#i'm very lonely lately

[katandsquad]

.

#my ex and i broke up 4 1/2 months ago #we tried to stay friends #he even started working at the same company as ne #just a different store #on the 4th we went no contact #i'm having a hard time dealing with it rn #we still care for each other but he is too unstable at the moment #he has been lying to me a lot #just so he could avoid trouble #he is in a rapid cycle rn and has almost no control over the stuff he is doing #he told me that he is not recognizing himself rn #as angry and hurt as i am/was #i'm very lonely lately #it makes me angry #i've been fine for 4 months now #now i'm becoming lonely #i'm sick and I just miss the cuddles and comfort of another person #i feel so stupid #just needed to get this out

[guardian-angle22]

Tarlos Wedding Celebration Event [Week 6] -> favorite outfit(s)-> TK

#911 lone star #911lsedit #tk strand #tarlosweddingevent #tarlosweddingcelebration #I had a hard time picking for TK cause I genuinely like a lot of his clothes throughout the seasons #I clearly have a thing for sweaters though #also must acknowledge that pink shirt gif - 👀 dat ass tho #I am very late in posting this #I'm behind on all the gif sets I've been in the middle of making oops lol #(so if you've sent me a request at all in the past few weeks just know I'm not ignoring you. just slow like a turtle currently) 🐢 #my gifs

[dontmindmeimjusthereforthesequel]

"Do you remember? You store them, I suppose. Keep, keep stuff locked up in those little wheels. Thats memory isn't it? Computers used to be like you. big whirring things with loads of - uh, tape. They called that memory.

But its not - not, not really; its just numbers and...

Maybe you're blank as well, same as me." - Martin from mag 170

he compares the tapes to a computer I'm

#on my third relisten of tma #and this line took me OUT #almost crashed my car on my way to work #that's a lie #I'm very responsible #but I did let out the most undignified shriek in my otherwise silent vehicle #the magnus archives #the magnus protocol #the lonely #tmagp #martin blackwood #Would it have been easier to take a screenshot of the transcript? #probably #but its too late now

[twothpaste]

I’d love to see you elaborate on how you personally interpret Ness and Paula’s dynamic/friendship! How you write them together is super refreshing.

Aw, thank ya!! I just love the thought of them being very different sorts of people, who get along brilliantly in spite of it. Or perhaps because of it, in a "complimenting each other's strengths" kinda way (y'know, like how they play during combat in the game). When I started fleshing out personalities for them, I really wanted them to bounce off each other first and foremost. Ness is sappy, Paula's snarky. Ness has peanut butter for brains, Paula's an academic genius. Ness is really emotionally grounded, Paula's kind of a volatile wreck. It makes for a lot of fun little points of contrast, especially in dialogue. The big thing they do have in common is that they're both awfully selfless, and awfully insecure deep down. So their different perspectives end up supporting & uplifting each other, if that makes sense… Ness notices stuff Paula takes for granted, like how good she is with kids, and how carefully she looks out for others. Paula notices when Ness is pushing himself too hard, and might be the only person who can convince him to cut himself some slack.

Before they met, I imagine they were both pretty lonely in their own ways. Ness was isolated by childhood bullying & Porky's fucked up "friendship," Paula by her upstanding hometown reputation & lofty expectations. When they're together, they can just be themselves. No risk of being judged or chastised or pushed around. Their friendship feels like a fresh start. I like to think it's founded on mutual admiration & respect, and a sort of pact to always be genuine with one another. Ness doesn't gotta pretend to be smarter or cooler than he is, Paula doesn't gotta pretend to be "normal" or put-together, they're just kids bein' kids on their own terms! (Or dorky young adults being dorky young adults, when I write 'em at age 20 🤸‍.) They're good for each other. They make me smile. Besties.

