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serendipityseulgi · 4 years

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8 Ways of Love;

— park seonghwa

according to the ancient greeks, there are eight different types of love. here is:

･*:༅｡ the one known as pragma, the enduring love.

aka, the kind of love that matures and develops over a long period of time, and somewhat rare to find.

8 ways of love series; version i

A love story that shows the progression of yours and seongwha’s relationship from the moment you two become friends, to lovers, to exes, and everything else in between.

love catalyst: the subconscious.

At the age of six years old you declare Park Seonghwa to be your boyfriend, solidifying your “relationship” with a hug.

“Eww, y/n, you have cooties!” your best friend barks, pushing you off him.

“Wha- hey no I don’t!” you squeak.

“Yes you do because Mingi told all the boys not to touch the girls because they have a disease and it’s going to eat our bodies alive!” he practically screeches getting up from the sandbox about to walk away from you.

“Seonghwaaa he’s lying!” you whine out and he huffs turning around to face you.

“Well all the other boys are listening to him so he has to be right.”

“Well I touched you yesterday when we were playing tag and you’re fine!” you defend. “And if all girls have cooties then how come your mommy still hugs and kisses you goodbye in the morning? Wouldn’t you be dead now?”

Even at the age of 6 you were the biggest smartass Seonghwa knew.

After a moment of deliberation, he sighs. “Okay fine, you’re right.” your friend huffs.

“So are you gonna back so we can play again?” you ask, arms crossed over your little body.

Seonghwa nods before grabbing onto your hand to drag you back into the sandbox.

The two of you return to making your sandcastle and it’s only a mere two minutes later does your friend speak up.“Am I actually your boyfriend now?” he asks suddenly and you whip your head towards him.

“Well I hugged you so yeah.” you roll your eyes at him and his soft little laugh makes your tiny heart jump.

Within the next week you two forget you’re “boyfriend-and-girlfriend” and go back to being the best friends you’ve always been, playing in the sandbox after school, watching cartoons at your house, and never missing a single dinner together while your parents listen to the two of you talk your little heads off.

For the record, there wasn’t much of a difference in your so-called relationship and your friendship in the first place when you were just six years old.

At thirteen years old, your best friend confesses he likes you.

“Okay I know this is weird because, I should see you as like, a sister or something, I don’t know!” Seonghwa rants, pacing back and forth in your bedroom as you watch him frantically explain the way he feels about you.

“You know what I mean though? You’re like, practically family to me! Right? Right...” you figure he’s talking more to himself than to you as he asks himself questions that he’s quick to answer to. “Like you’re probably gonna think I’m weird or something, but you are my best friend and I don’t want it to be weird-”

“Seonghwa for the love of god can you just get to your point.” you interrupt impatiently.

“I like you okay?” he says quietly, avoiding all eye contact with you.

His heart is beating so fast he feels like it’s actually going to rip right through his chest. He’s never been nervous around you ever. You’re his best friend, and you have been since you were 5 years old, and he doesn’t know why he suddenly feels like you’re the only girl he wants in his life.

When he hears you laughing at him his heart drops to his stomach and he braces himself for the upcoming rejection.

“Can you come sit next to me.” you ask, gesturing to the empty spot on your bed.

Seonghwa complies, yet his anxiety is rising by the second. He has never been so nervous in all the thirteen years he’s been alive. He almost wants to vomit as his stomach churns at the thought of you telling him you didn’t feel the same way.

“You’re rejecting me aren’t you...” he sighs, plopping down onto the spot next to you.

You shake your head with a smile. “No idiot, I like you too. Obviously.” you roll your eyes at him.

“Wait, what? Seriously??” he almost goes into shock. “Are you joking?”

“I mean, I thought it was pretty obvious.” you shrug. “I was throwing subtle signs at you for the longest time.”

“Like what?!”

“Like the time I kept pestering you to take me to the Valentine’s Day dance, and when I made you hold my hand during that scary movie when you know I never get scared of horror films. Oh, and the time you kept badgering me about why I rejected Hongjoong for no good reason. I kept telling you that you were the only guy I needed in my life and you were too oblivious to realize I didn’t mean it in the friend way anymore.” you chuckle.

“Oh... Oh,” Seonghwa realizes. “I really am oblivious then.”

“It’s okay, I already knew you liked me back anyways.” you smirk at him, grabbing your remote off the bedside table.

You flip the TV on as you feel Seonghwa’s heavy gaze on you. “So does this mean you’re my girlfriend?” he asks you and you pause.

“I mean technically we never broke up when we were six so you’re basically just re-asking me out.” you tease, pulling the blankets on both your bodies as you settle on a show to watch.

“Oh god, you still remember that?”

Of course you do.

“Obviously, how could I forget you screaming to the entire park that I had cooties.”

He laughs at that and you can’t help but smile widely hearing him. You both lay comfortably next to one another, watching intently at the show in front of you, yet both your minds were racing at the fact that officially, you could say you were boyfriend and girlfriend.

“So when did you start liking me?” he asks you.

“Honestly, I think I always did.” you answer truthfully. “But, like actually realizing my feelings for you?” you pause for a moment to think. “I think it was when you got really sick that one time and your parents were away for a business trip, and my mom made me drop off soup to your house. And I was only supposed to drop off the soup but I took care of you because even when you were all snotty and gross and barely awake to hang out with me, I kinda just realized I’d rather spend my time with you doing that than anywhere else.”

His eyes soften at you. “Aww.”

“Buuut then before that, there was also that time that Ashley told you she liked you and I got super jealous and I was actually going to shove her into a brick wall, so ...I kinda just figured...” you add.

“Way to ruin a sappy moment, moron.” Seonghwa playfully shoves you and you laugh.

You cuddle up next to him returning your attention back to the show in front of you. Only a few minutes pass before Seonghwa speaks up again, and his question catches you off guard.

“What if we break up... like eventually?”

You think about it for a second. “Then we go back to being best friends.”

“That easy?”

“That easy.” you nod.

“For the record though, I don’t ever want there to be a time where I don’t like you. I hope there isn’t.” he says.

“I hope there isn’t either.” you assure, and just like that, you two go back to watching tv.

You’ve always had a soft spot for Seonghwa so it never came as a surprise to you, or anybody for that matter when you figured out you had a little crush on your best friend.

In a hypothetical situation, if somewhere along the way your feelings ever started to fade, you still couldn’t picture a life where he wasn’t right beside you no matter what. He was your person, and he has been since you two were five. There was nobody in this world that could replace the bond you had with him.

Even at the age of thirteen, you knew you wanted Seonghwa to be there for the rest of your life.

At the age of fourteen and a half, you and Seonghwa have your first ever fight where he conveniently declares that he loves you for the first time.

seonghwa <3; received 4:24 pm

y/n can u not be like this and talk to me :(

plsssssss

i’m sorry

can u let me come over and talk to u

Your phone continues to buzz as you stare at it beside you, rolling your eyes at his insistent messaging.

You try your best to ignore it but the continuous beeping irritates you to no end.

you; delivered 4:26 pm

i’m mad at u.

seonghwa <3; received 4:26 pm

you; delivered 4:27 pm

can u like do smth with ur life instead of bothering me

seonghwa <3; received 4:27 pm

ouch.

Okay, you admit. That one was a low blow and for a second you almost feel bad until you’re reminded of the fact that you were still royally pissed at him.

you; delivered 4:28 pm

ur actually annoying

seonghwa <3; received 4:28 pm

ya ik i am

but yk what i’m not

someone who is going to do nothing about their gf being mad at them

so open ur window bc im climbing up so i can apologize

stop being a meanie and let me say sorry

Despite how mad you still are, your heart can’t help but skip a beat reading his messages. No matter how hard you wanted to stay angry at him and tell him to go away, you knew you wouldn’t be able to resist him even if you tried. Seonghwa was charming like that, always managing to sweet talk you in every way.

You crack open your window and see his tuft of black hair climbing up your ladder. As he hops into your bedroom you fold your arms across your chest, not daring to say a word to him until he speaks first.

“Look, I’m sorry for being an ass earlier.” Seonghwa apologizes, and all you do is look at him. He sighs before continuing. “I was just having a bad day and took it out on you and I shouldn’t have blown up on you during class. I get it. Dick move.”

“But then you had to go and talk to Ashley about it?” you added. “That was like the worst part of it! Do you trust her more than me or something?”

“What? No! Of course not!” he panics.

“You, and everyone else and their mother knows she’s like obsessed with you!” you shout in frustration. “She’s liked you for so long, do you know how stupid you made me look running off to her knowing how she feels about you?!”

“That wasn’t my intention-”

“Were you trying to make me mad?”

“No, y/n.”

“Did you do it to make me jealous?”

“No!”

“So why Seonghwa, did you have to go and vent to her after you yelled at me in front of everyone when all I did was try to help?”

“I don’t know, okay!”

“I just don’t understand why me of all people you had to take it out on. When all i’ve literally done for you for like the last ten freaking years of us being friends was listen to you when you had a bad day or try to cheer you up when you were down! Never once when I was feeling crappy did I take that out on you. Never.” you explain with a heavy sigh.

“I’m sorry.” he doesn’t know what else to say because he knows he’s in the wrong.

“Do you like her or something?” your voice is quiet and the hurt is evident. “Cause if you do just tell me.”

Seonghwa is quick to shut you down as he pulls you into his arms.

“No, no, no. Y/n, I don’t like her. I don’t. Please believe me.” he begs. “Look, I don’t know why I went to her when I should’ve gone to you. I couldn’t even begin to explain what was going through my head at that point because I don’t know. But I love you, okay? I would never, ever like Ashley.”

Your eyes widen and you pull away from him. “W-what did you just say?”

“I... um...” Seonghwa starts to fumble over his words because he didn’t exactly intend to tell you, but it sort of just came out and now he’s starting to panic.

“Do you mean it?” you ask.

He just nods, a little embarrassed at his sudden declaration.

“I love you too.” you say softly, and he relaxes.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

"I’m really sorry, y/n.” he pulls you close to him, burying his face into your hair as he hugs you tightly.

“I’m sorry too.” you murmur against him.

“I hate fighting with you.” he mumbles.

“Me too.”

“I promise I’ll never take my anger out on you again. And I’ll never talk to Ashley again. And I’ll literally do whatever you want me to if it means you won’t stay mad at me because I don’t like it when you’re mad at me, and I hate making you sad.” he rambles and you let out a small chuckle.

“Just come lay down and watch Friends with me.”

“Okay.”

And you ultimately forget that you’re mad at Seonghwa because you decide that you can’t really stay mad at him after he tells you that he loves you. And although all is forgiven, he still decides to grovel for the next week as a reassurance that he really meant his apology.

So at fourteen years old, you have your first, and last fight with him.

At the age of sixteen, you celebrate your three year anniversary with Seonghwa, and decide you were ready to lose your virginity to him.

“Okay I know you said that the expensive dinner date was enough of a present for you, but you know me and always overdoing it....” he says behind you as you hear the crinkling of a bag behind you.

“Seonghwa...”

“Trust me, babe. You’re gonna love it.” he assures as he walks over to you.

Your eyes instantly fall onto the small red velvet box in his hands and your mouth falls open.

“This was expensive wasn’t it?” you pry and he shrugs.

“Maybe, but I was saving up for it for a while now.” he responds, sitting next to you as he hands you the box.

“I always feel bad every time you spend money on me.” you sigh as your fingers smooth over the velvet.

“I know but it was worth it, trust me. Open it.” Seonghwa urges.

You pull apart the bow and lift up the lid, your eyes widening in awe at the shiny ring placed inside. You lift it out gently noticing the small engraving on the inner part of the band, with both your initials and a small ‘i love you 4ever’ written underneath.

“Oh my god,” you utter. “I love it.” you place the ring on your finger.

“Good because I have a matching one too.” your boyfriend grins at you as he pulls out another box lined with a silver band with that very same engraving.

