#i've just spent SO MUCH of my life being a star wars fan

[photogirl894]

I know I've shared before a bit of what The Bad Batch has meant to me, but I just feel that I have so much more I want to say. Though, in all honesty, I don't think I'll ever be able to put into words exactly how much it means to me, but I'll certainly endeavor to do my best 😊

Having grown up with Clone Wars and just being a lifelong Star Wars fan in general, I was excited when the Bad Batch show was announced. Another Star Wars animated show?? Hell yeah!! I was so down for it. I remember going to my parents place to watch it with my family and my friends...and I fell in love SO fast! I remember thinking the Bad Batch were cool in their CW season 7 arc, but that was about it. Something about them in "Aftermath" changed my view of them and having Omega show up, too, made it even better. Then episode 2 came out later that week and I knew I was hooked right as the episode ended.

I had no idea just how much this show would consume my life 😅

I hadn't been so obsessed with a fandom since The Hobbit movies. That fandom was what introduced me to writing fanfiction and to Tumblr. Then Bad Batch was what made me go back to Tumblr and to fanfiction, as well. It made me start writing for the world of Star Wars, a world I didn't think I would ever be able to write for. I came back to Tumblr after a few years cuz once I found myself going so crazy for this show, I knew Tumblr was the right place to find other people just as crazy about it, just like I'd been able to do for the Hobbit.

And boy, was I right!!

I have found almost more people who loved Bad Batch as much as me than I did in my Hobbit days. Every single person I've talked to and interacted with have impacted my life in so many ways. I even had the special privilege of meeting a couple people in person, as well, which were wonderful experiences! I've spent many hours on discord calls either just one on one with certain people or in severs with big groups of people, playing games, chatting and just having a grand time. I've made some of the greatest friends I've ever had here and it's all thanks to the Bad Batch! I would name each person here, but I don't want to accidentally leave anyone out because there are just so many I'd want to mention, but you all know who you are! 💜💜 I mean it when I say I love all of you, every person I've ever interacted with! You all are truly amazing and I seriously hope I'll get to meet more of you in person in the future 💜

Being back on Tumblr also came with its fair share of drama over the past couple years, but if anything, all that made me stronger, more resilient and it also showed me who my true friends are. I'm grateful for those who stood beside me in those times.

Many of you have been there for me through other hard times in my life, when I had awful drama at work or financial troubles or just bad days in general. A lot of you let me vent so many times and offered me kindness, help and advice, which have meant the world to me. Some of you have even supported mine and my friends' Twitch and YouTube channels and have watched our Star Wars D&D streams or our charity streams, which also means so much to me and I can't thank those of you have supported us enough!

I've learned a lot from the Bad Batch over the years, as well.

Hunter taught me to never give up on your family and to fight for what you think is right.

Crosshair taught me to stick to your beliefs and that it's always possible to change.

Echo taught me to always be loyal to your friends and that you can grow beyond your trauma.

Tech taught me to always be who you are, no matter what everyone thinks, and to treasure your knowledge of things.

Wrecker taught me that it's okay to still have a playful side and to never be afraid of sharing what you love with people.

Omega taught me that compassion is not a weakness, but a strength and you're never too small or too young to make a difference.

So much of my life has changed in just 3 years because of this group of ragtag Clones and their exciting adventures in a galaxy far, far away. Even now, I don't think I've said everything I want to say...but I know I've said just enough.

Now, the show is coming to an end...and I'm feeling the same sadness I did when I knew the last Hobbit movie was coming out. Because that means the thing that has given me something to look forward to for so long is ending. I've become so emotionally invested in these characters and stories and I feel like I'm saying goodbye to loved ones. I legit don't know what I'm gonna do for a while.

One thing I do know I AM gonna do is I'm not going anywhere in the fandom. Space Mama will be around for a long time to come 😊💜 I've got fics to write and friendships to maintain!

All that's left to say is thank you. Thank you to every single person who have come into my life and will continue to be a part of it. Thank you to Dave Filoni (who I know, at least, started the show and brought the Bad Batch into Clone Wars) Jennifer Corbett, Brad Rau, the Kiner's, Joel Aron and, of course, Michelle Ang and Dee Bradley Baker for bringing this fantastic show to life.

In the words of Hunter: "Change takes getting used to. You'll see. Just give it time." Words we're all going to have to live by.

But also, in his words: "If this is where you want to be, then this is where you'll stay."

This is where I want to be...and this is where I'll stay 💜💜

May the Force be with us all...always 💜

#star wars the bad batch #the bad batch #bad batch hunter #bad batch crosshair #bad batch echo #bad batch wrecker #bad batch tech

[gffa]

The thing I really miss about Star Wars novels is exemplified by being two-thirds of the way through Inquisitor: Rise of the Red Blade and how I think I'm legitimately enjoying it, but in a very specific way, and I think there's actually a ton you could dig into the structure and bias of the narrator that I think is done on purpose and that I can find sympathy for a character actively falling to the dark side and what she's going through without validating the people she's demonizing in her head because I've been there, I have had my brain lying to me all my life, telling me things I know aren't true, making me believe them despite all evidence otherwise, and do you guys KNOW how much I love hot messes of a disaster lady? I fucking love a woman who is just an awful mess and doesn't have to actually be perfect or nice and maybe just once or twice says a kind of catty thing, NO, SHE IS A WHOLE ASS MESS and I LOVE HER!! But also I'm kind of in the position of how I'm tired of getting stories of characters falling to the dark side being the vast majority of what stories explore with the Jedi, I enjoy them, but not when that's all there is, and I have spent YEARS AND YEARS going back and forth with the discussions about the Jedi and I am so tired of it, I DON'T WANT TO ANYMORE. I just want to write my commentary and thoughts down in the vein that I have them and have that be it. I want to say, "This is a really glorious unreliable narrator here, because everything she says is contradicted by what the Jedi actually say/do, and she is explicitly a character designed with neurodivergent/mental health issues aspects in mind and you can't divorce that from her character." and like I don't even want to discuss with other Jedi fans about what the author may or may not have said (I read one interview from her at the beginning, enjoyed it fine, and AM NOT INTERESTED in knowing or hearing anything further) or how annoying it is to have a book like this, I JUST WANT TO DIG INTO A STORY and not have to worry about bracing myself for combat. (And also the thorny issue of how this isn't precisely a recommendation because I'm not sure others would enjoy it, like even if you agreed with me, I'm not sure it'd be something in your wheelhouse, but I don't want to even get into that, it feels exhausting, like, just I want to talk about how I'm enjoying it, but not have to articulate why I think others possibly wouldn't, just leave it at "nah, I don't think you'd enjoy it".) I know this is some IRL stuff spilling over onto my reading of this book and I'm aware of the state of a lot of creators in SW right now hold opinions that have made me stop reading their works because I am no longer interested in anything they have to contribute, but also like. Sometimes I just want to enjoy a book on my own terms and not have to feel like I'm arguing a case, but instead reveling in the glorious hot mess of a central female character that maybe I relate to and have sympathy for even while recognizing that she is painting a very unreliable portrait within the book, because I Have Been There. Idk, I'm not saying this very well, and a lot of it is outside factors, but I have this giant tangled ball of "I just want to enjoy something for once, not examine why it might actually be doing my Blorbos all wrong", like aren't we supposed to be in fandom for the enjoyment of things, not to constantly argue with people? /tired and hasn't been sleeping well and has been thinking about this instead of wrenching irl stuff

#lumi.txt #novels #star wars

[cosmicrhetoric]

tagged by the incomparable @briarhips to post nine book recs <3 sorry so many of these are classics im going thru smth

Sense and Sensibility, Jane Austen: This is MY Austen of choice. I'm doing a reread atm and it's very Emma in it's social commentary but this is THEE eldest daughter book of all time. Maybe I just like when characters are super repressed but if you want to see a woman (who has spent 200 pages being soooo hinged) have the most cathartic breakdown about it......

Identitti, Mithu Sanyal: For fans of Kuang's Yellowface who want a bit more of an academic lens! Our main character, a 2nd gen Indian-German woman, spends years of her life in the trenches of postcolonial study under a seemingly Indian woman who is then exposed as white. It doesn't give you any easy answers but it provides a lot of scholarly resources and leaves a lot of space to come to your own conclusions. Read it on a plane. Kinda fire.

Eros the Bittersweet, Anne Carson: We all know Carson. But I'm picking a nonfiction essay instead of Autobiography of Red or her translations mostly because this one takes you behind the curtain of a lot of her famous translations when it comes to the aspect of love. I'm not really nonfiction girl in general but this was worth it

Chain Gang All Stars, Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah: Speculative abolitionist fiction! Set in a near future where prisoners can compete in death matches to try and win their freedom. I've honestly read nothing like this...ever, like it's in a league of it's own but if you're a fan of the way footnotes were used in something like Babel you're gonna wanna check this out. Multiple povs (really interesting pov switching from a craft perspective actually) overlap to paint a stark and realistic depiction of American prisons.

The Devourers, Indrapramit Das: This was described to me as "IWTV but with werewolves and in Mughal India and actually really good" and while that's a pretty comprehensive plot summary it does not even begin to cover the shit this novel goes through. This is a book about transformation and stories and what letting a story live in you can do for you. The werewolves are kinda obviously a genderqueer allegory as well (as they often are in sff lmao) but when the interviewer himself starts talking about gender in his experiences you can see how that changes the story he's transcribing and it's just very cool. Heavy trigger warnings on this one though. Don't read if you can't handle a bit of piss (they are wolves). Writing style wise feels very similar to the magical realism of The Hungry Tide if that's ur bag

The Mill on the Floss, George Eliot: In the way that s&s is my Austen, this is MY Eliot. A classic story about women of this era who cannot fit into the boxes society lays out for them. A failed romance brands the main character an outcast in their town in a way that is. Hear me out. Fucking Utenaesque. Follow for some classic tragedy and themes of water....I would compare this more with like Dickens Bleak House than Austen though.

Villette, Charlotte Bronte: Once again. MY Bronte. Maybe it's just cause I read this before Jane Eyre but literally I do not understand why Miss Eyre gets so much more love than my girl Lucy. In broad strokes the story is about an English girl who ends up having to support herself by moving to France and becoming an English teacher at a girls boarding school. She's also plagued by a terrifying apparition of a nun, because this is Charlotte we're talking about and there's a bit of Catholic v Protestant thing going on. I read this during the very early pandemic and let me tell you some of the descriptions of isolation and loneliness are soooooo. yeah.

Monstrous Regiment, Terry Pratchett: Listen. Like, listen. It's that good. I wouldn't put a discworld novel up against fucking chain gang all stars unless it was THAT good. This is a classic 'girl dresses up as a boy and goes to war to find her brother' story. It definitely started as a commentary on folk songs/stories but it is at it's heart a novel long criticism of imperialism, nationalism, and organized religion (there's jokes though it's funny). Also not to be that guy when it comes to LGBTQ book recs but the thing came out in 2002 and it's surprisingly thoughtful when it comes to both gender and sexuality. You do not have to be a fantasy fan or a discworld fan to read this. If you gave Pratchett a try and didn't like it i STILL insist you give MR a shot. It is in a league of it's own.

