#if anything it's a problem that talking about emotions isn't scary cause I'm so fucking detached from them they're happening to someone els

[neverendingford]

.

#m afraid of things #surely there's no other aspects here at all at play #they always either jump on the depression or the anxiety train and they ride it into the sunset #and I“m sitting here like yeah sure explain this to me not like I've heard it before not like I”ve read fucking academic papers about it #therapists sitting at their desk typing with a single finger going “today I taught the patient that her anxiety is anxiety” #congrats I'm glad you're getting paid for this I'm not getting anything out of it though #also a half hour isn't long enough to talk about fucking alnything at all #an hour is barely enough time to explore a topic with any sort of thoroughness so a half hour? miss me with that shit #I'm over here like “hey I've never wanted to fuck someone more than twice and I move friend groups like I”m playing musical chairs #and I block five year friends with no emotional hesitation at all. maybe there's something wrong? #and the therapist perks up like “oooo maybe it's anxiety? or it might be your depression but it's anxiety I think” #if I had an autism diagnosis they would be just substituting the word anxiety for the word autism #useless useless useless #I know how to fix most of my problems I #m here to learn calculus cause I've already learned algebra don't fucking try and teach me arithmetic #ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm so annoyed #“wow you type so fast” yeah yeah can we get back to talking about things? #was gonna talk about the year it's been since I tried to kill myself and she's like “now I know talking about your feelings can be scary” #I'm not fuc king scared of being open I'm usedto being open and easily read stop projecting and assuming ughhh hh foaming at the mouth rn #if anything it's a problem that talking about emotions isn't scary cause I'm so fucking detached from them they're happening to someone els #someone else not me it's not me who feels emotions its whoever else is in here I'm at the keyboard but I can't see the screen #life is just co-op gaming with myself and we share functions and we're so in sync we don't recognize the other as separate usually #but he's got the emotions today actually that's not true I've got the rage I've got the anger I'm going into self defense mode I can feel i #I #tag talk #vent #iteration- *checks notes* 5 of feeling smarter than the therapist I got assigned #today we spend thirty minutes going over how anxiety is actually a kind of fear. wow so amazing and cool #I'm really learning so much here about how Im here because I recognize I have patterns of behavior that I can't find the root cause of #Im going to leave before I just start ranting. anyway. I'm annoyed nobody fucking understands us when we're talking

[bu-blegh-ost]

IT'S 3 AM AND I HAVE A FUN IDEA.

Okay picture this. After Black Sea the Albatrio decides to tackle the problem of the big tree that makes Jay's mum die. They get their crew together and set sails towards the centre of the world again, in search for a way to see it and cure it. Save Jay's mum and all that. And as they sail they suddenly get bumped by another boat, size similar to Alphatross. They look over and who do they see? Jayson motherfucking Ferin, sailing the same goddamn way as they do. So it turns out that after the fated 100th episode encounter Jayson learned abt his wife's condition and took a leave. This entire time when the gang was Black seaing he was doing research and finally found a way to fix everything. He took a small navy ship and settled alone, but turns out it is hard to man a ship yourself, even if you're a one-man army. So reluctantly Jayson Ferin and Riptide Pirates settle for an uncomfortable truce and join forces to save Jay's mum. Could you imagine the comedic possibilities?

Gillion and Jayson basically entering this hilarious rivalry of sorts. Gill eyeing that DAMN Whalebone Sword still stuck inside of Jayson, trying to repeatedly take it out or awkwardly explaining the value of the weapon and how cool it would be if he could just kinda give it back. And Jayson Has none of it cause that DAMN fish always talking and annoying him, jumping around, always there to hype Jay up against him. At this point he's just so sick of Gill, he keeps the sword inside him AND on display on purpose and Gill knows it and it pisses him off even further. They fucking compete to do more badass shit together and Gill makes it a personal goal to make this Man emote in Rage before they Reach their destination.

