#i'm REALLY gonna try to be online here more tbh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

noramachwitz · 1 year

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besties ...... i have a confession to make because (as a german i can almost not admit to this) but i’ve never seen an episode of tatort in my LIFE but saw the saarbrücken one trend on tumblr every year and seeing that the new one is out on sunday i ACTUALLY did it and binged them all today and

good lord..... i get it now.... i really do

#they really Got me #i haven't really watched any kind of series lately #and then i watch this and it just HITS me and now i'm like #fucking hell i'm hooked #rip me truly #so obviously i had to come here about it #i'm REALLY gonna try to be online here more tbh #anyway hi i hope you've been good!!#non cigarette smoker fiona #tatort saarbrücken

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grokebaby · 3 months

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Been thinking about it and honestly I've been feeling like I don't really wanna post about several ocs anymore

#My thoughts #I feel like I should elaborate but Idk if I want to #For those concerned: it's not about my most major stories but tbh lately I've been way more content just #Not really sharing these things publicly anymore. Posting does not bring me joy #I honestly feel self conscious posting even this bc I feel like I shouldn't need to make some. Announcement or whatever #Like. I'm allowed to just exist online without trying to content-ify the things I create out of genuine love and passion #I just fucking hate social media these days lollllll my ass would NOT be here aside from talking to friends and mutuals #Friends and mutuals how's it feel to know you're the thing that matters anymore #I do like seeing Fandom content and art in general obv obv but I don't think I feel inclined to create it anymore #Everything is such a performance and Idk. I think this year I'm just gonna not.#Some recent developments in my life where I've let go of things that have burdened me #Have led me to just realize oh shit. I could've just been this happy the whole time?#Anyway massive fucking tag rambles oops

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catboybiologist · 4 months

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Be honest: do you think there are femboys who aren't just eggs?

Yes, and tbh I resent that their existence is questioned so much. And I know this is gonna be considered a Bad Take by many people I've fostered a community with, so uh. Yeah.

As a former femboy, and current dykey/tomboyish trans woman, gender nonconformity within your actual gender is an essential part of a trans or genderqueer identity. In a lot of ways, my transition goals are the inverse of being a femboy- I'm going from a feminine man to a masculine woman. And yet, the trans community doesn't question my feminimity as a masculine woman in the same places where many people would question the masculinity of a feminine man. And don't even get me started on where NB identities fit into all of this. This is largely coming from the same place where people are okay with women wearing pants, but men or AMABs in general wearing skirts is Bad (tm).

Like don't get me wrong. The caricature of the Bad Trans pushing all the femboys to become eggs is a wildly overexaggerated, and I've met many, many femboys online that used that caricature to excuse rampant transphobia. But. I hate that there's a but. But.... I literally experienced it myself many times during my femboy days, especially online. Here's a short list:

-Had a transmed bombard me with harassing messages and comments on reddit telling me that I was a "fencesitter" and I just needed to "fucking transition already and stop making trans people look bad"

-Had a trans woman I knew irl shove an estradiol pill in my face, and try to order me to take it, in front of a group of people I wasn't even fully comfortable presenting as a femboy to, until she was eventually asked by someone else to stop.

-Had several comments indicating that I should be force femmed in femboy subreddits

-Had many, many DMs trying to tell me I was a "failed man" that should just transition already

And to clarify- all of this is so, so mild compared to transphobia that myself and others face. But it is a very real thing that happens. To many femboys, I think this is the first time they've received any kind of queerphobia or questioning of their identity, so it feels far worse in their heads than it really actually is. And, to be fair, I think it mostly happens from the more gender binary minded cis community than it comes from trans people- but as I've said, I've had it coming from trans women both irl and online.

I've also tangentially noticed that it seems to be transmed adjacent. Not saying that this anon is, or others who try to encourage femboys to explore their gender, but there certainly is a correlation. If its difficult for you to acknowledge cis gender nonconformity, then its easy to see that extending to a lack of understanding of nonbinary people or others with different trans experiences.

Every time one of these things happened, it didn't put me any closer to transition. It made me feel unsafe. It made me feel on the spot, and scared, and almost outed.

I've said this before, and I'll say it again- if you want historical parallels to femboys, we have a perfect example in drag. Drag is performative, over the top femininity that has become its own artform, style, and means of expression in a way that is intrinsically tied to gender nonconformity. Being a femboy is also all of those things. And guess what? Many drag queens have used it as a way to explore their own gender and realize that they're trans. There are also many who are cis, and remain confident in that identity. Is the percentage of trans people among people who have done drag at some point higher than the general population? Of fucking course- its one of the few places where exploring gender is encouraged and celebrated. Of course trans people flock to that. And the exact same thing is true of femboys. Are a higher proportion of femboys trans or eggs than the general population. Of course. It's a great venue for trans people to explore their identities. But even more of them are

Am I saying you're a bad person if you encourage femboys and gender nonconforming people to consider the possibility that they're trans? Of fucking course not. It was the gentle, affirming pressure with respect and care for my comfort levels from several incredible trans women I know irl that eventually made me confident enough to start HRT. Their continually support is a key factor in my social transition plans for the future. I needed that pressure, and I think everyone, including people who aren't actively engaging in gender nonconformity, needs some push to question their gender and start unlocking cis+. But to be blunt, questioning whether cis femboys even exist is not gentle, comfortable, and affirming pushes.

