#i wrote a lot of this between talking to my therapist and im Very Tired so please bear with me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

letsdiscoverkitty · 5 years

Text

CPA update (30th August 2019)

I did not plan to write this this evening but I needed to get this out somewhere.

I know I haven’t been very present online and I can only apologise for that but as you can imagine things have been quite challenging since being admitted. I had my first CPA so I thought I would make a little post to help me begin to process it/get some thoughts down....(warning: very long post ahead, snacks may be necessary, and I am sorry if it does not read well/make much sense, I literally just typed my heart out)

For those who are not sure of what one is, a CPA is basically a care plan review where your treatment team review the past few weeks/months (time since the last review) and then start to plan the next stages of your care. It is a chance for different members of your treatment to meet and make sure that everyone is on the same page. Today my CPA consisted of my consultant, one of the nursing staff from the ward, the OP ED nurse I was seeing before I came in, myself and my parents. The first half of the review was just between professionals, I was then called into the room for a discussion followed by my parents nearer the end.

It is hard to remember what I have shared online so I am sorry if some of the things I mention do not make sense but I will try to cover most of what happened. I had my ward round on Thursday (due to the bank holiday weekend just gone), in which a lot of new ideas were brought to the table as, well, no one really knows what to do with me… A week or so ago I wrote a letter to my consultant as I was beginning to worry about what the plan was for when I was discharged (as it was being implied that I was to be discharged over the next few weeks)/that my community team were not replying to any messages and that I was concerned about going back home to live at my parents house.

My main worries with returning home were mainly because it is a place where I have been unwell for many years and I find that when I go back there it is almost like anorexia snaps back without me realising it/I can’t control it. Sadly due to being unwell at home for years, I do associate home with bad things, I also do not currently have no goals or things to be working towards (i.e. I have no education to go back to, no job lined up or thought about to go back to) and the worry is that I would be going back home to just anorexia and relapsing backwards. Throw into the mix that my mum retired last week, as well as the family dynamics always being quite rocky (along with being geographically being incredibly socially isolated), I think it is fair to say that I was extremely worried about the prospect of home leave let alone moving back home permanently and with very limited outpatient support.

A long story short, my consultant agrees that going back home is likely not going to help me move on/recover/give me a chance of living a life beyond this, however she also does not believe that staying in an acute EDU will help (which I do understand). In terms of why she thinks that being on the unit for longer might not help include that my weight has not been reaching the targets that are expected, I am struggling on leave/when I get given more control, as well as the usual pitfalls of being on an EDU like being trapped around a lot of other acutely unwell people, having the identity reinforced and the lack of responsibility/it not necessarily coming from me. I floated the idea of going to live in Reading with Andi however she shot me down straight away at that stage saying that I was far too unwell for that…

Anyway, to get to the point, she wants to apply for funding for me to go into residential treatment. This is not something that I know much about, although I do know that getting funding for a place is very very hard and that there are very few places that offer it in the country….from what she explained to me it is a more holistic approach, with the focus on helping you build a life beyond anorexia whilst also supporting you nutritionally. (it sounds far too fairytale-esque for my liking…)She said that as I have had a lot of psychological input and have been under services with very few gaps over the years, that it was obvious that a new approach was needed and that this style might be that. Apparently I have incredible insight/understanding however because the anorexic neural pathways/cognitions have become so strong and rigid, I find it near impossible to force myself to follow through with the theory that I know so well.

I honestly have no idea how I feel right now. I am utterly lost and confused and don’t really know what to do with myself. I feel like no one knows what to do with me/what will help and they are just trying to get rid of me. I want to recover, I really do. My consultant said that it is not that I don’t want to or don’t have motivation, but that it is the degree of severity of the illness and the complexity of my case, which kind of helped but also left me feeling very broken and hopeless.

She tried to explain all of this to my parents today and I am actually relieved that she was able to speak to them about it as there is no way that I would have been able to approach the subject. She explained it in scientific terms and tried to be realistic about the whole process (which could likely take months to apply for funding, let alone get on the waiting list/pass assessments).

My OP team are apparently supportive of this and are going to work together with the IP team, my consultant and the therapist I was seeing as an OP to put together a proposal for the CCG. Sadly, as I have mentioned this is going to be quite a lengthy process and I don’t really know where it leaves me…If this were not being explored then I would be getting discharged to the same very minimal support that I have had over the past x years, which has not been enough in the past.

So what now? Good question. Basically I have been told that I have to “prove” to the CCG that I am not just in need of an acute EDU admission and that the funding would not be going to waste…this means that I have to show that I can maintain my weight in the community (or gain if possible) as if I were to relapse they would likely just say that I need an acute admission and refuse the funding, leaving me back at square one.

This admission was never going to be a long one, I knew that, but part of me was hoping for a bit longer…I suppose it has brought to the surface the necessity for a different approach to be explored, which I hope means something. Basically my admission can’t be extended, that has been made clear, and I now have a discharge date for two weeks time…with little to no idea of time length beyond that in regards to this talk of residential.

I honestly don’t know what to think or how to feel right now, I really don’t. Part of me thinks that they are making a big fuss over nothing and that there is no way that I will get funding as there are so many people out there with far worse scenarios than mine who need it more. At least I have a home to go to, I know there are many people who dont, so I should really just suck it up and try and do what I can at home with the support that I have.

I have no idea what the residential would entail practically but I am worried that it could end up feeding into my eating disorder even more? I know the reason for the admission would be to help me build a life beyond anorexia, but surely being stuck in a place like that almost reinforces that identity? I dont know, I am very confused about everything right now :(

Short term plan: I have an appointment set up with the ED nurse I am to see in the community for Monday morning and have been given a bit of extra leave this weekend to make it possible for me to attend. When I return to the ward on Monday afternoon I will be moving onto transition and have been promised that I will have a number of appointments with the dietitian over my last two weeks in order to create a realistic maintenance plan for when I go home (as well as trying to get my mum to attend an appointment with the two of us). I am also trying to get an appointment for my mum to come to a family therapy session (they have pretty much written off my dad as someone who can be supportive for a number of reasons which I do not want to go into right now) Being on transition hopefully will give me a bit of an opportunity to self-cater some meals and practice before I move back home for the foreseeable future.

It all feels very rushed and uncertain and I was not expecting to get this much leave this weekend so don’t really know what to do with myself but yeah I suppose this is where things are at. The ward has been quite a tricky environment so on the one hand I am glad to have some space, however Im also worried about it too.

I am sorry, I realise that this whole post probably comes across as extremely selfish and stupid - I wish I could shake myself/pull myself together and just do what I know I need to do but whywhywhy do I keep ending up back in the same place time and time again? I have tried so bloody hard over the past x years but it has never been enough….I do not want to end up being sent to a unit where I will spend months/my consultant briefly mentioned that admissions are usually between 1 and 2 years long…I really dont. but I dont know what else to do with myself when so many options have been explored. I am tired of it all, of everything. It is like I dont know where to turn anymore. Part of me feels like I am just getting palmed off from place to the next because no body knows what to do with me. sigh. I am sorry for throwing this pity party. I wish I had some more positive news to share with you all. I suppose yes I have made some progress since I was admitted. I have gained weight. I am no longer in as much danger as I was. I have had to face a lot of changes in terms of routines, eating different foods, times, I can think a little clearer, I have more concentration etc. Things are just very hard at the moment and having everything in terms of my treatment thrown up in the air like this has made me feel even more unsettled and uncertain about everything. I have no idea what the next few weeks/months may hold so for now I am going to have to continue to take each day as it comes and see where it takes me. Sorry again for the ridiculous length of this post, you genuinely deserve a gold medal if you have stuck with me through this.

#personal #tw #tw just in case #long post #I am sorry for being so rubbish and not updating or posting much #things havent been very good #and I am struggling more than I care to admit #thank you for sticking by me though #you have no idea how much it means to me #sorry if this does not make sense

35 notes · View notes

norcumii · 5 years

Text

Reblogged from the prior tumbl, originally posted 02/04/2016. Question submitted by @makiruz. Slightly reformatted to avoid a readmore cut and whatnot.

In Full of Sith, they always ask new guests how they got into Star Wars. And you know? That's a good question, how did you got into Star Wars?

HEH. Oooh, that’s a bit of a loaded question. So I’ll give you the short answer, which I suspect would fit the thing you mentioned what I haven’t heard of; and then because I’m a wordy bastard what overshares, the long answer which is more accurate and has content warnings for self harm and suicide.

SHORT ANSWER

It was the 80’s. I was young, in single digits, though I couldn’t tell you exactly what age. I was already dealing with an irregular sleep cycle, though all I knew was I had a flashlight, a pile of books near/on my bed, and a thick pound puppies duvet to read under.

I don’t know if I was in my room or on my way to/from the bathroom, but I could hear my parents watching something downstairs. Swooshy noises, a shrill screee, and some thwoom bzzts.

Of course I went downstairs.

I don’t know if it was episode 5 or 6. I’ve a fondness for 6, but carbonite left a HUGE fucking impression on me, and my parents have always approved of muppets, so Yoda.

I knew I loved it. I didn’t have any toys, though I think somewhere there was a print edition of A New Hope running around. I do recall multiple sleepovers at my grandmother’s place – a tiny house on acres and acres of woods – and she’d sometimes pull out Return of the Jedi and we’d watch it together on her tiny TV. Later on I’d be in bed, staring out at woods and trees that I knew, but seemed huge to a little kid, and I’d dream of Ewoks.

RotJ was Gram’s favorite, and for many years mine, too.

I like Ewoks.

VERY LONG ANSWER

TW: mental illness, depression, self harm, suicide, abuse

In late elementary, early middle school, my brother and I were basically reading ANYTHING we could get our hands on. He sometimes dove into books that didn’t interest me, so I’d read the first of something and then be bored and he’d keep going.

Star Wars EU was one of those. It was too grim for me. I think I didn’t run into any of the really good writers. It was all Han and Luke and Leia on the covers, so take that for what you will. There also was no Wookiepeia, so I was depending heavily on the writers’ abilities to convey things to someone very visual, yet pretty impatient with descriptions, so it never took.

I was in high school when The Phantom Menace came out. Mine honorable brother was off at college, so it was with great excitement on my part, and bemused tolerance on my parents’, that they and I went off to the theater.

On the one hand, I was dazzled.

On the other, there was Jar Jar. There was the fact that I hadn’t been impressed with the re-release of the OT – Han shot first. FITE ME. There was the fact that TPM didn’t feel like Star Wars, which was darker and grittier and…simpler to me.

So I wrote it off. Packed Star Wars away as “one of those things” that I’d been into, but felt like I was moving past. I was obsessed with Gargoyles, I was looking at going to college, and I would keep m’damn ewoks without needing to try to extend that vision with gungans.

College sucked. I went in, not sure if I wanted to go into English, for writing, or Psych, because I had always been what I’d now call The Mom Friend. I met a nice guy who tried, but things never really clicked between us, and there was an interesting bit that he was mad about Star Wars and insisted that I read the Rogue Squadron books.

That was a Good Decision. Dating him, not so much.

I had a huge assortment of Life Issues. Got into an abusive relationship that would end up lasting 14 years. Transferred schools. Got the fucking Psych degree, though literally only by the grace of a professor who didn’t want to see the kid not graduate just ‘cause she couldn’t numbers and I did go in and try. Talked to him and still couldn’t with the maths but the effort was there to bump me a few points above failing.

I was burnt out. I was depressed. I tried killing myself a few times – not very good at it, as you can see. Took up self-harm as a coping mechanism. Failed in the still never successful search for a decent therapist in Pittsburgh. Got a job slinging food, because needed some kind of income, and people without pressure was nice. The keeping on a schedule thing failed, leading to an average of 4 hours sleep a night. Losing contact with family and friends because I couldn’t stand the pressure of “how are you?” and “what’s going on in your life?” Clinging to Warcraft because repetitively farming was better than clawing open my back or neck again, and the people there were ok with some rando dropping out of sight on a dime, and only a persistent few had the grace and spirit to make it past some serious defensive issues of mine.

I stopped writing. Stopped caring about Gargoyles, stopped being able to see into that AU I’d made for myself of a crazy clan and the weird human who survived cancer with them.

Stopped going on IM, for the same reasons I stopped talking to people.

I still kept track of some folks via LiveJournal. A handful of the Gargoyles folks who were determined, gods know why and thank you, since I know several are here on the tumbles and I genuinely love you to bits.

I quit my job after five years, because enough was enough between the fact that it had all the hallmarks of an abusive relationship and I was fucking tired of being a manager without any actual authority, and the endless hamster wheel of hiring and people quitting because it was a nice, but highly dysfunctional place.

I missed the customers, though. Several of them are here too, and it’s kinda funny ‘cause I know in at least one case I talked to them about Star Wars. I still hope they’re not too shellshocked that I kinda went down the rabbit hole pretty deep.

Started getting more sleep. Not less anxiety, not less depressed. Tried out a few depression medications, with very mixed results.

Then one day @dogmatix came into the LJ area I still hung out in. Enthusiastically recommending to all and sundry that if there is even a shred of interest in Star Wars, THERE IS THIS THING YOU SHOULD READ.

She drew a Wookiee. That was a character?

I’d always liked Wookiees.