Chip, who Jayson barely saw or acknowledged throughout both of their meetings trying to talk to Jayson and he's just like "And who are you again?" And that just fucking gets Chip into a frenzy cause how could he not know him at this point??? "Hello??? Chip? Captain of the Riptide Pirates? The capitainest of them all? Anything? I'm cool like the other guys I swear, it's not my fault I was busy fighting a piss wizard instead of you okay? Fuck, piss wizard sounds so lame but it wasn't okay?! Bshshsjsjs nevermind bye!" XD And he also tries to do cool shit around Jayson so he can see him in action this time, cause he just can't take it that Jay's dad Has neutral feelings about him.

And Jay? Oh Jay. I imagine my girl goofing and having fun with her Boys. Her family. And I imagine her looking towards Jayson observing them from time to time. Maybe his gaze is Stern. Maybe uninterested. Maybe a bit longing. And maybe for a second she becomes that small girl, cowering under this gaze, feeling stupid for wasting time doing ridiculous things no proper navy solider would do, but then she shakes it off, looks at Jayson with a stare just as unwavering as his own and she goes back to having fun with Chip and Gill, because facing this gaze is not so scary anymore. Jay's own eyes scream "Look at the family I made. Look how proud I am of them. Look what you lost. I chose them, they chose me. They made me who I am and they made me believe that I do not need to fear you." And maybe Jay also tries to do cool shit in front of her dad, just so she can show him how far she's come without him. Honestly I feel like this entire trip is a massive show-off fest to establish dominance and that's hilarious to me.

Also literally any interaction Earl may have with Jayson. Holy shit. I feel like this is a forbidden fruit no one should be allowed to imagine.

Also if Drey is still on the ship, he pretends he isn't. My Man just hides in the barrel for DAYS. Not risking that shit xD

But also I'd like to think that by the end of it all, once the tree is saved Jayson would leave peacefully, with no attempt at capturing anyone. And it won't be that they are magically on the same side, no. But he'd leave with respect for them. Respect for Gill, his resolve and willingness to always stand by his dauther no matter what, respect for Chip once he realizes that the moment Chip drops his acts and starts being himself and ordering the crew in the time of crisis, he's one of the best leader he's ever seen, and respect for Jay because he finally sees that his little bird grew to be one of the most powerful people he Had ever known. That maybe he was the one severing his little bird's wings. That perhaps she made a good choice for herself. That perhaps he finally understands.

#jrwi riptide #just roll with it #gillion tidestrider #gillion jrwi #jay jrwi #chip #chip jrwi #jayson ferin #thoughts that don't let me sleep #help #for real tho pls tell me you guys see the potential of this too #like this would be such a fun arc #i'll go sleep now #but probably i'll just be thinking abt this more #this took and hour to write wth

[love-hatred-stuff]

Mad at him } Jung Jaehyun [nct]

》 genre:

angst, light fluff

》 warning(s):

Jaehyun swears a lot & is kind of a dick, mention of other idols [ma johnny], um that's it ig

》 word count:

1.9k

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Crap, school is shit!

I was doing homework for hours now and I was still not finished with all of it. It was upsetting me, more than it should.

After I had let out a heavy and annoyed groan I heard my phone ring. Jaehyun, my boyfriend was calling me.

Wow, he actually had the time to call me.

He didn't contact me for a whole day and I was getting more pissed each minute. In the beginning of our relationship, he always made sure how my day was when we hadn't had the chance to meet up.

Today had been an absolute disaster what wasn't making my mood any better.

But I had to suppress my anger for a moment, because he was rather sensitive. What means, I better not get mad for no proper reason.

He started talking instantly after I picked up.

"Hey, sorry that I couldn't call earlier. How was your day?" His voice was monotone and I didn't like that, at all.

I felt the wish that he would've better just let me be for the rest of the day with that attitude crossing my mind. Though I tried ignoring my now mixed feelings.

"Yeah, nevermind. Mine was not the best day to be honest." I tried to reply like I normally would.

