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#if i give you everything and you destroy it and give me NOTHING
frenchkisstheabyss · 2 days
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♥︎ The Way I Am ♥︎
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♥︎ Pairing ♥︎ fiance!seonghwa x gn!makeup artist!reader
♥︎ Genre ♥︎ fluff/angst
♥︎ Summary ♥︎ Your fiance's been successfully keeping his love of makeup hidden from you. That is until you come home early from a trip and find him using your things. Your reaction is (of course ♥︎) the exact opposite of what he feared.
♥︎ Word Count ♥︎ 1.6kish
♥︎ Warnings ♥︎ Hwa does express his worries about being vulnerable with his identity so if that's sensitive to you that's super important to note. Other than that, nothing. Just fluff and reassurance ♥︎
♥︎ A/N ♥︎ I hope that if you're reading this and you feel nervous about expressing your gender identity out of fear that people won't accept you, you know that you're totally worthy of love and acceptance no matter what. Love you ♥︎
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"'Cause I love you more than I could ever promise and you take me the way I am" - Ingrid Michaelson (The Way I Am)
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Seonghwa hopes that you don’t notice. A few drops of foundation here. A swipe or two of eyeliner there. Maybe some lipstick or blush if he’s feeling adventurous. He wishes he had the courage to ask you to do this for him. You’re the most talented makeup artist he’s ever met. Watching you work is like art. How wonderful it’d be to bare the most vulnerable part of himself to you. To be your lover and your canvas. But every time he tries to open up the fear creeps in and the words won’t come out.
So this is the way it is—the way it’ll always have to be. Your wedding’s less than a month away and the thought that he might lose you makes his soul ache. He can’t risk losing you. He won’t risk losing you. 
Tonight he’s raided your makeup supplies for everything necessary to create the soft, romantic look of his dreams. With the warm air of a summer night blowing through the bedroom window and Spotify’s best Taylor Swift mix blasting in his over-ear headphones, the vibe couldn't be more perfect.
He’s been like this for at least an hour, seated at your vanity trying to get his foundation to match. You have every shade imaginable but none are what he wants. And mixing them? Well—
“Fuck” Seonghwa huffs, staring at his reflection, frustration and two pale layers of foundation painted all over his face. He scans the meticulously organized desk for the makeup wipes and gets to work cleaning it off. It takes everything in him not to throw something but he manages to suppress his violent urges long enough to pick up a brush again.
Thank god he has all night to do this. You won’t be home from your trip until tomorrow afternoon. By then he’ll have put everything back in its place and you’ll never know a thing. At least that’s the way things were meant to go but the unexpected glimmer of your reflection lingering by the bedroom door destroys that in an instant.
You thought it’d be sweet to surprise Seonghwa by coming home early. The event you were hired for had been canceled and you always missed each other so much. You figured it only made sense to come back home. You even stopped at his favorite takeout spot on the way from the airport to pick up dinner.
No one’s ever come close to treating you with as much love and care as Seonghwa has. Everything he does makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Just glancing down at the sparkly ring on your finger is enough to make your face light up. Any chance you have to make him feel the same way isn’t one you’re willing to pass up.
But, for the first time since you met, his face doesn’t light up at the sight of you. It darkens as if the world has ended and you can’t help but feel like you’re the one who ended it. 
“Hwa—” you sigh softly, approaching the vanity where he sits nearly catatonic. Tears collect in the corner of his deep brown eyes, his fingers beginning to shake around the makeup brush. “It’s okay” you promise, gently resting a hand on his shoulder. Seonghwa pulls away from you, tearing the headphones off of his head. His dark hair hangs in his face giving him a safe place to hide from the disappointment he knows is waiting for him if he dares meet your gaze.
Only there isn’t any...
This isn’t what you expected to come home to but it’s far from a surprise for you. One of the things you always loved about Seonghwa was how comfortable he seemed to be in his own skin. While other guys saw every little thing as a threat to their masculinity, he treated femininity as something beautiful. You can’t even count the amount of times you’ve wanted to do his makeup. Those eyes. Those lips. That killer bone structure. He’s perfect for that kind of thing. You wish now more than ever that you’d said something.
“I’m really sorry. I didn’t—I’m just—I’m so sorry” he mumbles, choking back tears. You outstretch your arms to wrap him in a hug but he slips away again, rushing to the closet to grab his gym bag. “Hwa, what are you doing? Can you stop for a second? Please?” you beg, following him around the room as he blindly tosses things into the bag.
