#i'm kinda proud of myself for being consistent

[ohbeffinitely]

✨when you get this you have to put 5 songs you actually listen to, then tag 10 of your favorite followers beloved beauties who live in ur phone✨

and a most gracious thank you to @lisa-and-shadow for tagging me i love tag games aah

OKAY LET'S GO

Dancing in the Dark by Bruce Springsteen

Nightshade by Blood Orchid

Wolf Like Me by TV on the Radio

Obsession by Cold War Kids

(Coffee's for Closers) by Fall Out Boy

(links to spotify for y'all's listening pleasures)

Annnnnnnnd tagging @fucking-zawa-sensei, @white-lyrium, @fayeellesworld, @winding-maze, @ladyplantpots, @dj-siren, @twilight-vigdis, @xyriath, @onemaebee, annnnnnnd @mrfreezebug uwu 💖

#beth yells #tag game #okay i legit looked and dancing in the dark is on every single one of my spotify top songs for the last five years #i'm kinda proud of myself for being consistent #also that song strips me and eats my bones #this could have all been dad rock you know #i listen to a lot of steely dan apparently #god this made me miss the old days #entrenched in ocs and losing my grip on reality #thanks reality for coming back and eating my entire ass

[daenysx]

hi I can’t stop thinking about an aemond fic with his girl graduating university. I graduated today and can’t stop thinking about how supportive your modern aemond would be!!

thank you for requesting, angel! i'm sorry, this is a bit short but i hope you enjoy, congratulations!! requests are open

modern!aemond targaryen x fem!reader ♡

aemond watches you take your make up off as he does every night.

this time, it's a bit different. the hour is later than usual, you are a little tipsy because of the celebration drinks but you insist on completing your skin care routine. he lays in bed, his eye following your movements in the little bathroom attached to his bedroom. you give him a smile when your eyes meet, he likes being the person you smile at night.

you apply your night cream on your clean face and turn off the lights as you leave the bathroom. aemond adores how your face looks without any make up on, he likes it either way but your clean face reminds him how safe you feel with him. you trust him enough to create a night time routine with him, it's so nice to be the person you sleep and wake up next to. he opens his arms, you willingly lay next to him, your head on his chest and your arm wrapped around his waist.

"you don't have classes tomorrow." he says. "how does that feel?"

you sigh, nuzzling closer. "it's so weird. i don't think i ever remember a time when i don't continue studying after summer."

"you'll get used to it." he graduated three years ago. "and you can always continue studying if you want."

"i feel free." you say. "and i'm kinda proud of myself. i mean at some point it was really hard like it's never gonna end."

aemond is proud of you. so proud, he can still remember how his posture got straighter the moment you finally graduated. he is the person who has been with you all the time when you were studying, when you were crying because of your papers, when you were finding out about your grades and celebrating them. now, it's all over. you finished another important part of your life and he is one of the main characters. such a nice feeling, he thinks.

"i totally remember that point." he smirks. he does remember the time of your final week during your last semester at uni. it's safe to say he won't let you forget it either. it was a hectic week, you don't remember you ever studied harder in your life. one night, you were literally talking about your lecture notes in your sleep and aemond had the pleasure of learning your class.

"it happened once, aemond." you roll your eyes. "i can't control what i do when i sleep."

he changes your positions to be on top. he kisses your nose, your cheeks. he feels delightful tonight, you cup his cheeks to start a kiss that plays with his heartbeat. he brings his finger to your chin, tilts your head back for a deeper angle. you are both very tired but aemond thinks he can kiss you for an eternity. it makes him feel like he's the lead of one of those cheesy romcoms but he can't help himself.

"do you think it's gonna be okay?" you ask him, breaking the kiss. he knows you are nervous about what to do with your life now, university was hard but it had consistency. your every day was planned, routines were safe. right now, you need to build yourself a new life, it's a new chapter. beginnings are always scary.

"of course it's gonna be okay." he says, playing with your hair. "no matter what you decide to do, i'll be here."

"i think i'm afraid of stucking into a thing i'll hate and then never being able to change it."

he smiles, your pout has always been this cute. "trust me, sweetheart, you can change it. if you ever feel like you're stuck into something, i promise i'll help you with the change you want."

your pout turns into a smile. there she is, his brilliant girl. he kisses the corner of your lips fondly.

"i'm so proud of you." he says before kissing your forehead.

"thank you." your eyes are shining, you kiss him as a way of telling how much his words mean to you.

#aemond targaryen #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond x you #aemond x reader #house of the dragon #modern!aemond #hotd #aemond one eye #aemond targaryen x you #aemond targaryen x fem!reader #modern!aemond x reader #aemond targaryen fics #aemond targaryen imagine #aemond targaryen fanfic #modern!aemond imagine #modern!aemond targaryen #modern!aemond fic

[darkwood-sleddog]

i am so proud of zombie.

she's my most vet nervous dog, partly because of a bad vet experience not long after bringing her home that was in no part the veterinarian's fault (somebody had their aggressive mastiff essentially on a shoe string as they came through the door and she was on the scale and he lunged at her), but also in part due to the masks being worn during the pandemic. this made the vet even more averse for her so my veterinarian and i had worked closely together to make appointments more comfortable and less stressful.

this included action items like:

-not bringing her into the back and doing all necessary procedures in the exam room with me present.

-having me manipulate her face during any part of the exam that required it such as showing teeth, holding her head still for eye exams, holding her mouth for oral vaccinations etc.

-having both the vet tech and vet present for vaccines and blood draws as well as myself, with me stepping in to hold zombie's head.

-limiting her vet visits to as few as possible a year.

-bringing a muzzle she is trained for just in case that we've fortunately never had to use.

she's not very willing to participate in cooperative behaviors when she's super nervous, but care does have to be done in a thoughtful way. the above has worked out super well because the vet techs party time feed her treats while the vaccine is being administered, i provide praise, and as soon as the vaccine is done she is released and given a cool off period before we do the next one.

she used to be so tense and stiff, trying to run and flee from the doorway of the exam room, refusing food etc. but she really showed improvement today, like massive improvement.

she was happy to be at the vet office location and joyfully got on the scale, showing off tricks (she's a trim 74 pounds right now so i'm v pleased with that too), she only hesitated at the exam room door instead of trying to flee, she actually greeted the vet tech and our vet and demanded attention. she took treats with gusto, i barely had to hold her while her vaccines were administered and while they did a blood draw. she was perfect, it was the most positive vet experience she's probably had in her time with us, which is a majority of her life.

she doesn't go to the vet often (and she's my most consistent dog in terms of she's never had a major health worry or anything, weight and behavior are usually consistent etc.), so it was kinda shocking that she made such major improvement since last time, but it just goes to show how important the reduction of stressors can be.

#dogblr #alaskan malamute #zombie #she was so precious and good!! #she still isn't like...a big fan on being there #unlike sigurd (i mean he's HAPPY to have the thermometer stuck up his butt to be fair) #but she's much less stressed which makes me so happy

[bluesolarflare]

Update on Things!

Hey yall, Sunny here!

I have been running the Bluesolarflare account for close to four years now! Surprisingly, I have been pretty consistent posting art, almost once a month (even when I didnt have access to my tablet)! For those who know me, they'll know how hard it is for me to even bring myself to post art, so I am very proud of all the work I have done and how much I had improved!

THAT BEING SAID: I am kinda burnt out on MCYT content :,). I'm finding it hard to keep drawing and kinda want to focus on my personal art (I am a year away from graduating from college :0 ). So consider this my formal hiatus announcement. I do not know how long I will be away, or if I will even return. But sincerely, THANK YOU ALL!! I read all the nice key smashes and character analysis under my art. I would not be the artist I am without y'all! I am forever grateful for all the mutuals and friends I have made throughout my time here. I will not be completely abandoning ship, worry not. I plan to continue using my account to view artist and support where I can! I just will not be making content.

I hope you all understand and thank you for everything !

TLDR: I am going on an indefinite Hiatus, thank you guys for everything :D

#sunny speaks #mcyt #Ill probably reblog this at night so my nocturnal muts can see this #thank you guys so much tho! #if you wanna see my personal art stuff #my main artblog is sunflowyrsart #Im planning on reviving that account #thank you guys again!!! #mutuals feel free to reach out whenever :) #Ill post one final dump. with all the wip I have

[y2ksnowglobe]

Sparrow Oak-Garcia Cosplay Part 13

Time for the shirt! I was horrified to find that this pattern was interested in saving me from buying too much excess fabric which meant I couldn't just put all the pattern pieces on at once, but had to fold and cut, and then fold and cut in a different spot, and then do it a third time. Like I appreciate saving fabric but I do like pinning the pieces all in one go if I can.

I'm so proud of myself because I did this whole thing with french seams and didn't mess up once! I went that route for the seams because this fabric is so comfy but it frays like a motherfucker.

The hood is the reason I picked this pattern, because if you can put a hood on a shirt, why wouldn't you.

I wasn't really happy with the facing for the neckline, but just kept telling myself it was good enough. This is the thing when it comes to making your own stuff, you notice all the imperfections that no one else is going to pay attention to.

