#i’m just sad and stuck and tired and sad

[sincerely-sofie]

ACT tells Torrent that it’s not his fault— that he’s not a bad Pokémon, but he knows better. He should have known Calypso would never be the one to cause the world such dismay and fear. He should have known Calypso to be kind and sweet at heart. ACT didn’t know her like he did — they have more of an excuse. He was Calypso’s friend — her only friend. The one she trusted the most. The one she opened up to and stuck by his side thick and thin. He was supposed to know her for who she really is. He should have known — it should have been obvious — that Calypso wasn’t a cruel, evil monstrosity that Gengar described.

He believed a flimsy lie from a known liar instead.

Yeah I just. Yeah. 🥲 Torrent will hate himself for all of time for who he chose to believe at that horribly vital juncture. It’s something he’ll carry with him always.

Years down the line, he’s a successful feraligatr who can’t move past the guilt he’s borne for decades. He stops in a small town and decides to look to a restaurant for a meal on the anniversary of his betrayal of Calypso— not to celebrate, Legends and Life, never to celebrate. It’s because he can’t stand the silence of his own kitchen in the face of the memory of his old partner humming nonsense tunes to herself whenever she cooked.

It’s a tiny eatery— fitting for such an out-of-the-way town. There’s a young Pokémon taking orders and waitressing in a busy flurry, and his own order is received with startling speed and accuracy. Her haste doesn’t seem to fit such an empty building— everyone else is out enjoying the festivities that torturously fall on with this wretched date. The Festival of Lights is a celebration of life and hope, and yet Torrent has never felt so dismal. Yet the food he’s served tastes like a friendship he hasn’t felt in a long, long time.

The waitress asks if he’d like to meet the chef, her mother— it’s a slow day at the restaurant, and they’re both bored out of their minds, and she’s sure her mom could use the distraction. She always gets really sad this time of year, and a conversation with an interesting stranger would do her some good, she’s certain of if. He agrees, and the pokemon who begrudgingly exits the back of the restaurant, complaining to the waitress about how she needs to mind the dinners she’s making for them, makes Torrent stop short.

She looks so tired. He almost didn’t recognize her thanks to her unexpected evolution, but he’d know those eyes anywhere. Calypso is surprised to see him, but she doesn’t turn tail and run like she used to, and she doesn't threaten him with a fight if he didn’t leave. Instead, she gives him a weary, sorrowful look, and sighs.

“It’s been a while, Toro.” A pause that weighs heavier than stone.

Torrent can’t quite answer her.

“I missed you.”

It’s those three words that makes him crack, and the apologies pour out of him like blood from a wound. Calypso listens to them all, and her face screws up at one point like she’s disgusted with him— but then it’s gone, replaced by that exhaustion Torrent always sees when he looks into the mirror.

“We have a lot to catch up on. I don’t want to waste it on apologies.”

“But after everything that happened—”

“After everything that happened, I’m tired of waiting on apologies I didn’t want to hear. I just want my friend. Let’s move on. I’m sure you did that just fine after you joined Team ACT— so let’s do it again here.”

The words tangle up inside his throat. Tears prick his eyes.

“… Oh.” Calypso’s voice warbles. There’s no tears welling up for her, but he can hear how she chokes on the waver in her tone. “You… You never did move on, did you?”

A pause.

“Good to know. I didn’t either. We can meet each other exactly where we left off, then. There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time now...”

“… I’m sorry, too.”

#and with that: it is bedtime for sofie. g’night u guys :> #the present is a gift au #PMD team act #pmd1 partner #PMD oc #pmd ocs #pokemon mystery dungeon #pokémon mystery dungeon #pmd rescue team dx #pmd rescue team #pmd rtdx #pmd rt #pmd1 #pmd #sofie answers asks #stuff by Sofie

[strawbebyjam]

why find a balance when instead you can swing violently between two poles

#by which i mean. Not Doing Good Again #GDJDHDDH #i think the worst part at this point is trying so much stuff to help myself #and to try to do better and be better #and it’s either all failing or completely out of my reach and control #like i really just need. to. like i just need. comfort HDJDHDHD which sounds so stupid #but i just want to let it all out to someone and be held and understood #i’ve crossed the point of wanting to fix things perfectly or dreaming up alternatives or anything #like i’m not. delusional about stuff anymore #i’m just sad and stuck and tired and sad #or i’m completely completely blank #and i have been trying so hard to find a healthy balance between them but nothing works BDNDHDDH #like i’ve even done the unhealthy dumb stuff and the unnecessary retail therapy attempt #like the stupid purchase thing delivered today and. lo n behold. i just felt gross looking at it GDJDHDHD #it’s useful it’ll be good to have when i have to attend the wedding but like #there wasn’t even a moment or spike of excitement it was just #Oh #It’s here #Okay #like i feel so. completely unmyself and incapable of being. a self that isn’t just. wallowing #and i’ve been trying not to be like that to friends and stuff cause it’s just pathetic #but at this point i just. am pathetic HDNDBDBD and either sobbing violently about it or completely monotone #but on either side i can’t get shit done i can’t fogure out shit about what i can do kr want to or need to do #i just feel like i’m. suspended in muck #and it absolutely sucks GDNDDBDB #fingers crossed that i stop zombying soon cause i hate it here but nothing i’m doing is getting me out HDJDHDH #neg #mano.mindtalk #i wanna be positive and kind and gentle and warm and pretty and Good and i am none of those things right now and feeling like i never have #been and like i can’t be and i hate it but hating the feeling makes me feel even more negative HDJDHDH there’s no winning