Wives and Daughters, Elizabeth Gaskell: Do not be scared off by the sheer length of this one. It's fucking silly. This is one of my faaaaaaaave 1800s novels about class. We have juxtaposition between Molly's family (her father is a gentleman but a working doctor) and the landed gentry but also this divide between the uneducated Squire and his Cambridge bound sons and another one with the 'new money' gentry. There's also quite a lot of early science and anthropology documented in this (Gaskell and Darwin were besties) if that's interesting to you. WARNING: SHE DIED BEFORE SHE FINISHED THIS. ITS LIKE 99% DONE THOUGH

This was a hard list to narrow down but I have to include (at least as honorable mentions): Ling Ma's Severance/Bliss Orange, Cixin Liu's Three Body Problem and the SFF POC anthology New Suns

tagging: @weltonreject @bronskibeet @gaymersrights @orchidreign @brechtian + any and all mutuals i know ive forgotten <3

#ok this is annoying looking i should probably put a read more somewhere? lmk #book recs

[lackingspace]

Lesson in Silence (Kylo Ren X Reader)

Word Count: 3.5K

Summary: If there was one thing in life you wanted it was banality. Unfortunately for you, the force had greater plans, AKA more trauma than necessary in your opinion. Like, it wasn't necessary to make you force sensitive, to have you be on the run, or to eventually have you hide in plain sight as an arms technician for the first order. You could have a cafe or something on a planet no one cared about, out of the whole mess of Jedis and Siths-- if the force had actually cared to ask your opinion. It's just your luck that the force answered to no one. What a deal.

Warnings: nothing yet really.

A/N: Not horror-related, but what I've been working on as of late. Maybe some of you are star wars fans too lol. Like always, too much exposition for my own good.✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

AO3 link: Lesson in Silence ✧･ﾟ

Next ch: Lesson 2

Standing outside the sleek turbo-lift of the finalizer had a wave of nostalgia wash over you. 

Breath catching in your chest at the unexpectedness of it. Frozen in mid-press, thoughts flew behind your eyes quicker than you could process. 

Thank your stars the corridor was empty at the moment, otherwise, you’d have gotten some kind of backlash for standing there like an idiot and delaying someone’s productivity for the day. 

Efficiency was essentially the unofficial motto of the first order. 

It was such a small thing. A brief flash of a memory long passed and you were back in time. Silly how you hadn’t realized until that moment. 

You’d been on these things hundreds of times, thousands really, but today was the day your brain decided to finally make the connection between them and your old master’s ship. Avoidance or stupidity the culprit…Likely a combination of both.

Breath catching, before stuttering out all at once finally helped to get you moving again. Enough to press the call button for the lift, at least. Body mechanically obeying while your mind was a whirlwind. 

If someone paid attention they'd see you awkwardly there, stock still, staring at the wall like a droid. 

Not that it mattered much, you wouldn't have noticed anyway. The crushing desperation of a mind trying to rip itself back to the present, out of a time long repressed, wouldn't have registered any snide looks sent your way. 

Especially when you were tumbling deeper so spectacularly. The appearance of calm– your only saving grace.

There wasn't any rhyme or reason, at least that you could identify, why today was the day your mind decided to register that the panel-facing of the lift resembled that of the ship you'd spent years actively pushing to the darkest fringe of your mind. 

Those times felt so distant, more like a dream than a lived memory. It was longer still since you’d thought of your master. The muscles of your chest contracting instinctively at the echoing screams of the past. 

You'd killed the memory of her long ago, but the seemingly innocent resemblance had somehow struck a vital stone in your carefully formed burial foundation.  

A decade of construction cracked in an instant. As if a looter had snuck in and dismantled the long forgotten casket, your master was unhinged. Dug up to the forefront of your consciousness.

What would she have thought of you now? Of the life you’d carved out. A twinge of dejection settled in your chest. A venomous reprimand already whispering of how weak your mind was to crumble against a turbo-lift panel of all things. 

Hair raised against the nape of your neck for the veracity of her voice. You swore a puff of breath had brushed the shell of your ear. But hers had never been a spirit you'd seen. 

Thank your stars for that.

If someone had warned your adolescent self that you'd find a safe haven within the first order? Well, you'd have rolled your eyes. That wasn't in the sabacc deck for you. 

Safety? Laughable. Being in the first order? Maybe. Infiltration happened regularly. Master probably would have ordered it at some point.

Nowhere was safe. That was the first and last lesson she had taught. 

Safety was a lie. A state of mind that hindered perception. On the other hand, instability, uncertainty, danger, those variables were rational. Those kept you alive.

If you’d had more grasp on reality, you would have sighed. 

Master really shouldn’t have had children, in hindsight, you couldn’t understand why she’d decided on keeping you. But as the thought occurred, you quickly corrected yourself, you did know. 

That tickling in your consciousness, the coercive thing that explained her uncharacteristic decision. The force.  

It was always the force. Again, you would have rolled your eyes, if your mind wasn't desperately drowning. Memories and thoughts colliding too quickly to digest. 

And yet, thinking of the force was the only buoy in darkness. 

Forcing your mind to focus on that reasoning was your only bet to regain any infrastructure. Reshape the fractured edges of her tomb with the thing she so desperately defended.

There wasn’t any other reason for keeping you. 

A heart like hers drenched in what she called duty, your preference had been malice, would only bend to the force. A Jedi shadow was fervently loyal to its whims. 

The way it pushed and pulled at people’s will– weaving a net of influence seemingly however it pleased. Detectable to a few, but only discernible by the spider who weaved it. 

And like a spider, the force's venom was a potent one. If she had a vision, well, that would have been all she wrote. Master was nothing if not adamant in adherence to the force above all.

“Balance” master ingrained "is the force". 

A muscle twitched in your stiffened hand, balance, you could feel your heart harden as your own venom seeped back into you. Balance never cared which side you fell on– if you even fell on a side at all. 

Frustration simmered in your chest. The futility of the force always had this effect, it was inescapable. 

As the Jedi teachings say– it surrounds, is created by, and exists between all living things, binding together all creation. Inconspicuous vagary was your take.

Master reserved a veneration for it that you never saw her display for anything. She'd dedicated her life to it and would eventually die for it. If a woman like her could be a Jedi then you were sure not much separated them from the Sith.

You supposed some might find the force a state of stillness, surrounding, yet shifting. Soft and gentle. 

But for you? The force was lively, fluid, flowing, a gentle caress or a crushing tidal wave. Like currents beneath a vast ocean, unseen on the surface, only felt. In your experience blindly trusting in its wild will would have you drown in it. 

Screams echoing behind your eyes, master could attest to that.

It was odd, really, how these factions fought for it. Considering how it played out plans using the living, without regard of consent. Constantly seeking “balance”– whatever it deemed that to be, no matter the cost. 

Light? Dark? Jedi? Sith? Those in between? Pawns. Everyone. All to be played with and discarded– lives as currency. 

You'd seen all sides, vividly experienced the banality and ruthlessness of people, yet still, you found the force cruelest of all. 

Although you couldn't speak for others, you were sure your view wasn't status quo. 

Master always thought you were pessimistic, but if you’d spoken your perspective, she would have killed you for questioning the code. Maybe you were just bitter after everything. 

A scoff forced itself out of you. That was an understatement….but you like to think you were able to see it plainly, rather than trying to fit it into a neat box filled with philosophies you cared little for. 

It was, as it had always been and as it would always be, an indifferent regulator that wove its plan into the fabric of existence.

Some might find comfort in its stability….you'd only ever felt burdened by it.

It never asked if you'd wanted to have these abilities, born to be hunted, to serve, to be haunted by it's spirits, or born to a mother that made it clear she was master and nothing more. 

That you were a burden to her mission. 

A corruption born from a liaison between a Jedi shadow and Sith she needed intel from. Bitter was a flavor you were born with.

There was futility in resistance though. The more you fought against its will, the quicker you were confronted with the inevitable. It was immutable. 

The force was its own alignment. And you were made to answer its call. 

For as burdened by it as you were, there wasn't much else to do but listen. Cutting yourself completely off was a luxury you'd never managed. Only ever to blunt its tether on you at best.

Master said you related to it differently than most. That sight like yours was exceedingly rare and had the order not fallen, the seers would have taken you.

Visions didn't just come through dreams or meditations. You could be walking along minding your own business and bam, vision of some event you had no business seeing. 

Past, present, future? You didn't care to find out. 

Other times things would echo off objects or people. Those were the most inconvenient, but by far the most distracting were the spirits wandering around. 

They were visible to others sometimes, but you'd see them regularly. For all your malice of the force, the ghosts wandering around were your biggest comforts these days.

Doubt clouded your mind that the Jedi would have allowed you to join. 

You made a poor Padawan. 

Questioned everything, were too emotional, or not emotional enough. Maybe seeing long-dead masters would have made them overlook your flaws.

The shadows would have taken you though-- Become like your master. A shudder ran down your spine as nausea settled in the pit of your stomach. You'd had enough of shadows for a lifetime. 

Your master's mission, the one you’d been born into by extension, was to seek and destroy the Sith. 

Relics, artifacts, members– all traces within the galaxy. As so, avoiding Sith detection was imperative. 

That at least was the most useful thing she'd ever done for you.

Paranoia paid off in allowing you to settle right beneath the biggest threat to your life– and you'd never felt safer. 

She’d gone through great lengths to teach you mastery over suppressing your trace force signature. A useful skill you were happy to have had beaten into you in hindsight. 

You wondered if she'd be abhorred or impressed with your current position...you'd bet money on abhorred. Disappointment mixing with the nausea made for an unsettled stomach.

You'd been on your way to the caf, but suddenly dinner wasn't sounding that appealing.

She wasn’t here to judge though. You were still alive, surviving; she wasn’t. That's what mattered. 

You hoped she would have understood…but you knew she never would.

Movement was returning to your body as your breathing evened out and your eyes regained focus. Rolling your shoulders to relax the stiffened muscles as you felt your mind turn to more recent events.

How you’d come to be where you were.

The fabricated identity, forging your credentials and falling into life as a regular on-base arms technician was incredibly easy. Master had deep connections, and you were lucky to have the contacts. 

The first order had vetted you, sure, but your contact was good. So there you laid, hidden, in the belly of the beast, working away, and surprisingly enjoyed the job. 

Arms technician came naturally, it was similar to things you’d grown up doing. Building things, breaking them down, creating modifications, keeping things in top performance. It didn’t put you too high up in rank, or in close proximity to officials too often.

It was only when you had to deliver a report after facilitating a deal– the current arms master hated negotiating and designated you as the lead for those off-base talks, unless it was one of his personal contacts. 

You were more than happy to fill in for your boss, just hated having to file your report to General Hux after. But you could live with seeing his smarmy arrogant face for 10 minutes here and there.

The job didn't get boring either. Often, you were floated out to help check and repair the weapons of the ships, troopers, or officials when the base weapons were fully functional. 

Early on, you’d taken creative liberties by adding modifications for people youd come to like. 

The arms master hadn't been happy when he'd found unregulated modifications within some of the trooper’s equipment, but with the efficiency and upgrade potential, he gave you the access code to the back workshop. 

Surprisingly, he’d sprouted something about it only being sanctioned as strict R&D for the caus– his surface thoughts betraying he enjoyed the artistry behind it, lacking the propaganda. He was a decent man. 

There were dangers that came with being here, of course. Especially once you were the known go-to for prototype modification requests. 

Luckily, it hadn't gained the upper most command's attention. or if it had they let it go. As long as it benefited the order they likely didn't care. Hux never cared what technicians did in their free time as long as it didn't hamper progress.

Master had never been nurturing in the traditional sense, her lessons were harsh, thorough, and cold. They served a purpose and saved your life countless times. 