The original pattern had the side seams going all the way to the bottom of the shirt, but I opted to put in some side slits because this thing is pretty long on my torso and I'd like to be able to access my pants pockets

This was my first time using my eyelet puncher and I was so nervous. You can rip a seam if something goes wrong (and can I just brag that I didn't fuck up my seams once this whole project? WITH FRENCH SEAMS?????? I am shooketh). So anyway, I was really nervous especially since on my second one the puncher didn't really want to unclasp and was just...stuck to the neckline of the shirt. It opened back up when I stopped being scared of putting a little force into wrenching it back open, but I was close to panicking.

A bonus to the eyelets is also that they really help to cover the wonkiness of the neckline, especially with the ties put in because any lack of symmetry comes off as being due to it being tied kinda weird instead of an inherent structural thing.

I originally was going to do some decorative embroidery on this, but opted to not since the fabric is really stretchy and hard to get a consistent stitch on, which is fine for joining seams, but not if you want to like...make a repeated shape over and over again. So this is now the final product for Sparrow's shirt!

Sparrow Cosplay: Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17

#Sparrow oak cosplay #dndads

[greenbetula]

i finally managed to complete half of my milgram ocs!!

Kaneko Jirou | 016

UNDER, I don't want to keep on wishing Selfishness was the only way out

[Info dump below!]

→ Profile

Name: Kaneko (金田) Jirou (二郎)

金 - gold, metal 田 - rice field 二 - two, second 郎 - son

Age: 21

Gender: Male

Birthday: June 26 (Cancer)

Height: 176 cm (5'8)

Blood type: B

Color: Neptune Blue # 2757ad

(Possible) Cover Songs: Chimera, Dilemma, 118

-> T1 Voice Trailer

My name's Kaneko Jirou, 21 years-old. And? What about you? Who are you? I'm not gonna pretend to be a good person. But no one really is you know? I don't know if that will work. Ah, but you're the warden after all. . . . Y0u rulnⓔd e>ErytHiNⒼ

-> Interrogation

Q: Tell me what your family consists of.

"Me, my mother, my little sister. I have an older brother too, but he left the family a long time ago. There's also my father...well, you know what happened to him"

Q. Have you ever had a lover?

"No. Has anyone had any interest in me? I don't know"

Q. Why did you choose your current workplace?

"I didn't, also I'm still a college student"

Q. If you were allowed to do anything, what would you want to do?

"I don't really know right now. I'll think about it"

Q. Is there someone you want to see right now?

"My little sister. It's been a long time since we've spent time together"

Q. Do you think that your family is proud of you?

" I don't think anything's enough for them"

Q. Are you the type to take others into consideration?

"Do I have another choice? It's what's expected of us"

Q. Do you pay attention to fashion?

"Not really, but I might in the future"

Q: Is there something you can't buy with money?

"They do say you can't buy happiness with money"

Q. Any complaints about being imprisoned?

"Strangely, I like it here"

Q. Hobbies?

"I used to have a lot of hobbies, but drawing is the only one I can remember"

Q. Do you listen to music?

"It's a good way to distract myself from things"

Q. Do you have a future dream?

"I don't know, make a manga probably? I've heard it's a hard job, but I don't mind suffering for something I love"

-> Notes + Extras

His flower is the pentas. It is also known as Egyptian Star Cluster as it's flowers resemble five-pointed stars. In hanakotoba, pentas means "wish" or "wish come true".

Jirou might initially come off as a mean or intimidating but he's warm and friendly guy (he's just very stressed).

Jirou is quite an artsy person. He's the one who got Fuyuki into drawing! They are besties! : D (along with another prisoner I haven't introduced yet)

He was 14 years-old when his older brother left the family.

His favorite food is shrimp!

Jirou is paired up Daisuke, although originally that wasn't supposed to be the case. He was supposed to be 015 and paired up with 014, but I felt that it would make more sense if he was Daisuke's prisoner pair. They're kinda like opposites but also similar in a way (e.g both of them has the "I won't mind suffering for something I love" mindset)

His hair is like that because he cuts it himself, and well...he's not a very good barber.

As for his verdict, he'd get INNOCENT. I feel a lot of people would sympathize with him (and it's not like his victim would be portrayed in a good way). He's get a lot of "he did nothing wrong" type of sentiments I think.

Also his uniform is meant to look like a skeleton. I tried.

#4/7 prisoners done yeah!!!!! #i'm actually very proud of his design! #he has by far the prettiest design in my ocgram #i like his eyes the most #it was also very hard to figure out his palette #but i think it turned out so well! #milgram oc #ocgram #evegram #oc: jirou kaneko #oc #original character #digital art #my stuff #green's gallery

[manestjerne]

Let me save you pt. VI

Juice Ortiz x female

Word count: 6.7k

Warnings: blood, bad language, violence, mentions of sex(?), angst

A/N: Hi guys! Sorry for such a long break, I had this in my drafts for some time, but couldn't get myself to post it, but I'm back now and I'll try to be more consistent 🫶🏻

Walking to the kitchen alone in the morning was a really bad decision. The place was a complete mess and so many things I never wanted to see flashed before my eyes. Passing a few people I really wanted to stop and make sure they’re still alive, but gladly I just walked pass by the disgusting scene, making sure I won’t put my foot in anything on the floor, either people or weird, unrecognized substances. Too early to eat anything as always I just poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down by the kitchen table, praying no one walks in. I haven’t talked with anybody besides Juice about yesterdays situation and I wasn’t sure if they approved what I did. Gemma is probably proud. Looking at the shelves filled with instant food packages I realized I used to do much worse things. Yeah, but you were home. Your place. It’s not my place anymore, but it was back then. I don’t think I have my place now, but it’s definitely not here. Showing up at night looking like I was hit by a truck and then showing some attitude to a girl who’s from here was probably not the best option. Was it? I locked my eyes on a canned chicken soup and my stomach turned upside down. That’s disgusting. 

- Hey - I flinched when Bobby pulled me out of my thoughts 

- You’re up early.

It’s not early, but looking at how many people were still passed out it was surprising to see someone alive.

- Decided to give my liver a rest yesterday - he replied calmly pouring himself a cup of fresh coffee and sitting next to me - What about you? 

- My liver deserved a rest years ago, I’m too old for that kind of parties - I said jokingly to keep the conversation as far from the shattered glasses as I could 

- I don’t know how he did that, but Chibs told us you’re not letting things like that slide easily. 

Shit, my brilliant plan didn’t work.

- Look, I don’t want to sound like a toddler, but she started. I’m not here to cause any drama.

- Actually - he looked down trying to hide his smile - I’m sure some people there were glad somebody finally did that. 

- What do you mean? - he tried to lock his eyes with mine but I kept looking at the chicken soup in the corner 

- See, Ima is the CaraCara girl.  Not many are fond of her, but she’s making good money with Layla, and there’s actually no reason to get rid of her, a pornstar being annoying and slutty is not that much of a deal when you think about it. I work at the studio as an accountant so I spend quite a lot of time with the girls, maybe I don’t know them that well, but you know…

- Deep inside she’s just a lost, lovely girl? - I asked with a little sarcasm when I saw him struggling to finish the sentence, but he bursted out laughing 

- No, she’s really just an annoying slut, I don’t know where I was going there.

I finally left the soup and looked at him laughing, felt a smile forming on my face.

- Just don’t blame yourself, you sat here looking like you had a moral hangover.

- I don’t actually blame myself, but feels like I needed someone else to say that, thanks Bobby.

He replied with a warm smile. 

- I should go and finish the party for good now, see you later.

I sat there for a minute after he left. It’s kinda sad people approach me when I’m just sitting alone, my resting face must be extremely depressed. I slowly got up from the chair and dragged my feet back to the bedroom. When I walked into the room Juice just got out of the bathroom. I looked at the single cup of coffee in my hand. Lovely. 

- And that’s… for you - I smiled and handed him the cup which he accepted with his hand still wet from the shower

- Oh wow, so lovely, you went there just to get me a coffee and didn’t even think about yourself? - he took a sip and handed me the cup back with a smile 

- I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did that. 

He would bring me a coffee. 

- Who were you talking to? - he asked calmly but I felt shivers anyway

- No one. 

Why would I lie? What’s the point? He turned back to me and laughed politely to ensure me he’s not mad, but curious. 

- You were sitting there for so long alone? Come on, I just want to know if you’re getting along with anybody - he still smiled softly putting on  his shirt 

- Oh, excuse me? - I laughed forgetting about how uncomfortable I just was - I was talking with Bobby, but just so you know, I get along with a lot of people here. Like Lyla, she’s great. And Chibs. And Tig. Oh, and Opie, yeah, Opie’s cool. And… And Chucky! 

- Okay, alright - he wrapped his arms around me to stop me from thinking of more names - I’m glad you’re feeling good here. 

- Yeah, about feeling good, it’s great here, but can we go home? 

- Sure - he said not letting me go

- I believe you have to let me go so I can grab my stuff and get in the car. 

