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#i was scared in the dream but now im just pissed like a fish!

tryingtofindava · 6 months

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pls im begging for dating ticci toby headcanons 🙏🙏

𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 ‘𝐓𝐢𝐜𝐜𝐢’ 𝐓𝐨𝐛𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬*ೃ༄

tw: mention of manic episode.

: ̗̀➛ Back to source

My god.

This boy is full of so much love.

Y’all take FOREVER to actually get together.

It got to the point where Toby got frustrated and was all like “should I just kill them?” (Assuming you ain’t a proxy)

What I’m tryna say is he’s sorta oblivious to his feelings towards you.

But he’s so scared to get attached to you, cuz every time he’s ever gotten close to someone they die.

But when y’all (finally) get together after a long ahh slow burn.

YOU TWO ARE LITERALLY THE CUTEST OMD.

He was so surprised that you said yes when he asked you out. Like- you? The pretty girl who he had the the pleasure of becoming friends with???? Says yes to him????

He’s so happy

Buttttttttttttttt.

So awkward it’s almost painful.

Onetime you kissed him on his cheek, bro was all like ‘🧍’

But when you guys get past that awkward stage? You guys are practically attached to the hip.

And I know most of the fandom hates the ‘soft Toby’ stereotype, but I feel like that’s just how he is w you (though he does have his moments…)

Lots of reassurance. It’s needed if y’all wanna last.

He isn’t used to have someone be so affectionate towards him. Since deadass the only person who’s showed him genuine love was Lyra.

When y’all first met, he’d always wear a massive ass bandage over the gash on his cheek.

Every time you saw it you gave him the ‘🤨’ look, which he’s just shrug it off. And when you’d ask him about it, he’d say something like:

“It’s ruh-rude to ask t-that.”

He’d even continue wearing it INTO your dating life, he’ll eventually cave in since it’s been around 8 months of him wearing it around you. And a wound would normally be healed by now.

He wasn’t at all surprised by your reaction of shock.

He’ll always have it on out of the apartment though. No exceptions.

He calls you ‘pretty thing’ sm it becomes a tic.

Eskimo kisses? Eskimo kisses.

He try’s his best to keep the whole murder part of his life away from you. But it’s obvious so… that was one long night of going over things.

Anywaysssss.

AQUARIUM DATES! Y’all get in your grandpa jumpers and walk around the aquarium holding hands and looking at all the cool fish n’ shit.

HE LOVES LOVES LOVES NECK KISSES.

He’s a slut for knowing he’s yours.

He loves teasing the shit outta you for being short. Even though he’s like 3 inches taller

“I’ve been b-breaking my bug-back k-k-kissing you, babe.”

“Piss off.”

He loves laying between your legs with his face flushed against your chest while you run your fingers through his hair and itch his scalp.

When you guys are sleeping, you’ll constantly have to make sure he doesn’t get too over headed or cold due to his CIPA.

Speaking of sleeping, he grinds his teeth while he’s dreaming. So just gently grab his chin to stop him. And he’s a deep ass sleeper so he won’t feel it lol.

He isn’t a big fan of PDA when you guys aren’t behind closed doors, but he’ll ALWAYS hold your hand.

On the less sappy note, when he’s having a tic attack he will not allow you to come near him. He’s so scared of hurting you.

And when he’s having an episode?

Make sure you stay calm. And maybe get to him before he gets to you. He’ll be so upset if he did hurt you while going through one of his schizophrenic like states.

To help him through his manic episode, stay as calm as you can, let him know that, although you don’t share the belief that it’s real, you understand that it is real to him. Try and keep focused on supporting him with how he’s feeling in that moment, rather than confirming or challenging his reality.

If he does snap at you, he’ll feel so guilty. He will think that he’s just like his dad.

He’ll probably disappear for a few days, but when he comes back he’s begging for you to not leave him. Like he’s full on sobbing.

Hold him.

He’s clingy. Like super clingy. Clingy to the point where it just becomes obnoxious. And gets a bit irritating but he means well :(

He loves you like a dog, and he’ll do anything for you. He trusts you with his whole being and hopes you feel the same.

✯.★*°•.°✯•.★*°°·.•°★•✯.★*°•.°✯•.★*°°·.•°★•

#ticci toby x reader #ticci toby headcanons #ticci toby #creepy pasta #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta reader #creepypasta headcanon #fluff

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bugflies00 · 1 year

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RIGHT so the pirate au

well it's nothing very original don't get your hopes up or anything BUT. basically it's mainly lmancrew (with a crimeboys focus) and tntduo centered and it's set in like a medieval-esque fictional setting like basically six of crows minus the magic. like i literally typed six of crows into pinterest to get good images those are the vibes

wilbur's captain of this ship called the l'manberg (ok no but i hesitated between naming the fish or their og town lmanburg but i ended up naming the ship that because i just think it's such a good ship name like . she/her in a boat way. does this make sense) and the crew is niki, jack, eret, fundy and tubbo (well obviously theres more people cause how would a ship Function but the rest of those are Unnamed background characters).

wilbur's also a pretty high ranked official like idk general or captain of the guard idk how the military works i would have to figure that out, but basically he's kinda famous and so's his ship. they aren't participating in a war it's more of like an explorer position because wilbur's known for being a brilliant cartographer and so the previous king just kinda appointed him to this new position to let him fuck off & do his own thing mapping the whole world with his crew. the issue is the old king died with no heir and replaced by his nephew (dream) who's much more controlling and power-hungry than he was and who doesn't want to waste money & resources on some bs like maps. this will create Conflict (im so good at narration guys. Help)

tommy's like a homeless orphan (as he alwyas is) and really needs a job and money and all that and he hears the l'manburg isn't at sea for once and wilbur & his crew are taking a rest at the capital for a couple days before sailing back off again. naturally he sneaks in, lives in the storage room for like a week or two, surviving off scraps of food . then tubbo stumbles across him and almost reports him, but tommy convinces him not to and so tubbo helps him for a couple days. then someone else finds him, and he's brought to the captain and they all threaten to throw the stowaway overboard (they wouldn't actually they're all kinda softies) and tommy's like pissing himself from how scared he is especially cause wilbur's like . this really famous general who's had books and songs written about him and shit (he doesn't know yet hes just an annoying pretentious prick (/lovingly)) so he's like Ohmygod im dead and then wilbur's like . "Can you cook" "erm no" "can you clean" "yeah ig" "Can you fight even somewhat decently" "yeah bitch me and my knives are the best they call me th-" "Ok you're hired" AND THUS tommy joins the crew

and so they keep on sailing with their mission yadda yadda and WHAM they encounter the most notorious pirate crew of the continent, named, you guessed it, las nevadas. and tommy's heard a lot of proper horror stories about them and he's terrified but the crew have fought them off a bunch of times before so they're mainly annoyed because they're gonna have to deal with the frankly disgustingly homoerotic rivalry that their captain and the pirate captain have been passionately engaging in for several years now. THATS RIGHT TNTDUO BABY oh they are so pathetic and so gay it's actually embarrassing they'll have like sword duels . wilbur's the uptight, bitchy, and somewhat pretentious general with perfectly styled hair and ornate coat always huffing and puffing and waxing poetry meanwhile quackity's the fuckin bad boy stereotype with like a half unbuttoned poet or blackshirt (slut) (wilbur cannot stop staring its embarrassing) and he's always hanging off ropes and shit and doing sick acrobatics and taunting wilbur GOD they're so. and yeah they have sword duels where all they do is "distract the opponent" in order to "efficiently win the battle" which is code for "practically make out while hurling insults at each other"

also crimeboys is like "in awe of the legendary general" "who is this child on my boat" >>> "oh my god the general's a prick" "oh my god the child's a demon" >>> "maybe he's not that bad but i would rather die and curse his entire family line than admit that" >>> "that is my brother i would die for him and if you lay a hand upon him you won't have hands anymore" (the funny thing is they both end up with that same level of protectiveness and making the same threats despite wilbur being a like Adult and high ranked official with power and influence and decades of training of elaborate swordsmanship behind him . and tommy is a stowaway fifteen year old orphan with three knives and teeth and a whole lot of anger . but they're both like "no i must protect and die for the other" im sorry i just love them ok theyre so stupid) i just LOVE crimeboys having to go through begrudging bonding instead of instantly being ride or die brothers GIVE ME TO MORE ENEMIES TO FRIENDS TO LOVERS anyway

also we also get emerald duo in the form of them being co-captains (please pretend that is a thing i know Nothing about anything ever) of this other ship and they're like independent merchants or whatever idk i have not figured out that whole bit yet MY POINT IS they're not affiliated with anyone they just sorta do their own thing and only help people if they want to or are indebted . they help out wilbur sometimes cause he's a dumbass

speaking of wilbur like i said he's had books and songs written about him (his age is kind of a grey zone like on one hand he's pretty young for a general but he's also had time to become this like famous and mysterious figure so can't be Too young . so i think probably like 27-29? smth like that) and one of them was a legend about how he fell in love with a mermaid . yes she had red hair and teal scales and her name was sally BUT SHE'S STILL AN OCEAN MERMAID I KNOW SALMONS LIVE IN RIVERS anyway . also for little tntduo crumbs he's called quackity a siren multiple times (in his mind he's insulting him like "ooh you manipulate people" and everyone around him is like "that is the Gayest thing you could possibly have said") and quackity's like "didnt you date a mermaid" "yeah but sirens are like evil mermaids" "so you want to date me" and then wilbur stabs him

ALSO more about wilbur's character development (this is a bit spoilerish but also it's not like im ever writing this full fic so you're not exactly risking much but just be warned) he starts out like i said as this really uptight military official who started when he was really young and trained really hard and flew through the ranks really fast because he worked his ass off . And so he's Very protective of his rank & title & prestige not so much because he's snobbish but because he worked so hard for it but so it often comes across as him being this like pretentious fuck (well he's also pretentious but thats just wilbur) . also he originally dreamed of being a cartographer and he spent his whole childhood drawing up maps but then he realised he couldn't make a living out of that so he decided to work hard enough to be at the top and then do what he wanted. and so he wears like his tricorn hat with a feather and his ornate coat and neatly tucked in shirt and everything cause for him it's like Proof that he Did it yknow . but then as time goes by, especially in the presence of quackity (who's very antihero-esque and so does not give a shit about ranks or whatever he's a pirate he does his own thing) and also a bit tommy (who was literally dressed in rags until they clothed and fed him but still behaves like a street rat on the most famous ship of the country) he slowly loosens up and he ends up ditching the coat and the hat and instead wears more stuff like loose poet shirts (open because he's a slut) . and so yeah character development through clothing and whatnot

ok so YEAH those are the tidbits that were plaguing my mind the most but there's definitely a whole lot more in my head like ive got a pinterest board and shit

#PFEW this got long #alex.rambles.txt #c!wilbur #c!quackity #c!tommy #c!tntduo #c!crimeboys #c!emeraldduo #c!clingyduo #mcyt #alex.pirate.au #sally the salmon

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4dtk · 4 years

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stuck with you

pairing: enemy!journalist!haechan x journalist!reader

genre: angst, fluff, humour, enemies to lovers (hope i did the trope justice tbh TT)

warnings: cursing, f words lmao, i mention stranger things a lot in this??? mainly bc i just finished watching it w a friend. i also only use ‘haechan’ when narrating the story so i don’t get confused! the timeline for this is Very Weird as well bc like i didn’t consider how long a pandemic would last…… so Uhm. pls just excuse the weird ass time sequence. also referenced yangyang’s bastard child behaviour from dream plan where he packs his things messily and kun had to mf intervene and yangyang had the audacity to go like “see, this is how u get ppl to pack for you, now i don’t have to do anything” 💀

word count: 8k (a headache to proofread...)

A/N: first time trying an e2l trope and im not sure if it was done ok??? i didn't want it to feel too rushed so i tried to spread out the days as much as i could!! i also included small snippets of their life w the other so it won’t seem like the fic is just focusing on the e2l concept! was inspired tons by the lyrics of stuck with u by ariana grande and jb, so that song is definitely something you can listen to if you read this! hope you enjoy ^^

[day 1]

"you're insufferable," you groan, reluctantly handing over the remote control for the hotel's television after some unsuccessful scrolling.

hotels never exactly had much range anyway.

you were very much already dreading the time ahead with the male, sadly having been stuck in quarantine not even half a day with haechan.

offering to go to a neighbouring country to report on the rising covid-19 situation, you didn't expect your rival to tag along, no doubt seeking to craft up a better story than you would.

and so, you were now nudging the remote control into his waiting palm with a roll of your eyes. you hoped it emphasised your annoyance with him even a little, standing up to prepare a cup of tea before bed.

"are you going to keep watching television while i sleep?" you ask a genuine question, peeking at him through the mirror of the vanity that sat outside the bathroom.

he just shrugs with a tired sigh, turning his attention back to the cartoon playing in front of him.

"okay, well, keep to your side of the bed and i'll stay in mine. we need to be social distancing, anyway."

there's a hint of "okay, loser" mumbled under his breath, but you pay it no thought as you finish your tea and brush your teeth before you skillfully set up a fortress made out of pillows.

"ow! what the hell?"

"your leg was in the way, jeez! move it, and i'll stop annoying you," you said, putting up the last of your requested pillows beside where haechan currently sat.

taking one last glance at haechan, you wondered when the lockdown in your country would last before they start letting people fly in. for now, you were trapped with the nightmare himself in a sad hotel room, with only a bed to share.

"goodnight," he tells you, but the sardonic way he says it irks you to the point where you settle for silence instead. the only thing that drones on are the voices of the cartoon, soon fading as you feel into a dreamless sleep.

[day 4]

"this virus thing is probably driving me insane by day, and you, lee haechan, are adding on to it!"

"no headlines, no idea what style to write in, minimal pictures-" the doorbell to the hotel room interrupts your current rant, prompting you to storm off to answer the call with an annoyed look.

