#i was wrong. im finally healing from it. but sometimes i can't help but hate them. because how DARE you ever act like the two things are

[candyskiez]

so do you spiral into rage whenever you realize the person who got you seconds away from killing yourself is moving on with their life when somedays you still feel like you're stuck in that moment that fucking traumatized you and how unfair it is that they get to move on when you almost ended it all over them or do you not have a deep seated fear that you jave no effect on the people aroujd you

#suicide tw #cw suicide #tw suicide #suicide cw #candyskiez vent #i know its irrational. i know #but fuck its. a part of me is almost mad at them for moving on. even though earlier i was fucked up because whst if i hurt them what if im #terrible person. i keep fucking flipflopping. ive never once wanted them back but ive missed them so bad and ive hated them and i still #fucking love them and god. i almost killed myself. i almost KILLED myself and they get to just??? be upset that i didnt want them in my lif #they can just go on about how it was so hard for THEM to lose all their friends when they were the one who cut us out. and everyone feels #bad for them. but fuck. i almost fucking killed myself. i almost killed myself because of this situation. i thought id never be happy again #i was wrong. im finally healing from it. but sometimes i can't help but hate them. because how DARE you ever act like the two things are #even remoteoy equivalent. you lost SOME of your friends because you made a stupid ass life decision you had EVERY way of knowing would blow #up. we were in hell. we were in fucking hell. the friend group almost fucking fell apart becase of your stupid ass. i almost killed myself. #i thought id never be happy again. i almost killed myself without leaving a note so i wouldbt have to feel yhe pain YOU caused me. YOU. and #you think you have the RIGHT to be sad? you arent the fucking victim. you have NEVER been the victim of this situation. you will never be. #and logically i know i know they can feel however they feel and thats valid and yeah they cared. but it feels insulting fucking INSULTING #because how dare you be sorry when i could never forgive you for what you did. how dare you do something so STUPID and get surprised when #people got hurt. you are a fucking awful friend. you dont deserve forgiveness. i dont give a shit youre sorry. why should i care. why is it #MY job to care that youre a fucking idiot. you hurt me. why is it my job to understand why? i almost killed myself. #later on im probably going to feel bad for them again. i know they aren't a monster but god it is so fucking hard to care. ive never gotten #that close to suicide. and they very nearly pushed me over that edge. i was so fucking close to writing a note. i was debating if i should #send the note to my online friends. i was on the fucking brink. i will never fucking forgive them. i almost killed myself. #and their name wouldve been on the note.

[harryhandstan]

lindseyyyyyy

SUPER BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎊🎊🎊🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁😽😽🥳🥳🥳🥳

(im sorry that was super late)

its crazy how fast a year goes by. i hope youre doing better now after the accident :(( what happened?? you dont have to answer if u dont want to ofc!!

i honestly have no words. im sorry you had to go through all that :(( i wish i could take away the pain ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

i am soooo happy and excited for you! you and your family deserve to live a peaceful life!! i honestly have no idea what its like in georgia but i hope you find somewhere safe!! maybe you could try to find a remote job if you wanted to stay in the area?? and honestly f*** your dad. you don’t deserve any kind of negativity im so proud of u for sticking up for yourself and your family!

ive got one year left!!! and it’s finally over!! school’s been ehh. its still difficult for me to make new friends but i’ll get over it. i got nosebleeds to see taylor 😭😭 but its still better than nothing & thank u!!

PLEASE tell me about stevie nicks and your roadtrip!! i cant wait to hear about it

im soooo proud of u!! im always here for u and im always wishing you the best! 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷youuuu

-🧸

ahh thank you baby!!! no it's okay I didn't make a big deal about my birthday this year so it's fine 😊 it was the day after we got back from our road trip and I stayed with my sister for a few days and just hung out with her! she got me some cute lil harry coded fruit hair clips and made me dinner and we had cake and ice cream and watched a movie with her roommate!

oh no I don't mind saying what happened! I honestly thought I had already said, I'm sorry! my mom and I were leaving to go grocery shopping and I got kicked by a horse. I am doing better I've made a TON of progress but still feel like I have a long way to go. like doing simple things still takes a lot of my energy sometimes! like I said I was supposed to start a new job working at a daycare as a lead teacher and I think I'm gonna have to give that up now, because I can't imagine being able to work a full shift doing something like that 😔 which just kind of makes me feel lost rn as to what to do for income because I so had my heart set on working there!

thank you thank you for all the love, I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes as I type this because it means so much coming from you! you'll never know how much I appreciate it ❤ it was honestly one of the most insane experiences I've ever had to go through, but as horrific as it was I feel like it's helped me appreciate life a lot more than I did before and realize the impact I have on people and how important I am to them! like my little brother said he cried when he found out and he's just not someone who shows his emotions a lot so it made me very 🥺🥺

