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kanmom51 · 3 years

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JM JK timeline - my observations how they grew over the years

Part 2 end of 2015

Disclaimer: these are my own opinions and conclusions. Feel free to disagree, but hate or aggression will be unacceptable.

Before moving on I had to re-watch the 29 Aug 2015 HK concert clip again (you know, just to make sure I’m making the right observation), and noticed something more. This has to do with JM’s facial expression when he catches JK looking at him, JK not averting his eyes. That look between them is something else alright. But, with Jimin, his expression then and later, when he continues to sneak gazes towards JK, with him the looks feels like “is this really happening?”, “is this for real?”, and one thing for sure, what we see is pure happiness. Just noticed this little extra thing and felt the need to share…

End of August 2015 was a turning point in JK and JM’s relationship.

We can see a total change in the dynamics on camera between the two. No longer this tug of war, or push and pull. From now it’s more of a pull and lean into or a calmness, a togetherness.

As of end of 2015 at every public appearance or award show appearance JK is always next to or behind JM (unless physically prevented by another member). He wants to and needs to be close to him.

2 Dec 2015 MAMA awards. Again JK behind JM, JM trying to pull him forward.

By no means was there any kind of sexual meaning here, just JM trying to pull JK forward. But what is clear here is the level of intimacy, that allows him to pull him by his crotch without JK even flinching. I mean dude, someone just grabbed you by the crotch… Even in SK, where skinship is abundant, I doubt feeling up or grabbing another’s privates is something that wouldn’t warrant some kind of surprised reaction, especially when it’s somewhat out of the blue. The lack of reaction here says something to me. Me and my criminal mind J.

JK pulled forward by JM and JK keeps moving back behind him. As I keep saying, JM is JK’s safe place, biggest example coming up in future post.

8th Dec 2015 Yokohama arena concert – JK sits next to JM, I mean really close to him, and puts his leg over JM’s leg, something that takes JM by surprise and brings a smile to his face. Jin, on the other hand tries to pull JK off JM, with no success, as JK’s going: “NOPE”, only to give up and sit down next to both of them. JK is like: “I’m doing this, and I don’t care what anyone thinks”.

JK’s funny like that, with his big gestures, being super impulsive at times, doing things without thinking it through, what the implications may be (RB ear nibble or hand signing I love you specifically to JM on red carpet, for example), while other times being so reserved, it may seem even cold, when interacting with JM. The latter is mainly when reacting to something JM does or says, and I think it comes from feeling inadequate, not knowing what the ‘right’ way is to react, possibly afraid of his reaction. It most definitely isn’t because they split up, or that he doesn’t love JM anymore. That is just part of JK’s personality and duality. He’s an invert, and as such doesn’t always know how to react socially. It’s just easier for him to act, rather than react.

There is a change in the way JK and JM interact. They lean into each other all the time. Whenever it’s up to them they are side by side, connected at the hip. They just seem happy to be next to each other all the time, the interaction between them at times flirtatious. Now JM was always a flirt, but this has now become a two way street.

I’d love to bring every single moment out there, every fansign, but this post would turn into many many more posts. So, to conclude end of 2015 and the shift in interaction in one word: MORE, there is just so much MORE.

Last, but definitely not least for 2015 we have to talk about KBS Gayo Daechukje 2015. I mean, this is a big one out there, and a pretty controversial one at that. There is the very famous JM coming of age question to JK: “Do you have a desire?” The controversy is to JK’s answer. I do not speak Korean, so I tried to read up as much possible to try and find out what exactly was asked and to the nature of the answer. I read about the drinking alcohol theory, that many tend to believe in, but I have also seen that many Korean Army’s disagree with this theory. I may not speak the language, but I do know how to read body language, and it was pretty loud and clear here. Did JK point at JM meaning that he was his desire? I don’t know if that is what he meant. I do know that both Hobi and JM were in shock by the action, they most definitely did not understand that he meant drinking alcohol, because if they did, their reactions would not have been: Hobi going “What? What?”, and JM being all flushed and shy and giggly and pushing and hitting JK and telling him to say something. I mean, come on…

As a whole, during the whole thing JK and JM were sitting super close, JK playing with JM’s hand, even way after he was supposed to let go of it, and enjoying hitting JM’s but a little too much. They were just so giggly and happy.

During that period, Aug to Dec 2015, when the relationship was budding, did JM and JK come outright and tell the rest of the members? Maybe they did, but I, personally, think this happened at a later stage, maybe sometime in 2016. At this point everything was new and uncertain. They were testing the waters, and there was no need to ‘notify’ the others about something that they themselves were unsure about at that stage.

