#i wish i was this fucking amazing at my job

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#so my mom's wake thing was today and that was a lot. not in an emotional sense but in a im standing here talking for 3hrs #to ppl i dont kno or barely kno. ya kno? but it was good bc so many ppl showed up to talk abt her #so many people. my mom made a huge impact on the school system. so many ppl relied on her. she encouraged at least 2 ppl to get their #master. for one person to specilize in helping the dyslexic after her experience advocating for 3 dyslexic daughters. she wrote and was #awarded a 10000 dollar grant for special needs and intervention curriculum. which will affect so many lives. #everyone loved her. she's gonna get a track meet named after her and a scholarship created in her honor. #she was an amazing person and she affected a lot of lives and im glad she was my mom. and she raised at least one jem in my littlest #sister who is so sweet and is a great teacher. god but there was some weird stuff too. were pretty sure her old boss was in love with her. #and there were some weird comments abt her being a strong woman or this woman doing so much and its like hm y do i detect a note of sexism #y not say she was an amazing person? y the surprise? weird comments about how pretty i looked. which yes i looked great lol. my funeral fit #was cute. we did bright colors bc it was a celebration not a dower event. and im sure it was ment well but it was a lil weird. and then #everyone was telling my grandma what a great job she did raising my mom and like god fuck off she didn't do jack. my mom was great despite #her terrible mother. ugh. but altogether it was good that everyone was able to express their love for her. it was def a day that was for #them mostly. i mean partly for us but mostly for them. none of us even cried. ay but we have 2 more parties in her honor #bc everyone loved her so much we have to do one in her hometown too. plus a personal friends get together. ugh. im so tired #i wish i wasnt the most awkward. eye contact avoidant person in the room but like ya kno. what can ya do? #unrelated

[soppsop]

i just rememberd adhd meds exist and now im upset because i could have that if it wasn't for that freakin neurologyst we went to see that told us it was impossible that i could have adhd because i have good grades in school. literally the ONLY question he asked me and immediately said it was impossible. we spent like 5 minutes there. he could've at least... explained something???? anything?????? and now i'd feel bad about asking my parents to see another neurologist because that costs a lot of money :((

#now im just unable to concentrate on anything and feeling very worthless #ok gonna start rambling here a bit #vent? -> #i'm just not good at anything except drawing. everything is hard and i don't think i'm capable of getting a job and contributing to society #in any way except drawing. my self worth is being held almost entirely by my ability to draw. #but i'm also incredibly slow and unproductive and it's so hard sitting down and starting a drawing and finishing that drawing #drawing is the thing that makes me feel alive and feel good about myself so when i can't draw i just feel really awful #i just wish i could concentrate and work and be productive man. why do i have so much stuff going on in my brain. why is everything so hard #sadge 😔😔 #ok gonna try to draw i hope something cool comes out or i'm throwing my computer out the window and playing videogames #oh also another neurologist once told me depression can't be caused by school #i'm pretty sure it can but idk im not a doctor #what is up with these neurologists man #i know it's gonna get better tho. life might suck but i *am* a teenager and it's only gonna go up from here. #im still learning about myself and stuff. also no school next year that's gonna be awesome #don't wanna end on a sad note bc life is good actually #and i'm fucking amazing at drawing

[vogelmeister]