You pull him in for a hug as he wraps his arms around you instinctively and all you can feel right now is an overload of gratitude for him.

“I actually love you so much.” you say, pulling his face towards you to press soft kisses all over his face.

“Yeah, I know I’m the best,” Seongwha chuckles. “But I love you too baby.”

Your lips mould together perfectly, the kiss slow and soft at first. His hands wrap around your waist and your mouth moves gently against his. But soon enough you’re clinging to him and his body is pressed against yours, the kiss growing more needy and intense.

You knew when things started to get heavy he would stop the both of you from going further, never wanting to push you to discomfort. The furthest you had gone with one another was only third base, but it never went further than that and Seonghwa always left that decision up to you if you wanted to take it there.

You figure if you don’t speak up now, he was going to cut this short, so it’s only then at this very moment do you decide you wanted him to be your first.

“Do you want to have sex?” you blurt out suddenly and you swear you’ve never seen your boyfriend’s eyes go so wide before.

He opens his mouth to speak but he can’t seem to find the right words to say. “I- um, wait, are you being for real?” he stutters. “I mean, I do want to, but, are you sure you want to?” he asks, still in disbelief from your question.

“Shit, sorry I know that was really sudden to ask, but I do want to.” you assure. “But only if you want to.”

“Of course I want to.” his eyes soften, and his hand finds yours in an instant delivering a comforting squeeze.

“Okay so come here and kiss me again please.” you say quietly.

And just like that, Seongwha’s soft lips land on yours once more. Without breaking apart he gently guides you to the head of his bed, laying you down underneath him as your bodies press up against each other.

You swear you can kiss Seongwha for hours and never grow tired of the feeling. You get drunk off his kisses, unable to think of anything else but him. It’s dizzying really, but you love it. You find that off all the things you love about him its his lips, and how impossibly soft they are and how familiar they feel against your own. How much comfort it would bring you, and how all you had to when you had a bad day was just kiss your boyfriend for however long he let you.

It felt like home.

His lips trailed lower to your neck, littering soft pecks across your skin. Quiet noises escape your lips and Seongwha can’t help but grind against your lower half. His hands travel across your body and the ache between your legs grows by the second, and the only thing you can think of is how much you love him, and need him.

Your mind kind of blurs because the next second you find yourself both naked and he’s fiddling in his drawer to find what you assumed to be a condom. He notices your curious stare as he opens his mouth to speak. “M-my dad told me to keep these in here,” Seongwha stutters. “He said to be prepared in case the time comes, and well, here’s the time I guess.” he laughs lightheartedly and the very sound makes your heart swell.

“Nice call on Papa Park I guess,” you joke and Seongwha chuckles.

He climbs over you and delivers another peck to your swollen lips. “Okay, no more mention of my dad please when I’m about to put my penis in you.”

“Sorry, sorry.” you chuckle nervously as your boyfriend pulls you in for another kiss.

"Okay, if it hurts tell me to stop and I will, alright?” his eyes stare deeply into your own.

You nod at him with a small smile, admiring what little of his face you could see in the darkness of his room. “I will, don’t worry.”

“Okay.” he sighs, positioning himself in front of you. “I love you.” he whispers against your lips.

“I love you more, baby.” you say to him before you feel him push himself inside you. You gasp at the feeling and he stills in his spot to let you adjust.

And once you signal that it’s okay for him to move, he does at a slow pace, and you gasp at the intense pleasure. Even though the pain has subsided his thrusts are still slow and controlled, and you don’t know if it’s because he’s afraid to hurt you, or if he just wants to revel in the feeling of you around him. Either way your heart fills with love for this one boy.

“I love you so much, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you know that?” he whispers in your ear and your eyes shut at his words and the newfound feeling you would grow to love. “and thank you for trusting me right now...” his breathing grows heavy. “because I would do anything for you, and I just want you to know that, okay?”

You almost feel like you could cry because above all the pleasure that you’re experiencing right now, his words feel different, more intimate, and all the more meaningful to you.

And you believe every word he says because you know he truly means it.

“I would do anything for you too.” you repeat his words back to him and he buries his face into your neck as he continues to thrust into you.

So at sixteen years old, you have your first time with the love of your life. And you tell yourself that no matter what happens between the both of you, you were never going to regret giving that part of yourself to him.

At the age of eighteen years old, you do the unthinkable.

You decide after a long and heavy conversation, you two were going to break up. You were both set to leave town to pursue your studies at your dream schools, and you felt that parting ways at this point was the better option.

While you two could figure out a way to make things work while half way across the world from each other, you had to take into account all the factors that would drive you two apart. The time difference, the long distance, the fact that you were inevitably going to meet new people, and that you simply did not want to hold each other back from experiencing a life without one another.

Because all you’ve known almost your entire life was being with Seonghwa, and him with you. You knew it was only fair to give each other the chance to explore something new, and now was that time.

It wasn’t an easy decision by any means, and although it was an amicable split, you’ve never felt the pain of a broken heart before. It hurt really bad.

Your friends and family decide to throw you both one last goodbye party, wanting to celebrate this special milestone with you. And of course there was no way you and Seonghwa could pass up the last good night you two would have together as a couple.

The party was fun at first. The dancing, the singing, the laughing, and the endless exchange of pictures as you guys shared the last few memories you would have as high school graduates.

But as the night started to creep in, you both realized that in less than 24 hours, you two would no longer be attached to one another like you had been for the last thirteen years. And after five years as a couple, you still couldn’t believe that your relationship would come to an end, just like that.

You hear the faint music in the background of your house, as you and Seonghwa sit in your backyard, gazing up at the stars.

“This fucking sucks.” Seonghwa sighs, resting his head on your shoulder as you lean your head on top of his.

“I know.” your throat burns, suppressing the urge to cry.

“I just didn’t expect this day to come. I never thought we would actually break up with each other.” he admits, and you nod your head in agreement.

You grab onto his hand rubbing comforting circles onto his skin, and you feel Seonghwa’s body start to shake next to you. You don’t want to look at him because you know if you see him cry, you’ll cry too.

You close your eyes trying to control your heavy breathing and the quivering of your lips. Your eyes are watering but you refuse to let your tears slip, and your heart hurts like it’s never hurt before, and you don’t know if the pain will ever go away.

“Seonghwa I really love you.” your voice breaks and you finally let the tears fall.

“I know, baby.” the pet name has always affected you, but now more than ever it tugs at your heart strings in a bittersweet way. “I really, really love you too. Always.”

“You know you’re the love of my life right? You’re always going to be.” you state and he delivers a squeeze to your hand in acknowledgement.

“And you’ll always be mine.” he answers back. “You’re my best friend in the whole world and the last five years with you as my girlfriend will forever be the greatest five years of my life. I will always stand by the fact that you are the best thing to ever happen to me.”

As you stare at one another with teary eyes, he knows you’re saying the same exact words to him. He doesn’t need to hear you say it, nor does he expect you to. Your eyes say more than enough to him.

You look down at the rose gold band around your finger and you realize how long you’ve kept it on, never once taking it off since that day Seonghwa gave it to you. “Do you want your ring back?” you utter, your eyes watering once more.

Seonghwa shakes his head. “Please keep it. Because I still mean it. And I always will. I’m gonna love you forever, y/n. Even if you decide to take it off, if that’s the last reminder you have of how much I love you, then please keep it.”

Your heart is hurting, and the tears seem never ending as they continue to fall down your cheeks. “I don’t want to leave you Seonghwa.” a sob escapes from your lips, and Seonghwa squeezes your hand again.

“I know, baby but you have to. You’re going to the school you’ve dreamed of going to since you were in the fourth grade. You’re going to accomplish so much and a build a great life for yourself, y/n. And even though I won’t be physically with you, I’m always going to support you every step of the way.” he assures.

You knew in a perfect world you two didn’t have to break up. But long distance was a bitch, and you moving across the world was never going to be easy on him. You couldn’t force each other to wait for the other. Not when the both of you had to start a whole new life separately. You had to let each other go.

You turn to face him, your teary eyes staring into his own. “I’ll always support you too, okay? No matter what. I want you to make the most of your time in Seoul, study hard, surround yourself with good people and have the most fun you’ve ever had. You’re gonna make so many friends and pursue the career you’ve always wanted and experience new things that you’ve never done before. And most of all, you’re going to meet a girl and love her just as much as you loved me. And you’re gonna fall in love all over again, and just be happy. Just promise me that you will make the most of your time over there and live your life to the fullest. Don’t look back, don’t wait for me. Just live until I get to see you again.” your voice breaks. “And if somehow we find our way back to one another, then just know everything we did up to that point was worth it.”

Seonghwa lets out a sob and nods. “I promise.” his voice breaks and you pull him in for your last goodbye kiss.

At nineteen, you visit your hometown for Christmas, which was the first time you’d be back in a year and a half.

Having missed out on the chance to visit last year with your busy schedule, you made sure not to pass up the chance to see your family and friends. The more you grew accustomed to your new home you managed to find a good balance between school, work, and your personal life, so you found that this year was finally a good time to return back for a visit.

And there was no better time to come home than for Christmas day.

“Yeah, just landed at our layover and waiting for the next flight.” you say to your mother over Facetime.

“That’s great honey, I’m so excited to see you.” she smiles at you and you return the gesture.

“I missed you mom.” you say.

“And I missed you even more.”

You two continue conversing amongst one another, as she filled you in on all things you missed while you were gone before a voice interrupts your conversation.

“Hey babe, here.” Juyeon says, handing you a coffee as he presses a small kiss to your forehead.

“Oh thank you.” you murmur with a small smile as your boyfriend sits down next to you.

“Oh hey miss y/l/n!” Juyeon greets seeing your mom’s face plastered on your screen.

“Juyeon!” she squeals excitedly. “I can’t wait to finally meet you in person instead of over video chat. It was about damn time.” she states and you and your boyfriend chuckle. You hand him your phone allowing them to talk with one another and you smile fondly at the newfound bond between Juyeon and your mother.

“I know, I can’t wait to meet all of you guys too! I know y/n’s been really excited, it was all she could talk about for the last three weeks.” he teases. “And she says you make really good pie so i am definitely looking forward to that.”

“That is such an understatement, I make the best pie.” she scoffs. “And I made one specifically for you.” your mother beams.

After a few minutes of playful banter exchanged, Juyeon hands your phone back to you. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom before we board, I’ll be back.” he excuses himself and you nod in acknowledgement.

“Oh y/n, I just thought I should mention Seonghwa and his family are coming over for Christmas dinner as well.” your mom says and the sheer mention of his name as your heart beating in your chest.

“Oh he’s back in town too?” you ask casually and she nods.

“Yup, he’s also bringing his girlfriend.” she adds.

“That’s great, I’m really happy for him.” you say with a smile.

And you meant it, truly.

You knew of his girlfriend from the few photos he posted of her on instagram, and he seemed genuinely happy. Aside from his newfound love, he was clearly enjoying his time in Seoul like you had hoped, and it was everything you wished for him.

You two hadn’t really spoken over the last year, and it wasn’t really on purpose, you two just kind of drifted, as expected. You two were starting fresh in an unfamiliar place, and you both were finding your way around your new homes. You two were also preoccupied with school, and meeting new people so it was sort of inevitably really that you two grew apart. Of course there were the few times you two would chat, but it never lasted long due to time differences and busy schedules.

Although you missed him immensely, you were beyond happy for the life he started for himself, and you knew he was happy for you too. He did exactly what he promised you the last night you spent together, and that was enough to make you happy.

“Flight 219 now boarding.” the announcer calls and Juyeon meets you right on time.

“Okay mom, that’s us. I’ll see you in a few hours, bye, love you.” you bid your farewell before hanging up, and Juyeon grabs your hand leading you to the gate.

“Ready to go home?” he smiles at you, and you beam excitedly, nodding your head.

