#i'm old and I am angry | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gay-jesus-probably · 4 months

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I like the general fandom trend to just take the plot of Hyrule Warriors as a loose guideline at best and just use the whole concept as a good excuse to get blorbos to interact across timelines, BUT I'm very disappointed that everyone is missing the comedic potential of a very specific squad of characters:

Young Link (aka Mask), who walks out of the nightmare of Majora's Mask and immediately gets portal kidnapped into a temporal war, takes one look at the whole mess and decides that you could not fucking pay him to admit to being the resident expert on Time Shenanigans. He introduces himself with the title of Hero of Termina, and definitely doesn't have any other ones, that would be crazy. Hero of Time? Never heard of him.

Tetra, who is a kickass pirate captain with zero patience for people trying to shove her into the Designated Princess role, and realizes immediately that Oh Fuck, this Hyrule has a lot of Ideas about how the Hero and the Princess are supposed to properly play their parts, the second they realize she's technically a Zelda they're gonna shove her in a goddamn dress and damsel her again, that's not happening. So she's definitely just a really cool pirate captain, nothing else going on here at all, definitely not the heir of the Hylian royal family in her time, that'd be crazy.

Ravio, who is literally just a palette swapped Link, meaning that the second his hood comes off, things are gonna get Awkward. There's no way in hell he's dealing with all that Hero baggage, that's Link work, so that giant bunny hood/mask is practically superglued to his head, and he's not taking it off for love or money.

Spirit Tracks Zelda, who is just in the Phantom Armour the whole time, and passing herself off as just a friendly ghost posessing a suit of armour to help the Hero of Spirits. Of course she isn't Princess Zelda, that's ridiculous, if she were a Zelda then people would start getting really weird about her technically being dead, and boy does that ever sound like a whole Thing she doesn't want to deal with, so she can't possibly be Zelda, she's just a nice ghost knight. Also, her teenage grandma is here, and that's kinda weird, so it's easier to just not admit to being royalty and avoid that awkward conversation.

Finally there's Sheik, who is not the Princess Zelda of the era straight up abandoning her war torn country for months at a time so she can risk her life in extreme cosplay for no clear reason, but is instead the actual Sheik from Ocarina of Time, who just beat Ganondorf like a month ago and is still trying to process what the fuck to do now. Also, he's been pretending to be a boy since he was ten, and is realizing there's a pretty good chance that he isn't pretending anymore, so that's a whole other can of worms. But for the last seven years of his life, being Princess Zelda meant certain death, so he's not really inclined to introduce himself like when in a new and stressful situation (not to mention he might actually just not be a girl named Zelda anymore), so he automatically introduces himself as just Sheik the spooky ninja man, and fuck he's in too deep to back out now, looks like he's committing to the bit. If you think you sense the Triforce of Wisdom on him, no you don't.

Cue shenanigans as the five of them attempt to hide that they're all actually kind of A Big Deal. The group motto is "Nobody says shit", which is usually delivered as a frantic hiss whenever someone slips up. Just the reunion between Sheik and Mask alone would be absolutely buckwild given how they parted, and how they're both frantically pretending to Not be involved with each other. For added hilarity and/or drama, Sheik gives his semi-bullshit cover story of having just been a friend of the Hero of Time, then runs into said Hero of Time and they both have to desperately pretend not to know each other, because if anyone picks up on the mountain of baggage between them then Mask is busted, and he won't hesitate to drag Sheik down with him out of sheer spite. Not to mention the weird balance of Sheik being used to this Link being a teenager that's actually a small child, and now has to adjust to Link who is a small child that's actually a teenager.

Also, i really feel like we're all missing out on the comedy potential of Ganondorf recognizing Young Link on sight and the two of them immediately launching into a grudge match with some extremely personal and specific insults on both sides. Meanwhile literally everybody else is just standing there watching, trying to process the fact that out of every single person that's been pulled out of time, Ganondorf only has personal beef with a literal nine year old.

I just feel like we're all really sleeping on the potential for Shenanigans here. The whole thing is an absurd mess, why not have some fun with it?