You’ve never felt more invisible. Your words fall on deaf ears and each time you reach out to touch him he recoils. Seonghwa grabs his phone from the dresser, snatching free of the grip you have on the sleeve of his shirt. This is his worst nightmare. In the blink of an eye he lost everything, he’s convinced of that. He doesn’t know what to say or what to do. All he can think to do is run. 
“You can’t do this!” you shout, trailing him down the hallway, “You have to talk to me!”
Seonghwa breathes in, beyond pissed off at the few tears that manage to escape. “I have to leave. I have to—to protect you.”
Hearing the pain in his voice, you nearly trip on your luggage to throw yourself in front of the door. “Is it to protect me? Or to protect yourself?”
That stops him in his tracks, his foot already halfway into a pair of sneakers. Who’s he running away for really? It’s a question that only makes the pounding in his head worse. He knows that you love him. You tell him every morning, even when you’re apart, how special he is to you. You’re begging him to stay but he can’t. He can’t. Why can’t he?
“Move please” he asks, his hand tight around the doorknob. 
You fold your arms across your chest, back pressed to the door, “No.” 
“Move…please” his voice is deeper this time, the request sounding more like a demand. 
Slipping your hands beneath the curtain of jade hair, you rest them on cheeks that burn hot enough to heat your palms. Your fingers are stained with tears and what makeup remains on his cheeks. “I love you so much” you whisper, refusing to let him get away this time, “I need you to look at me.”
You hold your breath in the silence that follows, exhaling only when his mascara smeared eyes meet yours. “I. Love. You. So. Much” you say but slower this time, putting emphasis on every word. Your heart breaks for him, for how terrified you can tell he’s been of this happening.
You raise one of your hands to show him the makeup covering it. “I don’t care about this, Hwa. I care about you.” The faint smile on your face speaks of comfort, a truly safe place for him to be if he wants it. His hand falls away from the doorknob as he lets the gym bag hit the floor with a thud.
“I would’ve told you before but I…” he pauses to summon the courage to go on, “I was afraid you wouldn’t want me anymore.” You let out a sigh of relief at the sensation of his arms easing around your waist. He holds you so tightly that you’d swear you were the one trying to run away. 
“Oh, my love. I wish you could meet yourself so you’d know how amazing you are” you sniffle, only now noticing the trickling of your own tears. “I want to be with you—all of you—whatever that looks like.”
Seonghwa uses his hands to wipe away your tears, leaving them tinted in the light makeup you threw on before your flight. “And see, we’re twins now” you giggle, desperate to lighten the mood. Seonghwa stares at you longingly, the light gradually reigniting behind his eyes. “I love you too” he smiles, his lips brushing yours, “So much.”
He kisses you in the most innocent way and it’s like your first kiss all over again. Packed with nerves and excitement that melt away the longer you linger here. It’ll take some time to fade—the fear of being vulnerable—but it will fade and you’ll be there for it all. 
“Will you help me fix it?” he asks, nervously fidgeting with the waist of your paints, “You don’t have to but I have a picture on my phone and—” You cover his mouth with your hand before he can say anything more, “Of course I’ll help you. Shower first though?” Seonghwa suddenly becomes hyper aware of the slight mess on his hands—in his hair—on both of your clothes. “I’d really like that.” 
Kissing him on the forehead, you push his hair back to get a good look at him, “We’re doing dreamy summer vibes? Something soft?” 
“How’d you know that?”
“I don’t know” you shrug, “Maybe I’m just that good. You were also going super hard on the Taylor Swift so I kinda assumed. Just blasting. I didn’t know it was that real for you.” 
“Shut up” he laughs, squeezing you so tight you can’t breathe. 
“Okay, okay. I’m sorry!” you giggle, trying to get away. But he won’t let you. Instead he lays his head on your shoulder, willing to tolerate being a total mess for a bit longer if it means holding you. The way that things have been...it doesn’t have to be like that now.
And it never will be again.
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x-liv25-jamieswife · 8 hours
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Hey i read ur gray dying hcs. Can you make some for jamie too?? Thanks!!
