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crybaby-bkg · 5 months

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cw: this got long sorry 😔 but creepy/perv bakugou, recording, film major bkg x art major reader, masturbation, coercion, dubcon before it just becomes con, voyeurism/exhibitionism

as an art major, you typically did some works for a few students on campus; for their plays, as background pieces while they danced, a cover for their released songs. it wasn’t out of the ordinary for people to ask you to create something for them, and you enjoyed it more often than not. but, you weren’t usually the art itself.

Bakugou is a friend’s friend that you’ve seen a few times, ran into at the library or at coffee shops. he’s a film major, and always looks so unhappy about the whole thing, as if he didn’t choose it himself. you joke to Mina that you think he’ll graduate and become one of those directors that hate everything and yell at the actors constantly and later on get sued for being a dickhead. you never say it to him though—you’ve never spoken more than a couple words to the man.

it’s why it shocks you when he approaches you one day. it’s after one of your painting classes, and he stands outside the door with a frown and his hands shoved in his pockets, his eyebrows scrunched as if pissed at the mere sight of you. he asks you, in that low and gruff tone of his, if you could star in his final project for the semester. says it’s supposed to be a film made with this criteria and that, but, you’ve kind of checked out on the conversation after the first sentence.

“You mean, you want me to create something and that be the star of your film?” you ask him, feeling so intimidated at his stature. he always seems to loom, his hair shadowing the lights above, creates a cast over a portion of his face, makes his eyes look…unsettling. like they’re looking straight through your flesh, can find the marrow in your bones. he scoffs like you’ve offended him, rolling his eyes into his skull, mouth pulled tight.

“No.” his voice is firm, gaze concentrated only on you, like the halls are empty and you’re the focus of his lens. “I want you to star in it.”

his words confuse you—you’ve never presented yourself as an actor before, never alluded to wanting to be in the spotlight if not for what you create with your hands. but he shuffles on his feet, looks desperate even. there’s some hemming and hawing for a minute or so—why not choose Mina?—she’s busy—why choose me?—‘cause you’d be perfect for my short film—what’s it about?—you’ll find out once you get the script.

and even after you hesitantly agree and get the script—you still don’t understand what you’re doing. why you’re here, why you’re the only person, why it has to be a solo film, why there’s damn near zero lines in the entirety of the have-to-be forty five minute film.

the scenes are all so long, and maybe it’s because movies aren’t your forte or chosen major, but you just don’t get it. one scene; you’re staring at yourself in the mirror while Bakugou holds a small, black camera over your shoulder. he’s eerily quiet behind you, whispers out a faint fuckin’ go when you have to wash your face in the sink, makes you do it over because your movements are too jerky and unnatural.

the rest of the scenes go that way; you doing regular at home activities, being put under a lens, quietly barked at to do this and move that way and fix your hair and remember to frown.

“Isn’t there another way to film this?” you ask him on the fifth day of shooting in his spacious loft. there’s a bubble bath scene coming up, one you dont understand the importance of, but Bakugou tells you it’s the most necessary part of the entire thing.

“No,” he grunts out, looking at you from under his lashes as he sits on the lid of the toilet. “But I’ll make it soapy, so the camera won’t see much.” the camera? much? you weren’t worried so much about what the camera captured as you were the man behind it. he looks at you with such intensity, you feel naked already despite the robe you wear that’s suspiciously already your size.

he leaves the bathroom when you sink in the hot water, returns before you can say it’s okay, hears the water splashing and thinks that’s good enough. he kneels on the floor beside you, camera pointed directly in your face, makes your chest hot and your skin feel prickly. the scene passes on regularly enough; you run the water over your arms, tilt your head back as you sigh, whisper the few lines scripted, lean back and close your eyes, sigh again. it’s almost relaxing, makes you forget about the friend of a friend recording you naked right now. almost.

“Touch yourself.” Bakugou suddenly demands, hushed and quiet behind the camera. your eyes immediately shoot open, looking to him in question, how he’s eerily still in his spot hovering over you.

“Huh?” you ask, unsure if you heard him correctly, looking around the rounded lens in your face, trying to ignore the red blinking light. but Bakugou only frowns.

“It’s a masturbation scene. Touch yourself.” he repeats, voice louder, more demanding this time. your stomach twists at the thought of doing something so intimate in front of him. he’s a handsome guy, for sure, even made you consider asking him out after this, figured he was just serious about his work and awkward about certain things. but…something had been off about this entire thing since the start.

“But—but I don’t, I’m not,” you stutter, sitting up a little, the bubbles covering your chest starting to disperse with your movements. but Bakugou only sits a little higher on his knees, finally pulling the camera away from his face for the first time since he’s asked you to do this for him.