#and that's without even getting into “oh wow!! the first person i've ever met who also has psi!! i'm not just some lone weirdo! woah!!” #the earnest fascination. comparing and contrasting their wildly different powers. makin up theories about how they work. #stayin up late tryin to each each other's minds. playing telekinetic tug-o-war. the possibilities are endless & very sweet. #ask tag

[cruelsister-moved2]

like we are on our nine billionth positivity post for cis men with beards and masculine trans men and feminine lesbians and bi people in m/f relationships and nb people who are comfortable passing as their agab etc.... do we need more? is straight people not being able to tell you're gay/trans really the biggest issue facing lgbt people right now?

there seems to be this undiminishable reservoir of care and sympathy for the very idea of having ur queerness slighted in any context. meanwhile people who never get the choice whether or not to hide it are routinely dehumanised, othered, and ignored. if the issues facing these groups do get discussed it's almost never with much concern for their feelings. invalidation and erasure may be one of the issues facing lgbt people and it deserves attention too but I really don't think you can claim at this point that it isn't getting its fair share already.

for what it's worth, even your hypothetical most flaming butch lesbian/fem gay man/androgynous nb person etc still meets people who assume they're cishet, who even actively refuse to acknowledge that they're not. the false equivalence between erasure and overt prejudice alleged exclusively by those who largely experience only the former is in fact erasing the reality of people who experience both

#I'm always thinking abt that one buzfeed article called like queer women share their struggles or smth #one was a butch lesbian talking abt how carefully she has to plan journeys #bc late night toilet stops or seedy motels are life and death for her #then there was a bi woman w a husband n kids #talking abt how one time she had to take her pride flag off her lawn (picket fence implied lol) #like... ofc that's sad I feel sad for her #but the lack of proportion is kind of on the nose lol #I don't have the right words but like something very fetishistic abt the gaze of other lgbt ppl towards 'visibly' lgbt people #and I use those terms loosely bc ppl r visible and invisible in different contexts #but if you've reached the stage of fantasising abt hypothetical microaggressions or straight up hate crimes that could happen to u #then u have gone too far #I just think a lot of the time it's more abt the fact that YOU don't feel 'valid' enough in yourself #ao you convince yourself other lgbt people existing or talking abt our issues is the problem #like if ur a bi girl n having a cishet bf makes u feel so lonely and insecure and 'not gay enough' at what point is that ur responsibility #to either accept urself or to be in relationships that make u feel better about urself #and not my responsibility to say ur having gay sex with jakey or wjayever

[theghostofashton]

seven sentence sunday

thank you to @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @heartstringsduet @kiwichaeng @carlos-tk @carlos-in-glasses @strandnreyes @lemonlyman-dotcom @alrightbuckaroo @lightningboltreader @sanjuwrites for the tags <3

“It’s just going to be a regular suit,” Nancy says. Turning her attention to Carlos, she gives him a sympathetic smile. “I’ll try not to have you looking like all the other guys showing up to bore everyone in plain black, but with such last minute notice, that might be our worst case scenario.” “That’s totally fine, Nancy,” Carlos says, always accommodating. “I could’ve worn a suit from home, honestly. We don’t need to get a whole new one.” Nancy looks scandalized. “You are walking a red carpet, Reyes. You better look like it.” TK, true to his word, accompanies Carlos to his fitting the next day. His stylist, Warren, is overjoyed to see him, and TK gets yanked into a hug as soon as they enter his shop. He squeezes tight and TK closes his eyes and breathes in, taking in the fact that he hasn’t seen this man in a couple years. He used to end up in his shop multiple times in the span of a few months. Selfishly, he figured everyone he worked with would just kind of be grateful for the drama-free clients. Carlos is a dream, and Warren says as much. TK holds in a laugh as he watches the look on his fiancé’s face grow more and more uncomfortable. Warren instructs him on which ways to turn and lean so he can get his measurements, and Carlos looks like he’s stubbornly trying not to meet TK’s eyes for the whole thing.

getting to this kinda late today so open tag!

