#im not eating and not sleeping and not exercising

[i-am-church-the-cat]

"lose weight you'll feel better" every joint hurts but now i am not a tank i am just weak

#though this isn't how you're supposed to lose weight #im not eating and not sleeping and not exercising #yeah i lost 10 pounds but not in like. a good way #tw weighloss #tw eating

[avephelis]

*hand raise* um quastion does anyone have suggestion for not getting absolutely exhausted by 7pm it is getting inconvenient

#i sleep well and have a good schedule i eat healthy and enough i exercise and get sun and manage my sensory stimuli AND THEN I'M TIRED #im not even doing that much atm im not busy what is going onn #maybe it's an iron thing. or hormonal?

[treeprince]

started reading dungeon meshi yesterday after work

finished reading dungeon meshi about 20 minutes ago and have begun chanting to myself

#dungeon meshi #EAT WELL. SLEEP WELL. AND EXERCISE!!!!! #im so sorry senshi i broke every one of ur rules so i could devour of all of dunmeshi in a day (╥﹏╥) #did absolutely crack up at the very end tho bc now i am also cursed to never have my hearts desire fulfilled #(reading dunmeshi again for the first time) #mayhaps the adhd will help me forget important details or swap plots with another series someday and i can experience it all over again

[soupmetal666]

currently playing the "is this just worse depression/burnout related fatigue or is there something physically wrong with me" game in tandem with the requisite "confronting the false body/mind dichotomy" game

#im exercising #eating more #sleeping a little bit more #and somehow more physically exhausted #autistic #audhd #fatigue

[nyukyujs]

everything starting to feel like a lie now .

#frfr #never taking a compliment seriously #forever scared of friends that last over a year #never trusting #never finding comfort #unless its that one person #if its her than yes but im never opening up to someone again #love when people reset my trust issues and im scared of everything again #lost another person to care #had that same person lie #something to be sorry about though? ill forever miss them . miss that friendship . miss those chats . ill still think about them everyday . #ill still hope theyre doing good . eating . exercising . sleeping . #still love them . #but itll never . ever . be the same . #and its so heartbreaking . #⤑∘✧ kyas thoughts[💭] ∘✩ #⤑∘✧ kyas vent [🗡] ∘✩ #< if you dont wanna see my vents pls block that tag

[malhare]

It's actually sort of embarrassing how good I feel since I've started exercising, like you're telling me it was this easy

#I mean obviously not it takes effort + executive dysfunction is a thing. but still #Im much more alert and am actually paying attention to my body which in turn makes it easier to eat consistently #It's embarrassing I guess that it took me so long to start taking my self care seriously :V #Im on a roll though! Actually getting decent sleep + eating at least two meals + treating myself niceys + exercising #Ira even just a couple years ago would NEVER #malhare.txt

[duskrelyk]

got my blood test back!! shortly literally nothing i do matters

#ive been exercising #ive been eating less fried food (significantly less!!!) #I've been eating more vegetables and whole grains #etc etc basically ive been trying my absolute best over the last 6 months to Do Better #and my cholesterol levels are even worse then when i was basically sedentary and ate fried food almost every day #so basically. I've been doing all of this for nothing and it doesn't matter how hard i try bc i have no control over anything #hahaha im gonna cry #except i need to sleep too so. #cw for disordered eating now ig: #ive been eating less in general tbh. i didn't mean to lose 30ish pounds in such a short amount of time but #apparently that's a natural consequence #but i also have been having so much anxiety around eating ''''healthily'''' and restricting my eating n stuff #bc of the cholesterol thing and my doctor's orders #but even after all that. my LDL went up and my HDL went down. #so i genuinely don't know what to do. #i want to eat a while bag of chips now. im always so hungry. and it didn't even matter. #bc it didn't change anything. except for getting worse. #i genuinely don't know what to do.

[yu3s]

** i think reading dungeon meshi and frieren and witch hat atelier at the same time does something irreversibleto you... .

