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johnslittlespoon · 4 days

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leaving bikeriders anon here again i’m going crazy over the back and forth constant neither of them saying anything out of nervousness of it all like of COURSE it would take them forever to actually get together there would have to be an honest to god crisis a completely off-kilter situation for them to get together they’re so bad at communicating. also have not been able to get the thought of them running into each other by chance at a bar across town and even though bucky showed up with people he just ends up at a table in the corner with gale the whole night. gale jokingly asks if john is even old enough to drink which turns into a whole thing where john suddenly has to prove to gale that he CAN drink and he IS old enough and is Definitely Worthy of gale’s attention. anyways!

HIII i'm still ON one about this too dw

exactly my goddd the back and forth would be physically painful to write/read honestly lol the flirtation and the sexual tension!!

ur so right smth absolutely wild would have to happen, or one of them would have to slip up, or there'd have to be an argument where feelings are blurted out in anger/hurt, orrrr, in relation to your idea at the end which i'm going clinically insane over bee tee dubs:

john is so offended by the insinuation that he's too young to drink even if gale's joking, made worse probably by gale throwing in a kid– "you old enough to be in here, kid?" with the corner of his mouth quirking up a bit.

john puffs his chest out and tries not to let the one beer he's had slur his words, goes "'course i am" all huffy, rolls his eyes, reaches for gale's full shot glass while holding determined eye contact and tips it back without a second thought, really has to clench his fist in his lap for a second when it threatens to come right back up, not used to anything quite so harsh.

it's not gale's intention to egg him on like that, john's just bristly, a messy college kid used to bulldozing his way through life, never turning down a bet or challenge, has maybe been watching a pretty girl hang off gale's other side on top of everything and wants to prove that he can be exciting and mature too.

john ends up drinking too much, taking whatever shots the others in gale's group pass him for their entertainment until gale shuts the next person who tries down with a pointed glare, slides the shot glass away before john can reach for it, says "alright, we're cutting you off" when john whines out a complaint, leaning heavily against gale's side.

the night ends with gale helping john out of the bar because john's friends leave long before he does. he gets john out to the parking lot out front, gets him situated on the back of his motorcycle, keeps a hand on his shoulder and asks where home is, and john's like, "oh, no, can't go home like this buck, dad'll gimme a shiner" and gale's jaw clenches hard, but it's not the time to get angry.

he's at a loss, because he's not gonna bring john home to an environment he's had a faint suspicion isn't the greatest since they met (however that might have been, that's shit for me to plot out later lol) but bringing him to his house seems like a bad idea, but he's also not sure what to do and john's friends don't seem the greatest to just leave him with a borderline stranger. so what else is there to do?

"am i gonna have to tie you to me, or are you gonna hold on tight?" he asks as he climbs on the bike in front of john, and john giggles out a "y'can tie me to wh'tever y'want," filter completely gone from how sloshed he is, and gale looks to the sky and says a silent prayer because jesus fucking christ. what.

i'm like 99% certain that alcohol would be involved in a feelings confession, probably that night when it slips out from john's lips, so drunk he doesn't even realize it. nothing would happen that night, because gale's trying to be a responsible adult and he wants to make sure john's not just saying shit, but he's also quite forward, so he'd bring it up in the morning after he's brought john a water and some painkillers, and john would go so red and he'd drop his head into his hands and whisper an "oh my god" because he can't believe he's slipped up so bad.

and then yk. feelings–talk ensues. john is so mortified, he wants to die. gale is so enamoured but trying to be realistic about things. etc etc i'll flesh it all out eventually when it's time to start writing it >:)

#leaving bikeriders au #<- for other posts set in this au/future fic <3 #i already know this au is gonna be stuck in my brain for a while #i'm not gonna be able to shake it loose till i finish the dog fic and then get to writing this one lol #buck x bucky #buckbucky #johnslittlespoon asks #johnslittlespoon brainrot

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sandy-the-glader · 7 months

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Little Place In The Back Of Your Mind

Character: George Karim x Gn!reader

Type: Fluff/comfort

Length: 656 words

Summary: You’ve always been clumsy and slow. You feel so bad for keeping the group behind and you feel especially bad for how George always saves your ass. One early morning it finally gets to you and George reassures you that it’s okay.

Trope: Friends to lovers (Honestly could be read as platonic)

A/N: Here's a shorter Drabble one-shot thing to tide you guys over until I finally post some of those requests very soon!!!

I dropped my bag of supplies by my bed in the shared space me and Lucy had. This had been a disaster of a case. The Type 2 somehow snuck up on me and if it wasn't for George I would have been ghost-locked in a instant. I was being reckless and I could have gotten George hurt during this or even the others.

I let the angry and guilty tears flow as I sat on my bed. Lucy was showering downstairs, Lockwood was in the kitchen and George could be anywhere in this house. I was glad to be alone.

I felt like an embarrassment to them. I'm constantly tripping, daydreaming and god knows what else. I pressed my hands to my face trying to get those harsh tears to stop. God, I'm such a wreck.

No matter what I do, I always manage to get in the way.

I heard a knock on the door making my head snap up. I figured it was Lucy coming back from her shower so I quickly wiped my eyes and sat up.

"Come in," I called out. I sat there staring at the floor. I heard gentle footsteps patter up the staircase. Then when they reached the top they stopped.

"Y/n? Are you okay?" I heard no other than George's voice ring out. I looked at him and smiled softly. His face was puzzled.

"Yeah, I'm fine what's up?" George had a tray of tea in his hands but he put it on a small table in our shared space.

"No, you're obviously not. Your nose is red and your eyes look glassy. What's wrong?" I felt bad for getting him to worry about me like he always does.

"Really It's nothing I wouldn't want to bother you." He sighed.

"If it really had bothered me I wouldn't have started this interaction. So tell me what's wrong." He said firmly. He proceeded to sit next to me and wait for me to talk. He had his full attention on me and I love him for that.

"I just feel like I'm keeping you all behind. I'm constantly messing up on our cases and I feel like a liability to our team." I stared down at my roughed-up shoes I hadn't taken off yet. “I always mess everything up.”

"You know you make this team stronger?" He spoke truthfully. "I've seen you use your powers. Sometimes me and Lockwood aren't even capable of doing what you can do." I slowly started to look at him. He was so serious and I could tell it was all genuine. "You're always the first one to cheer someone up after a hard blow for a mission. You're constantly asking to help with any chore around the house. Whether it be cooking or oiling chains you're always willing to help the team and I admire that."

His face was soft and calm. A way that I haven't seen many times before. He's always so invested in something.

"Yes, I can admit that sometimes you're a little wobbly on the battlefield but you have other strengths besides combat. So many other qualities that make you amazing. You're so insanely smart and kind. So don't think about yourself like that. Or I will be mad and I'll have to talk some more sense into you." I chuckled softly. A ghost of a smile emerged on his lips.

"Thank you, George." Then I felt his arms around me. For a boy who isn't into "Touchy-feely" things this is a pretty touchy-feely situation. I soon melted into his touch and hugged him back.

"Is George Casper Karim hugging me right now or am I going crazy?" I joked. He groaned at my comment.

"Do not mention it. If you tell Lockwood I'll never hear the end of it." He hissed out. "Just enjoy the kindness I'm returning to you."

"Yeah, okay." I playfully rolled my eyes.

#lockwood and co #george karim #george karim x reader #save lockwood and co #comfort #george cubbins #ali hadji heshmati #new things are coming guys #I'm trying to get into a good writing habit

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mcytblrconfessions · 7 months

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*sighs in sadness* Ocean Queen Lizzie you were too good a character to be released onto the masses who couldn't characterize you well in fanfiction to save your life :(

The joy your story brought me (self-proclaimed number one Ocean Queen fan /hj) is immense, but it does not cancel out the multitudes of fanfiction flattening you into a hollow shell of yourself who only exists as an extension of the men in your life, clogging the LDShadowLady fandom tag and making it nigh-impossible to fin the (rare) fic in which Lizzie is in-character

And trust me, I know. My experiences are born out of pain and sorrow. Deep in the clutches of hyperfixation, I checked the LDShadowLady tag several times every day for months, no filters. I looked at every fic in the tag, and the backlog of fics. I read every fic in the tag, with only a few exceptions for the most truly unstomachable fic. Even as my hyperfixation loosened, I still checked the LDShadowLady tag often, and scrolled through the backlog. I still read every Lizzie centric fic I can find, and a lot that isn't. I still am on a constant search for good Lizzie fic (please: anyone want to recommend any fics? I'm sure there's stuff I'm missing/missed/forgot to bookmark! she doesn't have to be the main character, just significant!)

I have gazed into the abyss. I have absorbed the scope of it. I have written fic on my own.

And yet: the problem is less with the lack of Lizzie fics, and more with the bad ones, the ones that don't actually feature her in any real capacity, which becomes easy to see once you've read a lot of them noticed the pattern, just a combination of sidelining, of mischaracterization, and mischaracterization by omission, that trap that is so easy to fall into.

I can forgive fandom for this to an extent. No fic writer is perfect, this is about the collective patterns. But after a certain point, it starts becoming harder to ignore: the way she is written into fics only to warp around c!Jimmy (sometimes other male characters) with zero regard for her interiority, her agency, her struggles, her potential, in fics that give male side characters these things.