#i was so sure this fic was done and then i had another idea lmao #it is very close i promise #also sorry if i've missed any tags lately! tumblr is once again not notifying me i'm pretty sure #neha writes #911 lone star #tarlos

[sleepyseals]

[Image Description: A digital painting depicting Feldspar standing to the right of a campfire, facing away from the viewer and upwards. They are holding an arm outstretched above them and the other gesticulates as if they were telling a story. Several fireflies surround them and their shadow falls to their right. Wreathed in the smoke of the campfire is a scene of their campsite in Dark Bramble. Three large twisting brambles, the anglerfish fossil’s teeth, and three pine trees are suspended upside down, stretching downwards toward Feldspar and the campfire. A plume of stylized curling smoke stretches across the top of the scene from Feldspar’s ship in the top right corner. The ship is sparking with electrical failure. End Image Description.]

my piece for the @travelers-encore-zine !!!  I think this came out a bit more conceptual than I wanted but I still like it!

Thank you to the mods for making this happen, putting everything together and being an amazing support team!!! Thank you to my fellow contributors for being so lovely and making such amazing things and sharing this project with me, I'm really happy I got to be a part of it!!

#I'm so late to posting this omg sorry!! I got stressed abt writing the caption bc its hard getting the words out of my brain sometimes #but its already been a few days since the zine came out I can't believe it #expect some sort of process video or post for this maybe!! as soon as I figure out how I want to do that haha #idk I put a lot of work into this that I don't want to leave unseen but I don't know how I would even go about formatting smth like that #I dont know how to feel abt this piece lol I definitely got very tired of looking at it by the end but I think I'm still happy with it #there's so much going on for me atm but I'm happy! I'm so happy I have things to be passionate about #crazy how life is messy as ever but so much more manageable when you have something you care a lot about #videos game. <3 <3 <3 #I’m interested to hear people’s thoughts on what this means like symbolically ::] #both lonely and claustrophobic #Stories are the basis of so much in game but give feldspar room to breathe god damn it #I have to go to class and stop rambling in the tags now #outer wilds #feldspar #dark bramble #my art #outer wilds spoilers #ow spoilers #how did i forget spoiler tags... smh my head XD

[trans-xianxian]

also I just never really learned the skill of Making Friends With Someone. I don't really get how it works. like I am Incredibly good at Getting Along With People and being performatively charming, I can get along with almost anyone and be polite and friendly and have continous positive social interactions with them, but I don't know how to turn that into actual friendship. and some of this is my fault because I Know that I'm chronically afraid of over stepping and not realizing that I'm pushing myself onto a person who doesn't actually want to be friends with me so I just never reach out and that's bad and I need to stop doing that. but also how is it possible that no one ever reaches out to Me. ever. at all. I never have the chance to Accept the offer of a potential friendship. like what am I doing so wrong to signal to other people that they shouldn't try to be friends with me. like whats the deal

#like can I just not tell? are ppl trying to be friends w me and I just don't get it so they stop? #do I need a shirt that says I can't take hints throw rocks at me? #I refuse to accept that there is just something irrevocably wrong w me that makes it so no one wants to be my friend. so whats the catch. #I know I can make friends I have some. and by some I mean 5 #my entire social circle aside from ppl I'm literally related to #is 5 people #and theres nothing Wrong with that #I just wish it wasn't true about me #but I just don't get what I'm doing wrong #it feels like a stupid hopeless game no one ever told you the rules to but you're expected to understand anyway #anyway sowwy I've just been feeling very lonely lately lmao #need to make new friends need to be gay kissed #ghost posts #text

[ultramarine-spirit]

Is there a phrase that Athy has said that you like a lot? Or any other character? Is there a phrase that Athy has said that you like a lot? Or any other character? I personally think one of Athy's best lines was when he bowed to Claude on his birthday, it was really epic

That's a good choice! I'll keep this post about Athy, because I have too many favorite lines of hers. But overall, Lucas is probably the one who says the quotes I love the most. My favorites from the novel:

«Lucas, you brat... I'll kill you. Next time we meet, I'll really kill you!»