"what now?" taken aback by your quick response, the housekeeping girl retracts with downturned eyebrows and a voice hesitant to speak. your roommate comes to the rescue almost immediately when he's heard the commotion.

you watch as he sends her a smile and a wink, deflating when he's let her in to clean up the room. you're not sure why you can't keep your eyes off the both of them as they converse, blaming it mostly on your hatred for the male.

with the last of her duties fulfilled, you offer to help her with the cleaning supplies as an apology, but she cuts you off almost immediately. there's a linger in her step, however, as she walks the short hallway to the door, evident in wanting haechan to send her off as he received her.

turning back to call him, he holds up a hand as he types down his opening lines to an article, prompting you to shoot the housekeeper girl another apologetic look.

"sorry again," you mumble, letting out a sigh at how this was all playing out. day four and you were already making enemies with the hotel crew.

"maybe day forty-one is where i fall in love with lee haechan," you scoffed, perhaps listing down all the unfortunate things that could happen while you were in quarantine.

one of them was catching feelings for your rival.

rolling your eyes, you settled on the bed to catch a few Zs as he continued to work on his article, though you weren't exactly sure about the weight your words held.

[day 9]

"haechan, what is this?" you ask with an eyebrow raised, his dirty boxers barely hanging off your finger.

haechan only groans at that, knowing you were relentless in the laundry. even in a pandemic, he was sure you'd prioritise your clothes first.

"jesus! don't go picking up my underwear just like that!" he snatches it from you, folding it neatly and placing it next to where his luggage sat. unfortunately, yours was right beside his.

"you think just because you're doing the laundry you're able to look through a man's prized possessions-!"

your jaw drops, "it was near the sink, haechan! i don't want to look at the checkered pattern on your boxers when i brush my teeth. i don't want it near my face either."

haechan groans yet again, running a hand through his hair in frustration before turning back to the computer, a blank document opened up in front of him.

despite gathering findings, interviewing healthcare workers and serving the public alongside frontline staff, he had deleted every attempt at writing.

there's a rumble from the bathroom, perhaps from your upset stomach or the choked pipe, but sometimes they sounded too similar he couldn't tell it apart. haechan stifles a laugh when there's a "fuck!" echoing behind the door, though unsure if he should help you or not.

when haechan hears another crash, he comes running without hesitation with a face morphed into furrowed eyebrows and a tilt of the head.

"don't just stand there, you moron!"

haechan snaps out of his daze to assist you off the floor, swiftly helping you even more off the floor as he carries you to the bed with a stiff one arm. you notice his other hand hanging awkwardly, probably not knowing what to do with it before you feel the soft sheets under your butt.

he gets to work within a minute, fishing for an ointment and some bandages his mother forced him to bring. he remembers it as he always has: a caring mother looking out for her son, maybe a little too much sometimes.

haechan is thankful for his mother, now, for the stray bandages laying around in his pouch.

you watch in silence as he cleans the cut with alcohol, wincing when his hand hadn't even touched your skin.

"my hand isn't even on your skin yet! jeez, calm down."

you shake your head, holding onto his bicep to halt his arm, "just use water, please."

exhaling in exasperation, you wonder if you've pissed him off tenfold when he leaves for the bathroom with a side-eyed glance, though not hostile.

"problematic," haechan whispers, dabbing a wet cloth over the wound carefully before applying the ointment and securing the bandages.

"your words contradict your actions so much, haechan. i never know what you're thinking." sighing, you pull your leg away from his hold after he's done with the bandages, making your way to the bathroom and leaving him in his thoughts.

"why do you want to know?"

haechan gets silence; the lock of the bathroom audibly turns to signal another wall put up between the two of you. with another frustrated groan, the boy plops down on the chair to work on his article with the right words forming in his mind.

even if he was the one who asked, he wasn't sure if he was ready to tell you.

[day 13]

"stranger things is freaking me the fuck out, man!" haechan whispered, ignoring your pleads and groans to continue writing.

"haechan! give me the damn laptop! i don't even know why you brought an HDMI cable when it doesn't work with the television system here!"

"well, we got one that matches it, didn't we?" he said, eyes peeled to the screen that showed the young boy, will, in the upside-down.

"you mean you did!" you shoved him, ready to disconnect the devices before haechan held you back, clearly entranced by the next sequence of eleven being able to see will in a pool of salt.

"ugh, god, i don't even know why people watch the show!" you spill with sourness, knowing the show was praised for its excellent acting and writing.

haechan raises an eyebrow, turning to you with a strangely slow speed.

"stranger things have received multiple awards, and you didn't give any other reason. are you scared?"

when you struggle to find words, haechan laughs at his revelation, hiding his pearly whites behind his hand as he continues to make fun of you.

"yeah yeah, i'm scared! so what?"

"'oh haechan! oh no~ i'm terrified, would you care to provide some comfort?' jeez, don't worry, man, i'll protect you." there's a cheeky glimmer in his eyes and a cocky smirk on his face which you very much want to wipe off with the disinfectant in the toilet.

"it's not all that bad, c'mon! give it a-" turning back to the tv, the sudden attack of the demogorgon lashing out at the camera has the male screaming, hiding behind your body in fear.

"you were saying, mr superman?" you deadpan, unlatching his arms around your waist as you sink deeper into the sheets with your phone in hand.

[day 17]

haechan thrashes in his sleep, almost knocking the wine glass you had in your hands when he crosses over the pillow barrier you made.

"what in the hell-" you winced, keeping an eye on the male should he have any more outbursts that would ruin both wine night and the stuff you were working on for the article.

with tipsy hands, your keyboard keys unconsciously write out a letter of disdain and confusion regarding haechan, the boy sleeping next to you with a cute drooling face and curly hair.

with beautiful tan skin like that, you wondered why he didn't model instead. with a voice as impressive as his, you wondered why he didn't sign a contract. with natural hosting capabilities, you wondered why didn't fucking get the place of a talk show host.

because man, he can get pretty bothersome sometimes.

[day 20]

the next few days pass by with a breeze.

despite not knowing how the current pandemic will turn out, you find haechan more bearable, his habits being dumped in the past with a wave of a hand.

petty arguments occur, of course, until one of you brushes off the matter like nothing.

today was one of the days you won't back down.

there's worry evident on your face, eyes scanning through every last document on the stupid laptop. fingers travel fast over the keyboard as the realisation slowly dawns on you.

with slumped shoulders, you take a deep breath before turning to the male.

"what do you mean you accidentally deleted my article? i know we're sharing the damn laptop, but we established that you stay on your files and i stay on mine."

the other waved his hand, "i did not touch any of your files, (y/n), i'm not sure what happened."

"how could you not know? what the hell? i had good content on it, but now i have to spend more hours reorganising the news and interview answers and everything else in my notes. thanks, lee haechan."

"maybe if you weren't so caught up in me trying to sabotage your place in the publication team, then you would've believed me." he shrugged, taking a seat on the one bed like nothing.

you scoffed, arms crossing across your body. "funny how you mention sabotage because a villain never reveals their motive. that's why you came with me, didn't you?"

haechan stuck his tongue out to the side of his mouth, eyes blinking and rolling like an 8-ball that it sickened you to the core.

"villain? i'm the villain?"

"was i not clear?" you hiss, stepping closer to the male.

"no, make it more precise, please. i wanna hear it word for word. spit it out, coward."

with every word, you plunged your finger into his chest, looking deep into his eyes. "you're set out to take my place for department editor, where you know i'm best at."

"and that department would be...?" he crossed his arms, looking down at you with scorn you wished you could slap off his face.

"the..." you gulp with his face all up in yours, eyes boring as he awaits your answer, no doubt losing confidence at your realisation.

"the world depart...ment? you love to travel, right?" you trail off, biting your lip in anxiety when you remember how he was on the plane. you don't exactly remember whether he was more excited or scared.

"wrong! try again."

"politics?" you propose.

haechan's face contorts into disbelief, with his mouth twisted with perplex and eyebrows furrowed. "me? politics?"

your mouth runs dry at the roadblock you've faced, and as that annoying, stupid smirk grows, your hatred for him increases by the charts.

"naming departments i'd rather die than join, running your mouth, accusing me of deleting your files..." haechan shakes his head dramatically, rolling his eyes and letting out a fat sigh.

"you think i wanna be stuck here with your infuriating ass? god, you're so entitled, aren't you? aren't you?!"

"talking like you own the place, talking like you're the only one in this world, talking like- mhfh-"

within three angry steps, you were across the room.

within three booming steps, your hands were on his face.

within three significant steps, you were kissing lee haechan.

"you never learn to shu..." with horror, you're brought back from the trance with widened eyes.

"oh, god, sorry. what. what the hell. what the fuck?" you whisper, pushing the boy away with both hands in a panic, trying to highlight your scorn for him by wiping your lips on your sleeve.

had you liked it?

the other scurried to the balcony in a frenzy while you collected yourself in the bathroom, although no amount of water could calm your nerves.

with shaky words in bed, you both agreed to never talk about it again.

[day 25]

"hey, i can see your damn annotations on my article, (y/n). will you stop it?" haechan whines, making you second guess if he was joking or not.

for the nth time that day, you roll your eyes and proceed to sip from your cup of gin tonic that haechan desperately wanted you to try. it was... a refreshing taste, but hell, you wouldn't drink this even if it was the last beverage on earth.

"i'm just giving my feedback, be thankful i didn't bring up that stupid kiss five days ago. bleugh."

haechan falls quiet at that, fingers lingering over the keyboard as he typed out some note with the speed of a sloth's.

"hey, call me donghyuck. that's my actual name," he mumbles, glancing at you through his bangs while he awaits your reply.

"donghyuck? is haechan an alias?"

the boy shrugs, "i don't know, maybe. my friends gave it to me when i was younger, and i just stuck with it."

"full sun? your friend gave it to you, sure." you grin with a gesture of your hand, almost spilling the gin in the clear glass before breaking into small laughter with the other.

[day 28]

"hey! hey, what the hell?" you whisper, feeling the boy huddle up to you in lightning speed.

"what is wrong with you?" you whisper-shout, nudging him off your body as his phone screen remains as the only thing illuminating his face.

"sorry, i- i was watching stranger things while i was shitting and after i cleaned up... i heard something and bolted out of there."

"so now you're butt naked? hyuck, ew!" you groan, thankful for the sheets that were covering your body and his junk. his reluctance to get off you didn't seem to bother you as much as earlier, but you still wished he wasn't literally naked against you.

"go put on your underwear, you big baby. i'll be here when you come out. no demogorgon is going to come out, for real."

"no no, i was watching season two and it was that big shadow thingy that freaked me out. can't you feel this poor boy shivering?" haechan sighed, eyes never leaving the corridor that led to the bathroom.

"i can, and i also can feel your dick. please get dressed, or you're sleeping on the floor," you mumble, pulling the sheets to cover your freezing body.

[day 31]

your face hits something soft, cuddling into it even further because of its warmth before you realise there was only one other thing that would be warm in the room.

haechan.

your breath shakes, and your eyes widen as you pull yourself away from his embrace. your subtle movement leaves him thrashing around, though, and his arms tighten around your figure slowly and endearingly.

gulping, you will your hands to stay in their place, opting to freeze to death although there are hints of heat crawling onto your face.

when you wake up, you find that his hand's in yours and maybe you were searching for one wrong thing. an anomaly, an exception. it fit in yours perfectly, however, his tanned skin glowing lightly under the rays of sun filtering through the curtains.

you hoped he didn't realise the small shift of your fingers as they enclosed around his hand.

[day 32]

"what are you doing out here?" haechan asked quietly, peeking around the sliding door before joining you on the chilly balcony. it wasn't much, but it was still different and refreshing from the old, stagnant aircon air that was blowing in the hotel room.

"can't sleep," you whisper. you had your arms around your figure cautiously, as if it could protect you from all the bad, evil and terror in the world. at this point, you weren't sure what was it that you were feeling, but it sure didn't involve entertaining haechan's teasing.

luckily, he bit his tongue from making the usual snarky remarks.

"it's two in the morning, what's up?"

you shake your head in reply, watching the empty streets as the last light in the apartment across you switches off. sure, at two in the morning, pavements were dusty clean, and the birds were sleeping, but there would always be younger boys smoking along the road, or a drunken group of friends laughing about a past memory.

now that the pandemic forced everyone into their homes, everything was pretty much dead. there wasn't that excitement you felt when you saw a late-night kiss shared between two lovers or the snug hug of a child to his father who was working overtime that day.

"nothing's up, hyuck, it's fine. you can get back to sleep if you want."

maybe today you two were the one causing the ruckus this time, though. haechan may have let his words slipped, and at that moment, you knew you regretted that bloom in your chest when his lips met yours.

"you're so hard to read, (y/n). i want you to be able to trust me, tell me what's going on."

"why do you wanna know anyway? so you can expose me of my bad habits and weak points?" you whisper, eyes trained on the flickering lamppost a few yards away.

"there you go again! again with the sabotage?" haechan scoffed, exiting the small space and stepping back into the room of mixed emotions.

"is this just about your feelings for me?"

haechan laughed, "my feelings? might i remind you that you were the one who kissed me full on the lips twelve days ago? what was that all about? i wanna talk about it, even though we said we wouldn't! i wanna talk about why you hate me so much. i wanna talk about why your emotions are so contradictive!"

your mouth hangs open as you sputter out a heated reply, but instead gets interrupted with a knock on the door.

"keep quiet, you damn teenagers! i don't need your petty fights at two in the morning!" with padded feet, the guest returns to his room and slams the door to emphasise his complaint. swallowing, your mind goes blank as it focuses only on one question.

"why do you want to know so much lee haechan? what are you gaining out of this? if it's not sabotaging, then what is it?!" you whisper, standing your ground as with the first argument.

your throat is clenched up, and your fists are balled up tightly with nails digging into your palm. your heartbeat races like a fast car and your breathing's laboured in the cold room. there's no movement for a second, though they feel like minutes on end as haechan struggles to answer your question.

"what is it, lee donghyuck?" you cry out again, the sparkle in your eyes shining brightly from the tears of your never-ending dispute. he wished it was from the moonlight, instead. he wished the two of you were laughing over the rim of wine glasses and sharing the mischievous glimmer of the moon in your eyes.

"it's nothing. don't mind it." the other turns to catch up on sleep, leaving you to bite your lip.

"now you're doing it, now you're the one doing it. just tell me, you dumbass!" you mumble, pulling on his pyjama sleeve and tugging you to him.