#legend of zelda #hyrule warriors #for the record im picturing the sheik-mask reunion as being the spiderman pointing meme for like five minutes #also my mental image of sheik is extremely Bad haircut (he does it himself with a knife and doesnt care about making it even)#and a ridiculous tanline across his face from wearing a mask all day #OOT magiaclly growing out zelda's hair and manifesting a Royal Gown was some top tier bullshit and i'm always angry about it #like dude. literally all of princess zelda's finery was made for a ten year old #she's like eighteen now. nobody's making royal finery for teenage zelda. where was she supposed to get that dress.#i am eternally on my agenda to let zelda wear some goddamn pants without an immediate magic makeover to *fix* it #anyways nintendo's sexism aside i like sheik being trans its very fun and sexy of him #tfw you go into hiding to escape political assassination and accidentally trans your gender in the process

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rosellemoon · 2 days

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I know I'm supposed to be taking a break, but I just wanted everyone to know that Rafal started trolling me as a northern flicker. Every morning this literal shit bird pecks away at my chimney cap, sounding like a machine gun, so now I have to hire someone to install bird spikes (which don't harm birds, only deter them from landing) on it.

#the school for good and evil #rise of the school for good and evil #rafal mistral #roselle rambles #i'm trying to make this sound more funny than angry #the bird is technically trying to find a mate #and metal (specifically tin) is louder than wood #it's not malicious just uhh you know #but that would probably be rafal either way #he wouldn't know what to do when he's in the mood so he makes it everyone else's problem #yes i am mean to him. 100+ year old virgin without internet #come at me bird man

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recklessmoss · 8 months

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i'm so unironically baffled at the amount of downgrades this site pushes out on a nearly weekly basis at this point. Near half if not all of them are almost completely useless and give absolutely zero benefit to user experience, if anything @staff is quite literally distancing their userbase.... do you think i want another twitter? Like what purpose or benefit does taking away dash avatars has... what's the benefit of taking away basic accessibility features.. fucking genuinely. I hate it here. I don't know how many more feedback letters I have to send in order for all this shit to stop... i'm so tired.

#i'm so tired. like genuinely.#i'm so very tired how as an artist who also relies partially on a FUNCTIONAL social media is being forced into a fucking corner like this #where the site is broken in every sense imaginable. and you have no intention to fix it. other than making it worse.#I've seen 12 year olds with java codes do a better job than this site #and u think i'm rambling nonsense bc i'm angry and yeah. i kinda am but then again i'm fuckign exhausted. and every day I have less desire #to spend even more than a second on this site #sorry!#anyways tldr. i hate it here.#please for the love of god stop giving this site money. in anyway.#i get u want the funny checkmarks but this staff doesnt deserve your pennies in any shape.

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badoccultadvice · 1 year

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So like, I have been having this weird experience analyzing the Harry Potter books lately, and please indulge me while I talk about J.K. Rowling's weird writing.

My goal was simple: read the Harry Potter books to find which parts were influenced/inspired by actual magic that people do in real life. My theory was that there was a lot more magic in the earlier drafts of the books, and that she took a lot out due to fear of backlash from America's ongoing reenactment of the Satanic Panic. For instance it's quite obvious some of their magic lessons got dumbed down so that very little of what's in the books could actually be tried in real life, and I think she took out a lot of astrology.

I also wanted to do a couple errands along the way, one of which was to check and see if it's explicitly written in the books that Harry is a cis man. I'm a trans man, SO I'D KNOW. (I'm a slow reader so all I can say for now is: the FIRST book does not explicitly state Harry is cis, but if he's trans, there's some implied worldbuilding with items like the Sorting Hat that comes into play. Also I'm fairly sure the Dursleys would have gone along with him being trans because that meant Petunia could reuse Dudley's old clothes instead of having to get girl stuff. I'mma save any other explanations on the topic for a video on it.) The reason I'm doing this read-through is because I think J.K. doesn't know anything about trans people and didn't think to make sure her wizard world was trans exclusionary. AND IT TURNS OUT THAT WE TRANS MAGIC USERS HAVE A WAY OF WIGGLING INTO MOST PLACES UNDETECTED BY NORMAL MEANS.

While I was doing the re-read I encountered two sort of broad revelations:

There's a lot of old stuff in there like Latin and Greek and tradcraft stuff, but also modern magic of the more recent era... but the incorporation of modern magic cuts off somewhere before the 80s. These books read like they were written by a early 70s magician. Like they honestly read like J.K. is a magical practicioner who just didn't read any magic books written after 1972 and never discovered what Chaos Magic is, (and also, never heard of most of what happened in the Cold War). I have never found a writer, in fiction or non-fiction, more dedicated to referencing magical stuff that most magicians alive today just don't care about anymore.