#trans #transgender #femboy #gender #gender discussion #egg

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simpjaes · 2 months

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i see omo is in yellow but if you’re willing to write about it…mtl likely to be into it 👀

MTL: hyung line + omo/piss lovers

warnings: if u aren't into pee or ur like, weird about it, don't read this obv. squirting!!! yay!!!, im clearly jay biased in this one even tho he's the least likely lmfaoooo

most

★ jake: is he first bc i think he's a puppy? yes. do i see him as the type to literally piss on his girl to lay claim? yes. honestly, i think jake is the type to be into just about anything if his girl wants it or is okay to try it. the piss stuff would be allllllllllll him for the most part tho. such a messy pup for a messy situation too. after all, if the two of you aren't left a mess after the fact, then clearly it wasn't good enough. not to mention, even outside of sexual situations, it probably turns him on. always a possessive thing. in the shower? "just let it go babe, it's okay." and when you do, he's blatantly slapping your clit through it and watching your knees buckle :( holding you close to him so you don't slip and fall, hardening by the second feeling it run down his leg as he holds you, knowing you can't hold it in after you start, encouraging you that it's okay, he likes it.

☆ heeseung: a nasty motherfucker i'm telling you. he held his bladder one time by accident bc it was just...yknow, circumstances of the day or whatever, then later found himself jerking off before relieving himself. the pressure was insaaaaaaane for him, to the point it was his best orgasm probably. that would've been the beginning for him. just full bladder stuff, doing it himself, begging you to try it too. like, "baby please, it'll feel soooo good after holding it all day". and all of that would def open the flood gates for watersports though. tons of squirting for you, lots of degradation, hella piss play. im talking like, he'd probably be obsessed with the embarrassing aspect of it. despite doing it himself, he'd always make you feel gross for enjoying it too.

★ sunghoon: probably not like a super fan of being pissed on or pissing on other people but a huuuuuuuuuuuge fan of pleasure and making his girl squirt. he's the type who probably didn't know squirting was practically just piss too, so after a while with you he'd be like ":( i always try to make you squirt but it never happens, you just get really wet and that's it." and you'd be like "well....if you're not afraid of a little piss, i could probably squirt for you." and he'd be 100% IN THE GAME at that point. bro would not give a fuck what's shooting out of you, as long as it's going into his mouth tbh. he's drinking that shit, probably super into the full-bladder stuff after too. like "drink more water babe, you're gonna need it." and "where do you think you're going?" if he sees you disappear towards the bathroom shortly before he's about to rail you into the next dimension.

☆ jay: man, jay, jay, jay. the service top of all service tops, willing to do and try just about anything with you if it means you're screaming his name and clinging to him in a way that feels like your fingernails could bring blood. i don't think he'd want you to piss on him blatantly, nor do i think he'd do it to you- unless...well, one night you whisper something filthy to him regarding a new thing to try. this time you'd probably whisper something like "i saw this video online...real nasty stuff...wouldn't be into it normally but-". his cock would immediately stand to attention but he probably wouldn't jump into the act right then and there. it would be saved for one of those days where he's really degrading you (for your pleasure). like, pulling out of you mid fuck, straddling your stomach with his cock in hand, looking at your teary eyes and saying "you wanted it so bad didn't you? here, go on, open your mouth then." and you'd be totally shocked, forgetting you brought it up at all until he's flexing his abs and forcing himself to piss. loooorddd would his relieved face look sexy too. and that's when you'd realized just how into it you are. after all, it's not like you haven't drank his cum out of him anyway, this isn't much different to you.

least

#hardthots #idk if i should tag this one #i don't want the vanilla girlies mad at me today ; 3 ; im sensitive #LET ME HAVE MY DRINK IN PEACE

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bennizone · 4 months

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How do you deal with starting out posting art and it going kinda rough? I work really hard and it only gets two likes and then just sinks to the bottom of tags within a few days. It kinda kills my drive to make anything.

(I've been away for the holidays, havent had time to answer these!! might be from the same person? either way,)

I didn't get much traction in the beginning either - I remember getting 1-2 likes, too. It definitely feels really disheartening. I'm trying to remember what helped...Here's my thoughts:

1: whenever you see art that you like, COMMENT! especially on art from artists that are the same place as you, yanno, just starting out and/or their art journey is at a similar point. It helps sooo much to not only see BIG POPULAR NAMES on your dash all the time, so try to mingle with people that are gonna resonate with you on an even level.. It's more healthy to feel invested in online art because you share growth and exploration with others alongside you, rather than racing against people who already are super established following-wise or expertise-wise.

2: Why are you posting? I want to spark passion, joy, and inspiration in others!!! when I stay true to those words, my art seems to reach more people, because my soul is in it, which resonates better = more people like it and share it! It sounds like you're already putting a lot of effort in, so that's awesome, try your best not to lose the spark of joy. Take a break if it gets too rough, and try to clear ur head and return to the mindset of WHY you're posting in the first place. And pls don't be afraid to change your purpose if you ever want to, let urself evolve, it's normal! 3: I used to get 1-5 likes, and now I get an average of 100-300 on twitter and tumblr (sometimes i get more if my post suddenly gains traction but yanno)... and, on Insta (which I only started using recently, but ofc some ppl followed from other platforms) it's more like 15-60 on average. Some people would consider these numbers miniscule... I don't consider any of my posts "flops", I just have a smaller audience than some other artists. Also, I almost only draw OC-art, so it's more niche...... All that to say, give it time, especially if you havent figured out your Goal yet and you're still trying to figure out why you're posting/what kinda posts you wanna share, or if your art is kinda niche. There's a lot of reasons why you might still not have a lot of reach.