I'm so sooooo excited for a new place like I'm already looking at things for my room and I'm looking forward to being able to put up so many harry related things and the big nakey™ poster that all the other harries have and like I said just a nice, clean, peaceful place I can heal and grow in!! and honestly we're in an area of GA that's superrr rural there's literally nothing here lol. I think we're gonna try to get an apartment in the same place where my little sister lives though so that would be perfect! I already feel at home there when I stay and it's a good little area. I probably will have to end up either getting back into selling crafty things or a remote job until I can build up my stamina again to be able to do more and get an in-person job!

yeah fuck phil all my homies hate phil!! he's done nothing but cause us trauma and stress and we'll all be better off away from him. thank you for your pride in me!!! it's never been easy for me to speak up for myself so I'm surprised I've been able to so much with him. he and I had a confrontation in 2021 where he just flat out asked me what was wrong and why I was upset with him and when I told him he basically gaslit me and in the end when I was standing in front of him crying after pouring my heart out, I was told “it’s been that way for a long time, you just need to get over it 🤷🏼‍♂️” so that’s what I’m gonna do, move out and get over it!!

ahhhh only a year left that’s amazing!! my heart is so full of pride for you I know how much hard work it takes to do that and it’s not easy. I hope you treat yourself when it’s all over to a big fat gift or some other sort of treat!! you deserve it 🫶🏻 and nosebleeds for taylor is okay!! I went to see her on the Red tour and we were in nosebleeds and it was still an amazing show. be careful and have a great time!

seeing stevie live was magical like I cannot even describe the good energy I felt while being there ✨ it was my first big outing after my accident and we had seats so I was able to sit down when I needed to (which was a lot more than I wanted to but it’s okay).

our road trip was only a few hours away but it was to see my little brother who we hadn’t see since december of 2021! we spent 4 days there and didn’t get to do a lot, but it was still great to visit him and his girlfriend. we hung out by the pool, ate at some cute little restaurants, saw the new little mermaid movie, and did some shopping 😊

again I’ll never be able to thank you enough for your pride in me!! I’m always here if you need me or whenever you wanna stop by to hear me ramble lol

all my love to you!!! 🩷🩵🩷🩵

#ask me stuff #anon #answered #🧸

[luvring]

HNGNNGNH ANGST HOURS would u be willing to do hcs for Felix kinda having some toxic relationship behaviors that remained from his relationship w Rime or maybe like abandonment issues hhhh im so sorry im so sorr

warnings: abandonment issues / trauma responses u guys.....what if i wanted 2 be happy..../lh i don't know if these r toxic more than unhealthy/results of grieving . and i don't think too hard on whether these are canonically accurate because i'd be Sad but i did try to make it realistic to what Could Be/Have Been,, if u will. ngfdnh sorry felix

personally. i think their relationship was good and that felix is healing but i'm going to pretend i don't matter and that i'm wrong and focus on every possible effect not touched on enough

like i don't even need to confirm their relationship problems. having your boyfriend die in your arms is trauma enough i think. But

felix gets (over)protective during any battles because he can't stand the thought of mc getting injured. it gets a little too much sometimes and he has to be reminded that they aren't incapable

sometimes mc teases felix about his little magic mess-ups and he gets very defensive without meaning to

felix feeling the need to prove himself after being with the captain of the starsworn, someone stronger than him, capable of leading

the same felix, though feeling guilty about it, feeling a sense of ? accomplishment? when mc messes up themself before he offers to help

felix finding himself compare mc to rime, with their habits and personality, how they took the astrolabe

he forgets and gets confused as to why mc can't seem to use the relic the same way rime did sometimes

it eats him up because he realizes what he's thinking, but he really does want to help and watch them succeed so he tries his best to shut that part of him off

felix deciding to spend time away from mc so he can stop the guilt he feels whenever it happens

if mc declines his offer of joining them somewhere he gets worried about them being upset or wanting to leave him

when they're alone again felix asks if everything is alright between them or if they have any problems. when mc reassures him he feels relieved but the fear in the back of his head never quite goes away

sometimes he catastrophizes when mc sounds tired or frustrated even when he knows it's not about him and his anxiety spikes and he gets a stomachache or start shaking

felix offering to do things or buying and making things for them, giving more and more while neglecting himself

felix stopping his hobbies and looking away from all of his taxidermy and collections, feeling worse and worse

he catches mc spending time with sage or anisa and laughing at something they've said and his heart wrenches and he hates feeling that way

maybe at the worst moments, when he's happiest, felix remembers mc is from an entirely different world. where they must be loved with their own lives and relationships. he wonders about what they miss, if they'd be happier there, if their time with him was always going to be temporary. he's scared.

he'd support them if they wanted to leave, he wants them to be happy. but at the same time the thought of what would happen if they did and what he'd be left to do makes him feel sick

him trying harder and harder to work on himself so that mc doesn't leave and so he can finally be better all while promising to help them get home, where he'll be alone again

so he tries to detach and keep his distance if only to make their departure less painful even if all he wants is their comfort

#🛒nia.reqs #:(( #sorry felix again. #last legacy #last legacy headcanons #felix escellun #last legacy felix #fictif felix #felix iskandar escellun