- Oh Christ, sorry I was even touching you princess. Want me to carry you so your shoes don’t get too dirty? - he responded handing me my bag 

How is he smiling all the time? That’s probably the thing I love about him the most, but that’s also something to think about. On our way to the car we stopped at the bar. Bobby sitting on the stool with his face hidden in his hands was looking pretty pathetic. But not so pathetic as all the people still lying in different, sometimes weird places. 

- How was your finishing the party? - I asked putting my hand on his shoulder, he patted it lightly 

- Just as you can see. You know what? - he looked at our bags - I’m going home too, Clay should handle this, I’m not responsible for other charters, am I? 

- You should go - Juice said firmly, exactly as he needed, Bobby immediately got up and walked us to the car 

- I believe todays vote will be postponed for tomorrow - he said before Juice sat behind the wheel - use your day off well.

Looking at me he smiled once again and next seconds Juice was starting the engine. 

- Gross - I said jokingly 

- What do you mean? 

- That thing about your “day off”. Use it well. On me? Come on. 

- That’s not what he meant - he sounded serious, but a smile was still fully visible on his face 

- Then what did he mean? 

- He definitely meant my bike, I should work on it - he now laughed out loud - by the way, you saw it? 

I moved my head and looked out through the window. 

- Saw what? 

- My bike. 

- Yeah, I see it pretty much everyday, it’s hard to not see it when you live with a biker. It’s nice, even lovely I’d say. 

- I don’t mean that one. 

I kept looking through the window acting like I don’t know about the other one hidden in the garage. He shouldn’t be mad, I definitely didn’t break anything, but maybe he doesn’t know I’ve touched it, why should I tell him myself? 

- You have more than one bike? That’s so cool - I smiled to myself and felt him staring at the back of my head 

- Y/n, you know I won’t be mad. 

- Mad? About what? - I realized he can see my face in the reflection on the glass so I immediately stopped smiling and looked at him. 

- Just wanted to tell that you did well - he smiled at my reaction - must’ve taken you a few hours, huh? 

- I’m sorry, but it’s pretty boring to be alone and not at home, I was looking for anything to do. And when did you even have time to see that I’ve touched it? I left all the tools exactly where they were before, you have like a dairy or what? - I laughed and realized we were pulling into the driveway 

- Sometimes when I can’t sleep and think too much I go there trying to relax, so you don’t know I did that probably because you were sleeping. 

- You know - I stopped because he rushed to open the door for me right after he parked - you know you can talk to me? I’m probably better at that stuff than your secret bike. 

- I’m not schizophrenic or anything, I do all the talking in my head so it won’t be weird. 

I just gave him a meaningful look and followed him inside. 

- I’m worried about tomorrow - I said after settling on the couch 

- What’s tomorrow? Your first day at work? - my blank stare must’ve said everything because he continued without my answer - Why? You did all that nursing stuff before, didn’t you? 

- No, I’ve actually never done that, that’s why they hired me. What’s wrong with you today? - I took a sip of  my tea waiting for his response wondering if I’m not too harsh, but he laughed as softly as always 

- I think I’m just tired. 

- Tired of bitches hitting up on you all night? 

- Alright, from what I can remember there was only one bitch hitting up on me yesterday. 

- And I really hope you mean Ima - I laughed 

I was pretty shocked I got over it so fast and didn’t overthink what happened last night. 

- Well, you definitely don’t need to beg me for attention so I definitely didn’t mean you. 

Is this about the “I love you” thing? I really don’t want to talk about this now. 

- Good to hear that - I smiled and run to another topic immediately - so do we have a free evening today or you want to go check in at the club? 

- Remember what Bobby said? - he asked playfully 

- Oh come on, I’m serious now.

- Yeah, me too. How about a movie night? 

- How about a walk? 

Looking at his face I could see my question put him off guard. 

- What? - I laughed at the silence 

- Where do you want to go? - his tone became more firm and calm

- I don’t know, aren’t there any parks here? - I laughed and grabbed his thigh gently - Juice, if you don’t want to we don’t have to do that, I just asked. But I’d still like to know what’s so terrible about walks. 

I tried to stop smiling but the fact that he looked terrified by the idea of taking a walk was pretty hilarious. 

- No, I’m sorry, of course we can go for a walk, it’s just that I prefer spending my free time at home - he smoothed out the pillow not even looking at me

- Are you really afraid something might happen? - I asked moving other pillows out of his reach when he tried to grab another one 

- l just, you know - I don’t, keep talking - well, many people know me here - he finally got the courage to look at me and his sad puppy eyes literally made me want to cry 

- I’m sorry, but what’s wrong with people knowing who you are? - I truly didn’t understand what he meant and asking was the best option since I wasn’t scared of being embarrassed anymore 

- I’m sorry, I just want you to be safe and I know that there are only two places I can be sure about you not getting hurt, here and at the clubhouse. I know it sounds out of line, but some people want to hurt us and they know their best ways to do that. 

-So the best way to hurt you would be hurting me, huh? - I tried to comfort him and did the literal opposite, but still got a little smile from him 

-I know how it sounds, really. Especially when I told you I’m just a member of a club, but- 

-Yeah, I know it’s not just a club, I’m not that stupid - this time comforting him went a little better and he finally took his hand off the perfectly flattened pillow to grab my hand 

-You’re really important to me, and however unrealistic this sounds, I need to protect you at all costs right now. It’s not always going to be like that, but we got ourselves into some trouble lately. 

-Is it about the drugs? The club trying to leave is just not going as Jax planned? 

Maybe I shouldn’t say that, but on the other hand it might help him to open and talk to me. I already knew more than he thought, why wouldn’t he just talk to me about it now? The silence between us was pretty loud and his concerned face made me want to laugh, but I tried to keep a straight face to show him I’m serious. 

-What do you mean „the drugs”? 

-Oh come on, you really want to play that game? - his question annoyed me a little, even tho I did the same thing all the time 

-How do you even know about that? - he wasn’t angry, more stressed and worried, his hands landing on the pillow again 

-Okay, are you going to answer my question or we don’t have anything to talk about? 

-Yes, it’s about drugs. Leaving the business isn’t as easy as we thought, and Clay is not cooperating with Jax. Except this whole shit with drugs we have a lot going on inside our charter. It looks like nothing is going to be  better unless these two work their shit out, and I don’t think it’s going to happen anytime soon - he opened even a little more than I expected, but I was so glad he finally did that - that’s why I’m worried about you and about what might happen.

-Thank you for being honest with me, I really appreciate that - I gently took the pillow from him and replaced it with my hands - I know you can’t talk a lot about the club stuff, but you can still talk about your feelings, that’s not pathetic, I cried in front of you so many times, come on.

I tried to lighten him up and believed it worked, since he gave me a bright smile. 

-Okay, I’ll try, but for now is it enough? - he chuckled 

-Well, I accept that, but I’ll demand more honesty in the future if you want to spend it with me. 

I looked down, his hands, always steady, now shaking a little, not matching his cheerful smile. His eyes dark, I could even say full of joy. Hiding his emotions started getting harder, or maybe I was better at reading it. 

-You have no idea how much I want that - he smiled so adorably I almost fell for it, but another look at his hands worried me again 

Using how close we were to each other I sat on his laps and let him hide his face in my neck. His hands immediately started wandering around my back and when they found the spot he pulled me closer. I tried to sink in the moment, when he suddenly threw me off his knees, my back landing on the soft couch I was trapped by his body. It was so gentle, yet so fast that I froze under him. 

-The fuck was that? - I asked completely confused 

-I just wanted to see your reaction, but that little scream was so cute - wide smile wasn’t leaving his face, he looked amused by my consternation - are you ticklish? 

-Juan, don’t try that, get off me - I said firmly trying not to laugh

-I promise I’ll start talking about my feelings, I just need some time - he said not moving 

-Okay, okay, I trust you but let me go - I was now laughing with him 

He slowly got up letting me do the same thing. I got closer to his face, putting my hands around his neck and just looked him in the eyes. Juice immediately shortened the distance by kissing me, licking my lip I opened my mouth to let him in when the doorbell interrupted us. He slowly pulled back and rested his forehead on mine and I just started laughing. Like a damn movie. 

-Stay here - he got up and dragged his feet towards the door unlocking it slowly 

-Hey Juicy - I heard Chibs so I made my way to the door, not wanting him to take my boyfriend away from me again 

My who? 

-Hi Chibs, perfect timing, what’s up? 

-The vote’s tomorrow at 6 - he smiled softly to greet me 

-And that’s why you came all the way here? - I asked amused by Juice’s reaction 

-Well, maybe if he’d pick up his damn phone I wouldn’t have to do that - he stepped through the door and closed it - that vote might take a little longer, I talked to the guys from north and they are not giving up so easily, just so you know - he gave Juice a serious look - am I interrupting you? 

-No, we were just going to my old place to get some stuff, since you have so much free time you can come with us to help - I smiled at him and then saw Juice’s face - we talked about it yesterday… 

-Oh yeah, we did, I’m sorry - he brightened up immediately 

-Actually I don’t have anything better to do, you want me to call Tig? 

