#idk how i never liked it as a teen

[lopsidedtreetrunks]

America is a horsegirl

no text ver:

#no joke this was a real meme i found on google i thought it was hilarious #the way horse is so large #and its a not like the other girls meme #its just..... perfect TT #hetalia #aph america #hws america #the background is a MESS #but i still spent a short while on it sob #its supposed to look like the american west #like monument valley i think???? #but the main focus is our good cowboy <3 #also I never used to like americas character songs but recently CBC has just stolen my heart TT #what a sweet boy TwT #idk how i never liked it as a teen #she was weird tho so ¬¬ #legit reading the enlish lyrics i wanna cry its such a cute song like stop it orz

[driftingballoons]

Despite losing their memories, I always imagined Hero had some instinctual feelings regarding the world. Namely, that somehow something simple like a sunrise was a rare treasure that they never got to experience before

#Treecko #skitty #pmd #pokemon doodles #original art #Idk it just felt like they would have an idea of how the world (as they know it) works? #Like if you lost your memories and saw all leaves were purple instead of green #I feel you’d have an instinctual feeling something was…off #Bc hero knew things it wasn’t like having a newborn’s brain in a child/teen’s body #And they did have some basic intuition like having been in a place before or knowing a place #But the rolling waves the wind the sun…… #They never had any of that before!

[artkaninchenbau]

An AWS comic

#My art #For the record I am not a medical professional and as far as I know AWS isn't even something you can be diagnosed with??? #It's so hard to describe what the two sensory hallucinations really *FEEL* like #Like the time one... You know how a dramatic slow motion scene looks like in an anime? #It's like that but if you made it a 60 fps interpolated version of it #It is an absolutely bizarre feeling #Meanwhile the hyper awareness and everything feeling intense feels like how a fisheye lens shot in an anime feels #No I could not be bothered to try to figure out how to draw that for this comic #For the record I haven't actually had those visual hallucinations since I was a small small child #Hell I don't even think I had any hallucinations in my teens at all like #The sensory ones just kinda started happening again in the past 7 years or so? #Also the swelling sensation I've only had once so far. Usually I get the hyper awareness sensation #(Also sometimes I get this intense feeling of swaying when I go to bed but that might not be an AWS thing??) #(Like there's other things that could make you feel like you're rocking on a boat when laying down so I didn't include that) #No I have never talked to anyone about these hallucinations because for the longest time I didn't know what they were #And they are like. Harmless. Like I'm 100% aware they're just strange sensations but not real at all #They last max 15 minutes if even that long and they happen like super rarely #Only once have I had the hyper awareness be SO INTENSE it made me feel distressed #So like. It doesn't really affect my life at all? So why bother with it? #Also IDK if I could even go to a doctor and ask about AWS and have them know what that even is #And even if I could as far as I know there is no treatment for it so like. Whatever #As long as I don't start having distressing hallucinations or visual hallucination's I'll be fiiiiiine

[ribbittrobbit]

u kno what, i fucking love that people on dropout are normal people with normal bodies, all different and wonderful and beautiful

fuck uniformity

#u never realise how EVERYONE in mainstream media fits into the same categories #and those who are outside of them are very often treated as comic relief #as if its the peak of comedy to not look like a standard model #ive had problems with my Corporeal Form for the last 3ish years bec im no longer the lanky wraithlike teen i was at 18 #and normal people looking great (everyone on dropout looks great- excellent style and exuding joy- its just a fact) #idk where im going with this but yeah just dropout is awesome best money ive ever spent #oh also i know they have stylists and stuff but still

[mattodore]

spinning them around

#ts4 #simblr #ts4 edit #matthias evanoff #theodore doe #echthroi #a burning house to live in #river dipping #the dof messing with theo’s beautiful face 😔 #anyway i think i’m gonna go read this 140k fic and then i'll be coming back later to read kmik heh 😋 #oh ALSO ! realized it’s theo’s birthday this month so... i'm gonna be busy these next few days :) #i have to make theo as a child and fix his teen sim and then make poses and try to figure out how exactly #i’m going to execute this idea that i have for his birthday edit #with matthias’s birthday edit(s) it took me like a week to do iirc? and i was still late posting it 😭 #like his birthday is 04/11 and i think i didn’t post it until 04/16 or something???? #a trial…. fr so difficult #with theo’s i’m planning on messing around with transparency stuff i think #or maybe like… a gallery wall effect? idk i should really start working on it now tho rather than waiting until it’s nearly the day of #which is what i did with matthias bc i forgot his birthday 😭 #but theo’s is 09/28 like i would never forget it ☝️ #but yeah……… they rlly need an emoji of a guy laying dead on the ground so i can use it #like that’s how i’m feeling thinking abt the whole process of this #unlike with matthias’s edit theo’s is meant to just be one long image #but with three scenes within it kind of? #and him at every age #so like it’s a thing idk #i can picture this edit so clearly in my mind like it comes to me very easily #but yk how it is. ideas beyond my skill level or whatever