“You want me to fail?” he asks, booming voice eerily quiet in the silent bathroom, carmine eyes dull, shaded over with something terrible. “Then do it.” he tells you when you shake your head quickly.

you stare at him until he gets back into position again, camera back pointed at you. when he doesn’t say anything else, you swallow thickly, wondering if the art that will come out of this will be worth it. so you listen, sneak a hand under the water, start touching yourself in a way you never have in front of anyone.

is it bad to say that it’s exhilarating? being watched and recorded by someone who breathes so heavily every time your voice hiccups? being directed to touch your chest next when the suds start to disappear and your nipples start to peek through? is it bad that you want him to send you this portion of his film, only, just so you can watch yourself again and again? make a portrait of yourself with your fingers on your nipples and your knees raising from the water and your head thrown back from the intensity in oil pastels?

“That’s a wrap.” Bakugou announces when you finish, head spinning and still panting. you look over to him, how he closes the camera, the obvious bulge in his pants. “I’ll get you a towel.”

you wonder when’s the next time he’ll need you. or better yet—maybe he could be the star in your final drawing project? you had finished it already but, what was the harm in starting over with him as your muse? as naked as you are? camera not blocking his face so you can paint the similarities of his blushing cheeks and eyes when you direct him to look at you? to touch his chest? to play with himself just like that?

#this got. so long. sowwy #but I thought about this ummmm Sunday night #but I was DRAINED from writing 7k words of scorned past midnight and then having to edit it skdjfkf #so I was like. okay. put this idea in the drafts. NOW ms dory memory #anddddd I love this so very much #would’ve loved to turn this into a full fic #but it’s so exhausting trying to write long fics recently bc of this multichap #I’m just not used to it and I can’t do two things at the same time #and I already have like 9 fics on my list to write!!!! lol #but there is something so alluring about film major bkg 2 me #I think hes awkward and comes off as mean but he really is just that serious about his work #but he’s #also a creep for you LOL #definitely think he agrees to become ur muse for art as like a trade off #and you get that boy into SO many humiliating positions 😵‍💫#I need. to lie down. anyway.#I wrote this at 1am and was scared to post it then cause I didn’t think anyone would see it #so here it is in the morning :)#bakugou treats! 🍬#—new treat in the streets! 🍫

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fishhhhshh · 7 months

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Hô hô I did the funny I have not been playing MK Imagine knowing how to draw and then draw this

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daboyau · 19 days

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I was watching lilo and stitch and that “you can never belong” scene came on and I got this idea in my head for that, but with ROTTMNT. So since I don’t do edits or draw, I wrote it out instead. Don’t think too hard about the logistics. :)

It is cold, when Leo slips out of the lair. He can feel Mikey’s gaze on him as he leaves, raising goosebumps over his flesh. He can’t bear to turn back, knowing that his resolve would crumble immediately if he did. His footsteps are too loud in the loneliness of the sewers. His heartbeat pounds in his head. He keeps expecting to hear a voice calling out for him, or the soft sound of footsteps following him.

But of course it never comes. Mikey had been so hurt. So sad. Of course he wouldn’t follow him.

When Leo finds a portal into the Hidden City, he doesn’t hesitate to throw himself through it despite the danger it puts him in to be there. The sounds and the sights are familiar to him, yet nowhere calls to him as loudly as the lair had. It’s only been two weeks since he was first brought into their home. They hadn’t even wanted him there, and yet the urge to go crawling back is so strong. He had messed everything up from the moment he’d manipulated his way into their lives. Of course they wouldn’t want him.

(Why don’t they want him?)

Leo wanders the back alleys and the side streets, letting his feet guide him to nowhere in particular. The picture he had swiped on his way out of the lair is stored safely in the pouch tied around his waist, and between steps he’ll reach in to slide his fingertips over the stiff paper. Just to make sure it’s still there. It soothes him.

He doesn’t stop walking until he’s far outside the city, tucked away in the scraggly rock forests that surround the Hidden City. The aching in his chest has turned into more of a twisting knife, the small knot of sadness becoming more like a gaping chasm. An open wound. A bottomless pit of longing and loneliness that he had never felt before he forced his way into the lives of the Hamatos.

He hadn’t had anything to lose, before. He hadn’t known the kind of pain that loving something would bring. He wishes he could go back to not knowing. He wishes he could return to a life of never having to make the choice to walk away, to spare them all the pain his existence brings them.