J.K. Rowling's knowledge of child abuse laws and general social mores regarding treatment of children also ceased to update itself by about the 80s. I keep getting distracted by this and having to make more side-notes about corporal punishment and researching stuff like when caning was banned in England. (HInt: it was banned before Harry went to school, so in Book 1 it's fuckin weird that he assumes that Wood is the name of a cane he's about to be whipped with.) Like, this woman raised children in the modern era, she should know when canes stopped being used.

So like, when I mention that I'm doing some research in this area, this is the sort of stuff I'm reading for and the sort of stuff I'm encountering. I haven't been talking much about this journey because it seems like any time anyone brings up anything Harry Potter up whatsoever, we've got to talk about how J.K. is a terf in every other sentence. But like, y'all: I hope you slow down and re-read the books, because J.K. Rowling is a terf who is also a child abuse apologist and normalizer. She is a terf who is also a horrible fat-shamer. She is a terf who is also an ableist with a huge problem writing about mental illness. And she's a terf who's also a sexist who undermines feminism with her actual writing of female characters.

And I honestly think she double and triples down on the terf stuff so that people will only talk about that. I think it's worth talking about the fact that not only is she an awful person in the terf way, but like, every other way imaginable too. I think it's worth talking about the fact that with all the obvious biases she has, the group she CHOOSES to publicly marginaiize is trans women, and I think she makes that choice because she thinks that she'll get more allies that way. That if she wore all of her issues on her sleeve like she wears the terfness, that she'd lose a lot of allies, that a lot of prestigious charities would stop having anything to do with her. That she uses the identity of "terf" as a shield because she knows that certain people will protect a terf, and she does this specifically so people won't notice how much of a sexist, abuse apologist, ableist, fatphobe etc she ALSO is. Opinions that could lose her a lot of money and clout if people remember them enough.

She's trying to pick on who she thinks is the most unpopular kid in the class out of the hopes that the bullies in class will be her friends instead of pile up on her, but if the bullies knew what she really thought of them, THEY wouldn't even be her friends.

Also like... I just want someone else to read the actual words in these books and see what fucked-up choices she made as a writer. I think a LOT of people remembering these books are actually remembering the movies, which are way more different from the books than you might expect.

#this got long and rambly #every time i try to read the books i find a new thing that is weird #i had to look up when milk bottle delivery stopped in england #i know so many things about knickerbockers now #it seems like the only reason platform 9 3/4 is used is for the parking and that's so weird #why would you name something futuristic a 2000 when that's only 9 years from when the first book is set #who leaves a one year old on a doorstep #how come the dursleys are so affluent to have late-era milk bottle delivery at the doorstep #yet no 4AM joggers in the neighborhood who would have seen Harry before Petunia did #these books are an assault upon all logic and I am mad and angry that there is a theme park based on them that fails the ADA #you're telling me wizards can hide an entire castle yet they can't add a ramp to a shop's doorway #oh gods i'm never going to stop get me out of these tags I need a snack and a hug

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rawliverandgoronspice · 7 days

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words pale to express how much I hate macron at this point

#thoughts #my grandmother was sent home with an unexamined broken bone #because she is old so not a priority and the public services are fucking drowning #then obviously she fell again and broke two more and got open wounds #then she was taken in and stored in a *corridor* for days #and the operation on her shoulder is being stalled because they have zero openings #AND THIS BITCH is out there speaking of cutting 10 billion more funding for hospitals #you are selling us to private US interests like there is no tomorrow #forbidding us from protesting for our rights and maiming and killing your own citizen when we try #gassing up the far right to try and win by comparaison EVEN THOUGH you do the EXACT same thing as them AND criminalizing the left #pussying out of saying you 100% support Israel when this is actually what's happening because you're a coward #AND prepping us for a war with russia that I'm fairly sure has nothing to do with genuine solidarity with ukraine #but far more with the european political chessboard and your own mark upon history because that's the kind of person you are #and doing your little ego parade for the olympics as though this should in any way shape of form be the priority right now???#as if it's not unbelievably dangerous given the current state of the world??#I want to eat a wall every time I see him on my screen #I am. very angry about many things at the moment. :)