And I needed something to read.

Star Wars was one of those things, from back in the day before things went to shit. Low investment, since if I didn’t like it or didn’t care, then eh. Whatevs. Dogmatix was one of the Gargs holdouts still in my circle (or whatever it is that I was hovering at the edges of), and in the past I’d liked her recommendations more often than I disliked them.

I’m also endlessly weak to her art.

Wookiee.

So I did that thing. That so many of us here have done. It took me about 2 weeks to get through Re-Entry. It had trouble taking root in the depression, but Obi-Wan going crackers was something I could empathize with and appreciate.

There was the hope that had been missing from the EU novels I’d tried reading back in the day.

There was Wookieepedia, which meant I could stop and see what a Nautolan was. I had tabs open for DAYS so when someone named Adi or Gallia who were apparently the same person? I could see who that was. I got stupidly distressed that Abella didn’t have an entry, until I twigged and checked for a Chitanook, and holy shit I could never tell what character was going to crop up as canon, obscure EU character, or home brewed.

I honestly expected to set it aside, get updates as they happened, and gradually step away because that’s how things were going at the time.

But I still needed something to read, to stave off empty hours when my brain was too full of screaming.

On Ebon Wings. I’d loved The Crow when I’d seen it back in high school, and that story tapped into the powerful visuals and the lovely message I’d adored and in ways I still don’t quite understand it somehow validated that I could be mad and still be ok. Maybe. Maybe not now, but someday.

Maybe.

So I gave in and got a Tumbl. I’d been a stubborn holdout, regularly checking the same half dozen feeds daily because dammit, I don’t wanna go through the trouble and I was close to giving up on LJ and another journaly thing? That was stupid. But I wanted to follow Flamethrower and Dogmatix, and it made it infinitely easier to follow several blogs (and oh GODS one of those is a mutual and holy fuck I swear I screamed the day that happened and it’s still a high to realize).

Dogmatix wrote Möbius and Accidental Timeshare, wherein Venge goes universe hopping. That’s also a weakness of mine.

I’d been kvetching IRL about the treadmill and wanting something to watch, and someone mentioned in Dogmatix’s feed The Clone Wars – which conveniently was on Netflix. So I figured what the hell. I was disinclined to like clones – ‘cause yeesh, they’re the reason the Jedi all died, and yeah, ok, the Order was SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP, but.

I still had never seen Episodes 2 or 3.

I turned on the Clone Wars movie, and within ten minutes I nearly fell off the back of the treadmill due to crying.

THIS was the Star Wars of my youth. THIS was what I remembered. A little grim. Lots of quips.

That sound. Lightsabers igniting. A-wings rumbling overhead. Blasterfire, and that music.

I had to stop and calm down and for the first time in ages WRITE [, because I just had to ramble about how it all hit me in the feels]. I had no idea I’d missed this.

By the end of the movie I’d decided ok, I wanted more. Wasn’t sold on these clone fellas, and damned if I could tell one set of armor from another (this is ALSO due to the treadmill screen being calibrated to be a compromise of a very short person – me – and a very tall person, which means neither person gets a decent view but that’s not what the treadmill tv is for).

I’d been told there was an order to the episodes, but I didn’t care. Continuity is for those who think about the future, and I was still regularly suicidal.

So the first episode I watched was Yoda romping around a planet, playing with droids while three clone troopers tried to babysit his mad little ass.

They had me, all in one episode. I loved these guys. They had individuality, I could tell them apart by the voices (which is sometimes just as important to me as visuals) even if I couldn’t name them, and the personalities –

They were loyal. Their primary concern was old batty Yoda which I had adored as a child because MUPPETS. They were willing to die to keep him safe and there was this lovely reciprocity in taking care of each other and all of them, clones and Jedi alike were doomed to extinction and I don’t think I knew yet HOW the clones were except they weren’t in the OT so there was shit going down.

Tragic figures, loyal found family, incredible voice acting, Batty Old Yoda who OH YEAH FUCKING KICKED SO MUCH ASS I COULD NEVER GET ENOUGH.

I wanted to keep those three clones. I was willing to keep them all.

Final blow, that knocked me into the fandom so hard I’ll be surprised if I ever leave?

THIS.

The origins of Balance. This is the post that started a simple notion, to try to write something when I’d gone….anywhere from 7 to 10 years of not writing A SINGLE. DAMNED. THING of substance – and that was after thinking I might try to get a degree related to it.

Darth Wraith was a tentative idea. I was scared @deadcatwithaflamethrower would be irked I wanted to play in her sandbox (oh my gods I was inserting myself into a conversation with her this amazing person who wrote blindingly well and so damn much and how the FUCK was I daring to speak up about a silly half DREAM I’d had because once again I couldn’t sleep).

Then, because I was trying to break out of the depression, the cycles of mental ill health, and if I was on this tumbls thing, fuck it, I’d try the IM thing again.

I’d been gone long enough that pretty much no one on my contact list was still there. That…was ok. There wasn’t the pressure.

And Dogmatix popped on, asking if I wanted to share details about this Sith Qui-Gon thing.

I had A SCENE. ONE. SCENE. And she was spinning it off into this EPIC, which at first I was gleeful because she had neat ideas and I couldn’t wait to see what she would do with it and then wait, she’s not talking about writing it herself, this is more about something WE could work on.

Thank gods it was IM, because I had a little panic about commitment to a project when I regularly was sure I wasn’t going to see tomorrow and if I didn’t wake up one morning that’d be MORE than ok.

Still. There was that itch. The visuals in my brain. The characters I’d started to like in Flamethrower’s universe, which had formed my mental voices for them.

The only sound in my head for so long was just screaming.

Writing down that scene in Knock On Effect, where Venge meets Wraith – that felt good. It never changed much from the first draft to what was posted. The rest grew, and quickly. It was clear if we were doing this, then there were multiple stories, spanning in universe years.

And then there were spinoffs. Wonderful ideas and plots spiraling away from this one notion, and gods I wanted to write about those glorious clones.

How’d I get into Star Wars?

Chance. One strange little step at a time, and a bunch of miracles and horrors that kept me bleeding but not dying. Damn good fic. The kindness of friends. The generosity of strangers.

The tragedy of a once great order of space monks, and their allies-forced-to-be-betrayers clones.

One little picture, of Qui-Gon Jinn with Sith eyes.

#tumblageddon #reviving from the purge #star wars #tw #self harm #suicide #depression #mental illness #abuse #emotional #Norcumi has Opinions again #deadcatwithaflamethrower #dogmatix #i did not expect to cry when writing this #star wars saved my life #literally

28 notes · View notes

ibelieveinahappilyeverafter · 6 years

Text

Your Words On My Skin - Chapter 4

Bonjour, mes chers! Sorry for such a long pause between these updates. Real life decided to sneak it's way back in and let's just say it's not going down without a fight.

AO3 FFN

Don’t forget I’m doing more cool things on my Patreon all the time! I also have a Ko-Fi so consider buying me a coffee if you can’t pledge!

Summary: Danny Fenton was born with writing on his arms that proved he had a soulmate out there for him that was much, much older than his parents were comfortable with. The result was his skin being covered as much as possible and Danny warned that he shouldn’t look at the words or write any back. Danny has always been a little bit curious as to who his soulmate was, but he never thought on how curious his soulmate was about him.

<<First Chapter>><<Last Chapter>><<Next Chapter>>

Chapter Four

“Fuck.” That seemed to be the only word possible to accurately describe Danny’s feelings as he stared at his arm where all of Andrew’s words had been cleaned away and replaced with a question that made him feel like his heart was being stabbed.

He had woken up and expected to see a ‘good morning’ or a new story idea that Andrew had scribbled down in the middle of the night - day? - and instead he was greeted with a heaping amount of guilt and irrational anger that it would be so much easier to explain all of this if Andrew had a phone. Right, okay, shower first and then brushing his teeth and then explaining why they had the worst luck ever when it came to soulmates. That was a good plan. Right… Explaining…

He could explain all of this, couldn’t he? It was pretty simple when he laid it all out neatly. He had just stayed quiet because words had appeared the moment he was born, and his parents had terrified him into never even looking at his skin. Right. Easy.

“Time to get up for school, Danny.” Hearing the knock on his door, Danny looked up as Jazz peeked into the room. Judging by her expression, Danny’s expression was even worse than hers. “Soulmate troubles or ghost troubles?”

“He just asked me why I never wrote back.” It seemed to take a moment for Jazz to understand what he meant, but when she did she gave a wince. “How do I even- I can’t- He doesn’t have a phone.”

“Okay, okay, don’t panic. Hey, it’s okay, we’ll figure this out.” Thank whatever fucked up deity was out there for taking pity on Danny and giving him a great big sister. “Has he written anything else, yet?”

“No, and he erased everything else, too.” Danny moved over as Jazz sat down beside him, chewing on her lip and, okay, good, she was thinking. Maybe she would think of a plan to get Danny out of this mess. “What do I say?”

“Well… There’s always explaining to him the truth. Does he know how old you are, yet?” Yes- No. Maybe? Danny couldn’t remember if he had ever actually mentioned his age. “That’s a no, then.”

“He might know. Maybe- Possibly.” He… He probably knew. Nn. “Okay, so, maybe he doesn’t, but does that really change anything?”

“Danny, that could change everything, and you know that.” Yeah, but… He didn’t want it to change everything. “I know your situation is difficult, but if you want it to work, then you need to communicate with each other.”

“Mhm, yeah, so, hey, can I get big sister Jazz back, please?” Therapist Jasmine made him feel bad about his life choices.

“Write to him, explain what’s going on, and if you need to then dump him.” Well, besides that last part, it was a pretty solid plan. “ You should probably take a shower first, though. You have school today.”

“Right- Yeah, that first, but, yeah.” Sliding out of bed, Danny quickly drew Jazz into a hug. “Thanks, Jazz.”

“No problem, Danny. Now go fix things so you don’t sit around here moping.” He hadn’t been- Okay, so he had been moping a little. He was good now, though! So good. Right. Shower and then talk.

Rushing through his morning routine more than a little, Danny was soon sitting on his bed in a tank top and staring at his clean arms before forcing out a sigh and uncapping his pen. “Alright, Andrew… I hope you don’t hate me for this.” If his soulmate was decades older than him, then… Well. He was about to be in for a very nasty shock.

Still. After everything the least Andrew deserved was the truth- Danny had been through fifteen years of silence, too, but his probably hadn’t caused the pain that it had to Andrew.

Danny made sure to not make any of it sound like an excuse as he wrote, because, well, he was just as much at fault as his parents were, really. Danny had put his soulmate through fifteen years of silence because he had been too scared to look at what might - or might not - be there. This- This was just as much his fault as it was theirs. All of it.

It took a lot of small writing and a lot of awkward twisting, but Danny eventually managed to explain everything. He explained about his parents, and how words began appearing when he was just born, and how he was scared to look because his parents made it seem like he just didn’t have a soulmate, and if he never looked, then it couldn’t be proven true, right?

He made sure to tell Andrew that he was fifteen, sixteen in April, and was currently a Sophomore at a high school in Amity Park, Illinois. He talked more about his friends, his sister, and- Well, he may have left his last name out. Andrew might not ‘believe in technology,’ but if he lived close enough then Danny didn’t want him to know that he was ‘one of those crazy Fentons.’

‘So yeah it kind of built up a lot over the years since the moment I was born really and it built and built and I know it’s not an excuse but for what its worth Im so so so sorry Andrew.’

It felt like an eternity before Danny began to see words written in purple pen that was squeezed in on his upper right thigh. ‘I suppose that would explain a lot.’ For some reason, Danny had a feeling that Andrew was very, very shocked by everything.

‘Im mature for my age?’ Jokes. Jokes would help. Right? Hopefully? Maybe? A moment passed by and the words were then viciously crossed out with the purple pen, and, right, Andrew was probably panicking a little bit. ‘Deep breaths??’

‘Is it too much to ask for some time to think?’ That- That was fine, honestly, because Danny sure as hell would want time to think- Hell, he had needed time to think after what his parents told him.

‘Take all the time you need Andrew Ill still be here’ A few seconds passed, and Danny couldn’t help but grin as he saw a few hearts doodled around what he had written down. Danny made sure to draw a few of his own before capping his pen and collapsing on his bed with a tired sigh.

That… It hadn’t gone bad, at least? Granted there were probably places he could have explained a little better, but overall it seemed like Andrew accepted it okay.

“At least it can’t get any more dramatic to-” A wisp of blue escaped out of his mouth and Danny groaned as he rolled over to smother his face into his blankets and why today of all days! Right, okay, time to go be a hero-

Ooh. He could work off some aggression depending on who it was… “Come and face me, whelp! Let the true hunt finally begin!”

“Oh, that is just perfect.” There was nothing for stress relief like bashing in a tin can a couple hundred times. Besides, Danny didn’t even have to feel guilt where Skulker’s suit, was, well, a suit.

Besides, it would be a nice distraction until Andrew wrote him back.

“Fifteen. He’s fifteen. My soulmate is fifteen-years-old- Randy, he’s fifteen-years-old.” Instead of looking appropriately horrified, Randy only stared at him before slowly raising his eyebrows in a rather insulting manner. “He’s fifteen.”

