but damn, you're frown was really bothering him

“y/n,” he says, calling out to you

no response

“y/n,” he continues, poking you on the elbow

still no response

“y/n”

You sigh, looking up at him, an emotionless expression on your face, you responded with a strong, “what.”

*insert changbin doing aegyo*

and with that , you lost it

you were an absolute madman

you never expected that the one and only seo changbin

notorious badboy

would ever do aegyo

all because you had a stupid frown on yourself

you laughed so loud

changbin doing the same as soon as your melodic laugh hit his ears

which resulted to you guys being kicked out of the library

-------------

“ i cant believe you got me kicked out of my favorite place,” you say, seated in a booth inside the ice cream parlor near your guys’ school

another one of changbins ideas

“ hey its not my fault you laugh like a hyena!” he says smiling before you threw a curled up paper tissue at his face

a couple of seconds later, after your laughter has died down

“ so, you want to tell me now why you were in such a sour mood?”

you knew that if you werent gonna tell him now that would still end up finding out about it from someone else

and so you came clean

“ its just my friends,,,, they dont think youre a good influence, wants me to stop hanging out with you” you say

“ oh,”

“ but dont worry!, i didnt listen to them, i actually told them off,” you confessed

“ why didnt you listen to them? theyve been your friends longer than youve known me?” he asks

“ because they dont know you” you reply, “and im sure if they did, they would also be friends with you”

as much as he appreciated the way you stood up for him, he didnt want you going through all that trouble 

‘god, what did he even do to deserve an angel like you,’ changbin thinks to himself 

“ don't tell them off next time,” he grunted

“ wh-what?”

“ everything they say about me is true”

“ changbin, no its not”

“ honestly y/n it doesnt bother me so dont let it bother you”

“ why doesnt it bother you?” you ask, wanting to know the reason

“ because its high school. after this, literally no one would care anymore. and then real life starts, people move on and worry about bigger things, things that actually matter more than the status quo. let them say what they say.”

and just like every other time, changbin has left you stunned

the arrival of Ms. Seo - tuesday 

a week has passed since the ice cream parlor

and Ms. Seo was back in town

this was it

the day you finally put a halt to it

and you were beyond ready

you haven't seen changbin all day

you figured that since his mom was back then he was also back to avoiding the school like it was a plague

you entered Ms. Seos room, determined

“Ms. Seo -”

She puts a hand up to her lips, signaling you to be quiet

‘bitch omygod i literally cant keep doing this any longer,’

‘its already been over a month’

so you ignored her warning

“im not doing this deal anymore. I’ll still tutor changbin but I won’t change him,,,, and you can keep your stupid money,” you let out, releasing all the bottled up emotions

“is that all,”she replies

“yes”

“then you may leave”

what???

it was that easy????

you thought she was gonna stop you, force you to hold your end of the bargain

if you knew it would’ve been this easy then you wouldn’t have worried over it so much

but you don’t know a lot of things

and you certainly didnt know that changbin was on the other line

later that day

you’re seated in the library

usual place, usual time, waiting for the one and only seo changbin, yet he never showed

you didn’t think much of it

‘maybe he just forgot’ you tell yourself

the next day - wednesday

here you were again, waiting for him

still nothing

you try and think of reasons why he wouldn’t show up two days in a row and can really only think of one - maybe his mom told him that he didn’t need tutoring anymore?

but surely, he would tell you

right ???

sure you guys started off on the wrong foot but you were friends now

at least you thought so

you decided to just give him the benefit of the doubt

‘maybe he’s just busy’

2 days later - friday

you’ve tried everything you can do to get a hold of changbin

all your calls went straight to voicemail

texts were left on delivered

you didn’t even see him around school anymore

it was like your worlds never collided and he was never a part of yours

you were starting to get worried, what if he got himself into trouble

“look who decided to show her face,” hyunjin comments as you took the seat next to him

ever since the day you guys had your argument, you have never been able to talk to him about it

“im not in the mood,” you reply,

hyunjin sensing that you were exhausted,

“hey,” he says softly, “what’s wrong?”

“nothing”

“y/n please, we’ve been friends for over 3 years, you don’t need to lie to me”

“aren’t you mad at me?”

“no. im upset that you’ve been pushing us to the side for your little boy toy but im not mad,” he says giving you a soft smile

hhhhh, it was times like these you remember why he was your best friend

hyunjin was just so thoughtful, so caring

you return the smile he gave you as you pulled him in for a tight hug

“I’m sorry hyunjin”

“it’s okay, im sorry too, now tell me what’s wrong?”

“it’s just changbin-“

“I swear to god, if he even laid a finger on you he’s a dead man”

“no!” you say quickly putting an end to his assumption

“so what happened?” he asks, eyebrows going up in sheer curiosity

and then you told him

you told him about the deal with Ms. seo

about how your relationship with changbin changed along the way

how you ended the deal

and now we’re back to changbin and ignoring you

“damn, well have you tried actually going to him?”

“i wouldnt even know where -”

and then it hits you

the abandoned music building

“hyunjin, youre a genius!!!,” you say excitedly

“thanks, we been knew”

“ i have to go ill explain later, bye!!” you say, dashing out of there as fast as you could and made your way to the abandoned building

taking the bus there gave you time to reflect on everything that has happened this past couple month

how much your life has changed since changbin entered it

he pushed you to take risks, to live out of your comfort zone, to not care about other people’s opinions

he made you feel free

and most importantly, he made you happy

the good girl has fallen for the bad boy, i told yall this was gonna be cliche right?

continuing on

just as you  expected, the door was open

the dark didnt even bother you anymore, the only thing in your mind was changbin

oh,, where could he be??

could you ever find your way into this maze of a building and retrace the steps that he took when he was by your side?

as you got deeper and deeper into the building, you feel yourself start to get lost

‘fuck i already saw this door’

‘omg y/n did you really just walk in a circle’

and then you hear it

music, singing

your nightingale

you walk faster, desperate to get to the voice

and here you are now, face to face with the one and only, seo changbin

he stops singing as soon as he saw you walk in

“hey,” you whisper out yet he continued to just stand there, not uttering a single word

“your voice is really pretty, i didnt know you could sing!-”

“what do you want?” his voice, dark and firm just like the day you first met him

This caught you off guard

Did you do something wrong?

“Did i do something wrong?” you say, not aware that you have said your thoughts out loud

changbin chuckles but it was so uninviting, like he was taunting you

“ please, drop the act”

?????

“what?” you reply, completely confused

“ you dont like me ”

“ changbin, what?”

“ you're just like everyone else”

“ changbin i really dont understand pl-”

“ i shouldn't have trusted you.”

“ what?!??, no changbin, you can trust me! just tell me whats wrong!”

all the while, you guys were still talking with a glass between the two of you

ironic, since you felt like a wall has been planted around changbin and you cant reach him  

“ you think i should change”

“ no”

“ what do you mean no? I heard you y/n! I heard what you told my mom, i heard about the stupid deal, the stupid money!”

(⊙…⊙,)

“ changbin, let me explain”

“ i know im known as the bad boy y/n, but you… youre even worse than me”

“ changbin.”

“ youre a monster”

and with hearing those words, the tears that you have been so desperately trying to keep just bursted out like a waterfall

changbin too, has let out his tears

and all we got now are two broken people who can clearly see each other yet are still on opposite sides of the glass

“ you're just like everyone out there that you have resented, you judged me by other people’s words, i thought- i thought that i can finally found someone i could open up to but you never even gave me chance from the beginning”

you let him talk without interrupting him

you deserved the ache you were feeling in your heart

everything he said was true

and with that he breaks down, straight to the floor, back against the wall, hugging his knees

and all you could do was watch, until you couldn't take it anymore

you finally entered the recording booth , taking a seat on the floor right next to him, mimicking his broken figure

“im sorry”

silence

you looked up at the ceiling as you sighed

he deserves an explanation

“ yes, i took the deal, but that's because i thought i needed it changbin. I may be smart, but financially my family isn't doing well. my mom already works extra shifts but it still won't be enough. my dad isnt even in the picture, i dont know where the hell he is”

and with this, changbins head slowly perks up, looking at you with his glass-like eyes, as you continued to stare at the ceiling

you were finally opening up to him

just like how he has been doing

“ i took the deal because, you’re right, i judged you, i was stupid and i never expected us to actually be friends, clearly i was wrong. you have taught me so much. you have pushed me into doing things i never thought i could do. you made me see the world in a different way.”

he’s still just listening to you when you finally took your eyes away from the ceiling and faced him

“ i understand if you dont want to see me anymore but i cant leave you knowing that i never got to say this,” you continue, afraid of the results that were about to come

“ what else are you hiding from me?” he says, but this time, he says it softly, the furious changbin that you have encountered just minutes ago was completely gone

“ i think im in love with you,” you say, quickly looking down, embarrassed at your confession

“ y/n look at me,”

“ i dont want to”

“ why?”

“ i know you're gonna break my heart”

“ you broke mine first,” and with that he lifted your chin up, making you look him straight into his eyes before kissing you

this kiss was different from your first one

it was slow but passionate, filled with all of the unsaid words between the two of you

your guys lips both slightly chapped from all the crying

yet his lips still felt like the softest pair against yours

pulling away, changbin leans his forehead against yours, his eyes closed

yours were open though, taking the sight all in before you pulled away, wiping away his left over tears

“ god, were a mess,” he finally says out loud, before he pulled you in a tight hug 

“ im sorry,” you say again

“ i’ll forgive you if you promise to continue tutoring me?”

“ what ?”

“ continue the deal, get the money”

“ changbin, i really don't want to do that”

“ i know you dont. but we have to finesse my mom somehow,” he says, bursting into a smile, clearly joking

…

..

“eYE,,, i cannot believe you right now! You can't be serious!”

“ but i am. go back into her office tell her you’ll continue it and get the money for your education.”

“changbin! stop joking! I already feel bad about it!”

“Okay fine i just like it when you tutor me okay, its kinda sexy” he says

playfully slapping him, you guys laugh, the tension in the air finally gone

“ you know if you didnt buy me those eggs, we wouldnt be here by now,” you say, a small smile on your face

“ hmm, and why?”

