#i'm just so happy to see tumblr is less toxic now

[y-vna]

Just so it's clear, one of my big dni crits is this:

TW: My rant includes HEAVY topics of ed (eating disorders) and intentionally starving yourself/unhealthy weight loss 🙁.

This post is also ULTRA long, will definitely contain grammar and spelling mistakes, and I'm not going to say 100% everything here is accurate information, as I'm a human and I make mistakes too.

Let me get this clear, I dont mean anyone harm with this post. My intention isn't to hate or attack/hurt anyone to make them feel upset. I know that having an ed is a serious matter. I have friends and family who actively have/had these kinds of eds, so im not uneducated on this subject and I do understand it to a very in-depth degree. This is not to say I know everything about this topic, however.

It is definitely not easy to recover from, and lots of people struggle from it every day. I am NOT saying people with this disorder are any less human than anyone else. I'm saying it's toxic for those who do have it since it actually harms your body a lot, and pushing it on others (not the fact you have it in the first place) is something I don't support.

So respectfully, if you do support/promote eds as a positive thing, or are/follow/interact with blogs who do, BLOCK ME AND DNI. thank you.

I love everyone for who they are inside, regardless of what their body looks like. And I'm telling you right now, as someone who tried so hard to have a perfect body and stop eating bc im super insecure, it's not worth it, and it makes you feel so shitty. I love you, whoever is reading this, no matter what. So please don't change who you are just to make others happy :( <3

--

So I was looking thru tumblr, and this one post kept getting shown to me where people were talking about basically the idea of: "its worth it to keep losing that undesired weight, you'll see results soon" as like a motivational thing. The tags (straight up tells you it's supposed to be inspo to becoming skinny and supports the idea having an ed is the only way to get a dream bod), and their whole blog had ed encouragement/motivation. To keep...starving, i guess.?? Despite their user being about being strong and healthy, nothing about this is healthy or keeps your body strong.

I didn't decide to write a whole rant about just that part of the post because I didn't start getting super concerned until i read the notes/comments (since i had seen a lot of these 'tw : ed' blogs before already). What I saw was that tons of users were promoting starving yourself as a goal and a good thing, and basically glorifying having an ed. And also using kpop idols with skinny and perfect figures like wonyoung to tell others that (almost a literal direct quote from this user-) 'us ed people don't want to be helped and we won't stop starving ourselves until we reach the weight we want.'

"You see it as negativity cause you're not disordered." KEEP IN MIND THE PERSON THEY'RE TALKING TO USED TO ACTUALLY HAVE AN ED (the screenshot below is the person they were talking to). I understand you can't push people to get help if they don't want it, but you have to draw a line when you start saying that every person with ed doesn't want help, which just isnt true. I looked at their blog, and it was all just calculating how many calories they ate and burned every day. Most of the posts they basically only totaled 300 calories a day. THAT IS SUPER SICK ☹️. An average human needs like 2000+ calories a day. It actively influences people to copy them by posting and blogging this SUPER unhealthy weight loss. It IS NOT positive on any level. It does nothing good for you. You won't feel any happier when you look in the mirror if all you can feel is pure hunger because you won't give your body what it needs. This is so sad to me because all the comments had people trying to ask how to start starving themselves, and every blog I clicked on all had ed triggers on their posts and bios. Some of those blogs were saying NOT to become like them because they can't see themselves recovering now that they're in too deep.

As said by people online who actually had and got through having an ed, they have explained it is very unhealthy and they were glad to recover. So even though I do not have an ed, and you might think I shouldn't be "judging" people who have them, there are plenty of formerly ed diagnosed people who know the bad effect it has on others/had on them because they can accurately relate. You can still educate people on a subject even if you yourself do not have to suffer from it/have it, as long as you're doing it properly with proven facts (literally all credible research you do anywhere backed by science and experts will prove eds aren't healthy). People educate themselves to teach others about other illnesses, ongoing or past wars in history, etc, they don't have firsthand experience with/from. And they can still be just as valid sometimes.

My whole point here is that on tumblr and so many other social media platforms, I keep seeing people (posts like this and whole blogs centered around this stuff,) encouraging (mainly young) girls to stop eating altogether to have a body that society and other people are more satisfied with. That's why, for a while, I also tried to do the same because of the people saying it was a positive thing to gain a bad relationship with food and start counting your calories to be perfect. I'm also someone who struggles with body image and being shamed for gaining weight. But at some point hou need to realize hurting your body and mental state is SO WRONG. NOBODY is perfect. So don't push you or anyone else to be. I learned this, and I get its super hard to ignore the judgment forced onto you by society and your surroundings, but there will be people who appreciate you just how you are now. Like me.

So with all that said, the moral here is:

Don't starve urself (on purpose. Bc some people genuinely have trouble eating and starve themselves non intentionally. I have friends who do this 😭)

You're perfect how u are now without being as slim as your idols (and even K-pop idols don't tell others usually to be like them because they know that their companies forcing them to strictly control their weight isn't something they want fans to look up to).

Don't force (potential) ed on others

Don't encourage unhealthy relationship with your body and food

I do support people with eds, as long as they aren't trying to make it something others should look up to, and aspire to have.

If you are someone who wants to normalize having an ed as healthy or positive, please do not interact with this blog and feel free to block me :(

Thank you for reading, have a good day and ily for whoever is reading this. 💗💖💓💕

#major tw : ed #ed awareness #stop normalizing this kind of stuff #coming from someone who struggles with body image #dni criteria #you're perfect the way you are <33 #body posititivity #educate yourself #educate yourselves #get educated #stop making blogs prommoting ed

[jennilah]

I think i started to follow you bc of tiny!cas, like eons ago, let me tell you seeing you get into different fandoms over the years has been a delight.

I remember seeing post of you going like 'hey these slasher film kinda go hard' and look at you know.

I mean this in the best way possible, I feel i've been watching a house plant grow, every now and then catching my attention and being amazed by the changes

omg thats such a sweet way of describing my... well happy autism awareness day everyone, its a nice way of describing the way i naturally transition through my Special Interests lmfao

actually, for the holiday, let me infodump about this very aspect of my brain to anyone who isnt aware how this works for me. (also every autistic person is different, so this is just how this symptom manifests in me)

ill say "phases" to simplify, though thats an unfair word because it implies im "over" my past phases. 99% of my past phases are pretty much there for life, but in the back of my mind. (So long as I didnt have a "bad breakup" with it for some reason, which is rare but happens) The ability to become a raving lunatic about it is dormant until someone asks the right question.