"i like you, okay! it's out there now, i like you a lot, but you make it feel like a crime to do it," haechan whispers, "whatever. fuck this."

"no- what- no, we'll talk this out." you propose, adjusting your grip on his wrist with the curl of your fingers.

the male shakes his head and snatches his arm back, "no, forget it, and i'd prefer if you left me alone, (y/n)."

even with the warmth of his body next to yours, your body felt frozen and stiff. even with the thick duvet cover over you, you felt out of place in the stale hotel room, with colour becoming black and white, they merge into grey as the moonlight shone without a care for your problems.

there's action on the balcony when your eyes flutter open in the morning, noticing the quiet way haechan observes those rushing to work as well as social distancing officers making their rounds.

his eyes look hopeful and youthful, different from the tired ones the night before, or rather, this morning. you hadn't forgotten the angry neighbour banging on the door, and you definitely hadn't forgotten about how much you've wounded haechan this morning.

with a soft knock, you let him know of your presence and you just miss the way his eyes soften at your bed hair and messy appearance. his gaze turns hard in a second as he turns back to the apartment across yours, the balcony door showing your reflection of how hesitant you were.

haechan wished he could take your hands in his and accept your apology in a heartbeat, but he stayed seated and waited for whatever you wanted to say.

"don't run off, please." there's a shameful hand on his shoulders, and he's dying to get up when he sees your downcast eyes in the reflection across the street.

"i was too caught up in getting department head that i... didn't consider other possibilities. even the possibility of you uhm... liking me. it's still a weird concept to me, especially with how much we bicker."

"i'm sorry i didn't stay to hear out your feelings and rather, i just talked over you instead. i'm not sure if you want to accept this or not, but i want to open up—about this, about your feelings and... i don't know how much i've masked my emotions, i just know that we need to communicate."

the doorbell interrupts your apology, but you internally thank the housekeeping for bringing breakfast for the two of you.

with silence over breakfast, you weren't sure how the other felt as he scoffed down the croissant and almost burned his tongue with the coffee he ordered.

[day 33]

the boy barely watches the television and instead, reads over the article you were working on. seeing as it was already there when he logged on, he skimmed through it out of curiosity, finding that you were rephrasing the messy typos and sentences frantically on your notes.

haechan never forgot the way you were typing away on the laptop, eyes reading and rereading the sentences to make sure they made sense, to make sure they were clear to the reader.

the argument had taken a toll on you, too. he sees it in the way your eyes sink when your words turn out choppy and lacking, he sees it in the way you lug your body to the bathroom after a late night, he sees it in the way you struggle to hold your smile while attending an interview.

'haechan. you confuse me. i'm not...' the note below it trails off, piquing his curiosity at what it had in store.

'haechan.' big and bold letters it wrote, with a few dozen question marks below it. your writing skills shine through even in an informal note about your self-proclaimed rival, each line prompting the other to read more.

'you confuse me. i'm not sure what you're at but, it doesn't seem natural for you to tag along with someone you hate, right? that's what i was thinking too.'

'jeez, i remember hating when suyeon told me you were coming along. i didn't believe her one bit until she showed me your plane ticket and the hotel rooms next to each other. god, and when i came here, it was a day of interviewing before the damn government decided to close flights and force us into a room together.'

'i heard that other people had to be separated. i didn't know why we were the unlucky two that had to be put in a room together. i wished we didn't, almost. of course, you annoyed me when we first moved in. hogging the tv to no end, leaving your dirty underwear everywhere, running your mouth just like at our workplace.'

'i couldn't take it, maybe. sure, my brother has similar antics, but there was just something about you that just set me off, you know? i wouldn't have thought it was the opposite, or at least, i think so.'

'i'm counting the days. day 17 and i'm not sure why i feel this bubbling feeling inside me. of course, there's anger—i'm sure it's there, but there's also this other thing i get whenever i look at you.'

'my heart clenches up, and my hands become clammy, but it couldn't be a crush, right? i would've wasted my breath shouting, and my strength whacking your shoulder.' that makes haechan chuckle and look over at you where the soft light dances over your face.

'and then i started imagining. how would your arms wrap around me? how would your infuriating laughter, which somehow turned out to be so contagious, feel in the crook of my neck? yikes, that was cheesy.'

'what would it feel like if we fell in love for one night? where would you bring me and what would we eat? would we make out in your car like unruly teenagers?'

'what would it be like to love you? it's dumb, isn't it? i don't know. i've liked this bickering thing we had going on, and it's amusing to see you one-up me. i'm not sure if i want that to change and i'm not sure if you want us to, either.'

'maybe i'm wrong, and i'm the only one in this thing. this is so stupid, writing while he's sitting next to me. i'll regret this, maybe. goodnight.'

haechan sighs, closing the device in thought, confused at the words he wasn't exactly supposed to read. had you done this on purpose? he was sharing the laptop with you...

the boy brushed it off, placing the laptop on the vanity before adjusting your side of the duvet, hoping he could find the right words. with hesitant steps, he keeps to his side of the bed, thinking, thinking, thinking.

when he couldn't no more, haechan fell into the spell of slumber in the comfortable hotel room.

[day 34]

"tea?" he asks from the bathroom as the door clicks behind you, returning from the short hotel walk with a new keychain hanging from your sling bag.

"yeah sure, thanks."

the water runs as he fills up the kettle as the constant whir of the aircon and the conversation on the television keeps you company in the vast quietness of the room.

you weren't sure if you should say anything, but when you saw the dishevelled appearance of your roommate, you knew you had to bring up the argument and apology.

"haechan, about our... feelings. do you want to talk about them?" you whispered, a reply reaching your ears in the form of his spoon against the porcelain mug.

haechan hands you the drink wordlessly, sitting on the chair at the vanity before sipping cautiously at the tea. there are unexchanged glances between the two of you before he sighs at your expectant hand tapping the sheets.

"i think it's about time we did," he mumbled, dragging the laptop off the wooden table with anxiety. the other opened it without saying anything, catching you by surprise when the mouse hovers over your note.

"hae- donghyuck! no! what the hell?"

he holds up a hand and clicks on it anyway, making your heart drop to your stomach as he turned the device towards you.

"read the bottom." haechan whispers as you pull the laptop closer to you, settling it on your lap as he observed your expressions carefully.

'i read it, i'm sorry.' you look at him and lift up a hand to prepare to whack him, a defeated sigh escaping you before you carried on.

'was it wrong to read it? of course, and i cannot apologise more for doing shit like that when we still have unsolved tension between us in this small ass room. it was incorrect, but.'

'do you feel the same as me? is bickering all we have to do? why can't we work anything out? they're the questions i keep asking myself after i read your letter.'

'i guess i was too caught up in the fight and not wanting to be the loser that i... can't deny that i've never thought about wanting to get to know you, even if you were that sought out to be my destined enemy.'

'when we fought earlier, you kissed me. i know we said not to mention it, but, uhm, it was good. i liked it. i'm not sure if the reason why you did it was because of the reason you mentioned in the note, but at the time, i assumed it was to shut me up. i thought something would happen after, though you pushed me away and apologised right away.'

'it was a far off dream that i had, but i think it was after i bandaged your foot. you said that you didn't know what was going on in my mind, and i told you.'

'it was like, i was granted an insight into an alternate world, another universe where you didn't feel the strain, where you legitimately assumed i was going for your position.'

'you scoffed when i confessed, right then and there, on day 9. i was counting, too, and it was a scary, confusing dream. i think that's why i held it off as long as i could until your words puzzled and angered me further because you just didn't get it.'

'you scoffed and told me to get lost, pushing on my shoulders where we fought on the balcony for everyone to see. you never spoke to me, you never mentioned my article nor the interviews. we never joked over wine, and we always kept to our side of the bed.'

'i was convinced that heaven wanted me to stay away from you and your heart. maybe it was broken too many times, and you had someone up there looking out for you.'

'i feel like i'm copying off the textbook of some greek mythology starter pack, but i'm for real! no kidding.' you smiled, looking at him with nervous eyes at the small joke he put in.

'i guess whoever put that dream in my sleep really wanted us not to be together because i think i would've told you i liked you on the spot itself. i let my conscious get the best of me.'

'i know this is a lazy way of conveying my feelings, and i wished i could do it with words, but i feel like you wouldn't believe me otherwise. i rushed it this morning when you went on your morning walk around the hotel and when you let me know of your stroll in a soft voice, i wanted nothing more than to get you in my arms as we wake up to the housekeeping service.'

'i didn't want any more tension between us, and i didn't want to be interrupted by your alarm while we avoid each other more. it hurts seeing you escape the room in haste. you said it was weird for me to tag along with someone i hate, too, and that someone was you. i guess you found out why.'

looking up, you found him right in front of you, mouth dry from his reply to your letter. with a gulp, you leaned forward to meet his lips halfway.

"i'm sorry to whoever's up there," he whispers, prompting a grin and a laugh out of you.

the laptop is forgotten on the bed as haechan situates himself over you, clutching your shoulder gently while his lips move quickly, fast to make up for lost time.

"wait wait, wait, you're not playing me, are you?" you mumble in return, reluctantly pulling away while witnessing the way his eyes soften at your guard still up. haechan shakes his head forlornly, tongue pressing up against the side of his mouth nervously.

"no, i'm not, (y/n)," he says quietly with as much sincerity he can muster, removing his hand from your shoulder with a forced smile.

"okay." there's a shakiness to your voice, but when you bring his lips back to yours, it gives you a rush of confidence. your skin is burning up, and your hands can't stop wandering as his lips capture yours, repeatedly moving against yours like a trance.

you grant haechan access to your mouth with a whimper, melting into his embrace as his arms wrap tighter around your figure. his eagerness lingers when he pushes forward, straddling your lap as his leg nudges the laptop.

"wait, hyuck, wait, the laptop!" you joke, placing the device on the floor before getting back into the kiss with just as much fervour. within a minute or so, the other breaks away to say the words you so hated to hear:

"we... we need to talk. we can't just kiss the fight off, although i very much like to," haechan murmurs the last part, making you stifle a smile.

you nod quickly, repeating the word "okay" like a robot. your hands naturally travel from his arms down to his fingers, and you clutch them like your life depended on it.

"we have... established, that i like you, correct?" haechan whispers, scooting closer as his tea-ridden breath surrounds you. from here, you could even smell the buttered croissant he ate this morning.

it made you smile, something simple as that.

"why- why are you laughing (y/n)?" he asks anxiously, eyes darting to find the reason why you found this so funny.

"no. no no no, i'm thinking of... the croissant you ate just now, and," you sigh, resting your head on his broad shoulder.

"i'm thinking of the way your eyes light up when you show me the articles you idolise so much, and i'm thinking of the way you cuddle up to me whenever we watch stranger things."

"i'm thinking of the way you thought i wouldn't give you a chance, even though i've been pondering on the same thing as you. i'm thinking of the things that make up lee haechan, lee donghyuck. yes, you like me, and yes i like you, but i guess i haven't told you the reason."

"i hated you, i really did. i found every reason to convince my mind to hate you. gaining trust, signing up for events you didn't know shit about, sucking up to the seniors, stealing my friends when they didn't know your personality. the personality i didn't even want to know because i was too busy in my little bubble."

"assuming you'd want to get department head was the cherry on top, because why else would you want to tag along? that was the factor that convinced me and confirmed my suspicions from day one."

you grunt in opposition, clearly not liking the truth that was spilling from your lips. haechan deserved to know, however. you kept your eyes trained on his lap where his hands were holding yours in support, crumbling from the blindness that caused your hatred.

"so from then, the plane ride, immigration, the cab to the interview place, the cab back, the hotel room, my hatred for you boiled over." you listed, voice breaking as you looked haechan in the eye.

"it was stupid of me to assume, to assume the worst of you when i didn't even know you. i wasn't even sure why i felt so bitter looking at you, but the way you acted, the way you whined, worked me up so much that i figured that was how you were."

"now when i'm sitting here with the curtains drawn, i can see why you're so attractable and easy to talk to and easy-going and bright that my friends keep talking to you."

"i can see why the seniors turn to you because you're reliable and hardworking without uttering a single word."

"i can see why you wanted to hop on this flight with me because you're always curious about the world and how you can expand your skill set."

and as you said word after word, haechan observes you with a soothing hand against your forearms. his eyes shine for a different reason, for the lost time he could've had if the two of you didn't have this massive barrier. a massive barrier that's been up for the longest time.

brick by brick, the wall is being torn down. as you hold haechan's face in the stillness of the room, you feel closer to him than you've ever felt and his tears match your frustrated ones.

choking on sobs, delayed apologies were all you could whisper.

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry, really. we fought so bad that day, and i was so goddamn insensitive..." you sigh, swallowing a lump when his hand reached up to wipe the tears. with a blocked nose, you breathe shakily as housekeeping interrupts the moment.

you nod towards the door as he stood up slowly to reveal the same housekeeping girl. she cleaned up the bathroom and wardrobe quietly as the two of you stood awkwardly in the small space. she had left the sheets since everyone was practically stuck in, anyway.

haechan nudges you toward the door with a shove, shooting the same housekeeping girl a small smile and a bow as an apology to the previous run-in.

"he confessed his feelings?" she inquired softly, noticing the tear marks on your face.

you bit your lip, "yeah."

"that's good, he's finally not a coward." she laughs, folding the used towels and placing them with her.

you leaned against the door, asking for an explanation with your puzzled look.

"he was someone i liked, before. we had classes back in high school. it was just a dumb crush, honestly." the housekeeping girl shrugs, resting her head on her fist in thought.

"i think he liked me, and i did too, but we didn't do much except for exchange looks and flirt because both of us were just too scared." she shakes her head and adjusts the disinfectant spray bottle, fidgeting with the nozzle.

"i'm glad he had enough courage to admit his feelings."

nodding along to her statement, she bids you farewell as her figure fades with each step, leaving you with a sense of calmness to the end of this situation.

[day 38]

"is... is this okay?" haechan asks, arm hovering over your body while waiting for your confirmation. you smile and nod, sinking into his side as you venture in the third season of stranger things together.

