#im not even all that interested in the match

[redr0sewrites]

Could you please do fluffy Lucifer head cannons! (I love your Hazbin hotel hcs💗)

🥀A/n: YESSSS OFC!! i love luciii hes so cute

🥀Cw: none, just fluff!!!

lucifer is a very touchy person in general, and when it comes to his partner, he just ADORES giving and receiving affection from you. he always wants to be touching you in one way or another, but he always makes sure to ask beforehand.

he rubs your thumb when you both hold hands!!!! he also seems like the type to gently swing his arm when you both are holding hands and walking side by side, he's just giddy about getting to spend time with you!!!

lucifer loves showing you off. he's definitely bringing you to every event that he attends, and is proudly stating that you're his partner at any given opportunity

MATCHING COUPLES ITEMS!!!! ive said it before and i'll say it again, lucifer is the type to ADORE matching couples outfits, jewelry, mugs, literally anything! u guys have SOOO much matching stuff simply because he adores it

loves sitting in your lap. there is no place in the world more comfortable for lucifer than in your arms, and he just loves being able to cuddle with you in your lap. he MELTS whenever you touch his hair, and is overall very touchy

if your taller than him, he ADORES hugs from behind!!! he loves when you rest your chin atop his head, and won't even mind some light teasing about his height.

loves tickles!!!! sometimes he'll wake you up with tickles or kisses across your face, just so he can hear your laughter

lucifer can't fall asleep without touching you in some way! if you aren't a very cuddly person while you sleep, that's ok, but he still asks to link pinkies while sleeping just so he knows you're there. if you are a fan of cuddles, prepare to be clung to!!

he would adore it if you got along with charlie, and definitely persists at trying to get you two to hangout. he loves the idea of the three of you being a family and doing family things together, and charlie is just happy to finally see him happy, so she's very grateful towards you

lucifer is a RAMBLER, he loves talking about his special interests and cares a lot if you listen to him and act interested too! you definitely learn a lot of duck facts from him, along with anything else that's interesting that he's picked up over the years

FLIRTY!!!!!!! he's sooooo cheesy, and definitely uses the cringiest pickup lines. sometimes he does it to be funny, and sometimes he does it to be serious. he also has a BUNCH of nicknames and petnames for you, and some are satire while others are more genuine

to name a few of the satire one, he'd probably say duckie, pookie, and prince/princess (ironically tho). unironically i think he'd call you dear or "my dearest", darling, and honey as well. he isn't afraid to call you pet names in public, he honestly refers to you more as "dear" than your actual name! i also think lucifer would make up nicknames based on your name specifically. you could have a 3 letter name and he'd still somehow shorten it. definitely gives you nicknames related to your name, say for example your name is rose, he's absolutely the type to call you "rosie posie" instead of just rose

writes you little notes throughout the day and sends them to you magically :) he also buys you practically anything you want, he is rich after all

overall he's very affectionate, and he could never pick a love language when it comes to giving. he just has so much love to give, and he makes sure you're spoiled with affection!!!!!!!!

ack sorry this is so short i promise im still trying 😭 school and family *cough* mom *cough* stuff has been lowkey kicking my ass but ive been SO motivated to write it's actually insane so im trying to power through my 100+ hazbin hotel requests even though ive lowkey moved on- i still enjoy the fandom, but i just need a break yk? ANYWAYS!!!! FEEL FREE TO SEND IN REQUESTS, ESPECIALLYYYYYY ARCANE, TDP, OR ACOTAR REQUESTS!!!!!