been feeling mixed on some of my friends recently

#i love them but im gonna explain #i don’t want this to boil over like the twins did #but one of my friends i feel so cast off sometimes #i get it bc shes full time adult job employed now #in healthcare no less #but im just getting fully annoyed at her lack of availability and it makes me sad #im getting even sadder actually bc she also always seems to have time to hang with her uni friends whuch hurts #like im like okay i know you have this from 6-7 so how about we meet for dinner at 7:30 bc i wanna see you casually and she says no #and i think i really need to talk to her bc it makes me sad and then i feel slapped in the face #even on nights out we always have to go home early. which my friend basically said: #i think in future if you wanna go home you can but others shouldn’t have to too #bc my other friend got so sad she was forced to come back early and i was like yea i would have liked to have sat at manly with yall #bc i feel we don’t do this any more #i honestly think it’s better to just let her figure it out and go #i don’t want me to sweep so much shit under the rug until i despise her #bc i know this isn’t her fault i just wish she would let loose or make an effort #my other situation is my childhood best friend #i love her a lot she’s amazing. but but but. sometimes i feel she can be too protective of me. #it comes from a place of knowing me for so long #and i do trust her opinions on people who i surround myself with bc she fucking hated those twins #but sometimes i feel she has been treating me differently since my neurodivergence diagnosis #even with a certain high school friend she held this dislike even when i said she was not like the twins #bc she was hanging out with the twins at the 21st #like this girl was also having her issues with the twins and was the person in the firing line of the breakup #even when i was in nl she was so worried about me and its nice to have her have my back #bc after that guy kissed me directly on the lips she suddenly became concerned about ppl taking advantage of me #and its like to me great she cares but also i did in fact learn from it #but she gets super defensive when ppl take advantage of me and i just wanna her to step back #i just feel sometimes i don’t need her feeling like she needs to protect me or that i need to hang neurodivergence up like a flag #idk its a lot. thank u for listening

[itstimeforstarwars]

Why would I work on the next chapter when I can instead think of what will happen years down the line when Kix meets Arla and calls her Omega directly to her face instead

#chit chat #galidraan au #this is not even a spoiler honestly because I have barely even hinted at the kix plot much less elaborated #fuck i wish i could write faster #2020 was a shitshow but do y'all remember when i could write a new chapter every week? highlight of my fuckin life #it's amazing what you can do when you're trapped in a 900sqft apartment and the world feels like it's ending and you have no job

[moenmomentsthemoe-en]

ooooo ahhhhh oooooooooggg (big vent in tags

#vent #rips hair out rips hair out rips hair out #rambling about finances and jobs ueueueee -> #i want to have a life where a job doesn't take my entire life but god it feels like its just a reality that i need to it suck up #i dont!! want !! to suck it up!!! i dont want work life to be the only thing i should have in my life !!! #maybe i should start selling on etsy?? i dont know if i have an audience to sell to aughh #i want to believe that if i try hard enough i can find a livelihood where i have space for my lows [that im still working on but GOD it #takes so so long to even dent it and. fuck] #maybe ill open an etsy shop?? #i kinda wish i could like. talk about this with someone? like my plans? without getting the suggestion to push beyond my limits #ive tried and did push beyond my limits before and it didnt end well .. i know that its important to step outside of our comfort zone #but holy cow i genuinely cannot tell where is my comfort zone and where is Burnout until. well until ive burnt out completely #i dont know the line between challenging myself healthily vs sprinting without break til i drop #scratches head #i think. i need um. support more than criticism? which sounds entitled of me. i think. i cant tell #concrit is amazing and without criticism how am i going to Be Better - but most of the concrit i receive half the time are things #that i already know and am *struggling* to fulfill which kinda just ends up. pushing my anxiety to a breakdown? mmghg #i. i want to . work healthily. i know that i cant work in a contractual job (retail - customer service - corporate etc) because i genuinely #CANNOT risk having a depressive low thats too prolonged or an anxiety spike that messes up my workflow to the point it disrupts an *entire* #working environment with other people that are just trying to do their jobs and also risk breaking one of the contracts' terms. its just no #safe to do it (ive had a contractual job and nearly. fucked up badly cause of my mental illness. im not risking it again). but DANG does it #feel like im just making excuses to not get a job #i. i have an idea for an etsy shop since freelancing would be the safest option. i just don't know if im good enough at my skills to. #actually sell to customers you know #ooughgh i wish i could run by my ideas to someone without being so so scared of. appearing as inadequate or illprepared when im doing my #best? but also its a Job and im supposed to make sure theres little to no mistakes and have a product that's of the best quality i can make #AUHGHG #i dont know how to work healthily and consistently and it scares me. #i dont know how to take care of myself and i dont know how to work. which is like. the two most important things i need to live sustainably #probably seems unproductive to me to like. talk about this on a tumblr post if anything but by the gods i need to process all this

[trashlie]

For the first time since before Thanksgiving last year I just. Do not want to exist. I don't know if it's a coincidence that I went off the antidepressant I was taking for migraines, if it's just because I never sleep and have hit a record state of misery or what but boy I haven't missed this.