There can only be one interest (sometimes 2, with one being the less dominant one) at the forefront of my brain at a time, though. that defines the "phase".

so for example, my recent Halloween phase is "over" and I am 100% fully into Saw now, but I still absolutely love Halloween and Michael and Jason and all those guys. as evident by me still happily sharing gifsets and art and buying merch etc if it tickles my fancy. They're just hanging out in the background of my mental display case.

yea whoever follows my tumblr for a very long time has watched it happen in realtime. the transition between interests. i know for a fact which phase I started this blog on. if you're here from the beginning, youve seen, in order:

-Durarara!! -Deus Ex -Supernatural -Godzilla -Detroit: Become Human -There was like a few weeks where it was HLVRAI -And then it was plants. There was a year-long stretch with no Special Interest and I was latching onto odd things (and I was very inactive here) -Halloween & Friday the 13th -and now, Saw

I have many other things I love, but they don't clamp around my brain in quite the same extreme way.

my phases can last any amount of time, anywhere from a few short intense months to 5+ years, its completely random, completely unpredictable. even the interest itself is impossible to predict. its not something i choose, its something that happens to me.

sometimes i avoid watching things for a long time because im still very emotionally attached to my current phase and im genuinely afraid the shiny new thing will replace it. all art or fic ideas for the previous phase? theyll be abandoned. all I will want to create will be related to the new thing. (though I will sometimes draw it anyway, like digging up old toys to play with once in a while. The likelihood just drops considerably)

which is why right now i pretty much put a pause on the other franchises I plan on watching. I'm genuinely gripping onto Saw like someone is tryin to take it from me.

and then sometimes im like "haha yeah right. ill be fine. ill eat my shoe if my brain latches to this" and then put on the movie and by the credits roll im a new person (yes thats what happened with Saw. I really had no idea.)

this is also why im terrified of even just "checking out" things that have, like, a toxic fanbase or something, because i cant stop a new phase from happening if it does. and its really hard to keep it to myself, fuck

(do u know how mad i was when i realized i was attaching to hoffman the evil dirty cop??? i was so scared of drawing him, dudes. but thankfully everyones been cool abt it and we're all very aware of his awfulness & we have fun w it)

and every time my brain changes and i do get obsessed with some new thing, i get really scared and worried and hope I dont bother everyone who followed me for something else :(((( and yet, every time, im absolutely floored by how many people choose to tolerate my newest nonsense and stick around anyway

anyway ive lost the plot of what point i was making here OH YEAH thank you!

tl;dr: that would be the autism! thank you, it WILL happen again! that is a threat! 🥰

#jennilargh #jenna answers

[fortpeat]

Hi! I hope you are doing ok. I know this might be coming out of the blue, but I feel the need to spread the word so other fans can see this and not go through the same that I have been. I recently joined a FortPeat server on Discord. I saw the invite on a tumblr tag and I thought it could be a good idea since most fandom spaces I've been in were usually wholesome and nice to meet new people and talk about the things we all have in common and love. I will be honest with you that I had actually thought the server had something to do with your account since I always see you in the fortpeat tags (I don't really use my tumblr account, I'm more of a lurker, I just recently got into the fortpeat fandom) and you always seemed to be like a lovely person. I was actually told by this server owner that you were also one of the server owners at some point, and I remember seeing one of your posts talking about "the discord incident"… I have no idea if both of these things are related to each other, but I understood immediately after talking to this server owner why you'd leave that place. This server is extremely toxic. I and another member were kicked out simply because we harboured a different opinion than the one from the server owner. She is a grown-ass woman and treats people in a really childish manner. She's condescending and passive-aggressive. She deleted our messages for no good reason and then said we were free to leave if we were not happy with her rules. The other member called her out on it and this is what got us kicked out. That was it. Nothing else. I thought for a second that I could've been somewhat rude, but another member of the server reached out to me in private to tell me this had happened many times before and that neither I nor the person who was kicked out were rude. So, my point with this ask is I hope whoever's still stuck in that graveyard filled with toxicity, please leave as soon as possible. I had other people reaching out to me since then to tell me that they also experienced really bad things there. I'm really sorry if you went through some shit because of it, but yeah. I hope the owner reflects on her attitude if she intends on keeping up with a server she clearly has, currently, zero capabilities of running if this is how she treats her members. Thank you so much, and I am sorry for the huge ask. I think it's important to let people know when fandom spaces are nasty. Love your blog! 🤍

Hi Nonnie ✨🥰

First of all sorry for the late response I needed some time to think through a proper response since it's a sensitive topic and I am typing this out while in the middle of a program and my Wifi is wacky so I don't know when you might get this 🫣

Now I am not gonna lie, when I first received this ask I was sceptical about even posting this. I tend to avoid all kinds of drama as I quite don't have the time for that but then I realized won't that mean I too am ignoring you the same way the server owner did and essentially cutting you off and I am not that kind of person. I believe that everyone deserves to have their opinion heard and from what you told me I think you deserve it especially when you are definitely not in the wrong.

But first things first. I am so sorry you went through something like that. Nobody deserves it least of someone who joined a server believing that it might be something good. I will tell you it used to be good but then everything kind of fell apart. I left that server back in Nov due to personal reasons and a disagreement with the server owner.

Now the discord incident.. it was more or less connected to this but it was also me and my best friend joking around coz the both of us have had bad experiences with it. I never thought anyone would pay attention to it 🫣🫣😂. Now I don't want to dish out my personal experiences publicly like this so if you ever want to talk privately my DMS are always open 🥰 I promise it to be safe space for you and anyone who wants to talk.

I would also like to thank you for opening up like this I am sure it must not have been easy to trust me especially after your experience. I hope in the future this doesn't cloud your judgement towards future servers you might want to join. There are lots of lovely people in the fandom and there are some in that very server as well.

Also thank you for raising this awareness. I never would have thought things would get this bad there. That too in a server that represents our beautiful Fortpeat and Paisky who has taught us nothing but the importance of proper communication 🥺🥺

I hope you have a good day nonnie 🥰✨

Here's some Fortpeat hugs to feel better 🥹🥰

#prapaisky #fortpeat #asks are always appreciated

[golbrocklovely]

So I love that there aren't that many SnC fans on Tumblr. I enjoy the peace and quiet here from the toxic things that most people spread in the fandom.

I love reading your blog, it's now part of my daily routine. I would like to join the Xplr Club, but when I see what's going on, I'd rather not.

I'm more wondering if we'll see more of Colby and M or Sam and LA girl. I mean, i'm really happy for them whether friendship or relationship.

will you buy the new merch?

exactly. i think the atmosphere over here is a lot different than any other site. i also personally think that a lot less lies get spread over here.

and thank you, i appreciate that you like my blog. and xplrclub is fun, don't get me wrong. it's just the chat that's a bit... concerning lol

and idk. it's possible that we might. it just depends on how soon snc get back to la.

and i'm not sure what the merch looks like so idk. probably not tho lol

#ask #personal #sg ll #cb ll

[aihoshiino]

okay so no idea how i should refer to myself as so: hi!! im the person who had way too much fun writing ai/nino toxic yuri on ao3! i was gonna just lurk (me, tumblr account with privated likes, reblogs and follows) BUT how could i with the promise of people being normal about fictional unhealthy gay women. idk if this is the optimal way to communicate i use tumblr with the sole purpose of following 4 people and digging up ai content

i am honestly so flattered (but also kinda upset at the lack of content on them aside from my own 1k word long oneshot please keep recommending if you find more stuff on them) that you enjoyed and recommended my fics considering i just straight up had no clue where i was going: okay so top priority i want them to kiss —> but also with how things are nino would probably lash out (read: bite) —> ai would be hesitant but also is so desperate that she’d still accept it happily —> this will fuel ninos idea of ai being the perfect, invincible idol —> and then i ran and tried not to trip with the rest

your translations of the side stories and blog was probably what helped me get in to oshi no ko again because even though i am still not over ai being dead i can now listen to someone talk about how great and tragic and sad and miserable she was along with all the other characters so thank you again!

also that ask for ai/nino toxic yuri visions was me lol, thanks for talking about my fic despite how short it was <3, i might de-anon myself at some point but rn im too shy for that

woof, this got a bit long. anyways love wins fr, if there was ever a day where i participate in an onk shipping war it’ll be on the side of them

LMFAO OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY TO HAVE JUMPSCARED YOU WITH YOUR OWN FIC 😭 WHAT A THING TO SEE ON YOUR OWN DASH....

that said it does make me so happy every time I hear people saying my relentless oshi no posting stands out to them to the degree that it does lol. I guess I'm in a similar place as you where, as happy as I am for it, it does make me a little sad that it feels like there's such little fan interest in lengthy meta and discussion on Ai herself outside of some really banal, surface level stuff. To a degree, I get that with other characters having so much more time on the page and having ongoing arcs to speculate about, but Ai is sooooooooo fascinating to me and it really drives me insane how often I see people make zero effort to engage with her arc beyond her utilitarian function in the story. It also really bums me out how often I see her get reduced to just a stepping stone in the arcs of other characters — even though the manga is literally shaking you right now and begging you to understand and empathize with her more than ever, I straight up see people cheering and crowing about Ruby 'surpassing' her or 'becoming the true Ai' as if this is a good thing and they are not completely fucking missing the point lmao.