"What happened?" I wasn't in the mood to tell him about my whole day.

And because he hadn't had the time to pick me up yesterday too, I decided to tease and play a little bit. Maybe this would make my day better.

"Nothing, that's the problem. I am doing homework for hours now and my brain is about to explode. But luckily, I have Kai. He helps me out a lot, with my problems." It almost sounded like I was only talking to a friend and not my boyfriend. Acting like Jeahyun wasn't my boyfriend for almost two years now.

Since I knew, he gets angry when I'm close to other guys, it's the perfect idea to play with his feelings. Cruel, but effective.

"What do you mean, helping you with your problems? That's what I'm supposed to do. You should better get your ass here now!"

"Don't cuss at me. He's just a good friend I met in school Jaeh." I acted like I was trying to convince him that it wasn't a big deal, but in reality it was what I wanted, of course.

I wanted him to spend time with me, without telling him to.

"Do you think I care if he's just a friend? We had been friends too before we started dating, Y/N." He sounded pissed and I had to smile proudly.

"That's different." I wasn't allowed to mention that I would never replace him, like I usually would, because it had to sound a little suspicious.

"That Kai guy is going to get killed if he thinks he can have you. I want you to come over right now!" I almost giggled at his command.

"I don't think, you really want me there." I expressed my thoughts.

"What the fuck is wrong, Y/N? You know that's not true." I could hear his voice getting shaky and hard to control.

"Ok then. I'll be there in 10." I ended the call quickly before it could get too emotional.

I didn't like emotions, except for the ones I had for Jaehyun. They can easily let you make some real dumb decisions.

That's why I was a rather cold person. I was kind, but I wasn't someone who smiled all day and acted like nothing angered or annoyed me. 'Cause there were always things in my way.

Fortunately I was also a quite strong person, that learned to be in the past few years and I don't give up that easily or let some shit destroy me.

Jeahyun was also strong but I had better skills than him to get what I wanted and my influence on him was just too big to let him win. I always won fights, but that wasn't important in our realtionship. To me it was just an advantage that I would use in such situations.

...

I changed into a short but cute, rosè dress and a white cardigan with brown buttons, put my converse on and fastly walked to Jaeh's dorm.

I had needed fifteen minutes, but it was fine, he would wait for me longer.

I knocked like I always did, three times.

After some seconds Jaehyun ripped the door open and I slightly flinched.

"Holy Shit. What are you wearing?" He scanned my body. I could see, he found it hot but there was also some anger building up in his eyes, and it was rising fast.

"Nice to see you too." I rolled my eyes, inconspicuously also looking over his body. He was wearing sweatpants and a muscle tank top, showing his biceps and toned abs.

He wasn't getting his eyes off me.

"Y/N, this dress covers like nothing. I get it, your curves look absolutely stunning but you have to change!" He angrily commanded.

"Shut up, can I come inside now?" I asked with a hint of annoyance.

"Yes." He stepped away and walked through the kitchen, into his room.

I could sense his tightened jaw and all of his tensed muscles.

"Slow down. It's just a dress." I pronounced looking at him like I couldn't believe how childish he reacted, and at this point I really couldn’t.

"Do you have ANY idea of what the boys think about you when you're wearing this?" He asked and finally turned to me again.

"I would LOVE to know." I ironically said.

"I don't want my girlfriend to walk around like she's just some bitch. Because you're not. These boys are disgusting when it comes to something beautiful like you, Y/N."

Now I'm a bitch? You're done Jaehyun. I thought but grimaced at the hurting word he just said to me.

I know he also called me beautiful, but that wasn't the word that was spinning around my head just now.

When he noticed my face and that I didn't reply after some seconds he tried to apologise.. of course.

"Babe, you're not a bitch. I didn't mean it. All I was trying to say is-" He wanted to grab my arm but I moved back before he could do so.

"No, I got it Jaehyun. I only look like one." I snapped back at him. Not yelling but also not in normal loudness.

I was even more mad than before. And now, I was also hurt. Dangerous Combo.