What I'd give to just. Hibernate for a few months

#ashlie.txt #i have felt this coming and kept hoping it was a fleeting thing but no #i simply do not wish to be #and especially do not wish to work #or do ANYTHING really #just sleep #and i guess cry lol #god i wish i could quit my fucking job and never deal with this or waking up at 7:45 ever again #who cares about insomnia if i don't HAVE to be up in 5 hours anyway? #and now i gotta wait like 4 weeks to see if Wellbutrin kicks in and does anything #fucking amazing #wonderful time

[hauntingblue]

Why do they say dragon is luffy's father but doesn't look much like him... I mean it is true but why point it out... in that way he doesn't look like garp either

#i thot we were gonna get baby luffy but no.... old man luffy..... #also the opening is so intense 'dreams save all of us' and the arc starts with luffys dream i might throw up #zoro and brook staying behind to protect them from the government.... yeah.... VEGAPUNK AND DRAGON??? ACTUALLY FLABBERGASTED #maybe vegapunk is part of the rev army but then he modified kuma on the behalf of the gov??? thats so cruel..... #talking tag #watching one piece #episode 1094 #the fucking opening..... dream save all of us like okay damn it goes hard #incredible how they just take the hit from the laser.... minor injuries that's all... seraphim jinbe has mr pink's power??? #how come sanji hasnt immediately jumped on the seraphim like god. and nami not being able to hurt children yeaaahhhh ROBIN GO OFF!!! #zoro conveniently being the only one who doesnt see the seraphim..... come on.... #york what an icon i wish thay were my job too. eat shit sleep amazing #900 YEARS AGO???? EMPTY CENTURY TIME!!!!!!!! LETSGOOOOO D LORE D LORE D LORE #episode 1095 #and that is IT for today. yesterday i watched like 5 today we are measured. #<- this is when you find out i stack episodes on my posts even if i dont watch them one after the other... #i am sensitive rn and the preview has ohara and robin crying i am not making it out of this one folks #YEAH YEHA THE KINGDOM (OF THE D I AM SURE) VS THE WORLD GOV usopp hitting his head against the floor akdjka #clover and noland have to be related the flora on head has to be genetic or smth #also now they showed lulusiq being obliterated we can assume imu was responsible for destroying this advanced kingdom right #THE BOOKS FROM OHARA MADE IT????!!!!! DRAGON IN OHARA??? THEY HAVE THEM??? BUT THEIR BASE BURNED???? #luffy calling the robot robo ace. should i end it all rn be honest. and the robot turned on. nvm someone was in there #vegapunk meeting with luffy knowing dragon oof also ohara was in the west blue???? wow #episode 1096 #that giant was the one in dressrosa??? hierjudin??? omg dragon without his tattoo... 33?? damn he is 55 now... #OMG JAGUAR D SAUL GIANT FROM ELBAF????? VEGAPUNK DIDNT JOIN THE REVILUTIONARIES??? SELL OUT!!! #dragon pacifist???? god this lore. sanji didnt know about ivasan??? the books are in elbaf... with saul.... omg.....robin ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ #jinbes face reacting to vegapunks fruit ajdjsjs did vegapunk cut off his head? is he stupid?? -luffy #vegapunk wants to make wikipedia.... omg lucci already too... the robot attacked marie geoise ✍️✍️✍️ #episode 1097

[desthebolt]

Ever since getting a cane, ppl ask me all kinds of shit. But the one thing that hits me the most is my family/ppl i know irl asking me “so how long will you have this? when will you be able to get rid of it?”

I know theyre asking cause they want me to get better and care about my health, but its a little unsettling. I was told my back pain would last for AT LEAST a year. All of 2024 will have back pain. No heavy lifting, no excessive bending over, having to correct my movements/positions that ive been accustom to, physical therapy twice a day, and other things.

But theres a chance that i could have pain for more than a year. There was never a guarantee, it will improve yes, but it might not go away. Especially since i also have (mild) narrow disk spacing which will become an issue when im older. I think my family just isnt ready/willing to accept that one of their children might have chronic pain and need a mobility aid for the rest of their life. All before I’m 30.