Leo settles on the ground, curling into himself, shoulders trembling under the weight of everything. When he closes his eyes, the image of Mikey’s face as Leo made his choice haunts him. Donnie’s quiet voice rings in his ears in the silence of the forest, you ruined everything, again and again. Raph’s soft squeeze on his shoulder lingers like a phantom. Leo trembles, tucking his knees to his chest. Then, he pulls the photo out.

Raph, Donnie, and Mikey grin up at him. It’s almost mocking, how happy they look here. A reminder that they are better without him around. He hadn’t seen them smile like that since the first five minutes they’d found him, back before they learned the truth of how much of their lives he can ruin.

He runs a careful finger over those smiles, then he squeezes his eyes shut and holds the photo against his chest. His throat burns, and the ache in his chest feels like a black hole that will swallow his body whole. He does his best to breathe through the pain and when he opens his eyes again, the light speckled ceiling overhead is blurry and indistinct. It reminds him of the stars they had taken him to see, wind tickling his skin as they sat on the rooftop of the tallest building of their strange human city and stared upwards at something beautiful.

“Lost,” he whispers to the open air, and he can almost imagine that single word floating upwards, towards the city and the sewers. Finding its way into the only place he’s ever found that might have one day held happiness. But only for him. Not for them. There was only danger if he stayed.

“I’m lost,” he repeats, words like some trouble confession, and hot tears roll down his cheeks.

Some small, selfish part of him hopes they’ll hear. He wants them to come for him, and to bring him back home. It is a stupid, foolish wish. It’s better for everyone that he stays gone. He can’t hurt them this way.

He falls asleep with tears drying on his cheeks, and body curled tight around the only evidence he holds of a dream he knows can never be.

When he wakes hours later, it’s to the sound of heavy footsteps over gravel. He jolts upright, heart pounding, eyes wide, and for one foolish, terrible moment he really believes that his family has come for him.

But no. Of course not. When Draxum emerges with a weapon pointed at his head, Leo can’t find it within himself to feel surprised. He stares back blankly, shifting slowly to stand, halfway wishing that Draxum would just take the shot and get it over with. He doesn’t think he has the energy to raise a hand to defend himself.

The gravel has left his legs peppered with indents and marks from where they’d pressed into his flesh as he slept. They sound like something breaking as they shift and crunch beneath his feet. Draxum’s eyes dart between those markings and Leo’s tear streaked face, before his expression twists into something complicated. Almost pitying.

“Don’t run,” he says, voice low. If Leo hadn’t heard what true kindness sounds like these last couple weeks, he would have said that’s what he hears in Draxum’s tone. “Don’t make me hurt you. You were difficult to make. No need to ruin a perfectly acceptable specimen.”

Leo shuffles, eyes darting between Draxum and the stacked stones surrounding them. He makes a sound low in his throat, hurt and uncertain, but he does not bolt. Draxum smiles, already assured of his victory, and steps closer. Leo watches with wide eyes.

“Yes. Yes, that’s it,” Draxum murmurs, careful and soft, like he’s trying to soothe a scared animal. “Come quietly.”

“I…I’m waiting,” Leo admits, and he watches Draxum’s brow crease. His head tips, curious. He’s not used to this side of his creation — quiet, yet resisting his orders. Leo shuffles a half step back, heart pounding so hard in his chest that he feels a little dizzy.

“For what?”

“For…for my family.”

“Aahhh. There is no use in doing so. You don’t have one. I made you.”

Leo shakes his head, hands trembling, photo creased from how tightly he is clutching it in his fist. The thought of ruining the only evidence he has hurts, but the fear of Draxum getting his hands on it, of him finding out about the others, it terrifies him in a way he’s never felt before. He can’t let Draxum know about them.

“Maybe…maybe I could—“

“I don’t know what yokai fool you found, or what nonsense they’ve been filling your mind with, but banish the thought of family from your mind.” His voice has lost that careful, gentle farce. It is harsh and cutting now. A familiar sound that Leo had hoped he’d left behind forever when he ran away. “You are built to destroy. You can never belong. Now, come quietly and we can begin your reeducation once—no! No no, don’t run, don’t—!”

His voice fades as Leo darts through the towering stones, vines curling at his heels and snapping at his shell as Draxum tries to recapture him. The picture flutters from his fingertips as he trips, lost amongst the shadows of the stone forest. Leo sobs, but he does not turn back for it. It is better if it is lost; at least then, he may be able to move on.

