#im so disappointed half the time :(

[mademoisellegush]

Shoves this in the gortash tag.

#im so disappointed half the time :( #the body hair is like. a good contrast with his trying so so hard to be Just Like Them Pariars #smth smth the rough nature and where he came from still showing despite the gilded trappings

[daily-hanamura]

#p4 #persona 4 #p4d #persona 4 dancing all night #hanamura yosuke #yosuke hanamura #actually low key obsessed with naoto's comment - conversationally adept but terrible at making speeches #personally i would say yosukes not even capable at conversation half the time with his foot in mouth disease #but i wonder if it was because naoto was even worse at conversation therefore making yosuke seem good in comparison #BUT it had me thinking about that time where naoto mentioned yosuke had told naoto that they could be oblivious to other peoples feelings #and then i think about all the private conversations between yosuke and yu and i wonder if yosuke is actually just #pretty good at 1-1 conversations but awful in bigger group setting #and im not saying its my Yosuke-Puts-Up-An-Act-For-Others agenda coming into play again but with i think in a large group setting its just #a little harder to do so #i think yosuke is very sensitive as an individual and he still struggles with saying the right things #but especially in settings where a number of people are watching him talk #he starts to fumble and trips over himself quickly #especially when people start teasing him #because he's started referring to his peers with honorifics becauses hes nervous #but also teddie bullying yosuke like “favourite disappointment” i think teddie means “favourite” more but yosuke only hears disappointment #thinking about how it sticks with him in p4d because when he does a good dance one of his lines are “not such a disappointment after all!” #oh my god yosuke..... #he's good with his queue

[sualne]

hi i love your frame study post with luffy and zoro I was wondering can you tell me about it more it seems like alot of fun and i want to try it, like when you trace the frame is it just the silhouette sorry im not very good at drawing and this seems like a fun way to figure out dynamic poses

it is a fun a way to figure out dynamic poses!! that's why i started doing it, it's also to study animation and an easy way to warm up

the first real step is looking at a scene frame by frame on youtube with , and ; to see what's going on exactly then taking a bunch of screenshots. here i just wanted to see what was going on, there was a lot of impact frames in ep1100, lots of cool fighting choreography so i stared a lot, hadn't originally planned on redrawing anything but i was obsessed with these few frames of luffy turning.

i try to trace as loosely as i can, i change the design/body type to fit the one i draw the character with and try to guess what the parts out of frames could look like, sometime it's also fun to make an inbetween that isn't there! i try to see how "can i make it more?", like how much can i push an expression or what if i make the hair more gooey looking (because gear 5's hair is very gooey)? or wilder looking as if there was a lot more wind/movements happening (for the clothes as well)? here luffy's missing his head in the first frame because i changed it so much there was no need to bother redrawing it again, i used it directly for the lineart. beside the body i try to trace the shadows too, sometimes the effects but i don't keep them in past the tracing stage since it's not what im trying to study.

the goal isn't to draw something good but to understand why the original worked and picked your attention.

after the tracing is done you can't look at the og frame again and work from what's been traced only, this way it inevitably ends up looking different, like the shadow changing places on top of adding details for the fun of it. there's no need to redraw the same line over and over until it looks perfect, it's meant to be quick and loose. mess around, see what works and doesn't and why.

the zoro vs kamazo fight is one of my favorite because the animation really goes wild, i didn't bother with redrawing the lineart and pretty much only messed around with stronger shadows because the main goal was to redraw the dramatic angles to see how it works. it would've a been a lot better/actual study if i had redrawn the body entirely afterwards to really understand the perspective and all.

it's what i did with that 3 seconds walk, tbh one of the reason im obsessed with the song so much, i love that animation and wanted to figure out why it worked so well (i don't think the way i've reanimated it with law works the same at all but still a ton of fun to do).