ANYWAY!!!! That's enough grumping because the actual point of this response was to say: the Ai posting will continue until I am physically forced to stop!!!! I have so many thoughts about my wife constantly and if I do not share them I will explode!!!

(ps anon pspspspsp if you are ever feeling brave enough to unanon pls feel free to just send me your discord or your socmeds off tumblr if that is less intimidating for u.... honestly that goes for all my oshi no moots in general Please Talk With Me In DMs About My Wife)

#oshi no ko #oshi no posting #if ai has one million fans i am one of them if ai has no fans then i am no longer of this earth

[autistichalsin]

I'm sorry to tell you that but I'm also a Halsin fan and I'm just tired of all the drama that shows up on your Tumblr and Twitter. Please don't treat it as a hate comment but I've come here to see Halsin headcanons and scenarios, the things you shared with us so generously back then.

I know it might be hard to let go and move on, not batting a lash at the drama that's happening but I think you should try and tone it down a little. Most of the time, your socials are flooded with your quarrel with Minthara psycho fanclub. I know they're annoying but you can block them, instead of responding to them. In the end, they'll get bored and move to the other bait activities. You replying to them only fuels them even more.

I don't mean it as offense. I know it's sometimes hard to just ignore other people and focus on what you love (I'm autistic myself). Some people blocked you not because of you disliking Minthara but because you get into drama too much instead of blocking those trolls. I don't want my fav mutual with more focus on some toxic baiters then the passion they have for certain things/characters.

Please stay safe and think about it.

Please don't take this as hate either but like.

"Back then"? Buddy it's been like three days and I still AM posting Halsin analyses (which by the way, is also one of the things those folks have been harassing me for, to the point of block evasion, on Twitter)

"Most of the time?" On this site, I've responded to a few things here and there. And on Twitter, I've been responding- again- to de facto harassment. I get that you like my Halsin posts and that makes me so happy to hear, legitimately, but if you really are going to get angry at me for responding to being harassed, then I feel like you are showing far more concern for fictional characters than for me, and that is deeply hurtful. I am a real person, not a machine to make you Halsin content. It is deeply unfair to see that people are being nasty to me, and then tell ME, to my face, that I should stop engaging because it means YOU see less of the Halsin content you like. If the harassment got to me and I stopped making those posts entirely, would you be upset because you weren't seeing Halsin essays anymore, or would you be upset because a real person got chased off? Sorry to put it that bluntly, but based on this one comment, I am getting the impression it would be the former.

"I don't want my fav mutual..." I certainly don't feel like your "favorite mutual" based on this ask. I really am flattered that you like my content, but this ask has made me feel like you don't see me as a human being at all; I feel like you're angry that you're having to "put up" with me having human emotions on my own Twitter.

Why did you think it was in any way helpful or necessary to mention getting blocked? I don't care if people block me to curate their feed. Did you think I would... start groveling to be unblocked or something? I block liberally too. And if you weren't the one to block me, this also carries an implication of you like... talking about me behind my back to whoever did, and, guess what, the idea of being talked about is also REALLY uncomfortable for me as an autistic person. So... again. Why was this so important to tell me?

I know you said you didn't mean any offense, anon. But if you really are my mutual, I have to say, I am... not offended, but this ask hurt my feelings. A lot. Maybe you didn't mean it that way, and I am trying to give this the benefit of a doubt since you're also autistic- maybe you just didn't realize how your words would come across? But this is where it stands right now, after this ask.

If you don't enjoy the discourse, that's fine. I get that a lot of people are bothered by this outbreak of drama (INCLUDING ME), and I've been trying to step away from it despite what has been said to and about me. And if you were just asking me to make a tag for discourse or something, I would simply have done it without a word. But this response is deeply hurtful to me. I feel like the idea that I have been hurt by the stuff on Twitter and on here isn't even registering to you.

And I hate to say it, but I have to: this ask, more than anything the Minty fans have said or done so far, is making me want to not produce any more Halsin content for a while. I was fully aware it's primarily the Halsin stuff I make that people like, but... I don't know if I want to make more, if people are going to start acting like I owe it to them to make this content, and to make ONLY this content, and to make it ONLY in the exact way they like. If people want these written by someone/something whose only purpose is to write, ChatGPT exists.

Again, sorry if you didn't realize you came off this way, anon, but this was actually really hurtful, especially considering the timing, and even more so because you wouldn't even say this to me off anon.

#discourse

[olderthannetfic]

I found your blog a couple of weeks ago and have been reading all the asks with great interest. It's probably the highlight of my Tumblr life. But I'm deleting Tumblr and I'm leaving. Gone.

I was already starting to feel a bit weary and wary on this platform but today I realised that it is, without a doubt, a toxic place for me personally.

I vented on another social media platform a couple of months ago about being harassed and receiving hate for having a m/f ship in my fandom. I make a lot of content for the ship and get hate from all sorts, mostly guys with fragile masculinity issues and the very occasional slash shipper. The harassment doesn't come too often, but often enough to want to vent once in a blue moon. I am a cishet woman if that matters and my vent was basically "Damn, feels like I can't even say I ship X and Y without someone or other getting upset around here and letting me know how much they hate it. Why can't people just keep scrolling when they see something they don't like?"

Today, on Tumblr, I saw someone say that me 'complaining about being harassed' for my m/f ship is entitled because I'm a straight woman. 'How entitled can you be?' were their words. See, I'm not allowed to complain about bad behaviour apparently. The person who replied, and who does not know me or seems to have seen any of my content, agreed saying it was nasty and entitled and that people like me who feel good about hating LGBTQ ships (!!) are just salty for being called out.

I just can't anymore. I really can't. The extrapolation from "I am sick of being hated on for shipping what I ship" to "this nasty person who loves to hate lgbtq people and must be called out" is so astounding to me I'm actually having trouble processing it.

When I dug a little deeper and visited the blogs of the people involved I saw chains and full on campaigns against people in the fandom with many piling on and just...the mob mentality scared me. It really scared me. Ever since I got on Tumblr I feel like I have to tread on eggshells, watch my back, choose my words carefully. And I don't even participate or interact with many others here at all. I just post and dip. I used to be so happy creating all sorts of content but since being on Tumblr (less than a year!) my fandom experience has become stressful and filled with anxiety.

After seeing the hate campaign against the other user on these blogs just now, something clicked, or broke, inside me and I just clicked uninstall on this app on my phone. I just jumped back on my PC to write this last thing. If anyone feels like me...if you feel strung out in your fandom and you're on Tumblr, I strongly suggest taking a break if not outright leaving.

And before other users suggest to just block people and curate your experience, this is beyond blocking and curating. This is a fandom culture issue that isn't going to be solved by blocking a few people. A large number of people here get off on these witch hunts. It's a culture I don't want to be a part of and I don't want to constantly worry if I'm next.

The fandom on Tumblr, despite the mountains of content (most of which is awesome), is not really about fandoming. It seems to be about drama, about the mob, about the high of call outs and brining others down and 'putting them in their place'. It's disgusting. And it does nothing to actually stop the issues they rail against.

