#im not fully happy with this because well..... i spent VERy little time on it BUT

[unloneliest]

im so fucking good at making sexy little leverage aus and then never writing them. this is my ma spencer au, which has been lifted directly from my twitter with minimal editing, & which i am haunted by always.

ok so the au. this is going to be very long. every time i listen to spent gladiator 2 by tmg i think abt the leverage team/eliot specifically.

lyrics for context:

so i was thinking abt an au where eliot was never on the team, bc like. eliot fully got Out of the game, but interacts w them on an early case and ends up falling in with them anyways? BUT i also think a lot about how hard it'd be for any of them to retire bc there's people who hate them who know their faces, yknow? so how WOULD eliot be able to have retired &what has to change for eliot to be that comfortable getting out?

so i figure he maybe got out of the moreau situation earlier. maybe he broke up with the horse girl but they stayed on good terms, and maybe he never did the worst things he ever did for moreau because he had his Getting Out Of There chef connection moment sooner.

but that doesn't undo how recognizable eliot would be to various parties and i was like. well then. what if the chef who was that pivotal person for eliot was a trans woman and was as pivotal with eliot being gendery as she was with eliot retiring?

so like. early 2000s nonbinary/transfeminine he/she eliot spencer finding a few small towns to live in pretty at random but having a home in each one and cycling through them with no discernable pattern?? and being a loved part of the local queer community in all of them?

it's similar to my "eliot never left home and is luke gilmore girls but also co-created a queer bar in his town" au (aside: thank you @lycanqueer for pointing out that connection ages ago, i have been unwell about it ever since).

like . eliot!!!!! eliot probably first connecting with the team bc of the two horse job and slowly begrudgingly helping, joining in on the tap out job, etc.

eliot being like a parent figure to various queer kids in the different towns and they call him "ma spencer" and she wears his practical boots with flannels still but maybe they're with a more feminine tank top and maybe you're as likely to see ma spencer in a no nonsense knee length skirt as a sturdy pair of jeans. and maybe sometimes he braids her hair . and she's mr. spencer too and well respected by the folks of whatever town he's staying in, too stubborn and helpful and intimidating not to be!

eliot being openly down for a casual relationship both with parker and hardison from when she first gets to know them onward—and him keeping his past quiet still, but it getting harder to keep the parts of her life seperate as he finds herself getting closer with the team & with more serious feelings for parker and hardison.

maybe the team's hitter is Tara? i feel like she's capable of that? but she has to be the grifter when sophie goes on her break and eliot joins in "Just Once" but it ends up being more than that.

eliot would have a lot of complicated feelings abt joining in—like, both being happy with the peace she found & not wanting to risk that but still feeling like he needs to pay penance and that this is a way to do that.

and then season 3 hits completely different. i think this eliot would talk about his past once she found out they were targeting moreau, but i think team dynamics would overall be super different in general. the team would be way less of a unit with nate than when you see things from his perspective—espeicially without eliot always there to insulate the team from the worst of him.

anyways im gonna be thinking about this for the next 800 years. will i ever write this fic? probably no. but ma spencer is so real to me

#leverage #eliot spencer #eliot #leverage ot3 #jam posts #leverage posting #shoutout to skip and rowan for probably having seen this on twitter #writing this up i realized my eliot's queer bar au only lives there also #ma spencer au #ma spencer

[dreamsy990]

so 358/2 days, amiright? heres my thoughts

this game is just. god its an emotional rollarcoaster

i guess ill start with the things i dont like!! which is mostly the gameplay. i dont really mind the mission structure shockingly (i like being able to roam around but having a clear goal makes things easier for my adhd ass, and i think the miniature storylines are very good for the most part) but i simply could Not get into the combat. especially coming off of kh2 it feels so stiff and unfun to play the only part of the game where i enjoyed the combat was fighting riku at the very end. i think the panel system is okay but i dont like that levels take up space. why did they do that.

story-wise, i dont like the retcons!! a lot of the ones i take issue with are very minor but things like roxas only fighting riku once instead of the implied multiple times (even the dialogue doesnt make sense when you change that, why does roxas say 'how many times do i have to beat you' when theyve only fought once?) are the kinds of inconsistencies that just annoy me.

im also a little bit annoyed at the very concept of this game at all. i think roxas worked just fine as a character without this game. it feels sort of unnecessary in the grand scheme of things. also, xion. i love xion, dont get me wrong, but i dont think she adds anything to the series over all. thats not to say she doesnt add anything to this game because shes a great character and i love her, but shes just. kind of like this game in that if you got rid of her i dont think it would really change the narrative so much.

BUT DESPITE THAT ALL!!!!!!!! i fucking ADORE this game. it is genuinely so full of charm and soul that i just cant bring myself to dislike it. i think this is one of the best written games in terms of dialogue. every scene (at least for me) hit exactly as emotionally hard as i think it was meant to. i was laughing at demyx's antics and crying at xions death and yelling at saix and i think thats exactly how the game is meant to be seen.

days at its heart is a slice of life. its working a 9 to 5 its going through a depressive episode its losing friends its grieving its making fun of your coworkers its living. its a game about life and i love that.

this game really did make me forget that axel roxas and xion dont get a happy ending. i spent so much time looking forward to them making up that i forgot that roxas ran away. hell i almost forgot that xion died.

days is emotional and its story and its characters are just so fucking good. the conflicts all felt very real and you can tell exactly where everyones coming from. the way axel roxas and xion fall apart hits so fucking close to home. but god damnit if axel had any good communication skills like half of this could be avoided

its also one hell of a love letter to axel's character. hes always been one of my favorites (he recently earned first place) and i think this game does him a lot of justice. hes trying to do good. he wants to keep everything together he wants to be there for his friends he wants to make things right but he just cant. its just AUGH its so fucking good

that thing about axel's characterization really also applies to roxas. i dont have much to say about him beyond the fact that i think it does his character very well. also tism. hes so autism.

i kind of like the very limited graphics too. sue me i enjoy low quality games. the hands are not animated and they all have two expressions (blinking and not blinking) and their weapons are flat and im living for it. the very few fully animated cutscenes are good too!!

the (real, i dont count riku) final boss is unfortunately very easy. you can just stand directly in front of her and mash a she wont hit you its too easy but vector to the heavens did mess me up a bit. also earlier scene but "ill always be there to bring you back" with the other promise playing over it? fucked me up man. yoko shimomura is once again killing it

i cant believe roxas didnt get to go to the beach.

i have to give this game a 9/10. its writing is incredible but the gameplay could use a lot of work. its just not fun to play. but again the characters, emotions, and music all make up for that tenfold.

#kingdom hearts #kh 358/2 days #doodles #roxas #axel #xion #kh review

[turtleblogatlast]

okay so just so you know, im literally in love with your prison!leo au, yesterday i spent like over an hour scrolling through the tag and i think i read every post at least twice (more for the comics). its combining ‘prison dimension has permanent effect on leo, and not just mentally’, ‘immortality angst’, ‘object or place having a form of sentience’, AND ‘leo is somehow made significantly younger than his brothers which very much changes their dynamic without him wanting it to’ all into one which is just amazing.

i love how you combined comedy and tragedy very well!! like, for example the idea of leo being mistaken for the youngest brother, than a son, then a GRANDSON, is kinda funny for a second, but when you think about it for more than a couple seconds its also. really tragic. this poor kid may never be able to fully grow up - not only is he likely going to outlive his whole family but hes also permanently in the body of a child, lacking a fully developed brain and maybe never having the full maturity of an adult (at least in path b, until hes able to find a ‘cure’, if ever). its just. so good!!

anyways aldjsldkksld enough of the gushing (i mean i could keep doing it for like two thousand more words, but if i did it would probably devolve into keysmashes at some point from the Grip this au has on my brain). i am curious, what would happen if leo got sick? i know you mentioned that things like a common cold wouldnt really affect him that much, but what about one of those sickness is that leaves you pretty delirious/feverish and can take you out in a matter of a week? (could be a type of mystic sickness or curse as well, where you don’t know if the victim will survive or not and the only option is to wait it out.) what would happen? would they sort of just decide that its better to find a way to temporarily kill him so his body could regenerate as new, or would they try to take care of him and see if they could wait it out, since i imagine it would be the only time he’d really let his family take care of him in that way. thats all assuming his body wouldnt just automatically find a way to heal the separate curse and he’d be well again within an hour (still not fully sure as to how his healing works, sorry!)

anyways, love this au and im going to be obsessed with it for the next Month thanks

[ cw: discussion of murder / discussion of mercy kill / risky behavior implied / ]

Omg I’m

So touched???

Thank you for enjoying my AU so much, it really makes me happy to hear this :’) This whole AU was thought up exactly because of my interest in the concepts you mentioned - particularly the one regarding the Prison Dimension having a permanent and visible effect on Leo.