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finniestoncrane · 1 month

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trying to look outwardly mean and scary and pretending i don't give a fuck is hard when i smile like i'm filled with rainbows at leaves with a neat shape and also at leaves without a neat shape bcause i don't want them to feel left out

#THERAPY TONIGHT i can't wait to tell margaret that i let myself be angry!!!#'no it's ok i processed it'#do have to tell her i'm in the processed stage of realising my old counsellor was right #and margaret will be like 'that's such a sad statement'#and i'll have to be like 'ok margaret you can't keep saying that everything about me is sad you're making it hard to stay upbeat'#also i will try to get back to messages eventually i am just so mentally ill i am SORRY #finnie shouts into the void

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swinging-stars-from-satellites · 7 months

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I really want Christmas season to feel like Christmas season again this year. it hasn't for a couple years, I've kinda breezed right through it, but I want to try and focus on it this year.

#and if that person who's like 'holidays don't feel special when you're an adult #because you're supposed to have kids to watch experience the wonder of it all but instead you just have a dog and a sad void''#shows up on this post I swear to God I'm blocking them #that post made me so angry? like what the heck man I #I am single and happy. I don't have a dog and a sad void I have a dog and am full of joy #and I can be intentional about enjoying a season whether or not I have kids (which I never want to btw)???#I know that post is kinda old and some of you probably know the person who made that comment #nothing against them tbh it was just phrased really confrontationally and kinda frustrated me #there's not only one right way to live a life.... if I don't ever have kids I can still enjoy holidays as an adult??? hello??#ok sorry hater moment over I'm gonna be joyful now #Lu rambles

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clare-with-no-i · 11 months

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I know it seems like I'm working on everything but theogony atm but I am working on it I promise. I am just also working on the unclaiming and timshel and hair shaker. and I am stress cleaning my apartment. and I have a job

#I am well adjusted and prepared for adulthood <3 #being a hobby writer is hilarious because while I understand that the culture surrounding fic #is one of sort of blind support and kindness #(and that I could never move to traditional publishing bc of a) lack of skill and b)#inability to handle a level of professional critique)#I still feel an angry mob over my shoulder despite THERE NOT BEING ONE!!!#I'm that character in the old story who hears the heart beating in the house!!!!!!!!!#clare shitposts

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shootsun · 2 years

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Hello all!

This is 🦀 anon's request for Shadowpeach baking! You said if I turned this angsty, you'd never feel safe again- so... fear me?

For those who prefer ao3

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“It’s Xiaotian’s birthday soon.” Liu er says one afternoon as they’re watching TV. He’s half curled around Wukong, and their tails are intertwined as Wukong looks over.

“And you know that why?” He asks, a note of suspicion leaking into his tone.

“Psychological warfare.” Liu er shrugs, not taking his eyes off the screen.

“Uh-huh. What are you suggesting, oh great master of diabolical plans?” Wukong rolls his eyes with a lopsided grin.

“Oh, I don’t know. Poisoned cupcakes?” Liu er says, not bothering to hide his smirk.

“How about regular cupcakes?” Wukong gently elbows the demon in the ribs.

“I suppose, if you’re going to be boring about it, we can make regular cupcakes.” The demon tosses his head back dramatically, and the god laughs.

“I’m not poisoning my student.” Wukong chuckles.

“Not even to test his invulnerability?” Liu er raises an eyebrow and tilts his head to the side, seemingly to gauge Wukong's reaction.

“Now I’m getting a little concerned for my safety.” Wukong blinks, mirth and concern bleeding together in his voice.

“Oh, I poisoned your food ages ago. You’re good.” Liu er waves dismissively and turns back to the TV.

“I…I legitimately can’t tell if you’re joking or not right now.” Frowning, Wukong sets his chin in his hands, and Liu er gives him the slightest of glances without turning his head.

“And you never will.” The demon smiles sweetly before grinning widely at the concerned look on Wukong's face.

“I-uh. Huh. Neat.” The god grumbles out.

He sighs and crosses his arms, content to let the topic drop when Liu er speaks again.

“It’s on Saturday.” The demon says.

“What’s on, oh. Wait, this Saturday? Three days from now, Saturday?” Wukong blinks, and counts out the days on his fingers.

“Yep.” Liu er pops the 'p' loudly.

“So…baking tomorrow or…”

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

They did not get to bake the next day. Or the next.