#undescribed #wrote all that but im not sure if it answers your question #also dont apologize for 'not being very good at drawing' i don't feel like my art is good half the time. just have fun with it and keeps on #drawing for yourself first. it never looks as 'bad' as if feels like. artist and all creator really are usually disappointed because they #put a lot of care and effort into a final result they feel doesnt look like it. so mostly try to have fun with the process instead

[petz5]

grabs him by the scruff of his neck like a kitten

#ranma 1/2 #not putting this in my art tag i just wanted to post Something #U EVER THINK ABT HOW HIS MASSIVE EGO IS TOTALLY FOR SHOW #like def the result of genma telling him hes the best martial artist in the world one moment then that he's a disappointment the next #and how ranmas secretly terrified ppl will notice hes only good at one thing and then will see how worthless he rlly is and abandon him #(im not saying hes worthless i just mean from his perspective) #and thats why he has a total breakdown in the moxibustion arc bc hes CONVINCED if he cant do martial arts then no one will want him around #its also why its so important that even tho she cant think of anything else he's good at akane still tells him to stay or at least #let her go with him #bc she values him bc hes a person and she enjoys spending time w him. its not abt what he can bring to the table or whatever #what he brings to the table is his kindness and humor and care for others around him!! #anyway that arc doesnt cure his ego by a longshot but it did open the door for him to trust akane way more and share his insecurities #the other half (lol) of this convo could totally be abt desperately trying to live up to being a Manly Masculine Man #but 99% of the time he expresses genuine confidence in himself and not just his abilities its in girl form #i already made a post abt that a while ago #ANYWAY SORRY FOR THE FUCKING ESSAY

[padfootastic]

Sirius gets a bunch of various lethal presents from his family post-Prank, and each one is a message of “just do the killing yourself.” Bella sent a cursed set of knives that cause agony to whoever they’re used on, Narcissa sent along a bunch of poisons, Andromeda sent along some kind of enchanted communication method so she can alibi him out as well as more enchanted knives but these always hit the target, Regulus handed him a hand of glory after class one day and Sirius really wants to know why Regulus even had this thing (he stares at his brother for a couple seconds before just shrugging and thanking Regulus, and telling Regulus that he’ll let the Slytherin team win the Quidditch game this weekend as a thank you and Regulus very nearly beats his brother with that Hand of Glory because Slytherin doesn’t need victories just handed to them and they win on their own; Sirius raises an eyebrow and hums under his breath, and Regulus has to leave before he commits fratricide), and even their parents get in on the murder presents, sending on a bunch of Dark books that may not be banned but that’s more likely because nobody remembered they existed than anything else. The Marauders are sitting at the breakfast table, looking at these murder gifts Sirius just received with his mail, and none of them have a clue what to say, there’s no rule book for “your best friend’s bizarre and homicidal family just sent him a bunch of murder methods, right in front of your breakfast.” It’s totally silent at that part of the Gryffindor table, all of them staring at the gifts (aside from Sirius, who’s focusing on Narcissa’s letter that details the different poisons she sent)

sksksks imagining sirius dealing with the disappointment of not just his friends (which like, only really means remus lbr) but also his family.

the only difference (and quite a big one too) is that the former is because he tried to kill someone and the latter is because he didnt do it properly. which is obviously the bigger problem here. the blacks have got their priorities straight.

so, sirius is stuck in the middle juggling to diametrically opposing judgements. no wonder poor guy was so tortured. literally being pulled in two directions.

#yes yes im answering old asks :p #a round of applause for pen everyone #lets see how long the brain allows it to happen this time #bc i embark on this mission so frequently #and almost always fail too hehehe #i also think theres something so funny ab him receiving all this in front of others #turns out thats what thaws remus #who comes around to the whole thing #and realises snape dead wouldve actually been a net plus #and then he's disappointed in sirius for the same thing #s is just half horrified at this unintentional collusion #wonder if r would be more scarred to know hes agreeing with the devil (the blacks) or the other way around #james wants to tell them both to find out the answer #should i tag this as crack #its probably become that at this point lol #pen’s asks #the BFCU

[m0thkiller]

It just hit me that its been a long time since ive self harmed in August. ive cut it close a few times but im getting close to 100 days clean heresoon. thats like, kinda insane to me.

#i honest to god never thought id get this far with so few incidents #ive been doing it for like three years and trying to stop for half of that #never beat 30 days #then never beat 50 #ive finally gotten past 70 days #and sometimes i still relapse and relapse hard #i was at 72 last time #i really really fucked myself up #burned myself easily over a hundred times #and then in the weeks following didnt even bother counting cuz itd be like every day or two #all said and done once my episode was over i tagged myself 148 times #i counted #i felt so fucking hopeless #like any promise of getting better would just be soothing words to assuage my friends and family before inevitably disappointing them again #but now i actually *feel* like im getting better. im consistently beating personal records #im still not hopeful enough to think ill never do it again #but episodes are getting tangibly less intense and less frequent #someday maybe i can be happy #cw ////