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel x you #hazbin hotel x y/n #hazbin hotel x oc #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin lucifer #hazbin hotel lucifer x reader #lucifer x reader #lucifer #lucifer morningstar #lucifer magne #lucifer hazbin hotel #lucifer imagine #hazbin hotel imagine #hazbin hotel x female reader #hazbin hotel x male reader #hasbin hotel #hasbin lucifer #hazbin hotel fandom #lucifer morningstar x reader #lucifer morningstar fanfic #lucifer morningstar x you #lucifer morningstar fanart #lucifer morningstar hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar imagine #lucifer morningstar fluff #hasbin hotel fluff #hazbin hotel fluff

[sunset-bobby]

9-1-1 rambles pt2 (it’s only 1 am this time)

now that i’m like taking introspective looks into like the 9-1-1 couple’s relationships I think it’s interesting how a lot of the canon couples are bolter x clinger pairings

I mean like the buckleys siblings discussed how maddie’s a bolter and buck is a clinger

chimney is a clinger i mean the whole tatiana thing and then you know boston

i think athena and bobby are a mix of both because in the early stages bobby was bolting and athena was clinging i mean the whole discussion of bobby moving in is an example but as time goes on bobby gets more secure he is a clinger and athena on the cruise and that whole arc was bolter behavior

hen and karen are hard bc they’re both very committed to each other and have had the longest relationship so neither of them are bolting or clinging but in henren begins (idk the actual title ya’ll) we literally see hen leave in the morning post date/hookup but idk if she said goodbye…im not discussing the season 1/2 cheating arc bc that’s just a different scenario but they get mad they reflect they reconcile there’s no one person doing the chasing or the distancing

buck is a clinger who stays dating bolters and even the relationships he ended they were bolters my mans got a type i guess lol…idk i think tommy could be either the restaurant was bolter behavior but once he got the confirmation buck is all in my man stays showing up so i think he has potential to be a clinger but also has self preservation skills and a fear of getting his heartbroken

lastly eddie…ngl i can’t tell u what eddie is doing it really depends on the person (i can make serious points for demisexual/demiromantic eddie diaz) but he’s overall clinging to an idea…i feel like we don’t discuss how like im 75% sure eddie has only ever been in 3 relationships his entire 33 years of life (no judgement in that) so unless he’s had his own slut era the man’s romantic experience is the equivalent of like the youths of today (again no judgement and i am one of those youths) in those 3 1/2 (Kim can be a half) experiences he’s got his idealized life and he’s tryna make it a reality and half way then he’s like wait i like the life but im not really into the person here Ana (my queen i miss you), Marisol and the idea isn’t shannon herself but the family life they almost had

truthfully idk what eddie is bc he’s clinging but bc he’s clinging he’s bolting and right now he’s doing who knows what lmao he’s building a roster i guess

anyway TLDR: everyone’s got their matching pair and eddie’s got the romantic experience of most college students (minus the kid and 1/4 of the trauma)

edit: “he’s attempting to bolt on his relationship with marisol (but not really) because he’s clinging to the idea of his relationship with shannon” my brain finally supplied an example of eddie being both so here

#911 abc #911 show #911 on abc #911 season 7 #911 fandom #evan buckley #eddie diaz #bobby nash #athena grant #hen wilson #karen wilson #chimney han #maddie buckley #tommy kinard #athena x bobby #buck x tommy #maddie x chimney #hen x karen

[notsosmug87]

I Wanted to reblog my take on this post. however it was too long to be a reblog so im writing it instead. Shoutout to @sexiestwerewolf

The show itself made him a dumbass.

S1-7 Jay was A know it all smartass With The Wits and Knowledge To match That energy to show that he wasn’t a pushover. Comic relief sure But Jay was the most capable of all the Ninja and it showed.

In the Oni trilogy Every ninja Mellowed out But Jay Still retained some of his character traits.

Literally going delusional, Designing and Building a flying Machine out of scrap metal that could also breath fire Then decided to propose to his love While they were mere seconds away from dying.

Enter, the 11 minute era.

The 11 Minute era Completely screwed over his character, And while that could be said for almost Every Ninja, Jay got it the worst; Showing us only the Incompetent Dumbass side of his character instead. Becoming only a one note comic relief with nothing more.