Do the members notice the shift in the dynamics? I am not sure yet, although RM screaming out that JM will give JK 50 shirts for his birthday after JM was asked what his gift will be, and JM starting to answer that it will be a kiss, leaves me to wonder that maybe he did, or at least some of them may have had their suspicions at the very least.

A stand out example to me that members were unaware of what was going on is the Jin birthday surprise Vlive 10 Dec 2015 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BImv5dImzWo from 5.55min). Not necessarily what JM and JK are doing in the background, even though that JM is pretty much on top of JK, but more Tae’s reaction to what he can see on camera, turning around, JM’s jerking away with a very guilty look on his face (not guilty as I have been licking the cake face). But then Tae’s face, looking back again, with a perplexed expression, one of ‘what the hell????’ or even ‘Oh, wait a second…that explains so much…’ .

Insert photos+gif

Almost forgot…How can I end 2015 without the KBS Gayo Dec 2015 famous back hug dancing???? No words needed here. Skinship? Maybe? To me it just feels like what I mentioned previously… it just feels like MORE.

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To be continued.

#jm #jk #jimin #jungkook #jikook are real #jikook love #love and support jikook #love and support jungkook #love and support jimin #bts

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harrystyltistical · 5 years

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In The Crowd

NSFW

Summary: You leave Harry’s concert and end up at a bar, where you run into him and decide to get some drinks.

Word count: 3.7k+

Warnings: Slight mentions of daddy kink, bondage, spanking

A/N: Here it is, unedited so sorry if it sucks. She’s finally updating, we’re so proud. This is basically my take on the ‘noticed in the middle of the crowd’ trope. It’s 6:48 Am, I started at like 1, I am tired, the sun is out, have fun you horny fucks. Like and rb if you enjoyed.

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You‘re on cloud nine, the traffic piling up not standing a chance against your mood. It may have took you twenty-one years to go to your first concert, but it was well worth the wait. You’d spent the whole night singing, screaming and dancing to your heart’s content, you couldn’t believe you’d been missing out on this experience all your life, you felt so safe and so happy, surrounded by people who gathered for the simplicity of enjoying music.

The beautiful curly haired boy danced and jumped around the stage as he sung, reading signs and teasing fans in between sets, the energy surrounding you making you feel unstoppable. Your heart nearly stopped when he’d turned to you, walking his way to the edge of the stage and hushing you for screaming just as everyone else quieted, a shade of light red coating your cheeks at all the eyes suddenly turning towards you.

You’d attached your phone to the radio so you could listen to the album on your way to the bar, belting out the lyrics and picturing yourself back in the sea of people. You were always a fan of One Direction-- you recalled crying when Zayn left and laughed momentarily, oh how things had changed--, but you’d never looked into Harry’s music until recently and when you found out he was coming into town you jumped at the chance to buy a ticket. Harry had always been charming and handsome, his beauty was timeless, but he had never looked better than he did as he stood on stage and sung his heart out, clearly in his element.

Your childhood crush was clearly redeveloping as your heart pounded at just the thought of him, everything about him was perfect from his cute little smile and accent to the silver rings that adorned his fingers. Absolutely, positively, drop dead gorgeous, you thought to yourself as you pulled into the parking lot of the bar.

The cold air nipped at your warm cheeks as you made your way to the entrance, glancing over at the shining sign of the hotel that stood next to it. The metal was cold as you wrapped your hand around it, pulling one of the doors open and being instantly enveloped in the warm air.

While on your way to the bar you tripped on a loose floorboard, losing your balance momentarily and grabbing onto the shoulder of the stranger standing in front of you so you wouldn’t fall on your face. When your balance was regained you looked up, your eyes meeting those of the stranger who’d saved you from an embarrassing tumble. Your apology caught in your throat as your heart stopped, or maybe it was just beating so fast you couldn’t feel it, either way the last eyes you were expecting to be met with were those of the boy you’d spent the last hour watching as he danced around the stage.

“Y’following me round?” He says, breaking the silence lingering between the two of you, his eyes brightening momentarily as they met yours and recalled the face in the crowd.

“No, no, of course not.” You reply quickly, surprised he even remembered you and quickly squishing the mere idea of you following him. You weren’t a creepy stalker and it was the last thing you wanted to be labelled as.

“S’a joke, love. Did you enjoy the show?”

“Uh, yeah, loved it. It was a wonderful escape from everything else in my life.”

“M’glad you enjoyed it, but wha’s wrong with everything else? Actually, hold that thought, we’re gonna talk about this over a few drinks.” Harry says, asking the bartender for two margaritas and tapping the seat next to him for you to sit. You hesitantly took the chair, taking a deep breath as you waited for the bartender to finish your drinks. Harry’s eyes didn’t leave you for a second, scanning over you like he was looking for an answer etched in your skin.

