#ignore me im mad lol

[yooniesim]

Joshseoh kinda just ignored everyone pointing out it was wrong to paywall this during black history month and that whitewashing black ppl is wrong, because... shilling more bad quality hairs was more important ig? so anyway...

Y'all can download it here if ya really want it!

(tho tbh the quality is so bad i can't exactly recommend it...)

#s4cc #josheoh #its midnight so ill reblog this again tomorrow #credit to dhm #i would encourage everyone to start getting paywall content from there or rebels #i dont usually post stuff anymore bc its just so much easier for yall to just get telegram but #idk them just ignoring everyones comments kinda rubbed me the wrong way lol #it just shows this dude is mad weird bc if he'd just said sorry and made it free im p sure everyone wouldve been fine #ignoring it just shows they don't give af and thats p rotten #negative #the patreon issue #ceci speaks

[puppyeared]

adhd comix

#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired #like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability #and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors #i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working #isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol #if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you #need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid #im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher #to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll #go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms #AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis #theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were #comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run #and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make #a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!! #im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need #to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh #yapping #vent

[therealtsk]

Destiny's Lore, and Why It Didn't Need The Witness

So, I know most of you follow me for Worm or DC stuff, so here's an admission of my tragic past: I used to be a big Destiny fan! I know, I know, i'm losing followers by the letter, but in my defense, I dropped out years ago, around Shadowkeep. I briefly checked the game out again during the Witch Queen but never actually finished the campaign since I didn't have any friends to play it with at the time and so I couldn't force myself back into it's goddawful grind. To be clear, I've never played Destiny for the gameplay. I'm one of those weirdos who actually really, really liked the setting's lore and world building. It was one of the most unique things I'd ever seen, this really engaging mix of high fantasy and sci-fi all at once. And you know what? Some of Destiny's lore books are honestly incredible! The writing is emotional, the prose evocative, so many alien perspectives expertly captured. The Books of Sorrow, Thorn, Truth to Power, Book of Unveiling, The Ahamkara gear...goddamn, they're so good. But I got caught up on Destiny lore a little bit ago, and...wow. Bungie did it. They killed the last thing I still loved about Destiny. And they killed it with the Witness.

Let's talk about the Witness for a bit. The Witness has taken the slot of the new Big Bad for the Destiny universe, previously held by The Darkness. Their backstory is that they used to be individuals of a race that was the first to be blessed by The Traveler, Destiny's slated Big Good. This race proceeded to have a golden age that lasted for eons, with them eventually running out of things to do, and thus asked the Traveler to tell them what their purpose is. Obviously, the Traveler didn't answer, and their entire civilization had a collective existential crisis so hard that they decided that if the universe didn't come pre-built with a purpose, they'd just kill everyone and reboot the universe so that it did. To accomplish this, they tracked down the Traveler's never-before mentioned Dark counterpart and all fused into a single being, seen here. And on the topic of the Witness's appearance, I'm sorry, but the visual design here is just...bad. It's just bad. It's almost painfully generic. They have a geometrically rippling long black coat with no defining features, a pale human-ish face, and their brain appears to be leaking other faces in a smokecloud constantly, which i think looked far cooler on paper then it did in a render. Compare this to Savathûn or even Oryx's visual designs and they don't hold a candle. Speaking of comparisons to the Hive Gods, this is where my rant truly begins, so buckle up.