-That would be nice - I said before Juice even opened his mouth - Juice, you have any empty boxes in your garage? 

-Yeah, there are some. 

-So I’ll call Tiggy and you kids go find some boxes so we can go - Chibs smiled at us once again and went through the door 

-Juice - I said with a straight face - did you mute your phone to „use your time well” with me? - I tried not to smile 

-Of course not - he laughed and started walking towards the garage - I must’ve did that by accident.

-You’re a bad liar, really. 

-I think that’s good - he pinned me to the wall and kissed me softly - will we finish that later? 

-Oh god, stop - I laughed and walked under his hand to free myself - let’s get the boxes, how many do you have? 

-And how many do you want? You have much stuff there? - he started going through the empty boxes and throwing the bigger ones in my direction 

-Well, should I get all of it? Will you get me a place when I can store them? - I asked while folding the boxes and putting them aside 

-Can’t you just unpack here? Why would you keep your things in the boxes? 

I kept my eyes on the flatted pile I just made. 

-You want me to stay here for good? I know you for like a month, I can’t just move in. 

-So you’re just living here temporarily, huh? - he also wasn’t looking at me but I saw him smiling 

-Well, if that’s what you mean then I can tell you I was looking for some houses for sale here. 

He threw a last one at me and came closer. 

-I mean that I want you to feel like at home here. You don’t have to move out, I have plenty of free space, there’s even a free bedroom upstairs if you don’t want to share the bed anymore. 

-Don’t you think it’s a little bit early to live together? We’re not even a couple or anything - I tried not to look at him but he made it impossible

-Aren’t we? - he took the boxes I just folded and went outside - I want you to stay here - he yelled while putting them in the trunk 

-Tig will wait at the clubhouse for us, I believe you want to switch the car for a bigger one if we’re taking all of your shit here - Chibs said when I met them at the driveway 

-Yeah, sure - I sat on the passenger sit and waited for Juice to join me 

We drove to Lodi in silence, but I saw him looking at me from time to time, smile not leaving his face. I was really happy about what he said, but didn’t want to show him that i really care about that. Acting casual wasn’t my best skill, but I both didn’t want to scare him or just ruin what we already had, so I chose to ignore my feelings for now. When we pulled up Juice parked the truck right in front of the door and guys left their bikes a little closer to the street. When we entered the building my hands were empty, nobody let me carry anything so I just led them upstairs and unlocked the door. 

-So there’s no elevator here, huh? - Tig asked when i was fighting with my shaky hands to put the key in 

-Yeah, you’ll have to carry all the boxes alone, or you can let me help you - I said opening the door and letting them in 

-You’re not carrying anything, just focus on the packing - Chibs said letting me go in front of him - stop whining Tiggy. 

But I wasn’t listening to him, what I saw made me freeze where I was standing. Should’ve cleaned that up before leaving. Blood drops on the floor, marking the paths where I was walking before I cleaned myself up. Bloody tissues on the table and now also on the floor, bathroom sink still covered in blood, perfectly visible since I left the door open. 

-That’s quite a lot of blood for such a small person - Tig said and put the boxes down - but we’ve seen worse, don’t worry, where should we start? 

We’ve seen worse? That’s it? Wow. 

-You can get all the stuff from here and the kitchen, I’ll go get the bathroom and bedroom - I said and quietly left with a few boxes in my hands 

I never liked packing, but today it was different. I never wanted to see that apartment again, it was so nice and I loved it with all my heart, but now it was hard to feel safe here. Glad that nobody interrupted me I just focused on packing when I heard someone knocking on the door. I went to check what’s going on, but seeing the three of them froze, just staring at the door made me laugh. 

-Are we expecting any guests? - Chibs asked when I entered the room 

-Why don’t you just check who that is? - I said a little bit more annoyed than I meant to

I walked toward the door and saw all of them reaching their belts, pretty sure what they had there. 

-That’s fucking pathetic - I said looking at their reaction and slowly opened the door 

-I thought you’re not going to open, like you’re mad that I just left you, oh wait, you can’t be mad, because you’re the one who left me - Nat laughed and walked pass me not waiting for an invitation to come inside - oh hello gentleman - she put her bag on the table

-Guys, that’s Nat, Nat this is Tig and Chibs, I think you remember Juice - I smiled looking at their reaction 

-Of course I remember, hi everyone - she started going through her bag looking for something 

-Tig, don’t even try - I said when I saw him walking her way - you’re all being rude right now - I laughed when they just kept looking at her not saying anything and got a quiet “hi Nat” from all three as a response 

-But she’s not going to kill us, right? - Chibs joked looking around at the bloody mess - she’s not the one I guess? 

-Sadly I left all my white weapons at home, so you have advantage over me - she moved her head up and looked at his belt - oh I found it, you’re going for a smoke? - she put her lighter in the pocket and looked at me 

-Sure - I responded quickly and followed her to the balcony - how did you even know I’m here? You’re stalking me or what? - I laughed as soon as the door closed behind us 

-I was just walking by and saw two bikes in front of the building, who else could it be? - she sat on the bench and kept looking at me with her weird, cute smile 

-Why are you looking at me like that? - I laughed - it’s been a week, not like I’ve abandoned you or anything 

-Are you okay? I’m sorry, but your explanations over texts weren’t really convincing - she patted the spot besides her 

-I had some mess to clean up lately - I said sitting down 

-Yeah, pretty cute mess - she looked through the window at guys packing my stuff - you live with them? 

-They don’t live together - I laughed loudly at her question - I’m staying at Juice’s for now, I’m not sure what to do next. 

-He rescued you and let you move in after knowing you for a month? What a hero - I knew it was not fully sarcastic, even tho she tried to sound like it - he loves you or what? 

-He actually told me he does - I responded not looking at her 

-Are you shitting me right now? You love him too? Girl what happened to your independent, 'I don’t need any man', lifestyle. I thought you’re just going to fuck him - she shook her head in fake disbelief trying not to laugh 

-I actually don’t know, I didn’t say anything. 

-Okay, you really have to be kidding me - she laughed now 

-Oh shut up, do you want to help me pack since you’re here? 

About an hour later a stack of heavy boxes filled with all my stuff was standing near the door. Tig and Chibs went to the bus to pack the first ones and I sat on the couch to clear things out with Nat. 

-You’re not mad at me, are you? - I asked watching as Juice went to the kitchen and leaned back on the counter 

-Why would I be? - she laughed - because you left me in this shitty town with my shitty job? Come on y/n, I always cheered you up, I’m really glad you got the job you wanted so bad. 

-The job is one thing,  it I still moved away not even telling you straight away, I feel kinda bad about it - and what I said was honest, I knew it was my life and I was the only person who should decide about it, but the demons from my past or whatever we’re still chasing me and I felt like I needed permission for everything 

-Sweetheart - she looked at me with her lovely eyes, and leaned in to make sure I can hear every word she says - are you fucking kidding me? It’s your life and you have to be god damn happy, don’t worry about other people so much, we’ve already been there and I thought you understood it’s a bad idea.

We both laughed and I picked my bag from the floor when the guys came back upstairs. 

-Okay, let’s go - I grabbed a box and headed to the door 

-I don’t think so - Chibs took it from me and placed it back down on the floor - ten minutes and everything should be handled, you should spare your wrists.

Nat joined me and watched all the of them carrying the boxes downstairs.

-What’s your schedule next weekend? - I asked when they disappeared behind the last wall

-Not sure yet, why? Want me to come visit your big town? - she laughed and threw her bag over her shoulder 

-Yeah, you should come by, I’ll probably be alone for a while - she smiled at me and slowly walked through the door

-We’ll keep in touch - she blowed me a kiss - bye, love ya.

-When are you planning to start unpacking? - Juice was leaning on the kitchen counter and looking at the boxes besides the door

I walked up to the fridge and got myself a beer.

-Are they bothering you so much? - I stood next to him looking in the same direction 

-I mean, not really, just wondering - he took a sip from his bottle 

-Oh, you’re such a pedant - I smiled at him - I wanted to at least start today, but I don’t think I have enough energy for that, I’m sorry. This work thing is kind of stressing me out, like it’s my first day ever. I just want it to be over, then I’ll take care of other stuff, is that okay?

-Of course it’s okay - he looked at me as softly as always, I wondered what would I have to do to make him mad - I’ll help you whenever you’re ready.

I didn’t have a chance to answer, because his phone drown my quiet „thanks” out. After his short answers I could immediately recognize it was a call from the club. What else could it be? I was expecting that.

-I need you to come with me - he said firmly while putting his cell back in the pocket 

-I can stay alone Juice, we’ve talked about it. I’ll be fine. 

-No - he looked serious and worried at the same time - They need you at the clubhouse.

I wasn’t expecting that.

-Why? What happened? - I asked when he nervously started looking for the car keys

-Couldn’t tell me on the phone - he answered calmly, still not looking at me - so probably there’s someone to patch up.