"No- I- I think it's just too short, Y/N." He wanted to defend himself.

"I understand." My voice wasn't loud anymore at all, but it didn't sound like I meant it.

My voice was pathetically shaking and I was looking on the ground, thinking if it would be the best to just leave now.

"Maybe I should just go. I mean I wouldn't want a bitch in my room either, so..." Talking with a quiet voice, I looked up at him and I saw fear in his eyes.

"No, please-" He stepped forward and was going to take my arm but I backed away again.

"Don't touch me." I warned. His face was getting pale. I didn't miss his teary getting eyes either when I looked at him.

"I'm so sorry. Please don't leave. I really didn't mean it, Y/N. Please, I am just jealous of boys being able to see what usually only I see." He avowed.

"It's fine. I wasn't ready with my homework anyways. I should leave."

"Don't. I want you here right now. Please, I'll do anything." His begging voice spoke.

"But I wanted to get finished today."

"Y/N?!" Suddenly a different person asked excitedly.

I knew who it was and turned around instantly to look at his good looking face.

"Johnny!" I jumped in his arms and he was hugging me back happily.

"Johnny, not now-" Jeahyun was angry once again.

"Let me hug this precious little girl! Hell, you're getting hotter everyday?" Johnny laughed and we separated. He scanned me up and down and smiled mischievously.

"Honestly, if Jeahyun wouldn't date you, surely I would ask you out." He claimed.

"Definitely." I giggled softly.

He was always letting me feel good. And he was one of the guy friends of my boyfriend that I liked the most. He was funny, hella handsome and so nice over all.

Though everything remained on just a friendship, we just always casually played around.

"Hey, shut the hell up. She's mine." Jaeh growled at him and put his hand around my waist, taking back what's his.

I kept smiling but I was also trying to push his hand away, so it was difficult to keep a happy look.

Johnny noticed the awkward situation and started talking to me again.

"Anyways. Do you wanna watch a movie in the living room?"

I opened my mouth and was about to say something but Jaehyun was faster than me.

"No, we were busy." His cold voice was giving me goosebumps.

He could be scary, when he was jealous. I am talking out of experience. Not too nice ones.

"We were not, actually I was about to leave. But because I didn't see you in so long I will stay longer alright?" I suggested when I was back in my senses.

"That's perfect!" John smiled at me.

"You won't hang with my girl, Johnny." Jaeh protested.

I turned around to give my boyfriend a look.

"Could you shut up for a moment? It's my decision since you don't own me. And I'm a bitch right? So it's normal when I hang out with a lot of boys, isn't it?" I started to grow my confidence back but I was fucking mad.

He won't destroy my moment with Johnny right now!

"Did he do something?" The brunette boy in front of us asked.

He was almost two heads taller than me and since Jeah knew I liked taller guys, he was probably freaking out.

"No-" Jaeh started but I thought he could know the truth.

"He said, I looked like a bitch." I told him.

"You did what, Jaehyun?" His shocked voice asked, searching for a reassuring answer in our faces.

"I said sorry already. I didn't mean it okay?! But the dress she's wearing shows almost all of her legs, not to mention her half exposed butt."

"That's no excuse bro. Look, she looks stunning in this dress! There's no reason to fight over." His friend wanted to convince him.

"You better not look at my girl like that, or I have to punch you until you understand." Jeahyun pushed his chest with his fist.

"Calm down man. You should work it out before you come in the living room, I'll pick the movie in the meantime." Johnny decided and walked away.

"Do you let all boys touch you like him?" Now Jaeh asked aggressively, coming nearer.

Now we both had reached a certain line, so I tried to keep it low with my next words, struggling to find a compromise.

"No. I love you. And I wore this dress because I thought you'd find it cute too. Not to attract other boys. I won't wear it in public anymore okay? But you should the fuck calm down and let me talk to Johnny. After all he's your roommate and friend. He won't do anything I don't want." I explained with a strong tone.