recap: If you manage to find some sorta goal and you interact with peers, and try to remind yourself you're still growing, I think you'll get to a place where u feel more satisfied! i wish you lotsa luck, this stuff is hard. the internet can feel pretty hostile tbh, please never blame/shame yourself from feeling sad sometimes, cus it's rly unfair. We just have to do what we can and try to stay true to ourselves!!!

this got rly long, i hope it's helpful to anybody who read it!! love u all!!!! xoxo benni

#text post

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presiding · 4 months

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i wanna hear your recommendations!

a list with some stuff i like + a request for you to share yours :)

as a godless queer who spawned on earth randomly one time, my only holiday-season tradition is charity + passionately enjoying things. in lieu of passing my followers & mutuals $100 cash, have a random variety of things you might like to try - i know we're an international bunch so your mileage may vary on what you can access. in the spirit of giving i am hoping for some recs 🎁♥

disclaimer these are just things i like i am not paid. would be great. but.

yo ho ho if you read comics & manga but always found it to be a pain in the ass to source online, here's the aggregator app of your dreams: tachiyomiJ2K. real. not clickbait. android only tho. the extensions mangacute, mangadex, allanime, and mangareader, are good places to start. as a creator, i'm always iffy about recommending this kind of thing because i'd much prefer you went out and brought the things you're reading, however i'm not under any illusions about which era we're in, media-wise and economy-wise

gemma! - webcomic what if corvo was a woman and young emily was a dragon and they went on adventures in a fun fantasy/adventure way that is Extremely Gender. pictured: gender. god i want to be her > is this the greatest webcomic of all time? no. is it that sweet spot between 'mindless fun' and 'good'? yes. you get me

laksa noodles the more intl friends i have the more i realise that laksa isn't common everywhere. don't let that stop you from trying it. ultimate comfort food. hearty noodly soupy goodness. worth seeking out fr

ways of seeing - mini-documentary so profoundly changed the way i think that i had been wanting to revisit it and so was delighted to find its all on youtube. if you're an artist or want to improve your ability to critically think about what you're seeing in media, this is a must-see. link or embedded>

youtube

FUCKING GOOD AND CHEAP GREEN TEA price comment won't apply to everyone this site offers great prices for high quality tea direct from the farm. been buying from here for years and its always amazing - i love the houjicha/roast green tea, and if you like green tea but always wish it was stronger without sacrificing taste or becoming bitter, i recommend genmaicha matcha-iri, which uses matcha to intensify the flavour. yum

incense body powder being a perfume nerd who is prone to migraines sucks. if you like spices and good incense - not the $2 kind that you use to hide cigs from your parents but rather the kind that smells like wandering into a forest temple - you'll love incense body powder. it lasts well and i'd most compare it to a softer, more gourmand comme des garçons Incense series 3 kyoto. shoyeido is the easiest to source as far as i can tell, but other brands make it too. USD$11 - cheaper than even cheap perfumes tbh - the bag will last you years. if you try this please tell me i'd love to know what you think!

anyway!! i wanna hear your recs if you have any! can be any type of thing that has recently improved your mood or changed your life or you think someone else might like?

anyone reading can go for it, consider this a carte blanche for recommendations. gonna tag a few people - you don't have to of course thank you love you <;3 @lapinneok @dangerousdan-dan @arosebyothernames @headcrabrave @corvidad @neznoodles @retired-crow @corpseprince @i-really-hate-creating-usernames @geminison @fakeshibe @skemford @loveofdetail + please feel welcome if not tagged! edit OH @nekon-ron i tried to tag your old URL. ha

#sorry for the tags i hope its okay #but yeah please do share with me if you've tried anything lately that has you excited!

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chayscribbles · 4 months

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chayscribbles writing recap 2023!

i feel like tacky wordart kind of encapsulates how i've been feeling lately about my writing. if that makes any sense.

as you guys may or may not have noticed i've really been nonexistent around here lately. this past year has been really weird in terms of both my personal life and my creative life. i've been a lot more blocked than in the past few years and did not meet and at the point i am now it's easy to look at the past year and be disappointed. but i will force myself to see SOME positive, goddammit.

☆stats.

words written: 102 380

projects worked on: andromeda rogue, the gemini heist, and a few Secret Projects

accomplishments: finished the 2nd draft of andromeda rogue; sent said draft out for beta reading (which was fucking terrifying, btw); crocheted two sweaters (okay that's not writing but i'm really proud of them okay)

☆looking back on 2023 goals.

i dug out my recap post from last year and looked at the goals i had set at the beginning of the year (which i had completely forgot about tbh jkgfjksd), so let's see how they measured up:

to continue polishing up Andromeda Rogue (at least just the first book) with the goal of perhaps having some eyes on it by the end of the year👀 - well i certainly did get some eyes on it, so that was accomplished ✅

to continue working on The Gemini Heist, wherever that may lead me - okay so i didn't get nearly as far as i had hoped but i worked on it, didn't i? i'm checking it off ✅

to not pressure myself too much in my writing; to be kind to myself when i’m in a slump and to take regular breaks - LOL. still working on that.

to try new things and challenge myself - getting betas was challenging. not finding them but the actually making myself do it lol. let's go ahead and check that one off ✅

to have fun and be myself! 😀 - LMAO. yeah, sure, let's give that a check. ✅

☆setting new goals for 2024.

i'm gonna have only two goals but they're pretty big ones.

publish andromeda rogue by the end of the year, assuming editing through beta comments doesn't kill me first.