-Okay - I said without hesitation and he finally looked at me

-You don’t have to get involved in the club shit, that’s my shit and I can get you out of it if you want. Just this one time if there really isn’t anyone else to help, we’ll figure this out, okay?

-Juice - now I was smiling softly - I’m fine with that, really. Our shit now.

We hurried through the door and it was surprisingly quiet inside, but everyone got up from their seats when we walked through the door. 

-Kozik got hit, Tara’s out of town and we need someone to take care of him. Her bag is already there, just come with me - Jax grabbed my arm and pulled me slightly so | would follow him

I entered the chapel and heard multiple footsteps following me, but I couldn’t focus on that. A blonde man was laying on the massive wooden table. His bare chest was covered in blood, a hole in his upper arm made it pretty clear that he was shot. I froze, not at the fact that a man with probably a bullet in his body was casually laying on the table, a prospect next to him trying to stop the bleeding, but because I was the one to help him. I haven’t done anything like that in some time, had no idea where to start I started panicking quietly. 

-Tell us how to help - Chips nudged me softly but firmly 

-Did it went through? - I asked filled with fake hope 

-Did it what? - the prospect holding a soaked cloth looked at me like I was a ghost 

-How many holes are there? - I smiled sarcastically - Is the bullet still inside or did it went through? Let me see. 

Chibs helped raising Kozik’s arm up and of course the bullet was still inside 

-I’m not a damn neuro or ortho to deal with such stuff smoothly - I said looking through Tara’s bag and trying to focus.

-You don’t have to get him perfectly fine, we can cut that arm off if you’ll say that’s the best option.

-Shut up Tig, that’s not funny anymore - said Jax

I looked up and saw him sitting on a chair in the corner of the room, sipping on his beer like nothing was happening.

I came back to the table and took a closer look at the wound. 

-It’s not deep, you have to hold him still and I’ll take the bullet out - I wasn’t sure how to do that, I had to deal with worse things in the past, but every memory of it just vanished at instant - I’ll count to three.

The faster the better. I saw a bloody mess before digging my fingers into the hole. It was gross even through the gloves, I thought I can feel my legs shaking. Trying not to make more damage I wanted to focus but the screams made it impossible and I couldn’t find the right angle to take a grip on the bullet. 

-Shut him the fuck up - I said calmly concentrating on where my fingers were going and suddenly I looked at my hand, hovered in blood, holding a shiny piece of metal

Glad that the worst part was already over I started to put stitches on, kinda surprised the bleeding almost stopped. 

-I don’t think any arteries were damaged, he should be fine soon - I said to Jax who was sitting on a stool next to mine 

-I really appreciate you came to help us, thank you - he said sadly, eyes locked on the countertop in front of him

-You’ve helped me enough, that’s the least I can do. If you ever need me again, don’t hesitate, I’ll gladly do it again - I said knowing it was bullshit, but he smiled slightly - I really have to go now, but I can check in tomorrow after work if you want me to. 

-That would be great, thank you - he said and I left to find Juice - Are you coming with me? - I said when our eyes met 

-Of course, let’s go -  his eyes not as bright as always, smile almost fully fainted and I instantly knew he was just disappointed with me

Tara would’ve done it better, of course, but she’s not here. I’m not even a doctor, and he’s alive so overall I didn’t do such a bad job. I rested my head on the cold window as I sat down in the passengers seat. The sky was beautifully clear, you could count all the stars, a perfect night for a walk, but surely I should forget about that. I closed my eyes and waited for the car to stop so I could just go to bed and burry myself under the covers. When we pulled up I took my purse from the back seat and grabbed the door handle, but Juice was faster as always. He opened the door for me and gave me his gentle hand along with a polite smile. I rushed ahead of him and quickly changed into my pajamas before crawling into bed, but it wasn’t long before he joined me, putting his hand on m hip and kissing my shoulder. We laid in silence for what felt like hours and I couldnt get myself to sleep, move or even talk. I was completely frozen wandering what he was thinking about.

-I’m sorry - was all I mumbled after getting enough courage to open my mouth

-You’re not asleep? - he stopped rubbing my arm and sounded pretty shocked 

-I really am, I know I should’ve done better, but I was just scared. I don’t know why, it’s not the circumstances, I just felt like I never did that before and it is fucking scary looking at the fact that im supposed to do such stuff everyday starting tomorrow. I think I’ve lost my damn spark, or whatever it was, I should just stayed behind the bar and do what I was good at. I don’t want that job anymore, I don’t want to do that and I’m scarred I’ll fuck someone's life soon, that’s clearly not for me. 

He didn’t interrupt my monologue, just grabbed my shoulder and rolled me over so that I was facing him. Is he really fucking smiling right now?

-I know it sounds pathetic and I don’t just feel sorry for myself, I think I-

He interrupted me this time with a soft chuckle followed by a clearly sad face.

-I should apologize to you, I promised to keep my life away from you, but I didn’t really have a choice there. But you did great y/n, I don’t know what you’re talking about.

-My hands were shaking - I said seriously 

-Have you ever taken a bullet out of a stranger’s arm? In a motorcycle clubhouse? Surrounded by a dozen of other bikers? - he smiled, but I knew it wasn’t honest

-No, but that’s not the point Juice - I heard my voice trembling, not aware of being at the edge of crying

-Oh don’t do that to me, I hate when you cry, especially when it's because of me, I promised not to do that anymore, remember? - his smile seemed more confident now and I almost fell for it 

-It’s not because of you, I don’t want to do that anymore.

-Then don’t - he said calmly looking me in the eyes

-What do you mean, „don’t”?

-Well, just don’t work, be a house wife and let me support you - he got a quiet laugh from me

-I’m sorry I’m such a whiner sometimes.

-I’m sorry I got you into that - he looked at the clock - you should go to sleep now, it’s late.

I didn’t want to know what time it is and I was glad he stayed quiet, knowing how little sleep I’ll get before my first day wasn’t a good idea. I snuggled into his chest feeling relaxed and safe, as I should’ve from the beginning. Next time just talk to him, burying your emotions won’t help.

-Thank you, goodnight.

-Goodnight, I love you. 

#juan carlos #juan carlos imagine #juan carlos ortiz #juice #juice imagine #soa imagine #sons of anarchy #soa #juice x reader #juice ortiz x reader #juice ortiz imagine #juice ortiz #sons of anarchy imagine #fanfic

[dreamingdarklyblog]

<And for the part she can't read>

<And now, i'd like to talk about some of the methodology of the bedrock stuff i've been pushing into her brain, the slow creeping stuff that is probably the real heat for you deviants out there.>

<The first thing I worked on, and that has been a consistent theme since I started working with her, has been edging and general masturbation habits. The reality is I find that mind control fetishists make better subjects when they are horny. There are diminishing returns at the end of the day, but the more you can keep someone horny and on edge, the easier it is to work with them. When I started with her, masturbation was an every once in a while event, and edging was not something she ever did. Now I have her chasing that dragon, trying to stay horny and enjoy herself a lot more often, which makes my job that much easier. She's gone from maybe masturbating every other day to edging and trying to cum at least 2-3 times a day even if she's busy, and a lot more if she isn't busy. As most of you have probably gathered, i'm a hedonist, so this really just puts her more in line with how I feel life should be lived anyways.>

<Paradoxically, while i'm working hard on getting her to be more in touch with her sexuality and playing with herself even when alone, i'm also utilizing the carrot of orgasms being a lot more fun and fulfilling with me than they are on her own. This is an area where the stick is really not advisable, I find it's better to just turn the dial up so to speak and let nature take its course. Here we are a few months later, and she's starting to admit that she'd rather just wait to cum with me than do it on her own. It's not a natural process I want to push too hard, she has to be self-sufficient, but the idea that there is that little extra carrot at the end of the stick when dealing with me is just another chink in the psychological armor that I can use. Get someone horny enough and dangle a super orgasm in front of their face and you can get them to believe a lot of things.>

<She's also a private person. A VERY private person. Which clashes a lot with this blog, because this blog basically requires her to be open about her sexuality in a way that she often finds deeply uncomfortable. I've directly questioned her a few times on if she wants to continue, and she does, because she also finds it hot to share, but fights herself over it as well. A real catch-22. I've been working on wearing down her sense of shame and embarrassment when talking about these topics, but it's a really slow process for anything that isn't just a temporary change. I suspect this is one of those topics that i'll be waging a war against for the entire time we play together.>

<Those are the three bigger "meta" things i've been working on with her as a subject. On paper it may not sound like a lot, but keep in mind the human mind, even when a willing subject, is stubborn as fuck when it comes to habitual changes. I'm actually quite proud of both her and myself with what we've been able to achieve so far. It's been a fun ride that I hope doesn't end anytime soon. For those that may want to help in those goals, my only request is this: Continue to give her positive outside reinforcement. It makes a real difference when people share and talk positively about what she's sharing, or encouraging her to rub her pussy more, or even that cumming on her own is kinda dull. Hearing it from multiple angles helps solidify the new behaviors a lot, very similar to throwing someone into a new culture and letting them adapt as they mingle. I freely admit that @pavlovsbimbo has probably been a true asset in this regard so far, and hope others will as well.>

#hypnosis #hypnokink #mind conditioning #mind control #brainwashing

[queen-mihai]

Hi I know that this may seem out of place. But at what point in your life did you begin to feel stable/adult. I often times have conflicted my feelings of gender discomfort or writing with these beliefs. Because of this I have abandoned myself to a point where a stranger now lives in my body. Have these thoughts ever bothered you?