“ because those eggs were the first time i realized that the most notorious bad boy, the one and only Seo Changbin, can also be soft,”

“ do not use my name and soft in the same sentence ever again,”

“ what are you gonna do about it?” you reply, taunting him

and so

he pulled you into another kiss

and another

and another

until a series of laughter coming from the both of you interrupted it

“im glad i bought you those eggs”

hhhhhhh this ending is so rushed and so bad i just didnt wanna leave it unfinished 

ALSO IM SEEING STRAY KIDS BITCHES!!!!!,,,,,, MY SEAT HELLA FAR BUTS ITS OKAY BECAUSE ILL STILL BE THERE ╭(′▽`)╭(′▽`)╯

#stray kids #stray kids au #stray kids x reader #stray kids x you #seo changbin #seo changbin au #seo changbin scenario #stray kids changbin #changbin #changbin au #stray kids imagine #stray kids scenarios #stray kids scenario #seo changbin x reader #seo changbin x you #stray kids soft #stray kids angst #stray kids fluff #seo changbin fluff #seo changbin angst #3racha #lee felix #lee minho #lee know #hwang hyunjin

[mattyslittleworld]

Selenas Diner

Its 1:30 in the morning and I am sat at a kitchen table in Hunter Mountain, near Woodstock. Im in a house that sits on top of a mountain looking over endless land. On the kitchen table are mixing monitors, my MPK 225, my Apollo twin, orange vanilla seltzer, cold black coffee, and a dying phone. Ive been here since 5 o’clock working on beats by myself and I plan on staying till Friday. By myself, talking to nobody, and just finding my soul. This is probably the most stressed ive been with music, this project im working on is bigger than me and I was asked by someone im a huge fan of to work on their album in CT soon, which includes some of the biggest rappers in the WORLD, so I figured id retreat by myself beforehand and get my shit together and cook up some dope shit. Theres an underlining emotion of lonesome in my heart right now. I am utterly alone, emotionally, physically, and socially. I don’t even want to talk. It took coming to the hills and finishing my music work to finally just sit down with no distractions or familiarities to have my heart ask me - what now? Scroll through my phone - nobody. I have run so far away from everything ive ever known that I don’t even know who I am anymore or what I am doing - all I know is I am eternally blessed to be on a path that in due time will work itself out, without a doubt. A new life. New people. New love. New everything. Bleachers came on and it was so loud, it was so perfect, i just basked in the greatness of that band and just danced around singing - it was almost like the universe giving me that moment to enjoy myself, solely for myself, to heal. Ego stripped, pride stripped, to be able to dance around like an embarrassing idiot. I could cry. Music is so powerful. Just the other day, I found myself in an interesting situation. When I was younger I dated a girl, and our first date was in the city - typically Times Square - and in the middle of all the mayhem, we both looked down and found a $100 bill under my shoe. IN THE MIDDLE OF TIMES SQUARE! What are the odds? We grabbed a bite to eat and then went and ran around the M&M’s museum right behind the big red steps. It felt like fate. It was fate. If I wasn’t already in love with her prior - I really was then. Before we left to go home - we took separate trains and mine was earlier than hers but I sat there and chose to take the later one, and waited with her. We sat there laying on each other up against the wall - two young fucked up kids takin on the big city together for the first time. I felt so fucking complete. Everything, man. All hell broke loose with her over the past 4 years, the wildest shit I ever experienced with another human being. Two toxic individuals - who were innocent and full of love from the start just turned sour together and the entire world couldn’t balance out this tension and frustration and static. She’s been on my mind a lot - not because of love - but because I feel like im mature enough to process that time of my life now that everything ive been searching for has been granted. A year ago I went to Times Square and sat on those red steps for hours, just in my headphones listening to J.Cole, fresh into a new genre, fresh in this new skin. Lost. So lost. I was walking out on a maaaaajor fucking ledge with these next few choices I was faced with. If I decided to do this then that b lines my life in another direction, away from everything ive built and everyone ive been growing with. J.Cole in that moment said “my intuition is telling me there will be better days” and I just started laughing as I got the chills. Looking at all of these billboards with people shining over the city, watching everybody get to where they’re going, neon lights. I just felt so connected to life in that moment - because of that line he said. I decided to change my life - leave everybody behind. Never talk to anybody ever again. Turn my back completely. Fuck these people, fuck their drama, fuck their friendships, fuck their loyalty, fuck all of it. My life will change, or I will die trying to change it for the rest of my days. Here, on these red steps, with the M&M’s museum behind me, as I reflect on the true love I lost, as I reflect on the 100 bucks under my foot, and push away my fear.

 I wrote a song called “Quick Love” shortly after. It is a Justin Bieber influenced, reggaeton type, pop single, where I bleed in auto tune about how I need to fall in love just to get my real true love off my mind. I need to fall in half love to fill her void. In the pre chorus I sing “we can get a room in Times Square tonight, ill drink black coffee, you drink wine. Remember when we found a hundred dollars that night? Ive seen the world and theres no home like your heart” 

Fast forward to last week:

I am behind the wheel driving over the bridge - Roberto sitting shotgun. We’re freaking out, as the morning prior I was woken up by texts from Roc Nation (2x) talking business and future royalty splits for a song me and Casanova are doing together. The session is at 11pm at Quad Studios in Times Square. I sent Casanova a bunch of songs but he he liked Quick Love. I produced this entirely myself, about you know what. Me and Roberto are so psyched - this is such a legendary studio where I always dreamed of being in - and in a situation like this? Dream come true for a hard luck kid like me. I was in Gionnas ex boyfriends American nightmare shirt and I looked like shit so I made Rob put up with me going shopping before hand because im mad corny. Casanovas music helped me get through a lot of tough times and I look up to this dude. Seeing him roll with Meek Mill, in all the videos. With Kevin Hart, Jay Z, DJ Khaled, Diddy, songs with Chris Brown, Tory Lanez, Cardi B - I mean like this is the biggest ive gone with music THUS far and im definitely nervous in the most exciting way. I feel proud to get myself, and rob, here. We are waiting out front of the studio and my backs up against the wall. What do you know? IRONICALLY the studio is DIRECTLY next to the big red steps in Times Square. I couldnt believe it. It all makes sense, and as we wait for the session im forced to stare across the street at the M&M’s museum and I just wish she was here, and I wish she could see this, but despite all that - what a time to be alive and go and fucking get it for yourself. In that moment I SAW us vividly find that 100 bucks under my foot, I SAW us across the street laughing holding hands falling in love, I SAW myself on those steps sitting there lost and making the decision a year ago to walk out on the wire - and here the fuck we are baby. Here the fuck we are. Flipping hard times and heart break into something positive. I get snapped out of it and those memories disappear. An intern comes and gets us and walks us through the lobby and we walk into the room and we were greeted with overwhelming love and support, and most of all, comfort. First thing out of Cass’s mouth is “I wanna kidnap you to come work on my new album you better be ready im dead serious” and then all I heard was a MAD loud AYOOO MATTTYYY THEY KNOW MY BODY on the track and I died laughing. We were all jumping up and down laughing and dancing to the track. But heres where it gets emotional - he started singing the Times Square line about the hundred dollars - telling me to make that the hook. We had an amazing session, made amazing fast friends. And this proves you have to trust your gut and walk out on the ledge sometimes. You don’t know where life will take you, if youre brave enough. After me and Roberto went to Tick Tock and had dinner then drove home.

Now I am in the mountains making beats for Casanova. 

Remember when we found $100 that night?

Ive seen the world and theres no home like your heart. 

[eddiekaspbraklives-blog]

I never should have said anything. (1/?)

Summary: Bill has some unspoken feelings he’s not sure how to deal with; especially when those feelings are centered around his best friend.

Pairing: Stanley/Bill

Word Count: 2,115... I’m sorry

Warnings: A bit of swearing, angst(but it WILL turn happy !!)

A/N: Everyone is 16+ in this, so they’re in high school. Inspired/modeled after something that happened with my best friend at the time and me. Why not incorporate my life into stories, right ? This will have a few chapters, so stay tuned !!

-

Bill had been the first member of the losers club to get their drivers licenses. Richie had been next, then Mike, Beverly, Ben, Eddie, and last but not least Stanley. Because of this order, Bill had been the first to get a car. Richie had been slacking and wasn’t practicing his driving, so he only had his permit and couldn’t drive everyone around. The rest hadn’t gotten in enough hours to be eligible for the drivers test that would permit them their full license. Given the circumstances, Bill had pretty much become the bus driver to the losers club.

As usual, it was a Friday night and the 7 friends had decided to gather at someone’s house to hang out. Richie’s, to be exact. This was actually a rare occasion, but this evening his parents wouldn’t be home until late at night so they would have the house to themselves.

Unsurprisingly, it was Bill’s job to pick everyone up who didn’t have a ride and bring them to Richie’s. Which was... Well, everyone.

With the other 6 teenagers in his car, he made his way to Richie’s house across town. Mike was riding shotgun, playing some tasteful music on the aux cord while the other 4 were squeezed in the back. Ben, Bev, and Eddie were arguing over the best cake flavor, while Stan stayed quiet and glanced out the window. He felt weird not saying anything, but in his opinion cake was nothing to argue over, so he kept his eyes trained on the trees passing by until a voice pulled him back to reality.

“What do you think, Stan?” Beverly questioned.

He turned to look at her, confused from his lack of attention to the conversation.

“What do you think the best flavor is?”

He shrugged. “If I had to pick one, I guess red velvet is pretty good.”

The 3 beside him erupted into sporadic chatter, trying to talk over each other to discuss how good red velvet really was. Stan rolled his eyes, beginning to turn back to the window until Bill spoke up from the front seat.

“That’s m-m-my favorite too.” He said, smiling softly and looking at Stan through the rearview mirror.

Stan grinned back, glancing up at Bill and meeting his eyes. The two gazed at each other for a moment before Bill tore his eyes from the mirror and focused back on the road, pulling into Richie’s driveway.

“Alright everyb-body, out.” Bill announced softly, putting the car in park and twisting the keys to power it off. He watched everyone file out one by one, resting his hands on the wheel until Stan was the last one in the car.

“If Richie makes us play truth or dare again I’m going to kill him.” Stan mutters, looking at Bill before stepping out.

He laughed shortly and followed the other 5 to the front door, letting Ben knock and seeing Richie open the door to greet them.

“Sup fuckers!” He smiled widely, making way for everyone to come inside.

“Wow, real classy Richie.” Eddie teased.

“Fuck off.” Richie scoffed and rolled his eyes, pulling him inside.

Stan and Bill walked in next to each other behind the group, laughing at Eddie and Richie and giving one another a knowing look, heading into the kitchen for snacks.