As the days pass leading up to Christmas, you spend all of your of time with your family and friends, using every second to catch up with your loved ones. You find that Juyeon is adapting well to your home life, bonding with your father and making your mother love him even more than she already did. You introduce him to your childhood friends and he instantly wins over Mingi, Hongjoong, Yunho and Jennie. You admire how much of an effort he put into forming a friendship with them because he knew how much it meant to you.

You were thankful really, to find a guy who was almost perfect for you.

But still, in the back of your mind, even though you loved Juyeon beyond belief, you knew Seonghwa would always have that special place in your heart.

On the day of Christmas, you and Juyeon set the table as you await the Park’s arrival. You were slightly nervous, obviously, given the fact that you had not seen Seonghwa in over a year and you would be meeting his girlfriend. Although you were happy for him, you still felt anxious to see him and her, and you could only hope that she was good for him, because he deserved that much.

Only a few moments later do you hear a knock at your door and your mother walks over to greet your longtime neighbours. Juyeon stands next to you as he wraps an arm around your waist comfortingly and you relax against him.

You see Mrs. Park first as she walks inside, giving your mother a friendly hug. Mr. Park follows suit as he greets your mother and your father with a wide smile on his face.

And then you see him.

His hair is slightly darker and he does look a little older. But other than that his face is so familiar to you and your heart beats wildly in your chest as the two of you make eye contact. His face softens when he sees you and you deliver a small wave to him as he smiles. His girlfriend trails behind him and you take notice of how beautiful she was. You smile at her too and she returns the gesture and your heart kind of warms seeing how shy she is because you always kind of knew Seonghwa would pick someone similar to him.

“Oh my y/n, how long has it been!” Mrs. Park calls towards you and you hug her tightly.

“I missed you!” you say to her and her arms wrap tighter around you.

“I missed you too, darling. And you look even more beautiful than the last time I saw you!” she compliments. “And who is this handsome man?”

“This is Juyeon, he’s my boyfriend.” you smile, and Juyeon shakes her hand.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Park. Y/n’s talked a lot about your family.” he says politely.

“Y/n’s picked a good one, I see.” she winks playfully as you notice Seonghwa and his girlfriend make their way towards you two.

“Hey y/n, long time no see.” Seonghwa says and you almost melt at the sound of his voice. He pulls you in for a hug and you notice how he still wears the same cologne that you had bought him all those years ago.

“Yeah, it’s good to see you again.” you smile at him, and although it had been well over a year since you two last saw each other, there was no hint of awkwardness, just nostalgia.

“Oh, this is Juyeon.” you introduce and Seonghwa delivers a warm smile to your boyfriend, shaking his hand respectfully.

“Nice to meet you.” Juyeon smiles.

“It’s nice to meet you too, I’m Seonghwa. Y/n’s... childhood friend.” he decides to say.

“I know she’s mentioned you a lot in her stories.” your boyfriend acknowledges. “From all the things she told me you were one of the people I was looking forward to meet the most. You seemed really great to her.”

“I could only hope so. She was my best friend after all.” Seonghwa glances at you, and you know there’s a deeper meaning behind his words. “And you seem like a really great guy, so I’m glad she has good people in her life.” Seonghwa returns and you find it heartwarming how well their exchange is going.

You look at the girl beside your ex and she’s staring at you with gentle, curious eyes. “Hi, I’m y/n.” you smile at her, extending your hand out for her to shake.

“Rosé,” she beams at you and you don’t even really know her but there was something about her that assured you she was good fit for Seonghwa. “I heard a lot about you as well, Hwa’s always talking about his life back home so I’m really glad I got to meet his best friend. You were really special to him.”

You smile softly. “I’m glad I got to meet you too.” you say.

“Okay, time for dinner everyone!” your father announces and you all take a seat at the table, passing over plates of food and catching up with one another.

“So Seonghwa, how’s Seoul treating you?” your mother asks as everyone turns their attention towards him.

“Uh really good actually,” he responds. “I joined a band actually! Uh, I became friends with these really nice guys. San and Yeosang. They basically recruited me after they found out I could sing and now we play at this local bar every week on Friday’s and Saturday’s. It was really good for me, I think. It helped with my stress and stuff. And that’s actually where I met Rosé.”

“That’s amazing.” your mother comments with a warm smile.

“Yeah he was really shy at first but San kind of forced him to talk to me which I was really thankful for because I was eyeing him for a while and was too shy myself to approach him.” Rosé says. “I still remember the night he asked for my number and he was stumbling over his words and I swear he looked like he was going to pass out.” she chuckles, and everyone at the table laughs along with her.

“Oh my god I know what you mean, he also cracks his fingers a lot and starts to turn really purple when he’s nervous.” you add and Rosé points at you nodding in agreement.

“Yes! I notice that all the time!” she laughs, and you can’t help but laugh with her.

“Trust me, I have the most embarrassing stories of him when we were kids.” you say.

“Oh god, you have to tell me all of them.” Rosé giggles.

“Obviously, we have the whole night for that.” you wink at her, and you realize how easy and natural it was to talk to her, and that confirmed that you indeed really liked her.

Seonghwa watches the exchange between you both, and as you two make eye contact with each other, a small smile appears on his face as you nod at him, silently approving of the girl he chose to bring home for this special day. His heart grows full seeing how well the two of you got along, and he’s forever grateful at how amazing of a person you were that you were so willingly to form a friendship with his new girlfriend.

Although he loved Rosé dearly, there was still a piece of his heart where he’d always love you. And that piece grows a little more when he realizes how you continue to support him, even through this unconventional situation.

Seonghwa decides he’s going to do the same for you, because just like you were happy for him, he was happy for you too.

Of course he was glad you found someone who could put a smile on your face like he once did, and he knows that for you to have willingly dated Juyeon, he had to have been just as great as you were. You always had the best judgement of people.

“So Juyeon, how’d you and y/n meet?” Seonghwa asks genuinely and he notices the way his face lights up at the mention of your name.

“We had a lot of mutual friends and they introduced us. It’s funny actually, I could tell y/n didn’t even really like me that much at first, she was always so disinterested when I would try and talk to her.” Juyeon laughs.

“Probably stressing too much about trivial things.” Seonghwa chuckles.

“Yeah she does that a lot, so overly anxious all the time” Juyeon notes, and Seonghwa agrees.

“Hey,” you interrupt and Juyeon apologizes.

“Sorry babe,” he chuckles. "but yeah, I finally sweet talked my way to get her to go out on a coffee date with me and then the next day she asked to go out for lunch after our lecture. We kind of just ended up hanging out more often and well, the rest is history I guess.”

“That’s great, I’m really glad she found someone that makes her happy.” Seonghwa smiles, and you feel a sense of gratitude towards him.

The rest of the night your families converse with one another and share a few drinks, as you and Seonghwa share old stories with Juyeon and Rosé. If you told yourself three years ago that you would be sitting by the fireplace on Christmas day with you and Seonghwa as exes exchanging stories with your new lovers, you would’ve never believed it.

But you don’t think it’s a bad thing at all. In fact you’re immensely grateful that despite not being as close to Seonghwa anymore, you were able to see each other grow and adapt with your new lives. A life where you made new friends and made new memories. Where you tried things you’ve never tried before, and explored new places. And where you could love other people and still be so insanely happy for one another.

This was a good thing.

At one point during the night the two of you find yourselves alone, a comfortable silence filling the room as you stared at the fire in front of you, basking in its warmth.

“I missed you.” Seonghwa is the first to break the silence.

“I missed you too.” you return. “And I’m really happy for you, you know?”

“I’m really happy for you too, y/n.” Seonghwa smiles at you. “And I really like Juyeon. He seems really great, and he makes you happy, I can see it. That’s all I ever wanted for you.”

You hum in acknowledgement. “And I think Rosé is amazing. She’s perfect for you. And I’m forever grateful that you two have each other. I know we’ve drifted over the last year, but you’re still my best friend in the whole world. And even though I don’t say it often, or even out loud, I’m supporting you through everything. As long as it makes you happy that’s all I care about.”

His heart warms at your statement and he locks eyes with you. “And you know I’m always supporting you too. Seeing you happy and thriving is the best thing that’s ever happened to you. It’s all I want for you.” he states.

Neither of you have to say it, but you know this is your unspoken way of saying that you both still loved each other greatly. You still stood by the fact that Seonghwa was, and always would be the most important person in your life, and you in his. Seeing one another content and happy despite not having each other around anymore, was the one thing that mattered to you both. The maturity and support you continued to show was only because of the immense love you have, and have always had for one another.

The kind of love that lets you give up the person you love the most so they can have a better life without you.

And the kind of love that’s okay with it.

At twenty-one years old, you and Seonghwa meet again.

It’s during one of your breaks where you find yourself extremely homesick. You don’t even give your family a heads up until you’re outside your childhood home knocking at your door.

It was an impulsive decision but it’s not like you were currently in school. You had the time and the money, and you missed your hometown so incredibly bad that it only took you one second to make that decision to come back.

“Coming, one second!” you hear a male voice call behind the door and your eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“Well, that’s is definitely not my mom, or dad.” you say to yourself. “Did they move out without telling me or something-” your internal conversation is cut short as the door swings open and you’re greeted by an unexpected figure.

“Y/n?” the boy says in surprise.

“Seonghwa??” you say even more confused.

“Who’s at the door Seonghwa?” now that’s your mother’s voice you hear and she gasps as she walks over to the door. “Y/n! Oh my god why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?!” she pulls you into her arms.

“Surprise.” you chuckle. “I kind of sort of felt really homesick and impulsively bought a plane ticket last night so I could fly back so... here I am.”

“Well come settle in! Seonghwa was just helping with some renovations in the house but I’ll let you two catch up.” your mother grabs your luggage, carrying it up to your bedroom. “Go grab a coffee or something!” she yells upstairs.

You look over to Seonghwa and he shrugs. “Let’s go then.” he smiles and your heart swells.

The two of you walk comfortably beside one another as you take in the scenery around you, missing the familiar place you once called home.

“I didn’t know you were back in town too.” you say after a few moments of silence.

“Yeah, it was pretty impulsive too actually.” he admits as he looks at you.

“What was your reason?” you ask curiously.

“Break up.” he states and your mouth falls open.

“Wait, you and Rosé...”

He nods. “Yeah, things just kinda, fizzled out. You know, we grew apart, wanted different things, came to a point where we were in different stages in our life.”

“Oh wow.” is all you say. “I’m sorry to hear, she was really sweet. I really liked her.”

“Yeah, she was,” Seonghwa sighs. “I mean, we ended on good terms. We’re still friends, actually. I don’t even think I’m necessarily sad about it to be honest, it’s just different, you know? Like I know we weren’t even dating for that long, like two and a half years at most. But I just got so used to being around her and spending so much time with her, and then things just weren’t really the same after a while. It just felt odd not having someone. And being alone made me miss everything I had here so I came back.”

You nod your head in understanding. “Yeah, I totally get what you mean.”

Seonghwa raises his eyebrow at you. “You mean... you and Juyeon too?”

“Mhm,” you hum. “I think for us we just realized we were better off as friends than as a couple, you know? Like after a while the attraction kind of went away and we were only really together because it was comfortable. And we didn’t want to stay together if we weren’t in love anymore, it wouldn’t have made sense. The break up was easy and it felt right when we ended things, I kind of wish it happened sooner but, I was still thankful for the time we spent together. He is still one of my best friends so I’m grateful for that at least.”

“That’s good.” he smiles softly.

“Hey at least we both can confidently say we have a track record of smooth break ups, right?” you joke lightheartedly.

“Thank god for that.” Seonghwa says with a laugh.

When you two enter the coffee shop you’re once again hit with a feeling of nostalgia as you think of all the times you, Seonghwa, and your friends would spend most days after school, drinking hot chocolate and eating pastries together as you all talked for hours and hours.

“I’ll get our usuals, you can wait by our spot.” Seonghwa offers, and you nod making your way towards your designated table.

The moment you sit down you’re hit with a wave of flashbacks you shared in this very space, and a small smile creeps onto your face as you look back on all the old memories.