A well utilized lesson had been; If you're good at something benign, display it, don't hide it. Give them something to focus on and create affability to blend in. Make yourself integral to the operation, so they have less of a reason to question you.

When higher-ranking officials happened to occasionally request a modification, you didn't bat an eye, they weren't who you were hiding from and had no reason to think of you as soon as they retrieved their weapons.

Force users on the other hand? Good thing they were few and far between, but when they happened to be close? Those were the moments you hated. 

Feeling rage waft down from some unreachable area on the ship? The cold dread that wafted off the officers when the commander or knights were spotted? Those made your heart clench.

Hiding in plain sight had been the smart decision. It was the only thing that had saved you in the past and hadn't failed you here yet. 

Master had been explicit, the Sith, or those aligned with it, would kill you if they felt your presence. You weren't one to ignore your master, alway led to pain.

However, the force spirit determinedly following you since you woke up this morning was adamantly arguing for the the Commander.

"They wouldn't do that, Padawan."

You’d just finished your shift before stepping up to the lift doors that had your brain reboot like the cannon housing you’d just finished calibrating. It’d been giving some power differential readings that were off, but it was a quick fix. 

That wasn't exactly the best time to converse with the persistent spectator. 

As you glanced at him now, the master was looking away nonchalantly. Annoyance twisted your insides as you highly suspected he was playing a heavy influence on your sudden flashbacks.

People had started to flood the corridor, shift change was happening, leaving some to stand around chatting while others rushed about.

The slow curling smirk spreading onto the ghost's face as if in response to your speculation had the already there annoyance spike into anger. 

From a young age, you'd easily chatted with the spirits, the force wanted you to see and so you saw. 

They were just there whether you liked it or not, so why not learn something? Or just keep yourself from boredom. Company was a rare commodity. With close proximity, the master could read your thoughts without your need for projection.

Regardless, it wasn't the time to force up old memories and make your presence more noticeable– the knights were all here. 

You didn't need to hear the gossip to confirm, the shift they caused was good enough, even as limited as you were– you could still feel the press of their presence.

The danger buried in your memories wasn’t just resentment, but more that you may accidentally project, or even more worrying, if someone happened to see into your mind. That’d be damning.

Who knows why they were here? 

It happened every few cycles or so. They'd all gather, probably convening with their master commander on some complex plan that you were very happy to have no knowledge of.

They usually left as quick as they’d come. This time would be no different. At least that's what you told yourself. The masters smirk only widened.

Rolling your eyes, you refused to focus on any of it. The danger of slipping into the weave of the force was real. Especially with your mind as unruly as this spirit had made it.

Thinking about them too much could have you poke a hole in the intricate gossamer concealment you'd built for yourself. You had to remain a breeze against the stream of the force. 

Unnoticeable and untraceable. 

Otherwise, they'd find you, corner you, and execute the great task they roamed the galaxy for– conversion or die.

Barbaric, but a part of you admired their efficacy. They were the only threat you truly cared about.

The business between the first order and rebels didn't really hold any interest to you. It's just politics. Given an actual choice, you were never really a joiner.

The knights wouldn't accept that answer. And you didn't have a death wish. So, here you were. Brain rebooting and all. Today had felt off and maybe this was the reason for it?

The will of the force at work, currently in the shape of an annoying ghost– emphasis on the annoying bit.

Judging by the frown, he’d heard that.

Snapping back to reality as the transport opened to an empty space. Sighing relief, you walked in before punching the button to take you to the rec floor. Doors slinked shut and the lift was off. 

Privacy was rare here. You weren't high rank, didn't want to be; that meant shared quarters– showers too. It didn't bother you much. The constant buzz kept you on edge. Never able to relax enough to fall into the force.

"You shouldn't worry so much, youngling,"

Side eyeing the master with slight confusion before you realized he was referring to your earlier thoughts on the knights. Ignoring the comment as you could feel the slowing of the lift, before it came to a stop. 

Not your floor– like always, privacy never lasted. 

Exhaling slightly more than necessary was the only reaction you had to the master. He'd been making off hand comments like that all day. The spirit had some sort of mission and he wasn’t easily swayed.

Staring ahead as you thought, whatever you think, I disagree. The knights absolutely would. They'd have no sympathy for someone connected to a Jedi. However unwilling or uncontrolled.

They'd kill you even with your association to the first order. Neither the knights or their commander would show mercy.

"You misunderstand. Kylo Ren would help." That got an undignified snort out of you just as the transport doors hissed open. 

You couldn't stop the sarcastic thought back to the master, “Help? Ha, good one. Kylo Ren doesn't know the meaning of the word. He only knows rage and destruction. I should know, I've felt it.” Pushing the thought towards the spirit in your irritation, 'Commander Ren is a kriffing ass.'

The black combat boot that slammed down rang inside your head. 

Freezing as the oppressive presence came next. Your chest felt tight and jaw clenched, but you steeled yourself. Locking your gaze forward to the single button lit that would take you to your floor, there was no need to say anything. 

Straightening up as if you were just trying to stay formal next to the Commander, but it allowed you to take a deeper calming breath. 

A button lit up, much higher than where you were stopping, without his physical movement.

Such an unnecessary use of the force made you want to roll your eyes. Lazy bastard. The turbo-lift buzzed as it started its ascent.

The space had seemed so expansive before, but now it was cramped and smothering.

Seeing him or a knight down a hall wasn't out of the ordinary. Even being in the hanger when they were boarding a ship had happened. But this? Being almost sandwiched against him? Never.

It was never the most pleasant to be around them, but nothing came of it then. You mentally reassured yourself that even with the new proximity, nothing would come of it now. 

You could have left before the doors closed- but that'd draw too much attention, staying though...Well, you couldn't conceal your surface thoughts. 

That'd be too jarring if he felt like dipping in and felt a hole where your thoughts should be– a rookie mistake. 

What made your heart clench was the possibility that the commander had already been scanning for any projected thoughts. You had pushed the thought close to projecting in your annoyance, usually that wouldn't have been a problem, but with how close he was, he could have picked it up.

That left a bloom of embarrassment in your chest. You weren't a coward though and wouldn't be one now. 

You'd wait for your floor, it was almost there anyway. 

Silence was something you generally enjoyed, rare as it was, but standing next to him? It was anything but silent. An unpleasantly buzzing around your skull-- a high-pitched ringing in your ears. But thankfully, the inertia slowed again as your stop came. 

The doors slid open bringing a lightness to the stifling pressure of the transport.

“You're more important to the knights than you know.” The voice of the pesky master pierced your calm. 

At that moment you wanted to scream at the top of your lungs, lash out, something.The spirit, the force, whichever chose the wrong moment to fuck with you.

If the Commander was listening, he'd pick up the sage's words from the spirit itself or the impression of them rolling off you.

Whoever this spirit was like to assume a lot about nothing. You were no one. Not to them. Not to the man looming over you. Nothing special. You weren't looking to be important to the people in power. People in general really.

You just wanted to keep breathing…and maybe have a hot bath once in a while.

The slow tilting of the commander's head had his gaze assault your form. 

The hairs on your arm raised as you forced your frozen legs to thaw. To actually move before the doors slid shut and trapped you here any longer. Too much energy would draw his attention, but too little was just as bad.

There was nothing exchanged between you, there didn't need to be. Stepping into the corridor had your buzzing nerves calm slightly. The doors shutting was even better. A deep calming breath helped settle the unease. Starting in the direction of your shared quarters had your legs feel less tense.

Then everything tensed at the brush against your psyche. 

Fuck.

#kylo ren #kylo fanfic #kylo x reader #kyloren #star wars #knights of ren #star wars fanfiction #not horror #not slasher #oh well #its still my writing #so its gonna be dark #lol

[jigensass]

My 2022 Review: Section 3 - Vidja Games

In the last section, we ended off with a brief intro into what 'Obey Me! Shall we Date?' franchise entailed.

And I have, not so much a theory, just a correlation, that I will discuss after going into this gatcha franchise (more like 'water is wet' statement), as well as some discussion on mental health.

I've going to avoid all of the detailed stuff about it by linking this post I made earlier this year back when I was in the heat of playing the game and only having spent money to boost one card I liked, and maybe throw $20 here and there.

In summary: the plot has good premise, from parts Seasons 1 - 3 of the game {Season 1: Chapters 1 -20, Season 2: Chapters 21-40, etc.}. However, I have heard echoes from more well-versed fans of the series that Season 4: Chapters 61-80 were not great for multiple reasons in regards to the plot (I never made it this far into the game, I stopped around chapter 50), but the art and misc. content being put into the franchise is decent.

I've also seen a lot of people catch onto the....very questionable decisions that were picked up during dialogue. It's kind of dodgy and questionable, but they're the 7 princes of Hell, not some BTS crew who hasn't committed at least one war crime {this is a joke or assumption that all KPOP stars are precious little uwu angel boys because I know nothing about KPOP except the word BTS} (spoiler: all of the characters in Obey Me have committed at least war crime, yes even YOU the MC. Edit: probably the only character that has not committed a war crime and ironically is the only character you cannot date in the game and that is Luke)

(I mean, look at him, I don't have to explain why he's not datable.)

And ESPECIALLY stay away from playing the game IF YOU DON'T HAVE IMPULSE CONTROL.

Between the months of March, May, June, October, November, and into this month as well, my personal life has not been great and my mind has been in some bad places. And when so much stress and trauma seem to seep into my head, I tend to want to dissociate and forget that reality is a thing. Because literally two weeks after writing that article, a brand new event launched on the app and my investment on microtransactions to boost cards and get pulls that I wanted hit a four digit USD number. After Lucifer's birthday back in June, I had to stop playing or I was going to drain my bank account. I was that depressed and desperate for any kind of dopamine to hit my veins that I was willing to spend my life savings for happiness on fictional characters. I do regret the choice I made looking back, but in the moment I could have cared less.

The same thing happened to me when I played Mystic Messenger a few years back, but I knew where to draw the line sooner rather than later when I noticed the dent in my checking account.

Don't get me wrong, I still love the character designs and the characters themselves. I just don't want to get sucked into what is essentially, an addiction, like that, ever again.

PS I am making this not rebloggable so if you have any other hot takes on OB: SWD, please reply, send me a DM, or an ask in my inbox I would love to hear your thoughts. Conclusion: Don't play gatcha dating simulators when you're severely depressed.

Going to start off with the games I actually have finished.

Sherlock Holmes Chapter One

Okay, now that is out of the way, I can fully discuss the first game I played in full this year from the Ukranian Chads at Frogwares: Sherlock Holmes Chapter One.

This is kind of like a fanon prequel to the canon storyline where Sherlock grew up on this island known as Cordona, a melting pot of an island in the Mediterranean where you solve mysteries around the island, as well as into Sherlock's past of as to what actually happened in this re-imagined tale.

Warning: if you are very sensitive and get triggered from by-gone era culture, do not play this game. Even the game warns you up front what you are about to dive into, and even I, who has been getting less ruffled by triggering things over the years, had some 'yikes' moments when playing.

The reason I didn't give a full analysis the first time around playing is because I was a broken shell by playing the ending. Seriously, NO SPOILERS GO PLAY IT FOR YOURSELF.

okay maybe a few.

This is Sherlock, you can dress him up in multiple different outfits for funsies, and the writing is incredibly tongue and cheek.

If you are also interested in Lovecraftian horror, Frogwares is also remaking one of their older games where it a crossover of Lovecraft Horror and Holmes so, if that is your cup of tea.