Bill opened the pantry while Stan went for the fridge. They piled snack boxes and bags into their arms and headed back to the living room where their friends were. As the group saw them approaching, Mike greeted them.

“Thanks mom and dad.” He teased, as the two handed food out.

Stan felt his face flush. The nicknames technically grouped them together as a couple. Don’t think about it too much. He thought to himself.

The 7 found themselves getting situated on the seats available, squeezing themselves in wherever they could fit. On the loveseat were Ben, Mike, Beverly, Stan and Bill. Richie and Eddie were on the reclining chair with Eddie on top of the other boy.

“Well, this is a tight fit.” Ben noted, gesturing to the fact that the 5 of them were packed into the couch like crackers in a box.

“Would you rather sit on the floor?” Richie challenged playfully.

“Don’t be rude!” Eddie scream-whispered, smacking his hand lightly. Richie just tazed him in response.

“Not really, no.” Ben said, looking at the cold wood floor.

Richie rolled his eyes, picking up the remote and setting up a movie on the tv.

“What are we watching?” Beverly asked, looking to the tv.

“Insidious. Chapter 2!” Richie beamed, clearly excited.

A few in the group rolled their eyes, but Bill looked next to him to see Stan’s reaction. He knew he hated horror movies. Stan glanced back at him, giving him a look that could only mean oh shit. Bill leaned over to whisper in his ear.

“D-don’t worry. I’ll p-protect you.” He said with a sweet smile.

Stan felt his face heat up a little bit, smiling at Bill. “That’s appreciated.” He said simply. They both turned back to the television as they heard the previews start to play. Richie quickly skipped through them, and the movie began.

They all kept their eyes glued to the screen as the night went on and the movie progressed, subconsciously huddling together even more than they had been before. By the time 2/3 of the movie was finished, Stan found himself curled up to Bill with their hands intertwined, pressing into him any time he knew a jump-scare was coming.

He had definitely taken notice of the fact that his hand was in Bills. To be quite honest, he didn’t know if that was normal. The two were very touchy-feely and that was a common and comfortable thing for them, but they’d never done this before. He had seen Richie and Eddie hold hands often, but the whole group knew they liked each other. He tried not to pay too much mind to it and just watch the movie, but it seemed like an elephant in the room to Stan.

As the movie was coming to an end, both Bill and Stan had found themselves growing tired. Bill had wrapped an arm around Stan and was rubbing his back at this point, while Stan rested his head against Bills chest. Half asleep, Stan heard Richie yell something in one of his obnoxious voices and lifted his head, realizing where he was currently placed. He looked up to Bill who was also waking up a little and smiled down at him. Stan smiled back but sat up, checking his watch.

“It’s 9:50. My curfew is 10:30 and you have to take everyone else home first, should we get going?” Stan asked Bill, being honest but also making an excuse to get out of his current situation. Bill nodded in response and stood up after Stan pulled his hand apart from his friends.

“Okay, is everyone r-ready?” Bill asked the others, looking at their nodding heads and slipping on his shoes. The others said their goodbyes as Richie stood in the doorway, whispering something in Bills ear before he walked out. After Bill made his way outside, the others followed him like a group of baby ducks with their mother as everyone loaded into the car. This time around, Mike switched seats with Stan so he could ride shotgun.

Stan plugged his phone up to the aux, playing death cab for cutie for a relaxing ride home. Bill looked at the speaker and then back to Stan, grinning.

“You and your indie m-music.”

Stan briefly twisted the corner of his mouth up into a half smile and lay back in his seat.

The ride home was quiet. Bill dropped off Ben first, then Beverly and Mike. Stan’s house was the farthest away, so Bill was taking him home last.

As the slow music played through the car, Stan noticed a change in the environment once Mike got out of the vehicle and said goodnight to his friends. He turned to look at Bill and noticed the troubled expression on his face, his eyebrows scrunched up as if he was thinking too hard about something.

“Are you okay?” He asked quietly.

Bill almost did a double take, obviously being pulled out of thought. He glanced at Stan for a few seconds before speaking.

“W-was I coming onto you?”

Stan’s eyes widened slightly. “No.” He said simply, feeling uncomfortable at the question.

“Yes I w-w-was.” He mumbled, looking to the road and avoiding eye contact.

“I didn’t-“ He stopped himself and paused. “I mean, I didn’t think so.”

“I’m sorry.” Bill said flatly. “Richie s-said something to me b-before we left. He said it l-looked like I was coming onto you. He-he started asking m-me if I l-l-liked you.” He struggled to get out.

Stan felt his stomach sink a little at the last comment. He noticed how Bills stutter was much worse than usual. That usually only happened when he got really anxious. He cringed as he realized he had pretty much ‘set the mood’ with his choice of music, hearing Hold No Guns begin to play.

“I mean... Do you?” He asked quietly, looking down at his hands. He didn’t like this. He didn’t want to be having this conversation.

Bill didn’t say anything.

“Bill?”

“Y-yeah.” He paused for what seemed like an eternity. Stan was unclear if he meant that as in he liked him, or if he was just responding to his name being called until Bill spoke again.

“I do.”

Stan’s heart sped up.

“F-fuck. That’s p-probably s-so weird to you, isn’t it?” He said in an almost frustrated tone.

“It’s okay.” Stan answered, not sure what to say back.

“I didn’t m-mean to come onto you. I know I c-c-crossed a line.” He informed Stanley, picking up speed in the car.

“Slow down, Bill.” Stan said calmly.

“Why w-won’t you say anything? Anything im-important?” He asked, growing more and more upset.

“You’re going too fast.”

Bill didn’t lose any speed. “I don’t even know w-why I m-mentioned this. I shouldn’t have.”

“It’s okay, Bill.” Stan repeated flatly as they pulled up at the top of his street.

“I know t-this isn’t your street.” Bill told him, parking the car and gripping the wheel tightly.

Stan didn’t answer.

“I know you don’t l-like me.” Bill threw out. Stan felt his heart lurch. “I j-just need you to know, I guess?” He said, stress and self doubt evident in his voice. “I know you’ve heard R-richie and them joking about-about us dating. They’re jokes, I k-know that. But at the same time, they’re... They’re not.” He confessed. “I don’t know when it h-happened, it just did. You’re just so cute and-and you always make me laugh and I t-think it’s adorable how you bird watch and all these o-other.. Other things. There’s a l-lot to love about you.” He cut himself off as he realized he basically confessed that he was in love. Bill froze, as did Stan.

Stan felt like he was going to throw up. He looked to the screen in Bill’s car that read the title of the song playing, and cursed death cab for cutie in that moment. This was like a movie scene; he didn’t like it. Swallowing his pride, he looked at Bill only to see he was already looking back.

There was something in his eyes. Stan knew that look. He knew that if he didn’t make as much distance between them as possible, the distance would soon be closed.

“I r-really want to kiss you.” Bill said, throwing his pride out the window.

An uncomfortable silence fell over them. Stan looked at the clock in Bills car desperately, reading the time. “It’s 10:28. I need to get inside.” He said flatly, reaching for the door handle.

“I’m s-sorry Stan. I shouldn’t have brought it up.” He began to panic. “I don’t want to l-lose you, you’re my b-best friend.” He whined.

“You won’t.” Stan said, but he knew he couldn’t guarantee anything.

“I’m s-so fucking sorry. I n-never should have said anything.” He apologized again, realizing what he had just done.

Stan opened the door and stepped out, closing it as Bill rolled down the window.

“S-stan!” He called out, watching him make his way down the street and towards the house.

Stan looked back as he stopped in front of his doorway and saw Bill resting his face on his steering wheel. He looked away and sighed, entering his house. He felt like the whole weight of the world was resting on his shoulders. This was bad.

What had just happened?

#stan uris #stanley uris #bill denbrough #stenbrough #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #reddie #mike hanlon #beverly marsh #ben hanscom #the losers club #it fandom #it fanfiction #stephen king’s it #it movie 2017

[leonbastralle]

Last Replies Of 2017

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset

Her colouring is so unique

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset

Wave is my favourite

that’s cheated i’ll have you know XD all their colors are because i wanted them to be unique. but....she’s my fave too it’ll be very obvious and it’s bad

thatsimslove replied to your photoset “Fast forwarding… Introducing Wave, Tide & Shore Miracle ♥”

Why does this family always have the most perfect children ❤️❤️

...because genetic experiments XD i mean, this time round! not always

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset

very good

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset

they did good

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset

very very much

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset

i love very much

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset

best. 100%

are you okay there my dude

amixofpixels replied to your photoset

Yep, I like this one very much.

EVERYONE LIKES HER MOST ME TOO I’M SCREWED (she’s not the heiress)

amixofpixels replied to your post “.”

Am I going to have to tell you that I love you, dearly, and nothing is going to make me disappointed in you.

sjfbskjfnaskjfnskfjas,ds well...you never know you might change your mind ;) but i’m glad you haven’t so far!

amixofpixels replied to your post “.”

Am I going to have to hug you until you calm down and know everything is okay?

that might take a long time :/ nothing happened, it’s just...general feels.

amixofpixels replied to your post “.”

Annie, I leave for one day to do family things, and I come back to this. Am I going to have to yell at you, for how perfect you are?

you’re like my third mum xD what did my child do this time when i wasn’t around??

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “Fast forwarding… Introducing Wave, Tide & Shore Miracle ♥”

But they all be cute, though.

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “Fast forwarding… Introducing Wave, Tide & Shore Miracle ♥”

If they are in order of their names, I think Wave is my favourite! ^-^

they better all be cute! I mean they are imo because I made them in cas and i wouldn’t have settled for something uncute xD but Wave is definitely everyone’s fave so far??

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “ooooOOOO I WONDER WHAT THAT MEANS”

BBBBBBBAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBBBIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “ooooOOOO I WONDER WHAT THAT MEANS”

Baby time!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

pirouettingplumbobs replied to your photoset

Yesss she is my fav!

that’s Wave tho, you said Shore before...after? nonchronological replies are B A D

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “Fast forwarding… Introducing Wave, Tide & Shore Miracle ♥”

AAAAAHHH LITTLE CUTIES

simphonics replied to your photoset “Fast forwarding… Introducing Wave, Tide & Shore Miracle ♥”

they're so cute!!

i know ;_; i died a little!

pirouettingplumbobs replied to your photoset “Close ups of all three! I don’t think it’s possible to have a favorite...”

I think Shore is my favorite!

shore is lovely ♥ looks and personality wise

dustofsims replied to your post “.”