"don't you think we should be working on our articles?" you whisper, looking up at him from where you were with raised eyebrows.

the boy opens and closes his mouth in thought, gesturing to the television with an exaggerated expression.

"stranger things, ma'am."

you click your tongue and sigh with a smile, turning back to the show as you try to relax for an online interview in a few hours.

[day 39]

"what do you say about my set-up?" haechan nudges you, proud of the hangout area he prepared on the balcony. although small, he had no trouble making it look comfortable.

with a smile, you pop open the wine to celebrate the last scheduled interview for the trip, clinking glasses with haechan in the setting sun.

the country you were supposed to return to was slowly opening up flights for those stranded overseas and as refreshing as a different environment was, you missed home and the warmness of it.

you missed the office and your desk. hell, you even missed the mediocre coffee from the pantry.

with the last of the wine finishing, haechan pours half into your glass and the other into his, clinking one last time before you one-shot the beverage.

the high of the alcohol is gradually brought down by the mellow atmosphere and colours of twilight. as pink and orange cross over on the horizon, haechan mumbles a low "c'mere" to you in the darkness.

you hum in response and get up from your seat, bringing a pillow with you as haechan shifts to make space. sinking naturally into his arms, you sigh while you try to contain a smile full of content.

"this is nice," you admit, the corners of your lips disobeying your command, prompting you to shoot him a smile. haechan nods against your hair, a comfortable arm around your waist while you trace the tan skin of his arm.

the other taps your waist repeatedly, turning in response as he whispers out a question that makes your heart melt.

"can i kiss you?" you grin, slipping a hand around his neck and pulling him in right away. haechan's caught by surprise, laughing into your lips and striving to savour the moment as much as he could.

a shout from across the hotel distracts you from the kiss. looking up, you realise it was the apartment resident opposite you shooting you a 'rock on' gesture.

"you guys are not fighting anymore! congrats!" you both stifle a snort as you wave back to the resident, sighing in relief when their balcony door slides shut.

"should we go inside, m'lady?" haechan giggles, replying in the form of a nod, cleaning up the area while you head in.

[day 41]

"i didn't think they'd be letting flights in so early," you mumble, folding your clothes neatly as your vision shifts to haechan... shoving his fair share of apparel into his luggage.

"donghyuck... what the hell?" you roll your eyes, shoving the boy softly as you took over the task at hand. switching personalities almost immediately, haechan fakes an interview segment with exaggerated tones.

"see, everyone, this is how you convince someone to do the work for you," the boy lays on the bed with a satisfied expression, "now i don't have to do anyth- ow!"

"if we ever live together, maybe i should punish you by doing the laundry and then folding it," you grunt, working at the speed faster than you expected while you fold shirt after shirt.

"are you proposing we move in together?" haechan peeks through an open eye, curiosity dripping from his tone. he tried to feign nonchalance but awaiting your answer felt like a weight on his heart.

your next words lifted that weight, a seemingly invisible force bringing his upper body off the bed as he stares at you in shock.

"maybe, not now but... in the future, maybe," you mumble the last part, focusing on the clothes to prevent the male from seeing the fluster on your face.

"for real?" haechan sits up, biting his lip to contain his excitement as your confirmation.

"we'll be all stupidly domestic and shit, and i'll say i love you five years from now before you go off for work if you want that and stuff," your voice goes lower and quieter, especially towards the end, biting off way more than you could chew.

"aw! i love you too!" haechan gushes, bringing you into an embrace as your hands go limp, scrambling to explain your emphasis on the 'future'.

"d-donghyuck, i meant the future, not now..." you manage to spit out, hoping you need not answer his queries any more. your mind blanks out at the current situation, wishing you hadn't said those dumb things.

he grins into your neck, "i know, i'm just answering for future me."

you groan and escape the hug with a roll of your eyes, "yuck, too cheesy!" the boy just lets out a laugh, watching the way you fold his clothes despite your initial annoyance.

[day 42]

suyeon switches between the two of you in disbelief, finger crooked at the ambiguity of "we like each other".

"wha-" suyeon doesn't get the chance to finish the sentence before you shoot her a thumbs up, grabbing haechan by the arm and your stuff with the other.

you were happy to leave the office after a quick debrief since you two had reported to the office right after arriving at the airport, relieved when you heard he'd spare a few more days for your articles to be cleaned up.

"so, (y/n), what would you like to do now?" haechan looks at you through the reflective material of the elevator, observing the nervous wringing of your fingers.

you're glad for the material protecting your face because there's a smile that you struggle to keep as his soft, gentle voice carries through the quiet space.

the anxiety ends when the lift sounds, prompting your eyes to trail down his arm. your hand moves on its own accord, grabbing his last finger with yours as you proceed into the lift sheepishly, not missing the way haechan's eyes show his bright smile behind the mask.

"maybe i'll get to know you more, lee donghyuck."

haechan lets out a gasp, "have you not learned about me enough? scandalous."

you feign a punch in his direction, the luggage beside you tripping over its wheels due to your swift movement. the only response you get is a giggle from the other as he tightens his pinky around yours, pressing a soft kiss to your cheek right above your face mask just as the elevator doors open.

"man, i really do want to punch you now," you mutter as you let haechan lead you, wanting nothing more than to rest in the arms of your enemy-turned-friend? enemy-turned-someoneyoulike?

you weren’t exactly sure.

he doesn't answer during the walk to the main road, nor the ride back to your home, the only constant thing being the way he admires your profile in the taxi, shrugging when you counter with a playful "what?".

"nothing," haechan grins.

[there are more days to come]

sure, day forty-one may not have been the day you fell in love with haechan, nor the day where he outwardly claims you as his lover.

but, taking it slow never hurt anyone, either.

you know it in the way he tells you he can't go in unless he's invited and you see it in the way he asks if he can switch the television on while you prepare some drinks.

like the hotel, you know it in the way he asks if he can kiss you and the way he deepens his kisses with caution.

you appreciate it in the way he quickly apologises for a personal question, while visibly relaxing as you brush it off with a smile.

with hours pass, day forty-two becomes day forty-three, and haechan remains as chivalrous as always.

days pass, and you submit your articles. weeks pass, and you get to know the boy more and more. months pass, and you feel his love in the way he plays with your fingers in the dark and pulls you close under the sheets.

even if you hadn't acknowledged the love between the two of you, that note you wrote half-drunk matched the way you felt now—with how your heart clenches up and with how your grin never leaves your face with haechan around.

there are more days to come with lee haechan, lee donghyuck, even if it meant getting stuck together in a hotel room with unsaid words.

358 notes · View notes

crackcrocs · 3 years

Text

DEATH WILL ONLY BE THE BEGINNING #3

3. Transformation Central

the entities of my personalities would like to come together in one voice that speaks through me, we or I call this collection of words from the mustiest corners of my brain to this note page to voice something that might come close to what I feel underneath the skin I wear. In all my unorganised words- I might even go as far as to call this a poem, titled:

‘TRANSFORMATION CENTRAL’

sub characters in my head would appreciate if this could be visualised & understood through as deep a lens as humanly possible. even I confuse myself so if you can decode or relate to any of this, wonderful. If not, I’m locked in my own mind, swallowed the keys to my soul.

SIMILARITIES & INTERCONNECTEDNESS BETWEEN HUMAN & PLANT CONSCIOUSNESS EXIST! if you look closely at my nose freckles you’ll see the resemblance of the constellations above. if you look at the human veins & the layout of a tree, this is further proof.

{VISUALS THROUGH A SEPIA WINDOW STARING @ THE AUTUMN LEAFS; IMAGINING THE SEEDS UNDERNEATH, THROUGH NUMB ROOT VESSELS THAT PERMEATE THROUGH EVERY MEMBRANE OF MY EXTERNAL TO INTERNAL ENVIRONMENT}

~FEATURING THE VICIOUS CYCLE OF DEPRESSION & PERFECTIONISM.

here goes:

What is this part of my mind ?

If you want; delve inside-

I may look sweet like Alice,

but underneath it all

I deteste looking in the mirror

-cos I see the mad hatter.

my inner child needs a platter-

full of care not distortion & abuse pls.

less fibbin would’ve been a breeze.

now following the dead fish in the stream!

HOW on EARTH do I fit with the cod & the Haddock?

I’m the rainbow fish- beat & battered.

dim my own light cos I’m too afraid to shine.

alone.

thieves tried to steal my shiny scales.

I sat and watched them grow.

In the sea realm they were mean gargantuan selfish whales, with poisonous shark fangs & alligator tails. scorpion hands. (gremlins)

and still they make me feel like the alien-

I cant take it.

Make it make sense ?

I can’t.

controller in my hand-

Off balance stance.

anxiously I move round like a wobbly jelly.

where’s the button to balance my chi & shut out the ego ?

the teLLIE telling lies to our vision!

change the channel aura terracotta orange- daily dosage of vitamin D & C.

catch me sun gazing by the sea

head buzzin like a bee.

speaking from a dusty box

stuck on top of a forbidden shelf

cos I dunno how else.

I’m tryna delve deep but forgot how to dive

How can i visualise? scenery foggy-

the establishment man with the glue gun got me xD

inner monk burning but at peace

Cos I refuse to believe

If the only way is the American dream

Interconnected; like the frog in science -let’s dissect it!

down to every floating atom spirit neighbouring your door

subcategories & divisions, it’s more!

than the rich and the poor -prism that’s been built

do we all feel like a performance monkey on stilts?

will my data be extracted & used to mould a robots personality some day?

well obviously not.

does the price of our lives all amount down to slave ways?

LABOUR YAY!

but morals & values it seems we’ve forgot.

sO If i don’t speak its cos I’m lost.

or maybe i’m enlightened-

Standing at the edge of the porch;

watching TRYING to understand how the flowers grow.

questioning eVERYTHING man made!

I’ve stepped out of the perfect picture frame

I can see the coal pollute the sky

I need to hop on the train-

but I’m comfortable

Sunset to sunrise statue standing still.

what’s the ingredients to life’s yucky pie?

I’ve exceeded mental lotteries.

Sanity n universal peace would be a trophy.

TIL then I’ll be crafting & shaping a solid pottery reality,

with a few pence, gum, and a bandana of belongings tied to stick.

thinking one day I’ll be laying the bricks

& building a kingdom of bliss.

guess for now I’ll use the intricate delicate materials in my tool box- that’s all I’ve got.

might have a long way- maybe worth a shot.

I observe, cruisin in the sky.

dunno why..

I jus look @ the hills.

Only time & history reveals.

no thanks mr men-

I don’t want your prescription pills.

there’s enough propaganda as it is.

I won’t jump on the merry go round-

til my core trusts & envisions we’ll actually feel safe!

I don’t want to take part in this faux fur, sweet nothings & a jack in a box punching blur, so called future.

oh and genuinely thanks quarantine-for once again, I can hear bird sounds!

guess this is me tryna speak out loud!!!...

it’s not thrilling

system time killing everything-

mother nature’s oxygen

everything is nauseating

clock ticking, I better start creating.

they should write a book on how to be free when the system set us up to believe that we’re tied to the cut down trees that gives them a currency of greed that they breed.

If blindfolded, I don’t wanna eat what they feed.

Whilst they profit of us -tell us smile and the bandits don’t wanna see us happy.

they’re too busy robbing all our hoods.

In exchange for the silence, they’ve granted us with a 21’st century fashion garment of a slave muzzle! labelled conform.

More delusion to add to the already desensitised norm.

zootonic diseases, welcome covid 19 to your plastic kiddy tea party!- apologies for questioning your motive!

Been handed too many hot plates with a post it note saying HOLD THIS.

we’ll be okay just hush.

Same Shan message told to every generational seed.

If we don’t TRY overpower-

we’ll never succeed!

it’s getting even more scary.

Artificial intelligence.

Societal negligence..

my canvas isn’t clear-dunno am I schizo ?

finger painting, cos it makes more sense.

struggling to blend.

borderline conspiracist pretending to be fine;

moving the goal post, hovering above the race line.

who made the chalk? who set the lanes?

I wanna know it all, maybe¿ far past insane.

I can fit all I need in the palm of my hand,

Maybe even less! cut a finger off not sure it’ll even add stress.

hi from personality Peter, even sober- always away with the fairies.

Pass the pixie dust, I’m in a rush

Found shelter in the comfort of pan physicists timer, no not the one on your phone!

Ring ring, skeptical! is it my demon or my mommy on the phone?

I’m stuck in the airspace of an infinite glass filled with beach particles trying to form myself standing up still attempting not to slip through the hands of my very own discovery.

time is running out & ill go when I go.

I’m sitting inside the fly trap -

stardust, chakras can you feel the sensation colors like a starburst.

deep emotion is a curse.

still entrapped in the sand dune of nothingness-

flipping a domino monopoly of solidified thoughts as I sway with the wind.

I’m the trapped sandbox in the playground & the slipping sand in my own hands.

Inhale chronic but I wanna enter the quiet realm of white noise

-color of a wife beater vest, calmer than the ease in ignorance of a red neck.

sadomasochistic, messes.

but oblivion, seems like less stress.

Unfortunately I can see, with all eyes

empathetic paralysis, gets me vexed.

Punching truth into the core of your chest!

It’s not funny, neither is the one on the receiving end..

My limbs are numb

& im done playing octopus alchemy.

I want minimalism & life can be simple,

Evil entities have made it hard.

Maybe I’ve got stars above my head like an old cartoon character.

But I can’t make it make sense, are they out to get me. worse all of us? Or have I bottled myself tryna re mesh the broken shards,

I feel glued to the floor cos there’s a pretty price to pay if you want more.

I see life through a different lense, maybe born downside up, Benjamin button I came out the back door-

Outside looking in, digesting confusion.

Is to be a product of environment a sin?

rummage through my messy brain.

personalities sardine packed in this tin

I’m the wizard of my mania

Scaring & attracting the black crows-

they’re my friends.

Sometimes still a cowardly lion

Roaring pain & true riddles at the wrenching wicked witch posse of the west.

will my voice ever be loud enough to shed light wit my words and grate the sweet zest

In to the cake i’m baking?

Probably not.