Now only if we could get a remake of this....then my life would be complete.

I am currently playing through Sherlock Holmes: Nemesis and it's glorious, the Part 6 Lupin actually needed.

Disco Elysium

I blame Tumblr. Specifically that one gif of break dancing harry, this was the one that grabbed my attention to this weird little RPG.

I went in blind so I had little to no idea what to do, but loved how the game was set up all around D&D-style roll checks. I do want to play the game again to see what I missed the first time around, as well as mess around with builds to see what is most effective to getting what I want (note: I tried building Jigen and I think I softlocked myself out of progression because I couldn't pass any of my checks).

Funky Little Game that I enjoyed. 10/10.

Hades

I technically beat the game for the first time and now I'm on level 2 (I'm not good at rougelike it took me nearly 100 tries to get out the first time). But man do I love...everything about this game.

Favorite weapon is the spear. Favorite love interest is Miles Ed-I MEAN THANATOS.

And I can't wait to play the sequel when it releases.

The Great Ace Attorney 2: FINALLY FINISHED IT

I gave a lot of crap to this game duo set last year, especially to the last trial of the first game where it dragged and dragged, and dragged to nothing and everyone by the end of the trial, had admitted to committing one sort of crime or another.

But finally I got around to force myself to finish the second game right where I left off and....it was actually good? The plot twists (though I knew some of them, but not the two most important plot twists) had some logical thought put into them? And the ending case was excellent with how the game mechanics played out?

Why didn't we get this in the first game?

Powerwashing Simulator/House Flipper

It was annoying at times, and the plot (yes a simulator game had a PLOT) was bonkers, but I had a chill time with it. 8/10 for stimulation.

I've also been playing some more House Flipper lately to chill off which helped a bit.

Spider-Man: Miles Morales

I beat this game in a span of a couple of days, and I don't remember much about it, but I do remember having a good time for how short the campaign actually was.

8/10

Ghostwire Tokyo

My Diamond in the Rough of 2022 that was published by Bethesda. Japanese modern era horror? Sign me up! The atmosphere of the game is eerie, a contrast on what I was playing back in 2021.

8/10

Monster Prom, Monster Camp, & Monster Road Trip

I'm going to put these games all together since they're from the same series and I bought them in a set.

Note: These games are better with friends (I've...mostly been playing alone) and co-op is necessary when it comes to hitting the objectives in Road Trip so you can plan out your routes accordingly.

Overall, they're fun games to play if you have some down time.

Basically this trilogy of games is a visual novel dating simulator for monster fuckers. My favorite character? Milo Belladonna, hands down. They ooze aesthetic.

Side note: I have been planning to write this compilation review list for months now and the only thing that has been glued in my head to write down is this:

ICHIBAN IS THE WEED TREE!

Context: Magic Tree Mike is voiced by Kaiji Tang, aka Goro Yatagarasu from Lupin Parts 5-6 and KASUGA ICHIBAN FROM YAKUZA 7 (it's hilarious his running joke is telling characters that they're the chosen one)

Games I revisited/am currently playing now/games on hiatus that have not been mentioned

God of War aka Dad Simulator 2018

ProZd picking up a voice acting role in the sequel is what caused me to get into this 4 years later.

I'm not far into the game (I'm currently in Alfheim), and I'm enjoying it so far. The cutscenes are gorgeous and flow wonderfully together with the actual gameplay, which as it stands, is better than Yakuza. And I'm actually being presented a challenge when it comes to battling enemies. I've died a handful of times and I haven't gotten upset because they've all been my fault to just git gud. I'm hoping to enjoy this game to the end so I can get the sequel on the cheap side.

Dragon Quest XI S Echoes of an Elusive Age Definitive Edition

I started this game two years ago and picked it up again because I couldn't find something else to play and...so far it's nothing special, just your standard run of the mill JRPG. The only complaint I have so far is that the casino is entirely based on luck and requires no skill to play, unlike what I'm used to in Yakuza when playing Blackjack.

I just got all the party together and I'm off to fight a tentacle monster, but I hit another grind wall.

Stray

10/10 for cat.

8/10 for the very unsettling undertones of the overall plot. I'm probably not going to go back to it for the dystopian horror alone because it kind of makes me uncomfortable.

Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag

I've already been slandered earlier this year for what I said about Blackbeard, the Gentlemen Pirate, and Our Flag Means Death.

It's Assassin's Creed with Pirates, what more could you ask for? Although, I have played a bit of Valhalla and I can see that this game was the one that started the beginning of 'less assassins, more random countries with assassins as the side plot' because the main character of this game does not care about the plot that Ezio was fighting for in his trilogy years before the plot of 4 happened.

Crafting system is no me gusta. 6/10.

The Wolf Among Us

I will get back to this....eventually. Story is pretty decent and I like Bigby. 9/10.

World of Final Fantasy

I don't know if I will plan to complete this game from beginning to end, but I'm committed since I'm already at the halfway point. This game is just Pokemon: Final Fantasy edition so I'm not that invested in the plot, but I am interested as to what happened to these two twins. Like, are they even real or is this a Pokemon Scarlet and Violet moment?

Even if I do quit at some point, there is only one character I must interact with if I don't decide to carry on and it was decided the last time I played, which was six months ago.

In case you don't understand, this is why

I had some cool transition into the next segment, but I really don't have one.

Something involving the current blorbos I've collected and how their current theme is

overworked

underpaid

best at what they do

always grumpy upfront

either wants the simplest things in life or has refined taste

deemed as 'dad'

internally depressed

actually a big softie on the inside

may or may not be straight

#out of the fiat #2022 #yeah I have a problem #is it technically a problem? #there is some psychological shit going on that I can't explain #or maybe I'll explain later cause I'm hungry rn #you can also fight me I'm too tired to check this for broken grammar #Youtube

[j10kkuno]

I keep meaning to do an update for this blog. I know I've been majorly gone and at first I felt bad but the more time I spent away the better I feel??? But I want to feel able to post random Sykkuno stuff on here without owing an explanation as to why I've been gone every single time.

So this is a blanket, things are going really well for me, I'm not spending a lot of time on the streaming world, but I still love the people I did(for the most part) and I want to be able to come and go from this place now.

I've done a lot of mental health work since the start of April. At the start of April, I saw someone who easily makes me the happiest person in the world and just that weight being lifted off my chest was like... I realized my anxiety(and I'm starting to think my depression) was a tower and my anxiety over that person was the base of that tower and had been building for 25 months. And seeing him, it popped that base and knocked down that tower.

And everything that was building on top, once it was on the ground, was much easier to navigate because I could see it.

Around the same time, the new Star Wars lego video game came out. I fell in love. As a Star Wars fan since 2006ish, it instantly became my game. It was familiar. It was love. And I was able to enjoy it, being so much high on seeing W.

That properly pulled me back into the Star Wars fandom, and I was choosing not to watch streams because I wanted to game or read or write. And god is it good to be in a proper fictional fandom again and not GTA. It's good to be able to write without having the IRLness to it. I can ship and it's just a weird Star Wars ship(mayhaps Tarkin/Vader???) but nothing's wrong with it.

And just in general. I can tell not being addicted to streams is doing me a lot of good. Cause I was. Addicted. I reasoned it as one of the few things that made me happy and distracted me and missing out story when it came to GTA. Which the first part should've been a BIG red flag but we were also in a pandemic with social distancing and isolation. But I purposefully didn't let myself get into other things because it would distract me from streams and it took weeks to teach myself that watching other GTA streamers if Sykk was streaming another game that that was okay. Like looking back it wasn't good.

It wasn't all bad. I still love Sykk and still watch a few hours every week and follow everyone on Twitter. I LOVED the piano version of a song Leslie just released. But it's much more moderated and it feels good. And that doesn't leave a lot of content for here.

But lately, I can tell my self worth is a lot higher. I'm genuinely enjoying life more. My therapist and I had a really overwhelmingly good session planning me working towards applying for jobs. It's a long process so I don't get spooked. Instead of letting managers walk over me, I'm standing up for myself and letting them know when I get overwhelmed at work.

I feel like me again. And it is so nice. I could cry at how nice it feels. So yeah... That's where I'm at and why this blog is at the bottom of my priority list and I'm 100% okay with that.

[artfulusername]

I posted 1,290 times in 2022

That's 528 more posts than 2021!

66 posts created (5%)

1,224 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@odysseusodysseus

@knitmeapony

@vaspider

@neil-gaiman

@sashaforthewin

I tagged 1,290 of my posts in 2022

#gif - 303 posts

#the sandman - 126 posts

#video - 108 posts

#fan art - 105 posts

#netflix's the sandman - 99 posts

#dream of the endless - 86 posts

#star wars - 79 posts

#hob gadling - 72 posts

#andor - 66 posts

#tegan talks - 65 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#i re-watched it with my dad and immediately started tearing up when gregory came on screen after lucienne mentioned there being one thing

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

There really is something about the Chetney playlist that I’m still trying to put my finger on. It’s tied into the inclusion of “Lifeline” by Bad Wolves 

Reaching out, give me a lifeline I don't know if I can carry this on my own Living lost can last a lifetime I don't know if I can carry this on my own

and “Wolves” by Selena Gomez and Marshmello.

I've been running through the jungle I've been running with the wolves To get to you, to get to you I've been down the darkest alleys Saw the dark side of the moon To get to you, to get to you I've looked for love in every stranger Took too much to ease the anger All for you, yeah, all for you I've been running through the jungle I've been crying with the wolves To get to you, to get to you, to get to you

Now I guess we just have to wait until Travis hits us with the hidden depths of Chetney Pock O’Pea. My money’s on a tale of love and loss. And werewolves. Obviously.

44 notes - Posted April 4, 2022

#4

Maybe it's because I spent a chunk of my formative years watching "Highlander: The Series," but I can almost hear the sound effect of two Immortals encountering each other when Gilbert and The Corinthian catch a glimpse of each other at the hotel in "The Sandman."

45 notes - Posted August 25, 2022

#3

So, how about the symbolism of Cerrit setting his home on fire by starting with his work in his home office? His work. The thing that consumed much of his life and took his attention away from his home and family. That thing is now where the fire that will consume the house itself begins. Burning those memories, burning away everything but the single-minded focus to Get Shit Done.

I don't think I'm ever going to stop having feelings about Calamity.

54 notes - Posted June 18, 2022

#2

An unintended benefit to Ed throwing out all of Stede’s stuff is that when they do get back together, they can now decorate and create a space that’s theirs. It won’t be Stede’s place where Ed gets to live. Nope, it’ll be a home they make together.

It’s not destruction. It’s creating a blank canvas for something beautiful.

126 notes - Posted April 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I really do love how Ashton's newest rage managed to combine "with a d4" and "are they within 10 ft. of me?" Amazing. Classic. A+ combo. I want to know more.

1,282 notes - Posted October 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Tegan Talks #I occasionally sound insightful #I'm mostly just a nerd #I really got into Sandman and Andor #I regret nothing

[lord-squiggletits]

I'm definitely not a member of the crowd comics cater to because the way they're published actually drives me bonkers.