“So, is that tattoo from my song, by chance?” He says, pulling your left arm towards him and gesturing to the words ‘have the time of your life’ scribbled there.

“No, I got this a couple years ago when I turned eighteen actually. Uhm, it’s what I tell myself when I want to do something but I’m too scared, guess it’s kinda lame.” You explain, grabbing one of the margaritas when the bartender slid them over.

“S’not lame at all, I think it’s quite cool. Now, tell me wha’s wrong, love.” Harry says, turning towards you and taking a sip of his drink.

“Just… life, I suppose. I’ve been really stressed lately and I guess I just need a night off.” You say, trying your best to explain the way you were feeling, still unsure as to why he cared.

“Yeah, I get it. I hope my show helped relieve some stress.”

“You must be under a lot of stress, what do you do to help when it gets too much?” A smirk played on Harry’s lips the second the words left your mouth, looking down at his drink and choking back a laugh. A jolt of confidence ran through you, you weren’t sure if it was the alcohol in your system or the excitement from the amazing night you had, but something encouraged you to say

“Maybe we could destress together sometime, then.” Harry paused, looking over at you

“S’naughty of you, angel.” He says, licking his lips and giving you a look that made your knees weak

“Well, what’re you gonna do about it?”

“Think you’d be better off imaging what I could do.”

“And why’s that?”

“M’not sure you could handle the real thing, petal.”

“Try me.” You say, turning in your chair to face him, your brow raised as you bathed in your newfound confidence. His hand was on your chin in seconds, leaning forward to whisper in your ear.

“I will not hesitate to tie you up, pin you down and fuck you til’ you’re screaming. Don’t test me, angel.”

“Lot of bark and no bite, so far.” You say, shrinking under his glare before jumping at the bang of Harry slamming the money for your drinks on the table and tugging you harshly out of the bar by your arm. You struggled to keep up with his fast pace, his hand holding tightly onto yours as you walked through the doors of the fancy hotel next door. The confidence you had mustered faded away with the wind, causing you to feel abruptly more nervous.

The elevator ride to his room was quiet, tension filling the air and making it hard to breathe. You began to wonder what you’d gotten yourself into, glancing at the curly haired boy who towered over you and thinking about what he was truly capable of. You figured your flirting was harmless and that he’d never bite, but now you were almost hoping he would.

The walk to the hotel room itself was short, Harry quickly sliding his card in and swinging the door open, holding it there for you and glaring at you as you walked in. It was nice, although you didn’t get to look long before Harry was pinning you against the wall. His lips wasted no time attacking your neck, sucking, licking and biting at the sensitive skin, your fingers fiddling with the buttons of his shirt for a second before Harry smacked your hand away, harshly pinning them beside you on the wall.

“You’ve got quite the mouth on you, pet. Might aswell put it to good use.” Harry says, pushing you to your knees and staring down at you as you got to work on his belt. You kept glancing up at him, having trouble believing all of this is real.

You pulled Harry’s pants down his legs, rubbing him slowly over his underwear before catching his warning glare and pulling them down to meet his pants, his cock springing up as you freed it from it’s restraints. You tried your best to contain your shock at his large size, taking his cock in your hand and pumping slowly. Harry let out a quiet hiss at the feeling, tilting his head back and basking in the pleasure as you ran your tongue up the underside of his dick, taking your time to lick around the tip, teasing him as much as you could without getting a punishment before hollowing out your cheeks and attempting to take the rest of him in your mouth, your pumping hand helping you out on your way down. Harry entangled his hands in your hair, pushing your head lightly, you gagged as his tip hit the back of your throat but didn’t cease your movements, pumping, licking and sucking as you silently begged for his cum.

When the feeling in the pit of your stomach became too much you decided to reach down and play with your clit as you sucked Harry off.

“None o’ that.” Harrry said when he noticed your fingers working against yourself, reaching down to grab your hands and place them on either of his thighs. You began to moan against him, your fingers working to relieve some of the pressure, closing your eyes as you ran your tongue around his tip, bringing it to the top and kitten licking slowly, tasting his precum on your tongue as you did so.

Harry’s head was thrown back against the wall, mouth hanging open and choking back moans. You tried your best to focus on the task at hand, but the almost angelic sound of his moans was distracting, and you wanted nothing more than his hands trailing all over your body.

“Okay that’s enough, angel, think m’gonna cum.” He groaned under his breath, but you ignored him and instead began pumping faster, hollowing your cheeks out as much as you could while simultaneously staring up at him innocently. You closed your eyes as you prepared to feel his cum shoot out in hot ropes, coating your tongue, but instead felt the harsh tug of your hair and his dick slip out of your mouth.