Got more thoughts than the autumn leaves collected by the garden rake. alone.

gathering & storing the pains of yesterday.

sometimes I stay in line

Other times in my head Im on my hands juggling out of time.

but I really don’t mind if I lose or win.

we all have a pace

I jus don’t want the 1% to win the race.

It’s unfair!

Humanity does anyone care ??

Half lady

half fairy

Good MOOrning-

from my anagrams.

no I’m not a cow.

twister fidget spinner brain in the flesh-

form of expression this time around lyrics.

feel I’m jus a silly rubix

& still mourning

I don’t like dairy

pass the oat milk.

Are you aware the industry are sabotaging our diets?

we want peace!

the powerful elite-

perceive & deceive

the scene they want us to be.

chuck the narcissistic psychopathic pie back in our face-

every time we almost found & addressed the Programme & Control man in the maze.

evil & extroverted- he said that the anarchists have to be the cause of riots.

working isn’t class. I said let’s switch roles- he said pass.

It’s piss! Who’s got the bomb & the guns?

Who got the land? off wit OUR heads 4 fun!

it’s pure scary.

Pharmaceutics handshake.

with the cooked up suppliers, also crooked wack liars.

I’d rather shot a gallon of bloody blubbery infused slaughter house milk

If it meant we didn’t use cocoons for silk.

why not add a drizzle of bleach to the concoction & maybe that’s a reach.

every time I guzzle fakeness, it taste peak.

I want real fruit, what next-

a seedless peach ???

what’s the difference between a weirdo & a freak?

layers & levels to the shit.

Magnifying tapping the window of society, I’ll be puffing green til I get to the land of Oz.

sponge soaked soaking up emotions

Suffocated by deduction of care in life

feel entrapped in this paradigm

what am I thinking ?

got the verbs & a cuppa tea

It’s mixed with torment & desire to be free.

I’d rather be awake than asleep

When I get too comfy I feel weak

Demons they reap

underneath

rip the seems as I bleed

Concrete

Solid

Emotions

Is all you’re getting

It’s all sad scenes in the imagery I’m setting

people need care we seem to be forgetting

why are we in debt wit

a posse of clowns

pay the price so we can get a frown

here’s some seratonin

quit ya moaning

life is all sound

aw yeh¿ if you’re not an over thinker!

product of environment- Sirius flickers

theyve done a ritual like it’s Wicca

now here’s your gold sticker..

for managing to co operate.

In this world fuelled off of evil n hate

waking ups a bloody disgrace

I am not amazed.

Man I love my fam n my friends

Just hate this part of my brain that feels the need to play pretend

sometimes I feel insane

but I’m calm

need to escape so I don’t do harm

Gold lioness in the sky by the sea

with puff the magic dragon

fire out my mouth, fuel helps me breathe

I will shine bright

Promise imma be alright

even tho I’m not sure why

I function like this

I wanna be myself

It’s just hard to find the comfortability

To feel happy and pretty

Lay me down on a bed of roses

Ring around sing about overdose emotions

Sorry dunno how to communicate

Heads in a constant debate

Should I go or should I stay

My head clashes

Burnin the next ciggy as my thoughts become ashes.

#LCZABIBU #deathwillonlybethebeginning

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dinosaurtsukki · 4 years

Text

kuroo tetsurou + crack alphabet hc’s (A-Z)

A - Alphabet. Do they actually know their abc's in order? Or do they have to sing the whole song to remember?

not only does he MEMORIZE the alphabet (big brain energy over here) he even has a good handle on how the letters are organized on those old, nokia phone keypads because he still owns a nokia phone

B - Boyband. Any boybands that they’re secretly or not secretly a fan of?

he says he’s a fan of the Backstreet Boys but he only listens to ‘I Want it That Way’. once, he was talking to an Actual Fan and they asked him if they liked a particular album and kuroo just panicked and yelled ‘tELL ME WHY’

C - Crocs. Would they wear them? What kind would they wear?

wears them for the specific reason that people hate them. he’ll take aesthetic ootd pics of him in leather jackets and tight jeans with thE UGLIEST PAIR OF CROCS YOU’VE EVER SEEN. he’ll even put his feet up in class to show of his ‘bad boys’

D - Dream. The weirdest, most disturbing dream that they had.

he once dreamt that he was short, shorter than hinata, and playing during Nationals. kenma set the ball to him and when kuroo was about to jump, he realized that the volleyball was actually a pokeball. he woke up screaming and crying about the pokeball being a void of nothingness.

E - Existential Crisis. What caused it? What do they do during this crisis?

it happened during his first day studying biochemistry. the professor put up a documentary about the origins of life. kuroo stood up in the middle of the class and said ‘everything’s?? chemicals??’ and left, looking absolutely distraught

F - Fried. A cooking disaster that they somehow caused.

it was an honest mistake of accidentally rubbing his eyes while chopping chilies. kenma walked in on kuroo with his face dunked in a bowl of milk and said ‘ew, you put the milk first?’

G - Good Morning. What actually wakes them up in the morning?

their Limited Edition Spongebob Squarepants wristwatch that he got in a mcdonald’s happy meal when he was ten

H - Height. What i think their actual height should be.

*looks up appx. thickness of paper money*

*looks up kuroo’s height*

*does math*

his height is $17,210 dollars

I - ...Interesting. Something they came across on the internet that made them delve into a bit too deeply.

he was looking up funny halloween costumes to send as gag gifts to bokuto and kenma and after more than a few clicks, he came across ‘sexy sesame street costumes’ and hasn’t looked at cookie monster the same ever again

J - Joker. I pick one of the weird, out-of-context images I have saved on my phone to describe them.

K - Karaoke. How they act in a karaoke bar.

he doesn’t give the songbook a second glance and keys ‘8008185′ in the machine and sings whichever song comes up. kenma shakes his head at him in the background.

L - Liquor. The dumbest thing they did when they got drunk

this guy was day-drinking and decided to take his binoculars (HE DOESN’T USE IT FOR THAT HE JUST THINKS THEY LOOK COOL) and stare directly at the sun

M - Math. Are they absolute brain lords at math or do they use calculators for basic addition?

his Big Brain is very good for multi-purpose use. he actually plays with his calculator after he finishes his exams. you think he’s checking his answers? no, he’s trying to make a cat face.

N - Neurons. How many brain cells do they actually have?

he has a fuck ton of brain cells and they’re always having an orgy so he experiences critical thinking 24/7

O - Oops. Their brain cells didn't quite connect and they ended up doing this.

okay, maybe the orgy doesn’t happen 24/7. during his small lapse in judgement, kuroo accidentally sent his professor his shopping list that was full of Items he and bokuto were using for a prank (his professor ended up recommending him a better brand of shaving cream)

P - Pictionary. How would they do in a Pictionary game?

the only things he can draw well are diagrams of molecules. he’ll fill the paper or board with hexagons and lines before anyone could guess that he’s drawing a chocolate-chip cookie

Q - Quote. What quote would they have on their yearbooks?

“my hair doesn’t fit in the frame, does it?” - kuroo tetsurou

R - Repeat. What song is on repeat in their heads 100% of the time?

The Periodic Table Song

S - Soccer. As volleyball players, how well would they fare in a soccer game? (Also, would they even call it soccer??)

kuroo actually mixed up american football and soccer. the soccer ball would be sailing at him at full speed and kuroo will just be mesmerized about how an entire spherical surface could be filled with black and white hexagons

T - Twilight. What did they do during their Twilight phase?

kuroo’s tumblr blog when he was 13:

one day, jacob brouhgt u to the doctor for ur surjery. ‘jacob, im scared’ u looked at him with tears in ur eyes. ‘dont be scared, i will be here after’ he told u, staring at ur e/c orbs. u went to the surjery and then came out. ‘jacob where are u?’ u said. the doctor looked at u sadly. ‘who do u think gave u ur heart?’

U - Until now... What did they not know until now?

that Hollywood is not a US state

V - Video. Someone took a video of them doing this to blackmail them. What was it?

him slicking his hair down in front of the mirror just to see how he would look like with slicked-down hair

W - Wake me up. Are they a ‘wake me up inside’, ‘before you go go’, or ‘when september ends’ kind of person?

WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO GO

X - X marks the spot. Which spot are they ticklish?

his kneecaps. like, just run your fingernails over them and he’ll slap your hand away

Y - You're/Your. Are they a grammar nazi? How do they type their messages when talking to people online/making posts?

he’ll misspell things and the only punctuation he’d use are exclamation points just to piss off whoever he’s talking to and see just how far he could take things

Z - Zoinks. Weird catchphrase that their friends remember them for.

“it started out with a fish, how did it end up like this?”

taglist that i forgot to add lskjga (still open to anyone who wants in!): @montys-chaos @miyumtwins @strawberriimilkshake @pocubo @sugawara-sweetheart@akaashisbabydoll @laure-chan@therainroguefanfiction@atetiffdoesart@stephdaninja@oikaw-ugh @charliefredb @dramaqueenweeb1469@tremblinghearts @applepienation @doodleniella

#haikyuu!!#kuroo tetsurou #kuroo crack alphabet hc's #haikyuu!! crack alphabet #haikyuu!! headcanons #kuroo

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tanus-lab · 5 years

Quote

Oh but, these only count if we’re not discussing betty being a flawless character. Remember people say she’s perfect and a mary sue, so these 3 instances did not happen at all just so they can’t be proven wrong.

Camilaart

So....I wanna talk about this for like the half hour I take to write and post these things.

To Define a Mary Sue, to begin: Mar·y Sue, noun, (originally in fan fiction) a type of female character who is depicted as unrealistically lacking in flaws or weaknesses.

Just on this definition we have problems. But let’s go with my own definition of a Mary Sue. A normal character acts on the world, a Mary Sue is acted upon by the world, inevitably to their benefit.

With these two definitions in mind, let’s begin. Oh yeah and heavy spoilers.

So the first moment that gives people this idea is inevitably her (actual) introduction. You know, when she shishkabobs Sans. At first, yeah it kinda seems that way, she steps in like ‘Yo what up?’ and murders the....second strongest character from the Underground? I think? With ease. But I can explain this two ways, if you prefer. The first is in-universe: Betty laid a trap that they fell for, a carefully planned manipulation to try and obtain Asriel’s soul...or probably just A soul. The second is out of universe and a concept most works use called ‘Beginner’s Luck.’ that is ‘A character who has only just appeared will do far better than later on to make them seem credible.’ Or I guess in this case a credible threat.

The second is her defeat of Gaster, and survival of the eradication machine. This is probably the most credible point? She basically just by luck happens to snag a soul and get enough power to turn the tides. Sorry Camilla I can’t defend this moment MUUUUCH. BUT Storyline wise if it ended here that’d be kinda a boring as all hell story soooo....Though I am curious myself how, if her shell is human, she did survive the eradication machine. Maybe I’m forgetting a detail.

I don’t need to talk about the Undyne fight....like at all. It’s a good 5 minutes of Betty NOT being a mary sue to the absolute limit. She gets her face pounded into burger meat. She gets DUNKED harder than Darius could ever dream (god I’m a nerd). I have a thousand euphemisms for Undyne giving Betty a proverbial spear bukkake session. I just wanted to use some of them. Even when she manages to survive by getting that hate vial, that was still set up as an option she had that she took from Jessica. (I was thinking Rachel for like half a minute for some reason, I should stop doing these at like 4 am) Her escape from Undyne is a bit confuzzling but you can just go back to storyline wise it being uninteresting. (To most people, personally Undyne breaking her in half would’ve been fine with me)

The next one is prooooobably her beating Asriel in a manner of seconds, and well...he is a kid. I doubt he used his infinite power to train himself in sword-play. He didn’t have the millions of resets Frisk did to get used to fighting, or even get used to fighting in this new body. (After he’s possessed by hate I’m assuming he’s just taking pointers from Betty or somefin) And then we have the second time where Betty gets disarmed, this time far more literally, so that’s where my defense can stop. Her getting away after Sans is freed I just attribute to the aspect of Fear being amazing at running away...actually that makes a lot of sense for her getting away from Undyne too.

Her fight against Mettaton is more just her being strong. Mettaton isn’t used to fighting and experience just wins out. And then when everyone arrives she takes a good few minutes to scare the piss out of the audience and declare her plans for the world that make me guess she doesn’t know that killing Chara will just sorta, blip everything out of existence. Also do they not have like magical nukes? Or Like anti-magic materials? There’s so much about this world I wanna explore. IM GETTING OFF TOPIC AHHHHHH Anyway yeah that’s my summation of why Betty isn’t a Mary Sue. In any case above the situations are borne of her own plots or her abilities. She even gets thrown into an industrial fan by Undyne to really hammer home how not a mary sue she is. She gets blue screened by a fish-shaped virus. She gets microwaved on high for 6 minutes.

Alright I’m done. I doubt this’ll convince anyone but I have nothing better to do at 4 am so- I just noticed I totally just left the definitions I gave behind in the dust, I guess they’re more comparison pieces then? Well what’evs. I can make a more concise one tomorrow if anyone wants. I’ll probably start posting actual content I’ve made myself rather than making theories about something I could never hope to match the quality of. Now I’ve made myself sad. Gnight!

#glitchtale #camillaart #bete noire

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survivor-kuwait · 5 years

Text

Episode 16 - “Debbie was right. Never trust a god damn redhead” - Owen

That tribal actually went better than I could have ever expected, even with Owen staying. Owen definitely only had it set up to play his idol if an idol was played on Cullan, two idols burnt and one was def wasted by Cullan so now he doesn't have it to use later in the game if/when it inevitably comes time to start making hard decisions. That play also drives Maynor/Timmy/Chips a little closer to me in that 6 person alliance which I absolutely need. KAIT IS GONE!!!!! Every round, every day she was buttering me up as jury management, I knew it, she knew it. That is absolutely annoying, makes me want someone to win even less. The reason I wanted Owen first was for the simple fact Kait would be more likely to try to work with me than Owen if she knew she was on the bottom. Oh well, pretty good tribal for me all in all, everything turned up Ian.