[meatlessmcmuffin]

twitter suspends me for "violent speech" seconds after i make a joke about tapeworm physiology but the overwhelming amount of people who responded to wednesdays shooting by blaming lewistons somali community are just fine? fuck offff

#like getting suspended was funny for a second and then i remembered the actual droves of violent speech under headlines whilei was trying to #make sure my classmate and her children were safe and checking in with my coworkers who go to lewiston auburn all the time. #when the pictures came out immediately somebody expressed disappointment that he wasnt black #every other comment stated “hes obviously middle eastern look he has middle eastern features” on a super blurry security cam screenshot. #im so sick of it. people died. we lost 4 members of the deaf community and at least 2 more were injured. one of the victims was 14 years ol #this is jjust i mean. on top of horrific zionist comments that go undetected because people controlling media and censorship just dont care #and actively promote israel propoganda and censorship of palestinian voices and resistance #sorry my thoughts are all oer the place. i am trying to continue to spread awareness and updates on palestine but this shooting happened #literally less than half an hour from where i live and work. lewistons community is intertwined with my daily life so i will be pretty voca #about it on top of sharing as much as i can on palestine #okay also to clarify i do not want to suggest what happened here is more important than what is going on in gaza rn. #i do not want to draw attention away from this genocide and i firmly believe focusing as much energy as possible into spreading awareness a #and donating/protesting/campaigning anything whatever is possible is most important right now. #overwhelmed as i am by the tragedy in my community it will never stop me from advocating for palestines freedom. i do not believe anyone #not directly affected has a right to “take a break” from this issue

[iztopher]

on that note. a week or two ago i swapped out some info in my about to list my gender as genderqueer as a super low stakes way of feeling it out lol

ive spent pretty much my whole life w/ my gender on a sliding scale from "agender" to "gnc cis girl" and while i definitely still feel more connected to the former than the latter rn i like. really appreciate genderqueer as a term that captures every stage of that

#dear mel #i know its okay to change ur identity but i kind of am tired of feeling like i need a new way to describe my gender every year and a half #i like having a word that feels like its described me at every point in the last fifteen years & will for the forseeable future #if i wanna get more specific and granular at any point in time well i can do that too #and i also feel like the idea of queering gender is like. central to how i relate to it #how else do i describe feeling overall genderless but also such bitter disappointment at the idea of my gnc traits being explained away #as oh im not Really a Girl TM which is why i dont want these things girls want #like no. even if i was a cis woman i would not want to be a mother or a wife and i would want to dress masc and present masc/androgynous #which is i think why i have such issues w applying the idea of dysphoria to myself? #because for me its so much more complicated than (x) trait is associated with (y) gender im assumed to be and am not #and i know dysphoria is more complicated than that too but thats often how i see conceptualized and i dont want it applied that way to me y

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

#i still havent been able to get the pic of my entire family celebrating the holidays together out of my head. #my parents ruined every christmas they could. every holiday. every birthday. everything. there could be nothing special #w/o my dad calling my mother a fat pig or my mom interrupting his dinner prayer to call him a lying hypocrite. #w/o police getting involved&having to explain why my dad had my mom in a headlock or my mom had punched him in the face. #we could have nothing bc their need for misery outweighed their desire to give their children any fucking joy #every fucking time. #but i have to sit here&wonder if im in the wrong bc im being gaslit into missing a family+memories we all know damn well #never fucking happened. i blacked out half my fucking childhood&still know thats true. #i have to wonder if maybe-- just maybe-- they would actually apologize for everything they did if i ever called or wrote. #if maybe they would welcome me back w/o expecting an apology From Me. #but then i remember how the first thing my mother said when getting in touch w me after two years was how disappointed she was in me #for not thinking to tell anyone in the family that i was homeless. how selfish i was for it. #how she only contacted me after getting my email address-- the same one ive had since high school-- from family #bc shed been crying to our entire extended family about how worried she was about me so they managed to find my gofundme #&not a single person in my family donated to it-- but they all had a lot to say about it. didnt they. #&somehow i know that theres nothing for me w any of them. nothing at all but more disappointment. #&photos of all of them smiling that i have to remind myself are definitely not real. #bc how many of those exact photos had i been in? no matter what the answer is i dont remember a single one being real.