[hasarjunadoneanythingwrong]

warning for major fate/samurai remnant late game spoilers under the cut, specifically for rider

i desperately need them to explain how on earth raikou, the half diving child of indra, runs the risk of acting like this at all times while meanwhile her half brother arjuna is like, just some guy

like the irl reason is probably to do with the different framing indra has in india vs gozu tennoh in japan but its incredible to see this while one of indra's other kids, who's equally divine, is in the same game and has no noticeable bouts of insanity over it

(and before anyone brings up arjuna alter he IS specifically an abnormality from the whole lostbelt situation and wouldnt happen in a normal situation)

#fsr #fsr spoilers #fate samurai remnant #fate samurai remnant spoilers #fate/samurai remnant #fate/samurai remnant spoilers #spoilers #praying the readmore works so no one gets flashbanged by the spoilers if they dont use the blacklist lmao TAT #is that enough tags... #my post #screencaps #unless this is just a teen angst thing and 18yr old juna also was like this lmao #seriously though he was IN THIS GAME and didnt show up in this part at all and he NEVER talks like this hes like 'oh im a demigod? i forgor #maybe thats just how kunti raised them idk #'you may be divine but ur doing the damn dishes' #fate for the love of god please do something with the two of them one of these days THEYRE LITERALLY HALF SIBLINGS AAAAAAAA

[smilepaint]

anyway the concept of passing is a scam. we will never be liberated until the idea that a trans person's inherent value and worth and validity is directly proportional to their resemblance to a cis person. and i say this not just to those who struggle to or do not fit into that box, but to those who very much do and are counting themselves lucky.

the same way that its unhealthy and unreasonable to expect a same gender couple to conform to notions of what a heterosexual family should be, its unhealthy and unreasonable to have to expect a transgender experience of identity and a transgender body to conform to a cisgender ideal. not only does it further the marginalisation of trans people and drive a wedge in our community, but it's an unhealthy way to see the world and relate to yourself. its not fair to expect a human being to go their whole life in states of checking the value of their body and their life against a societally imposed, often unattainable model that may not even reflect their own desires or goals.

it's tough, i know how tough it is to go against everything you've been taught, and the right to seek medical intervention to reshape ourselves in a way that deepens and solidifies our connection to our bodies is and will always be important. but for your own mental health, whatever shape you take must reflect yourself first. not a cis persons. transition is about making a home out of the body you're living in, in whatever way works for you.

you deserve the mental freedom that comes with removing "passing" from your emotional radar entirely. trans bodies are good bodies.

#text tag #transgender #nonbinary #transition #gender #this is kind of a loaded take so to tack on some things #i am a trans person who's struggled with severe dysphoria for many years and was obsessed with passing as cis for a long time #there was a long time in which i would've preferred to stop living over going the rest of my life with visible surgery scars #just think about that.. idk how fucked is it that teen me thought it would be better to literally die than have one clear tell that im trans #im so much happier post surgery scars and all and like yes i fucking hate them. but i know i shouldn't and im trying to heal #also im very aware that passing as cis is OFTEN a safety issue and thats not what im speaking to here #im talking about mental health and longterm societal change and the gradual betterment of gender diverse peoples #not just from a gender standpoint but honestly from a decolonial standpoint #from a te ao māori perspective there was never an ideal of passing as “cis” for trans or takatāpui individuals #anyway yea obsession with passing wears people down into self hating wrecks and im sick of seeing that happen to our youth #and to every trans person regardless of where they're at in their journey

[fitzrove]

Started watching a "problem with greek myth retellings" video and it began with a blurb montage like "Condemned by the misogynist guys of history, this is the true girlboss feminist story of [A WOMAN]" and like. brb writing one of those about crown prince rudolf. It's ok he's like a misunderstood girlboss to me<3