#Rottmnt #my writing #sort of a separated au?#There’s no real bigger story here #But basically the thought as I was writing it was #Draxum has leo and believes the other 3 experiments died in the fire #After 14 years leo decides to run away #He’s destructive and aggressive and also desperately lonely #Stitch style #And when his brothers find their presumed dead sibling mikey welcomes him with open arms #Raph is hesitant but affectionate and open to bonding #Donnie wants nothing to do with him but might possibly warm up to him over time #Of course any bonding he might do with his brothers is all ruined bc leo keeps messing things up #Hurting people #Ruining belongings #Etc etc etc #but he is beginning to love his family so so much despite how he can’t stop himself from hurting them #And when he hears that draxum is looking for him he makes the decision to leave #Mikey lets him go thinking that leo is making the decision on his own #Not realizing he doesn’t want to go #Anyways yeah #this idea put me in a chokehold and i wrote it in like 30 minutes at 1am #So i’m not thinking too hard about the logistics #rise of tmnt #rottmnt leo

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petruchio · 2 years

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-the hunger games, page 85

this is a fascinating little passage that appears near the start of the first book, and the importance of the avox girl in these early scenes cannot be understated. when we encounter the avox girl, we begin to explore katniss’ guilt at not showing the girl compassion when she’d had the chance, the story as she tells it to peeta, and her subsequent apology.

the line “just like i was watching the games” is noticeably and deeply significant here. at this point, katniss hasn’t even had her conversation with peeta about not being a piece in the games, and yet here, we can already see katniss independently recognizing the degree to which the games dehumanize the tributes. her comparison of her inability — or unwillingness — to help the avox girl in the woods to watching a tribute in the games demonstrates how insidious this way of thinking can become. here, even before entering the arena herself, katniss has articulated that years of watching the games made it easier for her to refuse help someone in need. what’s crucial here, is that this fact deeply disturbs her. it’s one that she carries so much shame about that she cannot even share it with peeta in her retelling of the story.

it’s notable that the story of the avox girl in the woods is one that takes place while she is with gale, and is also one of the first that she recounts to peeta in the very early stages of their friendship. it’s also notable that the one piece of the story she omits in her retelling is her inability to help the girl. here, it’s as if we can already see katniss comparing her own compassion and regard for humanity to peeta — because she remembered how he had helped her at a cost to himself when he’d had the chance, she’s embarrassed to admit to him that in a similar situation (albeit with somewhat higher stakes) she was unable to do the same for this girl. at this point in the novel, peeta has not yet even admitted to his crush — katniss is still under the impression that he helped her solely out of kindness, possibly without even knowing who she was. thus, her intentional omission of her own refusal to help the avox girl feels pretty significant here. while gale is witness — and furthermore, he is a contributing party — to all of this, it is peeta who she feels she has to hide her true behavior. in this way, we see katniss already comparing the two boys and putting their actions (or lack thereof) in conversation with each other.

but what’s especially fascinating here is that she does make an effort to apologize to the girl. in fact, she tries multiple times. while she still holds a great deal of guilt over her inaction in the past, she makes a decisive effort to show the girl humanity and compassion in the present. she’s had time to reflect on her actions and feel shame over them. but rather than ignoring this and simply accepting peetas excuse of thinking the avox girl looked like delly, katniss instead makes a decisive attempt to acknowledge her pain and apologize for the hurt she may have caused — and as we know, the girl will go on to forgive her for it. although there is nothing she can functionally do to help her now, katniss refuses to excuse herself from showing this girl compassion now that she has the chance. easy as it might be to just forget about the whole thing and pretend it hadn’t happened, she doesn’t let it go. katniss still tries to show her kindness.

katniss’ manner of recounting the story to peeta, which is one of the first private, full-length conversations they have, tells us a great deal about her character and how she views herself (and gale) in comparison to peeta. her guilt over her inaction in the woods, coupled with her admiration of peeta and her desire to mirror the kind of compassion he once showed her, as well as her insistence on somehow showing the avox girl compassion as soon as she has the ability to do so, are all crucial character beats that form a background and context for a great deal of her behavior and many of her choices going forward.

#caroline speaks #thg #thg thoughts #does this even make sense?#i wrote this at like 1am in a fit of deranged thinking and i barely edited it but. here’s some thoughts about my bb girl katniss #anyway once again. these books are so good bc every time i pick them up i find something new. its amazing

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neriumdelusion · 5 months

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Kevin is always a spectacle, always dehumanised in some way. The prophet, the spokesperson of strex, the boy. What he is has always been seen as more important than WHO he is in every era, even as the voice of his town, there’s an element of what he can do for others being more important than who he is himself. He is a radio host, a performer, and oh boy does he perform. Year after year, no matter what he’s doing, he can’t escape being a spectacle, until the only way he knows how to seek self discovery and help is by turning up the radio station in night vale as a child and speak to the town he doesn’t even have connection to (as much as his own, he does have links to it obviously).