Hmm🤔

This is an interesting question. I suppose it's rather gradual. And there's never a feeling really of being "there".

You always feel kinda like you're faking it in a way. People really are telling the truth that nobody knows what they're doing. Everybody's making it up as they go along

And one thing that we all eventually find is that no one can do this alone. I work as an engineer. I work in the field with machines that don't move, meaning I have to go to it instead of it coming to me.

That means that I not only have to be an expert at math and designing and troubleshooting, but also logistics. I need to figure out schedules and times and make phone calls so people know who I am and what I'm doing and if it's going to affect them.

But like that didn't happen suddenly all at once. The reason jobs measure *years* of experience, is that it genuinely takes *years* to get used to the type of things adults have to do just getting around.

My boss doesn't want to have to come pick me up to bring me to work. The regional manager I work for would suffer if every time I ran into a problem I came asking him what to do. I wouldn't have gotten this job if I hadn't been doing the stuff I do here for years already. But I didn't start by doing this much. I started in my career just kind of accepting assignments that needed to be traveled for. They might have come once every 6 months in my early career. But I jumped at them because I wanted to get out of the office and I thought that part of the job was fun.

Eventually employers got used to that idea and they sent me out more. "Oh Mihai will take care of that. She loves driving around. And with her doing that, we can have some of the other engineers do something else"

Eventually that grew into enough that I could add it to my resume and really take it on as part of whatever job I got next. Etc etc etc until the job I have now doesn't HAVE an office; I'm pretty much forced to demand a company vehicle, and I spend practically half my life living in hotels.

Regarding feeling stable, that's more a job of meditating and feeling good about being *you*.

I don't feel like the world is stable. I don't feel like people's opinions of me are stable. The political, corporate, financial, and climate world is unstable. But I know who I am, and how I make decisions. I know I'm always going to be honest about how I feel, if I am proud of my work or if I made mistakes, and I'll always try to communicate. I know I work really best alone, but I love being around people. I know I'm a leader and people tend to do what I do, so I try to do the right thing always. That's what makes me feel stable. I'm stable in myself, no matter how unstable the world is around me. And that consistency of personhood provides an anchor from which other people can latch on and help find themselves too. (Because you're not me, but you can use me to find what similarities and differences there are between us, and thus, paint a clearer picture of your own personal image)

I don't know how much I can help with the "abandoning yourself" part.

Part of what hurt me previously was being involved in a very destructive relationship. Once I left that relationship, it became much easier to construct *me*. Maybe that's not what you have going on, but it may be worthwhile to take a look at your environment and see if there's something making you feel like you can't grow into the person you want to be.

In any case I wish you well. And I hope you find your place. What I can say is that there's no finish line; there's no race; there's not even a path. There's just decisions you make every day. They're all important and none of them are important. But what IS important is that you see that you're not waiting to start your story. You're in the middle of it right now. Please know that you are loved, and very cool, and I especially appreciate you for sending such an interesting ask 🥰

Peace ✌️ ❤️

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

Dry Drowning

First posted: May 25, 2018

Focuses on: Damian and Dick

My favorite bookmark: "pneumonia (kinda)" no???

Tier: Feels like a quieter fic but it's in my top ten in terms of hits and bookmarks? Weird.

This is my "behind the scenes" series where I indulge myself frightfully by annotating my fics. Link to the fic itself above. Thoughts below the cut.

This one, I believe started as a note on my phone after the 1000000 fic I'd read with a near-drowning that didn't deal with the potential for secondary or dry drowning. Seemed like a missed opportunity.

It was my first time writing in Damian's voice, and the first is always super scary. I like where I ended up for him, though, and I feel like I've kept the voice pretty consistent over the years.

Damian knew the others found him unpleasant on a normal day, and he told himself that he didn’t care. Al Ghuls didn’t have a use for white lies and discussions of feelings. But Damian tried, sometimes, even if the others didn’t recognize his attempts.

That's him. That's the boy.

School in general was “the pits” (a Todd phrase, and one Damian found most apt, having had his face locked into that particular region of Todd’s anatomy once or twice.) Homework was just the greyed deodorant clump that crowned the whole smelly mess.

I don't remember writing this. It's gross and I'm still proud of it. It's also super interesting to note which bits of fanon I had already ingested at this point.

Drake would think it funny to see him festooned with the symbol of an anthropomorphized rodent, but all Damian cared about was that the fabric was soft and smelled of Alfred’s laundry detergent.

That's a slip. Alfred should have been Pennyworth there. Oh well. But also no one commented on Damian wearing Micky Mouse matching pjs!

Dick and Jason come in squabbling and at the time I did have a general idea of what they were fighting about, to keep the dialogue on track, but I've forgotten it now.

“Damian? What are you still doing up?” Frowning, Grayson turned and leveled his full attention on the presumed responsible party. “Tim? Why hasn’t he finished his homework?” “Why is this my fault?” Drake demanded. “How is it possibly my fault for the little gremlin being slow?”

The elder sibling curse. THE WORST.

Only Todd’s head swiveled his way,

I love smart Jason.

From somewhere far away, he thought he heard Todd’s rasping voice shout, “Catch the kid catchthekidcatchthekidcatchthe—”

This is usually the only line I remember from this fic because I can hear it. It is also something I do, repeating the same information rapidly when panicked rather than giving new information.

If unconsciousness had been a crashing tsunami wave, regaining consciousness was like floating upward in a peaceful lagoon.

Friggin water metaphors.

“Oh sh—Tim, turn the dimmer,” Grayson called

I worked very hard not to use any profanity for the first however many fics I wrote. I don't use profanity IRL as a general rule, and it was a challenge to find a way to keep the dialogue natural. I think I did okay but it definitely was an exercise in creativity.

Signing didn’t come naturally to Damian, but he was pretty sure he could remember what Cass had taught him even through his headache. 

Another slip with the name. My bad. I don't go back and edit posts but this one is testing me.

“Thanks, Timbo.” 

Behold, the only nickname I'll allow for Tim. If I ever use "Timmy," it's a cry for help.

I managed to work in hair stroking, cuddling, and a forehead kiss into this one. Go me.

#fanfic bts brain dump

[tokidokitokyo]

Kinda late for the langblr ask game, but since you already answered 4, I'm mostly curious about 14 and 15 :)

It's never too late for the langblr ask game ^.^

14. What is the last thing you want to achieve in your target language before the new year?

I want to finish up my JLPT N3 総まとめ (Sou-matome) workbooks! I have only a few days left to go and I want to finish up the workbooks (which I've had for years) before the end of the year!

15. What are you most proud of in your language learning journey this year?

I am most proud of the fact that I have been able to converse with other moms at my son's Japanese preschool and make some mom friends. Speaking is always a difficult part of foreign languages, and being able to express myself clearly is something I have always strived for in Japanese. I think that working consistently on my Japanese every day (even if it's only for 10 minutes) has helped me to improve my vocabulary and grammar, and thus has helped me to be able to convey my thoughts more clearly both at home and in outside settings. Consistent practice means that I can more easily turn my thoughts into comprehensible sentences. I am able to speak with the teachers about my son's progress and to communicate with other moms both in person and via text. Being polite is important in Japanese, and conveying the appropriate level of politeness in my communications is another goal I consistently strive for.

メッセージありがとうございました！

#langblr ask game #studyblr ask game #end of year aask game #ask game #thanks for your ask #ask answered #メッセージありがとうございました #dokushoclub

[stargazer-sims]

muse personal questions. First five for Victor. Last five for Yuri.

What is his biggest turn on?

What is his biggest turn off?

Favorite bedroom activity?

Biggest secret?

A skill he wants to improve?``` 1 Greatest achievement? 2) Ideal date? 3) His biggest dislike? 4) His favorite outfit? 5) His mot embarrassing story?

Thanks @cawthorntales ! Some of these were challenging, but I'll let the boys explain, since they're answering in their own words...

It's long, so I'm putting it under a cut.

_____

Victor

What is his biggest turn on?

Victor: Uh... okay. I guess I have to assume this is in reference to like, sexual stuff? These are always super awkward, 'cause this is where I have to explain I'm asexual, and half the time people don't even have a clue as to what I'm talking about. I really don't think I have any turn-ons in the way most people mean it. I like people of all genders, so theoretically I could find just about anybody attractive, but nothing about anyone has ever made me go, 'I really want to sleep with that person'.

Honestly, I don't know if I even understand the concept of getting turned on. I mean, sometimes I do feel physically excited or whatever, but there's no consistent thing that triggers it. If I'm in the mood, I'm in the mood. That's pretty much it. And I'm not actually in the mood all that often, so... yeah.