The way she is ignored varies. Sometimes it is the most blatant examples: she is put in a situation in which multiple canon traits/opinions/experiences of hers would obviously be relevant, but all are ignored except supportive sister. Sometimes it is more subtle: it iisn't a plot hole that her being a supportive sister/caring/"strong woman girlboss" (in the way that doesn't actually give her any agency or depth or plot importance, she's still a flat character only there for support, but actually we only write her as a personw with no interior depth or anything interesting bc she's just so cool and competent and perfect there aren't any problems that give us reasons to focus on her or give her like, a character arc or something) is the only thing that comes up in the au, but the fact that the author didn't find anything else about her interesting or worthy of show, never considered showing her in more depth, giving her an arc, giving her choices to make, the fact that over and over again authors decide that the only reason to show her is if she's supporting a guy, grates a whole fucking lot. Mostly, it is more subtle but once you see it you will never stop unseeing it. I try to repeat it but I just sound like a broken record.

Am I going insane for noticing this when nobody else seems to? I worry that, even being mad mostly at the trend and not the individual writers, I am still somehow being too unfair to them. I check my line of thought over and over. Then, once again, I am reading a fic and I can't stop thinking about how it's another fic in the pattern, and I try to find something that isn't and it takes me pages and pages, and I am so angry again. Death by a thousand pinpricks. Driven insane by a thousand lackluster Lizzie portrayals.

It's hard not to feel crazy. People like the Ocean Queen! People don't dislike her character! She just slowly gets flattened, over and over. Never any interest in her depths. (yes I am ocean punning at a time like this)

I am awash in a sea of misery. Every day I think of her and I wish for a world where people liked her better. Where she was the character with a million fics exploring her potential. I think about it and I think about her and I think about my fic for her and the good fics I've read for her and I open another fic where Lizzie is tagged and I hope.

(The pain these fics bring me is immense but the joy I feel about the character is greater, at least. Mostly I think about that. Two sides to everything, how unfortunate/lucky)

Ocean Queen I love you.

#confession #mod response #long post #ch: empires s1 lizzie

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withacapitalp · 1 year

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See Hear Speak no Evil Chapter Two

Read this on ao3 instead here! Read the OG Premise here

“You gonna tell me what’s botherin’ you, or am I gonna be forced to ask?” Wayne wondered aloud, taking a drag from his cigarette and tapping out the ash on the windowsill in the living room. A draft came in from the open window and sent a shiver down Eddie’s spine, making him pause and hold the dish he was currently washing in mid-air.

Yeah, a shiver from the open window. It was just from the cold. Not at all from the slightly scary way his uncle knew how to read him.

“Dunno what you mean,” Eddie attempted, giving Wayne a thousand megawatt smile and plunging both of his hands into the hot soapy water with gusto. Wayne grunted, stubbing out his cancer stick and shutting the window. It immediately fogged up from the steam coming from the sink.

“I’m not goin’ to make you talk, Eddie. You know that,” Wayne reminded him, his tone frustratingly balanced. That was probably the most annoying thing about living with Uncle Wayne. All bad things were met with neutrality.

No anger, no shouting, just passive acceptance for the things he couldn’t change. The things he wouldn’t try to change.

For a boy like Eddie, who had grown up in a house of passion and took every bit of it with him when he left, it was sometimes infuriating. When he had first started living with Wayne, he had purposefully done bad things, attempting to get a rise out of his too patient, too kind uncle, but it had never worked.

Eddie had finally settled out of doing that around sixteen, but moments like this brought back that need. The insane need to have Wayne yell at him. Just once. Hell, he hadn’t even yelled when Eddie failed senior year for the second fucking time.

It was crazy, but Eddie was always going to have the desire to know what the line he would have to cross to make Wayne snap. He just wanted to trip it once, just to see what would happen.

He hadn’t found it yet, but this felt like the kind of thing that would be edging towards that moment. Wayne hated cruelty of any kind, and Eddie was man enough to admit what he had done today was fucking cruel.

There was no other reason for the kids to act the way they did. No other reason for Steve Harrington to show how much it hurt.

“I think I did a bad thing,” Eddie blurted out, hitting the faucet to turn it off and yanking a piece of paper towel off the roll. Wayne raised his eyebrows ever so slightly, but apart from doing that, and turning in his chair to fully face Eddie, he didn’t react.

Damn him for always being so cool. Damn Eddie for falling for it every time.

With a put upon sigh Eddie hopped up onto the counter opposite his uncle and tipped his head back.

“You know the new boys I took under my wing? The four freshmen?”

Wayne didn’t interrupt as Eddie went through the whole sordid affair. From meeting the boys, to their supposed connection to Steve Harrington, and finally through everything that had happened tonight. He never would have spoken up, it wasn’t in his nature, but every time Wayne’s jaw clenched up or he took a long slow breath in, it felt like a slap across the face.

Wayne never got angry, but he never really had to. His disappointment hurt more than any beating Eddie’s dad had ever given him.

“How was I supposed to know he was actually deaf? I mean, wouldn’t that have been a big fucking deal?! Wouldn’t the entire town talk about their star basketball captain not being able to hear?” Eddie demanded, wanting Wayne to take his side and knowing he wouldn’t.

“‘cause you’re so involved in the Hawkin’s gossip chain?” Wayne shot back, an incredulous look on his face. He rubbed his hand over his chin and leaned back in his chair, looking troubled.

“People like the Harringtons would never want that kind of talk, and they got the means to make sure it don’t happen. Lots of strange things have gone on in town in the last few years, Eddie. We keep our heads down and noses clean, but that don’t mean everyone else does the same.”

Well, that much was definitely true. It felt like overnight Hawkins had gone from the sleepiest town in America, to the center of huge amounts of controversy. Then, as quickly as the craziness had started, it had stopped. One minute there were missing kids, military vans all over, and a strict curfew enforced with hostility.

Then….nothing. Instant normalcy, the kind that made Eddie feel like he was in the Stepford Wives.

No one really knew what had happened. Chief Hopper was as tight-lipped as they came, and eventually the media craze had died down when the reporters got it through their heads that they really weren’t going to get anything. But the town still talked as all small towns tend to do. There were rumors about government conspiracies, cults, even aliens.

But all of that begged the natural follow up question.

What did any of that have to do Steve Harrington?

What did it have to do with Eddie’s newest sheep?

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now,” Eddie admitted. Even if he wanted answers- and he did- the metalhead was pretty sure the boys were never going to tell him.

If they even still wanted to talk to him after tonight.

“Talk to him,” Wayne suggested, getting up with a groan and forcing himself to his feet. He walked across the living room and into the kitchen. He grabbed his lunch pail from next to Eddie and patted his shoulder twice, a nonverbal but firm ending to their conversation.

“To Steve Harrington? Are you serious?” Eddie asked, pushing past the brush off and trying to convey through his tone exactly how bad that idea was.

“Serious as a heart attack. Talk with him, and, more importantly, listen,” Wayne added on, giving Eddie a half smile, “I know that ain’t always easy for you, but try. For me, alright? Somethin’s tellin’ me nobody’s been listenin’ to that boy.”

“Alright,” Eddie muttered, mostly to get Wayne off his back. He knocked his head slightly too roughly against Wayne’s arm and hopped down, disappearing into his room as Wayne called out a goodbye and went to work.

When he heard his uncle's pickup rumble away, Eddie grabbed his headphones, jamming a mixtape into his walkman and turning the volume up as loud as it could go. Wailing guitars screeched in his ears, settling the anxiety that loved to pace across his chest incessantly. Once that was taken care of, Eddie was free to overthink the entire conversation.

Talk? To Steve?

He would have preferred if Wayne told him he should talk to a live snake. At least a cobra would kill him quickly. No, he wouldn’t be able to do that. He didn’t even know if he could talk to Steve. Would there be any point when Steve in all likelihood wouldn’t hear a word he said?

Was that offensive?

Should he even care if it was?

Eddie groaned, burying his face in his pillow. Whether he should or shouldn’t, he did. He cared way too much. His stomach was still in knots after Hellfire tonight, and it was hours later. He couldn’t get the image of Steve’s hurt out of his head, and the betrayed looks the boys had given him were permanently etching themselves onto his heart.

And, worst of all, he knew exactly why this was eating him up so bad.

It was because Eddie prided himself on being better.

He was supposed to be the comforting shepherd, the barkeep welcoming in lost and weary travelers. Hellfire was a sanctuary he had created to protect anyone rejected by society, and Eddie was the leader.

He had sworn to himself his whole life that he would never be like the guys who made fun of him day in and day out. He wasn’t going to be like his father who had never listened, or his mother who hadn’t even bothered to care. He was going to be someone better.

Someone better wouldn’t have done what he did tonight.

But, there was still his pride, a writhing wrathful thing that refused to go down without a fight. The idea of apologizing to King fucking Steve of all people made Eddie want to gag, and he knew for a fact that even if he honest to god tried to do it, he wouldn’t be able to. He would probably just say something that would make it even worse, and then his boys would really never talk to him again.

Eddie would get his answers first. Then he would decide if he needed to apologize or not.

But he still couldn’t talk to Steve. That was still very much not an option, no matter what Wayne suggested.

He couldn’t talk, but maybe there was another way. A way to ensure his words got to Steve, regardless of hearing.

Eddie lifted his head off the pillow and scrambled over to his favorite notebook, flipping to a free page and scrawling down a few things, striking out a few words and thinking about the best way to phrase things.

This could work. No, this would work, and the boys would forgive him, and then things could go back to normal…

And then, as per usual, the universe wasn’t all that interested in letting things go smoothly for him.

“Dude, you gotta relax,” Gareth said, flicking his spoon at Eddie’s head, “They’ll show,”

He caught it with ease, pelting the plastic spoon back in his best friend’s direction and continuing to pace. Since he had come up with the idea last night, Eddie had been keyed up filled to the brim with nervous energy. He had even gotten to school early, and paid zero attention to any of his morning classes, bouncing his leg a mile a minute the whole time and letting his mind wander as it pleased.