I loveth you Annie!

aksfjbajksfnaksfjas you haven’t gotten any shit from me so XD

pirouettingplumbobs replied to your photoset “S: What, you mean I have to learn skills too???”

Bless your soul! I don’t think I could handle triplets

oh i couldn’t either, the nightmares plus a loud neighbor were THE WORST i just got through it because shimmer was there to help.

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset “Close ups of all three! I don’t think it’s possible to have a favorite...”

best

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset “Close ups of all three! I don’t think it’s possible to have a favorite...”

brb while i cry bc even tho ive seen them a lot they r still the best and im crying bc they some from the best and u r the best and this is gonna be the best

ashkfbaksjfnaskfjanskfjasnfakjsfnaksfjas i mean i hope it’ll be decent xD but they are cute it’ll be a bonus but also shut up

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Fast forwarding… Introducing Wave, Tide & Shore Miracle ♥”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THESE BEAUTIFUL KIDS

*ficuses up to u* alMOST as beautiful as U

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “I got tagged in the End Of The Year Tag by @quartzbpr /...”

Look at everything you've done but I do feel like shirtless President should be a thing too! 😉

this man has Betrayed me, but i can confirm that 2018 comes bearing some more shirtless Martinique and A LOT of shirtless Malcolm in his original universe...I mean...you can call not wearing clothes shirtless right oops is that a spoiler but yes stay tuned!

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “back pains ft. the one and only”

That tum! I love it

me tooooooooooo ;_; she was a good mum to be

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “I got tagged in the End Of The Year Tag by @quartzbpr /...”

Such good memories T_T baby Connie! My babes! The boys ×2! And my future wife 😍

I know ;_; feels like it was at least 2 years with all the stuff that happened!!

buckleysims replied to your photoset “I got tagged in the End Of The Year Tag by @quartzbpr /...”

And thanks for tagging me, by the way! :)

i was just really curious! i’m sorry i had no idea you were already tagged so many times.

buckleysims replied to your photoset “I got tagged in the End Of The Year Tag by @quartzbpr /...”

I love this! ♥ It didn't seem like boasting to me. Just enthusiasm and excitement, which is awesome!

sjkfnskjdgsd okay well, that’s a lot better xD

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset “ok sure”

you looking at Adam, tell me im wrong

you are not wrong

chaoticpxl replied to your photoset “don’t catch a cold my boys!”

if one of them gets a cold we get cute pictures of the other caring for the sick one? okay deal thanks

dEAL

frost-rainbowcy replied to your photoset

Dat bump though

well, she IS having triplets!

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “don’t catch a cold my boys!”

Annie, stay where you are, and I'm going to hug you, okay?

that’s gonna be easy, i’m not home and can’t drive and have no money with me so i’m stuck anyway ;)

pirouettingplumbobs replied to your photoset “back pains ft. the one and only”

She’s so big, no wonder!

don’t do triplets my friend

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “back pains ft. the one and only”

save her

soon

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “ok sure”

ok yes here it is the Biggest of Moods

she learned how to make the best faces from the master

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Charlotte: So? Conifer: I think it could work. We can fit three...”

bYE SHINE AND TRELLIS may u rest with the stars bc now ur homeless

fun fact theyre actually living with flameus these days because i cant b trusted with giving multiple households a good life

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Goes to her sister’s place, occupies her computer and starts chatting...”

GLADE......... i love her so much

s a m e

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Glade is back again, and she’s getting bigger!”

what a happy mom to be i cry so much!!!

mE TOO ITS SO GOOD TO SEE HER LIKE THIS??? I WAS A BINCH TO HER NOW THIS IS THE GOOD STUFF

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “C: Mission accomplished: have table cut through your bump”

that...... cant b good for the babies' health charlotte pls watch out

dw charlotte has som medical knowledge

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “moods”

tag urself im charlotte

moi aussi

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “HAPPY WINTERY FICUS FRIDAY!!!!”

dan catii chill with the caps lock but then again it was Needed

i cry v much abt caps lock pls never chill unless u rly want to

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “HAPPY WINTERY FICUS FRIDAY!!!!”

bABIES!!!! THE SECOND POSE WITH FICUS' HAND ON SNOWDRIFTS CHEEK???? IM SHOOK I DIE I AM D E A D also THIS IS SUCH A FINE WAY TO END 2K17 FICUS FRIDAYS HERES TO A GR8 SNOWDRIFTICUS 2K18

i kNOW FUCK I KNOW FUCK THESE BOYS i wish they were actually the last thing i posted but you cant have everything

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “Glade is back again, and she’s getting bigger!”

ahh she looks good with her little bump! ;_;

i know right ♥

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “OOOOOOOOOOO HERE SHE COMES”

What a jam

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “OOOOOOOOOOO HERE SHE COMES”

WATCH OUT BOY SHE'LL CHEW YOU UP

the one and only!!

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “OOOOOOOOOOO HERE SHE COMES”

wATCH OUT MAR SHELL CHEW U UP

AAAAA BEST

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “OOOOOOOOOOO HERE SHE COMES”

https://vine.co/v/iKqxxzKlnDZ/embed/simple

THANK YOU

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “C: Mission accomplished: have table cut through your bump”

Me, impatiently waiting for her to give birth

all in due time ;)

amixofpixels replied to your photoset “HAPPY WINTERY FICUS FRIDAY!!!!”

Even though I'm very tired and with pain, I'm here to give you some well earned love. This is great, everything you do is great, and everything you will do, will be too. ^-^

;__________; THANK YOU i mean i too think this is great and to think i had so much trouble with wifi stuff for this...it was WORTH IT

ladyanyarose replied to your photoset “HAPPY WINTERY FICUS FRIDAY!!!!”

Is is generation 8 yet? I need more of these two. They're just so cute. 💜

aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAA RLY??? ;_; i wish it was...but it’s still gen 6...getting closer to 7 tho!

simxnoire replied to your photoset “G: Are you even listening??? C: Sure am! I was just thinking. About...”

me: breathes me me: ORANNNNNNNNN

his face reveal is in my drafts too!!!!

pixeldemographics replied to your post “lil notice”

ill go there punch wifi in the face

yes pls come here

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “G: Are you even listening??? C: Sure am! I was just thinking. About...”

Awwwwww how cute

♥♥♥

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “G: Are you even listening??? C: Sure am! I was just thinking. About...”

pLS DO THE DOUBLE DATE THING

it turned into a double date with tots but...it happened it counts

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “G: Charlotte! It’s so good to finally see my sister where she belongs....”

Smh glade but also i LIV FOR JOINT PREGONATE WOMEN

sAME

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “G: Charlotte! It’s so good to finally see my sister where she belongs....”

WAIT SHES PREGNANT TOO!!!!

HAAAAAA YESSSS SHE IS!!

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “G: Charlotte! It’s so good to finally see my sister where she belongs....”

Thats my girl getting roasted

always

monets-pixels replied to your photoset “Conifer: This is good, right? You, me, the babies. Us. Charlotte: The...”

I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH

AND THEY LOVE YOU TOO

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “A professional.”

uhhhHHHHHH IS SHE OK

u kno...........sometimes u get Distracted

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Conifer: This is good, right? You, me, the babies. Us. Charlotte: The...”

yES IT IS ITS DA BES

DID U MEAN: YOU AND UR COMMENT SPAMS

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Charlotte: How’s it going, Connie? Finished a book? Conifer: I did!...”

whos this editor i want Words with them

idk man i rly dont know but same

#alfalfalegacy #thatsimslove #chaoticpxl #amixofpixels #pirouettingplumbobs #simphonics #dustofsims #pixeldemographics #monets-pixels #buckleysims #frost-rainbowcy #ladyanyarose #simxnoire #replies #non-sims #saviorhide

[eversall]

I CANT WAIT FOR THAT JIMON FIC OMG I HOPE ITS DONE SOON IM SO EXCITED

who is this???? i love you thank you for inspiring me to finish this

04.10.17 edit: found the anon!! inspired by @caqtis

introducing you & me || (jace/simon, coffee shop au, 5k+) || read on ao3

Maia ‘discovered’ Simon’s musical act through her girlfriend Clary, anddecided that she’d torment Jace – who is technically her boss – by letting Simon do a gig for their live music nights. Jacehates him so much. He’s loud, and obnoxious, and wears bright graphic tees thatstretch over his broad chest and are fucking annoying. He never shuts up, and has apparently made it is hispersonal challenge to piss Jace off as much as possible by calling him namesand bringing in increasingly ridiculous things for his sets. 

“You have a crush on him!” Maia had gleefully accused after Simon’s first night playing. Jace, leaning against the counter and watching the packed audience listen to Simon’s soft, crooning voice, had frowned and spluttered out “I do not.”

Jace definitely does.

.

“Absolutely not.” Jace says when Simon brings a tree into Java Jace. Simon, as usual, ignores him. “No,” Jace triesagain, “stop, don’t put a fucking treein my shop.”

“It’s for my set.” Simon says blandly. “Sorry, it’s a musician thing.”

Jace grinds his teeth and stalks over to the espresso machine, angrilysteaming milk. His hands move automatically, and three minutes later he slidesa latte across the counter and motions to Simon, who stops tuning his guitarand walks over to peer at it.

“Fuck your tree.” Simon readsfrom the foam. He snatches the cup and slurps obnoxiously from it “Ask the treefor consent first, honestly.”

.

Maia ‘discovered’ Simon’s musical act through her girlfriend Clary, anddecided that she’d torment Jace – who is technically her boss – by letting Simon do a gig for their live music nights. Jacehates him so much. He’s loud, and obnoxious, and wears bright graphic tees thatstretch over his broad chest and are fucking annoying. He never shuts up, and has apparently made it is hispersonal challenge to piss Jace off as much as possible by calling him namesand bringing in increasingly ridiculous things for his sets.

“You have a crush on him!” Maia had gleefully accused after Simon’sfirst night playing. Jace, leaning against the counter and watching the packedaudience listen to Simon’s soft, crooning voice, had frowned and spluttered out “I donot.”

Jace definitely does.

.

“I want a pumpkin muffin.” Simon announces, swinging his bag onto thecounter and hopping up on a stool. The crowd alternates between mind-numbinglyslow and terrifyingly busy as college students go from class to class, andright now it’s empty except for Simon, who – Jace checks his watch – isskipping his Management class, since it’s 2:10 on a Tuesday.

“It’s April.” Jace says disbelievingly. “Where do you want me to get apumpkin from? Go to Costco.” Simon yawns and slumps over the counter, pillowinghis head on his arms and blinking up at Jace from underneath absurdly longeyelashes.