The fact that the Witness has all but replaced the Darkness- newly released lore suggesting every time we thought a character was interacting with the Darkness itself, it was really them talking to this character- that the Darkness is now stated to be completely apathetic and unintelligent, nothing more then a power source to draw upon- not only runs directly counter to some of my favorite lore in the franchise but cheapens every other Darkness-affiliated plot line and character. Not only does the Witness not speak at all like The Darkness has in the past, making the claim of them being one and the same dubious to me, but it also results in all of the Witness' Disciples (their right-hand men) being shoehorned into storylines in ways that feel almost painfully lazy. Case in point: The Lore of the Hive. As mentioned above, The Books of Sorrow is some of my favorite sci-fantasy with fantastic horror elements and incredibly evocative bits of prose. It's a gripping narrative how in the face of utter annihilation, a group of siblings make a desperate bargain with unknowable creatures once kept buried beneath the earth...and how their once noble efforts to save their people from death turns into a bloody conquest across the stars. It's an excellent tale, showing us how the truest test of character is who you are when times are hard- will you let those hard times twist you into a foul shape, or will you endure in spite of them? It establishes the cosmology of Destiny, with the Hive and Worm Gods being established as some of the most powerful and important beings in the story, powerful disciples of The Deep. With the new retcons, Rhulk (a Disciple of the Wintess) shows up, basically tells the Worms to shut up and listen cause he's the real Disciple of the Darkness, not them, and they're going to fall in line now. Because now, instead of the syzygy being a real threat that did devastate the planet the Krill lived on, Bungie's saying that the entire thing was a lie created by the Witness and the Worm Gods. Which takes the aspect of "sometimes bad things just happen but it's up to us to choose how we will let those things change us" that's key to the narrative and completely removes it- which is so backwards from how this all works! Evil lives in all of us, waiting for when we're weak to tempt us into doing what's wrong in the name of survival or pleasure or whatever virtue it disguises itself as- it doesn't stroll up out of nowhere and create a twelve-step-point-plan to ensure that we become evil too! Putting aside that, as I admit it's a subjective criticism based on my own perspective on the nature of morality, I think it greatly cheapens multiple other stories. Now that the Darkness is completely amoral as a force and it's just the Witness who is corruptive, I guess Dredgen Yor, Jana-14 and all of the other guardians we've seen fall were all getting brain blasted by this one dude, instead of their falls being a result of being seduced by power they should have known better then to touch blindly. Now, I can already hear people saying "But what about Stasis!" And yeah, I have Thoughts on Stasis too. I don't entirely dislike it, but I do dislike how it's been executed. Sword Logic works- or worked- by basically asserting yourself above physical reality. "I am the strongest thing alive, and I prove it thus." You defeat a powerful enemy and take their strength for your own. That's something you can work as being doable without inherently corrupting you. After all, it's not considered evil to fight for your own survival or for the protection of others. It just so happens that constantly introducing your brain to the idea that killing other things will make you objectively better then them is bad for you even if those powers weren't sourced from a primordial consciousness that has and will try to influence you for it's own ends.

To use a metaphor, Sword Logic is akin to something like nuclear power- sure, it's got one hell of a kick, but if you let your guard down around it, not only will it fuck you up but it'll contaminate everything around you with the fallout. But now to say that "nope, the darkness is totally fine and not even alive and aware it's just the same thing as the light but different colors and this whole time it's just been this one guy who's been ruining it for everyone else" is so...god, it's so much less interesting. And I think ultimately, that's my problem with the Witness. As a whole, they are just so much less interesting then what we had before! I loved the Books of Sorrow and Unveiling so much because it was such a fascinating display of completely alien thought and genuine nuance. The Darkness doesn't do what it does because of any tired trope of "evil nihilist" or just might makes right, it's a living embodiment of a cosmic philosophy in a war with another, both of them arguing for how all of creation should work. Whether or not the only things in life that matter are the things that live, and that to live is to suffer so ergo only that which cannot break should live, so you must break everything until only the absolute strongest shapes remain- or if it is possible for creativity and diversity and soft things to exist and create a life that is worth living in spite of the inevitable pain we all go through. That is so much more interesting then a bunch of dudes who are ultimately just mad about the fact that there's no easy to find and read manual for our purpose in life! It's such a basic, not to mention human motivation in comparison to what The Darkness had when it was a character in it's own right. And so...yeah.

#Destiny 2 #Destiny 2 spoilers #The Witness #The Worm Gods #The Hive #The Darkness #Destiny 2 meta #Destiny 2 lore #god the fact that Unveiling just #isn't canon anymore kills me #some of the best microfiction i've ever read #lol nope have this vapehead emo #it's like DC Comics all over again #sorry to my regulars who follow me for worm but im so mad about this #im pretty much just ignoring everything post-Witch Queen now #so incredibly annoyed at Bungie #it really does just feel like they wanted another quick and easy villain to defeat who's the source of all bad things ever #and then shift their focus to that Marathon reboot #which is an extraction shooter...ugh