A horde of demonic bats managed to infest the city, and it had been a constant uphill battle to try and remove the tiny creatures, even with multiple helping hands.

Macaque had called in a favour with Jin and Yin, and Wukong had brought out Guanyin’s vase, and together, with the Calabash and the Shadow Lantern, they’d managed to clear out the east half of the city, leaving the west to Xiaotian, Xiaojiao, Hai-er, and a giant mech outfitted with an equally giant quasi-magical, half mad scientist made vacuum.

It took two and a half entire days to clean up the city, and by the time the two immortals returned home to Flower Fruit Mountain, it was two in the afternoon on Saturday.

“Okay. We have a few hours before he comes over.” Wukong bustles into the house, carrying a bushel of grocery bags on one arm, holding the door open with the other for Liu er.

The demon, pawing through the recently acquired cook book, almost hits the door frame on his way in, and doesn’t stick his nose out of the book until his feet hit the kitchen tile.

“You’ve…got an oven, right?” Liu er frowns at the book and then surveys the meager space around him.

“I think so? Have we really never needed one before?” Wukong hums as he opens various cabinets, peering into each space with a furrowed brow.

“Ha!” The god finally exclaims, pulling open a small door.

“Wukong, that’s a microwave.” Liu er sighs, fighting a fond tired smile.

“And we can’t bake cupcakes in it?”

“No.”

Wukong sighs as he pulls a strand of hair from his head, and transforms it into a small oven, just big enough to fit a muffin tray in.

“What type of cupcakes did we decide on again? I know we’ve got chocolate icing, but…” Wukong trails off, waiting for the demon beside him to interject.

“Well, he likes stone fruit, right? I figured cherry cupcakes and chocolate icing would be pretty good.” Liu er hums, rifling through the various bags scattered on the counter.

“And we’re making them from scratch?” Wukong holds up a container of cherries and eyes it critically.

“I’m not letting you feed him hair again.” Liu er snorts.

“That’s only happened-” Wukong begins to protest.

“Dozens of times.” The demon interrupts, a smug grin stretched across his face.

“It’s not like he noticed. Much.” The god laughs at the skeptical look on Liu er’s face before leaning over his shoulder to peek at the recipe book.

“You set up the dry ingredients and I’ll chop the cherries?” Wukong suggests, carefully pulling a slender knife from the wooden storage block in front of him.

“What? Don’t trust me with a knife?” Liu er teases, pulling out flour, sugar, salt, freeze dried cherries, baking soda and powder and setting them on the counter.

“No.” Wukong flatly replies. “You almost cut your finger off last time, and we had to pull the knife out of your thigh the time before that. So, no, I do not trust you with a knife.”

“Fair enough.” Liu er shrugs, and sets about measuring each ingredient.

A few minutes of comfortable quiet passes, the only noises a gentle humming from Liu er, and the steady chopping from Wukong’s knife until there’s a sharp shattering sound from Wukong’s side of the counter space.

“Ah.” The god looks down at the utterly destroyed knife in his hands, the blade having shattered like glass when he accidentally ran it over his other hand.

“Good thing we really only needed a few cherries for the garnish.” Liu er chuckled.

“It’ll leave more room to have fun decorating with icing?” Wukong tries to look on the positive side as he brushes the broken pieces off the counter and into the trash.

“That’s the spirit.”

Wukong bumps his hip into Liu er’s as he passes back to the grocery bags, and the demon pauses for all of two seconds before a handful of flour coats the back of Wukong’s head.

“You did not.” Wukong turns slowly back to face his other half, and Liu er blinks innocently, wiping the evidence off on the front of his shirt.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Peaches. It must’ve been a freak gust of wind.” The demon quirks his mouth ever so slightly to the side before he schools his expression into something disinterested and neutral.

“Uh huh.”

Halfway through adding the wet ingredients, Wukong flicks the spoon at Liu er, and the demon sucks in a breath at the splatter of pink batter across his front and some of the rest of the kitchen.

“Oops. Must have been a freak gust of wind.” Wukong smirks.

Liu er sloshes some of the batter over the side of the mixing bowl, coating his hand, and starts to slink forward, a sly smile on his face.

Wukong backs away, a nervous grin forming.

“Now, Plum,” he starts, but Liu er leaps as Wukong ducks, a miscalculation on the god’s part, and a cherry handprint lands on his ass.