This man is always for someone’s gaze, when he was strex’s spokesperson it was more hammered home, no free will and being forced to represent propaganda, and even when he’s escaped that he can’t find comfort in anything else! In mudstone abyss he latches onto his religious power because the need for safety represents itself through his learned need for control and, not unnoticeably, his need to be a spectacle.

Of course people can just like attention and I’m not disputing that, but he is rarely given attention as a person (except like. By Charles and Donovan who are his family. And by Lauren I believe, who may not like him but she sure does see him as a person. Just the worst one she’s ever had the displeasure of being near. She also loves him. He loves her, I don’t care what you say to me.) so he goes to what he’s USED to! Being a symbol, being dehumanised and seen for an ideology, whether it was community pre strex, strexcorp, or religious power, and more recently, he’s the boy. The boy was a mystery and now yet again a symbol for night vales fear (as a figure for nv to project their fear and confusion onto)

KEVIN CANNOT ESCAPE PERFORMANCE. HE CANNOT HELP BEING A SPECTACLE. SOMEONE SHOOT ME

#thumbs up runs away #wtnv #wtdb #frequencies #kevin desert bluffs #dehumanisation #I wrote this and didn’t check through it I’m happy to clarify anything but know I’m very right all the time amen #it’s almost 1am I haven’t moved my current position in like 4 hours #Kevin is in my brain 24/7. which. is very accurate in a very literal ways hashtag osdd #anyways see you next time I make one (1) point and spend the post badly explaining it #by a symbol for night vales fear I mean something for them to project their fear on btw #also #welcome to desert bluffs

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leafofkudzu · 1 year

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Hello again! I did say I was going to consider hosting more art parties if last month’s test run went well and, well, it did, so here I am again! Come one come all to [VS] Verdant Shield’s second ever monthly art party, this time with an expanded reach!

For those not in the loop from last month, what is an art party exactly? Well, they’re common occurrences in the Final Fantasy XIV community where artists of all kinds get together to chat, hang out, and create together! If a certain character catches your eye, you make some art of them in whatever way suits your fancy, then during or after the party post it under the tag for that party so others know where to look and spread the love around via reblogs/retweets/etc! I said it last time and it’ll always bear repeating - the ‘goal’ of attending an art party is not to be drawn, but to draw others, and share with the community! Attendees from last month’s party compared it to art jams, people watching, or attending a life drawing class with people you actually like. For more tangible examples, you can check back through the tag I intend to use for all of these monthly events - #VSArtParty - to see what previous partygoers have made!

I’m a lot less antsy about hosting these events now that I have a baseline, so much so that I want to involve those of you over on EU servers as well by hosting two rounds of parties, first on EU and then NA! However, I’ll still be keeping the squad(s) private and out of LFG to deter party-crashers, especially since this time we’ll be in a more well-known and easily-accessible location as the party moves Eastward into the Grove!

Check under the cut for details on how the event(s) will be laid out and how to reach the party location!

Welcome to the expanded details! First of all, the Garden of Dawn is the Grove’s worst-kept secret so I’d be surprised if you didn’t already know about it, but just in case, here’s a tl;dr on how to get there from Ronan’s Waypoint (aka the bottom floor of the Grove, you can drop down from Upper Commons Waypoint or Reckoner’s Waypoint to get to this starting point too):

Head North along the path towards the House of Aife PoI (not shown in the picture but you’ll see it on your map).

Take a hard left at said PoI and yeet yourself into this tiny pool that has a secret tunnelllll~

You’re here! It’s bigger than it looks in this picture but still relatively small, however I’ve attended events hosted here and can confirm that it can fit a lot of people, and also from last month I learned we don’t actually need a ton of space since we all squish up together to see each other anyway. However, if this space gets too crowded we’ll breach containment and relocate to a more public spot - very likely Starbower Nursery aka the little multi-level tavern on the South side of the map (it has its own PoI so it’s easy to spot)! If we do I’ll make sure to put the updated location in the squad message!

Okay! With that out of the way let’s get to the real important stuff.

This month’s event will consist of two separate art parties, each 3 hours long (though you’re welcome to stay later if you like), with a 1hr break in between so people interested in attending both can stretch, get snacks, etc etc.

The first party will be on EU servers and begin at 9pm Central European Time (that’s 3pm Eastern Standard Time for NA folks). I’ll be hosting it on my EU alt, so to join you can either whisper Aemryn of Dusk for an invite or type ‘/sqjoin aemryn of dusk’ in chat to join automatically!