[floral-hex]

hi it’s my birthday tomorrow

#had to redo this since someone left a comment that bummed me out a lot #well… didn’t HAVE to but I didn’t like seeing the notification #guess I could have just deleted their comment… shit… didn’t think about that #hey uhhhh please don’t be mean to me about my birthday. I’m just a sad lil guy 🥺 #I already dislike my birthday. I hate feeling older. like I’m wasting my life. #it’s already usually an afterthought since it’s Christmas Eve #but with my mom’s surgery it’s even more of an afterthought and I’m so stressed and I have to take care of my bros and I’m just not great 😬 #like… what do I even want to do tomorrow? #I’d love to just sleep in and eat junk and maybe go see a movie #but I have to go drive 40 minutes to see my mom and if I try to cut the visit short I’ll just feel guilty #so… I guess I’m spending my birthday watching my mom shake and cry in pain 🤷🏻‍♂️ #which can be okay! I mean not okay but I can 100%… well… 85% live with that. it’s okay. it’s just a day. #but fuck does it hurt when people just ignore it or downplay it or make jokes about my birthday this year #people don’t have to care about my birthday. strangers online don’t have to care. it’s whatever. #and I’m not even mad at anyone in particular. I just… yeah.. I just can’t take negative jokes about it right now. #I’m trying not to be specific! I don’t want to be mean! nobody is being mean to me! it’s okay! #im just a sensitive baby that just wants people to be nice to him for the next 24 hours #…. I’m sad! #I think I’ll just be mean to everyone tomorrow #…. lol like I could do that. pfffttt I’ll bend over backwards for my family and I’ll be glad to do it. mostly. #it’ll be okay #days are 24 hours. I’m sure I can squeeze some good stuff in between the bad. that’s life babyyyy #and I love you and I appreciate you to no one in particular and I’m sorry I’m so sensitive #my mutuals are great #you’re all great. unless you aren’t. but we won’t talk about that. #ok you can ignore this #text

[electric-plants]

finally been doing the old notes and new friends quest and the part i’ve been most invested in is how great a photo spot this boss arena is

#genshin impact #gi cyno #cyno #also his idles just make him SO fun to take pictures of #actually been obsessed with just taking pictures in genshin lately #no more finding sibling my traveler is just a photographer now #also ignore fucking white tassel on cyno #this banner HATED it me and it is literally the best i have for him rip #tbh im more mad that i don’t like how it looks on him than it’s stats lol #cyno is here because i love him and his play style is really fun #but also to look pretty so i can stare at him and take pictures #kamera fun

[ironmanstan]

I am coming to the realization i have been slowly killing myself with work i think oops

#m thinking now and im like #i havent read ... anything consistently .. or watched anything .. or had time to like do anything #in genuinely so long #and i was like kinda becoming ok w it #my brain issues .. nothing matters i dont need anything all i need is me i dont need to have anyone or anything with me <- bad. stop it #part of this was the i need my dad to be proud of me braincell but well i win award i have 4.0 gpa and he still yell at me #deciding now to stop caring so much (i still do but ill ignore it) i need 2 be alive again i dont care #im so mad i dont even know .. im so viscerally angry like actually i dont even know what to do with that lmfao #my brother does shit all and u give him sm slack have NEVER treated him as bad as youve treated me #and nothing i do NOTHING is good enough or changes how u look at me #like idk he called me and i cried so much i got so fucking upset i fhkdhdkf ok. ok. #he will b like omg im so proud of u i love u so much ive always believed in u and i just think back to when #he yelled at me once like fiiive years ago and i was like u just make me feel so worthless all the time #and he was like yeah bc you are worthless #and im like hmmm idk bestie i dont think youve ever changed from looking at me like that and it is insanely obvious lmao #i dont even know bro im crazy. m insane got given an inch and tried to take a mile like omg i can actually be recognized as worth something #nevermind ill stop killing myself for that pipe dream now lol #m not even upset im just mad lmao i dont wanna hate my dad and i dont but every day i feel more and more like i should #vent

[krysmcscience]

Saw this prompt for incorrect OC quotes and couldn't resist with a bunch of my Breach goobers. Some of them would absolutely say these things word for word in canon if I gave them half the chance to, though. XD

They're in order of when they showed up in person - Qīng, Ghost, Red, Marisol, Shio, Cam, Daruk, Tawoos, and Alondra - as well as some important honorable mentions who have only been mentioned or gotten dialogue - Star, Blake, and Creation.