“You know, funnily enough, I figured that out myself when you woke me up screaming about how your soulmate was fifteen.” That- Andrew hadn’t been screaming, he had been… He had been loudly panicking, was all.

“Randy, my mate- Danny is fifteen and I’m- I’m-” He wasn’t even sure how old he was, right now! Fifty? Probably fifty- Actually, it might have been the late forties. Maybe. Somewhere in that age range, at least- He was old. “I’m a horrible, selfish, loathsome, despicable-”

“Would telling you to calm down do anything besides earn me a punch?” Turning to glare at his idiot brother who was not at all taking this matter seriously, Andrew looked around for whatever was closest that could be used as a weapon. “You’re not horrible. It’s not like you can control how old your mate is, Andy.”

“Yes, yes, I know, but he’s fifteen, Randy. That- That’s hardly anything!” Andrew remembered what they were like when they were fifteen and it was, well, it wasn’t the best. God, he had been alive perhaps longer than his mate’s parents had been alive. Oh, dear, that was such a horrible thought.

“If it helps, you’re technically twenty-two and, as far as we know, you won’t be aging again. That leaves Danny plenty of time to catch up to you, yeah?” Right- Right. Plenty of time to catch up and pass him and become even older than him and then Andrew would be the one so much younger and-

“That’s worse. That’s so much worse, Randy.” Because finding out he had been alive longer than his mate was one thing, but finding out that his mate would live, grow older, and die, and that Andrew would be left behind and forced to continue- Worse. Very, very much worse. “Please stop helping to make it worse.”

“Look, you two aren’t going to be solving anything by worrying and fretting and avoiding the important questions. You finally asked him why he never wrote back and now you know - which, really, this is a much better option than a sadistic, sociopath of a mate.”

“Yes, yes, I suppose you would be right, except that makes me the sadistic, sociopathic mate!” God, Danny would never want him once he found out his age- As well as a ghost? If that didn’t drive him off than the fact Andrew was a former assassin would. “Perhaps I can shift reality-”

“No using reality shifting powers to solve your relationship problems!” Making sure to be as petty as possible, Andrew collapsed onto the couch Randy was on and did his best to sit on the man’s arm. “Andy, c’mon, you’re a writer. You’re good with words. You two will find a way to work this out.”

“Yes, but- Oh, hold on.” Danny’s words from before had been messily scrubbed away recently, Andrew seeing a faint imprint of the explanation that he had been seeking for years. What was left behind had Andrew’s blood- Heart- Fuck.

“What is it? Did he ask you why you don’t believe in technology again? Or maybe- Oh.” There, written on his skin in words that were written too fast and too small, was a question that might damn it all.

‘how old are you??’ It should have been a simple question that would be easy to respond to, but- But if he said twenty-two, then Danny would be suspicious and think he was lying, now. If he said his true age, however, then Danny might never want to talk to him again because he was older than his parents, probably.

“Any idea how to answer that one, then?” Mm, yes, see, now- Now that was the question of the day. How to answer this without driving Danny off. “Maybe if you just stretch the truth for a little bit-”

“Randall.” Andrew glared over to where Randy had his hands raised peacefully. “I am not going to lie to my soulmate about my age of all things! I don’t want to lie to him period!” Which, okay, the technology thing had broken that a little, but- But he only said that, so he didn’t lie to Danny further! Yes, okay, alright, he hadn’t exactly been honest with Danny about some things, but he had never lied about anything too important! He had just neglected to mention a few key points of who he was.

‘I suppose you would want to know- Don’t you have school this morning?’ Ignoring Randy’s snorting noise that was supposed to be laughter, Andrew sighed in relief when he saw swears scribbled out before Danny stopped writing.

“So, your plan is to distract him, instead?” Yes, well, it wasn’t a very bad plan, now was it? It had worked, after all! “He’ll ask you again eventually, you know. Especially when he doesn’t see an answer.”

“I know, I know, I just- I need to figure out the best way to answer, is all.” Standing up, Andrew chewed at his lip as he headed towards the kitchen. Maybe some baking would help clear his thoughts. At most, it wouldn’t hurt matters any more than they already were.

“You’re living off borrowed time, now, frérot.” See! That- That wasn’t helping. It was ominous, and worrying, and made Andrew wish he was still alive just so he could start breathing funny and distract Randy from his problem by making him think he had asthma or some such rot and- “Hey, hey, breathe, Andy, breathe.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, we don’t exactly need to breathe, anymore.” Andrew didn’t even complain as he was pushed towards a kitchen chair, instead just collapsing in it, propping his arms up on the table, and hiding his face.

He had spent years wishing and hoping and praying for a soulmate, and it led him to this. A fifteen-year-old boy who was scared too often, alone too much, and wanted to know his soulmate despite what his parents had told him. Danny has no idea that Andrew was a ghost. He probably thought Andrew was fifty - or at least near that age - and he still wanted to talk to him and spend time with him and get to know him.

“You know, there are some bonds that lead to platonic soulmates.” Randy’s voice was quiet, the man close enough to ruffle his hair. Andrew didn’t even bother to smack his hand away. “It doesn’t always have to be-”

“This is.” It was. Andrew knew it as well as he knew Danny knew it. They were meant for each other as soulmates often were. They- Well, Andrew wasn’t quite sure on Danny’s exact feelings at the moment, and his own were a little murky, but he knew it wouldn’t be long until he fell in love with his mate. “I want to tell him, Randy, but what if…”

What if he ran? What if he stopped writing again? Danny had always known silence, too. It wouldn’t hurt him to just stop writing and continue as he had been. Andrew… He had spent so long wishing and praying and if his mate just left out of nowhere- He hated it. He hated so much that he knew something like that would break him.

“Andy.” Feeling Randy’s hand on his shoulder, Andrew at least peeked his head up to see that Randy was looking serious for once. “Worrying yourself like this isn’t going to help either of you. I know… I know this is difficult, but wouldn’t it be better to let each other know the truth of everything at the start?”

“What if he runs away, though? Randy- We’re ghosts. We weren’t meant to have connections like this with the living.” It was so stupid. It was a trope that Andrew had never wanted. The dead in love with the living. Souls meant to be, but bodies that could never touch. Love for someone that they should never feel love to. Star-crossed lovers.

“What if he stays?” It… It wasn’t impossible. Oh, it was improbable, that was certain, but their situation- It didn’t have to be impossible. “You bought yourself some time for now, so take a breath, calm yourself down, and don’t fight back as I take over your kitchen.”

“Take over my- Randall! You are not taking over my kitchen!” Randy was already grinning and flying over to the fridge, Andrew loving more than hating how he was already laughing, and, right. He had bought himself some time. A little time was all he needed.

No matter what, he would find a way to fix things between him and Danny. Somehow.

“Danny… You’re in the library. You’re in the library during study hall- Are you studying during study hall?” Staring at his friends, Danny wasn’t sure if he had ever gone from surprise to annoyance as quickly as he had then. “Sam, punch me, I need to see if I’m- Ow.”

“You know, you’re usually supposed to be quiet when you’re in a library.” Was it petty that Danny hoped their school librarian would toss his friends out? It was probably petty, but dammit, it was earned pettiness. “And no, I’m not studying. Jesus, who do you think I am, Jazz?” The shared looks between Sam and Tucker were just insulting.

“Okay, you’re in the library during study hall and you’re not playing video games on the computer you’re using- It actually looks like you’re in a database- Hang on, what are you really doing?” And as usual, Sam’s judgement fell away to insatiable curiosity as she started pushing Danny and his chair out of the way.

“You know, this is why I have ghost powers.” Sam and her damn curiosity. “Not that you need to know, but I’m actually looking up people with the name Andrew Riter-”

“You’re looking for your soulmate.” That was a very judgmental tone, but considering Tucker was still rubbing at his side, Danny would rather not get punched. “And you’re not asking him where he lives because…”

“Because he won’t tell me? Because he figured out I’m fifteen and he’s not? Because I just told him why I’ve been avoiding him for all these years- Look, do you want a list? It’s a very long list- Okay, okay, sorry, no need for violence.”

“Oh for- Why do you boys never know how to communicate!” Sam grabbed his chair and pushed him back in front of the computer. “Why are you using a school computer to do this?”

“Because my parents and Jazz snoop. Look, soulmates typically live pretty close together, right? Only one out of every million end up living more than two or three hundred miles apart, so if I can find an Andrew Riter near Amity Park or close by, then I’ll find him. See? Easy.”

“Right, you just have to sort out one of the most common names ever. Easy as can be.” Huffing and nudging Sam out of the way, Danny went back to his very important research. “You know what I’m hearing? Stalking-”

“I am not stalking my soulmate.” That would require finding him, first. “Look, at least I’m not as bad as Tucker with his last few crushes-”

“Hey!” Taking the chokehold with grace, Danny squirmed only a little as he glared back up at Sam. “If I do this then I can at least find out what he looks like or how old he is or something. Sammy, he hasn’t even told me how old he is, yet. It was a battle to get his last name out of him!”

Glaring down at where his question had been ignored in favor of a short idea about star-crossed lovers or something, Danny spitefully drew a few stars over the idea. “Are you sure you wouldn’t just rather wait and have him tell you this on his own terms? What if he finds out you’re looking for him and he doesn’t want that?”

“Dunno. Haven’t thought that far, yet.” Danny hit print as Tucker finally let him go, Sam crossing her arms and looking at him. It was the look of guilt that usually had Danny caving, but not this time! “Sammy, c’mon. What would you do if you were me?”

Sam could claim she was uncaring about soulmates all she wanted, but Danny saw her clutch at her sleeves and glance to Tucker too quick for the other to notice. “I still think this is a bad idea.”

“We tend to excel in bad ideas, though.” Tucker grinned before snatching up the printed papers and going through them quickly. “Right, make a list of what you know, and I’ll start coming up with an algorithm to cross out some of these.”

“Wait- You’re helping me?” Danny looked between the two, not even flinching as Sam whacked him with her sleeve. “But you just said-”

“If it’s important to you than it’s important to us.” Sam took half the papers, flipping through them herself. “Oh, wow, that’s a lot of results.”

“Over a thousand,” Danny groaned, looking back down to his arms and biting his lip at seeing his stars had been scribbled in with a blue pen. Underneath that were words appearing about star travel and space and pretty much everything Danny loved and dammit. He was weak. He was very, very weak. “I just… It’s not even that I want to know what he looks like, but I want to know- I want to know he’s out there.”

“What do you mean?” Seeing a librarian lurking nearby, Danny logged off his computer and grabbed his bag, Sam and Tucker falling into step with him near at once.

“I mean it’s like- When it’s just writing back and forth on our skin, it’s- I don’t know. It’s weird. It’s like if I look away from his words, then they were never there. I know the words are there, I can read them and see them and everything, but it’s…”

“The words don’t make up for the rest of it,” Tucker finished quietly, Danny raising an eyebrow when his gaze slid to Sam and then back to him and oh. That- Alright, Danny would definitely be coming back to that, later. “I’m sure he’ll tell you who he is eventually, but until then we’ll help you as much as we can.”

“You are stuck with us.” Sam linked their arms together, Danny trying not to laugh as Tucker did the exact same thing on his other side. “And until your soulmate shows up to sweep you off your feet and steal you away, we’ll be here for you.”

“You want to encourage the three-way rumors between us, don’t you?” The two both grinned in the exact same way and oh, come on, they had to know they were soulmates. Fuckers. “You’re awful.” Danny loved them. “You think we can do it, then? Track down my wayward soulmate?”

“Dude, after what we’ve been through, I think we can do anything. I mean, this is nothing compared to some of the stuff we’ve done.” That was true, but it still felt- It felt bigger than everything they had done before.

“We’ll sort this out, Danny,” Sam smiled, kissing his cheek and smirking when Tucker raised his eyebrows and- Oh- Oh, no.

“I swear to god if you two start some fight on who can show me the most affection, I will be very upset with you.” Escaping out of their grips, Danny stuck his tongue out as he ran along ahead to class, trying not to laugh at their loud complaints about ‘leaving them.’ Dorks.

For as great as his friends were, though, there was still the fact that he wanted to know. He still knew so little about Andrew and not enough ink in the world could tell them everything there was to know about each other.

Looking to his skin, he saw plenty of new words, along with a small, scribbled little ‘sorry’ written on the back of his wrist. Danny slowed to a stop, staring at the word and quietly groaning. “Why do you have to make this so much more difficult?” Now he was feeling guilty.

‘if you could only be trapped in one place for the rest of your life where would you be trapped?’ Distractions. Distractions would help and learning about Andrew was always a great distraction.

‘My library.’ Whoa, wait, what, Andrew had a library? ‘Would I be supplied with food for this hypothetical forever?’

‘probably’ Most likely. Danny stared at the reply for a few moments, biting his lip and he could try asking again, but… ‘you can only eat one food for the rest of your life what is it?’ Not yet. Andrew would try to avoid the question, still, so Danny would just work up to it. Besides, if Sam and Tucker pulled through and they got lucky, well.

Andrew wouldn’t be able to avoid Danny’s questions if they were face-to-face.

Staring at where Randy was sleeping on a pile of books, Andrew frowned and very slowly and carefully pulled out one of his knives. Seeing Randy tense, Andrew threw it in a smooth, quick motion, amused when Randy’s arm snapped up to catch it as the rest of him stayed still. “It’s no fun if you make it look so easy.”