« I'm not yours, you are mine! »

« If this were a kid's story, everyone could have had their happy endings. No one would have been unfortunate or have any faults. In their perfect forms, everyone could have had their beautiful endings. »

Funny, romantic and thoughtful.

First one is funnier without context. Second one, everyone knows it, it's iconic, no explanations needed. Last one is from the final chapters. I think that line perfectly reflects the novel's philosophy, and it's a nice contrast with the manhwa's different take on the story. Neither is better than the other in my opinion, but rather, that contrast is what makes each other much more fascinating.

And as for the manhwa...

First, this classic (from both the novel and the manhwa). When you think about WMMAP, you think of this scene. Moving and heart-wrenching at the same time.

My absolute favorite quote... This felt like the one chapter where Athy finally exposed her heart to the reader. In volume 7's author notes, Spoon wrote about how she wanted Athy to learn that the love others gave her is not something to be gained or lost, and that she hoped Athy could in that way learn to love herself. That's it, that's Athy's whole character arc in a nutshell. Yeah I'm going to cry.

A simpler line but also a direct thematic continuation to the one shown above. The sequence leading to this is so impactful (I love the alliteration of people asking Athy her name. It's literal poetry, I'm not joking), and the scene that follows even more so...

Putting these scenes together really shows how much Athy grew over the course of the story, huh? From accepting she truly loved Claude but being willing to give that up, to confessing how afraid she was of losing her loved ones' affection, because it was the first time she held anything across three lifetimes, to finally realizing her true self and then being willing to sacrifice herself to protect those she loves.

Excuse me, I need to go cry for a bit...

#who made me a princess #i suddenly became a princess #suddenly became a princess one day #wmmap #sbapod #sbap #athanasia de alger obelia #athanasia #athy #wmmap novel #wmmap meta #my favorite lines from Lucas... where to even begin. In the novel. when he tells Athy she doesn't need to reciprocate anyone's feelings #'... But if somehow something were to happen to her... #I would be so enraged that I might kill everyone and set the entire obelian empire on fire. #I'd burn down everything until every living being on this land has turned to ash.' #'I shouldn't have shown her the sacred tree. But it's too late for regrets now. She won't... listen to me even if I try to stop her.' #'But why is that I can't bear the thought of losing someone now...? Did you feel this way too?' #'I still don't know how it feels to have a family. but I do know how lonely I would be if I weren't able to see that someone again.' #'... I understand why you didn't want to exist any longer.' #'It's still fine... I'm protecting her... so at the very least she'll be able to come back...' #'... You are the only person that I think of as someone I want to protect...' #Diana's: 'Though I couldn't raise you and hold you in my arms. Never once have I not loved you since the moment I felt your existence.' #'I love you my daughter Athanasia.' #'That's our child... I want to protect her even if something happens to me.' #Claude's: 'Don't be sick. I'll do anything for you. so please always stay healthy and happy...' #'I'm sorry Diana. Now I finally understand you.' #woah notice how most of these are about Athy or people loving Athy? I wonder what's up with that

[gale-in-space]

Alright, I'm feeling open and uninhibited for no particular reason, so I'm gonna go for it. What the hell.

I highly suspect that I have npd, or narcissistic personality disorder to the uninitiated. Or at the very least, I feel like I definitely have traits of it.

I think a lot of people don't really understand what npd is. I didn't, for sure. I think initial gut reactions to npd tend to be ones of disgust and fear mainly, which are often colored by people's impressions that npd is nothing more than the following: 1) excessive self-absorption 2) a massive superiority complex and 3) utter disregard for others.

It's really a lot more complex than that. A lot of this stuff, at least in my experience, stems from trauma. In my case, it's maladaptive thought patterns and behaviors that maybe served me as a kid trying to survive in an abusive household, but no longer benefit me as an adult. These tendencies have even sabotaged a lot of relationships I've tried to build over the years. It's a very isolating experience.