This paired with job hunting and other personal issues have just made me more aware of how alienated i feel. I dont blame anyone in particular, i just feel like im at a point in my life that i never couldve predicted. Ive accepted my health and am trying to do better, but i guess i wish others around me would accept that too and help in a way that wasnt dehumanizing.

#des rambles #health talk #shout out to vee and my siblings for being fucking amazing #my family is very loving and i love them to death. i wanna make that VERY CLEAR #i just want them to understand what im going through #i also wish companys when applying for jobs ask invasive questions about my health like no youre gonna find that put after the interview #i put that im bipolar autistic and use a cane no one will fucking hire me #im just rambling at this point but you know #thats just what i do

[swaggypsyduck]

swaggy please please please tell me madrid has got some plans for city at the bernabeu I need to see them lose so badly it’s not even funny anymore

BHAHAHAHAHAHAHA UR SO FUNNY💀💀 we cant play at home against anyone for shit like one of my tags for my rm liveblogs is "watching real madrid play at home is so embarrassing". we also have the copa del rey final 3 days before the first leg and im praying and begging on my knees that none of them get injured before the first leg.

being an rm fan is pinning all ur hope in the power of friendship, vibes, and don carlo's eyebrow and somehow it works on the ucl scale (im ordering a hit on haaland and de ginger as we speak).

#i pray we beat them #b*nz u fucking freak do the job we pay u to do #vini rodry and cama my bbgs ik u'll do amazing #i wish i could give u more hope but... #our og plan was to get bayern to beat them but then they sacked nagelsmann so we knew that was over w #asks #moots🫶🏼

[nerdnag]

I hope everyone who reads this is having a better day than I am 🙏

#Away on a work thing for a couple of days and while my work situation has started to improve it's still not great in many aspects #Things can't just become amazing in no time I understand that #The main difference now from a month ago is that I now have someone who has my back #And who is systematically working to relieve me of a lot of burdensome work #And she is great. She is amazing. She really DOES have my back and I feel hopeful for the future. She cares. #But I still have coworkers (especially one of them) who are treating me so unfairly #I had to go to my hotel room and cry over the phone with my partner earlier today #Because I've worked my fucking ass off for such a long time to do good things and help my coworkers #And try to get us out of impossible situations as best as I can #And this is in no way meant to be a brag I just want to be extremely clear here about what's going on: #Without me they would be out of a job. Because I've been tearing myself into a million tiny pieces to hold the company together. #And what I get in return is literally... Complaints. And negativity. And annoyed comments about how they wish things could be better. #And the things they DO SEE that are GOOD they do not attribute to me at all #They have barely even thanked me for anything I have done #And I am supposed to fucking sit there. And smile. And be pleasant. And be social with them and have a haha good fun time with them. #But I am just so sick and tired of working my ass off for people who don't even care. #I don't even think anyone realises it but I am *this close* to just saying fuck it and quitting. #The only thing that's keeping me from doing that right now is the fact that this person who is slowly making things better for me DOES CARE #She is slowly realizing just how much of the company I'm carrying on my back and how close I am to collapsing under the ungrateful weight #And she has made it very clear to me that she will help me. That she sees me and supports me and that she will get things off my back. #And I really truly believe her #But if for some reason she would disappear... I don't think I can stay here anymore #So this is really the last chance I'm giving it #Anyway it will all turn out okay. I'm sure it will. #I'm just so disappointed and angry and sad right now #I've just suffered through a long dinner with them all and now I have escaped to my hotel room #I am going to comfort-binge Netflix for the rest of the night and try to be kind to myself. #Sorry for the long-ass vent #I'm impressed if you got this far #Tw vent

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

i did the interlude quest today and

holy shit (SPOILERS IN TAGS)