Thank you for running such an interesting and thoughtful blog. This will be the thing I miss most but I have to go. For my own mental and emotional well-being. Wishing you the best!

-Ex Tumblr user.

--

Good for you, nonnie, genuinely.

May more people take a long, hard look at their internet habits and prune whatever is not bringing them joy and health.

[destinyc1020]

Confession: I think this might be last post ever on tumblr, I think I might leave tumblr and social media in general. I feel like its become way too toxic and just not worth the effort nor do I feel happy using it, its just so menatally draining. In addition Im getting a little fed up of fandoms and stan culture, it used to be fairly a fun space but now it feels like a space where hatred, racism, toxicity have kinda infiltrated. Things like movies or just enjoying actors or whatever have become less and less interesting it no longer feels like celebrating but like we are in competition, like the discourse has become lets compare and be hurtful to others and their opinions and I just think fandoms have just been too invasive, too parasocial and I dont want to be in that space anymore.

I do want to say I enjoyed your blog and love how you try to bring as much joy and positivity to this space. You are one of few bright spots and keep doing what you do and thank you for cheering me up at the times I felt a little down . Its been fun but I think its time for me to bid a permanent farewell. All the best ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Awww..... I'm so sorry Anon. 😞

I hope you haven't left Tumblr already and are going to miss my response back to you. 🥺

Oh well.... I'll respond back anyway, no matter if you ever see this post or not. 🙃

First of all, thank you so much for your confession. I really appreciate your honesty on this topic, because I really do feel like fandom/stan culture has really gotten to a point that it's become exhausting in many fandoms... even when the celebrities themselves aren't even problematic! 🤷🏾‍♀️

It's become toxic for sure. 😞 And I, too, don't really appreciate the constant comparisons, the putting down of other actors just to raise up your faves, the spreading of lies and falsehoods in order to make other celebrities look bad, the recurring nonstop complaints about an actor's film career even though their career is going just fine, the immediate "cancel" culture just because someone isn't perfect 100% of the time, the jealousy and downplaying of another actor's talents just because it's not your fave in the role, the annoying film twitter debates, the use of RT as the almighty "gold standard" in a filming project's validity, the over-FOCUS of film critics and their reviews of certain films instead of just watching the film yourself and forming your OWN opinions, the constant bickering among various fandoms and stan wars, the overly-anxious fans who get nervous if their fave isn't in a new casting announcement every 2 months, etc.... The list goes on and on and on....

It's just exhausting.... 😫 And I feel like I see a lot of these comments bts because ppl can literally hide behind Anon on my blog and say whatever they want. 😩

So yea girl...I totally feel you. ❤️

I'm hoping you won't stay away forever, but I totally encourage and support you in taking a break away from here (or social media in general) if that's what you need to stay healthy and emotionally and mentally upbuilt. 🥰

If you ever feel comfortable and would like to come off of Anon and chat with me privately on here, or discuss this in greater detail, feel free to reach out and DM me! You'll always have a safe space. ❤️🥰

Wishing you all the best 🙏🏾🤗

#confession corner Sunday #👏🏾 #sorry for the dissertation

[macksting]

I'm gonna try to find other places my favorite people here are, that are not X or Tumblr. I'm gonna try to retain my contacts here. But I'm leaving again. I don't feel a need to get myself banned to make some point, and it looks like that's easy to do for now. He wants us off this site? Fine, I'll go. There's better places to be anyway.

But before I go.

I apologize in advance to any Christians who feel unfairly hurt by what I'm about to say, but: I don't hate Christianity, but I hate being unable to escape it anywhere I go. In the same way that a Christian atheist may still have a rabid hatred of Muslims, I find Christian and ex-Christian trans women still want our suffering to be holy, to be martyrs. Mostly they don't go running into the mouth of hell to suffer, if nothing else because that'd hurt and most of them aren't that devoted to this mindset; and some of us fly too close to the sun not out of masochistic death cultism but out of just being at heart a bunch of pains in the ass, so I ain't talking about that either. I'm talking about needing to be seen as suffering, as more suffering than others, as a kind of social oneupsmanship. And it's not better to do so in some kind of communion or solidarity or whatever, it's still ridiculous no matter how you do it.

We should be learning about the means of each other's oppressions, to better understand our own, not turning it into a fucking pissing contest.

And I cannot escape these mindsets. I see these baffling crab-bucket behaviors in these shitty online spaces that I almost never see in real life, with real world groups and people, because... iunno, maybe because I live in the PNW and a lot of folks didn't grow up being told that suffering is the highest form of virtue and therefore that if you are not suffering enough then you are not virtuous enough, and since real suffering sucks, it's best to just make people accept that the level of suffering you're going through, which is bad, is superior and unique and untouchably awful.

My friend Michael says it's also kind of a white thing. By creating a hierarchy of who is most oppressed and placing yourself on top, you can make yourself feel immune to criticism, and apparently this is just something a lot of white folks feel they need. Myself, iunno, I'm white too, I hope I don't do that, but I suspect my particular brand of OCD means my anxieties in that regard can't be alleviated without significant therapy and medication, which is not better but it does seem to make me a little less likely to try to put myself on top of hierarchies out of sheer terror of myself.

I seriously cannot escape this shit. I dunno how much I've got to go dismantling my own bullshit, but at least I wasn't raised Christian. It must be so exhausting. If you see me posting something positive that's happening, believe me, it's not intended as toxic positivity. It's intended as a radical statement that a better world is possible. It's radically asserting that life is not pain, and that our pain has causes that can be dealt with. And I dearly do hope it pisses someone off to see someone living their best life in spite of the horrors. A car outside our homeless shelter says, "Birds sing after the storm, so shall we," along with countless Christian statements scrawled all over it, and I am not waiting for some storm to pass. It won't pass in my lifetime. I'm singing now. And some of those songs are happy, and some of those songs are angry, and some are both.

If all you want is the aesthetics of suffering or the aesthetics of social justice, fuck off. I don't need more Christendom. I'm trapped in this place, and I am so fucking tired of it. I feel like Shrek yelling at Donkey, "can you please stop being yourself for five minutes!"

#rant #christianity #christian atheists #transness #iunno whatever there's a lotta good people here but i'm taking off for now

[faunabel]

bleh. vent. sorry.

man...... i don't usually compare myself to others but being around ppl who love historical hetalia and talk abt their in depth thoughts makes me feel so Inferior

like i'm just too stupid and silly and dumb to come up with anything like that and stick to simpler stuff

i know this stems entirely from being around Toxic historical hetalia fans in the past who'd shit on canon nonstop and made me rly hate myself for... u know. following canon.

i like to follow canon and try to combine it with history to make sense but i just ugh. i feel dumb. i feel incompetent and stop myself from even doing it to try and preemptively avoid being attacked

the fandom is smaller now which makes me even more anxious? because there r less people so i'm more likely to be found by Mean People and there r also less people who Get Me to try and find

anyway sorry i just needed to vent. i wish i was more comfortable in myself but i feel like i'm always using all my energy to not be targeted that i forget how to even exist. sometimes i really do. people ask me things and my brain goes blank. all i can think about is what do they want? what do they expect from me? how can i be what they want from me? i completely lose access to who i am and what i want because i don't feel safe wanting or needing or being a person. i just need to be a doll who submits to them so i don't get hurt.

i want to be one of those people who just shares their thoughts no matter how self indulgent but i feel so embarrassed. eugh. even with non-self indulgent things. liking things is embarrassing. exposing my thoughts is too vulnerable.

i'm slowly exposing myself to try and get more comfortable but i wish! i could just be comfortable now!!!!!! and not expend so much of my limited energy just sharing my thoughts. trauma processing takes too long.

ugh. oh the need to belong but the fear of being seen. people have just been so mean to me and i'm struggling to accept that it was in the past. not currently happening. but i don't want it to happen again :/ and on tumblr, unlike other social media, it's so easy to find old posts, so it just makes me uncomfortable that my posts won't Die In The Void u know? blahblah how my thought process works word vomit self contradiction as i figure out my words and so on

i just. hate being such an outlier in things. i wish i could be normal and like normal things and have friends who like the things i like. but i'm weird and nobody gets it and i'm sad. i hate being alone. i don't wanna be alone. i hope someday i can meet people who like the same things i like or are open to the idea. my silly fantasy is to live in a world where i'm just. normal. i actually see myself in others. and people are like me. i'm like them. no more floating aimlessly like a bird who fell from its nest.

i am holding out on hope but rn i wanna cry so i'm gonna go do that

gonna manifest away this avpd i swear........ it's ruining me. u ruined my child and teen years. i beg u. let me try to find happiness now. time goes on and i lose time and it scares me.