Your eyes met his, and damn did he look angry. You clamped your thighs together as you stared up at him, trying your best to suppress some of the pressure that’d been building up all night.

“You must’ve misheard me, petal, because surely you wouldn’t be so disobedient as to misbehave so soon.” He said, running his thumb along your bottom lip and watching as you slowly took it between your lips. You ran your tongue along his digit, waiting patiently for whatever might come next.

Harry used his other hand to pull you to your feet by your hair, backing you up until you hit the side of the bed, sitting down and staring up at Harry as he ran his fingers through your hair. He took a seat next to you, causing you to glance over at him in confusion. Harry raised his brow at you and glanced beside him, signaling for you to lay over his lap. You obeyed, not looking to get into any more trouble than you’d already gotten yourself in.

He massaged your ass slowly as you laid there, mentally preparing yourself for the sharp pain of his hand coming down against your ass. Harry slid his hand down your ass and to your thigh, softly nudging your thigh to open your legs, moving your underwear to the side before swiping a finger through your folds. You opened your legs a little more, focusing all too much on his fingers, waiting anxiously for his next move. He began rubbing slow circles around your hole, reaching forward to play with your clit momentarily before moving his hand back and abruptly shoving his middle and pointer finger inside of you, pumping them in and out rapidly. His other hand continued to massage your ass slowly, his tongue shooting out to lick along his bottom lip.

You buried your face into the bedsheets, biting your lip to suppress the moans and grinding back into Harry’s fingers, wanting more. You’d imagined Harry’s fingers would feel nice, but the real thing was so much better. Harry used his other hand to move your hair out of your face before continuing to massage you, his rough fingers feeling amazing against your bare ass.

You squirmed under Harry’s touch, your hips grinding into his thigh, hoping to feel some pressure on your clit, loving the way he made you feel. The way his fingers could reach so much farther than yours made your toes curl, thoughts of what he was capable ran through your head as you slowly approached your orgasm. You lifted your head to glance back at Harry, catching the beautiful sight of him biting down harshly on his lip as he stared at his fingers working themselves in and out of you, presumably soaked in your juices.

You laid your head on your arm, not taking your eyes away from Harry as your legs began to shake, your orgasm fast approaching. You swallowed down your moans, trying not to make too much noise and disturb the other residents of the hotel. Your walls fluttered around Harry’s finger, a moan involuntarily tumbling out of your mouth as you came around his fingers. Your orgasm washed over you, making you tired, but both the relaxation and drowsiness you felt were taken away with a harsh slap to your ass.

“Did I say you could cum?” Harry says, placing another rough smack to your ass. You laid there, trying to catch your breath before being yanked up to be eye level with Harry.

“I asked you a question and I expect you to answer, petal.” He said, giving another smack to your ass. You shook your head no in response to his question, jolting forward quickly when you felt three more smacks on your ass.

“Use your words.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Hm, didn’t what, angel?”

“You didn’t say I could cum. I didn’t know I had to ask.” You say softly, your stinging ass only turning you on more. He moved your legs onto the bed so you were laying down before reaching into the drawer and pulling out a pair of hot pink fluffy handcuffs. Your heart skipped a beat when you saw them, eyes trailing over to meet his.

“S’okay love, but m’afraid tha’ since you don’t know how to behave, i’m gonna have to tie you up.” Harry says, clicking the handcuffs around your wrists “Just tell me if you want to stop.”

You nodded, agreeing to tell him if it was too much as you slowly rubbed your thighs together. Harry climbed onto the bed, spreading your thighs and sitting inbetween them. His eyes wandered your body freely while his hands left teasing touches along your thighs. Harry’s eyes met yours as he reached up and slid his fingers in your mouth, watching as you sucked your juices off his fingers.

“Alrigh’ angel, I’m a bit of a narcissist so if we’re gonna do this m’gonna need you to be loud for me.” Harry says, leaning down so his face is hovering above your own, his hard on pressed flat against your core.

“Yes sir.” You say, taking a deep breath and tugging lightly at your restraints. Harry hummed in approval before leaning down to leave kisses along your neck

“Call me daddy.” He whispered in your ear, his hot breath fanning out across your neck and sending a shiver down your spine. You paused for a second, processing what he said and gulping down the clump in your throat.

“Daddy.” You mumbled under your breath, tugging lightly on your restraints. Harry groaned, pulling your underwear down the length of your legs and carelessly discarding it, giving himself a few languid strokes before lining himself up to your entrance, glancing up at you for approval before pushing himself in slowly, wanting you to feel every throbbing inch he had to give. Harry filled you up all the way, his cock stretching you in the best way possible. It took you a minute to adjust, but when you did you gave Harry a quick nod and he began thrusting slowly, moaning into your ear as he felt your tight cunt wrapped around him.