Star's design is a slight spoiler, I suppose, but it doesn't reveal if they're human or impostor, so it's all good. Creation's "design" also isn't a spoiler at all, because They can look however They want, LOL. As for Shio...some of you who have seen the body horror I've done of them may be wondering why they look so normal here, but I promise there are Reasons. :3c

In other news, will I be making a liar out of Shio in an upcoming Breach canon divergence? ..........Maybe~ >:3c

#original characters #breach #among us #(technically lol) #look i even revealed what their colors would be - as if it wasn't already patently obvious #aside from creation but - uh - ignore them (trust me it's better this way) #meanwhile qīng's color isn't even available which is a Damn Shame #there needs to be a sky blue already ffs #cyan ain't cutting it #if it were an actual lobby qīng would waffle so hard between blue and cyan and would miss his chance to pick either XD #the closest quote to canon is cam's because she REALLY wants a different job and she'll take yours in a fucking HEARTBEAT #meanwhile the closest quote to BECOMING canon is creation's and it is taking all of my willpower to resist their insistence that i allow it #the most incorrect quote of all is definitely blake's - he is so mad at me for drawing this and calling out how he feels about his old job #the biggest lie here is red's - he absolutely thinks about breaking rules and does it a lot more than he'd like to admit #someone give poor tawoos a fucking break - they didn't ask for this #i promise that marisol is more than The Bitchy Sunflower Girl - just give her some time - i promise #alondra has other aspects too but she would be weirdly offended if you tried to assure her that she's more than just Squeaky Mouse Girl #if daruk ever had to go to anger management he would accidentally incite a rage riot just like dan did in that episode of dan vs #ghost i'm sorry but your fashion sense is incomprehensible and i don't even know how i come up with half the stuff i put you in #did blake steal the jacket off of crinklytinfoil's pink/chase from the skeld? absolutely not - he borrowed it cuz those two would be BUDS #these tags are ridiculous #ok im done now

[bloomfish]

Be prepared for a fair amount of Buffy analysis since I'm rewatching (I'll tag this 'btvs thoughts' if anyone wants to blacklist) and it's simply that few other Medias have ever had such a grip on my brain and to me is Most Analysable Series of all time. I have so many thoughts about it, so many intense mixed feelings about it, and for all its flaws (which honestly make it MORE worth thinking about imo. It's like a toxic relationship lol the highs are so high and the lows are so low) I just think there's nothing else like it. Even other whedon shows, firefly is good and I love it but not nearly as much, which tbh just proves to me that Joss Demon wasn't really the sole driving force behind Buffy's unmatched brilliance although obviously he was a major factor. anyway. Truly the most intense love-hate relationship I will ever experience

#its so funny/tragic that he hated spike so much but everyone loved him anyway #he tried his best to make him hateable and everyone was like no i love that pathetic mamas boy #him literally physically assaulting james marsters bc he was mad about his character being popular.... #aka being more popular than his self insert xander #also im not going to preface everything w a disclaimer of how much i hate joss demon as a person that should go without saying #nor am i ignoring the Problematic Aspects trust me they have plagued me for over a decade. ive suffered #btvs thoughts #btvs #oh and apart from firefly and angel (which im just including) nothing he's done has been that good lol. #i enjoyed dollhouse but it def fell short of what it was trying to do #but either way I don't believe that being a shit person is a necessary reflection on the quality of someones work #i think that of itself is a lazy and irresponsible way to interact with media. bc it's a lie. so it inhibits objective criticism

[spitblaze]

because i am always always ALWAYS anxious that someone is gonna interpret something i say in bad faith i made that anti-transmasculinity post bc there was a minute or two on tumblr and twitter where trans men were the Embarassing Cringe Queers Du Jour and people were like 'lol trans men dont even face any sort of discrimination outside of garden variety transphobia' which is patently fuckin untrue and im very tired of being called a 'pussy' and a 'whiner' because people do not take me seriously as a man unless its to claim im a predator or violent so. theres that

#spitblaze says things #inb4 'lev you gotta curate your online experience better' DO YOU THINK I DONT TRY!!! #DO YOU THINK I DONT ATTEMPT TO KEEP MYSELF AWAY FROM THE DUMB SHIT PEOPLE SAY ONLINE #DO YOU THINK I DONT HAVE TO CONTINUALLY TELL MYSELF NOT TO THINK ABOUT INTERNET TRANSPHOBIA IN BED AT NIGHT #BECAUSE MY ANXIETY LOVES TO FOCUS ON SHIT LIKE THAT #DO YOU THINK. I HAVE NOT TRIED TO PUT THIS OUT OF MY MIND AND IGNORE IT. #idk why i got so mad about that. its been a while since ive been able to openly complain about shitheads online #without getting 'just curate your online experience better' in response #complaining is cathartic and they're right but like. it feels good to complain esp when its actually bothering me lol #i mean they're absolutely right that i gotta curate better but. adhd/anxiety yannow lol #anyway. in case some weirdo tries to claim im a stupid dumb idiot who knows nothing abt anti-transmasculinity #i tend to forget shit and that post was made at a specific point in time so dont fuckin @ me