I know I haven’t updated it in a while, but I am still working on it and have even finished drafting the next comic, I can’t say when I’ll finish it but this ask definitely pushed me to work on it more so thank you so much <3

As for your question- it depends! In most regular illnesses, Leo would get over them very quickly, only experiencing the briefest brush with the symptoms before his body throws it away, if that. If the illness is mystic in nature then things get a little more complicated, as you’re right in that it could potentially end up as an endless loop of the first part of whatever weird sickness he gets. So if the illness is something that instantly affects you in the worst ways, and it’s something you just need to ride out until it leaves…that can potentially be harmful. Of course, it needs to be a powerful illness to bypass the prison’s curse to that extent though. …then again, maybe something would prefer that for him, should it appear beneficial :)

As for whether the fam would decide to just…’reset’ Leo to get rid of the illness…that’s a tough one. It really depends on how long Leo’s been back, and even then, it’s not something they’d just do, it’s hard for them to even imagine really. More likely, a sickly Leo would merely try to find a cure himself in his delirium, and end up ‘reset’ along the way.

I hope my wishy washy answer was enough! And really, thank you so much again for the kind words, they mean a lot :’)

#p!l au ask #prison!leo au #murder implication #mercy kill implication / #risky behavior implied / #I swear I’m working on an update! #path A has turned out to be very hard to come up with a solid introductory comic for but I believe I finally got it 👌 #anyway- ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ #I still love my boy and his undead self to death #even if path b kinda makes him very sans Undertale esque at times lolol I swear it wasn’t on purpose

[fatmasc]

Top surgery while fat!!!!

I got inverted T/anchor T top surgery on feb 13 2023 after many many years of wanting it. Heres some stuff i learned and dealt with over that process:

I live in a state where transgender healthcare must be covered by insurance according to state law. Despite this, i felt unable to try and bill through insurance. This is because the requirements for top surgery approval involve getting approved by a gender therapist who you have seen for at least a year and then getting approved again by the clinic you are applying to. Almost every trans person i know who did this had to reapply multiple times because theyre were rejected for unclear reasons. And if you get approved you are often waitlisted for at least a year bc there are only so many top surgeons in jn the state

Thats not even touching on how most surgeons have a low BMI barrier here, so i was more likely to be rejected by insurance through that alone (apparently the primary place ppl seek top surgery in my state has since changed this but it was too late for me)

I sought informed consent surgery (read: completely paid out of pocket) with a well-regarded surgeon. This guy was one of my least favorite people because his bedside manner was so dismissive and i was told to lose weight multiple times. If his nursing staff wasnt so awesome and i not so desperate i might have put off surgery to seek out another surgeon. This is a problem i have heard from multiple other ppl who seek surgery from him: he sucks but his results are good

On his initial application form, my surgeon lists his BMI barrier as 36. At consultation, he told me the hard cap is 40. I would be operated on if i was above 36 but turned away day of surgery if my BMI was 40. I spent the five months between my consultation and surgery date losing 30 pounds to make sure i could get this surgery

My surgeon is already able to charge a hefty amount because his practice is so well known, but that combined with a) recent inflation and b) his statement thay i would need an extra hour on the table and therefore more anesthesia meant i was charged even more! Compared to a recent quote from another person who saw him, i was charged about $1000+ more for my surgery

The operaton went without hitch and so far recovery has gone wonderfully. I was finished half an hour before expecred and the anesthesiologist only asked me if i have had past issues w anesthesia. As far as i can tell, my weight has had very little to do with that. It is super weird to feel nerves reconnecting but finally the way i look in the mirror matches the way i look in my head.

Im happy to answer questions ab top esp while im still recovering! Im still a little bewildered that its finally happened and i dont think itll fully hit me until i can actually get dressed on my own lol

#top surgery #transgender #.txt #weight loss tw

[disabilityshowdown]

i'd like to showcase a character i really like... saki tenma!!!

saki is from a game called project sekai, where 5 groups of teenagers all have worlds in their phones called SEKAIs, manifestations of their emotions and feelings, and in them is hatsune miku (and other vocaloids) to help them figure out their true feelings!

saki is in a rock band called leo/need with her 3 childhood friends. saki is chronically ill, although her exact chronic illness hasn't been mentioned, and had been in and out of the hospital since she was little. during middle school, she was practically always in the hospital, and her and her friends had drifted away, due to all of them having different problems in their lives at the time.

saki's described as having a very physically frail body, along with fainting very easily. she catches illnesses very easily and can make herself sick from overexerting herself, so most fans agree she most likely has some form of an autoimmune illness.

after being deemed healthy enough to return back to school in her first year of highschool, her and her friends eventually reconcile and decide to form a band together, she's the keyboardist! she is very cheerful and tries her hardest to get things done. because of all the time she spent alone in the hospital, she's dead-set on making the most of her life! she loves hanging out with her friends.

she also has an older brother (one year older), tsukasa. the two are very close and have an ADORABLE relationship. tsukasa is an actor/performer, and became one because of saki's support!

overall, i think saki's chronic illness is treated really well in the plot of project sekai. while it does affect her and how her life goes, she isn't reduced to only her chronic illness. she has struggles other than her illness, and has plenty of times she is happy, outgoing and enjoying herself. i think the writers did a very good job writing saki.

also, most importantly, shes adorable! what's not to like?

fun fact: the pink gradient in her hair is completely natural! her brother has a similar natural gradient, but orange rather than pink.

[also im very sorry for not including image descriptions, i am mentally disabled and cannot properly explain images and cannot write image descriptions properly]

[Image 1 ID: A fully rendered and dynamically posed art piece of Saki, a light skinned anime style character with pink eyes, and long blonde hair in two pigtails, that fades to pink at the ends. She is dressed in a white collared shirt, red tie, black skirt, and yellow jacket. The background behind her is of a classroom with some tables put up for the end of the day, and she is posing at a piano keyboard, with one hand on the keys and the other reaching out to the viewer]

[Image 2 ID: A much more chibi style comic panel set in a hospital, where Saki is in white pyjamas with a bunch of magazines in front of her, and flowers to her right. Her brother (who looks similar to her but with short hair that fades to orange) is posing with a flower while doing a dance move, wearing a similar uniform to Saki in the first picture. He says "As your brother I'm here to cheer you up with a new move!" while a person behind him says "Mr Tenma, please keep it down! This is a hospital!" There is a "Yay!" not in a speech bubble above Saki's head, and more onomatopoeia illustrating the dance]

[Image 3 ID: The same art style as the first image, in bright colours. Saki looks to have fallen down, lying amidst a pile of toys and music equipment, adjusting glasses on her face. A white coat and orange sweater have been added to her outfit, and she holds an open notebook in one hand. /end IDs]

thanks for sending this in! i can totally see why you like her, and as a disabled actor/musician i can relate so much

#totally get you on the image descriptions it's tough! and like 90% of the reason i've been taking a week between rounds #project sekai #saki tenma #bonus events

[rowavolo]

hiiii !! 2 4 6 and 12 (if you have one) for your obey me s/i? either one! c:

hi hi hi !! :D ty for the ask wheeeee also i MUST compliment your choice of numbers here. these are lovely numbers. some of my favourites genuinely

answers under the cut i KNOW im not gonna be able to shut the hell up !! im gonna do it for angel!ro because hes funny and cool i think

2. How similar is your s/i to you? Are they a carbon copy, completely different or a mix of the two?

Hmm, a bit of a mix, really! But also I do like to try and include my little quirks/idiosyncrasies where i can for my s/is because theyre very much a way that i express myself and explore things that aren't necessarily feasible for me irl . I think the main difference is my s/is are slightly less depressed. though that may be more due to circumstance and stuff. also significantly less time spent laying in bed due to pain/fatigue. but other than that (and the obvious physical differences) I try to keep the personality and vibes pretty similar to myself in real life where i can :3

4. How did your s/i feel when they first met your f/o(s)? How do they feel about them now?

To begin with, my s/i was definitely very ... not exactly intimidated by, but sort of .. anxious around Diavolo. Due to the nature of their relationship and the arranged aspects of it, he felt a lot of pressure to get along well with Dia and be like the 'perfect' spouse, since this marriage had so much riding on it (peace between celestial realm and devildom , blah blah blah, whatever) so at first hes very quiet and anxious and just afraid to speak up or make himself a nuisance in any way, so he'd always just smile and nod along to Diavolo's suggestions and jokes and sort of 'dull down' any gruesome answers to the questions he was posed about the celestial realm (though this is also in part due to the fact that things up there are very much Not As They Seem and the angels are uhh 'strongly encouraged' not to disclose too much information)

As time goes by and he gets more comfortable, however, he lets his weirdness really shine, along with his dark sense of humour. He and Diavolo wind up going through a lot together and sort of bond over that, along with their weirdly parallel upbringings, so they become really close and painfully in love. Like. 'will only use pet names for one another and always be holding hands' levels of PDA. It's obnoxious and codependent. Diavolo absolutely dotes on Ro, and Ro definitely comes to rely on him more and more as like.. 'his person.' He becomes more comfortable with unmasking and asking Dia for help with things (and if Dia can't, then he'll ask Barbs to). Theyre like two bonded cats. if you separate them they'll get depressed and start pining and become physically ill after too long. It may be a little unhealthy but like. theyre just hanging out. they like it that way. they can spend time away from each other, they just don't often really want to. They vibe like the most stereotypical 'straight guys who do really gay stuff for the bit' but they committed fully and are so so in love. theyve been around each other so much that they basically have their own language, etc. and are just so comfy and happy around one another that its obnoxious to look at i think <3 ro loves his big silly himbo to bits and vice versa

6. Has your s/i undergone any design/story changes since they were first made?

Hmm, I'd have to say absolutely yes, but genuinely I can't think of exactly what off the top of my head. He's kind of been adjusted a bit as i've fleshed out the ~vibes~ of the way i interpret the celestial realm, he got given haunted angel cryptid lore and lack of 'flock' attraction lore (theyre intertwined also) and put through The Horrors also. he also has his own more fucked up au with even more Horrors. just like for the funny. Visually though, his design has mostly stayed the same. I'm not really a huge fan of how his outfit vibes, but i think overall i do like his Vibe and hes very silly and parallels nicely with Dia!