[aroacettorney]

perhaps the reason why aup ended like *that* is because it was not supposed to have a happy ending in the first place, but sayren didnt have the guts to deal with readers' backlash for when they finally kill off the main character so a half baked happy ending is what we get 😔

#for a happy ending of a story to be narratively satisfying the characters gotta actively work hard for it #this happy ending feels empty because quite frankly speaking ludger did nothing to deserve it #he has zero character developments from the beginning to the end and has always been the same #well except for his emotional state getting worse over time #bc instead of making any attempt at all to healthily address it like a mentally mature 40yo adult he let it swallow him whole #(not that im necessarily blaming him but its quite frustrating to see him remain unchanged if aup is meant to be a redemption story) #his OPness is inherent #his genius is inherent #(this is not to say he isnt hardworking / only relying on his inborn talents but the author repeatively failed the 'show dont tell' checks) #(bc it was only implied in the past and we've never truly seen it in the canon present timeline either) #his kindness is inherent #ngl dad!ludger content doesnt appeal to me as much as dad!edgeworth cuz the latter is the fruit of the character's growth and hard labor #while the former is well... its just who he is #usually i love found family content but in aup it bores my mind out bc his interactions w the students + owens are so static & predictable #it was heartwarming at the moment of adoption but later on i find it as tedious as reading generic established romantic relationships #was it because of the lack of tensions and conflicts i wonder #they all became his yes men and no one ever actively challenged his unhealthy mindset or behaviors #anyway id have been more interested if he recognized his biases/favoritism/prejudices towards some certain characters & worked to change it #but welp. that would require character growth which is too much to expect from him ig #he has learnt quite nothing from his journey and tbh aup would ironically feel more meaningful if it ended on a tragic note #ofco i got noblesse'd again 😔 #would i kill for aup to have a happy ending? yes #would i rather have a sad ending over the half baked and empty good ending we get? also yes #if it must burn then let the whole world burn. cuz at least it would be more much memorable and impactful that way #and i wouldnt have to feel this disappointed and lose all of my interests in one of my only two beloved aroace MCs in aup </2 #rant

[perenlop]

kinda insane how bigotry infects everything. i still dont feel good checking out the campus lgbt group despite being a senior now bc of the passive aggressive lesbophobia i got earlier

#like refusing to hand out lesbian pins and when we’d ask theyd kinda scoff and go ‘’why do you need it? just take the rainbow’’ #(but ofc incorporating the blue flag asap) #not hosting any sapphic events for a while and ignoring our voices #refusing to put up our flag in the room and when they finally did it was half assed #i remember one time we had an event and the person hosting was like ‘’haha i can make custom badges!!’’ #and there was a long line for lesbian badges. bc they had none. and the person was all flustered #like ‘’oh i didnt think thered be THAT many of you…. we dont have too many buttons sorryyyyyy’’ #tbf it does seem like the lesbophobes graduated and whoever took their place has been better and got the pins in and has been better #but even in the groups they held there was just unchallenged lesbophobia like one girl constantly being passive aggressive #and mocking lesbians and saying ‘’i shouldnt be here bc im a filthy man liker ig. dont comfort me i know how you REALLY feel’’ #and thats not even speaking towards how rude the previous leader was to me asking for an interview for the newspaper on discord #saying i shouldnt even have to bc ‘’people can just look up what ive done on the site so are you implying i didnt do enough?’’ #which tbf i got an apology for but i was already dealing w anxiety and being iced out when id try to join in #like man i hope they keep trying to do better. do better for the ppl who come after me #but it was seriously so disappointing and isolating #echoed voice

[babylon5]

im gonna be real with you,

#i found out i cant go to the concert ive been looking forward to since December #for a band that has meant everything to me since i was 13 #because the shuttle isnt accessible like it claimed to be and we have a 10 minute walk from its dropoff location #which i can do in a wheelchair but my mom cannot #and my able bodied cousin swore she'd take me she said absolutely she would take me!! and then she said oops nevermind Last Week. #my mom made new plans to take me and this was a FUCKTON of money lost because she bailed on us #and now my mother is crying because my cousin still hasnt paid back any of the money we lent her years ago #and now we've just lost more #and im on disability the only one here with an income btw lol what we spent was half my monthly paycheck!! #im tired of this world not being accessible to the disabled #im tired of people disappointing me on purpose #she didnt even bail to us directly she had her mother (my moms sister who have a deeply uncomfortable relationship) call my mom and inform- #her that her daughter was suddenly bailing because she doesnt like concerts ?!? after promising multiple times?? ok. #sorry this is an insane vent im just. IM TIRED. I am so tired. #it was supposed to be the first good and genuinely fun day for me in months.