What is his biggest turn off?

Victor: Almost all the typical sexy stuff, almost all the time. I think some part of me always knew I was ace, but it took a couple of intimate encounters with people to really solidify it in my mind. I, uh... did it a couple of times with people before I met Yuri, and everything about it made me feel awful and violated, even though it was always consensual.

But, I guess if you're looking for a specific answer to my biggest turn-off, it's tongues. I'm disgusted by the idea of anyone's tongue touching any part of me, and especially kissing with tongues is just... ugh. The first time a girl did that to me, I nearly passed out. I literally ran out of there and cried in the bathroom, and I couldn't stop brushing my teeth and using mouthwash every single time I went into the bathroom for days after it happened.

Favourite bedroom activity?

Victor: No. Just... no. Seriously, can we not talk about this any more? It's making me super uncomfortable. Anyway, I don't think what Yuri and I like to do in our room is anyone's business.

Let's go with sleeping as my favourite bedroom activity. Now, can we please move on?

Biggest secret?

Victor: Pretty sure I don't have any big secrets, or if I did, I revealed them all in answering your previous questions. My life is kinda boring, to be honest. I don't have some deep, dark past or whatever, and people say I'm like an open book.

A skill he wants to improve?

Victor: Maybe gardening? Yuri's good at gardening, but I think I have sort of a grey thumb. I'm not very good at keeping plants going.

Or... I don't know. If this interview is anything to go by, maybe I should improve my public speaking and question-answering skills.

__________

Yuri

Greatest achievement?

Yuri: I think my greatest achievement so far has been conquering my anxiety around food and eating. I still have work to do on that, but I'm really proud of myself for the progress I've made so far.

Ideal date?

Yuri: Some people might think I'd choose something elaborate and expensive, like attending a symphony concert, having dinner at a fancy restaurant and spending the night in a five-star hotel, and it's true that I'd love to do that, but my ideal date is really much more simple. My favourite dates with Victor are always the ones where we pack a lunch or even just some snacks, and go for a long walk in nature. I like to stop and watch birds or pick flowers along the way. But mostly, I love simply being with Victor and walking along quietly, holding his hand.

His biggest dislike?

Yuri: Where do I even start? That's such a broad question and there are so many things I dislike; loud noises, green vegetables, cheese, going to the doctor, hospitals and doctors in general, being too cold, having to wash the dishes... I could go on. Perhaps my biggest dislike is people who are disloyal, or who pretend to be a friend when they're really not.

His favourite outfit?

Yuri: Pyjamas. Any and all pyjamas are my favourite outfit, and one of the advantages of working remotely is that I could wear pyjamas all day, every day if I wanted to. As much as I enjoy dressing up and looking cute, I'm happiest when I'm cozy and comfortable. My absolute favourite pyjama set is actually my dinosaur onesie. It's made of the softest fleece, and it has no waistband, so even on my high-pain days when I can't tolerate anything touching my belly, I can wear it and still be comfortable.

His mot embarrassing story?

Yuri: I'm sure I have several, but I think the worst one is when I accidently threw up in Victor's bed. We'd only been living together for a couple of months when that happened. I was so sick that I barely knew what was going on, and I think perhaps I'd tried to tell him I was nauseous, but either he didn't understand what I was telling him or I only thought I was speaking aloud. It was absolutely mortifying, and I still get embarrassed whenever I think about it. It's become sort of an inside joke for us at this point, but that doesn't take away from how humiliating it was at the time.

#sapphire answers #oc asks #victor nelson #yuri okamoto #stargazersims

[flowerbloom-arts]

Has it been two years already since I first posted about the Muddler? Goodness gracious. Imagine drawing the same character for two years and making atleast one finished piece of them on a monthly basis haha can't be me.

Anyway, something something this fandom means alot to me something something.

Seriously though it's kinda crazy how much I've done within these 2 years and I'm still obsessed with the same ol' mutt within that time. There's been alot of ups and downs just with any year, I've made things, I did stuff, fictional little guys and mutuals are the only ones keeping me sane, the usual. In celebration I made new refs for Muddler! There are a few more versions of him I tend to draw but I'll draw those when I need them - for now I'm just gonna settle for these two (and thank goodness because the original ref redo was a hassle to work with so hopefully I've made it more convenient this time)

Looking at my art journey, there's certainly a reason why hindsight is known to have 20/20 vision. There's alot of ~weirdness~ going on in the second year (especially the first half) and I probably almost certainly will see the art for next year the same way. His design has stayed extremely consistent but the way I drew his face and proportions were eehhhh... Sometimes I wonder why I thought it looked good when I made it, you know?

This isn't to say I feel bad for making those pieces and not noticing the glaring issues at the time, they're very much pivotal to my art journey and my current vision of them is a sign that I really HAVE improved. And I'm happy with myself and my art as-is, weirdness I'll notice in the future and all.

I managed to get this far with few critique of my work and just being very obsessive and I'm kinda proud of that, there's been more obvious improvements in the way I draw characters like the Moomins, Hemulens and Hodgkins and I honestly feel great about that. Art has always been my primary fixation since I could hold a pencil and I really don't want to suck the joy out of it by being too critical of it, whether it comes from myself or others, and the thought of bringing content to those who enjoy the things I do but can't find it from anyone else is always a comfort in the back of my mind.

Here's to future endeavors in my career!

#moomins #moominvalley #art #muddler #moomin muddler #the muddler

[purble-gaymer]

gwen would be proud of you for spending your birthday doing chemistry like a hermit. reminds her of her loser husband. you can be losers... together... /lh

thinking about colette in her emo phase rn "daaaad it's not a phase!!!" hold on. i know what i'm doing on jan. 25. adeleine kinnie hours.

it’s not my choice unfortunately i have to be there :pensive: but my friend says this lab is a fun one, so i guess that’s nice. i’ve kinda been having fun with the class lately anyway so i’m sure it’ll be fine

colette being an angsty teen would be so funny. and like animeverse specifically meta knight would be so confused because he never had an ‘i hate my parents’ phase with arthur & nonsurat. it’s like sure i went through being that age but she’s so defiant?? she’s so angry?? why does she hate talking to me all of a sudden?? i don’t think he would be upset about it though just confused. colette meets her little gang sometime between 170-190 i think so not having a consistent group of friends during the time before that probably doesn’t help. i’m stopping myself before i start dumping my entire timeline in this post

#asks #camachine #rhynsocs #funny i was just thinking about arthur #i mean i kinda think about him all the time in one context or another #i just think he’s neat #colette my little guy. she doesn’t have a real birthday but it’s probably sometime in the summer #i can’t decide if i want popstar to follow earth’s calendar or not #i’ve probably referred to weeks & months as they are on earth #sorry that’s. irrelevant. but it matters to me

[gayelectro]

✨ and 🥕!

✨: What's one area of your writing that you think needs the least amount of improvement?

I like to think it's my characterization and dialogue. My wife praises me for this all the time. I can always hear that character's specific voice in my head when I write them... Plus getting in character's heads is one of the most fun parts of writing for me!

Which means that I struggle to get anything done with characters that I haven't fully fleshed out yet. I often try to stay in my comfort zone in this way, only writing for the characters thar I can clearly "hear". I'm trying to expand this box though, push myself to get fuzzy characters into the clear zone.

In regards to writing specifically for fandoms rather than fully original work, the other issue with being so strong at characterization is running into people who have very strong, differing opinions about specific characters. To me, there's always very consistent themes, throughlines, and reasons why I think certain characters believe and behave in specific ways. I always hope that I make their thought processes clear to the reader, thus making everything fit together nicely. This character did this because they believe this fact about the world.

Buuuuuut some folks I think won't meet you there in regards to fandoms and their favorite characters. Some people will simply come to very different conclusions about characters and some get really nasty about it. I never wanna be that nasty person, but the fact that they're out there does make me reluctant to share my work. I don't want anyone pointing at my work and going "Oh my GOD, bo doesn't get [whoever] at ALL" when I spend so much of my work very deliberately showing how I got to those conclusions with that character.

But the past couple years, I've been trying to just say "fuck it, just publish it anyways" because if someone doesn't like what I write, like... Who cares? I don't generally care about others opinions on me, so why should my writing be different?

I got off track here with this answer, basically, I think I'm strong at characterization! And I'm very proud of that!

🥕: What's one area of your writing that you think needs the most amount of improvement?

TRANSITIONS AND SCENE CHANGES AND PASSAGES OF TIME OOOUUUUUUUGGGHH I HATE THESE SO MUCH BECAUSE I STRUGGLE WITH THEM!!!

This is literally the number two biggest reason I give up projects or long form stories with huge plots. I do kinda want to work on it, but at the same time, I've spent probably decades beating myself up for struggling with this. This might be the year that I finally just accept that I'm more of a long-winded one-shot sort of storyteller rather than continuing to tell myself that I won't be Good until I write a novel or series.