His expression softened finally, giving me hope he'd give in eventually.

"Yes, I'm sorry. Will you forgive me for calling you... that?" He wanted to know with puppy eyes.

"I'm not over that yet. It hurted me, Jaeh. I will forgive you if you let me sit with Johnny and watch a movie with us." I claimed and cupped his cheek.

"Fine." He sighed.

We watched an action movie and had a lot of fun. In between time Johnny touched me unintentionally, during laughing and talking.

Jaehyun couldn't hold back and threatened that he would get angry if he would keep doing that. I told him it was fine and Johnny and I just continued like nothing happened.

Don't let your boyfriend treat you like he's in a higher position than you.

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I'll probably do a masterlist for all the groups I stan and write about.

Hope you enjoyed, stay tuned!!! ♡

#kpop imagines #nct #nct angst #nct jung jaehyun #jung jaehyun #nct jaehyun #boyfriend jaehyun

[creative-oasis]

So like I know this has been a upcoming thing but I wondered if anyone else considered or coined this before.

Recently AJR came out with their new album "Ok Orchestra" and let me tell you it is a-mazing. But I had a thought, there has been a surge of things I like to call "existential pop" this included artists like AJR, Melanie Martinez, Jon Bellion just to name a few. (I could be totally wrong but) The reason I started noticing this is because these artists tackle topics that aren't just oh yah know "relationships, sex, drugs, and being rich" and a lot of the common tropes of a lot of pop songs. Now don't get me wrong, they are definitely mentioned but its done in a way that flips the script. For example Melainie Matienez covers relationships in her song "Highschool Sweetheart" but it isn't about "oh yes I have to follow all these gender defined roles in a relationship" its a song about her having standards for what she wants from a relationship and how she wants certain things ou t of that relationship and she's not going to just settle (which is what, honestly, a lot off people all over the gender spectrum are forced to do because they don't think they have a choice to do anything else.) Now a lot of people thought she was being demanding and unfair, but when you think of it all people are entitled to want specific things out of a relationship and to have their needs met while also being equals. Now Melanie Martinez since she started making content has broken a lot of preconceived song rules, from talking about tough topics of life in school in k-12 to talking about dysfunction in families and relationship in Crybaby. But thats a tangent. What i wanted to talk about was AJR because I can't help but think that this trend of basically having an existential crisis in song form is what AJR is now being immortalized as. In my opinion.

First off, the entire album is a massive hit and people can fight me on that (though I don't see anyone fighting) Second I wanted to mention a a handful of songs that just stand out and those songs are (but who am I kidding the whole album is fanstatic). I'll go in order of the album

"3 o'clock Things" by AJR is a this sort of collage of thoughts and questions that people realize that they have to keep hidden to stay in favor with the people around them from the bullshit of capitalism, to the truth that not everyone is great at sex and how thats a standard people are judged on so people fabricate or omit things to stay "positively veiwed" to the hot button idea that the American government is rigged and how people and artists are forced to keep quiet about their beliefs because of their ratings whether it be about race, religion, sexuality etc. (Those last two are not mentioned but implied as they are factors that can change someone's idea of you). The chorus "would you go running if you saw the real me. Maybe you'd love him , yeah, maybe you'd feel me. But I'll never ask you cause that super scary. Sorry to bail its already 3 o'clock, its too hard to tell if anything real or not" Sums up the gist of the feelings behind the song

"The Trick" by AJR, this song i relate to so much, the idea of lying to make yourself something you aren't ashamed of and to maybe start knew or just impress or relate to others. The idea that as the song states that one can't have full access to the life or emotional well being of the other because someone has set up their own pitfalls by trying to be authentic and how "oh my god [we're] screwed". I love how its realistic and understandable make song about the fact that you can lie about your life to find relationships but the truth is its not going to come without traps.