Let me break it down a bit:

Anecdotally speaking, the excessive need for praise and admiration often seen in typical npd profiles appears to be related to a significant lack of such things in the formative years of one's life. Feeling like you're fated for something greater, like you deserve better than these idiots around you, that you're special somehow and if only other people could see that - that's a trauma response. It's like a form of escapism. As a kid, I fervently wished I could be swept off to a magical land where I was the "chosen one" destined to save its denizens. I used fantasy as an avenue for finding meaning for myself. Really, I just wanted to know that I mattered, especially when my family and classmates and teachers made me feel like I didn't.

Npd, at least to me, also comes with tendencies towards debilitating perfectionism. This can manifest in a few ways. Avoiding situations in which failure feels like a certainty is one such example. For me, this would involve dropping out of anything that I wasn't immediately good at, or was awkward in, or made somewhat of a minor embarrassment of myself (by virtue of being new and also, you know, a human who messes up sometimes. Which is what we humans do).

Directly dovetailing from that: A lot of us narcissists deeply fear being perceived or exposed as a failure. It's like our horrible secret, that we're actually worthless creatures that are only ever capable of ruining things, and that we don't actually deserve anyone's precious time. Or at least, that's how it feels for me. And in some way, I feel like that is my unconscious brain's way of being like "hey, if I shrink my self-esteem down a bunch so that I appear very humble and modest, I'll get more affection and praise and compliments insisting that I'm better than I say I am."

And I eat that shit up. It's like fuel for me. The problem is, it's not sustainable.

It's a really tricky thing to balance, and as of yet, I've not come up with a great solution for dealing with it. My self-esteem is devastatingly low, despite my embarrassingly entitled attitude towards receiving compliments. I think another thing that throws a wrench into the works a bit is (if my theory is correct) the fact that growing up with trauma makes happy memories a bit more slippery to hold onto. So any kind of genuine praise I get is almost immediately forgotten, disappearing into a black hole that is desperate to be filled.

I think something that might help is keeping a record of compliments that people give me. Writing them in a journal, keeping them in a document of some sort, etc, etc. People can't always give all-positive feedback all the time. That's just not how feedback works. But for the days when I'm feeling low and like I don't know who I am or why I'm even here, I can refer to my records. I can use this as evidence. And hopefully, this will provide a foundation for me to build a more robust sense of self.

Anyway, I've rambled on long enough. If you've read this far, thanks! And if you haven't, well, you haven't.

Yeah. Anyway. Later!

#i'm not making this rebloggable because i'm scared lol #in fact i'm not sure i'm gonna keep this up at all #it's a very scary thing to admit tbh #i just hope that. idk. maybe by talking about it someone else will feel seen. and like they aren't alone #or something like that #because it is a lonely experience for sure #so i want to extend all my love to people who feel this way too #anyway this has been sitting in my drafts since yesterday #i’m posting this like i’m throwing a grenade and then running away forever goodbye!!!! #the self-hatred has been a lot lately. like more so than usual so #idk i just feel like i need to talk about it or else i’ll explode

[outeremissary]

Having one of those weeks of "is this the monthly Malaise or am I about to have a real mental health rut"

#I think I feel a bit bad for not having seen success for a bit on a large project or one for other people #my to-do list... I'm trying #think I just feel socially weird too. as usual I would benefit from touching grass #I know I've been on more than is good for me lately and I'm just trying to distract from not liking how creative projects are going #or feeling lonely but not very socially confident for a while #for me social media is generally an extremely poor substitute for other forms of interaction (including other online interaction) too #it's like candy. it's fun in moderation but the more of it making up your diet the sicker you feel #and socially ambiguous in a nerve wracking way with how uncertainly part private/part public it is #especially on tumblr where so much interaction is indirect and one way. it's not how I function best I fear #it can be fun! I enjoy it much of the time. but it can also be very stressful and confusing. #a solid 'touch grass' (or touch snow) time is likely approaching if I feel weird a little longer haha #but jeez! I should knock some stuff off the list first. #I'm up too late tonight. I know that. lack of satisfaction on projects I know #okayyyyy I'll maybe prep one last thing (sunk cost fallacy) and go to sleep properly like I should've ages ago. morning will be rough. #I do miss the ways people interacted on Twitter #rambling #you should know half the time I have some way too long tags it's because I meant to say one thing and then just kept going without thinking #I think I talk too much online because offline I don't talk very much. not many people to talk to.