“Maybe they won’t. Maybe they’re too cool to sit with us now that we confirmed they’re besties with King Steve,” Jeff chuckled to himself. Gareth rolled his eyes, and Eddie finally paused mid stride.

“Would you both knock it off?” Eddie growled with a glare, “We already fucked up enough last night.”

“Well you’re the one that started it,” Gareth muttered, clearly ticked at being scolded like a small child. He always hated when Eddie did that.

Eddie winced and went back to his pacing. He was fully aware he was the one that had started it, but he was also the only one who seemed interested in fixing it, so the other two could stuff it.

The thrice folded notebook paper was burning a hole in his pocket, and he just wanted to hand it off so he could get it over with and get his life back to the track it had been cruising on before Steve Harrington had knocked it off course.

“There they are,” Jeff said, much more subdued. Eddie’s head whipped around fast enough that his neck cracked, and he scanned the cafeteria with a hawk’s eye, looking for the four boys.

Mike, Dustin, Will, and Lucas were on the far side, each one holding a disgustingly yellow plastic lunch tray. They were searching the cafeteria, Dustin’s neck craning as he looked around. Eddie wasn’t exactly sure why they were looking so lost when they already knew where to go, but it was fine. It was all fine.

This would be fixed within minutes.

He patted the outside of his pocket a few times, practically bouncing in place as he waited for them to finally quit whatever they were doing and just come over. Eventually, Will nudged Mike with his elbow and they all began to come closer. Eddie leaned against the lunch table and folded his arms, trying to appear as casual as he possibly could.

“Look guys-”

The words dried up in his mouth as the group of four walked right past him without so much as a glance in his direction, talking amongst themselves as they went to the opposite corner of the lunch room.

Infuriating. Absolutely, unacceptably, infuriating.

Hot rage bloomed in his chest, and Eddie resisted the absolutely mental urge to chase after them and start yelling. He couldn’t stand being ignored, and those little fucking brats knew that. Was this their stupid idea of some kind of punishment?

Behind his back, Gareth and Jeff shared a worried look. They knew how Eddie acted about being ignored.

“What the fuck,” He ground out, his teeth clenching into a grim sort of grin, “What the actual fuck was that?!”

“Eddie-”

Eddie held up a hand to cut Gareth off, shaking it mid air to try and get some of the energy out of his body without jumping up on the table and declaring war on a group of freshmen who were just protecting their friend.

He needed to think in logical short statements. That’s what Eddie needed to do right now to rationalize this betrayal.

It was Logical. Eddie had hurt Steve. Steve, who they had already said was their friend. This was their way of protecting their friend. It wasn’t about Eddie. It wasn’t.

Except it kind of fucking was because he was the one being ignored.

No. No it wasn’t. It was about Steve. It was just the boys protecting their friend. Their friend, Steve Harrington. Steve Harrington who was apparently deaf.

Never mind that their friend was an uppity goddamn prick who stood for everything Eddie had ever rebelled against. Never mind that their friend was not a friend, but most likely a wolf in sheep’s clothing that would only hurt them. Never mind that their friend was a creepy little jock who deserved-

No. Eddie wasn’t going to think that way. He was going to be someone better.

The note still sitting in his pocket proved that.

“It’s fine,” Eddie managed to say, hating how robotic his voice was, “It’s-”

It wasn’t. It wasn’t fine. He wanted to rip that stupid piece of paper into a thousand bits of idiot confetti and throw it over the four boys. Let them get chewed up and spit out by this piece of shit town, and let Eddie go back to caring about just himself and the people who actually deserved it. He wanted to do something to get rid of the thing in his body that was screaming at the injustice of it all.

Eddie shut his eyes, taking a deep breath the way Wayne taught him. The ghost of Steve’s tightened shoulders and clenched fists sat behind his eyelids, burning out the righteous fire that was turning Eddie to ash.

He took another deep breath, a burst of envy hitting against his skull. How was Wayne so good at this?

“Uh…Eddie?”

When he opened his eyes, Gareth and Jeff were staring at him with nervous looks. Gareth was drumming his fingers on the table, and Jeff was working his jaw back and forth. They were waiting for the explosion, whatever wild beast was about to burst out of Eddie’s chest and lay waste to everything around it.

It wasn’t going to happen. Not this time.

Eddie was going to be someone better.

With that thought chasing away the rest of his hurt anger Eddie turned back around, searching out his lost sheep once more. They were sitting in the corner with Max Mayfield, Robin Buckley, Nancy Wheeler, and Jonathan Byers. They took up a whole lunch table, just the eight of them, happily chatting and throwing carrot sticks at each other with ease.

They looked like they fit together, this odd group of individual puzzle pieces that shouldn’t have come together to make a picture.

But they did. They worked.

An odd wave of loneliness crashed over him, but Eddie ignored it in favor of zeroing in on Robin Buckley. She was leaning across Jonathan to toss something at Mike, her trumpet case sitting on the table next to her.

What had Harrington said last night? Something about Robin and work.

This must have been the Robin he meant, and that was good. It was good, because right after lunch was band practice.

Eddie had his new plan, and this time he was going to see it through. Whether Buckley liked it, or not.

Tag List (Again if you want to be added or taken off just DM me, reply, or reblog this and put it in the tags) : @hexmionegranger @kerlypride @thing-a-ling @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @orangeandthefairroadkill @tiny-enthusiast @potentialheartofdarkness

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cottongrave · 2 days

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Icarus’ gaze is glued to a hand before him. It’s an invitation he should refuse, leave it rot and never acknowledge it again. Maybe in some universe he would consider it, but not right now, when this grinning face is staring at him. If anyone could even call it a face. Orbrot stopped thinking about it a while ago (a lie).

“I’m not doing this because I want to,” his voice suddenly rings in his own ears. It makes him flinch. Icarus didn’t mean to speak, didn’t mean to say anything. Turn away and leave, he mutters to himself in his mind as his body mocks him, refusing to listen and accepting Grave’s hand.

Well, fuck him, apparently.

Grave laughs, quietly. Despite his character, he always sounds quiet, muffled. Orb thinks it makes sense, with that stupid pumpkin on his head. He wonders how he sounds without it.

“Why are you doing it, then?” A reasonable question. Grave pulls him closer, free hand on his shoulder. “Is it for me?”

“No.”

The man doesn’t believe him. Icarus doesn’t believe himself either. This is annoying. Infuriating, ever, how little control he holds over himself when he’s around this stupid, stupid, stupid creature. And Grave can easily read him, too, using it to his advantage, to make fun of him, degrade him, ridicule and taunt-

“You’re a bad liar, little one,” Grave almost murmurs, taking the first step. “You could be honest with me for once.” Words won’t leave this prison anyway. “I would appreciate some kindness.” I am a dying man, after all.

“You don’t deserve any.”

“Oh my, kindness is a privilege all of a sudden?”

The rhythm is familiar. One, two three- one, two, three… Icarus can turn off his brain for a while. Not fully, he can never relax, but for now, he lets Grave lead. Because it’s easier than fighting for control or trying to impose his own rules. Because he- doesn’t trust him. Because he knows he can easily take over it if he needs to.

“It’s a miracle you’re still alive.”

Orb could say the same to him. He lifts his eyebrow, looking at Grave with absolutely no curiosity at all. Icarus isn’t interested in his answer, he never was, his words have no meaning to him, he just hates the overbearing silence in this stupid box. Anything is better than to be alone with his thoughts. Even if this means listening to rambles of this… ugh. He has no insults to throw at him at this point.

“Easy to anger. Easy to fluster. Just… easy.” Grave continues. “Like Alice and White Rabbit. Gullible.”

The height difference makes it uncomfortable in some parts. Orbrot sees how much Grave needs to lean forward to make it work even a little bit. Not like he cares. He just doesn’t want this man to step on his feet.

“‘Gullible’... What makes you think that?” he says. There’s no anger in his voice, for some reason. He wants to be angry, he is angry, he was insulted. Mocked. Again.

“You never question anything I say…” Grave hums, his grip on Icarus’ hand gets a bit more firmer. He wants to pull away but he doesn’t. “You believe my words just because you think I can’t lie to you.”

“You don’t look like the man who would lie,” Icarus protests, immediately realizing how stupid he sounds. He talks to a crazy person, what he would consider the living example of insanity. He won’t admit that Grave is right, though. Because he isn’t. He never is. Orb clears his throat. “You’re in no position to do so, either.”

“As if I ever cared about that,” he laughs as if he just heard the funniest joke, his body shaking in delight. “You’re either searching for an excuse to trust me or you're just naive. I wonder what’s worse.”

Icarus stops in a beat and Grave is quick to follow. His ears are ringing and it feels like this man just spat in his face. He scoffs, angrily, pulling away, taking a few steps back. Another chuckle, so confident of himself as if he just cracked some code. He didn’t. Grave doesn’t know fucking shit, he doesn’t, and it doesn’t even fucking matters-

“Nothing happened here. If you even dare to open your mouth to speak about this, I’ll make sure that your life here is torture,” Orb hisses, panting. Heavy feeling in his chest drags him down, making his mind fuzzy. This man is the worst, he wants- he needs to put a blade through his chest, make him shut up, eat his words and apologize, plead for forgiveness.

“It already is, beautiful. But my mouth is shut.”

He believes him. Again. Not a single doubt rings in his mind and Icarus swallows hysterical laughter. This fucking bitch.

#cottonstypings #i hope they fucking die horrible death god forbid.#if anyone from 3csmp sees it no you dont hush #no homo btw i will never write gay people

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gojonanami · 23 days

Note

Also!! Really random!! But I just wanted to say, as a fellow Muslim, when I read that anon message you got I was literally appalled. It’s sadly common but it’s still just as ridiculous.