After your brief moment of reminiscing, Seongwha sits across from you handing over your cup.

“Sometimes you don’t realize how much you miss home until you’re actually back in all the places you grew up in,” you note as you take notice of the small engraving in the corner of the table marked with yours and all your friends’ initials. Your fingers ghost over the mark and when you look up at Seongwha you see that he’s also eyeing the engraving.

“I remember when we put that there,” he recalls with a smile. “After five years of coming here and sitting at this same exact table with our friends we claimed our ownership by putting that stupid engraving that took us forever to do. As if that stopped people from sitting here anyways.” you both chuckled.

“Well at least Jennie and Hongjoong were brave enough to kick out the people who stole our spot.” you laugh.

“Yeah,” Seonghwa smiles fondly at the memory. “I still remember the days where Mingi and Yunho would bet the barista on how many butter croissants they could eat in one sitting so we could all get a supply of free hot chocolate for a year.”

“And it was only after Mingi threw up everywhere that it turned out all we had to do was ask her, and she would’ve done it anyways because we were regulars here.” you finish with a soft chuckle.

A comfortable silence fills the air as you two reminisce on the old memories of your teenage years.

“Can I ask you something?” Seonghwa says.

“Of course.”

“When you finish university,” he starts. “What are you gonna do afterwards? Like do you plan on living abroad permanently? Or are you gonna come back home?”

You pause for a second. “Honestly, after the first year there, I fell in love with the city. And I truly was planning on starting my life there and making that my permanent home, ‘cause I had Juyeon, and I had my new friends, I had jobs lined up for me after graduation, and just an overall great home.” you say. “But after splitting up with him, and sitting with the fact that I was constantly homesick, I kinda realized that this is my home, you know? Like, no matter how much I loved my new friends, and loved the city, it would never be as special to me as here. Nothing over there compared to everything I have here. And I knew you were gonna come back from Seoul after graduation, and Jennie and Yunho were gonna come back from New Zealand too. And Mingi and Hongjoong, and the rest of them were all still here... I didn’t want to be the only one gone. All my real friends are here, my family’s here... you’re here. I didn’t want to leave that all behind.” you exclaim and Seonghwa’s face softens.

“I’m really glad honestly.” he responds. “Because I missed you a lot. And it would’ve really sucked to know you weren’t gonna be here anymore when I moved back. I just really miss spending time with my best friend.”

Your heart skips a beat. “Well, you have the next two weeks to do that.” you smile up at him.

“I have an idea.” his eyes light up and you raise an eyebrow at him. “Do you wanna have a sleepover tonight? We can have a move night and order take out like the good old times.” he grins at you.

“You had me at sleepover.” you say with a smile and so he grabs your hand, pulling you towards the exit.

When Seonghwa lets you into his house you almost forget the fact that you haven’t been inside in almost three whole years. This was practically your second home and you found comfort in the fact that nothing really changed since you last saw it. Everything looked almost exactly how you remembered it, minus the new couch and dining table, and a few new paintings hung up on the walls.

“Your mom didn’t change much over the last few years.” you observe.

“Yeah, she was going to do a whole renovation like your mom, and she even planned a whole design out, but she opted out last minute. She said she wanted me to come back home to something I remembered.” Seonghwa answers. “I didn’t get why at first but it only started making sense to me the more I started visiting and realized this was like my safety net.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” you say.

You and Seonghwa walk upstairs to his bedroom, and of course nothing changed inside either. It almost seemed like it had been untouched aside from the fresh bedsheets and clean floor. You notice the small picture frames neatly placed across his dresser table and you realize most of them are pictures with you. You pick one frame up as you remember the day so clearly. A faint smile forms on your face as your fingers ghost over the photo.

“I asked my mom to put those up again recently.” Seonghwa states from behind you. “I was gonna put more with our friends but I realized we didn’t take many with them. They were mostly just of us two. I hope you don’t think it’s weird.”

You shake your head. “No, of course not. I would never think it’s weird.” you say, placing the frame back onto his dresser.

Seonghwa tosses you one of his shirts and a pair of your old shorts that you always left at his house during your impromptu sleepovers. And suddenly you’re once again hit with a wave of nostalgia.

“What do you wanna do?” he asks and you flop onto his bed with a deep exhale.

“Let’s just lay here for a second.” you say pulling him down next to you. “I just wanna remember everything that I missed while I was gone.”

Seonghwa settles beside you and you can’t help your racing heart as he inches closer to you. As you lay next to one another looking up at the ceiling, your breathing relaxes and you revel in the feeling of just being so comfortable and at so at home.

“You don’t know how much I missed this,” Seonghwa whispers next to you. “even though we haven’t seen each other in years and we don’t talk as much anymore, when I’m with you it’s like we never even left each other. Like we just pick up right where we left off. You’re the one person who’s always brought me comfort and I never feel like we have to force things with each other, no matter how much we drifted.”

You feel heat rise to your cheeks and suddenly the room feels so much warmer. Your heart beats fast and you realize how much of an effect Seonghwa still has on you after all these years.

“I think about you everyday, you know that?” you confess, turning your head to look at him. “Every time I’m out somewhere there will always be little things that remind me of you. And I think about all the places in the city I would take you, and the places I know you would love. I think about all the things you would tell me when I was feeling down, and how you would react to certain situations as if you were right there beside me the whole time. I miss you all the time.”

You both stare at one another and your eyes flicker back and forth to his lips and when you look into his own eyes you notice him doing the same. After a moment of just staring into each other’s eyes, unsure of what to do next, Seonghwa pulls you towards his face and kisses you, and the feeling absolutely overwhelms you in all the good ways.

It’s far from soft and sweet, instead heavy and messy, and so intense that your chest burns with desire. You don’t dare pull away from him even when you needed to catch your breath, because the feeling of his lips on yours after all these years intoxicates you and has you yearning for more. He’s pulling you closer to him and you feel like your body is on fire.

Seonghwa rolls on top of you and your bodies mould perfectly with one another, as if you were both the two missing pieces of a puzzle. You can’t exactly describe the feeling but it’s overwhelming and very reminiscent and brings you back to all the times with Seonghwa that brought you so much happiness years ago. It’s a feeling you didn’t know if you would ever feel again and you missed it more than anything.

The ache between your legs becomes overwhelming and before you know it you’re begging him to touch you, and without any hesitation he does. Your bodies press tightly against each other and your desperate need for him only grows the moment he grinds down on you.

The next thing you know, you’re both unclothed and fully exposed to one another, and you see each other in your most vulnerable states for the first time in years. When he finally pushes himself inside you the pleasure is significantly magnified as the fire inside you only intensifies at the feeling of him.

It happens quick at first but Seonghwa decides he wants to take his time with you. Like you, he didn’t know if he would ever feel you in this way again and he was going to use every second with you that he could.

You don’t know how much time has passed but by the end, you both are exhausted and sore, and panting heavily next to each other. It’s dark outside and the room is warm and even though you’re both sweaty and gross, you haven’t felt this good in a long, long time.

“Was that okay?” Seonghwa asks, pulling your naked body into his arms.

“Yeah,” you say with a small smile. “It was perfect.”

So you lay in each other’s embrace for a while and your heart feels warm and fuzzy, bringing you an endless amount of comfort. You feel content at this very moment, and your worries are pushed to the back of your mind as you fall asleep soundly together.

It’s only at 2 o’clock in the morning do you wake up in a haze and through your fatigued confusion does your brain recall the events that took place a few hours ago. Unable to make out your surroundings in the darkness, your eyes widen not knowing if what happened earlier really happened. When you attempt to sit up you feel a pair of arms wrapped securely around your waist and your body relaxes. Soft snores escape Seonghwa’s lips and you snuggle closer to his body to feel his warmth.

It dawns on you that you still are very much in love with Seonghwa, and of course deep down you knew that you always would be. You also knew given the chance (like now) your feelings would resurface because well... they never really left in the first place.

The unknowingness of this outcome has you shifting in your spot and anxiety creeps in as you think of leaving him all over again. Because after tonight, you don’t know if you can bear the thought of parting ways with him and returning to your life abroad where you can’t tell him exactly how you feel.

You don’t realize right away that Seonghwa has woken up next to you and he only does so because of your constant shifting. It’s when he delivers a gentle squeeze to your waist do you finally take notice.

“Are you okay?” his voice his deep and tired and the sound is enough to make your heart beat fast.

“Yeah.” you reply unconvincingly, but Seonghwa has known you all his life and was also the one to date you for five whole years. He knew you better than you probably knew yourself so in an instant he could tell there was something bothering you.

“What’s on your mind?” he asks.

Your back is leaning against his chest, and you can feel his soft breathing on your neck, and instinctively he starts to rub small circles on your arm knowing that was the one thing that could calm you down.

“It’s stupid.” you say, your voice is quiet and laced with a hint of embarrassment.

“Do you regret what we did?” Seonghwa asks and you’re quick to shut down his claim.

“No! No, of course not.” you return. “It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

You exhale, letting out a heavy sigh. “Seonghwa I still love you.” it’s almost inaudible to him but he knows he heard you correctly.

He lets out a soft sigh and a smile smiles forms on his face.

“I still love you too, baby.” and when you hear him call you by the name you loved so much, you feel like you’re going to melt in his arms. “I always would remember?”

Your eyes start to water because it’s been so long since you’ve been able to say that to him, and to hear him say those same exact words back to you has a weight lifting right off your shoulders that you didn’t even know was there.

“Why’s that upsetting you?” he questions and you feel him press soft kisses to your shoulder.

“I don’t want to leave you all over again.” you admit.

He sighs next you and attempts to pull you even closer, if that were possible.

“Well we’ll spend the rest of the time we have together and enjoy every second of it. And after graduation we’ll come back home and we’ll pick up right where we left off like we always do.” Seonghwa tries to reassure you and you shake your head, sniffling.

“That’s not what I mean...” you say. “I mean that I don’t want to go back and not be with you. I don’t want to wait out till graduation and know that we aren’t together because I don’t think I can. Not after tonight.”

It clicks in Seonghwa’s brain and he knows exactly what you mean, and so he decides now’s the time to ask you what he’s been wishing to ask you for so many years. He knows he wasn’t supposed to wait for you, but he always knew he would.

“You don’t have to then.” he states.

“I don’t?”

“Do you want to get back together?” he asks and your heart almost stops. “I mean we only broke up ‘cause of the distance right? And we both fulfilled our promises to each other that we would experience a different life and learn what it was like to not be together. We’re in our last year of uni, we’d only have to be apart for a few more months and then we’ll both be back home in no time, permanently. We would never have to be apart again.” he reasons with you.

And it did make complete sense. He was right in every way, so in truth, there really wasn’t anything stopping you from being together again. You don’t have to think much about it because the decision was already made deep down. You knew you wouldn’t hesitate to be with Seonghwa again if you had the chance, and now was that chance.

You turn to face him and even though you two can’t see each other, there’s a small smile painted on both your faces and you lean in to press a kiss to his lips.

“Okay, let’s get back together.”

So at twenty-one years old, you and Seonghwa officially reconcile, and spend the next two weeks together like you planned, catching up on everything you did while you two were apart.

And just like he said, it was like you two never left each other.

And now, at twenty-two years old, Seonghwa pops the question.

And you finally marry him.

"Family, friends, and all loved ones. We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Y/n and Seonghwa. We stand here to support this couple and share the joys of their love and commitment as they solidify this partnership, choosing to spend the rest of their lives together.”

“Through this marriage you make a lifelong promise to one another to always love, respect, trust and honor each other through anything, and everything. You promise to stay committed, and loyal, and most importantly, share your dreams, your happiness, and your sorrows with each other.”

“From today, and this moment on, you will forever be united as one.”

You stare at Seonghwa and your heart beats hard against your chest as you stand in front of him watching his eyes light up and his smile grow by the second. You feel like you’re in a dream and everything around you feels so surreal.

