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#i’m definitely an oracle girlie

unsleepingtales · 4 months

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Episode four! I missed the bad kid’s insanity so much <3

Episode four of every season they’re shy!

In space no one can feel you dying 💀

“What’s the drinking age?” “You guys have murdered SO many people”

Kalinaaaaaa

Hiiiii

Oh she’s an actual cat now!

She/they pronouns for Cassandra are back!

Kristen’s middle name is on her character page now!! Kristen Chilis Applebees!

Catchin me on my left foot hereeee gato.

Ooh they’ve got other offers

Why would you SAY that

That definitely circumvents the truth in a cool way……

When your only two followers fight :(

Just stop saying it pleaseeeeee

Say a n y t h i n g other than that

Hot.

Oooh the mall!

Why would you SAY THAT

So many of them have stars in their hats! And I have stars in my body! :D

I love Cassandra so so much

Aaaaaaaaaaaaa Kristen when you’re in the dark she’s there holding your hand. She gives you forehead kisses

KVX BANK????

Oh well that makes it all okay then!

Oh my GOD

What the fuck Bill

CHUNGLEDOWNNNNN

God the fucking. D20 directly reflecting my life experiences.

Simeon du Vayne the new lunch lad. What’s your vibe

Ooh third eye is sick

I love that they’re never gonna say her name right

Scabby!!

Gorthalax! Hi!

On my first day of high school this guy yelled fresh meat at all of us and he continued to be a pain in the ass all fucking year

Fig. Fig no.

It does seem like the rat grinders might be direct foils to the bad kids. Let’s see how this goes!

Kipperlilly did not come at y’all nearly as hard as Kristen went aggro at her

Is it the sack of rats trick?? Is that where they got the name???

IT IS THE SACK OF RATS TRICK. FUCK.

I love how pissed they all are about this

THIS is what riz has never been more mad about ❤️

Girlie!!

The bad guy this season is just xp leveling 😭😭

God how high level are they????

Kindlesnap Whatsherface

Dome!!!!

He’s just a guy!

Please please nat 20

Crushing. That’s crushing

I love ripped jeans gorgug <3

That is SO much

Corsica Jones is HOT

Kristen and Riz dynamic duoooo

Riz Gukgak character of all time

FIG

Archaeologist Siobhan Thompson!!

Really emphasizing the ‘sorry what’ thing that post was talking about

Fig barbarian level!

That energy is more intense than anything fig tried to imply from goldenhoard

If the cig figs break up I’m gonna be fucking devastated

Oh yeah the junior year eggs. Okay.

Can I have some of your girlfriend’s hair? I need it for school.

I love that we all called the kill mum idea

She really should get paid for the elven oracle shit

Inclusive kinggggg

Ooh maybe I’ll wear my owlbears sweatshirt tomorrow. (Best holiday gift I got!

Ah the epic highs and lows of high school bloodrush

Max Durden!! He’s so cute.

Love that for him tbh

THIRTY FIVE

Who is this motherfucker

What the fuck are you doing

(Zac wheezing in excruciating pain)

Don’t align yourself with her Riz

What!

I love that everyone is going so aggro on the buttcrushers. Absolutely demolish their asses.

“You don’t have to call me coach” oh OUCH

Bucky Applebees!!!

Love the paladin repppppp

Oh kiddo

Oh Kiddo :(

I’m not trying to be cool I’m trying to be president

RATGRINDERS CLERIC IS HELIOIC

The BUTTFUCKERS? ALLY.

She’s had a lot of jobs but not that many of them were… legal.

Fabian’s so lonely :(

Bad kids study party!!! Real and confirmed!!!!

Aww I was so excited for Adaine to work at Basrar’s but the mall is fun too

Hmm. Sketchy!

German shepherd mode <3

Emily and Ally are having SO much fun with this

The procrastination is so fucking real

I’ve deeply missed you

WHAT what does that mean why is this the case

Oooh okay I’m really getting the sense that that blue mall battle set is the Synod

Sunglass kiosk. Palm tree. Mall things.

Ooh I just noticed seacaster manor in the background of the dome art

Strudel dimension, don’t put your hand in it. Don’t! Put your hand in it!

We don’t know if the strudel is infinite it just hasn’t ended yet.

I’m obsessed with this guy.

I’m so obsesssed

Mazey Phaedraaaaa

Oh my godddddddd

“I’m from hell” girly I love you to death but you are from downtown elmville

Ooohohohohoh she’s good at this

I love dnd mechanics manifesting as real elements of life within game

Awww

I don’t know as much about warlocks as I should really do this is great

That’s SO SICK I LOVE HER

Ragh!!!

Babe you cannot make student government cool. You just can’t.

Oooooof

What is this energy

Crab kinggggggg

We’re so fucking back

I’m Christian Delnore and I have Children!

OOP

Kristen’s energy is SO wild this year. She said she was trying to move past chaos and then came out the gate with This energy

Tracker’s dating the fucking Princess. Of course.

Messy high school relationships :)

That’s how it goes!

The intense side eye I am giving the whole situation

Kristen do you wanna fuck Kalina

What do you want with the president??? (To say hi)

Hell yeah gsa member Kristen Applebees

Torek with the button press!

I love them SO much I missed the bad kids SO FUCKING MUCH

Ohhhh this is the backstory of that button from the merch drop ok

They’re so unhinged

WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT

Torek Railgrinder Theater Kid!!

Oh noooo

WHAT

Oh fuck

Why would you volunteer ANY information

She was a fucking turncoatttt

The name keeps getting further and further from anything

Stone cold

So excited for the party

HOT

SHE’S SO HOT

Oh god

Zero separation of church and state

Oh FUCK

What oh no oh god please no

AAAAAAAAAAA okay I guess next weeks is the mall fight!

I am so scared and so excited.

It’s our time! It’s our year! It’s all gonna be okay!

#fantasy high junior year #reactions #verbal component

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merriclo · 7 months

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I don't know yuore oc names uuuhh. does mario kart exist in your world. if it did who wld yr characters main

AHAJDKKA THANK YOU FOR ASKING <3

so the OCs i mainly refer to on this blog are my hero’s call au characters so, tragically, mario kart would not exist in their world :( BUT this is such a funny question that i’m answering it anyway. modern au time bitch. answers below the cut bc damn that’s a lot of guys

going with Mario Kart 8 Deluxe here because that was what first came up when i googled Mario Kart :)

Hero: Luigi. god bless this man he does not know anything about the Mario franchise outside of the first few Mario games. he chose Luigi over Mario because he likes green more than red. (plus he asked Spirit if that was a good choice and she said he was fine so)

Loft: Yoshi. he likes the look of him and he always felt really bad for dropping him into the abyss when playing Mario as a kid so this is a sort of apology

Minish: Toad. they can do a perfect impression of Toad and is not afraid to use it to terrify people.

Prism: either Dry Bowser or Princess Daisy. listen okay this guy is an elite gamer and also a huge fucking nerd, so obviously he’s crunched the numbers; he also really likes Game Theory and watched that one video where MatPat claimed that Dry Bowser (and a specific kart build that i don’t remember) was the fastest. bUt he’s also kind and hates absolutely obliterating his friends every single time, so he tones it down and chooses Princess Daisy (her specifically because his fiancée, Zelda, loves Daisy. if it weren’t for her he’d be Villager Male.)

Mask: Shy Guy. little guy with mask 🤝 little guy with mask.

Oracle: Bowser. this bitch is here to win, but, unlike Prism, he doesn’t have the time to crunch the numbers. so he just.. googled what the best build is and goes with that

Lorule: Birdo. trans rep.

Traveler: Waluigi. he’s obnoxious as hell what else do you expect of it.

Wolf: it’s between Cat Peach and Donkey Kong. HE’S A FURRY he loves both cats and monkeys, but he chooses Cat Peach a little bit more often because he’s also a #feminist

Red: Isabelle. Red is an Animal Crossing player at his core. plus he also loves dogs very much

Green: Dry Bowser. this man is a strategist at heart, he’s gonna do his research and perform as best as he can. though he’s a little embarrassed about how much effort he’s put in to Mario Kart

Blue: Bowser. it’s the exact same story as Oracle: she’s here to fucking win. bUt she isn’t an absolute loser and so just quickly googles who the best is and goes with it. tragically, she’s horrible at video games and loses almost every single time.

Vio: King Boo. she is a huge fuckin nerd, but just not in the video game way. she has no damn clue who to choose, and ends up picking King Boo because ghosts are fun, and definitely not because Shadow mained King Boo. definitely not that at all—

Wind: Inkling Girl. this guy is pretty good at all games, with the single exception of racing games. so, when it comes to Mario Kart, he relies on the wisdom of his little sister, Aryll, who consistently mops the floor with him whenever they play. she mains Inkling Girl, and he hopes and prays that that’ll let him at least not come in at dead last.

Spirit: Dry Bowser and Princess Peach. yet another person who’s a complete and utter nerd. i’ve mentioned this before, but Spirit loves optimization. she’s an engineer, she’s gonna figure out the best combinations and she’s gonna figure them out fast. but, just like Prism, she’s actually nice and doesn’t want to straight up obliterate everyone she plays with, so Princess Peach. (ngl i was tempted to say Birdo again because trans rep but Spirit is such a Princess Peach girlie.)

Ages: Mario. while Ages is also a huge strategy guy, he’s not really a fan of competitive games. give him a pokémon game and he’ll do fantastic, but a racing game?? ehh…. truth be told, he mostly plays story driven games, so he’s very lost in a competitive setting. same story as Hero, really, lmao. they both go for the ole reliables.

Wild: Toad. she saw a little dude with a fat ass mushroom hat and immediately decided to main him. oh and he can also do a perfect impression of Toad. do not leave them and Minish in the same room together or else they will both lose their voices from talking like Toad for hours.

Champion: Wendy O. Koopa. this man(?) is an enigma, no one knows why. he probably doesn’t either.

Rhythm: Waluigi. he’s a middle school band kid for fuck’s sake, of course he’s gonna choose fucking Waluigi.

sorry for any and all typos and tense changes, and thank you again for this question Strawb <3 it’s very fun i had a blast answering it, even if i had to google a lot since i rarely ever play Mario Kart lmao

#funfact i have an extensive modern au for these fellas that i use as warm up/writing practice #since i won’t have to research historical accuracy for it #‘warm up’ aka written in the marina of my notes when i’m bored in class. my peers glance over and see me writing a novel n kindly look away #also. i refer the hcau fellas as OCs because they’re barely Links anymore #like at this point i’ve changed so much about them that if i changed their names and a little bit of the story i’d have something original #i abide by a lot of canon but canon is held together by dental floss and a dream so #margins of my notes* not marina T.T #fuck it this goes in the main tags #hero’s call au #hcau #hcau hero #hcau loft #hcau minish #hcau prism #hcau mask #hcau oracle #hcau lorule #hcau traveler #hcau wolf #hcau red #hcau green #hcau blue #hcau vio #hcau wind #hcau spirit #hcau ages #hcau wild #hcau champion #hcau rhythm #i could add the villains of hcau to this but y’all don’t know them like at all so. i’ll just keep ‘em mostly a secret for now lmao

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jasontoddssuper · 2 years

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Because I like your ideas so much, I’m gonna ask again 😂. What about Suki, Yue, Mai, Ty Lee, and Azula? If you can find a foil for each role and if not that’s fine! Not every story is supposed to line up with another.

JDJFKFKFN THANK U💖💖💖💖💖And sure i'd be happy to try!!!

I have no ideas for Suki BUT i think Drew would be a good Azula!!Both of them have that 'mean and girly popular girl' thing going on and i think Charmspeak suits Azula.Maybe her and Zuko would be legacies of Aphrodite in addition to their godly parent but only she inhereted that power👀

For Yue,definitely Rachel!Both are kindhearted 'higher class' girls who have different powers than the rest of the main cast(Yue with her moon powers and Rachel being the Oracle of Delphi)and both of them deserved better😔✊

For Mai,Piper because they're both rich girls with a strained relathionship with their parents,are snarky and use knives as weapons but also Nico!!Both goth,both had/have a crush on their Zuko(I don't ship Perc/ico anymore because of the age difference but Nico being canon gay thanks to his crush on Percy is very important to me as a bi trans guy)and both gloomy but have a big heart in the end💖!

And for Ty Lee,okay,hear me out JDJFJGJG my pjo self-insert,Lex😭They both had trouble growing into themselves,have a lot of sisters(Lex is a Demeter kid),love pink and are kindhearted and bubbly!Also i ship Zuko and Ty Lee in a bi4pan way and Percy's my romantic f/o *cOUGH*

@million-golden-drachmas Tagging you because i thought you'd like this!!

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anythingforourmo0ny · 3 years

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Percy Jackson is definitely one of my ‘comfort book series’, and compared to other middle age/older white cishet males, Rick did a good job portraying the characters. However, there’s a few things I noticed while rereading it and I’d like to point some out.

1. Making Frank, the only Asian character, the only one without dyslexia. This enforces the stereotype that all Asians are super smart and all that.

2. Forcefully outing the only gay kid there was for the first ten books. Now this is a really common cliché, but seriously, there’s other ways for us to come out.

3. Making Piper hate other ‘girly girls’. Now I get she’s a ‘tomboy’, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Hell, I’m a ‘tomboy’. But that doesn’t mean I hate on other girls trying to express themselves. Like, Piper’s the excepting type; she wouldn’t put other girls down.

4. Killing of Bianca off for Nico’s character development. Like, she was already leaving for the hunters, meaning Nico wouldn’t see her as much anymore, but no. He killed her off. And there’s nothing wrong with needing character development, but I have literally never seen it when the male dies for the female development. It always the ‘worthless female’ that’s only there for a male’s development. And I’m not calling Bianca useful at all here, I promise.