"Oh my gods! I can't believe you!" Wukong cackles as he wraps an arm around a squirming Liu er, trying not very hard to get away.

"You're gonna knock over the bowl! Truce, truce!" Liu er yelps, and Wukong squeezes him once as a warning before letting go.

The truce lasts through spooning the batter into the muffin tin, and through the entirety of the actual baking, until the cupcakes had cooled and the jar of icing had been opened.

"We should make them monkey themed." Wukong says, glancing over the cakes with an appraising eye.

"That's a little on the nose, don't you think?" Liu er tilts his head to the side.

"Nah. He's all about the brand." Wukong laughs.

"You two are like peas in a pod." Liu er shrugs and begins to spoon out dollops of icing on each cupcake.

He manages to get a base set for each cupcake before Wukong leans forward, mischief in his eyes.

Before Liu er can blink, chocolate has been totally smeared in one of his ears.

The demon turns slowly towards Wukong, and in a light, even tone says, "I'm going to kill you," before lunging forward with his spoon.

With a whoop, Wukong sprints a few feet away before Liu er trips him by entangling shadows around the god's ankles.

Thirty minutes and one chocolate massacre later, the two immortals are left looking down at the remnants of their decorating supplies, half on the cupcakes in something resembling a very sick dog instead of simian shaped.

“They’re ugly.” Liu er stares at the batch, forlorn and with misty eyes.

“He…won’t mind? Probably. We can remake them?” Wukong tugs him over by the shoulder, but Liu er slips through his grasp, and plants himself determinedly in front of the disastrous desserts.

“He’ll be here in less than twenty minutes.” Liu er murmurs.

“I can always just-” Wukong reaches for his scalp, but a glare from violet flashing eyes freezes him mid-stretch.

“It’s not the same!” The demon growls, and lifts his hand like he's about to smash the tray.

“Okay, okay, hold on. Why are you so upset about this?” Wukong catches Liu er's fist gently, and successfully pulls him away from the counter.

“I just…I’m trying to make up for it.”

“Make up for…Mac, he’s already forgiven you.”

“It’s clear he’s going to be alive for a while, they all are." Liu er hisses out.

"He’s almost thirty, and he still looks exactly the same as the day we met him, Wukong.” He continues, still glaring at the mass of chocolate and cherry.

“There’s still time for him to realize I’m a piece of shit and-” The demon takes a shuddering breath and Wukong carefully wraps his arms around Liu er's shaking shoulders.

“Breathe, just breathe. Xiaotian is one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. He’s not going to change his mind and start hating you, or think you’re a piece of shit. Hell, he doesn’t think I’m a piece of shit, and he knows all the stories.” The god murmurs into Liu er's fur.

“Even the time about when you picked a fight with Budd-” The demon sniffles, and Wukong can feel his teary grin against his neck.

“Why does everyone bring that one up?! I was barely even four hundred!” Wukong interrupts in a half-hearted whine, rubbing small circles into the small of Liu er's back.

“Poor baby Wukong, picking fights and making intoxicated choices.” The demon nuzzles further into the god's neck.

“You’re lucky I’ve been going to therapy for that one jackass.” Wukong grumbles.

“Yeah, yeah.” Liu er finally wraps his arms around the god. “I’m sorry for panicking.”

“It happens. Now, you gonna help me clean the kitchen or not?" Wukong gestures to the disaster around them.

“I’ll think about it.” Liu er hums out, and Wukong rolls his eyes.

“Shīfù? Macaque?” Xiaotian calls from the front of the house, and the two immortals trade an equally panicked glance at each other before diving into action.

Liu er scoops up the cupcakes and carefully deposits them in a shadow portal before turning and summoning a dozen shadow clones who scatter the instant they materialize.

Wukong takes a deep breath and exhales a gale of wind, blowing all the flour and various spices out the back door, along with half the dishware.

“Oops.” He mutters before slamming the door shut. “We’re in here, bud. Give us a moment.”

“Uh, okay? What are you guys…doing.” Xiaotian rounds the corner to see shadow and hair clones clinging to the ceiling, floors, and walls, all vigorously cleaning batter and icing off their respective surfaces.

“Hey, kid.” Liu er nods, trying to appear casual, but a bead of sweat drips down his temple, and he leans too far to the side as he waves, stumbling as he rights himself.

Wukong isn’t faring much better in attempting to appear casual, having summoned his somersault cloud in the middle of the kitchen, and wearing what could only be described as a nigh painful looking grimace in lieu of a smile.