[acesammy]

I’m just so fucking tired man

#Been getting suicidal messages from that girl who confessed her crush on me #I don’t even know what to do #it’s been going on for months now and I’m so. Tired #I’m literally just some jackass #I’m literally a Dick #why am I the person she’s decided to place her entire self-worth on #she’s a great person #but I am not the one #and of course it’s just a fucking never ending shitstorm #my family thinks my grandma won’t live beyond the next couple of weeks #and this is stupid #but I’m cat sitting and one of the cats got stuck behind the washing machine and was there for like 5 hours #and the other is barfing all over the place #I’m just. Fucking. Tired #Lea speaks #vent #sorry I’m so sad all of the time nowadays #don’t feel obligated to keep following me or anything #Ik it’s hard when someone on your dash is a constant downer

[doodles-with-noodles]

I miss the times before puberty hit and I just was a long lil stick

#I‘m sad I’m stuck with curves in the wrong places #not fun at all #deep thought times except they’re not deep at all #Oh well it’s probably just from my perspective+ I’m really tired rn this is dumb shit #i am my own hype man I will punch myself if I put my appearance down no one’s allowed to do that. Dick #update: that was idiotic. I’m going to sleep

[buck-yyyy]

local guy is immensely frustrated 👍

#i’m just. kinda sad #i don’t think i can watch horror movies anymore and i’m sad and bitter and frustrated and fuck i just want to cry and be held about it #it’s not fair it’s not fucking fair and it sounds so selfish and shitty but why the FUCK did it have to be ME #i hate the idea that it’s random i fucking HATE the reality that there is not a single fucking thing i could’ve done to stop any of this #from happening because it’s not my fault and it’s not anybody’s fault and i am just scared and tired and sick of it #i miss when my head was quiet and i miss when i didn’t have to worry about what would make me forget reality #i miss trusting people and i miss not having shitty fucking dreams and i miss my memory and i hate it i hate it all so much and i am TIRED #and i just want things to go back to normal #and i keep convincing myself that they WILL #but they won’t they fucking won’t i am fucking stuck like this and it’s ruining fucking everything #i’m. so tired #sorry #tw vent

[wurm-food]

think I’m going to go bury myself in some dirt or something. it’s better than being belittled at my job I don’t give a shit about. idk

#vent #sorry I’m gonna be negative here #I feel so stuck and quitting either A makes me start over or B puts me right back into this stupid fucking industry that I hate #but also I’m like really pulling an Icarus on how long it’ll take them to fire me #I have no idea what to do and I’m so sick of starting over but I’d like to be HAPPY MAYBE EVEN A LITTLE AT A JOB? #ugh. anyway. I’m looking at some courses that might help me make the jump from my current job into the gaming industry #maybe if I can transfer some skills I can find something I care about #today just feels bad idk… #anyway if you read all this I love you and I’m ok I’m just tired and angry and sad #💕💕 #wurm.txt

[fuitygummy]

I think I’m failing therapy

#personal fuity shit #I can’t answer my therapist’s questions #I feel like I’m only repeating myself every session #I can’t do the things she asks me to. and I don’t even know why. I just can’t #I don’t exercise. I don’t leave my room. I barely drink water. I have an eating disorder #I honestly don’t know what she could do for me. and I noticed she doesn’t either #maybe I truly am a lost cause #I’m stuck in place. can’t get better and sometimes seems to be getting worse #when I told her I don’t even want to live anymore she kinda got. pissed at me? #she made it sound like ‘being alive only because I don’t want to make my mom sad’ is the most insane and wildest thing she’s ever heard #and that I was crazy to even think about it #as if that wasn’t my only thought for like idk 8 years or so #ALSO she keeps putting my bisexual identity in question every opportunity she gets. like wtf #just because I’ve never hooked up with a girl doesn’t make me any less bi #‘are you truly bi or just curious?’ idk and idc ma’am you’re the one bringing this up and making it look like a problem #I’ve got lots of complaints but. it’s not easy to quit #I’d have to tell my mom an excuse as to why I want another therapist #and looking for a new therapist is just nightmare #I’m just tired. really wish I could think about killing myself more in depth without feeling guilty #thinking about how my mom’s life would be shattered and all the pain I’d cause her gives me goosebumps. it breaks my heart