(and maybe avery could be after)
people's reaction to jameson's death head canons
avery: she would be absolutely destroyed. she would not get out of bed and seriously consider offing herself (its up to you if she actually does off herself). it would get so bad alisa and the others would have to intervene and get her professional help. she would only get out of bed to visit his grave. i also hc that he'd have a pre-written letter for her if he ever died that he gave to alisa (he told her to give it to avery when he died). she would reread that letter over and over again until her eyes became blurred with tears. she'd also get really mad at the world for ripping all of the people she loves away from her. she'd stop working, eating, drinking, showering, etc. basically, she'd be so wrecked she wouldn't be able to handle anything.
grayson: he'd try to keep everyone together but would fail miserably bc he's also falling apart at the seams. he'd work to try to distract himself but nothing ever took jamie's death off of his mind. he'd visit his grave everyday regretting everything that happened with emily bc of what it did to his relationship with jamie. i think he'd also find a way to blame himself. he'd apologize to jamie every single time he visited his grave for not being the best brother. he'd end up hiring someone to do his work for him bc he just wouldn't be able to do it. yk what emily's death did to him but this would be 1391938 times worse. he'd be crying 24/7 and he'd also wonder if life was worth living (like avery). he would think he deserved to die instead of jamie.
xander: basically the same thing i put in my 'how would people react if grayson died post'. he'd crack is usual jokes in hopes of getting people to laugh and loosen up all while dying on the inside. he'd occasionally slip up and forget jamie was still alive. he'd be working on smth and would think 'huh let me ask jamie what he thinks about this' just to then realize jamie's gone. he'd also visit his grave to leave little gadgets and notes there/talk to him. i think the grief would hit him so hard he wouldn't be able to work on his inventions and experiments anymore. he'd just sit in his lab, dissociating, thinking about jamie and how shitty his life is now that he's gone. he'd check up on everyone, especially avery cause, like i said, she's not getting out of bed.
nash: pretty much the same thing i said in my grayson post. would also try to keep the family going but would also fail miserably. he wouldn't let anyone see him fall apart except for libby. he'd, in a way, think he failed at keeping his brother safe, and, that he didn't do the one thing he was supposed to do as jamie's older brother. he'd become extra protective of his two remaining siblings and avery. he visits jamie's grave balling his eyes trying to think of a way he could've saved jamie. unlike avery, he'd have to get out of bed. staying in bed makes him feel even worse so he gets up and either checks on the others or works. i can also imagine him feeling so depressed he's just numb to everything except anything that concerns jamie or his family. he wouldn't care about the things he cared about before and would just lose it.
libby: the one who's actually keeping everyone together. she's making sure everyone is fed, bathed, etc and makes sure everyone has someone to talk to or cry to. meanwhile, she'd be grieving too. even though she's not as close to jamie, his death would still hit her hard. her baking would get completely out of hand. sm that people had to make an intervention bc they couldn't eat all of the cupcakes. she'd bring the cupcakes to jamie's grave (like i said in my grayson post). she'd start crying at any time of the day when she sees smth that reminds her of him (this is basically the exact same thing i wrote in my grayson post but i wanted to include her cause she's the best. i just think she'd react the same to all of the brother's deaths (except nash))
not proof read so sorry if there are grammar mistakes or smth doesn't make sense.
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drunkenskunk · 17 hours
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Welcome to another Drunk Skunk™ rant!
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So.
I've had some time to sit and stew on the Fallout show, and I think I've finally figured out exactly what I want to say. Because kids? I got Opinions™ about this fucking series. I sincerely wish I didn't have all these Opinions™, because that would almost certainly cause me significantly less stress.
But here we are.
The Fallout show annoys me, but not for the reasons you think.
Let's get the good out of the way first. And by "good" I mean "damning with faint praise."
The Fallout show, as a piece of entertainment and experienced in a vacuum with no prior knowledge or context of the rest of the series or any of the other video games, is... fine. It's an entertaining television show. It's not great, but it's not terrible. It's okay.
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The best part of the show is, unquestionably, Walton Goggins. Which is probably the coldest take here, everyone agrees that he's fantastic in this. And it's true! Granted, he doesn't look nearly as gnarly as he should, as the makeup is really giving Ryan Reynolds Deadpool Hugo Weaving Red Skull vibes, but I can honestly give that a pass. He steals every single scene he's in. He has all the best lines. Plus, all the pre-war flashbacks with him are excellent. That first scene when the bombs drop is fucking harrowing.
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SPEAKING OF THE BOMBS!