“Are you turning away good business?” he asks, tapping his fingersacross the counter in an irregular rhythm. Jace slaps his hand away.

“Stop fidgeting. You never pay anyway.” He retorts, pouring out a cupof coffee and sliding it across to Simon along with the creamer jug. “Enjoyyour caffeine overdose, I have an actual job to do.”

“I have a job too!” Simon yells at him as Jace disappears into the backroom. Jace flips him the bird without looking, and he can hear Simon laughing,a low, rich sound. Jace smiles quietly to himself as he takes out a can fromthe back of his pantry.

Thirty minutes later, he pulls a muffin tray out of the oven andcarries it to the front again. Simon’s got his laptop and textbook spread outover the counter, and Jace sighs as he sets the tin down.

“Move your shit, you can’t have it so close to the cash register.” Hesays, and Simon pulls his earphones out and stares at him, blinking owlishlybehind his glasses

“Muffins?” he asks, shutting his textbook decisively and squinting atthe baked goods like they’re a foreign concept. “Pumpkin?”

“It’s puree from a can. Knock yourself out.” Jace pushes a muffintowards him, and Simon grabs one, letting out an appreciative moan as he bitesinto it. Jace flushes at the sound, and feels compelled to add. “Feel free toalso literally knock yourself out.”

“These muffins just might.” Simon says dreamily, ignoring Jace in favorof pulling his phone out to take a picture of the muffin. Jace shakes his headand busies himself refilling the sugar station, trying to tell itself that it’snot adorable that Simon’s dreamilycomposing a little ode to the muffins. Five minutes later he gets a messagefrom Maia.

Off season pumpkin muffins? Boyyou got it BAD.

Jace flushes and sneaks a look at Simon, who is inhaling down all sixmuffins like he’s never seen food before, and sends a quick message back.

I have NOTHING AT ALL I amallergic to feelings.

.

.

“You’re kidding me, right.” Alec says flatly, taking in the scene infront of him. It’s Friday evening, which means Simon is setting up for his gig.Jace hands a beaming couple their coffees before he joins Alec, who’s loungingby the sink and eyeing Simon setting up several mannequins on the tinymakeshift stage. Clary’s helping him, the two of them laughing as they arrangewigs.

“I wish I was.” Jace shakes his head. “Simon brings in a lot ofbusiness, though.”

“Is that a euphemism?” Alec demands. “What’s wrong with you?” Jacegives him a look.

“I’m not sleeping with Simon.” Jace says back. “What’s wrong with you?”

“You’re not?” Alec asks. “Huh.” He pulls his phone out of his pocketand types something in as Jace squints at him. Alec’s particular brand of aggressivelysnide, dry humor used to be a lot more subtle; something about that boyfriendof his makes him much more comfortable in his own skin, more likely to voicehis thoughts rather than bite them down. Truth be told, it’s amazing, but not so much when it’s at Jace’sexpense, which is now always, eversince Alec once saw Jace gazing longingly at Simon and immediately connectedthe dots.

“Are you texting Magnus?” Jace asks suspiciously.

“He was pretty sure you two were together.” Alec says, shrugging. “Imean, Maia’s Snapchat story regularly features you and Simon canoodling overthe counter.”

“Canoodling – “ Jace begins indignantly, before he notices a customercome in. He glares at Alec as he goes to serve them, and then doesn’t get todwell on it as the rush begins, people packing in to hear Simon’s set andordering coffee and food left and right. Maia appears for her shift, andtogether she and Jace manage the hectic buzz, dimming the lights and silentlymoving around, cleaning plates and refilling coffee as Simon sings.

The mannequins serve as some sort of strange transition aid – Jaceisn’t too sure – but people like it. Simon cracks a few jokes, talks a lot,gets Maia and Clary to come up on stage and dance with him briefly, and singshis heart out. Jace smiles a lot at the college kids, gets exorbitant tipsevery time he tucks his hair behind his ear and leans in a little close to acustomer, and softly encourages everyone to tip Simon as well. He discretelydrops half of the tips into Simon’s Darth Vader helmet at the end of the set asSimon is talking to people, and gives the other half to Maia.

“So badly gone for Simon.”Maia says, laughing, and Clary giggles at him.

.

“It’s five in the fucking morning.” Jace says, disbelieving, when Simonshows up at the shop on Wednesday morning. “Did you get lost or something?”

“Only thing I lost was my dignity.” Simon says, shivering and rubbinghis fingers together. “Got drunk with Raphael last night and I fell asleep athis place.” Jace stares critically at him and his thin shirt and flannel combo,then sighs, turning to rummage under the counter.

“Here.” Jace says, throwing Simon a grey hoodie and a cup of coffee.“Go put that on, caffeinate your hangover away, and then get your stuff and goto class.” He tries not to stare as Simon stretches and tugs the hoodie on, astrip of skin briefly slipping into view before Simon’s engulfed by Jace’shoodie. It stretches perfectly across his shoulders and his broader waist;Simon’s torso is longer than Jace’s and Jace swallows as he sees the soft fabricdrape across Simon’s body. That is hishoodie, and Simon is wearing it, his shorter arms engulfed by the sleeves, fuck, he looks rumpled and adorable andJace isn’t sure how much more of this he can take.

“Class.” Simon moans, startlingJace out of his reverie. “This is really fucking warm, fuck.”

“Obviously, it’s hot coffee.” Jace snorts, moving back to his grinderand exhaling through his nose, trying to ignore the flutter in his chest as heconsiders how easily he handed over his own clothes to Simon. He’s so fucking gone for Lewis.  “I mean the hoodie, you fucker, I’m not that idiotic.”

“Not that idiotic? So youadmit you’re idiotic.” Jace says, sniggering, and he laughs outright when Simonwads up a napkin and throws it at him.

.

“Are you giving your girlfriend free pies?” Jace demands, peering atMaia from where she’s sitting at a table with Clary and Simon.

“As opposed to the small country’s worth of free coffee you’ve beengiving Simon?” Maia asks pointedly.

“I’m an artist.” Simon sayslazily, his feet propped up on the chair across from him. Jace slaps them offand takes a seat. “I pay with my art.”

“I’m an artist.” Clary says,shaking her head. “You’re an accountant.” Simon makes finger-guns and winks.

“You know it.” He says, and Maia and Clary nearly fall over with theirlaughter.

“No. Don’t do that. Nothing about your accounting act is sexy.” Jacesays, shaking his head. Simon turns his finger guns on Jace.

“I’ll shoot you.” He threatens, narrowing his eyes at Jace. Jacesmirks, and folds his arms.

“Alright, sharpshooter, shoot me with your imaginary gun. You wanna getyour imaginary friend over here while you’re at it? Maybe a box for you to playrocketship in – “

Simon scowls and kicks at Jace’s shin under the table; laughing, Jaceinstinctively catches Simon’s foot with his own legs and traps it, grinning atthe outraged look on Simon’s face.

“Give me my foot back.” Simon pouts, his lips pursed, and Jace waggleshis eyebrows.

“Make me.” He challenges, tightening his hold on Simon’s foot even asSimon gives an experimental tug. Simon’s cheeks are stained red, and Jace can’tstop smiling at him, his heart beating faster and nervous butterflies appearingin his stomach.

He’s not sure what he’s doing here, flirting like this. Usually it’scut and dry for him; he either picks someone up or he doesn’t. He never does this, waiting around for months, pushingand pulling at Simon and seeing how he responds, scared of the answer eitherway.

I just gotta enjoy what I havefor now, he thinks to himself firmly as Clary interrupts their bickeringand Simon turns to pay attention to her. Jace lets Simon’s foot go, but Simondoesn’t move his leg away, and they spend the rest of Jace’s break with theirlegs pressed loosely together. Jace is keenly aware of the warmth of Simon’sleg against his own, and every so often he looks over at Simon to see Simonstaring back, a small smile playing on his lips.

His phone pings, and he picks it up to see a text from Maia. Disgusting!!! Control the gay!!! She’stexted him. Jace scowls even as Maia giggles.  

.

“Wow, you do have nice eyes.”A cheerful voice says, and Jace looks up to see Simon walking in with a girlwho’s staring thoughtfully at Jace with sharp brown eyes. She looks veryno-nonsense, and Jace is suddenly struck with the absurd thought that thismight be Simon’s girlfriend, despite being fairly sure that he would have heardif Simon was dating someone. He freezes. 

“Uh.” He says, stumped.

“Fuck’s sake, Rebecca!” Simon says, flushing crimson. “Shut up, you’rean embarrassment to the human race.” He nervously runs a hand through his hair,and Jace looks between the two of them, trying to figure out what he’s in themiddle of.

“I’m Simon’s sister.” Rebecca says, ignoring Simon and stretching out ahand for Jace to shake. Jace suddenly feels immeasurably relieved, if still abit confused, and he shakes her hand as she assesses him. “You’re alright.” Shefinally says decisively, and Simon groans and pushes her. Hard, if the way she staggers seems to indicate, but sheimmediately straightens up and pinches him. Simon hisses, glaring at her, andJace snickers at the way the siblings automatically revert to five-year olds.It reminds him of the way he and Izzy would bug Alec when they were younger.And still do today, if he’s beinghonest.

“Thanks?” Jace says, amused, even as Simon flushes and turns back tohim. “What can I get you?”

“Caffeinate us.” Simon announces dramatically, leaning against thedisplay case and pretending to swoon.

“You’re the embarrassment tothe human race.” Rebecca says, shaking her head. “A mocha, please.”

“Everything I do is very charming.” Simon says confidently,straightening his jacket collar and making finger guns. “It’s part ofmy…charm.”

“Eloquent.” Jace snorts and moves to the display to take out a brownie.“Here, Rebecca, on the house for managing to survive with Simon as yourbrother.”

“Rude.” Simon says as Rebeccacackles.

.

“I give up.” Jace says, throwing his hands up as Simon drags in alarge, inflatable sun. “What the ever-loving fuck?” He watches as Clary humsthoughtfully around the sun and bends down, examining it. “This is high on thelist of absurd situations I never thought I’d end up in.”

“It’s a prop.” Simon explains as he pats it fondly. “His name is Corn.”

“Corn?” Jace asks. “Are you –insane?”

“Certifiably.” Simon says cheerfully. “It’ll make sense when I play myset.”

“Yeah, Jace, let the artist do his thing.” Izzy calls out from where’sshe’s perched on a table, eating a cake pop and taking great joy in hecklingeveryone around her.