Like, the two other media franchises I've ever loved nearly as much as transformers (Warcraft and the Star Wars sequels) were both almost criminal in their constant retconning and placing of vital lore information in books and shit that were completely separate from the actual story medium (a video game and movies respectively). I hate that shit. My philosophy towards media is that someone should be able to boot up the video game, start on book 1, watch movie 1, etc and just consume the freaking media without having to make constant detours to read author interviews, consult a wiki, find and read some random novel, etc etc. The story should be IN THE MAIN SERIES COMPLETELY and any side materials should only be window dressing that adds depth without becoming something absolutely essential that you won't understand the main story without. And of course I appreciate it when that story is actually a story and I'm not punished for caring about the lore by companies constantly retconning shit and making me feel like trying to understand the story is pointless since I know things will just get retconned next update anyways (looking HARD at you World of Warcraft).

So it's kinda ironic that I ended up getting into a comic series for Transformers. It just drives me a little nuts how comics have multiple authors, so I can hardly make story/thematic analyses because I can't assume the authors planned for certain future plot points, and there are constant retcons and dropped storylines, so I have to just ignore things or make them up in order to come up with coherent plot/character rationales, and if I REALLY want to understand the story I have to hunt for author interviews and behind the scenes factoids to explain why the hell something was dropped or suddenly changed mid story.

It just feels like a super hostile medium for anyone who isn't the 5% of die hard fans who will spend hours researching and combing through in-universe and real-world material to get the best reading of the story. The source material is just incredibly obtuse to read as a continual narrative sometimes without knowing something from cut content and author interviews. IDW1 isn't a series I could imagine casually picking up off the shelf and being able to understand things from just reading it.

I know some people say that comics isn't about reading 100% of the story and you can/should just pick the parts you like to consider canon, but I'm not really a fan of that approach. :/ I guess since I spent the majority of my life being a die-hard novel reader, I kind of expect continuous narratives in a simple 1-infinity format where the story is planned out and doesnt get published until it's been edited to shit for continuity and quality. I guess comics just aren't for me.

#squiggposting #i mean in my case the omnibuses help but like #i'm sooooo tired of asking questions about what so and so plot hole/unanswered question is about #and the answer is 'oh the author was planning on this plot point but dropped it' #like cool and all but like how in the FUCK am i supposed to find that out on my own #if a story detail only makes sense if i know some obscure trivia then i would consider that a story flaw #not just a fun fact #i'm very formalist when it comes to entertainment media specifically #i as the reader am trusting the author to prsent me a?coherent story which is their job #my job is to put in the good faith effort to read and interpret what they present me #but if they fail to present vital infirmation or if said info is in some place outside of the story i have to hunt for #that's a failure of the author #i think traditionally comics nerds are like...proud of knowing all these side things and facts and stuff #debating what should be canon and what shouldnt #but it's just not for me man i hate iy

[yessoupy]

the @imetyouonljpodcast episode this week gave me lots of thoughts and feelings about star wars. more like, reminded me of all my thoughts and feelings around my first fandom. thus, I decided to write my own journey into and throughout star wars fandom, and what it means to me. buckle up, this story spans decades.

my very first memory of anything star wars-related is a yoda puppet that my grandmother had. it had to be from the original run of the movies, because I was maybe 4 in my first memory of it, and i was born in '86. my sisters and I loved it, and one of our cousins was deathly scared of it so we'd chase him around the house with it.

my second memory of star wars was going to the movie store with my dad and sisters and seeing our favorite yoda on the cover of a VHS. "yoda yoda yoda! daddy, it's yoda!!! can we get it?" we were holding up the display cover for return of the jedi. dad said no, we couldn't get that one yet because we had to watch them in order. so we rented a new hope and all I remember was falling asleep while artoo and threepio were trundling across the tatooine desert sands. at five I guess I was too young.

in early 1997 the special editions of the original trilogy were aired in theaters and I was in 4th grade. dad took us to see one of them (I think empire, at some point we'd finally finished a new hope). at school that grading period I sat next to a boy named mark and he noticed I was drawing little x-wing silhouettes on my paper. "you like star wars too?" he asked. when I said yes, he declared that because of my name, he was going to call me skywalker. that's the name on the back of my high school letter jacket.

in fall of 1998 I started the 6th grade and I came home from school one day to a hardbound book my mom had checked out for me from the library. heir to the empire by timothy zahn. mom pointed out where it said on the cover it was a trilogy, and I could get the other books when I finished this one. she hadn't found the young jedi knights series for me. she'd checked out a GROWN-UP star wars book.

in spring of 1999 the phantom menace came out and my parents' friend took me to see it on opening day because neither of them were free and I HAD to go that day. later on that year she took me to a star wars exhibit at the museum of fine arts. that was also the first time I saw a monet and a renoir. the exhibit had costumes (real costumes!!!) from the original trilogy and the newest prequel. I bought a book about the myth of star wars in the museum gift shop.

I read every expanded universe book our local library had, which was a lot. I had a lot to catch up on, too, since heir to the empire had been published in 1992. you never saw me at school without a star wars book. I read while walking in the hallways, even. in 6th grade I read during lunch, since I was in varsity orchestra with 7th and 8th graders and was terribly shy. they'd tell me I should socialize at lunch, not read my books, but... I wanted to read. I had a lot to learn. I have a lot to know.

I was in 7th grade when I read vector prime, the first in the new series. my first class of the day was science, and the boy I had a crush on was in that class. we had DEAR time at the beginning of that class - drop everything and read. not a hardship for me. that day, I read the part of the book where chewbacca was killed. I looked up, astonished. heartbroken. I locked eyes with the boy I liked. he nodded at the book and I showed him the cover. he nodded sympathetically. "they killed chewie," I whispered. he said "I know."

I wrote original characters in star wars fan fiction when I was about 13. I had an internet friend named rachel who lived in brisbane. then there was dave and 'roswell' who gave me ideas for my story. I loved being able to talk about the wide world of star wars with other people. we used aol instant messenger and email. my username in those days had 'skywalker' in it. I am pretty sure we met in an aol chatroom. I didn't find much of use on the official star wars site and I have probably visited it fewer than 10 times since 1999.

I read those books all through middle and high school. they were my christmas presents and my birthday presents. I moved into our family beach house after college. it sounds really nice but I didn't have running water because it was the summer after Ike hit. I would go to the used book store on 23rd street and buy a stack of star wars books and read them while I waiting for calls to interview for a teaching position. weekends I'd go into town to stay at a friend's house and help her with wedding stuff. I'd shower there, too. that's where my new stash of star wars books started, with me catching up on the legacy of the force series I hadn't read in college and then finishing up through the fate of the jedi as those came out. I felt that I had grown up with these characters. I remembered when kyp was just an orphan han rescued, when jacen and jaina were five years old, when corran horn had no wife, no kids, and was just finding out who his family was. I had capital o opinions about what color lightsaber i would have and why (silver; bc corran), I knew the geography of the galaxy and where everyone was from and my favorite planet was dathomir because women ruled it. I knew all of these characters' histories and motivations and the difficult decisions they'd made and had to live with. I loved them.

i never ventured into the online fandom space for star wars, even after I'd found other online fandom spaces, because I didn't feel like there was anything anyone could add to it for me. I was satisfied with all I'd gotten. sure, favorite characters had been killed (after chewie, the one who stung most was Mara, luke's wife), but people die. and in such a long-running series spanning so many years and trillions of miles of space... you come to expect it.

people would ask me ALL THE TIME when the sequels were coming out and I said never. then, disney bought star wars. initially I was excited (tears of joy happy) to have sequels confirmed. my mind raced, imagining a trilogy centered on the events surrounding jacen's descent to the dark side. the original actors would be the right age for that. who could play jacen?

then, the announcement came that the canon was now 'legends' and they wouldn't be taking any of it into account when writing the sequels BUT that didn't mean we wouldn't see old canon favorites. they announced adam driver as the villain and I thought "jacen." I held onto the idea that this knowledge I had, these years of knowing these stories, would still be worth something. that I'd be able to add new information to my mental bookshelves and maps. that my universe would expand further.

the force awakens was a bitter disappointment. I was upset from the crawl, leia's title making it clear to me that she wasn't chief of state, she wasn't the mother to three children, han wasn't her husband, and all of her history I'd grown to love really was gone. what I saw was the older version of a woman I'd met when she was 18 and hadn't seen her since her early twenties. I didn't know her.

I didn't know the galaxy, either. starting with the new jedi order series, a map of the galaxy was included in the front of each book with the planets named so you knew where everything was happening. the new galaxy was bare. it was small and knowable. while the hosnian prime system was destroyed in the movie, I'd never known it, and all the planets I DID know were similarly blasted out of memory. where was dathomir and its fierce warrior witches? if their planets were gone so were their people.

as the movie trudged on, a retelling of a new hope, I kept thinking, "at least let his name be jacen." I hung my hopes on this sith character being han and leia's son and sharing that name of the boy I'd known and the man who'd grown up to turn to the dark side. at that first shout of 'BEN!' I was angry. Ben?? that was the name of LUKE'S son! that was MARA'S child! Ben??? with three letters jacen solo and ben skywalker were also dead to the galaxy.

I know, I know. I should get over it. I AM thankful for poe dameron. the x-wing books were always my favorite. poe was familiar to me the way other new characters weren't. he was part of the new republic navy. I knew what that was. he flew an x-wing. I knew what that was.l and what company manufactured them. he was from yavin IV, I knew where that was and what it looked like. finn was a stormtrooper, yes, but the empire had not stolen children to be raised as stormtroopers. they were recruited like any other position. his story wasn't real to me, it wasn't something I could easily accept. and the idea that the new republic just LET the first order rise? leia's new republic would NEVER. but leia wasn't chief of state in this universe. leia hadn't had that power.

I read a lot of articles about the force awakens and the reactions to it, and never saw myself in any of them. the star wars fanboys whom I'd never known were painted as being angry because their fan knowledge was useless and "boo-hoo poor widdle fanboys" they would be mocked, rightfully. but that's why I was angry, ultimately. everyone I knew and loved was dead. worse, they'd never existed. "what do you think will happen?" some unsuspecting coworker would ask. I'd shrug, but inside I was yelling "who the fuck knows! my favorite characters don't exist anymore. nothing I know as this person you know as SKYWALKER means anything anymore."

it only got worse from there. One day I spent four hours figuring out how far the casino planet was from the drifting ships in the last jedi and doing math to figure out how long it would REALLY take to get there, using old canon star wars physics. I couldn't suspend my disbelief during that movie. everything was wrong. (the other space physics quibble I had was from TFA when poe is using comms while in hyperspace, and dropping out on a command and not... when nav told him to?? you'd fly right through a star!! were they HOVERING in hyperspace? none of it made sense.) I knew too much and too little to enjoy it.

TROS was a narrative mess already retconning new canon and I decided that I would only keep what I liked about the new canon (poe and his family) and pretend the old canon is all there is. one day I'll write the story of poe being part of the storied rogue squadron being sent by leia's new republic to put down the fascist upstarts at the edge of the unknown regions. one day.

one more quick story -- i met my college friend’s three kids for the first time when the oldest was 6. i’d sent a toy lightsaber as a gift when he was born, because i believe every child should get their first lightsaber from a skywalker, and his father had shown him the movies when he turned 4. when i walked into the house i said hello and he said, “i have some questions about star wars.”

we sat on the couch with the tfa visual dictionary, a book he’d gotten out of the library. every question he had was an excellent question, and i couldn’t answer any of them. “why does his lightsaber look like that? and why does he have the extra blades?” 

“well, kiddo, let’s see what it says here about how lightsabers are made. i used to know all about it, but they changed everything on me.”

---

what i love about star wars since disney bought it:

poe dameron, cassian andor (and all of rogue one, i got over the fact that the movie wouldn’t be about rogue squadron it was PERFECT), solo (a fucking DELIGHT), the mandalorian, and i’m sure the cassian andor live action will be amazing and i’ll love it. 