#( 💭 faun thinks ) #vent #delete later #maybe

[cottonundiestf]

I posted 253 times in 2022

That's 253 more posts than 2021!

146 posts created (58%)

107 posts reblogged (42%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@cottonundiestf

@candis-thots

@bimbosanddolls

@hypno-dolly

@pretty-bimbo-baby

I tagged 152 of my posts in 2022

Only 40% of my posts had no tags

#ooc - 76 posts

#layla rose - 26 posts

#the layla game - 21 posts

#iq loss - 12 posts

#self oc - 8 posts

#sex sigil game - 7 posts

#transformation kink - 7 posts

#brainwashing - 6 posts

#writing - 6 posts

#caption story - 5 posts

Longest Tag: 52 characters

#that's a whole lot of words to say you're anti-trans

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I know the kinds of kinks I peddle in

so I DO want to be VERY clear, especially as election season looms over us. This account is:

pro-abortion pro-feminism anti-patriarchal systems (outside of kink) pro-LGBTQIA+ pro-BLM anti-capitalist pro-deconstructing toxic faith trauma

and pretty much just incredibly fucking leftist.

If you are genuinely anti-women's rights, anti-queer, or support racist power structures or politicians that enable any of these things, I have no love for you. My blog is not a safe space for you.

Stay safe and happy, comrades.

280 notes - Posted November 2, 2022

#4

Mona didn't remember how she stumbled on ComfyGoddess' stream, but she'd gotten hooked on the pink aesthetics and soothing music. As a competitive gamer, "titty streamers" normally bugged her, but after a stressful day, Comfy's streams were the perfect way to clear her mind.

Comfy gave Mona so much attention in chat, and they even talked in DMs. Comfy had some great videos and advice to share, improving Mona's makeup and fashion game. She didn't used to think much about her appearance, but she got it now; she was less stressed and way more comfy now!

See the full post

314 notes - Posted August 18, 2022

#3

"Thanks for letting me stay in your dorm for the night. My girlfriend asked me if she could have the room to herself. I'm ready to crash, I just gotta put on my headphones before bed. What am I listening to?"

Summer offers her headphones.

𝐺𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑔𝑖𝑟𝑙𝑠 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑒𝑚𝑝𝑡𝑦 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑠. 𝐺𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑔𝑖𝑟𝑙𝑠 𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝑝𝑒𝑜𝑝𝑙𝑒. 𝐺𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑔𝑖𝑟𝑙𝑠 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦'𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑛𝑓𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑜𝑟.

Summer smiled at you as you listened to the mantra with a blank stare. Mistress said you would; now Summer just had to call her over.

343 notes - Posted August 31, 2022

#2

Jenny stared at you from the back seat as you drove, still miffed. You told her your new car had state-of-the-art seatbelts that always rested snugly and securely.

You neglected to mention that it did that by adjusting her breasts, not the belt. Now her massive jugs fit perfectly in your car, but less so in her shirt. Adjustments had to be made.

543 notes - Posted August 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Twitter: Exploding. Tumblr: This could be our chance to finally regain some of our loss membership numbers! The People of Tumblr: Bitch, I don't think you remember how hard we worked to make this place unprofitable.

626 notes - Posted November 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

FOR THE RECORD, that was NOT my top post in 2022. Tumblr is lying and hind it because my TOP post was the cow bikini transformation! The censorship of it all!

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[imagineitdearies-old]

No the posts were definitely hating on fem luke and especially the reply one posted by the author of the not the boy cheating fic. Which you liked so don’t backtrack now.

Alright, so I'm off work now and went and reread the two posts you guys are referencing. This will be in response to all the anons in my ask box rn.

Idk about you, but I don’t have to think “wow I would write this myself, every word is like it came straight from my brain, it is now gospel to me” to hit the like button on a tumblr post as I scroll. I do it because I found it in someway interesting or relatable. I'm still getting used to ppl even noticing me on here, but I wasn't trying to tell fem!Luke writers they are inherently bad, that's not even what I got out of those posts--if I had, I would have just kept scrolling. I see now quite a few people found me doing that to be hateful though, so I'm happy I could explain my own opinion when someone wanted it. I, again, apologize for unintentionally hurting anyone; fictional characters mean a lot less to me than living breathing humans.

Rereading my tags, people may be mad I put "anti fem!Lucerys"? I usually add anti to things if they're talked about with any sort of critique, just bc I want people who have that tag filtered to not see anything approaching criticism on their dash. (I have anti alicent hightower filtered out, for instance, so it's annoying to me when people don't tag it properly). I like criticism/hot takes for most things lucemond but I know a lot of people don't.

Unlessss it's that I wrote fans who refuse any portrayal but fem!Luke being “weird (not good)"? I was being brief since it was just tags, but was referring to how many people have such a preference that they hate on everything that doesn’t fit their fem/bottom view of Luke. It's weird, it's not good. My fic somehow filtered out most of them by my first few chapters, so I got lucky, but that's always been concerning for me to see in other comment sections. DLDR, ya know?

As for the second post, the part that 'people should just go for Aemondxfem!oc more often' was a controversial statement I wholeheartedly agree with (not that it matters?? people can use the name Lucerys however it pleaseth them). But also I liked their last few paragraphs that reiterate what I’m telling you now—I’m not here to police anyone. I’m not here to force anyone to like what I like or be careful about the things I think are important, or vice versa. This fandom is soooo tropey and polarizing in every way and that's fascinating to me, and I do think some weirdly-prevalent tropes in this ship can contribute to stereotypes when they’re used en masse (honestly I have way more personal dislike for toxic abusive Aemond being romanticized, let's not even start)….but I’ll say it again, my opinion literally means nothing and at the end of the day I more care that people enjoy what they like. I would be a hypocrite otherwise.

You can be mad at me if you want. Your prerogative. But someone asked me to clarify, so I did, and people can make of it whatever they will and unfollow me etc etc if that will help. I'm just now noticing the lucemond tag is flooded with talk about this (and some fun fem!Luke recs)--it's definitely a bigger deal than I ever thought to make of it while doomscrolling last night, so my wisdom failed me there.

Shout out to those genuinely hurt by me--idk how many, but y'all are valid.

#speaking of black and white thinking #me liking a post at 2am = me lying if i say i didn't agree with every word of it? #a bit extreme #which i guess this fandom loves to be loool #but again to the ppl genuinely hurt ur valid #i didn't see the big initial post as anything but insightful critique with interesting points #some of which i disagreed with (specially the porn=fanfic part lol) #but it didn't seem like a hate post just a 'heavy food for thought' post #maybe bc i didn't identify as who they were critiquing tho #yall should do a big critique on bottom Aemond ppl for balance lol #i volunteer as tribute my fic is problematic as hellll rn

[honhonluigi]

Wow. It's been a long time since I posted on here, huh?

