#i've never done subs before LOL it's hard work

[jeonsupershy]

waking up jeon wonwoo : a saga 😪

#wonwoo #seventeen #17net #hourlywonwoo #fywonwoo #jeon wonwoo #maddieblr #heymax #svt wonwoo #nana tour #nana tour spoilers #nana tour with seventeen #nonu #k.stuff #i've never done subs before LOL it's hard work #ep 1 was so much fun i felt like i was living vicariously #he's so!!! cute

[sehodreams]

Have you seen the discussion around wonbin's short height? Can you think of a way to make his short height sexy and dark? Maybe his short stature gives the illusion that he's weak or a pushover but in fact his aura is huge and intimidating? idk i trust your ideas are better teehee

Summary: You wanted to try something new, and your sweet classmate was the perfect option, but what happens when the kind little boy feels insulted when you call him a virgin? Of course he makes you say you're sorry.

WC: 5.7K

TW and tags: nerd!dom!Wonbin x sub!plus size!reader (I feel she’s something more but I have no idea what to call her), hard dom!Wonbin, spitting, hair pulling, use of names (slut, whore), extreme dubcon, a part of noncon, teasing, mocking, overstimulation, use of sex toys, use of the term virgin as an insult, spanking, masturbation, lots of filthy stuff.

Comment: Sorry for taking so long, I can’t write short stuff, I’m trying, but I end up writing these long ass stories because even if my english vocabulary is lacking, the filthiness of my mind not lol. This is dark, if you don’t like this kind of content please just scroll. Also, the hair pulling scene was inspired from @///403tarot and his reading for Wonbin, i just can't stop thinking about it, thank you lord. (edit: I hope you like it anon, sorry if it's not what you expected)

You had a type, you weren't exactly sure if it was because you liked how they looked or how they made you feel, but all the boys you dated were almost identical, from the height to the roughness of their hands, the callouses they had from training were always on the same spots and they even acted the same way, because they always cheated on you.

You didn't know why, but those fit guys always looked your way, as if conquering you was the next step in their bulking plan, and you accepted because you loved to feel small by their side, it was pretty difficult to find boys that made you feel like that, protected and tender, because you were a big girl, and also you didn't have much option since most boys around preferred skinny girls, so you didn't have much experience meeting other kind of boys that caught your attention.

"Maybe you should try something different, you never know, it doesn't have to be a lanky guy, but maybe you could start with younger boys, I've heard they're fun too" your friend said, and you nodded, if you wanted something different you had to break the pattern, but with who?

You looked at your options around, there were a few cute guys in your classes, and even if you were big, you wouldn't accept just anyone, you had to like them, so maybe Anton from philosophy could be a good option, he was younger than you, or Eunseok from social studies, he was your age, but lanky as hell, Sungchan from history?, he was kind of a gym bro too, but not like your exes, and he was more sweet than normal, maybe that could work.

You were thinking about it when Wonbin sat next to you and pulled a folder out of his backpack "I know we had until the weekend to send the essay but I've been free these days and I already finished it, I did your part so you didn't have to, but I brought it in case you wanted to change something" he shyly moved the folder your way, giving you a soft smile.

Sweet Wonbin, with his squared glasses and his ugly ass flannels, he always knew what to do to make you happy, maybe he could be a good option, he was different from your usual type, short and skinnier than normal, and pretty instead of handsome, he'd have never caught your attention before, but he was nice, so you could at least do him a little favor and let him touch a real girl, because even if it sounded bad, you were sure he had never done it before, you just had to see the way his eyes avoided yours when you talked, or the anime girl he had on his phone background.

"Wonbin you're the best!" You said, making him smile more, "I was about to talk to you actually, my computer's been acting weird these days and I was wondering if you could come to my house and check it, I heard you fixed Shotaro's laptop not long ago" You asked, touching his arm and looking at him with your doe eyes. Your computer was fine, but you wanted to be alone with him, and you knew he'd do anything for you.

Just like you expected, he nodded eagerly, telling you he was free whenever you needed him.

And like that, the next day you had him in your room, both of you in front of your computer sitting shoulder to shoulder, he telling you something about you not needing to invest in some antivirus because he could install you one for free, and you nodding to everything he said, watching his slender fingers write stuff you didn't understand on the keyboard.

He had finished quick, not finding anything out of normal, telling you to call him in case your computer acted weird again, so he could immediately see what was wrong.

You thanked him and offered him a cup of tea before he left, sitting next to him on the little table on the floor next to your bed. You decided to make some conversation while he finished his tea, "thank you so much Wonbin, my boyfriend, well, ex-boyfriend, was the one who checked my computer, you have no idea how much I appreciate your help" you said.

He nodded, "it's nothing, don't worry" he murmured. You didn't know how to approach the idea of you two having a date, so you waited for him to talk, but he didn't.

You were like that for an uncomfortable minute, so you started to ramble about school stuff while he continued drinking his tea, at least he seemed more at ease after he laughed to something you said. You were about to show him some papers you had in one of your drawers, crawling to your desk since it was just next you, but when you went back to where you were sitting you saw him stiff, with his backpack covering his lap.

You didn't have to be a genius to know what he was hiding, you just didn't expect it to happen so fast, you had showed him a flash of the back of your thighs, and he was already like that, you expected him to be a virgin, but to that point? it was even kind of laughable.

He was looking down to his cup, fingers playing with the handle, not daring to directly look at you, a bit too shy for you, but you saw the opportunity and took it, "everything okay?" you asked him. You were on your knees, chest close to him, and your hand brushed his arm to make him look at your direction.

The air got hotter and you saw him gulp, this was new, kind of exciting, to see a boy be like that, you were too used to the brute kind of man that would have already pushed you to the floor to take you and seeing him so nervous was kind of fun too.

Your eyelids fluttered, almost closing, and your mouth approached him, he looked at you, waiting, and didn't move when you kissed him, it was more a fast peck on the lips, pulling away as fast as you gave it to him, just a little teasing for him to make the next move.

You held your breath, the tip of your nose touching his and expecting a kiss back, but he only talked, "I... I shouldn't, I have a partner".

"What?" You said shocked with his answer, immediately moving back and away from his face, you just couldn't believe it, you were there, offering yourself to that boy, and he already had a girlfriend? Since when? You had never seen him maintain a conversation with another girl who wasn't you, and if you were honest, luckily you had seen him with two or three friends. Still, you felt bad for talking with that tone to him, as if it was unbelievable that someone liked him, "No, I'm sorry, that sounded really bad, I didn't mean too, I just... I didn't expect you to have a girlfriend."

"Why would you say that?" He said, frowning his eyebrows to your shock.

"Oh, it's just... I don't know, I thought since you always go around alone and you're an..." You didn't finish your sentence, you just looked at him, not knowing how to fix your mistake.

"Wow, so you think no one could like me because of the things I like? You're fat and everyone thinks you're a slut, but I don't say those things to you" he spat back.

You stood up, he was in your house, insulting you, when you only wanted to get closer to him? "What the fuck? Wonbin, that's too much", he could reject you, but not like that. "Get the fuck out of my house" you told him, opening your door for him to leave your room. He stood up too, walking to you, and he was about to do it, to end that interaction and leave your house, until you talked again, "that's what I get for trying to help a fucking virgin."

The room got tense, you crossed your arms, waiting for him to leave, and he was glaring at you, still, as if he had any right to be mad with you.

His gaze made you uncomfortable after a long minute, he was watching you with a serious face you had never seen before, and the air was heavy, like taunting you, but you maintained the eye contact, not letting win.

"Apologize" he demanded, making you snicker, who the hell he thought he was?

"Or what? Virgin" you answered, tired of his little mind game.

His eyes didn't flicker, unmoved with your behavior, tired of your bullshit, he talked again. "Sit" he said, looking extremely pissed off, and you don't know why, but when you saw how his eyes got darker and his whole demeanor changed, you felt he was going to do something, and it kind of intimidated you, but it also made you curious, so you took your old spot without question.

He was coldly staring at you from where he was, then, he walked in front of you, standing while you sat there on your knees and looked up to him, not knowing why, but expecting him to talk or do something. "Do you think everyone is as easy as you? You should respect you and others more, no one likes a dumb slut."

You scoffed, not believing his words. "At least I get laid" you talked back with a grin on your face.

He showed you the same grin and grabbed your chin, making you look at him in the eyes, "do you really not know what they say about you? Everyone knows you're just a hole waiting for some dick to fill her, they all talk about it, how you're fucking disgusting, a fat bitch waiting for someone to look her way so she can get fucked, they say your pussy is so used you're not even fun to fuck anymore."

The way he said that sent a shiver through your back, hurting you and the little dignity you had, making your eyes get slightly wet, but you blinked and made those tears go back.

"Then why are you still here?" You spat, resentful with him, he wasn't the sweet boy you thought he was, and he was starting to agitate you.

"You need to see that not everything goes your way, and that you can't go around behaving like a dumb whore, it's not cute at all, but don't worry, after I finish with you, you'll be a good girl again, like when we met, before those jerks filled your brain with their stupidity" he said that so sure of himself, full of disdain, his shoulders suddenly appeared bigger and you felt small down there.

"What are you going to do, fuck me? Don't you think that's silly considering I brought you here for that?" He shook his head to your question.

"Believe me, what I'm going to do to you will make you wish you hadn't brought me here" You wanted to ask what he meant with that, but he had started to unfasten his belt, being clear on what he was about to do. "From now on, you can only talk if I ask you something, apart from that I want you to do what I tell you and shut up."

"What the-" you couldn't finish your sentence, his hand had been too fast for you to pay attention to it, and had slapped your face so loud the sound of it echoed in the room, leaving you shaken on your knees, and just how he wanted, silent.

"I've been clear, I hate stupid questions, you're a big girl and you should understand what I say when I say it" you hated him, you hated how he was treating you, you hated the tone of his voice, as if he had any authority over you, you hated him so much, or at least that's what you thought, you couldn't understand why suddenly there was a fire starting on your lower abdomen, and why your pussy was hurting so much you had to clench your thighs right there in front of him, "never forget it, I don't like to repeat myself"

You didn't move, not even a nod, he didn't ask you anything, so you stayed there in silence, on your place, making him smile in result, pleased with you.

"Now be good and come here", he had sat on the border of your bed and patted his lap, you saw the belt on his hand and your eyes got wet again, afraid of what he was about to do to you. Seconds went by and you didn't move, which made his face get a little red. He closed his eyes and sighed, annoyed with you, "you want me to get angry?"

You denied with your head, eyes big and frightened. You stood up immediately, in front of him, you were about to sit on his lap when he stopped you.

"Face down, ass up"

It couldn't be possible, was he about to spank you? What were you, a fucking kid?

You wanted to protest, feeling incredibly insulted, but with just a glance from him he made you do it, you lied over him, feet dangling in the air, ass in front of him over the expansion of his thighs, and your face down, hiding from him. Ashamed, you couldn't stop the little tears from falling down your cheeks.

His hand lifted the little fabric of your skirt and showed most of your skin, little of it covered only by the thin panties you were wearing, "What do you say, should we start with five? And I want you to count them out loud" you gulped, you had never been spanked before, even less with a belt, you had no idea how painful it would be and that made you feel anxious, your ass hadn't even been touched and you already felt your skin tingling and your pussy leak.

His hand grabbed your hair and he made you lift your face. Your cheeks were damp from your tears and your eyes found his, an exasperated look all over his face, glasses falling down his nose and tongue pushing the inside of his cheek, "do you want me to hurt you? Why aren't you answering?"

"No, I'm sorry" you answered, eyes shaking from his tone.

"Then talk, use your words, I told you to start with five, but now they'll be ten" his grip was hurting your scalp, and you wanted to cry because of how unfair he was being, but you didn't want to make him even more angry, so you accepted it.

"Yes, I'll count, I promise" you said how you could, your voice breaking in your throat.

He let your hair go and you sighed, relieved, but that didn't last long, his hand pried inside your panties, molding your ass with his hand, and then he cupped your pussy, so wet you could feel little drops falling out of you, "fuck, look at this slut, already dripping when I haven't even touched you", he pulled your panties down your thighs and you felt the air touch your naked cunt.

He caressed your skin, appreciating the size of your ass and its form, so round it invited his hand to grope it. He liked it, he always thought about doing it when you were in class, when you walked to the front to talk to the professor or to some of your friends, he stayed on his seat, watching it move from side to side with every step, teasing a place inside his mind he had never paid attention to, because he didn't know how much he could like a curvy girl until he met you, with your tight blouses showing the size of your chest, or your skirts that sometimes showed more than what was considered appropriate, but he always admired you from afar, everyone knew you had a type, those assholes addicted to the gym, and they always flew around you, not leaving anyone else an opportunity to approach you.

He actually liked that you invited him, but he knew you didn't like him, he saw it in your eyes, for you he was just something new and funny to play once, and he didn't want to be just a fuck, he wanted to be something else, when you met you were the sweetest girl he ever saw, sharing your notes with him and including him in work groups, but you changed, and you started to look at him the same way the others did, so you judging him was enough to push the little restraint he had, because no one, especially you, the campus whore, was going to insult him like that.

You were getting used to the felling of his hand touching your skin, even enjoying it, when you felt the first whip, "One!" You screamed almost like a reflex. You hadn't noticed when he grabbed his belt, but the sting of it over your bottom made you dizzy and your lungs couldn't accept the air you tried to breath for a long second, feeling a burning pain.

"Good, continue like that, don't get distracted" he adverted. You nodded how you could, arms and legs shaking from the impact.

"Two!" If you thought the first hurt, the second was even worse, the hot sensation had moved through your skin, burning more of it, almost until your thighs, nerves sending little shocks all around.

You felt the leather accessory brush your back and slowly go down to your ass, finding at some point your pussy lips, he didn't put any pressure over it, but your body moved on its own and lifted your hips, trying to make more contact against the belt.

"Needy whore" he called you, making your pussy throb and you whine.

He continued like that, spanking, teasing, and caressing. You felt your skin irritated, almost brazing, as if your live flesh was already there after all the hits, you were just in the seventh spank when you had cried loud enough for your voice to echo through the whole house, but no one was there, and even if you prayed, no one would be able to help you.

"Eight!" Your voice was loud and clear, tears uncontrollably falling down your cheeks and pussy clenching around nothing, his pants surely had a big wet spot after your pussy dripped all over them and you tried to find any way of pain appeasement rutting to his thigh.

You could feel his boner touch the side of your hip and you didn't need to see it to know it was big, and that, if he didn't fuck you after all those punches, you would suffer even more than with his spanks, because your pussy was so painfully untouched you would go crazy in any second.

Without noticing, you were already in the tenth hit, but before he did it, he opened your folds with his fingers, to see your poor cunt, it was so wet it was shining down then lights of your room, and the second he opened them a line of your wetness started to visibly drop down his thigh.

"Another rule, you can't cum if I don't give you permission" he said, middle finger tracing up and down your slit, poking your hole and then ignoring it to go to your clit and press it.

Your thighs were shaking, you wanted his finger to enter your cunt, you needed it, you wanted to beg but you were afraid of how he'd react, so you didn't, only nodding to him and his order.

The last spank arrived and you screamed the number full of pain, exhausted and somehow elated at the same time, it's over, you thought gladly.

But your body didn't think the same, with that last stroke your pussy had leaked and made a mess over his pants, and he angrily grabbed you by the hair to look at him in the eyes "I told you that you couldn't cum, stupid bitch" he spat, lips moving with fury.

"I didn't-I didn't, I swear" you cried, your hands were over your bed, trying to maintain you in the position he had pulled you to not be as painful as the first time.

"Shut up, now you're talking back? On all your fours" you crawled out of his lap, still wearing your stretched out panties mid thighs and heavily breathing.

You didn't dare to look at him, only hearing him move behind you, situating behind you and opening your ass cheeks with both palms, spitting over your little hole and making you jolt.

You trembled, what if he wanted to fuck your ass? You had never been fucked there, and just the thought made you gulp the saliva accumulating inside your mouth.

Did you want it or not? You didn't know.

"If you weren't such a slut I would've fuck you good long ago, but I thought you only liked steroid dicks, what made you change your mind?" He asked, thumb incredibly close to your little unused hole "have you ever been fucked in the ass?"

"I don't like them, they like me" you said, sound muffled by your pillow "and no, never."

He pressed his thumb, satisfied with your answer, pushing it inside your ass, making your pussy clench of need.

You moaned, no one had played with that place before, and your slick had lubricated you enough, making his touch feel even better, a weird but good sensation.

"Such a pretty hole, sadly you won't get fucked today" he slapped his length against your ass cheek, and you moaned again, you didn't know when he had taken out his dick, but it had you squirming, it felt big, and you were sure it'd hurt if he fucked you.

Your toes curled, it was so wrong, you shouldn't want him, you thought about asking him to stop, you couldn't let him use you, he was unpredictable, you would've never imagined the strength and authority he had, it was so different from his usual self, the Wonbin he had shown to the world wasn't this one at all, where was the lame otaku you shared classes with? You approached him because you thought he'd be soft and even weak, listening to anything you wanted, you just wanted some fun and to try something different, and this was different, but not the way you expected.

"What are you thinking about? I told you to not get distracted" he asked after some time, his hands kept moving around your curves, but when you stopped whining, he knew something else was in your head.

"Can-Can we stop? I'm sorry for what I said, happy?" you spoke, wanting to stop and rest, your ass cheeks were stinging, and you had no idea what was going through his head, which honestly made you fear of his next action, because if he wasn't going to fuck you, what was he going to do?

His hands stopped and you felt his weight fall behind you, eyes all over you, but you continued there, ass up, thighs closed and face against your pillow, waiting for him to talk.

"Okay" you couldn't believe it, you were free, you sighed, relieved for it to end. You stood up, arms and legs shaking, your underwear that was mid thighs fell down and you didn't care, you kick it out of your feet and pulled down your skirt, you were still dressed, so that was good enough for you, you didn't have time to pay attention to how dirty you were, slick dripping out of you with every movement, you just wanted to get out of your room as soon as possible, to hide in your bathroom and wait for him to leave with the protection of being alone in a secluded room, away from him.

You were about to give your first step when you felt a grip on your hair pulling you back with force to the bed, making your body fall on your back and yelp of surprise.

Your body bounced over the mattress, and you saw him laugh loudly, that same laugh you had seen many times before when you joked around him, but this time directed to you, "did you really believe me? You can fuck yourself with your fake ass apology, it only makes me think that I should really fuck the stupidity out of your head before you get worse".

You gasped for air, your chest was heavily trying to breathe again, and your heart was beating fast, full of fear.

"Now, be good and tell me where you have your vibrator, and don't you dare lie to me, dating all those one pump chump, I'm sure you haven't had a proper orgasm unless you played with yourself" even without his warning you wouldn't have lied to him, you knew better than that. You pointed the second drawer on your bedstand, making him grin.

It was magic wand, a powerful vibrator that you received as a gift from your friends, a friendly joke within the group, but you hadn't used it that much, too afraid of its intensity.

He didn't waste any time, he turned it on and the buzzing sound made you close your eyes, turning the front of your body down and grabbing your pillow for comfort, you knew he was a about to ruin you, and that there was no way of scaping him.

He came back to you and smacked your ass, your ass was red and irritated from his first punishment, and it hurt you like hell, making you scream loudly over your pillow, which muffled it as much as it could.

Still, he laughed again, and grabbing your hips he made you go back to your past position, on all fours with your face down, embarrassed from being like that in front of him.

You heard the buzz get closer to you and when it finally touched your clit you cried, you were sensitive after all the teasing and just a brush of it was enough to make your whole body jolt.

He was mocking you at first, pressing and pulling away in seconds, again and again, making you whimper from desperation.

"Don't forget, you can't cum until I allow you" his hand hit you again and you sobbed.

"Yes" you answered loud.

His hand touched your spine, making your back arch even more, pussy trying to find your touch.

He didn't wait anymore, he pressed the head of the toy against your whole cunt, making you moan loudly and hug tighter your pillow, your hips moving back and forth.

"Fuck that feels good" his dick was also against the vibrator, pushing the toy even more to you with his hips bucking, as if he was fucking you when he was feeling the same vibrations as you, a bit less intense, but still good against him.

It drove you crazy, it was insane how good you were feeling, and he wasn't even fucking your insides, you had no idea masturbation could be that intense, and with him, your face was flushed, your forehead sweaty, your hair was a mess, and you were leaking so much of your juices it was almost like you were cumming.

"Shit" your hips were frantically moving against him, ass jiggling and the perfect image of you fucking yourself, you crying of pleasure without stop, making his hand tighten his grasp on your waist, feeling the extra skin of your tummy with his fingers.

"Are you about to cum?" He asked, you were buckling your hips too much against him, which was a sign of it.

"Yes! Yes!" You said, the orgasm was so close you saw little spots when you closed your eyes and you wanted him to let you cum, you needed to cum.

He had other plans for you, so he pulled away, not letting the toy touch you anymore.

"Why?" You howled, shamelessly shaking your ass for him to press it again, receiving another spank as a result.

"You don't ask, you obey, so shut up" he stated. You bite your lip, tears falling and clit throbbing, it was so close, so close and so unobtainable at the same time, it made you feel hopeless.

"Take your top off and look at me" you obeyed him without doubt, you took your top and your bra off and sat on your knees, looking at him and still biting your lip to not talk when you shouldn't.

You were both sitting in front of each other, but he was completely dressed, just his dick out of his pants and his belt thrown away in some place in your room, while you, on the other hand, only wore your skirt, which had the front and back of it drenched from all your juices.

You showed him your tits, waiting for him to touch you and make you cum, it was sick, it revolved your stomach, but you needed that orgasm like you had no idea, now having tasted it so close, how could you let it slip away?

"Pretty slut" he said, both hands going to each tit and playing with them, fingers pinching your nipples to then grope them, making little tears fall your eyes, and when he slapped one of them, you felt even a worst sting on your breast than on your ass, making a heartbroken cry scape your mouth.

He loved that sound so much he wanted to hear it again, you breaking down it would be impossible for you to ever forget who was the cause of all those sounds.

He moved closer, now up on his knees and looking down at you. He was short, but in that moment, you saw him fucking immense, making you feel insignificant compared to him.

His hand went to your hair, you expected him to hurt you, flinching, but he pet you instead, ruffling your hair and nodding to you, "cum", he said.

You didn't understand why he said that, but then you heard the buzz of the toy again, getting close to your clit, making you smile and open your legs as much as you could to receive it.

It felt so fucking good, his hand on your hair was now a grip but you didn't care, you couldn't feel anything else that wasn't the toy against you.

However, it was weird, a pain was growing inside you, making you try to squirm away after some time, "No-", you tried to stop him, that weird sensation was still in your abdomen, increasing with each second, a hot pressure that made your pussy clench and throb strongly.

"I didn't ask you, I want you to cum, so you'll cum" he said, pushing the little button to the maximum, the power was so strong you chocked with your own saliva and you coughed before you could talk again.

"Wait! Wait!" You repeated, his grip on your hair was still there, strong, and your face was red of tears falling down your cheeks. Your pussy was being so abused your body had started to convulse and your hips jolted with every vibration of the toy.

Was that a real orgasm? You didn't know it would be so aggressive, you didn't know how it would feel, but it was almost like dying, a sensation that completely terrified you.

He didn't move a single inch away, he was biting his lip and his face showed a grin from ear to ear.

A pitched sound came out of your throat, you were cumming so hard streams of your orgasm were dripping down his hand and onto the bedsheets, but he didn't stop, and the overstimulation was starting to be more and more painful. You tried to move your hips away, but he didn't let you, his hand with the toy would follow your body, not letting you scape at all.

"Are you sorry now?" He asked after he finally pulled away the toy from you, letting you breathe and regain some of your consciousness.

You nodded to his question, you were sorry, you didn't mean to bother him so much, you should've thought twice before talking, you really didn't know your punishment would be like that.

His hand impacted on your cheek again, you couldn't move your head and he took advantage of that to give you a strong slap, shaking your mind and making your eyes blurry, and then, when you cried and loudly said you were sorry, he tapped softly the same cheek he had slapped seconds ago, "I told you, you're a big girl and you should use your words if you didn't want to make me mad"

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I was bad, forgive me, please" you begged, sobbing and deeply regretting having teased him.

"That's the apology I was waiting from you, well done" he let your hair finally free, sitting next to you and jerking his cock with your orgasm on his hand. You, about to crumble over the bed, legs hurting and mind too hazy to think properly, only watched him moving his hand over his length. "I think you learned your lesson today, but you need more training, don't you think so?"

You should be disgusted with him and how he acted, your whole body was in pain, and you saw dark dots all around you, your eyesight full of them and at the same time focused on his hand and what he was doing, and you were sure your pussy and your ass cheeks would be in pain for many days later because of how much he abused you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to reproach him.

You had learned may things that day, and you should appreciate that, how you shouldn't judge a book for its cover, how you shouldn't misbehave and talk back, and that you didn't like big guys because they made you feel small, you just liked to feel small.

He had done a question, so you, just like he taught you, answered it, "Yes, I still have much to learn".

#riize x plus size reader #riize x reader #riize smut #dark!riize #wonbin x reader #plus size reader #chubby reader #wonbin smut

[stayxlix]

off the deep end. (06)

~(part six) the echoes of loss ~

pairing: rebel!felix x reader (f)

genre: non-idol au, post-apocalypse/dystopian au. wc: 20.8k

series rating: 18+ **minors do not interact**

chapter warnings: violent mature themes, explicit sexual content (consensual, unprotected sex, oral sex (f receiving), dom/sub themes), mentions of murder/death, oppressive government, fighting, weaponry (gunfire, knife use), injury, blood, vivid descriptions of nightmares, language, major angst as always, please lmk if i missed any!!

a/n: thank you all so much for your patience and continued support, it really does keep this story alive.<3 as always any feedback, likes, and reblogs are more appreciated than you know. i've been feeling a lil nervous to post this (what else is new lol) but im so happy to finally be able to share it with you. i hope you enjoy this one, its a bit of a doozy.♡♡

~series masterlist~

“Things become sweeter after they have been lost. When I finally grasped what I'd so desperately yearned for, it was turned to dust in my hands. And a small part of my mind remembers an alternate pattern of events, before I opened my eyes and returned to cold embrace of a reality in which I never truly belonged.”

Swallowed by darkness, he's stumbling backward but he isn't going anywhere. His mind isn't working correctly, isn't processing. His knees hit the ground and he closes his eyes but he can still see them. Misshapen faces, their expressions warped, disfigured, as they look through him. Right down to where the remorse festers in his guilt-ridden soul. He's delirious, on the verge of flight or fight. His chest constricts as he takes in shallow breaths. He tries to speak, to beg for their forgiveness. Yet its as if his lips have been sewn shut, his tongue far too heavy to move.

Instead, they speak to him in distorted voices that swell as he covers his ears. And suddenly they're reaching out, clamping icy fingers around his throat, pulling his hair, clawing deep scratches into his skin. They ask if he remembers their faces, what he's done to them, but how could he forget? Don't they know he carries it with him? Don't they know how it haunts him? He recoils, he fights to break free, but its no use. It never is. Even as his eyes wrench open, their grip lingers. A permanent reminder that they’re a part of him, and they always will be. Waiting for him there in the shadows every time he dares to close his eyes.

With a sudden jolt, his body shot upright from the hard wooden floor, covered in cold sweat that sent a shiver coursing through his frame. A shuddering exhale fell from his lips as he ran a trembling hand through his hair. A single tear traced a silent path down his cheek—a physical manifestation of the nightmare.

He blinked, taking in his surroundings.

Shadows danced across the walls as the faint glow of the moon filtered in through the boarded window above his head. As his breathing steadied, his focus began to sharpen. There, around him, lie the slumbering forms of his friends, his soul mates, the only people in the world he could trust. Each was nestled in their own corner of the room, soundly asleep, their tranquil faces untouched by the horrors that plagued his own mind.

And then, he glanced down to his side, to the figure closest to him.

You stirred, a slight pout forming on your lips as if your subconscious had somehow sensed his absence. His fingers twitched as he watched the slow, steady rhythm of your chest, and an unconscious urge fell over him to reach out and touch you. To reassure himself that this was real.

That you were real. 

He eased his aching body back down onto the floor. You shifted closer, instinctively reaching out for him, and he welcomed the warmth of your touch.

Felix knew he’d have no chance at falling asleep again tonight, the clutches of the nightmare having left their mark on his consciousness. It was routine. He was used to it. So he lie there, still and contemplative, as his eyes trained to the ceiling. And it was in moments like these that his mind often drifted, the quiet solitude granting him the opportunity to reflect on his past and the individuals that had shaped his present.

Felix was born into a life stripped of control. He gritted his teeth when the devil’s symbol was seared into his back. He took lives when commanded—some innocent, some not—but he did it without question because it was all he’d ever been taught to do. Like second nature, he had grown numb to its weight. And in a twisted way, the sense of control that taking a life brought had become addicting to Felix. A fleeting illusion of power in a world where he’d always had none. 

By the time Felix met Bang Chan, he had forgotten what it meant to be human, if he had ever truly known at all. He walked through life with a detached numbness. A hollow vessel, weighed down by the gravity of his sins. When Felix met Bang Chan, he had all but lost his soul. However it quickly became clear that Chan, despite being just a few years older than Felix, possessed the ability to help him find it again. 

With the wisdom of someone far beyond his age, Chan became a guiding light for Felix. He instilled in Felix a moral compass, and although it might have been a broken compass that didn't function correctly all the time, at least it was there. At least Chan was there, to guide Felix back whenever the needle threatened to point in the wrong direction.

And so, in time, with Chan by his side Felix gradually came to realize that despite the desolation around them, despite the horrible things he had done in his life and the monsters who had forced him to do them, there would always be things worth fighting for. 

Things worth fighting for, and people worth believing in.

Felix had never come across anyone with such innate passion for survival, until he crossed paths with Seo Changbin. A force to be reckoned with, Changbin was unapologetically himself. A fiercely loyal companion who challenged Felix to push beyond his limits—both physically and mentally. Changbin was the flame that reignited Felix's spirit, and through his unwavering support, Felix gathered the strength to keep moving forward no matter how hopeless things may seem.