The big reveal that Vault Tec were the ones to kickstart the apocalypse. My initial gut reaction to that was... Not Great. I didn't like it. In fact, I kinda hated it. I thought it was an answer to a question that nobody asked, because nobody cared, because it was never supposed to matter who shot first. The original point was that the end of the world was the inevitable outcome after so many years of war, so many years of stockpiling nuclear weapons, and so many bad decisions from everyone in positions of power on all sides of the conflict.
But the more I think about Vault Tec being the ones to destroy the world... I dunno, the more I... kinda like it? In a fashion. Sort of. As you can see by the remaining length of this fucking rant, I have Complicated Feelings about this!
See, Fallout has never exactly been subtle with its themes, but the show drops all pretense, and openly embraces a staunchly (and honestly, extremely surprising) anti-capitalist narrative.
The Fallout show pulls a Garth Marenghi unironically, and it honestly... kinda works?
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Vault Tec were the ones to drop the bombs because they wanted to recreate the world in their image of a capitalist "paradise" free of any and all government regulation. The inevitable end result of the "great game" of capitalism is the literal end of the world, and the capitalists will do everything they can to destroy any attempts to rebuild any civilization not explicitly under their direct control. Because that's what capitalists do: they pursue an ultimately self-destructive goal that is not, and never was, sustainable, and will destroy everything else in their pursuit of endless, infinite, exponential growth, forever. Nothing else matters except Make Number Line Go Up.
Side note: it is extremely funny to me that Bethesda - a hollow shell of greed and excess who have been releasing the same game with different wallpapers over and over again since Oblivion - and Amazon - which is fucking Amazon - bankrolled a show where the villains are greedy capitalists who explicitly destroyed the world because of fiduciary duty to the shareholders. Like... guys, you do realize you two are Vault Tec in this scenario, right?
Ah well. That's capitalist realism for ya.
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Anyway, the more I think about it, the more sense it makes that Vault Tec were the ones to drop the bombs.
HOWEVER.
Maybe this is just me being a cynical, drunken asshole here, but... it feels like this was a decision that was made, not because it was the best way to take the narrative, but instead as a means of enforcing the Status Quo of Bethesda Fallout.
See, the thing I liked about the west coast Fallout games was that it showed a world ravaged by the apocalypse, but it also showed that world beginning to heal. 200 years after The End, and civilization was returning. It was a natural evolution of things, emphasizing the post part of "post-apocalypse." It showed us a world that really sucked a lot of the time... but also gave us a small sliver of hope that, no matter what nightmares existed after The End, things could - and would - get better, so long as we put in the work to make it better. It was a world that showed us that nothing was ever so broken that it couldn't be repaired. We just had to fucking EARN that happy ending.
Bethesda Fallout, on the other hand, is just Wacky Wasteland Adventure Time. They are not interested in showing a world evolving or changing or growing, they just want a blasted hellscape that looks like it was freshly nuked yesterday. Why? Because that's the surface-level Aesthetic of Fallout. That is what is recognizable. And Aesthetic is all they know how to do. That's the mother fucking Brand.
Doing something different would risk changing the Brand, and if that kind of change happens, then it's no longer easily marketable. So they just keep with what's familiar: freshly irradiated hellscapes, caps as currency, makeshift weapons, psychotic raiders with no purpose or goals beyond Fuck You, and more of the fucking Brotherhood of Steel. It's all the stuff we remember, so we can point at the screen and go "I recognize that!" instead of allowing the setting to evolve and creating something new.
And that's what annoys me the most. Because even though Vault Tec destroying the world in 2077 makes a certain amount of sense, it also feels like it only exists as a means of artificially enforcing the status quo of the setting. Which means that nothing will ever matter in Fallout ever again. It doesn't matter what happens, or what changes in the future, or who wins the next ideological conflict between the same factions that keep reappearing over and over again like radroaches. Because whenever something strays too far from the established setting, Vault Tec (or, more accurately, Bethesda) is just going to nuke it again, like what happened to Shady Sands.