Prime empire also did jackshit for his character and to add insult to injury, The idea of Libber being Trapped in the game was scrapped entirely; Which is a shame because it would have been so interesting.

Master of the Mountain showed even more incompetence with the Queen of the Munce; And while he had his moments in both Seabound and Crystalized The damage was already done.

Dragons rising However, is trying To Fix his character With the Whole amnesiac Agent who will be fighting the Ninja in part 2 and I for one cannot fucking wait to see this.

Please god Just make him good again 😭

#lego ninjago #ninjago #ninjago dragons rising #dragons rising #dragons rising season 2 #jay walker #ninjago jay #evil jay #ninjago fandom #dragons rising spoilers #smug speaks

[eats-all-your-shoes]

i have a thing where i associate people with colors, and i wanted to write down all the hermits colors because it’s very interesting to me (long image + notes below the cut)

you will notice a lot of them match with their skin colors, that’s just because that’s how i see them all the time. i still give people i know irl (and online!!) colors and it’s usually less obvious.

notes:

some hermits have multiple colors, most of them are formatted differently with how i show those colors! this is on purpose because thats how they show in my mind for whatever reason

mumbo’s * - mumbo is color changing. if he’s next to grian (or any red hermit, but mostly grian) (also not physically next to him just when i’m like. putting them next to each other in my mind??) he’s black and white, but with anyone else he’s the red of his tie! this is because it annoys the shit out of me when people next to each other have the same color

ON THAT TOPIC!!! boatem why.

grian, mumbo, scar, and pearl were all the same shade of red for a while and it was annoying me SO MUCH TO THINK ABOUT THEM AT THE SAME TIME BECAUSE OF IT. AND THEY BASED TOGETHER SO THEY ARE ALL IN THE SAME SPOT IN MY HEAD. so i took the time to hopefully fix that and that’s what made me want to make this

pearls also a bit color changing, very red in the life series but i don’T LIKE THAT for reasons above so im like. manifesting that my brain changes.

i don’t know if those notes even make since hope they help👍

#this is also why my favorite color is yellow!! #i associated my best friend with the color yellow so i made that one my favorite:) #this might be only interesting to me ever bUT I THINK ITS COOL #merc.txt #hermitblr #hermitcraft

[butterflies-anonymous]

Shield mention pog

#wwe #wwe raw #monday night raw #monday night rollins #seth rollins #cody rhodes #the rock #roman reigns #the shield #im not even all that interested in the match #i really could take it or leave it #this story died a long time ago for me unfortunately #i know we just want the belt off roman #but i feel like cody could finish his story with getting the belt at any time #which just means they can hold off as long as they want #and all the record chasing means i'm stuck in a fucking time loop #agughrnhg

[puppyeared]

i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand

#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona #its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around #one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them #making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth #i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since #memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an #association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont #fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell #on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one #dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong #despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them #interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing #i struggle find a balance between those two things #actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of #her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard #or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it?? #maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard #although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh #yapping #oc talk #oc

[sucre-sanguine]

More random takes but my biggest problem with ouji fashion is 1. A lot of it isn't nearly as good quality as old school lolita pieces and often has a very cosplay feel to it, 2. For a masc equivalent fashion, it isn't actually very friendly to masc bodies. And by that I'm not just talking about fit, as a decent amount of stuff is made in male sizing (at least given how few brands make ouji to begin with). Given that lolita fashion fits such a classically fem silhouette, I'd love something that works more with classical masc styling. Sure, the full shorts might work from a historical point if you go far back enough, but that hardly translates to the stylistic feel of the pieces, which does skew more towards late 18th and early 19th century imo, if not early 20th century schoolboy. Give me emphasis on shoulders. Give me fitted bottoms and high waists. Give me cape coats and Eton collars and emphasis on the neckline to contrast where lolita emphasizes the skirt! Give me a cut that goes for dramatic and frilly masculinity, not something that takes lolita principles and just says "what if there was a seam at your crotch"