“You know, most people don’t find it fun to throw knives at their sleeping brothers.” Randy tossed the knife back to him, yawning as he sat up and stretched in a way that gave a few loud cracks that had Andrew wincing. “Alright, alright, next pile.”

“I know you agreed to help me with my research, but perhaps you should actually sleep in a bed instead of on my books.” Plus, Andrew was starting to feel a little bad about recruiting Randy into his soulmate research binge when he was fresh off a job.

“And perhaps you should worry less. Done stating what we’re never going to do?” Randy stood up and his back gave another crack, Andrew letting out a small whine. That sounded like it hurt. “‘M fine, ‘m fine. Besides, I’m not leaving you on your own again. When I got back you had worked yourself up into an attack.”

“It wasn’t an attack. I was just… I was a touch worried about not finding the materials I needed.” Ignoring his brother’s look, Andrew cleared his throat as he gathered a few more books to him. Surprisingly, he didn’t have that many books on soulmates. It was rather disappointing.

“Uh-huh. How many books have you read since I last asked you that question?” Oh, aha, wow, Andrew very much did not want to answer that question. “You’re obsessing.”

“We’re ghosts, obsessing is what we do.” Snagging one of the books Randy had been sleeping on, Andrew sighed as he brushed it off. “There has to be a case like mine and Danny’s documented somewhere, surely.”

“Yeah. Definitely a case where an alive kid ends up being soulmates with a ghost who’s been dead longer than both of them were alive for.” That… When said like that… “Ah, jeez, c’mon, don’t get the depressed look-”

“I do not have a depressed look, thank you very much. I’m simply concerned on the fact we haven’t found anything even remotely similar to my situation.” They had been through dozens of books by now and there was still nothing even close to what they were going through.

“Hey, hey, Andy, c’mon.” Randy threw an arm around him and trapped him in place, Andrew huffing and upset over the fact that he didn’t even try to escape. “It’s possible that all of this will work out-”

“I know that.” That was the part that was terrifying him. “This could all work out and if we do this right, then we’ll both be happy, and that’s…” It was terrifying because he knew what happened when he held hope.

“Oh, Andy.” Randy pulled him into an actual hug and oh, god, it was that bad, wasn’t it? If Randy was actually hugging him, then he must have looked more pathetic than he thought. “We’re not used to good things happening to us, are we?”

“I believe an argument could be made that such a statement is very much an understatement.” Andrew finally sighed and leaned against Randy, feeling more than a little hopeless at the situation. “I don’t know what to do, Randy.”

“Well, the whole research thing is a good start.” Yes, he supposed, but there was still… Randy was right. A situation like this had never been seen or heard of. A ghost being soulmates with a teenager who was still alive? It… No matter how one looked at it, there was nothing but heartbreak, except… There was still a chance of it ending happily and it terrified him. “What do you need?”

“I need- I need a book- I need something to help me figure this out.” Knowledge had never let him down before. There had always been a book to help him out of a situation. Whether it was to distract him, give him inspiration, instruct him on what to do next, or even just to give him an escape, there was- Books and knowledge had never let him down before.

“Okay, we’re off to a good start on the whole book thing.” Randy finally let him go before pushing him down into a seat, Andrew huffing as a pile was pushed in front of him. “These should be the last ones, yeah?”

“The last ones with an academic approach to the subject, yes. I’ve yet to go through and pull the books that have a fable outlook.” Watching his brother stare at him, Andrew huffed. “I am not simplifying that when I know for a fact you understood it perfectly.”

“Damn. You were so much more fun before you caught on to the fact I was smart.” ‘Smart.’ Randy was certifiably a genius if Andrew could just get him to sit still long enough to take one of the tests. “Okay, we have the nonfiction checked off, but maybe check fiction? Kernel of truth in every story?”

“That was my thinking, yes.” Andrew flipped open the book closest to him, staring at the blurry words before he was staring at the cover again. “That was rude.”

“You haven’t slept and for as much as you want to complain that ghosts don’t need it, you do need sleep if you want to stay sane.”

“I’m not tired. My eyes just need to rest, is all.” This time the book was pulled away from him, Andrew collapsing back in his seat and looking up at Randy as pathetically as he could. “Randy.”

“Five hours, one meal, and three brownies and then I’ll let you get back to work.” Mm… No. Andrew didn’t like that. He would just keep reading- “Andy. Do you really think Danny would want you driving yourself crazy like this?”

“That was low.” That was just- That was just mean. “You’re awful.” Completely ignoring his brother’s grin, Andrew pushed himself up and oh, alright, yes, maybe a bit of rest would be good if he was seeing that many black spots. “There’s still at least a dozen books-”

“I’ll keep searching.” Oh. “Hey, at least I know your crazy filing system, and I know how to take notes you can actually read. Just go get rest and I’ll take care of this.”

“You’re so awful.” Aiming for a hug, Andrew slumped more than anything, amused when Randy easily supported him. “You’re supposed to be an annoying big brother who never shuts up and ruins my hopes and dreams and-”

Andrew’s words were drowned out by Randy’s laughter, the sound making him relax more than anything else. He may have had horrible luck when it came to the soulmate area of his life, but at least it was made up for with such a great brother.

As helpful as Randy was, though, he had been right when he said this was a unique situation. Something like this… Stories, maybe, but it was doubtful this had ever happened before. That begged the question of why did this happen?

Maybe his mate was as cursed as he was. Danny seemed like a sweet kid, but even through written word Andrew could tell that he was hiding more than he wanted to admit to. They all had secrets, but Andrew knew what the ones hidden in darkness looked like in daylight. Danny was hiding, yes, but Andrew… He was doing so much worse.

Danny had been honest and told him so much, and yet here Andrew was dodging questions and avoiding answering due to not wanting to hurt their feelings. It- Was there any way out of this that didn’t hurt Danny’s feelings?

Randy had been right back at the start of this mess. Andrew was going to hurt Danny and break his heart because, well… Andrew looked down to where patches of stars inked with pen were scribbled across his words. He didn’t need Randy’s look to know there was a hopeless look on his face, and, really.

He had fallen so quickly, hadn’t he?

#danny phantom #iambic prose #soulmate au #words on my skin au

5 notes · View notes

ildivine · 3 years

Text

between watching a lot of youtubers, losing a lot of sleep, and playing a lot of the off-peak games, i feel my creativity blossoming in the abstract way that i strive for.

i at least have come to understand how my creativity is dulled, and what i need to get it going again. its difficult, getting older, and becoming more jaded, and depression in the back of my mind is a noisy buzzing that can only be quelled with alcohol or weed. ive been learning how to deal without the prior, but, mm.

i dreamt about gavin and i think about a lot of people in ways that i don’t get to often talk about. its not like i talk to my therapist about this kind of thing. i havent mentioned the system to any since the last one i trusted treated it like DID, and thats fine for systems that need it, but we don’t work that way, and we never have.

alternatively i do think about myself ... and my past lives, often. i feel my limbs more often and it blends with the dysphoria; its strange to think i get so envious of just being spiritually Aware. ingesting mushrooms is the most helpful thing to me, and i know i mute my own sixth sense with doubt.

ive isolated myself from others quite a bit, as ive been mean again. im learning to appreciate the time i spend with dean and connor, even if it is every day. i miss connor every time i wake up without zem next to me, especially after weekends when i really get used to it.

our one year is coming up in july and ze thought aloud to me about marriage and we gently brushed over it. ze said something along the lines of “well, i wanted to wait for a better opportunity...” which, understandable.

one day ill be able to afford nice things like real rings and wedding ceremonies, but the last week of cleaning up my room, and throwing a lot of things out, made me realize what focusing on survival really means. i told myself that in 2021 i would focus on letting go, and its still hard. letting go of friends, and loved ones, and things, old stuff, its all the same, i have such an emotional attachment that it gets tangled in my head and my emotions. connors told me constantly to buy necessities and i brushed em off ... so im glad a friend helped us make up for it.

its embarrassing and its frustrating to rely on my money for things that others dont see as necessary. alcohol quells my twitching but i do have an addiction to it cuz i simply like to drink til i cant anymore, n im still learning that boundary. weed, i cant really explain what it does for me, cuz it is unusual. simple things like helping my appetite and sleep, two major things i struggle with a lot, as well as giving me inspiration to get up in the mornings, or do anything at all. right now it is medical in new mexico and i have a PTSD diagnosis, and when i smoke, it quiets the voices in my head screaming at me about wanting to die. i dont know how common this is, but its one of the things i struggle with financially. to survive. even with all of my antidepressants and anxiety medications, mental illness still lingers, and i think the more i delve into new media as well as reflect on past lives and old memories, my brain is in a very strange place. but ive come to appreciate that it is strange, i am strange, and i have mental illness, and i probably wont ever be able to silence it. i can take out my desire to cut my own skin open by watching dissection videos, and then im also learning and absorbing new information along the way.

when im not absolutely drunk on a tank of heavy alcohol, i can focus. i appreciate that i lost the years of 2018-2020 mostly due to how much i was drinking, on top of a medication that was already terrible for my memory. but the other day i went through my mood charts over those years, where i wrote down how i was, and although i drank daily and felt guilty about it, my mood was generally stable.

unfortunately its very expensive and unhealthy, and the inevitable withdrawals make me worse off than i started with. my therapist considers me drinking as playing with fire, but ive learned how to consume responsibly; dean and i can stop after a six pack and itll put us to sleep, but ill always want another beer, even in the back of my mind. That slight buzz from the mimosa that Connor drank and melted into was likely most of the reason ze could actually start dozing off, and we were half craving another for fun and relaxation, but i thought “i probably wont be able to sleep tonight without another drink”.

and i was right, and i acknowledge that its a problem. so ive tried to find that sensation from other things like hops tea and carbonated water (ew, its still not good, honestly dsjfsdj) or kombuchas, because it triggers the same response in my brain without.. melting my organs. did u kno ur liver is FUCKING HUGE n its also the only organ that can heal itself?? the cells reconstruct differently than scar tissue usually binds together n i just think thats Neat.meme

jokes aside, i think its also why my liver is Fine despite the fact ive drank since i was 13 years old, minus the year of rehab sobriety. That was also my Only year of sobriety. Digging into my alcoholism ive done a lot of questioning as to why i rely on it, and i think it is a lot to do with being addicted to being drunk, and i think its also a lot to do with ‘wow, i can finally turn my brain off! the thing thats yelling at me all the time, feeling scared and sad,” but drinking is also essentially a boost of stress hormones, so when the endorphins wear off, u get sad or anxious all over again. ive come to learn that i only withdrawal or get hangovers if i drink more than, i guess the recommended amount by doctors. 3 glasses of wine will now do me in, dean can power thru anything regardless of what hes drinking, but it does affect the health in ways i cant ignore.

i enjoy drugs, i think is the bottom line. i look up how to get a hold of psychedelic mushrooms cuz u can just get em in the mail if ur in a country where its decriminalized (hint: we’re not) n immediately the results are between getting help for addiction or how magic mushrooms help depression in low doses.

i really have a theme here. im still mad that my parents induced my reliance on all these substances and i know i would be a lot better off if i didnt drink til i was 21 or never smoked cigarettes, and i accept im always gonna crave these things regardless, but i only feel creative when i drink or smoke, and thats another problem with addicts because u fry ur neurons hard enough it all dies down. ive appreciated watching videos and playing games when i am in the comatose, apathetic stage of depression like i have been in recently, where i cant force myself to do anything and even fronting someone else to do it takes energy that quickly dies down.

my energy has died quickly since i went vegan, as my nails have chipped since, so im experimenting with my diet. my taste pallet cant handle dairy anymore, and connor was only here to try it, and i think we all discovered we just... dont wanna do that. but eating fish again helped my energy and brought a glow back to my skin. too much, however, still gives me the greasy meat sweats, so... a lil bit of everything seems to be whats right.

i still crash a lot, but i think thats just a side effect of being 28 in this generation and feeling 68 instead.

anyway, now that my room is FINALLY clean and looking nice, i want to try to do art again. i miss art. i miss thinking in images, i miss my imagination, i miss roleplaying and writing and drawing and arting. conny wanted to paint too but was absolutely too tired on sunday lol n i respect that so maybe tonight we can get something together.

but its been nice to feel something in my brain stirring again that isnt just the gross black buzz of mental illness constantly telling me to die. i get used to it, i guess. i forget its not supposed to happen because i have survived it for so long. im on the max dose of antidepressants and medicine i can take and i still feel really bad sometimes, but i didnt realize it until other people brought it up. stress definitely kicks me into my big bipolar mood swings, but i havent shaken off the depression in months. im not sure what to do so im trying to expand my horizons.

#>>.txt #drugs text #i GUESS #i dont rly consider them drugs but i understand they can b used recreationally...#and often are #but i think of it like taking advantage of benzos #theres no real need for neurotypicals i guess

1 note · View note

furiousconnoisseurcomputer-blog · 6 years

Text

Greenville West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24945

"Greenville West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24945

Greenville West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24945

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://saleinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

RELATED QUESTIONS:

Churchill Car Insurance Problem?