[todayisafridaynight]

daigo-gets-trolled kinda fuckin panel

#snap sketches #sorry ignore me #im looking at all the comics i drafted this month and deciding which ones i wanna finish and which ones get sent to hell #and this panel of daigo still makes me chortle.. maybe ill finish this one idk #i just dnt wanna color it uuUUGHGGHGH WHY DO I COLOR THINGS NOW #whyyy doi draw so much thisshit lame as hell #ok im gonna go look at em again and decide which one to work on during stream tomorrow #cause lbr im not finishing any of em on stream LMAOOOO #i was gonna stream tonight but. is anyone even awake. #i mean yeah LOL but i feel low energy #so im gonna be more boring than usual #plus my only plans are to finish sketching some stuff for a comic ill Probably work on tomorrow #so itd be a real short stream since i only have like one or two things left to sketch #anyway. good night ill see Some of yall tomorrow :] #OH YEAH NO NIGORI FOR ME the liquor store closed half an hour early... and after my phone died and i got lost for a hot minute #so mean so cruel :( at least i got a cute kuromi pen from the ebisu store :) which i forgot i lived by until i saw it on my map :) #IM SO MAD THO I WAS SO TIRED I DIDNT REALIZE I HAD MONEY FR A KIRBY GACHA CAPSULE :(((((( maybe next month... #ok im rambling now BYE

[feverforever4]

🎶“So good, good good! You got the goods!”🎶

#ignore the fact that I forgot the “”apostrophes or what ever they are called in one pic #fnaf sb #fnaf #this took all day #but they all look fabulous so it’s worth it #they are stuck in a 80’s montage #part 2 soon #hopefully #I actually don’t know #glamrock chica #glamrock bonnie #glamrock freddy #montgomery gator #CLOTHES DONT MAKE A ANIMATRONIC #Do you know what show I’m referencing lol #I CANT FIND THE SONG ANYWARE AND IM MAD ABOUT IT #so good good good you got the goods #oh boy they are in for a surprise #this is how they found out the flash hurts them Freddy told me #yes I did edit the backgrounds I was lazy #clothes don’t make the animatronic

[lover-of-mine]

I was thinking about my first bf (derogatory) and I know that relationship was me going I can't see I'm blind when it comes to the red flags, but I remembered a situation that happened more recently, like we dated in 2011 and this happened in 2022? I think? And this man has so much audacity in his body that he had the nerve to stop me in the street after I haven't even seen him in like, 5 years easy, to tell me I looked ugly with the black hair and that the pink tips made me look like a basic white girl (spoilers alert I am a basic white girl), he straight up looked me in the eye and said if we were still together he wouldn't have LET me dye my hair black (he was weirdly obsessed with my hair when we were together and when I tell you I went crazy with my hair after we broke up I'm not joking) and he couldn't believe my ex (we were still together at this point) had allowed me to do something like that. That man was a whole 20 yo man dating 15 yo me, he cheated on me and then FLED THE STATE, and he actually stopped me in the street to tell me he wouldn't have let me do something and that I looked ugly. Why do men?????

#when i tell you teenage anna had no standards or self respect im not kidding #lol #i love the time he was trying to back together with me after he came back from fleeing the state #and he put the link to here somewhere and i got like a bunch of asks saying 'blank loves you so much' #and i had to explain to a bunch of strangers that i was ignoring him BECAUSE HE TOLD ME HE GOT ANOTHER GIRL PREGNANT #that i was 15 and that man wanted me to play step mama #the girl wasn't pregnant but still crazy #i had like legit people saying i would be crazy to let a guy like him go #HE HAD CHEATED ON ME AND THEN FLED THE STATE #WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN #sorry i got irrationally mad about that sometimes #thoughts thoughts thoughts

[bmpmp3]

I NEEED to go back to making art that makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that theres something wrong with my brain BUT NOT in a cool or stylishly interesting way. i need to do it in a way that makes people say "hm." and walk away