Though looking at the pics below i havent entirely decided how i like to draw his hair. which is like blaaahhh bleeeh bluueeueueuh

12. Can we see a picture of your s/i?

tada!!!!! silly nya nya!!!!!

#asks #rowavolo #lore #angel tag #tysm again this was so fun to write

[polycharismas]

obligatory sappy post. hello. i remember last year i started the sappy post with going about how i lost someone important but. that bitch really doesnt compare to who i lost this year. its im pretty sure the first time i have ever experienced what a real actual loss is. im sure that sounds extremely depressing but one thing i know he would have wanted from me was to move on in the best way that i could and unfortunately for me that best way may or may just lie in bitches i met on tumblr dot com so. thanks for that ig. at least i can confidently say i am absolutely sincere with everything im saying and will say next, contrary to the way i actually felt back in 2022. for all my other mutuals, thanks. sincerely thanks for being with me during my highs and my many many lows. happy new years for all of you. and as for the 5 people that made this year and the next to come worth living. uhm. some stuff for all of you below ig

for my actual real sister. im not sure about how often you read my posts but i hope you read this somehow. every year spent with you by my side made every single one of my struggles something so so so much more bearable. no words will ever be able to fully describe the extent of happiness every second spent with you brings me. im so glad to have you by my side this entire year and im pretty sure for the rest of my life. lets keep bullying sanji this year. thank you so much for everything.

for lyria. there are very little people that have been able to change me and the way i think to the extent you did. i'll forever be glad i was able to bring such a change in the way you were to the way you are now, and i want you to know you also brought a lot of positive in change in me, i know things ended up being complicated between us but that still wont change the fact you are one of the people i appreciate the most in my life. lets yuri it up once again this year. thank you so much for everything.

for nazu. despite how ? hard it ends up being for us to talk it always Always ends up being one super fun experience, i trust you to like. extreme degrees Thanks for seeing all my struggles fire emoji. i think you know a Lot about me at this point and thats. really really cool. im glad to know i can count on you for most things. i cant count the amount of times being with you ended up with me laughing until my ribs actually hurt. lets be the best ifunny users again this year. thank you so much for everything.

for apollo. never in my life would i have guessed the amount of shit that would go down with the mere action of following you slash. positive? negative? well mostly the first one for me though. theres a lot of insight i have gotten about myself that wouldnt have been possible with anyone else but you. you are so funny without trying at all also. everything is just so much more livelier and fun with you around. i'll do my best to study your brain this year. thank you so much for everything.

and lastly but not because of less importance, just because im scared of having to express. everything. for kie. theres nothing that could express the like. wide range of emotions i feel towards you. i know i end up Not expressing it as much as i would like because im genuinely scared sometimes but just know without you these last 3 months would have been genuinely the worst in my entire life. im still too scared to be actually sincere about some of my most. complicated feelings. but i'll always be completely certain you mean absolutely everything. i'll try my best to show that to the extent you truly deserve because you deserve way more than what i have given you up to this point. i love you. more than anyone else in the world. and i wouldnt mind dedicating my entire life to cherishing everything you are. lets Idk be more toxic this year THATS HORRIBLE OKAY. thank you so much for everything.

idk how to end this. just. thanks for being there. all of you. happy new years.

[a-soft-housecat]

Hi im back!!! (Catkin anon!!)

I've seen you talk about your gear here... if youre comfortable, could you show the gear you do have?

Hope you've been having a lovely day !

☆ Catkin anon

Catkin anon!! Welcome back! I'm sure you'll be happy to hear that this ask got me attacked by my cat multiple times (joking... slightly lol)

Because I still have master mastered the use of tech these images will probably be huge so I'll be putting them under the cut with some information about the gear itself as well :>

-Homemade pin! I did try to limit the size of some of these by meshing two photos together but this just looks like some kids Etsy listing now.... Oh well its the thought that counts! (Extra info is that while I was taking this photo my cat was trying very hard to attack the pin itself) So actually about the pin itself now haha I made this pretty recently! It's made out of a (1) bottle cap (1) pop tab and (1) small safety pin! I can say that curling the edges of the bottle cap without fully warping the middle is nearly impossible but I think I did a pretty decent job! It's much more of a light purple in real life aand since I don't know what else to say I'll move on

-Ears and tail! I also had to put this in a photo editor because it was flipped the wrong way round... (Extra info! My cat thought the fake fur and real fur looked very much like a fun toy so I had to struggle to keep him from attacking them while I took the picture) Now you'll start to notice is that neither of these look very feline-like! Well that's because I don't actually have a lot of gear for my feline kintype (or theriotype whatever you prefer to call it) I already feel very feline in this body so I don't buy gear for it! These ears and tail are actually for a different kintype but since that kintype isn't a soft fluffy house cat it doesn't get a place on this blog and needs to leave (This is a joke I am joking here! I don't talk about my other kintypes because I have an issue where I make too many separate Tumblr blogs and this kintype already has one specific to it and my experiences with being that kintype) Anyway this tail is my favourite of the tails I own however I've also had it for years and my sisters cat (not the one that attacked me throughout making this. that ones mine) found it a few times.. So its a bit battered and now 'retired' which means I don't wear it and it gets a comfy life on my wall to be admired for its beauty and to pay homage to its life<3

-Necklace! Speaking of not at all feline-ish gear here's the necklace I wear every single day! (Extra info! I took this off to take a picture and my cat did actually manage to pull it off the table and ever since I put it back on he's been looking at me like I'm next)

Now I actually do have a story for this! A few months ago when I was looking through my drawers I found the wolf tag and was brought back to when I was but a child (10-11) and I first got it! At that time I had it on a chain necklace which eventually broke as chains do and I loved it so much I put it away so it wouldn't get lost and then forgot about it! So of course when I found it and had since gotten a mostly rope necklace I knew what I had to do for that little 10 year old kid that lives inside me.. I went to the store and got a dogtag as well because I had been meaning to do that with the necklace anyway! Okay so that's all because I've spent an actual hour making this lol and I don't want it to be too word heavy (it already is and I'm sorry) I'm really glad to hear from you again catkin anon! I hope you also have a wonderful day :>

#catkin anon #☆ Catkin anon #catkin #cat therian #therian #therianthropy #domestic cat kin #feline therian #felinekin #therian gear #otherkin

[farcillesbian]

im so. god I had such a yuri night I have so much to tell you all yuri nation:

- went to the skate park and we ended up hanging out for 5 whole hours

- I got comfier with skateboarding!! woohoo!!

- we were listening to music and then she was like omg I'm gonna get my guitar from my car, is it ok if I play a couple of my songs. so she fucking played and sang two of her original songs to me and it was such a privilege to get to hear it. and she's so talented. and in fact she asked to record herself on my phone so I could play it back on the speaker and she could play along to the recording and so now I have a recording of her singing and playing guitar saved on my phone and the clip ends with her giggling and I am so fucking gay about it I definitely fell a little bit in love in that moment

- I decided to try skating down a ramp and she had offered to help me by letting me hold onto her. so I HELD BOTH OF HER HANDS WHILE I WENT DOWN AND SHE RAN WITH ME TIL I STOPPED. this happened twice btw.

- we went and had a bite to eat at the tim Hortons across the street. and we were def stoned lol and just chatting and eating and I swear at one point while I was talking I caught her looking at me. but also she was excitedly telling her about this sports bra she got that was comfy and made her feel so cute and happy about it AND SHE SHOWED ME A PIC OF HER WEARING IT. like it *was* just a sports bra but I was so gay in that moment it was like. uhm. yes that's wonderful Sidney. ��� she has no idea how that was for me lol.

- then we spent time chilling in the grass watching the stars come out and listening quietly to music and it was so pleasant. our shoulders were touching at one point and I was like god I am so fucking gay.