Had accident which was my fault in Nov 08, hit a van in rear that stopped suddenly going through a roundabout (less than 5mph) and his trailer hitch ball went into my radiator and damaged the hood, grill and radiator. Car was 1996 Honda in very reasonable condition, MOT'd and all in good service despite its 125,000 mileage, new tyres, exhaust, battery, and clean throughout. Had fully comprehensive insurance with 50 deductable, loaner car and legal support so paid to be protected. When car was collected from accident, collecting garage said at that time that due to the mileage my car would not be repaired. However it took 5 to 6 weeks for the insurance examiner to determine that my car was beyond repair, so I did without a car all that time. Despite repeated phone calls to them, they never called me back as their examiner was on holiday. Then when we finally agree that a price of 500 for my car in January 08 and that took some haggling, the cheque never and so I started chasing them down in early February. I am then informed that I did not disclose a speeding violation on my application and they would have to listen to the tapes of my applying to verify this. Again this took several weeks, and I again had to pursue them for an answer to which they then said I had applied on the internet so no record of a phone conversation. The internet application was misleading, asking for what I believed was 3 years worth of offenses. I've only ever had 2 speeding offenses in my entire life - both speed cameras, just over the limit. The first was at 6 a.m. and I passed a bus pulling over to stop and as I passed it got flashed. The second on the day I found my dad had days to live and I was rushing to catch a flight, and as in both instances was doing 42 mph in a 30 mph zone for a very short period. Nonetheless, I was speeding and paid my fines. I wrote to the insurance company and apologised for not telling them of the other speeding ticket from 4 years and 9 months earlier as I forgot about it. But I admitted it, and apologised in writing. Then then came back to me saying that there would be additional premium to pay before I would get paid for my car. Well, its October 08, and I finally got a letter from the insurers saying they are not paying me as I failed to pay the additional premium requested and they were not going to renew my policy. I have never been asked even after repeated letters to them how much the additional premium was, and what I should do. No replies. I have asked for my car back which they agreed to pay for, and now they state there is nothing they can do, and it is their final decision. I went to the financial ombudsman and unbelieveably DID NOT get a reply from them. I've even spoken to one of their survey staff who tells me that they are incredibly busy and it was probably put aside and not dealt with. I'm at a total loss as to where I stand and how to pursue this without spending more than the accident and car was worth. I've written to their data protection officer and obtained copies of all documentation pertaining to this, so by their records can verify all this information quite clearly. Finally, I maintained my cool with them at all times. Never once did I raise my voice or become unprofessional with them. My questions are: 1. Can I legally request my car back as it has never been paid for? 2. Were they taking money for policy on a car they knew that through mileage alone, they would never pay for loaner car, or to have repaired? 3. This has meant over 30 letters and more phone calls than that to deal with, and rarely do they call you back or reply at all. Can I claim for this time and distress? 4. Am I totally wasting my time? Regards, Papa Don""

Teens what kind of idiot buys a car with no Insurance?

Oh and this person that did this was black. White people will insure everything because they git money AM I RIGHT?

When should i buy car insurance?

I am going to buy a car on Tuesday. Is there a grace period during which i can drive the car without insurance until i get it, like 5 business days or something like that, or do i need insurance before i buy the car?? This is my first vehicle so i dont have an existing policy i can add this too.""

Insurance stuff?

I have a first insurance right now, and medicaid as a second insurance. My husband still has a job but his contract is being taken over by another company, will medicaid cover the bills until i get his new insurance started?""

Which motorcycle is cheaper to maintain? Suzuki Sv650s vs Honda Cbr600f4i?

As in cost of ownership, including insurance, gas, maintenance, etc...""

How does car insurance work?

I have a brand new car that has a 3 foot long scratch on the driver side after being parked on the street. It starts over the left front tire and ends towards the driver side door. I am taking it tomorrow to see if it can be buffed out, but if not I am going to take it to an auto body shop. How do I find out how much it costs? Next to property damage, it says $317. Is this my deductible? And how much I would have to pay? Can someone please explain this to me?""

Where are gender therapist in Michigan that's affordable or that take medicaid?

trying to seek help but my funds are kind of low and I have medicaid insurance and I live in Clinton, Michigan can anyone help I really need help please""

Looking for best LIC insurance for Child?

Hello, I am new to this insurance/policy stuffs...i am looking for best LIC policy for kids... Please share some sites where i can get basic education about insurance policies... thanks""

What should I do to get an International Medical Insurance?

I am a visitor in the United States, and I ll be here for about 2 months and I need a Medical Insurance, need some recommendations and where to go, and the docs necessaries.""

Which comes first? The car or insurance?

You can't drive without insurance, but your insurance rate depends in part on what kind of car you drive. So which do you get first?""

What coverage to get for car insurance for my son with ' L'?

what coverage to get for my car insurance , my son jest got his L. so what insurance coverage do i need to add to my car if i want him to drive it whit me , because I'm afraid if a crash happen. I live in british consulate vancouver ( ICBC ) this is the web site of the company (http://icbc.com/) so please help me .""

Insulin and car insurance?

a friend of mine has just been put onto insulin, will this effect the cost of her car insurance?""

File auto insurance claim or pay out-of-pocket in NJ?

My 17yo daughter just got her graduated NJ license, skidded on wet corner, causing $1300 in damage to wheel & susp. We have $500 deductible. Can we ask our insurance co. how much our rates will go up if we file a claim, or will that automatically flag her for additional points?""

How much is an SR22 insurance cost?

More or less...

Will my car isurance be cheaper if Im a second driver on someone else's policy?

My insurnce got terminated due to ONE missed payment, I tried talking to my previous insurers but to no avail, I have a claim still to be resolved, hence any new quote is coming bak with ridiulous premiums. So I was wondering if I add my name as second driver on someone else's policy will it be cheaper? Please help. I need to get back on the road as soon as possible, my job depends on it.""

Best motorcycle insurance?

I'm gonna start riding a motorcycle soon. I do not have a drivers license, it will be a new 09 motorcycle, I'm 19 (will be 20 by then), will say its for commuting, i live in LA California if any of that matters! i wanna know what would be a good motorcycle insurance as in cheaply priced! or just tell me what you pay for yours?""

Where can i find good and cheap used car dealer insurance?

i am trying to open a used car lot and need insurance for it. where can i find cheap insurance i have looked and got a quote at one place but the price is to high 6500.00 per year, are there any other companies that will offer that but for cheaper? thanks""

Someone at fault with no insurance suing my insurance?

I was t-boned at an intersection by a lady who had no insurance, no license and who ran a red light (she was ticketed for all 3). I filed under uninsured motorist claim and my deductible is $250. She tried making a claim against my insurance, but it was obviously denied. She is now saying she is contacting an attorney because the officers at the accident were corrupt ...Can she sue and will she likely get anything? Can I counter sue for the decidable?""

Car insurance questions - with regards to cancelling due to cheaper quote?

I have a couple of questions with regards to my car insurance. First of all, if I do a search on moneysupermarket.com/gocompare.com etc, will it record a search on my credit file? I turn 25 fairly soon, and I have a feeling my insurance should probably reduce accordingly, and want to know if it's worth my while shopping around. My current insurance policy ends in October. Also, if I do decide to shop around, and find a policy cheaper than what I'm currently paying, can I cancel my existing policy before it's due to end? I'm not sure how it works with car insurance - i.e. I know, if you wanted to cancel your phone contract early, you would be liable to pay the price for the whole contract - is it the same with car insurance? or can I just cancel it whenever I like?""

Taxes on insurance?

My sister passed away in a plane crash and the plane was insured. If the insurance company wrote me a check for $50,000 how much should I be expecting to pay in taxes? I'm so confused....""

Why the difference in Insurance availability between developing countries vs. industrialized nations?

Why has insurance traditionally been more common in industrialized nations, and why is it uncommon/not possible for people in developing worlds to have insurance? At first I thought it was simply because insurance is not affordable by people in developing countries, but maybe there are other reasons?""

How much is Progressive auto insurance for one car?

I'm 18, almost 19 years old and I recently figured out that with American Family Insurance that my parents have for me, I'm actually paying like $40 more than everyone else in my family just because I'm a young male driver. I think that our current insurance company is total **** so I wanted to look up how much a different company would be (in this case progressive because it seems to be one of, if not the best insurance company out there). But I went to their website, and I couldn't find jack about how much car insurance would be with them. I saw stuff like discounts, information about bundling (or something like that), but not a goddamn thing about how much it would be to be insured by them. Am I just looking in the wrong place, or do they just not list their prices unless you talk to an insurance representative?""

Best insurance company in ..........................?

What is the best insurance company if I live in Alabraska?

On average how much does it cost to insure an apartment building?

I am looking into purchasing 2 triplex apartment buildings. They are both brick buildings built in 1990. Both have been maintained fairly well and have a really good price on them. Now I am trying to find out on average what the cost of insurance would be. Just wanna be sure that it will be well worth my investment and not a sink Hole I have already checked taxes, utilities, and of course viewed the apartments. Now I just need some figures on Insurance. Thanks for any and all help.""

What is the best/cheapest car insurance for me?

im 16, and unfortunately my parents wont let me go under their insurance for the car ( i know that complicates things) but im hopeing that if i get my own car, and pay for my own insurance it wont be too expensive :( does anyone know what insurance company would give me the approx. lowest cost?""

Greenville West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24945

Does sprint phone insurance cover a cracked iPhone 5c screen?

Help! My Daughter dropped my new iPhone 5c and the screen totally shattered!! Is this covered??

Does anyone have Traveler's Auto Insurance?

I got a quote from a travelers auto insurance agent thats a good $75 less a month than what im paying now to progressive. The coverage isnt even bottom of the line either, its all the recommended selections. Anyone have any experience with them?""

State based car insurance?

Looking for new car insurance that covers only a couple states for a cheaper price. Looking for one that covers in FL

What's the cheapest sr22 insurance in Alaska?

I know you can't get a quote without prying, but I was hoping someone on here could help me.""

""Where can I find good, inexpensive Life Insurance?""

Where can I find good, inexpensive Life Insurance?""

Car insurance and international driver's license?

Hi, I'd like to know if it's possible to get car insurance and buy a car in the USA if you don't have an American driver's license... I only have a French driver's license and an international driver's license. Could you please also tell me how much does car insurance approximately cost for 1 year? Thank you very much in advance.""

Cheap insurance?

ok my partner has hes test next week and we are looking for a car costing about 1000 thats cheap on insurance / cheap to run also a 5 door, the best we found so far is a deawoo matiz witch isnt even a 1.0 but the insurance is 1400 for a year! witch is the cheapist we have found as its a 2002 model. any other cars thats we can get thats cheap and around the same year? thanx ~x~""

Is high risk homeowner's insurance necessary in Florida?

I am expecting to move to South Florida soon with work and am concerned about the coastal location and buying a home. I plan to purchase a home eventually, but I am told that it is a high risk state because of hurricanes, and my insurance is going to be very expensive no matter what part of the state I am in. In addition to this I was also told that I probably will not have flood insurance offered. Is it true that I will have to have a higher risk premium on my insurance bill and have to be subject to floods anyway?""

How much will my insurance go up after a DUI??

I got a D.U.I. and i am going to get my license back soon and i am wondering how much my insurance will be compared to before.

How long does it take for auto insurance to pay out for no-fault accident?

Hello - I was involved in an auto-accident in March of 2006 in which both insurance companies (mine and hers) agreed that it was the other party's fault and I was a zero-liability. Their insurance company (let's call them Venus , of ease) has asked for receipts ($1000 in rentals which my coverage does not cover), my deductible amount and any other amount which I had to put out (total is about $1,700). I have waited since April for them to pay me. I get letters from Venus every other week saying they are pending further investigation - but, I am at wits-end and want my money which I had to pay-out for an accident that everyone acknowledges is not my fault. Does anyone know what the law/rules are in California and how long they can take to pay after they find the other party is at fault? Also, what can I word in a strongly worded letter to get this finally paid. I dont want to hire lawyer for such a low amount - but, that extra 1700 sure would be nice at the moment. Thanks! Chris""

""How could i get affordable car insurance with in10, 8 points, 3 Children :'(?""

So i passed at 17, Iam 21 now, at the age of 19 i got my licence taken off me for driving without insurance (my fault thought i was insured third party on my dads car with his permission) With 8 points and a fine included. Since 19 ive been taking buses and sick of it missing lessons etc because i commute to Uni. 2 years later ive had enough and passed my test. How on earth do i get insured at 21 with 8 points in Bradford? Surely someone must be in the same boat and have some advice ? I have a car and 3 children and they are nearly all starting school i really need to be driving them there. I want to do the right thing and be fully insured its bin 3 years since i had the in10 cant they not be so harsh as its been so long now. Ive matured and am the calmest driver ive ever been. Thankyou to anyone who helps !""

Car insurance I'm gonna leave my car away from home at work?

Where can I get car insurance I am going leaving my car at my work Monday to Friday which company will provide me

How much do you pay for insurance? What kind of car?

Need help to get the cheapest car insurance possible for a 17 year old?

I just turned 17 and I am gutted because I have had to hold off on my driving lessons as I have the money for the lessons and the car but the insurance is WAAAAY too expensive. for cars like a ford KA or a smart car the insurance is between 3500 and 5000! is there anyway to lower this? how much would it go down by if i went on a family members insurance etc. please help. what kind of car will have low insurance.