Being Muslim literally doesn’t mean you have to limit the exploration of sexuality??? It’s a toxic mindset, just cause you’re Muslim doesn’t mean you can’t have desires or cant have any sense of sex and intimacy??? Like wtf??? Get your priorities straight! Legit no man on earth should be able to make judgement on other Muslims behavior because that’s only for Allah to do, and if that anon is so high and mighty then they should realize that they’re committing a sin by stating assumptions on the judgement of Allah, something none of us Muslims have any power to understand or inflict so like 💀💀💀

ALSO the whole gay thing??? Tiresome at this point. First of all, it’s fictional characters and let’s be fr they’re literally dating and in love (biased), but even if they weren’t, literally what does it have to do with the anon? Why can’t they just let people ship and support what they want to support? And also dude gay Muslims exist, coming from a GAY MUSLIM 😭. Yea I pray five times a day, yeah I have read the Quran, yeah I fast, and yeah I’ve ALSO simultaneously been able to love who I want to love which happens to be a woman without doubting my religious beliefs and the god I worship??? Like hello are you dumb (sorry I shouldn’t be bad mouthing in Ramadan but I am cause this is crazy) 😭😭😭.

Legit like who are you to say what’s wrong and right! You’re not supposed to pass judgement to anyways especially fellow Muslims cause you don’t know us and our beliefs and our loyalties! Exploring sexuality and attraction and writing and producing it doesn’t make you a bad Muslim wtf, it makes you human, and humans aren’t perfect like you said, but humans still have their values and at the end of the day isn’t that what you’ll be judged for the most?? Also the whole gay thing again, it is in my beliefs that Allah wouldn’t want me to suffer and be unhappy, if he made me this way it was by his intention and I support peace and love as Allah would encourage and in my heart I know it’s not a sin.

ANYWAYS THATS MY HOT TAKE AFTER SEEING THE POST AND GETTING ANGRY HAHAHA MOVING ON LOVE YOU SAB DONT LET THEM GET TO YOU BLESS YOU 💗💗💗💗💗

thank you ahhh no literally it’s so crazy when someone deigns to think their judgment means anything esp compared to Allah - that anon truly was grasping at straws just to shame me for my fics when why else were they on my page 💀💀

no literally they are boyfriends and no one can fight me on this haha — but for real, everyone is entitled to their opinion but it’s crazy to attack someone for shipping lgbt ships or for being lgbt in general — it’s 2024, come on 💀💀💀 no literally why would Allah make you this way if it wasn’t intended? it’s insane. I’m sure you’re a wonderful Muslim — because I can see your incredibly kind heart and I hope that anon’s words or any other person’s words don’t ever get to you 💕💕

LOVE YOU TOO BABE — DONT LET THEM GET TO YOU EITHER 💕🥹

#sab [asks]#sab [anons]#homophobia tw #religion tw

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makorays · 2 months

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Ok I read the whole thing like three times. Like correct me if I wrong. Is that I should stop in general what I am cooking. Like I already know that it really dumb and stupid and not correct. I am not joking about making it and hopefully seeing I am trying to be sincere . You said saying that I Should not make it then because it dumb, crazy and not correct. I got another response before having made this one below the quote assuming misunderstand what I saying and full explaing what I trying to do. But honestly I am lost to what to take in. I have way to many ideas in my head. Most (99 percent) of them are dumb (not counting my music ideas they are mostly straightforward). I not am trying to be bad faith if it does I apologize. The other response probably look like it I don't know.

You know what just ignore what the response said below the quote of your response. (I'm sorry if I failed to listen to you)

"maybe you're just really fucking dumb and should shut the fuck up instead of rambling incoherently about all your half-formed schizophrenic philosophies about society? you haven't seen through the system, you just deluded yourself into thinking your dumb ideas were correct."

(here the below response which is separate from the response above)

I Understand what you saying. I am not trying to say this is a philosophy or it being correct in any sense. It is schizophrenic to the point it make the most insane person look by comparison. I don't really what will happen to me (I just worry about the people) I apologize for if this look like a joke. Jesus I don't know how to make this look sincere. The quote below just reminder. I wish it was harsher honestly. It not angry enough.

OK I hear you but I already know It really fucking dumb and not correct and just want to be eric andre and tvfilthyfrank (they were not crazy enough) and all the art (I mean all art like movie, games, music, all thoughts or anything that relate to it) combine and Jack it to infinite to see what it be like and what the aftermath of that result. NOTE THE ONLY PERSON BEING HARM IS ME and no one else. What if I say it schizophrenic enough to make people with schizophrenia to look sane by comparison . The point ( I don't know there is a point) is that I want crazy to be broken and leak out. I never really show this to anyone I know it crazy and dumb but it look interesting. No one have it done it before it. I don't know what else to say beside I just need what I want to create is to not destroy the people who care about me reputation to be destroyed. I feel like I contradicting what saying earlier. I don't know. I trying to be sincere as possible with the idea in my head. I never really tell about my crazy and dumb idea only my moderate or normal looking idea people be like "go for it". But never my bat shit crazy idea because I know what it is. (I am not sure if saying I know that it crazy, dumb and not correct make me look awful or better)

What the fuck should I do I am ready having midlife crisis in age of 21. Everything look fine but my brain keep telling that everything about to burst.

I Don't know.

ok, i changed my mind. my best advice to you is to either learn english better, or save your ramblings for other people who speak your native language.

i can tell you're being sincere, the problem is i can't really tell anything else. it's an enormous struggle to try and figure out what you're saying, and it's really easy for me to just assume you're stupid because of the way you talk (and because you refused to leave me alone no matter how many times i blocked you).

it's normal to feel lost and confused at your age. i think you should search for a therapist who can help you sort yourself out. i honestly can barely even fathom what the hell is going on in your head or what it is that you're so worried about or what you're trying to do...and i don't think you'll ever be able to explain it to me in a way i'll understand, unless you learn english better and also learn how to present your ideas in a way that doesn't seem completely insane and incoherent.

it's a therapist's job to help your brain to stop feeling like it's about to burst. whatever crazy ideas you have, they'll be able to help you figure out which are good and which are bad. i'm not a professional brain healer, i'm just a guy who is extremely confused by the way you talk. go find someone who will actually be able to listen to you.

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rin-eko · 2 years

Text

Chapter Sixteen - My Precious One

Chapter Warnings/Tags: mentions of child abuse, violent language

masterpost

You hadn’t ever expected your husband to be so needy. A picture of dignified perfection in the people’s eyes, Haruchiyo was actually quite childish in private.

You eyed him over the hard cover of your book, seeing him sigh dramatically again, head slumped against the carriage window. He had been sighing loudly all morning, obviously trying to get attention. Instead of voicing whatever he desired to say, he was too prideful, expecting you to address him immediately.

You sighed and closed your book after he let out another huff of indignation. “Is something wrong, my prince?”

He pouted. Exactly like a child. “My wife doesn’t look at me anymore, what should I do?”

Your jaw dropped. He couldn’t be serious. “We’ve been together all day and just this morning we did marriage duties, what do you mean I don’t look at you anymore?”

“She hides her face and sounds from me when I fuck her,” he continued to mope, pretending he hadn’t heard you.

“You speak so crudely,” you moaned. “And I hide those things because it’s embarrassing when you make me… loud.”

He traced a pattern on the window. “You haven’t been yourself recently and you won’t even tell me what’s wrong.”

“I should not stress you with any of my worries, my prince. You have far too much to deal with as it is.”

The little bastard. As if you hadn’t begged him mere days ago to tell you about Aika. He was the cause of your stress recently, but he was very good at acting all innocent.

His eyes slid your way, narrowed and assessing you. “You are angry with me.”

“I am not.”

“You are.”

You set your jaw. “Not.”

“Are.”

“Not.”

“Are.”

“Gods, I don’t know what to tell you. This argument is too childish to entertain.”

“Fine,” he nodded tiredly, alerting you once more to the dark circles under his eyes. You felt bad. If you hadn’t insisted on visiting your sister he wouldn’t have had to stay in his study room for long hours into the night, finishing the work he needed to complete before the two of you left for Baye.

“When we get to Baye we’ll have an afternoon nap.”

You spluttered. “You always say ‘afternoon nap’ but it’s just your excuse to do couple duties during the day.”

He grinned wide. “My wife is so smart. I cannot trick her anymore.”

You sighed, knowing well enough you weren’t going to get anymore reading done when he was in that kind of mood. You had discovered from the trip to and from Manji that Haruchiyo went a bit crazy being confined in a carriage all day. It was worse if he was tired because his brain seemed to go slightly loopy. Some things he said didn’t even make sense and he spent a lot of time smiling like an insane person at things that weren’t funny in the slightest.

“Haruchiyo,” you uttered softly.

“Hm?”

You beckoned him with a hand. “Come here.”

He raised a brow.

“Please,” you murmured. “You’re so tired. Rest your head until we get to Baye.”

Helpless against your tenderness, he moved into your arms, the carriage seat big enough for his head to lay on your lap on one end and his long legs to bend at the other.

His eyes almost immediately drooped, but he fought the sleep, blinking up at you. “Give me a kiss, wife.”

Dipping down to press your lips to his, you tried to ignore the butterflies flapping about your stomach. It had been days since your tea with Sara and you couldn’t get her words out of your head. Were Haruchiyo and Aika really so close? The way Sara had described it, it was if Haruchiyo was addicted to Aika the same way the drunkards of Senin city were addicted to their wine. Was he not able to separate himself from her?

And he wouldn’t tell you anything. It was exhausting.

So he couldn’t really blame you for being slightly distant over the past few days, could he? It was only to protect your fragile heart. When you made love, if felt as if he was staring into your soul through your eyes. You were relieved when he flipped you onto your stomach to take you from behind so you could hide your face in the pillows. Surely a better alternative to falling even harder.