[kokoberry-arts]

I need a dating app but for queer platonic relationships.

I need an app to find like a platonic soulmate to spend the rest of my life with. No intimacy, no romance, just two special best friends living together and having fun, like a married couple but without marriage and without a couple, but also still being somehow together in a sense?

Honestly I don't even know if I'm making any sense??? 😭

#I was talking to my therapist and now I'm thinking about stuff #also feeling lonely ever since my break up #and also been thinking about myself lately and what I want from life #this is something I've always wanted ever since I was a child #spend my life with a best friend #but life shows me that it's a very naive dream #but oh well #don't know if anything I say make sense lmao #today's rambling #don't mind me just venting a little #kind of a vent post #but not sad vent #i guess

[navramanan]

Would give anything to have a little friend group i feel like i belong to

#would give anything to have a few more muslim friends i swear you guys #got involved with the muslim students association in my uni town and took part in a meet up at the mosque #my issue is tho that i flourish in one to one meetings and disappear in group activities #this happened in october but i went there opened the door sat down and everyone was already engaging with each other #and it's so so difficult for me to break into conversations #i sat there feeling very nervous feeling invisible and very visible at the same time #not knowing what to do how to be part of anything #until someone noticed me to come and start talking to me and try to make me part of a group #it never works out for me. it's so difficult it drains me and i feel unsuccessful every time #which then discourages me it's like a cycle #i feel lonely -> decide to meet new people -> doesnt work out the way i wish it wouldve -> i feel lonely etc #i feel like i dont know how life works #feel like whenever i enter a new space i'm already late. everybody has found each other so i'm left out #nesi rants

[french-mermaid-outfit]

Really appreciate finding out other people my age are struggling too. Wish people would talk about it more

#for instance i right now am late for work and haven't been making my bed the last few days #if i #you know #leave the bed at all #have a bunch of work deadlines coming up that I'm just always thinking about and so always stressed #also i keep cancelling plans with people idk why #so not been really bonding with my friends of late #im given to believe all this is pretty normal in your twenties #but for the life of me i cant find anyone who isn't Put Together all the time or at least will talk about not being put together #idk maybe im asking the wrong questions #its just very lonely

[electrictouchfeaturingfalloutboy]

Feeling very "I wanna be emaciated/I wanna hear one song without thinking of you/I wish I was on a spaceship/Just me and my dog an impossible view".

#as usual feeling very lonely and isolated #i'm friendly with people at work but it's all too new to call anyone friends #it's dumb but since i've changed my dating profile settings back to women i've gotten no matches #which isn't helping #and i just feel very lonely and isolated #all the usual stuff as of late #i just want to listen to music and have songs remind me of other things you know #hannah makes a text post

[majidemah]

i really miss the sense of community i got from following other kin blogs.... i know kin tumblr is way smaller than it used to be and i kinda doubt that will change but i still love you guys <3

#feykin #faekin #what tags do people even use anymore. #hiiiiii . for the love of god hello #i don't really remember the tags for this blog at the moment #but if anyone's still out there #i've been feeling very lonely lately. don't have anyone i can talk to about being fey #i mean i could probably talk to [redacted]. they know i'm a canid #but euhhhhh they're very uhm. strictly atheistic and while they're very supportive of me being a dogboy #i think they just kinda assume its a furry thing. which it also is. #but like. idk. i just don't know if they would accept it as a spiritual thing #which would be way more disheartening for fey stuff than dog stuff even though its really all the same stuff. #anyway. #realized i hadn't made a post reminding people that i'm still kin and loving it in a couple years.