""Rear-ended, bent frame, does insurance replace my car?""

My frame was bent really out of shape in a really stupid rear ender at a metered ramp. The woman who hit me had insurance. My car can't even drive straight without me fighting the steering wheel. Will insurance cover the cost of a replacement? My car is literally 6 weeks old, has 649 miles on it. How pathetic is that?""

Car insurance question regarding friends car?

(This is in Ohio). My friend let me drive her car when the roads were kind of bad due to weather. At an intersection, the light turned yellow, and I began to slide on the ice. I had control of the car, however, if I would have continued to slide straight I would have been hit side on by the incoming cars coming through the intersection. Instead, I had to turn the wheel and I hit a pole. No damages were done to the pole, any other cars, or people. Unfortunately when we took the car to an autobody shop, getting an estimate without the use of insurance, we got an average cost of $2,200. There's NOT that much damage on the left bumper to make the cost so expensive. Both me and my friend are insured, however, MY insurance company is saying it's her car, so her insurance has to pay for it. How will this work? If I ask her to pay using her insurance, I don't want her to pay any out of pocket. I would pay the deductible. Will this hurt her insurance, or my pocket? Any other good ideas? Thanks so much.""

Car insurance question?

To cancel car insurance will be 480 plus 50 admin fee to cancel this now ive lost my job. ive had insurance for 2 months and know they are all doing this cancellation fee now but i only got a car for work purposes and now they've made me redundant how i am expected to pay the 530? what can i do is there any options because i simply cant afford that amount.

Iininsurance on celica or rx 8?

Heres my situation at the moment currently i have celica,supra and skyline in my drive way and have rx8 and rx7 comming this summer Now i know i wont be able to afford insurance on rx7 supra or skyline But im wondering rx8 evolve (231ps) or celica How much would insurance cost Info on me No ncb Got driver license for few months 18year old University student living away Live in uk midlands""

How do I register a restored classic car without a VIN?

What my question more specifically is, is- If I restore a 69 Camaro from the ground up, and the vehicle does not have a VIN number and no original parts, how do I register it? How does the DMV determine the year of the car is 1969?""

Health insurance questions...?

My health insurance is provided by and paid for by my employee. They are changing insurances effective Sept 1st; I'm scheduled for surgery on Sept 8th through the other company. How does this work? Do my deductibles that I've paid roll over?

Can anyone tell me about selling insurance as a career?

A friend of the family sales insurance through State Farm. He has offered to mentor me and show me the ropes in the insurance business. I know absalutly nothing about insuarance. Is ita good career? Is it difficult to do? How much money do you make? Im in California. thanks

Car insurance help please?

Ok, im 16... 17 in a few days, im looking at cars for when i pass my test and all that. What would be the best for a first driver.. Ive been quoted 10,000 on a 1998 ford ka.. Can any one help? Thankyou""

Financing a car and someone els pays for insurance?

If I'm financing a car can someone els buy me full coverage and pay for it? . (Car being under there name for insurance yet under my name for the car payments with the bank)

Will the insurance payment be higher if?

Will the car insurance be higher if theres two drivers instead of 1?

Car insurance please help !?

I am currently taking my driving lessons. When I pass I would like to get a car but carnt afford the insurance but I need a car for August as I work alot in the summer can I get car insurance and cancel it after a couple of months or is it like a 12 month contract am new to this please help.

Greenville West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24945

Can a person with fully comp insurance drive an uninsured car?

Can a person with fully comp insurance drive an uninsured car? I have cancelled my insurance on my car as MOT is over. It's in a garage so don't matter. But if My father takes it to the MOT place can he drive it with his fully comp insurance he has on his car?

I dont get what to do about car insurance?

Im 16, and ive had my permit since last august, and im gonna go for my license. I lived with my dad, but i have been living with my mom for a while. Im probably going to go on my dads insurance. But, can i drive my moms cars. So my questions are 1. Can I drive my moms cars when if i am on my dads insurance, is there a policy where I can drive other peoples cars? 2. Can I go on my dads insurance if I dont live with him? 3. Im not on any insurance now, I drive with my parents. They are on the insurance and their cars are covered, so do I already have to be covered with just a permit. 4. Im going to use my moms car for the driving test, do I have to be on insurance by then? I know they check for proof of insurance but i dont know if im supposed to be on it. My parents are divorced and I live in illinois and they have different insurance companies.""

What is the cheapest car insurance for women college students?

19 year old female. 1999 Toyota 4runner

Who are good for cheap insurance without any no claims?

previous vehicle was mobility and insurance was not in my name so I have no no claims

Best Affordable Health Insurance in Indiana?

My fiance is currently making about $1200 cooking full-time at a restaurant. Our rent eats up a little more than half of that. He needs to find an affordable insurance plan and he's tried at work but we've heard it's not a very good value for the $200 he'd be paying a month for it. Can anyone suggest some affordable health insurance plans? He's reasonably healthy, does not have any pre-existing conditions, but he does smoke.""

How much is car insurance in CA?

My family is planning to move to CA because my dad got a better job. We have 4 drives in the house. How much would it cost a mouth for one car?

How much should a 17 year old's car insurance cost in the UK?

i'm 17 and want to drive. i'm a full time college student, which probably doesn't make any difference? right now i'm looking at a 2001 VAUXHALL CORSA 1.6 engine, LS 5dr [AC] Hatchback, which is costing around 999 how much should i expect the insurance to cost for this car? or for a car similar? it will be my first car. Thanks.""

Need help with a question about car insurance quotes.?

Is it legal for someone else to get an insurance quote for you without your permission? The person called and told the insurance company they were cars he was thinking of buying. Neither car is in his name and neither owner gave express permission for him to ask for this information.

How much would my insurance be?

How much would it be for a 20 year old with a honda civic si,live in NY? Im in high school i make honor role every time, never been in trouble, play football lacrosse and basketball if that matters lol and i live in a rural area.""

Cheap car insurance places in michigan?

i am currently relocating and i need to find a very cheap insurance for my husband asap. he is 21 clean record and doesn't have much of a credit started. does anyone know what car insurance places that would be cheap less than 150 a month i know it varies for different people but I'm stuck and need a few ideas.

No insurance on used car?

i bought a used car on a Wednesday the guy i bought the car from only gave me a bill of sale had no registration on the car. i left with the car i got pulled over for speeding 72 on 55 it was a stick shift and i didnt really think i was going that fast and that same day and i had no insurance on the car the cop gave me the ticket for speeding and for no proof of insurance and he let me go. then i sold the car 2 days later on friday to make a quick buck out of it. my question is if i sold the car can i still get fined for the no insurance if i don't have the car any more. hopefully the judge waves it and just fines me for the speeding i live in california

Car insurance for a beginner driver?

how much do you guys reckon it will cost a total new driver (17, male) to insuare either: mark 2 golf mark 2 golf gti any VW corrado thanks""

How much more will my insurance cost go up with a careless driving ticket?

I'm 16 and totaled a 18,000$ car and the insurance company will probably have to dish out at least 30,000$ in costs for hospital bills and so on. I know I wasn't driving safe and now i'm paying for it so don't heckle me. I have Triple A insurance if that matters, I might go to another company idk.""

Washington state car insurance law for drivers and cars?

I currently dont have insurance and i was forced to move back to my parents house and theyre badgering me to get car insurance but i cant afford it right now. if they put insurance on my car under their name, can i drive my car legally? or do they have to put my name on their policy also? im trying to find the cheapest way of getting basic legal insurance since my car is not worth more than 1000 dollars""

How do I know if my auto insurance settlement offer is fair?

How come health insurance is so cheap ?

Im 18 and need health insurance. I just got a quote from kiaser for a 5K deductible with 6K out of pocket maximum. So basiccly 6 K yearly. And then after the deductible im fully covered. The quite was 80 bucks monthly

How much does car insurance cost?

if you can't give me an exact amount or something that's fine, just give me some kind of ball park.""

Car insurance for young drivers ?

Hi there, ive completed multiple quotes for car insurance and the figure are coming out extremley high, as in 5000 a year on a 1.1 litre 2000 peugeot 206 LX 3dr, and i am a 17 year old male. i would like the policy to be in my name for my NCB but i have also added my mum and dad as named drivers as ive heard that decreases price, does naybody know any cheap car insurance places which icould go to for a cheaper quote. 5000 for a 1.1 litre peugoet is ridiculous !! Thanks""

I need a knee surgery? if i get medical insurance. it will cover the 5500 i need?

my question is when i get interviewed for insurance, should i not tell him about the bad knee so they will take me? i know the surgery will help and i can just wait a month and say i had a sporting accident?""

How much will it cost to insure a cheap car?

So I already have a car and I'm under my parents insurance but I want to buy a project car just for fun but how much would that cost me roundabout to insure

Really cheap auto insurance?

Right now i'm paying about $130 a month for car insurance and I keep getting told thats kind of a lot. especially since I barely ever drive my car because I work right by my apartment and I don't go to college yet. I live in MN and was wondering if there was a car insurer that would be cheap?

What is car insurance for?

do i need insurance for a car that is parked or is it just to drive the car

Insurance company trying to scam me?

I just bought Home owners insurance through a company that shall not be named. While going over my coverage I asked should I photograph all my things and she said no. I said what if I don't have my receipt because I got it on trade or something, don't have a bill of sale or something and she directly told me: don't worry, you don't need an inventory of your property. A friend of mine at work said he had a gun stolen from his truck recently and they denied his claim because he didn't register the gun/have a receipt. We like to trade guns and keep our business our own, so an inventory seems logical.... I think if something gets stolen from me their going to not cough up any money on grounds that I don't have proof I had it. They allowed to do this? Tell me don't inventory my crap and then not pay me because I didn't?""

Getting car insurance?

what difference does it make getting car insurance at the end of the month or waiting until the 1st? i dont get it. i didnt think it mattered but i;m getting told to wait until the 1st? :S

Health Insurance and Pre-existing Conditions?

What kinds of pre-existing conditions can give you a problem when getting your own health insurance?

Greenville West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24945

""Insurance on parents car, learner?""

basically, i wish to start learning to drive and i personally would prefer to be put on my mums insurance (50 moth quote from her insurance people with me as a learner) as i want to be taught by my dad rather than an instructor (many with dad then instructor after a few months) my question is; if i crash the car, with me driving with L plates with my dad/mum in passenger could or would i effect their no claim bonus OR put their premiums up? they only have a small 1.2""

Auto Insurance policy changes?

Would a auto insurance company be able to tell if you changed your deductibles after a wreck or comprehensive damage? If you changed it and then waited a couple of days or a week from say, 1000 to 500$ and then filed the claim. Do they check for recent changes in policy coverages?""

UK car insurance groups?

Is there a website or some kind of directory that will tell me the costs of different insurance groups? I'm shopping around for a second-hand car and a lot of cars are listed as insurance group 7 or insurance group 14 etc etc, but I don't know what that means, I've been entering the details individually of cars that I'm interested in, but that quite laborious.""

What Insurance company automatically covers anyone who drives your car? What is a cheap insurance company?

I'm tryin 2 get insurance for the 04 stratus that i'm buying, but my rates are high because i'm 18. I heard about an insurance who covers anyone who drives your car, like that i coul mak my dad take it then i'd be able 2 drive it. If you know a cheap company for people my age i'd appreciate it. The company dosnt have to be popular.""

What is good insurance for teens?

Can I have some good companies? I want the basic insurance package. im 17, male, senior in HS""

How long does it take to get insurance for a 50cc scooter?

I am going to buy a scooter soon but as soon as I do I would like to ride it as soon as possible. I can get MOT, TAX within 2 days but I don't know about insurance? How long would it take to get insurance for it and how much would it cost for a 50cc scooter approximately? Thanks for any responses :)""

I am buying my first car and I want a 2005 scion tc how much would insurance be ?

I am 18 years old so I'll probably have my parents co sign if that will help me have lower insurance.

Do i need insurance to leave my car parked on the street?

Its got tax and mot but if its not being driven, just parked outside do i need insurance for it? A neighbour told me someone else in the street got towed away as there was no insurance on it.""

How much does motorcycle insurance cost?

I recently turned 18 and saved up enough money for a ninja 250. how much would insurance for this cost in michigan

25 yrs old and buying life insurance?

Hi guys thanks for reading my question. I am 22 yrs old and my husband just turned 25.We have been married 6 years and have 3 kids. He works in construction and my question is.. Is 25 too early to look for buying life insurance?? If not, what companies would you recommend? Im extra new to this, this will be the first time we have looked for life insurance for our family. Ashly""

How do you determind how much the car is worth?

I bought a car from a trusted dealer. They had told me the odometer wasnt working since they had it. Well I knew the odometer wasnt correct. Well I sold the car ( I have a lein) the car was totaled. Now the insurance company is saying they dont know the exact miles on the car so thier not going to pay but 2400 for the car. I did a Carfax report and it showed 70K miles, then 17 K mile when I bought it. I am trying to come up with a way to reason with the insurance company to get the most out of the car. What would be the best way to go about doing that. Taking the average fort he year? the mileage on the car? I believe the car is worth at least 3K.""