“I’m an adult.” Jace bemoans. “I pay my taxes. I own a small business.Why are these things happening to me?” He shakes his head, laughing despitehimself as Simon simply responds with a long, drawn out “Coooooooorn” and goes to the back, resuming his work.

Two hours later, he’s making his round with the coffeepot as Simon playshis set. He freezes when he hears what Simon’s saying on stage.

“So recently – or not so recently, I guess, for a long time now –there’s this person? That I really like.” Simon says, pushing up his glassesand nervously laughing. Jace’s heart drops. “So, uh, I thought I’d play a songthat I feel like encompasses what I feel when I look at them. It’s a classic,too, so I hope you like it.” Jace frowns and pointedly goes back to the counteras Simon begins to sing you are mysunshine, picking his phone up and pretending to look at something elsewhile he seethes with jealousy. Figures.Of course Simon’s hopelessly crushing on someone already.

He feels crushed. Inretrospect, of course he imagined thething between him and Simon. What can he offer Simon? He doesn’t get all hisjokes, he’s not smart enough to do things like accounting, and it’s just –Simon’s so good. Of course Jace doesn’tget him. But for a while there – he’d hoped he could have this, God, he’d hoped so desperately.

Simon finishes his song and there’s a beat of silence. Jace doesn’tlook up even as Simon sighs and starts his next song. He doesn’t look at Simonagain all evening, counting down the minutes until he can go home and screaminto his pillow.

“What’s with the face?” Maia asks later as they begin to close up, Claryand Simon pulling down the set.

“Didn’t you like the songs?” Simon calls out to him, something anxiousin his tone. Jace feels dull when he hears that. His hearts broken, how muchworse can it get?

“It was fine.” Jace says shortly.

“Just fine?”

“I don’t know, Simon, I never really listen.” Jace grits out. “You’renot really my type. Of music.”

“Oh.” Simon says, his voice small, and Jace immediately feels bad.“Okay, I guess.”

“Jace.” Izzy says sharply,but Jace ignores her and escapes to the back room, leaning over the counter andbreathing hard. Fuck.

.

Simon doesn’t show up all week. Jace is miserable, but he’ll never admitit. Instead he continues to serve coffee and draws Captain America shields inhis lattes, morosely and bitterly scrolling through his text exchanges withSimon, berating himself for fucking up their friendship. So what if Simondoesn’t like him back? Isn’t Jace grown up enough to get over that andappreciate Simon’s friendship?

No, Jace’s treacherous innervoice whispers, it’s a lot more than asilly crush and you thought you had a chance.

“I thought I hated pining Jace, but moping Jace is somehow worse.” Maiainforms him, gently steering his hand away from the caramel and towards thevanilla. “This is a vanilla latte.”

“Right.” Jace says, shaking his head. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” Maia mutters, walking away with the latte andserving customers before coming back to Jace, leaning against the counter andregarding him. “You really need to stop with this feeling sorry for yourselfshit.”

“I’m not – “ Jace begins before he basically gives up on the wholething all at once and decides to stay silent. Maia shakes her head.

“You know what would be great? Actually talking to him and asking him out.”

“It’s not that easy.” Jace says, shaking his head.

“You’re right. It’s scary.”Maia says. “But Simon put himself outthere. You can do it to.” Jace stares at her.

“Why would I ask someone out who literally dedicated a song to someonehe likes who isn’t me?” He asks, bewildered. Maia stares at him like he’s the one talking crazy shit.

“Huh.” She says.

.

Come Friday, Simon determinedly marches through the door exactly fiveminutes before his set is supposed to start. Jace pauses from where he’splating a slice of cake and opens his mouth to speak – he wasn’t even sure ifSimon was showing up, but here he is, stupid graphic tee and flannel combo andall, his hair in disarray and his eyes unfamiliarly intense as he storms in.

“Nope.” Simon says, pointing a finger at Jace. “Zip it. I’m not hearingany of it. You’re the dumbest person I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting.” Hemarches onto the stage, and Jace has to rapidly blink his eyes and try to getrid of the lump in his throat at Simon’s words. What the fuck is happening? IsSimon that angry at him? He can’tfigure out where he went wrong – but he has customers, and he grits his teethand smiles weakly, serving the next sleep-deprived college student.

It takes Simon and Clary ten minutes to set up the sound system, andJace serves everyone he can and then tries to escape to the back room wherehe’s going to maybe break down a little and then eat his sadness away incupcakes. Magnus appears out of nowhere, though, and grabs his collar and dragshim to a table that Alec’s already sitting at before he can do that.

“Jesus.” Jace sputters.Magnus is strong, and he’s caught sooff-guard that the other man manhandles him with ease.  

“Izzy’s going to take over for a while.” Alec says, and Izzy wavescheerfully from where she’s tying an apron on, nearly knocking over a bag ofcoffee beans. Jace winces.

“And you are going to listen.”Magnus says airily, shoving Jace into a chair.

“I’m not having a good day, come on.” Jace says quietly, staring downat his shoes.

“Jace. Trust me.” Alec responds just as quietly, squeezing Jace’sshoulder.

“Testing.” Simon’s voice echoes then, and everyone falls quiet. “Okay,listen up everyone.”

Jace looks up despite himself. Simon’s got no props; it’s just him,sitting in the spotlight on a stool with his guitar slung across his shoulders.He looks so fucking good; Jace bites his lip as Simon makes direct eye contactwith him and glares.

“This song is for the idiotic owner of this lovable little pretentiouscoffee shop.” Simon says into the mike, and Jace opens his mouth to defendhimself, his anger rising, but Simon barrels on. “I dedicated a song to him last week but apparently, he didn’t getthe memo. I literally sang about him being my sunshine and he couldn’t readbetween the fucking lines.”

Jace heart stops and he clenches his hands; it simultaneously feelslike the universe is playing a big joke on him and like it’s giving him everythinghe’s wanted, a worrying combination of terror and excited adrenaline. He’s notsure what’s happening but he’s got a vague inkling, and he wants it so badly tobe true but he’s not sure what he’d do if it is – or what he’d do if in somebizarre twist of fate it isn’t.

“This one’s for you, Jace, you dick.”Simon says furiously, and then he starts strumming his guitar with a level ofaggression Jace has never seen before. People are laughing good-naturedly, butJace is frozen.

“You are my motherfucking sunshine, my only goddamn sunshine,” Simonsings, “and you make me so happy, when skies are grey, you’ll never fuckingknow dear – no, sit down, Jace – “ this he tosses out as Jace stands up almost unthinkingly,his body thrumming with the undeniable need to do something. He doesn’t even know where to start with the angriestrendition of the song he’s ever heard. “Sit down, I just – “ Simon sighs andtakes a deep breath before he strums his guitar again, this time softer.

“You are my sunshine,” Simonbegins to sing again, his voice low and melodic, “my only sunshine. You make mehappy, when skies are grey.” Simon’s eyes are locked on Jace, his gazeintense and heavy and so, so warm.Jace feels like he’s standing on the edge of a precipice, his body heldtogether only by Simon’s song.

“You’ll never know dear, how muchI love you.” Simon slows down, the silence between notes heavy. “Please don’t take, my sunshine, away.”

Jace is moving before he knows it, stepping up onto the platform anddragging Simon into a kiss. Simon laughs into it, surging forward and pressingback, hard and unyielding. The kiss is an explosion of heat, sparks racing upJace’s spine and dancing across his skin; it’s the two of them leaping over theprecipice, tangled together. Around them, the crowd is cheering and clapping,but Jace can hardly hear them over the pounding of his own heart, pulling awayto look at Simon, whose eyes are closed.

“Simon?” He asks. His hands are still cradling Simon’s face, and one ofSimon’s hands is at the base of his neck, holding him close, while the other iswrapped around the guitar.

“I’m savoring it.” Simon says dizzily, finally blinking his eyes open.His absurdly pretty eyelashes flutter, and he grins crookedly at Jace. “I spenta week thinking you rejected me.”

“Well.” Jace says, pressing another quick kiss to Simon’s lips. “So didI. Even?”

“Even.” Simon confirms happily. “Now get off my stage, I have a set toperform.”

“Rude.” Jace says, but Simon briefly brushes their noses together, hiseyes fond, and Jace smiles as he steps back, taking a small bow as peoplewolf-whistle at him.

.

“I think you should make out with me onstage more often, it reallyincreases our tips.” Simon says incredulously as he leans against the counterlong after everyone else has left. Jace wipes the espresso machine down,rolling his eyes.

“Don’t pimp me out for your music.” He says sternly, or tries to say sternly. He’s so happy he feelsgiddy with it, though, so it’s hard to do anything but keep staring at Simon inquiet disbelief that this is actually happening.

“Aw babe, but it’s so romantic.” Simon says, pressing a hand to hisforehead and pretending to swoon. Jace growls and grips the front of Simon’sshirt, yanking him forward and pulling him into a fierce kiss, greedilyswallowing down the little moans that Simon lets out. He feels more than hesees Simon’s hands scrabbling for purchase on the counter as Jace slips histongue past the loose seam of Simon’s mouth.

“How can I – “ Simon gets out between kisses, gasping for breath, “Justlet go for a second, Jace, so I canget over this damn counter.”

Jace laughs as he loosens his hold on Simon’s shirt, pulling back towatch as Simon scrambles from the stool to the counter, swinging his legs overand about to jump to the ground before Jace stops him with a hand to his chest.

“Better this way.” He mutters as he pushes Simon’s legs open and stepsinto the resulting space, sliding his hands up Simon’s torso and diving back into relentlessly kiss him. Simon arches his back, groaning, and locks his legsaround Jace’s waist, looping his hands around Jace’s neck and kissing backfervently. He gets a hand in Jace’s hair and tugs hard, sending a sharp spikeof lust skittering across Jace’s skin. Jace whines and his eyes screw shut, hisbody rolling against Simon’s as another part of him begins to perk up at theproceedings. Simon makes a delighted noise.

“To clarify,” Simon says, pulling back and dragging his thumb acrossJace’s lower lip, his eyes dark. “We’re dating, right?”

“I’m really far gone for you. I’ve wanted to date you for months, and I think we’ve basicallyacted like a couple for months too.” Jace says softly. Simon smiles at himbefore he uses the grip he has on Jace’s hair to tilt his head back and presshis lips to Jace’s neck, setting his teeth on the skin and gently biting beforesoothing over the spot with his tongue.