Harry began to speed up when he felt you pushing back into him, holding himself up with his arm as he slowly fucked himself into you. He slowly began to build his pace, savoring the moans that tumbled over your lips, his lips kissing and biting down your neck, sucking momentarily on your sweet spot before continuing his way down to your breast, taking one in his mouth and using his hand to massage the other.

Your moans only cheered Harry on, encouraging him to go faster and harder with each thrust, fucking you into the bed as hard as he could. Harry stared down at you, watching your eyes roll into the back of your head as he fucked you, his and trailing up the bridge of your breasts and making its way to your neck, slightly cutting off your airways as he choked you. You dug your teeth into your bottom lip as you watched him fuck you, his eyes filled with lust as he relentlessly rammed himself into you.

“You look so good, angel, taking my dick. Such a dirty little girl in such a pretty little package. Your mouth gets you in a lot of trouble, eh?” Harry says, spreading your legs to get deeper inside you.

You couldn’t help the moans that poured past your lips as you tugged, hurting your wrists as you reached for your clit and momentarily forgot about your restraints. You whined, giving the handcuffs a few more light tugs as a show of your disapproval.

“Awh, what, love? Y’don’t like the handcuffs?” Harry asked in a teasing tone, you shook your head in response “Too bad, should’ve thought about that before you were a disobedient little slut. Y’just lucky I didn’t fuck you in the bathroom of tha’ bar.”

“Please, daddy, I wanna touch you. I’ll be a good girl I promise.” You say, his pace not slowing down for even a second as he trailed his hand up from your throat to your jaw, squeezing harshly.

“Shut up and take my dick.” He says, putting your legs over his shoulder and his hand back around your throat, speeding up as he hit a new angle that drove you wild, digging your fingernails into his back and dragging them down. You were sure not to hold any moans back, pushing your head back into your pillow as Harry fucked you, using the hand that was around your throat to play with your clit. Your legs shook beside his head as he hit all the right spots, tightening his hand around your throat when he felt you squeeze around his cock.

A loud moan shot from you mouth as you came around his dick, but he didn’t slow down as he chased his own high, putting the fingers that just seconds ago were playing with your clit into his mouth, moaning at the taste as he released his load in you, hot ropes of cum shooting deep inside you.

You both relaxed, taking a moment to enjoy your orgasms before Harry pulled out, watching as his cum dripped out of you. He ran a finger through your folds once again, collecting a mixture of his cum and your juices on his finger and bringing it up to your mouth where you happily took the digits into your mouth, the salty-sweet concoction coating your taste buds as you gave Harry a wink.

Harry took his fingers back once you’d licked it all off and dipped his head back down between your thighs.

“Didn’t think we were done yet, did you love?” He asks, licking a fat stripe up your sensitive, wet pussy. You moaned quietly at the feeling, once again tugging at the cuffs that bound your hands as you forgot they were there. Harry wraps his arm below your thighs, holding your red ass in his hands as he ate you out. He moaned at the taste, the vibrations hitting you in your core and flowing throughout you. You lifted your hips, grinding into his tongue as you felt him slip in and out of you, using his tongue to play with your clit and fuck you.

Harry looked like he was enjoying himself, finding it hard to choose between licking up inside you and sucking on your clit, finding a middle ground by sucking on and licking at your clit while finger fucking you.

“Gonna cum for me, like a good little girl?”

“M’not sure I can.” You say, taking a deep breath that ended in a moan.

“Sure you can, a dirty little girl like you, even ran that slutty little mouth of yours, time to own up to it, petal. Cum on my fucking tongue, I wanna taste you and feel you cum all over my face jus’ like you did with my cock.” Harry said, switching positions so he was using his fingers to play with your clit and licking up inside you with his tongue.

Your orgasm hit you like a ton of bricks, racking your body and leaving you fatigued. Harry licked up your release before making his way up your body and giving you a wet kiss. You moaned into the kiss as you tasted yourself. You playfully bit at his bottom lip before retreating back into his mouth, kissing each other slowly as you returned from your highs.

Harry left a final peck on your lips before laying next to you, where you looked around for your underwear as you prepared to leave, spotting it on the lamp shade and standing to grab it. Your legs felt weak as you went to stand, so you were glad when Harry grabbed your hand and pulled you to sit back down.

“Where are you going?”

“Home.”

“Ah ah ah,” He said, pulling you back up to him and burying your face into his chest as he pulled the blankets over the two of you “you never told me about wha’s wrong, plus there’s traffic, you won’t be home til’ late.”