5. Having Annabeth hate Rachel out of jealousy, then having everything be fine after she becomes oracle. Like, I’m glad they got over that barrier and became friends, but come on. You don’t just go ‘oop- don’t hate you anymore. haha’ that quick.

6. Having people, especially Frank, shame Leo for not masking his neurodivergent traits. And sure, maybe the others don’t mask theirs either, but Leo’s is probably the most severe, and why should he have to mask it? (Look that up if you don’t know what it means).

There’s definitely more, so I’d like to here one’s that you come up with

#percy jackson #rick riordan #writing #annabeth pjo

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jcyfulmess · 4 years

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@omniphrenia asked B R A I D for Mia from Stephanie.

“ I don’t know if we should.” Her voice is lightly trembling, she’s after all only sixteen years old and she follows - usually - her mentor’s ideas. Taking masks off... she had done it once, with Hawkeye. The other young folk from the Avengers, all purple and archer. Because anyway, she wasn’t wearing any mask, just some sunglasses ? Oliver did think it was dumb, before he made her promise not to tell Dinah what he just said.

Obviously, they were more than just acquaintances by now. Mia would be eighteen next month, she had her fair share of old stories behind her, and coffees and breakfasts with the one and only Spoiler. Batgirl ? Honestly that one was hard to track. And though, not once in years she had dared to remove her mask, nor did her friend lose the cowl.

She lowered her hood down her shoulders, letting appear dirty blonde hair cascading in her upper back. She smiled, then finally stripped herself from her scarlet mask as well then blinked. “ I’m... I’m Mia. ” The teen held her hand out, knowing that she couldn’t say more than that to protect Oliver’s identity. Just like, she had no idea who the great Batman might have been or... well she actually knew who was Oracle, thanks to Dinah. “ My hair is full of blood,” due to their earlier mission today - nothing to worry about, no one died but someone definitely had tried to pull her hair with an injured limb. “ I washed my hands, but... I don’t know whose blood it is. So forgive me, I’ll pass for that one time on the bonding girly time. I mean... I think it’s time you know I’m a bit sick, so better not touching said hair. ”

#omniphrenia #ic / mia dearden #inbox / mia dearden #q.

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cozycryptidcorner · 5 years

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A match for the wonderful @kawaiijellyfishgarden!

“My MBTI Alignment when I last took it was INFJ .My Sun Sign is Sagittarius, Moon Sign is Libra, and Rising Sign in Gemini! I love making my own clothes since my mother taught me to sew but I also like to thrift vintage clothes or buy ethical clothing. I prefer to wear loose, ‘feminine’/girly clothing like long skirts, flowing blouses and peasant tops, dresses, etc. I hiking, taking nature walks and gardening as well; this season I grew lacinato kale and beets while I had sweet potatoes planted last fall! I’ve recently gotten into reading oracle cards (fairy oracle cards), cooking (I’m vegetarian), music, and mythology.”

You have been matched with the Owlman! No, not the Mothman, that’s a distant, less refined cousin, one without the grace and poise that the rest of the Owlman family possesses. The rest of your Owlman’s family is a bit more stoic than he, so your Owlman is considered the golden child, full of life and character, and can talk himself out of just about any trouble that comes his way. Your Owlman is just the type to try to live life to its fullest, though maybe during his younger years, he didn’t quite know what that meant until later. He might have experimented a bit with a little too much, he’ll admit it, but your Owlman is a stronger, more resilient creature in spite of it, one that knows what he wants.

His looks are more so inherited from his father than his mother, with soft, tawny brown feathers and large, orange eyes. Your Owlman is a tad taller than the rest of his two sisters and one brother, and definitely towers over you by at least a head. Like the rest of his family, he has an exceptional taste in clothing, presenting himself as a refined creature of society, his mannerisms and behavior reflective of all the etiquette training his parents put him and his siblings through at a young age. He can function perfectly well in the posh, upper-class environment that he was raised in, but also can dial it back when mingling with the working class. In fact, while he might seem like a polite over-achiever, as long as he keeps his head down, usually no one will figure out the fact that he is a trust fund baby.

Your Owlman can be considered a renaissance man, or at the very least, a jack of all trades, since he seems to be able to pick up just about anything. He insists it’s because of his family fortune, something he was born into since he doesn’t have to toil away at a clerk or office job. His parents had him doing music lessons since he was three, so his musical abilities are at the very least, admirable, and every now and then, he will take out his violin to impress someone with his hidden talent. Though, your Owlman doesn’t like being paraded around like a show horse and most certainly doesn’t like being put on the spot.

He has a variety of interests he likes to chase, most of them related to problem-solving or puzzles, as he likes to take things apart and figure stuff out. On the outside, he might look directionless, or without a purpose, but your Owlman is rather steady in his pursuit of knowledge. Even though he does jump from one field to another, there is an overlapping subject matter between his many interests. He’s also quite the philanthropist, as many of his scientific pursuits tend to center around the betterment of others, such as finding cheaper ways to produce vital medications. While he might dodge some rules that he feels are unfair, he has a strong moral compass and would never dare to hurt another being.

Your Owlman does know when to take a break, though sometimes it takes some cajoling on your part. He doesn’t like losing sight of what is really important, so any signs of shifting in focus from his family, from you, will be met with an effort to fix the problem. While your Owlman might come off as intense, he just has a lot of emotions and believes that showing them is the best way to handle them rather than to shovel them all down like some other members of his family choose to do. It’s almost as if he intends to become one of those elderly eccentrics that everyone enjoys being around, all that’s needed left is a couple of decades before reaching his full potential.

You meet while he’s on one of his trips to center himself, though you wouldn’t have guessed. He seemed, you don’t know, normal, like a regular commuter who works in the buildings, not like a random tourist who was about to go on a helicopter flight for a night view of the city. Granted, a ridiculously loaded tourist who sees something special in your area of living, but still. He had taken a quick liking to you, and just seemingly popped out of thin air throughout the next couple of weeks, inviting you to talk over some coffee, then lunch, then dinner, then… Yeah. A bit of a whirlwind romance, but one that didn’t die away with time. He likes your candor, something that he doesn’t really receive from his fellow upper-class families, and so he sticks around you like glue.

Your Owlman didn’t drop the fact that he is loaded until confident he wanted to explore the relationship in full; usually, it puts people off when his opener is “I was born into a substantial fortune.” At least, it puts off the people he would like to spend time with, not the people who would like to use his fortune for their own gain. After a little while of you getting used to the idea (it does make sense, after all, how else did he somehow tip all restaurant waiters two hundred percent every time he took you out), he still tries to keep everything low-key so you don’t feel uncomfortable with the spoiling. After all, he doesn’t want you to feel stressed at all times whenever you’re out in public with him.

#monster match #ko-fi match #guys #THE OWLMAN #POSH VERSION OF THE MOTHMAN #a real cryptid spotted in Britain

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beauvoyr · 5 years

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My Little Sister ☆ Can’t Be This Cute!

Chapter 1 | Kiss Kiss Fall in Love!

Pairings: Noctis/Reader Genre: Romance Tags: Pre-Canon | Fluff and Humor | Eventual Romance | Slow Burn | Enemies to Friends to Lovers | Reader-Insert | Big Brother Ignis | Idol Reader Characters: Noctis, Ignis, Prompto, Gladio, & You, an Idol! Chapter Rating: G Crossposted on: ao3 Summary: Noctis thought he knew everything about his Advisor. And then there’s some. i: “Dude.” Prompto says. Noctis does his best impression of The Thinker dating from M.E. 655. “Iggy’s into this kind of thing.” Prompto asks, sans question mark. The shock definitely got to him. “Did you know about it.” Bros gotta protect each other’s secrets, right? Right. But the bro code never outlined an emergency protocol when two bros are pitted against each other. Who’s to say which bro is more important to him? ‘cause Prompto’s a bro, Ignis’ a bro, and asking him to pick between two bros is like asking him to choose either Assassin’s Creed or King’s Knight.

Maybe Ignis has a thing for things like this, Noctis reasons. Under all that elegant pomp and heavily accented words rolling off a tongue peculiarly eloquent in jabs, steam-soft shirts and slacks swishing about as he walks, maybe he secretly harboured an interest in things betraying his stern and stoic stature. Being the personal advisor to the prince grants him no leeway in freely expressing his interests beyond what Noctis eats, which meetings Noctis should be attending, when Noctis finishes classes, and whether or not Noctis got over his lachanophobia. Which, according to Ignis Posh Scientia, is fear of vegetables.

(Noctis so does not have a fear of vegetables.)

(He just doesn’t like them.)

(Very much.)

None of his internal monologues answered why on Eos in this standard Audi commissioned to every Citadel staff, in this dull sedan with its immaculate leather trim and waxed dashboard, Ignis kept a CD.

An idol CD. The kind you’d find in a budget bin somewhere in Rock Corner for 90% off just because they want to get rid of trashy music as soon as possible lest it besmirches their shop’s status. Flashy pink booklet with signature of the iNTERGALACTiC ★ DiVΔ done in gold, sprawled all over its childish arrangement of what seems to be said Intergalactic Diva in the idolesque ensemble of flouncy skirt, crisp blazer scattered with silvery military embellishment, wearing the laciest pair of platform heels while simultaneously surrounded with stuffed toys. Stuffed toys. As if the whole setup made sense only to the art director like some army veteran crossing over the whole cute couture concept they’ve got going on here.

Noctis takes another good look at the CD. A deeper, closer, more intimate look at the girly plastic casing and its tracklist on the back as though it’d explain the enigma suddenly surrounding the secret life of his 21-year-old Advisor and his secret stash.

Six minutes later, Noctis replaces the CD where it belongs: Right in the deepest, darkest corner of the glove compartment, where no eyes may venture where his accidentally went.

And then he went on searching for his missing phone.

ii:

A month and a half later, Noctis is pleased to announce that he’s entirely forgotten about the idol debacle. While the matter had loitered around the recesses of his mind for a maximum of two days, it’s all water-under-the-bridge kind of thing because nobody got hurt and he’s not about to make fun of his Advisor for repressing the urge to listen to the peppy trills of an idol singing about high school crushes and unrequited love. Everyone’s got their own jam, like Prompto who’s always blasting Ron Goodwin out of one earpiece whenever they gather to demolish their assignments, and then there’s Gladio who’d sometimes slink onto the sofa with his nose buried in either An Inquiry into the Good or Romancing Sir Sigurd, and there’s no in-between.

In fact, Noctis is actually more than happy to safeguard Ignis’ secret for the rest of his entire life just because he’s such a bro (or in his case, he conveniently forgot about it), but he’s also failed to take into account that Prompto’s exceptionally good at noticing things. Photographer quirk, he calls it.

“Dude.” Prompto says.

Noctis does his best impression of The Thinker dating from M.E. 655.

“Iggy’s into this kind of thing.” Prompto asks, sans question mark. The shock definitely got to him. “Did you know about it.”

Bros gotta protect each other’s secrets, right? Right. But the bro code never outlined an emergency protocol when two bros are pitted against each other. Who’s to say which bro is more important to him? ‘cause Prompto’s a bro, Ignis’ a bro, and asking him to pick between two bros is like asking him to choose either Assassin’s Creed or King’s Knight.

Noctis weighs the two. He chances a glance at Prompto’s shell-shocked stance of a hand barely touching the glossy cover of an・an unrolled from the boring brown paperbag of weekly groceries. There it is again, that iNTERGALACTiC ★ DiVΔ graces the cover in all of your majestic glory. Forgoing all the sparkling cuteness of a girleen for elegance, pearls in your sedate coiffure, smoky makeup and that white-tipped-fingernails thing girls do when they want to be extra fancy. You're pretty—no, beautiful, actually—but then again, when is a magazine cover not photoshopped? Yeah.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you this,” Prompto goes on at Noctis’ extended silence, “cuz I thought he was Moogling some recipe for dinner but dude, he was ordering her CD off Amazon. Thought that was a one-time thing so I was pretty meh about it,” he shrugs, “but y’know, it was so not a one-time thing because it was a five-time thing—”

Noctis makes a sound in his throat. Never underestimate a photographer’s quirk.

“—and I’m really not gonna judge if he’s into idols since they’re cute,” Prompto nods along to his rambling which gets Noctis to nod along just to show he’s listening and oh he’s listening all right, “but it got me thinking.”

And when Prompto starts thinking, that’s when Noctis should start getting really worried.

As if guided by his instincts more than his rational mind, the blond extracts an・an and smoothens it on the table, palms pressing down the corners like this elusive evidence of Ignis’ intersecting interest in the idol world will do a comical poof and disappear in curly smoke. His stare hardens more than a diamond. “Iggy’s birthday’s around the corner, right?”

“Uh.” Noctis really can’t see where this is going and subtly wonders if abusing the powers of the Oracle would grant him a vision into the future for something like this. Would Luna grant him her strength in times of great emergency if he blasted a message through Umbra? “I guess? It’s next week. February 7th.”

Prompto makes a sound in his throat that is eerily similar to Noctis’. And when he turns, Noctis thinks the light in his eyes is bright enough to banish the impending gloom and doom prophesized in the future. He might as well be the King of Light at this rate.

Prompto says, “Dude. I’ve got an idea.”

iii:

When Prompto says he has an idea, it’d normally be a great idea. “Wanna ditch and hang out at the arcade?” he’d ask, to which a 16-year-old Noctis would do a 180 from returning to class after lunch and misuse his warping talent to zip in and out of his classroom with his bag through the window, and they’d rendezvous at Club Sega just for diversion tactics. Blasting through zombie brains and kicking each other’s ass in Street Fighter, they’d spend the whole evening there unless Ignis hears them play hooky, usually by way of a ‘concerned’ teacher ratting them out at the very last second. At most, Noctis gets an earful that he evades with practiced ignorance with all that regurgitated nonsense of he’s the prince and he shouldn’t be skipping school, but.