Needing to find insurance/medicade/health care that will help a old man with cancer that dosent have any..?

my moms trying to help him by getting him on her health insurance, but it looks like the only way to do that is by mariage and she really doesnt want to marry the guy. looking for ...show more""

How does go auto insurance payments work? ?

Like if your bill is due on the 18th and you have a 10 day grace period which would make it be due on the 28th but you don't get paid til the 2nd? Do they charge you a late fee or do they cancel your insurance?

""Dose my 400,000 SGLI military life insurance cover me off duty?""

i have been in 4 years and a spc in the colorado army national guard and i have 400,000 sgli life insurance. Someone told me on or off duty that life insurance covers me as long as i am in, is that true? I always thought it was on duty only life insurance so basically if one day off duty i get hit by a bus, that 400,000 dollars before taxes will be paid out to my beneficiaries the next couple of months after?? thanks.""

Why are teenagers car insurance rates so high?

I just heard they just went up on our car insurance because we are teens that's not fair at all. I'm struggling trying to make it meaning going to college and work. Because I can not depend on my mom to take me everywhere I need to go. This economy is all ready down the drain that's not fair I have no money and I am trying to make it.

Can't find No fault insurance?

I am looking online and I can't find any site that will give me a quote on no fault auto insurance. Everyone I go to is full coverage and I don't want that. I would say I'm pretty good at finding things online but yahoo or google searches are not giving me the sites I want. Please don't be like this one guy and give me an answer that an computer operator would give me. --- answered by carbuyboy . In order to get no-fault insurance, your state has to be a no-fault state. Only a few are. Since you can't find no-fault, it looks like you don't live in one of the few no-fault states. This does not answer my question at all not even 1% of it.""

Whats the cheapest way to haul my truck around.?

jsut got a mud truck with no titlte or insurance obviously so i need to tow the truck to the woods. whats gunna be the cheapest way?

Is comprehensive car insurance cheaper if you own the car?

is it cheaper than if you had a loan out on it? why is this? thanks

Insurance help for teenagers?

I just got my license today and my parents were wondering if i still had insurance coverage or not? We have Grange insurance idk if that makes a difference or not. Help please!=]

Do you have affordable car insurance in Tennessee?

Do you get a good deal on insurance? Where do you have yours?

Car insurance for 16 year old female?

I know I won't get exact on here, but about how much would car insurance cost for a 16 year old girl, I have good grades (I think that's a discount?), I took drivers Ed in the summer, and ill be driving my parents cars which is a Nissan pathfinder and a small Hyundai not sure what kind. About how much per month? Thanks!""

How much is car insurance for a teenager?

If the teenager is added to the parents policy, how much more will it cost the parent? Info: I have a good gpa, I will take drivers ed, my mom has a new car and its safe, and I have just turned 16.""

Insurance company denies the damages?

my car has been involved in an rear end crash and the insurance company of the other party denies some of the damages , that are actually done because of the accident. the auto body shop gave me an estimate of 4 to 5 000 $ . my car doesnot cost that much . the insurance company is offering only 633 $ and disagrees with me to total the car . there was no damage prior to the accident made to the car on the rear end side. they argue that the other car that hit me does not have even a dent then how come my car have this much damages. i know that my car did not had n e damage on the rear before the accidednt. based on the automobile source they think that the actual cash value of the car is 1900 , and they have didcted all other damges , that are not because of an accident. please guide me what i should do in this case.""

Is car insurance cheaper if your a dad?

i'm soon to be a father of two and was wondering if it makes insurance any cheaper, does anybody know?""

Are there any car insurance providers in MA that pay for OEM parts?

I have Progressive insurance and a 2010 year car. Progressive will not pay for OEM parts, even OEM glass. Is there a car insurance provider in MA that does? If so I want to switch ASAP.""

Greenville West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24945

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/bike-insurance-quote-online-adelina-burnett/"

0 notes

pleaseimtryingtogetbetter-blog · 7 years

Text

An In-depth Analysis of Myself: the first critique

All the names are changed, and upon looking at the title there will be no end of self analysis. just letters upon letters to me, about me. This was written a few months ago, so who knows how im feeling now. try not to jude me too hard, whoever you are.

I'm so tired of feeling like crap about myself. I have good days and I have bad days. I'm so insecure no matter how hard I try to be confident. I like who I am on the inside, not the out. I know they say the outside doesn't match the inside, but what if it did? Is my outside appearance a direct reflection of who I am inside? Why do I look like this? Why wasn't I born beautiful?

I'm always going to be a big girl. And I'm slowly becoming okay with that. My legs don't bother me, or my arms. It's my middle. My large broad shoulders, the rolls of back fat that ruin any dress or short sleeve. And my big huge stomach that's never satisfied. I hate anything right on my body, anything that sticks to my skin makes me uncomfortable. I need things to be loose to hide the larger components of my body. Most just say eat right and work out, and while I agree, it's not that easy. All my life people think it’s okay to comment on my weight. The doctors, my family, and people who claim to be my friends. It ha always taken a dark toll on me, i developed self destructive behavior at such a young age part of me thought I was lying to myself. That I made up the eating disorder. I never ate anything. For some reason, it didn't bother anyone. They thought i was dieting because i only ate once a day. I got really skinny for my body type that summer. Going into middle school i slowly got better, until i was unhealthy in the opposite extreme. My parents ask why couldn't i put myself on another diet like i had before, they didnt realize i was sick. i didnt realize i was sick. i realized they couldn't see what i was doing to myself. For a while, I thought i was doing really well. I didn't deny myself what i wanted, and i felt comfortable.

Of course like all good things, it came to an end. I don't want to project this on anything other than myself, but i cant help but blame others. For some reason, i thought that since i was going to therapy i was getting better. Unfortunately thats not all that goes into it. The therapist can only do so much, the rest comes from you. Compared to my junior year, senior was way better. Or so i thought. Scholastically, senior year was better. My relationship with my mother was better. Everything should be going my way, but I'm still unhappy. I thought i kicked depressions ass, because i didn't feel so gray all the time anymore, once i realized i had everything i needed to be happy, good grades, great friends, and college acceptance, yet i wasnt, and that told me i wasn't cured just yet. I feel lousy all the time, plagued by mediocrity. Which can stem to all kinds of other issues, but for now let’s focus on my dissolving self confidence. Its not just my body i hate but my face too. My acne is crippling, getting worse everyday. Makeup doesnt do the trick anymore. At the end of the day the makeup wipe reveals the true ugliness beneath, not like the mask was any better. And for a while, i challenged myself to not wear makeup for a while. Sadly that only lasted a few days. You can have a great day, and one comment can ruin you. You see, my makeup less face oddly gave me confidence. Confidence to show who i truly am and to let myself breath. Ultimately, one comment destroyed that all in .002 seconds.

Remember how i said i didn't want to reject blame? Well I'm going to try and justify other peoples actions anyway. Jake is one of my friends. Honestly for a little bit i thought i liked him, but i only liked the attention and i often looked to him for validation because it was the only male friendship without any strict platonic mood placed on it. I can be honest with myself and admit that i was mainly attracted to the idea of us together because he was new, and i could make someone else jealous. However the stark difference between us enlightened me to see that we could never be together because we would never work. He is the opposite of what i want. He isn't goal driven and is often derogatory. Yet, I still look to him for validation just the same. Anyway, for some unknown reason, the last month he has made constant comments on my appearance. Im not entirely sure if he always did this, and I'm just barely noticing, or he is stating because we are slowly becoming more comfortable with one another. He has made comments that have really hurt my feelings. And it is a consistent behavior with him. He has made comments on my weight, my body, my height, my behavior, and my acne. He has made attacks on almost every inch of my being. And what angers me the most is that i often defend hid behavior to my friends. The last few weeks, there has not been a class period where i have left without feeling gross about myself. I excuse this behavior because i know he is equally insecure about everything i am in different perspectives. Yet, this behavior towards me is not acceptable. His comments destroy any inch of confidence i have left in me. I try not to comment on peoples appearance and if i have, i apologize. Jake also suffers from acne and we talk about it a lot. On my no makeup challenge, i anticipated a comment from him, and i shouldn't have to. he said “now that I've seen your real acne i feel better about mine” How does he think thats okay to say to someone who is obviously insecure about how they look? I wear heavy makeup, and he has commented on that as well. Why do people feel the need to comment on my appearance and attack the most vulnerable parts of me? If it can't be fixed in 5 minutes don't say anything. His verbal abuse, while unbeknownst to him, real contributes to my own self hatred. It fuels my fear of being unwanted. He is a close friend, but also a bully in my life.

Fear of being unwanted undoubtably comes from my father abandonment. He left at a young age for reasons I'm too scared to know and i have zero memories of him. I am extremely thankful for my mother and all she has done for me, but there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think about him. Why did he leave? Was he not ready for a child? He has other children with another women and i often wonder if they know about me. Either unfortunately or fortunately, daddy issues is a common trope in todays society. I connect with many characters in media. Like Barney from How I Met Your Mother, Rebecca from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and Gabriel Iglesias’ own experience with his father. Like them, my father tried to contact me when i was about 15. Ultimately i said no and did not want contact with him. At 18, i am still not comfortable with the idea of having a relationship with him. He has hurt me deeply and I am not ready to forgive him for that. His abandonment makes me feel like i wasn't enough for him, and that i never will be. Probably the reason i find it so hard to connect with males. I can never truly trust them, much like i can never truly trust anyone because everyone leaves me in the end.

One thing i want to talk about is what happened with Oliver. He is not guilty in any reason, and if you look at it, a minuscule problem in my life. I finally got the guts to tell him how i feel about him, i kinda chicken out and wrote him a letter, but writing my feelings is more therapeutic than saying it, clearly. I told him knowing a relationship wouldn't result. And i think that that is the only reason that made me do it. Yes i genuinely have feelings for him, but i am no way ready for a relationship. Of course i want to make him happy and be with him, but i don't want to know what real heartbreak is, because I'm pretty sure i am heartbroken over myself. If that makes any sense at all. Anyway, i was denied and am okay with it. But it is another experience that makes me feel unworthy of anything real. I have never had anyone show interest in me, and while it is superficial, i long for a little attention. To verify that i am wanted. That i am beautiful. All of which i do not believe in, i want others to, and that is unhealthy.

Compared to my friends, who are gorgeous, i am the ugly duckling, and I'm okay admitting to it because i know no one else will. Actually my relationships with everyone seem as artificial as my hair color. All my friendships and family relationships seem to be temporary. I know everyone has someone they like more than me. Jennifer is my best friend, but i know she secretly prefers Rebecca or Penelope over me anytime. Daisy is one of my best friends, but i know my recent actions have made her hate me and i walk on eggshells with her now. Isabella is like my sister but i know I'm a third option to her. Behind Yolanda and Trina, and Brandon, Im someone in the background to fall back on. Vanessa is someone i treasure but i know she would prefer a night out with Kristina or anyone else. I know it’s selfish to want to be someones priority, but feeling unimportant to everyone is real hell. I feel like people keep me around because I'm dependable, and I'm tired of it. I look out for everyone, so who the hell looks out for me?

I do the most for my friends. I go above and beyond for everyone, and i notice i set the bar so high for friendship i feel like i don't have any. I want someone to be there for me like i am for everyone else. I look at myself as a lone wolf, but being alone weakens you faster. I am unable to look inside myself and find real strength. All i find is weakness.

I am sick to my stomach because i am so disgusted with myself. I am scared out my mind because no one notices I'm not okay. I cant ask for help, because i don't want people to look at me differently. I am very candid with the fact that i am mentally ill, and pride myself that i go to therapy, but laying a lot of my flaws out on the table is not easy. i know that this paper does not contain all things that i do not like about myself, but for now it is an installment.

If I ever send this to you, i am not attacking you. I am not looking for attention or compliments or sympathy. I am simply being honest with myself and need to write it out. I am hurt and i can feel a self destructive behavior coming over me and this is a signal to be on alert for any alarming actions i might do. Do not smother me, it will only anger me. Do not bombard me with questions about my sanity or overly ask if I'm okay, as i am not clearly sure myself. If you reached this point i am worried that you are scared for me, and my safety. And while i feel that I am being dramatic and this is a crazy disclaimer, this is NOT a suicide note. I am not going to kill myself. I could never do that to my family and cannot put Jennifer through another suicide. If I ever send you this, I am sharing something very personal and ask you to keep this just between us and not show anyone else. I am someone who struggles with low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, sleep issues, and deep rooted fears. And while it may seem contradictory to what i have previously stated, I will be okay.

#thoughts personal pleaseimtryingtogetbetter writingismytherapy insidemyhead

0 notes

viralhottopics · 7 years

Text

31 celebrities who smashed the stigma surrounding mental illness in 2016.

It may not seem like that big of a deal when a celebrity speaks up about their experiences with mental illness. But it is.

Throughout 2016, dozens of actors, authors, artists, and athletes trailblazers we’re used to seeing smiling on red carpets or snagging gold medals on TV shared the personal battles they’ve faced behind closed doors. It was a groundbreaking year.

It levels the playing field,” Aaron Harvey says of the many public figures who chose to speak up. Harvey is the founder of Intrusive Thoughts, a group set on humanizing those living with mental illness. Suddenly, you realize the same struggles that you have might be the same struggles that someone you really idolize have. And that [makes it] OK.”