But even if he refused to give you answers, you still wanted him close. You still cared for him, fretted over him.

You quickly pulled back from the kiss. “That’s enough. You need to sleep.”

“My love…” he slurred.

“What now?”

“… Have you fallen in love with me?”

Your cheeks burned. Why was everyone asking you that? First Tofee and then Sara, now Haruchiyo himself. How were you supposed to know what love was? It wasn’t something you had felt with anyone aside from your grandmother and sister, but those feelings were very different than the ones you had for Haruchiyo.

“I…”

Haruchiyo’s breathing evened out, alerting you to his dozing state. Your shoulders slumped with relief.

You softly stroked the hair from his face, observing the stillness of his rest. He looked adorable and completely unlike himself. Soft pink lips parted and long lashes shadowing his high cheekbones.

You sighed, stroking through his hair as you gazed out the window, the same ugly emotion unwelcome in your gut. You had never been jealous before, though perhaps that wasn’t the right word. You were possessive.

You wanted him all to yourself, even if it was ridiculous and greedy. You wanted him to only look at you, to have his eyes on you only. To obtain his very heart and soul. And no matter how you tried to dampen the feeling, it continued to slip through your fingers, uncontrollably surrounding you.

You stared down at Haruchiyo impassively, wondering what it was about him that had your heart helplessly falling. If you knew then perhaps you could make the feelings go away. You didn’t think you would have loved him if given the choice. When you were younger and fantasised about falling in love as most children did, you had thought it would be easy.

But it wasn’t. You thought that being in love may just be the hardest thing in the world, and the most painful, because you were coming to realise people had no choice in it.

…

The beautiful girl hadn’t changed at all. She was a few years younger than you, with the most stunning blue eyes and long, thick brown hair. You didn’t look too similar, but you could feel the bond the two of you shared when your thoughts drifted to her. Most of your fond memories of Baye held her in them.

Her hair was a tangled mess and flying behind her as she rushed over to embrace you, the widest smile painted across her gorgeous face. She was a beauty. When she was a young child, before she began throwing tantrums and misbehaving in public, your mother would go on and on about how beautiful she would be when she grew up.

That of course stopped when Saeya started exhibiting symptoms of mental illness. People didn’t see her beauty anymore. Her caring nature, her intelligence and kind soul. Just taking her hands in yours brought you such comfort. You had missed her even more than you realised.

“Saeya,” your mother scolded from behind. “Greet your prince.”

“No,” she stuck her tongue out. “He took big sister away.”

You coughed back a smile while Haruchiyo kept quiet. Risking a glance up at him, you were surprised to see an amused smile tilting his lips up.

“It’s alright, Lady Rina,” he addressed your mother before his eyes dropped to Saeya. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Lady Saeya. My wife has told me much about you.”

Saeya eyed him before directing her attention back to you. “Hmph. Will you sleep with me tonight, Y/n?” she stared up at you hopefully, still gripping your hands.

You agreed readily. “Yes, of cou-”

“My apologies,” Haruchiyo cut in smoothly. “But my wife will be staying with me. That’s not up for discussion.”

He ignored the glare you sent his way.

“Of course, your grace. Saeya, you will get to see your sister during the day,” your mother hushed. “Be grateful she is even visiting with her busy schedule as your future empress.”

You twitched, fighting the urge to tell your mother off. What did it matter if you were to be empress? You would give up the title in an instant if it meant Saeya could be by your side, safe and away from any mistreatment. She was your sister. That bond went beyond any respect she was obliged to give you as the crown princess consort.

“Why don’t you show me what you are making?” you smiled at Saeya, squeezing her hand before looking toward your husband. You brushed a hand over the gold embroidered dragon stitched into the dark purple material over his shoulder. “I suppose you want to meet with my father.”

“Indeed. Where is Lord Hiroto?” he questioned your mother.

“In his study, waiting upon your arrival. Please, allow me to show you the way.” You noticed with much annoyance that your mother was blushing in Haruchiyo’s presence. Even when the two of you had arrived, two servants of the Baye mansion had whispered and giggled amongst themselves as they nodded toward the prince, certainly fawning over his handsome looks and princely demeanour. You couldn’t blame them, of course, but it still irritated you to no end.

You watched Haruchiyo and two attendants follow your mother until they were out of sight, focusing back on your sister.

“Aah! I can’t believe I get to see you again!” you pulled her into another tight hug. “It has been too long, you have gotten taller and your hair has grown so much.”

“It’s very annoying, but mother won’t let me cut it.” She fiddled with the ends, throwing the long ropes of shiny hair over her shoulder. “Anyway, come with me, I must show you something.”

She led you to her bedroom and opened the hatch hidden underneath her intricate blue carpet, guiding your down some dark steps and into the lit room of her personal workspace. It always made you feel claustrophobic, but Saeya spent hours down there every day, fiddling around with different tools.

As soon as you stepped off the last stair, your eyes were immediately drawn to the huge hanging painting taking up almost an entire wall space. Various paints and brushes were sprawled on the floor below it, littering the room in colours.

“Saeya,” you breathed, taking a step closer to run your fingers lightly along the dried painting. “You painted this?”

“Yes, it’s a gift for big sister. I’ve been working on it since you left. Do you like it?” Always eager to please you, she gazed up at you with adorable puppy dog eyes.

“I love it! Saeya, this is so beautiful. I didn’t know you could paint.”

“Me neither,” she shrugged. “But I tried it and this was the end result.”

Talented as ever. She would have been more suited for the role of empress than you.

“These colours,” you murmured, tracing the bold crimson robes the painting version of you adorned. You were drawn against a dark blue sky, twining white jasmine framing your body, your hair and red robes sprawled out around you, lips also painted a dark red. The detail put into every brushstroke was clear, even the glint in your eyes showed, and the twists of the dangling earrings you wore. Your eyes were lowered softly to match the small smile you wore.

“This is one of the most beautiful paintings I have ever seen.”

“You’re starting to sound conceited, since it is a painting of you,” Saeya covered her mouth to hide a giggle.

“I don’t mean to!” you objected. “But anyone can see your talent. Nobody just picks up a paintbrush for the first time and produces a masterpiece. Next time you should try painting yourself.”

Her eyes lowered to the floor. “I’m not the kind of person who belongs on a canvas. Sister, you are so pretty and will be empress. I’m sure many painters will come to paint you, but please keep this one near you to remind you of me.”

“Of course,” you hugged her, heart aching. “But I still think you should paint a portrait of yourself. You are much prettier than me.”

“Ni,” she laughed. “But maybe I’ll paint big sis putting a flower crown on my head, like the ones you used to make.”

“We can go to the gardens tomorrow and I’ll make another one for you. The pink dahlias are in season, aren’t they?”

“Not anymore,” she shook her head sadly. “Mother took out your flowers so the whole garden can be filled with white roses. She likes it better that way.”

Your teeth gritted. “That woman…” you muttered.

“I really tried to stop her, but she doesn’t listen to me.”

“It’s okay,” you stroked Saeya’s head. Trying to distract her, you looked around the room once more.

“But this place is a mess,” you scolded. “When was the last time you cleaned? I understand you don’t want the maids coming down here but you need to keep it tidy. Honestly, it seems as if the last time the floors were swept was before the wedding when I still lived here.”

The sheepish look she wore confirmed your words. You hid a smile.

“Come now, let’s tidy up. I’ll clean the paints, you put your tools in the proper place.”

Though she griped, she quickly followed to obey your instructions and you came over to help her once you were done with your job.

“What happened here?” you frowned, touching the fading purple bruise on her wrist you spotted as she put a pair of scissors away.

“Nothing, I just bumped into the corner.”

“Saeya, stop.” You took her wrist. “I can see the markings of fingers. Who grabbed you so hard?”

She averted her eyes and you blew out a breath. “Was it mother?” A barely perceptible nod.

“Come with me,” you demanded, taking her hand and marching back up the steps.

“Sis, it’s really okay. Mother doesn’t mean to.” Saeya tugged on your hand but you kept marching forward.

“It is not okay! She always does this when I’m not around because she knows I’m not there to defend you. Has she hit you a lot?” The silence Saeya gave was answer enough.

“This is not acceptable. We are having a talk with her right now.”

“We shouldn’t,” came her tiny voice. You stopped to stare at her and she looked down.

“I am not the daughter she wanted. I know she had high hopes for me when I was younger, but there is something wrong with my brain. Everyone knows it. I hear the servants talk about it a lot. Mother and father are so disappointed. It’s not their fault I turned out this way, so you don’t need to defend me. It’s okay.”

Your heart lurched. More than anything, you had wished for her to never believe the malicious words from the people residing in the Baye mansion. You had always tried to protect her from them when you still lived together, but with you gone it was evident their venomous words reached her ears. You would have traded anything for her to believe you when you told her how beautiful a person she was.

“Stop it!” you admonished. “There is nothing wrong with you. You are the most beautiful, smart girl and I won’t allow you to be treated this way.”

Without another word, you continued on your way, only stopping to ask a servant where you could find your mother.

In the kitchen, you found her discussing meal preparation with the chef, however they both stopped talking when you entered.

“What is this?” you held up Saeya’s wrist. “What have you done? Do you think you can abuse Saeya just because I am not here?”

Your mother let out a light laugh, smiling as she told the chef they’d finish their discussion later. He quickly ushered out of the room.

Her gaze quickly returned to you, eyes identical to yours penetrating through you. However, you no longer felt the fear you used to feel whenever she glared at you. Her biting words from the past didn’t echo through you as you met her stare head on.

“What are you talking about now?” she sighed. “I do not abuse my children.”