#yu.txt #relistening to the wizard the witch and the wild one too so whatever happens to me after this will unthread/resew the fabric of my existenc #do you see it? do you see the vision? im pacing around the house humming “your eyes are the size of the moon” from a song i used to hear #on the radio as a kid and i'll look up the lyrics later but i finally get itnow. i get why people were making posts about senshi and cookin #and nourishing yourself!! eat a balanced diet rethink your lifestyle rhythms get proper exercise!! yes sir senshi dungeon meshi sir!! #my dnd group is going to get my best character yet im putting notes in the character sheet as speak for devouring and consuming and becomin #song was nine in the afternoon btw. i have to write i have to make a story i have to make the most diabolical au to ever exist i have to #i love you stories i love you stories i love you stories if stories were a food i could eat them forever and ever i would always be cooking #and baking and sharing and the table would be full and the meals would be filling and i would try so many things and find what i liked best #this post was brought to you by: the birds are chirping but its not tomorrow morning until i go to sleep. with a note from our sponser: #i don't have work tomorrow and nature is healing. i need to make a little wizard sketch bc dungeon meshi was so good and also i m going to #sleep and when i wake up im going to write something and it will be so fun i love you making stuff i love you stories i love you writing!!

[vonnegutcunt]

currently my problem is when im upset with myself in a concentrated way I genuinely don't know how to be a person. Total shut down. This manifests as taking it all out on the people around me or specific people I care the most about. Not okay. Not sustainable. Feels horrible. how do we move beyond this? well one I must change my habits. with increase exercise comes peace of mind. I can love myself and still be unhappy with my actions. This is true of other people as well. This feels like a villian monolog I feel sinister.

#weird mix of ''i need to stand up for myself'' but even before that i need to stop putting myself down so people have no choice but to walk #all over me. ''things not communicatied are planned resentments'' or whatever #also sleep eating well exercise etc.... #allow myself to feel negative feelings. We're in need of a complete overhaul at the momebt #maybe adhd meds.......? #things are also never as dire as they seem. #posting this because i think maybe i need to get this out in the world ive plotted and ive schemed and ive journaled for months #now and it hasnt been quite enough. still progress is being made #ultimately trying to learn how to Actually care for people but also i dont know how to care for myself #lonely obviously so theres that #ermmm and learning to take accountability. #learning to talk in a way that lets people know im sincere #bringing down my personal walls and being torn apart #Whatever pink floyd said #night night ^_^

[toastsnaffler]

my flatmate asking me the day before "do u want to hang out w me and [old friend] everyone else cancelled so I can invite u now" is not the heartfelt offer she thinks it is :^/

#what am i sloppy seconds. fuck off man #i like them both but im not in the place to socialise rn + also it just feels kinda mean. theyve had these plans for weeks #and i wasnt invited bc some of their other friends (who ive never met) didnt want me there which is fair enough ig #even tho their friends complained abt someone else bringing her bf but they both blocked the veto for that. pretty sure ik them- #better than some guy but whatever. i dont rly like their friends anyway bc they only ever have bad things to say abt them #like damn they sound like they have the emotional range of toddlers plus theyre all into shit like genshin. so i wasnt fazed abt it #hope they have a nice time etc but wow sure now theyve cancelled the day before u can invite me as a replacement. yeah thatll do wonders #for the social and self esteem issues i have around being single use and disposable and always on the outside etc yippee #the thing is if i go theyll just talk to each other anyway and leave me to be the fly on the wall like they always do. they dont want #me there they just want an audience i literally have nothing else to contribute i dont think they even like me that much so! #anyway complaint over. genuinely i hope they have a nice time im just annoyed at being treated like that + probably projecting a bit too #its not like i could go if i wanted to anyway bc i have shit to sort out + mail to wait for. maybe next time invite me from the start huh #we had another old friend visit last weekend but those plans were really made without me too and i was just added bc i Live Here so its #kind of unavoidable. but oh well whatever it was nice to see them either way #im too depressed rn to fix my social life or even rely on existing coping strategies in social situations so im having to temporarily #cut it back bc i get too trigger sensitive + dont want to hurt myself or others bc of an arbitrary emotional overreaction #its usually one of the first things to go when im Going Thru It not in a self isolating way but more bc its one of the hardest things #for me to maintain + im pretty self sufficient so its not absolutely crucial. like of course i love my friends but socialising is a #want not a need yknow. eating/sleeping/exercising/hygiene are all more fundamental parts of the engine so i gotta prioritise them #and it sucks but ill survive. anyway sorry for venting on everyones dash so early in the morning i woke up grumpy 👎 #i need to get breakfast and then go out. ughhhhhhh okay. #.vent