this isn't writing but i'd really like to open an online shop for my art, i think it would be an interesting venture. i got a cricut machine for christmas so there might be stickers in my future 👀

so that's all my rambling! hope you guys have a wonderful 2024!!! <3

general taglist:

@dgwriteblr @the-orangeauthor @onomatopiya @quilloftheclouds @ashen-crest @writeblrfantasy @celestepens @stardustspiral @pepperdee @extra-magichours @avi-why @lefttigerobservation @chazzawrites @bardolatrycore @innocentlymacabre

#chayscribbles writing update

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golbrocklovely · 4 months

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this is a reminder to never, and i mean never, send in an ask like this to anyone that writes fanfics:

now, imma be honest with yall, i'm not upset that they called me a "usless slut". tbh it's a first, so props to you for that.

but since we're both being so rude to each other, i figured you wouldn't mind me saying my peace.

i mean, you won't be able to reply, since i blocked you, but you know…. it's rhetorical.

idk how much internet you've consumed over your years of being chronically online, or how much fanfiction has rotted out the empty part of your skull where your brain used to be, but don't ever talk to ppl like that. idk if you thought you were just being funny, or if maybe you've been here before and have talked to me and thought "oh i can say this to her, she'll get it". no, i don't get it. and to be quite honest with you, i don't get how there was ever a thought in your mind that made you think this was totally okay.

what synapse fired in your brain to make you think this was a good statement to say to someone, serious or not? did you actively decide to be dumb today or is it more of a genetic thing?

i say all of this bc i saw your previous ask to me, which was simple and to the point: "plz update the chosen daughter series". that's a totally fine ask to send in. and if that's all you would have sent in, i would have just responded with "hey, i plan to post an update soon, but probably not til after new years". but now, just for you bestie, i'm gonna hold off on posting on that series for a while. i had other things in mind that i wanted to write anyway, but you really solidified my answer.

and i hope now, with you blocked, you have to go out of your way to read the story. i hope you never find out when i update it, and i hope the ending i make for that series pisses you off, just on spite :)

i write fanfictions for fun. it's a hobby of mine, not a job. and i've never promised a schedule of when i update, which is why it has taken me a long time to update any stories or fics i write. asking when i plan to post next is one thing, trying to insult me into posting more frequently is an entirely different thing which has never worked in the history of ever.

also, and i don't ever do this to anyone bc i just find it so asinine and silly, but it's *useless. as in "sending me this ask was useless bc now you're blocked". so…. you're 0 for 2 on that front, anon.

good luck next time tho.

#personal #text #respectfully... if i get a single ask telling me i went too far.... this was just a joke :) just like their statement :)

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izzymeadows · 3 months

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Okay, about Noah's video.

First of all, it's not an apology, he didn't apologize. He said his words were "misconstrued", which i don't really get because there's nothing to misconstrue about liking an islamophobic video mocking a people that's being ethnically cleansed, or about handing stickers that say "zionism is sexy". Both things just mean joking about an ongoing genocide, which is, at the very best, in the poorest taste.

The thing is that this guy Very Obviously doesn't think zionism means what Israel is doing, at least if we take what he says in the video at heart instead of taking it only as the PR that it obviously is. It can be both, it can be PR and his actual opinion. We don't know Noah Schnapp as a person. We don't know what he really thinks.

The problem here is that Noah apparently wants to believe in Israel as a state and to wish for peace for Palestinians at the same time, which are two fundamentally incompatible things because Israel as a state is against peace for Palestinians. He could google what Israeli politicians think about Palestinians, how many UN resolutions Israel has broken, how much territory they have stolen and are still stealing from Palestine (again, against the UN), how many hospitals and ambulances they have bombed in Gaza since october. Google is free. If he doesn't want to, that's on him and i'm not gonna try to guess why. But his "middle ground" position is too naive at best.

I don't know where i want to go with this, tbh, i'm rambling. I don't think he deserves to be harassed (nobody does), but i don't think he should be babied about this either. If he actually thinks both sides of this conflict are comparable, he's just wrong, and it doesn't make sense to try to soften that, he's still going to be wrong.

But at least he has acknowledged the problem, and he has said he wants peace for Palestinians, which is a bit better than when he was joking about it. Maybe he's learning about this, maybe he isn't and it's just PR and nothing more. I don't know and neither does anybody else in the fandom.

If anything, maybe he should just spend less time online and set more boundaries between himself and his followers, because they don't actually know shit about him but they obviously feel entitled to his opinions and stuff. And being harassed is way more bearable when you ignore and block them.

#noah schnapp #palestine #i feel like i digressed more than i said anything that makes sense :')#sorry i guess

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cremedensada · 18 days

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i’m gonna need more of shiloh pls👀👀

Yandere Online Friend (Shiloh)

aaaaa sorry it took me so long to do this! school work kept piling up and i am only as strong as a measly little twig 😭😭

so you and shiloh met in a shady chatting site. both of you had your own reasons, for being there but fate decided to do something funny and connect the two of you together

you know how it is with shady chatting sites, right? so many anonymous users either initiating chat sex or etc. so imagine his surprise when you came along and talked to him like you have not just been subjected to the 20th '(age) (sex f/m)' in a row (totally not drawn from personal experience absolutely not lmao HAHAHAHAHA 😭)

of course he's like '??? what are you doing on a site like this? don't you know how many creeps are lurking around here? someone could try to get you to click on random links that will allow access to your webcam or something' so you both agreed to continue chatting on a more secure social media account

and that's pretty much how you first met!

the obsession happens gradually, but the distance between the two of you definitely helped worsen it so it's like - obsession in a slow but strong type of way?