"Humpty Dumpty" by AJR, and entire song about repressing emotions and hiding true feelings because we want to give people "the best me" and how that only makes things more fragile and broken. Depression and numbness only be BROKEN up by panic attacks and anger or at least intense emotions. as any therapist will tell you repressing emotions just makes it so much worse in the long run. There isn't a full resolution at the end. I mean part the chorus is literally "humpty dumpy went downn He said screw it imma smile right through it and scream when no ones around" if that tells you anything.

"World's Smallest Violin" by AJR. (Not gonna lie this song is the whole reason I wanted to make this post.) I mean a song about comparing the past struggles of people in your life to yourself and how you as a person feel like utter shit that other people have "worse problems" and that we as people just want to feel validated and are looking for people to make us feel normal. Also its catchy as fuck so yeah!

And of course,

"Way Less Sad" by AJR which came out a little before the album came out but became a huge favorite, its kinda really similar and almost a follow up to "World's Smallest Violin " and happens to be right after, but the whole idea of settling for way less sad because your sadness isn't as bad as what it used to be and setting your bar lower and lower is....a big fucking mood but honestly if you relate to the line "but I'm not dead yet so I guess I'll be alright" then definitely check it out

To be honest I side tracked from what I originally made this post about essentially I think artists should be bold and break the mold of music and if like...."existential pop" is a fair name to call these artist or if you think it should be called something else then let me know because I'd love to know what to fucking call it.

Was a this a shameless attempt to get people to listen to AJR? Yes. Do I want people to listen to AJR? Yes. Am I looking for more existential pop artist? Yes.

So uh......yeah

#long post #ajr #melanie martienez #existential pop #i really just want people to check them out #and to ask if the phase im using makes sense #music #shamless support #music artist #if anyone has another opinion please let me know

[tokyoghoose]

nous aimons tous les deux jours

pairing: dabi x reader

playlist: things we never say - bad bad habits*, sincerity is scary - the 1975, love love love - of monsters and men, if i go, im going - gregory alan isakov, i dont know me like you do - low hum, if i get high - nothing but thieves ( alice kristiansen cover ), i dare you - the regrettes, problems - deathbyromy, fool of you - meltt, hell and you - amigo the devil, creature - it looks sad, tongues and teeth - the crane wives, hooked ( addicted you might say ) - eleisha eagle, nothings gonna hurt you baby - cigarettes after sex, a dream of you - far caspian, so alright, cool, whatever - the happy fits, a lovely night - ryan gosling

warnings: mentions of violence, brief mentions of drugs for expression, and suggestive themes

summary: we love every other day

announcements!

this is my first try at a enemies/lover thingy! Originally it was going to be an enemy to lovers but i liked the idea that they're just on opposing sides a little more haha. Lemme know if you'd like to see the other one though!

i know there are a lot of hero x villain fics like this out there 😌 this is my take on it, so please bare with me!

feedback is welcome and appreciated! requests are open!

"We really have to stop meeting like this."

An addiction. That's what it is. Either that or it's some kind of reverse psychology like you want what you can't have—because nothing else makes sense. If you knew him as a regular person, honestly you probably wouldn't have given him a second thought. If he was a hero you worked beside—or god forbid a villain—then you probably wouldn't have cared for a hookup or two, but then you'd get over it. It's not infatuation. It's an addiction. It's toxic and unhealthy and it just feels good even if it shouldn't. But the high; the high is unbeatable.

It continues on forever and more. From the moment his gaze pierces yours it's like snorting a rail of coke or taking a tab and the trip never ends. It's not even the fact you could get caught. You two are so damn obvious; anyone who stumbles into an alleyway at three in the morning would see the two of you doing more than what a fight warrants. It's just him. It's simply Dabi.

Romeo and Juliette's syndrome is probably a better term for it. But hell, it's not like he'd die for you. Right? It's not like you've known each other way longer than some days and nights and you certainly aren't teenagers and he's definitely not somebody who moves onto a girl and decides he's in love at first sight just because his 'rosaline' left him face down ass up. So maybe Romeo and Juliette is just lack of a better term.