[starlit-mansion]

It honestly is so frustrating when im depressed and it's not because of pms(/possibly pmdd). Have to address this one, lads

#yesterday i got a lot of exercise and today i did hobbies besides playing video games #trying to make me brain less sad but that takes up so much energy #tonight im gonna make sure i eat a real dinner and try to catch up more on sleep #and tomorrow i gotta call my family and reconnect with them... then get a little more excercise. then become ooze for the evening #UGH SELF CARE IS SO MUCH HARDER THAN STARING BLANKLY AT SCREENS AND EATING FRUIT GUMMIES AND BEEF JERKY FOR DINNER

[weedplantar]

I wish I knew why I'm so tired all the time. I don't know how to fix it

#its like #no matter how much sleep i get or what my sleep schedule is like im ALWAYS exhausted and unmotivated #ive tried exercise different sleep routines eating more protein eating more vs less frequently etc #and im still always tired and always in pain and always unmotivated #like everything i do i have to force myself and its a whole ordeal #even stuff i WANT to do like writing or drawing

[lokh]

im allowed to be pissed off right.

#woke up from a pissed off sleep just to be fucking tested again. #we have one type of dairy free ice cream stick and its the only one i eat #on account of being the only lactose intolerant person here. for some reason it only comes in threes #instead of like. a standard 4. anyway im not eating the other ice cream cos that's other peoples #i cant even finish this i feel like im going to start screaming but i cant get pissed off because i cant drink its exercise day. #the point is im just stuck wishing someone would drop dead faster because i Said thats the only one i can eat #and they go well i dont want to eat the other ones cos theyre too sweet. ok then dont fucking eat any of them????? #like do you just think ur immune to resentment??????????? #this isnt oh they ate it specifically while i wasnt there this was they said Oh im gonna eat this #i Say no dont thats the only one i can eat. #and they eat it anyway. can you just kys already. #cant smoke because i didnt buy them specifically because i knew this might happen. i know the answer is #find better anger coping mechanisms but rn i jusf need to punch drywall lmao.

[izzy-b-hands]

my body needs to get its shit together lmao

#text post #ive always needed rest days after days with a lot of activity but fuck me #i feel like ive got a cold or something with the fatigue and body aches going on like bro #we just did the beach walk then a couple stores then home!! that's nothing come the fuck on!! #but even after resting up yesterday from stuff on sunday (which even with this body stuff I'd do again in a heartbeat. was a good day 🥰) #im still utterly sore and achy and exhausted and it feels utterly ridiculous #im not wheezing like i was yesterday but i just. this isn't right!!! #i feel WORSE than i did when we went to bed but i was just chilling trying to write #and watching secret sleepover society vods like i was literally just sitting there!!! #but i had to resist the urge to skip my shower and just sleep there on my bedroom floor bc #moving is Effort and Ow and i know i gotta keep addressing my internalised ableism #and that accepting when my body needs extra rest is part of it but sometimes i just #everyone told me as long as i kept trying to exercise and eat as best i could (difficult w/all my food shit but i do my best) #that as i got older this stuff would go away #i would acclimate and feel better #instead housemate has helped me confirm our wondering during my trip last year as to if i have asthma #which considering ae does and my symptoms all mirror aer's asthma symptoms to a t i mean. there ya go #add in lingering long covid symptoms and im just not doing as well as i want to be physically and idk how to help it #when a lot of it is stuff that's gone undiagnosed or untreated for years like. the damage to my body is already done #the future i was promised if i tried my best for my body probably never actually existed and like the adults telling me to work harder #had no way to know that technically but also. id be lying if i said im not struggling with and mourning that rn #which feels selfish and silly bc im alive and able enough to get around on my own and i have ppl who care for and help me #but im still sat here like. i want to spend all day walking the beach with a friend and NOT pay for it the next few days damn it