#sowwy ive been kinda going through it in my fine arts major rn can u tell HJKSDHKFd #ive been feeling like. scared. and paralyzed by marketability and branding. #i cant stop thinking about how other people will see my art. but not like in a good way #when i was younger i thought about it in a good way. like hee hee hoo hoo the act of looking connected us hee hee #but rn i keep thinking about it in like this wretched like consumer product mindset? ouhhghhhhh el problema es el capitalismo #and like maybe this works for some people. to think like this. to make art like this. its what my professors push me towards #not intentionally. they dont say it out loud at least. im not sure if they know or not some of the irony #my professors are nice and pretty smart and talented and i like em. but sometimes i wonder like. the push for us as students to make like #marketable 'avant garde'? stuff thats safe but pretending to be weird and out there #i dont mean to sound pretentious. in general i play it too safe myself (spent too much time as an edgy 10 year old with my #parents freaking out over my shoulder because they think the fact that i drew an anime character frowning means something serious LOL) #but i dunno man. my least interesting art with the least amount of care thought or effort always gets so much more attention in school #nowhere else oddly. online? people like my more passionate but seemingly frivolous art (oc art etc. not frivolous to me but yknow how it is #same with irl artists and other industry people outside my school. whats going on in my school LOL #i know from experience i cant push myself into a supposedly marketable brand. if i try to make something sell it will not. #i dont know why. maybe theres an invisible essence buyers can tell when i didnt care jkfsldjdfrds #but my teachers LOOOOVE the stuff i put no passion in its so bizarre orz but i gotta relearn how to ignore half of their advice #i used to be better at it. but i also only used to ignore like a quarter of their advice. maybe i need to amp up how much im ignoring #that sounds mean. they have plenty of good advice. but also plenty of advice thats clouded by their own biases #and i gotta relearn how to sort out this stuff again. i forget every few months for some reason #you know i always think ouuhhhhh i act so neurotypical ouhhhhhhhhh im outgoing i talk to strangers all the time i seem confident #im so masked IM SO MASKED but then i go a couple weeks where every conversation i have has people looking at me like #i have two heads and neither of them are speaking their language. and then i descend into madness like this HJKLDSHJDS #i'll be fine i'll figure it out. i need to stop trying to get a good grade in being a 'cutting edge' conventional artist <3 #i need to just. draw my cartoon characters in peace 😔😔😔

[munch-mumbles]

ive been a little upset about it all night so i need to write out all the things that happened at work today and are bugging me so i can TRY to get it out of my head and actually RELAX bc i just keep pacing in circles around it instead of just accepting it and moving on

#for context i was working frying chicken today. ok so i arrive and literally all the chicken out expires within ten minutes of each other #meanwhile to remake everything takes about an hour 20 #tried my best to get everything out and replaced and make sure i have enough of everything and then take my break bc with chicken there are #few narrow windows to take your break in you have very little control over when it is #get back and while im getting ready for my next fry one of the assistant leaders comes back and passive aggressively asks 'everything ok?' #and when i say yeah shes starts saying how shes 'just checking' because apparently i didnt have enough chicken out for her liking and went #on about how we're in a chicken drive (I KNOW. I WORK CHICKEN SHE NEVER HAS.) #etc etc. i just say ok and she leaves #like 20 minutes later she comes fucking back to rag on me again about how i need to choose my break times better and i need to have more #chicken out there as back up (extremely difficult bc there is literally only so much room in the fryers. the batches i usually make already #nearly completely fill them up) blah blah and then when i try to explain how i WAS making pretty big batches people are just snatching them #up fast she keeps trying to walk out the door right away and keeps stopping and looking over her shoulder to just stare at me while i try t #finish my sentence #and she just. doesnt say anything in response when i do finish she just leaves #so clearly she didnt want a conversation she just wanted to rag on me #then later for cleanup the timing of everything just kept lining up inconveniently so i kept having to get in and out of raw cleaning gear #and slowing myself down and i end up having to stay almost 15 minutes late to finish cleaning #during cleaning i have to go grab a key to the back door to take out my trash and this one coworker i have was standing in the way of the #door. i say excuse me and she just stares at me and goes huh? #and i say i need a key and she barely moves out of the way without responding and she has a look like im bothering her #why are you acting like im being douchey. i just need a key. thats something she does a lot she acts like im inconveniencing her by asking #basic favors . ive stopped asking her to help me open the back door (sometimes needed if i also have raw garbage to take out and therefore #cant touch the key myself) for some reason she takes it upon herself to almost completely close the door after i walk out so when i come #back i have to awkwardly use my foot to reach around and pull the door open #ive asked her before not to do it and she just ignored me #GRAH GRAH. and then like i said in my last rb i realized while i was drivign home i forgot to wash a damn pan #im mostly worried about it because ive forgotten a couple times in the past too . in my defense its a pan i personally dont use but it just #gets left behind from first shift sometimes and then second shifters end up having to make sure its clean #im just irritateddd and im mad im worried about it all. its all little things piling up on each other #LOL I WROTE A LOT MORE BUT THE REST GOT CUT OUT IG I HIT A TAG LIMIT. tumblr voice ok dude quit your bitching !!