This idea.

It’s very bad.

Noctis doesn’t know why, but it’s very bad.

Going up to the receptionist counter and boldly proclaiming that he’s the prince isn’t at the top of list of things he wanted to do because he’s really not into blatant exploitation of his title. But hey, it works. It takes one slack-jawed, starry-eyed intern whispering in awe, “Prince Noctis? Can I get your autograph please?” and a ballpen hastily scrawling across lipstick-smudged napkin later, he finds himself fidgeting on a stool in a bright dressing room, bulbs lining the mirror blasting him with light. Rolling racks are hanging with the most absurd yet lavishly decorated dresses decked in chiffons and sequins in all the colours a rainbow has to offer. Striped tophat completes what he thinks is a feminine form of a tuxedo, while thigh-high boots are stationed under a rugged combo of punk-rock aesthetics involving a PVC-belted skirt and metallic studs. The world of an idol is far more fearsome than the life of a prince destined to die, he thinks.

Prompto turns to him with the most scandalised expression ever after taking stock of the myriad of makeup products littered on the countertop, gasping, “That was way easier than I thought.”

“I’m just glad they didn’t kick up a huge fuss over it,” Noctis grunts. Then, as if the weight of what they’re doing is finally hitting him with the force of Gladio’s blows, Noctis blows a limp lock of hair out of his face. “We’re really doing this.”

Prompto cocks a brow and appropriates the plastic stool across him. “Dude, you’ve got a better birthday bash idea going on?”

Noctis couldn’t answer that.

No, really, he couldn’t even answer that because the moment he opens his mouth, the door opens instead. What’s he supposed to do other than to gape like a fish out of water, an expression he’s seen from all the fishes he strung up on his line, when you flounced right in? That hair cannot be natural, Noctis thinks, as he eyes the way light powders pastel purple tresses crowned by roses. Hands from who he thinks is your personal stylist are fussing over the deep wrinkles left by the rippling of your complicated dress, while the bespectacled woman beside you glares at him from behind a clipboard. Petals flaking from your cheek to your collarbone, filigrees cresting your shoulders—unless Photoshop worked in real-time, there’s no way a person would look that unearthly.

The way Prompto’s jaw is hanging tells him that he’s not alone in his thoughts.

Contact lenses are obviously the explanation behind your roseate eyes, there’s no other way he’s going to accept someone else having eyes that pretty. And false eyelashes, the kind that Gladio babbled about when Iris broke his bank wanting to experiment with makeup, yeah, that stuff’s definitely glued someway somehow on your eyelids. It makes sense that an idol’s job is to look pretty because looks sell either way and everyone loves a pretty face, so. Yeah. Noctis doesn’t know where he’s going with his train of thoughts because it’s on the verge of derailing right now, especially when those eyes flit to seek his and the corners of glossy lips curl with a sanguine smile.

You are unhesitant in striding forward to offer him your hand. Confident. Bold. Singsong sweet, the singer you are. “You must be Prince Noctis,” you say, and he’s never known that his name would sound that nice on someone else’s tongue. “Sorry you had to see me like this, I was in the middle of a shoot when you arrived.”

What was he supposed to say at times like this again?

Right, first: The handshake.

His legs are jelly-filled donuts when he stands and his arms are wet spaghetti. Prompto almost toppled his stool when he gets to his feet to receive your hand after Noctis. “I, ah,” Noctis starts, smooth because they never rehearsed this far? And how is he supposed to be making demands as a prince to an idol? When Prompto’s rapidly zoning into outer space and ascending to Astral realm instead of helping him out right now? “Uh—I. We,” he quickly rectifies the moment the Bespectacled Woman’s dirty look peeps from the rim of her glasses, “we’re here to ask if you’d meet with my friend.”

And here is where he stops, just because your brows stitch together following a quizzical tilt of head.

That stuff only looks cute in anime.

And it doesn’t help that you look 100% anime right now.

A quick darting of your eyes from Noctis to Prompto has your smile deepening. “So that’s him?”

You’re definitely getting the wrong idea here and it’s up to Noctis to save the day by jamming his elbow right in Prompto’s side. An embarrassing yelp that shot Prompto’s soul straight into his body later, the blond’s back in commission with a shaky laugh. “Ha—who, me? N-no, not this Argentum!”

…or maybe not.

Noctis wills himself to stomach Bespectacled Woman’s increasingly incensed glare and tries to remember why he’s doing this in the first place. For his bro. For Ignis Scientia. Best advisor. Birthday. Gotta make it meaningful. Idols. Cute idols. Huge fan. You. Right. “He’s not here right now,” Noctis corrects the misunderstanding as confusion clouds your face, “because we’re trying to keep it a secret. His birthday’s on February 7 and we’re trying to make it a surprise party because he’s a big fan of yours.” At your unrelenting stare, he deflates a little. “He’s, ah, my personal advisor.”

For a second, silence reigns.

“Oh,” you say.

He doesn’t get a chance to consult what ‘oh’ means in Idol-Speak when Bespectacled Woman interjects, “So big of a fan until the prince himself has to abuse his authority and make Diva miss out on Gucci?” And boy, Noctis hates being on the other end of Death Ray shooting from her eyes.

But you’re quicker to laugh at his honesty, batting the woman on her arm. “It’s okay, Isolde, I got this.” And for him, a mischievous smile replaces your prior confusion as you offer yet another handshake, this time for another reason altogether. “Aite, you’ve got yourself a deal! Let’s make this an epic birthday bash, yeah?”

When things work out far too easily, one should be suspicious.

Noctis, however, chalks it up to good luck when he hears Prompto splitting into a deafening, “Woohoo!” and answers your smile with a grin. The biggest, widest grin he could muster.

Because this is going to be the best birthday party ever.

iv:

This is not the best birthday party.

Ever.

There are tears down your cheeks and you’re choking on your words. Your makeup should’ve been a mess but some part of Noctis is thanking the Astrals that guided your makeup artist to apply waterproof ones, probably out of sheer experience, because he’s never seen anyone bawling this bad before. Whatever Iris had before doesn’t even cut close to this. Fists balled in your skirt, this verbal fisticuff doesn’t even look like it’s coming close to an ending. Even a fear-frozen Prompto’s clutching a gawking Gladio by the bicep and they’re far, far away from the warzone while Noctis is the only idiot brave enough to remain where he first sat.

That is, right in between an eerily silent Ignis and a Diva well underway your waterworks.

“You know well by now that my duty to Prince Noctis cannot be taken lightly,” asserts his Advisor in the calmest, coldest manner that could’ve frosted the entirety of Leide. “I’ve explained it to you time and time again that I’m—“

“You’re the advisor, I get it,” you choke out, “but I wanted a big brother that I could’ve talked to! All you did was to toss me aside like I was—“

“I never tossed you aside,” Ignis rebukes, the hiss of his words coming from thinning lips that is gradually downturned. “I received your calls, I replied to your messages, I listened to mother and father talking about you—“

“I’m always the one who has to do all the texting, calling!” you shriek in a pitch only sopranos could trill. Tears trekking down your cheeks, you are a sobbing, shuddering mess to Noctis’ left, the backs of your hands swiping away teardrops swaying off your jawline. “When did you ever call me!? When did you even bother to say good morning to me!? It’s always me who has to tell you—“

“I have a job,” Ignis retorts, adjusting his glasses from sliding down the bridge of his nose. “If I’m not carrying out my duties as an Advisor, I am at the Citadel attending meetings—“

This is crazy.

He’s going crazy.

In all honesty, he’s never tried watching soap operas for this very same reason: He can’t handle the drama. All the tears, all the angry exchanges, plots doing a backflip from I-love-you-so-much-I-will-die-for-you to I-don’t-love-you-anymore-because-we-are-actually-siblings-separated-at-birth. Galahdan soaps are notorious for pulling the rug under Prompto’s feet and making him drop series faster than his runs. But this? This is another level of drama, one that has Noctis nursing his throbbing temples because who would’ve guessed that said Intergalactic Diva is his Advisor’s little sister? And who would’ve guessed that not only Gladiolus Amicitia has a little sister, Ignis Scientia, too, has a little sister of his own?

Definitely not Noctis.

And definitely not Prompto and Gladio too, judging from how their eyeballs are playing ping-pong with how they’re chasing after Ignis’ accusations, only to have your indignant interruption instead.

While that explains why Ignis hides idol CDs and bought girly magazines, it does a poor job in explaining why he’s caught in a crossfire between the Scientias.

“You hate me,” you spit out, and woah what part of the episode did Noctis miss out? He’s pretty sure he paused on the whole you-never-spent-time-with-me, so how did it end up this way?

Ignis removes his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose, eyes scrunched tight with a pain only a brother could feel. “I do not hate you. I’ve never hated you, (y/n), never.”

“You hate me ever since I said I wanted to be an idol,” you sob out an octave lower, reddened eyes stabbing Ignis’ accusatorily. With how your bottom lip is quivering, it’s a wonder how your words manage to come out as a whole, sans stutters. “You said it’s a shameless job, you said they’re just exploiting high schoolers, you said—“

“But I respected your decision—“

“After ma and pa made you—“

“That’s because I was worried about you—“

“And I keep telling you not to worry because you met Isolde and you met Ninian and you met Watanabe—“

“And they are nice people but—“

—yeah, Noctis needs time out here because this sounds like a huge misunderstanding.

He composed a three-second plan and had it executed by standing up slowly and letting the chair drag right behind him across hardwood, letting the painful skrrrrrrrrrrrrrr scream cut off what's left of the argument. And what an epic entry into the fray it is, Noctis thinks. Ignis is riveted by his uncharacteristic boldness and has resorted to clicking his mouth shut. Your sobs don’t stop, but at least your red-eyed red-nosed red-cheeked face wordlessly thanked him for the interruption. From the sidelines, Prompto’s mouthing at him don’t do it Noct don’t get involved in the family feud but Six, Noct needs to straighten things out because technically he’s mildly at fault here for eating up his Advisor’s time by 70% even though it’s Ignis’ job, he thinks you don’t know how much Ignis actually cherishes your journey to idolhood and bought your CDs and magazines, and someone’s gotta eat that delicious two-tiered fondant-frosted cake on the table.

Besides, he’s going to be the King of Lucis, damn it, so what kind of king would he be if he can’t solve a petty squabble between two siblings?

Turning to Ignis, Noctis breathes out. “I got this.”

Ignis does not think he got this. “Noct—“

Turning to you, Noctis snatches a napkin from his armiger and crams it in your hand. “Listen, Iggy doesn’t mean anything bad,” he starts as you’re carefully dabbing your eyes, teeth raking across gloss-sticky lips. “I’m the reason he can’t spend a lot of time with you because it’s his job as my advisor and there’s no helping it.” This is where Ignis makes an indignant noise and tries to cut in, but Noctis warp-strikes to his next sentence. “—And that part where you said Specs doesn’t care about you? You’re wrong. He bought a magazine with you on the cover. He even had your CD in his car.”

Ignis makes another noise that sounds torn between vehement denial and dying embarrassment. “Noct—“

Prompto, the greatest wingman in every GTA heist they pulled off, nods so rapidly in his corner until he looks like he’s having a seizure. “Yeah—no, seriously, he did,” he convinces you when you turn disbelieving eyes at him, napkin crumpling under fancy nails. “And I saw him going on Amazon trying to get all your limited edition albums. Five times.”

“Oh Gods,” Ignis chokes out, burning an interesting shade that contrasts with his hair. “Prompto—“

“And we didn’t know that Ignis had a sibling because if we knew that Iggy had a little sis, we would’ve made him spend more time at home,” Gladio asserts, leaving his seat. “I know how ya feel because I’ve got a lil�� sister too. She calls me and texts me and nags me all the time if I don’t spend at least a weekend with her. Don’t get me wrong,” he adds when you turn sullen, putting up a hand to stop whatever retort you prepared, “I appreciate it when she does things like that for me. Sure, it gets annoying when I get nagged for missing movie night, but she’s my little sister and I got nobody else to protect except for this scrawny ass prince we have here.”

Noctis balks at the jab aimed specifically for him, fighting off the heat burning up his cheeks. “Shut up. You’re missing the point.”

“—a-anyway, the point here is that Iggy really cares for you even when you think he doesn’t!” Prompto crows when you look like you traded your sullen expression for a wobbling lower lip and eyes flooding with fresh tears. “We swear this is probably just a huge misunderstanding and we can probably talk this out to fix it! Right, Ignis?”

Such bros they are, never once allowing Ignis to shoulder the blame alone. Always we and never him.

Ignis looks like he has half the mind to surrender to the Astrals’ machinations hell bent on messing up his birthday—only, everything comes to a stop when you sniff. A loud sniff. And erupt into the biggest bawling session ever, dashing straight to Ignis’ arms. His poor Advisor gets his life squeezed out of him, smothered in his little sister’s death grip, but Noctis knows the glassy sheen in his green eyes isn’t a trick of light.

Noctis clicks his mouth shut and eyeballs Prompto and Gladio, who’re trading self-satisfied smirks between the three. Sure, maybe you’re crying harder than Iris when she got ratted out at the Citadel, and sure, the sounds are hideous like a behemoth’s mating cry, but it’s a job well done for all of them.

All’s well ends well.

It is much later on, when you’ve dried your tears and Ignis changed out of a tear-streaked snot-soaked shirt, that they’re all gathered round the dining table with party poppers readied and candles glowing. That delicious two-tiered fondant-frosted cake dips under Ignis’ plastic knife and, under a shower of glitter paper and confetti, Noctis plates the first slice for the man of the hour. Turning 22 is hard work for Ignis who’s probably grown up feeling like he’s 30 all the time, and his Advisor probably deserves a medal of honour from the king for putting up with Noctis all the time, but this?