[depresseddepot]

don't know how to describe it without metaphors. audhd feels like I have 10 strings hooked into my body pulling me in opposite directions and leaning towards one string to try and "fix" that problem (cooking, cleaning, classwork, etc) just makes the other strings pull tighter and hurt more. this point of this whole post is to explain that when I see someone older than me who also struggles with exactly the same things to the same extent that I do, it makes a couple of those strings loosen and stop pulling. not forever, because they always start pulling again, but having the expectation lifted of needing to have a "normal functioning life" by age whatever is so nice. everything still hurts but for now at least that part of my brain can rest.

#i understand how the reverse can seem too #but idk. its always been such a weight off my shoulders #probably in part for selfish reasons but it helps me like. slow down #like i cannot solve all of my problems tonight. i probably can't even solve them in the next 20 years #so i can slow down. other people are alive like this. other people make their lives work like this. i can do it too #i need to be medicated so fucking badly but i can't until im off my parents health insurance #and even then im so scared it'll make my autism symptoms harder for me to deal with and ill like. lose my job or something #but i can't fucking live like this so idk what to do! lmao! #ive been trying to pay closer attention to my anxiety and stress lately so i can pinpoint causes and like. try to stop them #but all ive learned is that i am never Not stressed. #if my room is cleaned im not eating well. if im exercising well im not cleaning well. #if im on top of classwork im not taking care of myself at all. etc etc #it is always a push and pull. i can't just solve these problems #because i have to clean well and eat well and exercise often and sleep well and cook often and socialize often and work hard and save money #and and and #im always not doing something to make room for something else and bc of that i will ALWAYS have those strings pulling me so tightly it hurts #i know in my head how i can loosen the strings but that all comes at the expense of living like a ''normal'' person #i will have a dirty house. i will have lots of canned and frozen foods. i will leave my house for work only. #im so tired my bones hurt. my strings are tight again and classes are starting again soon and my room is a mess and i ate like shit today #and i havent excersized in a while and im not showering as often as i should and im drinking too much and im sleeping too much #im so tired #vent #sorry #i feel like i need to curl up and die. like my body is sending some signal that there isn't much more i can fucking take #and that this continuous pushing and struggling and picking up the pieces is worthless #i feel like that blood robot. im old and rusted and slowing down and i have achieved nothing #i will die having not achieved anything and i will be struggling until my very last second #i shouldn't have been the twin that survived. they would have been so much better than this

[piplupod]

banging my head against a wall (not really yet lmao)

my mother has gotten really into this one youtuber that my brother loves (healthygamergg) and i have a couple issues w this guy from when i watched some of his stuff

anyways she sent me this video of his about brain fog and THE ENTIRE FUCKING THIRTY MINUTE VIDEO IS JUST "eat healthy, get exercise, sleep well"

DAMN WOW IF ONLY EVERY OTHER DOCTOR IN THE WORLD WAS SUGGESTING THAT PPL DO THAT. ITS ALMOST LIKE THATS NOT ALL THERE IS TO IT. almost like that doesnt fucking cure some people !!!

#i am ready to actually hit my head agaisnt a wall until i pass out im so fucking angry rn #if thats all there was to it then yeah i'd absolutely be doing that but IM FUCKING STUCK IN THIS HELL BASEMENT AND I CANT AFFORD TO LIVE #also i cant exercise BECAUSE OF THE LONG COVID. I CAN BARELY DO THE DISHES FOR TWENTY MINUTES. KILL ME ALREADY JESUS CHRIST #i want a cure. i want to not be like this. if eating healthy and exercising and sleeping well was possible i'd be doing all that #does she think i WANT to feel like shit all the time???? i dont understand #sorry that im failing to do the bare fucking minimum i guess goddamn its all my fault im unwell i get it #pippen needs 2nd breakfast