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And, y'know, Shady Sands getting nuked like that really does rankle. Not because I ever had any attachment to the NCR, but because destroying it in the way that they did just felt so fucking lazy. If they wanted to get rid of the NCR, there were easily half a dozen other things they could've done that would've made far more sense. The NCR was a fantastically corrupt government, making the same mistakes as the same governments that (up until the show) were responsible for destroying the world. California was running out of food and clean drinking water because of gross negligence and mismanagement, public unrest was high because of excessive taxation and the "stop tolls" of corrupt border guards shaking down people, and both the military and bureaucracy of the NCR was spread fucking paper-thin, due to their policies of violent imperialist expansionism trying to take far more territory than they could reasonably hold, far more quickly than they could ever manage.
And did any of that matter? No. Not at all. Pursuing any of those plot threads would've required the writers to actually come up with some new ideas. So, instead, it was destroyed because of a cryogenically frozen Vault Tec middle manager with family problems. It was such a fucking lazy solution to a problem that should never have existed in the first place. It felt like the Fallout equivalent of "Somehow, Palpatine has returned."
That's why this show annoys me so much. Because this show that exists without subtlety or subtext, is telling us, to our face:
Don't hope for a better future, because it will never come. The world of Fallout is a destroyed, irradiated hellscape, entirely devoid of hope, and it will never, ever change, ever again.
Because that's the Fallout Brand, and that's what fucking sells.
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sinner-sunflower · 11 hours
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P.2 HH Lucifer-centric AU 14/?
STORY 1, PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13
You guys ever read They Both Die at the End cos this is looking a lot like that the more we go on.
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Lucifer had begun to tell them of his trip to Heaven, from what had prompted Michael to almost destroy Hell with his holy weapon to the brewing civil war.
They listened intently to every word he said, not once interrupting him again until they got the full story.
And that's what he gave them.
Well... almost all of it.
He left out the part where the Fates had prophesied his imminent death in the war. Revealing that particular information would raise more questions that Lucifer wouldn't be able to answer.
Charlie: I still don't understand. Why would they involve you, Dad? If Heaven goes to war, how does that affect us?
Satan: Despite what most might think, Heaven and Hell are not two separate entities. After the creation of humanity, it's impossible for one to exist without the other.
Lucifer: He's right. Back then, before... everything. Hell hadn't been made yet because, while yes there was darkness, there were no lower beings to corrupt. Thus no use for a pit to contain them. But then Adam and Lilith happened. Then Eve...
Mammon: So what? We're screwed?
He shook his head.
Lucifer: No. Just me.
Satan: Huh? What do you mean, just you?
Shit. What is with his mouth today?
Lucifer: ..... Michael told me that he took a look at the Fates and saw me among those on the battlefield.
Beelzebub: Excuse me?!
Satan: What the hell??
Leviathan: So it will happen down here? Because there is no way we are letting you go back up there for anything.
Belphegor: Were you also planning on keeping that to yourself? Really, Lucifer?!
Asmodeus: I don't like this.
Charlie: The Fates?
He understood their reactions; after all, this was too big of a revelation to keep quiet for this long about.
Alastor had been awfully quiet beside him, but he can't dwell on that right now nor will he call out the look of disdain the guy is giving Levi.
'Do those two know each other?'
In the end, he chose to ignore Belphegor's accusation (is it really an accusation if it's true?) in favor of answering his daughter.
Lucifer: The threads of life. Pre-written destinies of every being in existence. It might be placed in Heaven, but no one, not even Father, can change what has already been woven.
Charlie: And Archangel Michael saw yours? How?
Lucifer: I-You'll have to ask him that. I fell before the duty of guarding the Fates was passed onto me. I have limited understanding as it is.
He's digging his own grave but it's not a total lie.
Charlie: And do you trust him?
Her question throws him in a loop. Because what?
Lucifer: What?
Charlie: I can tell you have resentment for him. Do you not trust his word? Is that why you were not in a hurry to tell any of us because you think it's a trap or something?
Lucifer: Regardless of what my feelings towards Michael, I believe his words. He is not one to involve Hell in anything that can be solved within Heaven. And I want to say that I'm sorry for not telling you all the moment I got back. The only thing I can say is that I was tired and with everything that just happened in Sloth, all I wanted was to sleep. I promise that I didn't know any of that stuff you saw would happen.
Charlie: But what was that, dad?
Lucifer: My appearance might not be the only thing the ritual affected.
Lies.
Lucifer: I'm handling it.
Lies.
Lucifer: I swear it's nothing to worry about.
LIES.
He gives her a smile that he hopes is comforting enough but based on her crunched up expression, it must have came off more strained.
Charlie: Dad...