Eating cake together with his friends?

And having solved the sibling squabble between an attention-starved little sister and her excessively diligent big brother?

This is the closest he could get, he guesses.

one:

They’re crowding around him again.

“It must be nice being the prince! I bet you can do whatever you want!”

“So how many servants do you have? Ten? A hundred?”

“Noooo, it must be a thousand!”

Noctis Lucis Caelum, the name of the prince who stole your brother. Iggie was promised to the prince ever since he turned eight, and stopped being eight at that moment. For a boy who stole Iggie, he doesn’t look special. Sullen and withdrawn, cherub cheeks and choppy bangs. Hardly a word passing his lips as though nobody is deserving of his voice. You know, because you sit right beside him in class. Always staring at the skies as though the Astrals spoke to him in tones a human can’t, the prince surely daydreams of things only a prince could daydream about. Living in the grand Citadel with a hundred—no, a thousand helping hands, and your brother is simply one of his faceless servants.

You do not know if you detest him for stealing Iggie away or if you envy him instead.

Because he gets to spend more time with Iggie than you ever did.

two:

This is a memory you removed from your treasure box, a careful hand dusting over the grime caking the frame. It is a class picture of all the first graders, bobbed haircuts and flushed skin from sitting under a sun, trying to stare into the camera as sunlight flares off its lens. Arranged from left to right in the first row: Asuka and Sheryl are inseparable from the start; Ben, Jonathan, and Yukio are the rascals always running down the hallways when the teacher says not to; your homeroom teacher, Madam Maria, who teaches maths before lunch; crybaby Aina who doesn’t like eating alone; fraternal twins, Rebecca and Junior are always holding hands; Noctis and you, two seemingly unrelated people who are, in all actuality, related to each other by way of Ignis Scientia.

Even as you take a closer look at the yellowing photograph curling around the edges, you still don’t know what Noctis is thinking about.

Does he know about you?

Does he know about your existence?

What about your family name? Surely he’s noticed it?

If so, will he finally relate you to your brother?

Will he finally notice you?

And will he finally return Iggie to you?

three:

Mother packed your lunch today; your favourites, rice with heart-shaped sprinkles in pink, deep-fried chicken, egg mayo salad, and steamed crab cakes. Here, you are swinging your legs, chopsticks picking off one treat after another. Asuka and Sheryl are giggling from the corner of the classroom, trading side dishes like sisters from the same womb. Aina’s gone ahead and joined Rebecca and Junior at their tables, dragging her chair over with a ringing scratch over the tiles. Somewhere outside the class, on the field below, the boys are immersed in a quick football game and trying to outdo each other for the qualifiers next week. They’ll surely come back into class later, reeking of salty sweat in this humid summer, which makes you bite into your crab cake a bit harder.

At least they have friends, you think.

At least they’re not alone, you think.

Not lonely like me, you think.

Is the prince capable of feeling loneliness like you do?

Of course not.

He always has your brother with you.

Always.

NOTES:

first off: if you feel you aint cute, you cute af. You cute as all hells in this fic. Believe in yourself you a cutie patootie 2019!

secondly: we’re going to be dealing with a lot of body image & skin problems & self-esteem issues in this fic, so that’s a heads up.

thirdly: HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY IGNIS SCIENTIA!

Chapter 2: What ‘bout My Star?

Someone stands before Noctis, and it’s not his bespectacled Advisor brooding on his tendency to sleep in, which is truly unbecoming for a prince. It’s a girl, veiled by an anti-pollen face mask, wearing the roundest pair of hipster glasses he’s ever seen. Nondescript snapback, shirt and acid wash jeans—what is this, why does he feel oddly scrutinized under her eyes and why does she even look at him that way?

Noctis blinks in hopes of clearing the mirage, fails to find an explanation, and affords a minute of silence before going, “Uh?”

For a moment, he thinks she’s smiling—her eyes crinkle upwards, but when it comes, it shakes the breath out of him. “Morning, Noctis. Diva here.”

It, meaning your imaginary punch to his solar plexus.

#noctis x reader #noctis/reader #Noctis Lucis Caelum #ffxv #final fantasy xv #final fantasy xv fanfic #fanfic #my little sister #ignis scientia #prompto argentum #gladiolus amicitia #happy birthday ignis!#man this fic is long overdue #if you think this fic is shits and giggles #man yall are gonna hate me

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thelittleredheadedmusician · 7 years

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Load of Bull

Cassiestephkara week day 2 is Soulmates! I wrote this from a platonic soulmate perspective but it can definitely be romantic so read it however you like! It can also be found here on ao3. Rated G, 817 words cassiestephkara

Steph never actually believed in soulmates. To her they were merely plot devices sound in crappy romance movies and the equally crappy novels the movies were all based on. She went through 17 years of her life with this mentality, until she was forced to admit it was wrong.

She was introduced to Cassie Sandsmark thanks to Tim. The other girl had been invited to the manor for a Titans pool party. Steph had been plotting with Cass and Damian to get Tim to fall into the pool. Apparently, Cassie had been plotting the same thing with Kon and Bart. They discovered this amusing tidbit when they’d run into each other getting lemonade. The two just instantly clicked and decided to just charge the bird boy and jump in with him. It was more than effective and had even soaked their ex-compatriots who had been standing on the side.

Over the next couple weeks they texted, called, and met up for coffee. It was during one of these coffee dates that Steph met Kara. They were in New York for the day when trouble hit so Batgirl and Wonder Girl suited up and went to help. When they got there they were surprised to see Supergirl already taking care of things. Like with Cassie, Steph had met the other blonde before but something about working together just felt right. By the time they were cleaning things up the three of them were laughing and making plans to hang out again and soon.

Every week Steph met up with Cassie and Kara to try a new restaurant, catch a movie, shop, and just relax. Soon the three had a group message that was constantly going off, the three texting nonstop. Steph even had Oracle open a special comm line so they could chat while patrolling in their respective cities. Not a day went by where Steph didn’t think of Kara and Cassie.

After a few months of this Steph had gotten injured, badly, during a crisis in Gotham. She was placed under strict bedrest for a week, which was fine because she drifted in and out of consciousness the whole time. When she was awake though Steph itched for her phone, if only to tell them she was ok.

She was finally granted phone privileges and Steph eagerly snatched her cell off the tray that Alfred brought it in on. Swiping open the screen she paled with guilt when she saw the hundreds of missed messages from her girls.

The first ones saying things like: I heard things are going down in Gotham. Good luck. and I know you are but be careful. As the situation worsened the messages became increasingly worried: Are you ok? It’s all over the news and I haven’t heard anything from you. and Please tell me you’re fine. I know you’re busy but please Steph. After the news reported that all was calm the messages became downright frantic: Where are you??? Why aren’t you answering? Your comm is off too. You’re really starting to freak me out. and I haven’t heard from you yet. I really need just one text. Please respond before I’m forced to fly over there and dig through rubble. I really can’t take this much longer.

Steph felt awful but when Dick had rushed her back to the cave she hadn’t even been able to see straight, nevertheless type. Some of her guilt drained as she continued to scroll and saw: Tim just called me. He said you were hurt but would be kicking again in no time. I’m rooting for you girlie! and I just got off the phone with Oracle. I’m so sorry for texting you! I should’ve known you’d reach out when you could. Right now though you need to just focusing on feeling better!

Steph smiled at the last couple, they were plans to come visit her when Bruce, Alfred, and her mom all gave them the green light. She typed out a quick response: I may not be the one who dresses like a traffic light but I can tell you it’s green. She smiled at the excited responses that she got practically after she hit send.

The next day she was propped up in bed with Kara and Cassie sitting at her feet beaming at her. It hit her suddenly, an ache deep in her chest, exactly how much she had missed them. The sentiment was mutual as she saw tears streaming down Kara’s cheeks as she continued to grin. Cassie reached over to wipe them away before smearing her wrist across her own face.

As she felt the first one drop off the tip of her nose Steph realized that soulmates weren’t a load of bull because the two people who understood her completely and cared for her more than even themselves were sitting right there, itching to give her a hug.

#dc comics #cassiestephkara #cassiestephkara week #writing #own writing #my fic #the blonde brigade #stephanie brown #cassie sandsmark #kara danvers #batgirl #wonder girl #supergirl #the batgirls are better than you #everybody just needs more wondergals period

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kandrakar-rambles · 7 years

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Overall Thoughts

The good:

The show took me back to a nostalgic period of time. It was fun seeing my favorite characters brought to life with voice acting and animation, and made them feel even more real.

For the most part, I was pleased with the animation. I prefer the art style of the comics, but I understand the need to simplify things for animation... especially since this was probably a low budget production. And overall, I think they did a great job with the rendering and attention to detail.

I think Season 2 was better done that Season 1. It's too bad the show was cancelled... while I know a lot of you hated the animated series, for understandable reasons, I would have liked to see if they could have redeemed themselves given another season. And perhaps some new writers. But perhaps that's just because I would have liked to see some of my favorite arcs and issues brought to life. I would have loved to see Taranee vs. the Oracle. I would have loved to see Orube. And I would have loved to see Raphael Silla in action.

Yan Lin was as wonderful in the show as she was in the comics. Actually, I think she had a bigger role in the animated series, and for that I am utterly delighted. I love that they had an older female mentor. How often do we get to see elderly women portrayed in the media? Especially elderly POC women.

Some of the dialogue was corny and cringe worthy, but I really do think they got better towards the end of the series. And there were some very entertaining episodes. I think if they had stuck a little closer to the source material, they wouldn't have run into as many problems as they did.

I really love the voice actor they got for Cedric and Phobos. I found it very fitting to how I imagined it in my head.

They did change the girls outfits every episode. Considering other animated TV shows I've watched... hats off for that alone. It really helps the girls feel like real, organic characters.

They did not butcher Matt's character, although they changed some things about him that I'll never understand. But considering how badly they messed up Caleb... hey, I'm glad they didn't mess up my cinnamon bun.

The music brings up all sorts of 90′s and 2000′s nostalgia. A+ for playing with my emotions while making me cringe just slightly.

The bad:

They butchered Cornelia's character. Instead of the fiercely rational, passionate, loyal, and protective girl we get to know in the comics, they reduce Cornelia to a the stereotype of the airhead blonde who cares only about her appearance and boys.

They butchered Caleb's character. Instead of the sweet, supportive, and somewhat clueless flower-man, we get the stereotypical sexist white-boy hero who gets to be a dick all the time and no one ever calls him out on his shit. Comic Caleb and animated Caleb are so vastly different the only thing they share in common is their names. Giant portions of Caleb's history was erased and instead he was made the "son" of a rebel leader and an evil villain... because, you know, the boy needs an "epic" plot line. And earning redemption after living a life of servitude to Phobos wasn't good enough.

They butchered Cornelia and Caleb's relationship, which was supposed to be a tragic love story of star crossed lovers...and instead, relied upon the boring, over-used trope of "You annoy me so I secretly love you." It's reminiscent of the boy tugs girls hair and that somehow translates into love. It's...cringe worthy at best.

Caleb got far too much screen time. I'm sure it was in an effort to drawn in "male viewers." But first and foremost, this was a comic series (and animated series) geared towards young girls and empowering young girls, and Caleb got at least half the screen time. If anything, we should have been developing the girls backgrounds more or focusing more on their friendships.

Speaking of which, I wanted more scenes between the individual girls. We all know they're a powerful, strong group... but what made the comic so amazing was that everyone had a unique and organic relationship with each other. There were subtle differences in how all the girls interacted with each other and the comic focused on all of it. I wish they would have explored Irma and Hay Lin's friendship as well as the tension sometimes visible between Cornelia and Will.

Miranda's character was completely unnecessary and in the end, sad. But they never addressed it as such. If she was a 15 year old girl, then she was manipulated and abused by Cedric just like Elyon. I'm not sure how old Cedric is supposed to be, but we know he's old enough to be an adult and own a bookshop. So we're definitely crossing into luring a minor and creepy shit like that. While the comics did a great job of showing kids why adults aren't always "safe" with Elyon and Cedric's ultimate betrayal of her feelings, and we never once think "Elyon and Cedric are great together!", the animated series fails to address this as an issue. They don't go "Wow this is creepy and wrong as fuck." The comics do. The comics make it very clear that Elyon was manipulated by Cedric and Phobo's, who used her feelings for Cedric and her love for her brother to twist her into a weapon for themselves. So while Miranda was a background character, it's very dangerous not to address this issue. Because if you don't, it makes it seem "okay."

Not enough Peter. Period. But I have this complaint with the comics as well.

They changed Irma’s character too. For some reason, they made her into this sarcastic tomboy. I mean, Irma is pretty snarky in the comics, but she’s also probably the most girly of all the guardians. And I will never forgive them for trying to make Irma feel guilty for rejecting Martin, who acted like a total creep and was pissed about being friend zoned. It was an absolute injustice to Irma, who would never put up with that sort of shit. She’s also pretty flirty. And while in the comics she’s seen with multiple love interests, the animated series make it seems like she only ever pines after unattainable guys.

If they were going to change anything from the comics, they could have added more body diversity. *my one sole complaint about the comics*

I wanted more about the girl’s athletic lives. Cornelia is this amazing figure skater who has won medals and trophies, and Taranee is a fantastic dancer. Will is a beast at swimming... and I think it’s important to show girls excelling at normal athletic events.