Your eyes scan the alter and you see your mother beside Mrs. Park, both of them clinging onto each other as tears of happiness running down their cheeks. Their smile is wide and filled with so much love and you knew this day was something the two have been waiting for, for as long as they could remember.

You see Mingi, and Yunho, and Hongjoong, and Jennie, your best friends who witnessed every progression of your relationship with Seonghwa from the moment you two met. They’re all grinning from ear to ear and you can’t help but laugh as they silently cheer you on from the pews.

You see your dad, and Seonghwa’s dad, and both of your grandparents, and the entirety of yours and Seonghwa’s family joined together as they smile brightly at the two of you.

And then your eyes meet with Rosé and Juyeon as they mouth a “you got this!” to you and Seonghwa, delivering a thumbs up in your direction, and your heart kind of warms because even after splitting up, the friendship between you four remained and it was evident through their support on this special day.

When your eyes lock with your soon-to-be-husband his lips quirk up into a warm smile as you mouth out an “i love you.”

“Now Y/n, Seonghwa, please join hands” the officiant states.

"Do you, Park Seonghwa take Y/N Y/L/N to be your wife?”

“I do.” he states softly, eyes gazing into yours.

"And Y/N Y/L/N, do you take Park Seonghwa to be your husband?”

“I do.” you respond beaming.

"Seonghwa, please repeat after me.” the officiant says. “I, Park Seonghwa, take thee, Y/N Y/L/N, to be my lawfully wedded wife.”

“I Park Seonghwa, take thee, Y/n Y/l/n, to be my lawfully wife...” he repeats.

"...To have and to hold from this day forward...”

“...For better for worse...”

“For richer for poorer...”

“...In sickness and in health...”

“...To love and to cherish...”

“...And to honour you all the days of my life...”

“Till death do us apart.” Seonghwa finishes and your eyes start to water.

“Now, Y/n, please repeat after me.” the officiant calls on you. “I, Y/N Y/LN, take thee, Park Seonghwa, to be my lawfully wedded husband.”

You exhale before repeating his words. ““I, Y/N Y/LN, take thee, Park Seonghwa, to be my lawfully wedded husband.”

"...To have and to hold from this day forward...”

“...For better for worse...”

“For richer for poorer...”

“...In sickness and in health...”

“...To love and to cherish...”

“...And to honour you all the days of my life...”

“Till death do us apart.”

As Jennie walks over to hand over the rings she smiles brightly at you, as the crowd watches you and Seonghwa each place the new band on your fingers, signifying the start of your lifelong commitment to one another.

“Well! By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife!” the officiant shouts with a smile. “You may now kiss the bride!”

And without a second wasted Seonghwa pulls you in kissing you like he’s never kissed you before and the loud shouts and cheers in the background fills your ears as everyone hollers around you. And when you pull away you can’t seem to wipe the smile off your face as Seonghwa carries you out of the alter.

“Here’s to our new life together, Mrs. Park.” Seonghwa says with a grin as you kiss him once more.

“I love you so much.” you say.

“And I love you even more.” he returns.

So at twenty-two years old you know that you’re never going to stop loving Seonghwa, and that love was made permanent by the unity of your marriage. From the moment you declared him as your boyfriend at the age of six, to the years you spent learning everything together as a couple, growing apart and reuniting, you know that this was a rare kind of love to find, and one that had to mature and progress over a long period of time.

And so you remember the words you said to him all those years ago the night you parted ways, “if somehow we find our way back to one another, then just know everything we did up to that point was worth it.”

Which stayed true four and a half years later, and for the rest of your life thereafter.

LA FIN.

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pretend-im-interesting-asap · 3 years

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songs i think maven has on his playlists pt. 2

literally this man is so sad like babes please get some therapy. all of these are going to be somewhat sad whoops. enjoy.

heavy angst, mild spoilers, unorganized

i did this on mobile😩☝️

Blondie- Current Joys

maven likes to think he finds super underground music when in reality he’s finding it after everyone else did LMAO

this reminds him of watching cal succeed so easily

in the back of his head he was happy

elera had twisted his feelings so much he didn’t feel anything but jealousy

he would never show it but he knew cal was the sun and he was the moon circling him

Careless Whisper- George Michael

he thinks of mare every time

the minute she accepted the dance lessons from cal maven knew that she would never be his

he sits up at night wondering how it would’ve gone if he had taught her instead

if kissing her while dancing would change the outcome and if she would have stayed

deep down he knows it was inevitable

that he was damaged goods

Red Eye- Vance Joy

lowkey he fucks with vance joy

sis loves him especially his songs about me enthralled with someone

he eats it UP

y’all maven misses mare sm like PLEASE seek mental help

he wanted mare to give him a second chance so badly

he knew she was never going to give it to him so he took it from her

#kingscage

Visions of Gideon- Sufjan Stevens

girl ik he watched call me by your name and SOBBED

he rewatches it to feel something

he subconsciously tries to live through elio because it’s the love he never got to experience with thomas

he was never given the opportunity to love thomas the way he deserved

there’s not a day that goes by where he doesn’t have a pit that wells up in his stomach

he is filled with such longing and regret

Screaming Infidelities- Dashboard Confessional

he listens to this with anger

he is so angry that he was the second choice to someone who he shouldn’t have even met

at some point he’ll get so angry that he cries

the type where he cries so hard he throws up

he also gets angry at mare for ruining his life, when this happens he chooses to not acknowledge his own choices and just wants to be mad without remorse

is very mad at cal too. like blow up a building mad.

Brother- Gerard Way

HE CARES FOR CAL A LOT OK

maven misses him so much it hurts him

he literally sits in cals old room just to have a piece of him

he won’t let them clean it out, even after elera’s death

he likes how cluttered it is

it leaves no room for thoughts

honorable mentions!

Two Ghosts- Harry Styles

Everybody- Mac Miller

Home- Cavetown

Vienna- Billy Joel

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legendofzelda4life · 3 years

Text

Cake and Tears

Hello everybody, this was meant to be for yesterday (day seven).

It’s been a whole week. I hope you guys have enjoyed and will continue to.

Anyway this is a Blue/Red fluff (obvi platonic) I haven’t read the whole Four Swords manga but I have this feeling that Blue would be protective of Red.

Let’s go.

Also TW: mentions of r*pe (ik im an asshole for this plot)

------------------------------

“I swear to Din Vio, shut the fuck up.” Blue said to the calmest of the four versions of Link.

“Why should I? You suck at this.” Vio spoke, watching Blue. “I will not hesitate to kill you, V.”

Blue was holding the knife he was using to cut, yet another, failed attempt of a cake, to Vio’s chest.

“If Vio dies, we all die.” Green said from his seat on the bench.

“Works for me, means I won’t have to see you guys everyday.” Blue looked towards the green clad hero. “And will you please... get the fuck off my bench.” He shoved Green off the bench as he spoke. “You’re an idiot-”

Vio was cut off by Blue putting the knife back to his chest.

“Fine, kill me, but don’t come crying when you never get to see Red again.” Vio said. Blue’s eyes widened and the knife clattered to the ground. He then crossed his arms with a huff. “I wouldn’t care.” He said.

Lie.

“We know you like Red the most out of the three of us.” Vio said.

“Tch. I do not.”

Lie.

“Oh so you hate him then?” “Yes Vio, I despise him with every part of my being.” Blue laced his words with sarcasm.

“Mhm… turn around.” Vio said with a smirk, causing Blue to turn wearily, scared that Red was there. Instead, he was met with Green holding a perfectly made cake.

“Man! Fuck you for being able to cook.” Blue said with a laugh, taking the cake as it was shoved into his hands. “Yeah, yeah. Now go cheer up Red.” Green said.

“Do I have to?” He whined. If he was being completely honest, which he hated doing by the way, he’d tell them he loved making Red happy.

But that would ruin his reputation.

“YES!!!” Woah, a response from both of them.

Scary.

“Why?” He asked.

“You’re the only one that can cheer up Red when he’s like this.” Vio said, shoving a drink into Blue’s arms before pushing him out the kitchen.

Blue walked down the hall towards Red’s room, beginning to ponder. If he loves Red’s personality, is this self love? Or friendship? Blue ran out of time to think as he arrived in front of Red’s door.

“Red?” He called for the hero.

“Mmmmmmm.” Red groaned from inside the room. No, not one of those groans, you perverts. It was the ‘bitch-I-just-woke-up-fuck-you-want?’ groans.

“Can I come in?” “Yeah.” Red’s voice was hoarse. How much had he been crying?

Blue opened the door and walked in. Red was on his stomach but was facing the door.

“I brought cake?” Blue was so weary, the statement sounded more like a question. “Put it down and get out.” Red rolled over.

“Wow okay, I understand I was pulling Green’s voice but I really thought the tunic would give it away.” Blue said. Upon hearing his voice, Red sat up. “Cuddles?” He asked, reaching his arms out. Blue chuckled. It was quite adorable when Red was like this. He had always acted younger than the other three heroes but it was cute sometimes.

“Of course.”

Red excitedly moved over and patted a spot on the bed, where Blue layed with a chuckle. Red immediately cuddled into Blue, wrapping his arms around the others waist. “Wanna talk about it?” Blue asked. Red shook his head.

“I just want cuddles. Just let me stay like this for a while. Blue nodded silently before hugging Red back. They must’ve sat there for hours, even laying down at one point.

Suddenly Red shot up, looking around frantically, before pulling his knees to his chest and crying.

“Red?” Blue asked, reaching out for the other hero. He flinched slightly. “Sorry, sorry. It’s fine. I shouldn’t be crying. Go back to sleep” Red rubbed his face with one hand, removing his tears as he layed back down. What caused this? How often did it happen?

Was it every night?

Blue didn’t know. But what he did know was that, if Red putting his face into Blue’s chest and hugging him was anything to go off, he was really upset.

“What happened?” Blue himself didn’t even know what he was asking about. Was it about why Red was sad? Or was it about the dream?

“What?” Red asked. (this is where it reloaded the first time)

“What made you upset?” Blue asked, rubbing circles on the red-clad hero’s back. Red tensed up and Blue could basically feel the boy’s blood run cold. “You don’t have to tell me.” He blurted out quickly. “No, it’s okay.” Red took a deep breath in. “Remember that guy I was dating?” Blue nodded in response. He didn’t know too much about the guy, except the moment everyone layed eyes on him…

Blue and Vio did not like him.

Well, in Blue’s case, that’s underestimating it.

Blue hated - absolutely despised - the guy Red was with.

Vio thought it would have bad consequences once they go back together as Link but Blue just hated him. (i cant think of what to name him lmao)

“H-he- he…” Red’s voice became small. “He... did stuff to me Blue.” His voice rose back to it’s normal tone after this. “I didn’t want it. But afterwards, he left without a word.” Red broke down again.

Red was…

No, Blue didn’t want to believe it…

He couldn’t believe it…

How did Blue let this happen to one of his counterparts?

Let alone his favourite?

At this point, Blue had no doubt he was radiating heat considering how much that made his blood boil. He didn’t say anything, scared he would upset Red further, and just let the other boy cry into his chest.

“You wanna talk to Green or Vio?” Blue asked. Red shook his head. “They’ll be mad at me. I knew you and Vio didn’t like him but this? This would disappoint Green too.” Red hugged Blue tighter. “How did I let this happen, Blue? It’s my fault isn’t it? I never wanted it so he just did it...” Red trailed off, eyes full of terror as he recounted whatever events may have occurred.

Seeing that look on his face caused Blue to snap.

“None of this is your fault! He was an asshole that took advantage of you and I’m about this close to beating the absolute shit out of him!” Blue roared, jumping to his feet. “Your fingers are touching…” Red said, realization dawning upon him. “Exactly.” “Blue, no.” The boy wanted to argue but if Red said no, Red means no.

And unlike someone… Blue respected that.

“Okay.” He sat back on the bed, Red sitting next to him.