#ive seen a lot more interest in ouji recently!!! #and i want the options to match that interest #ouji fashion #i know Gothic aristocrat is a thing but even that is limited #i just think ouji has more potential #ive seen some indie brands go for a more formal schoolboy look and its 10 times better imo #i say this all with love in my heart for the fashion #altho im also a bit of a critic for modern trendy lolita #the prevalence of ott coords as the norm is also looking very cosplay esque to me

[appsa]

Slowly reading thru the challengers screenplay is doing smth to my brain idk

#i always thought it was kinda funny that tashi and art their thing as kids that they go back on like... #tashi pretending to have talents outside of tennis and then giving up on it #and art pretending to be a good friend and then admitting hed be a bad one if he went after tashi n doing it anyway #i thought maybe out of all of them patrick was the only one who was always himself even as he failed #but actually thats not true #patricks lie was that he was pretending he was only showing up at their college to see tashi #he was there for both of them 😭 #crazy how that continues to adulthood w patrick only meeting tashi in all the yrs before the match #he agrees to give up the match thats literally his lifeline at this point for tashi And art #it drives me mad that u can see that art hated tashi for monopolizing patricks attention like that too like skdbfgj #its just so interesting how the resentment inside and outside tennis goes hand in hand #also in general tashi is so funny she was threatening to leave patrick over sucking at tennis right from college shhfkfj #ofc shes doing the same shit w art in their 30s that rly is funny jdjshdjd art should have told her she was being embarrassing too #but hes just too pathetic to say that out loud to anyone who isnt his bff that hes mad at for not meeting him in yrs #sigh. kills me tho. she obviously didnt want to leave either of them even if shes too prideful to admit it #challengers #tashi and patrick hating each other for not being each others groupies is so funny like #ok ur just mad at each other for not being art and its rly obvious sksgdkrjr #also rounding back to earlier point im p sure art baited tashi into saying she'd leave him if he flopped anyway

[fruitybashir]

bit of a different kind of bonus content but as mentioned in the last chapter, here's some of the songs i have in my holidate playlist:

Careless Whisper - George Michael very obviously for That Scene, but also bc the song in general just fucking slaps and their voices would go sooooo well together on it, and there's also another reason it's in here that i will maybe mention later

Andromeda - Weyes Blood this one is a bit vague but to me it fits kris in this story so well, especially these bits: - running from my own life now - left the heart from the depths its fallen through - love is calling, its time to let it through, find a love that will make you, i dare you try - im ready to try - let me in if i break, and be quiet if i shatter - love is calling, its time to give to you, something you can hold on to basically how he shut himself off after his breakup and isolated himself, reluctant to go out or do anything than the bare basics, he was just acting on autopilot for a while. and then he meets bojan and the guys and gets involved in their friend group etc and opens up more and more and more. and with bojan (even though he refuses to acknowledge it) he opens up his heart again both in a platonic way but also obviously more than that also romantically

One Of Your Girls - Troye Sivan tbh this one is just bc they're doing the f+ thing and i think its a little funny lol theres no deeper meaning its just that the vibe is fitting to write to "give me a call if you ever get lonely" oh they do that a LOT

June - Florence + the Machine this one's for the kris/jan dynamic, to ME at least lol. "you were broken hearted and the world was too / and i was beginning to lose my grip [...] and i would come to you / to watch the television screen in your hotel room / im always down to hide with you" they have a very tight and intimate bond, they are each others safe space, no matter what happens; they will seek the other out first and comfort each other in ways they wouldn't get from anyone else. they can show up at each others place unannounced and the other will cancel all plans and they can talk it out or just sit in silence, whatever the situation calls for. no questions asked.