Debbie was right. Never trust a god damn redhead. Me: omg Maynor so cute love my showmance Me: omg Timmy and I putting our shit in the past love him Maynor and Timmy: rihanna.winking.gif In a way I deserve it. I made myself heard these last few votes with pulling together alliances at merge and going after Devon and Ian and even the Venus thing. And I accidentally revealed in the chat that Kait found my idol. It made sense for them to take a shot, although not sure why me and not Kait and matt who are more likeable and powerful lmao Now I’m just like.... okay Devon and Ian got what they wanted which is gross? Timmy and Maynor gonna try to sell this as their move but as far as I’m concerned Devon and Ian own it. I’m sure they capitalized on touchy subjects to make me strong and them weak. Moving forward I just hope that now that Kait is gone there are bigger fish to fry.... I’m gonna get drunk and then deal with this tomorrow lmao Two rounds ago I was stressed choosing between my two closest allies. Now both of them are gone and I’m fucked 😂

I’m shocked Owen knew to play his idol...I need to figure out how that happened. I am happy Kait left in the end though because that’s who I even said in the Ridiculous 6 chat but others wanted Owen and I didn’t feel like pushing too much because either going was fine to me. But 7-3 in the revote was spicy, I think it was Matt that flipped just to be in the majority for his piece of mind. Still don’t really trust him anymore because he’s a liar, but it is what it is. Should be interesting tomorrow when people have more time to talk.

I guess i’ll make one before going to bed cuz Johnny asked. So this challenge was cute. The fishes though were very douchey. Tbh when Timmy told me Ian had 19 million when I had 9 million, I was like Im not winning. I also thought Cullan was going to beast this challenge and get like 100 million. I was shook to find out that I won. And I won the final 9 immunity which means I beat my Guyana placement which is amazing. Im so happy. Now I just need to get further in this game. But first need to see who will be voted out at tribal tomorrow night. No names have been said yet. More updates tomorrow, i promise.

If Cullan's amateur hour costs me MY game for me.... then I guess I deserve it, alliance management is kind of my whole thing in these games. I try to make everyone I'm allied with to feel like I want to go to the top with them. I can fix this, I have too. Why the hell would you tell someone that 4 people already want to vote one way? Quit getting ahead of yourself, think of the future but focus on the round at hand. Single digits is a slow burn and every fucking step has to be precise. If I can manage to keep the "alliance" together Cullan just solidified why I want to sit with him in the end, he won't win.

So I’m still recovering from the real life hangover and survivor hangover of losing Kait and having my little alliance blown into smithereens. I still do trust Maynor and Madison moving forward but I definitely feel there’s less room to hide. All I can really do at this moment is kind of get on board with voting Owen, which btw I wanted to do anyway eventually hehe. Not having kait makes me nervous but I definitely feel less tethered and more free to make moves moving forward and I hope one of them involved actually getting cullans ass out smh I’m telling you he’s gonna win.

Odd day, not really sure what to do. I feel like doing Owen is predictable so I am exploring some options today. I am trying to see what is best for me going forward. I think Owen Madison and Matt all have the jury votes at this point so getting them out may be good. But long term is that what is best for me, I don’t know.

I feel lost...like I know what both sides are doing but being in the middle has its drawbacks knowing that maynor and i are on the bottom of both sides then which sucks. I think the best move tonight is to get rid of Owen but who knows what implications that will end up having. Will be interesting.

I had a dream I made a rlly funny confessional and then I woke up to find literally nobody has messaged me back except for Devon who is talking about god knows what I’m literally miserable without Kait. I thought that Maynor and Timmy would easily flip back to us and vote with me matt madison to break up the Devon Cullan Ian thing. But Maynor didn’t answer me all day and madison barely is. Timmy said ‘what moves are to be made’ ???? Matt at least came and told me Cullan said it was me and then told me Maynor and madison are in and they’re talking to timmy. Why are they talking to matt but not me??? It’s fucked up And then I yelled st Cullan and asked if he was just gonna let Devon and Ian drag him to the end and beat him and he was like ‘well I’ll vote them if there’s numbers’ lmao. Bitch idek god I’m tired of him asking me what the vote is all the time like GSKSHDB WHY DO U THINK I HAVE ANY CONTROL THIS ROUND I’m Absolutely about to lose my mind. I’m surprised it’s taken this long for me to snap but I legitimately can’t stand omg. Like I don’t even bother messaging chips or Ian lmao I don’t have anything to talk to them about I wish I could’ve won immunity. If I somehow stay tonight I need to figure something out

I think Owen is gonna get voted out and if that happens I’m done! But let’s pray chips is going bye bye.

I’m absolutely pissed at Madison and Maynor. Why aren’t they fucking talking to me when they’re apparently telling matt they’ll do stuff???? What the fuck!? Matt is telling me Devon will apparently vote chips. Okay....? Like what do you want me to do or say? You have all the information rn because nobody will message me. I asked Matt if he thought we should still vote Ian and then if Devon rlly votes chips it would be 4-4-1 and I can use my tiebreaker. Matt was like ‘who would they vote I don’t want to make it too complicated’ I DONT KNOW WHO THEYD VOTE UR THE ONE TALKING TO THEM. I appreciate him trying to save me but it’s frustrayinf because I have no stability rn when they just ugh’nnn idk. Why hasn’t he made a group or some shit

The vote tonight is going to be Owen, most likely. But Matt Madison and Owen wants to do Chips. I dont know if thats a good move. Its better to have Owen gone since he is a huge threat in the game. I just feel bad about voting for him again.

Alright, so here's a hot take of what's been going on with me and this game. Last round the goal was to vote out Owen because he's the biggest threat in a group of four that has been conspiring to control the game - the group is Owen, Kait, Madison, and Matt. The way I see the group breaking down is basically, Owen+Madison and Kait+Matt with each duo having a strong link between the four. A group of six formed to counter these four called the "Ridiculous Six" formed by Devon. It is my understanding that Devon was a "pawn" of the four before defecting after they tried to strike at Ian during the duos vote off. Since he felt "used" he defected and wanted to keep the four from keeping control in creating the group.

The four had control of two hangers-on in the form of Timmy and Maynor that they were using for two extra votes. Since they would potentially have the numbers if those two were to vote with them they let loose a "plan" to vote out Devon when in reality telling those two that they would be voting Cullan in case of telegraphing to Devon to play his idol - Cullan actually had an idol and played it and I think it prompted Owen in playing his. To be honest, I think that Owen sent to his tribe chat that he would play his idol IF Cullan had an idol played on him or played one himself. So no votes counted and then we just went with our second choice in Kait to vote out of the game. She left.

So the round following the vote seems pretty obvious to me, we need to try and vote out Owen. The group is scared to actually follow through on the vote because they think he will play an idol. I mean, if he does it's another idol burned and makes the vote easier. I know that that means we lose somebody but I dunno, if it were me getting voted out because of it I wouldn't be too pressed getting idoled out. Anyway, Cullan kinda let me know that there's a "secret" other plan to vote out Madison instead since she has a good social game, which I haven't seen. And also Matt is telling people to vote me instead to try and force a tie so that Owen can use his ACTUAL power that we know he has... I dunno man, if we end up voting out Madison instead (because they don't vote Owen) then I might be more flexible in what I do because Owen did that. And if I end up going then woohoo! That makes me 3/3 with getting ninth in a season in a row.

Looks like Devon and I are the middle know. Apparently he wants to get rid of Chips cuz of this hero arc?!?!? Interesting so need to know how he is voting. This is somewhat getting messy between Chips and Owen. Im glad I have immunity.

Ok this vote is SAUCY SAUCY SAUCY! The vote started with me wanting to target Madison as she is a social threat and has connections to maynor who would flip to their side (he already has). Chips became concerned that he wasn't being looped in on the vote so we decided to continue the push towards owen. Matt, madison, and maynor all agreed to vote for Owen but in reality they are voting for chips as that's the most viable option than can convince us to do as he is a "goat". He's a good ally so no way in hell am I voting him out. If owen and the gang survive this vote, they have majority and there will be a clear pecking order especially considering the fact he has a tiebreaker advantage. I feel confident in the five we have to vote for owen

i think im leaving this is all just bad devon apparantly wants chips and it wasd too much to try this forcing a tie shit so now we're just goin with chips which hopefully is enough but someone told cullan it was chips???? lmao so thats fun and i tried convincing cullan to do it but idk this whole thing is kinda fucked up soooo bye bye

---

i wouldnt be so sad about this if kait were still here but there are literally so many personality-less people left in this game and if they get to the end ill literally die. madison and matt rlly about to be all i have left ro root for this is absolutely TRAGIC. imagine the first boot coming back into the game and getting dragged to the end as a goat fksadjfhjf GOD im so sad rn :((((((((((((((((((((((((((99 I WANTED TO DO SOMETHIN ICONIC IN THIS GAME BUT ALL I DID WAS FORGET TO TALK TO PEOPLE AND COMPLAIN at least ill prob win hq words

#survivorstarzone #episodes

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cheerisuu · 5 years

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Im Back.

Boy, how time flies fast when you’re busy keeping things feel right. I mean, they’re supposed to be. I’m going to make this update as quick as i can and as precise as i can, bet i cant do both tho lmao.

It has been approximately 3 weeks since Rock Bottom (i guess it’s what you call it? Well, close.) and things has been quite, nice.

The month of July has really been a journey of what felt like forever. Today is the 12th of the month and i have come to the point where i realised that the mind is the only thing that keeps us from doing or achieveing something that we want. And this applies to a couple of situations:

I learned how to do a buck tuck.

This is one of the few things i achieved as i underwent through a “therapaeutic healing” after the incident. I surrounded myself with the few people that im friends with in our Pep Squad and fortunately my friend Dapitanon, P. also had a common friend which made our days more progressive. Just the act of cheering for each other to do one’s best really lifts everyone’s morale.

“It’s really all in the mind.”

We ARE physically capable of doing things but our mind seems to think that there’s an invisible obstacle that prevents us from pursuing what we want to achieve. I realise this as we were practicing for a back tuck, which i proudly achieved (with a spotter pa hehe). But that achievement was already some proof that if i can have control over my body, i can do all things if i just believe just enough to do it right. Heck, I think I’ll attach my tuck video somewhere on here.

1st of July.

We went to a dog cafe.

Idk what’s with me but i really like to do something special at least once a month with him and WITHOUT telling him. After all, I can’t just let myself be carried away with the emotions that lead me almost to the verge of thinking it was over, right? So despite our awkwardness and difference of treatment (slight), I still picked him up (with miraculously good timing too) with our Navara and was able to use it for the whole day before returning it back to my Granddad’s. Did i mention he got car sick? It was the cutest. (Am i weird for saying that? Doesn’t matter tho lmao) i thought of going to the dog cafe cause i was thinking, “Hey dogs can like help with your mental and emotional health right? So why the frick not.” Im surely going to post a little GIF here somewhere on how cute the doggos were. And when i tell you, dogs CAN bring the purest out of anyone. We literally were like talking to babies man and boy the dogs were HUUGE, only the pugs were like “hey hooman u can luv me unlyk diz oder bitchez” haha. But if ever things do go well for us in the future, we are DEFINITELY going to get a golden retriever man. It’s my dream!

Anyways, we also got to watch our first movie as “barkada pero gusto ang isat isa” or BPGAII, it was Toy Story 4. And bitch, dont get me started on how we were wondering if it was a child’s movie or not coz boi, we did NOT like the jump scares at ALL. But still, me being an emotional, soft potato, it still made me cry in the end. The meaning behind was great it was all about taking the risk, which was kind fitting? For him at least hekhek. Basically Woody chose to be with his hoe, Bo, for Buzz, his bro. But this aint no movie review so, *boop.

I gave him my skin care?

Ok tbh this was so random right. He realised my skin was glowing better (coz bitch, we aint lettin no sadness ruin this skin ya feel?) so he asked what was i using cos he was contemplating on his gorgeous face that he was getting ugly now. (The audacity, am i right?? Lol) so i CLEARLY (no pun intended) put into the effort of giving him some travel bottles and put in some samples of what moisturiser and micellar water i was using right, and i guess it worked out well? I also got to drive it TO him still. But the good side of this was i was able to be with my Granddad and spend some time together as his driver hihi.

LADY DRIVER.

So I’m getting good at this driving thing right, as driving from Malaybalay to Cagayan, Davao to Tagum and vice versa, Tagum to Maco and back. So i might as well be good at city driving and yall cant tell me otherwise lol,

(SIDENOTE:except for the fact i got stopped by the Yellow Ranger in Ecoland coz i was at the left lane at a traffic light and my mom told me to go straight WHICH WAS WRONG I GUESS THATS A THING RIGHT, so i was almost charged 1500 pesoses. But thank Heezuz i was with my mom and she was able to talk through the officer but sadly we had to name drop my Granddad since he was a known regional director at LTO before. Sorry Pops, i swear it’ll be the first and last time.)

Back to real time, i helped him with his errands and was really lucky with the timing coz my Dad went off for a trip and my mom was left with his car. So yup, got the chance to borrow it for half of the day and drove all the way to Maa to get a keyboard his friend is letting him use for the mean time, her name is Jen and she’s the sweetest. (No backstory will be dropped for privacy). Aight, so we drove back to their house at Magallanes but didn’t have enough time to say hi to his folks coz it was noon and they were on siyestas, right. I still regret why i didnt like fake-pee or something tho. HahahahahahahDONTJUDGE. We ate for some late lunch at SML and felt korek coz before we joke about “asa ta nag park?” And now we get to be in the situation haha. It’s funny coz just when i thought things were detoriating between us, the world just chooses to keep things tight and close and say something like “oh, u guys are having an emotional conflict and struggle about ur relationship? Here are things that only REAL couples do and i hope u enjoy em!!” Dumbass. Jokes aside, I drove him home and goodbyes are still awkward, but i was starting to understand the type of ‘low-key’ he means.

Usapang Gym.