#NASJASKSDFKDSLFDGJDFJ #joking. since those retellings seem to be often bad #fun fact i do have ideas for like a black teen comedy series with mary as the protagonist where the ending is like a harrowing twist #like you think it won't go that far but it does and the point is that she had historical agency and her own problems and personal journey #but in the end it spiralled catastrophically due to both crown prince rudolf related events and others #unfortunately writing one would draw the ire of both misogynist rudolf conspiracy theorists (how dare you suggest women have agency) AND a #certain type of feminist media critiquer person: (1) how dare you cover a topic like that flippantly 2) how dare you make rudolf anything #but an inhuman monster of a r*pist murderer gr**mer or whatever in the story #like idk man.. other male characters portrayed as romantic interests in mainstream media are toxic r*pists all the time. like omg i hate ho #'the great' handles p*ter and catherine because i was rooting for them to remain toxic and for catherine to kill him or whatever but then #she starts falling in love with him in s2 and everyone in tumblr is like omg hot sexy toxic romance. like cant we have ONE series where #straight romance doesnt inevitably become the overbearing focus?? i had wlw ships for that show.. they never pulled through... #anyway um yeah. the way i would portray rudolf in that is that mary sees him as this romantic hero which is emphasised in the way its shot #but he's constantly acting in kinda offputting and strange ways and is occasionally pretty pathetic and weird ASHDJFJF #^^ that's never been a deterrent to anyone ever. most rudolf biographers want to [redacted] him this has been proven by the way they write. #the only ones that dont are me (well not a real biographer but a rudolf enjoyer nonetheless) and brigitte hamann /hj #(she actually doesnt salivate over his appearance like frederick morton does xD only quotes 2 contemporary women commenting on it)

[vixenicks]

sorry for reblogging fugly trends from 2012 it's for my enrichment

#have i ever told u guys about my early 2010s fashion and pop culture fixation #i got a gen you ine aeropostle skirt recently ive never been happier #also gonna try and get my hands on some freshtops tanks #eventually #also their shorts though ive only found one secondhand listing in my size #i need the naked1 pallet or i'll die #its funny to me because like #yes within fashionblogging and lifestyle teen youtube girls from that era #consummerism was a massive thing (it still is but its so obvious when you look at blog archives and videos from that era) #youtubers with non disclosed sponsorships #bethany mota and amanda steele vaguely saying “this brand sent me this product to give to you guys!” #it was really just watching the birth of what we know as influencers today and its really interesting to me #theres a lack of cuts theres a lack of scripting theres long tangents #people were only just then realizing you can make money via haul videos and makeup tutorials #bethany mota had a fashion line at aeropostle purely because of her status as a youtuber #there was a big rise at the time of people being against flaunting overpriced designer during that time because of the recession #but there was still a hugggeee hold with consumerism and classism #hauls with brandy and f21 and ae like i cant afford that im sure you cant afford $600 at american eagle on a weekly basis #i have lots of thoughts idk #anyways backtracked #i think its funny because here i am talking about how horribly i need b&bw and vs pink #but like its all secondhand shit for $15 online now #nobody wants this stuff!!!!!! cycles!!! capitalism!!!! i dont know you get what i mean!!!!!!!!!!! #skyler posting

[donnyclaws]

I was gonan make a post apologizing for lack of regular art but I feel like jts already clear im sporadic and in and out of it bc chronic pain and circumstances. So for now I'm gonna hibernate, get my health steady again, deal with money issues, and art will happen when it happens.

#i do feel kind of worn down by it. i wish patreon and commissions didn't feel so taxing even with accommodations ive made for myself #maybe it'll feel better in the future when less is going on but rn it #places this barrier of management in front of art that makes it less relieving to do #cause there's always a part of my brain reminding me it needs to serve a purpose and needs to pay off in some way #which isn’t a new feeling for artists obviously. maybe doing it all since hs js also why it's tiring. and patreon changjng the way it does #working part time now too. idk if maybe id like to step back from it #it's abnormal that i worked taht hard and it did help me get out from my parents and stay out. but im also tired ect #idw let people down by not being able to keep up with a self imposed expectation or #be irresponsible and remove sources of income for myself. redbubble inprnt and patreon all suck in ways that bother me hugely #i only really enjoy itch.io at the minute #not to say anything bad abt patrons or commission clients you've all been excessively kind and patient and understanding always #i wish i could make them better i feel like there's no way how it is at the minute is of value compared to my output as an older teen #but yknow. self imposed worry. im just worn out and id like to just make things without the management and the fretting and the #i havent made a comic post for patreon in ages or this or this i havent made a speedpaint or a song or #yadda yadda lmao #sorry for the impromptu ramble #this isnt to say id never do commissions or a store or anything again or i want to not make money off art #god knows i will need to be grinding out comms once im well again but ex #i feel like im getting less and less able to manage it and then putting out less and less #and hoping ill somehow get very healthy and active again one day and make it worth the wait yknow. #it's not a feeling i want my art to carry in me. #part of me and the parent in my brain is saying it'd be selfish to give up income but the rest is like #that's cruel. i want to feel good and healthy

[boyywithluv]

.