Tense silence fills the room. Lucifer's well aware no one believes him but he knows they won't try to push further. They are well acquainted with his character, after all. Cowardly but stubborn.
Satan: We'll get our forces ready then.
Lucifer: Huh?
Satan: What? Did you think we'll just sit here and let our King fight alone?
Lucifer: Look, no one else needs to be involved. I am-
Satan: -the King of Hell, are you not? And whoever threatens our King is our enemy.
Everyone let out a chorus of agreement. The Sin of Pride crumples the bedsheets in his hold. There's tears threatening to fall from his eyes in his disbelief.
How did he find people who are all so willing to fight for him? He feels a pang of guilt for he knows that regardless of what they do, he will meet his end in that war.
But how could he tell them that? Tell his family, these demons he raised, that he'll be leaving them?
A Marigold being tucked behind his ear made him look at his silent pillar. Alastor grabs a hold of his hand and plants a kiss on top of it in a manner that makes his heart flutter like a lovesick teen.
Alastor: We will do everything in our power to keep you safe, my King.
.
.
Lucifer: I believe you.
He wishes he could stop with the lies.
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Once the battlecries died down in favor of the Sins giving Alastor a weird version of a shovel talk, they hear shouts outside the room.
It kept getting closer and closer until the door bursts open revealing the rest of the hotel residents, all holding some form of weapons on them.
He would've thought they were under attack until Vaggie and Angel toss something, no someone, on the ground.
It was a face Lucifer never thought he'd be able to see again. Because he's dead. He should know because he burned the body in Hellfire himself.
On the floor, beaten and bruised, is a half-goat demon wearing a face of a dead man. It grunts and let's out an awkward laugh as it meets his eyes.
Adam: Haha..... Sup, bro.
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Apologies if that last part is weirdly cut cos I wanted Luci to say that but then I also wanted Adam to appear now.
I'd appreciate any comments or DMs left on your thoughts about everything so far! Reblogs and likes are also much appreciated <3
Have a happy weekend everyone!
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@\hecatesbroom (not tagging so I don't annoy you lmao) has been teaching me how to make gifs, and I'm happy to report I've been using this power for the greater good (to make gifs of beautiful women)
Bonus under the cut:
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Three little Elizabeths because I couldn't resist her charm 💙
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class got canceled today you know what that means! i've been on a huge trevor kick (who belongs to @get-rammed) and was somehow motivated enough to pump this baby out in a single afternoon
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lorrainestea · 9 months
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Happily writing my fanfiction that takes place in season two of The Witcher so I literally forget that Tissaia died today-
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frumfrumfroo · 8 months
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So Reylos are now freaking out over episode 4 of Ahsoka cause Anakin showed up in what appears to be the wbw. I have not watched Ahsoka and don't plan to. I personally think that nothing will come out of this in regards to Ben Solos return. People think Leia sacrificed herself to send Ben there? If she sacrificed herself to save him then he wouldn't have gone anywhere he would have been alive.
Anyone who thinks there was planning or thought behind anything in tros is delusional.
Thinking they're setting up Ben's resurrection is almost as removed from reality.
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shizunstan · 9 months
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I'm reading a book that makes me just so mad at christianity, not only nowadays but also in the early middle ages like gaaah so many thoughts
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nejackdaw · 3 months
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Thinking about that time in our first campaign my character's dad (adoptive, a very important baron) almost died.
Apparently, he was supposed to. He was not supposed to survive contact with the lich. Don't even ask me how or why we got to the lich, genuinely all I remember is panicking because all of a sudden he had like five hit points and as the party schemer I had two thoughts that erased my awareness of everything else: (1) MY FUCKING DAD (2) THIS LICH IS GOING TO KILL US.
See, my job is finding ways to get us out of things, and as a wizard, I was well equipped to handle that. Except thought one, "MY FUCKING DAD," took priority over EVERYTHING ELSE. My little wizard was orphaned and down his only brother. This guy was all he had. His whole world. World's #1 dad.
... And the lich almost one shot him. He was collapsed on the ground and struggling for breath. This did not register as a cinematic moment to me because I was PANICKING. We roll initiative.
The lich rolls highest. I'm frantically looking through my notes to see what's available to me. Tries to kill me, too. Counterspell.
My turn. Throwing ALL CAUTION to the wind, plan only vaguely half formed, I run up to the baron and tell the DM I'm going to drag him back to the party.