The second party will be on NA servers and begin at 7pm Eastern Standard Time (that’s 1am Central European Time for any sleepless EU folks). This one will be hosted on my main account, and you can join by either whispering Kirslyn for an invite or typing ‘/sqjoin kirslyn’ in chat to auto-join!

Like I mentioned before the cut, we’ll be using the same tag for both of these parties as we did for last month’s - #VSArtParty - and I think that’ll be the one we’ll continue to use in the future for these! There’s no spaces so that it can be used on Twitter as well if you’re still over there!

That’s it for now! Expect to see this reblogged a few times between now and then, and I hope to see you all there for another fun time! ♥

#i was going to do 4hr + 4hr with no break in between but that's a lot of time with no pause so ahaha..ha...#anyway hi i didn't want to leave eu friends out since the last one was really fun! hope to see y'all there :D #if you aren't sure of anything i've said feel free to dm me here i wrote this at 1am so yeah #gw2 #guild wars 2 #obnoxious tourist simulator #vsartparty #📢🎨

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jamkats · 2 years

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i keep seeing jjk spoilers

#jjk #jjk spoilers #jamkats.art #yuji itadori #itadori yuuji #doodle #im excited to read the next ch tomorrow #yuuji #jjk 199 #jjk199 #I WROTE 119 PREVIOUSLY IM SORRY it was 1AM #anyway he is just a littol. 🥺🥺🥺#tbh i didnt realize how long its been since ive seen my son cuz i have no concept of time #but HES HERE HES BACK AND HES LIVING IT UP IN A BATHROBE 🥺🥺

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daisywords · 7 months

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I don't let them kiss but I let them do things like this:

He abandoned the fire to sit beside her and, gritting his teeth, unfolded his knife. She stared at the little blade, shimmering in the firelight. It was only finger-length, but plenty sharp. He took her hand and folded her fingers around the handle. She didn’t move of her own accord, but she didn’t resist, either, even as he tilted his head back and drew her hand to his bare throat.

He stopped when he felt the blade against his skin, and held it there, feeling the slight press of the metal with every breath. Then he let go.

Her hand stayed, and the knife with it. Her eyes were very black. Her nostrils flared slightly when she inhaled. She tilted her hand to brace her fingers against his throat, keeping the edge of the blade on his skin. Her fingers were freezing.

His heartbeat was hot against her knuckles—oh, she was feeling his pulse. “You’re afraid,” she said.

He only looked at her. The fire crackled and flared, making her eyes flash. And then it was over. She lowered the knife, snapped it shut with a sigh of relief, and thrust it at him. He slipped it into his pocket and tried to look nonchalant.

“See,” he said. “Now you know you wouldn’t do it.”

“Now I know you would let me,” she said.

#my writing #second chance wip #hi it's 1am technically I wrote this in november #<<not doing nano but it's still writing month of some sort. to me #anyway. look at them

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dallonwrites · 8 months

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okay actually looked at the lover boy wip intro again and this has me crazy because the grief in this was meant to all be about bobby but "remember that his favourite fruit was peaches and try not to cry over it" got me because felix's favourite fruit being peaches is like. a recent but definitive part of his character. and i can't remember if i just used peaches as a placeholder for bobby's favourite fruit (he does not give peach to me) and if i first wrote this before or after i decided peaches were felix's BUT now i'm like. what if this passage is him grieving bobby but it spirals around his grief for his relationship with felix??? find a lover the way you found felix and don't lose him this time but also find a lover because you're trying to find a connection as deep as the one you had with your best friend even though you know it can never be replicated. you can never find a lover that will love you like bobby (platonic, to be clear) loved you. find a lover in the fact you are alive even though it makes you nauseous because it just reminds you that your best friend isn't. how do you grieve someone who's still alive whilst simultaneously grieve someone who isnt? trying to grieve two people in two different ways and you feel guilty at the way they blend and blur because it feels like you lose your separate grips on both of them and you don't feel like you have space in you to accommodate all this ache. and like what if i edited all this to make that parallel more clear?? that his primary grief is bobby because he's the one who's dead but he's also grieving felix and probably doesn't even realise it?? and then the two become blurred?? and if he realised this he would actually feel fucking awful about it and like a bad friend?? haha just kidding unless??