Just A Little Bit - Kids of 88 Afterglow - Scandroid both with no extra meaning but they're mainly what i was playing when i was imagining the new years party and what they might've danced to

#OOPS this got longer than i expected lol #i was like oh yeah ill just write down a quick list of songs and a short comment on what scene they were for teehee <3 oh well #i hope this is at all interesting for anyone? #im also VERY open to song suggestions like if you have a song that you feel like matches this fic or bokris in general actually please #dont hesitate to share with me i would loooove to hear them #uhhh what category do i even put this in .... #related #bokris

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

trick to fun dialogue is just to make it a little hard to understand. maybe thats a cheap trick but i dont care

#or not even that hard necessarily just like it takes like 2 listens. it takes attention #and what 'harder' is is subjective depends on the type of dialogue you hear a lot and your vocabulary level #watching the nevers right #and im watching this scene and theres this character who exactly hits this spot for me #like 5........wait 5 years ago is not as far as i think it is.........7 years ago (ugh) i woudlnt have understood what she was saying #like i'd know all the words separately but iwouldnt have understood what she was saying at all #but rn im like oooh this is the exact balance between obscuring your meaning and substance #i think oftne in my writing i obscure more than there is substance #there usually /is/. /some/ substance #theres usually substance. just theres more complication than there is substance. here the balance is better #bc someone needs to say these words hfkghgj #the other day while reading scripts im making myself rewrite i was like 'i coudltn do this in a fic. iwouldnt get away with this' #lines that work in a script (bc they'll be acted) fall flat in fic bc we dont have the luxury (or limitation) of actors #but it really made me think abt like..what you need to do in a script for television vs in a fic based on that television you knwo what i #mean? different things you need to work for. WE need to work for that the characters sound like Them. that we can Hear them #tv gets that almost free. the words will be in the right voice in the right body that gets you like 60-70% of the way #less sometimes depending on the specificity of the character&circumstances i was mostly thinking abt the doctor who maybe has more leeway #and tv has the limitations of 1) needs to be sayable. but also 2) needs to be flatter i think #you cant put 5 meanings in every line bc theres plot that needs to keep going and sentences need to stay short #so you get a lot of character work for free i think but in return you need to rein yourself in in that way #anyway idk these observations were just based on like me rewriting the 14 specials and going 'this line fucking sucks in fic' fhgkjhgkjgh #not that it was a bad line! just. boring .meaningless. doesnt add. filler noise. i dont have TIME for that in fic. i lose people #idc if i lose readers i dont know abt that but i lose myself honestly very short attention span keep every word interesting #scripts are fluffy and repetitious. repetitive. but repetitious sounds funner #anyway its fun trying to match that tv need with my own lines that i add in #not too obscure. needs to be sayable. but with my own 'half the spices cabinet in my single cup of hot choccy' approach to writing #(and hot choccy)

[undefeatablesin]

OH! If you want can you tell us about your arcane hunter??? (I love arcane builds)

Ask Sin Stuff ✨️

Omg thank you for indulging me I would indeed love to talk about my arcane hunter actually 💅 I guess I'll start with the actual gameplay side of it because they were a total accident to be completely fair; at the beginning, I'd wanted to main the Blades of Mercy and focus on Skill, but found that a bit unfulfilling to play so I switched gears mid-run to invest mostly in Arcane instead with some Strength and Skill still thrown in for good measure. Rather unexpectedly for me who knows very little about builds and the like, they became an absolute powerhouse of a hunter and incredibly fun to run because of it 😂

Currently they main the Holy Moonlight Sword (with the BoM still equipped as their secondary since those have some Arc scaling anyway). They don't often need to use their Blunderbuss that much since HMS just destroys everything that breathes in its transformed state, but they have it anyway for parrying's sake! Their most often used Arcane tools are the Tiny Tonitrus, Augur of Ebrietas and A Call Beyond. As you can probably tell, we are most enthusiastic about the Tiny Tonitrus and its ability to just one shot annoying kin enemies from a distance 😂 Please enjoy some not so HQ images of my little menace ✨️How they got so bloody I dont remember, just that it felt metal af to walk around like that against the snowy white scenery of Cainhurst tbqh.