“I did tell you what was wrong, stress, remember? Sounds like you’re just trying to make an excuse so I’ll stay and cuddle with you.”

“Yeah, that too.”

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my-love-peterp · 5 years

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Mistaken Chapter Five

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE ADDED TO THE TAGLIST DROP ME AN ASK

please like and rb/comment <3

Word Count: 2721 (this actually comprises chapters 7 and 8 on Ao3)

THERE ARE NO ENDGAME SPOILERS, THIS IS A DELAYED UPLOAD FROM AO3

Fic Summary: Peter Parker has been given the responsibility of bringing in a new recruit. Now, as an adult, he realizes that none of the trashy YA novels he read in high school could have prepared him for this. There was a storm on the horizon, and all they could do from the Tower is watch.

Chapter Summary: Lol updating within a few hours after weeks of not updating at all? It’s more likely than you think. HOnestly, not my finest work but I’m so tired and I feel so bad about not getting anything out there sooner. I want to change bits and pieces of this story but my goodness, yeah. So if you’d like to Beta read shit for me, y’all would be much appreciated.

Warnings: honestly idk, if I missed something besides language hmu friends

Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four

I ran. There was no stopping me. I stole a cowl from a closet and drifted into the shadows, just long enough to leap from the window.

I materialized and flitted down back alleys until I hit Park Ave. I didn’t know much about this area of New York, but every borough has their drinking holes, right?

Minutes later, I was staggering into a quaint little bar that wasn’t quite the dive that I was looking for, but it would do. This was probably better in any case, fewer leering eyes and a hefty, red-haired, Irish woman who kept my drink full and men away.

Hydra was just one of the many skeletons rattling around in my closet, but they were the Rosetta Stone to my trauma in a lot of ways. Not the foundation, but the guide.

Two more glasses of Lagavulin and those pressing thoughts were kicked to the wayside.

Behind me, the grandfather clock chimed five o’clock. Just call me Jimmy Buffet and saddle me up with a margarita.

What no amount of alcohol could do, unfortunately, was erase the people I’d… met with Hydra. Or lost with them. Most of all, I could never forget my sister.

Brave and stupid drunk, I left my drinking post and headed down Park Avenue rather aimlessly. It felt like I was being drawn in a certain direction, meant to be there, which is absolutely absurd, but I was just drunk enough to believe it.

My feet halted half an hour later outside of a quaint little tattoo parlor. I’d always wanted a tattoo but I’d never had the time nor the money to get one. Fortunately, as a runaway Avenger-in-Training, I had both of those in spades now.

And, as fate would have it, the shop was advertising that they were available for walk-ins today.

Whipping out my new cell phone, I pulled up a picture of what exactly I wanted. My sister and I had always fancied we'd get matching ones someday.

The overly muscled and extremely tattooed man just nodded his ascent and began freehanding a design for the Phoenix on my right side. I was decently numbed from the booze, but as time passed, the more my sides protested in pain. Occasionally, I would feel a quick rush of air push cold wind over my aching skin and nearly groan in pleasure.

Finally, three hours later, I was gingerly easing my shirt back on, sides to be kept wrapped for the next hour or so, in case they started bleeding or weeping plasma and ink.

I stood, signed my name along the dotted line for the payment and stepped out on the street to find none other than Pietro standing, back resting against the side of the building with his arms crossed, obviously waiting for me.

Rather than acknowledge his presence, I moved to hail a taxi. He took that moment to wrap his arms around my middle, sending bolts of pain shooting from my fresh tattoos, and bolted down the street.

Fate, should it exist, obviously had a sense of humor. Minutes later, we were standing in the lobby of Avengers Tower.

Hesitantly, I moved for the elevator doors, wincing with every step as it pulled along my aching muscles, both from the walking and the movement of inked flesh. Pietro followed loosely behind me, as I anticipated. Once he had retrieved me, he certainly wasn’t going to let me escape. He was perhaps the one Avenger I couldn’t simply evade or trick, his eyes caught things as though they were moving half the speed they actually were.

An uncomfortable silence ensued as Pietro pressed the button to take us up to the Penthouse, the de facto floor for team meetings.

Despite receiving an equal number of concerned and suspicious glances, most of the team paid me little to no mind.

Peter gestured to Pietro, eyes questioning, and nods were exchanged. What I wouldn’t give to be able to hear what they were thinking. And maybe it was vain of me to assume that they’d been communicating about me, but I was almost positive.

Lost in my reverie, I almost missed the command Cap gave to Wanda to put me under. I hadn’t even taken a step by the time I was falling to the ground, unconscious, caught in lean arms.

It would be the best rest I’d get for weeks to come.