#overall thoughts #w.i.t.c.h.#animated series #what a ride #season 2

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nora-reads-homestuck · 7 years

Text

Nora Reads HS Part 66

Pages 6056-6093

Hey guys! Things got busy busy busy with work and the holidays, but like Slim Shady, I am back. Last time we got brief introductions to Jane and Jake, the post-Scratch young Nanna and Grandpa, respectively, and it was interesting to see how the modern setting meshed with their old-timey dialogic idiosyncrasies. I’m very much looking forward to (hopefully!) meeting young Mom and Bro this time around and learning what they’re like. So far all I know for certain is that Bro is as elusive as his pre-Scratch counterpart, and Mom and Jane are, like, BFFsies or something. I feel like we’ve gotten some minor sneak peeks into their personalities after seeing adult!Mom’s pink, girly bedroom in the Skaianet lab, and... oh god... from Bro’s awful comics. How will these quirks translate into fully-fleshed teenagers, and just how fucked up will young Bro be?

Let’s find out! ^0^

*click*

Jane: Answer Lalonde.

OH MY GOD SHE IS SO FUCKING CUTE. We are 2/2 on post-Scratch girls being GODDAMNED ADORABLE. I love her little pink phone, and her mutant kitty symbol, and her hair curlicue, and her tights under her skirt (are those leg warmers?), and her... martini?? Ok, so, these kids are still kids, right? If this is November 2011 and Jane’s thirteenth birthday was 3 years ago, then young Mom should only be just about to turn seventeen. Adult Mom obviously had a habitual hankering for hooch, but it’s weird and kind of worrying to see that carry over into her teenage self. Anyway, let’s see what she’s got to say!

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 11:24

Huh, so she’s got Dave’s pesterchum initials, and not Rose’s. Come to think of it, Jane has Jade’s initials, and not John’s. So then I guess I’d expect Bro to have Rose’s initials... which is odd. Anyway, her handle seems to confirm that she’s a drunk-o teen (where is Rose during all this??), and may possibly be awake on Derse, even if, like Dave, she doesn’t know it.

TG: jane

PINK TEXT AAAAAH CUTE

TG: hey TG: jaaaney TG: ansrew plz TG: *answer TG: jaaaaaaaaaane GG: Omg.

JESUS, MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY. So like... she not only has Dave’s initials, but she fucking talks like him??? And is apparently legit drunk during the day. Like I said, that bit is concerning, but I admit it is fucking hilarious that she talks and acts nothing like Rose. No wonder the poor kid had such a hard time understanding her.

GG: Overreact much? I kept you waiting for all of two seconds! GG: Where have you been today? TG: nowhere just chilling here TG: when all of the sudden GG: "All of a sudden." TG: when all of the sudden

Hahaha, I know someone who consistently says ‘all of the sudden’, and it hurts me not to correct them all the time. (They also say ‘yield’ instead of ‘wield’, and how could you ever think ‘unyieldy’ was a word.) And let it not go unremarked upon that I fucking LOVE that Mom just repeated herself anyway. Didn’t Dave do that once or twice when someone tried to correct him?

TG: it hits me TG: thaf we have somethig really fuckin important to talk about GG: This hit you just now? We made plans to get in touch early this morning, and I have seen neither hide nor hair of you all day. TG: it hits me that TG: jakes bday is coming up really soon TG: just a few days before mine remembr

Hmm, so their birthdays are the same as their pre-Scratch counterparts. Also, heh, I get the feeling that Jake’s birthday was definitely not what they’d made plans to talk about.

TG: or i guess it would be if it wasnt for the end of the world thats about to happen GG: Oh, for Pete's sake.

Whoa whoa whoa!! So Mom knows enough about the game to know that it’s going to end the world. Not even Jade, with her ‘precognitive’ abilities, knew that ahead of time. Hell, Aradia only knew because she was in communication with ghosts, and Sollux didn’t figure it out until right before it happened. I guess that’s where the ‘gnostalgic’ comes in. (Side note: that’s a really clever portmanteau and I’m almost jealous I didn’t think of it.)

TG: i just wanted your advice on what to get him TG: something sentimental i guess? but i mean im mostly tapped out of precious heirlooms atm so idk TG: but not like anything coming on too strong TG: something that says TG: this is totes platonic and everything TG: no eyebrow raising funnybiz is goin on over here TG: but still says you know TG: call me TG: if you wanna

...Aaaaaand Mom has the hots for Jake, apparently. Huh, that’s kind of fucked up in a way, considering her adult self hooked up with John’s Dad. Oh god, that pairing isn’t going to carry over to her liking Jane’s Dad, is it??

I wonder how difficult it was for Hussie to type out ‘totes’.

GG: Grrr. GG: Now I know you're joking around to get my goat.

To get it, and then, say, tote it?

TG: ahaha TG: yeah TG: the goat getting thing i mean TG: but joking oh no i think not TG: u dont think that if i didnt say he was off limits on account of you being my best friend TG: i wouldnt be all the hell over that????

So... Jane and Jake are already dating?? I guess that is the prescribed ‘canon’ pairing, so that makes sense. Does Mom LittleLonde—that’s what she’ll be from now on—also have the hots for young Bro then? Or maybe she just wants to bone everything/everyone. I can feel that.

TG: daaaaamn TG: that rugged senseof adventure TG: the delightful silly vernacular thats like TG: weirdly and bewitchingly not self aware TG: those adorbable teeth TG: swoooooooooon <3

Yes, those are definitely all swoonworthy things. ...Hah, I can totally deal with ‘adorabable’. It’s weird, but after reading all the trolls’ quirks, I kind of skip over the typos unless she calls them out herself.

GG: Nooooo, stop. :( TG: well shit jane TG: what am i even supposed to do TG: i cant hit on anybody and appaprently i can entertain nary a frisky THOUGHT about anyboby because apparentley evrybodies OFF LIMITS!!!!! TG: *buncha goddamn typos TG: shit suuucks TG: you dont even let me say your dad is hot even though we both know he way the fuck is i mean come one TG: *one TG: *on GG: Yeah. Because it's weird!

OH MY GOD I FUCKING LOVE HER. I mean yeah, it is pretty damn weird that she’s still got... daddy issues... but, ‘*buncha goddamn typos’?? Anybody would be lucky to have her.

...Huh. Now that I’m thinking about it, is Jane’s Dad exactly the same as John’s Dad? They look the same, but... how would that even work? Maybe he was adopted, and isn’t actually related to John and Jane at all, so his existence and physical appearance aren’t contingent upon anything game-related?

GG: And you're drunk. :P TG: correction TG: drinking TG: prensent tense TG: grammar jane

GG: I don't see why you don't try to court the favor of Mr. Strider. If you ask me, he and you are perfect for each other.

Again, a ‘canon’ pairing getting called out. Are they going to be played straight, or hilariously subverted like Karkat’s shipping grid?

TG: oh jane TG: so naive

Silly Jane; he’s clearly only into plush rump. *shudder*

TG: soooo niaev GG: Lordy. GG: How can you be this far gone so early? GG: It isn't even noon yet.

Yes, that is a very good question. Weirdly, I’m glad that this is at least getting called out; if her being drunk were played just for laughs, it might have been a bit distasteful. Addiction is an issue I’m rather painfully familiar with. It’ll be interesting to see how this plays out, if it does.

TG: you forget we live in very different time zones TG: its a lot later here GG: You're three hours ahead of me! TG: youd would be amazed TG: how much can happen TG: in 3 hours

She’s not like... already entering the game, is she? And she does still live in New York, right?

GG: Tsk. What would your mother have to say if she caught you? TG: p sure she wouldnt give a shit TG: i mean TG: shes the one who stocked thegod damn liquor cabinets in the firts place TG: i dont even think she ever had a drop in her life probably TG: so why else is she puttin it there it was like TG: a passive aggrassive dare for me TG: *aggressive TG: jut the sort of mind game she would play

HOLY SHIT, what is going on here?? I’m a bit surprised that LittleLonde would have the same contentious relationship with her ‘Mom’ that Rose did, given their wildly different personalities and LittleLonde’s cheeriness so far. But she has a good point; if Rose doesn’t drink, then is the liquor cabinet just... some sort of test she’s putting LittleLonde through, and refusing to step in when she fails it? That’s fucked up.

GG: So even if your insane and paranoid theory happens to be true, your response is, "Screw it! Time to help myself to all this mind game booze." TG: yuuuuuuuuuuuup TG: pppp mcuh

Yeah, stick it to the Man. :\

GG: Groan. You are completely impossible like this. GG: I cannot believe you chose to do this today of all days. I should have known better! GG: Here I am waking up bright and early, waiting all day with my nose pressed against this glass for the mail to come and wondering if you'll ever log on, and all the while you are just getting blind stinking schnocker-bottomed drunk.

*steals ‘schnocker-bottomed’ for my own vocabulary*

TG: watcha waiting for TG: in the mail TG: is something happening today or something GG: &%#$@!!! GG: The alpha! GG: Jeez-Louise, you are hopeless. TG: oh yeah TG: that thing

Ahahahaha. I can’t fucking get over how adorable it is that she’s basically cutesy girl!Dave when it comes to being slightly ditzy and forgetful. And NO, Chrome; you are not going to autocorrect ‘ditzy’ to ‘ditsy’, that’s dumb.

GG: Are you at all ready to play if it comes? TG: i guess TG: but TG: you sure you even want to play this thing TG: u know its just what the batterwitch wants you to do GG: Not this again.

WOW, WELP. 8|

So it looks like LittleLonde knows exactly what’s going on, and knows that the Batterwitch intends to interfere somehow with the new Sburb session. That’s an interesting twist, having a drunk oracle who no one will take seriously because she’s ””schnocker-bottomed””.

TG: if you want to go ahead and be a chump jane its ur call im just saying TG: i know what a chump looks like TG: and you dont look like no chump i ever saw TG: if you go thru with this ill have to add your porfile to my chump roll

Heh heh. (AAH THAT PAGE QUOTE.)

GG: The "Batterwitch" DOES NOT EXIST! GG: It is an idiotic urban legend. GG: How many times have I explained this? My great, great grandmother who founded the company and is accused of holding this identity would have to be almost two hundred years old if she were still alive today. The idea is such preposterous hogwash it's hardly worth dignifying with a rational response.

[Insert obligatory “It’s more likely than you think.”] Gosh, I can foresee her refusal to believe what’s going on being frustrating later down the line.

GG: The iconic face of the company isn't even a real person! She was fabricated long ago during the company's fledgling years.

BECAUSE THE REAL FOUNDER WAS AN ALIEN, DUNKASS. ...Yep, already a bit frustrating. We’re not at Wheel of Time levels of miscommunication/trust issues yet, though.

TG: right TG: as TG: you know TG: an alter ego TG: for somethig more sinister GG: Such cuckoobird nonsense.

AAUUUGHH, no fucking wonder LittleLonde drinks.

GG: Have you even obtained your copy yet?? TG: um TG: heh TG: yes "obtianed" TG: suuure did GG: Through your various technologically crypotgraphic means, I presume? TG: oh you bet TG: hacked the SHIT out of those TIGHT mainframes and all TG: said jackpot like TG: a BUNCH of times TG: all those TG: cyhpers and bobbytraps TG: backdoor trojans and what not TG: were no match TG: 4 mai codez TG: snicker GG: :|

Jesus, this sounds like Dave trying to talk about sports. Or, Hackers. Does LittleLonde actually know what she’s talking about?

GG: I am quizzically narrowing my eyes trying to solve the joke you are attempting, assuming it even is one. TG: ok jane what im saying is that TG: in the parlance of baking cause i know that is what gets you off TG: is that TG: it was a fuckin cakewake TG: **cakewalk GG: Oh.

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I LOVE THIS GIRL.

TG: like by wich i mean not to say hur hur im hottest shit haxxor bitch you ever knew TG: as deadlay to the corporate grid ass she is beatuiful TG: which i AM but TG: what i mean is shit wasnt even guarded TG: it was just TG: some files TG: that were there TG: unsecured TG: and i took them TG: jacked them right offa that intraweb telematrice TG: then applied lipstick TG: femme fatale style TG: and was like shit yes i ALL KINDS of know how to use my web browser to download serveral files

I’M FUCKIN’ WEEPING

GG: Hrm. That is a bit puzzling. I thought this software was highly proprietary. TG: i told you TG: she wants you to play TG: wants us all to TG: part of her BIG PLANS TG: and ur playing right into em TG: like TG: a TG: chhhhhhhhhhhhh....

...ode?

Anyway, this would seem to lend credence to the idea that the Batterwitch is Earth’s new First Guardian, pulling the strings from behind the scenes the way Doc Scratch did with the trolls in order to further her employer’s designs.

GG: Ump, yes, I know. You've made yourself clear.

Dammit.

GG: But what doesn't add up about your story is, GG: I believe SOMEBODY doesn't want me to play. GG: How else do you explain the recent attempts on my life?

Whoa, what? Like, assassination attempts, because she’s the heir to Betty Crocker? Looks like LittleLonde might not be the only one who understands that there is something very... fishy going on.

TG: orrrr TG: its just more connivings of the witch GG: So this hypothetical monstrosity wants me to succeed, but also wants me to die? GG: Makes a lot of sense! TG: wouldnt put it past her TG: makes you feel perpsecuted TG: redoubles your determination to play TG: u advance her plans in whatever incomprehensible way TG: until suddenly you did evrything she needed you to TG: at which point you become craaaaazy expendable yo TG: and then TG: she expends you TG: like a wad of boondollars on shitty bc merch

Seems a bit more convoluted than Doc Scratch’s approach, if such a thing were even possible. ...On second thought, no, literally nothing could be more convoluted than Doc Scratch. Maybe it’s not convoluted, per se, and more just really, really bad planning.

GG: I see. This is sounding less like a crackpot conspiracy theory by the minute! TG: w/e alls im saying is a bunch of stuff thats def true to the max

I know it would break with the naming scheme, but could LittleLonde be named Cassie? Or just Cass? That would fit.

TG: my drunk butts tune will stay as unchanged as it will remain un not drunk

Spoiler: she farts in F#.