Felix had never been particularly fond of loud noises, until he heard Han Jisung fill an empty space with laughter for the first time. In Jisung’s presence, Felix often found himself caught in fleeting moments where he could allow himself to be young, to feel free. He gained new experiences through Jisung, who had a way of weaving captivating stories and spinning enchanting tales that demanded the attention of everyone around him. Even if it was no secret among the group that many of Jisung's stories were fabrications, born from his own need to conceal the burdens he carried, that didn’t stop Felix from hanging on to every word. And sometimes, on sleepless nights when the lines between nightmare and reality blurred, when he felt himself slipping away again, Felix would replay those stories in his mind. He would imagine himself in Jisung’s place instead, and it helped.

Felix had never truly grasped the fragile nature of human life, until he was introduced to Lee Minho. Despite his awareness of Minho's skills as a trained healer, Felix was more than hesitant to let the boy from District 9 treat his wounds. His body bore a map of faded scars. Every mark served as a permanent reminder of the cruel nature of the world that had shaped him. The idea of relinquishing control, even to someone as capable as Minho, ignited a fire of reluctance within Felix. And so, instead of accepting his help, Felix chose to let his own cuts bleed as he observed Minho tend to the wounds of his companions. Countless times, he watched Minho’s patient hands move with a touch so delicate it was unlike anything he had ever witnessed before.

But this wasn't the only reason that Felix found himself drawn to Minho's presence. Because Felix came to realize that beyond his remarkable ability to mend physical wounds, Lee Minho also possessed a unique understanding of the intricacies of the human heart. 

In Minho's company, Felix didn’t feel the need to maintain a facade of unyielding strength the same way he did with Chan. And whereas Jisung introduced Felix to fleeting moments of happiness, Minho taught Felix that it was okay to feel like he didn’t deserve them—that grappling with his self worth didn't make him weaker. Minho's impact on shaping his sense of self was profound. And it was because of this that Felix, who had entered the world without an identity, eventually came to find comfort in embracing Minho's surname as his own.

Lee Felix found himself captivated by the bond shared between Kim Seungmin and Yang Jeongin, a testament to the strength that comes from placing unwavering trust in another human being. Their connection stirred a repressed longing within Felix for a similar closeness, and Seungmin’s patient demeanor granted Felix the freedom to achieve it. To open up at his own pace, to learn to navigate the delicate art of trust on his terms. Seungmin asked questions with genuine interest, but he didn’t pry, he didn’t judge, and so he and Felix were quick to develop a bond of their own built on the steady foundation of mutual respect. 

In Jeongin, Felix witnessed an innocence that he himself had been denied. Throughout his life, Felix had grown accustomed to the way others regarded him. Those he had targeted as victims consistently bore the same expressions of fear. And among the boys, despite their best efforts to conceal it, there was always an undertone of pity in their eyes when they looked to Felix.

But when Felix met Jeongin's eyes, he saw no traces of fear or pity behind them. Instead, he saw genuine admiration. And although the role of mentorship was not something Felix had ever sought, it was in the youngest member of the group that he discovered a newfound sense of purpose—the responsibility to serve as a guardian himself in a world where innocence was more than rare. 

Lee Felix had never found comfort in a silent space, and he never understood people who did. People like Hwang Hyunjin, who could sit for hours underneath a gnarled oak tree with only the still air and a journal to keep him company. To Hyunjin, the silence was as much of an empty canvas as the pages in front of him, and he used it to sketch his thoughts in elegant strokes, capturing the faded beauty of a dying world. Hyunjin’s ability to create something delicate with his own two hands was a talent that fascinated Felix, who’d always had a tendency to overlook the intricate details of life. 

Always restless, constantly on the move, Felix was a perpetual wanderer who trampled over flowers underneath his shoes, who paid no mind to the warmth of a summer breeze against his skin. Even the moon had once been nothing more than a distant companion to Felix, overshadowed by the need to keep moving to survive. 

Until he found Hyunjin.

After fate led Felix to Chan, it brought him to Hyunjin. 

Beneath an uncharacteristically clear sky on a sweltering summer afternoon in District 4, Felix found himself compelled to venture out in search of water. It'd been a few days since he’d last seen Chan after the older boy had embarked on a supply run that he'd insisted on making alone, so after leaving behind a small note in their usual spot, Felix set off. Determined not to stray too far, his steps were fueled not only by his parched tongue but also the need to keep his mind off of his growing concern for Chan’s absence. 

It wasn't long before Felix found himself within a thick patch of vegetation, where he came across a small pond. And as he stood at the pond's edge, swiping the hair from his sticky forehead and debating on whether or not he was desperate enough to drink the murky liquid, a figure emerged from the brush on the opposite side. 

A golden haired boy, injured and in desperate need of help. 

Felix’s initial instinct was to take advantage of the boy’s vulnerabilities, to steal what he could from him and abandon him to his fate. But he was different now. He was no longer the person he once was. Throughout his time spent alongside Chan, Felix had learned how to reset his own compass. And so, with newfound clarity he cautiously approached the boy. Felix draped an arm around his waist, and in silence he helped support the boy's weight as the two retraced his steps back to camp.

That night, as the boy drifted in and out of consciousness, Felix’s knowledge of his background remained confined to a single detail. A name—Hyunjin. And as Hyunjin slept, Felix pressed two fingers to his neck periodically to make sure that his heart was still beating. 

Felix thanked the gods he'd never believed in when Chan returned the following evening. Through a single shared glance between two kindred souls who had become attuned to each other’s thoughts, a silent conversation was held. Understanding passed between them, followed by a nod of approval from Chan that resonated deeply with Felix. 

While Chan himself was no medical expert, his time spent navigating the districts had offered him a bit more understanding about basic healing than Felix—who had been trained solely in the art of taking lives, never saving them. Chan hastily took over Hyunjin’s care, making most of the limited supplies he had returned with. And that night, as the moon returned to bathe their campsite in a delicate silver embrace, as Chan monitored Hyunjin’s sleeping form, he shared with Felix the story of a place called Clé and a woman named Hira. 

His words painted the picture of a sanctuary for lost souls, orchestrated by an arms dealer whose beauty shone through her scars. The corridors within Clé called out to those who believed in the possibility of an escape from their lives. However, its doors were not open to all seeking solace.

Hira selected her guests with a discerning eye, choosing to bestow her favor upon only the most physically alluring souls. And those deemed unworthy were turned away, left to return to the unforgiving terrain of the districts they so desperately wished to escape.

Individuals that did find themselves granted access to Clé were groomed to master the art of pleasure, sculpted and shaped to perfection through teachings that revolved around the art of evoking desire and temptation. And when Hira deemed them sufficiently molded by her touch, she would whisper them away to District 9, transported by armed guards to the heart of the Inner Circle—where their beauty would become its own form of currency, traded away to the leaders who governed its polished streets.

It was a journey that came at the highest of prices, demanding a sacrifice of dignity in pursuit of survival. A final attempt to slip free from the rusty chains of their current existence, only to find themselves imprisoned on the other side by a shiny new cage with an unbreakable lock. 

It didn’t take long for Chan’s heavy eyes to fall shut that night, eager to embrace the welcome arms of sleep now that he was back where he belonged. But even as light began to flood the sky above, sleep remained elusive for Felix. He suddenly found himself gripped by an unexpected gratitude for his own past, for it had ultimately led him in the opposite direction from the sinister paths that snaked throughout District 9. And as he lie there pondering the twists and turns of fate, Felix found himself wondering if he would have meet Hira's standards, had he found himself seeking refuge within Clé. He contemplated whether or not he would ever have been deemed worthy of a destination such as District 9—a question that lingered within his consciousness for quite some time, even if he had no real desire to know the answer. 

As the days turned to weeks, as Hyunjin's condition gradually improved, the duo became a trio. They fell into a seamless rhythm, trading roles and responsibilities without the need for explicit communication. Hyunjin effortlessly assumed the role of the heartstrings that held the three of them together. Each time Felix let his temper get the best of him, it was Hyunjin who went chasing after. Whenever Chan pushed himself beyond his limits, it was always Hyunjin who stepped up in his place. And as the weeks faded into months, as Felix came to know Hyunjin on a deeper level, it was as if a filter over his eyes had begun to lift. The once-overlooked intricacies of the world now caught his attention. Hyunjin intrigued Felix in a way that nothing ever had, and the shared curiosity between them prompted the two to weave a separate history of their own. 

But it was a complicated history, one that struggled to withstand the pull of Felix’s dark past. Because whenever their friendship edged on evolving into something more, Felix would instinctively withdraw, grappling with his inner turmoil and the fear of exposing Hyunjin to the mistakes of his past. Hyunjin, too, harbored secrets of his own, which only added to the strain between them. And despite the tender moments that were truly good, they were both still so young. Too young to fully understand the complexities of love and life. 

Too human, to comprehend the workings of fate and destiny, but still perceptive enough to appreciate the significance of what had brought them together. Which is why, even after it all came crashing down, spiraling far out of either of their control, the bond between them remained. A delicate bond, worn and frayed at the edges, was left lingering in place of something that could have been so much more. But it remained, nonetheless. Because Hyunjin had been there on nights when Chan couldn’t be. When Felix woke from unforgiving nightmares, drenched in sweat and overcome with fear, the golden haired boy was at his side in an instant to wipe away his tears and provide soft hums that lulled him back to sleep. 

And so even now, in moments when his ears buzzed with silence, Felix continued to find peace in Hyunjin's presence. Because just as Chan had shown Felix the difference between right and wrong, between morality and depravity, Hyunjin taught Felix the true essence of living. To appreciate the colors of the sky when before he had only seen shades of grey. To hear the music in a quiet moment when there was no sound. To feel the warmth of shared memories through the ghost of Hyunjin’s touch, long after he stopped receiving it.

Hyunjin left a new kind of mark on Felix, a testament to the level of emotion he was capable of feeling. Which is why when Felix met you it was as if fate had given him a second chance to explore the depths of human connection. He built his walls like always—old habits die hard, or something like that—but this time Felix built them on a foundation that was just a little less sturdy. 

A fraction less resilient than before. 

Because in your eyes, he saw the reflection of the person he was still struggling to become—someone who had known darkness and pain but still managed to overcome it. You didn’t avoid his scars, you looked directly at them with understanding and acceptance in your eyes. And in the intimate moments when it was just the two of you, Felix felt a sense of belonging that he had never experienced before. Not even with Hyunjin, whose efforts to unravel his innermost layers had fallen short because there was a part of Felix that Hyunjin could never fully reach, no matter how hard he fought to.

But you, you soothed his burning skin with your touch, closed open wounds with every kiss, mended his broken soul a little further every time you spoke his name. Which is why this time, Felix wasn’t just letting his walls come down—he was tearing them down himself.  Because in your presence, Felix had begun to develop the hope that some day he would be able to free himself completely from the darkness that had once consumed him.

And as he lie there beside you that night in Clé, Felix couldn't help but notice the way your fingers occasionally brushed across his form as if to reassure yourself that he was there. He shut his eyes, he recalled the gentle pressure of your hands through his hair just hours before, and as he relished in the comforting warmth of your body next to his, Felix felt himself begin to believe in the possibility of a different kind of love that wouldn’t end in loss. 

For the first time in his life, Felix allowed himself to entertain the thought that maybe, just maybe, this time would be different.

The night was eerily still, save for the faint rustling of leaves outside as a gentle breeze slipped in through the boards covering the windows. You were lost in a comfortable, dreamless sleep when an insistent shake startled you awake. When your eyes snapped open you found yourself face to face with Felix, his own eyes wide and brimming with alarm. 

“Hey, wake up,” his hushed voice reached your ears through the darkness, and despite the drowsiness that still clung to your senses, it would have been impossible to miss the urgency in his tone. “Something isn’t right.”

You sat up quickly, the familiar feeling of adrenaline beginning to flood your veins once again, erasing any lingering remnants of sleep. Felix draped the jacket you had been using as pillow around himself before promptly pulling you to your feet. 

“What’s happening? Where is everyone?” you mumbled, rubbing your eyes with your free hand as you registered the emptiness of the room that had been full when you'd fallen asleep. Felix shook his head, his grip on your hand firm as he swiftly guided you toward the door. “They’re downstairs. We need to go.”

“What? Go where?"

“Anywhere but here, we need to go," he urged. Without further question, you hurriedly followed him down the dimly lit corridor. When your gaze briefly fell to the supply closet, your time spent inside with him earlier that night flashed through your mind, warming your cheeks. But the memory was quickly overshadowed by a shrill cry that pierced the air when you reached the top of the staircase.  

Felix quickened his pace, mirroring the rising hysteria in the voice that grew louder with every step you descended. Your hold on him tightened when you registered the words it carried. 

The same words. Two simple words. Repeated over and over again. 

I'm sorry.

The source of the voice was revealed at the bottom of the staircase, where you were met with the sight of Yeonjun, kneeling on the floor in the kitchen. A handful of small candles flickered on the table, casting a warm glow across face—cheeks wet with tears, puffy eyes red and swollen as he looked up to where Hira stood over him. 

Sensing your unease, Felix lightly squeezed your hand, urging you to stay put as he observed the exchange between Yeonjun and Hira. 

"How could you?!" Hira’s voice erupted in sudden anger, her fury directed down at the crying boy. Her tone was chilling, ice cold, and the words that followed sent an electric shock drilling up your spine. “You’ve sentenced us all to death.” 

Glancing to Felix, you held your breath as you watched his features darken. The look in his eyes reflected your own growing realization, and your suspicions were confirmed when Yeonjun's voice rang out again.

“They threatened me! They were going to kill me, and they were going to come back for you!" A sob caught in his throat, and he paused to swallow it down before continuing. “They promised to let us go..they said they wouldn’t hurt anyone..that they just wanted to talk to them, and I-I’m sorry! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry, Felix." 

When Yeonjun turned to look at him, Felix froze. His eyes went wide and his grip on your hand went stiff, leaving you with a sinking feeling in the deepest pit of your stomach. 

Because not only did he know why Yeonjun was sorry, but he knew exactly who they were.

And so did you. 

Movement against the far wall caught your attention as the thin curtain over the window was blown aside by a gust of wind. Through the open space, you noticed two round spots of yellow light in the distance. And Yeonjun's cries were drowned out by the frantic drumming of your heartbeat in your ears when you realized that they were headlights. 

Time stood still as the fragile moment of solace you had found with the freckled boy last night was shattered to irreparable pieces. From the corner of your vision, you caught sight of Hyunjin as he came rushing in through the entrance to the kitchen. “They're getting closer, we need to go now!" His panicked words, along with your shared understanding of the situation, left no room for further hesitation from either you or Felix.

A fiery determination seemed to ignite within Felix when he began to move, dragging you with him. You lowered your head as you passed by Yeonjun and Hira in the confined space, however your heightened senses were immediately called back into focus when a cold hand clasped around your free wrist. Your movement came to an abrupt halt, causing Felix to do the same. With wide eyes, you lifted your head to him before shifting your gaze down to where Hira had claimed a vice-like grip on your flesh.

As her sharp nails dug into your skin, leaving deep crescent shapes underneath, her elegant features twisted into something unsettling—something outright disturbing, that grew even more pronounced when her lips parted to speak. 

"This is your fault," she snapped. "I knew it was you from the moment I laid eyes on you. The resemblance..I never expected to see her face again..but you..you look just like her."

The scrutiny in her eyes held a flicker of recognition, as if she saw someone else when she looked at you—as if you were suddenly entangled in a history that you hadn’t been a part of writing. And your mind raced as you tried to make sense of whatever connection she could possibly believe that you had to her own past. 

“I-I don't know what you're talking about,” your voice quivered as she took a step closer. When you tried to free your wrist, she fastened her hold, forcibly yanking you toward her.

"Felix-" 

The freckled boy reacted immediately when his name fell from your lips. Dropping your other hand, he lunged forward in a single motion, prying Hira's fingers from your wrist with such force that she stumbled back, colliding harshly with the wall. Long strands of tangled hair fell into her face at the impact, but she made no effort to sweep them away as her gaze shifted from Felix back to you. 

Her words hovered in the space between you, but before they could fully settle in your mind, before you got any chance at all to ask her what they meant, a single bullet fell in through the open window—striking Hira in the skull with lethal precision. 

Blood splattered across the wall behind her, a few droplets landing against your cheek as her lifeless body slumped to the ground. 

Every muscle in your body locked as your focus tunneled to the frozen expression on her face and the disturbing sensation of the warm droplets against your skin.

Yeonjun’s cries turned violent when he crawled over to take her into his arms. And as you watched him cradle her limp form, the world around you suddenly felt so distant that hardly any of it seemed real at all. 

When a second bullet embedded itself into the wall at your side, Felix swiftly drew you into the shelter of his chest. His deep voice resounded through the air, rising above Yeonjun's as he shouted at Hyunjin to “GO!” assuring him that the two of you would be close behind.

Around you, Hira's guests began to flood the room from various directions—the common area behind you, the staircase up ahead—and as their eyes fell upon their fallen leader, their shrieks formed a chilling chorus that drove you to seek further refuge in Felix's chest. He covered your ears with his hands to shield you from their screams, his touch gentle even amidst the chaos. 

“Princess I need you to move, we have to go now,” he pleaded, tilting your head to meet his gaze. And the effect was immediate. The unspoken promise in his eyes to keep you safe, the sound of his voice, coupled with with the caress of his thumbs as they swiped the blood from your cheeks—it worked. Felix brought you back to the present moment as you grasped hold of the fact that your survival, that his survival, depended on getting the hell out of there.

You managed a single nod, and Felix took it as your agreement. In an instant, his arms were back around you as he began to shoulder through the horrified guests in the room. When you stumbled free of the kitchen, he broke into a swift run, replacing his grip on your hand. 

"Stay close," he instructed, and you responded with a firm squeeze to his hand.

Outside, the fresh air hit cold against your clammy skin, shocking you out of fear and replacing it with fierce determination to protect the boy whose fingers were interlocked with yours. The moon that you had depended on for guidance so many times before was shrouded in darkness tonight. Unfamiliar voices, gunfire, and the rumble of a single engine in the distance filled the air behind you, disorienting you further.

Around the backside of the building, flashes of movement revealed where the rest of the boys had gathered at the rover. “They’re closing in! We need to get out of here!” Chan shouted in your direction.

Felix lifted the motorcycle to a standing position, and while he ensured it was ready to go, you squinted through the darkness to count the bodies in the rover.

Seven.

There were seven, including Hyunjin, who had assumed his original place beside Jisung. When you settled down on the bike after Felix, he reached behind himself to secure your arms around his waist. “Don’t let go, I’ve got you," he affirmed. His voice carried steady strength, and there was a sincerity in his words that made you believe that he meant them—that he did have you. And that you would always be safe with Felix, even if it would never be possible for him to guarantee.

When the rover carrying the rest of the boys surged ahead, Felix followed suit. Positioning the bike at its side, he quickly took the lead in front of Chan who directed him to steer the chase deeper into District 6. It meant veering off course from the route you had originally planned to take to get to Miroh, but none of that mattered now. 

The morning you’d spent planning for your journey inside Yellow Wood felt like it had taken place years ago. 

The night you’d shared with Felix on the rooftop, a lifetime.

Guided by a single headlight, Felix navigated the dark terrain expertly. He mastered every twist and turn, every jolt and bump, with skilled precision. And as the ground beneath you transitioned from soil into concrete, the barren stretches of land suddenly gave way to remnants of civilization once again.

Above you, a passing cloud released the the moon, freeing it to cast long shadows across fractured pavement that led straight toward a city. An abandoned city, from the looks of it, as there was no flickering firelight in the distance, no glimmering lanterns—only a dark expanse. An oppressive, pitch-black void that radiated something menacing, as if warning you to stay away.

The wind stung against your face when you lifted it from Felix's back. “You know where you’re going?!"

His attention remained fixed straight ahead as he shouted, “Been here a few times! Not enough to remember it all but we might be able to lose them in the streets!” And then, in a single movement, Felix placed one of his hands over yours where they were interlocked at his waist. It was a small gesture meant to reassure you, that instead made you regret everything—the entire chain of decisions that had led you to this point. Because the thought of what would happen to him if you weren't able to outrun your fathers guards tonight was a burden that you couldn't fathom bearing.

Towering structures loomed overhead as the vehicles raced into the city, their windows like hollow eyes watching over you as the sounds from the pursuing guards resonated in the near distance. The guards were close, but Felix was fast. He weaved in every direction, attempting to use the crumbling structures to your advantage, and surely he would have succeeded in losing them amidst the ruins if it had just been the two of you on the motorcycle. But the layout proved to be an added challenge because wherever he went, Felix had to ensure that Chan would be able to get through behind you. 

And if he could, then your father’s guards could too.

Rounding a corner as you neared heart of the city, the street you had been following was unexpectedly barricaded by a collapsed building, leaving you trapped.

With no way forward, Felix brought the bike to a screeching halt.

“Fuck we have to find another way. Hold on,” he muttered, maneuvering the bike around just as Chan and the others pulled up behind you. 

"We’re never going to be able to outrun them!” Minho shouted, his eyes darting back and forth in search of the best sign of escape.

“Everyone get out! We'll go on foot!” Chan commanded. And the boys obeyed without hesitation, driven solely by survival. Because that's what it was—survival. If caught, your father's men wouldn’t let them live. 

And every single one of you knew it. 

Following your lead, Felix swiftly dismounted the motorcycle. He cast it aside before reaching for your hand again, and you didn't hesitate to take it as Chan directed the group toward a building with glass doors that had been shattered open, beckoning you closer.

Upon entering, you found yourselves within a vast, open space underneath a high ceiling supported by several white pillars that gave the place an air of importance. Moonlight streamed in through elongated windows overhead, casting silhouettes along the once-pristine interior. The pale marble beneath your feet was cracked at nearly every inch of its surface, rendering you unsteady.

In a race against time, you pushed yourself to run faster than you ever had, pulled forward the boy you would have given anything to protect. Ragged breathing filled the air as you closed in on a second set of doors at the far end of the space, but before you could exhale a sigh of relief, a sudden cry rang out from behind you. 

Your eyes swept across the scene, instantly drawn to where Jeongin was sprawled on the ground a few feet away, clutching his foot as he hissed in pain. It was difficult to discern through the darkness exactly what had happened, until a single beam of moonlight caught on something shiny protruding from the worn out sole of his shoe. 

A shard of glass.

Felix took a step forward but Chan was closer, quickest to reach Jeongin’s side. 

“I can keep going,” Jeongin insisted through clenched teeth as Changbin joined Chan in lifting him from the ground. His arms looped around their shoulders, and he began to limp forward while Chan shouted at the rest of you to keep moving.

You turned to Felix and when his wide eyes connected with your own, a sinking feeling took hold over your entire body. “It’s okay, we’re okay,” he breathed. Yet despite his words, despite his best efforts to conceal his fear, the steadfast determination that had marked his expression only minutes before had vanished entirely.

In an instant it was as if if you could feel your undeniable fate settle in around you, ready to consume you whole.

Slowed down by Jeongin’s injury, the danger the nine of you faced had reached a critical point. And the realization that you weren’t going to be able to escape it dawned on you the very moment you emerged from the threshold on the opposite side of the building. 

Felix was first of the group to make it out, followed closely by you with your hands still interlocked. The second you set foot onto the pavement, the entire area around you was flooded with a blinding burst of light.

Flashlights and a single set of headlights were switched on, causing your senses to reel. Your eyes painfully adjusted to the sudden brightness, and your feet skidded on the gravel as you instinctively sought refuge behind Felix, lifting your hood and pulling it low to shield your face.

The menacing sound of numerous firearms being raised echoed throughout the air as they took aim at you from every direction. And the severity of the situation escalated even further when a second rover came barreling around the corner to join the first—rendering you severely outnumbered, with virtually no chance at escape. 

Felix made an effort to withdraw, stumbling as he pushed you behind him. “Go, go, go!” he repeated, desperately urging you to retreat back inside the building. But despite his insistence, fear rooted you in place.

Over your shoulder, you watched as Minho and Changbin swiftly raised their own guns, taking up defensive positions just inside the entrance, knuckles white against the weapon's dark metal. They stood at the forefront next to Chan, who met your gaze through the shattered glass doors that separated you. And although his stance was resolute, the sheer terror in his eyes was overwhelming.

“Enough! Stand down!” a bellowing voice ripped through the air without warning. It was a familiar voice, you had heard it before, however in your current state of alarm you couldn’t recall exactly which one of your father’s guards it belonged to. 

Your eyes remained fixed on Chan, who responded by bravely stepping out through the doors with raised hands. He took a few tentative steps forward, positioning himself directly beside Felix in a subtle attempt to further shield your face from the guards. 

When Chan addressed them, his voice was surprising steady. “We don't want any trouble, we’re just trying to survive.”

“You’re fugitives. You’ve already caused enough trouble,” the guard snarled in response.

You pressed your forehead to Felix's back, clutching his jacket as you wrestled with the conflicting thoughts in your head. Maybe, you thought, maybe if you revealed your identity and offered yourself up in exchange, they would let the boys go. But it was a fleeting thought, because deep down you knew they wouldn’t.

They wouldn’t.

And the understanding that you were completely and utterly helpless was enough to bring tears to your eyes. But it was nothing in comparison to what you felt when you registered the shuffling sound of approaching footsteps.

Your pulse quickened as Felix shifted, straightening his posture and positioning himself closer to you.

“Wait-” Chan's voice rang out with urgency as he tried to take a step forward, only to be shoved aside by the barrel of a gun held by an unseen guard.

And then, without warning, Felix was suddenly wrenched from your grasp in a heart-stopping display of brutality.

The guard that seized him spun him around violently, and panic rose hot in your throat when his hand pressed down on Felix's head, driving him to his knees.

Without turning around, Chan motioned frantically for Minho and Hyunjin to lower their guns.

"Looks like we've got ourselves a bargaining chip," the guard taunted. His comrades snickered around him as he raised his gun and pressed the barrel against the back of Felix's head, tapping it a few times before resting it still.

Felix winced as he glanced up from his position on the ground. His eyes immediately found their way to yours, and the shimmering emotion in them hit you like a devastating blow.

"P-please, don't," you choked out, completely ignoring the fact that—aside from your hood—your face was almost entirely exposed. But your plea fell on deaf ears as the guard failed to acknowledge you. His index finger dropped to hover over the trigger, a sadistic smirk spread across his lips, and your stomach churned violently in response.

Felix was going to die. 

The freckled boy with the stars in his eyes was going to die, and there was nothing you could do to stop it.

Well, maybe one thing. 

Your trembling hands moved of their own accord, lifting to meet the thin fabric of your hood. A surge of alarm coursed through your veins when a second guard's voice rang out, "You there, freeze!"

Felix's expression dropped, pleading with you through the silent connection of your eyes to reconsider.

Chan didn't utter a single word, but you felt him tense beside you. 

You tuned them all out. 

With a shaky breath, a heavy heart, and all but one of the guards' guns now pointed in your direction, you lowered your hood. And in the fleeting moment before your face was fully revealed, you mouthed the words "I'm sorry" to Felix, hoping he would find some way to understand.

Hushed murmurs rose around you, filling the air. The guard who held Felix hesitated as he studied your face. His gaze was firm, eyes unblinking, as he traced along your features. His expression gradually shifted from uncertainty to recognition. And he smiled. He smiled—a sinister curl of his lips. Because he knew that by dragging you back to your father, he would secure a life of unimaginable wealth and resources—far beyond what anyone in the outer districts could ever imagine.

The instant your eyes met, a wave of recognition surged within you as well. Because although you'd never bothered to learn his name, his face, along with the devilish glint in his eyes, had been imprinted into your memory ever since the night of the raid. When he had whisked you away from the grand hall, separating you from Felix then, too.

The guard opened his mouth to speak and you instinctively reached for the knife in your waistband, bracing yourself for whatever was to come. But you would never get to know the words that fell from his lips, as his voice was instantly swallowed by the deafening crack of a gunshot that ripped through the air.

The guard beside him was struck, collapsing to the ground in a heap.

“What the-"

Whoever said it, you couldn’t be sure. 

You ducked down, instincts urging you to seek cover as a shower of bullets began to flood the air. When you lifted your head, you witnessed Felix waste no time in engaging the guard in a desperate struggle for control of the gun. You shifted, driven by the desire to help him, but it was almost as if he had anticipated your thoughts when he called out for you to “stay down, y/n!” 

Crouched on the ground with your hands above your head, you watched in awe as he overpowered the guard with surprising skill—moving with a fluidity that told you he had done this countless times before. As soon as he gained control of the weapon, Felix used the blunt end to deliver a blow straight to the guard's chest, sending him tumbling to the ground. He cocked the gun with a polished flick of his wrist, and the fallen guard raised his hands in a gesture of surrender.

With a single, split-second glance back to you, Felix turned and pointed it at the man’s head with chilling certainty.

And you looked away, burying your face in your hands, when he pulled the trigger.

The next think you knew, the next thing you remembered, Felix was at your side—arms encircling your upper body, a warm hand on the back of your neck. And although you thought you might have heard his voice reach out to you, thought maybe your name had fallen from his lips, it was impossible to make sense of anything over the ringing in your ears. 

Summoning the courage to peer through your fingers, you finally gained the opportunity to grasp hold of the situation as it played out before you.

Your eyes fell upon three figures, each armed with heavy weapons of their own, atop three stocky animals. Their presence suggested that the initial gunfire hadn’t come from any of the guards or the boys. And your jaw dropped when you glimpsed a flash of red hair.

Yeonjun.

It was Yeonjun, flanked by two unfamiliar individuals that you could only assume to be more of Hira’s people, seeking revenge for their fallen leader. 

Their arrival had thrown the entire situation into an unexpected twist, offering momentary relief for you and the boys. But the relief was short lived, because although Yeonjun and the others had secured the element of surprise, they too faced the critical disadvantage of being outnumbered.

Huddled over you, Felix let out a gasp as his own eyes locked with Yeonjuns. 

"Get out of here, Felix!" Yeonjun's strained voice pierced through the chaos.