[thedisablednaturalist]

I don't know what to do about my partner.

I'm literally being abused at home. I am working my ass off to get out and am about to take on even more hours so I can afford to get out. I can barely handle part time. I was always taught never to rely too much on others because you can only trust yourself to save you. Others always have their own agendas. Yea this has messed up a lot of relationships (and I've been through a lot of therapy)

My partner has promised me that he will always be there for me. But when I need him the most he just. Says no. And it's making me feel selfish. He works less hours than I at an underpaying job. He says he wants to have free time to work on his art and relax for a bit after graduation. It's frustrating because I WOULD LOVE to be able to do that. I also recently graduated. But I can't. Because I'm trying to survive. And I never wanted to be a burden on others. But is it bad to say I'm extremely hurt by this? Y'all know how abusive my mom is. He also knows this and has witnessed it (not to it's full extent though). Many times I've called him in the midst of panic attacks. But he refuses to step up and help me. He wouldn't even LOOK into any of the job positions I found for him that pay as much or more than mine currently does. He says he can't work full time right now because it would interfere with his art. It feels like he doesn't care that I'm suffering. And I feel so selfish and I've tried to bring it up to him but then he gets all self deprecating and I have to comfort him.

He's letting his fear of leaving his mom's house overpower his worry for me. And it hurts. I've been trying not to burden him but he doesn't get that this is becoming an emergency. I've already had one recent accident where I was left on the floor immobilized and in pain. It's affecting my job too (late because my mom yells at me as I'm leaving for work).

What about my dreams? I'm putting my masters on hold to get myself out of here. I have no free time. I work and I sleep. If he at least tried to step up but failed I'd feel better.

He was supposed to come over and we were going to discuss it but he overslept again and won't be here for a couple hours.

#wrenfea.txt #ive never been so mad and hurt due to him #hes always been there for me except when things get too hard #like am i overreacting? am i being selfish? #i love him but i feel like i cant trust him to be there when i need him #how am i supposed to talk to him about this without anger #he does have unmedicated adhd btw and we are trying to get him a psychiatrist #but thats another thing he hasnt been trying to do #even though ive been helping him find one #im gonna ignore anyone who says lol just dump him #im tired of having to be the strong one #chronic disability #chronic pain #abuse #relationship problems

[milfygerard]

this is something ive seen a few times on my dash and i dont think ppl know this so i just wanna say that while its fun to joke about or even just discuss frank songs being about gerard a lot of the ones i see brought up frank has said are about like. his struggles with addiction (medicine square garden, veins veins veins) or complicated family situations (veins again, fantastic bastards tho not confirmed to be abt frank at all) idk i just want ppl who maybe didnt known to like know that

#barry.txt #this post is worded so strangely sorry #also FB isnt confirmed to be abt franks life it could be fictional or about d*wees. i know it has the ft willz quote but i think #they just lifted that bc its a great line and makes for a great chorus #veins veins veins and medicine square esp bother me bc i feel like franks struggles w addiction get sort of ignored or pushed to the side #despite being a very very present theme in his work #it kinda goes w his chronic illness and non gerard relationships as things that go kinda ignored when analyzing/discussing his songs #also i did just take ritalin. and its making me very chatty and ive wanted to talk abt this for awhile #i also do think it creates a very....idk what to say except fanficcy idea of what frank and gerards connection and friendship actually Were #this all kinda goes for the ft willz poetry as well tbh. i love thinking abt it and also love living in these #bitches discogd rent free jokes but its clearly aslo discussing franks chronic illness and struggles w touring and his relationship w his #wife #sorry oh my god. i wrote so much. its not that big a deal ive just thought abt this and havent said anything in so long #that i ended up having way more to say than needed #also im not mad at anyone for posting abt this we do not know these guys and these guys probably barely care #just. my brain. thats it lol