As for this hunter as a character, I kind of didn't have one in mind at first! This profile started as just a catalyst for a new playstyle initially. However, that has definitely since changed. They're still a relatively new and unpolished addition to my roster since the majority of my creative time is devoted to Ruza My Beloved, but I am pursuing an interesting??? Set of concepts for this hunter too lmao. This is probably not news to anyone who has been in the fandom longer than me, but I read recently about the blue eyed scourge beasts from UCW and was enlightened to the fact those were actually "ascendant" scourge beasts with kin-like qualities, such as being weak only to thrust damage; most likely created from members of the Choir who were steeped in the Arcane and rich with Insight by time the scourge got to them, hence they basically became a different strain of scourge beast. I also spied a reddit thread that proposed the idea of the abhorrent beast/suspicious beggar being able to freely control his transformations into his beastly self and that what primarily made this character unique was his complete acceptance of said self. A sort of Beastly Embrace, you might say? 🤭

So tl;dr, I am workshopping this character rn as an Arcane Beast hunter who can freely control their beast self and for that beast self to be modelled after the blue eyed kin-like scourge beasts. Perhaps a renegade member of the choir who turned against their faction? I haven't fully decided yet, but we will see 😤✨️ Oh, and their name (for rn anyway) is Aloysha.

#sinbox #(sorry i talk so much i have so many thoughts ANYWAY LOL THANK U BUDDY!!!!!!!!!) #(am i fully aware i am being self indulgent with this concept bc i am a weak ass for werewolves? yes ✨️) #(ill probably change their hair to black tho. to MATCH. the woofer.) #(take all this with a grain of salt tho bc i am indecisive af LOL) #(i did toy with the idea of them being a merc from outside of yharnam who was sent there to do someones dirty work and got dream'd) #(not 100% sure which option ill stick with yet!!!!) #(yes they are friends with ruza. they annoyingly demand scourge beast belly rubs) #(idk if they will ever appear on tumblr in any meaningful capacity MAYBE THO 😂) #(cant believe my court jester ass didnt even notice that bit about the werewolves tho smh. so much goes over my head....) #(i havent been here long im still catching up 😂 SO MANY INTERESTING OBSERVATIONS TO READ ABOUT!!!) #(i shall have to impart my own one day too....) #(the cosmic irony of me taking aloysha to farm chunks off the other blue eyed scourge beasts tho) #(aloysha vc: lol. lmao. pmsl even.)

[sickmachete]

do you ever just get hit with a wave of grief when you think about people you don’t talk to anymore? like i’m over my ex but every so often something will remind me of her and even though i’ve moved on it’ll be like a punch to the gut (sending this to you because i know you went through heartbreak a few months ago so hopefully you get it, sorry if this ask makes you uncomfortable !)

i think the thing that still gets me about it is that more than anything you end up losing a good friend. like just putting aside all the breakup drama BS for a second losing someone like that so abruptly when theyd been such a big part of your life for so long fuckin sucks and it really does take some time to get fully used to

so yeah i get it. we're in this together anon hand in lovable hand

#asks #for me we were a horrible match and im angry about a lot of things but mostly im just sorta sad #the stuff i encounter in my day to day that i normally wouldve shown her have nowhere to go now #like what am i meant to do with all these pictures of her special interest i keep seeing that i know shed love #my first reflex is to send them to her even tho i cant anymore. its a rough transition to get used to #insert the everything reminds me of her meme but /neg shdgfdhs #i dont miss her in the sense that i want things to go back to how they used to be #or even that i really want her back in my life at all anymore if im honest #but i do still sometimes miss the little things #bc it fr is those little reminders thatll get to you #but thats just how it goes #and being over someone doesnt mean you arent still allowed to grieve #so hey. heres to healing and rebuilding a new normal 🍻

[greppelheks]