- while doing that I had to run away for a sec to go pee across the street lol and when she came back she told me she'd been practicing her voice training a bit while I was gone and she actually like was trying out her higher voice around me and she told me that she rarely uses that around anyone because she's shy and nervous about it. but she shyly spoke to me like that 😭 it was really fucking sweet and I felt so privileged that she felt comfortable enough around me to do that. and her voice is genuinely sooooo beautiful (both her upper and lower registers) I love listening to her speak

- she also talked about how sometimes people who see her at the cafe will say she's pretty or people will say that someone saw her and called her pretty and she has trouble believing that they're being genuine and not just like. thinking they're Being Nice™ because they notice she's trans. and I was like well I mean i genuinely had this "who's that pretty girl and why does she know my name" moment when we ran into each other last week. and she then asked me if I was nervous when I went back up to say hi the next time I was in and I was like MAYBE A LITTLE... and she said she noticed my hands shaking 😭😭😭 but she also was really happy I said hi to her 😭😭😭😭

- after she had played her music for me she also talked about how it meant a lot that when I heard her play at the festival in the fall I told her it sounded very midwest emo to me. and that to connect on a music level like that is something really important and special to her. and I'm like SAME.

- she also told me she really likes how I'm always paying attention to positive art. like I'm always noticing little trans graffiti and stuff and showing it to her.

- when it got cold she lent me an extra hoodie from her car and told me yellow suited me 😭

basically like if she didn't have a gf I would probably think she's into me and tbh I still am kinda wondering that because she said she had questioned in the past whether she's polyam and decided that she's probably not but I can't help but wonder. idk this could mean anything and either way this is such a beautiful deep friendship. it feels so real like we can both be fully ourselves with each other

#petchyposting #yuri cafe saga #sorry this got so long

[brandnewhuman]

IN THE BACK OF

MY MIND

∆one shot∆

Starring:

Elijah kamski x Connor

CONTENT:

Tw: major character death, hurt no fucking comfort bros. Canon typical violence, guns and bullet wounds, maybe a lil gory description(?) Kind of suicide. Angst so much angst it's getting ridiculous

Summary: he needed to make it right

A/N: okay folks i have finally made it. IM PARTICULARLY PROUD OF THIS ONE CAUSE I HAVE NEVER WROTE ACTION SCENES AND IT WAS PRETTY HARD. Anyway, first ship fic too so let's fucking go broskies. This idea came to me because of a convo with @bloodlst . I hope you all like it BYE

\\\

He has always prided himself of being really hard to upset, his control over his own emotions and reactions have been mastered through years of hiding them away from anyone.

But to be completely honest, this was starting to get really unsettling really fast.

Maybe he had really sheltered himself too much, self-imposed Isolation far away from every problem and everything that could disturbed his inner peace for too long, cause right now even he couldn't help the painful and uncomfortable knot growing in his chest.

Ever since he has made his controversial comeback as a cyberlife CEO fully supporting Markus and new Jericho in their struggle for android rights, he has been pestered by the DPD with requested presence during particularly nasty android abuse cases. He understood the need of having him, since he has basically created them, to help the investigations go smoother and get more information out of the androids without traumatising them any further.

Connor hasn't been that happy about it since he knew how unpredictable a scared and traumatised android can be but Elijah had reassured him countless times of how he was more than capable of handling this.

Truth be told, his reason behind being helpful was a little bit more selfish than he would like to admit. Ever since his recent comeback and collaboration with Jericho he has come to face the consequences his hiding away from the world had brought which, unsurprisingly, were quite serious.

For one his already rocky relationship with his brother has somehow been even more affected by the fact that while being in his little own piece of paradise he has ended up being even more unreachable in case of need than before. He expected leaving behind his few and precarious relationships would end up in people resenting him, contrary to the popular belief he did feel guilty though and he knew perfectly well that shutting everyone out has been a really shit move from his part, but what he was supposed to do? He could argue that he deserved a break, he deserved to be left alone even at the cost of sounding selfish.

He has spent his whole life being pulled one way or another, used by everyone and anyone and squeezed past his very limit just to be thrown out in the end. Being kicked out of his own company, the very thing he had built on his own and has cared for since day one, just because he wanted it to be much more than just a mindless mass-production brand was the cherry on top of a very fucking depressing cake.

He was just tired of all of it and no one seemed to get it cause somehow he always managed to be seen by everyone as some sort of narcissist and heartless prick no matter what.

Well not everyone, there was Connor who, for some reason that completely escaped Elijah's comprehension, decided to make it his mission to be the one who would put up with the reclusive CEO. At one point Connor explained it as the closest thing to what humans call "gut feeling" about Elijah being more than just a cryptic and sarcastic asshole, Elijah on the other hand just thought it was poor judgement and really bad taste, maybe even a little bit of masochism.

But despite all his efforts to keep him at arm's length the android really used every bit of his programming perseverance to make Elijah cave in. Hank once said that it's hard to hate the boy when he's the embodiment of a lost puppy around people he likes and Elijah had to agree with that. He was so used to never needing any kind of love from anyone, to never expect anything without the other person having ulterior motives behind their actions that Connor's presence was as scary as it was intoxicating.

The irony of being more comfortable around his own creations rather than humans didn't go unseen, but they were truly quite a pair, always out of place among their own people but never between themselves. Just to think about going back to not having Connor makes him sick, the idea of losing the only person in this world he can give all his unconditional love and trust to without getting back anything less than the same was annoyingly debilitating.

He got so wrapped up in making his own world revolve around Connor and his positive opinion on him that the reality of what the world really thought of him crushed on him like hundreds stones at full speed.

It has been brought to his attention by many rather unpleasant encounters since being back in the city, that he's not just disliked by a large number of humans but by an even bigger amount of androids. Once again not really surprising, the common reason that seemingly brought both humans and androids together against the inventor was always tied to his self-imposed exile in one way or another. Only difference was that androids were undeniably more in the right of being mad and to be honest their hate hurt Elijah more than other humans' disappointment.

He did abandon them, he could and should've done something for them since their very existence is because of him but he just kept hiding away, fooling himself into believing that if he didn't see the problem then it wasn't really there. He could feel the painful and oppressing wave of guilt Connor has described to him so many times and it truly was as terrible as his beloved android described.

That's why when it came to interacting with androids he seemed to lose all that confidence he otherwise always carried around, not even a joke or one of his usual snarky remarks escaped his lips while meeting Markus and the others at Jericho or when an android seemed to recognise him on the street he never dared to allow himself to feel any type of annoyance at their angry gaze.

Connor did end getting more worked up about it for the both of them anyways and he couldn't even begin to explain to his big hearted android why their resentment was well placed and why it wasn't as unfair as how he got treated because of his ex deviant hunter occupation for which he didn't got any choice. From Elijah point of view it was just some well-deserved payback for a really big fucked up.

Which led him to accept captain Fowler's offer of helping Hank and Connor with android cases as some sort of consultant in particularly difficult cases where they needed to be extra sure the androids would not self-destruct themselves. He needed to make it right and somehow all the things he tried to do never felt enough, so what better than actively being there this time for the newly deviated androids who were having trouble with their emotions?

"He is a PL600 model, responds to the name Michael. His former owner and partner, Jeffrey Miller, filed a report of missing person report after he went missing 2 months ago. The bastard that was keeping him doesn't seem to have any criminal record besides some minor warnings after some neighbours complained about loud noises" Hank handed the file to Elijah who was transfixed by the state of the android sitting on the other side of the two way mirror that separated the interrogation room with Connor.

"We found evidence of him being involved with android trafficking. It's obvious he kidnapped Michael for his biocomponents, we have found more android parts as well in the house" Hank hard tone did nothing to hide his frustration and concern with the situation, likely due to now being basically Connor's parent figure.

Michael reminded Elijah so much of one of the androids they kept inside the evidence room that he was able to fix, Daniel which was too a PL600.

Hank crossed his arms and looked at Elijah before keep going with the information "His neighbour called because of the smell. Connor did that reconstruction thing and said that the android tried to fight back which resulted in that asshole dying. As many androids who go through this he just hided inside the house"

Michael sported everything from dents on the side of his head, to patches of white exoskeleton showing where scratches or marks have damaged the synthetic skin, to dark bruises or the closest thing to human bruises to even a missing arm. The most noticeable thing was his jaw piece being completely white now that it has been somehow kept from falling all together and put back to place.

He was used to seeing damaged androids, but for some reason the sight of Michael was much more disturbing than anything else. The discomfort was similar to how he felt every time he had to fix Connor after being hurt during work.

He quickly checked the file Hank handed him, a frown upon his face while trying to concentrate enough to gather as much information as possible to know how to handle the situation. "I suppose he has gone through a hard reset thus explaining why he didn't try to go back to Mr Miller… " his frown deepened as he looked up to see Hank nodding at him in confirmation.