#especially the fact that a component of his “find a lover to try and mask the grief” is trying to find a lover in the literal sense.#its near 1am you guys are getting the i dont know if this is coherent infodumping #i wrote an essay in the tags but its gone and i have no idea if tumblr ate it or i somehow put it on a different post but im like oh okay #guess i will just save that analysis for the writing update!!#my lover boy writing updates are gonna be so obnoxious btw theyre gonna be essays theyre gonna be me putting the degree to use #now i can say i actually have one #i wrote a DISSERATION on the exact type of fiction that lover boy is.......#anyway it was about queerness and loss and what loss means thematically in queer narratives #so that whilst the loss of bobby is absolutely monumentally bigger than losing felix as a partner #it is actually not a surprise if beau somewhat blurs his grief for the two #that being said whilst i dont believe in ranking different types of love/relationships #i love the idea of platonic lover and this platonic connection being just as if not more powerful than the romantic one #could essay about that but tumblr might eat it! so!

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thattransboyaled · 1 year

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peter sandys clarke looks like he would give the best cuddles

#i’m doing a louis tomlinson and calling them cuddles #because he looks like the kind of guy who would give cuddles not hugs #if you get what i mean #anyway i need peter sandys clarke to cuddle me please #i wrote this at like 1am but the point still stands

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obeetlebeetle · 3 months

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tagged by @capriciousfelis yay!

Last song listened to: australia by the shins bc i just got home from ppt party and i wanted to jam to my alistair playlist. THE cousland/alistair song so give me your hand and let's jump out the window!!

Currently Reading: a few articles for 15min breaks, a loooong fic that alfie rec'd + that has become my lunch break read, the ecstasy of communication which is for morning commutes, harrow which is for post-work wind-down and pre-work got there early and last hour breaks i shouldnt really be taking, and murtagh for when im shelving or searching for missing book.

Currently Watching: fhjy also! bobs burgers as last thing i do before bed/comfort watch, frasier w artemis, dungeon meshi, and ill lump naddpod c3 into this even tho it's a podcast.

Currently Obsessed With: seduction/challenge/desire/ecstasy as defined by baudrillard, nuclear mythologies esp how we mark nuclear waste, a quick 48hr alistair revisit . honestly a little lukewarm in intensity; i havent had a real obsession in a minute.

tagging @emotionsandphenomena @phosphorusandpetra @oranges-and-pears @violetthetroll @waitingforgalois & @avantguardisme! also anyone that wants to, go for it and hmu so I can tag you in

#it is so telling that i started dao in december 2015 and made my al playlist in july 2016 . like i was IN IT #anyways . i have been reading the same stuff for a month now which is a weird vibe but honestly at least im reading!#also i wrote this at like 1am💗

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lvmity · 18 days

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progress guys. one step closer to my byler fic debut

#i dont plan the word count #i expect it to be like. 3k tho because it's a oneshot and i write like 500 words a day #its almost 1am and i was almost asleep but i had this Vision so i wrote 600 words right now #it was like 1/3 of the scene that started this idea #i wrote 1k of context and like. just prose i guess ...i like to talk about what is going on outside . in the sky etc #anyways byler being tender in portuguese ans english coming to ao3 by me soon #fabis stuff

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copper-dragon-in-disguise · 9 months

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what is word-color and sound-texture synesthesia? (I like asking people stuff bc I don’t rlly trust Google anymore)

I AM GLAD YOU ASKED (positive, not sarcastic, I fucking love talking about this--) (also, hi aster!!!)

so I had an explanation for what synesthesia was and then I reread it and have decided it was shit, so, have this one:

There's a bunch of different types of it, smells having color (smell-color), or musical notes having color (music-color) and lots of other ones.

Words have color. Spoken and written. your name (aster) is purple! a very pretty purple, like amethyst in minecraft, which is fitting considering your username. fictional characters too, have colors, and so do numbers. I have gotten into (playful) arguments with people over what colors numbers are (7 is orange and I take no criticism on this).

sounds also have textures. this does not mesh well with The Autism. I don't know a lot of good examples, but certain narrators of things, their voices can make or break if I like the show. Loud noises tend to have sharper textures, and quieter noises have softer ones. But not always! And not all noises have textures, just most of them. But back to the narrators point--

David Attenborough's voice has a very nice texture, like water in a stream going over rocks. Cool and steady and bright.

However, the person who narrated the secrets of the whales documentary on disney+ has a voice like bad lettuce, which probably makes no sense but I remain firm in my opinion that they are a shit narrator.

Microphone feedback has the worst texture you can possibly imagine. like nails scraping down a chalkboard but multiply it by ten.

#asks #amethyst aster #there was a lot of infodumping at the end of this which is not what you wanted probably but #you are getting it anyway i am too tired to try and make a condensed version of it #(i have just woken up) (and half of what i wrote here i typed out at like 1am last night)

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krisdotkom · 6 months

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Mother

My mother is an amazing woman

In the sense that her tongue is razor-sharp,

But still claims it loves

Her hands burn my flesh,

Yet still hold me so gently

People say I take after her

I wish I didn't

I try not to see it

How my tongue is razor-sharp

Like hers

I try to ignore the burn marks on the ones I love

I want to hate her

But it's hard

A dog doesn't want fleas

But she kept them anyways

And why wouldn't her tongue be sharp?