“You are a liar. Saeya has bruises to prove it, just like when I used to go for my tutoring and came back to find you had smacked her or locked her in the storage room.”

“That’s called discipling your children. Perhaps she wouldn’t need to be taught so harshly if she did as she was told and became a proper lady. You were much easier to rear. A few slaps put you in place. And now look, you are to be empress. What are you getting so upset about?”

Your blood boiled, slowly rising in you until you were convinced there was steam coming out of your ears. Your teeth gritted.

“I never cared about being empress. That-”

“Is easy to say now you are in such a high position. I had to work so hard to ensure you are fit for the throne. Now that you are the crown princess my status has not been further diminished for having a child like that,” she spat in Saeya’s direction.

Your fists clenched, speaking quietly through a locked jaw. “If you ever insult Saeya again, I will make you regret it. If you ever hit her or so much as harm her in any way, I will not be held accountable for my actions against you.”

She scoffed. “Are you threatening your own mother?”

“I-”

“Let me remind you of something, my eldest daughter,” she took a step closer to you. As an adult, you were the same height as her, and looking at her, you noticed for the first time how small she was. She had seemed like such a large presence when you were younger, and even before you left for the imperial palace. But now, she seemed tiny, her shoulders slim, arms weak, cheeks sunken. In her heavy dresses, she resembled a child playing dress up.

“You will become empress because I raised you properly. Everything you have is thanks to me. You are acting brave now knowing you will be of higher status than me, but the unwavering truth is that you will always be a scared little girl who does whatever anyone tells her to. You’ve always been that way. Though I suppose I should be grateful. You hardly batted an eye when you were informed you were to be sent away to marry. It made my job much easier.”

You took a deep breath, wanting to snap at her but remembering you weren’t there to speak about whatever issues you had with her in the past, but how she was treating Saeya now.

Your balled fists slowly relaxed. “I did not come here to talk about our relationship. I am an adult. I should stop blaming you for things if I want to live a happy life. But Saeya is still a child. I don’t think you realise how impressionable she is. When you tell her she is useless- that you wish you had never had her- she will carry those words for the rest of her life. Do you want to hurt your child like that? Is that how you want her to remember you? You should stop treating her cruelly, otherwise you won’t like what I do to you.”

“And if you ever speak to my wife that way again, I’ll cut out your tongue.”

You jumped at the smooth, murmuring voice behind you, deathly quiet as if casually contemplating. But you hear it. The warning in his tone. The danger glinting there that told you he meant his words.

Your mother’s eyes flew to him, widening with fear. “M-My prince. I…”

“Am lucky to be alive. If I had my blade you wouldn’t be able to speak again,” Haruchiyo finished as he came to a stop beside you. He looked down at you, searching your eyes for a moment before he smiled softly at you. “You’re okay.”

“Yes. How did you know…”

“Intuition, I suppose.” He faced your mother again. “Your daughter will be empress. Shall I have you tried for disrespecting someone important to the empire?”

Her face went pale. “N-No, I’m sorry, my prince. I’m sorry. I spoke out of turn. I was only trying to explain the hard work it took to prepare Y/n for her position. I didn’t mean to offend either of you.”

Haruchiyo’s eyes glowed, lips lifting in the corners. “Do you take me for an idiot?”

“No! No, of course not, son of heaven.”

“Then why are you lying to me? People only lie to others when they think they’re stupid. Of course you meant to offend my princess. Because you’re a jealous, bitter old woman who still has unresolved issues of her own, and has decided to take it out on her own children. Despite this, I suppose I owe you my gratitude for bringing my precious one into the world. And just for that, I won’t hurt you. But remember your place, and know that I won’t be so merciful the next time you offend the crown princess.”

She looked as if she were about to faint on the spot. You thought she had when she dropped to the ground, but no. She went to her knees, prostrating.

“Sister,” Saeya clutched you tighter, uncomfortable seeing her mother in such a position.

“It’s okay,” you whispered, guiding her head to your chest so she didn’t have to look. “Everything will be fine.”

You addressed your mother. “You are my mother in blood alone. You have done nothing for me but birth me. I am who I am because of my grandmother and myself. Everything you have ever taught me has only been harmful. But I must still thank you. When I have children, I will know to raise them right. I will give them everything you never gave me and Saeya.”

Tagging: @luka-ali @soushswag @crown5 @angelmitsuri @c4tboyxiao @azusachna @denkis-slut @rinrinfoxy @multistan-247 @7inaa @emilymikado @user82014069991

#sanzu x reader #haruchiyo sanzu x reader #haruchiyo akashi x reader #haruchiyo x reader #tokyo revengers x reader #bonten x reader #tokyo revengers series #sanzu series #haruchiyo akashi series #rins.works

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kwop-kilawtley · 11 months

Note

Hi!! <3 I barely use tumblr but I stumbled upon your blog while going thru the JxB tag and I just had to say this… Rereading Twilight as an adult is so… infuriating ? I first read the books when I was 14 and even tho I was team Edward back then I still loved Jake and I felt so weird about Bella becoming a vampire? Like, story-wise, it felt so empty and unfulfilling, even to my naive 14 yr old self. Now I’m 26 and I recently reread the books and I just can’t!!! believe!!! this!!! It reminds me so much of the way I romanticised my toxic relationships/friendships as a teen because they felt intense and crazy and they hurt so bad that it was almost good? Like that’s exactly what Bella was doing throughout the entire series and it breaks my heart that this girl never healed, never learned to love herself, and is forever mentally stuck at age 18 in her perfect little world where she got everything without any consequences. Growing older and healing from my trauma made me realise that life is the greatest gift and that I want nothing more than a happy, peaceful, sunshine type of love, the love Bella could’ve had with Jake. Rereading the JxB chapters in NM and Eclipse literally hurt because this kind of ease and warmth is all I’ve ever wanted but my trauma made me think I deserve drama and intensity and pain. It’s just so messed up I can’t believe how angry I am with this stupid teen story like!!! It had so much potential but oh well… Sorry for the rant but I feel like you’d understand what I mean. Hope you have a great day :>

EVERYTHING YOU SAID EXACTLYYYYYYY. Like I actually go INSANE because of the potential and how people don’t see it this way. I’ve been team Jacob since I’m 10 but would like go back and forth to team Switzerland. But now I’m fully team Jacob like I p much only was Switzerland bc of the nostalgia of the first book. I’ve been in abusive toxic relationships and it’s legit exactly like bxe. It may seem subtle and just bc he didn’t physically hurt her and was obsessed with her doesn’t mean it’s GOOD. It’s very very empty and sends out a horrible message to people I think. Like bella just chose the need for perfection. She didn’t fix anything it was a bandaid. JACOB WAS RIGHT THEREEEEE. And they have ACTUAL chemistry. Exb are trauma bonded. I talk about this all the time on here and it will always make me so angry but we are content in our team Jacob hive mind tbh <3 canon cannot hurt us

#anon #team jacob #ask

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abysslll · 1 year

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okay hi hello am listening tot he playlist :3 im on the first song and AUGH i am getting hurt/comfort vibes that would dig a deep hole into my chest and haunt me for eternity. i love it. getting like soft between each other but serious on the outside vibes?

Mental Illness

(first luce oc playlist without ajr????????????? what has happened who are you what did you do to luce)

they dont feel like. good enough for each other but they are they really are. "please dont leave" "ill stay as long as you want" "forever is a long time though" cringeass line sorry but it has those vibes

(insert screaming crying emoji right now)

theyre trauma bonded at this point. it Hurts but they love each other so dearly. like theyre literally the fucken world to each other this point and are helping each other get through life.

ohhhhh god like. Slighty (very) codependant (i cant spell??) anyways. I LOVE EVERYEHTING YOU DO WHEN YOU CALL FUCKING DUMB FOR THE STUPID SHIT I DO like fearing abandonment probably both of these characters were forced to grow up too soon

(i am in love with this playlist. metaphorically making out with and marrying it)

The Horrors. Trauma. They Fight Often but its not strong enough to pull them apart. generally feels like a bit of an angry relationship perhabs? rebellion totally i am honestly so surprised that 18 by anabor isnt on here

parental issues. mecore

(SORRY WHY DID I SAY THAT SKDHSKDHSKDHSLDA)

they feel like they can be each other around one another and their relationship feels like sanity, finally. it feels like the world is burning all around them and theyre the safe place where the war cant reach.

again, Mental Illionosi. mental illness hurt and comfort. self destructive tendencies. if you cant tell im listen to agnes right now and screaming and crying.

theyre gonna follow each other into the ends on the earth into apocalypse and war and through life and death and they're just never fucken letting go because this is what love is. and this is sanity, and this is what it means to live.

overall, i love them your honour and Me When. banger playlist im gonna listen to this all day

also they definetly cook for each other. movie cuddle nights on the couch. soft domestic fics are popular for them. also intense angst hurt comfort fics are too theyre probably whumped really hard too. i love they <3

HI IM SORRY NOT ME FORGETTING TO RESPOND TO THIS-

YOU ARE SO VERY CORRECT. LIKE OMG YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH SPOT ON.

they are so so sooooo hurt/comfort, it's insane. yes first luce playlist without ajr i know it's crazy </3 i was considering putting turning out in but it's already in my bruabba playlist and i didn't want to overuse it (despite the fact that it works better for fugonara than bruabba)

they were forced to grow up So Fast, nara was on the streets at 10 and fugo was never allowed to be a child my poor blorbos :((

i have never heard 18 by anabor but i will listen to it asap i may very well add it in

PARENTAL ISSUES. MECORE. AMEN

yes yes yes you're summing them up so well i'm getting emotional just from your descriptions sdkgdslkn

THEY ABSOLUTELY COOK FOR EACH OTHER AND DO MOVIE NIGHTS OMG. I NEED TO WRITE A FIC WITH THAT NOW WHAT HAVE YOU DONE (/lh /pos). you're right though everyone loves writing domestic fluff of them 😭 the hurt/comfort/whump is top tier tho i just recently read this fic where narancia Fucked Up and fugo beat up him to the point that he had to go to the hospital it hurt so fucking bad

love them too <333 thank u so much for listening to this playlist i'm so glad u liked it :DD lysm

#bat <3 #endless asks #need a tag for this kinda shit #uhhhh #luce playlists

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ota-division · 1 year

Text

Kira's Thoughts on Shizuoka Division

Kanon Hojo

Kira looks at the photo of the deranged, former Chuohku scientist with a frown. "Due to my position as Vice Chief of the Inspection Bureau, I'm often kept in the loop about most things, such as sensitive information. Of course, I don't really know if this woman counts as 'sensitive'. I've read up on her, and... I don't know whether to pity or be angry at her. I know that her current attitude may have something to do with the True Hypnosis Microphone. Though... I don't know if we can put all the blame on the microphone. She may have just always been insane and just did a good job of hiding it. Who knows?"