#hush n shush wifi #wifi plays genshin #genshin spoilers #WHATTTTT THE FRICK OH MY GOD #KAEYA IS DESCENDED FROM THE ABYSS ORDER FOUNDER????? WHAT THE FUCK #AND THEN WE MET HIM IN LIKE A MEMORY OR SOMETHING #WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THE STATUE #WHO IS THE 'SINNER' I NEED TO KNOW #ALSO WHERE DID WE EVEN GO. WAS THAT CAVE CONSIDERED THE ABYSS??? #I'M GUESSING IT WAS DUE TO HOW MUCH LIKE ENKANOMIYA IT LOOKED LIKE #OK SO OUR SIBLING IS KHAENRI'AHN ROYALTY OK THIS IS FINE THIS IS TOTALLY FINE #also it was funny that Kaeya just dipped after a few minutes #he's heard enough. #i wish he was in it more though it's been ages since i saw him :( #i forgot how deep and raspy jp Dainsleif's voice is #also whoever voice acted Eide did an amazing job #how did we even get to the memory in the first place???? #we barely even saw our sibling #to be honest tho i'm more interested in Khaenri'ah/the Abyss than i am in our sibling #ok so pure-blooded Khaenri'ahns got the immortal curse while everyone else got turned into hilichurls #what's Kaeya then? #it implies he's not immortal because he was a kid when he got adopted but he's not a hilichurl either #RRRHHGHGNGGHN GIVE ME MORE LORE THIS IS THE STUFF I'M TALKING ABOUT #and now i'm thinking of Khaenri'ahn reader with Foul Legacy so thank you interlude quest #anyways *sits on the ground* has anyone else played it y'all wanna chat #good evening :)

[saintqueer]

.

#omg omg omg a HUGE anon ko-fi payment was sent through at 11:11 #i got the ko-fi notif and i thought it was gonna be a 5 dollar donation which is awesome obviously but i went through and it was WAY more #im like so grateful but also a bit sad because i wish i had an offer by now so i wouldnt have to depend on other's kindness & selflessness #this means i will be able to pay rent but ALSO not go into overdraft on utilities #which is amazing fuck but dude im still trying to push down the shame i got from accepting help #i really want this one job ive been trying for but im still so scared it will just fall through my fingers and all my excitement and hope #will be dashed and ill be heartbroken #and i have another interview for another job tmorrow and its gonna be long and grueling and i dont want the job #but i obviously will have to take it if its the only offer i get #my emotions are mess and im rationing my meds its just so dumb #and im so grateful for the help and its so stupid i feel so much shame around it #but im just trying to work through all of it one at a time and still hope that better is coming #i just want a chance to succeed a chance to give myself better #im so grateful people want to take care of me but i wish i could take care of them too ya know #sorry for having a tags breakdown #maybe i need to get outside and deep breathe or some shit #sorry for losing it #im just so grateful #and just really hope this time is coming to an end

[savage-rhi]

I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.

#today i fucked up by reactivating my fb account which i haven't done in 2 yrs just to check on some folks id been sending good thought to #place is depressing everyone is miserable and everything feels fake and my mind is like #LOL this is why we left bitch byeeee #so i deactivated again went to work and idc what anyone says there are folks like me that can and do feel the energy and emotions coming of #people and it can fucking suck especially when so many are disregulated so i got a sensory overload and boss was nice enough to let me take #a bunch of breaks today and even scream in her office cause She Gets It (TM) #the weather is rainy and cold i'm getting so many fibro flares idk how i'm moving anymore #ive missed so many days of work already and it's not even fully winter yet i still have my job and im thankful i have an understanding team #but that doesnt pay the bills im still trying to find a way to pay for that doctor appointment coming up #graduate courses began for college and i think i'm gonna be okay but damn did they throw too much info all at once at me and that made #my adhd brain go WELL SHIT #ive been feeling incredibly lonely and not wanted in so many spaces that im struggling to even communicate with the few that i know do #love me for me and nothing else im trying so so so hard to keep being there for people and to keep loving #people that need it cause i don't ever want another human being to ever feel as miserable and unwanted as i have felt #but im also tired because i feel like thats all anyone ever sees me as just this being that can take their woes away and make them feel #amazing and i love that i can do that and listen to so many traumatic stories and help folks process that trauma my boss and many throughou #life have told me i have a gift for healing people and a vibe to me thats different than most and it feels good being around me but today i #just felt like people keep taking and taking and taking and i dont expect anything back thats not who i am id rather give than receive #but damn it i just wish someone could just give me the biggest hug in the world dont even have to say a thing just hold me and be present #and hold space for me to just feel weightless id cherish that more than anything in the world right now #on a positive note... #my dinosaur vo stuff got traction im getting a new cosplay put together i havent done that in 4 years i got to pet a wild deer i made #a coworker laugh so hard his juice went out his nose and my boss peed a little #im slowly taming another wild flock of turkeys and i got a bag of my favorite takis the guacamole flavor #i got a lot to be thankful for and i acknowledge it #but damn it im tired #thank you for coming to my Ted Talk rant and rave #if you made it this far: you're an incredible human being and i love you #please go treat yo self to something nice and know i love you for you