Long story short, I'm all good. Things are going great for me. I just left tumblr and migrated to other platforms because 1) tumblr is totally dead on the roleplay & writing scene, which is what I want to do 2) it's like, a super ""toxic"" and stressful environment to be around. Everybody's mad about everything all the time, and some people are SUPER judgemental and hateful, and it's just not fun to be here lmao.

So basically I just migrated to new platforms which are more engaging and less stressful/hateful. But, rest assured I'm still working on my writing and collaborating with others every single day (when I'm not busy chilling in the woods with friends). I pretty much exclusively do that through Discord and my Youtube channel nowadays.

Maybe if I once again have an audience or even just a small group of collaborating buddies on tumblr, I'll come back again. Or if roleplay/ask blogs suddenly boom in popularity. Idk, I don't see myself coming back for a long time. But for now, I'm very happy where I am. Just felt like I should update everyone that I'm not dead.

#I just came back here to find old art I made and got nostalgic lmfao #my youtube channel is probably somewhere on this blog if you wanna find it

[asteriaas-stuffs]

https://www.tumblr.com/asteriaas-stuffs/711879571447922688/i-want-to-ventand-it-includes-twsa-there-are-so

I'm this anon i thought u left Tumblr , happy to see u back. It took me so much to time to make this decision,i was contemplating myself if i want to share my life or not. I don't want to seem desperate. There'll be grammatical errors pls don't mind it :)

I have been trying to enter void since the end of Oct 2021, I've tried numerous method nothing seems to work for me. The main thing is I can't get a hold of my thoughts, whenever i try my mind wanders to everything that i suffered from childhood,my dad used to drink alcohol,he have anger issues,my parents fought most of the time bcoz of he being a drunkard, everytime they fight i sits like that don't affect me but deep down it does i agree that they had done so much to me, If i ever tell them to buy me something they'll gladly do that but i was scared to even ask them for something small,they used to beat me and scold me if i score less so being scared i studied hard without sleep to top class but i never succeeded i did got good grades but never been first. The funniest thing is i don't even remember any happy memories from my childhood everything i remember is my pathetic cries and my parents screaming each other. Sometimes I'm jealous of my younger brother he still don't know that my parents were toxic, whenever they fought my relatives used to keep him away from them bcos he was a child no one gave 2 f*cls about my emotions and as i grew up i also decided to keep him away from their fight bcoz i don't want him to suffer from the trauma as I'm suffering now.

I'm happy that my dad changed for good,he don't drink anymore but still my parents have no idea what i had gone or I'm going through bcoz of them. I want to have a convo with them regarding this but whenever i try to talk i ends crying. Pathetic i know.

I'm soon to be 21,and all these years people including my whole family have insulted me bcoz of my skin colour,my acne,my bodyfat(I'm 54kg) , how big my face is. They never missed a chance in pointing out my insecurities, even yesterday i attended a function and everyone was like "god you're getting worse by each passing day" only one of my cousin complimented me bcoz of my outfit. Everyone wants me to get married,the marriage pressure is too much here, I'm confused about my future after completing 12th my parents forced me to study CA,and I've been failing the exam continuously. I don't have a proper degree.

TW

And when i was 12 my close cousin brother (my aunt's son) groped me and touched my private area not just touch i don't know how to completely elaborate it here,my hands are shaking literally ,he did that while i was sleeping,i never got enough courage to share it with anyone even my own parents. And after 5 years he msged me saying he's sorry for doing that and said he loved me,he don't even know what I'm going bcoz of his sick antics, he's a sick ass mf. After his msg i blocked him saying i don't have any interest in someone like him who's nearly a r*pist. And later on he got married to a girl who looks somewhat similar to me just to quench his thirst. I hate him to core.

Even though my parents have gave me a lot of trauma,i still don't hate them idk why,i want to give them a better life,a better house. I want them to be proud of me,i want to show people what i really am,i want to have a career,a better body. and moreover i want to move on from my past life and to forget about what my cousin did to me that's literally a nightmare for me.!!

So whenever i try to enter void these are the thoughts that goes on my mind and I'm scared everytime that what if i fail in entering. Idk what to do anymore with life.

Okay I'm crying not because i pity you or anything cause I don't pity you . I have gone to same. And ig there was someone out there having the same issues. Know that you're not alone . I'm telling you compare your problems with other but you're not alone babe . I freaking wanna hug you . I love so so much. I'm so freaking proud of you really cause you're so brave for growing through this shits and your emotions are valid . You matter to me . You matter to yourself. Although these small words won't be enough but reading all these paragraph made me cry and I'm not even lying. You have really gone through alot . I'm so proud of you surviving through these . So , now my piece of advice think me as older sister in your house that where you grew up like this but i managed to moved out and now I'm telling/forcing you , it's your turn babe . Don't you dare to look back . Ik it might be selfish but don't you dare to look at your brother and your family . First save yourself, then save others .

You don't need method to enter void . Let's stop assuming that . Ik it's hard cause you have gone through a lot . Try to stay as quiet as possible in the house . They tell you do this then do and smile force it . It's a way to trigger them .

Ik how family problems crushes you . Your feeling are valid but do you really need those bastards (sorry ) affection ??? They never paid attention to you . You're their daughter . You should be their priority. They should care about you not you should be doing the opposite . Just them giving food water education shelter doesn't mean that they get every right to abuse you physically and mentally. You still want them to be happy give a good life even thinking about them you're so freaking good daughter. You don't need their validation to prove all the other who knows your story knows how much good daughter, sister you're. And tbh it's no point telling them what you think cause think me as a older sister i tried but it never worked it didn't and it wouldn't. They don't care babe they don't . Rather than needing their validation i hope you can start getting your validation cause you deserve all the love and attention . And I'm praying that you will heal you definitely will . Get a therapy if possible a good one .

After 12th see if you had raised your voice you wouldn't be stuck . We do what they want to be good but tbh we end up stuck . And if you think you're late then you're not. You're only 21 there's a whole life ahead of you . Get a job ik it's hard if you live in South Asia. Start as anything i mean anything legal jobs cause you have your 12th certificate .Drop out for a year . Take break and work . After collect money start small business like candle, baking anything that you think will have potential. Ik it might be thinking oh it's easy to say for her cause either way she's living the way she wants but no been through that and I'm sharing as a older sister who moved out . And start working on self concept ( can you dm me on Instagram) . Then we will talk it privately .

I'm so sorry that you experienced SA in small age . I'm so sorry that you have gone through a lot . I'm praying that you will recover no matter what . Know your feelings are valid and you ain't pathetic and ik you cried while writing this so I'm so freaking proud of you . I love you so so much . You're enough my love .

#vent post #TW

[jams-sims]

'There is nothing inherently wrong with SS as a ship, it is the fans that make it unbearable to enjoy or consume.'

I wanted to make a more coherent and less mean (lol) post about SS. Because theres nothing I hate more then people putting words into my mouth. You can stop reading now, the first line sums up this whole post. If not you can continue to read, but be warned I am being critical of the fan base and ship of SS.

 I mean Naruto just get announced to be reanimated so-

I do not follow Boruto and could not tell you what has been going on for the past couple of years with it. What I do have is having been with the OG series all the way up until its ending and the first few insane chapters of Boruto.

"Shipping one ship over the other does not make you better nor does it make your ship better. We are all in the trenches together. Just because yours has flowers in it does not mean we aren't all getting bombed together." part 1

It's clear the writing community for Naruto is way different than the one on tumblr. SS is a fascinating ship and one worth writing for. If you're willing to accept the actual canon of the ship is Toxic. (Put your pitchforks down, let me explain.)