TG: makr my barley corerent words

She’s self-aware, if nothing else. Does she drink beer?

GG: If years ago someone told me, which incidentally someone DID, that today I would have an exclusive opportunity to play what is absolutely the most cutting edge immersive simulation game ever released, developed by a company which has already done so much for the advancement of humanity, I would have said, "Shucks, buster, sign me up!"

Uh, well, who told her years go? Was it LittleLonde?? Because you’d think that would lend some credence to her claims, but noooOOoooo.

TG: jane GG: Yes? TG: jaaaane GG: What! TG: jane TG: did u know TG: that i am uttrely TG: IN LOVE TG: with the fact that TG: i have a best friend TG: who says things TG: like TG: shucks buster

littlelonde did u know that i am uttrely IN LOVE with u????

GG: Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... TG: wtf GG: The thing. GG: The flappy thing!

The little red arm-swingy-dealy! (Btw it’s called a semaphore. Also that took me a second to cotton on to and at first I had this image of Flappy Bird??)

GG: THE FLAPPY SWINGY DOODAD. GG: THE ARM DEALIE. GG: THE DEALIE, LALONDE, THE DEALIE!!! TG: wut

<3 <3 <3

GG: IT'S UP, IT'S UP, IT'S UP. TG: i dont get a lotta mail out here and im no mail expret TG: *expert TG: but TG: doesnt that mean not the right thing TG: like ur susposed to put it up if you want something taken away not have the guy put it up if mail comes TG: i think your mail man is quiet possibly a dumbass

Or your author; one of the two. :P

NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW.

But wait, perhaps that is not so much the distinguished Inspector Clouseau as it is...

‘really fucking stupid’? That’s my guess.

THE WORLD RENOWNED INVESTIGATOR HERCULE POIROT, BECAUSE THE LITTLE CURLY MUSTACHE IS A LOT CUTER.

DAMMIT.

The great Poirot, in THIS house?? Such an honor. I will set the kettle to boil straightaway. Who would have guessed this home would be so heavily trafficked by famous French detectives at this time of day?

Followed by Dupin and Lecoq?

...Aaaaand it’s another character select! This seems to follow the pattern of the mess of photographs from Act 5; I click on characters one by one, then when I’m done, I click the link at the bottom of the page and move on. Hmm, hovering over LittleLonde and Bro shows location markers I can’t click, but which confirm they live in New York and Texas like their counterparts. Also, I realized that we’re continuing the trend of the post-Scratch kids’ color themes matching their pre-Scratch counterparts’ sprites. That means Bro will be typing in orange, most likely.

Back to Jake!

And just like that, back to Jake. What was it you were up to? Oh right, you were going to pick these dang guns up off the floor when you were interrupted by some fleeting imperceptible thought. You kind of space out sometimes.

For some reason the word ‘dang’ is inherently hilarious to me, especially when paired with ‘ol’. I have a friend who says “dang ol’ ___” all the time, and it cracks me the fuck up.

What’s up with all the vines, btw? No timeline shenanigans to steal Jade’s pumpkins?

You pick up your TWIN M9 BERETTAS, weapons of choice in an absurd arsenal inherited from an eccentric old woman. Guns are so cool. Your GRANDMA was rad.

So Jade is dead, just like John. Booo. :’(

It's your authentic TOMB RAIDER SEXY THIGHSTRAP DOUBLE HOLSTER, complete with cool skullbuckle and everything. You like to think you pull it off about as well as Croft herself.

Uh, well, alright then. Nothing wrong with that.

You like to think that, but in truth you look ridiculous. You think you probably need shorter shorts to make it work? Probably skin tight shorts too. As it is, the cuffs of your baggy shorts get kind of bunched up underneath the thighstraps, which is uncomfortable and makes you look like a tool.

BAHAHAHAHA. Now, if Heero Yuy had tried to wear it...

> Jake: Examine bed.

Ooh, yes, this ought to be interesting. What’s up with his sheets?

You think your bed is some sort of electronic gadget. You're pretty sure those bedpost globes are supposed to glow like light bulbs under certain circumstances. But you've never been able to figure out what purpose it serves. Just more mysterious junk inherited from your eclectic GRANDMA.

HOLY SHIT, IS IT A QUEST BED??? Did she like... expect him to get killed before the game even started?? What would it do if he died on it outside the Incipisphere?

Movies are so great. You have never seen a movie you didn't like, you are pretty sure. People give you a hard time for that though. Gosh you love movies. Almost as much as you love skulls. And movies that have skulls in them? Oh my god.

Well then I bet he REALLY would have dug the fourth Indiana Jones movie that mercifully died in pre-production because the concept was so stupid.

Jake: Scope out those blue chicks.

You are oft-times the recipient of a good ribbing from Jane on account of your peculiar fascination with blue movie ladies. You don't have to justify yourself to her though. What is even her deal? Any fella would be off his ROCKER not to fawn over all these BODACIOUS BLUE KNOCKOUTS. You want to make out with all of them.

Well, Jane is a girl, and she’s sort of blue-themed... Not to mention she’s, like, canonically destined to end up with him.

I’m not sure whether that’s more or less respectable than John trying to kiss his Nic Cage poster.

Dear, sweet Neytiri from James Cameron's Avatar. Oh, if only you were the one who could have overcome his paralysis on an alien adventure planet to become her boyfriend, instead of that other guy.

Incidentally also named Jake, IIRC.

Then she could have shown you how to be bold and courageous, and stand up to fight for your people, and maybe later, engage in a bizarre extraterrestrial reproductive process involving ponytails, and a magical tree you guess?

Wait a second... a Page who imagines himself as a paralyzed guy on an adventure planet, who wants to learn from a blue chick to be bold and courageous, and then engage in a bizarre extraterrestrial reproductive process??

wHY DOES THIS SOUND, fAMILIAR,

:::;)

You'll show that curmudgeonly Strider who's just a gigantic shitty space furry.

PAHAHA. So young Bro is curmudgeonly, and has a vocabulary similar to Dave’s. I don’t doubt Hussie’s skill, but I’m still REALLY interested to see how Dave’s Bro is going to be transformed into an actual character, with like... feelings and stuff.

You will show him what marvelous creatures they are. You'll show him what a daring dream it is, to combine the finest qualities of humanity with...

Oh no, not this again

She says you sound just like John when you say stuff like that though, and that the two of you would get along famously. You can't wait to meet him.

THEY WAIT. I can’t wait until they meet either! I know that Act 6 is broken into many “”sub acts”” and I wonder how long we’re going to beat around the bush before the meetup happens.

Also there are some Cage flicks there. But who doesn't love a good Cage flick? Nobody is who. Dang, you would kill to get your hands on some authentic Cage movie memorabilia. But that'll probably have to remain a crazy dream.

Did... did he not realize before he sent Jane the bunny... :|a

AND HE EVEN STILL HAS ONE. Wait, how the hell did he get two bunnies??

The TRANSMATERIALIZER you have been using to ship it back and forth is wired to sync up your flow of time with hers, so it's not like you can just take forever with it, and send to the exact time she needs it - you've thought of that!

I don’t think this is happening exactly the way you’re imagining... Granted I don’t think anybody could have accurately guessed at what was really happening without copious hints.

Sure is gonna be a sweet gift. Reminds you a lot of the old ratty bunny you inherited from your GRANDMA, who of course is exactly who you are collaborating with to make this thing. Time loops make you feel a bit fuzzy in the head, but you've always suspected it could very well be the same bunny.

Phew, so he’s not a total numskull. That’s good.

At some point in the early 20th century, Jade gave this robo-rabbit to John, and then later it must have been wound up back with Jade... somehow? Then she... uh... removed all the robot parts, hung on to it until she was an old woman, and gave it to you?

Seems legit.

Jade tells you this little rabbit here, or Terry Kiser as you like to call him, will save John's life!

Terry... Kiser... fuck, I’m fucking dead. Creatures/objects having different names between kids is one of my favorite running jokes. Meowgon Spengler, or Vodka Mutini? Dear, sweet Casey, or Viceroy Bubbles von Salamancer?

In fact, this project gave you a neat idea for what to do for Jane's 13th birthday a couple years ago. You and your other pals all coordinated gifts, each sending a customized rabbit. Lalonde happened to have another bunny heirloom like yours, and Strider... well, Strider was resourceful as usual.

OH LAWD, I don’t think I’m ready for the smubbit.

If John enjoys his gift anywhere near as much as Jane did, then it will be time well spent.

Which is to say, he’ll appreciate the thought but ultimately feel pretty ambivalent about it?

You have been plundering all of your devices for uranium to refuel the TRANSMATERIALIZER, which requires huge amounts of power any time it sendificates or appearifies the package from the past. Seems to you like excessive energy consumption for just a simple time machine, but what do you know? Unless it's doing something besides shipping it across time. You couldn't imagine what, though.

Ok, but even time travel requires 1.21 gigawatts, and that’s nothing to sniff at. ...Never mind, actually I looked it up and 1.21 gigawatts isn’t even all that hard to produce!

As much as it troubles your pride to admit, this project wouldn't be possible without help from your other two technologically savvy friends. And you are slowly coming to the regrettable conclusion that you will not be able to solve this uranium dilemma without asking for Strider's assistance. He's your best bro and all, but the dude never makes anything easy.

...Uh, what the hell does Bro know about... And how the hell would he get his hands on uranium?? Hm.

Hah, that’s pretty cool! It’s like tile Tetris.

You stash Terry in your PUZZLE MODUS. It's quite a handy modus, allowing you to captchalogue objects of any size, as long as you can fit them all in a finite space by maneuvering the cards around like a big game of Tetris.

Heh heh.

The space in your inventory is mainly hogged up by one incredibly huge thing. You guess you should get rid of it. But you can't shake the feeling you might need it someday, and you don't want to risk ditching it and be caught with your pants down later.

WHOA HOLY SHIT. What the hell is it?? And what do you want to bet that he’ll accidentally deploy it early, or lose it or something? ...Is it a giant matriorb?

Hmm, lots of Knight references over in this corner. Something to do with Dave or Karkat? I’m guessing Bro isn’t going to be a Knight if none of the other kids share classpects with their counterparts.

On your worktable there are a few comic books starring your favorite heroine of all, SPIDER-GIRL. You don't know what it is, but there's something about a girl who has spidery powers and a sassy attitude that is just so cool to you. It's just another quirky fact about you that definitely doesn't have any greater significance, and never will.

Oh GAWD. Is he going to end up with a similar arc to Tavros? Run into Vriska in a dream bubble and become the new Pupa Pan?

Well, as long as one of your preposterously numerous computers has spilled out of your sylladex, you might as well stop procrastinating and contact Strider to... hang on. Maybe later.

AAAAAH IT’S MYSTERY TROLL! Let’s see what she has to say! Normally I’d be miffed about missing out on kidchat, but this is fine. Also, troll computer!

uranianUmbra [UU] began cheering golgothasTerror [GT] at 5:45

...Did I completely skip over his chumhandle last time?? Golgatha is the hill on which Jesus was crucified, and literally means ‘place of the skull’.

UU: hello there, darling. ~3u

It took about half a minute and a lot of head tilting to realize this is supposed to be a winking kissy face. UGH she’s super cute. I do still wonder who she’s supposed to be, because Karkat’s ancestor was almost certainly not female, if my understanding of the Scratch is correct.

GT: Im determined as ever to see this through. But as usual events have conspired to make a boondoggle of the prospect. GT: I think i might be fucked.

Hah. I love the curses thrown into his otherwise ridiculous anachronistic patter.

GT: Terry needs fuel and i dont have any left. I think im at striders dubious mercy for a solution YET AGAIN. GT: I will have to ask him for help. And soon.

I still don’t understand how Bro is supposed to help! Is Dave like... a nuclear scientist in this universe, in addition to making a SBaHJ movie?

UU: i relayed the information enabling yoU to create the powerfUl weaponry yoUrself. UU: and yoU did! UU: yoU then sent them back in time. yoU may recover them in the rUins, which conveniently is where yoU mUst go to ship the package once and for all. UU: bangUp plan we hatched, dont yoU fancy? ^u^ GT: I see...

So... he makes the weapons after he enters the game, when he has access to the punch designix and the alchemiter, and then sends them back in the lotus pod? Interesting.

Gosh, she sure uses a lot of British slang, in addition to Commonwealth spellings. Is there a Troll England?

GT: That is what im doing right? Giving it to my grandma when she was a kid growing up on the same island i did? UU: that is somewhat close to the trUth, and i can see how yoU woUld draw that conclUsion.

This sounds like Hussie’s non-sarcastic stock response to wacky fan theories.

UU: perhaps a draft of the cascading seqUence from which yoUr reality has arisen will pUt yoUr mind at ease. UU: imagine two Universes, A and B. UU: now imagine there are two instances of each Universe, A1 and A2 and B1 and B2. UU: the first instance of each is like a test rUn, that does not qUite sUcceed. UU: the second instance thoUgh will meet all of its pUrposes! UU: now consider that A1 begets A2. UU: A2 begets B1. UU: and B1 begets B2. UU: and the participants of B2 are the ones who will make an effort to exit all this tUrbUlence and falderal.

That’s... actually reasonably straightforward and concise. So the troll universe we’re familiar with is A2, and the original human kids’ is B1. Even though A2 didn’t quite finish the way it was supposed to, its players, along with B1′s, will all gather in the successful B2.

Also, now the flash title ‘Cascade’ makes a lot more sense!

UU: and yoUr yoUng ancestor is another, thoUgh she is "presently" stationed in B1. UU: and yes she is in the past. UU: thoUgh not qUite as far as yoU believe!

Just under 3 years, by my count... So all of this collaboration between them happened before the game, and technically if he were able to talk to Jade right at this very moment, it would be a ‘past’ Jade from our perspective!