"That fucker was busy with another android before getting to Michael. He probably forced him to stasis until he was done with the other victim" he could already see what Elijah was about to asked so he took a deep breath and braced himself to answer the unspoken question while carefully keeping his gaze off Elijah, not sure enough of wanting to see his reaction "the other victims…it was too late. Connor couldn't even find any memories in them or saveable data. I'm sorry kid…"

Logically he knows he cannot save every single android around but it is still hard to just accept the fact that sometimes there was nothing he could do, that he has failed yet again. The guilt from thinking that somehow this could've been prevented if he did something sooner and the sadness of knowing that a whole person, a small world who has most likely fought its whole life, has died and he couldn't do anything about it. Yes, he could always replace biocomponents, reprogram and make them from scratch but they wouldn't be the same, that would be another person and the one that belonged to that body would never come back.

"I think Connor is done with the interrogation…I should go in" his voice was devoid of energy, he sounded as drained as he felt and his attempt at avoiding to acknowledge Hank's words went through. He exited the small room, only after closing the door behind him he allowed himself to subtly let go of the breath he didn't know he was holding.

Two officers were waiting outside to escort him inside the interrogation room, he tilted his head towards the door before following them inside. As soon as they stepped in they took a step away to let Elijah reach Connor's side while they posted themselves right behind Michael just to be able to intervene faster if something went wrong. Brown eyes immediately found Elijah's icy blue ones, a subtle fond smile graced the detective android's lips and his led spawn a soft yellow before settling on the usual calm blue, the inventor could feel his own eyes softening in a fond gaze.

The small moment was broken off by Connor looking back at Michael again. "Michael..this is Elijah Kamski, he's here to help you. He's going to run a check up on you so he can begin to fix you" Connor was careful to keep his tone as calm and matter-of-fact as he always did when dealing with newly deviated androids to avoid triggering self-destruction. Elijah tried to keep his eyes off Michael for as long as possible, busying himself by reading the file once again even if by now he has already memorised the whole thing. He had this nagging feeling that if he allowed himself to lock eyes with the android, something would go very wrong very fast.

Eventually he had to look up though so he just pushed the feeling to the back of his mind and took a tentative look at Michael just in time, cause after what felt like hours but really it was just seconds, the android addressed the CEO.

"I know who you are.. " his eyes, once vacant and distant, now were coldly piercing through Elijah. His voice was something more than a whisper, slightly distorted by a possible damage in his vocal processor but full of restrained anger that was very close to overflowing "you created us…just to leave us behind. To let them…do this" the room already aloof atmosphere went even more sour with every word from the android's mouth.

Elijah should've seen it coming and it wasn't really that surprising, he should be used to this by now but there was something that made Elijah's blood run cold and swallow with difficulty. There was a very sharp and dangerous edge to Michael's voice that made the inventor's mask of confidence fall for a second.

"I understand your wariness towards me, but I can guarantee that I'm here to do everything in my power to help.." a wave of relief rolled down his body for having kept his voice steady and calm enough.

Connor frowned slightly, his led spinning yellow once more, opening his mouth slightly to try and reason with the other android just to get interrupted "it's not fair…it is not…he abandoned us. He left and watched as we…suffered through this. My body…m-my life is..i-is.. " he kept muttering with fast pace, a lost gaze set on nothing in particular, eyes full of tears and dread as panic started to take over.

The CEO felt almost sick and racked his brain to find something to say but even if he managed to succeed he would never be able to mutter a word out of his mouth. He felt freezed in time as he watched distress consume the android. His grip on the paper folder tightened slightly as he tried to keep his own panic under control. He could feel Connor's worried gaze on him, surely catching on not only with Michael's stress level but with Elijah's too.

Michael's eyes jumped from Connor to Elijah, seemingly analysing something. His eyes widened in realisation for a moment as if he had finally understood what he was trying to, just for it to be replaced with a defeated and disheartened look.

Elijah concluded that somehow he has understood where Connor's opinion about the CEO stood. Which only seemed to agitate him even more than before.

Even if they didn't need to breathe, the android's breath hitched and he choked out a sob, clutching his chest with trembling fingers making Elijah and, surprisingly, Connor flinch. The officers behind Michael exchanged a concerned look, as if they were warning each other to stay alert.

"he could've helped and he did nothing!! Nothing nothing nothing and-..no… so unfair..so so so unfair" the inventor could clearly see he was talking to Connor now as his face morphed into a disgusted frown, his only hand now clenching into a fist above his chest that was now going up and down from hyperventilating.

Now that Michael seemed to have withdrawn to himself, muttering and rambling, Connor took the opportunity to silently request assistance from the officers in getting Michael out of there. He turned to gently grab Elijah's arm, led spinning a more intense yellow. He took the folder that the inventor had been carrying around from his hands and put it on the desk, making Elijah take a step backwards in order to place himself in front of him to block the unsettling view and hopefully bring Elijah out of his own panic.

He was sure Connor was speaking to him, probably telling him how they should go from now on with the situation but he couldn't really listen. Even with the slightly taller man in front of him he could still see a small glimpse of Michael being helped to stand up, how the android's eyes were trained on Elijah as soon as he dared to look.

It has happened before, it was nothing he hasn't heard from other damaged androids or even perfectly functioning androids. Maybe all of this was starting to take a toll on him, it could be that maybe he has never got as used to it as he thought. And even if both things could be true he knew, deep inside, that this time all this uneasiness wasn't just his guilt.

Since the first moment he was informed of Michael's case there has been this feeling of impending danger at the pit of stomach, which only worsened when he went into the police station to meet the android.

And then, almost as if God had finally decided to let him catch on to what was going to happen, everything went terribly down.

He wasn't as fast as Connor in realising what was happening, he just had the time to acknowledge the android wiping his head sharply towards Michael while pushing Eijah behind him.

Michael's features twisted in anger and had already taken the gun of one of the officers and knocked him out cold, giving time to the other one already pulling his own out and aiming it at the android.

"Don't shoot him!!" Connor's hand quickly extended towards the officer, the other one already up towards Michael to partially cover further Elijah behind him. Connor's led was now spinning a violent red "Michael please, put the gun down. I can ask Mr Kamski to leave so we-"

"GET THE F-FUCK AWAY FROM ME."His rough and strained voice glitched from the vocal processor exertion. His shaky hand aimed frantically at anyone who as much as breathed "H-he…he said this would keep..keep happening" it was almost a whisper from his quivering lips, trying to keep at bay the tears.

Elijah kept his hands up just to show the android he wasn't going to do any harm before addressing him and taking a small step to the side to see his face better "Michael… I know you don't trust me but you can trust Connor, you won't have to see me again but you have to put the gun down" his tone was calm and gentle as if he was talking to an upset child.

Connor was glaring daggers at him but he didn't care. He knew the android wouldn't want to listen to Connor right now, he needed to reason with him before he could hurt himself or others.

Michael only shook his head no frenetically, eyes wide and full of panic "no no no…he said it, he said IT HE SAID IT. the more they'll fix us…the more they'll have to..to use." His glossy eyes were vacantly staring through Elijah, almost looking lost in his memories before continuing "you brought us to this world…just to feed your ego. You made us…made us feel, you allowed all of this to happen.."

Elijah was sure Connor was already preconstructing the course of the events, what to do and what no. He could bet all he had that the android had already analysed the situation and by how cautiously he was moving closer him he was sure he already knew what to do. Unfortunately for him Elijah did too, same idea just different person executing it.

The inventor closed his eyes for a second to steady his own heartbeats, swallowing hard and opening them again before speaking "you're right. I have done a horrible thing and I'm so sorry Michael. I know you're angry, rightfully so. Just let me make it right okay? Tell me what you want and I'll do it but…please put the gun down"

The look on the androids face, how his expression fell almost immediately finally letting all the tears go sent shivers down Elijah's spine "you don't get to make it right…" he muttered with feign calm, his lower lip trembled slightly before curling into a sad smirk "you shouldn't be allowed to fix anything… to fix us again so we can get hurt all over again" he breathed out a humourless laugh, the smirk now a full smile. Something akin to relief crossing his features, his hand grip on the gun slowly getting steady and confident "no…this ends now"

Both the officer and Connor were on edge, exchanging a silent understanding of what they should do. Elijah for the very first time in the day felt at peace, almost matching the sense of relief Michael was feeling.

He couldn't know for sure but he had a feeling this would go this way. Apparently he was the only one who had thought about it because Connor was very confident that Michael would try to shoot Elijah, the latter on the other hand knew he was not planning just on that.

If he didn't do something Michael would shoot Connor, he would have the time to fire two shots more before the other officer makes a move or maybe, Connor would be able to disarm Michael. But if he wasn't the first shot would go straight through Connor's head, the other two would be to Elijah which was the most likely outcome given the circumstances. No big deal right? Connor's had been shot at the head before, everytime he has come back. But Elijah knew it wasn't the case, and he was painfully aware of the fact that Connor hasn't realised, in his haste to protect him, that if he gets hit it is gonna do some serious damage. The kind of damage androids come back as brand new people and not as the person the body used to be.

So that's how it would go, he survives and lets the only one who has ever truly cared for him die and become someone different with the same face of the person he and many others loved. Live with the knowledge his own mistakes have taken Connor's life, Hank's newfound son and a friend to many others.