But it's so unfair. How the hell are you supposed to escape him when it's like he's around every corner. With every breath you take, it's like he's an inch closer to crushing your chest with his. And maybe you want him to? This isn't very hero-like.

"You're the one always tracking me down, doll."

The pet name sends shivers down your spine and it makes you want him all the more.

Who am I? What has gotten into me?

You blame the pink tint to your cheeks on the brisk wind of the night, but the heat to them is a large contrast. You cross your arms over your chest and scoff, trying to look taller, stronger, and broader. Not in a threatening way, but more a warning.

This time you'll really take him out.

"In case you forgot, it's my job."

You tell yourself that every time.

And every time he gets away.

"I'm not doing anything but taking a walk."

He steps closer, the already short distance between you two getting shorter. The streetlamp that cuts the scene in half flickers, a moth flying away from the light and towards the moon. You count three squares in distance and you resist the urge to step back.

"You're a wanted criminal, Dabi."

He doesn't deny it but scoffs anyway, shoving his hands into his pockets leisurely. It's like he's never bothered. You're just a nat he's waiting to squash. You have to remind yourself of that: You're just prey.

"I think you just miss me." His tone is serious, but he's only teasing—no matter how true it is. You're starting to think that he can read minds—it's actually quite concerning.

You force a laugh past your lips, trying to show you aren't bothered by what he says. It's just a game of cat and mouse, and it's time the roles switch.

"Please. I could throw you in jail right now."

"But you wouldn't do that. Isn't that right, bunny?"

Your guard faulters and it gives him the opening he needs to corner you completely—and quite literally. It's a blink of an eye and he has you against the brick wall. It'd look rather suspicious to anyone passing, or maybe it looks endearing. But it doesn't matter, to begin with when it's a barren street. Even the crickets seem to have fled.

It's like wherever Dabi walks, everything else scatters. If it were the sea, you're sure it'd part red.

Dabi smirks, trapping you between his body and the cool, damp bricks. The mist from earlier rain seeps slowly into your hero suit, sending a violent chill down your spine. His other hand touches your hip, fingers grazing the fabric so faintly that it'd feel non-existent if it weren't for the heat radiating off them. You hitch your breath when his nose nudges your neck, his hot breath causes shivers and his eyes bore into your own with something mischievous.

"I-"

His lips ghost the skin of your neck and you subconsciously pull it taut, tilting your head to the side. You're beginning to hate how your body arches into his and how it reacts to the simplest of touches.

Like a brick to a window, your dissolve shattered easily.

Dabi quirks a brow, challenging you to continue as you sputter about. It's embarrassing. You can hear him say it now, just like so many times before: "Oh? A big hero like you getting flustered by a big bad villain like me? How cute."

Your walkie talkie comes alive with static and a voice cuts in asking for help to take down a gang of criminals a few cities over.

My saving grace.

"I-I have to go." You push him away by the shoulders with sudden confidence, but he doesn't seem to put up much resistance.

God, you want to wipe the smug smirk off his face.

He backs off and turns with an unbothered wave, proving his point that you wouldn't- couldn't touch him, much less win against him in any sort of battle. The untouchable.

"Until next time, right?"

———

It's like a new tide from the moon—how fast your feelings towards him change. He's awful. A criminal, a villain, a murderer. He's the literal icon of everything your against.. or of what you're supposed to be against.

But you understand him. You get his whys and you feel his emotion like you're apart of them. You empathize with him and it makes you so fucking angry at yourself because you know—as a hero—you should never side with a villain like him, no matter how much sense he starts to make.

Blame it on his tone and the smoothness of his words. He's just a swindler.

The next time isn't even a full week later. He technically protects you from some randoms in an alleyway and you catch him in the act of it all, turning to catch whoever was following you, only to be met with cold blue eyes and a pile of ashes in front of you.

Of course, it ultimately ends in the same place it always does; his bed.

His scent and touch linger a little too long after these meetings and you decide once again that this is the last time.