Oh wow it’s already the fifth point. If you manage to read this far, congrats! You get nothing but to keep on reading this rollercoaster wreck lmao. I wasn’t expecting he would pay the whole month at our gym and expects me to come with him. And it came to me: i kept on thinking that i should ask for assurance but in reality, he really does mean what he said about just being “me”. Things were different but things also got better. It’s like losing some and gaining some right? Like a body excrcising, losing weight, gaining muscle, idk its a weak analogy but its close enough for yall to understand. It’s our first week today, (it’s Friday) i hope i could keep up tho haha. I guess I’ll keep progress updated? Idkidkidk. Also, i got to mention thats he is VAIN af. Idk if its a good thing or just a tragedy waiting to happen haha. I also became his coach, (oha san kapa haha), he told me he wanted help with increasing his verticle as he would help me with abdominals. So i bought sets of ankle weights only to find out the first one didnt suit him so i had to buy another set. AND IT WAS HALF THE PRICE I BOUGHT THE FIRST SET AND IT WAS BETTER. Prices will be disclosed. (250) So i like, i do my own workout right and he suddenly shows his hot-headed side of things coz he was upset he had to go home early coz there was this no-towel-no-workout policy at my gym so we had to cut our day short.

In times like these, my mind just goes to places to different situations. All the what-ifs start filling up my mind on how he could react to other situations that would cause a similar effect on what his character was showing right. But in the end, i still give kudos to myself coz im able to keep up and cope with how quick his personality changes sometimes. And sometimes, im the one with a crack on the head lmao. Well, most of the time.

TAKE AWAYS.

Fast forward to this very moment, its 11:30 in the evening and im recalling all of this on a positive note. Today was an addition to a great day we had as a rest day from gym. We watched Spiderman: Far From Home and i guess its now my current favorite and HAD to watch it twice.

Speaking of Twice, bruh i want to do a dance cover so bad of #Fancy or #YesOrYes coz i been itching and the choreo is sooo goood! Not to mention Twice was in Manila last 29th of June. *sighs in broke* but i cant say it was the best concert from them coz there were complications like Jungyeon had a sty and was wearing an eye patch the whole concert, Dahyun got sick after along with Mina who wont be attending the 2019 Twicelights Worldtour because she gets anxiety attacks and feels insecure about performing on stage suddenly. I mean i know you got no idea what im talking about but its just sad to think of the fact that even someone so adored by many people, someone who has great physical, social and emotional support, can still feel the lack of these mentally. And if you’re one of those people who feels anxious about anything? I hope you get well soon and i hope you find the true meaning of your purpose in this simulation, because you are not alone. x

In addition to almost wrapping this up, i also treated myself again something from Adidas (coz again, bitch, if no man gon treat me i gon treat myself! HAHA!) which i later on realise i now own 3 bags from there and thinking to get a fourth one....someone help me¿ i also have to mention i already treated myself about a week ago (🎶) by waxing my own axillae, grooming my own brows, a gorgeous lippie from Beauty Cottage called Elegant Impressionist shade #9 Byzantine for half its original price haha, nothing beats fishing me through a sale. Speaking of treat, my Dad gave me my first pair of Tigers man and i cant help but tell yall its the same pair that the He wanted and it totally pissed him off that i got the pair he wanted first so bad and now he doesn’t know what to do coz he’s afraid if we have the same pair we might wear it at the same time and it would be cringy and weird (now for normal people that would sound cute right, matching kicks and all. But no. Not in this lifetime.), since im just blabbering of how im spoiling myself might as well end it here folks.

Guess I’ll keep you updated on how stuff might go on from now since class is fast approaching. Tomorrow I guess I’ll be attending a send-off party for our friend she’s going to the U.S soon. Oh, did i mention the re-run for Endgame is out? 🤔

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tiredesperdad · 7 years

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Questions Tag

tagged by @im-seokjin (also bub, you’re just 15? I feel sooo protective now!!!)

1| how old were you when you had your first kiss? Eh... well first “kiss” as in it wasn’t serious, probably around 14. First actual kiss? I’m 22 and haven’t had it yet :’) 2| What made you decide to have a tumblr blog? Back then in the far away year of 2011 I found a Supernatural meme and really wanted to post it somewhere. So I figured, this weird Tumblr place looks good, I’m gonna make a blog. 3| Been depressed: Yup 4| how many people have you fist fought? none 5| do you want to have kids? how many? Idk... maybe, if I find the right person. But I’d rather adopt, I’m really scared of pregnancy. 6| Do you want to change your name: no, I really like it 7| Right or left handed: lefty 8| do you have piercings? how many? only my earlobes are pierced 9| who was the last person you cried in front of? my mom after I found an old letter from my recently deceased godfather 10| do you believe in soulmates? no 11| Zodiac sign: aquarius 12| Do you have a dream job? no, idk what to do with my life 13| A crush: nope 14| What do you like about yourself: my eyes and lips, my body shape, I’m kind and I guess I can be quite fun with the right people 15| Right now eating: nothing 16| who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? idk, one of my friends probably

17| Height: 155cm RIP

18| what is/are/were your best subject(s)? English, history, german 19| Met someone who changed you: I believe that all the people you get close to change you in some way, and even if it’s just little 20| do you like someone: not in the like like way xD

21| I’m about to:

finish reading a fic and go to bed

22| do you believe everything happens for a reason? no 23| Sports I joined: as a kid I was in gymnastics, then later football (the proper one, not the american crap ;)) and then tennis; but I haven’t been in any sports in like 7 or 8 years 24| what’s irritating you right now? my work 25| do you give out second chances too easily? depends on the person... I can hold SERIOUS grudges and push away people forever, but I try to be more generous with the people I’m close to; they’d have to pull some serious shit for me to not give them a second chance because I’m really selective about the people I’m super close to 26| What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I wish I knew what I want.... I wish I had a goal in life 27| are you mean? I try to be nice, but when you piss me off, I can be SUCH a bitch 28| Cried when someone died: my godfather, whom I was super close to, died in October and I still sometimes find myself crying in bed because I miss him I generally cry a lot when I lose someone. It’s the one thing I handle the worst 29| Blood type: idk 30| If you could meet ANY Korean CELEBRITY (Includes Actors, Models, K-Music artists, etc.), who would it be? got7, especially Jinyoung 31| Birthday: January 26th 32| Been drunk and thrown up: as often as I drink... I never threw up bc I’m super careful about that (I’m really scared of throwing up) 33| are you scared of spiders? not scared, but they’re so disgusting and I get really squeamish 34| What would you like to achieve (or experience) before the age of 60? I want to travel to as many places as possible

35| What do you wish for the most to happen? find a work that I like and maybe someone I can share my life with... I just don’t wanna be lonely and lost anymore 36| is cheating ever okay? in relationships? nope exams? well I’d be a hypocrite if I said no because I did cheat quite a few times... I mean, cheating and getting away with it is a skill too, right? 37| Do you have any pets: sadly no :( 38| When did you get into kpop and how? August 2015 bc one of my friends kind of dragged me into it (well she spammed me until I started liking it xD) 39| Favorite animal? cats, owls and foxes 40| Love at first sight: don’t believe in it 41| how do you want to die? I don’t want to be in pain and I don’t want it to drag on; just peaceful and fast 42| Lips or eyes: dude, idek, I love both... but eyes I guess 43| Hair length: I don’t mind, but I’m not a fan of super short hair... it needs to be a length where I can comfortably run my fingers through it 44| would you go back in time if you were given the chance? just to look and then go back? yes... I love history, there is so much I would just like to observe first hand 45| who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? my dad 46| how exactly are you feeling at the moment? drained.... I’m so tired, I didn’t sleep well last night... and a bit down I guess? I haven’t been enjoying work lately and I barely have time for myself. And I have a million things to take care of 47| Laughed until you cry: yeah 48| favourite food? I can’t choose ONE favourite food! But I generally love anything with meat and seafood/fish 49| when was your last physical fight? I don’t fight, I’m a midget and I’m scared 50| Do you believe in yourself: idk... sometimes? with smaller stuff? I’ve been starting to feel like I will never make anything out of myself and it scares me

I will tag: @amerikaikong @little-jyp @fhrannie @neoria @king-moriparty @littlelovelyfuck @gladibro-baracitia @twostepsfromrivia @queennati

#about me

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no2da · 7 years

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dream diary, my guys have fun

i was in a friends home, it was at night and i think i was supposed to cat sit? no one was at home (to my knowledge) but im talking to someone? probably myself?? the apartment was so huge and some of the rooms looked like the original walls had been removed and new ones been built to change the layout completely and i was asking the person who i was talking to where the bathroom was cause i couldnt find it and then i looked into the parents bedroom and theres just a doorway arch without door and a stair leading down and the steps are laid out with tiles and at the bottom i can see a bathroom and im just thinking, oh wow i thought this was a flat, also. lol they have no bathroom door you can hear everyone shit from the beds. and i wanted to go down there and i thought, must suck for the parents to have everyone go through their bedroom to go use the toilet. and when was downstairs i realized the bathroom wasnt a bathroom but just a narrow hallway and there were some doors leading into rooms and one rooms door was slightly open and light was coming out and i was like, shit!!!! and i run upstairs and when im in the bedroom again i whisper really angrily ‘why didnt you tell me theres still someone here ???!! ‘ and then i go down again cause i wanna know who is there and i peak through the gap between the door and its some kid watching tv and she turns around and looks me straight in the eye and i fucking run away that was so scary. i run into one of the other rooms and barricade the door and sit there and im having the image in my head of me cutting the throat of that kid with a sickle and hearing, that would solve the problem, and then im like, no!! and see myself cutting my own throat with the sickle and im like, THAT would solve my problem you sick fuck, and then i can see whats happening out the door and theres the kid standing with a sickle about to ram it into the wood and then im outside again but she didnt notice me and i grab her arm and softly say, no, and then im in another room and theres someone with me and also a cat and the other person is doing embroidery and im playing with the cat with their yarn and i try to roll the thread back and the other person says they dont want it anymore cause the cat had it in its mouth.

i woke up for a bit cause the dorm next to mine is getting renovated and they made some noise but i fell asleep again

all the characters from naruto where having like a banquet for borutos anime debut, and they werent animation but real life people, like sasuke was some middle aged dude wearing the shittiest wig and tenten a rly tall black girl, also tenten was the owner of the venue where the party was hold. this was in the late evening it was dark already. then everyone noticed that boruto wasnt even there so they started a search for him. this lead out of the city. there were like only two locations (it was around sunset now), one was a still picture of a highway crossing and the other was a highway along a huge field of wheat. boruto was in that field for idk what reason, there was also a black kid with bleached hair and a rifle sneaking around in there. the search troupe werent aware of them and were looking on the other side of the highway. then there was a small explosion followed by a gun shot in the field. at one end we now could see a couple police guys swat gear ?? and a drone was flying over the field. could see boruto dodging the shot from the swat guys but couldnt dodge the drone. the kid with a rifle was standing a couple meters away not being fast enough for any real reaction. then choji and his mom and dad were there, jumping in and like, matrix like blowing the fucking bullets away, ,,. then everyone was like lets go back home we saved boruto blah and some guy was like, anyone know this kid (with the rifle) but no one knew him but they took him back to the city with them, and on the way back there was the still picture of the crossing again and someone commented, hey, the sun hasnt moved one bit but our search lasted hours? also didnt we start the search at night why is it still sunset?

idk who made this comment but naruto tried to dismiss it and then we were back at tentens restaurant and someone (I Cant remember) was leading shikamarus child in there (still like a toddler) cause they thought the father was in there, but tenten told them he wasnt there but they were like, oh well lets still let him wait for him here and brought him to their usual table and josuke and okuyasu (whatefuck are you guys doing here) were sitting at the table and okuyasu gave tenten a compliment on her new suit. when the person who brought the child was gone tenten went into the kitchen and talked to one of the waitresses about how weird that was and she was really worried about something called an ACADEMIA and suspecting something to happen, then the kitchen door opened and some huge ass slimey meat blob came through and it had a mouth and when it opened it we could see its tongue and its tongue had a mouth again (haha) and shikamarus kid was like, slowly coming out of that second mouth and it was crying and the thing was starting to talk and it said it was an ACADEMIA (my guy thats the name of this fucking alien thing what the fuck ,mind the capital letters) and how it needs to kill all life forms that arent ACADEMIAs and then the waitress started screaming and took one of those huge metal trays for baking and just starts beating the alien with it and it was just like fucking putty but the thing about those aliens was that they could regenerate if left alone, so tenten and the waitress shoved the thing under a pantry so it wouldnt have the space to become big again and they also folded the edges of the, flat putty thing over, so it coudlnt grow limbs?? (it didnts even have limbs in the first place waht) and after that was done tenten realized that shikamarus kid was gone now too, killed along w the alien and she had a come up with something now

and while this happened in the kitchen >>I<< (but, i wasnt watching the whole thing from >my< perspective i was still watching it all like in a movie and suddenly i am an actor in it) showed up at the restaurant and just started, grocery shopping there?? i bought a weird moldy lemon (only because a waitress convinced me to buy it and i cant say no), a lemon the size of a melon, a pack of tiny muffins and one huge muffin, and chocolate covered biscuits, white chocolate and some weird ass red one. and i stole the shopping cart i just took it home with me, and i lived in some weird ass run down shit house with a netto right next to it and i fucking go grocery shopping in a restaurant instead, i bring the fucking shopping cart with me into the kitchen and a family is there while i unpack the groceries, and im. like. posing for one of their family members. i dont know these people and they dont know im not really the person they think i am but im not even in disguise. so i put the muffins on the counter and say i bought the huge one for (i forgot the name) and the white chocolate biscuits for (i forgot the name too), they were the two daughters. muffin was the younger one and biscuits the older one, but then older one comes up to the counter and takes the muffin and looks at me really knowingly and says thanks in a rly weird way and im just, shit. i fucked up they know now im not the real thing. and i just try to play it cool take the lemons and go back to my room.

and my room is . the set for a historical play about suffragettes im writing and and all the actors and technicians etc are there and deedee is there too and shes asking me to give her a role in the play and i want her to play one of the suffragettes (note: the costumes for the suffragettes were mainly made out of belts, weird) and of course the character deedee plays must be a lesbian too but my director says she can only have a crush on another woman whos already married to a man, no requited romance cause i already wrote another gay couple in the script and there cant be two according to him and that pissed me off so i want to take it out on his favorite male character. he was supposed to have a party hosted at his house and i change the scene so the party is somewhere else. i put down the lemons on my bed and climb on it to take down the wall carpet, which was like, essential for the guys party scene, idk why my bed was in the scene. the carpet was super gross like tons of dust and lady bugs and there were even. tiny plants sprouting from it and i verbally let my anger out on the guy and he gave me a vacuum cleaner so i could clean and while i try to suck in some lady bugs and in that moment the bag is apparently full and so fucking full that the shit comes out at the tube and the end piece and there are tons of bugs and i just let it drop cause it scares me and the older sister who exposed me tells me to change the bag and takes my lemons and i just wanna cry cause the fucking bugs are on my bed and i dont wanna open that thing and she took my lemons!!! but im strong and go get a new bag and open the vacuum and cleaner and for some reason i have a pair of scissors now and cut open the old full bag (WHY WOULD I DO THIS) and theres bugs crawling everywhere, silver fish and lady bugs and im just sitting in this pile of shit, good morning

#sweet dreams

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rawrmeansmemes · 7 years

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THE KEY OF AWESOME LYRICS

Send the word ‘AWESOME’ and I will generate a random lyric from a Key of Awesome parody video using this generator. 1-145

That guy sure was grumpy, but no one can touch me as long as I'm swaggy

Your daddy told me that he'd murder me but I'm sure he was bluffing

I'm hot shit, I'm way cool!