"Your speed is halved from carrying him. You can't make it in 15 feet."
There's dead silence. Everyone is waiting for my response. Seconds of silence. "What are you going to do?" (DM speak for "please hurry up.")
"... I'm a tabaxi. I can make it in 30."
I double my movement speed and drag him back there anyway, to the confused relief of the party. Our sponsor (MY FUCKING DAD) is safe for right this second, but how are we going to fight a LICH?
"Anything else?"
"... I have a scroll of teleport in my bag. And I'm within 10 feet of everyone." Most importantly, I'd DUCKED BEHIND A WALL OF BARRELS AND CRATES so the motherfucker couldn't see me to counterspell.
There's dead silence for a few moments. The voice chat proceeds to blast my eardrums with excited cheering and laughing. The DM and I both pull up the spell. "Roll for it. Where are you going?"
"Home."
I roll a 99. We vanish from the lich's lair and are deposited, battered, bleeding, without guidance, in the charred, crumbled ruins of what had been the baron and I's residence. (It had not been that way until very recently. It was news to me.) There's relieved silence. There's an emotional reunion in what remains of our living room. I cast Tiny Hut in a defensible corner of the ruins after we all chat and we get what sleep we can.
(The DM would later confess that the baron wasn't supposed to survive and he had to change his plans now lol. We were supposed to be cut off from all resources at that point. My dad showed up in the final fight since he'd survived TWO murder attempts [ig the BBEG was the third lmao] and, well. I schemed then, too.)
#dnd#LET ME TELL YOU#the utter SILENCE. after 'you cant make it'#my heart was POUNDING. there was NOTHING to me other than this situation i was blind to the world#the DESPERATION when i remembered im a tabaxi and YES i COULD#but there were still other variables i had to account for#positioning. THE LICH. would the spell even work? where would we end up? we were out of almost everything#would i just drop us into another danger and it was all for nothing?#UGH#'i can make it in 30' i have never sounded so determined about ANYTHING in my LIFE#other schemes include 'suggest spell the enemy wizard give me his spell focus'#(he was too high level for us to fight but they wouldnt run. session ended mid combat and i spent the week plotting)#(roughly the decision was 'well he thinks were friends [charmed] and im ALSO a wizard so he wouldnt see an issue')#(dm had the spell wear off as soon as i grabbed it and we. two WIZARDS. played tug of war with the staff)#there was also 'i dont think we can destroy this magic rune about to explode but i can turn the table its on to ash'#not to mention 'hey i dont think we can fight that giant. phantasmal force loser' (we were in a narrow mountain pass)#(we were apparently supposed to fight him. the dm just had him show up when we went to go BACK through the pass)#update: it was phantasmal KILLER not force. i needed the fear effect so we could escape. i got the names mixed up#also i won the tug of war and proceeded to never use the magic item#now. the fully charged staff of power. well. thats a different story#rip the bbeg#oh this is. a long post i should add a read more#also on the slim off chance one of you recognizes this post no you didnt im not here
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tiercel · 9 months
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Who else feeling the untamable unrestrictive all encompassing rage in their soul tonight
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lordiavolo22 · 1 year
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its been really hard lately
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tarraxahum-ish · 1 year
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one would think I'd be glad to be potentially offered my old job back in the midst of a crisis and having absolutely no job perspectives
but I've been crying (I'd say full on whailing) and trying very hard not to throw up for 6,5 hours now
and I'd very much like my fucking body/psyche/nerves/whoever the fuck is doing this TO STOP
#it's not even for certain i haven't even actually said yes MY EYES HURT#I've ate all the variants of sedatives we have at the house but they are all non-prescription so they don't do shit about my nuclear anxty#I've drunk alcohol and stabilized for like an hour tops before that got burned out from my system by this hysteria as well#I should go to sleep but the thought of going to lie in the dark and silence with THIS hell in my head makes me nauseated#god you idiot just stop ALL YOUR OTHER OPTIONS ARE MOSTLY WORSE#also not to mention that maybe it won't even happen maybe we won't agree on conditions NOTHING HAS HAPPENED YET#but my everything is throwing a tantrum like I'm starting tomorrow jesus fucking christ#the thought of waking up tomorrow and having to potentially continue this discussion makes me wish to never wake up at all#AND I'M USUALLY NOT THE ONE TO HAVE THOSE THOUGHTS#it wasn't even THAT bad (although I quit for a reason and they SEEM to be aware of that reason#allegedly#anyway this is not the time and place to be fucking dying over yet here my ass is#freaked out beyond measure by the slightest possibility that her comfy-ass remote homey life can change back#god and the fucking position would actually be so easy if I was able to 1. establish firm boundaries and 2. not give a shit#BUT I WILL GIVE A SHIT AND DESTROY MYSELF ON COMPANY TIME AGAIN#I KNOW I WILL#FUCK FUCK FUCK JUST SHOOT ME#nothing happened yet you absolute MORON#SHUT UP#uuuh#tw suicide ment#kinda??? better save than sorry lol#i don't wanna die i just want to Stop Existing it's too different things#*two