"In any case, she remains one of the few top-priority targets we have here in Chuohku. The Prime Minister has ordered her either detained or eliminated at all costs. This order is one of the few ones that I will happily follow. Why? Because nothing good can possibly come from letting someone like her wander around free."

Reika Aichi

Kira frowns at the photo of the fallen socialite. "I don't care for any member of this team. And I'm saying this both as a Chuohku official, and a police investigator. But this woman..." Kira looks at Reika's photo once more, still frowning. "...She is the primary reason why I dislike and do not trust nobles, or people with an excessive amount of money. To be honest, even before I became an investigator, rumors about this woman were all the rage at the police station. Many of my peers thought I was crazy when I took up the case against her, and I won't lie, her case took a fair amount of time. Gathering evidence, questioning witnesses, etc."

"I have enough evidence to put her away for good, but for some reason, the police chief wants me to hold off on having her arrested. Why, he didn't say. I don't want to think my chief is up to something nefarious or suspicious, but... I obeyed. Still, I knew it was too risky leaving something that important at the station, so I took it home with me. Because believe me, one way or another, I will see this woman behind bars."

Sakura Kito

"Sakura Kito, the self-proclaimed "Crime Queen of Shizuoka". Her being a Yakuza is enough for me to dislike her, but..." Kira looks down at her photo, glaring at it, one of her hands balled up into a fist. "...This bitch... her band of thugs have been making a push in Ōta as of late. If that were all they'd done, that wouldn't have been so bad. But I got word they were harassing some of the business owners here. ...including my older sister's. When I saw those thugs bothering my sister, I had to stop myself from killing each one of them. If not for Chinami, I... I might well have. Thankfully, she managed to calm me down. I thanked her and arrested each one of those bastards."

"I know that hasn't put me in Kito's good books, but I really don't care. You do not threaten my family. No matter what."

Silent Tragedy

"Each member of this team, I do not care for, respect, or like. They all are Machiavellian, corrupt, and do not care for any of the pain and misery they spread. I do not know why the Prime Minister sent HypMics to this team. ...Or... maybe she didn't. I wouldn't put it past these three to steal HypMics from someone else and pass themselves off as the original Shizuoka team."

"In any case, Kadenokoji-san has issued an APB out on this team, for which I am glad. I will personally enjoy throwing each and every one of them in a cell."

#hypnosis mic #hypnosis microphone #hypmic #hypnosis mic oc #hypmic oc #kira chinen #birds of prey #ota division #shizuoka division #silent tragedy #kanon hojo #reika aichi #sakura kito

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hwajin · 11 months

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Helloooo gurlie,

Hows your day been? Its like late where I am soo-

Anyway 2 things: Ik that you don't write like hard hard smut, no judgment for that btw, kinda refreshing honestly. But I do, and I made it a point a few days ago to go through my fics and put the community labels and stuff. What happened is that my latest fic is still getting the pop up that the big bad TUMBLR has reviewed my work and has decided to put on the community label.. Now that would not be a bad thing BUT i kinda already did that for you tumblr, so what you on about-

Just kinda worried bout that.

And second : I NEED KOREAN STAYS TO CHILL TF OUT, I literally read a post about how they were waiting outside the JYP BUILDING for him to come out after his live- THE LIVE HE DOES IN HIS STUDIO. like im sorry im not saying that international stays are tame BUT AT LEAST WE DONT DO THIS- i always see like these terrible things and read about them and i just feel so sick to my stomach like they dont OWE us anything so why we think that they HAVE to do all the like fan service stuff and anything but stray kids esp goes above and beyond for stays and it makes me so sad to see KOREAN STAYS (who get the most concerts n stuff like that) acting like this.

Ok im done.

let me leave you with this :

omg tumblr is doing the same thing for my last fic!! i'm glad they're making it easier to filter stuff like that but when i already confirmed it needs a community label why do you keep bothering me 😫😫 i don't think the notice will disappear tbh, we'll have to put the label there the moment we post otherwise it's annoyinggggg omg

and ughh every time i hear stuff like that i get so angry omg!! i think we have to consider that kstays experience the whole fan service thing SO differently tho i think, like while i do think said fans should tone it down a big notch i also think the kpop industry is made to make fans crazy over the artist. like i obv don't wanna excuse the stalkers and over the top fans but i will never shut up about the fact that in the western music industry this not a problem with such insane extent as it is in kpop and i do blame how the industry itself is built, like there's so many flaws imo. which obv has nothing to do with the artists themselves but sadly they're the one's suffering from it.

#°☆.—🧸.txt #kathys asks

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bartonbones · 1 year

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🤍🤲

(not on the list but if you write in one sitting how long are you sitting? insane that u can churn out like 4k words in a singular sit!!)

🤍what’s one fic of yours you think people didn’t “get”?

ooooh this was a really hard one to answer!! i think i'm not so controversial or like edgy that there's anything for people to not get exactly, but there were a few reactions to a ted lasso fic, more years than you can bear that made me nervous becuase it was never my intention with that fic to demonize roy in any way or unfairly characterize him re: his violence towards jamie !! most of their fighting was mutual, i don't think roy exactly has to directly take more responsibility for it than jamie in a moralistic sense, but i do think the right arc for roy is one where he eventually reckons with the part of himself that does get so angry and would want to kind of rise above that instinct for his own personal growth and not becuase we ought to point fingers at him if that makes any sense

🤲what do YOU get out of writing?

in regards to publishing i get COMMENTS which are my FAVORITE things next to good grades like one comment will literally make my day it will turn a bad day good in an instant but those are secondary to the fact that mainly i just get to write the fics i want to read. i don't understand people who say they don't reread their own writing bc im not being egotistical like i don't think it's the best fic out there however it is fic that is exactly catered to my taste like of course i'm reading my own fic i'm who i wrote it for??? on a serious note though, esp with the bear and carmy's grief being so close to my own, i get a lot of catharsis and emotional validation through fic writing. i like it when people tell me that they relate to my work becuase obviously i relate to it too, and there's a real human sense to that which i really like honor and respect and cherish if that makes any sense

also LMAO yes 4k is probably my limit but it's definintly like my preferred writing style otherwise i forget what i'm saying!! but 4k will usually take me all evening like 9-12 or 1am on a late night...it's not every time esp with more sectioned fics but a lot of my one shots in that length range were definintly written in one siting because i am a deeply crazy person

ask meme

#ALSO DUDE TRAILER TOMORROW CARMY NATION HOW WE FEELING ????????????!!!!!!!!!!!????????

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myshadesofwrong · 2 years

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Thanks for being the voice of reason this morning! I was shocked to see so many people angry and already boycotting the season..like, what is happening? Over something that, in my opinion, is barely anything new. Same thing happened with the Netflix Turkey “leak” last week. All this drama was made and the information was so, so minor. This character that many probably now hate <for good reason if you don’t like that stuff>…they released photos of them, they wouldn’t do that if the character was going to play someone minor. They say that all press is good press? GT did nothing wrong but people were attacking them and others for sharing the article? It was insane. This is what networks literally want because it hypes up the show and you either tune in to lovewatch it or hatewatch it, but either way- you are tuning in. They know we are tuning in no matter what lol Today, I definitely realized just how strongly “dedicated” people are in this fandom. Not a bad thing, of course not, but some things I saw were so beyond unnecessary. The reactions were…something else. Saying how the cast were probably crying together and heartbroken, essentially “speaking” for them. Yikes! We know the team & cast are great, but this is how press for shows literally works. It won’t be the first nor last time this happens. Again, it was just insane this morning. I wonder if I was ever like that? lol

Thanks again! I am very excited to hear your s2 thoughts!

Thank you so much! I actually cried reading your message. It's been a shitty day at work and the feedback from what I posted this morning has been so extraordinary. I'm always nervous making my first post in a new fandom because I always feel like the outsider having come in so late but the response as been amazing!. I cannot tell you what it means to me!

That was exactly the reason I posted what I did. The info wasn't anything new and I couldn't understand why people were getting so upset over it. Another ask said it best, alot of fans are wanting six episodes of loving, sunshine and rainbow Wilmon but that's such a boring show, no one would watch it. Even the best romance media has some kind of drama for the couple to overcome. Why? Because it's normal and it makes the payoff so much sweeter. I want loving scenes with them, of course. But the drama and figuring crap out is what makes the romance stronger, if that makes sense.