rarely shows his face when you guys exchange photos though, he's v camera shy (wants his face reveal to be a big surprise when you finally meet face to face)

shiloh's relationship to you (darling) honestly depends on how you want it to go - he just wants to be present in your life tbh (like, really present)

he hasn't really considered flying across the globe to meet you face to face until the first time he saw you cry

the distance was manageable at first, but the inability to console you and be there for you was definitely eating him alive

he sends cat pictures to cheer you up, or anything that can make you feel better until he's got his plane tickets finalized

you know how when you talk to your online friends and vent to them about the people that annoyed you or hurt your feelings a bit and they respond with 'i'm going to fight them for you'? that's shiloh he can't fight but it's the thought that counts right?

that's all for now! i hope it's to your satisfaction :33

#oc: shiloh #yandere online friend #yandere oc #tw yandere

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victoriacoffee · 2 months

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Hey guys! Uh I felt like I should say something about the fandom

// mentions of self harm, suicidal ideation

This is gonna be long, sorry!

Heyyyy, sorry I've been so uhhh hardly active online...I've been trying to come back to posting online and stuff just idk it's been a pretty rough several months and every time I think my motivation is back enough it disappears. I'm currently tryna work things out in therapy as a result of how bad certain things have gotten in the last few months, I'm not gonna say what it was but based on my writing with a lot of focus on self harm and suicidal ideation, you can probably guess.

At this point I think I'm about to just not even bother logging into twitter anymore and pretty much use this and ao3 and pinterest and stuff (maybe occasionally instagram idk tho that place kinda sucks). It would probably help me be more active on here tbh since yall seem not really do a lot of the things that make my mh worst XD

Alright, anyway I'm currently editing a few different fics I've been working on for a while, several of them decided to be in the 50-100 page on google docs range whether I liked it or not, so that and my current disasterous working situation is why it's taking a ridiculous amount of time. If I had a functional posting schedule, ig I wouldn't be an ao3 user. I was gonna include a statement in one of them about this, but I decided this needed to be said here first

So I don't think I plan on leaving the dsmp fandom no matter what happens at this point. The average length of interest in a fandom is like what 10 years? Idk I heard that from some yt. If so, I'm approaching the halfway mark with the dsmp, which is insane to think about, and I don't plan on jumping off that train any time soon. The stories were intriguing and the cc's and their characters and music and stuff have gotten me through the lowest points of my life, so it's very hard to forget that.

Even if the cc's turn out to not be great, I still have their characters, and I'm not willing to give up this coping mechanism just yet because I feel like not having one when everything else in my life seems to be going to shit wouldn't be that great

I see it like if you liked a character in a movie and the actor that played them turned out to be bad, would you still like the character? I would.

cc!Wilbur turned out to be a shitty person. His song about being a wanker and a fucking waste of time was in fact spot on. Fuck that guy. I'm done with his stuff but I'm still gonna write his character

There are a lot of things erupting on twitter right now, I'm not sure what's going on and I do Not have the mental fortitude to find out at this point. I can't say I believe everything because after the Dream situation last fall...I'm just holding off my judgement for now. I'll probably go looking once the dust starts to settle but right now it's all a huge mess and everything is up in the air

I can't guarantee anything at this point, but I will most likely continue to write c! stagedduo and most likely draw and crochet them. I do not have another coping mechanism and the brainrot over the story of the dsmp will likely not go away

Uhhh really sorry I keep falling off the face of the earth, but I think I'm back now. I don't know what the future holds, but this is probably gonna become about the only social media i use now and I think i might just make an alt account or something for my other art so i can stop posting on instagram all together hopefully. Everytime i open that app it makes me more sad and then I never get around to opening this

Due to the severity of what I mentioned earlier, I'm just going to say that I'm not feeling like *that* right now, I feel like I'm actually very gradually starting to get out of the not great mental state I've been in for basically since high school, but I'm not gonna let twitter and the potential of social media harassment fuck that up, so from now on y'all are gonna be like 90% of my social media interactions most likely and I'm not gonna let whatever the hell twitter does in the next few weeks take my favorite characters from me.

I love c!Dream and c!Punz. Their dynamic is excellent be it drunz or stageduo. I'm gonna keep writing them.

They look like the cc's but they still very much exist separately of them (irl Dream isn't getting tortured by irl Quackity and Sam or anything lol).

So whatever ends up happening, imma be here most likely. So for those of you who'd like to join me, hey! For those of you who can't take it anymore, I understand.

Oh and for those of you who've been drawing/writing/whatever any cc's who are currently accused or exposed or anything, I encourage you not to delete or destroy your work, you worked hard on it! If you don't wanna look at it rn, put it away for now. If it's character based especially! Don't let the actions of others or the vitriol of twitter take away your favorite characters!