Let me pose this* The only other shonen anime that has canon children is Bleach. Now let's say Bleach started a new manga focusing on the kids. And in the first chapter Ichigo kid looked Orihime in the face and accused her of not being his mother. 

Let's take it a step forward, what if Ichigo wasn't even there for his child birth. What if while Orihime was pregnant she had to have Rukia help her try and find him. But oop, she goes into labor! 

Oda would be hunted down for sport in the streets of Japan. 

So why is it that the fan base for SS sees that and just nods their head and says that is normal and healthy.  Even going as far as to say Sasuke does love Sakura. A few people would shake their head and say no but- but I don't even think that's a bad thing. A shonen relationship that isn't healthy in the slightest. Is new and fresh, and Naruto needs something going for it besides being formerly in the BIG 3.  The least they could do for their female characters is make them actually interesting- I don't see the problem in stating facts of their relationship. When it comes down to the fact it's not a ship problem it's a fan problem. The equation doesn't even involve Sasuke, it's about Sakura.

Isn't it because people feel bad for Sakura and wants the best for her- that she should be happy like all her other shonen suppose to be love interest- 

"Kishimito can't write female characters, can't write romance, he fucked everyone" part 2

The more interesting story to tell is that SS is a toxic relationship. All toxic relationships:  have their ups and downs. Sakura is perpetually stuck in one because Kishimoto refuses to do anything with his female character. This doesn't just stop at Sakura, Hinata, Temari and so does Ino. Because of the new series we no longer have to worry about them. The lead is now Naruto's son. I don't even think Sasuke kid plays a big role (then again I don't follow it so I'm unsure.)

This causes the biggest problem and makes fans do what is called Fanon. Fanon is what fans do when you say fuck the canon. I originally assumed we all agreed with the 2 terms above and sat together and said fuck that. We could all live in harmony realizing that the writer doesn't understand his own fucking story-

Fanon makes everything better, but people tend to confuse it with canon.

Fanon Sakura has her being the next Tsunade, she the greatest medic nen user.

Fanon Sasuke is a dovoted husband and cares about his kid.

Fanon Naruto is not weirdly mean to his son who is a literal copy of him. And he started his relationship with Hinata better. 

Fanon Hinata doesn't say fuck her clan and actually fixs it.

Canon Sakura isn't all that really active. She punched someone really hard to prove she was the mother of her own kid.

Canon Sasuke is not really all there, legit the mentor to his best friend's kid. I mean fuck his own kid and teaching her how to do cool shit. Shows up sometime to make Sakura happy and then leaves???! Been fighting a dinosaur for like a year now??

Canon Naruto, the fuck if I know, no one talks about him outside of ships anymore. Before Burato he was very active

Canon Hinata I mean come on-  girl was shy and obsessed with naruto. Gets married to him and I haven't seen her do anything sense then. 

If we know canon is trash even if it has improved sense then. No one is that invested anymore so why is it when I go into a ships tag the first thing I see is "x ship sucks and will never be canon" an it mainly coming from a SS shipper. Kishimoto donkey punched everyone in the back of the throat for a decade. At this point it doesn't matter what's canon. So if your interpretation is fanon and my interpetation fanon THEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE AGRUING OVER????

WHOS MORE DELUSIONAL?!?!

THEN WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THE NARUSASU AND SASUSAKU BEEF IS IT 2001 AGAIN?! HATSUNE MIKU IS THAT YOU- part 3

The SS is fine its the fans that want to fight that make no one want to interact with it- I would love to write a fic that focuses on the inherently problematic relationship of Sakura and how living that life is unfulfilling- most likely make that shit gay but-.

I'm assuming  It's a combination of bad faith actors and the literal canon of the show beating you at every turn that the outward friends have to be hostile to everyone because like I said before it's not about Sasuke it's about Sakura. Which means Narusasu and sasusaku should be able to coexist.

But somehow that's not the case Naruhina and Narusasu are the one that have this weird solidarity going on. I mentioned before that the fanfic community is way different than the one on Tumblr. The fanfic reflects some deep mental state of the fandom. An in recent fics that involve sasunaru, sasusaku and naruhina involving the next gen- 

The common plot between naruto and Sasuke is 1 sasuke pls visit your family you have a daughter we can't be together- naruto. Hinata's role is supportive already knows her husband is in love with Sasuke. Usually ends up in a relationship that involves naruto and sasuke-

Sasuke doesn't involve sakura at all and one fic legit had him say he wasn't gonna tell her at all-

ITS THE SAME THING THO!? Sakura is obsessed with Sasuke, Hinata is obsessed with naruto. Hinata wants naruto to be happy, Sakura wants Sasuke to be happy expect- 

One fan base acts out more than the other. One ship fan base only really cares about 1 character instead of both of them. And that's the biggest problem. Hinata seemingly has endless love to give and is willing to share. Sakura only thing is Sasuke- so the weird possessiveness fan feel is because of the canon. But it doesn't have to be, because we are all writing fanon. You don't have to stick with what's givin. If you aome how made it all the way here and still wrote something unhinged in the comments. I can't fucking help you, i've given you enough grace because like I said there is a small percent that just doesnt get it and is too- fandom pilled and doesnt realize you can have an opinon that isnt black or white. Also i was being mean before so im trying to be nicer .

#sasusaku #sasunaru #talking naruto ships #if you think this is rant you are wrong

[blindedguilt]

|[ Leonard and Caim. Because reasons. ]|

YOU ALREADY KNOW MY ANSWER TO THIS, BRI.

Alright so to note before anything I had a literal essay typed out and ready to go at about,,, 1???? AM???? The night this was sent

but then I forgot mobile Tumblr hates me right now so I hit post and lost it forever 😔

Then I wrote this but fell asleep in the process at about 4AM and woke up the following morning, and after days of working on NOTHING else on Tumblr but this, finished it after a lot of on and off work (I was still resentful and petty about losing my first one), and am praying the gods won't get in the way of my thoughts on this because good LORD

I've tried to include everything my original post did (albeit a lot less messy) but....

So to start, whoever came up with the idea that a ship is "good" based off of how pleasantly compatible and not toxic/problematic the people involved are is a fucking liar

I don't talk a LOT about shipping given the nature of this blog and that the topic doesn't come up very much??? At least on Tumblr lmao

But what some people might not know is that while I'm someone who believes that literally everything and everyone is inherently,,, "pairable" (It feels better to say than shippable), no matter how little they've interacted or how unconventional/potentially problematic may be, I am also VERY picky about shipping to where there's only been a handful I've ever really been invested in (2 OC pairings, 2 pairings involving canon characters) and the rest I usually bump off either for taking up feed space and not really caring or not being slightly moved at because my brain is picking at it too much.

Whether I like a ship or not ultimately comes down to two things:

1. Is the dynamic THERE? or are the two characters just trope fodder

When it comes to the happy couple, power couple, sunshine/grumpy, etc. etc. I DO enjoy these tropes, but more often than not they end up being boring for that being next to everything about the characters themselves. I'm always eager to know stuff like what drew them to each other and continues to draw them to each other, what caused/how their previously established dynamic was able to evolve to where it is now, what fuels their particular dynamic, and ofc their own established characters outside of it. I don't often indulge in romance-type things outside of those campy us romcoms from the 00's but I've seen a few very forgettable couples in media (I won't blame Disney for being targeted more towards children, but you'd expect more out of couples like Cent and Two ESPECIALLY for that's more or less just "They're in love!" And I'm just,,,, yeah. that's been established 😭

2. The actual portrayal of the ship. My autism brain is VERY stringent about this, literally you could have everything what was just discussed and if it doesn't stack up in a way that really makes sense, it will stick in my mind like an itch I can't reach and I likely won't shut up about it for the next month.