#star wars #fandom thoughts #i've just spent SO MUCH of my life being a star wars fan #and being perfectly happy to describe myself as such #edit i tried a read more but it didn't work so sorrryyyyyyyy

[strangertheory]

"anti-Mileven"

I know you submitted this as a message and not an Ask, but I hope you don't mind if I answer your question with a longer post because this is a topic that is important to me but is complicated. I've meant to do a post about this, but kept putting it off because it is a very layered topic for me and my thoughts about Mileven are probably not what a lot of fans want to hear.

I respect that everyone develops an attachment to their preferred couples in stories for personal reasons, and as such any criticism of the dynamic between two characters that are dating can feel like a very personal criticism. I respect everyone's head-canons and favorite ships as sacred ground: I don't want to tell anyone how they should or should not relate to a story. That's unique to each of us as fans, and we will all enjoy Stranger Things for different reasons.

However: I do have some thoughts regarding the way that the narrative has established the dynamic between Mike and El. And I personally do not find their dynamic *as it currently is* to be one that is ideal for either of them yet.

I really care about Eleven and I really care about Mike. They are two of my favorite characters in the story.

To say that I'm "anti-Mileven" is a huge oversimplification of how I feel about Mike and El's dynamic.

I am very much anti:

overlooking the fact El has been treated as a lab rat and abused and isolated from society for the majority of her existence and her ignorance of her own identity and her own desires is repeatedly reinforced canonically. ("How do I know what I like?") El has spent only a few months out in the world beyond her cell at the lab and beyond Hopper's cabin, she knows very little about the world yet, and she is being taught much of what she now knows by her boyfriend who also happens to be one of the few people she interacts with in her daily life. The power difference and social difference between them is huge currently regardless of whether Mike is a nice kid with good intentions or not, and they are both fourteen years olds.

overlooking that it is superficial and not representative of a "deep" relationship to only kiss and make out with a significant other and not do other meaningful activities that establish a real day-to-day relationship (like hanging out with friends and other loved ones as a couple.) There's a popular misconception that the act of two people kissing is inherently romantic and a sign of emotional closeness. But kissing becomes romantic psychologically when two people share a deep affection for one another that is based on shared experiences and emotional and psychological connectedness. If two characters can be shown to care about one another without ever physically touching, they have the potential for a deep connection that is based on more than the thrill of physical affection. Give me a well-developed relationship first, and then kissing will seem romantic to me. Without an established psychological and emotional connection between characters, kissing is merely a superficial representation of the idea of intimacy between characters without any actual substance underneath. Sure that's what kids do when they're figuring out how dating and feelings and physical intimacy work and it's not harmful in itself provided that they are both comfortable with it, but keep this in mind within the context of the other concerns I list here.

trivializing Mike's dishonesty and blaming Hopper for Mike's lying when the truth is Mike could have easily explained to El that Hopper didn't want them spending as much time together and having some space would be better. El is well aware of Hopper's dislike for their time spent together. This should have been a very easy conversation. As Lucas rightfully asks as Mike is ranting about the situation he got himself into: "Why lie?" Good question, Lucas. Good question. El asks Mike this again later at the mall. "Why do you lie?" Mike stares back at her with an awkward expression, and does NOT answer her. Why is this answer not an easy one? Why has Mike still not addressed things with El? I think there is more going on here than just Hopper's threats.

I am very in favor of:

El learning more about who she is and what she wants to do with her life outside of the desires and expectations of other people.

Mike figuring out how to effectively express his thoughts and feelings honestly. He is clearly struggling to do this throughout season 3, and it is uncharacteristic of the kid who defiantly said and did what he wanted frequently in seasons 1 and 2. Clearly Mike is not comfortable and is nervous, which is understandable for someone exploring new emotionally vulnerable territory like dating for the first time, but he needs to learn to be honest and tell people how he is thinking and feeling or else he is also putting himself and his feelings and needs at risk and potentially establishing an unhealthy relationship that will hurt him and hurt others even if he doesn't mean to. Mike's nervousness is STILL present in the final goodbye scene in which Mike and El talk, and El tells him she loves him and kisses him. He is still stumbling over his words and anxious, and he seems notably confused after El kisses him. These small details are not trivial, they are clearly intentional.

Recognizing that Mike is the first person her age that was kind to El when she escaped the lab, and given that she has only known pain and abuse her entire life and has never known friendship let alone romance that her psychological readiness for understanding a romantic relationship is NOT the same as an ordinary 14 year old's and this cannot be stated enough.

Recognizing that societal pressures and personal insecurities might be a huge factor in how Mike clings to El's attention and affection for him, and that there is evidence in the story that supports this interpretation. We know that Mike is bullied frequently, and that there is a layer of homophobia often involved. (Even if James and Troy were speaking rudely about Will, they were still directly confronting Mike. The implication is there.) We know that Lucas yelled at Mike "No Mike. You're blind. Blind because you like that a girl's not grossed out by you!" This reveals that Lucas knows that Mike is insecure and wants validation. Just because Mike has a desperate desire to be loved and liked by a girl does not mean that his appreciation of El's attention is based on his genuine romantic affection for her. Mike might be dating El because he enjoys the attention, he likes being liked, and he likes how having a girlfriend makes him feel more accepted and normal.

Recognizing that every moment that Mike has tried to share something that he is passionate about with El (the Yoda figurine, the dinosaurs) she has been completely disinterested. Since El has no cultural connection to the pop culture stories Mike loves and she lived in the Lab her entire life, it makes perfect sense that she will have no interest in these toys. Her lack of interest in what Mike is passionate about, however, is worth noting: not because it's a bad thing, but because it's just one of many reasons they are "not even from the same planet" and cannot bond and connect easily. El has lived an incredibly different life from Mike, has suffered through so much, and is still learning about the outside world and about herself. She is severely behind in social and personal development. She needs time to learn and to grow and to heal so she can live her best life and recover from what she has been through. (She doesn't really care about your Star Wars toys, Michael, because she just learned what a phone is and is processing a lot of other things right now.)

*I want to credit @kaypeace21 for pointing out many of these particular observations listed above: you can read her very detailed and extensive analysis in her post here: El is Not in Love with Mike.

These are just a few of many thoughts I have regarding Mike and El's dynamic together, and why I find the romanticization and idealization of their dating relationship to be more suited to fan-canon and fanfiction. For El to have a relationship with Mike that I would personally enjoy and appreciate, the story would need to convincingly allow her to establish a notably better understanding of who she is and what she wants, and have time to heal from her trauma and learn a lot more about the outside world. While I suspect that the Byers moving away will be very difficult for Will, in many ways I think it will benefit El tremendously and I hope that she is given more opportunities to learn and to grow.

I also agree with @hawkinsschoolcounselor 's hypothesis that Mike is projecting his feelings for Will onto El. It's impossible for me to see Mike's dynamic with El as entirely separate from Mike's relationship with Will because El was found in the woods when they were looking for Will in season 1, El helped everyone find Will in the Upside Down and saved his life, and El reappears at the end if season 2 and saves Will from the Mindflayer. Until season 3, El's appearance in Mike's life has been directly tied to Will's survival and safety. I do not think this is a trivial aspect of El's narrative. El's importance within the larger story being told is repeatedly tied back to what Will is dealing with. The reason that El and Will's narratives are so deeply intertwined has not been revealed in the story yet, but I suspect that there are some important aspects of El and Will's stories that haven't been fully revealed yet that will bring all of these seemingly isolated plot threads together. The creators of Stranger Things repeatedly tie El and Will together visually and narratively (re: @kaypeace21), and I believe there is a very specific reason for this.

I look forward to seeing what happens in season 4. Whether my interpretation of El and Mike's dynamic is fair or not, I trust the writers have a compelling next chapter in their story for us all to enjoy.

#anti mileven #antimileven #anti-mileven #stranger things #stranger things theory #but not actually anti mileven I am tagging it that way because I am critical #so fans can choose to not read my thoughts

[victoriavmw82]

Blaze of Glory

I just got through watching Green Lantern. A friend of mine, has spent her whole life in ministry; her dad is second generation being a director of a mission, eventually she will be third generation. He started I believe if my memory serves me correctly in youth ministry at the mission, being the child advocate. That was her role for most of the time frame I knew her. She did it well, she loved kids and we'll, they loved her. We both shared a love for comics, her favorite is The Green Lantern. I avoided seeing it though one of my favorite actors played the lead role, Ryan Reynolds because there was to many memories attached to the character. Though at times I felt like she hated me, deep down I knew we were friends we both just had the same problem....the fear of being friends. I've always felt that our friendship was basically the female version of her dad's friendship with a long time friend that did end up working for him Brian Livingston. I have always felt I was her Brian in her life....the female version that is. I also arguably felt I was supposed to work for her Before she left to be mentored. I think that situation was one of those things were it was like everyone saw the signs except for the two people that mattered, us. We both fslaught it, I'm assuming for the same reason I did, fear.

She was able to reach me through the actor, Ryan Reynolds. Before it was known that in addition to being hilarious and talented, he also is very genuine....struggles like we do. So at the time frame she used him as an example to reach out to me she used his humor. Later between us, Deadpool was used. I would go there like Deadpool. But imagine saying something like Deadpool, but being in a church😂🤣yes the one place your not supposed to be like that or say that, yet I would. I would say what everyone around me was thinking, the thing your not supposed to say, the only thing was is I was in a shelter environment. Though people would be laughing, retelling it to people like her or Brian they would have to over their face at times much like you would a kid who innocently just said the truth though it was Mischievous to say it🤣😂.

It is known that Ryan Reynolds is not a fan of this movie he did. During this season of my life it was/has been a reason I haven't as well. Until today, today I caved in and in the words of Catwoman discovered the man behind the bat so to speak. I have to say that in my humble opinion it's not him nor supporting role Blake Lively. I feel as though the plot was lacking at times, the effects could have been up there with a Batman movie yet for some reason wasn't and I'm not exactly sure why cuz I can see so much potential it could have had in the DC Universe had it been great and done well. I feel like script was lacking in some parts so it was probably more than likely left up to them;the actors to "figure" it out. I feel as though they might have been trying to be too much like MCU as well in this movie which is what makes me not like it. MCU is MCU, DC is DC I've always appreciated both, heck as a child I would imagine a world were they at least during super bowl came together to have fun. Your probably reading this and saying, "ya right!" No seriously I would literally do that every year. I think that to many times we gotta be one or the other. Another example; my mom loved both Star Wars and Star Trek she could appreciate their differences. In the case of The Green Lantern, I can totally see why that one director when he was given a chance to finish his cut of a DC movie offered to give him a noble go round with the role. Because to me I feel as though in watching the movie, I could see the birth of the acting it takes to play a superhero, which lead to him playing Deadpool, to me, I can see the beginning of something great in that. Though I am one to find the good in almost anything, though I can do my share of criticizing. I think when it comes to your own work though,I know for me, I am my worst critic. So maybe that's the case here, but for what it's worth....... though it wasn't a complete waste, I mean the means justified the ends even if it's to simply say, doing that role he did meet the love of his life, so maybe if I'm the only one on the planet that can appreciate Green Lantern as a movie....there's always that and I remember reading somewhere....."faith, hope and love, yet the greatest of these, is, love" so they you have it😉🖤❤️🖤

#Spotify

[jedi-order-apologist]

This is a genuine question, though I understand it might not sound like it. Who and where are these "Jedi bashers" you talk about? I've been trying to look them up but all I can ever find are some individual Reddit edgelords. I love the Jedi as much as the next guy but I have hard time to relate to the idea that they were largely hated or purposefully misunderstood by the fandom. Aren't the Jedi, despite their flaws, easily the most cherished faction in the franchise?