Felix froze in disbelief, visibly astonished.

You tugged on his sleeve, but he remained motionless. You tried to speak, but no words came out. Time seemed to grind to a halt, and for a moment, it was as if it would never start again.

Until Chan's strong grip took hold of your arm.

"Come on!" he urged, determination filling his eyes as he pulled you with him. Felix, still dazed, stumbled to his feet beside you, and the three of you sprinted into the building, heartbeats pounding in rhythm with your steps.

Even after you'd made it inside, Felix's reluctance to leave Yeonjun behind was evident. You broke free from Chan's grasp when you noticed that he had come to a stop behind you. "Felix, we need to go," you pleaded as you rushed over to him, grabbing his hand to try and pull him with you.

"It's okay," you continued. But it wasn't. 

"They'll be alright," you added. But they wouldn't.

"Please, Felix," you implored, "I need you." And it wasn't until your trembling voice cracked with raw emotion on the final word that Felix finally yielded to your insistent tugging.

As soon as he gave way, your feet were in motion again. Together, you hurried through the building and emerged on the other side where your vehicles awaited. And you didn't even remember climbing onto the bike, but suddenly you were there, clinging to Felix for dear life as he revved the engine. With one last glance—first in the direction you had come, then down to you—he gritted his teeth and followed Chan’s lead.

As vehicles accelerated and sped off, your thoughts remained with Yeonjun and the others you had left behind. Fear transformed into guilt, a resounding guilt, that settled deep within your bones, intensifying further with every gunshot that pierced the night behind you.

You willed your eyes to remain open, determined to keep the trailing rover in your vision.

As the abandoned city dissolved into another terrifying nightmare, the memory of the first night you’d spent on the bike with Felix tugged at your heart. It left behind an ache that had you feeling like the foolish girl your father had called you once. Because that’s what you were—foolish, for allowing your feelings for Felix to develop in the way that they had.

Tonight’s close call had ripped away any illusion of control you thought you might’ve you had over your own emotions. If things had taken a different turn, if the guard had so much as twitched his ready finger and his loaded gun had fired against the back of Felix's head, would you have been able to deal with the aftermath? If you had lost Felix would you have been able to cope with the weight of his absence? To live with yourself after?

And what did it mean if you couldn’t?

You’d watched him shoot a man with raised hands tonight, and it should have frightened you—the ease with which he’d aimed the weapon and pulled the trigger. It was a stark reminder of the darkness that existed within him, but when his eyes met yours in that split second before he’d done it, they held an unmistakable air that his actions had been driven by a need to protect you. To protect you, and the rest of the boys, and so it only made you cling to him tighter. Because Felix didn’t need words to express that he was driven by a commitment to do whatever it took to ensure the safety of those he cared for—which you were now more than certain included yourself, too. A realization that left you torn between the undeniable feelings you had developed for him and the fear that you had crossed a line you were never meant to cross.

You couldn't escape the magnetic pull of his presence, yet you were acutely aware of the reality that hung over your heads. The circumstances, the world you inhabited, it was all designed to keep you apart. You knew it. He knew it. And not only did it force you to confront the painful truth that your relationship with Felix could never progress beyond its current state, it had you questioning whether or not your paths were even meant to cross in the first place.

It was an overwhelming thought, one that brought tears to your eyes for the second time that night.

When the first signs of dawn began to streak the sky above, Felix released his steady grip on the throttle. Chan caught up, and a signal passed between the two, prompting them to pull over nearby.

As the boys scrambled out of the vehicle, you caught sight of their expressions filled with shock and disbelief as they grappled with the weight of the close call. Chan raked his hands through his hair after his feet landed on the hard earth. “Too close, too fucking close,” he muttered, his words mirroring the thoughts in all of your minds. 

Jisung dropped to the ground, Changbin tilted his head to the sky, Hyunjin leaned wearily against the rover, and Jeongin remained seated inside—gripping onto Seungmin as Minho examined his injured foot. 

You stepped down from the motorcycle on unsteady legs, a residual effect of the adrenaline that had coursed through your veins during the escape. Felix dropped the bike with a loud thud, startling you when he spun around and placed his hands firmly on both of your shoulders. “Are you okay? Are you hurt? Fuck, are you okay?” his words tumbled out in a rush, eyes darting up and down your figure.

You nodded frantically as your trembling hands peeled back the edges of his jacket to check for signs of injury. “Did you..A-Are you…” your voice shook, rendered speechless by the violent rush of emotions inside you. 

When Felix spoke again it was barely above a whisper. “I’m okay," he reassured you, taking gentle hold of your hands to guide them away from his body. You searched your palms for any signs of blood but they were clean—they were clean, and yet the compulsion to keep checking for hidden wounds persisted. 

“-Princess. I’m okay,” he repeated. And your actions drew the attention of the others but you paid no mind. As if the world had narrowed down to just the two of you, you were suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to tell Felix everything that had been gnawing at the edges of your consciousness. Starting with the fact that you would have thrown away any chance at saving the world tonight in order to keep him safe. Because nothing in your life had made sense before Felix. And you were certain that if the world were to take him from you now, your spirit would turn restless inside your bones—cursed to wander forever in search of what you had lost.

“-What the fuck happened back there?!” your thoughts were interrupted by Chan, his voice yanking you back from the edge of vulnerability you were about to tumble over. “Hira wouldn’t have turned us in to those guards, I know she wouldn’t have,” he added, brows knitting together as he wrestled with his desire to comfort Jeongin and his responsibility to discover the truth about what had just taken place.

Felix swung his gaze around to meet Chan's. “Hira is dead,” he stated flatly. “And you’re right, she isn’t the one who turned us in. It was...Yeonjun," he gulped, hesitating at the mention of the orange-haired boy.

“What?” Chan stammered. “H-how...and Yeonjun? He saved our asses back there. Why would he do that if.."

Guilt.

Although he did not say it out loud, Felix was certain it was the reason. Because he saw it there tonight, unmistakably present in Yeonjun's eyes. And Felix knew all too well that, for some, the mere thought of a lifetime plagued by guilt after making the wrong decision could be far more terrifying than death itself.

“They shot Hira, before we even made it outside,” Hyunjin chimed in. “I just can't wrap my head around how Yeonjun managed to double-cross us. It makes no sense. He was with us the entire time.”

“-Until we went to sleep,” Changbin interjected. And the group fell silent. A thick, uncomfortable silence, broken only by soft muttering from Minho’s direction as he tended to Jeongin’s foot. 

“So what, you think Yeonjun left to track down those guards after we went to sleep?” Jisung stood, joining the conversation. "How would he have known they were out there? We never told him we were running from them."

Chan's focus sharpened as he considered Jisung's words. “Felix..” he started, his tone cautious. “After we were separated from you and Hyunjin, how long was it before Yeonjun found you?”

"I dont know, maybe an hour?" Felix replied.

“What if Yeonjun came across the guards during that time?" Chan's voice was steady as he held the group's attention. "What if after Yeonjun left us with Hira, he was confronted by the guards? What if they threatened him and coerced him into admitting that he had seen us and knew where we were headed? Then they released him to find you two. He eventually brought you back to Clé, and they tracked his movement, waiting until nightfall to-” 

"-Wait a minute,” Hyunjin asserted. ��Now that I think about it, Yeonjun was acting a bit strangely on the way to Cle. And maybe you would’ve realized it too, Felix, if you weren't so preoccupied with.." as he trailed off, Hyunjin's dark eyes met with yours, causing your breath to catch in your throat. He looked as if he had more to say, but before he could continue, he was interrupted by a sharp cry of pain from Jeongin.

The boys immediately abandoned the conversation, rushing to the side of the vehicle. You shifted on your feet, hesitating to join them because on some level, even after everything that had happened tonight, you still felt like an outsider.

Sensing your reluctance, Felix turned and met your eyes with a wordless invitation that urged you to come closer. Drawn by the invisible thread that seemed to connect the two of you, you positioned yourself between him and Jisung. As you stood between them, you couldn't help but notice how Felix shifted just a fraction closer to you. And although he kept his focus on Jeongin, you soon felt the gentle pressure of his shoulder against yours.

Inside the vehicle, Minho's inner conflict played out across his features. His gaze shifted rapidly between Jeongin's pale face and the sliver of glass firmly lodged in the sole of his shoe. “I can't just leave it embedded,” he voiced his concern aloud, directed at no one in particular. "It could lead to infection..I just can’t tell how deep its gone..”

Seungmin’s expression grew more strained as Jeongin squirmed uncomfortably in his arms. “What if you make it worse by trying to take it out?”

“We don’t really have a choice,” Minho responded, his medical instincts wrestling with the reality of your limited resources.

Chan’s fingers tapped an anxious rhythm against the side of the vehicle. "We should at least try to sterilize the area to buy us some time."

“Time for what? Everything we have is here,” Minho snapped, whipping around to face Chan as he gestured to the surrounding bags of supplies. 

Next to Chan, Hyunjin's expression furrowed as he glanced from Minho to Jeongin. “We aren't that far from Yellow Wood. We could go back, let it heal, and try again for Miroh when-”

“-If we sit still for too long now, they'll find us,” Minho stressed. “Besides, if we can actually make it to Miroh there might be medical supplies there that aren’t shit. But getting there will take days, and we can’t afford to leave it untreated for that long,” he added.

“T-take it out,” Jeongin whimpered, "Please, I can handle it." His gaze shifted across the faces of each of the boys, his trust in them evident even despite his pain. And when his eyes landed on you, your chest ached with the realization that he looked at you in the exact same way, with the same level of trust.

Chan leaned into the rover, placing his hand gently on Jeongin's shoulder where he offered a reassuring squeeze. "We're going to take care of you, okay? Just hang in there." His gaze shifted to Minho and a wordless exchange passed between them as the rest of the group shifted even closer, forming a tight circle around the vehicle.

As the boys began to offer their own words of encouragement, Minho glanced up, his piercing eyes locking hold of yours. “You. You have some medical training right?”

“Dude she has a name..” Jisung grumbled from beside you.

Minho shot him an irritated glance, clearing his throat before addressing you again. “y/n,” he pronounced your name with a sour undertone, as if it left an unpleasant taste on his tongue. "Do you or do you not have any medical training?”

He wasn't wrong to assume you would, given your background. Your father had always prioritized combat skills over healing, but you'd been given a fair share of private medical lessons too. And even if it was a limited amount, your knowledge of the subject undoubtedly surpassed that of any of the other boys.

Eager to help Jeongin in any way you could, you nodded. Minho motioned for you to join him inside the vehicle, and the protective glare that Felix shot his way gave you a much needed boost of confidence as you sat down beside him. 

Minho gave you a brief rundown of what he needed, his instructions clear and concise. In preparation, he handed Jeongin something to bite down on. And as he began, you couldn't help but admire the way his practiced hands moved.

As the wound became more apparent, you felt a slight twinge of unease. The quantity of blood was surprising, but upon closer inspection, you were relieved to find that the glass hadn't gone nearly as deep as you'd anticipated.

Jeongin's face contorted in pain as it was carefully extracted from the thin sole of his shoe and, subsequently, his foot. You worked in tandem with Minho, assisting with whatever you could, and the collective breath held by the group seemed to release in sync with the shard's removal. Minho held it up, allowing it to shimmer in the morning light before setting it aside.

As he moved on to stitch up the wound, the process felt excruciatingly slow. Your attention shifted back to Jeongin, cradled securely in Seungmin's hold, and you couldn't help but notice the way his hands clenched and unclenched against the seat beneath him. Without thinking, you reached to take the hand that was closest to you. His fingers relaxed as they laced with yours, and you could feel the warmth of his gratitude when he briefly opened his eyes to meet your own.

When you glanced up to Seungmin, he gave you a soft nod of approval over Jeongin’s shoulder.

After Minho had finished stitching the wound, the boys' attention gradually began to shift toward their next steps, driven by a shared sense of relief now that Jeongin's discomfort had been temporarily eased. 

You remained fully absorbed in helping Minho clean up—so focused that you barely caught the murmured "thank you," that came from where he sat beside you. You paused, convinced you hadn’t heard him correctly, until he added in a slightly louder tone, "You have a steady hand, y/n. You'd make a good medic."

Taken aback by his sudden appreciation, your eyes followed him as he stood. "Anybody seen any water?" he asked, scanning the vehicle's interior. Changbin handed him a canteen, which he promptly passed over to Jeongin.

After ensuring that Jeongin was as comfortable as possible, with the unexpected compliment from Minho still ringing in your ears, you stepped down from the rover.

Your eyes immediately found Felix, leaned against the vehicle with a soft smile playing at the corners of his lips. He took a step, but before he could close the distance between you, Jisung was at your side. “Nicely done, District nine. I knew you’d come in handy,” he grinned, giving you a solid pat to the back.

And then it was Chan’s turn to steal your attention. "y/n can you come look at this?" You swiveled around and he motioned for you to join him and Changbin where they had the map spread out across the hood of the rover.

When you turned back to Felix you found Hyunjin at his side, effectively blocking your view. With a small, resigned exhale through your nose, you made your way over to stand beside Changbin.

Chan asked for your help in determining the best route to take to get back on track—where your father’s guards would be less likely to follow. After thorough examination of the map, and a collaborative discussion between the three of you—with the occasional interjection from Minho—you reached a consensus.

After what had happened last night, crossing into more challenging terrain was deemed well worth the risk by all of you. And so the decision to alter your route was unanimous. You would head in the direction of a mountainous region that spanned across District 5, as it would make tracking your movements far more difficult.

With a plan in place, you glanced back at the motorcycle where Felix was now seated, tying his hair back.

He looked up as you approached. "You sure you don't want to go with them instead?” he asked, nudging his head in the direction of the rover. “You can sleep in the truck," he added.

You ignored his suggestion, making your choice known when you swung a leg over the bike and settled down behind him. You drew him closer, gently wrapping your arms around his waist. “I’m not tired, and i don’t plan on going anywhere,” you mumbled into his shoulder.

"But-" Felix began to protest. He turned to face you, but the words caught in his throat when you leaned in at the same time—your closeness catching him off guard.

“Just drive, Lix.” Your voice was soft, a murmured exhale against his lips. And you looked up to meet his eyes before pulling back to settle into his form. 

A pink blush crept up to his ears as he twisted around, glancing over his other shoulder to where the boys had piled into the rover a few feet away. “Yeah, right.." he stammered, eyes following the rover when it took off from your side, leaving a trail of dust in its wake. And a faint smile crossed your lips as Felix cleared his throat before manipulating the throttle and setting the bike into motion once again.

After several hours of uninterrupted travel, muted rays of buttery light filtered in through the clouds above as the sun began to set. The ground beneath you was etched with crevices and jutting stones, creating a labyrinth of rocky terrain that stretched on endlessly.

In the dying light, you found yourselves in search of shelter once again. Not necessarily because you couldn't keep moving at night—if anything you thought it would be smarter to travel under the cover of darkness—but every single one of you was beyond exhausted, and it showed.

It showed in the subtle swerve of the motorcycle when Felix's head dipped, snapping back up when you called his name. It showed in each set of drooping shoulders and even in the gradual slow of the vehicles, as if they too were struggling to keep up the pace.

On that particular evening, luck seemed to be on your side when you came upon a cave nestled snugly between a cluster of natural rock formations. With the vehicles secured just outside the entrance, the group collectively made their way inside.

Upon entering the cave, you were greeted by a cool, refreshing environment, a stark contrast to the toxic haze that loomed over District 6. Flashlights flickered on one-by-one, casting their light upon the walls to reveal a spacious chamber. Felix and Chan immediately set about the task of creating a fire and it wasn't long before the flames began to dance and crackle before their eyes. At the other end of the space, the uneven ground converged into a single pathway that drew your attention and you watched as Hyunjin, Changbin, and Jisung gravitated toward it.

Beckoned by your own curiosity, you glanced back to Chan who shot you an inquisitive look before tossing you his flashlight. "Don't go too far, yeah?" he cautioned, and you nodded in agreement.

Trailing the boys, you sensed the familiar weight of a pair of eyes on your back, following your every move until you slipped out of sight.  

The narrow passage came alive with rhythmic footsteps and the occasional murmur from up ahead, mostly Jisung. The sound of trickling water drew your attention and around the corner, a sudden widening revealed an open area where the rocky floor dipped down into a large basin, filled with crystal-clear water. It was a miniature oasis of sorts, a natural spring lit by glowing blue bioluminescence that lie nestled within the depths of the cave. The water's surface sparkled beneath a crevice in the ceiling through which you could see the moon.

The boys rushed forward, cupping their hands to sip the cool water, splashing it across their faces and arms. When you bent down to fill a canteen from your backpack, you were caught off guard by the sudden sight of your reflection in the water’s rippling surface.

A layered film of dirt and sweat clung to your skin, deep shadows had formed underneath your sunken eyes, and your once-tamed hair was now in complete disarray. It would have been a harrowing sight for anyone from District 9 to see themselves in such a state, and yet, oddly enough, you liked the way you looked like this. A raw version of your former polished self, without the vibrant makeup and suffocating clothing that had always left your skin feeling itchy and irritated. Stripped of the insincere smile you had been forced to wear throughout your life, you looked like you. A bit worn out, sure. But you embraced it wholeheartedly because it was the first time you truly felt as if you belonged among the boys.

As your eyes swept back and forth, another presence began to emerge from your appearance—your father. Subtly etched into the lines of your face, the shape of your nose, the color of your eyes—almost as if your own features were mocking your attempts to distance yourself from him. Because he was there, and he always would be. You could run from him as much as you liked, forever even, but you would never be able to escape your own reflection.

When the boys stood, you did the same, gaze lingering on the water's surface for a last second. Turning to leave, you were surprised to find Jisung waiting a short distance away. The blue tint cast a beautiful glow against his face, accentuating the gentle curve of his cheeks and the warmth in his eyes. The metal piercing in his eyebrow glinted in the faint light. "We can stay a bit longer, if you'd like," he offered.

There was an attractive sincerity about Jisung that had always intrigued you, but your eagerness to leave behind your reflection overpowered the allure. With a subtle shake of your head, you let out a small “’s okay," followed by a tender smile which he returned.

You moved at a slow pace, shoulder to shoulder, guided by the light from your flashlights as you winded back through the passage. Jisung kicked a pebble, and your eyes followed its movement. After a subtle clearing of his throat, he eventually broke the silence. "It was really cool, what you did for Jeongin earlier.”

You shrugged, inadvertently meeting his eyes. "I didn't do much...just followed what Minho told me."

Jisung responded without hesitation. "Yeah, but I know it means a lot to Jeongin. And to Minho, to finally have someone who knows what they’re doing that can help him."

"Does it? Because I think he kind of hates me.." your brows knitted together, and a gentle smile tugged at Jisung's lips.

"Minho doesn't hate you, he's just cautious," he said, returning his gaze back to the path ahead. “And I know he might come off as distant, but there's more to him beneath the surface."

Beneath the surface.

You were no stranger to what lay beneath that surface. Because your connection to Minho existed whether either of you wanted it to or not, born from the shared roots of District 9. And along with it came a shared understanding of a part of the world that, out of the nine of you, only you two could truly comprehend.

“Just give him some time, he’ll come around,” Jisung continued, accompanied by a sympathetic smile.

"Thanks, Ji. I really hope you're right.”

As soon as the nickname escaped your lips, Jisung’s expression dropped. A range emotions crossed his features. His eyes held yours for a moment, and within them you detected profound longing, tinged with traces of sorrow and grief. Unspoken, but undeniably present.

"Ji," he chuckled softly, a sad sound. "No one's called me that in a really long time."

"Well it suits you," you offered, scanning his face.

His eyes took on a glossy sheen, and his lips curled up into something bittersweet. "Yeah, I guess it does," he replied. After a moment, he blinked away the emotion and shifted the conversation. “So..want to tell me what the hell's been going on between you and Felix?"

Your foot caught suddenly on a rock, and you reached out instinctively for Jisung to steady yourself as heat flooded your cheeks. "I-uh..what about us?" Your gaze nervously darted away as you stumbled over your words.

A wistful grin tugged at the corner of Jisung’s lips. "Come on, I'm not blind. I've noticed things, you know? Subtle glances..the way he looks at you."

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” you questioned, recalling when Chan had told you the very same thing in the forest outside of Yellow Wood.

I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you. Never. Not anyone.

Jisung chuckled lightly in response. "Well, usually when everyone notices the same thing, it means there's some truth to it," he mused.

"Or maybe everyone's just reading too much into it."

"Whatever you say," Jisung shrugged. "I guess we’re just not used to Felix looking at anyone in a way that doesn't suggest he wants them dead. Usually he's..Well by now I'm sure you know how he is."

"Yeah," you affirmed, "I know how he is. The second time we ever spoke was while he had a knife pressed to my throat."

“He what?"

"Long story," you said. Although, in reality, the story was actually quite simple. And you'd never held it against Felix. After all, what else was he supposed to do when he'd come face to face with the daughter of the man who wanted nothing more than to see all of them dead.

"That reminds me," Jisung started, twisting the flashlight around in his hand. "I always wondered how you guys met.”

"He didn't tell you?"

Jisung shook his head vigorously in response. "Let's just say every time one of us would bring it up he'd turn bright red and shut down the conversation immediately, usually by fleeing to the rooftop."

You laughed at the mental image of Felix escaping in embarrassment whenever the topic of your first meeting was raised. "I guess it is a bit complicated.”

"You know..someone told me once that sometimes things are complicated because we're afraid of what's simple," Jisung replied.

You brought your bottom lip between your teeth as you considered his words. A comfortable silence settled between you, and you didn’t feel the need to respond.

The conversation concluded as you returned to camp. Felix looked up immediately upon your arrival, his eyes briefly meeting yours before glancing away. "See what I mean?"Jisung leaned over to whisper into your ear. A knowing smile tugged at his lips, and he winked at you before his steps carried him away from your side.

With a playful roll of your eyes, you walked over to Jeongin and offered him the canteen you had filled with water from the spring. His face brightened, although the weariness remained etched into his features. After taking a few generous gulps, he returned the canteen and nestled closer to Minho's side. The older boy's presence seemed to provide him with a sense of security as his eyelids drooped and he drifted off to sleep.

Across the fire, the rest of the boys rummaged through a sizable bag of supplies in search of anything to alleviate their hunger for the night. You found a quiet spot to claim for yourself. Sinking down against the cavern wall, you brought your legs upward as hushed chatter began to fill the chamber.

Felix couldn't help but steal a few glances in your direction as he tended to the fire. A sharp pang of jealousy resonated throughout him when he watched the way your eyes followed Jisung's reaction to something Changbin said, a wide smile forming on your lips in response to his infectious laughter. Felix didn't need to wonder what you thought of Jisung. Of course you liked him, it was impossible not to. And he couldn't even blame you for it because it was only natural that someone like you would be drawn to someone like Jisung.

After the group had eaten and settled in around the fire, Chan took the opportunity to share his first memory of Hira. He depicted her as a neutral force—neither entirely good nor entirely corrupt—but someone whom, for whatever reason, he'd always felt that he could trust.

When he'd finished, Chan passed the conversation to Jisung who proceeded to share a story about a mishap he and Seungmin encountered last winter, during a supply run in the same abandoned city you'd crossed through last night. The story involved a ridiculous chase through the streets, with Jisung somehow ending up as the hero. But Seungmin couldn't resist chiming in. "Hold on, hold on," he raised a hand with a sly grin, "Let's be real, less than half of that actually happened.”

Jisung responded with an exaggerated roll of his eyes, a playful retort forming on his lips as he prepared to continue the banter. Before he could, Felix chimed in. "Making things up again, Han? This sounds a lot like the time we all found out you can't actually tell edible plants from poisonous ones,” he teased. His eyes shimmered in the firelight, and when he smirked you couldn't help but appreciate the way it accentuated his canines.

Jisung let out an exasperated gasp. "I told you I was still learning!”

"I threw up for a week straight after you insisted it was safe to eat those purple berries! I thought I was going to die!" Seungmin exclaimed, failing to control his laughter.

Jisung threw his hands up in defeat. “Who even needs to know which plants are safe to eat when you can just charm your way into getting free supplies?" A sly grin fell across his lips but it vanished when Changbin added, “That only happened once, and wasn't it Hyunjin that actually did the talking? Pretty sure you just stared at your feet the whole time because you couldn't even make eye contact with the girl.” 

Changbin’s response elicited chuckles from the entire room, yourself included. With a dramatic huff, Jisung turned and lie down on his side with his back to the group. He feigned annoyance, but was unable to hide his own amusement as his shoulders shook with gentle laughter.

After the excitement died down, Minho's soft-spoken voice broke the silence. He recalled a late night conversation with Jeongin not too long ago that had unexpectedly evolved into a heart-to-heart about their shared fears. When he was finished, he glanced down in fondness at the sleeping boy nestled against his side.

You leaned your head against the rock, allowing your eyes to close as Hyunjin began to share about a distant memory that involved his mother, with whom he'd spent some time in a cave like the one you found yourselves in now—before they had gotten separated. As he spoke, you tried your hardest to recall just one single memory of your own mother, but you were unable to move past a particular phrase that continued to linger in your thoughts.

You look just like her.

And then it hit you. A sudden blow, like a dagger straight to the heart.

What if Hira hadn't been speaking in general terms, about a woman from her past that you resembled.

What if she had been referring to your mother.

Your eyes snapped open and your posture straightened away from the wall as you tried to put it all together in your mind. You'd stopped asking questions about your mother a very long time ago, due to the anger that rose within your father at the faintest mention of her. He refused to speak about her, and so you had created a simplified narrative of your own—that she had been plucked from the residents of District 9 to marry your father for her social standing and wealth. But what if there was more to her, and your own origins, than you had ever thought possible.

Felix, who had been lying with his hands behind his head a short distance away, picked up on the change in your demeanor. Concern flickered in his eyes as he sat up.

"Hey, you good?" Chan's voice echoed from across the room as you realized that the rest of the group had fallen silent, their attention now fixed on you.

You managed a soft smile in an attempt to mask the intensity of your thoughts. "Yeah..just tired."

"Maybe its time we all get some rest," Chan responded.

As his suggestion was met with a general consensus of agreement from the group you cast a glance back at Felix. The fire's dwindling glow traced his features with delicate strokes, accentuating the furrow between his brow and the subtle tension in his jaw, before the flames were extinguished by Chan.

Ten minutes, twenty, an hour.

You tossed and turned repeatedly as restlessness consumed your mind, preventing you from succumbing to the fatigue that gripped your aching muscles. When soft snores began to fill the darkness, envy stirred within you at the boys' ability to find solace.

Maybe they were just desensitized to it all—the constant brushes with death, the daily ritual of having to bury their fears again each morning when they woke. Maybe with time you would grow used to it too. But tonight, the weight of it all, combined with the mystery surrounding Hira's final message had left you without any chance at falling asleep.

And although you didn't want to admit it, the notion slowly crept into your mind that the only reason you had gotten any sleep at all the past few nights was because of Felix. Especially last night—his steady heartbeat, protective embrace, and the comforting warmth of his body heat lulling you into a sense of security. 

Maybe he wouldn't notice if you inched a bit closer..Just so you could manage a few hours..

A frustrated sound escaped your lips as you banished the thought, because it wasn’t fair to rely on Felix to chase away the darkness when you couldn't bear to face it alone. He had his own battles to fight, his own burdens to carry, and if he was going to drive the motorcycle then he probably needed the sleep more than you anyway.

Your eyes failed to adjust to the darkness when you sat up. Cut off from any sense of place and time, the air around you suddenly felt so thin, so scarce, making it difficult to draw in a steady breath. Your skin prickled as if tiny insects had begun to dig their way into your flesh, and you couldn't get it out of your head. 

All of it.

Your mother, nothing but the faded memory of a woman with a face you hadn't known long enough to remember. Your father, with a face you would never forget, because it chased you in your own reflection. Hira's lifeless stare, empty and cold. The knowing look in Yeonjun's eyes when you left him behind to die. And Felix, who, even with a loaded gun pressed against his head looked to you as if your safety would always be far more important to him than his own.

“It gets easier with time."

You jolted, startled by a sudden voice that broke the silence.

“Falling asleep, I mean. It gets easier with time,” he repeated. His tone a calm and steady contrast to the turmoil in your mind.

"Then why are you still awake?" you remarked, lowering your voice to a whisper to keep from disturbing the sleeping boys around you. 

Felix let out a soft sigh. His gentle breath mingled with the darkness that enveloped you both, and you sensed movement as he sat up somewhere close by.

“I didn’t say it gets easy, just easier. Besides..” he paused, a long pause. Hoping you wouldn’t be able to sense the struggle he faced to keep his emotions in check. "How am i supposed to sleep when you're breathing so heavily…it's distracting," he finally settled on. And you couldn't help but scoff at his feeble attempt at masking whatever it was that he actually wanted to say.

As the silence stretched on, the uncomfortable sensation of needing to escape your own skin grew unbearable, driving you to your feet.

"Where are you-"

"-The dirt, the sweat, the blood, I need to get it off. I just need to get it off." Without waiting for a response, you fumbled through the darkness. Your fingers met the coarse stone wall at your side, and you trailed along it as soft footsteps began to echo from somewhere behind you.

Cool mist fell against your skin as pitch-black was steadily replaced by calming blue. In the soft ethereal glow, you stepped over to the waters edge where you lifted your shirt and slipped out of your pants. All the while, your senses were acutely aware of Felix's presence behind you, his watchful eyes glued to your backside. He could have chosen to let you wander off alone, but some part of you knew he couldn't resist. And selfishly, you liked that.

When you entered the water it rippled around your waist. The coldness sent shivers throughout your body, but it was invigorating. A welcome sensation against skin that seemed to burn tonight. You took a deep breath, letting the weight of the past twenty four hours wash away when you submerged yourself beneath the surface. The water welcomed you into a desensitizing embrace and for a moment, only as long as you could hold your breath, the unpleasant images in your mind and your fears surrounding the war outside were replaced by complete and utter silence. Nothing at all.