#having a creative rut feeling #gonna rant #im basically a giant baby and i don't handle angst very well #and i constantly worry that im just. idk mentally weak or a deeply uninteresting person bc of it. #every big fantasy artist i see is usually very into making sad or angsty pieces and like i wish i was like that #like i fall into this mental hole very very often that im just holding myself back with how many subjects i dont write or draw #but also like when i DO write dark subjects it doesn't make me feel any better?? #i dont like feeling sad or angry bc once i am its extremely hard to get back out of it. #and thats scary for me. #but also i want to make art that means something instead of my nonestop slew of smut and feelgood content. #i genuinely feel so trapped by my own emotions and its sp frustrating. #i keep getting told how good for you it is to get the negative feelings out but it never helps when i do it #i just feel. worse? i dont feel good. #i kinda wanna delete the one cloud post bc it just doesn't feel good. #ugh #idk i want to have good intelligent things to say and thoughtful art to make #and everything i make feels soft and cheesey and lame. #not that i find those things lame #but just that it feels like im stuck in baby brain. #when i was a teen i would write horror stories!!! i still love horror!!! #but if i make someone suffer in fic now it feels me with this awful awful overwhelming sense of dread and guilt and i end up so upset #im frustrated at me bc this is such a fucking weird sensitivity to have. im tried of telling myself its okay #bc i WANT to feel mentally free enough to create shit that isnt just uwu soft. #i don't think im making sense but like. #you know #I've literally been bullied out of fandom spaces for only making soft content #multiple times. #so idk maybe this is a learned sense of shame #but i feel like a big over sensitive baby and like I'd be able to do so much more if i wasn't #vent ish

[cinna-bunnie]

not me and my manager trauma bonding over mommy issues 💀💕 i love her aksksk oof i had to go smoke and Think after this one

i love when our one on ones are basically like lol i don't have much 2 talk about this wk and we get like 40m to hang n talk after getting work stuff out the way. she is such a sweetie and so fun (❁´◡`❁)

#i talked about my intro 2 adulthood and what it was like around before/when i left home and how my sis was just 10 when i left #so we never rly got to be close n i just started talking 2 her this year. but the last thing i told my mom was she lost her son forever #and that she better not fuck up with my sister - and she took it to heart fr which was Great for my sister. #she grew up v loved and supported and idk as the eldest u have complicated feelings being the experiment child. #and as an older sibling u are genuinely happy ur younger sibling has it so much better but there's this disconnect where u both have #Very very different feelings about ur mom and family in general ig. but it's from having lived different lives and idk. #she relates though 😔💕 oldest sibs rly b dealing w moms that tear them down then watch w bittersweet feelings that ur sibs get a better #life. my life itself is fine lol im kinda stoned (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠) but like. a good loving childhood. support. community n never feeling like #there's Nothing for u here. she's turning 21 in December it's crazy how time flies. I'm glad she's doing good but I'm just thinking about #how we had Very different lives and stuff going on in our late teens 😮‍💨 #bless my manager fr i'm glad we got to get into it !! 😹 i can see why i miss her when we don't get to meet for the week

[musical-chick-13]

Regarding the previous post, I think the way I approach trying to evaluate a piece of art is asking "Do I think the positive things I get out of it outweigh the parts of it that I don't like?" And when I call something a "guilty pleasure" song/show/book/piece of media/etc. it's really more in the sense of, "Given who I am as a person, the flaws I've found in this should be complete dealbreakers for me, but somehow they aren't, and it makes me feel like I'm having an identity crisis."