The man she loves is sharper

He spews his vitriol

And she collects it all

Like water in her bucket

But somedays it overflows

And spills all over me

#poem #spilled thoughts #poetry #original poem #sorta vent #i have mommy issues #sorry if it sucks i wrote this at 1am after an episode #anyway shout out to Ezra and Katie for hyping me up

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smolalienbee · 2 years

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39 for the hand-holding prompts? 💚

thanks for the request Wren!!

39. holding hands in a museum to pull them to the next exhibition // geraskier

He weaves between the people, the exhibits, without much care for any of it - well, he does care, at least for the art that surrounds him, but he's seen it all many, many times, has memorized brushstrokes and etches in the statues. The thing is, though, is that between all these sculptures, the paintings, is the most gorgeous piece of art.

(In Jaskier’s opinion, that is. But while he might be biased, he is also fairly certain he’s correct.)

Geralt.

Jaskier finds him exactly where he left him, standing in front of an enormous painting that spans the length of the entire wall. While he approaches, Jaskier takes his time appreciating the art that’s in front of him - the slope of Geralt’s neck, the sharp lines of his jaw, the stubble peppering his skin. The painting pales in comparison and Jaskier thinks that he must be the luckiest man in the world to be able to witness this every day of his life.

“My love,” he hums, casually, but with as much fondness as he can muster - that is to say, immeasurable amounts of it.

He comes to stand close at Geralt’s side. Geralt glances over at him and hums in acknowledgement, giving Jaskier one of those barely there smiles that Jaskier has come to consider one of his most prized treasures.

“Are you planning on spending the rest of the trip in here?” Jaskier teases gently.

“Hm. It’s a detailed painting.”

“I have never said otherwise. But there’s plenty of other detailed paintings to admire around here. And, frankly, I’m beginning to get hungry and you know I will get insufferable if we don’t get out of here before lunchtime.”

Geralt’s huff of laughter is accompanied by an eye roll. At the sight of it, Jaskier smacks him lightly on the arm, but there’s no real anger behind it.

“Come, love,” he insists once more, taking Geralt’s hand in his. “Let’s see the rest of it. We can always come back to this one later.”

He tightens his grip and lets himself feel over the rough callouses on Geralt’s skin. As he tugs at him arm, Geralt doesn’t resist him anymore. Their hands remain clasped around each other as they walk away from a painting of mountains and dragons and strangely familiar views.

#smolalienbeewrites #geraskiersource #geraskier #twn #geralt x jaskier #jaskier x geralt #witcher #the witcher #the witcher netflix #witcher netflix #geralt of rivia #jaskier the bard #julian alfred pankratz #wow its been a bit since i last wrote a ficlet #since ive been so focused first on finishing voleth meir fic #and then mare fic #anyway mixed feelings about this one but i didnt wanna spend a lot of time on it lol #also its like 1am and i should be sleeping tbh

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k-itsmaywriting · 1 year

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limelight (Ayalumi)

Relationships: Kamisato Ayaka/Lumine Tags: High School!AU, Impromptu Hair Cutting, Fluff Words: 963 Summary: Lumine tells Ayaka she’d look cute with a bob, and Ayaka runs downstairs to get her the kitchen scissors

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“Ayaka, don’t laugh, I’ll cut it off wrong!”

But Ayaka just can’t stop. Her shoulders shake as she leans forward, face in her hands as she giggles into them, remembering the sound of the kitchen scissors behind her head and the thought of them cutting across the length of her hair. Her tummy is starting to hurt. Or are they butterflies?

Lumine is laughing too. Her fingers tremble where they gently hold Ayaka’s hair between them. And where Ayaka looks at the two of them in her vanity mirror, her other hand holds the scissors high and away from her while she rocks about in her chair.

“I can’t,” Ayaka wheezes. “I’m just too excited! I’ve never had my hair so short.”

Read the rest on AO3

#genshin impact #kamisato ayaka #lumine #genshin impact ayaka #genshin impact lumine #ayalumi #it's not a ship oneshot from me unless i'm posting it at 1am #icb i wrote most of this in like an hour #while i was possessed by the yearning spirit of Closer by RM #str8 up blacked out with that song on loop and suddenly this was done #anyway pls enjoy me getting weirdly deep about girls' hair and social expectations and identity or smth

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