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naviclenek0 · 10 months

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I'm just gonna go on a small rant about how the P5 community treats Shutaba and how it's genuinely kinda dumb in a way. It really tires me how when anyone sees a fan who is playing or just discovering Persona 5 for the very first time and realizes the chemistry behind Futaba and Ren (Joker) and ultimatly starts shipping them, gets bashed on by anyone with saying "omg they're literally brother and sister that's gross ew, nasty ass proshipper" It happened to me, I discovered P5 not that that long ago and I tried joining fandom spaces and it was.. hell. So I'm hoping that this could hopefully help someone and maybe stop those toxic people who literally start crying and labeling stuff with extreme terms. First of all, Ren is NOT Sojiro's adopted son. He's more like his protégé, his student in the coffee, curry, café, womanizing (lol), ect spaces. He only "took him in" because he's the only one who said yes to taking in a guy on probation. And I see many many MANY people try to argument against this with parts of the games where characters mention that she's like a little sister. Wanna know the fun part about Persona? You get to CHOOSE if you want Futaba as your silly sister or gremlin girlfriend, OMG amazing right??? And there's even parts where you yourself can make remarks about being family and she'll just be there like: "Are you fr?? Weirdo" I'm not here to bash on anyone who likes them as the coffee/curry sibs, it's not my cup of tea because the fact that they're so touchy and close disturbs me when thinking of them as sibs, but if you like it, go for it! It's cute tbh But just because you see them as sibs, doesn't mean you have the right to call someone a proshipper for liking them as a couple, Futaba deserves to be with the man who saved her life and fans get to do as they please, that's the magic of having freedom and being able to CHOOSE. It now scares me to interact with the fandom because of how many times I've been attacked to the point I just gotta shut off the pc and let the anxiety flood away, I can't even make friends with ppl with the same interest, in the english P5 fandom because of that. Good thing is the spanish speaking Persona community is chill and knows that drama about said ship is honestly stupid. Basically just, let people do as they please, go touch grass and if you don't like the path someone took in game, then just block or don't interact with that thing. IRL you can't block people but online you can, so you shouldn't rage or seeth about it, especially about a game. Saying someone is a proshipper by shipping Shutaba is like saying someone is a criminal and a violent person for playing Fortnite or that horror artists are sick and twisted people just because of their stories. Instead, actually go after those who are problomatic like those who genuinely ship Kotone/FeMC with Ken.

#shutaba #persona #persona 5 #discourse #persona 5 royal #persona 5 scramble #persona fandom #ᓚᘏᗢ

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miracledarling · 9 months

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Hey Renna I hope you're doing well...

I'm sorry if this might come off as trauma dumping but I really just need someone to talk to....

I'm really frustrated with myself since I lack persistence...Like I'll wake up one day and be like I'm gonna manifest my dr but after like a day or two I'll start wavering and eventually I'll go back to my old state. This cycle has been going on ever since I found abt the law.

I was really REALLY behind with my school work (I attend online school), I didn't study for my exams and everything was just piling up...So I decided that I'd just manifest being up to date with all my school and acing my exams despite not studying...Now my school break is over and as you can guess none of these things have manifested...Why? because I persisted for like a day and let my negative thoughts win...Now here I am even more stressed and desperate...

Ik that this is something no blogger can help me with, I've read all your manifesting posts plus other bloggers, I've listen to Edward art and I've read some of Neville's books, I know everything there is to know about the law...But I keep on going back to my old state...I don't even know why I do this to myself tbh cause it SUCKS here, like there's nothing to look forward too, yet I keep on going back to the old state...

Rereading this ask just made me realize how stupid I am... Like I'd rather stress about the 3D then persist in the new state...starting from now on I'm just gonna work on my self concept because my core beliefs abt how life works are still pretty f'd up and I'll stop giving myself stupid deadlines...

I will be back with a success story soon...

This post is kinda all over the place but I hope you understand what I mean...I love your blog btw

hi darling, i am so sorry for the late response(left tumblr for a bit🥲) i hope u can see this answer 💕💕

first you are not stupid honey, its okay to feel stuck. bear with me alright, it will be okay

Like I'll wake up one day and be like I'm gonna manifest my dr but after like a day or two I'll start wavering and eventually I'll go back to my old state.

ik how that feels, but you have to understand that YOU are the only one that can make the change for yourself. break the cycle is the first step, break the cycle or it will loop tomorrow.

getting into a new state is like moving into a new home. it may feel unfamiliar, unnatural, different at first. even uncomfortable. but as you return and accept it, keep living in it, it will feel natural. you will learn to accept it as true. your reality is what you are aware of as a fact. aka assumptions.

you are not the past. you are not the old story. you are not your thoughts. you are not your feelings. you are not your state

what are you being right now? what are you aware of as a fact? what are you assuming as true?

I AM happy, I AM safe, I AM healthy, I AM loved

if there are mistakes, let go of past mistakes. you can revise even. stop clinging onto the past, stop clinging onto the old story. be who you are now.

Ik that this is something no blogger can help me with, I've read all your manifesting posts plus other bloggers, I've listen to Edward art and I've read some of Neville's books, I know everything there is to know about the law...But I keep on going back to my old state...

trust yourself honey. you will help yourself more than any of us can ever. you will thank yourself so much once you start trusting yourself for guidance. asking yourself for clarity

truth is, most of the answers are within us. we have them. everything is here. so you don't need more outside guidance.

yes it can be scary to stop looking for outer confirmation. it might feel like you're doing it wrong, that you're missing out on something helpful. keep trusting yourself to help you.

try your best to resist the urge to go back to the old story. i've once heard someone say: you must get uncomfortable to get comfortable. you may feel discomfort in the new state but focus on the end and the end only. it will all be okay. you don't need to force anything, allow yourself to surrender to imagination and feel the end as true. you don't need to be positive 247, a mental diet is not forcing thoughts to be good. rather, pay attention to your inner world and place your awareness on what matters ⭐️

whenever you feel frustrated, always go back to the END. live in the END in your head. always take care of yourself out there though. stidy if you must, but you are the perfect student in imagination

you are free in imagination. trust your imagination and free yourself in imagination

i don't know much about your circumstances but i just want to let you know that you can get through this. you can do it dear. i know you might have been through a lot but as long as you trust yourself, it will be alright honey. 💕

yes you will be back with a success story soon. and i know you are succeeding. you are successful. you have succeeded

ily and hope i could help you🥹🤍✨

#ask #loa #law of assumption #loassumption #neville goddard

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alexapillustration · 2 months