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I woke up in my own rooms, restrained to the bed. What had happened was fairly obvious, considering the only person who was in my rooms besides me was Tony. And he had an Iron Gauntlet trained on me as I came to. I hacked to clear my throat before speaking. “Seems like a bit of overkill Grandpa.”

Tony just glared down at me, not moving a single inch or softening in any way.

I tried again. “So I take it Witchy rummaged around in my head and found some… Not so savory things. Perhaps my stint as a Hydra assassin. Maybe the length of my kill list even. Let me guess, you’re currently prepping a room for me at whatever new and improved raft you built to keep Thanos locked up and never coming back. Fair warning, I’ll never go willingly and I can put up one hell of a fight.”

“Fortunately for you, that decision’s not up to me and would require the input of the feds, which, knowing what we do now, I can fairly certainly say, you’d prefer if they stayed out of it. 12 US government officials assassinated in less than three months by yours truly. Wow. Talk about a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Were I not a better man, I’d shoot you right now.”

“So why are you here Tony, if not to kill me?” I snarled back at him. “What good does me being alive do? To anyone.” That startled him a little bit, shell shocked enough to look up and into my eyes, where I saw my own feral irises reflected.

But he steeled himself again within moments. And then, out of the breast pocket of his blue blazer, he grabbed a sheet of paper.

Not a sheet of paper I realized as he folded it out for me. A picture of a skinny redheaded woman. One I recognized intimately. “Target 17. What do you need to know?” I questioned coldly, unfeeling. That made him jerk backward in his seat and hastily stand, panting and heaving, murderous intent glinting in his brown eyes.

“Her name was Pepper. And she was killed three days before our wedding, carrying my child. So I’d like to know. Was it-,“ he spat out like the words were physically fighting to escape from his body.

“Was it me? No. I was in the wind with my sister for a few months after our covers were almost blown taking out a diplomat in Indonesia. For what it’s worth, I truly am sorry Tony. Especially,” I said, voice dropping to a whisper, “about your son.”

“Excuse me, my what?” Fists clenched, he strode up to the side of my bed, closer to my head. I shied away from him as he bent down and got into my face. “What did you just say to me?”

Fuck. He didn’t know and I just made it ten times worse. The sound of his repulsor charging broke the most pregnant silence I’d ever heard. Before he could fire, though, Thor and Steve burst through the door and caught him as he collapsed in anguish, taking him away, leaving me alone. They knew everything about my time with Hydra. The evil I’d done and the evil I’d allowed to happen. I was the enemy. And I had no backup.

So back to normal.

Hours later, I gave in to my bone-deep weariness and collapsed into sleep. Dream after fever dream encased my drained mind, ephemeral and diaphanous. Most images were forgotten immediately, flighty and fragile as a butterfly’s wing. Others though, others stuck like mosquitos stuck in amber. Flashes.

Light, blood, destruction. Tattooed stars and deep, harrowing scars on ragged faces. Sobbing little boys with green eyes and silky hair.

Despite the intense lunacy and deep feeling of realness, I felt while dreaming, I was aware of a deep, striking pain within myself. It settled in my chest, buried deep, as though I’d replaced my stomach with Mjolnir. The ache was both sharp and dull, full and waning. It signaled that a harsh reality awaited me in the waking world. When I was dreaming it was like the pain had no anchor, no reason for tormenting me, as hapless and defenseless as a newly hatched bird.

When I’m half-awake, like I am now, I know why the pain is here, understand the presence of gut-wrenching guilt and searing hot shame and thus can accept them. I’m not sure which is worse to experience.

Sometimes I’m fully awake, being handed crackers or grapes or bottles of water by a person whose name I don’t know because I’m never cognizant long enough to catalog their face. Seconds later, I’m again drowning, pulled into the depths of my dreamscape.

My reality blurs and the cycle continues, vicious unto the end. And every time I wake, my cheeks are embarrassingly wet. It feels like weeks before I’m awake long enough to realize I’m not alone. That every time I wake, a new face is staring back at me from a different chair in my room.

I come to recognize them again in time. Wanda, Pietro, Bucky, Steve, Vision, even Peter. But never Tony.

I sit up for the first time after what feels like a month, though the limited aching emanating from my bones tells me, logically, that it’s only been a fraction of that time. One either side of my bed is a Maximoff. Wanda looks more concerned than wary. Pietro looks like a lion who caught the scent of an enemy pride.

“Go slowly Kaida,” Wanda urges, “you must be weak. It’s been a few days since you rejoined the land of the living. Her continued inquiries and entreaties fall on deaf ears. As vulgar as it now sounds in retrospect, I knew I had to move or else an accident would occur. I stumbled into my en suite, knowing even without needing to look that they would have removed anything that would have made a suitable weapon.