[peterparkrr]

people saying they got queerbaited by stranger things no you didn’t ajdkdjd

#1) will IS queer there were multiple scenes that showed that #2) robin’s right there #3) it’s not a requirement of queer rep that a queer person has to be in a relationship with someone #4) mike and el have obviously been where the duffers were taking it since s1 lmao #the writers have consistently shown that mike’s sole romantic interest is in el #like I’m sorry you’re sad abt your ship but that’s not what queerbaiting is #if they tried to claim that will was straight next season THAT would be queerbaiting #stranger things #stranger things spoilers #you weren’t queerbaited you just have shipping goggles permanently stuck to your faces #this is not me defending the writers or trying to say the season was great or anything btw #this is just me saying that words like queerbaiting mean things #I’m so tired of people using it just bc they really wanted to see two boys kiss and that didn’t happen

[emilygaming]

So tired of never having any energy in my body. There’s so many tasks and things I want and need to do but I just feel so overwhelmed and my body literally can’t move to go do anything besides lay around and read because I’m just that tired

#I’m #I feel sad #I feel tired #I feel crappy #and like I can’t get anything done ever #just feel stuck and trapped

[fvckmyaesthetic]

#can’t sleep. feel sick. feel empty and sad all the time. say i’m lonely and then purposely avoid talking to people #like genuinely. wtf is my problem dude?? #i feel so tired and let down by everyone and everything all of the time and it’s like? #shit ain’t even that bad in the grand scheme of things. but I really still just wish I could get a ‘break for once’ #why am I so stuck on the ideas of certain people who will never be the way that they were when I actually knew them #and why can’t I just be upfront with people about how I feel. so many ppl think so highly of me for Who Tf Knows Why Honestly #and it’s like. for the love of god please just go find someone else because I Promise you that I’m not going to magically fall in love + #+ with you someday. I have too many fucking problems as it is that I couldn’t even stay with my lady gf for more than a few months #why can’t I just get my shut together Jesus is it really that hard?? #if I’m tired and sad then why do I stay up? why wouldn’t I just go to sleep. all I’m doing by staying awake is making myself feel WORSE #and I already feel bad enough as it is. everyone is moving forward with their lives and I’m just sitting here #No fucking clue what I’m doing. no one to talk to. i swear all I want is a good hug sometimes and I can’t even fucking get that #how hard is it to just ask someone for a hug and I can’t do even that?? #please tell me I figure my shit out soon and learn to talk to other people because I’m so tired of forcing myself to be so alone all th #e time. i spend so much time awake at night and for what? so I can just make myself feel sad and lonely and anxious? #yeah well I’m tired of it. I’m tired of being awake and alone and not having anyone to talk to because I push everyone away

[milfsco]

😵‍💫⤵️

#feeling very hmmmm a lot rn. lots of things to process and lots of changes happening and everything is so 😵‍💫 #appreciate y’all for indulging me in my best distraction from lyfe #realistically i very badly need m*ney to to allow very important changes to occur #feels like this very like ? limbo stage of certain parts of my life while others are changing rapidly 😵‍💫 #m*ney would literally solve everything thooooo i’m so stuck in the situation that i’m in and things would be better if i had like.. #enough to fix what needs to be fixed. i’m tired and very blegh i hate being vague about the things i’m sad about i need therapy #like allowing myself to get to a place where i’ve accepted something that hasn’t been ? uh great? for a long time now #but i’m stuckkkkk in the situation bc i don’t have m*ney :) #need to just try to make my situation more pleasant for the time being until i have the means to move on ig #anyway sorry will get back to h word blogging when i’ve had enough thoughts about this

[decadenceandrot]

I come home from college to find my record player, guitar, and amp thrown away. Without any word. I’m sad, angry, and defeated. I know these may not be the most important items in the world, but they are special to me, the amp and guitar being from my dad who passed a few years ago.

I’ve thought about every way the conversation with my mom would go. “You shouldn’t have left them”, “how was I supposed to know they were yours?”, “You have enough stuff already”, “I needed the space”, “this is my house”. No matter the outcome, or my “counterpoints” in this recycling debate, it’s just a loop we end up in over and over. I’m tired of it. I have suffered worse before, sure, and this definitely isn’t the first time this has happened. But it feels like every time I try, I get my footing ripped out from under me. I want to try to get a life, get my education, take care of my health, do things, but I always feel like I’m never on solid footing. I want to achieve, to grow, to change, to heal, but I’m stuck standing still, afraid my step will break the only ground I have.

And in my sadness I am reminded that there is no way of truly having a right to exist when you are never allowed to take up the space to do so.