In some way Michael's was right, he didn't get to make it right by fixing androids after what he has done (or what he has not done). It wasn't like he was suicidal or something, it wasn't really about him wanting an easy way out. Like Michael's said, this ends now and not because he wants to but because it is the right thing to do. He has exceeded his staying, his purpose has been completed and all he wanted to do with his life has been achieved. He even had the opportunity to feel and experience a healthy and loving relationship, to see his own creations win against all odds for their right to live.

Wasn't that enough? Hasn't it been a really fulfilling life? Maybe someone would disagree but he did feel quite at peace with it and he did feel like it was enough, and even if it wasn't he has never been one who could see himself lasting years, always felt more like his expiry date was much sooner than others. All he could think about, weirdly enough, was that one argument over Frankenstein years ago with Gavin that has been marked in his mind as the day all of this truly started. He still remembered it so vividly and not just because of his eidetic memory but because it was his fondest and last memory of him and his brother together. He finds himself realising that he has turned into the much hated doctor, denying to acknowledge the responsibility of what he has done for the sake of his peace of mind.

Some sort of agreement between the Android who was holding the gun and the inventor was reached, their eyes looking into each other with understanding of what was the fate of both. He could only hope Connor would forgive him one last time.

It took longer for the bullet to be shot than for Elijah to grab Connor's jacket from behind and turn him around to face the two way mirror, almost like Michael was respecting Elijah's decision and waiting for him to be done. Had it not been for the advantage surprise was giving him, Elijah would have never been able to move Connor. Seemed like it was his lucky day then.

His poor attempt at sparing Connor a rather traumatising view went south, before the bullet hit the back of head the last thing he saw Connor go quite literally through all the 5 stages of grief in a matter of seconds. He almost felt one last stab of guilt until he suddenly felt no more. The bullet went through Elijah's head and exited out his right eye, splattering blood all over Connor's back before finally hitting the glass, cracking but not breaking it. After it there has been another shot but Connor couldn't hear it nor care. His eyes fixed on the circular crack of the glass, the led that had stayed red was now deepening into a darker shade betraying his inner turmoil.

Kamski's body kneeled behind him a second after the shot, it was such a slow movement for a dead person that for a moment Connor thought he hadn't seen right when he looked at the reflection in the mirror showing Elijah's eyes splitting open. As soon as the knees hit the floor the rest of the body sat back, slouching forward because of the weight of his head tilting down. Soon enough blood started to drip onto the floor at a steady pace, the whole room invaded by a chaos that seemed so far and felt so insignificant to Connor right now.

He took his time in turning back, not trusting his legs to support him if he went any faster. When he finally faced Elijah's body he felt like what could only be described as a if his programming was suddenly collapsing on itself. He has felt like this in the past, the most recent moment he could recall was almost getting trapped by Amanda inside his own mind.

He has seen many corpses, both android and human, he has seen many people dying and yet this was the most horrifying sight he has ever come across.

It's the idea behind it, the voice in his head that started to list a number of things that would never be the same after this. He couldn't move, couldn't speak nor tear his eyes apart from Elijah, not even when he felt someone yanking his arm to try and take him away from there.

Elijah was dead, his Elijah was dead. He was dead and yet people were asking Connor if he was okay as if he was the one who had been killed, why were they worrying so much about him? He was obviously fine, there was a dead man in front of him proving that he had gone through it just fine. He absentmindedly pondered if there's someone who would understand how he was feeling right now, no… if there was someone who would feel the same he was because of Elijah's being dead. The answer came up almost like one of those software instability alerts he used to have.

No one would feel like this, this has happened cause no one would feel like this for Elijah. Be it because he didn't let anyone get closer aside from Connor or because other people thought he didn't deserve people grieving for him. Connor just knew no one would ever feel as if Elijah, with his death, has ripped something very important and vital from them. People would be shocked, maybe sad for a second or two or maybe not even surprised at all before moving on.

And that's what bothers Connor the most, knowing everyone would move on and he was stuck there. He will be forever stuck there as he was almost stuck in the zen garden, his body would carry on without him while his mind would just stay in that room forever staring at Elijah. Waiting and hoping foolishly that maybe there's an emergency exit from here too, that this is just temporary, a preconstruction going too far. That once the simulation is done he will get to save Elijah, to tell him he would never be able to forgive him for this.

#elijah kamski #elijah kamski dbh #dbh fanfic #kamcon dbh #kamcon #dbh fandom #dbh one shot #detroit become human fandom #connor dbh fanfic #elijah kamski dbh fanfic #connor x elijah #connor dbh #connor detroit: bh #connor rk800 #rk800 dbh

[herdddragon]

So I recently heard that someone called Michelangelo’s David Porn. An interesting take on things as this painting

Is in-fact way more pornographic than this:

(I realize the irony of me censoring it. My point still stands, I simply don’t know tumblers policy as they may agree with that guy.)

The difference is not is amount of clothing, but in intension, or at least perceived intention as the artiest of both paintings have been dead for centuries at this point.

The first example is the Swing, One of if not the most well known artwork of the rococo period. With its bright and playful atmosphere but also innocent salaciousness. Like the man is looking up her skirt. This was well before bloomers. It’s energetic and meant to slightly ar rouse the audience.

Rococo is an evolution from baroque art, that was an invention of the council at Trent as part of the counter reformation. An attempt to address the grievances the Protestants (Lutherans) had with the Catholic Church at that time. And layed out guidelines to Baroque Art. An Art for the common people, with the highly emotional and highly theatrical simular to the gothic architecture of medieval Europe. I mean if it ain’t baroque don’t fix it I guess. These guidelines seemed to encourage modestly sensual artwork, such as the ecstasy of saint Teresa, or all those baby bum cupids.

In the meantime David here is from the renaissance, and is less about sensuality and more a celebration of the ideal (masculine ) human form. It is a rather reclined, unsexy posed, like you walked in to a show and the guy already there looks at you and acknowledges your presence before going back to washing his hair.

Do note that neither of these pictures are pornography. Sensuality dose not equal porn. After all Marilyn Monroe is well known for her many many sensual roles in films, but her having a body like she did did not immediately mean that her very existence was porn (you know what bad example, that poor lady had to put up with so much just because of her looks). At the same time a lack of clothing dose not equal porn. Christ on the cross is depicted with very little clothes on. But that is much less pornographic than some pictures I have seen where the people are fully dressed. In full length skirts, pants, long sleeve shirts so on and so forth.

This is taken from a textbook called: Culture and Values; a survey of the humanities Volume II by Lawrence s. Cunningham, John J. Reich, Lois Fichner-Rathus. Published by Cengage learning copyrighted in 2018.

It’s a good textbook, but wish it spent more chapters non European humanities, im happy it at least has them, but pre colonial Americas gets one chapter to cover two continents, and Africa got one chapter (not counting Egypt that had a section in the earlier volume (not chapter, section))

I infact am very bad at telling when things are pornographic or not, to the point where I have stumbled across the stuff and not even been aware of what I was seeing. But even I can tell this.

I mean it’s not like I’m an expert on the subject, but I think I understand it at least to the point to say when someone is being st—silly.

#rambles #unimportant #silly guy #politics #fine art #michelangelo's david #the swing #art analysis #i’m bad at this #rococo art #renaissance #baroque #text book

[direct0rhutao]

genshin thoughts?? i am curious about whatever hcs or fav canon facts or Unpopular Takes you have etc etc. i trust your opinion 👍

hi hi kit okay first of all tysm im flattered that u r interested in my thoughts that means a lot to me :)

there’s a lot of little details and bits of genshin lore that i love but if i had to choose one it would be that hu tao’s birthday is the same as mine :3 KIDDING one of my favorite random genshin facts is how zhongli once invited xinyan, a rock musician well known for her intense and (literally) fiery concerts, to play some music for the wangsheng funeral parlor

(this is from xinyan’s voicelines btw. do you think zhongli likes rock music because he’s the lord of rocks)

and as for the headcanons!! i can come up with sooo many behold an assortment of genshin thoughts (most of which involve hu tao and xinyan because they are very special to me) (im putting them under a readmore because i got carried away sorry)

• one of my favorite sort-of fanon dynamics is zhongli and his adopted kids ganyu (eldest daughter least likely to get in trouble with the millelith) xiao (middle child whos been an angsty teenager for the last 2000 years) and hu tao (baby of the family with the strongest Gremlin Energy)

• xiao hates zhongli’s new boyfriend childe for Many Reasons such as: he’s spent months in liyue and still can’t use chopsticks, every time he sees xiao he ruffles his hair and calls him “little man”, one time he unleashed an evil god and almost destroyed liyue harbor

• zhongli’s other two children are a little less hostile towards childe. ganyu doesn’t fully trust him because of That One Time He Almost Destroyed Liyue Harbor but he makes zhongli really happy so he’s okay for now …and hu tao thinks he’s kind of a dumbass but his job requires him to kill a lot of people so he’s good for business

• hu tao made childe a customer loyalty card (“10% Off Your 10th Cremation Service!”) however despite childe thinking it was funny, zhongli wouldn’t let her make more copies to give out to the general public

• okay so usually in fanart/fanfics the liyue kids friend group is either xingqiu chongyun xiangling and xinyan or xingqiu chongyun xiangling and hu tao. but why not both. xingqiu chongyun xiangling xinyan AND hu tao AND throw in yun jin as well. all of them are buddies peace and love on planet teyvat

• hu tao has a sort of celebrity crush on beidou (i mean who wouldn’t-) and then she meets kazuha and shes like CAPTAIN BEIDOU HAS A KID?