You resurfaced facing Felix. His eyes trailed up and down your half naked form, lingering a bit too long on the places his hands always went first. Your heart skipped a beat when you realized that he was approaching. When he lifted his shirt, you couldn't help but take the opportunity to glance over the contours of his sculpted abdomen. He let himself down into the water and the soft splashes of his movements filled the silence between you.

“Maybe you should just…stay over there," you mumbled, averting your gaze from his chest.

You wanted him close, that you couldn't deny. But hours had passed since last night, and your panic had since died down—giving way to frustration once more. And it wasn't even about him nearly losing his life, it was about how that near-loss had stirred a depth of emotion within you that you could no longer control. You were frustrated with him for almost getting killed again, something that (this time) he'd had absolutely no control over. But you were even more frustrated with yourself for letting it affect you in the way that it had.

Felix raised his hands defensively, abiding by your demand to keep some distance. When he sank down into the water, the tips of his hair skimmed the surface.

"Princess..you alright?" his sudden inquiry caught you off guard. It was his tone, laced with genuine concern, that caused your heart to pound beneath the surface of your calm exterior. 

No, I'm not alright. 

Nothing about what happened last night is alright, you thought.

"Yeah, I'm managing," you said.

His lips curved upward, a hint of amusement in his eyes. "Managing, huh? Guess you’re tougher than you look."

You rolled your eyes, a smile tugging at your own features when you responded. “And you? What about you?"

"I've been through worse,” he trailed off. A veil of shadows fell over his features and suddenly, Felix felt miles away. Worlds apart, as if he had been transported to some distant realm of memories that he would have given anything to forget.

“Chan told me a little..what you’ve been through is more than most people could handle, you know?” you hesitated, questioning if it was the right decision to acknowledge your awareness of his past. But the divide between you had always felt easy to bridge in moments like this, when it was just the two of you. Sometimes leading you to forget that it had even existed at all.

"He shouldn't have said-"

"-But I'm glad he did," you interrupted. "And I might not understand it all but I do know know that none of it is your fault, Felix."

Felix let out a bitter scoff, a defensive edge to his tone when he responded. “You don't know anything,” his eyes flickered back to you, and in them you saw a glimpse of the pain he carried beneath. When you took a step forward he retreated with a single stroke of his arms in the water—a reflexive withdrawal.

And then he sighed heavily, noting the subtle trace of hurt in your expression at his retreat. "I'm sorry..it's just..thinking about it, talking about it, its not easy for me."

“It’s okay,” you offered, making a conscious effort to ignore the compulsion to reach out and wrap him in your arms. To reassure him over and over again that he didn’t deserve the things he had been through. To make it clear that, in your eyes, Felix would never be to blame for his past. 

Felix cleared his throat, his desire to avoid the subject prompting him to redirect the conversation. “What was that earlier with you? Around the fire."

Unsure of how much to reveal, you hesitated again, mindlessly tracing shapes on the surface of the water. "I think..there might be the possibility of a connection between my mother..and..Hira.”  

Felix's expression transformed as he scanned your face in bewilderment. “What? What kind of connection?"

“Hira said I looked just like 'her', Felix, and I don't know why but I can't shake the feeling that she was talking about my mother."

"You think Hira knew your mother?” his mouth fell open, he looked at you as though you had completely and utterly lost your mind, and you really couldn't blame him.

“You heard her, you saw the way she looked at me," you pressed.

“Look, princess,” he insisted, drawn closer when he noticed the trace of sadness in your eyes at the mention of your mother. “I know Chan talks about her like she was a saint, but the woman was a lunatic. She didn't have any idea what she was talking about half the time, so don’t overthink it. Hira dealt with people from the outer districts, and she never went to District nine herself. It’s impossible.”

"Yeah..you're probably right." Mimicking his earlier movement, you lowered yourself in the water until it enveloped your shoulders.

After a moment you drew in a breath. When you went to speak, Felix did the same. Your words collided in the narrow space between you, and he chuckled softly, a warm sound that filled your ears. “You first,” he said.

"Today was..” you paused to recollect your thoughts, pursing your lips in concentration.

“I know,” he sighed. “It was a close call. We don’t have to talk about it.”

“Yes we do,” you asserted. “We should. I don’t know how any of you do this. Its like one minute everything’s fine and the next.." you let out a frustrated exhale before continuing, “And then they're just able to sleep like nothing happened?! Its like you’re all fearless.” 

Felix's lips quirked into a small, sympathetic smile as he inched closer. “Fearless? Nah, its just survival, princess. You get used to it, you learn to move forward." His voice lowered before he added, "Even when you’re afraid.”

As you considered his words, you found yourself studying his eyes in search of a glimpse of his inner thoughts. Had Felix felt fear today when he was leading the chase from the guards? When Jeongin was injured? When the cold metal of the gun touched his skin?

“I wish I had that kind of strength,” you admitted.

“You’ve got your own kind of strength," he began. “You're here aren't you? And you had no problem revealing yourself to those guards last night. Why did you do that?" 

You felt your cheeks warm as you looked down, gliding your hands through the water. "Isn't it obvious?" When he didn't respond, you sighed, glancing up to meet his eyes again. “I just thought that maybe it would buy all of you a chance at making it out of there alive."

"Exactly. And every single one of them recognizes that,” he stated, nudging his head in the direction of the passage that led back to the sleeping boys.

“But it still doesn't mean they trust me, right? Still doesn't guarantee that they ever will?" you returned, raising a single eyebrow.

Felix rolled his eyes, and when they reconnected with yours you held his stare, narrowing your gaze. "I shouldn't have said that," he muttered.

Felix was incredibly difficult to read, most of the time, but something about the sincerity in his tone and the pause in his speech made you believe that he really did regret what he’d said that night in Yellow Wood, about how the others might never trust you.

"No, you shouldn't have. But it’s okay." You shifted closer, and with the distance between you now almost nonexistent, even the atmosphere felt alive—charged with pulsing energy, as the water flowed like an electric current between you, prompting you to reach up and drape your arms around his neck.

As if your actions had given him permission, his own hands instantly found their way to your waist. Your legs lifted to wrap around him and the water responded with soothing ripples around your bodies.

With you in his arms, Felix stood. He waded backward until the backs of his knees hit the edge of the spring where he settled down against a makeshift seat embedded within the natural contours of the rock.

Straddling his waist, you brushed the hair from his neck and laid your head down in its place. Splaying a hand against his chest, you felt for the steady strength of his heartbeat beneath your palm. And you stayed like that for quite some time, drifting in and out of a light sleep as he traced idle shapes across your back. 

After a while, your eyes fluttered open. “Lix?” 

“Yeah?” his voice was a low murmur in your ear, soft and attentive.

“Promise me something?” you breathed.

Anything, he thought. 

“What is it?” he said.

"Promise me you’ll try to be more careful from now on? Because..I don't think I could handle it..if..” you lifted your head from his shoulder as the words hung between you like a fragile, fragile thread. The confession was like a heated blade in your throat, searing it raw, and you let it burn. Because you couldn’t bring yourself to say the words that followed, paralyzed once again by the weight of your unspoken feelings.

But you didn't need to say anything further, because to Felix, it was obvious what you were implying.

I need you.

Your words from last night echoed in his mind. He remembered how desperate you sounded, how you'd pulled him with you as if your life depended on it.

He searched your face in a desperate attempt to understand how someone like you could ever be so concerned with the safety of someone like him. And he wondered if it was because, perhaps, you still couldn't see it—the stains of the choices he had made, etched into his soul. He wondered if he had allowed himself to become too wrapped up in his own feelings, creating a version of himself in your eyes that was far more forgiving than the truth.

When silence between you grew, his lips parted slightly as if he wanted to speak.

In another life, one in which Felix saw himself differently, he would have promised to be by your side for as long as you wanted him there. He would’ve kissed you deeply, and he never would have let you go.

In another life, it might have been the moment Felix realized that he was meant to love you.

But in this life, in this harsh reality, a silent battle raged on inside Felix—torn between his selfish desire for you and the instincts that kept him alive. He knew he couldn't promise you a life without danger, and he certainly couldn't guarantee you his survival. But goddammit Felix wanted nothing more than to swear that he would do everything in his power to try and stay alive. For you.

Overwhelmed by his feelings, your close proximity, and the fact that last night he had been come closer to death than he had in a very long time, Felix surrendered to that powerful, selfish desire.

"Yeah-" the word caught in his throat, as if he was afraid of what came next. Cupping your face with one of his hands, he added, "I promise.”

You closed your eyes and leaned into his touch, embracing the warmth of his palm against your skin and the reassurance in his grip.

"Besides," you started. “You can’t leave me alone with them. I'm pretty sure Minho and Hyunjin would plot to kill me in my sleep or something.” A soft giggle escaped your lips, and Felix couldn't help the wide, toothy grin that spread across his face at your attempt to lighten the mood.

“Please, Jisung would never let them,” he returned. And your raised eyebrows prompted him to continue. "I'm serious, in fact Jisung would probably prefer to have you all to himself," he insisted. And then, with a mischievous glint in his eyes, Felix gave a sudden squeeze to your ass with both hands that caused your eyes to widen. 

"Oh really? Is that so?" Your fingers lightly traced a pattern on his bare chest as he hummed in agreement. "I don't know..maybe I should ask him myself just to be sure. You think he'd like to join us?" With a teasing smirk, you released your hold on Felix, stepping back down into the water and turning to face the direction you'd come from. Cupping your hands around your mouth, you began to call out "JI-"

"-Shhhh," the water splashed when Felix lunged forward. His arms encircled you from behind, grazing the underside of your breasts as he captured you in a sudden embrace. And a squeal escaped your lips when he pulled you with him beneath the water's surface. Coming up for air, you retaliated with a splash that sent a wave of water in his direction. His laughter echoed off the walls, deep and genuine. It was a sound you hadn't heard before, and yet, it felt as if you had been craving it for a lifetime. Soft crinkles formed around his eyes, and you wove another precious memory of the freckled boy into your mind.

Felix shook the water from his hair before catching you again. Your arms naturally reclaimed their place around his neck, your legs came back up to wrap around his waist, and the water rippled around your shoulders.

As you held each others eyes, his amusement gradually gave way to a more thoughtful expression. 

“You know," he began, "Jisung..he uh..lost someone once. I think that’s why he’s like that with you, I think you remind him of her." 

His words carried solemn weight, offering a touch of insight into why Jisung had trusted you from the very beginning. And a simple “Oh” was all you could manage in response, your heart breaking at the thought of Jisung carrying such pain beneath his hopeful, kindhearted exterior.

“But he’s better now, he's come a long way since then, mostly thanks to Minho,” he added. His expression revealed the traces of another painful memory, before he willed it away. 

With you still in his arms, Felix reclaimed his spot against the edge of the spring. Perched just above the water's surface with his back supported by the rock and his legs dipping into the soothing water.

And while you considered his disclosure about Jisung's past, you realized that you had never truly known loss. You had forgotten your mother—had no memories of her touch, her scent, the sound of her voice—and because you had never really known her it had been a relatively easy loss, if any ever was.

You had lost Jisoo, but it was a different kind of loss—a choice you had willingly made that you hoped you would come to forgive yourself for some today.

But the mere thought of being forced to lose the boy with the stars in his eyes was crippling. You couldn't bear the thought of those stars fading away, because he looked to you like you were the one that had put them there. And it terrified you that some day he would pay the ultimate price for it, leaving you behind to grapple with a new kind of loss that you weren't sure you would have the strength to overcome.

"What?" Felix said, catching the intensity in your eyes as your fingers reached to play with the hair at the back of his neck.

“You almost died today," you stated. "For real this time."

His expression furrowed, and a gentle crease appeared on his forehead before gradually easing away. "Well..yeah," he shrugged, "I'm still here, though."

Here. With you.

You shifted underneath his stare, trying to reach a more comfortable position. Your hands found their way to one of his, guiding it to rest in your lap where you played with his rings absentmindedly. 

Sensing your restlessness, Felix gently ceased the movement of your hands when he intertwined his fingers with yours.

“I don’t know how to do this,” you blurted. “And I'm scared, Felix. I'm scared that I’m too weak to handle it. That its going to get all of you killed.”

Felix frowned slightly before drawing you closer. “We all have weaknesses, princess," his eyes fell briefly to your lips before continuing. “Chan wants to save the whole goddamned world, and he gets so wrapped up in it that he forgets to take care of himself, too. Han—Jisung, I mean, trusts too easily. And Minho doesn’t trust enough, even when he should. Changbin is reckless as hell, if you think I’m bad, you should've seen him when we first met. Jeongin doesn’t want to hurt anyone, so he hesitates in situations where it puts his life at risk. And Seungmin is too damn smart for his own good, and he knows it, so his confidence gets the best of him sometimes."

He shook his head and you brought a hand up to swipe the stray droplets of water that fell down onto his cheeks, fingertips mapping out the constellations painted underneath. He closed his eyes in response, tilting his head as he welcomed your touch.

A brief, heart-pounding silence hung between you before you dared to speak again. “What about you, Felix? What’s your weakness?”

The freckled boy tensed beneath you. His jaw clenched, and for a long time he held his silence. Just when you began to brace yourself for the possibility that he might not respond, his eyelids gently lifted. His hands rose to cup your face, one of his thumbs traced your upper lip, and in another life you would have stopped him from saying the words that followed.

“You, princess. My weakness is you.”

You blinked, opening your mouth just to close it again. When Felix leaned in closer, you turned your head, causing his lips to lightly graze along the side of your jaw. "I thought I'd already be dead, if it were up to you," you mumbled.

“I shouldn't have said that..either," he stated. And when he pulled back to meet your gaze, there was a familiar intensity in his eyes. Felix looked to you like he did every time he wanted to fuck you, but there was more behind it now.

"You did say it, though. You said it, and you meant it," you pressed.

But you were wrong.

And it was driving Felix insane.

Because he was well aware of the simple fact that he should have meant it. That it should have been easy for him to hate you. After all, he'd never had a problem directing his disdain toward the world and its inhabitants. But there was something that stopped him from casting that hatred upon you. No matter how hard he tried.

"I wanted to mean it," he breathed.

And it was on that night, sheltered deep within a cave on the outskirts of District 6, that you realized what the others had meant when they spoke about the way Felix looked at you. As his deep brown eyes bore into your soul, they spoke volumes about the complexity of his feelings, far more than words ever could. That night, your feelings intertwined with his, and you did nothing to stop it. Shared vulnerability bled into deep affection and for the first time you chose to overlook the danger that came with it.

“Its driving me crazy, pretending I’m okay every time you get hurt. You do realize that, right?” you exhaled, reaching for the fading red handprints on his neck. But Felix intercepted your hand before it could make contact with his skin. Bringing it up to his lips, he kissed it softly.

“I’m sorry," he leaned in to press another open kiss your shoulder. It was gentle, it felt good, so you let him. 

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” his warm hands trailed up and down your back, chasing away the chill that had settled over your body, so you let them.

Felix knew he wasn’t good for you. He knew you deserved someone like Jisung, who would be able to bring out the best in you without even trying. Someone like Chan who you could grow with. Or Minho, who would challenge you to reach your full potential. But Felix was none of those things. Instead, he was selfish. Selfish, and pathetic, and cruel. And despite the fact that he knew it, despite the fact that he hated himself for it, he just couldn’t help the feeling he got every single time you looked at him like he was the only one you wanted.

Felix hated every part of himself, except for you.

"Tell me we shouldn’t do this,” you kissed him. A gentle kiss, pressed lightly to his bottom lip.

"We shouldn't," he exhaled against your lips.

"Tell me you mean it," you pleaded.

"I can't," is all he said.

And it was all you needed to hear.

You met his lips again and Felix eagerly fell into the kiss. He slid his tongue in your mouth and swiped it against yours, causing a breathy moan to escape you. His hands wandered up your sides where he squeezed lightly. Your teeth clashed, and when you pulled away for a breath he chased your lips with his own.

“Never again, remember?” you whispered, dragging your fingers along his temple, pushing back his hair.

“When I said that I didn't mean..I-I just meant that.." his eyes fell to your lap as he trailed off, making you aware of the slow grinding motion your hips had begun to trace against the growing bulge in his underwear. 

A small sound of pleasure rose in his throat when you added pressure to your movement. You leaned in, your noses brushed, but before you could kiss him again Felix threw you off by widening the gap between his legs.

"What're you…"

“Use me, princess. I don't see anything wrong with that, do you?" 

You hated the cocky expression he wore when he flexed the muscles of his thigh. You hated it, and before you knew it you were straddled around his left leg, silently cursing the thin material of your underwear as it was the only thing that separated your pooling heat from the bare skin on his thigh. 

The gasp you let out turned to a whimper as he took hold of your hips and began to guide your pace, bobbing his leg underneath you. When your eyes fell to the obvious tent in his underwear, you pulled one of his hands away from your body to press his own palm down against it.

"Touch yourself, Felix. I don’t see anything wrong with that, do you?” 

His breath hitched when you squeezed the hand over his bulge, and your pace slowed as you watched him comply. Bringing his hand up, he shoved his underwear down just enough to take out his hard cock, such a pretty cock, with a pretty pink tip. And you fought the urge to run your tongue along it—to taste the salty release.

Felix leaned back, locking eyes with you as he began to stroke himself, making your aching pussy involuntarily clench around nothing. When he bucked his hips up into his fist, you hissed at the sudden movement of his thigh. Your eyes followed the slow motion of his wrist, and as his thumb began to circle the tip, you decided that you couldn't fucking stand it anymore.

You leaned over and forcefully turned his head, placing a sloppy, wet kiss to his already parted lips. A rumble escaped his throat, and sweet, husky moans filled your mouth when you replaced the hand on his cock with your own.

It wasn't enough. It could have been, you knew you were close. One more flex of his thigh, a few more swipes against your sensitive clit, would have you tumbling over the edge. But his cock in your hand would never compare to how it felt stuffed inside your pussy. 

Felix let out another low moan that turned into a chuckle when he watched the way your glossy eyes followed your hand as it moved up and down his throbbing length. "You know, you’re more than welcome to sit on my cock princess, if you think you can control yourself."

“Do you think you can control yourself if I don't let you touch me while I do it?" you managed.

Felix smirked in response, a dangerous smirk, dark eyes full of lust as he raised his hands dramatically before setting them down at his sides. And then your fingers were in his hair, trailing down his body, drawing a path with your touch. You pulled yourself back over to straddle his lap, and Felix moaned louder than you did when you pushed your panties to the side and sank down onto his thick length. Without giving yourself time to adjust, the burn from the stretch had you struggling to catch your breath, dizzy with pleasure.

Felix kept his hands at his sides as his hooded eyes trained to your chest. Sensing that he wanted to touch you there, you slipped out of your bra, cupping your breasts to tease him. He watched intently with his tongue between his teeth, and when your walls fluttered around him he let out a deep growl as his cock pulsed inside you.

Your fingers followed his eyes when they dropped down to where your bodies met—to your clit, where you began to rub lazy circles, causing his hands to twitch at his sides.

When he noticed the bulge in your lower abdomen, visible proof of how deeply he was buried inside of you, Felix thought he was going to lose his mind at the sight. His head fell back, and his Adam's apple bobbed as he tried to keep from painting your walls with his cum right then and there.

He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, there was a calm sea of black in place of the stars. 

“I can feel how bad your pussy wants me to touch you, angel.” When you opened your mouth to protest, he stole a kiss from your lips, swallowing your words before continuing. “To wrap my fingers around your throat,” you shuddered when he brought a hand up to your neck, but he didn’t make contact with your skin. Instead, he used the hand to reach around and grab a fistful of your hair at the roots. You let out a whimper when he jerked your head to the side before leaning in to whisper against your ear. “To fuck you dumb on my cock.”

You moaned again and a strained “fuck” fell from his lips when you shifted in a desperate attempt to feel him move inside you. When he let go of your hair, you dropped your head to his neck, and your hums mixed together in a symphony of pleasure as you began to rock your hips. Shamelessly giving in to your body's desire.

“Ah shit, just like that," he groaned, squeezing his hands into fists where they hovered at your sides. The twisting pressure in your core had you whimpering into the hot skin at his neck, “touch me, touch me please,” and Felix wasted no time. He roughly grabbed your hips and slammed himself up into you, shushing the soft cries that spilled from your lips as a result. "Such a good girl princess, gonna let me take care of you now?"

You nodded, preparing for him to thrust into you again, but Felix did something unexpected instead.

He lifted you up over the edge of the spring, and you clung to him as he laid you down on top of the clothing you had shed before getting into the water. It provided a barrier between you and the cold surface of the ground, and once he was satisfied and made sure that you were comfortable, he ripped your panties off and dragged the flushed tip of his cock back to your entrance, parting your folds.

And Felix thought it was cute, when you looked up at him with big shiny doe eyes waiting for him to take you. So sweet, so innocent. And something about it made him want to ruin you until you cried, just so he could be the one to wipe your tears.

"Don't forget who owns this pretty pussy, sweetheart," he growled hot against your ear as his cock pressed at the entrance of your needy hole. You let out a pathetic whine when he stopped his movement.

"Please, it hurts," you begged, squirming underneath his hold as your release leaked out around his tip. 

"Tell me who owns this cunt, and I might just give you what you want," he huffed.

Your nails dug into his skin, tears pricking at your eyes as you whimpered, “Y-you do."

“C’mon baby I know you can do better than that. Say my name, sweetheart.”

“F-Felix...you do Felix, please,” you gripped his shoulders tighter, fingers passing over rough scars on the skin underneath.

“Thats right,” he hummed, easing himself into you at an excruciatingly slow pace.

“Does that feel good?” he chuckled at the way your hips greedily met his. When he bottomed out, you pulled him down into another heated kiss just to feel more of him. And then he began to thrust, moving his hips at pace far too slow for your liking as he relished in the feeling of your tight walls sucking him in.

“S-so good, Lix, harder please. I can't-" Your back arched, your eyelids fluttered closed, and Felix had to bite his lip to keep from losing it at the sight.

“Yes you can," he purred, leaning down to whisper into your ear. "You begged for it like whore. So be a good girl and take it like one, hm?" And then without warning, Felix picked up his pace, drilling into you faster, deeper, harder.

You let out soft sobbing noises that he muffled with kisses—kisses along your jaw, down your neck, to your collarbones where he sucked and nipped at the skin. The marks he left behind would be covered by your clothing tomorrow, but they would be there, and only Felix will know it. 

One of his hands snaked up to grab at your tits, then down to your clit where he pressed the pad of his thumb. He began to draw gentle circles, pushing you that much closer to your orgasm. And you didn't even try to hold back the loud moans of pleasure that escaped you as his thick cock bullied deeper into your cunt.

"'m fucking close, Lix-” 

Felix was too, in fact he certain he wasn't going to last ten more seconds if you kept clenching around him. “I know-shit” he cursed under his breath, “But you’re going to hold it just a little bit longer for me.”

He pulled out with a deep groan and you let out a noise of protest at the sudden lack of fullness. "Shhh, I know but I haven't even gotten to taste you yet,” he muttered, shifting down to lower his face between your legs.

“Oh fuck-” your eyes shot open when you felt hot breath against the inside of your thighs. Your hands found their way to his dark locks, pressing his face into your cunt, and it was almost embarrassing how quickly you came when his broad tongue collided with your clit.

The pleasure was overwhelming as the orgasm ripped through. Felix continued to lap at you, collecting your arousal on his tongue. You cried out his name, over and over again, because you had forgotten everything else. And within seconds, before you had even come down from your own high, Felix was pumping his cock over your pulsing heat. He emptied himself on your pussy, against your folds, the warm sensation making you hiss.

After he had painted the most intimate parts of you with his cum, Felix took his fingers and spread his release over your overstimulated clit, making your legs tremble. And it took everything he had to fight the possessive urge to collect it on his fingers and push it inside your spent hole.

When the stars faded from your vision, you looked up to find him staring down at the mess he'd made. Eyelids half-open, lips parted in a daze. You reached down to collect some of your shared release onto your fingers and sat up to swipe it across his swollen lips. And then you kissed him, tongues meeting to taste the mixture of your releases. You pulled him back down without breaking the kiss, and he held himself up on shaky arms as your lips moved. Slow and passionate, wet and sloppy, as you inhaled each other in.

When the kiss broke, Felix pressed one final peck to your forehead before collapsing at your side, reaching over to pull you into his chest.

"You okay, princess?" his warm breath tickled your ear and you hummed in response. “Shit that was…you're so fucking hot."

"Never again though, right?" you teased, burying your face in his neck. Felix smiled softly against your hair, his chest shook with gentle laughter, and a sense of familiarity washed over you. 

As if that very moment had repeated countless times before, in every single lifetime.

You stirred as the first rays of dawn found their way into the cave. Blinking away the grogginess, your body slowly became aware of the weight draped around you. Felix was still soundly asleep and you hesitated to disturb him, but the sudden need for fresh air pulled you gently from his hold.

With cautious steps over the rest of the sleeping boys, you made your way outside, momentarily taken aback by the bright golden rays that bathed the landscape. The sun's presence, without the usual cover of clouds, was a precious rarity—a gift that nature seldom chose to bestow upon the remnants of humanity. It called you to take a few steps further, to let it bathe your skin.

"Enjoying the view?"

You startled, cursing yourself for not paying more attention to the number of sleeping bodies in the cave. When your head snapped to the side you found Hyunjin perched on a large stone with a bright red apple in his hand and an open bag at his feet.

"Sorry, didn't mean to disturb you," you grumbled, taking a step back. 

"Don't worry about it," he replied casually, "It's not like I own the sunrise." His tone suggested that he might actually be trying to lighten the mood, to lessen the tension between you, and the surprise must have shown on your face because he let out a light chuckle before taking a bite of the apple.

"Hungry?" he asked. "You didn't eat much last night."

You hesitated, caught off guard by his observation. "A little, yeah."

"Here," he reached down into the bag and pulled out a second apple, tossing it to you. His eyebrows lifted when you caught it with ease. And then he shifted, as if he was making space for you to sit beside him. You paused, studying him for a brief second before accepting the invitation and settling down at his side.

"Thanks," you stole a quick glance his way before biting down into the fruit, appreciating the crisp sweetness as the juice ran down your chin. 

"I've known Felix for a long time, y/n," he suddenly blurted out. Your chewing slowed as you turned your attention to him, intrigued by the sudden change in topic. "He's good at adapting, but I'm not sure he knows how to handle anything beyond survival anymore.”

After a moment, a half-smile ghosted across Hyunjin's features and he continued. “Felix is who he is. He isn't going to change for you, and he doesn't need the distraction. Just be careful with him."

"Because you weren't?" the words tumbled out before you could stop them.

"Something like that," Hyunjin's response was measured. They had history. You'd sensed as much, understood that some level of complexity existed between Felix and Hyunjin that wasn't there between the others.

When Hyunjin stood, he tossed his apple core aside and your eyes followed the movement, catching on one of his fingers—adorned with a ring that matched one of the rings Felix wore. The sight was like a punch to the gut, a tangible symbol of their bond, forged through circumstances that you couldn't even begin to understand. 

“You’re wrong,” you stated as he prepared to leave.

His steps faltered, but he didn’t turn back around to face you when he spoke. “I’ve known him a lot longer than-“

“-Not about Felix,” you interrupted. “About me. I don’t have any desire to change him. I like the way he is because its whats kept him alive.”

Hyunjin stood motionless, as if he was choosing his next words very, very carefully. “You should try to get some more sleep before the rest of them wake," he stated plainly. And then, almost as an afterthought, his voice dropped before he added, "Didn’t sound like you got much last night."

Embarrassment fell over your entire body as he disappeared into the cave. With a heavy sigh you opened your hand, letting the half-eaten apple roll to the ground in front of you as the sweet flavor turned bitter in your mouth.

Upon re-entering the cave, Hyunjin was nowhere to be seen, leaving you to assume that he’d gone to the spring to clean up.

When your gaze shifted to Felix, still asleep where you had left him, your heart sank. Beads of sweat dotted his forehead and the anguish etched across his face was unmistakably characteristic of a nightmare.

You stepped closer, concern deepening with each passing second as you watched his eyes dart behind closed lids. Kneeling down beside him you extended a hand, positioning it above his shoulder, but as your fingers inched closer you were abruptly halted by what fell from his lips.

It wasn't merely the despair in his voice that seized you—no, it was the word he spoke that left you frozen in place.

A simple word, whispered like an agonizing plea.

Your name.

Swallowed by darkness, he's stumbling forward but he doesn’t remember how he got there. His knees hit the ground, and he closes his eyes but he can still hear them. Heart-wrenching sobs echo in his ears, sending a shiver down his spine, because he knows it is your voice that they come from.

When he looks up, he sees you on the ground up ahead. Hunched over with your head in your hands and your back turned to him, your entire body shakes with each pained sob. He approaches you cautiously, heart heavy with concern. He reaches to place a hand on your shoulder, and he is surprised to find that your skin is ice cold.

When you turn to meet his eyes, your tear-stained face contorts in anguish and confusion. "Why?” you croak, your voice trembling.

The accusation in your gaze is like a stab to his heart, something he can't bear to see, yet his eyes refuse to close. “Why did you do it, Felix?” you continue. Your sobs turn violent, and his heart breaks as he is forced to watch your pain. He tries to speak, to beg you to forgive him for whatever it is he has done. Yet its as if his lips have been sewn shut, his tongue far too heavy to move. He extends a hand to wipe your tears, but you flinch away from his touch.

And suddenly you’re standing, facing each other. He doesn’t remember how it happened, but he is relieved that your sobs have ceased. He is relieved, until the newfound stillness brings a fresh wave panic to his veins. Because your sadness has been replaced by fear. And as your bloodshot eyes stare directly into his, Felix realizes that it is him, you are afraid of.

You breathe, but it is a ragged breath, as if you are struggling to draw in any air at all. "I trusted you," you whisper, but your speech is gargled as if you are being choked by something. Droplets of crimson fall from your mouth, and his eyes widen in horror as your lips tinge red with blood.

A final tear travels down your cheek as you lower your head. And Felix follows your eyes down, down to where his hand is tightly clutched around the blood-soaked handle of a knife.

A knife adorned with an intricate floral design, mercilessly embedded in your heart.