Not from my experience - I guess we must run in different circles because you’re not seeing all the negativity, and I’m with @gffa on this - where is all this positivity? I would like to know, because I really don’t see the prequel-era Jedi being cherished outside of a handful of us fans. Most of the Star Wars-related places I visit on the Internet (via tumblr, youtube - and not just the comment sections, I mean the videos themselves, reddit, AO3) tend to be pretty negative towards the Jedi. I haven’t spent much time on more specific sci-fi forums and the like, so maybe those are much more positive. And maybe the older, OT-focused part of the fanbase is more positive (fans generally like Luke’s Order, so if that’s the Jedi you’re thinking of then, yes, I suppose they’re more cherished), but as someone who focuses on the prequel-era, I find the fandom to be very uncharitable towards the Jedi Order as depicted there.

Outright bashing, of the “they’re an evil baby-snatching cult that deserved what they got” variety is, relatively speaking, a pretty small portion of the fandom (Star Wars is just a really big fandom so that small portion ends up being a sizeable amount of people), and is probably mostly contained to, yeah, Internet edgelords and a particular EU author by the name of Karen Traviss. Maybe also a handful of fanfic authors who’d probably be writing the same sort of bashfic for characters that “get in the way of their ships” in other fandoms.

But again, that’s a small portion of the fandom. I’ve said before that most Jedi-critical/anti-Jedi fans aren’t unreasonable, just...really uncharitable in a way that they aren’t towards other factions. They don’t say outright that the Jedi “deserved” it - as @trickytricky1 puts it, they “soften” (likely unintentionally - I think a lot of people just aren’t thinking of Order 66 in terms of genocide) it by saying that the Jedi caused Anakin’s fall and their own downfall, or they might claim that it was “necessary” for balance (implying that it was somehow desirable or a net positive). Again, I don’t think people are really...thinking it through when they’re saying this, and I absolutely do not believe that they would support this stuff outside of a fictional context (I don’t even believe that of the people who say outright “they had it coming”) - but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s personally very unsettling to me.

There’s also just generally a lot of negative mischaracterization - it is absolutely the predominant belief in the fandom that the Jedi banned emotion and love, despite the fact that they said the exact opposite in the films (”be mindful of your feelings”/”compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a Jedi’s life, so you might say we’re encouraged to love”). As well as a general tendency to assign more agency to the Jedi than they actually had in the Republic, to the point of hyperagency, where if a problem exists, it’s primarily, if not solely because the Jedi didn’t do anything/enough to stop it. These supposed qualities aren’t flaws for the purposes of making characters more fallible, relatable, sympathetic, and interesting; these are lightning rods for condemnation. So while bashing may not be pervasive, this kind of condemnation absolutely is.

I realize you were probably looking for more specific examples rather than the general sentiments I object to...unfortunately, it’s getting late, and I don’t really keep these things on hand for reference, nor do I respond to much of it directly on my blog unless they come onto my posts or it crosses my dash, because I’m not really trying to actively look for this stuff or trying to pick a fight or anything. But I can point you to a handful of discussions that I or people I follow have responded to.

I also see it often (though not always) with video responses defending the prequels - certain prequel critics will complain that “the Jedi are assholes” and the prequel defender, whether directly responding to that critic or not, will more or less make the point that “they’re supposed to be assholes” - which I firmly disagree with that being the narrative intention (or even what the prequels actually show).

If this isn’t enough to go on, and you don’t want to take my word for it, that’s fine, but from my experience these attitudes are pretty pervasive. I don’t get downvoted to oblivion for challenging them, but they’re not insignificant either.

#discussion #on fandom attitudes #Anonymous

[unbound-shade]

Me: I wish I talked to more people on here.

Also me: Wanders into the middle of a discussion just long enough to somehow make an ass out of myself and spend the rest of the day feeling miserable about it.

I've had two bad days since starting cymbalta about 5 months ago. This is one of them. I haven't felt this awful in months. I don't ever seem to know how to enter a discussion on something I'm trying to be inquisitive about without people interpreting it as confrontational. I try neutral language. I try to explain enough context so that they understand what I'm saying, but not over-explain and turn the whole thing into a rambling knot. And then I get snapped at and, whether that person is right or wrong, just that initial conflict from a complete stranger? It fucks my entire day up. I spent all day trying not to depersonalize and failing to focus on or enjoy anything I was doing.

I don't know what the fuck happened to me that the instant I feel like I'm "in trouble," even when I'm on anxiety and depression meds that are helping with all my other symptoms, so much of my mind tries so hard to just shut down. And it's not fair (unless they're wrong or really are just a shithead) to attack the other person in that situation for my own reaction, but I also don't seem to get to choose how I react. I just break down a little every time. You can't grow if you ask everyone to never confront you about anything, but why the fuck can't I have a basic, everyday misunderstanding or confrontation without my entire sense of self and security shattering for hours or days afterward?

I want to produce fan works, my own media, and my own media criticism, but I know that the instant I pick up any steam or gain any attention that, somewhere in there, it's just going to make me feel miserable as people begin to actually engage with it. That I'll die on every hill, desperately trying to explain myself and only digging a deeper hole every time, no matter what I say.

I'm already pulling back from a lot of things I'm a fan of because the actual experience of fandom is so miserable. What do I do when my as-yet uncontrollable reactions to situations like this make me feel like I have to choose between feeling ok, safe, and stable, or the fandoms I love?

Today's foot-in-mouth induced misery was over X-Men. I could lose every other fandom in my history and still end up being essentially myself if I kept X-Men. Feeling compelled by my own anxiety to leave something I've loved and clung to for 27 years would be shattering. And what a stupid way to feel, for me, over something that should be fun. I already no longer talk to anyone about Star Wars. Ever. I don't want to feel that way about X-Men.

And here I am ranting to no one about it because I can never seem to process these things without over-explaining myself to the void. Hopefully, if I do this now, I won't end up thinking about this the instant I wake up tomorrow and I can actually go back to being ok.

These meds have changed my life, but it's stuff like this that lets me know just how badly I still need to get set up for talk therapy and not just psychiatric medicine. I lost an entire day for what should have been a momentary regret for my own behavior, but instead turned into another vast, uncontrollable overreaction to a mild conflict.

#personal #depersonalization

[holywankenobi]

SW fandom rant

To be honest, I don't really know how or where can I start talking about this. If you aren't interested in any of the Star Wars drama that is going on then skip this post, cause its gonna be long... these goes for the SW fans we are concerned about the whole situation itself. I barely have the strength to do this and exposing my opinion about certain things makes me uncomfortable but it's been a long while since I'm keeping things to myself. There's much information I have to process so please be patient with me since I barely know how to express my emotions in the right way (that's why I'm holding myself back a lot here: it will seem I'm calm... but I'm not. I'm angry and tired at the same time).

DISNEY CANON

We all know where it all started. The Force Awakens premiere in 2015. We will start from there.

As ANY star wars movie, there will be people who liked it, people who loved it and people who hated it. And there is where some fans clash with the others. Fans who enjoy practically every movie or SW related things and those fans who demonize every movie (specially the ones from the new Disney canon) and the only thing that matters for them are the episodes IV, V, VI and the Legends canon (some of them also defend the prequel episodes I, II and III, fact which I'll talk about it later). And they bash against everyone who likes the Disney sequels.

BOI IM SCARED OF TELLING PEOPLE THIS WAS MY FAVOURITE SAGA SO FAR. And I already had problems with Legends hardcore fans.

Let me tell this straightaway... Star Wars are movies for kids. They've always been. George Lucas said it. They seem to be thirsty for feeling again what they felt when they were kids whenever a SW movie comes out but they always exit the cinema with a feeling of extreme disappointment.

I was talking about the last movie with my co workers at the beginning of the year and they complaint it was "too Disney". And that's precisely what I'm trying to explain! It's ok whether you like the sequels or not like them. Everyone has his own taste. I just find funny complaining for a whole saga originally made for kids for being "too Disney". I dont know if you get my point here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEsOqEpNF0k&list=PL8SlwcJuVWR2FNtL-6Wo5QUP6LMjpNJUA

LEGENDS CANON

Then there's those who hated the prequels, that said there was nothing worse than the phantom menace, those who hated on George Lucas for doing such a crap, but now praise the prequels because Disney is satan for them and they want the old canon back. George Lucas ended up selling SW to Disney because, he ain't no fool, he knows this fanbase is one of the most toxic and ungrateful that has ever existed. And he saw it with the prequels feedback... Then they now have the guts to demand him to continue the old canon? Smells like hypocrite-crying fanboys to me.

My whole point is....It's ok if you are a new/Disney sequels fan, it's ok if you are a prequels fan, it's ok if you are a SW original movies fan, Legends canon fan, OG fan, casual fan, hardcore fan... as always you understand that not everyone will agree with your point of view, not everyone will like or think the same way as you do, or live SW the same way as you do. There's a difference between respecting and agreeing with, concepts which sometimes get mixed and taken as the same thing, which is not. Respect other fans mean "I don't agree with you but I know how much this means for you, so I won't intentionally mock you" WHICH THING LEADS US TO THE NEXT TOPIC:

JOHN BOYEGA

*takes a deep breath*

Man. I dont know. He's a full grown up man and he's behaving like a 5 yo on his social media...... John is the actor who gives life to Finn (the ex stormtrooper). It all started with this sexist comment he responded to a fan in his IG. 

Then people (naturally) got offended, specially reylos. But instead of apologizing he kept on going, remarked what he said and also did a video to mock the reylo community.

You think I'm only defending a ship here but no. Its bigger than that. He has the right to feel left out in this saga because I agree with him IN THAT FACT. He is probably the actor which is more into the SW world, he was always a big fan (of the whole cast I mean). Thats why fans love him do much. And I did love him too. And he (naturally) wanted to have more spotlight on this saga ( I think Finn was one of the most wasted characters of these movies tbh) But instead of taking it the mature way he's having a tantrum on his IG because Finnrey did not become a real thing, he's trolling reylos and encouraging SW haters and antis to bully them whose are already having a hard time with TROS end (which I'll talk about later because I dont like their attitude about it either).

And it's not just raise the hate on shippers thing dude you could just apologize because you said something sexist and offended a lot of people who ship reylo and really means a thing for them. The whole thing that the greatest achievement a man can have with a woman is sex is just DISGUSTING. Rey kissed Ben but now he's gone Finn has the road clear and can fuck her? BRUH.

This is all so wrong and he was the one who started it.

ADAM DRIVER

I'm really relieved Adam does not have any social media because omg I would be suffering so much rn...

I honestly have never emotionally connected with an actor so much as I did with him. His whole acting is so good and I could really notice on this last movie. I'm starting to watch his other movies. And not just his acting, he's so professional off camera too.

I'm really happy and proud of him for his Oscar nomination, he really deserves it TT

But I'm worried this whole John Boyega thing affects him. Idk how I would feel if I were in his shoes, if my coworker was saying those things on social media and then smile at me like nothing is happening. But honestly what hurts me the most is he's having a worse time with "reylos".. I think the rumors of him having an affair with Daisy Ridley was what messed things up. I honestly dont know if its true, I've got some info but it's hard to believe. Because there are so many haters manipulating fake info that I dont trust anything and anyone anymore.