All good after my date yesterday, there's always something to harvest from it 🌿

#it's been good for my ego #because this was an incredibly intelligent man who found me engaging and smart enough #to the point where he said he had a really good time and he'd like to start seeing me #it's been good for my ego and growth because i could communicate perfectly about what i was looking for #and i didnt change my personality at all for him #i once asked my therapist how i knew what i could ask for in a relationship #because before i always felt i was asking for too much #and she said you'll just meet new people and see things in them you like #or you'll see couples and see things in them youd like for yourself #and youll see things in people and couples you dont like #and you'll pick out those things and go this i want this i dont want #and store it in a little file cabinet until you meet someone that meets the criteria #so you dont constantly feel like begging for scraps or making yourself smaller in any way #so im doing that now and thats what im harvesting from dates even if they go bad #i liked american guys shared interests in movies music and traveling so i want that in someone #but i dont want his coldness i want someone warm and kind #and i like my crush's kindness and warmth but i dont like that our interests and ideas dont match that much #my therapist would be proud :) so am i #personal

[britneyshakespeare]

i have so much nostalgia for femme fatale era because that was probably the first time i realized i was a britney FAN whether i wanted to be one or not. it came out when i was 12, around the time i was first able to make my own music-listening choices off of whatever was marketed to solely a preteen demographic. i had only heard of britney spears as someone immensely popular yet embarrassing to like, even though i knew a ton of her biggest hits from her whole career since i was a baby and pretty much liked-to-love all of them. so when i would hear brand new songs like hold it against me and i wanna go on the radio i was like oh shit, i'm old enough to listen to big kid music on my own now, and these are amazing?

and i couldn't help but follow the rest of the singles as they came out, and go back and listen to all of her older songs (the ones i knew and the ones i didn't) on my own and be like HOLY goddamn. like my mind just exploded. it's one thing to hear all her songs in passing because they're megapopular and you are alive, but it's another thing to binge her discography for the first time and really put together that she put out dozens and dozens of the great pop songs you've ever heard, one after another, constantly, for (at that point) over a decade, my entire life! just being shocked and in awe at the evolution of such a pop goddess. i was just so fascinated and in awe. i was like no one on this earth can ever touch the career and accomplishments of the legendary miss britney spears. no one ever will.

also, criminal. such an underrated song, it wasn't even that popular at the time. i still remember the first time i heard it when the lyric video dropped and i decided from that instant on that i was going to be a terrible person.

#so few words have changed my life like MAMA IM IN LOVE WITH A CRIMINAL!!!!!! #i remember i was there the first time i heard that. earth-shattering. #text post #tales from diana #rant #britney #britney spears #femme fatale #this is a personal story and im not making it for notes but im tagging it anyway just in case it interests anyone #i love knowing how people got into their favorite artists #but yeah ive been listening to so much britney again lately and whenever i do. i just feel so good #she really REALLY really is one of the most influential artists on me of all time #like i love a loooooot of pop divas. i love a lot of women in music generally! #i love a lot of iconic sex symbols and pretty faces from pop culture throughout the last century #if not a little longer... lord knows im obsessed with beautiful women no matter when they lived #there is ONLY one britney spears and there will only ever be the one and im so grateful for her #she. is. unparalleled. #her work... no one can ever match it #you cant even try

[nomaishuttle]

uninstalled all the dating apps which ws like 8nof them . in the morning ill tell the guys i was talking to that i overestimared how ready i was and hopefully theyll understand andnjust drop it