The stigma surrounding mental illness is taking lives. Many millions of people living with conditions like depression and anxiety are shamed into believing there’s something inherently wrong with them that they’re weak, for instance, or even dangerous to others. They suffer in silence because of it.

When a person with a platform becomes a face others can relate to, it becomes a little bit easier for someone else to follow in their footsteps, talk to someone, and get the help they need. Speaking up can save a life.

Here are 31 celebrities who spoke out in 2016 some of them for the first time about their experiences living with a mental illness:

1. Actress Kristen Bell wrote about why you can’t trust all of your thoughts when you’re battling depression.

“For me, depression is not sadness. Its not having a bad day and needing a hug. It gave me a complete and utter sense of isolation and loneliness. Its debilitation was all-consuming, and it shut down my mental circuit board. I felt worthless, like I had nothing to offer, like I was a failure. Now, after seeking help, I can see that those thoughts, of course, couldnt have been more wrong.” Kristen Bell, on living with depression

2. Singer Selena Gomez reminded us that you never really know what’s going on in someone else’s head.

“I had to stop. ‘Cause I had everything, and I was absolutely broken inside. And I kept it all together enough to where I would never let you down, but I kept it too much together, to where I let myself down. I don’t want to see your bodies on Instagram, I want to see what’s in here. [puts hand on heart] I’m not trying to get validation, nor do I need it anymore. … If you are broken, you dont have to stay broken.” Selena Gomez, on living with anxiety and depression

3. Musical artist Kid Cudi got candid about the limitations that living with a mental illness put on his own life.

“My anxiety and depression have ruled my life for as long as I can remember and I never leave the house because of it. I can’t make new friends because of it. I don’t trust anyone because of it and Im tired of being held back in my life. I deserve to have peace. I deserve to be happy and smiling. Why not me?” Kid Cudi, on living with anxiety and depression

4. Actor Wentworth Miller opened up about becoming the butt of a body-shaming joke amid his struggle to survive.

“Now, when I see that image of me in my red t-shirt, a rare smile on my face, I am reminded of my struggle. My endurance and my perseverance in the face of all kinds of demons. Some within. Some without. Like a dandelion up through the pavement, I persist.” Wentworth Miller, on living with depression

5. Actress Hayden Panettiere shared with fans that they might be seeing less of her because, first and foremost, she needed to prioritize getting well.

The postpartum depression I have been experiencing has impacted every aspect of my life. Rather than stay stuck due to unhealthy coping mechanisms, I have chosen to take time to reflect holistically on my health and life. Wish me luck!” Hayden Panettiere, on living with postpartum depression

6. Singer Zayn Malik penned an essay on why he had to cancel performances due to severe anxiety.

“The thing is, I love performing. I love the buzz. I dont want to do any other job. Thats why my anxiety is so upsetting and difficult to explain. Its this thing that swells up and blocks out your rational thought processes. Even when you know you want to do something, know that it will be good for you, that youll enjoy it when youre doing it, the anxiety is telling you a different story. Its a constant battle within yourself.” Zayn Malik, on living with anxiety

7. Artist Lady Gaga revealed a secret about her own battles at an event benefitting young homeless teens in New York.

“My own trauma in my life has helped me to understand the trauma of others. I told the kids today that I suffer from a mental illness. I suffer from PTSD. I’ve never told that to anyone before, so here we are.” Lady Gaga, on living with post-traumatic stress disorder

8. NFL wide receiver Brandon Marshall explained why organizing with one another not hiding away is crucial for those living with a mental illness.

I thought, How many others are out there suffering? I tell people all the time, you know, where were at in [the mental health] community is where the cancer and HIV community was 20, 25 years ago. So we have to galvanize this community. Brandon Marshall, on living with borderline personality disorder

9. Actress Rachel Bloom showed us why we shouldn’t let stereotypes about medication dictate whether we should get the proper help we need.

“I had gone to therapists, but for the first time I sought out a psychiatrist. In his office I finally felt safe. I told him everything. Each session improved my life. He diagnosed me with low-grade depression and put me on a small amount of Prozac. Theres a stereotype (I had believed) that antidepressants numb you out; that didnt happen to me.” Rachel Bloom, on living with depression

10. Musical artist Justin Vernon of Bon Iver got real about what a panic attack can actually feel like.

It was like: Oh my god, my chest is caving in, what the f**k is going on? I dont like talking about it, but I feel its important to talk about it, so that other people who experience it dont feel its just happening to them. Justin Vernon, on living with panic attacks and depression

11. Singer Demi Lovato pointed out the importance of consistently staying on top of your health for the long haul.

“Its not something where you see a therapist once or you see your psychiatrist once, its something you maintain to make sure that you want to live with mental illness. You have to take care of yourself. Demi Lovato, on living with bipolar disorder

12. Actress Lena Dunham opened up about how anxiety affects her day-to-day routines.

Ive always been anxious, but I havent been the kind of anxious that makes you run 10 miles a day and make a lot of calls on your BlackBerry. Im the kind of anxious that makes you like, Im not going to be able to come out tonight, tomorrow night, or maybe for the next 67 nights. Lena Dunham, on living with anxiety

13. NFL guard Brandon Brooks discussed the difference between game-day jitters and the type of anxiety he experiences.

I wanted to get to the bottom of whats going on. Basically, I found out recently that I have an anxiety condition. What I mean by anxiety condition [is] not nervousness or fear of the game. … I have, like, an obsession with the game. Its an unhealthy obsession right now and Im working with team doctors to get everything straightened out and getting the help that I need and things like that. Brandon Brooks, on living with anxiety

14. Actress Evan Rachel Wood spoke out about how our world’s tendency to overlook or dismiss certain groups can complicate a person’s mental health.

“For so long, I was ashamed. Youre dealing with the shame that the world has imposed upon you, and then on top of that, the shame of identifying that way. Youre totally looked down upon in and out of the LGBT community. A good way to combat that and the stereotypes is to be vocal.” Evan Rachel Wood, on living with depression and coming out as bisexual

15. Actress Cara Delevingne got real about her early struggles living with a sense of hopelessness.

“I’m very good at repressing emotion and seeming fine. As a kid I felt like I had to be good and I had to be strong because my mum wasn’t. So, when it got to being a teenager and all the hormones and the pressure and wanting to do well at school for my parents, not for me I had a mental breakdown. I was suicidal. I couldn’t deal with it any more. I realized how lucky and privileged I was, but all I wanted to do was die.” Cara Delevingne, on living with depression

16. Comedian Patton Oswalt laid out the difference between living with depression and surviving the devastation of losing a loved one.

Depression is more seductive. Its tool is: Wouldnt it be way more comfortable to stay inside and not deal with people? Grief is an attack on life. Its not a seducer. Its an ambush or worse. It stands right out there and says: The minute you try something, Im waiting for you. Patton Oswalt, on living with depression and the grief brought on by his wife’s death

17. Singer Kesha opened up about what led her to a rehab program focused on treating eating disorders.

“I felt like part of my job was to be as skinny as possible and, to make that happen, I had been abusing my body. I just wasn’t giving it the energy it needed to keep me healthy and strong.” Kesha, on living with an eating disorder

18. Author John Green wrote about the dangers of romanticizing mental illness.

“Mental illness is stigmatized, but it is also romanticized. If you google the phrase ‘all artists are,’ the first suggestion is ‘mad.’ We hear that genius is next to insanity. … Of course, there are kernels of truth here: Many artists and storytellers do live with mental illness. But many dont. And what I want to say today, I guess, is that you can be sane and be an artist, and also that if you are sick, getting help although it is hard and exhausting and inexcusably difficult to access will not make you less of an artist.” John Green, on living with depression

19. Musical artist Halsley discussed her attempt at suicide as a teenager.

I had tried to kill myself. I was an adolescent; I didnt know what I was doing. Because I was 17, I was still in a childrens ward. Which was terrifying. I was in there with 9-year-olds who had tried to kill themselves. Halsley, on living with bipolar disorder, and once staying in a psychiatric hospital

20. Prince Harry addressed the problem with assuming people who seemingly have their lives in order aren’t struggling with an invisible issue.

You know, I really regret not ever talking about it. … A lot of people think if youve got a job, if youve got financial security, if youve got a family, youve got a house, all that sort of stuff everyone seems to think that is all you need and you are absolutely fine to deal with stuff. Prince Harry, on living with grief after his mother’s death

21. Actress Rowan Blanchard explained why living with a mental illness can be a learning opportunity.

“I learned this year that happiness and sadness are not mutually exclusive. They can exist within me at the same time in the same moment. While also becoming more forgiving of myself and my emotions, I became more forgiving of others, specifically other teenagers.” Rowan Blanchard, on living with depression

22. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps spoke candidly about why even gold medals couldn’t truly make him happy.

I went in with no self-confidence, no self-love. I think the biggest thing was, I thought of myself as just a swimmer, and nobody else. … I was lost, pushing a lot people out of my life people that I wanted and needed in my life. I was running and escaping from whatever it was I was running from. Michael Phelps, on living with mental illness

23. Actress Jenifer Lewis talked about how the AIDS epidemic led her to realize she needed help.

“Sometimes I suspected that something was not quite right. Especially during the time when the AIDS epidemic was at its height and my grief was pretty much out of control. No one was talking about bipolar disorder and mental illness back then. I had lost so many friends and loved ones. My spiral into depression was overwhelming; I could not function. Thats when I couldnt ignore the fact that something was wrong anymore. Jenifer Lewis, on living with bipolar disorder

24. Singer Adele highlighted why not each form of mental illness manifests the same way in every person.

“My knowledge of postpartum [depression] or post-natal, as we call it in England is that you dont want to be with your child; youre worried you might hurt your child; youre worried you werent doing a good job. But I was obsessed with my child. I felt very inadequate; I felt like Id made the worst decision of my life. … It can come in many different forms.” Adele, on living with postpartum depression

25. Actor Jared Padalecki launched a new “I Am Enough” campaign, selling shirts to support initiatives that fight depression and self-harm.

I am enough. And you are enough. … I know I can keep fighting and I know that Im trying to love myself, but sometimes you feel like youre not enough. So this message is helping me kind of understand that I am enough just the way I was made. Jared Padalecki, on living with depression

26. Actress Amanda Seyfried nailed why we should be treating mental illness just as seriously as any other disease or condition.

“Im on [antidepressant] Lexapro, and Ill never get off of it. Ive been on it since I was 19, so 11 years. Im on the lowest dose. I dont see the point of getting off of it. Whether its placebo or not, I dont want to risk it. And what are you fighting against? Just the stigma of using a tool? A mental illness is a thing that people cast in a different category [from other illnesses], but I dont think it is. It should be taken as seriously as anything else.” Amanda Seyfried, on living with anxiety and depression

27. Musical artist Keke Palmer opened up about how her own mental illness postponed the release of a new album.

I stopped trying all together because I allowed people to make me believe that being an artist meant having big budget music videos and big record producers backing you. When in reality, all being an artist means is to be fearless in your creative pursuits. My anxiety, caused by the habit of unconsciously holding my breath, coupled with the stress of my personal life at that time created a lot of hard years of depression for me. Keke Palmer, on living with anxiety

28. Actress Catherine Zeta-Jones said she’s in a good place right now, thanks to identifying her struggle and finding the help that was right for her.

“Finding out that it was called something was the best thing that ever happened to me! The fact that there was a name for my emotions and that a professional could talk me through my symptoms was very liberating. There are amazing highs and very low lows. My goal is to be consistently in the middle. Im in a very good place right now.” Catherine Zeta-Jones, on living with bipolar disorder

29. Actor Devon Murray used World Mental Health Day to share his own ups and downs with fans on Twitter.

“I’ve been battling depression in silence for ten years and only recently spoke about it and [it] has made a huge difference. I had suicidal thoughts this year and that was the kick up the arse that I needed! Open up, talk to people. If you suspect a friend or family member is suffering in silence [reach out] to them. Let them know you care.” Devon Murray, on living with depression

30. Musical artist Jade Thirlwall discussed a dark time in her life that looked picture-perfect from afar.

“My periods stopped and things were getting out of control, but I don’t think I really cared about what was happening to me. I felt so depressed at the time that I just wanted to waste away and disappear. … It should have been a really happy time my career was successful, ‘Black Magic’ was doing well, and we were traveling and performing. On the surface I was happy, but inside I felt broken.” Jade Thirlwall, on battling anorexia

31. Musician Ellie Goulding explained how her panic attacks often came at the worst possible times.

“I was skeptical [of going to therapy] at first, because Id never had therapy, but not being able to leave the house was so debilitating. And this was when my career was really taking off. My surroundings would trigger a panic attack, so I couldnt go to the studio unless I was lying down in the car with a pillow over my face. I used to beat myself up about it.” Ellie Goulding, on living with anxiety and facing panic attacks

Many celebrities have helped bring the conversation around mental health into the mainstream. But it’s on us to make the real change happen.

While its amazing to have celebrities out there blazing trails and introducing a radical new transparency,” Harvey notes, “the most important thing is that individual sufferers communicate with their everyday connections. If we really want to make an impact on stigma, it cant just be a headline.”

If you need help, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1800273TALK (8255). If you want to learn more about mental illness, visit the National Alliance on Mental Health.