• hu tao: woaaahh its so nice to meet beidou’s new son… i bet beidou wouldn’t just adopt anyone so you must be super cool and badass because um captain beidou is soooo cool and badass and strong and sexy and did you know she beat a sea monster without a vision and her biceps are big enough to l- kazuha: okay how about we talk about something else

• anyway kazuha is an honorary member of the Liyue Kids Friendship Squad

• xinyan and beidou are also like family but xinyan’s parents are still alive (i think) so xinyan thinks of beidou as more of a cool aunt figure. xinyan and kazuha are kind of like siblings to each other tho

• xinyan is like genuinely very kind and good-natured so i think that aside from people who are assholes to her for being loud/a rock musician she can get along with pretty much anyone. also she just. seems like a really good friend so i think all her friends should love n support her and go to as many of her concerts as they can

• one time when xinyan was having a concert in liyue harbor and chongyun got on stage and started drumming and doing backup vocals bc of his yang energy shenhe passed by and saw them and after the concert while xingqiu was tending to chongyun she approached xinyan

• shenhe: i see you’re a friend of my nephew. your music is very unique. it both soothed and aggravated my homicidal urges at the same time xinyan: uhhh well…th. thank you miss shenhe? i’ll take that as a compliment … if you’re ever in the area again you’re always welcome to rock out at my concerts

• i love yun jin and i love yun jin x xinyan i think they would make a very cute couple HOWEVER. i think hu tao x xinyan would be cute as well. theres a lot of potential there but they barely interact in canon and ive only ever seen one person who maybe ships them uwaaaaaa

• in a modern au hu tao and xinyan would both play gacha rhythm games and they would add each other as friends in-game. hu tao and xinyan are on each other’s bandori friendlist

#mailbox tag #aurelia chat #genshin impact #hu tao and xinyan what would their shipname be #xintao? huxin? #anyway they r my emotional support rarepair #also i know you said unpopular takes but im not sure how unpopular this one is so ill just put it in the tags: #i can’t stand genshin mika. hate him #his name is spelled mika like kagehira mika and he looks like kagamine len and yet he’s so bland and cringefail #you know how in math you multiply two negative numbers and the negative signs cancel out to give you a positive number? #genshin mika is like. they combined two anime boys full of nuance and swag and gender into one and all of it canceled out #and the result was a sickly duckling in paddington bear’s coat #like i know genshin mika has a vision and is a knight of favonius but i think if he fought enstars mika. #based on vibes alone enstars mika would win #anyway thank you so so much again for the ask!! i really appreciate it #from kohku

[matrose]

gimli for the ask game!! :D and aragorn!

tysm ash!!!! 🥰🌳🦊

gimli ❤️❤️

Sexuality Headcanon: not sure except mlm as far as the label can be applied🫶

Gender Headcanon: dwarf gender is so difficult to pin down just like elf gender…i was thinking that maybe for dwarves gender & profession go hand in hand… they dont really care much for it in relation to the body but much more in relation to a craft… its the closest they get to the human concept of gender. king is a gender. miner is a gender. bard is a gender, poet is a gender etc. and yes. i think gimlis gender is poet. not that that means he ONLY does poetry. its just what he feels closest to

A ship I have with said character: legolas of course forever and always💗 also as a silly one time thing eomer!!! they have really good chemistry i think. idk if anything actually happend but the mutual attraction was there!

A BROTP I have with said character: eowyn and gimli having a fun silly conversation in the movies is one of my favorite parts !! the movies use it of course to mock gimli/dwarves in general but i see the potential!!! also him and galadriel!!! and him and the hobbits/esp merry and pippin and him and aragorn etc etc hes doing so well!!!

A NOTP I have with said character: hmm i actually rarely see him with anyone else but legolas…gimli fans just understand

A random headcanon: hes sort of a jack of all trades. hes intelligent so he can easily pick things up by watching someone else do it and copying them/listening to very clear instructions . theres a lot of things hes kinda good at 🫶 also hes an only child and as his parents where often busy as both their professions involved travel, he spent a lot of time with his uncle oin and his two aunts (his mothers sister and her wife) <3 also he, kili, and fiii were really close and as a call back to an old post of mine abt dwarven outside names, i think they all picked thwm out together with the matching -li endings. argh ☹️

General Opinion over said character: I LOVE HIM!!!! hes so very special to me and one of THE characters of all time!!!!! hes just right there in the text ready to give his love to everything and joyfully tell everyone about it!!!! his swag? enormous. his prose? unbeatable. i love him ❤️

aragorn ‼️

Sexuality Headcanon: hmm…maybe he had an experience with a guy in his youth 🤔 he did get around a lot‼️

Gender Headcanon: if you selected the concept of "guy" in photoshop and then pressed an arrow key to move it the slightest thing to the left. hes almost 100 and 1) being that old 2) traveling that much 3) having been raised by elves with their whole thing makes it impossible to be 100% gender conforming human masculinty standard following guy. there is gnc energy. he and arwen can share a wardrobe as a treat

A ship I have with said character: he and arwen are…interesting. how happy they are im not sure. being a king is very lonely no matter what. being a queen is also lonely no matter what and especially when your whole family has just left your existance forever… no lets just be silly and happy again. arwen and aragorn can be a weird swinger couple or something idk faramir and eowyn live right over

A BROTP I have with said character: his and gimlis friendship is explored very little in fanon but i think theres potential there. just like with bilbo they could write poetry together :))

A NOTP I have with said character: him and legolas… i almost wrote nobody because to me that pairing doesnt even exist because im so focused on the books 😭 but yeah no its not my thing at all

A random headcanon: i think by the time he went to visit sam and rosie with arwen, i think it was four years after the war of the ring? hes gone fully grey!!

General Opinion over said character: this was hard…i barely think about him!! hes strange and very fluctuating to me - hard to grasp. theres a huge chasm between book aragorn and movie aragorn and im not sure about either of them!

[finiffy]

Fin sorry for spamming but i am humbly saying i can't live with this shame i am correcting like 2 words and sending the exact same thing again

Im just gonna leave this 758 words of mikell polycule mess here. I'll get better with the characters with time i hope. Also tw for mention of sex and conversion therapy. There isn't anything explicitly discussed about them and they aren't major to the story but they're still briefly mentioned once -lemonadeanon

"So. This can... Work out?"

It was new for everyone in the white decorated living room filled with the constant sound of something hitting the coffee table separating the bodyguards and their boss. But something being unusual wouldn't stop them, because let's be honest, did it ever?

Thompson talked more tensely than he could even in a life-or-death situation, "It would take some extra effort, but we can manage it..." his voice got a little more quiet. "If you truly are comfortable with this."

Sitting on the unnecessarily expensive couch, thoughts in the cowboy's head had been the fastest they've ever been in the last 27 years. He wasn't unfamiliar with the concept of having more than 1 partner at the same time- But he certainly was unfamiliar with all partners knowing about each other.

Well, not to say it didn't happen, but when it did, it happened for the one and only time, the partner no longer staying with him. The partner who always happened to be a woman. The partner he never had a deep emotional connection with, unlike the two-man staring at him as they waited for an answer.

Their anxious looks pained Mikell, he wasn't going to say no, but what if he said "yes" in the wrong way? What if he sounds disgusted?

Well, fuck it, when did worrying ever helped him anyway?

"I am fully comfortable with it- You two are the only people I would be glad to be in a..." Shit, what was the word again? Pool something. No wait not pool, poll-

"Polyamorous relationship?"  The sound of the coffee table being hit lightly finally stopped, Black realizing he has been moving his leg nervously and causing the noise only when he finally opened his mouth.

"Yes. That. I don't think I could try this kind of thing with anyone else." He turned his head to the right side of the room for a short time to think, facing the life-sized horse statue. Get two boyfriends in price of one, who are also very loyal to you. Sounded like a good concept. He actually wondered how the sex would be the most, but he didn't want to ruin the moment, so maybe later. Maybe 10 minutes later.

"I mean, who else could I call my "boyfriends" other than you two?" Yeah, saying that sounded righter than he imagined it would when he finally decided to accept his "demons".

And the words were definitely worth seeing the tense expressions disappear, getting replaced by the dorky smile spreading to Black's face first, followed by Thompson's smile, hard to detect to an outsider but a smile both Mikell and Sergei started to recognize easily throughout the years they had spent together. He continued:

""Healthy communication" and other relationship stuff, right? I can try that. We'd make a good power-trio together."

They knew their boss' or freshly new boyfriends flaws, of course. Trying to have a relationship with two people at the same time, in a way that requires two times more, maybe even more than two times communications your average two-people relationship needs to actually work out. Someone who has several flaws when it comes to being open with his partners trying to do this for the first time, while still trying to accept himself.