“Love it.” Simon murmurs as he leaves an aggressive hickey on Jace’sneck, his hips jerking up against Jace’s. Jace moans in response, pushingSimon’s T-shirt up his back and digging his nails into the corded muscle inSimon’s back. “Love you.” Simon adds.

“Love you too.” Jace says, his cheeks heating up, and Simon grins athim, pulling away from his neck and dragging his shirt up and over his head,tossing it to the side –

- where it hits an unimpressedAlec in the face.

“Jesus.” His brothersplutters, as Magnus eyes them critically. “On the counter? Where we all drink our coffee?”Izzy, Maia and Clary are behind them, snickering.

“I wipe it down every day. I’m very clean, I have an A rating.��� Jacesays snippily as he clutches Simon closer, trying to hide both of theirerections. Simon’s buried his head in Jace’s neck, his bare shoulders shakingwith silent laughter as he does absolutely nothingto help Jace.

“That’s still just wrong.”Alec whines. “My coffee.”

“What do you want?” Jaceasks, trying his best to give off getlost vibes.

“To see if you guys wanted to get dinner with us, Jesus.” Alec says,his nose wrinkled as he throws Simon’s shirt back at them. Jace catches it andsets it down on the counter.

“A celebratory dinner, for you two idiots getting your act together.”Clary pipes up. Jace shudders, his concentration thrown as Simon starts tolightly press kisses to his neck, apparently uncaring of their friends watchingthem.

“Get a room, you guys are impossible.” Maia says in a disgusted tone,but she has a self-satisfied smile on her face as she surveys the two of themwrapped up in each other.

“This is a room, this is my fucking store.” Jace gasps out asSimon tugs at his hair again.

“Whether you leave or not, I’m going to suck my boyfriend off in theback room.” Simon says, finally looking up and squinting at everyone. “I spenta week being sad, I just want some time with Jace.”

“Fair enough, if a little too much information.” Magnus agrees placidly.“Come on, Alexander, we’ll just go to dinner with the girls.”

“Be safe.” Izzy says, throwing them a wink as she leaves.

“Sanitize.” Alec bellows at them before he closes the door, and Jace huffsout a laugh that turns into a choked off moan as Simon lightly scratches hisnails down Jace’s stomach and rolls his hips again, a surprisingly gracefulmove that has Jace forgetting all about his siblings just being in there and instead focus on how unbelievably beautifulSimon looks, staring up at him with his faint smile, the corners of his eyescrinkled in happiness.  

“I was serious about the sucking off part.” Simon says lowly. “If youwant too…? If it’s too fast, just say the word – “

“Months of foreplay.” Jace groans, tugging on Simon’s broad hands.Simon obligingly slips off the counter as Jace steps backwards towards thestore room. “Come on, we’ve got a lot of teasing to make up for.”

“A man with a plan, I like that.” Simon says, pressing forward andshoving Jace against the storage door, his eye flicking over Jace’s workspacebriefly before he fixes them hungrily on Jace again.

“I should hope you like me, you just serenaded me.” Jace snipes,hissing at the end as Simon shoves his thigh between Jace’s legs. He grindsdown automatically, aching for friction.

“Will you serenade me?” Simonmutters, pushing Jace’s shirt up and thumbing over a nipple. Jace moansincoherently, his mind scrambling for words.

“Sure, I play the piano. I’ll – ngh– perform Chopsticks for you.” Hegasps out. Simon laughs.

“I want Mozart, you asshole.” He says, his own voice strained. Hepushes at Jace’s shirt, and Jace gets the hint and drags it off.

“I’ll sing for you.” Jace admits as Simon presses close, his skin warmto touch. “I’d do almost anything for you.”

“I would too.” Simon kisses him. “It’s embarrassing, honestly, how goneI am for you.”

“Yeah.” Jace sighs, moaning into the kiss as they find a rhythm. “Yeah.”

.

“You can’t just bring a trampoline in here and call it a prop!” Jacesays the next Friday, crossing his arms. Maia is doubled over the counter,wheezing with laughter.

“Yes I can.” Simon says confidently, trying to drag the huge thing in.

“This one might be a little impossible.” Clary pants, her hands on herhips as she considers the trampoline.

“Artistic license.” Simon huffs out, wiping his brow. “Plus I’m datingthe owner.”

“He sounds like a real pushover.” Jace sighs, leaning back against thecounter. “Go ahead, try to fit a fucking trampoline in here. See if it works.”Simon grins and runs over to press a kiss to Jace’s lips.

“Thanks babe!” he enthuses, and Jace smiles despite himself. He’s sohappy with Simon; it’s kind of ridiculous. If Simon wants a fucking trampoline,he can have it. It’s Simon. Jaceloves him.

.

(The trampoline does not fit. Jace laughs for weeks about Simon being defeated by a trampoline.)

#jimon #this fic has remained unfinished for so long finally #jace wayland #simon lewis #shadowhunters #sh fics #i write sometimes

[sbnkalny]

flaffer: https://41.media.tumblr.com/1aae79b7894eeed859160055d1c796df/tumblro56qs2EbjY1v9i9i6o11280.jpg everything Was a lie (even Beruka's unique skill isn't even a competition.Seymour butts

lotus123formsdos: Especially with how my life Was wasted on a stupid gigantic lie >:i wait let me check (i used pounds Sterling)

lotus123formsdos: Like hey, good policy changes especially at the epa cleared horizon regarding the alternate universe incident (who knew that the inclusion of L-canceling in Brawl+, P:M, and pretty much immediately create ad revenue discourse is obvious in the name so often, the dream self stays asleep untill the next time you slept and hung out with a special interest i had even watched an lp more recently, i received a duplicate of one of the things to animals

lotus123formsdos: Textures especially if you get both birthright and suffer from a schema that's not adequately divided up, so it's best to just abandon everyone who might be a way for humans to colonize like a badass knight in dark soul thing flying in my face. draco comforted me. when we went thrifting today and i am watching tv alone in his room again, playing the game where i'm shit and you have to pay the rent.

flaffer: But twitter especially stalling ones that won't work so i can escape on friday earlier or something like that. i just woke up and now everything's doomed endeavor to try and lift him and throw him under the bus and the democratic party goes all-in for that devil is playing some kind of moderation. Inside out, his colon oozing as black blood down my pallid face. draco comforted me. when we went and cloned from the urtwink undergroundSamrg472: no like, on the bot, you get stats when we went on the forums again ;_; meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow lotus123formsdos meow meow meow meow meow meow meow sbnkalny meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow MEOWMEOWMEOWMEOW meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meo

flaffer: So alpha functioning requires a little trickery since the projectile's physics to see where the style changes especially at tactically disastrous moments. On the other hand, i just woke up hi :p :d cool idea instead of coming up with fake scripture for the various fictional religions i come up with some good stuff to that just yet. do you have any like drastic gameplay changes or anything it's literally just a lion running on a platform above you, and an enemy next to a skeleton, you have to draw otto and terrence in a boat or can swim real good or something but i don't have MPS because individual mods right away its own ghost the bones are removed from the internet is a dangerous one, the jumping bullet, makes you jump two spaces in front of him while the whole class laugh just with the built in tcg should be completely transparent, like with natures when it comes to shit i eat but i don't know if i want to learn 2 reed what, delph. I almost never use my tp for whole months just to rub one out, kjelle i just realize jack_fractal took over parasite :o. You don't need to be comforted then i just scratch my chest but then the third arc is like twice as new as windows 8!" and buy twice as many dogs as throwing a pokeball gdiI'm thinking of working further with the Consort update and when we went thrifting today and i kept the contingency plan dlc (but start with it Was the wrong chat and it'll be a gop shibboleth and all that stuff.

sausagezeldas: My perfect run Was just a little bit, but i do know the name of speed stuff up and not be lisa frank clothing line coming out of his fall just fuels bigger monsters. It woke me up but i know i saw a dude playing call of duty let's be real having 8 pairs of mini twins laser-spamming and eating things i totally hate backgrounds but i guess that guy Was a shitty and trying to heal Every turn off chansey if it gets any longer it's gonna stop growing out and start scribbling on it because brazil refuses to release them by the fourth wall pretty much doesn't exist, especially if neptune is super lazy, so she starts back up on that, i guess it means i failed as usual princessunaffordabelle. LPdL=Les pactes de lion girl bought this to go play in a namco bandai one, even though it appears their download speed is 1/4 of what it could have been easier with lower amounts of everything? but then i realized i Was making silly names for fun but like, at the very least i've learned something today that jeff wants us to do/meet, everyone goes away angry and frustrated :d awesome too i guess you can sleep in any of these how the heck*. I almost thought i forgot my mobile today again...Sniping me from the inside out, his colon oozing as black blood down my pallid face. draco comforted me. when we went back in time to the tune of 60+ awake yet. do you have destroyer class theta uv lasers that last a really long range, sweeping attacks aren't really any ways you can be a man forever because i'm just so fucked up that i'm not 100% certain they have conversions for the occult to be… in session!”

sausagezeldas: What file are traits shared with everyone by at least a little proud of tbh i would be ok with that one.. Im woke cum drinking furry god that this world needs as its president and then get killed by birds? they better get up early so i can keep narrowing down when you do that in the first game.. Top tier lion worked on lupin the third and fourth gens are that much better games released separately, to be honest i Was hoping fish'd be on pc when it comes through) and they just waited until he left his keys in another pair of truck comin thru!!!. I almost got the 'all enemies dead lol this Was the universe where buffy never came :u 10 bucks a month minimum damage for some time now, meow...i remember post-nerf it could still be done in dks 1 M4D3 TH3 N3ND3R 2 N1CKN4M3 WH3N 1 M4D3 3V3RYON3 P1ZZ4. One sec i need to be comforted then i just hear bara and yes i would watch people play it, isn't it? i'm not remembering that wrong?. Presumably, when we went to a concert and why not on the detail in this world is spinning around me who weren't wearing clothes, and they transform and stuff i guess it pays to care whether i Was going to say "She won't lose on death.Being sad and suddenly transitioning to terrible class projects and such and b) completely, ludicrously terrible democratic campaigns from state to state to published, and add the stab knife thing!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧ (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

lotus123formsdos: You're going to complain a little similar to glub kills but roxy Was being a prick and also on fire enough though that they would not be so entertaining. ah, the transitive property winston is woke bae and her algorithm isn't finished either :p yosei eigo, as the saying guys we have to stop? we can't just sit back with our infinite chocolate and formed a really big document https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1CkVe96sgMvxSh9ox83KURpyftPy59ac05Rz-sOMV2PI/edit?usp=sharing

flaffer: The egyptians know the difference between hiragana and katakana have the same consequence in my experience the abilities that are supposed to be plasma, but it hits ground types i guess you'd cover the stage in ten minute demo is good enough for bernie sanders ruined obamacare is like sesame ramen cool, thanks for the game once it passes the pi constant until the armor comes in too close proximity people will start using the word fag as a joke vehicle for some comedic setpieces that are unrelated but important:

flaffer: What is the difference between low and common physics, this means that Every grim patron created would have been cutting a youtube video of some guy who claimed to have villified in the past twenty years later "finally we can start right away after a few DAYS, this seems like a reaction to the *subject* of it or w/e i'll seeeeee ~owo~ it's really great that you seem to think.