It's a real shame you have to blame it on his body heat and not the undeniable attraction you feel towards him. But you suppose that could count towards it.

His hands are anywhere—everywhere—and they leave a fire in their wake. It's too much and still not enough. All you want is to be closer. Fingers in his hair, pulling him into you until you can't, and then pulling him in more. It's like air, the way you breathe him in. When you finally give into dabi it no longer becomes a crime, but a necessity.

It's overbearing and messy and awful, but you can't help but slip into his embrace and into his warmth.

It's freezing and he's the sun.

Tangled in between cotton sheets, you feel him rub circles into your shoulder and you hear his heartbeat. It's reassuring to know someone like him even has one. Then again, he probably wouldn't have protected you if he didn't have one. How many times has he saved you from harm's way? Honestly, one time is too many.

It almost makes this fling of yours respectable. It almost makes you want to admit you're falling for that smug face and bad attitude.

"We talked about what we'd do if we ran into your league again, you know?"

Why on earth would you bring that up of all things, y/n?

He doesn't need to know anything about your career, much less your plans to take his team down.

"Hmm.. is that so?" Dabi's fingers move up to draw languid circles into your collarbone before shifting slightly to loom over you. His other hand comes to rest on your hip, sending a searing, but welcomed heat to the flesh. You hiss quietly at the sensation, already knowing there's a bruise forming from the activities not too long ago. His lips replace his hand on your neck and he removes his arm from under your head to hold himself up.

Your hand finds his messy hair, fingers delving into the raven locks and tugging gently as he makes his way to the column of your throat and to your ear. He nips at it, nose brushing against your jaw; his hot breath creating goosebumps that rise to your flesh.

"I like knowing you think of me when I'm not around, Angel."

The tone and raspiness of his voice makes you groan, feeling him kiss beneath your jaw. You just know he's smirking at the reactions he elicits from you because you can feel it. He enjoys watching your internal struggle. You can't act like you didn't choose to form whatever this is with him.

You tug his hair to look at him, bringing his face up and he almost looks annoyed that you disrupted his path heading down towards your chest. Your lips ghost over each other's and you lean in for a kiss, only for him to pull away and leave you chasing.

"I also like when you call my name."

Your hand falls from his hair to cup his jaw, practically pulling him forward into a kiss. It's rough to cover up the intimacy and need behind it. His fingers dig into the plush of your hip, thumb pressed into your stomach before his hand goes upward with an ulterior motive.

Pulling away from him before he can initiate anything more, you run your thumb across his lips and the silver bands that adore the lower half of his face. Surprisingly enough, it didn't take long to adjust to the different textures

"And I like how you kiss me."

This almost feels too domestic—not that you mind, but you're positive he knows you're wrapped around his finger, in the palm of his hand. It's impossible to hide it now. Your actions speak louder than the three words on the tip of your tongue, poisoning your mind.

It makes you cringe when you think about it all. How easily he can get into your head and twist your arm. Some nights you catch yourself thinking that maybe you'll be able to convince him to open his eyes a little wider to see your point of view, especially when you've begun to see his. They're horrible—the villains you go against, but he makes them seem so different. You hate how he makes you double think everything.

He playfully nips at your thumb when you push it gently between his lips, teasingly. His hands trail up your arms, pulling them off of him and above your head. You're the one who makes the move to intertwine fingers as he pushes them down harshly on the pillow underneath you. Insatiable. That's what he is. Is it so wrong to keep wanting more?

The sun beginning to rise over the horizon and spilling in through the window doesn't seem to stir him as he makes his descent from your lips.

You already know that by the next morning you'll hate him and that surrounds him. You'll hate yourself for listening to your heart instead of your head simply because it just 'feels so right.' It's a constant cycle between the two of you, and you're sure he feels the same. He doesn't agree with anything you stand by like a hero, but there's something that keeps him close enough.

There's only so much you can expect, even when you deny it over and over.

But god, you have to stop meeting like this.

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