I dunno how to explain it, when you have a certain pair/set of characters (Who are made of differentiating backgrounds, circumstances, etc. which may affect them in different ways), and they gradually get to understand/learn more about each other as time passes and in turn grow some semblance of a bond/care as humans do to the point it could be deemed a romantic(?)/intense enough "bond" that could manifest itself in any which way depending on what's been established in those characters backgrounds, how they already and HAVE interacted with each other, their current circumstances, etc. etc.

Sometimes, especially in a darker piece of media like Drakengard, the way they manifest as a "ship" or "pair" isn't always a conventional or even healthy so much as it is a result/consequence of those raised emotions and their bond. When I see something that should stack up to be toxic or potentially even twisted and problematic be written as something undeservingly sweet and "cute" it gets under my skin like nothing else. Like differentiating Nabokov's Lolita, which is an absolutely GUT-WRENCHING book about CSA and the effect it has on the victim later on in life, and lolisho circles, which are.... Yeah. It's also why the all too popular good girl/bad boy trope gets under my skin for how often it's just putting up with a guy's shitty behaviour and then him magically changing at the end to "justify" it and ughhhhhh you know the spiel

ANYWAYS, WITH ALL THAT ESTABLISHED. THEM.

I think what really strikes me most about Leonard and Caim's whole relationship without even considering shipping is just how much there is to compare/contrast, like...

As far as differences go, they're nearly polar opposites in just about fucking everything, resulting in the all too well-known clash in personality we like to write lmao. There's a lot to be said in these two different aspects of their characters, like the spontaneity/suppression, deflection/guilt, revenge/recompense, fighting to live/fighting to die, sadism/masochism, reckless bravery/reckless cowardice, and it's goes into their backgrounds as well, with Caim's upbringing in royalty and Leonard's likely in peasantry/coming from the general lowerclass before even his life as a hermit, and even in design (the blond/brunet contrast is a VERY popular design choice in a lot of fiction, usually with the blond being established as the "good conscience"/more naive/comic relief/etc. of the two and brunet, ironically, usually being an established lead or main character with more of an idea/maturity/so on in contrast.)

And while it's easy enough to just say opposites attract and use that as argument enough, what I think really would pull them together as far as shipping is concerned is much more in what they share in common (what little they fullheartedly understand of each other) in contrast

The biggest points I think are definitely sharing the role of older brother, which Caim (at least, I think, you'll have to tell me) kinda carries more subconsciously and/or at the back of his mind while consciously going "Older brother? Oh yeah... That thing. That's the thing I am" and Leonard eventually carries both consciously and subconsciously down to his very mannerisms (And of course, mainly in my Leonard's case where these smaller scenes are more relevant), often adopts that role of caretaker to just about anyone and anything whether he knows it or not — Seere, Arioch, Caim, etc...)

What REALLY interests me between them is their shared background, though. The thing Caim and Leonard both (possibly?) really know or at least have a hunch about is that both of their family was lost to the Empire. And THIS, whether it's actual knowledge or just a hunch, I think is not just the general basis for the two of their characters, but is largely the stem for the friction between the two.

To explain, it's mostly their role/perceived role in the tragedies of Caim's parents/Leonard's brother's that makes for their character schism — The difference between action, in Leonard's case where he's thinking "If only I hadn't done that" and inaction, in what I'm guessing is Caim's case, where he (may) be thinking "If only I had done something". Whether either would have actually changed anything aside, I think that whole action/inaction perception being what led to their families' deaths in this occasion is largely what leads into the people they are by the time they meet, of course, but also like

It's the reason they're so tense with each other in the sense that, at either's core, they see in the other exactly what led to their losing everything to begin with. And being near that is terrifying for them, whether it's Leonard's apparent indifference towards life or the prospect of wanting to live digging up that sense of "There's a threat and I need to do something about it" or possibly some insecurity about the lengths he takes that "Fight" between the fight or flight response for him, or if it's Caim's apparent insensitivity that brings up a sort of reminder not only of what he did as far as involvement in his brothers deaths, but a terrifying glimpse at the callousness and harm he could cause by just... Not caring for anything but himself.

So naturally, seeing a far much worse version both of what they could be and in a way, what they were stemmed from just about the same circumstances nonetheless is a major contributor to their issue with one another. A giant case of seeing their own insecurity/fears reflected in the actions the other's taking specifically to avoid their own past "fault" and going "How can you be as foolish as I was at what was more or less the only point of similarity in our lives?"

So this is where it gets into actual shipping talks, and MAN

im so sorry it took so long lmao

But explaining it in the case of shipping, on top of the growing fondness for people who are placed in these kinds of survival and/or traumatic situations being a thing that humans tend to do, like... It's what I just explained as that mutual fear/agitation with each other is even somewhat based in a vague fondness (perhaps not as personal) in not wanting to see their tragedy reappear again.

I typically believe that when developing attractions beyond anything platonic, the more you see of people and their humanity beforehand, especially in stressful and/or potentially lightening situations, the quicker you end up getting closer to each other (or at least, from one side you might) ESPECIALLY when you can play a part in helping and aiding another's life yourself for both ends. I kinda mentioned it earlier ofc to but I also think that ESPECIALLY when it comes to fictional ships, the way those feelings grow is (or maybe, should) be like growth of their pre-existing feelings of what's been established already — Growing more intense and/or obsessive with perception of a person of interest, and changing with understanding — that is, assuming they want to change/understand.

A looooong long time ago you mentioned the idea of Caim's growing violence towards Leonard the more he realises he might care (gods forbid), and honestly, that's exactly it — it comes together PERFECTLY for all the points mentioned earlier. There's not much I can say given it's mostly been throwing darts at a board for ideas and seeing what's just "neat" and what looks like the headlights of the train that may or may not be approaching to run us over but the other thing I can really pick at is the "unrequited" aspect which is where things get messy but veeeeeery interesting

I mostly see this on Leonard's part, given he has not only a few ✨pre-existing conditions✨ (to put it mildly) and what he feels for Caim I think may be a platonic/familial fondness at best, or downright terror and resentment at worst. It was briefly mentioned a while ago, once again, the idea that Caim, who generally grazes as he pleases and is ever the conniving little lad, may try and approach him out of convenience (I imagine both as a quick and easy way to dodge anything serious while also, of course, getting that a vague sense of satisfaction/fulfilment from it?) And generally depending on exactly how this is done, Leonard's full-hearted involvement is spotty at best

The chance of him actually returning or even understanding that he's an increasingly obsessed-over object of "affections" (however you may like to call them) is very low compared to him just,,, going along with it as most shit that happens, either citing the whole "fix him" bit himself and taking anything that happens afterwards as "punishment" fodder into his ever-evolving guilt complex. Where it could go from there is generally a mystery, but there's one thing I'll say: I don't think the general thing will be pleasant lmao and im not saying that negatively, mind, just the opposite

SO.

Would it be unrequited? Most likely.

Would it be toxic? Definitely.

Would it look a little like this cursed-ass video I stumbled across on YouTube that hasn't left my mind for three days? We'll have to see.

But most importantly — It's INTERESTING, the dynamics are there and always have been, and it goes without saying I don't have to worry about your portrayal skills in the least. 20/10.

I am begging for a Caionard sweep this summer please you don't understand 😭

#voicelesshatred #||Reply||:Bri #{/listen; that thing you mentioned about ao3....}