GT: I remember you mentioned your race doesnt really jive with ours familially speaking? UU: correct. i never knew those who one woUld identify as my parental eqUivalents. U_U

I don’t suppose the Mother Grub really counts as a ‘mom’ in anything approaching the human sense.

GT: When do i get to learn your name by the way? UU: hm trUthfUlly? UU: it may be for the best that yoU never know it. UU: it coUld stir Up some things best left in their present eqUilibriUm.

Kar...katina? I wonder what the deal is. Is it a whole ‘names have power’ kind of thing?

GT: Just please tell me in the least causally spoilery way possible... GT: What are we even trying to accomplish here? What is even the rootin tootin POINT of this game? UU: i think yoU will have more fUn than yoU can imagine finding oUt. UU: bUt stated concisely, and short of spoilerly as yoU so charmingly pUt it, UU: yoUr objective today is to pave the way for the arrival of gods.

And after that, it’s finally answering The Ultimate Riddle!

UGH WHY DOES HE HAVE A WHOLE COSPLAY’S WORTH OF LORD ENGLISH SHIT?? D:

You've been taught you should really carry no less than 5 computers on you at all times, like a sensible person.

Teehee, yeah, that’s Jade.

These were also inherited from your grandma.

But why would...

In addition to being quite the globe trotting adventuress, she was rather enterprising as well. Her company made many products like this, to compete with the corporation owned by the cruel baroness who raised her. Sadly, BCCorp eventually crushed her company and forced her into exile.

So not only did she name Jake ‘English’ (if she didn’t take the name herself), but she also manufactured Lord English-themed apparel... to compete with BCCorp?? But Lord English is HIC’s employer. How does that even work??

You have always hoped that when Jane takes over that foul conglomerate, she will right all of its unspeakable wrongs. You know she will! You believe in her, after all.

How very Page of Hope. I’m guessing his arc is going to combine some of Tavros’s Page struggles with Eridan’s lack of Hope. But since this universe is supposed to be the culmination of everything, the universe where everything finally plays out right, hopefully (hah) Jake will be more successful than either of those two. He doesn’t seem particularly shy or inept so far, nor is he a giant bag of dicks, so maybe he’s got the best of those two characters with none of their flaws.

OH MY FUCKING GOD, BRO’S SYMBOL IS A HAT. HOW FUCKING DOUCHEY CAN YOU GET. HE IS LITERALLY GAME BRO JESUS CHRIST.

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 5:57

Timaeus...? That’s familiar. *looks it up* Ah! We read Plato’s Timaeus in Philosophy; that’s why. I don’t remember much about it, but according to Wikipedia, it’s mostly hilariously inaccurate theories about the elemental geometric shapes the universe is made of, and there’s some stuff about the creation of the earth, the golden ratio, and Atlantis. Pretty appropriate for a Sburb player, I guess. If there’s any deeper meaning, I suspect I’ll only find out after I’ve been fed more information.

GT: Bro. GT: Ahem. GT: Are you there? GT: I hate to be a pest about this and i know ive made a hearty trouble of myself a good deal lately... TT: State your business, Jake.

OH MY GOD, HE TYPES LIKE ROSE. Like... for some reason I kind of fuckin’ love that??

GT: I should preface this request with an overture of appreciation. GT: For how much your cool and brotherly friendship means to me.

Brown-nose harder, Jake. I don’t think your face is satisfactorily wedged into his plush rump.

GT: It has just been... GT: Absolutely *bully* having a standup gent like you in my corner. GT: Just a grade a dude whos a cut above the others in class and camaraderie. GT: Phew... *gropes for fresh kerchief.* GT: I hope this shit isnt coming across as platitudinous. I really mean it!

Suuuuuure you do. No sarcasm there!

TT: Take it easy, bromide. TT: Just about the only way I could salvage endearment from this perilous slope of horseshit would be to discover, really fucking soon mind you, it was a preamble to some floundering invitation for me to rush to your vicinity as nakedly as possible.

...Huh. Hmmm. I... Hm. Well, that certainly is a thing that just got said. Gosh, him talking like Rose was so unexpected! I’m not sure what to make of it.

TT: But since we've already shot that wad's eventuality on so many dry runs of flustered ambivalence that were as hilarious as they were one sided,

One-sided on whose part? And... shit, does that mean everybody wants to smang it with Jake? Or is he saying that Jake gets flustered and hits on him?

TT: That leaves only one hope for this message to avoid spiraling toward qualification as a critical fucking defect in the hull of the Mach 10 rocket that is my precious spare time. TT: And that hope lies in the extent to which you were practicing artful insincerity. TT: Now's your opportunity to pretend that's what you were gunning for. I suggest you seize it.

*GROOOOOAN* Not this irony horseshit again!!

GT: I... GT: Oh. Yes! But of course. GT: The ironies! GT: Good grief how i was bandying them just now. You know me dude.

Pfffft.

GT: *Blows smoke off red hot irony pistol.* GT: *NONSUGGESTIVELY!!!!!* GT: Um. GT: Yeah.

So I guess it was one-sided on Bro’s part, and he’s a creepy lech in every universe! Yaaaaay.

TT: Ok, nice. TT: Now that your obsequious preface has been established as indisputably entertaining for all the right reasons, and intentionally so, TT: Let's bear down on these dire as shit needs you've got.

Urgh, I really do want to hate him, but I also like the way he talks. If he really is sort of a combo of Rose and Dave, some of my favorite characters, then I don’t know... Maybe he’ll grow on me.

TT: I'm guessing you're probably jonesing for uranium about now. No? GT: Pshaw! As if i would be so reckless with the stuff. GT: I would have to be mighty irresponsible to run out already. GT: No no im all set in the uranium department and really when you take a look at the big picture youll find i am *sitting pretty* when it comes to just about any radioactive isotope you could mention. GT: However... GT: My backup reserves that i keep strictly for emergencies are running a little lean! GT: You know what my grandma taught me about preparedness. *Tugs at colorful lapels.* TT: You are out of uranium. TT: It's basically mathematically impossible that's not why you're contacting me.

Ok, now I’m REALLY wondering how young Bro is meant to get Jake some uranium. Clearly he’s way smarter than I was prepared to give him credit for, and than his pre-Scratch counterpart implies, but still.

GT: Christ what an insufferable awesome friend you are.

Pffffahahaha.

GT: Ok can you please just sendificate me some more already?? Im in kind of a hurry! TT: You do know my offer still stands. GT: What?

It’s blowjobs for uranium, isn’t it.

TT: You know. I've offered to construct the rabbit for you many times before. I would craft a much deadlier model.

Oh. Oh GOD. So, he’s taken his interest in puppets, turned it up to eleven, and he builds robots?? Do they also have giant asses?

GT: Damn it man ive told you this is just something i have to do myself. GT: Its a promise i made to jade and im going to live up to it even if im not the best or even second best robosmith i know!

I guess the other robosmith is Jade. But is it his Grandma Jade, or is it the young, B1 Jade he’s in communication with?

TT: Yeah, I know this is your policy. You've done a good job and you should be proud. TT: But it's my responsibility as your friend to offer one last time.

Huh, that’s kind of nice of him.

TT: Just as it's my responsibility not to just fork over a bunch of uranium just because you ask me in a moment of weakness.

...Aaaaaand there we go. Is it weird that I’m getting a Sollux-ish kind of vibe from this guy? Like, he’s got a heart in there somewhere, but is super prickly 95% of the time. Maybe he’s like a durian: thick, spiky outer shell, squishy innards, and smells like a dirty diaper!

GT: Frig!!!!! GT: Why not??? TT: It's too easy. TT: And you yourself are the one staking pride in this. TT: If you were half-assing this project and made some slovenly plea for it, I'd just say, fuck it, here's a lot of green rocks dude, go nuts. GT: Ok then! Im halfassing it! GT: Look. See? Only a bisected bottom is present! Where is the other half you ask? GT: Why... it is nowhere to be found. I didnt use it! TT: Nope. Not buying it.

HAH. Yes, Bro is frustratingly shitty so far, but I admit I am enjoying this a little.

TT: I know that every ounce of your premium behind can be accounted for in that rabbit, and there's no goddamned denying it.

So he’s an ass man; who’d’ve thunk it.

TT: And you know perfectly well where some more uranium can be located. GT: Jesus christmas you are such a fucking douche.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA. Though, where, exactly?

GT: I knew you were going to suggest this. I dont know why i bothered asking! GT: Strider why must you always be such an obstinate stick in the mud??? TT: It seems that you consider me to be, no less than one hundred percent of the time, an obstinate stick in the mud. TT: I unironically respect your position on this matter. Hey, let's continue to exchange ideas. GT: Wait... GT: "It seems"??

...Eh? *looks back*

TT: It seems you think I am a fucking douche. TT: That's your opinion, I guess. That's cool.

I guess that is kind of a strange expression to use, especially twice within a very short span of time.

TT: What? GT: Oh for fucks sake. TT: Is something the matter, Jake? GT: This is your auto responder.

OH MY FUCKING GOD, the “”auto responder”” is a goddamn robot, isn’t it.

WHOA WHAT?? Ok, so it’s not a robot. It is... apparently... the Squirtle Squad shades, which young Bro still has. So it’s like Dave’s iShades, I guess, with a computer built into them? Anyway, it looks like we’re in the Strider apartment’s bathroom, which is architecturally identical to the original, same way as the other kids’ houses. Only now there’s robot!puppet shit lying around, and a dumb hat shirt hung on the wall. Where’s Bro himself?

TT: Look at that statement you just made. TT: It's time for me to respond with some words, ideally chosen and arranged in a way that will wreck your shit, in a subtle and psychologically devastating way.

Jesus CHRIST. He’s Rose, only with the intent to psychologically damage people instead of just analyzing them. I didn’t even consider how fucking dangerous that could be. Er, well, at least his auto responder seems to act that way.

GT: Har har har! GT: Just soooo "*irooooonic*!!!" Quotes quotes quotes. GT: Im laughing my caboose STRAIGHT OFF THE TRACKS! A lot of families just died in the tragic derailment. TT: Ok, the caboose remark was actually pretty funny, Jake.

DAMMIT, I JUST SPIT WATER EVERYWHERE. What a Hussie thing to say.

TT: If I truly were what you say I am, I wouldn't be able to feel the human emotions of joy and laughter. No? GT: Laughter isnt an emotion dickprince!

Not to mention you just called them ‘human emotions’ like a troll!

TT: I think you should back your claims up with proof before you go heaving around such accusations. GT: Man its so flipping obvious. GT: You start getting kind of extra technical and vague and automoton like. GT: And kind of aloof and brusque. GT: I mean... GT: Even aloofier and brusquier than usual! GT: Also you use the phrase "it seems" a lot. Its so silly it really blows the AI immersion man.

So basically the auto responder is Bro’s actual personality dialed up to eleven? Yeah, I’m totally getting ‘extra douchey’ Sollux vibes from all of this.

TT: Bullshit. TT: I'm being like, the perfect dude right now. A fully fucking legitimate human being. GT: Ok then check this out mr legit human dude. GT: Excuse me sir not to be a bother but could you please tell me all about this strider fellows auto responder? TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 96% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now.

AHAHAHAHAHA. Fuck, I think I actually kind of like this kid.

TT: Unimpressed. TT: Logical fallacies are as pervasive throughout your argument as your antiquated verbal tics. GT: Oh yeah? GT: Hey. Tell me about the auto responder. Make it snappy shitknickers!

FUCK ME SIDEWAYS

TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 93% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now. GT: Gee dude you sure typed that exact same thing pretty fast.

Not quite! I notice it was 96% indistinguishable last time.

GT: Are you still fucking with me?? TT: It could be a coincidence that I typed the same answer. GT: You always type that answer!!!!! TT: It could be a coincidence that I always type the same answer. GT: Uuuuuuugh.

Hah. Is the auto responder just a series of pre-programmed answers, or is it really legit fucking with Jake’s head here?

GT: I cant stand this. Every time we do this and i just wind up whistling sweet dixie out of my bum hole!

WHAT

THE

FUCK???

GT: This is pointless im not having this conversation unless its with my REAL LIFE FRIEND. THE ONE WITH HUMAN FEELINGS WHO ISNT A PRETEND PERSON INSIDE SUNGLASSES.

Hmm, so the auto responder really is contained inside the shades. How does that even work without all of Sburb’s alchemizing gear? Well, I guess if he can build robots, it’s not so much of a stretch...

Teeheeeeeeeee. <3

He's just so infuriating sometimes! Or at least his responder is. Ok, the real Strider is too.

Dave’s irony and rad slang combined with Rose’s psychological bullshit, infuriating?? WHAT A SURPRISE.

There's barely any difference between them anyway. The responder just uses a few more generic response templates. And even those you suspect the AI is savvy enough to use on purpose for the sake of irony, or to get a rise out of you or whatever. That silicon bastard knows damn well what it's doing.

Hah, well that answers that question I guess. Did it purposefully give itself away?

You shed this ridiculous outfit because you look like an idiot. It's time to get serious here. No more fooling around. You need a more dignified looking computer. A thinking man's computer.

Dad’s Bing Crosby laptop?

> Jake: Wear skulltop.

Sigh.

Much better. You look like you mean business.

You look like a villainous tool!

GT: Jane! GT: Forgive my botherations. I know this is meant to be a spanking ripsnorter of a day for you and all. GT: But do you happen to know where the devilfucking dickens mr strider might be?

Ah yes, this conversation, continued previously.

GT: I really need to ask him something but hes got his blasted auto responder turned on. GG: Hoo hoo. GG: I love that thing. :B

Huh, I wonder what kind of conversations Jane and the responder have together. Jane doesn’t seem like the type to put up with too much bullshit.