#thoughts #rambles #sad thoughts #sad #depressing shit #parent issues #idk man #i kinda hate this #i just want to exist #but I feel like I’m loosing that too #this isn’t the only thing I’m struggling with tbh #but it’s just tiring #and I’m stuck feeling like I want to go home #but it feels like I don’t have a place to call home #idk I know this is sorta silly #and I know I’m very privileged #but I’m still sad

[sinningvin]

I’m so MAD because when I got the money the plush sold out and every has their wheatley plush EXCEPT ME and NOBODY FUCKING UNDERSTANDS HOW SAD I AM AND HOW DUMB I FEEL ALL THE TIME NOW

#I’m just really sad #I want to fucking hug my wife and now I CANT #and I’m so scared he’s like never gonna be in stock for a long time and ill miss it again #I need him or the horrors could get really bad this year #like I had at least two paranoid episodes that was hell on earth #I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO FUCKING BE THERE FOR ME BECAUSE MY FAMILY DOESNT LOVE ME #I WANT SOMEONE IN MY HOUSE THAT LOVES ME #I DONT FEEL LOVED IN MY HOUSE ANYMORE #I HATE THIS SHIT I WANT MY WIFE #PLEASE I WANT TO HUG MY WIFE I MISS HIM SO MUCH AND HES GONNA BE THERE FOR ME #BUT I CANT HAVE FUCKING NICE THINGS #I FUCKING HATE THIS PLEASE JUST MAKE THIS YEAR STOP I HATE THIS SHIT SO MUCH #SOMETHING BAD HAS TO HAPPEN EVERY MONTH #I AM LOSING MY GOD DAMN MIND I FEEL LIKE IM GOING TO START CRYING #I HATE LIVING LIKE THIS AND I CANT CONTROL ANYTHING #I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MY LIFE AND I HATE IT. THE ONE JOY I CANT HAVE AND NOBODY FUCKING UNDERSTANDS ME #i’m so tired #I’m sorry I needed to hashtag vent #tw vent #I feel like I’m stupid because I’m stuck in so many bad situations and the one time I try and have agency it doesn’t work and I feel dumb #and like I can’t do anything

[overwhelmed-frog]

they should invent a version of being disabled in your early twenties that isn’t so lonely

#i’m tired and sad and definitely moping a little too much rn but #i am quite literally wasting away while everyone else just gets to move on with their lives and i’m just. stuck. #and no matter how much i beg for help it’s like no one (see: my family) can fucking hear me #and so it’s just on me to take care of myself but #i quite literally can’t #i literally can’t even feed myself to the point that none of my clothes fit me anymore #and over and over again my mom tells me she’ll help and then she just #doesn’t #and idk what to do anymore! #this isn’t how i want to spend my 20s #or the rest of my life for that matter #it’s been 15 years of chronic pain and i’m tired! #and i just feel. alone! #ked rambles

[finalhaunts]

Man.

#vent #‘im trying to learn i dont need romance/a qpr to be loved’ abd then later that same fucking day i start feeling unloved again #because of something i cant fucking control or do anything about #im starting to think there really Is just something fundamentally disgusting about me #that pushes people away from me #i’m not very attractive or smart. im lazy and im always tired and sad and the only thing im good at is being a court jester #nothing i say or talk about is really interesting to people #i think i’m just not a person people can like that way. or enjoy my company that way #everyone else seems to have such luck finding Someone whether it be qpr or romantic #but i’m just stuck #im just stuck. #i think i really am just unlovable down to my very core

[vers-1]

Not to sound so adolescent but I really do force myself to be happy sometimes. Growing up I had this strategy to just fake it till I make it. I figured that if I just ignore all the bad shit and focus on the good things I’ll only think about the good stuff. And it worked but it’s always temporary. I would work round the clock to distract myself and then once in a while I’ll hit a slump and can’t avoid the bad things. And they’re just there. I don’t try to processes it because I’m scared of thinking about it which makes me think about it all the time. Idk. You really can’t pretend you’re doing great. Well I guess you can but it doesn’t feel great or last forever. I’m not a happy person

#47 #i try so hard to be but im sad all the time and im angry #but I have no reason to be anymore #and I also don’t want to let that go #im so angry #i want to hurt everyone and I want to cry in a curled up ball #i just want other things to hurt #I’m so angry why can’t I move on? #why do I have to be the one stuck like this and why won’t anyone help me #why am i such a shitty person a shitty friend a shitty daughter #i really want to just stop existing and I’m tired and I’m angry #every little crumb or happy I get is so artificial #i want to really be happy #and my mind is doing that forget thing again #i want to remember and I want to forget i just wish it never happened #I’m forgetting again #I’m forgetting what happened and then what happened after and I’m left with just the feeling #I’m angry and there’s no happiness. it’s just how i coped and it made me focus my attention elsewhere #idk how to make myself feel good and I’m sad and I want to die inside