Part 7

thank you so much for reading<33 if you would like to be added to the taglist please don't hesitate to let me know :)

taglist: @astralis-is-typing @skz-streamer @vixensss @yangracha @toplinelix @lixiesw1fe @slytherinatheart @hash2013 @skzswife @lolli4me @sunnyhonie @skzcollision @hydroyaksha @l1xvanter @nimx9 @ilychee08

#lee felix x reader #felix x reader #lee felix au #stray kids au #stray kids x reader #skz x reader #stray kids angst #skz angst #stray kids fanfic #stray kids fanfiction #skz fanfic #skz fan fiction #lee felix #felix #felix smut #lee felix smut #stray kids smut #skz smut #skz felix

[hwavsg4ch4n]

Take Me Away || H.J

little note: only part in the series that doesn't have the same title as the song it's inspired by

Warnings/tags: fem!reader, unexperienced!reader, Switch!Reader (leaning sub), Bestie!Jisung, SoftDom!Jisung, petnames, making out, oral (M&F receiving), female orgasm, male orgasm, face fucking (s0ftly lol), virgin!reader, face grinding/sitting, cum eating, mention of food once, mention of not being able to sleep, unrecognized subspace. i think thats all

Note: I haven't been here for a while *giggles*. This just me picking up from where I left off. Also, late work for Han's Bday I guess. I dont have anything for Lixie :( i feel bad. But honestly, I've been working on this any many other things for monthssss. I hope you guys enjoy!

The music series, I chose songs and assign them to each member. I write each work according to the vibe of said song. Each work will have smut, whether it is soft, hard, or a mixture of the two. You don’t need to listen to the song to enjoy it, the song would finish before you’re done reading but listening to the song in general is recommended, because why not? To learn more click &lt;here>.

Sypnosis: Han is grateful for you being there, he always will be. But will you ever let him take care of you? He's willing to do it any way you'll allow him to.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction (not real). this is mature content and has mature themes. 18+. This is not a reflection of how skz act in real life

this isn't a jeongin one but you did ask to be tagged when i post so here you go, lol @dadonbabysworld

Part of the music series <masterlist>

“One thing I‘m sure about you is that, whatever time of day it may be… you always come rushing to me if my voice wavers even just a little bit.” You blinked as Jisung spoke his mind without thought.

You cleared your throat, “Is that a problem?” You asked softly. He scoffed, shaking his head. “How could that be a problem, Y/n?” He ran a hand through his freshly dried hair, looking at the blushing moon through his shut patio door. Jisung gazed at your confused features through his ruffled bangs before sighing, going back to picking at his chipped black nail polish.

He took a deep breath before speaking, “I just- I’m not sure if I deserve someone like you in my life, that’s all.” It was your turn to scoff, frowning as you watched your best friend fiddle with his thumbs.

You stayed silent, the softest of songs playing quietly through his speaker. It was 1am, his roommates were fast asleep; so were you just 2 hours ago. In the middle of the night, Jisung called you, his voice groggy as he muttered “I can’t sleep.” He was a grown man, he didn’t need you to rock him and sing him a lullaby. But he just wanted to hear your voice, loving how your tone could warm his heart in a millisecond.

He never admitted it out loud, but he was in love with you. Platonically and romantically. At first, he tried to deem it as infatuation, a silly little crush he developed because you were one of the most caring people he’s met in this lifetime. Unfortunately, it was way deeper than that. But he’d never tell you, that would ruin everything. 

Therefore he used your kindness in order to see you whenever he could. Granted, this was selfish of him. Waking you up at 12am just because he knew you were too pure to just tell him ‘wait till the morning’. You cared too much, and he loved you for that, loved how you cared for him; along with many other things. He wasn’t that shallow. 

The only thing he despised about you, was how you’d never let him take care of you; not properly at least. You always had to pay for food, he wasn’t allowed to. You got him gifts but frowned when he got you one. He accepted your love languages, they were a part of you. But still, it bothered him to no end. Who was taking care of you if you were so busy taking care of him? 

“Did you eat dinner, y/n?” He asked you softly, clearing his throat as he swiftly changed the subject. You allowed it, “Mhm,” you muttered, “But it was boring without you there.” You let out with a soft chuckle.

God, why did you have to say that? Jisung’s heart skipped a beat at the image of you eating, pouting since the lack of his presence didn’t allow you to talk to him about nothing like you usually do. “I’m sorry, babe. I’ll be there next time.” Your love languages: quality time, gift-giving, and of course, words of affirmation. 

This allowed him to call you pet names without you thinking too much into it. This was one of the ways you allowed him to look after you, making you feel comfortable around him. He’d call you “babe”, “Princess”, your personal favorite was “beautiful”, but you’d never let him know that.

You smiled at the pet name. Silence fell over the two of you, sitting on his soft cushioned king sized bed, bathing in each other’s presence. That’s until you remembered something you discussed with your friends earlier. It was an embarrassing topic to say the least, and the question you had was even more questionable. But it was Jisung, what’s the worst he could say?

“Ji?” You muttered, he hummed back. “You know how I’ve never kissed someone before?” You pouted as he chuckled, softly slapping his bicep. “I’m sorry. Yeah, what about it?” He says, chuckling softly; still gazing at the blushing moon.

You gulped, it was now your turn to start playing with your chipped nail polish. “Why haven’t you offered to kiss me before?” You could see him frown in confusion before turning to you with an unreadable expression. “It's just that, Felix asked me… if you ever offered before. Because we're so close, you know? I’m only comfortable, with you… as of now.” you muttered, awaiting his answer.

“I didn’t think you’d want that from me, Y/n.” He stated, his tone still soft as ever while he searched your eyes for a further explanation. “Well, I think it would be better to kiss you than some random person, no? I mean, I trust you with my life.” You said, slowly becoming timid due to his intense stare.

He nodded, finally understanding your intentions; wanting to experience something you’d probably longed for. And Jisung was the only one that seemed safe. His hair fell into his eyes as you watched him take in your words, looking at you with care. “I wouldn’t mind kissing you, beautiful.” Your lips parted as he smiled at you gently. 

“Can you kiss me now?” His brows raised at your sudden request, but he nodded nevertheless. Scooting closer to you as you stayed stationary, awaiting his arrival.

“Don’t be scared, Y/n,” he whispers once he got close enough that your knees were touching, his breath fanning over your cheeks. “Like you said, it’s just me right?” He smiled, showing you his teeth as he found your shy eyes. You nodded, smiling back as your hands absentmindedly fisted his sheets.

“Can I touch you? Is that okay?” He asked gently. “Uhm, touch me how?” Your innocent question shouldn’t have affected Jisung the way it did, his mind traveling to more mature places; having him chant “don’t fuck it up” in his very active mind.

“Your cheeks, can I hold your face?” he whispered, hoping you didn’t notice him growing tense. You muttered yes. A light involuntarily gasp escaped as you felt both his warm hands grab a hold of your hot cheeks. Jisung licked his lips out of habit, catching your gaze as he was now so close that your noses brushed.

His thumb brushed your cheeks soothingly, “Ready?” He whispered, his gaze switching from your eyes to your impatient lips. “Mhm”. He gave one last smile before pressing into your lips with his.

His lips attached themselves to yours like they belonged there all this time. Smooth, sensual, gentle. You could feel your heart beating against your chest as he took his time stroking your cheeks, kissing you deeply. He wanted this to be nice for you, fun. He didn’t want you to overthink and to just feel him instead, get lost in him momentarily. Luckily for him, his message got conveyed. You untensed, kissing Jisung back as you reminded yourself that you were safe. Instead of asking yourself if you were doing it right, the decision was made to get lost in Jisung instead. Completely lost, almost taken away by him.

Did kissing always feel like this? If so you should’ve given into temptation much earlier, asking your best friend for harmless make-out sessions every week if you could. You sighed into him, frowning as you tried to get impossibly closer, wanting more of him on your lips. He chuckled against you, amused but not pulling away as he tilted his head for a better angle, wanting you to have a good first kiss. His lips were soft, it made your brain… fuzzy? A new, unfamiliar feeling that you’ve only heard your friends speak about. However, you accepted the new feeling. What could go wrong?

Undoubtedly, maybe you should’ve hung on to that last bit of sanity you had left. Maybe it was the way Jisung pulled away shortly to say you're doing well, asking you if you were okay. But you knew it was the way he hummed into you, kissing you deeper but going softer at some points; not wanting to get lost in his head. It was… attractive, this kind of attractive where you feel a funny feeling in your tummy. You moved closer, one hand found his knee while the other placed itself on the slither of blanket between the two of you, clenching the fabric for dear life; not that it would help with the sweaty palms and heat pooling in your underwear.

Thank god Jisung was still conscious. Making it his mission to be hyperaware, reading any silent cues you might have given off. Jisung pulled away when he heard you whimper, thinking he might’ve done something wrong, maybe you’ve had enough. Totally oblivious to your roaring thoughts. But his worries soon disappeared as he opened his eyes only to find yours still closed, brows scrunched as you tried to chase his lips, not wanting his warmth to go just yet. 

Jisung gulped as your eyes fluttered open, your gaze seeming darker from when he last looked into them. Your pupils were blown out as you looked at him in question. “Why did you stop?” You asked breathlessly. He couldn’t form a proper sentence, not knowing how to answer you. How long have you wanted to be kissed? Did you always want this from him? Him… specifically? That’s how you were acting. Desperate, needy, like you’ve been starved, waiting for him.

He didn’t move away when you abruptly took initiative this time, grabbing his cheeks and pressing your lips onto his, rougher than before. He grunted into you, grabbing your waist to hold you still. You pulled away, only to whisper “more.” Jisung’s eyes widened as you moved to straddle him, kissing him with urgency. Jisung let you do your thing for a while, almost letting himself go brain dead until he remembered, you’ve never experienced something like this.

He pulled away, tapping your lower back as you caught your breath, now looking down at him due to sitting on his lap.

“Slow down Y/n, hm?” He whispered, peering into your dazed eyes. It made his heart pound, you looked like you were drunk on him. “Do you realize where you're sitting right now?” He asked softly. He pressed his lips together as you bit yours, his eyes looking at how plump your lips were; he couldn’t even measure how long you kissed. You nodded slowly, your hands resting on his shoulders.

“I-I don’t wanna have sex,” Jisung stiffened at your comment, his eyes widening as he opened his mouth to talk; you beat him to it “But I want you, in some way.” You whispered, gazing down at him with nothing but need. 

Jisung started to understand that lust was taking over your mind, you weren’t thinking clearly. He’s never seen you so… weak. “Y/n, baby,” he takes hold of your face, “I know it feels nice, but think for a moment, hm? I don’t want you to regret anything.” He says seriously. 

You resist the urge to whine in frustration, “I can take care of myself Jisung.” You whisper, He sighed, “I know bab-”, “Do you wanna… do want me to… taste you? Can I taste you? I’ve always wanted to.” his lips parted in surprise, hearing his best friends speak in ways he’s never heard before.

You took his silence to explain yourself. “My friend, from uni, she said it’s fun. When you get to feel a guy twitch because of you. The only guy I could think of reacting like that for me… is you. I- I wanna make you cum.” You whispered shyly, your hand bunching the fabric of his shirt. 

Jisung felt his member twitch and grow at your words, he knows you felt it because you jolted in his lap. “S-sorry, but when you talk like that… Jesus Y/n, what’s got into you?” He mummers, observing how set in your ways you were. You bit your lip, hands traveling to play with the collar of Jisung’s sleeveless band tee. Jisung began to think - trying his best to ignore how your fingers caressed his bicep - if this was gonna happen, he was gonna make sure to take care of you.

“How about, I taste you instead? How does that sound princess?” Jisung couldn’t help but smile as your eyes widened, pointing at yourself in disbelief. “T-Taste me?” You whispered softly. Jisung hummed, rubbing your thighs that had him caged in. “Mhm, I want you to feel good. It’ll be much more fun for you. If you still want to go down on me afterward, we can try.” He smiled up at you, gently squeezing your hips.

His comforting smile didn’t leave his face as you nodded in agreement. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you y/n?” You slapped his chest softly out of embarrassment. He let out a chuckle before laying down. You looked at him confused, now playing with the hem of your skirt.

“You’re gonna sit on my face, beautiful.”

He grinned at your shocked face. He loved seeing this side of you. So different from your caring nature, always wanting to take care of him to the best of your ability, never letting him be the one to be strong for the both of you. Full 180 from what he’s used to. But if this is the only way you’ll let him pay you back for your kindness, he will gladly do so.

“Uhm… what if.. Uhm,” he watched you stammer with a soft expression, using his hand to continue rubbing at your thigh. “What are you nervous about? Hm?” Jisung asked softly, “What if I like… suffocate you or something?” He couldn’t help but chuckle. “Babe, it would be a pleasure to have your thighs around my head. The only way I can breathe is through you… you have no idea how much I want that right now.” Your eyes widened at his confession, feeling his hands grip your thighs tighter as he bucked his hips slightly; reminding you of how hard he was under you.

“You’re not gonna hurt me, y/n.” You watched his soothing close lipped smile as he guided you closer to his face. You didn’t fight it, only being slightly disappointed by not being seated on his bulge anymore. “Make yourself at home beautiful,” Jisung whispered, licking his lips as you finally hovered over him.

He looked into your eyes as he slid your panties to the side, biting his lip softly and he let out a sigh. “So… wet, from what baby? Kissing?” His chuckle made you gulp, your cheeks heating up as he lowered you onto his face.

“Oh,” you gasp as you feel his lips gently latch onto your bud. You gulped at the new unfamiliar feeling, staring at the wall in front of you as you adjusted slightly. You flinched as he hummed against you, lightly sucking as his hands slid underneath your shirt.

“J-Jisung, it feels kinda… ni-oh.” Your chest heaved as you felt him chuckle, squeezing your clothed breast in response. You felt his lips unlatch from your clit, only to lick a long strip up your slit; the tip of his tongue flicking and pressing against your bundle of nerves, only to start flicking faster.

You let out gasps and whines, your hands pressing on the headboard for leverage as you flinched away from his face. Looking down only to see him looking back up at you with a glistening mouth and dark eyes. “Is it too much, princess?” He asked, his voice raspy. “You can take it, I know you can. Be a good girl for me.” You felt your clit pulse at how he spoke to you like he was in charge, it made the fuzziness deepen. You whimpered, nodding as you lower yourself back onto his awaiting mouth.

This time around you felt wetter than before, his tongue slipping and sliding across your flesh with ease. Feeling his lips suck and tongue flick had you seeing stars, you didn’t even know that you were grinding on his face until you looked down.

“Oh, I-I’m sorr-”, “Keep fucking using me.” Your lips parted at his grumbled words, but you did exactly what he told you to do. Grinding on his face, trying your best not to press too hard. But it was difficult to think with all the different sensations running around your form.

It felt like his lips were everywhere, you began to get lost in the feeling. Your moans grew a bit louder, not that Jisung minded. Maybe his roommates did, but he loved it.

 But what made tears start brimming was when you felt his tongue slide into your sopping entrance with ease. “Ji- w-what… fuck.” You whined, your pelvis moving faster against his tongue, no longer caring about how much of a mess you were making. “You’re… so good.” Jisung hummed at the praise you gave him, continuing to make you feel good. 

You reached down, your fingers raking through his locks as you pushed him closer into your heat. You haven’t looked down at him in a while, therefore you wouldn’t know that Jisung’s eyes were closed. Letting himself get lost in the taste of you, letting himself be used by you in the best way possible. All the while trying not cum untouched, your moans traveling like waves through his body, right down to his member.

You lurched forward, feeling pressure build up in your tummy, aching to be released. “Ji… I’m- oh…” your mouth parted with your eyes being screwed shut as you came, the climax being strong as it’s the first time you came in the hands of someone else.

Jisung's eyes snapped open to watch you, analyzing how you came undone above him; it was like heaven to him. While trying his best to Ignore how his dick fought against the material of his sweats in order to be relieved. He hummed against you, licking you clean as you slowly came down from your high. At that moment he swore you started glowing.

You gulped dryly, weakly scooting off his face and placing yourself back to the position of straddling, causing him to hiss at the contact of your middle pressing into his bulge. 

You felt small under his gaze, now comprehending that your best friend made you cum, the fuzziness weakening slightly. You bit your lip, reaching up to wipe his face that was slathered with your arousal. “Thank you…” you trailed off. You were only met with Jisung bucking into you, making you whimper quietly as he pushed deep into your sensitive area.

You watched with timidness as Jisung chuckled. “That’s enough for today, hm?” You frowned at his words. “No.” He raised an eyebrow lazily. His lips slightly parted as you scooted down to his upper thighs, your hand grabbing his bulge, stroking experimentally.

“Baby… you don’t have to.” He huffed, licking his lips as he watched the movements of your hand, now slowly unbuttoning his pants. “But I wanna.” You muttered. You gulped as you pulled his member out from his boxers, unknowingly licking your lips as you observed how painfully hard he was, lightly twitching at your gentle touch.

“You were just gonna let this go?” You asked, fingers stroking up and down his shaft. “I mean… yeah?” He sighed. His hands clutching your thighs. The fuzziness subsided, the only headspace you found yourself in was pure lust.

Jisung’s gaze was dazed as you lowered, your mouth now hovering over his tip before you looked up in question. “Tell me what to do.” Jisung couldn’t help but smile. Despite you being determined, you were still like a baby deer. His hand stroked your cheek as he told you to open wide, guiding his length between your lips as he grunted at the feeling.

“God, just stay still for a sec, please.” His voice sounded strained, like he was holding back. He was. The combination of you kissing him like he was your oxygen, you expressing to him how bad you’ve been wanting him, from having you use him for pleasure had him aching for release. He didn’t wanna tell you, but he was so sensitive, not having touched himself in a while due to his mind being too focused on other life events.

You tried your hardest to listen, and stay still for him. But feeling his tip pulse on your tongue was borderline torture. You couldn’t help but have your tongue run on the underside of his tip, playing with the small vein that made him suck in a breath. His hand transferred to your hair as he got a good grip.

“Y/n,” he grumbled in warning. Opening his eyes to see your mouth stuffed full of him, the sight making it even harder for him to keep himself tamed. “Start sucking baby.” He whispered, sitting up on the headboard a bit to get a better view of you.

You hollowed out your cheeks, sucking and licking, using your hands to stroke his shaft; remembering how your friends drunkenly taught you how to give oral.

You were too focused to recognize how his grip on your strands tightened, his groans getting louder. The only time you unfocused was when he bucked into your mouth causing you to gag. “O-oh I’m sorry,” he moves your hair out the way, apologizing softly. Your mouth slides off of him, “Use me like how I used you.” Jisung gulped at your words, watching as you continued to stroke his length. What happened to that cute headspace from earlier? Well it’s gone now, he didn’t mind.

“I don’t wanna hurt you princess…” he whispered. “Please Ji… please? I can take it.” His eyes softened as you pleaded. Of course he’ll give you what you want, “God, you’re killing me. I didn’t know you’d be so needy, hm?” he smiles as you whine in embarrassment. “Okay, okay. Be still baby, I’ll be gentle.” Jisung said softly, guiding you back to his dick. He hissed as you engulfed him once again. “If you need a break tap me 3 times, do you understand?” you hummed in approval. Jisung tilted his head, almost like he was preparing himself, trying to give himself a pep talk not to go too hard on your precious throat. 

He delivered a cautious thrust, observing how you reacted. His eyes widened as you took more of him down your throat. “Don’t push yourself.” He warned, of course, you ignored him, taking as much as you could of him. 

Jisung felt as if he was fighting for his life here. He never thought he’d be able to see you like this. Wanting to please him, but also use him in a way that made you feel fulfilled.

 Jisung soon realized that letting you do whatever you want at this moment was exactly how he should take care of you. You’re a big girl. You said it yourself, you can take it. Therefore, he started thrusting into your mouth. He still remained careful, not wanting to overwhelm you. But nevertheless, it felt amazing. Jisung threw his head back onto his pillow, his breath coming out in huffs as all he felt was your warmth sucking him in.

“Fuck, you feel so good.” His mutters went straight to your heat, making you whimper as you felt his member slide in and out of your mouth with ease. The noises emitting from your throat were lewd, and he loved every sound of it. Jisung’s thrusts got a bit rougher, and his moans got louder. You didn’t care that your mascara began to run, it was worth it. The view in front of you was worthy of touching yourself to the memory later. Seeing your best friend's chest rise and fall rapidly as whines and moans filled the air made, Jisung’s hair in his face as his eyes were screwed shut, sweat forming at his temples. This made the experience all the more rewarding. 

Jisung gulped dryly as you swallowed around him. “Baby… I’m gonna cum, maybe y-you should g-get,” He could barely finish his sentences as he removed his grip from your hair. “If you don’t want it down your throat, g-get o-off.” Jisung stammered as he stopped thrusting, giving you leeway to get off of him. But you didn’t, instead, you took matters into your own hands. Sucking and stroking as you felt his member twitching on your tongue. “F- y/n…” Jisung gasped for air as he looked down at you, observing how focused you were on making him feel good. 

He bit his lip, muttering a warning “Fuck, I’m cumming.” before he finally came, shooting into your mouth as you flinched slightly at the impact. Your friends lied, it tasted like nothing.

 You continued to suck, milking him as his cum dribbled out of your mouth and back onto his member. You didn’t even know what overstimulation was but you seemed to be a master at it right now. Jisung’s head fell back as you continued sucking, your tongue tracing the underside of his tip as you wanted to catch every lick of him.

 His legs trembled as he grabbed ahold of your hair again, trying to pull you off. “Th-that’s en-ough baby, please.” he pleaded as he slid your mouth off him.

You sat up, straddling his thighs, watching silently as he tried to catch his breath. His cheeks were bright red and his hair tousled from moving around on his pillows.

Jisung let out a scoff, “I thought you never did that before, y/n?” You bit your lip at the subtle compliment. “Even going as far as to overstimulate me. Did you have fun, beautiful?” He asked. You nodded, “Can we do it again?” Jisung chuckled. “Just… give me a second, maybe a couple of hours.”

If it meant making you feel taken care of, he’d do it all night.

#skz imagines #skz smut #skz jisung #stray kids #han jisung #skz scenarios #skz fiction #skz fluff #skz x reader #skz x y/n

[aerodaltonimperial]

so, when i could tell the writing was on the wall (lol) when it came to me and the publishing industry, i told my therapist that i needed to find something else to do with that time, and that i thought i might get really into running again. it seemed like a decent thing to do with my new time AND gave me the possibility to actually achieve goals and find success. he agreed whole-heartedly that this sounded VERY GOOD lol thanks bro you got my back. i decided i would join a seasonal running event through run across america (runs about 2.5 months).

i did the fall one last year! it was a great way to get me back into things again, but i set my goal as 50km and i just BARELY made it between vacations and getting sick. i set my spring goal at 50km again. it's been 2 weeks, and i'm at 35km already. ???? LOL looks like i'm going to need to up that goal to 100km. but not only that!! i am hitting sub-10 minute miles with WAY less effort than it feels like they should be. even on the treadmill, which i HATE and am so slow on because it's so boring, i can pound out 10-minute miles just to keep my speed through the bad weather spells when i can't run outside.

even when i was running 10ks, i never got down sub-10 on miles. i could hold a pretty decent 10:20 average mile pace, and would MUCH rather have run longer rather than faster. now, i have less time to run because of parenting (i can't run until 7:30 PM most nights) so now it's faster or nothing hahaha. and turns out, i can actually do that. i've gotten to some not super duper hard 9:20 miles which is really good for me. i'm SO happy that i was right. this is finally actual success! i feel good!! i'm seeing actual results from my hard work!!!! i WANT to run, half because i'm so desperate for those endorphins to feel normal BUT ALSO because i'm feeling so amazing after i do it knowing i've already come so far!!! i could cry. i'm so happy about this. this is BY FAR the healthiest thing i could have done in the wake of the fucking misery of losing my publishing dream. CONGRATS KATY ON FINALLY MAKING BETTER CHOICES IN YOUR LIFE. TOOK YOU WAY TOO MANY DECADES TO FIGURE IT OUT LOL

positive effects of this: the brain chemicals are the only thing making me feel like myself these days, which is quite huge. also i'm drinking WAY less beer because i know i have to run later. my clothes are fitting differently??? negative effects: MY FUCKING LEGS AND FEET HURT. so much fucking laundry??? i am so fucking HUNGRY all the TIME. i get sleepy and i collapse and i get nothing else done. i am COLD CONSTANTLY.

so if you wanna help pump me up!!!! i am feeling good!!! sometimes i don't want to go on the treadmill but i do it anyway and then i tell myself i have to keep going!!! this is the most consistency i have had since before i left japan!!! i believe in myself and everyone else, too!!! lol

[fandomfluffandfuck]

Request: Chris/Seb discovering the pleasures of fingering themselves for the first time (on their own and to each other)

Oooh I don't think I've written about this, so good pick, anon!

And I will be more than happy to write my ideas on Sebastian's first experiences fingering himself/being fingered but as far as Chris goes... it's a little more complicated so get ready-!

I think like much of the evanstan fandom, I have this whole backstory that Chris hadn't done much messing around with other guys before Sebastian, maybe a quick, quick hand job or blow job from some intern, extra, crew, or otherwise hanging-out-on-set guy. Maybe a tipsy makeout or truth-or-dare fueled kiss or a stage kiss (not that that counts as a real kiss anyway) with a guy. Nothing more than that though.

This inexperience extends to Chris' relationship with anal previous to Sebastian as well because I think Chris had fucked an adventurous ex-girlfriend or two in the ass, but he hadn't fucked a man nor had he been fucked before. I don’t even think Chris was ever fingered before Sebastian and him got together. Not even an experience with the good ol' exploring fingers that get slipped in during a blow job.

Nothing.

And so when Chris and Sebastian finally, fucking finally move from dancing around each other, nervous and giggly, to being comfortable to being physical Sebastian assumes the position of bottom (and sub). Because it's what he's naturally drawn to and it's what he knows but also because he knows Chris doesn't bottom. He hasn't bottomed before at least. Sebastian has practice though. And he enjoys it. Chris doesn't have practice and, honestly, Chris probably hasn't even thought about being fucked. Not realistically.

But...

As their trust (and love) grows, I think Sebastian would approach the subject with Chris. Not pressuring him, Seb loves what they do now and doesn't need it to change, but if there is something Chris might like, if he'd just try it, why not experiment a little? Worst case scenario, Chris doesn't enjoy the feeling and they never do it again. Cool, alright, now they know Chris doesn't like it. If he does like it though... then there's a whole new world they can be opened up to.

At that point of exploration, then I think would come Chris' first experiences with being penetrated.

First, I think it'd be a finger during a blow job as they discuss going nice and slow. Warming up to anal play with Chris on the recieving end. After he gets comfortable with one of Sebastian's fingers inside him every now and again during a blow job, Chris gets a finger during rim jobs too sometimes. A rim job turning into more than just Seb's wonderfully talented, long tongue. Eventually, later on, maybe Sebastian gives Chris a prostate massage too. It's not too much, too fast, just a finger or two, rubbing and pressing over the sensitive gland inside him just hard enough to make Chris gasp, head thrown back, mouth open, and spill onto his clenching abs way faster than anticpated. And more than that soon enough because, holy shit, that felt so good, and so now he's incentivized even more to keep going with anal. Allowing Seb to work him open to be fucked or use insertable toys, relaxing faster as he grows more and more comfortable.

My head canon is a little like this fic-

"coloring by numbers" by Claudia_flies

I highly suggest the read although it is different, there's no pre-established relationship but the slow work up of anal is similar. It was the first thing I thought of when I read your ask actually!

Anyway-

Chris' first time being fingered by Seb with nothing else going on (re: no blow jobs to distract him lol) I think happens a little like this:

They've talked about this moment™️ so much that Chris can't even really process it when it's happening.

They've been talking about this for weeks and weeks - almost months - Sebastian has been slipping two or, hell, even three fingers into him while he's blowing him. Always at Chris' insistence, his voice shaking less and less every time he orders Sebastian, "f-fingers too, c’mon, want-" he pauses to groan "I want to feel it there too." And Sebastian will comply with a whimper, his mouth full for now. But as he pulls back to breathe, he gasps quick promises of doing this to Chris for real soon. Every time Chris throbs a little harder at the idea, not because Seb's blow job skills aren't satisfactory (they're MORE than) but because he wants to know. He wants to know in the worst way.

What does it feel like?

What does it feel like for real, without any distractions?

And the answer is...

Kinda boring-? At first at least.

Without a hand or mouth around his cock or any other good feeling distraction as Sebastian stretches him open with three fingers - on his front, a folded pillow propping up his hips for easy access - his cock softens. It's... intimate. Intimate enough that his dick, also romantic like the rest of Chris, stays about half-hard through it, warmer than usual just based on the feeling of Sebastian’s eyes on him where no one elses have ever been. So patient and devoted to working on something they both want. But it's difficult to be fully hard when there are times where as he's being stretched it's a little uncomfortable, not- not painful. Just a little stingy. Seb has a hell of a lot more practice being stretched than Chris, so he knows how to make it as good as it can be though.

It's just a lot of being patient.

A lot of breathing in and out and relaxing.

Plus even more reminders to "let me in, Chris, mmm-hmm, there you go, just like that, you're doing so good-"

Normally Chris is the one doing all of that. Saying all that. It feels... kinda good to have it the other way. He wouldn't want it like this all the time but- yeah. Right now it's good. Right now it's good when he has his face down to the bed and his ass up- his little, inexperienced hole shown off Sebastian. One of Sebastian's hands and one of Chris' own hands are each pulling asscheeks away from his rim. Truly exposing him. Chris' other hand is busy being a grave to bury his face into, nose to the crook of his elbow while Sebastian's other hand is... well... y’know putting in work. Good work.

And speaking of it being good, the feeling of being fingered goes from a lot of patience and pressure and intimate feelings to a lot of oh my god I might explode from all the feelings bursting in my chest and filling my bloodstream and oh right yes yes yes, there! Please! There! That's it ohmygod- so suddenly that it's fucking disorienting.

Disorienting like nothing else has been maybe ever.