And this is where I talk about:

REYLOS AND DAIVERS

BOI OH BOI

This is gonna be hard....

First of all, I don't consider Daivers (Daisy x Adam shippers) as part of the reylo community. I'm sorry. But its fucking disgusting you going to demand Adam to divorce from his wife, abandon his son and then start dating Daisy because of this rumor or because you can't separate fiction from reality.... I read he even recieved death threats ARE WE NUTS??? They (Adam and Daisy) having a good chemistry working together doesn't mean they are in love, kids...

Driver has an awesome wife and a lovely son. Daisy is currently dating someone.

Infidelity is gross. No more. And I would be so disappointed at them if this turns out to be true. But seeing all what's happening around the actors and specially having all this haters out there... I'll say this was all false information.

Daiver is not real and won't be. So stick only to the fictional ship.....

About Reylo itself. I find REALLY funny how people who dont know shit about what this ship means say it's an abusive relationship. Bullshit. I wouldn't be shipping them if so.

Also the people still stating it's not real/canon hiding themselves behind the "Ben solo is dead lol" argument. Do you stop loving someone when they die?

Yes, they love each other. No, it wasn't always reciprocated love. They started being enemies in the force awakens, friends who understood and cared for each other through force dyad in the last jedi and ended up being lovers at the end of the rise of Skywalker. Rey wants to revenge her family (her falling to the dark side) but also wants Ben Solo back, and he wants to be the most powerful leader on the galaxy and still being kylo ren. But they eventually meet in the middle between light and dark and Leia finally reaches out to him to make him turn to the light.That's their fight. That's the angst. That's the tea. "No one is ever really gone" there's always hope. Star Wars is centered in HOPE. And their story represents it at its finest.

NOW. The reylo community.

Despite you liked it or not the end they gave to the saga... I think JJ Abrams doesn't deserve all the hate he's receiving... he probably did a lot of things wrong but seriously... just stop. Not only from reylos but the whole fandom.

Sending hate won't lead to anything now...

I enjoyed The rise of Skywalker. Indeed I spent half of the movie crying and I loved it.

You can cry as much as you want the loss of Ben (although I have hope for him still being alive in a way, there are plenty of theories) but that doesn't give you the right to death threat JJ. And I think I'll stop here cause I'm already tired.

Everyone has their own taste, preferences, favourite characters, ships, whatever. I pray for people stop judging others for their tastes, specially in this cursed fanbase. Sorry if I ever misbehaved trying to defend what I think or like. I just want this place to be supportive and safe for everyone and everything what's happening is not helping... We are all SW fans and that's our connection point. Dont discredit others for having another point of view...

I'll leave it here, but I'm open to debate or talk about anything I said in a respectful way.

#tros #tros rant #star wars rant #reylo #the rise of reylo #adam driver #john boyega #star wars 9 #star wars ix #star wars ep 9 #the rise of skywalker

[babykeithsmullet]

New Year's Wrap Up 2018

thanks @imaginationcubed for tagging me!

Fics that you wrote in 2018:

• find me in the drift

• rid the hallways of light

• leave me your stardust

• send your cutest delivery boy

• nova

• dear shadow, alive and well

• lead us into battle and i'll lead you in a dance

• when soul meets body

• i'll be your sky

• sun and shadow

• echoes in my soul

• by any other name

• 1000 lonely stars hiding in the cold

• it will come back

And my as-of-now unpublished piece for Orion, and my in-progress piece for In My Scope

Ship/Character Breakdown:

Klance (2), shance (1), sheith (1), shklance (3), ryance (2)

Characters with a main focus:

Keith wins (duh) but also I wrote a lot of Shiro this year, and a couple times in his POV! That was a fun change bc while I feel like I've gotten pretty solidly into writing characters like Lance and Keith, I'd never really thought about writing from Shiro's perspective and I really enjoyed it. I also really enjoyed getting into writing new characters like Krolia and Ryan.

Specifics:

Best/Worst Title?

Best: Dear Shadow, Alive and Well / by any other name

Worst: lead us into battle and I'll lead you in a dance. (I could have done so. much. better.)

Best/Worst first line?

Best: After what feels like an eternity running, Keith finds waiting to be a completely foreign idea. (from i'll be your sky).

This line is the foundation of this fic - that Keith, who has spent the last year caught up in the war against the galra and now can do nothing but wait to go forward. I hope it embodies the fic as well as I think it does.

Worst: Getting hit by a car is not how Keith wants to start his day, but sometimes that’s just how things go. (from Send Your Cutest Delivery Boy) I just..... don't understand why this fic took off lmao it's SO JANKEY

General Questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

I wrote WAY more than I thought I would!! I'm still reeling from the fact that people actually like my stuff and it's helped me keep up my creative drive.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

The fact that I wrote Beyond Good And Evil fic is still kind of hilarious to me, mostly because that fandom is TINY. Pairing-wise I could never have predicted Ryance because Ryan didn't exist last year, but I never expected to love them as much as I do now. I'm also surprised that Shance became a huge favourite of mine! I liked pairing them off before I officially shipped them but they shot up to my top 5 ships pretty damn fast.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

Nova. It marked one exact year of me beginning the foray back into writing (which I had been blocked on for almost three years) and fanfic, which I had been out of longer. I poured a lot of my soul into that fic and dedicated a lot of time into making it into the story I envisioned. It's proof that I love what I do and that I can bounce back from hard times in my life, no matter how long it takes.

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

Lead Us Into Battle!! I was SO surprised that it shot up the popularity charts but I couldn't be happier. The fact that people have referred to it as "a fave", added it to fic rec lists, and even drew freaking fan art of it is unbelievable to me. The fact that my first Shance fic was so embraced by the fandom warms my heart.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

My HZD Sheith au. It contains some of my favourite lines and moments, plus that good platonic Kallura. The fact that HZD seems to be kind of a rare fandom is probably to blame.

Story that could have been better?

Send Your Cutest Delivery Boy. I literally wrote it in an hour lmao

Sexiest story?

Nova wins by default, being the only story that contains even a reference to sexytimes lmao. Sometimes I remember that I wrote and posted the phrase

How was the sex? Hot. Heavy. Poetic. Like getting crushed in the folding mechanisms of a rogue sofa bed.

And I'm like 😳

Saddest story?

Nova and It Will Come Back are probably tied. One's realistic depression, the other is Pacific Rim backstory angst. You take your pick.

Most fun?

Both my crossover installments. Combining the universes of HZD and Voltron, or Pacrim and Voltron have both been really fun and I plan to continue with both series, adding more characters and fics as we roll into 2019!

Story with single sweetest moment?

I can't pick, so I have two:

Lance can’t help it; he laughs and brings his hand up to tangle in Keith’s hair. He knocks their foreheads together gently. “It’s not like you didn’t know,” he says softly. (from Nova)

The answer had come tumbling out of Keith before he’d even processed what he was going to say; “I’ll save you every time, and then some. As many times as it takes.” (from Sun and Shadow)

Hardest story to write?

All of them tbh. I still find it hard to put myself out there and I beat myself up for not finishing or abandoning WIPs a lot. Every published fic I have on my ao3 is victory achieved with time and effort (and probably some crying lmao). Unofficially it's my upcoming piece for Orion. Because it's a zine piece I really struggled to make it reach the high standards I had set, but one that I'm especially proud that I wrote.

Easiest/most fun story to write?

Once I got the ball rolling on my pacrim au the words came FAST. Especially in It Will Come Back - I wrote furiously at 3am to the tune of about 4000 words over one weekend. Considering I usually squeak out maybe 300, that's A LOT.

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

My Shiro POV pieces absolutely did. In writing him this year I really embraced his character and got to nail down some of my own interpretation of him, especially in Lead Us Into Battle. It helps that in that fic, he gets to be a leader but also has the tables turned on him. It pushed me to love his character even more, when last year he was kind of a rare bird on my blog.

Most overdue story?

Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you can't ask me, a known fic killer, this. I wanna finish i'll be your sky this year.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

I applied for zines!!! With standards and expectations and the possibility of rejection! And what I got out of the experience was an exercise in followthrough above all else. I had an outline that I stuck with and people to help me hash it out, and I'm incredibly grateful for the experience and the friends I made in the process. Shout out to the mods and contributers of Orion, you guys helped me grow 💖

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

• START AND FINISH A MULTICHAPTER. I have two main ideas kicking around that I want to see realized.

• Apply for more zines

• Finish my WIP series and leave no ends untied

• Either revive or gain the courage to delete Riven lmao. I just don't know how to continue right now, but maybe this year I'll find the solution.

I tag @mllecomtessedelafere @nutella0mutt and anyone else who wants to do it!

#new year's wrap up 2018 #not vld #personal #my fics #your blogger #this was a really fun foray into my writing this year #really made me think about what this year has brought to me creatively

[frankensteinshimbo]

Off-Hiatus

Fall's breathed new life into me. I might not have much to look forward to this season, but I have a whole life ahead of me. Through the trials I've been through with this heart condition that tore it's way through my peaceful bubble this April, I've learned what I'm made of.

When tribulation's come into my life, I've allowed myself to be overwhelmed by the gross unfairness of it characterized by formative years spent in a dire and altogether helpless situation. It took a lot to carve strength out of me because I couldn't see it in me.

But the need to buckle down and fight has always been strong, and I find that I have honed strength and muster along the way because of what I've been through. Managing a disability is an active fight, something I've always known well, but I think this is the year I've broken some mental chains rooted deep into me. Sort of like struggling against your own immaturity and poorly formed mental pathways.

That said, this hiatus as well has been particularly good to me, and it's the reprieve I've been searching for for many years. I've gotten a strong meditation practice rooted, a good excercise program, and a lot of ashy relationships at my feet springing up with new buds of growth on old plants.

I think for once I can say I'm okay and have it not be in the midst of a constant turmoil even though my life is far from charmed at the moment.

So for once, I'd like to talk about my past. Without gimicks or scaffolding off my friends' characters (Which was an amazing experience for writing and made me stronger for it). I grew up in Georgia. Colored, queer. You've heard me say it before, but these are words I have to own. In a lot of ways I can speak to Southern Gothic because the genre speaks back to me.

I suffered incredible violence because of that. Those formative years I've mentioned. Some of you have sat with me through it, but most of you haven't. It formed my identity in ways I cannot begin to explain or understand but only to really write about because when it comes down to it, many people are fed an aesthetic version of the south. All predjudice and preachers. It's tempting. It's tempting to write that story. Because it's easy to digest ham fisted allegories where faceless vaguely supernatural villains are wrong and feel proud of oneself for being Progressive.

But it's not the truth. I think what makes Southern Gothic is honesty. Anything else is just ... a story. A beautiful work of fantasy but fantasy at that.

Which is why it's taken so so long to hack down the ideas of this project into 150 pages of canned manuscript. But I can honestly say I'm returning to Redemption, which I think will remain the working title of Frederick the Witch/Amelia the Witch for now. Possibly even being the title I stick with. It's simple. It's honest. It's what the story's about.

And it's mine. It's nobody else's. This isn't a cool identity, or a story dressed up in cool spooky tropes, or something you can even begin to understand unless I tell you properly. It's my life.

P.S. Will the Star Wars fan fiction stick around?

I mean, yeah, probably; I do like it. But I'm going to clean all of that over to a different blog. I'm feeling ready to start putting most of my energy into my novel.

#update