#like. I think something like...idk shiki or cxgf excels on multiple levels. I understand why I like them. given the things I look for in art #it makes sense that these shows would speak to me because they make the effort to showcase those things I look for. because the people #in charge of those works clearly valued the same kinds of things and cared about seriously exploring them. #but with something like. uh. ctrlz. that is NOT the case and I frequently found myself going 'why would anyone make this writing #decision?' but I still sat through all 3 seasons of it! I still really enjoyed it! those flaws SHOULD have made me give up according to #personal history but they never did. and I very very much genuinely question why. I have NO IDEA why I still care about this #silly convoluted teen drama show so much. but I do. I wrote SO MANY FUCKING POSTS ABOUT IT. #I really love wicked the musical. I've heard many people call it 'hokey' or 'cheesy' or 'objectively bad' but here's the thing! I DON'T #think it's bad!!! like literally at all!!!!!! and it does do some genuinely cool things in regard to the music and the way the characters #develop and what the show says about the nature of prejudice and human connection. is it like. idk Serious™ the way that something like #Parade is? no. but it doesn't have to be. it does what it sets out to do and it does it well and this is why the whole '''objective #evaluation''' thing doesn't actually mean anything. I value thoughtfully-constructed music and dynamic female characters #(which this musical has). I value stories that deal with the complex and messy feelings that come with being a human (which this musical #has). I value stories about 'other'ness and romantic subplots that aren't just built on 'This Girl Is Pretty' (which this musical has). #and I value professional displays of technical vocal ability because I know how fucking DIFFICULT that is (which this musical...if you cast #it well...has). #if you value something else in a musical then yeah you will probably think THIS one is '''objectively bad''' #if you don't see the point of musicals as an art form you will probably think wicked is '''objectively bad''' #do you see where the problem with categorizing analysis like this is??

[femmeconomics]

ugly or mid men in media irrationally piss me off because i get too distracted thinking about the standards actresses face to even pay attention to what they’re doing

#ESPECIALLY in teen shows #because the audience is internalizing that #and in portrayals of older men vs older women #y’all really let men look like anything 😐 #this is prompted by some tv show one of my mutuals is posting idk what it is #some teen show #and the males look sooo normal and even kinda ugly and have normal teen acne and awkward body language #and for all i know it’s a perfectly good show #but i’m too busy thinking about how we could never have that but with women #and it doesn’t have to be glaringly different within the same media #like even just Knowing that the female equivalent of that actor would never get this famous #same with male singers like female luke combs would not get noticed female grateful dead wouldn’t be heard from past age 40

[thedreadvampy]

I tried listening to Olivia Rodrigo and I'm sure this is really good for its target audience of Teen Girls Going Through A Breakup but has she actually ever put out a song that isn't about a guy cheating, breaking up with her and moving on to someone else?

like babe he's not coming back it's been 2 years you gotta find something else in your life

#red said #it's not to my taste. tbh #content aside pop music is going through a very early 2000s breathy oversinging phase #hated it with xtina and alanis hate it with ariana and olivia sorry #it's a personal taste thing but to me however hard you go with the backing track that kind of soft pretty vocal style kind of #drags it back into midtempo sludge for me #also tbh it's just extremely normal music. like i went over to her yt bc people were talking about how Weird vampire is #it's not though????? it's super not???? #anyway the only one I've got anything out of is good 4 u cause she sounds more involved and less self-pitying on it #every other Olivia song I've heard sounds kinda the same bc they all have the same earnest self-pity vibe #which is what a lot of people need out of music! music that makes them feel the depth of their anger and sadness! #but idk it's never done it for me i like there to be something of a tongue in cheek or a hysterical edge #i think most of the songs I've heard from her are just too controlled and polished for them to not sound to me #like she's the person who sees you crying cause your partner is in hospital and goes YEAH I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL #MY EX CHEATED ON ME 5 YEARS AGO AND IT REALLY TRAUMATISED ME AND I'M STILL NOT OVER IT and then you have to comfort her #like i recognise she's a 20 year old making music for teenagers so that is. appropriate. #but i struggled with the wallowing then too. were i a Teen at school with Olivia's character i would be so desperate to tell GROW UP #and it's not the lyrics it really is the music #heartbreak is a perfectly good theme to write on but oh my god not every song about it needs to be a mouthful call to arms

[audino]

so when does the existential crisis over no longer being a teen/in my early 20’s end

#genuinely starting to feel too old for things i like even tho i know that’s stupid #also really noticing how me being autistic sets me apart from other adults #it’s like i never aged independently past the teen stage if that makes sense? #like i need to be monitored and taken care of #but i’m still independent to an extent #and i’m also not as ‘mature’ as ppl my age and older #i think very childishly #idk it’s become really REALLY apparent to me in the last year #and it makes me feel rly insecure and weird :/ #bun txt