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ikkk i keep saying this but i have to stop giving everyone second and third and fourth and fifth chances. as it stands i give people who have wronged me in unimaginably horrible ways infinite chances and infinite ways back into my life. hell, sometimes i INVITE them back here. maybe friendships have ended for a reason, maybe my mom will change but she probably wont, maybe i need to show myself respect even if it hurts
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clavicuss-vile · 1 year
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screaming crying i just realised that solaris only gets told his actual name by clavicus during the time where he's collecting daedric artifacts for martin. (before that he uses the name the cult gave him; Scelus) and he doesnt do that until the purification. oh my god icarus never knows his real name
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ziracona · 2 years
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Do gotta hand it to FO4; there’s something very poetic about The Railroad, a group taking its name from a forbearer that also at great risk smuggled slaves to freedom, made up of this small, struggling, regularly brutally purged, yet defiantly resilient group of civilians and liberated slaves, during the course of the game, operating and living out of a little church of historical significance, a symbol of freedom in its own right, living out of the crypts beneath it, among the bodies and the graves.
#everything about them is poetic and sad. it’s poetic and sad the last scripted Dialogue for Deacon’s first mission with the player is ‘End#of the line.’ Said happily about reaching escape. but also the quest name of the quest where you’re asked to walking into HQ & destroy them#there’s something poetic and awful and painful about how Deacon’s first personal remark to the Sole Survivor is that he’d take it as a#personal favor if they wouldn’t betray them to the institute since he vouched for them. it’s said laughingly. friendly. and the last thing#said to Deacon if the player /does/ betray them to the Institute is Desdemona’s ‘I should have known better than to trust your#recommendation’. before his desperate ‘I swear this wasn’t me. what the fuck’ and before they all die. there’s something deeply tragic and#poetic in that one of the women in HQ gives Preston caps excitedly and thanks him for the Minutemen. in that if you wipe them out with the#brotherhood you storm a church to be met by desperate civilian begging you to just leave them alone as they’re cut down pipe pistols to#power armor and Gatlings. not anger like the other factions. fear and desperation. pleading. trying to buy someone else time to flee#in that if Deacon isn’t in HQ when you destroy it if you turn on them he will hunt you down and try to kill you to avenge them. a#trait unique in every faction to him alone. In that they only move on the brotherhood when attacked. in that they attack the Institute to#save people not to destroy a threat. In that you find safe house after safe house with dead civilians in cloth.#in the way they’ve died many times before and someone always cares enough to pick up the pieces. in that every route points you gently to#them. but there’s nothing to keep them safe except choice. that even if you abandon them but don’t attack Dez will let you walk.#in the fact Deacon’s character exists at all. they are truly deeply overwhelmingly tragic. and it’s beautiful. and simple. just people#trying to do something that can’t be done forever knowing that for the days they can. everyone is standing in a host of ghost’s shoes#even the PC is given a dead man’s gun and can take his name. is recruited becuase they’re falling without him#and they live in a church among the dead in the crypts far from the light and their symbol is a lanter#Mama Murphy calls them the light in the darkness. truly. surrounded by it. but better to light one candle than to curse the dark#and hundreds of people have done so and died so that a few others could live. and they’re still doing it. and they don’t regret#Deacon calls them a family. P.A.M. stayed and helped for love of Glory. Carrington says Desdemona’s flaw is her heart - evidenced by her#allowing the PC to join or leave despite the risk they represent when the clinical call would be to kill them or another extreme measure.#and he’s right. but it’s also why they have a chance to live. Everything about them is about vulnerability and heart. Everything#fallout 4#the railroad#the railroad fallout 4
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