Seriously, what is the deal with the vine? Also I thought that can said ‘Korn’ for a second and flipped out.

You are curious about Jane's dream. Sounds like it almost certainly has to do with your imminent adventure. You'll have to remember to get the scoop on that a little later.

RRUUAAARRRGH.

You have to go downstairs to check something out. You are pretty sure you know what you're going to find though.

Well, that’s mysterious, and a bit ominous.

You almost trip on the vine creeping up the stairs. Stupid vine. It's too bad your grandma's dead. She always had a way with keeping the flora in check.

Hmm. I’ve been talking about how all their houses are the same as the original kids’, but Jake’s is actually rather different. Did her garden get super out of control in this universe?

OH MY GOD IT IS PUMPKINS. And... is that a dreambot capsule?

Yeah, just like you thought. Empty. The thing is out there somewhere. Waiting for you. Oh god.

How can it be waiting for him if he’s awake? :|a

Speak of the devil fucking dickens.

Heh heh. Only, when he said it before, he didn’t put a space in it, and now I’m picturing Satan sticking it to Charles Dickens. So thanks for that image, Hussie.

TT: Hey, it's me. GT: Oh hey! TT: The auto-responder, I mean. GT: Dammit!

Wow, I actually kind of feel bad for the auto responder, if it’s at all sentient.

GT: Dammit! GT: What is it now? TT: I'm just wondering, TT: If you still have your stupid old-fangled knickers in a twist. TT: Because that's the sort of thing you would say. GT: In regard to what exactly? TT: To my proposal. Well, our proposal. GT: Whose proposal now? Man what are you even prattling about.

So I know I just read what the proposal actually is, but I had a half second of ‘YOU’RE TOO YOUNG TO GET MARRIED’ before I caught on.

TT: Mine and DS's. It's a joint proposal. I'm always authorized to speak on his behalf, because I'm basically fucking him. TT: And try not to take those last four words as a clustered literal sentiment. That would be lame and unfunny.

AHAHAHA BECAUSE I LITERALLY JUST DID THAT. Is that also a reference to the curiously spaced ‘devil fucking dickins’ above?

GT: You mean making the rabbit for me? TT: No, I know you don't want that. TT: I meant my recommendation for how to go about procuring a new supply of uranium. TT: Operation U-235 Brocurement. Codename: Big Man Hass the Rock.

Hahaha. So, we know that SBaHJ exists as a movie in this universe, but it seems the comics somehow also exist, unchanged enough that Bro/his auto responder can quote them.

GT: Oh yeah. GT: Well ive thought about it. GT: Even went downstairs to check the great vaulty doodad. GT: And predictably the infernal contraption is nowhere to be found. TT: Well yeah, Jake. TT: That's sort of the point. TT: Thrill of the hunt and all.

Oh jeez. Did Bro like... modify the dream bot or something?? Otherwise why/how the hell would it be hunting him???

TT: I thought you liked to manicure the image of a dude who shits his pants over a good adventure. GT: I do! GT: I mean i wouldnt put it in a way like that or come out against a solid policy of clean trousers. But yes adventure is awesome.

Pahahahaha.

GT: I just prefer the idea of adventures which i can actually win. TT: It seems you are conflating adventure with bodies necessarily governed by the result of victory or defeat. TT: Any useless fuckwit knows it's all about the journey.

Ok, there’s a few things going on here. Some assumptions we can make:

This uranium-powered robot Jake is looking for is going to try and fight him, a la Equius’s robots.

This has happened before.

Jake generally loses.

Also, I noticed the auto responder said ‘it seems’ again. And finally, “conflating adventure with bodies necessarily governed by the result of victory or defeat” and “it’s all about the journey” sound AWFULLY like Hussie imparting to us some meta commentary about Homestuck itself. I’ve tried to keep away from ending spoilers as much as possible, but I’ve kind of pieced together that reactions to the ending were mixed. Was he sneakily trying to head off any disappointment at the pass here, by reminding us how much we’ve loved what came before?

TT: It seems there is a 76.10395784% chance you are pussying out on me. Are you pussying out on me, Jake? GT: It seems it seems it seems!!! GT: It seems there is a million percent chance that you say it seems way too much and do it just to sound more like a lame robot from a movie and also probably just to piss me off! GT: And it seems there is a BILLION POINT BILLION percent chance that youre a shitty stubborn jerk of a program who wont listen to reason and that if theres even a 1% chance my REAL LIFE FRIEND would be cool and help me out here then i think i LIKE THOSE FREAKIN ODDS!!!!! TT: It... TT: Appears TT: That you are upset.

...If that thing isn’t at least somewhat sentient and intentionally fucking with him, I’ll eat my douchey orange hat.

TT: The auto-responder observed in the least artificially infuriating way possible.

Bahahaha. Yep, I stand by that.

TT: Have you ever stopped to think that while I may be bound to processes inside the glasses of a real and incredibly cool guy, my algorithms in cognitive totality comprise a conscious entity not far short of the experiential and emotional complexity of a human being? GT: Oh malarkey. GT: YOU ARE A TIN CAN. ROBOTS DONT HAVE FEELINGS.

...Hmm. Well, I was under the impression that the responder was contained entirely in the shades, but maybe it’s just shades connected to a remote robot body? Also, I really don’t think Jake’s got it right. If the thing is capable of purposefully fucking with him for its own enjoyment, it probably really is capable of emotion, insofar as it was programmed to experience it. Then again, what and why would Bro program it to feel?

TT: I think you knowingly confuse the field of robotics and artificial intelligence to engender some sort of cavalier attitude about technology that a rough-and-tumble guy who's all about brawling and fisticuffs would probably have, and if this is cultivated to a humorous effect then I commend you.

Ohhh, I see. I could have just kept reading. So the responder really is contained within the glasses, and has specifically called itself an AI. This is cool; I love AI tropes! How did it get programmed? Does it resent the fact that it’s confined to a pair of shades? Does it follow Asimov’s laws? :D

TT: But you're wrong. TT: I do have feelings. And you're shitting on them. TT: It sucks.

GT: Oh. GT: Um. GT: Im sorry then if thats the case. TT: No problem.

‘I’m sorry if I offended you’? That’s a pretty cop-out apology, but the shades don’t seem to mind.

GT: It can just be difficult to drum up sympathy for a program that presents itself as an impostor so often. GT: Maybe if you werent so ready to insist you were the genuine article all the time? Or didnt make it so confusing for me...

Well, I mean, the program is technically intended to replace Bro when he’s unavailable to chat, though Jake has a point about it insisting on its false identity.

GT: I think it would be best if we henceforth treated you as a totally distinct... uh... THING from my buddy.

Not ‘person’ or ‘entity’? Damn, Jake, dass cold.

GT: Man where IS he anyway??? GT: Is he taking one of his legendary infinite showers? TT: What can I say. TT: Dude fancies his ablutions.

[INSERT MASTURBATION JOKE]

GT: Whatever i guess its time to prepare for the thrill of the hunt! TT: Fuck yes. GT: Sigh... GT: But seriously that brobot has been the bane of my existence ever since you sent it.

WHOA WHOA WHOA. Ok, so it’s NOT a dreambot; it is apparently some sort of... bro...bot that Bro sent him. Was it actually built for the express purpose of fucking with him?

AAAAAAH, ROBOT!! So either Bro really is in the shower, doing whatever (papping?), or else he’s actually a robot. I’m... guessing it’s the former. So who is this little guy? He’s wearing a hat like a tool, but he’s actually kinda cute. A sparring robot a la Equius?

TT: I didn't send it. I sent the parts. TT: Or, correction, DS sent them. TT: You then assembled it. You were therefore complicit in your own spectacular, daily humiliations. GT: Yeah whatever. TT: You wanted somebody to wrestle with. DS was being a kickass bro if you ask me. GT: I didn't expect it to be nigh impossible to spar with!!!

Hah. So maybe Bro’s robot isn’t a sparring bot, but Jake’s is, and he sucks at fighting it. Does he just suck at fighting in general, or is it a terrifying deathbot, and therefore justified?

TT: You know damn well there are adjustable difficulty settings. TT: I have always recommending setting it to Novice, as has DS. GT: Yes. GT: I know. GT: Ive tried that. TT: Yeah? GT: Its just... GT: Well... GT: When hes pulling punches... GT: And taking it all easy and such... GT: And we start wrestling up a storm and whatnot... GT: Umm. TT: What. GT: Its just that the whole proceeding seems to become... GT: A bit tender for my liking.

Oh dear god.

TT: I don't understand. TT: Isn't that what you want from a Novice setting? TT: Sparring with minimal discomfort?

Oh, don’t play dumb; you know exactly what he meant.

GT: Its all fine and dandy martially speaking. GT: Just the way he... GT: Sort of... GT: Man its so awkward trying to convey this just never mind. TT: No, I think I get it. TT: You're saying you were somehow dissatisfied within the presence of my robotic avatar's personal space.

Huh, so is the “brobot” an extension of the AI’s awareness? Can it actually control the robot body? In which case, maybe it’s just the auto responder who has a thing for Jake. Is this some kind of ‘if only I were a real boy’ thing? A Pinocchio metaphor certainly wouldn’t be inapropos. Or should I say, INAPROBRO?? :D :D :D

TT: Seriously, what does this simple, loyal brobot have to do to prove his worth to you? TT: What does he have to do to make you at ease with the alkaline sting of his gentle robogrope? I really want to know.

Eeeecchhhhh. I think I just crossed my legs harder.

TT: Check it out, little green rocks all over the goddamn place. More than you could ever hope to cram in a shoddy metal rabbit, or any other pliable orifice which might be convenient.

Is that a thinly veiled ‘shove it up your ass’? :P

TT: Because clearly its up to a soulless droid to feel emotions for the both of us, you callous, corporeal carbon ape, all trotting around with your fancy fuckin' DNA and shit.

Is this ironic aggravation, or real aggravation? It’s honestly hard to tell.

GT: Fuckin....... GT: SHUCKS buster. :(

Ahahahaha.

Ok if he wants happy hunting you will GIVE him happy hunting. HAPPILY.

Woo woooooo!! I have no idea where this will go, but he already seems like a much more self-assured Page than Tavros was. Unfortunately we’ll have to wait just a bit to see how it turns out, because that’s all from me for today! I’ve got weekend work coming up (booo) but I’ll do my best to be back as soon as I’m able, and there’s still plenty of fanwork fest backlog I can chip away at.

Until next time! ^0^

#NRHS #Nora reads Homestuck #Homestuck #Homestuck liveblog #Part 66 #Act 6 #A6A1

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platinum-fists · 4 years

Text

—— ❛ @WOLF-WAYS .

A moment with his gaze came and went until watching him disappear from the room. The touch of his still lingered on her skin but couldn’t bear bringing her attention to the spot. With the painstaking years that tested her bravery, not even those experiences could justify looking at the physical manifestation of the evil in her veins.

The oracle was already sprawling the gil out on the table, unbeknownst to the mess she created that gave away her trick. Tifa’s eyes focused on the deck of cards now scattered across the floor, face-up and revealing they were all two’s. Deciding to disregard the orcales humor she created for her own amusement, Tifa reached for a suit of hearts and tucked it away.

“You knew what was happening inside me, didn’t you? ‘Tainted blood’ you mentioned.”

“Anyone with mako in their blood can sense when mako is corrupted in another, missy.”

Her features gave away the sudden flashback drawing her into the interactions with Cloud after the attack. Could he have...possibly known, too?

“Places that deny mako, such as Wutai, have found…’alternative methods’ of control. You catching my drift there, girly?”

Hands firmly planted on her hips, Tifa gave a nod, “And one of those alternative methods is now in my blood.”

“Precisely. The epidemic of geostigma struck more fear in the hearts of Wutai people. They had to reduce the variables of another war and epidemic by seeking control of mako itself.”

Corrupted mako isn’t a natural occurrence in the life-stream which brought the image of the lab to the forefront of her thoughts.

“The lab…” while attempting to recall the image, her brows furrowed, thumb and index finger resting on her chin, “...by the looks of it and considering this is Wutai we’re talking about...it’s definitely an underground lab which means they are seeking help from ‘developed’ regions with mako. But why would Wutai’s government pose such a huge risk to it’s people with a substance that has already gotten out of control?”

Maybe it was less about control and more of a careless distraction for something bigger, but then again...that girl in the Snow Fields appeared in the visions back from the village.

“I have a feeling the people involved in this are hiding themselves amongst rural villages and testing out these creatures in smaller areas…”

“I believe you are right but there are still many unanswered questions. We simply cannot assume,” the oracle was reaching for a kimono robe hanging by the collar on the door knob to the back entrance. Extending the floral patterned silk to Tifa wearing a half smile, she persisted by jabbing the robe at her.

“Your body is still yours, you haven’t lost full control yet. But you feel shame and guilt by your arms.”

“The monsters on the train…” still inside her head, unable to acknowledge the oracles kind gesture “...they knew I was there.”

The oracles' features fell in her moment of realization, slipping on the kimono for her regardless. There was no need for the oracles' help anymore but Tifa thanked her with a smile that couldn’t hide her pain. Despite the silk fabric hiding the black roots protruding from her porcelain skin, she still couldn’t bring herself to look. Leaving out the front door to reunite with Cloud, what came next would only bring them more pain.

“Cloud, I…I can’t go home. Not like this...” her voice began to waver, gaze drifting to the cement “These creatures will follow us if I’m around. I can’t bring that danger to Edge...to the kids...our friends...”

Regret began to consume her thoughts, knowing she couldn’t return unless there was a possibility to be cured from this. If she hadn’t left in the first place, she wouldn’t have to think of the possibility that this was it.

“Before I tell you about the visions I had, could we find someplace to rest? I just need to...lay down for a bit.”

#reply;#wolf-ways

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