All of the sudden, Chris' eyes roll back into his head as Sebastian FINALLY touches his prostate, three fingers inside him, and makes Chris clench down on the feeling. The full feeling. The- the...

It hits Chris over the head like a ton of bricks.

Oh.

Oh.

That's why Sebastian likes this.

Sebastian seems to always have his brain fried in the best way when Chris fingers him or when he's impaled by Chris' dick and while Chris likes the intimate feeling during a blowjob and having his prostate massaged to make an already unreal orgasm impossibly better, he was going down the path of assuming he just didn't like this as much as Sebastian does but-

Hold the fuck on.

He maybe isn't as sensitive as Sebastian is, or that's the inexperience, but he sure as shit doesn't need more to feel more.

Three-

Chris whines. A noise he doesn't make often in a register he didn't know he was capable of.

God!

Three fingers is Plenty when Sebastian isn't expertly trying to not overwhelm him and dodge his prostate.

He gets it now.

He gets it now.

When Seb is three fingers deep in him and massaging his prostate, oh, fuck, it's all Chris wants. He wants to clench down tight on them. And he does. He gasps. He moans. He grinds down into the pillow sloppily, doing nothing but chasing primal, animal pleasure, and-

It's over for him so fucking fast.

It was such a build, a slow climb in a roller coaster car to the peak of the mountain only to be suddenly, so so abruptly thrown over the side. Blindsided.

Blindsided by pleasure.

Fuuuck.

It's one thing to feel your cock fill up, harden all the way to steel with just a quick tap or two to the sensitive, swollen gland inside him, dizzying, and its an entirely new world to feel his release explode out of him like it can't get out fast enough. Flying apart. He's flying apart. It feels so good.

His ears ring.

He moans and whines and has to quickly stop rutting against the now wet pillow under his hips as the pleasure sharpens into a sizzling hot knives edge and paralyzes him.

Shit.

Through the echoes of gutting pleasure he hears Sebastian laugh joyfully. Pleased with how abruptly that all happened, rendering Chris completely out of control. An eager, technique-less virgin without stamina in the hottest way possible.

"So... you wanna do that again some other time, right?" Sebastian asks.

"Fuck yeah, I do," Chris rasps in reply, head still spinning even after the period of lag time he's had. He feels a little loopy.

"Good, uhh, yeah. Good."

"God, not every time we have sex because I don't think I can survive that, but, yeah, yeah. We have to do it again. And-"

"What?"

"And don't forget, we gotta get your dick in me eventually too."

"Ohgod-"

"You like the sound of that, Sebby?"

"Mmm-hmm," Sebastian whimpers. 🥴

Chris' first time fingering himself:

The first time he attempts fingering himself Chris is in one of his moods (a mood like the one I wrote about in "I'll See You Through It" 😘) but he can't quite figure out how to. Every time he's gotten something inside him before, it's been with Sebastian's help, either Seb's fingers or a toy that Sebastian is pushing into him.

Without Sebastian, Chris can't get the right angle. Even when he gets a good enough angle to get his fingers inside himself... he can't get his fingers at the right angle to brush his prostate. Or he brushes past it but it hurts his wrist too much to continue.

It's frustrating and kind of embarrassing. He's a grown man, he should be able to get himself off no problem!? He's been doing this since he was a teenager, why can't he figure this new way to get off by himself?? It's frustrating enough that normally Chris would give up and just jerk himself off instead, but he hasn't been around Seb in fuckin' forever (fuck the press part of his job, it's the worst) and he really has a specific craving for a prostate orgasm, not just the unsatisfactory orgasms he's gotten jerking off by himself, spilling over his fist previously in his lonesome press tour hotel rooms. So he's not giving up. And if he were at home, but still without Seb to enlist the help of, he might even be brave enough to try a small toy on his own, easier to angle than his own fingers and wrist, limited with his ability to reach. But he's not at home. He can't try a toy...

So he tries multiple positions. He tries lying on his back with his legs bend, reaching to his hole that way, but it twinges his spine uncomfortably (and his wrist similiarly so). He's tried on all fours and the angle there is the best but he lost his balance, one hand busy spreading lube around his hole, prepping for fingering himself, while the other takes all his weight. Uneven and therefore unstable. And he tries standing with one leg propped up on the bed to give his fingers room to work but... standing upright is tough to continue. He's so turned on, remembering the explosive pleasure of a prostate orgasm, that he's shaking. Tough to stand while trembling. And now...

He's gotten back on all fours, trying to center himself and get his balance, only to crash down onto his front out of annoyance when he keeps tipping right as he brushes past his prostate, but then-

Then he raises his hips without his chest leaving the bed and...

Y-e-s.

That's a good angle.

It presses his face into the hotel room sheets, a tiny bit claustrophobic, and if he stays here forever his wrist and shoulder are going to ache but for now it's good. Great even. Teasing his fingers around the slick rim of his hole, Chris has a sudden appreciation for Sebastian and every time he's opened himself up for Chris. This shit's hard.

Hard and...

Nnngh

Chris suddenly feels much better about his positioning. His face being smashed into the bed is fantastic. Because when he twists his fingers like that-

It hits his prostate hard enough to make his cock jerk and his mouth fall open into a downright obscene moan.

That feels fucking great.

So good that Chris can't stop. He can't do anything but do it again and again and again. He goes at it mercilessly while thinking about Sebastian doing this to him because he held his submissive by the throat - hand wrapped around his collar affectionately, lovingly - and told him he wanted to be fucked. So, of course, his submissive blushed and nodded breathlessly and melted down to his knees. Down to his knees between Chris' legs, fingering him, worshipping him.

Chris moans.

Chris flushes suddenly, jolted out of his fantasy by the pleasure washing over him as he hits, rubs, and touches his prostate thinking, wait, wait-

That's not it though. That's not what's happening. But-

What if-

What if Sebastian walked in on him like this?

What if Sebastian walked in and saw him like this? Saw him bent over on the bed his ass in the air and his own fingers stuffed inside himself, whimpering, moaning, loving it. Loving it and begging for his submissive in a way that normally he doesn't. God. Fuck-

What would that do to Sebastian? Would he melt instantly and cry out for his dominant? Would he get so hard so fast that he has to grab onto the doorknob for stability? Would he drool over Chris, his mouth open and eyes glazes, paralyzed, he's so turned on?

Chris shivers so violently that he almost fucking convulses.

He wants that. So bad. Twisting and pushing his fingers inside of himself, fucking himself, alone, moaning into his hotel room bed, Chris decides that he wants Sebastian to see him like this. Badly. He wants to take Sebastian apart by taking himself apart first, laying himself out like a porn mag spread for him to obsess over.

He should-

Chris whines, thinking about how he should call Seb, no he should FaceTime Sebastian and, and-

Chris explodes, untouched, against his stomach. Hitting his prostate dead on while his brain tries to process how fucking hot it'd be to surprise Seb with such a fucking obscene call. And it's too much-

He tips over the edge.

He heaves in a ragged breathe, eyes rolling to the back of his head. His release pumping out hot and wet against his bare skin. His hole twitching- clenching around his own fingers.

"God-" Chris grunts out, collapsing fully onto the bed after slipping his fingers out. Pleasure waning. Wiping his fingers on the sheets as his legs turn to useless jello underneath him. His eyes are nearly already falling shut, sleepy and knocked the fuck out by such an intense orgasm.

He'll text Seb and tell him about it later. After a quick nap.

Aaaand onto Sebastian-

Sebastian's first time fingering himself:

Sebastian's been exploring his sexuality for a good amount of time I think (espeically compared to Chris but, hey, everyone takes their own time). And I also think he's been aware of who he's into for a long time and, sure, he has a preference for women and intentionally resisted seeking out men as soon as he had anything of a career in acting, afraid of what it would do to his career if he wasn't just playing gay character. But he knows he likes men too and he knows what he likes bossy *cough* dominant *cough* people.

Okay pretty young twink Seb montage over, back to the plot

So the first time he fingered himself was probably around 19, 20, 21 years old when he was aware of what he wanted and finally both brave enough as well as reckless enough to try and do something about it. After all, if you want to try and kiss and guy then... try more, all that stuff that follows kissing, you gotta be prepared to put your money where your mouth is, right?

So, Sebastian is college age and curious of how it feels- does having your prostate touched actually stand up to how pleasurable porn makes it look? Gaped-mouth moans, loud moans with heads thrown back, cocks spilling over tight bellies, orgasms that feel and look earth shattering... is it real? He wants to know. Plus, the first time he has sex with a guy, Seb wants to be good the sex to be good, so he wants to practice. He doesn't want to be completely out of his depth the first time the opportunity to be fucked comes up!

Practice is nights spent alone...

Nights where Sebastian presses his face into his bed's pillows - bedroom door locked and checked twice just to be sure - muffling at first huffs of annoyance and bitten back swears when something hurts a little more than he expected, or alternatively, when something feels better than he expected, that later grow into muffled gasps and biten-off whimpers. Trying to stay quiet as he finds himself getting better and better at opening himself up. Trying to not be suspicious to the people he's around even though he's going to bed earlier than normal and snagging a bottle of lotion and box of tissues before retiring to his room with a sheepish air about him.

At first, Sebastian isn't good enough at fingering himself to make himself cum without touching his dick, but when he does sleep with a more experienced guy eventually and is taught better technique and finally bucks up the courage to buy actual lube and an actual, honest-to-god sex toy to put inside himself... he can make himself cum untouched.

Which is extremely gratifying.

It feels like a right of passage, face down on his bed, one hand clenched tight in the sheets and the other working inside himself, three fingers deep as he gasps and moans and shudders his way to the edge then over the edge, messing up his sheets and blushing at just how hard he's made himself cum. God. Who knew it really does feel that good- being full, having his prostate stimulated 🥴

(As he goes on and has more experiences though, Sebastian will learn that not everyone that is a bottom thinks it feels as good as Sebastian thinks it does. He's extra sensitive. Extra sensitive and he gets extra out of it with his submissive tendencies too. So... it's double trouble. Sometimes Seb swears he gets drunk off the mass amount of pleasure.)

Sebastian's first time being fingered by Chris:

By this point in their relationship when they're getting into penetration and not just swapping blow or hand jobs or messy makeouts with a healthy side of dry humping they both know who is going to be penetrated...

Sebastian asks, when it's going down the first time, if Chris wants him to finger himself- not that he can't or doesn't want to teach Chris how to do it, he's just willing to do it himself in order to assure Chris that Chris isn't hurting him. Give him peace of mind that his noisy brain otherwise might not. And he's also willing to do it to help Chris' nerves about this generally, since he is "losing his virginity" (what a concept 🙄) all over again. Doing this with a man for the first time.

Chris just kisses him senseless, thanking him for the offer but stating that he won't take Seb up on the offer. He whispers, blush high on his cheeks, that he fuckin' knows how to finger someone. And Sebastian cuts in, teasing him in a murmured, hot voice, "you'd have to know with a thing like that-" eyes dropping between his legs. Licking his lips over his eager, hard cock. Chris stumbles at that, blushing harder, but he eventually gets back to the point he was making; he has done anal before, just not with a man. He knows how to do this part. He can do this part. If Sebastian will let him. Please? Sebastian laughs, joyful over his teasing and manners, beautifully juxtaposed.

Sebastian will more than let him, Seb will WELCOME him in doing it. Spreading his thighs wide and scooting a little bit farther up the bed, making room for Chris to work.

The effect it has on Chris is immensely gratifying- his eyes get stuck on his twitching cock and heavy balls, trying to peek back and find his hole but unable to ignore the flushed, hard length of his dick. That inked, big chest Sebastian loves so much expands hugely. Inhaling like he might die from suffocation if he doesn't, holding his breath before. Heat creeps further down his neck, to his bare chest. He is enthralled.

It makes Sebastian feel unreal- unbelievably attractive.

Chris just looks at him for a while. He looks at him like he wants to eat him.

Then he touches him. Just as hungrily, Chris touches him. Hands up his inner thighs. Juuust skirting around his throbbing cock. Teasing.

Teasing until Sebastian can't take it, hands fisted in the sheets and whining, "Chriiiis-"

Chris laughs and pinches him. Hard enough that Sebastian has to squirm. He can't help it though, he wants Chris. Now that they're taking this to the next level, he can't wait.

And just watching Chris focus so hard on slicking up his fingers - spreading lube over three of his fingers, then after a shy moment, his ring finger too - has Sebastian breathing heavier. His fingers thick, long, and now glistening in the low light of the bedroom. He can't fucking wait to feel him.

God.

The feeling of having lube spread around the tight clench of his rim has never been more erotic. Teased in the best way. Sebastian can feel the soon to come stretch, the fullness.

He wants it.

He wants it so bad.

And Chris provides. Working him slowly, carefully through one. two. three. Uuunnnhh- Sebastian whimpers, trembling on three of his fingers. And then four. Chris' fingers feel just as good as he imagined- just as good as he fantasized over, obsessed over, alone in his bed, clothed only in the night and sweat beading over his skin after holding back for so long, just wanting to spend more time with fantasy Chris. Not wanting it to end yet. The drawn out, pent up, teeth-gritting pleasure. So. Good.

It doesn't end. In the best way.

Fuck.

It keeps going and going; his body relaxing and letting Chris in one thick, lengthy finger at a time. Opened wider and wider. Feeling just as good, hell, feeling better than he imagined. Chris' fingertips drag wetly along the hot walls of his insides. He clenches down extra hard just to feel, moaning. Enjoying as Chris' thrusts get harder and harder. More and more pleasurable.

Sebastian gets caught up in the hot, wet, good blur, lost in the stretch, lost in the fullness, lost in the rumbling, praising sound of Chris' voice as he keeps fingering him. His thighs fall open wide. He arches his back, pushing his hips down onto his fingers and his chest up into the air, his head pushing back, making his hair into even more of a mess. Whimpers and whines and gasps just keep falling out of his mouth unable to be helped.

Chris sucks in a sharp breath.

And in responce, Sebastian spreads his legs wider, until his muscles scream. He wants to get reactions out of Chris, he wants to be good, he wants to be displayed, pretty and desirable and as erotic as Chris is just by being himself. Chris.

Chris on top of him.

Chris inside him.

Chris so fucking focused on him, on opening him up for his cock, that they don't even get to Chris' cock-

He's a fucking natural at this. Fuuck.

Chris presses four fingers inside him, deep and hard and, guh, pressing against his sensitive prostate and-

Sebastian chokes out a desperate sound.

Chris hushes him, petting his side with the hand not otherwise busy, telling him, "shh, shh, you're being so good. So good for me." And it only adds to the issue he's having.

So Sebastian gasps, eyes watering and struggling for breath as Chris rubs tiny, firm circles over his sweet spot. There isn't anything inhabiting his body but crackling fire- fed by boiling-over lust racing through his veins and the oxygen he keeps inhaling needily. The fire grows and grows until Chris finally notices, cheekily grinning, "right there, baby? Yeah? That your sweet spot-?" And Chris curls his fingers back toward himself in a come-hither motion before kicking his fingertips back harder against his prostate and oh, oh, wait- shit! Fuck-!

Sebastian couldn't dream of responding because, because...

Sebastian explosively cums on Chris' thick fingers with an embarrassingly high and loud jaw-dropping moan when he hits his prostate like that again. Eyes rolling back into his head as his cock, untouched, jerks and pumps cum over his clenching stomach.

Chris laughs breathlessly, he's so shocked when it happened. Unexpecting Sebastian to just- bust.

Unexpecting but happy as he works him through it, murmuring sweet things to Sebastian until he's back on earth, smoke still coming out of his ears and kissing his hip, lips shaping the words of, "thanks for the compliment."

Sebastian covers his blushing face with his hands. "Sorry, s-sorry," he pants, "I didn't mean to-"

"No, it's okay, sweetheart," he rumbles, "it's, uh, flattering. I'm-" a big hand pets down over his sweaty, heaving chest. Warmth blooms in Seb, feeling taking care of "-always happy to make you feel good."

And... now that I wrote all this out I suddenly realize I think you wanted each of their experiences fingering themselves on their own AND their experiences fingering themselves in front of the other. Not their first times fingerings themselves on their own AND their first times being fingered by the other 😅

Sorry! I read that wrong, that's my fault entirely. But I hope it was good anyway!!

#asks #fandomfluffandfuck #chris evans #sebastian stan #evanstan #rpf #real person fanfiction #bottom sebastian #bottom chris #sub seb #subastian #sub sebastian #dom chris

[soggypotatoes]

idk. Ive never been this person before, yknow. the kind of person who can write an essay, proofread it, enjoy it even. get it really perfect and done before the due date. I did burn myself out though, which is why I wrote the last one at 4am (it was a 4 short essay assignment). I had to take a few weeks to recharge before I did that one. but.. I dunno. this is new for me, it's the first time I've managed to do a unit well without having any breakdowns over it. and I've been trying to do uni for a long time!!!

next trimester I'm going to do two units instead of one, bc the next challenge for me is to learn how to just get things done without trying to get perfect marks. it's gonna be hard lol. I tend to overwork myself. but I've got first year to figure that out. at least now I know I can do well, for the future when marks actually matter. now to figure out how to complete and submit sub par work without freaking out about it

#ed mumbles

[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

Hi ma, how have you been? I've been working on my driver's license even tho I'm 18 and tomorrow I have to drive with my driving instructor so I'm super nervous and can't sleep 😭😭😭.

In light of the new information on the haikyu movies. I can't say I regret forcing my family to watch haikyu subbed. My mom and brother liked it but they didn't quite get into it. Unfortunately for them my dad(48) got hooked. Ever since I mentioned there's a two part movie coming out he's been checking for updates whenever he can. Though that isn't the only anime I've gotten him to watch. I sat him down and showed him "Way of the Househusband" (which I highly recommend you watch if you haven't, it's subbed and dubbed on Netflix and I believe it's on Crunchyroll as well) and that probably has to be his favorite. My mom just thinks it's weird lol.

My parents aren't the best, but it's times like these that I enjoy. I'm always afraid of opening up to them, or just anyone in general, about my interests because I think they'll make fun of me or think lesser about me(thank you anxiety 💀) But I just find it funny how my dad got so into it especially since he's 48 and can have some "old fashioned" views.

I want to go to Japan at some point in time in my life (not because I like anime or anything like that, but because I like it for its art, fashion, food and culture) and I've talked about it with my parents a lot now that I'm out of highschool and my dad said if I go he wants to go with me. I've done lots of research on Japan and currently studying some of its art and artists so I've shared this information with my dad and it's some how got him interested as well. It's kind of bizarre to me how I managed to get this super close minded old man into someone who's more open minded and willing to try different things.

I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with all this but ig it's just, people can change? No matter how old they are? Or you can like try new things no matter how old you are, it's never too late.

That's kind of the thing I'm struggling to realize rn because I graduated highschool and now I have the rest of my life ahead of me. I have a vague idea of what I want to do but for me my career isn't a major concern. It's more my social life that is. I have very few friends and I feel like I don't have enough time. It's been a struggle for me to find relationships because it's hard for me to interact with people and get to know them. I've never been in a romantic relationship before and it's difficult seeing everyone around me in a relationship like that and I want that kind of connection with someone, but I'm not good at talking to people. I feel like I'm running out of time to be in a relationship like that even though I'm only 18.

I've been seeing people close to me in relationships since I was 12 and only three people have ever said they wanted to date me. I've never been on a date either. So it's does get under my skin sometimes and it is not a good feeling. I know I have time but man...

Any tips ma? Also, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make this a tangent, but I just wanna get some advice and opinions from you.

Omg hi!!! I’m doing pretty good right now how are you??? I can totally understand the nervousness with driving! I’ve had my drivers license for almost 20 years 😅 (yeah that’s embarrassing) and the idea of someone watching me drive still makes me nervous but believe me, you’ve got this! Soon it will be a distant memory and you will have the freedom to drive as you please!!

Second, let me just say, I love when kids connect with their parents on anything! I’m sure your dad really appreciates you and him having Haikyu to watch. I have two kids and I love whenever my kids and I get into something together. It really makes us as parents feel so close with our kids.

Also, you are very right! People can change no matter their age. It’s not easy to change things but the point is that they work on them and are willing to make the effort needed! I’m really glad you are seeing positive changes and I really hope you and your dad are able to visit Japan!!

Now lastly, let me just say that what/how you are feeling about everything is VERY normal! Being someone between teenagerhood (is that a thing?) and “adulthood” is extremely hard. So many people act like when you turn 18 something automatically switches and you’ve become and adult but that’s not how any of that works. You’re in the age of discovery and finding yourself and this is one of many stages you’ll go through. Society acts as if we need to have our lives together by a certain age when in reality many of us millennials still have absolutely no idea what we are doing 😂 and that’s ok! I got married “young” and had kids “young”. Im also divorced and been through many different periods of my life. Heck, I didn’t start seeing a therapist until I was almost 30! The thing to remember is that there is no right or wrong in the journey of finding yourself. We all mess up, have regrets, wish we would have done things different, but that’s all part of life. If there’s one thing I know it’s that life doesn’t end as you get older, it actually gets so much better! Im way happier in my thirties than I ever was in my teens/twenties. My advice would be to just have fun! If you want to try dating, go on dates and see what happens. Just have fun! If you want to focus on a career, do it! If you want to travel the world, please send me a post card 😂 do what makes YOU happy. It’s really hard not to compare yourself to others because we all do it. We see someone having something we want and we get jealous. It’s natural! But always remember, lives are like icebergs, we only see the surface. So much is happening underneath that we will never see.

Ok my last comment I promise 😅. I’ve always been a person that keeps few people close and develop strong relationships with them. I have many people I talk to and consider “friends” but only 2 people I’d consider my best friends. Those are the ones I put my energy into, the ones who’ve developed deep connections with. Making friends isn’t easy and I’ve always been a pretty outgoing person, so I usually just go for it if I want a friend 😅 however I totally realize many people don’t work like that. My best advice would be to find friends who have things in common with you. Like one of my best friends I found on Tumblr and we connected over writing! The best thing about the online world is that it’s given us the opportunity to meet people from all over and form friendships! Do what makes you feel comfortable and have fun with it!

I hope some of this at least helps! I’m definitely more of like an advice columnist in my response 😂 thank you so much for reaching out and good luck on your driving test!!

#my lovely bbys #moms advice column?

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi, dear Steph, i hope you doing well ❤️ it's sensitive topic, so take your time to respond

so, i'm trying my best to deal with bbc sh after 5 years, and I really think that we will have an s5 in the near future, they have given a lot hits about, (BC finally talking about a new season, the free copyright party 2023...)

So, my biggest problem with the s4 is the morgue scene, and i've been reading some s4 fix-its that properly deal with john's behavior. I read some about Sherlock leaving/moving on after what happened (my favorites I must say, cause I can't forgive john) (+ sanjay my beloved)

And I ended up in a category of "dark john", and I'm sure some traumatized me forever

I read this fic, post s3, where j&s has an established relationship post mary, and their relationship starts to change to something abusive (on john's part), this fic is amazing, honest and realistic about abusive relationships, and well the ending is tragic for johnlock, with an happy ending only for sherlock.

Then I saw that the fic was from 2015???? And that left me shocked, cause... john's behavior was always like this? Should we have realized sooner what was going to happen?? And that just made me hate the show even more. And looking back, maybe it was always there, especially after the fall. At least me, I never really gotten my head around the violence scenes, and I took the morgue scene as something OOC from John, but now I don't think it was. It makes me so sad.

I wanted to know if there are any metas and analysis about john's behavior in the show, because WATSON would never do something like that. I hate this show with all my heart at this point, It's ruined me :(

Thanks, all love to you and your amazing work as the Oracle of this fandom ❤️

Hey Lovely!

Thanks! I appreciate you letting me take time to answer this. Not necessarily anything other than "lol it was long and I was lazy" hahaha.

ANYWAY, this is just my perception of the fandom before S4: No, John wasn't overtly portrayed as a "dark" character... I think the darkest the majority thought of him as was as just a man with anger issues he was working on. That said, regardless of fandom, there's ALWAY ALWAYS a "dark" genre of fics where one or the other "protagonists" are characterized as "morally ambiguous to downright evil" people, and that's all it is. Dark Sherlock and John fics were a popular subgenre once upon a time, but I've never personally read any of them because I have a hard time with fics if the characterizations are "off" from my readings of them (literally it's just me), but I have no problem if that's what someone else wants to write about.

As for meta, the closest I can do for you are these meta about who John is as a character, and you can check out my 'who is john watson' blog tag for more (I've put it under the Chrono tag so you can see the earliest posts first).

(sorry that “my posts” is a bit messy... tumblr doesn't allow sub-bullets anymore... bolded are the main posts, and italicized with square brackets are the sub-topics. for my meta, I have a TONNE more meta about John, but I just pulled the relevant character-arc ones I’ve done)

MY POSTS:

WHO IS JOHN WATSON

People and John (TAB)

Why Didn’t John Hug Sherlock in TEH?

Of Scars and Gunshots

John’s Panicking in TGG

Secrets, Half Truths and Trust

Was John Ever a Hostage?

[TBB and TGG were Orchestrated for John]

John Will Cry Buckets and Buckets

Is John / Martin Left Handed?

Things John Never Said

John’s Hand Clench

[Why Does his Hand Start Trembling?]

Why is There so Much Emphasis on “Solve it!”?

John the Dummy

[Who Would Sherlock Bother Protecting?

[What if Mary had Shot John?]

[Mary Surely Can Tell When John is Lying (Mary Underestimates John)?]

[Damsel in Distress]

Why Do People Think John is Well Endowed?

Trash John

[Why is there a double standard, where Sherlock is always forgiven but John is an asshole?]

[Why Trash John]

John’s Middle Name: Sherlock’s New Addiction

They Seemed to Forget He Was A Doctor

Modern TAB!John is Like S4 John

Did John Have an Imaginary Sherlock?

John’s S4 Hair

John’s Family Mentions in Canon?

Do I Think John Quit his job at the hospital in S4 / S5?

Is John Left or Right Handed?

The Post with John vs Irene Through GIFs?

John Grieved for Years Over Sherlock (Sherlock vs Mary)

John’s CV / Resume

When Is John’s Birthday?

SUICIDAL/DEPRESSED JOHN

Suicidal John Masterpost

A Weather Eye (Was John Suicidal When Sherlock was Gone?)

What are John’s Nightmares Actually About?

Did John Have an Imaginary Sherlock?

John’s Suicide Meta Links

The Coffin (John’s TAB Theory)

Open or Closed Casket For Sherlock?

John is a Very Sad Man Compared to Molly

Any Meta On the 3G Moment Being John’s Suicide Attempt?

JOHN’S SELF-ESTEEM

John’s Guilt

John Blames Himself for Sherlock’s Death (TLD Reflection)

John Wanting to See Someone Else?: Faith as a John Mirror

JOHN’S PTSD

TLD Morgue Scene: Is it PTSD?

John in TGG looks like he’s having a panic attack (hostage past)

I don’t like angry John

JOHN’S FORGIVENESS

Punches the Superintendent but Forgives Mary?

Did John Forgive Sherlock?

Did John Forgive Mary?

JOHN’S CHARACTER ARC

John Loves Sherlock in Every Episode!

John Loves Sherlock

John’s Cheating

John’s Past and his Bisexuality 

John’s Attracted but In Denial?

John’s Soldier vs. Doctor Dichotomy (TLD)

S4 Is John’s POV Masterpost

Dream John from TAB same as S4 John? 

John’s Character in S3

John in S4 

Canon Evidence of John Having Problems with People of Authority? 

Does John Know He’s In Love With Sherlock? 

Fic Writers’ Characterization of John

OTHERS' META:

Trained No To Cry: Challenge of Being A Soldier

Tom vs Sherlock and John vs. Molly: Obvious Mirrors

Doesn’t He Have Friends?

Captain John Watson (TSo3 Scene)

Adorable John Watson: Tricky to Write

John’s Hole

Closeted John: Growing Up in a Homophobic 80’s/90’s

Watson’s Horny Disdain

Crack Shot John Watson Under Pressure

John as a Perpetrator of Domestic Violence?

Writing John Watson

John Watson’s Medical School Life (wellington goose)

is it any wonder John is closeted

John Watson Eating Disorder

John was OOC in S4

That Time Sherlock threatened to replace John with Jim

-----

Sorry this got long, but I hope it helps :)

#steph replies #long post #sherlock meta #who is john watson #john's character arc #meta masterlist #my meta

[benefits1986]

It's Just Emotions... Emotional Damage

Hello, emotions on steroids. Kamusta ka naman? Kakayanin ba today or kaya ba ever?

Thankfully, this weekend came. Much needed break from so much emotional stimuli this week. May pahabol pa na real hard before clocking out yesterday. LOL. TACCA.

For such a long time, I've been shutting down my emotions and drowning myself in work. Adik ako sa KPI kasi mas madali siyang itawid kesa i-tap ko 'yung mga emotions ko. Empath ako pero tawang-tawa ako kasi defense mechanism ko 'yun. I channel it to get away from talking about my own stories, unless needed talaga ng malala. Gaano kalala? 'Yung legit na matter of saving a legit life na levels para magpakawala ako ng stories ko. Not proud of it though pero I hold my fort talaga. As in. Ganun po tayo as a Cancer na ayaw magpagapi sa pagiging emotional and an ex-Type 4 sa Enneagram nung 17 going 18 ako. LOLLLOLL. ULOL.

Alam mo 'yung rollercoaster na malala, hindi ganun. Para akong si Buzz Lightyear na naka-ilang subok ng i-manage 'yung emotions ko and failed miserably. Kaya rin sa work, I may seem na give na give, PERO, eto na. Calculated kasi ang risks. Kung baga sobrang black and white ng "emotions" so para ko siyang playground, may bayad pa. Pero, may isa rin akong caveat na in this era, I'm paying for my scarlet sins, by choice.

'Yung battle cry kong SAFE SPACE, may pinaghuhugutan 'yan. Tumatagos. And hindi mema. Hindi rin, drama. Truth lang. And I align it with KPIs na both quantitative and qualitative para may sense. 'Di siya madali, pero as a start up girl, ganun ako e. And I think, it's time for safe spaces to be the gold standard.