#magicalmousey

[anotherblblog]

2023 Review - Shows

okie okie, well, I'm not the most consistent poster but I did wanna join the look back at 2023 with some top hits (and misses)

Top Shows

1. Utsukushii Kare s2/Utsukushii Kare Eternal

I literally flew across the world and then proceeded to fly back and forth between Thailand and Japan I think 4 times to watch all the Utsukare stuff happening and it was very much worth the miles and hectic sleep schedule. Utsukare s1 made me love bl's again after I had gotten burnt out on them and when I saw the trailers for s2 and the movie, I fully let myself have hope and both of them delivered. Utsukare s2 did more with 4 episodes than many many many many shows do with 12-14-18 episodes. And this was the second bl movie I saw with no subs because I couldn't/didn't want to wait and similar to Gameboys the movie, this was the right decision for me. ITSAY was my longtime number 2 favorite bl show but Utsukare s2 and the movie and the hope for a 3rd season let it get the leg up my overall rankings.

2 - 5 the best of the 2023 GMMTV suite Moonlight Chicken Only Friends My School President Midnight Museum

I think the one I had the fewest critiques about is Moonlight Chicken and the ending of Only Friends still makes me unhappy to pissed depending on the day. It's hard for me to settle on a ranking for them because there's something about each of them I would desperately want to change/see done differently. Actually thinking more about it, my Moonlight Chicken critique is this should be one of the shows GMMTV has 12-14 episodes of. So sure, Cheating McChicken, Nightly Nuggets, McInfidelity is my favorite of the GMMTV shows I watched. My School President was really strong but I think the cast could have been culled a bit. Tinn's mom's arc was so damn compelling for me, really stands out. And I am a Gun simp and him playing multiple characters again and being evil gay Jesus and Tay Tawan also being evil gay Judas or whatever, sign me the fuck up.

6. Jack o'Frost

I wanted to watch this one because I saw a picture of Kyoya Honda and said "oh she's pretty" out loud to myself and then watching this series and then Me, my Husband, my Husband's boyfriend, Kyoya is pretty and can act. Amnesia plots aren't my favorite but I do think Jack o'Frost is the best executed of the ones I can remember (pun intended?).

7. The Campfire/My Universe

I felt nearly contractly obligated to watch this one because Turbo told me directly he was proud of his acting in this one and that he and Kaow did really well and he was right. I was engaged and affected by the gayest campfire horror short story. "I (M) like him but he liked you (F), so I (M) dated you (F) to stop him from getting a chance." And then comes ghostly revenge. Hilarious comedy and gay rights and gay wrongs galore.

(Dis)/honorable mentions:

8. Our Skyy 2: Bad Buddy X A Tale of Thousand Stars.

I would not have bet my worst enemy's money that we would see Ohm and Nanon together again. So them getting an Our Skyy episode was definitely a surprise. I didn't dislike their episodes or the crossover execution but I do think it could have had another 2 episodes or something so it could have had more room to breathe. I considerd the Our Skyy premise to be kinda like OVAs in anime, it's semi canon material, mostly just letting the cast and crew "do a silly one" as it were, so I wasn't necessarily looking for anything as powerful as Bad Buddy and AToTS but seeing them together again, just made me want more than what I was given.

9. Shadow

Well, you gotta swing to hit some shots. Singto and Fluke are two good actors who have had.... some odd projects they've done that I felt didn't let them really act - looking at you Oh My Sunshine Night. Shadow at least let them act and the premise/first half was really promising. The ending was a bit botched in my opinion but I do think the potential and the performances from Singto, Fluke, an Fiat were all really strong.

10. Love Syndrome 3 Uncut

When the trailer said this would be the erotic thriller of the year, I knew we were being threatened with maybe a good time. Then the show started and I was like all the softcore dry humping can't execuse whatever the fuck is supposed to be happening onscreen. Then halfway? through the airing, they started airing the uncut version which had more high heat scenes and also made the story more coherent (not necessarily a better story mind you but at least somewhat more of a coherent one). What a trial that was. But I wanted to see Doctor Kok in something again and the show introduced me to my 2023 Mark Pakin Babygirl Award winner Rossi, so I won't be too mad at it.

Top New Characters

Boston (Only Friends) Boston was me in my early 20s. Boston was a lot of my friends in their 20s and some now in their 30s. Boston is an actualized gay af drama queen horndog icon legend he's the moment and if you don't get it, you don't get it. For all that Only Friends was poised to do, it fell flat on its face when the narrative wronged Boston. Neo acted his ass off following a strong performance in the Eclipse and this rocketed Neo up my radar for someone to watch. I have to excise ep 12 from my mind but Boston is easily my favorite new character of the year and would make my top 10 overall. Boston is my young galvanized gay praxis.

Nick (Only Friends) As I was a Boston in college, boy did I have a Nick and lord jesus did my BostonNick college relationship end POORLY. I have a Mark Pakin stan since he was Teh's hot roommate in IPYTM and seeing him get more and more promiment roles has been the biggest "we're so back" of the last year and a half for me. Only Friends also did Nick a little dirty in the final arc but not as bad as Boston but damn did it hurt having Nick walk away from Boston and out of the story like that. Regardless of how bad the end of OF was, almost everytime Nick was onscreen, it was instantly on the highlight reel.

Photjanee/Tinn's Mom (My School President) A parent in a BL having their own growth arc, unprecendented (don't fact check me too hard). Mrs Ma'am here went through a full ass soap opera arc about her gay child and did the vast vast majority of it on her own without adversely affecting her son. Just masterfully done and really healing and refreshing to have in the bl pantheon.

Gaipa (Moonlight Chicken) "Is it possible for me to be the right one for you?" girl, get the fuck out, that scene was so damn brutal and nearly every Gaipa scene was like the systematic destruction of this poor lil twink. Also the fact that Khao went from Ayan to Gaipa to Ray within a year and half. That's a fucking actor.

Boeing (Only Friends) He's sexy as hell. Don't think I've seen a character drip this much sex appeal hell maybe ever. Idk. This is a ranking based soley on Mond making me wanna hard and nasty [REDACTED].

Li Ming (Moonlight Chicken) An contextually sensible angry character. This little hothead had me rooting for him the whole way through. We were promised a healing love story and Li Ming and Heart and Li Ming and Jim and Li Ming and Jam delivered.

Night (Love Syndrome 3 Uncut) Rossi is my background babygirl of 2023 now that Mark is getting prominent roles. Night was a breath of fresh air in a sticky and dank and confusing experience.

Dan (Shadow) There are protagonists who refuse the call and then there's Dan who straight up was so fed up with the fuckery and mysticism and spoopy oogy boogey shit following and haunting him that he would have rather stayed in limbo than deal with more of that fuckshit and honestly BIG MOOD. Honestly, I would have loved him being aroace (and have that not be a trauma response or at least done well if it were) because his non-reaction to Nai's kiss and affection was hard to watch.

Dome/The One/Evil Gay Jesus (Midnight Museum) If I stumbled upon Gun in a boat and got to live exclusively with him alone, I also wouldn't wanna give that up.

Top Lines/Moments/Scenes

Delicious pure camp. Also the fact that relatively baby faced Earth is playing an almost 40 year old man. More camp. Then his sister, Li Ming's mom joins the cast and we're supposed to believe she and Earth "grew up together," heehawlarious.

Gonna bullet list the rest of this

Kiyoi: "sorry, I won't let you have a one sided love anymore" (Utsukare s2/eternal) [could have been number 1 favorite line]

Kiyoi's jealousy and possessiveness at and after the actor's party (Utsukare s2/eternal)

Anna's waterfall photoshoot (Utsukare s2/eternal)

Kiyoi's photoshoot (Utsukare s2/eternal)

Hira starting off s2 by admitting he lied about his end of s1 confession (Utsukare s2/eternal)

Koyama taking Kiyoi to task (Utsukare s2/eternal)

the bathtub scene (Utsukare s2/eternal)

BostonNick's like 4-5 episode fuck spree (Only Friends)

Nick: "you destroyed my happiness" (Only Friends)

Nick: "Boston was about to love me" (Only Friends) [could have been number 1 favorite line]

Boeing just being sexy and chaotic and at times menancing af (Only Friends)

Ray vs Boston at Sand's impromptu bday party (Only Friends)

Rock & Star performance (My School President)

Gun: "would you like to tell me what to do Mister President" (My School President)

LISTEN (ฟัง) (My School President)

TiwPor non school outfits (My School President)

Li Ming throwing the pad and demanding Heart write out the truth about who broke the alcohol bottle (Moonlight Chicken)

Heart taking his parents to task about them failing him (Moonlight Chicken)

Wen's love stares (Moonlight Chicken)

Nick being a true chaos gremlin and instigator (Love Syndrome 3)

all the raunch and high heat scenes (Love Syndrome 3)

the slow motion pool hall fight scene (Love Syndrome 3)

Night: "Let's let the past be the past" (Love Syndrome 3)

The wife being like "you're not gonna stop fucking this twink so I'm going to ask him to move in with us and we're gonna figure this out" (Me, My Husband, My Husband's Boyfriend)

#2023 recap