#i dont feel stable enough for like . any relationship platonic or romantic andnit fucking..rly sucks bc i want to have friends but like #with what happened with daj the other day im like. i dont think i can be like . idk. ik daj said it was ok and she understood but im so #upset that i lashed iut abt that and i keep trying to get into therapy but i fucking..cant find one. at all #im trying to be more reasonable witj mymoney and i know like. i need therapy bc i Need to work this out and i am not able to work it out #with myself. i need to see a professional abt this . so ik it wouldnt be frivolous to spend money on a therapist if i cant find one in #network. bc the in network thrapists dont accept/dont specialize in working with patients with bpd which i like. thats..my issue. im almost #posiitive. ive done a lot of research and it matches up with like . all of my experiences #ik everybody feels unstable after a breakup buti genuinely like. i dont feel whole. and im looking back on how i treated myself and thiught #abt the relationship and its like. i stopped talking to all my friends i stopped talking to my family i literally dropped out of school i #moved across the country i dropped any interest that we didnt share i literally like. i gave up fucking everything and thats not. healthy. #and he never aksed me for that and its not fair of me to resent him for me doing that bc he nevrr asked me to #but i feel like. everytime i think abt him it feels like im being torn in half like . i put him on so incredibly high of a pedestal i #literally thought of him as perfect that was..recurring. and when i was upset with him i took it out on myself horrifically and thats not #normal . and jow thinking abt him literally physucally hurts bc theres still that part of me that thinks hes perfect and that im a mistake #and a failure and i didnt Be connor right. and then theres a part of me that . doesnt think of him that way #and its just like. aughhf. even outside that relationship im looking back on past friendships and how like..obsessive i get with them #and then when they 'betray' me i just. immediately turn on them and like. thats not normal.. #and my sense of identity is um. Well you guys have seen. you know. #ive looked into it a lot and i rly think i have it and im not like. 100% positive but i feel like even if i dont itd be good to work with a #therapist who Has experience with that. since the experience is so similar. yk. idk #i just feel insane and i feel like bod would make like. so much of my life and the way i act and the way i react to things like..it makes #sense when i look at it as if i have bpd. and if i dont it literally seems completely irrational and erratic like. IDK. so basically i need #a therapist who can work with that but none of the ones in network specialize in that and then i was researching and found out a lot of #therapists specifically Dont work with bpd patients and like. judge their peers who do for woriing with bod #which is 1. Actually disgusting 2. Straight up stupid 3. Terrifying. so i only want to work with a therapist whi explicitely says I #specialize and work with patients with bpd 👍 but i literally could only find 1 and theyre out of network and its 15p for visit and id #prefer to do weekly visits if possible but thats . 300 per paycheck for therapy . biweekly itd be better but thats still 150. and i have to #save up for the trip home and then the new apartment immediately after #and i have to get credit card . #and in an ideal world id hold off on the therapist until i get my new apartment so that i can fully focus on coping with myself and learnin

[kazoologist]

holding bitch sessions with my friends in this program wherein i make itemized lists of complaints about my roommate and then read them aloud like a pettier and lamer martin luther who couldn't even summon the nerve to start a fight with my roommate

#personal #i realize im being definitely unfair but also consider i have to live in this overpriced apartment with this fucking soap opera playing 25/ #also i realize it is judgemental but legitimately i think she might just. be a lot worse at everything then she thinks. and i realize i am #not great or a saint by any means either but like. i love this program and field. my fuck ups this year have totally been my own to make an #i deeply hate how bad its gotten (but im trying) #also hot take but this girl should not be trying to work in education at all. u complain about school being useless too much for me to thin #you would actually be effective #you complain about nothing interesting you for a career. girl u could just bartend for the rest of ur life. like at least bartenders tend t #get paid here #oh but youre an academic huh? oh that's wonderful. should we throw a debutante ball? should we call everyone's parents? should i email the #provost? bitch we're in the research triangle. fucking everyone's an academic. half the people i sit near at synagogue have phds. get a gri #god ive really deteriorated as a person since moving here. i hope theres time for me to have like a change of heart and become capable of #fucking love and whimsy again. like. i knew we weren't a perfect match but seriously im supposed to be this easy going and pleasant person #what is it about this woman that just causes me to act like this and start biting like a stray cat #i mean #i always kinda suspected i was a bitch but like. i dont like being this pissy all the time. i feel like im fucking sixteen again and i dont #even have anything to be mad about rn #jesus