Or his demons, as a 1970s conversion therapy camp worker would call it.

But despite all of this, the cowboy still seemed eager. He knew his problems too, of course, yet he still wanted to do this. Be happy with them. Date them. Love them without shame.

Well, "without shame" part would indubitably take some time. And the other two needed some hard work in the emotional department too. But they knew they could do this. They've been preparing for this, preparing for him for so long, there wasn't any room to be suspicious they wouldn't try their best for their cowboy hat wearing lover. Because the room barely had any space with all the wild-west themed stuff put in the room. Especially because of the life-sized horse statue.

They could love him when he wasn't sure of loving himself. Care for him when he couldn't. Be there for him when no one else would. Without a doubt, it was finally official.

"It is settled then, we are dating." Sergei said, taking a great pleasure from voicing the affirming words.

It is official, their love is right and real, just like the life-sized horse statue in the living room.

Holy shit you did it. The Mikell polycule fic! That was really good, and the last line of the stupid life size horse statue really just made me fucking laugh

#fin answers #lemonadeanon #long post #Mikell's internal mental battle #his two boyfriends/bodyguards love him #other's amazing stories

[beetlepuff]

No because imagine Robin Buckley knocking on mr.Hauser’s door nearing graduation day, and telling him that she finally has her list for operation croissant. Like her just all happy and smiley and he’s so happy for her and just yeah. I need more of this duo.

Ok i wrote this a while ago and it’s rlly bad because idk how to write but there’s a little one shot under the keep reading :)

“Robin Buckley, long time no see.”

“Mr. Hauser, hi. Yeah uh its been a while”.

“Well come in, come in.”

She walks in and doesn’t say much, just looking around and taking in the room she spent so many lunch periods in. “So how are the language tapes going?”

“Oh um good, good. I started learning Russian. I mean with everything going on i had to put it down for a while but I’ve been wanting to pick it up again.”

“That makes sense yea. So that’s French of course , Italian, ..spanish?”

“Spanish and pig Latin.”

“Right yes. Did i ever tell you how incredible that is”

She answers with an awkward chuckle

“Right so what brings you back?”

“what i cant just catch up with my favorite teacher before i graduate?”

“Robin..”

She cant help but break out in a grin. “I have my list! My three people i mean- for operation croissant!”

And he has to admit he’s a little dumbfounded that she hasn’t stopped thinking about operation croissant. He thought that her slowly stopping her frequent visits meant things were getting better, but she does seem excited about her list. There was a time where he thought she might not find friends her age, friends that would stick around that is. It can’t hurt to encourage this more than he has- albeit indirectly- in the past “thats great! But I’m pretty sure the semester finished a little while ago” he jokes.

“Better late than never right” and god she just cant stop smiling

“Right” he chuckles. “So? Who are the lucky three, don’t keep me in suspense here”

“Okay okay this might seem a bit odd but- *sigh* idk last summer and spring break changed a lot- argh! Ok! Anyways! Steve Harrington- which, i know believe me i know, but he’s a really great guy i promise. He’s changed a lot since his high school days. And um Nancy Wheeler  🤭  -who is just full of surprises btw- , and Eddie Munson.!” Robin gave no more details on Munson, slightly scared of how mr.Hauser would react, but she trusts him, he wouldn’t judge either of them.

“How did that come to be”

“Well you see, it all started last summer when steve and i were working together at starcourt before yk.. everything. And we sort of just bonded? Ig? It- its hard to explain. But with him its like the hawkings monster-” ironic, she thinks, “- isnt that scary anymore. Like i can fully be myself around him and he wont judge. Oh! But its not- its not like how it sounds. We aren’t dating, god no. I love him but not like that. He’s a real dingus you know.”

“please Robin you know i know better than to assume the state of your love life”

“right. well uh yeah and then Nancy and Eddie sort of got closer over spring break. And i know its sort of an odd group but they’re really great. and they accept me, all of me. I wouldnt trade them for the world.”

“im really happy for you robin. seriusly.”

“Me too.  …um mr.hauser, do you remember what you told me, about the paper with the black dot, referencing-“

“the lottery. yeah, yea i remember..” silently asking why

“well. i dont know if you know- well you probably had an idea i guess but- i also pulled out the paper with the black dot. and im not scared of being stoned anymore. at least not by them.”

“well i cant say i didnt have any idea.. but as i said. i know better than to assume.”

“right, right. well what about you, and your hawkins monster.. and front row center?”

“oh, im good, that so happens to be going very well. sort of a safe heaven from my hawkings monster if you will”

“good. thats great im really happy for yo-”

sprinting footsteps pass down the hall, just passing the english teacher’s door, then reteating to peek their head inside “Rob? you coming?”

“yeah, just a sec nance” turning to her and smiling.

Nancy nods and turns to leave after a polite “bye mister hauser”

He lifts a hand to wave even though shes out of sight already “bye ms.wheeler” and turns back to robin

“Well i should get going, Steve is probably outside waiting.. he’s my ride.”

“Yeah no of course” He leaned back on his desk, watching as she smiled and opened the door. She’s at the door frame when he stops her “Robin.” She turns around with a lifted eyebrrow “im proud of you”

“Thanks. A-and I promise ill come by more, yk before i leave”

“Ill see you around kiddo.”

“Yeah :)” [exits].

#rebel robin #Robin Buckley and mr.hauser #iconic duo #what is it with gay kids and their high school English teachers #The lottery is probably my favorite short story that we were assigned last year so i just had to include the reference #yay gay #opperation croissant #she gets her happily ever after #eddie lives #because i said so #i love them so much

[keefwho]

July 25 - 2023 Tuesday

10:47 AM

My friend just needed someone to talk to and I’m always happy to help in any way I can but I did a bad job trying to comfort her, even if she only needed someone to listen. I’m also a little scatterbrained today or just vacant so I wish I could have been more help. I literally couldn’t think of anything good to say. I guess I’m most worried about coming off as indifferent or uncaring because I care a LOT. She probably knows that though. 

2:53 PM

I feel things and think things but I don’t want to write about things or think about them. Mostly because I feel mentally tired right now. Im not in the best shape to be making progress but I have learned that progress must still be made regardless. I can’t always wait for the right moment. I guess there also isn’t anything pressing me right now so I can take a smol break. 

In general I know I’m having a hard time feeling like myself right now and instead am following what I’d describe as a sort of natural code. Im doing things without thinking about them. There is little exploration and creativity going on in my head right now, I’m just existing. My capacity for true deep empathy is lowered because of this. I’m not really here in a sense, or not at the capacity I want to be. I know this must be normal though, I can’t be on top of this kind of thing all the time. I’m sure this kind of thing happens to everyone. I’m just trying to get to know it better so I can accurately appraise myself whenever I get like this. 

I also had a very small incident with an onion. Its the kind of thing that harks back to the peak of my anxiety surrounding food and my stomach. I chopped an onion in half so I could use one half in my lunch and the other half went in the fridge. I still have some iffyness about eating anything “raw” even if it’s safe to do so. I hinged a lot of my sense of food security on making sure everything I ate was fully cooked no matter what it was (except for some obvious exceptions like chips, crackers, canned stuff, etc.). So I still found it to be a little exercise to take a slice of that onion and use it on my chicken burger uncooked. It’s an important little exercise though and I’m proud I did it, even if it wasn’t a very big deal. 

10:56 PM

I want to get on bed this time so this has to be brief hopefully.

For breakfast I had left over rice a roni from yesterday. I watched one of the newer episodes of Craig of the Creek before streaming. 

Stream went okay, I only did half commission work again since I’m doing it for the paying double guy. I had to stop the stream halfway through to call and listen to my friend but I started it back up for a little bit afterwards. I completed a little colored sketch in a way that I liked so hopefully I can keep doing that to get more of my ideas out. 

I cleaned up some and did my mini workout for the first time. Im really starting to feel it in my legs again so it must be working. During my shower I watched a new video from Lemino about the JFK assassination, it was interesting. Im surprised and also not surprised at how stupid people can be when giving testimony. 

Lunch was a chicken burger and a granola bar, very good. 

During today’s drawing request I edited one of my coloring brushes to be easier to blend with and I really liked the result. It offered more flexibility per stroke. After that I worked on this cute drawing of mine and my friend’s sonas again, it’s REALLY coming out well. When work was done I spent some time working on my horse avatar again, it’s also looking good and I’m so excited to be horsies with my bestie.

I hung out with her while I worked on it and we chilled for a bit while she showed some things. I didn’t know what to do with myself, I just wanted to chill so I wasn’t very lively. My eyes also hurt all evening. After she moved upstairs we played Zelda for a bit, it was nice. 

I wish I could have been less out of it, I’ve definitely been in a funk today and yesterday. I could probably figure out some straightforward exercises to turn to that could help me realize that I’m a living, thinking person when I’m struggling to perceive myself. 

#journal #diary #anxiety #friends