I also know that, should my biology betray any sign of shifting to make use of my abilities, F.R.I.D.A.Y. would alert the others and the full might of the Avengers would fall upon my head. And Wanda would have me back out in seconds. What couldn’t be stopped of measured for, of course, were things such as my superhuman hearing, that was currently picking up on the muffled conversation the twins were having in my bedroom on the other side of the bedroom door.

“Why are you blocking FRIDAY, we should be alerting the others that the prisoner is awake and ready for their attention.”

“Pietro! She’s not our prisoner,” Wanda reprimanded. “Besides, I wish to have a moment alone with the girl. Even if she is not a child of Strucker, she is what Hydra made her to be, somehow. I just… I’d like for her to have a sympathetic listener at first. We never got the benefit of the doubt. If you remember we weren’t exactly unwilling in our crusade against the Avengers.”

Pietro just grunted in agreement but remained tense at his sister's side. I quickly twisted off the faucet and reentered the bedroom. Rather than speak, Wanda simply patted the seat of the chair across from hers, indicating that I should take a seat. It was the gentlest command ever issued. I slid back until my shoulders brushed the high back of the chair.

Wanda opened her mouth to speak, but I cut her off with a gesture of my hands. I leaned forward, extending my head towards her.

“Just look, let my mind answer your questions. I don’t know that I’d have the strength to or that we’d have the time before the others come charging in. If I’m going to die, I need at least one person to know and believe the truth. Maybe help persuade Captain Rogers to end my life swiftly. It’s more than I deserve.”

With that Wanda, eyes shining, placed her hands on my temples and breathed deeply as we were both transported to an infinitely darker place, many years ago.

Sinking through my memories was like drifting uncontrollably through a minefield. Tiny bursts of anguish shot through my mind as Wanda relived my upbringing with my sister, the house of horrors that was our home, being tapped to join Hydra and agreeing without ‘persuasion'. The missions, targets and our downfall. My sister's son. And finally, the mission that sent us both running for the hills...

The time since then. One dead-end job to another, sisters working to support each other, all while looking for the last remaining piece of our family. And, then that day had come. The snap and dust. Guilt flooding me and overwhelming a sense of horror as time passed.

Homeless until my… boyfriend. The horror that home turned into, one that I do still feel as though I deserved. Until one night he went too far and I left. The night Peter found me. Of course in the midst of all this, you had my ‘heroics' that mostly consisted of helping women out of situations I understood all too well. And that damned school. So Peter was looking for me at the behest of the Avengers after the most recent event had even landed on the front page of the New York Times.

My deeply buried need to have somewhere to call home, to have not just someone on my six but to have a family. All the emotions that Hydra and I, through my conditioning at their hands, thought of as compromising and weak.

I had agreed, understanding that I could play the role of Asset for the good guys for once, maybe correct some of the horrific circumstances I had had a hand in creating. My mission would be protecting others for the first time. Only in my wildest dreams had I imagined I'd ever have a family again, but they had begun to feel like home, in spite of the secrets I kept. Now that was ruined. That was inevitable, I reminded myself. Because of who I am, I could never have a family. I didn't deserve one.

“No,” Wanda said, interrupting our shared stream of thoughts, "not ruined, just a little, broken. They accepted us in time." Pietro nodded, eyes alighting on his sister and then on me. Curiosity burned in his soul-deep gaze. He leaned forward and used his abnormally large hand and rough fingers to cover his sister's hand, which I just realized was now twined in mine.

Connected like this, I felt the smallest flicker of hope come to life in me, setting my heart aflutter. Understanding and acceptance filled their eyes and I did tear up a little. I never expected this.

“You are not the monster your parents created. Nor the asset that Hydra trained. You are more than that Kaida. Let us help you find it. Find yourself.”

I nodded, leaning into her embrace as she gripped me by the shoulders and kissed my cheek.

At Wanda’s urging, I stepped into the shower, running my hand through my hair as nearly a week’s worth of grime was stripped off my body. I think it was safe to say that I’d never felt more confused and well, vulnerable in my life.

For the time being, I didn’t have a mission or a purpose. My handler, or the surrogate my mind had appointed was questionable at best now that all had been revealed. I didn’t like being left to my own mind and devices. Too many thoughts would rattle around inside my head. After a few hours, the twins left again, gentle eyes and kind reassurances.

Later and not seconds after my stomach rumbled with a fierceness I had forgotten it had, my door opened and a tray of food entered, held by Bucky, the Winter Soldier.

A/N: I’m uploading another chapter tonight that I am formatting and scheduling right flipping now so I don’t flake again. Really pumped for the new fic I’m starting though!

taglist: @peeterparkr @laurfangirl424 @private-bucky-barnes

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