“Are you guys alright? Did the bats get in here too? I can get-” Xiaotian starts back towards the front door, but both immortals reach out to stop him.

“No, no, it’s fine, kid, just a little last minute spring cleaning.” Liu er blurts out.

“It’s September.” Xiaotian raises an eyebrow skeptically.

“It’s your birthday.” Wukong says.

“Today? Really? I totally forgot! I’ve been so busy lately; I didn’t even think about it.” The demi-god laughs, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head.

“You need a night off, bud.” The god sighs.

“Oh, come on. What’s the saying? ‘Evil never sleeps’, or something?”

“We, uh. Baked cupcakes.” Liu er says, uncharacteristically meek.

“You…you did?”

“Yeah. They’re uh…” Wukong nudges Liu er forward, and the demon gently summons the tray from his pocket dimension.

“Supposed to be monkey themed.” The demon finishes, and carefully sets the tray of horrifically iced cupcakes down on the table.

“I-uh… I don’t know what to say.” Xiaotian looks at the table with a mixture of a goofy smile and a trembling lip before lunging forward and hugging both immortals.

“Thank you.”

“You act like we’ve never celebrated your birthday before, bud.” Wukong notes, ruffling his student's hair.

“I know, I know it’s silly, but you took the time to do something nice even though we’ve all been so busy, and-” Xiaotian wipes at the corner of his eyes with the back of his hand, and sniffles before looking at the immortals with stars in his eyes.

“Yeah, of course, kiddo.” Liu er smiles softly, patting the demi-god’s back.

“You know I’m not really a kid anymore, yeah?” Xiaotian tilts his head to the side with a small, slightly more watery than usual, smile.

“You’re under a hundred an' fifty. You’re lucky no one’s been calling you child or infant.” Wukong says, amusement running through his voice.

“You guys think I’ll live that long?”

“I’m trying not to think about your mortality at all kiddo. It makes me contemplate life a little too much.” Liu er shakes his head.

“Comforting.” MK makes a face, scrunching his forehead.

“Speaking of comforting,” Wukong starts, but Liu er glares at the god.

“Wukong, do not.”

“Lay an old man’s fears to rest, will you?”

“I’ll fill the bed with cracker crumbs and eat all your peach chips.” Liu er threatens.

“You wouldn’t dare.” Wukong turns, reproach filling his eyes.

“These are…really good. Like really really good! Macaque, you did amazing!” Xiaotian interrupts, chocolate icing and pink crumbs coating his fingers.

“Hey! I helped!” Wukong protests, a pout forming on his face.

“Seriously, you guys, try one! I’m gonna cry, these are so good. I can take the rest home, right?” Unnecessary puppy dog eyes are turned on to the two immortals as Xiaotian grabs his second treat.

“I, uh, yeah, kid. Of course, you can.” Liu er says as he bites into one of the cupcakes. He makes a small muffled noise of surprise, and then takes a larger bite immediately, not even half-way through his first mouthful.

Wukong chuckles and reaches for Liu er’s face.

“You’ve, you’ve got frosting, all over, like…your everything. How’d you even do that?” The god brushes icing off of the demon’s cheek and Liu er’s nose wrinkles in response.

“It’s a gift.” The demon wiggles his eyebrows, and Wukong snorts.

“Here, let me just…” The god transforms a hair into a cloth, and the demon leans away from him, holding the cupcake aloft in a hollow threat.

Xiaotian laughs softly, a twinkle in his eyes when both immortals turn towards him.

“What?” They say in unison, and Xiaotian has to bite his lip to keep from cracking up.

“I can’t believe it took me so long to figure out you guys dated.”

“To be fair, I was trying to ruin his life when you first met me.” Liu er purrs out, draping an arm over the god’s shoulder and shoving the rest of the cupcake into his mouth in one swift, ungraceful move.

“We are all unfortunately aware that’s your way of flirting.” Xiaotian rolls his eyes fondly.

“I’m insulted, deeply hurt, utterly wounded by your cruel words, child.” Liu er dramatically groans, clutching his chest as he sways in place.

“Uh huh.” Xiaotian grins, and Liu er's jaw drops.

“Oh, you little-” The demon playfully growls, and lunges forward.

Xiaotian makes a noise halfway between a squeal and a laugh as he dodges reaching hands by leaping onto the ceiling.