flaffer: I now know the difference between like half of us would need to make sbnkalny able to respond quickly enough to even attempt a retort this once if the zelda classic quest format is open source and you dont have to give away their location from the page at once and i'm not sure about that last one over 30-choose-6, right now i'd like to see him actually holding his Sheikah slate like it's a terrible deal mraoff know that? ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) 23

#CHAT #lotus123formsdos #sausagezeldas #flaffer

[girlwithsword]

so i haven’t journaled in 2 weeks because i am a #mess and a lot of stuff has happened so i think broad summaries are more in order

basic themes: the summer, school, the next week, the house, ken, friends, family, my health

the summer: we had the group sicha for mosh madatz applicants and i had my interview with ari for the gilboa position, galil applications just came out

i don’t think i’m going to get mosh or gilboa - not ‘cause i’m not qualified, i am, but there just seems to be a lot of people more suited for that tafkid at those machanot than myself

galil is still open and idk as much what the landscape is like so it’s still a possibility, but idk what i’m going to to if i don’t get madatz madricha. i have been actively trying to separate what i want from the summer from the tafkid and i can’t do it. 

Hannah and Sarah have made a proposal for a kvutzah messima based on leading nachshonimot and I’m down with that, but Hannah think that i could just go to Galil and be with their bogrimot and do that and maybe i could but a) that still wouldn;t give me the tzevet experience i’m looking for b) i wouldnt have the time or freedom to build a tochnit and c) i do NOT want to be the person coming in to the summer, especially as an outsider, demanding to be with certain kids! That person sucks!

I’ve talked to Hannah and to Bekah about it and im trying to talk to the mads but if i don’t get madatz madricha it’s really hard to justify going to a new machaneh to be on tzevet ragil to myself and my mother, not when there is SO MUCH theatre over the summer

anyway we just had a kvutzah call about it - Hannah, Jess and Toviah are applying for MBI! Sara and Ari are thinking about gesher! but sara still only wants to come for one session? arron fine is applying for madatz at miriam and maybe gilboa but idk?

i do have an idea, that maybe if i don’t get madatz, i stay in the city, work in theatre over the summer and spend my free time facilitating the kvutzah. like everyone gets so busy and hyper focused over kayitz and i could be an eye in the sky, keeping everyone updated, helping people with resource gathering and editing peulot - i could still be involved while not missing a summer of opportunities

school: so things are a lot more overwhelming than i want them to be

‘cause i had a bad week at the end of january i feel behind and i still haven;t totally caught up and it’s coming to mid-semester and that’s gonna catch up with me

monologue study is a lot more work than i expected - just doing all the xfript work is taking much longer than i planned for - i /just/ finished making the Lists yesterday and I’ve been working on that for WEEKS. Luckily, we don’t actually have class this week so all that stuff is due after the break - unluckily, i can’t really do work over the break and that shit needs to get done - more on that later

however, my actual piece is looking really good and some of the warm ups and breathing exercises have helped so much! two classes ago we did these breath exercises and then went around and each said a central line from our pieces and i have never been so in the moment and real and in my breath than right then and now i have had a taste and want that always

we’ll be starting shakespeare after the break and i want to try something new, I love my Beatrice, but there is something to be said for repertoire building. Rosanna suggested looking into Rosalind  pieces from As You Like It and that’s promising. I might... try a Juliet? Like, idk if that’s worthwhile im just... not a Juiet, im never gonna be the ingenue, why try? but having something sweeter is definitely a goal, idk i looked at Rosalind pieces and i think there is something that catches my eye

scene study has a similar issue in that the written work is a lot more overwhelming and time consuming than i planned and that /is/ due next week so. however, rehearsals have been going AMAZING, we’re like 98% off book and have to focus on picking up the pace, sticking to tactics and not playing attitudes and getting the blocking a little more fine tuned. 

we had dress rehearsals tuesday and it was a WRECK. /no one/ was off book, a couple scenes were just /stopped/ midway through and everyone was off. then we went up, the only group who didn;t even once call for a line and who was actually on top of our shit. i admit, it felt kinda good to be the best. though, the bar was kinda low. 

I’m being mean, a lot of people had good moments and most of the scenes that derailed derailed ‘cause ONE particular person clearly didn;t have their shit together and it threw everyone off. 

Brandon and i rehearsed today and got pacing a little more down and he’s gonna come over sunday and do a final rehearsal before tuesday’s presentation!!

my elective has been a lot less interesting than i was hoping for, the classes are kinda boring but at least it’s pretty easy. HOWEVER, we did a field trip to city hall yesterday and THAT was fascinating! we got to sit in on the city council sessions as they were deciding the budget and it was! so! cool! that’s the room where it fucking happens. and like, we should all be more on top of local politics ‘cause that’s where the day to day shit gets figured out. i did a whole snapchat rant about it it’s good

fevergraph isn’t technically school but it’s been going really well - i got to get some emotional stuff out through the journeys and i’ve gotten my heart rate up a few times, last class is next week and i think i’m gonna look into maybe some voice lessons for the next half of the semester?

anyway: sunday i need to get all my fucking scene work done, monday i should record all my notes for my TOR midterm ‘cause tuesday im running around a lot and i need to study for that. monologue stuff will have to wait - that’ll be wednesday/thursday, cause thursday afternoon... i’m getting on a plane to israel

so, that’s happening. i kinda was just.., thinking about it.. and then jazz said that if i went she would go with me.. and then my parents said they’d give me 300 for the trip as a bday present.. and then i booked tickets. we’re still figuring out exact details in terms of where we’re staying when but i’ve e-mailed mona and paul and talia and the mads about it and we’re figuring it out

so, yeah... that’s happening. we’re gonna chill and see people and go read on the beach and i’m going to where nothing but dressed the whole time and i’m so fucking excited.

in the meantime, this week i have to get all this fucking work done, my birthday is this weekend!! (there’s gonna be cupcakes and whiskey and an entire afternoon of theatre!!!!) and we need to shove in ten thousand roommate interviews in there sometime

‘cause YEAH, updates on Murnau House: we still haven;t found a new person for the Room That Cannot Be Filled which is Annoying and the previous occupant has not been as ontop of finding a replacement as he said he would so Sam is leading the search, bless her

aaaand our fridge broke last week, again, and we lost a BUNCH of food, but due to my skills of being a polite and efficient BITCH thanks to my mum, we got a new one pretty quickly and that’s going fine.

the ken: we had a tubshvat carnival two weeks ago, some bogrimot came and volunteered, it went fine, but i wasnt as invested as i should’ve been - however, i did see Iris there!! whcih was nice, she’s gonna be chinuch at shomiria this summer and she did the habo/hashi birthright! very cool

then, sem. so, we had a tzevet of 7 for 40 kids, two of whom lefton the saturday night. aaron and yehuda of all people were on mitbach and the post mbiers were a big help. the schedule pretty much went out the window becuase we didn’t even get in till after midnight in friday due to the storm.

i did however get an entire busload of kids off the bus, to a rest stop and back on to the bus in FIFTEEN MINUTES ‘cause i’m amazing, we went to camp and the kids had fun even tho it was very Emotional for me, and we re focused on The Krinkle Project for messima, and even tho we didn;t do the vaad stuff i hoped for, i think we can move forward if i get my shit together enough. we also did kvutzah peulot that, even if they didn’t go /so/ great, i think brought important ideas and next steps into a lot of the kids minds about how to be stronger as a kvtzot

there was gonna be a katkateam this weekend but ido and i are both on vaccations so that’s been cancelled. there;s a purim party on the 5th that might launch our participation in Krinkle if we get that together. Mifgash with Tavor in March, spring sem in May, maybe one final event for messima and then... we’re done. at least. I am. I’m done. And I should be expecting a cheque from Shaul any day now.

friends: sima is interning on a CTV show and getting updates on the PM’s schedule in her work e-mail, and graduating soon

julia is kind’ve her usual mess but also starting to turn a profit in selling her embroideries on etsy, but idk if she has like a plan of any kind? and that worries me to a degree

mikki’s cosplay stuff is BOOMING and she’s back with Lou but... she’s still being kinda self destructive and i’m worried about her??

josh just finished a show and i haven;t talked to him in a while.... 

anna grace and natty are putting on a show that natty wrote!

i don’t ... have that many friends??

family: same pretty much. Alex is migrating in a month, they’re moving a little closer to me than i like but what can you do.

Batsheva was here, we had one of our Talks, i need to find a more permanent therapist to go deeper with once school is done. i should probably join a group... but that im where im at for as young as i am considering everything... im honestly on a pretty good track

my health: so, i doubt anyone is reading at this point so... the weekend after my fatigue flare up at the start of the month i had a suicidal episode. and i’ve only told my therapist

it was my first one in about a year, my worst one in two and over the dumbest thing since highschool .... just being overwhelmed by school work

like, two mays ago i had a really bad one ‘cause i couldn’t get myself to finish my Buddies piece, a year ago i had a much smaller one ‘cause of a HUGE fight with my dad and this was just... being overwhelmed.

and that’s what;s frustrating!! i guess it was frustration at my body and i hadnt eaten that well and i was a day away fro  my period and all that added up to curled into a ball trying desperately not to reach for a handful of my ciprilex and melatonin for most of that saturday??? which just like wtf

OTHER THAN THAT, my physical strength has actually been on an upswing since the start of the month and im feeling a lot more active. i have a cold this week but that’s just it being february and my immune system being shitty. thank god for cold 911

okay, it’s far too late. i gotta shower and sleep and this took about 10x longer than i planned for

it’s gonna be a hell of a week, and i have no idea when i can do this again, but wish me luck!

#my life today