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🐍 HISS 🐍

๑

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO THE QUEEN MEGAN THEE STALLION!!! 🎉🎉🎉 I didn't know it was her birthday month at all, but it's very fitting since this month I finally started getting into her music! Recently Ive been loving taking a photo reference of an artist and transforming it into something magical and creative in my own style (like my last painting of Dua Lipa), and especially playing around with lighting! I can't wait to do more of these, tbh 💚💚

๑

Um, yeah, also.... I have had a sort of artistic revelation last week and I have realized I'm not really being myself on social media, and it's sucking the life out of me :") What I mean by this primarily is I try so hard to be family friendly when in reality anyone who knows me knows that I am extremely far from it in terms of my personality and my language 😅 And, well, I'm done acting like that online because it's not authentic to me AT ALL and one of my most important things is to be transparent and honest with people who engage with my art 100% and starting today, I am doing just that. I will still be posting warnings on NSFW art or trigger warnings for art that needs it, but other than that, I will NOT be censoring myself for anyone. With that being said, if you followed me because I was family friendly, didn't use profanity, etc, then I'm sorry and I don't blame you at all for unfollowing. But I NEED to be my true, authentic self in order to progress as an artist. It's also gonna take me a while to get used to being myself on here so it may not happen right away, but gradually I'll start to come out of my shell. Thank y'all for understanding!!! Love you guys and I will hopefully be pushing more artwork out soon!! 🫶

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billdecker · 7 months

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So it's after 6am and I've had barely any sleep because my mind is racing so here's why my party went to shit. Hopefully getting this out somewhere will make me feel better. I'm sorry this is so long.

It started off feeling a bit ahhhh because my dress was a scratchy sensory nightmare. I also wore make-up. I never wear make-up because I hate how it feels on my skin so I was already feeling a bit horrible. So i changed out of my dress and felt a bit better.

Also, I invited my sister and she never showed up. I asked her to just pop in for an hour because she deserves a break (my eldest niece is going through some terrible puberty emotional stuff; been expelled from school; sister has a very misogynistic bf who does nothing to help her in the house so she's balancing everything and close to breakdown herself). So I felt upset about that but got over it and I completely understood why. It's a good job she didn't come along after all.

Things changed when alcohol happened (obvs). We had a couple of drinks and were singing along to some angry 90s girly pop and I felt really happy. I decided I didn't want any more drink for a while which BFF didn't like and kept trying to pressure me to drink more. I think that's when I started to kinda disconnect??

Anyway, she then spent wayyyyy over an hour (probably two hours tbh) just talking to my husband about her boyfriend. Telling D her bf's entire life story including really intimate details. Her bf is a musician in his spare time and he's currently working on an album. She wanted to end my playlist so we could listen to his youtube back catalogue of black metal songs. D is an expert on dealing with people who have drunk a lot (sadly; his dad was an alcoholic) so he was kinda handling all of this while I was sitting there feeling like a billy no mates at my own party. Honestly, she didn't look at me once. I'm sitting on the other settee on the other side of the room like that fucking John Travolta staring around meme.

Then when she did involve me (like, over an hour later) she starts comments about mine and D's intimate life and she's showing me all of these photos she's taken of me and saying how sexy I look in them all and I have to change them to my profile pic. I did not look great in them. I hated every single photo. Then she grabs the glowstick dick (this is a long story, it's a tradition that we make a dick out of glowsticks when we meet up) and starts rubbing it against me telling me to do stuff to the dick and pretend it's D, and if I don't wanna pretend it's D then pretend it's a couple of the men I've talked to online. I used to chat to blokes online for a bit of fun. D knew about it and never had a problem with it. It was all consensual fun stuff. I told her in confidence and didn't expect it to be brought up. I was just slowly feeling humiliated. By this point she's drunk a bottle and a half of rum (I KNOW. I only got the second bottle in bc I'd had the first for a while, sealed, but was worried about it) and I've had three drinks that I've slowly sipped over five or so hours so I'm still very sober. But I could feel myself spiralling. Like, my social battery is running out and I can't socially mask any longer so I said I was going to sit in the bedroom for five minutes because it's cooler and I'm gonna take off my make-up.

And I knew right then I just won't be able to go for the tattoo on Thursday. I don't have enough social energy left to do it. My mood has only started to get better after getting pierced. I know my own limits and I know I can't do it. Thankfully my other BFF is on the other end of Whatsapp. She's wise and really helps me to put things in a logic way when I'm spiralling. So she said to just be firm and say I'm going to bed because I'm tired and I need some rest.

So when I calmed down I did that and I thought I'd be honest about not being able to go to get the tattoo. Then things just got worse. She started saying I have to go and get it; that she, D, and my dad will practically drag me outside to do it. That we can make a whole day of it by visiting the park and then the pub (this is literally the worst thing I can do). And I'm trying to be firm and assertive and not mask and lay down my boundaries. I said no, I can't do it. I know a couple of days before I need to do something if I can do it or not. Like when I've been to the dentist or I got pierced, I might have been an anxious wreck but I knew deep down inside that I could do it. I know I can't do this. My mind won't change. She started arguing that I'll feel different on Thursday and I'm letting myself down (the other worst thing to say to me). She starts saying we should get some more rum tomorrow and have the party again because I've ended it early and it's not a proper party. Also that if I'm still drunk I'll get through the tattoo easier (wtf no). And I'm no fun, and I've been planning this for a year only to end it early by basically being a boring old fart.