“What about the dream?” Blue asked. Red became extremely quiet. Blue turned to see the boy with tears running down his face, huddling further into Blue’s side. “You don’t have to-”

“Promise you won’t ever leave, Blue. Promise me!” Blue was surprised by Red’s words. Was the dream really that bad? “I promise I won’t leave you.” He said, looking the other hero in the eyes. “Good.”

Red fell asleep soon after but Blue couldn’t even close his eyes.

Blue had a plan but wanted to wait for Red to be okay with it first

Green walked in the room slowly.

“How is he?” He signed, wanting to be quiet. Blue put his hand sideways and made an ‘eh’ motion. Green just nodded slightly before walking back out.

A few days later

“You still wanna beat the shit outta him?” Red asked. The boy’s mood had brightened little by little over the past few days. He had decided to tell Vio and Green, with Blue’s help of course.

“Yes, but I wanna be the only one.” He looked to Green and Vio who didn’t object. Was his protectiveness of Red really that obvious? Probably. Did he care? No.

Blue stormed into the guy’s house.

“Oh hey Blue, where’s your brother?” Blue had actually forgotten they introduced themselves as siblings. “Not here.” Blue snarled. “Oh what a shame, it’s so cute when he begs for me to stop. Y’know-”

Yeah, Blue just punched this guy in the face.

“Stop. Fucking. Saying. Shit. About. Red. You. Fucking. Asshole.” With each word, there was a punch. Blue was holding the boy by the collar and was relentlessly bashing his face in. He then threw the guy at a wall, a sickening crack emitting from his, already broken, nose.

Blue then got on the ground next to him and kept throwing hits.

“You fucking piece of shit! What the fuck gave you the right to do that to Red, huh?!?!” He was fired up. Given, the guy probably couldn’t respond, but Blue was venting.

He was continuously punching the guy over and over, rebreaking already broken bones from the first few hits. The guy ended up with a shattered cheekbone, the other one also broken, an unhinged jaw, a broken nose, a black eye in the first stages of forming, a few missing teeth, and, no doubt, more than two broken ribs.

Blue dropped him to the floor.

“Fuck you.” He seethed through his teeth before walking out.

Let’s just say, nobody asked why Blue was covered in blood that, obviously, wasn’t his.

END

-----------------------------

This was a rollercoaster of emotions for me to write lol. I’m sorry if this triggered anyone in anyway.

I hope you guys at least enjoyed Blue beating the shit out of the fuckboy lmao.

LEAVE REQUESTS BELOW!

REQUESTS MUST INCLUDE: PAIRING TYPE/GENRE/CATEGORY (fluff, angst, etc) PLATONIC OR NOT

I WILL WRITE ONLY ABOUT THE LINKS (including the ravio, shadow, and requested characters. Will not write about whole other fandoms though)

I CAN DO READER INSERTS IF REQUESTED (no oc’s tho)

#tw #r*pe mention #four swords #blue link #red link #vio link #green link

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weraceasone · 3 years

Note

Elle, tell me why I have to be a Max Verstappen fan since I’m Dutch? So on Twitter someone asked to tell where you’re from and who your favorite and least favorite driver(s) is/are. So I said I was Dutch and I’m a big fan of Lewis, the Twitch guys, Daniel and Seb. My least favorite driver is Max. All of sudden a whole orange wave of Max Verstappen fans came to attack me:

“you just a fangirl” (this comment is getting very boring *yawn*).

“you’re picking a driver based on looks that’s racist” (weird comment very very weird)

“Max Verstappen is better than your faves” (not completely true, but who cares? My favorite driver does not have to be the best. I would still be happy with one of them finishing on p11 lmao)

So I posted quick a follow up tweet saying that “I think he is a impressive driver but he is just not my fave.”

I feel like here in the Netherlands we’re only focused on Max (I get it but come one he is not the only driver on the grid). If we as a country would be a team we would be Red Bull since some us only care about one driver (get it, lol). And Ziggo Sport isn’t helping either. After every race I’m trying my best to catch a glimpse of a driver other than Max 🙄. Oh and last thing: The men at Ziggo Sport must keep the same energy for Max as the other driver. When he spins it's okay, but when others do they are bad drivers... Come on men. Again this is no disrespect to Max he is AMAZING (I feel like I should say this everytime otherwise I will get attacked). But I’m just not a big fan of him.

I choose a driver based on personality (which is maybe not a great way to do since having a great personality does not automatically makes you a great driver). But me not being a fan of Max should not make people this mad lol. Most of these drivers do not even know us!

This turned into a whole rant. I’m sorry but it was just getting to me. But let me end on a positive not; I love your blog, the content and you personality. Een hele fijne dag gewenst! Ik weet niet hoe het weer bij jou is, maar hier in Zandvoort schijnt het zonnetje een beetje dus ik ga ff lekker genieten heurrr.

hey Anon!

patriotism is a funny thing, isn’t it? in life we always tend to be drawn to people that we have something in common with. we are drawn to the feeling of unity, a sense of belonging. in these moments nothing else matters, apart from the fact we feel the same thing, have the same want. in the end it’s a bit of an illusion; what do I have in common with somebody who grew up in the other side of the country, with a different set of parents and a different set of people they were influenced by? next to nothing. Max Verstappen being a figurehead for our country is honestly a bit of an illusion too. he never lived here, never went to school here, doesn’t know the Dutch national anthem… it makes me wonder; how Dutch does that make him?

the feeling of being united is tightly linked together with a feeling of ‘being the best’. it’s something we always strive for in Dutch culture, no matter what we do, we have to be the best. we write songs about it and fight our whole lives to achieve the feeling and it somehow feels like everything is ruined when we can’t accomplish it. and the feeling of being the best often ends up with stomping anyone into the ground who dares to break that little bubble that we are living in. the realization that the Red Bull isn’t a championship-winning car, and probably won’t be for a while, is a painful one for a lot of people. I don’t think the Ziggo Sport F1 show is a good one. I’ve criticized them many times before for only focusing on Max, and completely forgetting about the other drivers. yet, it caters to the people’s needs. it’s what the Dutch people want to see. and if Max wasn’t doing well? well, then the show and the media attention wouldn’t be there.

the patriotism comes with a bitter taste of arrogance too. Max is a good driver, he really is. he probably will win that first Dutch World Championship one day and my dad will cry just like he cried when Max won his first race. it’s funny because somehow things like these only get paid attention to, you know; if the people in question are doing well. we never paid any attention to our Dutch national team in women’s football, we never cared about any of their results until they were beating other countries. somehow only the good side matters, while the bad side is something that we close our eyes to. when a football player does well, they are the someone we can look up to, someone we should admire, they are Dutch. when that same football player makes a mistake, a huge one, they aren’t any of those things. we resent them for not fitting into our mold. everything that is Dutch, is inherently good to us; everything that is not, is inherently less-good-even-sometimes-bad to us. there’s certain countries and cultures we can handle, but only if they look and act like us. Germans? they’re fine. Belgians? they are normal people; they are like us. I guess that’s the one thing that bothers me about it. about the patriotism. I’ve said it before, but I feel as if everything we do and say in sport, somehow finds a way to translate back into real life, if it hasn’t already. (we have become accustomed to the idea that this is how it should be. our culture and traditions are top tier, and anything or anyone that doesn’t represent that, is lesser than. how do we teach children that the color of their skin doesn’t matter, their accent doesn’t matter, where their parents are from doesn’t matter; when it somehow is reflected back onto everything that we do?) do I think patriotism is inherently bad? not necessarily. I just think that patriotism should not be synonymous with division. it shouldn’t become a competition of who does and who doesn’t fit into our ‘perfection’ mold. sport creates unity and it should be that way, regardless of which country you are from and which driver support. at the end of the day, we all watch this sport because we love it. and nothing else.

Anon, dankjewel voor de interessante vraag! hier in Amsterdam, dus niet al te ver van Zandvoort vandaan, scheen de zon ook heerlijk vandaag. ik wens je nog een fijne avond! 🧡 (oh, en later toegevoegd; vergat je helemaal te bedanken voor je lieve woorden over mijn blog en persoonlijkheid, dankjewel daarvoor!! ontzettend lief, het betekent echt veel voor me🧡)

#elle answers #handpicked by elle

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anxious-l0ser · 4 years

Text

Still Into You

so um, i guess, welcome to my first full fic? idk, this was supposed to just be a ficlet, but my mind wondered and wouldn't stop, so now i have this lmao. this is basically a LAMP fic (only one chapter) in a rock band au, where Roman is the lead singer, Virgil is the guitarist, Patton is the bassist, and Logan is the drummer (generic, ik, let me live lmao) (also somebody please teach me how to tag shit, idk how-)

Ship: romantic LAMP

Warnings: concerts, ig? mentions of kissing, homophobia in the musical industry

The cheers from the crowd echoed back to Roman in a perfect harmony, his veins pumping the pure electricity from the energy in the room, and even their imperfect, gasping breaths for air seemed to mix perfectly into the internal beat of the room.

Roman had never felt such euphoria.

“Thank you, LA!”

Another round of applause and cheering caused Roman’s head to feel floaty, a dopey smile already playing around on his face as he tried to suppress the laugh bubbling up in his chest. He always found the feeling of performing intoxicating, and the presence of his bandmates was no help.

He couldn’t really stop feeling happy when surrounded by his secret lovers.

It was hidden pretty quickly after they figured out what kind of relationship they wanted, and it was hard. Of course it was. How could Roman resist for so long, when Virgil was so perfectly disheveled from giving it his all on his guitar? When Patton was giggling so happily that the crowd seemed to visibly grin back at him? When Logan looked so ready to start another song at any moment, but that didn’t stop the poorly hidden smirk that he had from pure pride in his drumming? Roman barely had enough willpower to kiss them all senseless, but they could do plenty of that backstage. Right now, they just had to be best friends for the crowd, and Roman had to stop himself from waxing poetry right there, in front of everybody.

“Thank you all for such a wonderful evening, you’ve been an amazing crowd!”

Roman was cut off again by their cheering, but he could never find it in himself to be angry at that.

“We have one more song for you, so let’s make it count!”

The excitement in the room was so contagious Roman couldn’t stop himself from laughing from the euphoric feeling of pure energy. He gave Logan a nod and a smile, and the other two shared a look before a familiar beat began, and the crowd cheered in recognition.

“If you know, why don’t you sing it with me!”

And Roman had the best performance of his life.

***

“Thank you, again. Are you sure you don’t need assistance in packing everything into the bus?”

Patton’s feet swang in the air as he sat on the edge of the stage, rocking left to right from the pure excitement of tonight’s performance. He watched Logan with a far-away look, his eyes really examining how beautiful he could look even after a 2-hour performance and 16-hour plane ride. It didn’t seem fair, but as long as he got to look at him, he supposed it was okay.

“I know, he looks so pretty.”

Patton jumped slightly, relaxing when he saw it was only Roman, giving him a dopey smile.

“He really is. Did you see that thing he did for track four? It was so cool, I didn’t expect it! Oh, oh, and then Virgil just played off of that and started adding a bunch of riffs, and don’t even get me started on that run you did, it just all worked so perfectly-!”

Patton could’ve ranted for hours on end about how perfect his lovers always seemed to perform, but he stopped to match Roman’s love-sick grin.

“Thank you, sunshine. You were...simply exquisite tonight! How you dare to have so much talent and beauty in you still astonishes me to this day.”

Of course, Patton had unlocked sappy Roman. He giggled as Roman started peppering his face with kisses, trying to mumble back as many compliments as possible for every one of Roman’s admirations. He didn’t even notice that they had a crowd until someone cleared their throat, and he turned to see a smirking Virgil, already shaking his head.

“Only half an hour and you’re already all over each other?”

He teasingly poked, sitting on the other side of Patton while the other two shared a smile.

“Can you blame me? How am I supposed to do another 49 2-hour performances without kissing my talented and beautiful boyfriends?”

“It’s called self-control, love.”

Logan remarked as he walked over, locking his phone after presumably shooting a text to their manager. His tie was usually pulled down before performances for comfort, more of a stylistic choice, but the first few buttons of his shirt were also unbuttoned, and his sleeves were rolled, comfortable for helping the crew pack up.