But what really upset me was the babying the actors and creators and being so horrible to GT and the writers of that article. For me, it started with that story on IG from I think RydingBrasil about not sharing the pics and articles and I was like what? This is legit promo. Why wouldn't we share it? Not to mention, it was like you said, "speaking for the actors". This is a common problem across fandoms and one that drives me absolutely crazy. They are professionals, they know how this works. The reaction of thinking they were all crying together was...juvenile. It's like when a celebrity says they have anxiety and everyone seems to think they need to protect said celebrity from literally everything. I said it before, there is being respectful of things like that and then there's babying them. But yeah, this is how press literally works and the whole thinking it was a leak over a spoiler that was frankly inconsequential and wanting us not to share it would have hampered the show, the hype, and these actors we love.

And, as much as I hate to admit it, I was probably very much like that. (Maybe that's why I could recognize it for what it was! LOL)

And thank you again. I actually feel so welcomed in this fandom in a way I never have before so I'll definitely stick around and share my thoughts on s2. I'm so excited for it!

#young royals #answered ask #fair warning though #i obviously have a lot to say!#so my posts always get long like this #wow this answer got much longer than i intended #sorry!

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hospitalterrorizer · 14 days

Text

diary210

4/12-13/2024

friday - saturday

saw this morning that i am not gonna have my birth day off of work.

it shouldn't matter but it is kind of ruining my day, i just can't go out at all + the shift is closing into an opening shift the day after. why do that? it must show them i asked for the day off, it's like, pointed. plus they have me working in the 'back hallway' one of these days. i don't know what the fuck that is so if i hate it i will just walk out of the place i think. #lol.

today just kind of sucked. the wind on the way home was insane and really made me unhappy and my gf slept through my calls to come get the gate for me so i had to do this thing where i get in through the bars which is okay but it just feels bad and makes bad days feel worse. so for a while i just came home and felt miserable.

that makes reading feel more important though, for some reason foucault felt very weighty to me, i cried talking about his essay about bataille, written around the time of his death, with my gf today. something about the weight of his thought/non-thought to another, and the way foucault carries him and the ideas of transgression forward, the way he critiques the way history is built, it is so incredible to me.

i cried a lot today, my stuff with our friends is just really driving me crazy. like one of my best friends, he didn't do anything except be oblivious and dumb and like, i just don't want to look at him kind of because to not even think, when you have a partner who literally enables some kind of manchild-life it's like, how could you, and making her so angry that she might like, enter into discourses that make her more alienated from a bunch of people and make her resentful like fuck, guhh there is just nothing good, no good. it's how i feel, no good no good no good. just horrible and sad but it's not true, it's not really like that. i shouldn't care so much or be so involved i just think too much but it's hard not to. i really did say 'i don't even want to hang out with him, it doesn't matter, i can't go out anyways, it doesn't matter', is that like, teenaged or what. i am turning 26 , why am i like that?

today i read more about prison as it works and the evolution of prison into the corrective, it's blurry i guess but it's also not as dense as the stuff on docile bodies felt, still the notion here of work in prison, labor not as useful for production but instead the impression of a kinetics on a body and submission/acceptance via being kept busy, by laboring and by one's mind when not laboring being put to other tasks or things which approach the conscience, which is interesting. one thing here, the isolation of the criminals is really crazy to me in some of these cases, working together in total silence, seeing one another, alone in huge groups, and here one of the things i think about / thought about a lot reading the book, where when you're told to go to your room for bad behavior and you wait so hopefully for your parent to come talk to you and absolve you or see how sad you are or even just acknowledge you, this is the mechanism at play in prisons, or aimed for, with the guards. the walls are cruel, says one person foucault quotes, he goes on to say, the guards are not. this vertical arrangement of sociality is a reward, there is always something above you, and this kindness is part of the reward system where if one is truly repentant, one's sentence can be shortened, good behavior, true submission, proving use, proving normality maybe, proving one is not a true traitor, this is the value of work in prison, that one may integrate into the normal.

and here is the thing, the production of the normal, being in the fact that school, the medical apparatuses, hospitals and so on, work in factories and beyond the factory now we must admit, the family, all of this sharing these impulses of training, normalization, not even of separate method but often very similar methods, all reinforcing the other, feeding the other, then it becomes the case, as i have heard people say talking about this book, the prison follows not just naturally as the most rational and useful sentence, an aberration/tyranny made human and economical, not in terms of a condemnation on foucault's part (he condemns it but not as a tyranny against the human, he sees the humanist goals as needing this tyranny, his question is of how and why does this occur, how do they justify it, how is this cruelty still present, accounted for, used, attenuated, power expresses and strengthens itself without being as excessive/festive as public execution (there enters a transgression in a way)), but in the course of life for many. how the world is constructed, categorized, it is a repeated relation and not just relation but a set of technologies which produce knowledge, collect data to reinforce knowledge of categories, and so on.

there is a lot there . i need to re-read his bataille essay. i'll put that on my to do list tomorrow. i'll also draw tomorrow.

i wrote today though, misery helps with good pieces to add to things. my assemblage thing is i think going to be a cycle of a couple things, exciting to me, i need to take some stuff out of notes for that, and the long thing also has received a couple parts tonight.

i also read some agua viva this morning, in my upset-ness, at everyone and myself for being so stupidly upset about my birthday. i think over and over, about the hallelujah the book begins with, 'hallelujah merging with the darkest human howl of the pain of separation but a shout of diabolic joy', i keep thinking she understands, i don't know if i understand what she feels but it transfers to me, she talks then of the immediate is of moments, or instants, passing passing passing, i speak it it is gone, and the separation, nothing can hold her back from the 'is' of things. i feel it, i am separated and un-separated, affirming, attacking, it is so strange, i do feel in my rather tiny body this inertia and i am hurtling down or up, or in place hurtling, i just want to touch everything, she speaks that urge, or not urge, fact? i would like it to be fact, i think it, i feel that shriek / hallelujah in my heart, honest, i think, really honest.

this is good, it made me write more. yay. cute. fun. or i hope it's cute.

to be honest today the heat and wind made me go so crazy too because it messes my fucking bangs up and i can't just make them wet and blow-dry them again always it makes me so so so so unhappy. guhhh. stupid stupid stupid i kept thinking it would just be easier to die than live today. but i don't want to be that way, i don't want to just negate myself like that.

although i had weird thoughts omw to work, deathliness is kind of perfect recognition, this is why the self-possessed corpse feels so overwhelming to me, deathliness affirms circumstance, it is not necessarily negation or non-contestation, if one views death as still managed, maybe even more managed now if we consider the ecological-capitalist structures appearing which seek to evaluate all constantly, death is necessarily anti-discipline, anti-evaluation, it is revived under the eye of affirmation as the erotic thing, or an erotic thing, not necessarily true death but maybe certain things, idk, it feels true in some way to me, love as a kind of deathliness, where the deathly is simply that which refuses the rules of life as constructed by the apparatuses that individuate us, as well as construct us as human, an erotics of 'injury' even i guess, although that's really just me wanting to be grievously injured during sex in order to experience an elongation of instants, to really sense things as they stretch, it's actually really lovely to experience, honest.

i guess what is important about that is it feels poised towards living, essentially, the corpse as possessing itself the main thing, i suppose in order to back that up better i need to re-familiarize myself w/ the text i reference and some more artaud, beyond what's in that one big compilation of his writings. but yeah. that will be worth a lot for me i think, he is so great to read anyways.

another thing i keep thinking about today, is that i can't tell if my nature of getting really disappointed in people i know just means, since it seems like a pattern, that i'm actually a really bad and mean person and i am awful to be around and maybe i'm everything wrong with the world and stuff. i would like to know but honestly the thought that i am wrong about everything makes me want to kill myself but it's whatevs.

here is a song:

youtube

so far this is the best song for sure on this album, some songs have some very fun break sounds and there's lots of great synth sounds, except this one after this one is way too 80s but whatever, it's basically good but there's some fatigue i guess. but i really love the bass synth in this song, it's so genius.

youtube

here's another song, this one's by the genius kota hoshino, i'm glad he got big w/ people on yt, he's so smart w/ everything he does.

another thing today, my friend's piece of writing got put out,

one of my best friends, he is very very good, hard to say a lot about this work, i suppose partially because it feels very new, part of what made me almost cry reading it this time around is the interview with the missile, he's so sensitive there, it's very unique what he manages with that, he is much better at using humor in a way which cuts, i suppose truly carnivalesque, instead of reducing weight/pain it mounts it, more and more, very beautiful in that way.

any wayzzz, what else, idk. i need to listen to the album tomorrow too but i am like, scared i guess, like, what if i hate everything, then i guess i hate everything, bbut i couldn't right? but i shouldn't when i'm in such a sour mood from today i guess, being so disappointed.

did i talk about this song yet?

youtube

i am so forgetful, but i guess i can't recall everything, the fact that these entries help me interface w/ my reading is super nice and helps me remember that stuff better. this is, compared to that, much less. this song is kind of awesome, mgna crrrta definitely have some songs i like, which maybe bites cuz they're annoying nyc kids i think, not in a bad way or whatever they're just like, you know, why should new york keep mattering so much . it's just gonna and i can't do anything about it. anyway, the song is good and i really love the chiptune-y synths. i like that everyone likes them now, and i like that in my songs they're just kind of fucked up and irritating and not as pleasant as these. i think the way they pitch the 'oh yeah' up is kind of awesome and sounds way better than i expect that kind of thing to sound, idk how they made it sound like, cute instead of annoying? lots of stuff that tries for that gets very grating, the specific hyperpop pitched vox stuff.

and wtf, jack dangers is collaborating w/ merzbow? kind of sick, funny day for music stuff, oh yeah that new drain gang song is also really good, which is nice.

anyway i need to sleep soon i think sooo ,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#Youtube

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