By this point, I'm crying. I'm sitting there feeling like I'm being told off by my mum. She's saying all the stuff my mum would when I'd have a meltdown about having to go to family parties or if I just didn't want to go sit outside. BFF is completely ratarsed just having a go at me. She hasn't even noticed I'm crying. So I just stood and announced I was going to bed. I texted D from the bedroom to ask him if he could tidy up all of the buffet food and decorations. I lay on the bed and just silently sobbed until I kinda passed out.

I woke up when D came to bed and then I cried some more. I asked if she'd said anything about the tattoo or me coming to bed and she said she wanted to hatch a plan with him to force me to go outside. Then she started to talk more about her bf and their life and stuff that made D feel very uncomfortable. I'm going to have to do something nice for D or buy him something nice as a thank you for dealing with it all like an absolute pro. I cried into him and then had a really good chat with my other BFF about everything which made me feel better. I thought maybe I'd feel better after some sleep and I do, but in the way that it's just given me even more clarity that I definitely can go do on Thursday. My mood is still terrible and all I want to do is cry.

Tbh I just wanna stay in my room. She's here til Friday and I don't know how I'm gonna face her. D is going to cancel the tattoo for me later today and say I have covid. I might reschedule at some point and get a different tattoo just for me to celebrate my birthday. I'm so mentally drained I don't know how I'm going to get through my actual birthday on Saturday. I wanted to visit my parents but I can't even see myself leaving the flat. I feel crushed tbh. I hadn't seen her for five years. She hasn't changed. She's always been this loud and gone on and on about the men she's seeing (on my wedding day she spent 12 hours on myspace chatting to a boy she fancied, so she has form) but I think since realising I'm potentially autistic, my understanding of my behaviours has changed so I have boundaries now to prevent further mental breakdowns being worse in the long run. So I've really changed. I'm not just willingly going along with shit. I don't want to mask and I don't want to people please.

If you read this, thank you. She's here til Friday and I don't know how I'm gonna get through it because now I just wanna stay in bed, watch comfort TV, and do some work on my writing. I'm 40 years old in three days time. I'm too old for this sort of stuff to be happening. This stuff is shit that should happen 20 years ago. I just wanted a cute day where I listened to all of my favourite songs, had a beige buffet, and it was all good vibes.

Thank you all for your very sweet comments too. I kept coming to check on here to give my anxious hands something to do and reading them really made me smile while all of this stuff was going down. I have some of the best followers xxxx

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foster-the-moths · 10 months

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If you don't mind, could you give us a tutorial or brief explanation on how you render hair? /nf

YES!! unfortunately i got. very tired after making this so this is only one hair type :( was gonna go into all the different types of hair textures but. i will just have to do that later. also keep in mind i drew this in like. 7 minutes its just a simple guide to get out the basic steps

^i didn't put music in this so. listen to whatever u want while ur watching this (its 6 minutes 40 seconds). also its slightly sped up this isn't real speed

elaboration of each step under read more:

step 0: look at other hair tutorials/pictures of real hair to figure out how light reflects off of them. then completely disregard that and just make things up (this is the best artistic process trust me i do it every day)

step 1: just get out that basic shape. it doesnt have to be anything fancy,

step 2: just fill it in and adjust the shape as needed

step 3: figure out how the hair moves and flows, which parts go out more (highlights), which parts are closer to the head (shadows/base), etc. i highly recommend just looking at pictures of hair online, or taking pictures of your own hair. for coily/curly hair, you just kind of have to do this for each curl/coil. one thing to keep in mind the highlight is in the middle of the curl/coil and the shadows are on the edges (usually). i'll elaborate more on that once i have an actual video for it

step 4: just make it so the edges of the highlights transition a bit more smoothly into the base color. it just helps for later steps tbh. try not to over do it, don't want to completely get rid of the highlight, just soften it

step 5: add more highlights with thinner brush. this should be where the light would bounce off the hair the MOST. i think i forgot to say in the video uhhh add in some base value too. maybe a few shadows. mostly this step is for highlights tho.

step 6: idk what else to put here sorry. ngl just get silly with it

step 7: it is very important to do one stroke per area in this one. do not lift your pen off the screen/tablet/whatever until the little area youre working on is one smooth transparent shade, then move on to the next. idk if i'm explaining this right hopefully this makes sense.

step 8: complete opposite as step seven. make as many strokes as you feel it needs. not TOO many, just enough to get some texture and then some yk? i recommend making a copy of the layer youre working on before doing this so that if you mess something up you can always go back to square one.

also a lot of these steps apply to pretty much any hair type just. in a completely different shape with completely different rules. which is to say its exactly like this but it actually isn't like this at all. which is why i plan on making other videos some day (hopefully) also look up "hair texture chart" it will help you find the words you need to look up good refs

remember: always get silly with it. the only rule to to make things up and change your mind 400 times. bring a 'fuck it, we ball' mentality to your art program that the haters (your brain) really won't like. practice makes perfect and all that, do NOT expect to get something good first try, sometimes i still struggle with drawing hair in a way that i like and just scrap the whole thing. also i'm not kidding about those real hair reference pictures it helps so so much

hope this helped at least a little bit bc i am not good at explaining things 👍

#foster's art tag #asks #someday i will make refs for how i draw long/med length and straight/curly/coily hair but. todays not that day rip #edit: just realized a bit of text pops up in the middle of step 3 that is. not supposed to be there so i editted it out👍

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