Liu er sinks into the shadows and emerges a few inches from the demi-god and scribbles his fingers along Xiaotian's neck, causing the not quite boy to drop from his perch with a shriek.

"Don't you dare!" Xiaotian laughs, and as Liu er chases him, starts to sprint in circles around the already disheveled kitchen, leaping over chairs and table alike until Wukong scoops him up with one arm.

“What!” Xiaotian yelps, and Wukong's laughter booms out across the house.

“Ha! Take that!” Liu er crows, happily half sunk into the shadows.

“Whose side are you on?!” The demi-god tries to twist away from Wukong's hand buried into his side, but is unsuccessful.

"My own? Duh?" Wukong says, easily dodging the flailing limbs aimed at his face.

“Noohoho!” Xiaotian giggles, peals of laughter breaking through. “I surrender, I surrender!”

“Not me, you’ll never take me ali-Ack!” Liu er trips over the couch, and Wukong carefully drops Xiaotian on one of the arm chairs before pouncing on the demon, and sitting on his legs.

“What about… now?” The god grins, and shoves his hands under Liu er's chin, effectively trapping them there when the dark furred monkey tries to shove his shoulder up and stop the god's fluttering fingers.

“I give, I yield!” The demon yelps, and Wukong smirks as he withdrawals his hands.

“You’re such a cheater,” Liu er laughs, and his eyes crinkle into crescent moons as he playfully swats at the other monkey.

“I still won though.” The god says cheekily.

“Mhmm.”

“Alright, I don't mean to eat and run, but I gotta go, Mei and Red Son said something about a sleepover? I don’t want them to set my apartment on fire.” Xiaotian stands, and brushes off his jeans before giving each immortal a large hug.

“Get home safe. And don’t forget our lunch date on Tuesday!” Wukong says, re-ruffling his student's hair.

“I will, and I won’t forget! Do you have a box I can use for the cupcakes?” The demi-god asks, eyeing the still destroyed kitchen.

“Nah, just take the tray. We’ve got plenty.” Liu er shrugs dismissively.

“Are you sure-”

“Yeah, bud.” Wukong nods in agreement.

“Okay! I’ll bring it back on Tuesday.” Xiaotian says brightly, cradling the precious tin of goodies under one arm.

“Sounds good.”

“Make sure to text one of us when you get back to the city.” Liu er reminds the demi-god, giving him a one-armed embrace.

“I will, I will.” Xiaotian gives Wukong another hug, lifting him with one arm.

“I think you’ve gotten stronger.” The god hums.

“You think so?” Xiaotian preens, quickly setting his mentor down and flexing his arm.

“You did just lift me off the floor, bud.” Wukong says, and Xiaotian gives him a familiar confused look.

“Made of stone? Ah, whatever. Just get home safe, will ya?” The god shakes his head.

“You guys are such worry warts.” Xiaotian chuckles.

“Uh huh. Bye, kiddo.” Liu er waves as Xiaotian steps through the door.

“See you soon, bud.” Wukong calls to Xiaotian's retreating back, and the demi-god waves over his shoulder, clutching the tin of cupcakes tightly in his other hand.

“See, told you the cupcakes were gonna be good.” The god gently shuts the front door and turns to Liu er, still splayed out across the couch.

“I don’t think you ever said that.” The demon raises an eyebrow as the other immortal crosses the room to kneel before him.

“Well, I said he doesn’t hate you.” Wukong says, and brushes dark fur from out of Liu er's face.

“I’ll consider conceding that.” Liu er's tail thumps gently on the couch as Wukong slowly leans forward.

“Stubborn old bastard.” He laughs fondly, and the demon snorts in response.

“Takes one to know one.” Liu er pokes Wukong's cheek and then cups his face, running his thumb over the god's fur.

“You still have frosting on your face.” Wukong whispers, leaning even closer.

“Where?” Liu er tilts his head towards the god with a slow smile creeping over his face.

“Right…here.” Wukong kisses the corner of his mouth, and then licks a stripe up the side of the demon's face.

“Ugh, I bet you think you’re so cute.” Liu er wrinkles his nose and wipes away the spit on his cheek.

“I’m adorable.” The god wiggles his eyebrows.

“Yeah, you are.” Liu er sighs and drags Wukong by the collar of his shirt back forwards for another kiss.

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