“How am I supposed to have ‘self-control’ when I’m faced with such temptation?”

Logan rolled his eyes but didn’t stop Roman from pulling him in by his waist for a kiss. Logan’s hands came to wrap around his neck and they didn’t go far once separated, their hands intertwined as Logan joined their tiny circle.

“You did amazing tonight, Specs. I know you’ve been working on that for months.”

Virgil remarked, sending Logan a smile. Logan shrugged sheepishly as the other two showered him with similar affections. They had a habit of doing that, getting lost in their own little world that the only words they could understand were ‘I love you’.

It was a miracle they heard their manager at all.

“Great performance tonight, guys. The parking lot is practically buzzing with energy, y’all really didn’t hesitate for this first performance.”

The group shared smiles and ‘thank yous’ with their manager, before he pulled his usual serious face.

“I talked to the agency today-”

“And?”

Roman perked up immediately, not able to stop himself from his curiosity. They had proposed making their relationship public during the tour, talking about how excited their fans must be and how many people were already suspicious of them. Forcing them to be together for 2 whole hours without any displays of affection or words of love or looks of passion was pure torture, even if tonight was their first night. It just wasn’t fair. But from the resigned look that their manager gave them, they knew they had lost this fight again.

“-and...they’re thinking about it, really. They aren’t sponsoring this tour, but they...they threatened again. To end the contract if you didn’t ‘behave’, which would mean...an unforeseeable future after this tour. As much as I want you to be happy with one another and open about it, this could be your last tour if you’re not careful.”

The happy, underlying tones from the evening were starting to blur into the harsh reality of the business they were in. Of course, they knew they would face homophobes and backlash. Their sales may dip, their shows may not be fully packed, and, the most terrifying, in Roman’s opinion, they may not get re-signed with their label. Yes, Roman despised them with every fiber in his being, and he regretted convincing his boyfriends to make a band with him under that label everyday, but he couldn’t be completely mad when they helped pay his bills. The reality of the situation sucked, but it was honest. Their careers could be ruined by their relationship.

***

The squeak of his office chair and the soft noise of his bouncy ball hitting the ground every so often was the only noise heard within their hotel room. Roman had been trying to figure out a solution for their label issue that wouldn’t land in their careers being ruined, but so far, his mind had blanked the entire morning, not a single idea good enough to even be written down.

He had tried, really, he had, so hard last night to reassure his boyfriends that everything would turn out okay, that they’d be able to be proud of who they were while also doing what they love. And he had finally made progress, getting all three of them out of bed to get breakfast from a nearby cafe, and in that time, Roman had been able to find every single flaw in his argument. He had pinpointed the exact moment he lost hope in ever being truly happy, and now, his brain was just a down spiral of what-if’s and fears.

There was the underlying promise that they’d never be able to be public about their relationship without jeopardizing their entire careers, and even though Roman would lay everything down for his boyfriends, he had never seen them happier since they started performing.

It was kind of funny, how much they despised each other when they first met. Even Patton, who held so much love for them now that he almost felt like he was suffocating without showing it, had hated Roman’s guts, and Roman didn’t blame him. He was an arrogant, loud, cocky teenager with the perfect voice but the worst attitude. He sassed anybody and everybody that came to his competitions that he found at least a tiny bit threatening, and when he saw Logan, he knew instantly that they could never be friends.

Logan was a stuck-up, booksmart, angry nerd that never got along with Roman to begin with, but when he started playing the ever-predictable violin at a competition, Roman had practically led the crowd to booing him offstage.

The next week, when Virgil had mustered up enough courage to play piano at a competition, Roman was a little more generous at how nervous he seemed, but didn’t think twice about embarrassing him once he was off stage, mockingly babying him until he left.

Patton had showed up at the competition at the end of the month, and Roman had already seen how much fun he would have tormenting him. He was a too-nice-for-his-own-good kind of kid, with a smile that seemed too rehearsed, and Roman hated how well he was able to talk to the judges after singing a song. Singing was Roman’s thing, so he went all out for his performance, purposely using Patton’s performance as an example of what one shouldn’t do on stage.

Roman was an absolute bitch.

And he regretted it, he regretted it to this day, despite his boyfriends constant attempts to reassure him that they were just kids, they were just young stupid teens that were all terrified of what people thought of them. Because Roman didn’t mean to be rude, but that’s the only way he knew to survive, after years of being in the same toxic friend group. When Virgil had stumbled upon Roman’s friends, it all seemed to click, and he still held a certain degree of resentment against him for bullying him. But when he told Logan and Patton, who he had managed to befriend, he had never seen Patton switch so quickly.

He organized a day for them all to hang out, despite all of their protests, and even though Roman really didn’t want to at the time, he still showed up. They talked and talked, growing more and more comfortable with one another as the time passed. At some point, Logan had asked Roman for critiques, but genuine critiques. No comparing performances, no school-yard name calling, and no rude names. Just genuine notes that Roman thinks can genuinely improve their performances. Because, even though young Logan never would’ve admitted it, Roman knew how to win those competitions.

So Roman did. He gave them notes. He talked about how talented they were (probably for a little too long, but he won’t say admit that) and how they could improve a bit of stage performance. That meant different things to all of them, but one day, Roman invited them over to his house to hang out again. Because this time, he would prove it to them. Yes, they were talented. Just at different things.

So when Patton played the bass like he was born playing, when Logan was able to find the beat of a song after only two seconds, and when Virgil was able to find all the notes on a guitar in record time, Roman knew they had found their element. It wasn’t that they weren’t talented. It was that they were talented in different things.

Roman almost didn’t hear his boyfriends return until the hotel door clicked close, and he looked up. They all looked varying degrees of concern, but after coming straight out of a daydream, there was a flash of them when they were still just kids. Smiling, ignorant, hopeful kids. The ones he fell in love with.

“Ro? Are you okay?”

Patton approached him slowly, picking up a few of the crumpled up pieces of paper that Roman had thrown everywhere, throwing them away before placing his hands on Roman’s shoulders. Logan and Virgil joined shortly after, placing their breakfast on the table before Virgil sat on the floor next to Roman’s chair, holding his hand, and Logan stood in front of him, taking the other hand and placing a soft kiss to the back of it.

“Yeah….yeah I’m okay, now.”

Patton sighed out in relief, resting his forehead on Roman’s neck. Roman pulled on Logan’s hand until their foreheads were touching, and he squeezed Virgil’s hand. This is what he truly loved. Sure, the feeling of pure energy coursing through his body after a performance was wonderful. But just being here, existing with his loves, kissing them whenever he pleased and telling them, openly, about how much he loved them? That was a feeling that could never be replaced.

So screw the label, and the sales, and the homophobes, and all the people that’ll try to end his career. Roman was happy with his loves, and nothing could ever stop him from showing it.

“I...I have an idea for our performance tonight.”

***

Roman’s nerves were shot with pure adrenaline and he couldn’t believe this was real life. Standing on an entirely new stage in a different part of California, his hand on his mic, the cheering and pure excitement after completing their first song. It was like a drug to Roman, but the giddiness of what he was about to do next was partly to blame for his contagious smile and random giggling.

“Good evening, LA! How’re you doing tonight?”

Cheers and laughs were repeated back to him and Roman laughed out of sheer nervousness, his hands subtly shaking, but he was able to play it off.

“So tonight is actually a really special evening! You may not know why yet, but after this next song, you definitely will! It’s brand new, we’ve actually all been working on it for weeks, and we’re so excited to share it with you, called Still into You. So, this next song is dedicated to them.”

Excited squeals burst around Roman’s brain, and he smiled, nodding at the tech crew backstage. It was like a movie reel, a countdown from three and they started singing, their hands a bit jumpy from nerves but still perfectly combined to feel right. Pictures started flashing up on the screen behind them all, first of all of them as kids, getting to know each other all the way to high school. Pictures of a young Roman winning his first singing award, Logan and Patton’s first duet. Their first ever performance as a band was during a talent show, junior year. The crowd laughed and smiled at each photo, dancing along to the melodic singing of all of them together, but then came Roman’s favorite moment.

Logan’s drumming started to quiet down, and all you could hear within the room was their instruments humming out the heart of the song and Roman’s voice.

“I’m into you. Baby, not a day goes by that I’m not into you! I should be over all the butterflies-!”

And just like that, it all came back, Virgil and Patton joining him on harmonies. And the pictures changed, and suddenly there was some understanding. Because the first photo, after Roman’s high note, was all four of them. Holding one another. And another, of them kissing. And another, more affectionate, more domestic, more loving than the world had ever seen them. And cheers could be heard, of excitement, of passion, of understanding, as everybody finally got a peek into their last few years.

By the time they finished, the crowd was cheering louder than Roman even thought was possible. He was smiling, bigger than he ever had on stage, and he laughed out of the pure relief he felt of finally being able to say it. He loved them. He loved them with his entire being, and he wouldn’t ever try to hide it again. The crowd quieted only somewhat to let him speak, and when he did, he had to clear his throat to not tear up.

“The last four years of my life, I have never been so happy as I am with my boyfriends. And to say that they’re the loves of my life doesn’t even begin to cover how much I love them. Because I do. I fucking love them!”

The pure adrenaline coursing through their veins was reciprocated with so much support that all four of them couldn’t help but smile.

So no, Roman wasn’t worried about his career, or what he’d do at the end of the tour. What he cared about was that the entire world knew that he had found his soulmates. And he would never stop loving them.

#sandersides #sander sides #logan sanders #logansanders #virgil sanders #virgilsanders #roman sanders #romansanders #patton sanders #pattonsanders #lamp #LAMP

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nights-pdf · 4 years

Text

a/n: this is my first time writing something and feeling good enough to post it. id appreciate any and all constructive criticism. ik im not the best writer and i want to get better so pls share and help me out. ty. i hope you enjoy.

warnings: depression & anxiety are both mentioned. i dont think i went too far into detail but pls be aware for your mental health. also kinda angsty.

roses: a.i.

Ashton and I have never been one for secrets, or at least I didn’t think we were, but things have been different. He has been ignoring me for almost three weeks now, only talking to me when I show up at his house, demanding to at least see him. To see that physically he’s okay. Mike and Luke will only talk to me if I don’t bring him up. As soon as I mention Ashton they suddenly ‘have to go’ and hurry to hang up. Cal will continue to talk to me but he totally ignores whatever questions I ask about him.

I was on Instagram and I saw Ashton on Luke’s story, the first time I’ve seen him in a week and a half. That’s how I ended up on Luke’s porch, working up the courage to ring the damn bell. He hasn’t left you with any options. He’s ignoring you, your other friends aren’t hanging out with you, he brought this on himself.

I press the doorbell, listening to the soft chime echoing in the house and I hear fast approaching footsteps. “Coming!” A voice calls out and within seconds the door is pulled open and I catch Sierra’s bright smile.

“Dee, I- hi.” She says, her smile faulting and my heart breaks. I was hoping she wasn’t here. I was praying that she didn’t listen to me cry about my fear of losing Ashton and then play board games with him the next day. But she was.

“This was stupid.” I mumble quickly, fighting off the tears that are threatening to spill and Sierra reaches out for my hand.

“No, no, it’s not stupid.” She consoles and I shake my head, yanking my hand out of reach.

“I’ll leave you guys to yourselves. Just, um, just tell him that I’m sorry— for whatever I did.” I tell her with a tight smile.

“Si! What are you doing, it’s your turn?!” Ashton shouts from deeper in the house.

“Give me a minute!” She says quickly, stepping out onto the porch with me and closing the door. “I’m so sorry, I wish I could’ve explained it all to you, but it wasn’t my place. I tried literally parent trapping you and Ashton but he always canceled and I— it’s no excuse, but I’m sorry.” She says, her brown eyes softening and I shake my head.