Lumpuhin mo na ako ng deadlines kahit tambak na ad hoc 'yan, basta 'wag lang affected 'yung emotional sphere ko. This means na, walang personalan. Trabaho lang. All my life, I've been transactional. JUSQ. Give where credit is due. Try to create a safe space and debunk the myth of misfits, black sheep and dark horses. Ganun flow ko e, dahil pinagdaanan ko na 'yan. I know how it is to be a lone wolf, a top tier, a trash, a member of the pack, and all things in between.

So, ayun na nga. Overwhelming lang talaga siguro ng week na 'to. Para kang nag-full court ng walang time out and sub levels. :D TACCA. Pero, I'm trying my best to look for glimmers amidst the triggers na malala. I'm embracing the blind side in the name of the bright side.

Best win ko this week is umuwi na 4th panganay ko and nagpa-thank you siya sa limited time naming magkasama. Sabi ko nga sa kanya, I guess, time is my love language. SHEMAY. MAMI. Niloko ako na limited lagi time ko, so it makes sense. LUL.

Another surprising win is my tiny project na never ko ni-expect to come out like this. HUHUHUHUHUHUHU. Sobrang small lang niya pero, if done well, I think this would allow me na paaralin na 'yung bunso ng kapatid ko. HAHAHAHAHHAHA. Just in case lang need. Pero, it's yet to be launched pero sana super soon na because, it's time. Sobrang okay din ng team ko dito kasi as in sobrang linaw ng scope and limit saka AGILE kung AGILE. Like 2 hours lang per night sa downtime ko and weekends syempre. Sana all. Hahahahaha. Plus, collab namin ito ng soul sis ko all the way to Cali, too. O 'di ba? May pang-lechon manok na mama at papa niya, araw-araw among other things.

Third win is super duper ugh pero sige. Okay. Tatawid natin 'to para if I backread a year or so from now, this will be a reminder. It's really crucial to be with your tribe, your people lalo sa work. Hindi biro na mag-waste time ka ng malala tapos 'di ka naman supported. I don't like validations talaga. Ayoko ng attention. Kasi may emotional deposits and withdrawals 'yan. HAHAHHAHAHA. SHET. I thrive in conflicts kasi, talaga. 'Yung makalat, masukal. Kasi mas madaling mag-neutralize and disinfect kasi ibabalik mo lang siya sa current state, sa status quo. Pero no. We're going to infinity and beyond sa paniniwala ko lang kasi siguro millennials and Gen Z kawork ko.

Hindi madaling mag-reveal ng mga kashitan ko at mga kashitang involved ako. Ayoko nga kasi. I'd like to believe that I do my best to be inclusive and acceptant. While I don't tolerate BS, may mga unwritten rules na kailangan kong aralin pa. What I've learned is that, kaya ko naman palang ilabas ang emotions ko kahit hassle talaga siyang gawin. Parang lalagnatin ako. Parang gusto ko na lang mawala sa earth.

Sabi nga nung junior namin na super love ko talagang deep dark horse sa pa-welcome tip niya sa ka-partner niya na junior: Always remember that not all people are out to get you. There's always someone who'll save you. O 'DI BA? My start up girl heart is shaking kasi sobrang misunderstood 'tong deep dark horse na 'to PERO valid na valid din naman kasi ang dahilan. Wala akong question doon kaya nga, tinatawid namin 'yung areas for improvement niya; and may solid progress siya dito.

Kailangan ko lang mas maging less pride and ego. Kasi solid na feeling ko lagi need kong maging unbothered and unshaken, kaso, pakshet bakit naman kasi ang lala ng mga kabanata, TMI, plot twists, ad hoc, atbp. e nanahimik lang naman ako as a donut seeking peace of mind.

Though, sabi nga, peace is choosing to keep still when the ground is shaking. Mhie, 'yung shake naman mala-pag move ng tectonic plates ng emotional universe ko. Bakit ganun? Lord, why po? Why? Pero gets ko naman. Bilang para mausog emotional sphere ko, kailangan ng malupit, in my face, up my ass ganaps. Shet.

Sabi ko nga, I think I have anhedonia. Lahat OK lang kasi I don't like feeling. Mas doing and being ako e. :D Hindi ako tao. Halaman ako talaga na kind of pescatarian na mahilig sa siomai. HAHAHAHA. So para akong naka bike na may training wheels at this age. OHMYYY. RED FLAG 100000000 tayo diyan, girl.

Sana puwedeng ikasal sa work pero ayoko rin kasi ma-lose ko na naman flow ko na super working well for me. LOL. Baliw-baliw talaga me, noh? I know. And I don't give a fuck. I mean, the team is not perfect. As in. Super flawed because we're all humans e. Ganun talaga. Ako nga, bobo levels 100000000 sa napakaraming bagay tulad ng basic spelling among other things. HAHAHHAHHA. Pero, I guess, kaya ako napunta dito is because of divine intervention. 'Di ko naman sinasabing forever na ako dito, for sure, pero this is what I need kahit ayoko. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA. FUCK. STRESS.

Speaking of divine intervention, I'd need this aotm. May need akong itawid next week. In my past life, I will burn the village to the ground. MATIC. Though, honestly, first time ko kasi ma-experience ang super duper flaw na 'to. Even back in adver, I am marked safe sa topic na 'to. LOLLOLLOLL. O 'di ba? Super flawed levels 1000000000000. Makakailang bote kaya ako ng wine this weekend para ma-sedate ako at makapag-isip ng malinaw?

I think I need to align with my second dad about this topic because eto na 'yung isa sa pinagawayan namin ng malala NOON. Shet. As in ang lala to the point na I felt like he's but another chauvinistic power player. Ganern. I think, first ever match naman 'to. HAHAHHAHA. Shet. This just hit me now, pero, I think siya ang makakapagbigay sa akin ng wisdom TOOT I need. Abangan.

Bottomline niya nung ayaw naming malala na akala mo sunog na ang heritage site sa Maynila: I know that, however, that's your training to prep you for the real world. It's a different ball game there, so start now. Let me know what you support you need. I'm here. I can contain it. Ako pa ba? POTA. Yabang levels 100000000000000000. UGH.

TAE SIYA noon sa paningin ko. Hahahaha. Syempre, naive pa ako noon kaya sineryoso ko talaga ang lessons na hanggang ngayon, bitbit ko. Kahit begrudging talaga ako noon. Marked safe din naman ako. Na-curious tuloy ako bigla kung anong sasabihin niya tungkol sa super duper flaw shit na 'to. HMM. Baka nga road to dalisay na 'to pero kailangan ko lang embrace 'yung flow. And sana, consistently kasi madali akong ma-bore. Madali akong mawalaan ng pake kahit parang laging meron. Madali rin akong mausog sa mga non-negotiables ko. Pero, this is me, trying to adult, to grow, to glow and go. PS: Second dad called. Syempre, tumawa muna. Then, pangaasar. Then, poof. Ang galing lang nung advice niya. As in. Boomer win eto. Tinanong ko kung OA ba ako, sabi niya, HELL NO. Hahaha. Ni-sure ko lang. ;) And he's got my back, front and side. Tinanong ko kung may mali ba sa akin, sabi niya WALA. ANO KA BA? Willing naman kasi akong mag-adjust kaso I am sure naman of who I am and who I'm not at this point it time. LELS. So, let's go for the greater good, shall we? CHZ. Divine intervention na nga yata ito.

His last message: Don't allow people to mistake your "nanahimik" as being soft and submissive... show your steely front. Na hindi ka puwede manipulate. Me: In a line, gentle but firm. Got it. Aligned. I shall proceed. <3

#Youtube

[darlingpwease]

Ohh hush, I didn't even know she was also called Michiko, so ig I accidentally helped pave the road for that path <//33 oops

or already a slight discontent

a h

Hopefully the former– /hj

And hopefully difficult in a good way?? (If it can be a good way???) /t

I'm one of those people; I've told you this before

AHHH WHAT, NO WAY???? I CANT BELIEVE I DIDNT REMEMBER

(　；∀；) I'm gonna go hide in a hole now, bye

Conveying some things can be difficult over text, I'm glad for tone indicators tho cuz they help out, but even then, sometimes text just doesn't send the whole vibe with it :///

Can't lie tho, sometimes I do forget to use them.... plus, as much as I love texting, sometimes verbal conversations are better purely due to tones being able to be perceived better aksbdkwks

the struggles of being online </333 /hj

Well I hope you can rest well, Dove!! <333

Thanks to the break, I've been able to sleep more, so now that school is back I'm all energized!!! Kinda, it's still school but yeah

alpha×alpha, beta×alpha, omega×alpha, omega×omega, I'm obsessed with "taboo" relationships, ones that go against the norm!! Sure, sometimes alpha×omega is okay... but when roles are switched? I'm sold. Especially when someone who is supposed to be "dominant" is all submissive, I'm so sold. I'm in love with the work right away.

AND WITH YUUTA AS WELL?? It's like the best mix, holy shit

With any pretty thing, really,,, but I feel like you've drugged me with too much Yuuta!! .......not complaining tho.......

Codependency and mutual obsession drives me crazy, and I love it too much. Especially when it feels like they can't live without one another??? Hhhhhh oohhh my goooddddd <3333 I love it when partners are mutually crazy about each other. Im crazy about it myself!! Lol

Me??? A bully??? Why I'd never >:0

...maybe..... sometimes.......>:))) /t

REALLT??? YES PLEASE YES PLEASE <333 I'm almost done with my profile, too. I'm just making it more "pretty" I guess lol, then I'm gonna post the first sorcerer!Yuuta works. So I'm very interested <33 very very /gen

-panna cotta

shush, stop being so peaceful, my heart will melt and will never be the same again </3333 /hj /pos

It's my fault that I forgot about it; I read this manga, so I have more reason to remember than you, charming joy </3

this is in a good way, even if you may expect a different answer, sunny <3 it's even more interesting this way, although it's still very tempting to grab you and carry you away

it's okay, honeycotta. it wasn't something significant, and the brain tends to get rid of unnecessary information, so it's natural that you don't remember it; I'm not offended or anything maybe /t

why a hole if there is the cute soft warm fluffy nest??? ?????? ?????????

thanks to neurodivergent people for the existence and creation of tone indicators <3

I also often forget and sometimes even confuse them. they are convenient, but it is difficult to cover all words with them, and sometimes it is not clear when they need to be used, and when their use is unnecessary

thanks to the Internet for existence, not thanks to the Internet for the lack of normal transmission of tones </3 /hj

school is hard to love. it was better in high school, since no one else tried to teach me anything and let me do my own thing, but middle school was wild </3 I hope you have a good time anyway; since it can't be avoided, it should be enjoyed, you know?

yes yes yes!!! taboo!!!!!!! I love dom top omega x sub bottom alpha, I adore submissive alphas, I love omega x omega <333333

alpha x omega are good, but there's something when it's two omegas who are in heat together, or when it's an omega who rejects any alpha since only their beta can satisfy them, or when it's an aggressive wild omega with a soft alpha who agrees with everything their partner says and the one who wears the collar in a relationship, you know?

omega, who is strictly in other omegas, and their mate, who is only in omegas and in omega-like betas </3 beta, who is courting alpha, who has never even accepted flowers as a gift and is not sure what they can do, since they kind of has to take the initiative, but they just like to feel pretty and submissive,,,, omega, who climbs into the window of their beloved beta, since they are in heat soon and want to spend it with them, but beta says that they should be quiet and find another place, since their sibling alpha has brought his alpha mate and they will smell someone else's smell in the apartment and will be very angry that an unfamiliar omega got into the house </33

hehehe <3 only yuuta, my my; only yuuta and no one except yuuta <33

I understand what you mean, dear, I'm no better. I can't think of anyone but him and toge, and yes, it's something unhealthy, but what's the difference??? he is cute and pretty and whines when you grab by the hair;;; yuuta, who is wearing makeup, but when you fuck him in the dressing room, his eyeliner is smeared with tears <3333

yuuta, who whines when you tease him that he's too excited for someone who shamelessly bares in front of his neighbor, and he can't even open his eyes in shame, but he's okay when you offer him for two and toge agrees, </3 look, he's definitely not okay when you offer to share yourself, but don't mind if you share him </333

big brain, so so so big brain<3333

they should mutually go crazy and be dependent on each other, even if it is absolutely unhealthy. no!!! and what!!! interdependence!!! codependency!!! their relationship should be a lichen where fungi and algae have to take care of each other and give themselves to survive!!! </33333

shameless bully </3333 shamebully </333333

I'm sure you'll have the prettiest blog <3 the same as its owner, you know <33

I'm happy to do it!!! <3

* you can immediately copy a line with tags into the work and paste and then remove those that you consider unnecessary, my my <3

sfw

[fandom name] drabble, [fandom name] headcanons, for example

jujutsu kaisen drabble, jujutsu kaisen headcanons

actively used!!! highly recommend it for both sfw and nsfw works.

[character name] x reader, for example

yuuta okkotsu x reader

[fandom name] x reader, for example

jujutsu kaisen x reader

important tags!!! they give a lot of attention; the second one is very suitable when there is more than one character, while the first one should always be used. the more popular the character, the more popular the work with these tags will be.

attention: some characters have more attention when only their first name [gojo x reader] is used or their first and last names are rearranged [gojo satoru x reader]

[character name], [fandom name], for example

yuuta okkotsu, jujutsu kaisen

I don't use it, but I know some writers do. my reason: this is a common tag, while "x reader" should only inhabit its zone. a lot of people are annoyed that reader inserts are everywhere, and I don't want to contribute to that. but!!! it can be used; it's just not surplus and if there are too few tags, then it should be the first to be eliminated.

[fandom name] fluff, [fandom name] angst, for example

jujutsu kaisen fluff, jujutsu kaisen angst

a narrowly focused tag; it is used, but it is only useful in conjunction with more common ones.

yandere [fandom name], for example

yandere jujutsu kaisen

an obscenely popular tag in the yandere community of any fandom. your work will be noticed as long as you use this tag. I also recommend using it together with yandere [character name] / yandere reader. trust me, even dom!reader gets quite a lot of attention while it's working with yandere. from my experience — a wild tag, almost the same as male reader

[gender] reader, for example

gender neutral reader, gn reader, male reader, female reader

very useful tags!!! the most convenient way to look for an audience outside of the fandom. their use is mandatory according to the rules of decency and to find their audience.

listen, I didn't say this if anything, but the truth is that "male reader" readers often disdain gender-neutral works, as they consider them feminine, so if your reader is gender-neutral, but masculine terms are used, then I advise male reader & gender neutral reader simultaneously. of course, if it is clearly clear that this is gender neutrality or masculinity, then you should not confuse people, but while it is unclear, the use of two tags is very useful, actually.

I do not recommend fem reader, female reader, since this tag is often blacklisted by both gender neutral & male and is not used by the fem reader community; of course, if your reader is a fem, then it should be used, but if it is gender neutrality, then it is better to use masculine than feminine.

[trait] reader, for example

alpha reader, shy reader, crybaby reader

you have to look at popularity, of course, but I usually use them. they are not as important as their place at the beginning of the work than in the tags, but they are still very useful, as they help you find those readers who want you.

cw [things], for example

cw omegaverse, cw dark content

very important tags. they should be used at the beginning of the work, but "dark content" must be in the tags, everything else is variable.

you don't want to be visited by whining and swearing babies, my dear, you don't.

nsfw

dom reader, dom!reader, sub character, sub!character

for works that involve a reader who holds control or remains in charge. I highly recommend it, since this tag is actively used in the community and is not only a warning, but also a brand that will attract attention to the work. even if the reader is not involved in bdsm in any way, this tag should still be used as long as they take the lead in sex. the first two (dom!reader and dom reader) are more active for searches than the last two, so if there are too many tags,

dom reader > dom!reader > sub character > sub!character is preferable

don't forget to also mention this in the work itself in the warnings — although the tag is in some sense enough, some people read the work without looking at them and may then come to you because they can't read, and, hm, I don't think you want to meet them.

sub [fandom name], for example

sub jujutsu kaisen

the same as dom!reader & sub!character, but this tag is more narrowly focused. it works very well in large fandoms and in fandoms where there are dom!reader writers, because sooner or later they start using such tags and accustom their readers to them. if you write in big fandoms and about dom!reader, then I highly recommend it — but if you suddenly start writing about sub!reader, I'm not sure of the effectiveness. sub reader community rarely and little uses them.

sub [character name], for example

sub yuuta okkotsu

popularity varies in different fandoms. somewhere you can attract a lot of attention, somewhere people don't even know about the existence of such a tag. it depends on the number of dominant writers to a greater extent than on the popularity of the fandom.

[fandom name] smut, for example

jujutsu kaisen smut

... ;)

any fandom has a part where only smut is stored. I rarely climb there, since this is the abode of a marked and unmarked sub!reader, but the tag works well for finding views! it turns out that even the audience you're looking for may be there.

[character name] smut, for example

yuuta okkotsu smut

... ;)))

[position] reader, for example

top reader, bottom reader

especially top male reader; male reader in general is a very hungry community, even despite the wave of arriving and arriving writers, but this tag (and male reader tags in general) should be nerfed /j

there is a very high probability of being noticed by big popular writers.

I honestly don't recommend afab reader & amab reader

use as many tags as you can; at first it was very awkward for me to use a lot of tags, since I was embarrassed to look needy, but it's not like that — if you don't use tags, then no one will find you, and non-smut works are actually harder to find readers, especially in unpopular/not huge fandoms. I recommend using ao3 as well, as it will also give pleasant strokes and is very useful for large and long works <3

#[📂] — voice from under the bed #❖.my jewelry #✮.panna cotta <3

[userastarion]

Coming from a fellow Sailor, I just want you to know that I’m sorry.

I don’t know what sub life is like personally or what he’s like as a person, but I’m sure he’s trying to distress or has to do some offloading/in port work.

I’m about to head on deployment in a few months myself, and I can’t imagine not wanting to talk to those important to me when I’m able to.

I just get this feeling he’s got something going on, and can’t reach out to you for whatever reason.

first off, thank you for sending this!

secondly, i know he's on leave right now, so that's kind of what's been getting to me. that and the fact that like... he WAS answering me, and then suddenly just didn't? at all? i'm really struggling because he has no track record of just falling off communication but at the same time, it's entirely possible he's just being a big ole coward because i just asked if we were good, he said yeah, and then his feelings changed and he doesn't want to say that bc maybe he just told me what i wanted to hear at that time?

the issue is that i don't know. and when i tell you i have done my very best to be SO understanding of the situation. i have made so many accommodations the entire duration of our "relationship" or whatever it was that we had. it just reached the point where, aside from any personal emergency, i really don't understand how he can't even send me a message that says "i'm sorry, i can't talk right now" or "i can't talk for a few days" or whatever.

trust me when i say i have thought through EVERY possibility here lol. including like, having my friends call and see if he answers so i at least know he's alright, if completely blowing me off.

the trouble is... we were never "official" or whatever so there's no one who would know to reach out to me if something DID happen. i've been freaking out a little bc he's not on socials and the only places i CAN see if he's active he hasn't been, so i don't really know if he's actually alright, but my friend did actually call today and his phone rang all the way through so i at least know it's on. that offered me a little reassurance.

idk. reconciling this with his past track record is hard but we all know people can change really quickly or rapidly show their true colors. and he has had a very mild habit of prioritizing "the boys" over me before, in port, which i mostly allowed bc i knew it was their time for freedom. to me, it's just... I had to reach out to HIM to learn he was back. we didn't talk about seeing each other. and after a 3:30am heart to heart i didn't hear from him again. like. it's been almost 5 days. i feel like i should take the hint.

i've been saying he has a blinking half-heart of health left with me, if he reaches out again in a reasonable time frame and either tells me something terrible has happened or apologizes and immediately corrects the behavior, but otherwise i just have to call it. i want a relationship. i have waited seven motherfucking months for a relationship i thought i was going to have and been rapidly watching those hopes dashed before my eyes. i don't have it in me to just... sit here and wait around to be conveniently there, you know? i'm a real person with feelings and needs and a life.

anyway. i'm sorry for the diatribe lol, you probably didn't expect (or need) it. i'm just sad and angry and tired and so very, very disappointed.

i do wish you all the best on your deployment, though! it's tough. it sucks. i did a lot of research on it ahead of time trying to prepare for what he would go through emotionally (and what i would likely go through) so i've learned a lot and it's probably not necessarily a highlight of the job but! you got this!

#b:answered #b:sailortalk #letssteez #especially when he knows i'm anxious as fuck like sir??? you can't just leave me in the dark????¿¿¿ #but the more messages/reaches out that go unanswered the more i feel like i'm just not reading the 'gtfo' room 🤡

[tatakaebomb]

Middle of nowhere

ꕥ Pairing : Yandere!Nanami x Reader

ꕥ Synopsis : Let’s just say, it’s not a very good idea to leave your blinds open, nor to let a stranger sleep on your couch.

ꕥ Word count : 1.8k

ꕥ TW : YANDERE THEMES! , pure smut, vouyerism, somniophilia, abusive themes, mistrust, stalking, stranger danger (lol), advantage, dom!Nanami, bratty sub!reader, degrading, praise, non con, dub con, deception, creampie, forced orgasm, knife play, spanking, thigh slapping, fingering, oral, finger choking, hair pulling, sadism, bondage, kinda dark - read at your own risk, 18+

Since your ex boyfriend has dumped you, you've done nothing but feel sorry for yourself for the past week, staying in bed and crying tirelessly until you've gone back to sleep, but tonight you felt good about yourself for a change, so you go and take a shower, putting on some comfortable PJ's before closing the blinds and leaving your room.

You had a bad habit of always forgetting to do it, deeming it useless since you basically lived out in the middle of nowhere, without any neighbours theres no one to really hide from.

You begin walking down the narrow stairs, the small creaking of the wood floor never failing to annoy you every time you take a small step anywhere in this house, it was old but you were at least glad to have a roof over your head.

You cozy up into the small blanket, reaching over to the coffee table to place the small popcorn bowl you somehow managed to burn into your lap, you didn't mind it though, this was the most productive you've been for the past week.

Scrolling through the various shitty Netflix movies, you manage to find a rom-com that catches your eye, so you press play and...

KNOCK KNOCK

You dart your eyes towards the entrence of your door, wondering who could possibly be at this late hour. You decide to ignore it but barely had any time to get comfortable again before the knocks become more frantic, making your head hurt. You stand up from the couch and angrily pace towards your door, ready to cuss out anyone who decided it would be a good idea to disturb your peace.

You push down hard on the handle and swing it open expecting to be someone you knew, but your gaze falls upon a taller blonde man, who looked like have been outside in the rain for at least a few hours, his expensive-looking suit stained with rain drops.

Your face tenses and you look up into his brown eyes, parting your lips to yell but deciding against it, instead choosing a softer approach.

After all he might have a very valid reason as to why he's at your doorstep, in the middle of nowher-.

"Please let me in , im freezing to death"

He looks down through his brown eyes, his glare gentle as a rain drop slowly falls down from his hair.

You shake your head, relaxing your expression and scooting over to the right, inviting him inside.

He cleans his shoes on the doormat and walks in, shivering as he takes off his blazer and hangs it up on your coat-hanger.

You turn around and cross your arms as you lean on the door,

"Who are you?"

You ask a question you wanted to ask before letting him in, but i guess its better late than never.

" Im Nanami-"

He suddenly pauses, scanning your face and stopping to stare into your eyes, his look seemingly sincere. You raise your eyebrows gesturing for him to carry on, and he takes a deep breath before he starts ranting,

"My car broke down and i've been trying to fix it for hours, i dropped my phone and got water in it and it's not working anymore, everything is going to sh-"

"Whoa whoa whoa, slow down"

You uncross your arms and walk over to the kitchen table, gesturing him to take a seat.

He lets out a sigh of relief before following you in doing so.

This guy defiantly looks like he's went through hell - You think to yourself, sitting up from the table.

"Tea or Coffee?"

"Coffee, please, thank you so much"

He smiles up at you, relaxing his face.

You fix him a mug of hot coffee, placing it on the table before grabbing the blanket and throwing it over his shoulders, which he repeatedly mumbles greatful thank you's for.

You take a seat back in front of him and watch as his shaky hands lifts the mug to his lips, only now noticing his features. He's quite attractive, he looks like a businessman of some sort, so you trust his story was the truth.

You introduce yourselves and have a nice chat about work and other normal things, the conversation flowing perfectly as the night slowly passes.

You yawn check your phone and realising its 2:00 AM, lazily sitting up from the table.

" Hey Nanami, you can spend the night here and leave in the morning, hang up your clothes to dry and get some sleep on the couch" You say and his brown eyes light up, his pupils expanding as he glares into yours.

He bows his head and sits up,

"Thank you Y/N, i'm so sorry to have disturbed you, could i do anything to make it up to you?"

"Ah, don't worry about it, just don't try to kill me in my sleep or something"  You joke as you place a hand on his shoulder, giggling .

He chuckles and gives you a warm smile.

You slowly walk past him towards the staircase leading up to your room, pausing to look back as he places the blanket neatly on the couch and starts unbuttoning his wet shirt.

You notice the scars on his toned chest in the dim lighting of the TV, you wonder if you should ask him about them but you choose against it, after all it might be too personal and you didn't wanna make things awkward. He noticed you at the bottom of the stairs out the corner of his eyes and turns his head towards you . You turn your eyes from his body and blush, walking up the creaky stairs slowly.

"Goodnight, thank you again"

You hear Nanami say, his voice raspy and tired.

You let out a small " 'night" before walking to your room and turning off the light.

You get comfortable into bed and before you know it, you fell asleep to the tune of the thunder and rain still echoing outside.

Your vision blurs as you turn your head to the door, the lighting of the corridor shining through as it opens. Before you had any time to react, you had a belt tied around your wrist tightly to the bedpost and you were looking down at the man you deemed innocent.

"Nanami, what the fuck?" You yell out, struggling against the bed post as his hands start sliding down your body, slowly taking off your pants. He shushes you and places a knife up to your throat, the sharp blade shining in the moonlight.

You whimper as fear settles in your eyes, his lips crashes down on yours. You try pulling your head back but to no use, he keeps insisting into you give in, and when you did he dropped the blade from his hand, the cold surface of it sliding down your chest making you shiver. He parts his lips from yours and smiles sadistically, the shine in his eyes completely gone as he bores into yours.

He slaps your inner thigh hard before moving his fingers upwards slowly, his fingers grazing over your pantie covered cunt.

You wince in pain and arch your back, still trying to pull away from the bedpost.

He laughs and lowers his head between your thighs, looking up at you as he slides down your panties and licks a stripe up, making you choke out an unwanted moan.

"You have no idea how long i've been waiting to do this"

He breathes against your thigh, his hair messily falling down as he starts hungrily eating you out, his tongue flicking over your clit making you slowly turn your head to the side and close your eyes, biting your bottom lip hard to keep in moans but to no avail.

He dips two fingers near your entrence, collecting your slickness between your lips before shoving his fingers down your throat, making you gag.

"Good fucking slut, " He chuckles and brings his other hand to his pants, quickly lowering them.

Your eyes widen as you watch his cock spring up, the swollen head already leaking with precum.

You shake your head and mumble out a "no", causing his fingers to slip out of your mouth and land a slap across your thigh again.

You let out a loud groan in pain, watching him as a trail of spit runs down to his cock.

"All those nights twirling around your room naked, did you think noone would notice hm?"

He drives himself into you in one stroke, causing you to gasp and grab at the hard buckle of the belt.

"You fucking watched me? " You spit out, your eyes filling up with more and more anger as he begins to slowly move inside you.

"Of course, i knew i had to make you mine"

He lets out a groan before smashing his lips against yours, the taste of you still lingering on his tongue as he twirls it around with yours. He parts his lips from yours and increases his pace, ruthlessly stroking in and out of you causing you to let out loud moans against his mouth , making him smirk in satisfaction. 

You arch your back as your walls tighten down around his cock, sucking him in as you feel your orgasm approaching. He takes a fist full of your hair and pulls your head back to look into his eyes, your eyes blurry and watering.

"Say you're mine" He whispers, and you bite your lower lip.

"Go to hell" You spit out, making him laugh and go in even harder, the sound of skin against skin filling the room as you come undone on his cock, throwing your head back as your whole body shakes. A slap lands across your face pulling your head back to watch him,

"Did you just cum? What a whore you are," He laughs, not slowing down his pace, dropping down his hand to abuse your sensitive clit with his fingers. You roll your eyes and clench down on him again, cursing out loud moans between pants.His strokes become sloppier and you feel his cock pulsating inside you, causing you to widen your eyes and look down.

He parts his lips and throws his head back, a soft groan leaving his lips as he shoots his cum inside you, completely coating your walls.

He slowly pulls out of you and lays down on the bed, breathing heavily as he watches his cum seep out of your hole.

"Fucking untie me" You pant out, and he raises his eyebrow and chuckles,

"Why would i do that?"

"Round two" You pant out, watching him as his eyes light up and he stands up from the bed.

#Nanami x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #yandere Nanami #jjk x reader #non con nanami #kento nanami #kento x reader #kento nanami x reader #Nanami x y/n #fanfic #smut #Nanami smut #kento nanami smut #jjk smut #tatakaebomb #ren&ash

[mrpenguinpants]

I have,, a new Genshin oc 👀 hope u don't mind me sending in so many asks dsdjgjshd but I had to tell someone about her

Her name is Lilith (Lily) and she's a cryo catalyst user from Mondstadt and a senior member of the investigation team. She was childhood friends with Kaeya and Diluc but the Crepus incident pulled them apart. I don't have too many details of her backstory pinned down yet but I've already figured out all her skills and talents and her voicelines lmao so I guess I'll share those instead:

About Kaeya - Friendship: Captain Kaeya… he's an enigma alright. It took me years just to get under that mask of his, and even now I'm still not sure if what I'm seeing is the real him. That said, once you get to know him, he's a loyal and reliable friend. The best anyone can ask for.

About Kaeya - Eyepatch: Kaeya's eyepatch? Why are you asking me?…you think because I'm the closest to him that I would know what's under there? Haha, don't be ridiculous, I hardly know him well enough to pry into his secrets.