I'm the toughest dude, in my home-school.

Your daddy is whiney. His wiener is tiny. Is he right behind me? That was a joke

Its the future and everything is weird.

Check out this guy, hes got a metal beard.

I give good headache, I'll make you scream.

Is this reality or just a fever dream?

I like to jerk and twitch this is how I dance.

Sometimes we like to sing like we are underwataah.

And the Joker pulls crimes in such an orderly manner. He must write it down in an evil day planner

His henchmen are psycho and expendable yet somehow completely dependable

And I wont try to touch your boobies on the first date.

Ill take you out to Chuck E Cheese and then a Pixar movie

I drink Jager bombs and get destroyed and grind on guys who are unemployed.

I put gel in my hair til it's bullet proof

Wake up in the morning looking greener than Shrek

When I hang around my house I do it theatrically

Dont you know I hate it when you sneak up on me like that .I was just about to crack you in the head with this bat

So now Im gonna read a book and give you a dirty look

I like to dress up like a fabulous clown

Youre hot, but youre dumber than a shoe

First of all this song is not as good as Bad Romance and it's not even close to Poker face or Just Dance

Im made of cupcakes, ice cream, and flowers

Young girls are helpless to my dark powers

I got em drooling like golden retrievers

Hes worse than Backstreet Brothers on the Block.

This little motherfuckers gonna ruin my rep

A cloud pooped out a rainbow turd

I had a dream the other night that Elmo and I got in a fight

If you ain't rich, they're goin' nowhere near your wiener

Don't need brains if that ass is fine

I want to go ahead and apologize in advance for what is probably going to be an underwhelming experience for you.

F.Y.I. lately I haven't been able to have an orgasm without crying.

He's self conscious bout my man boobs and my hairy chest

He took off his shirt but he's still got a furry vest

And now you're freakin' cus your thinkin' what the hell have I gotten my self into

As you look in his eyes you will soon realize that you won't be coming too

I'm not afraid to piss and moan about my feelings and how I've grown

This towns a zit lets squeeze the puss don't look at us like we're disgust...ing

Can't read my tik tok bla bla face

I'm partying with nuns

I'm peein' in your yard

We just met, but I know you're my soul mate

I've got your name tattooed on my chest, neck, and face

Lets get hitched right away or at least pick a date. I've got next week open. When do you have open?

I tripped and fell on my ass and all the children laughed

Let me introduce you to the skanks and douche bags in the soul destroying line at the club

Guess what, we just banged in the elevator

These pants are too small. They're skin tight. They're squeezing my balls.

I've got them moves like grandpa

I've got them boobs like grandma

But like a bellboy I take care of your bags

I may be a duck, but I ain't no quack

You leave with a looking like the Bride of Frankenstein

I get more ass than a toilet seat

Cops let me sing in the fuckin' street

My life is an endless buffet of hoes

I been pimpin ever since my voice got low

I could be partying with hookers and blow

Hello Hello How do you make the phone call someone back?

And if they catch him he will surely be dismembered

Tonight for dinner we're splitting a candy bar

We are the seventh sign of the apocalypse

Me and my four friends all want you so desperately

I like the fact that we wear the same size Capri's

I made you poptarts with extra gravy

The doors are locked now. You can't escape me.

You're my one and only that's what my dog told me

Now lets sacrifice some chickens

Feel free to spank me

They tell me it's just a nerd show, but Dragons are real to me

Winter Is coming I'm not sure what that means but you can bet it's probably bad news

We’re impossibly cute

Damn this song is mad catchy

So I bought this hipster voodoo doll with a beard

I'm stabbing him right in his Gyllenballs

This'll be the last time that I call tonight

Like, we sort of did. My stuffed animals totally remember it.

Gonna get my eye brows threaded then then I'll get a funky skunky stripe put on my head

Oh Peeka-peeka-boo where did I come from?

You're not as cute as these other two.

I'm stroking on this wooden thing and trying to make a sound but I have no ability

It's really hard to concentrate while I'm counting sheeps

I like to place a popsicle between my 2 butt cheeks

Someone sound the trumpets now lets do some hey's and ho's

They way we play is pure and honest bordering on weird and Amish

It's my career I can do a shark jump

Hands in my pants cus I'm itchy there

Ain't never gonna marry Thor's brother now

Now I'm dating a french guy made outta french fries

I look just like tweety If he was slutty

It's my booty I can drag it on the rug

Just replaced breakfast with crack.

I spent the past several months hiding in my Gagarage

Now lets try on some bras with claws and balls

I was once full of shit now, I think shit is full of me.

I'm not allowed to move my lips Cus my singing face is really homely

Can't decide which boy I like--Gale is buff, and Peeta's nice

Don't which cute dude is cuter

I'm Catching Fire down below

Ew, I hate when people set me up with guys

But first I'll brush my teeth and gargle with this booze.

Do you mean going down on me, senor clean?

I just fell down, crashed through a winder!

This song is about objectifying women and selling products like Pitbull's Fried Chicken

Just stay put my butt will find your butt.

I'd kill and I'd steal and I'd cheat on my taxes and french kiss a frog for that boy

Baby you could be my locksmith cus having safe sex is what I'm all about

Here's my horny sadface

Just go home you sound like Gollum

My voice is a cross between a baby and Biggie and Bane

I would say that's accurate so you cant call me Titbull

If you break my heart, you'll end up in a shitty song

Gonna find him and squish his testicles

Cuz my bang bang boom clap Anaconda's gotta stay high

I'm like a little fancy baby or an alcoholic furby

But my wee wee got scared when you took off your clothes

I owe you a sexy explanation

I only sing about cocaine and sex

But I thought this haunted shit hole flat was a good place to meet to reopen every wound

Man, technology sucks!

I’ll just go yell outside!

You still can’t take a joke

Did I say Skanky? I meant to say swanky and super cute.

Now, I’m gonna miss the butt slapping party

It’s time to fuck off!

Roll the nostalgic clips from last week

No more sexy loitering

It’s part porn--part true detective intro

Just went blonde. They have more fun--I’ve been told.

Pillowfuck is what I do when she’s gone

It’s what happens to schmucks who fuck with me

I just flew in from hell because we’re besties

I like to go to the beach in full make up

Help me I’ve fallen and don’t want to get up

I am a floppy sex fish try to catch me, flop flop

I’m the winner of the touch myself contest

This doesn’t feel sexy if I’m being honest

Whacked him like Pacino then screamed ‘Hoo Ah”

I am Chewbacca

I’m playing Mothafuckin Star Wars

You tried to kill me. But, I didn’t die.

I just drank sixteen cups of coffee--need that toddler energy

#lyrics meme #ask meme #rp meme #rp memes #generator meme #pls dont send any into this blog

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ssimontis · 7 years

Text

Digital Romance Brought to You by Pixar

I hate this Disney shit I want the end of it Television romances speaking to the masses While life situations just pass us by I don't believe in magic and it's not tragic Connections aren't formed they're taken by bandits As if a moment in the street is all we ever need To sow our seed in a future prepackaged like the goods we worship I say it's time to call the bullshit Life situations never happen like that You think a glance passing by can start a romance? I might have never learned to dance, the clubs weren't for me and the bars were too far out We don't know ourselves these days and that's the price we pay All interconnected technology our human side has bested We can't interact without a glowing white screen Blue light fatigues the mind but fairly tales corrupt our minds We pick and choose partners with a swipe left or right When technology went cordless it took away our courtship We forget the ones around us the friends that surround us I never took chances because the consequences were too rancid But all of life is a game to create decay and betray I was afraid of failure to the point I couldn't bear Harboring emotions so dark they sent me into depression But nothing stays forever the people in our lives stay never You have to take chances to win take risks for a spin A coward in social interactions I've always been But are our new methods of selection a glorious resurection? All I needed to do was talk to you We sat across from each other and I let my favorite code Form a fearful abode where you didn't exist so I couldn't resist The guilt and frustration of the chances daily wasted From the moment I saw you I knew that I wanted you But direct confrontation was never my style Irony takes time because distance so limited now grows infinite Medications meant to slow my mind left me feeling restless The proposed feeling of calm not going to make these frustrations fall I now crave human contact when I took it out of the contract Trained to isolate by all the shit I loved to freebase well All of the time lost in my mind playing back fantasies I could never turn into reality With that attitude I knew couldn't bring positivity and So I came to work every day with half a brain to avoid the insane Thought that you and I would get caught in something worth more than my lot I tried to impress you the issues I dozed for you The music we shared but of shallow talk I was aware And every time I saw you react to another person I felt like being stabbed in the back But insecurity paralyzed me the fears were the worst in me It took me giving up everything I had just to finally take a chance Most of my crew came from a life I barely knew At this present moment but they were my biggest proponents Maybe it was liquid courage maybe I finally conquered the scourge of my reluctant ways But by the pool side that day I finally felt related to the person I debated Approaching every day hoping it would be the time I found my way To make the perfect move that doesn't exist no matter how hard I wish The last time I fell so fast it's a miracle that some of it could last Two lives torn apart in a passionate reaction with consequences unexpected So I learned to take it slow because I can't take that blow again Never physical but like I know battery can come emotionally I might not have fully learned that lesson that'll be a confession But the way we hit it off just made me more pissed off About days weeks and months where I was reluctant as fuck To put myself out there no matter how much it could suck Time is ironic but I'm not laughing I'm gasping At the stupidity and ludicrously hesitant ways before I went away For all this talk of contact physical but not in the sense your mind is going It only took hours for those barriers to fall away And now I have to hope that what we built that day will cease to decay But I ran out of time and chances and it was time to flee Mostly to get away from me but the side I hated came along anyway And now we're back to electrifying friendship through digital networks At least I get a paycheck to keep those messages flowing Hoping you are knowing my aims I pray won't end up in dismay True you never saw the sides of me my destruction abided by But thank God I had the chance to find a new path You understood some of the parts of me less than good But if you saw me honest I think I could be understood I missed the best chance but hopefully it won't be the last But the development to my restless dreams are now dependent On text messages I'm afraid to send Deleting every word seeking the perfect phrase my mind can mend I forgot how infatuation is such an appealing reaction My mind revving up before it's time to even get up But the determined part of my swears never to give up There's always fear of failure and this situation is nothing different When I stand outside ai can at least calm my mind But secretly I'm plotting the next steps to somehow get you on my doorstep I have a fragile ego something that grows into something fanciful Caught in between blind belief and fears Im scared I will never defeat As much as I hated on the networks we try to build love upon Now I find it my only chance at getting to the end of this A part of me can see the outcome doesn't matter All these hopes and dreams are easy to scatter But I pray for something better even though the odds are slowing If I'm persistent with the system I criticized for deafening our lives I've never stood strong in all my beliefs, but that's everyone's case to my relief The things I hate on I know have to wait on When that message finally reached you what are you gonna do? I have it all planned out, I manned up and made the rounds But depending on your reaction it might turn into a frown Only time will tell if I keep up with digital persistence Are my intentions worthless banter or is there something growing That we both are feeling and knowing I know there are others countless choices and growing But I maintain a single focus that's what calms my mind the most I wish you could get these intentions by osmosis I just have to continue to try until my intentions are clear in your mind Maybe I'm ill-adjusted this wouldn't be the first time But something deep inside me wants you to be mine I'm in this for the Long haul there's no going back like Total Recall My friends tell me to cool it maybe it's not worth pushing it Life has passed me by about a million different times I'm sick of being paralyzed in wonder if what could have happened down under I've got a lot of possibilities and probabilities to calculate right now But when I stop the computation it's you who seems like the mountain I want to climb and get to know the ssence of your inner flow I've been afraid to be a full person maybe you could complete me Surviving every day is the biggest goal that has to stay But I don't need a reminder to send some lustful thoughts your way This obsession might be another hard lesson My mind works in cycles that my ilness refines Some of the compulsions obsessions and cycles Take my train off thought off the track for miles They say I have trouble approaching reality Not like psychosis but I don't see things like most of us So as I stare at a screen writing well intentioned poetry All I can hope for is that the words come out direct on the floor I never set expectations my intentions always blurry clear But can I write the message that will synchronize our minds Right now we're in first gear and I keep stalling out But once you put that clutch down it's easy to get around Let's take this into fifth gear I just need words like Shakespeare Risks I'm now willing to take because here I have no one else to relate Maybe times will change and I'll downshift our route But in the present moment climbing those gears is a concern to severe Maybe I'll get over it meet people and forget the Ritz But as of right now this growth is what I'm hunting down I have friends to guide me who expect me to rely On their advice and guidance when I get out of line But on this they said fuck it, abandon hope you Miss's I know my priorities are disorder I need to beat this present day But thoughts of the future keep me away I can't hold them at Bay Sleepless nights spend debating if my actions are creating A framework we can work with and build up a system That I've been planning in my mind, got it so well defined Tomorrow I wake up and hustle my goals practical and actionable But I'm looking for a chance to change my stance and spend some time on this Can I win you over or will life tell me "Go Fish"

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