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault. I just—“ I take a deep breath, calming my anxiety while I make an arguably regrettable decision that’ll change my life in mere seconds. “I’m not gonna be in LA much longer and I thought it was insensitive to just drop that in the group chat or something.” I tell her and her eyes widen.

“What? You’re— you’re leaving?” She asks and I nod. “What about the boys? The band— I mean you’ve been a crew member forever.” She adds and I shake my head.

“It’s hard working with a band that won’t talk to you, Si.” I tell her softly and the front door opens. Si and I both turn to see all four boys stuffed in the doorway.

“Dee.” Luke says, clearing his throat and elbowing Calum, who’s beside him, in the stomach.

“Hey, Dee.” Cal says and I smile softly.

“Hey, I was— I was just leaving.” I tell them, turning around and someone catches my wrist. I turn to face Sierra and she drops my hand.

“You tell them.” She says and I shake my head.

“Tell us what?” Michael ask and she quirks an eyebrow.

“I’m taking my friends offer to go on tour with her.” I tell them, turning to face the boys and my eyes catch Ashton’s. “She’s based in New York City, so I’m moving out there.” I add and Luke is the first to speak.

“You’re leaving? When?” He asks and I shrug.

“Probably by the end of the month.” I tell him and Ashton shakes his head.

“You’re just gonna leave? Forget the past what— six years?” He asks and I shake my head.

“You have no right to be mad at me. You haven’t spoken to me in almost three weeks. I only know you’re okay because I see you in their stories. You want to walk away? Fine, but don’t be mad because I’m walking away too.” I tell him, brushing away the tears and he shakes his head.

“You think I don’t miss you?” He asks softly and I shake my head.

“Then why did you leave?! You said you’d never leave! You’d never do what they did to me! You said you’d never hurt me and I fucking believed you!” I let the tears stream down my face, not caring about anything anymore.

“Please, I’m sorry.” He says, his eyes softening at the sight of my tears and he steps closer.

“No,” I step back, “No, you lost that. You lost the right to be mad at me, or to console me, you all have. You could’ve been fucking honest and you all chose to lie to me and ignore me.”

“Dee, come on, we’ve all made mistakes—”

“You don’t accidentally lie to your friend for weeks. You accidentally spill milk, or touch a hot pan, you don’t— you chose to lie to me, you chose to push me away. That’s not a mistake.” I cut Cal off and I shake my head.

“I’m gonna go. I’m sorry for ruining your game night.” I tell them, turning around and walking down the porch stairs, I walk over to my car, everything silent except for the heel of my boots hitting the cement. I reach my car, unlocking it and slipping it. My gaze travels to the porch, looking at the people I had grown to love like family and my eyes stop on Ashton. Luke’s arm is around his shoulder, clearly saying something to him and Ashton’s eyes meet mine. My heart breaks at his expression, the truth setting in that I had hurt him the same way he hurt me.

The thought makes my stomach turn but I don’t have the strength to step out of my car. Instead I open spotify and start playing anything to fill the void. I pull out of the driveway, turning up the volume and trying to silence the deafening thoughts running through my mind.

I’ve been packing for two weeks, and fielding calls from the boys and their management. Well all the boys except one. The one I really want to hear from. The one that would say “stay,” and I would drop everything for.

Maybe it’s good that I’m leaving. I mean, falling in love with your best friend is a bad idea already and although I wasn’t sure of it before I am now. I loved Ashton, in the most inconvenient way possible, so maybe this space will be good for me.

Or at least that’s what I try to convince myself when I feel empty. When the anxiety and depression wins and I wake up in the middle of the night on the floor— typically the bathroom floor— with an empty stomach and pounding headache.

Then I remember Ashton always being there. Picking me up, taking care of me, loving me in the way I never thought I deserved and the thoughts send me spiraling and walking up on the floor again.

I finish applying my lipstick, biting back the tears that I know will inevitably be shed by the end of the night, and step away from the mirror. I grab my clutch, checking for my phone, keys and wallet before strapping on my shoes and heading downstairs.

Everyone had insisted that we had one last night out, a final goodbye and send off before I leave tomorrow morning and I had agreed. I walk out to my car and quickly start the ride to the restaurant. I focus on the music, never giving myself enough time to get lost in my thoughts and I get to the restaurant faster than expected.

I step out of my car and spot Calum almost immediately. He’s turned around, preoccupied with something and I run up behind him, placing my hands over his eyes and he laughs softly.

“You’re a child.” He mumbles, spinning around to face me and I drop my arms.

“You love me.” I tell him with a smile and he opens his arms for a hug. I step into his embrace, squeezing him tightly and he does the same.

“You look beautiful.” He says, stepping back and I smile softly.

“Thank you.” I tuck my hair behind my ear, the curls already getting in my way and he smiles sadly. “You wanted to talk before dinner?” I prompt and he nods.

“Yeah, I have a gift for you and a few things to say.” He says with a smile. “First, I wanted to apologize. I never should’ve lied to you and I shouldn’t have let Ashton. I was so blinded by the thought of protecting my brother that I didn’t think to protect my best friend.” He says and I shake my head.

“It’s okay, I get it, and I don’t blame any of you guys. I seriously don’t.”

“With that being said, I also wanted to congratulate you. I wish you didn’t have to leave but I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself and doing what felt right to you, no matter what. You deserve the world, Dee, but you have to take it.” He says with a soft smile and I wipe at the single tear that’s escaped.

“This is from us— all of us— to you. No matter what happens, what you do, we’ll always be cheering you on and we will always love you.” He says, pulling a velvet box out of his pocket and handing it to me. I carefully take it, giving him my clutch to hold and opening the box to see a delicate, silver necklace, a beautiful rose hanging off it and I smile warmly. It’s almost an exact replica of Ashton’s tattoo and I don’t know if they did it on purpose, but I want to believe they did.

I can see Ashton pointing out the necklace with a smile, fully knowing how similar it is to his tattoo and the rest of the group agreeing, simply because of my love of roses. I brush away the invisible tears at the thought, choosing that no matter what the story actually is, that’s what it’ll mean to me.

“Cal,” I whisper softly, looking up to meet his eyes and he smiles despite the tears filling his eyes.

“You like it?” He asks and I nod.

“I love it.”

“Here, let me put it on you.” He suggests and I nod. We trade off once again and I spin around, pulling my hair up with one hand and he slips it around my neck. “Done.” He whispers when he clasps it and I let my hair fall. I spin back around with a bright smile and he nods.

“Thank you.” I tell him, toying with the small rose and he nods.

“It was a group thing but everyone agreed that they’d cry like babies so it was decided that I’d give it to you.” He says with a smile and I giggle. “Ready to head in?” He asks, opening his hand for me to take and I nod slowly.

“I just— is he in there?” I ask him, unsure of what answer I’m hoping for and he slowly shakes his head.

“Luke, Mike and I all tried to get him to come but he wouldn’t.” He says and I nod slowly. I place my hand in his, giving him a tight squeeze before nodding again, this time with more confidence.

“Let’s go.” I tell him and he nods. We both walk into the restaurant, being led straight to our table after Calum gave the hostess his name.

“Dee! You look so good!” Sierra says as soon as she sees me and I embrace her in a tight hug.

“Thank you.” I whisper, holding her tight and she does the same. After we separate, I go around the table, hugging everyone and finally I sit down. There’s an empty seat at the end of the table— the seat that had been saved for Ashton— and the sight breaks my heart. Every time Michael or Crystal address me I have to fight my hardest to not look at the seat and break out into tears.

Despite the nagging reminder that Ashton isn’t there, dinner is amazing and after bidding my goodbyes, I step outside and feel a few drops of rain. I step back, underneath the overhang provided by the restaurant and Calum appears next to me. With almost impeccable timing a crack of thunder is heard and it starts pouring.

“How many times is this gonna happen to us?” Calum asks, shrugging off his jacket and lifting it over our heads.

“I’m starting to think this is just gonna be Our Thing™.” I joke and he laughs loudly.

“Ready?” He asks and I shake my head.

“Let me take off my heels.” I tell him and he nods. He offers his arm as stability and I start working my heels off.

“Good idea.” He mumbles. I eventually get both heels off and with my clutch and heels in hand and Calum’s jacket over us we run off into the rain. “Are you gonna get home safe?” Calum asks as we reach my car.

“I’ll be okay.” I tell him and he nods.

“Text me.” He mumbles quickly as I open my door. He presses a quick kiss to my cheek before running off and I get into my car. I start the ride to my house, driving slower this time because of the rain and finally, in the peace of my own car, I let go and feel the tears falling.

I couldn’t tell you if I’m crying because I’m leaving or Ashton not showing up. Or maybe it’s because the talk Calum and I had before dinner. Or the fact that I always run when things get difficult. I don’t know what it is, but once the tears start they don’t stop and when I stop in front of my house I don’t bother pulling into the driveway. Instead I keep driving, finding myself heading towards the hills and I calm down at the prospect of fixing everything.

I just have to be honest. Honest about everything and maybe, even if things aren’t the same, they’ll be better. I just have to tell him the truth. I just have to tell him that I love him.

I run out of my car as soon as it’s in park, sprinting up the unnecessary long path to his front door and I ring the doorbell, feeling a surge of confidence, anxiety and impatience all at once. I fold my arms over my chest, trying my best to warm up but it’s nearly impossible when my dress and hair are absolutely soaked. I try the doorbell again, the confidence waning and anxiety and impatience doubling.

“C’mon, Irwin. Please.” I mumble under my breath, reaching into my clutch to grab my phone and I quickly dial his number. Unshockingly it goes right to voicemail and I groan loudly. “Irwin, stop being a dick, it’s pouring and I’m freezing.” I mumble, stuffing my phone back in my clutch and ringing the doorbell again. And again, and again, until he finally pulls the door open.

“I told you I’m not fuckin—” The words die on his tongue when his eyes land on mine.

“Dee? What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be at dinner?” He asks, snapping out of his thoughts and I take in the details of his face. The bags under his eyes are more prominent then they’ve probably ever been and my heart breaks at the thought. His eyes look a bit darker, like they always did when he was upset and I shake my head, pulling myself out of those thoughts.

“I, um, I needed to talk to you.” I tell him and he quirks an eyebrow.

“You didn’t get it all out before?” He bites and I shake my head.

“I’m here to apologize, okay? I’m sorry for whatever I did, I’m sorry for whatever made you hate me and if I could I would go back and fix it all but I can’t. All I can do is apologize and pray to whoever will listen that you won’t hate me for the rest of your life.

“I’m sorry if I pushed you too hard or asked for too much from you. I’m sorry that I was selfish because I was. I took and took and took from you because it was easy, because you made me feel loved and I never felt that before. I’m sorry if I loved too hard or I made things difficult. I’m sorry for every possible thing I did that would have pushed you away.

“But I’m not sorry for loving you. I’m not sorry for giving you everything I could. I wish things could’ve ended differently but I’m not sorry for falling in love with you. I won’t ever apologize for that, Ashton, because I did, I loved you in the most unconventional way possible and I loved every second of it too.” I tell him, not caring about the tears that escaped and I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders.

“That’s all I had to say: I’m sorry, and I love you.” I tell him finally happy after weeks of feeling miserable. Happy because I spoke my truth and no matter what happens next, I know I tried and that’ll have to be enough. I spin on the heels of my feet, walking away from his door and almost halfway to my car I feel a tug on my hand. Ashton spins me around, his hands coming up to my cheeks and his lips are on mine.

Once the shock wears off, my hands cup his cheeks, pulling him impossibly closer as I kiss him back. His tongue runs over my sealed lips and I don’t hesitate to let him in. My hands slip into his hair, tangling into the rain-soaked knots and he slowly pulls away. “Come inside,” He breathes into the air between us and I nod.

“Okay.” I whisper and he smiles softly.

“I love you too, darling. I always have.” He whispers and I press my lips to his once more.

#ashton irwin oneshot #ashton irwin writing #ashton oneshot #ashton 5sos oneshot #ashton irwin 5sos

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