About Diluc: I knew him when I was still a knight in training. He was… different back then… happier. Now, after all that's happened… well, best if you go talk to him yourself if you want to know more.

About Albedo: He's brilliant! I admire him a lot—not just for his alchemical genius, but for his dedicated work ethic. Unlike a certain other captain whose name I won't mention, Captain Albedo would never drink on the job.

About Jean: Ah, Acting Grandmaster Jean… though, she's been doing this for so long I feel like she should just take the title of Grandmaster. She seems to be good at everything except taking care of herself. Maybe I should bring her some lunch again today…

About Rosaria: Would it be sacrilege to say I agree with her views on the church? In fact, I have never been a fan of the Church of Favonius. If Mondstadt is the City of Freedom, should not its citizens have the freedom to choose how they worship their Archon?

About Lisa: Is she still calling me her "little helper"? Ugh, when will I be rid of that nickname…

About Venti: Ah, that bard who has recently become Kaeya's drinking buddy? I… admit I may have a distorted judgment of him, as I have yet to see the lad completely sober.

About the Vision: Ah, this is my proudest achievement… though, I'm not sure if I can call it that. I was just in the right place at the right time. Anyone else would've done the same.

Favorite food: Nothing warms the heart and soul like a nice bowl of soup! What, you think just because I wield cryo that I can never get cold?

Least favorite food: I will never understand this city's love for alcohol. Not only is the taste repulsive, it clouds the mind and impairs judgement. …How can Kaeya drink so much of the stuff?

Lilith's Hobbies: Did you know that there's a grand piano in the Knights' headquarters that no one uses? Such a shame that this beautiful instrument goes unappreciated. Say… when you next have time, would you like to come in for a private concert?

Lilith's Troubles: There's just not enough time to do all the things I want to do. If only Captain Albedo's alchemy could add more hours to the day… hmm…

More about Lilith - I: My research? Oh, you misunderstand. I'm merely a member of the investigation team, not an alchemist. However, I have helped Captain Albedo with various experiments, so I've picked up a few things.

Kaeya's About Lilith: Lilith? Heh, I've known her for quite some time now. Yes, we're friends. Are we close? Hmm… let's just say that she understands me in a way that most people in Mondstadt cannot.

Fun facts/backstory?:

Kaeya calls her his little lily (only in private or when he's trying to tease her)

She and Kaeya drifted apart after Crepus' death, but once Diluc returned to Mondstadt Kaeya began approaching her once again. They rekindled their friendship but Lilith knows Kaeya's keeping secrets from her. She just hopes he can one day trust her enough to reveal the truth.

Kaeya hasn't told her about Khaenri'ah or his past, but just the fact that she was one of the few people who were actually friends with him before the Crepus incident puts her in his circle of trust

She's shorter than Kaeya and he will not stop teasing her for it

They're not dating (yet)

Lilith got her Vision when the library of Mondstadt caught fire (this is canon but it happened like way back in the day so I'm bending the timeline a little lol) and she rushed in to save the books. This was before she became a knight and was just working as a helper around the library (hence her voiceline about Lisa). She was able to save several rare manuscripts thanks to her newfound power keeping the flames at bay. Afterward she was awarded a medal by the Grandmaster but she always considered the Vision her true reward. This event is also what pushed her to become a knight in earnest so she can use her powers to protect Mondstadt

I just realized that both of my Genshin OCs' visions match the characters I paired them with lmao

As a playable character she'd likely be a main/sub DPS whose focus is critting the hell out of your enemies. She'd synergize well w cryo resonance. You'd want her on a freeze team bc her charged attack summons an icicle and counts as a heavy attack so it can deal shattered damage

Haha whoops this became really long dskfjdjd but uhh hope you enjoyed reading about Lilith!! I'm still trying to figure out what she looks like so there may be art on the way soon 👀

Blinking at this 20 page essay in front of me haha but please don't worry about sending me too many asks. If you're okay with my shit reply times then spam my inbox with anything.

Is there a cyro catalyst in genshin yet? I don't think so (maybe signora but she's not playable yet) but it's such a good fucking concept and I want it. It would look so pretty or elegant or we could be throwing snowballs goddammit. But can I say how much I love voice lines??? As much of a lore junkie that I am, there's something about voice lines that send me. If you have any more voice lines. please feed me.

Side note: "…How can Kaeya drink so much of the stuff?"

I'm pretty sure it's borderline confirmed since Venti drinks to forget his ptsd...I'm hard eyeballing Kaeya for the same reasons.

Can I say how fucking hot it is when characters don't pry into each other's business? Just having that mutual trust that you can take care of whatever you're dealing with, and if you can't, you can come to me for help without feeling ashamed. I'm not self-reflecting at all, what do you mean? But I'm enjoying this dynamic a lot. Feels very healthy and I support that. But hey, double cryo has a pretty good element synergy bonus haha. Speaking of criting, my Eula has a 15% crit chance....

But if you do create art or more lore, please share with me! Unless you already have and I haven't seen the ask yet haha.

#cattycattitude #genshin #genshin impact #genshin lore #genshin impact lore #genshin spoilers #genshin impact spoilers #genshin oc #genshin impact oc #oc #genshin kaeya #genshin impact kaeya #kaeya #super duper big mwah #lovely person #ask

[hwavsg4ch4n]

WHISPER|| K.S

warnings/tags: college boyfriend!Seungmin, fem!reader, sub!reader, VERY softdom!Seungmin, oral (f reciving), fingering, prasing, a lot of sweet flirting lol, penetration, orgasam (both), mentions of love (ik ew), protected seggs, metions of other members,

authors note: this is the cutest thing that I've ever written, so I really wanted to try lol. Therefore this is pretty long ( a little over 3.6k). However I'm proud of it, so yeah!

THANK SO MUCH TO MY FRIEND FOR HELPING ME BRAINSTORM THIS PLOT!!!

this is pure fiction

The music series, I chose songs and assign them to each member. I write each work according to the vibe of said song. Each work will have smut, whether it is soft, hard, or a mixture of the two. You don’t need to listen to the song to enjoy it, the song would finish before you’re done reading but listening to the song in general is recommended, because why not? To learn more click <here>.

description: Seungmin has his own special love language, and he thinks you'll really like it.

Part of the music series <masterlist>

Seungmin huffed in frustration as he caught himself smiling like an idiot, again. He tuned out the monotone voice of the English professor, just so he could focus on looking at you; his favorite hobby.

You couldn't help but to let out a light chuckle before turning back around, focusing on the professor's heavily lazy voice, making sure to take notes to give your shy boyfriend extra help later. But your mind wandered, was he wearing that sweater today? The one you bought for him, telling him he looked unreal in it. Is that the one he wore? It didn't hurt to check. You glanced over your shoulder, straining your eyes only to be met with his soft ones again. His gentle smile made your heart race, but you were done for when you saw that black and brown wool sweater; sitting on his shoulders and complimenting his glowy skin as he flashed his braces at you.

You couldn't help but to let out a light chuckle before turning back around, focusing on the professor's heavily lazy voice, making sure to take notes to give your shy boyfriend extra help later. But your mind wandered, was he wearing that sweater today? The one you bought for him, telling him he looked unreal in it. Is that the one he wore? It didn't hurt to check. You glanced over your shoulder, straining your eyes only to be met with his soft ones again. His gentle smile made your heart race, but you were done for when you saw that black and brown wool sweater; sitting on his shoulders and complimenting his glowy skin as he flashed his braces at you.

You smiled back timidly before turning back around. It was stupid really, seeing how into Seungmin you were. It's not like he wouldn't be able to tell. You often gave him compliments, telling him how smart he was, how lucky you felt to him in your life. It wasn't a secret that you were big on words of affirmation, but Seungmin... not so much. He was more of a quality time kinda guy. Always asking if you were free, coming to your apartment or your study sessions at the library. But he wouldn't ever bother you, he'd sit there, doing his own work, or playing on his phone. It was your favorite when he brung his guitar from his music class. He'd never say no when you asked him play you a tune. That's how he showed you meant the world to him. But still, it never got through to you, how much you meant to him. After all, you were big on words.

"Alright, class done, dismissed, whatever." Your professor didn't even bother wiping the board before he left. Students soon found their friends, packing up together, making plans. You packed extra slowly, waiting for what happened after this class every time you had it. "You free later?" You smiled as you finally put away your laptop before turning around. Your heart melted as you looked into his eyes that held a plethora of emotions you couldn't decipher. "I'm always free for you Seungmin." You grinned and put your bag over your shoulder as the boy blushed, letting out an embarrassed chuckle.

"Movie night?" Your lips curved up at his suggestion, smiling as his ears turned red. Rolling his eyes, Seungmin let out a sigh. "I'll see you later, y/n." You watched as walked down the steps and out the door of the lecture hall, leaving you alone to think if you were too much for him to handle, too expressive of your emotions, but how else would you tell him you loved him without him having a cough fit? You haven't told him those 3 words yet, you wanted to. You fought the urge to tell him when you two studied, when you two hung out with friends, every time you saw him. You didn't want to scare your boyfriend, force him into saying it back. So you settled for the sweetest of words, hoping he'd understand without hearing it so bluntly.

Your phone buzzed as you walked to your next class. You answered with a polite smile, "Hey Changbin, what's up?" You frowned as your heard rustling and shouts over the phone. "Hello?" you asked hesitantly, only to hold the phone away from your ear as Changbin screamed you name. "Are you guys okay?" you chuckled. "I just wanted to say... you and Seungmin have the place for yourself's." You widened your eyes at his words, but before you could ask for further explanation the line went dead.

Your last class was spent in thought, what was Changbin implying? Well, you knew what he was implying, but every time you tried to accept it your face started to heat up. Seungmin wouldn't want to do that with you yet, right? You didn't know what he was thinking half the time, but you were positive he wasn't thinking of that. The professor dismissed the class and you soon got a text from Seungmin, telling you he'd meet you outside.

"Hey." You said nicely, giving him a kiss on the cheek before getting his car. "So what movie do you wanna watch?" He asked. You pondered, letting out a playful "Hm?". After a few more seconds you said what you were thinking ever since he asked the question. "Anything you pick will be okay with me." He bit his lip in response, holding in a shy grin, but you grew worried at the lack of response. "Sorry." You let out, your boyfriend was confused at the sudden outburst, ready to ask "for what" until you interrupted. "How about avatar? The one with the blue people!" You chipped. He nodded, giving a soft "Okay" as he pulled into the driveway.

You watched from the dinning table as Seungmin moved around the kitchen, cleaning the dishes and throwing out the bag of chips you two finished throughout the movie. Thoughts were swarming your mind, eventually you gave up keeping them there. Your eyes followed his movements as he smiled and plopped down on the couch next to you. "Am I too much?" Seungmin was taken back by the question, immediately letting out a surprised no and asking why you felt the need to ask.  "I feel like I come on too strong. I just... I like you a lot and..." He watched in worry as you cut yourself short, having an inner conflict as you stared down to your fiddling fingers. You sighed in defeat, it was now or never. "Seungmin, I love you. Okay? It's alright if you don't love m-" "Who said I didn't love you, y/n?" You grew silent. Looking up to be met with his eyes as he stared deeply into yours, watching as you processed his words; you felt uncertain. "Don't say you do if you're no-" You were cut off once again as his lips pressed themselves flush to yours.

Any breaths you were hoping to make were on hold as Seungmin had your mouth preoccupied. Kissing you with passion you've never felt from him. You couldn't even form thoughts as his hands found their way to your cheeks, pressing you impossibly closer to himself. Your chest heaved as he slowly pulled away, looking into your eyes to offer a reassuring smile. "You don't get to tell me how I feel," you stayed silent, not finding the right words to even respond. "I'm gonna show you how I feel, hopefully you'll get it that way. Is that okay with you?" His thumb rubbed over your cheek as he asked you quietly. You nodded, curious of how he'd express himself to you in a way you'd understand.

He glided his hands from your cheeks to your neck, you watched him as he watched his hands. Moving as delicate as he could, not wanting to make any mistakes, not wanting you to second guess his feelings again. You shivered as he leaned in once more, pressing his lips softly to the skin on your jaw. His lips followed right after his hands until he finally reached your shoulder. You gasped as he softly bit, a breath escaped your lips as he started to suck at your skin, leaving the softest marks as his lips traveled back up to your neck.

You were speechless, not ever being touched by him like this before, not being touched with such softness ever. "Go to my room, I'll be there in a second. Okay?" You nodded, closing your eyes as he placed a peck to your forehead. You steadily got up from the couch and tried not to embarrass yourself as you walked to his room. You stood in silence, staring at his perfectly made bed; coming to terms with what was probably going to happen.

"You okay?" You turned around to be met with Seungmin smiling at you softly. You hummed an "mhm", your face heating up as he chuckled. "Why are you just standing there?" he asked. You plop down on his bed in response, trying not to show your nervousness as he locked the door behind him.

"I'm sorry I made you think that I'm not in love with you." Despite how shy his words make you feel, you shook your head at his apology; not wanting to speak as he sat down next to you. "I'm not good with words, you know that." He grabbed your hands, "Of course, I know that." You smiled. "But you also know that I'm much better at actions." Your breath hitched, hiccuping as you spoke back in understanding, "Yeah.. I know that."

Seungmin's hand placed itself on your lower back, without breaking his gaze, he lifted your shirt slightly. "Is this o-" "Seungmin just take it off please." He grinned in amusement, taking off your top slowly. Peering at how your breasts sat comfortably in your white bra, dragging his hand up your arm and cupping the back of your neck. You felt immense pressure under his gaze, his eyes locked on yours, not faltering as you dryly gulped. You felt as if you could really see him, his eyes finally holding emotions you might actually be able to grasp. "S-Seung- '' your talking ceased as he shook his head in dissatisfaction, a playful smile painted on his face. "You don't have to speak this time, I got you."

With a fluttering heart, he kissed you once more. But this time deeper, more passionate than sweet. You sighed into him, letting his hands feel over your chest and torso. One hand buried into your hair, holding the back of your head, and pulling you closer as the other held your naked back for stability. The hand on your back glided up to the hooks of your bra, unbuckling with no warning. You gasped away from his lips, "Sorry," he muttered, trying to clip it together again but you stopped him with a soft grin, moving away from his body to let it fall. "No no it's okay, just surprised me is all."

He tried not to stare, he really did; it made you chuckle. "Here," you grabbed his shaky hands, "touch me." You didn't force him, you just hovered his hands over your mounds. For the first time tonight he broke eye contact, just to see if he was handling you correctly. He clutched the flesh, not squeezing, just holding. "P-play with them." you whimpered. He parted his lips at your command, not sure about what you meant, so he did what he assumed you meant.

"O-oh min-" You gasped as he attached his lips to your left bud, letting you gently fall back onto his bed as he climbed on top of you. His warm tongue swirling around, sucking where he saw fit. Seungmin listens to your whimpers, fascinated with the sounds you were capable of making. "I didn't know you'd be so sensitive here." He says, looking up while pinching your fully hardened nipples. "Is the other one like this too?" You didn't answer, the sensation of him pinching and flicking was too much. You let out a shallow whine as he resumed his assault on the other bud. He was so gentle, and for some reason that made you feel everything at once. Your nerves were heightened, due to the satisfying feeling of him being this close to you. As you unknowingly bucked your hips, but Seungmin did plan trying to stop you, only smiling as your tiny noises made their way to his ears. Finding your reactions to such mediocre sensations, adorable.

"O-off, please." You begged, gesturing to your sweats as your legs suddenly felt too hot. He nodded, "You know what, I don't think I'm doing this right." You let out a breathy "Huh?" as he undid the strings of your sweats, making the move to kiss your smooth thighs as he pulled the thick cloth down your legs. "Am I moving too slow for you, baby?" You grew flustered at the unfamiliar pet name. "B-baby?" You whispered. He stifled a laugh, only showing you his grin as he parted your legs open; kissing the inside of your thighs. "Can you answer my question please?" You tried, but his delicate kisses got closer and closer to your clothed core. "Y-you're doing amazing." He planted a kiss to the covered bud as a thank you. You licked your lips at the teasing action, watching as he looked up at you; hints of mischief laced in his gaze. "Thank you." He grinned, laying a kiss right next to the seam closest to your core. "Just relax for me." His hands soothed the skin on your outer thighs as he laid them on his shoulders, pulling your underwear to the side.

His lips parted at the sight of your glistening heat, cursing under his breath as you dripped to his sheets. "What's got you this wet?'' The rhetorical question has you whining with embarrassment. He laughs softly, his breath hitting your flesh as you timidly squirm at the feeling. "Okay Okay, shhh." He hushed you sweetly as he planted kisses to the inner lips, pressing a chase peck to your clit as, chuckling as you became a little agitated.

"Stop teas-" Your head hits his pillow as he laps up your arousal. "So good." He murmured. Gasps of pleasure were sent out into the air as his tongue reached every part of you he could. Your hands blindly scrambled for something to hold, Seungmin looked up, smiling against your most sensitive area before grabbing your hands and placing them in his hair, only continuing when you got what you needed.

As he sucked and licked your clit, one finger played at your sopping entrance, the lewd sounds amplified as he slowly inserted. All of the sudden you weren't a words person anymore, letting out gasps and shallow whines as you grinned against his tongue, gently tugging at his hair as devoured you. "C-cumming... I'm... keep going" You managed to let out. He curled that one finger, taking his tongue away and replacing it with this skilled thumb. He watched as your back arched, kissing the skin of your pelvis as your body shuddered in his hold.

He eased you though your orgsam, rubbing your clit slowly as he slid his now slicked finger out of your heat, admiring how your walls tried to suck him back in. He hummed lowly, acting your attention as you opened your eyes, lips parting as he tasted your juices off his appendage. You never thought you'd get to see him like this, making you beg for him to be close to you in any way possible. "Are you done for the night?"  You shook your head in protest, "Get naked Seungmin." He laughed at your bluntness, pulling out a condom from his back pocket before unbuckling his pants.

Any remaining thoughts left your mind as you got the sight of his hands; Moving at just the right pace in order to talk off his pants. His views bulking though his silky skin made your mind wonder. After he was done taking off his top, your motor skills had a mind of their own. "Y/n?" he asked curiously as you took one of his hands, holding it up to your lips. His breath hitched as you stuck two of his fingers into your mouth, sucking as you stared deeply into his glossy eyes. Seungmin understood he's got you to a state of mind he's never thought you had, what else did you have in you to make his member leak into his boxers like this? He watched you suck on his fingers with a foggy mind, his dick twitching in his underwear as he imagined what your tongue would feel like around his length.

You released his fingers with a pop, giggling at his dazed out face. He grunted, watching as you placed his hand to your cheek, kissing his palm out of admiration. "Pretty." He trails his hand away from your cheek, placing his palm flat on your belly and grabbing the condom, sliding himself out his boxers, he's eyes never leaving yours. "Are you ready?" You nodded, your gaze fixed on his member, jumping as his hand made contact with the sensitive tip, gliding the latex on easily with the help of his arousal.

"Come here." You say softly, pulling him down by the shoulder to meet your lips for another deep kiss. You whimper, feeling his dick slide through your slicked folds before lining up with your entrance. It's the euphoric feeling, the amazing mind numbing pain of being stretched that makes your eyes roll back as you let out a gasp. "Shhh, I'm right here." He kissed your forehead, your tightly shut eyelids, the tip of your nose, all the way down to your flushed lips, attempting to soothe you in any way possible. Your eyes fluttered open, your gaze never leaving his as he slid in further. Your walls stretched around him until the final inch. At no time did Seungmin's eyes falter from looking into you, catching every emotion you shared with him non-verbally as he gave you time to adjust.

"You're eyes are so pretty." He says bluntly, smiling as you softly hit his chest, not expecting the sudden compliment. He keeps his small grin on his face as he looks down, lifting one of your legs and resting it on his waist. Whimpers fill the room as he begins with a long steady thrust, pushing into you with no rush so you'll feel all of him. He picks up his pace soon after a couple of test thrusts. Your breathing gets labored as he whispers softly into your ear, "So warm. you feel so good." His name falls from your mouth like a soft steady chant as he finds a deeper angle to make you feel the best you ever did. "S-Seung... oh my god." Your mouth falls open as he hits your most sensitive spots perfectly. "Mm, right there?" You frantically nod, wrapping your arm around his shoulders, trying to bring him impossibly closer.

"Fuck," He grunts quietly. Your walls tighten around him as the pleasure overtakes every nerve in your body. Seungmin pulls away from your neck, watching your low glossy eyes and partially parted mouth as whispered profanities and erotic sounds move passed your lips; his name falling in the mix every once in a while. He smiles tiredly, loving the feeling of making you feel this good, his member twitching inside your velvety walls every time he hears his name. "You look so beautiful like this." A low sob-like sound emits from your throat at the praise, biting the skin on his shoulder to stop yourself from getting too carried away.

"I know baby, you're doing so good." He tried not to get too lost either, anchoring himself for the sake of showing you how much you mean to him. But he moans as you tighten particularly around him, groaning as your moans get louder. He can't help but to lift your other leg and wrap it around his waist, briefly telling you to lock your legs around him, you do. Your loud moans turn into gasps as he speeds up, hitting that spongy spot inside you every time. "Fuck you're so good." You spoke, it seems as if he liked the praise as well. "You're fucking me so well." you whispered into his ear, "So big, fills me up s-so well." He whimpered, not expecting such filthy words to escape your lips. "Jesus Y/n." he groans, placing his head into the crook of your neck.

"Cu-um? Pl-lease..." He wasn't sure why you were asking, but what's the fun in saying yes? Even if he was torturing himself in the process. "Hold it for a little while longer baby." That pet name made it even harder for you. "I- I can't, I can't please." You begged, over and over, feeling his dick jump inside of your walls as you clenched around him. "Okay okay, cum baby." And you did, your legs shaking and you tightened even more around him. Seungmin bit down on your shoulder, trying to quiet himself from being too loud. He moaned the loudest he ever did against your skin, panting as his thrusts got sloppy. He spilled into the condom as you ran your fingers through his hair, soothing him though his climax. "I love you Y/n." He panted, looking at you deeply. You grinned, "I love you too."

The room was quiet as you two were tangled together under the sheets, listening to the rhythm of each other's breaths as his thumb caresses your cheek. "Did that get the point across?" He asked playfully. You giggled, "Mmm, you may have to show me again for it to really sink in."

#Spotify #skz imagines #skz scenarios #skz smut #kim seungmin #skz minho #stray kids #skz ff #skz fluff #skz hard thoughts #skz

[sparklinpixiedust]

Basic Training

This post has been sitting in my drafts for months now, during which I've come up with a few ways I wanted to write this post. This is what I've come up with.

Basic Training is the episode which made me hate Ben the most. The whole episode consisted him of being a stuck up brat only to be rewarded for it in the end.

This episode was the perfect opportunity to have Kevin in the spotlight and show how skilled and smart he is.

Gwen's presence in this episode was actually fine, there's no change needed for that.

Look, I know the shows named Ben 10 but we have seen Ben be the hero tons of times already.

And Ben being egoistic about his heroism is not something new in the franchise.

There have been episodes on the OS where Ben got a big head, yet I dont ever see anyone complaining about that.

Was is it because he was 10 that we excuse this behaviour? Nope.

15 - 16 is still pretty young and his attitude can be excused at this age as well.

My opinion? It was handled better in the OS.

There were times when Ben wasn't always the main focus.

In Lucky Girl, Ben has his ' who's your hero?' Moment.

They showed Gwen feeling jealous and hurt by the fact she wasn't noticed much.

It was realistic.

Then the epsiode proceeded to focus on Gwen , having Ben being kind of like a sub plot to the story.

Towards the end Ben compliments her.

So yeah Ben got big head, but at the same time they shifted focus so that the audience wouldn't find it annoying.

Gwen was in the spotlight for a bit, giving people a break from Ben.

Secondly  , in Be Afraid Of The Dark, Ben again is shown to be slightly stuck up, but towards the end of that episode he learns and acknowledges Gwen and Grandpa for help and understands his crime fighting is more of a team effort.

In Galactic Enforcers, we are shown there are other heros besides Ben as well.

Ben wasn't the sole focus of that episode. Yes it was about him but also about the Galactic Enforcers.

I don't think he was shown to be over confident here , but it was nice to see some other heros in the scene.

The Ben 10,000 episode focuses on how Ben was too focused on his job and the lesson at that was Ben needed to relax and have them Galactic Enforcers take the lead instead.

Again , his attitude towards everything was brought in focus but towards the end he learnt something.

I recently started watching Generator Rex and I can't help but compare Rex's character to Ben's.

Rex is also proud , rushes into things and considers himself to be a hotshot. But they also show him being down ,having trouble with his nanites and actually voice out his insecurities.

He's still the hero, still has things go his way most times but it's not annoying like Ben.

( I've only seen like 7 episodes so far so I don't know if this going to go down hil or not but so far so good)

The issue with the sequels after the OS was that Ben was the focus a bit too much.

We as the audience were rarely ever given a break from him.

Other than a few conversations here and there about his attitude,  nothing really was done about it.

Gwen should've been appreciated more for saving Kevin and Kevin should've been appreciated for stopping Aggregor.

But they weren't.

If it had been Ben , they would've made sure to show him getting some sort of recognition or trophy.

Back to the Basic Training episode.

We know he's the legendary Ben Tennyson, we know he's a hero. We didn't need another episode on it.

Instead the plot should've focused on Kevin. His skills, his abilities.

Ben would act the same but Magsiter Hulka should've put some sort of cover so Ben couldn't use the omnitrix.

Ben goes on breaking rules,  and having a hard time being a hero without the watch.

Towards the end, it should've been Kevin who cracks the case and saves Hulka. Ben is mad he can't use the omnitrix but instead uses the guns and other weapons he's learnt to use at the academy

He's not amazing at them , but it makes him realise that he is hero , watch or not, something that has been emphasised in the show. Its not impossible for him to function without the watch.

Towards the end, Ben getting a 95 was a stretch. I'm sorry , but the guy wasn't great with using weapons and without the watch I dont think he would've been able to complete that hostage excercise.

I'm thinking more like 89%.

Gwen gets 98, that's fine and Kevin gets a 100.

Hulka comes in and awards the medal (?) to Kevin, suggesting he's becoming more like his father.

( im ignoring the ret con, plus the retcon I'm assuming wasnt thought off at this point by the writers)

Ben is shown to take one of the guns back to earth, because he thinks they're cool and he wants to practice and get better at them.

The whole hostage situation makes him want to get better at making strategies.

Yes he's good at improv, but he needs to learn to properly plan as well.

It doesn't matter if he's never shown to use the gun ever again, and he's back to relying on the omnitrix.

Or maybe some time down the line, he could use the weapon, even if it for a second, to show that he is improving and getting better.

Before you say 'he's already a hero, he doesn't need to learn anything ' sorry but no.

He's 16. He may have saved the world but he still has growing up to do. Different battles are going to arise all the time.

Saying he is perfect at 16 is dumb. Saying he's perfect when he's ben 10k , it'll make some sense. He's been around for a while and is pretty experienced.

The watch is a part of him, but seeing him try to explore other options would've been a fresher idea.

Another scene that made me mad was the court (?) scene in Vreedle, Vreedle.

Ben being a hero shouldn't make him above the law.

Domstol ruling in favor of Ben just because he's the legendry Ben Tennyson was stupid.

After Ben's little monologue , and destroying Domstols desk, the judge should've just informed him that being a hero does not excuse him from following the law.

Kevin could've had his little moment doing some negotiation ( would've been nice to see how he works as con artist) and Ben could've jumped in and helped while making some good points for the argument, showing us he's not stupid.

Then having Domstol rule in their favor would've made sense.

On the way back to earth there could've been a joke about how Ben watches Judge Judy too much which is where he learnt about trials and stuff. Or maybe Gwens dad taught him a thing or two at some point.

All this doesn't mess with Ben's character all that much, he's still the hero of the show, he still has his ego but it makes him more likeable, shifts focus from his attitude, and shows us he's pretty smart and is growing into a good hero.

Ben's not a bad guy. I mean he is the hero of the show. There are tons of scenes which show he's good , like the whole sacrificing thing so the ultimates could live and all.

But little scenes here and there tend to be enough for someone , especially for someone who isn't a super hard-core Ben lover to form negative opinions on him.

Although calling him a psychopath / narc is out of line because I don't find him to be like that. His attitude was magnified by him being in the spotlight too much and writers not having a good balance in writing situations.

Ben being the main character of the show is at risk of becoming hated or less appreciated just because he's the font runner of the show.

Admit it, side characters tend to get more love most times than the main agonist of shows.

I've been watching videos on YouTube on this topic as to why this happens , and what I've come up with is that writers of shows tend to focus too much on main character. Things seem to go their way most times and this tends to get on peoples nerves, consciously or subconsciously because it's not exactly realistic.

Having shows where everything focuses on one person most times tend to backfire.

I don't mind Ben having a big head, I dont mind him making jokes and being so casual.

It's his defense mechanism to protect himself from drowning into the struggles and pressures of being a hero. But always having him be that way isn't good.

The writers should've executed it properly.

( okay this post got really long,  more than I thought it would. If you're read the whole things , congratulations on making it here lol.

I'm not going to stop anyone from replying to this because everyone has different opinions and we all have the freedom to express them.

Although I believe I've made my point and I've made sure to keep in mind all the arguments about why bashing Ben is wrong when he's not a bad guy while typing this out.

I don't think I've directed any major hate towards him , its mostly towards the writers for making the situations like that,but if you think I have you can reply to it.

I'm not gonna reply back though , because again I feel I've made my point.

Any agreements / disagreements you have with the post feel free to share because it is your right.

Any disagreements you have with other members,  as long as its related to the post you can share it.

Any issues you have personally with other members,  please keep them to your selves.

I will not tolerate bullying , harassing,  name calling and petty arguments on my post and blog page.

If this happens I will simply delete this post and re-upload it.)

#ben 10 au #ben 10 #kevin levin #ben 10 alien force #ben tennyson #ben 10 reboot #ben 10 omniverse #ben 10 analysis #ben 10 series #ben 10 critical #ben 10 classic #my take