[ketavinsky]

honestly i thought that joining a writing group would hold me accountable to deadlines and motivate me to write more but instead im so constantly stressed i can barely sleep

#dellete #this is . #not a real world problem. im aware of that #criticism isn't the problem; criticism makes things better I'm surr #*sure #im just so tired.... i feel like every young aspiring novelist has half a book cranked out already while im still structuring workshopping #havent written a chronological set of chapters because i keep going back to the drawing board #im never doing enough and i know in part this is affected by the relentless depressive episodes #which im not managing well either #im just - fuuck! fuck! i need to achieve something! i need to achieve something good and #prove that im worthy #i have the ideas and the ... themes and the arcs to make something good here i think but it needs to be impeccably structured #and im wasting time and im never going to make it but i need to prove im good for something #and its difficult i just cant do enough. i just cant do enough even though i do fuck all with my life and i cant outrun the old anxiety #that it needs to be done ASAP because i might not have much time left #im stressed? im stressed and tired and i feel mocked and. and these arent even real world problems like jobs and bills and shit #im barely interacting with the world as it were and its so terrifying to me #its so disappointing. whatever

[coldflasher]

currently experiencing The Horrors (thinking abt the fact that i have to start going into the office again from tomorrow)

this will either fix me entirely or cause me to descend so deeply into my burnout sinkhole that i will never be seen or heard from again

#regrettably i think maybe getting out of the house for a few hours might help. don't tell the ceo that #idk im having a really hard time keeping my head above water right now #i basically didn't have any time off last year just to do nothing. every holiday i took was to like. do an activity #like go to america or germany for cons or travel for a concert or some other event #whereas i usually use 75% of my time off to get some desperately needed rest #im really running on empty at this point but i really don't wanna use a bunch of my annual leave this early in the year #also i need to start learning how to say no to people #because last year i used probably 60% of my leave for other people #like. i used 2 weeks to go to washington with my brother as his 18th bday present. that was literally half my leave #and then i used another 3-4 days to visit relatives #and this year i was like 'im gonna be proper selfish with my a/l this year and use it ALL to do what i want to do' #then my mum rang me up and asked me to use a day of it to hang out with her and i said yes. like an idiot #like don't misunderstand me. i love my mum. but i already see her every weekend #and i also have to like. not tell her when i book leave for myself because she'll be like 'oh so we can do something!' #NO. PLEASE. LET ME ROT IN PEACE. #im just so frustrated that i im such a pushover and i already broke my promise to myself this early on #like. why can i not advocate for myself ever. why can i not just. disappoint people. and have that be okay. #personal

[lycunthrope]

anyone have advice on how to stop losing the energy to interact and how to not flake out on my plans so often

#i have this issue of agreeing to things before ive thouuht abt wherher or not i could #bc i get excited and im thankful to be invited somewherw and i dont #want to disappoint anyone so i bite off more than i can chew #abd disappoint #everyone? #The other half of the time i lose the energy to interact and just go ‘yeah i cant do it’ if plans arent like. set in stone #have a bad habit of just getting settled in for the night if plans dont get hammered down quick

[possiblytracker]

just found out abt the silksong delay and tbh i think i would be more upset if a) i wasnt kind of expecting it by now b) i hadnt been lowkey worried for Several Years that it'd come out very close to another highly anticipated game, making my wallet cry and my hyperfixations battle for dominance leaving only chaos and ruin in their wake

#it was totk i was worried about with the first-half-of-2023 release window estimate lmao. #botw and hk both consumed me so intensely and for so long i havent Really had it repeated by another media in the same way since #thrilled to have sequels for both coming out but its a dangerous game!!!! its a dangerous game #i need to have my brain chemistry irrevocably altered by one before i even think about the other or ill die or something idk #also its not like this was unprecedented.......... silksong has always been a kinda 'its ready when its ready' thing #im kind of over getting disappointed about it every time kdjSGJ my feelings are very neutral at this point #im just sitting back and waiting. only thing i have to say on it at this point is i hope its Damn Good when we get it #ANYWAY thats just my onion. back 2 work for me