[bunny-heels]

i hate how obsessed ive become to this show but god i cannot help it

#the bun talks #you dont understand #its a mixture of it being the perfect balance of kid wholesomness and angst #and the nostaliga of when i was a kid watching athf and had the thought of what if shake actually tried to be a good person #coupled with the fucking amazing voice actors #the lovingly featured representation and doing it in a way to really make you think #my bf and i were talking about how its basically WOY if wander and hater actually had a non-toxic relationship #this is the first kid show ive been obsessed with in years since MLP #and scratch and mollys relationship mean the world to me #i feel for scratch in that when i was younger it was really hard for me to accept that people outside my family cared about me #and i feel for molly cause deep down i wish i was as optimistic and outwardly friendly as her #and i have her kinda child like naivity that theres always a chance for things to get better #ive even had thoughts of kinning her at this point and maybe i want to? i dont know #the new ep related to me so fucking much i know its an experience that a lot of mixed race kids have but. it really really spoke to me #i really relate to her in ways that i cant fully explain. maybe i do kin her. i kinda feel like i already am #and finally like #im. so fucking in love with scratch. SO fucking in love #i live and die hard for characters like him. so upset at the world but finally gets the love he needs. #hes so fucking cute too and snyder does such a good job with him. hes very close to my heart already. #definitely fits the category of f/os that are short. vioent. and grumpy. but just really want attention #and that coupled with his lore and mysteries and the potential of what he really is its just......... #god i love him so so so so fucking much #im embarrassed cause i mean its literally just a kid friendly and a lil more likable MS but. im pretty sure thats another factor of it #cause obviously shake was one of the best parts of ATHF and yeah hes funny on his own #but my child brain back then was like. 'man i wonder what would happen if he was nicer' #and now i have my answer. in the form of him being a cute blue blob that befriends a girl who helps him open up #and its so nice that the show doesnt rely on secondhand embarrassment or making certain characters feel miserable for a gag #its #its just. such a fucking good show #and if it gets cancelled im genuinely gonna have a breakdown

[onboardsorasora]

#Siri; please play Vindicated by Dashboard Confessional #now.... I hold grudges. Hard. But I also don't make it a habit of wishing ill on people- even those I'm holding a grudge against #I was having a pretty shit day. one of those 'high paced environment' days that they put in JDs to seem like they have their shit together #and I just got some.....pretty amazing news from my old toxic job. and literally my reaction 'holy fuck' #I could literally cry right now with how vindicated I feel #I could also literally cry because I'm on my last actual nerve. but still i rise #sora irl

[theghostofashton]

.

#one of the things i have loved so much about falling headfirst into this lone star obsession is just.... this show is full of poc #full of it #most of the main cast is people of color like i don't even know how to articulate what that means to me #none of the other shows i've watched in so long can say that #and it's just like #every time grace and tommy have a scene or marjan gets a storyline or nancy is on my fucking screen i'm emotional #especially grace and tommy like seeing how much time the writers have dedicated to their friendship it's just like #usually shows will have like one woc and she'll mostly be treated like shit #this show has four amazing beautiful spectacular women that are just like. everything to me #and paul carlos and mateo also just #believe me i do wish screentime was more balanced between all of the characters but even this is so much #because it's really truly rare #something i've wanted for a very long time is shows w poc in the main cast where the storylines aren't just about racism or racial trauma #i fully understand the need for those stories but sometimes it gets exhausting and painful bc we are so much more than that #so these characters playing first responders just getting to see them excel at their jobs and bring good into the world is just like #idk it's a lot lol #basically i am just very happy with it #i have three more eps to watch and i'm trying to stretch them out to make it till january bc i know i'll miss this show sm #it may also just be hitting me harder bc i've spent the past couple years watching glee and. well. woc are treated like shit there lmfao #so this is the biggest breath of fresh air and i think i really needed it lol #neha rambles