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eternally-racing · 4 months

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slip | lando norris

genre: angst + fluff

wc: 1k

warnings: none, there's maybe like 1 swear I think

summary: on a tough race weekend in qatar, you want to be there for Lando

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“What went wrong today in the car Lando?”

You watch your boyfriend on your TV screen as your heart sinks when he says “Nothing, just a lack of talent”. You know it had been a tough string of races for your blue-eyed boy, and this definitely wasn’t the first and would not be the last time that this happened, but you could tell something about this was really getting into Lando’s head.

I’m sorry about today, Lan. Give me a call whenever and we can chat <3

You sigh as the message only tacks onto the last 3 unanswered messages you’ve sent to him. It’s not intentionally malicious, it never is with him. For so long Lando felt alone in the karting world that he got in the habit of getting in his head over a race weekend, and even with all the work you two have put into your relationship, sometimes he slips right back into those bad habits on those hard days. This wasn’t something you were going to let your boyfriend go through alone though, and that meant calling in some reinforcements.

"Congrats on the first win Osc!"

“Thanks Y/N :) I know that’s not why you’re reaching out though…”

Classic Oscar, you chuckle to yourself. He really is wise beyond his years. If anyone would be able to help you help Lando, you would hope that it would be his teammate.

“It’s bad with him right now, isn’t it?”

It’s a rhetorical question, but it still offers a glimmer of hope that maybe you’re being the overdramatic girlfriend and Lando’s actually fine. Unfortunately, that couldn’t be further from the truth when Oscar messages you back.

“It’s really bad, Y/N. None of us know what to do. We need your help”

That’s all the information you need before you’re setting your master plan into motion. You’re stuffing clothes into a duffle bag, calling in sick to work, and booking a plane ticket to head to Qatar yourself. There was only one moment of hesitation in the airport of “what the hell am I doing” before you look down at your lock screen of a smiley Lando out in the water in Bali. You wanted to bring that smile back so badly, and you hoped that this would be able to do that. Oscar is gracious enough to help you out with all the details of the team’s schedule for the weekend and the details of their hotel, but once you’re standing in front of Lando’s door the reality of the situation really hits you. You’ve come off nearly 12 hours of travel in one of Lando’s old sweatshirts and a pair of leggings, you haven’t looked in a mirror in equally as long which cannot be a good sign, and most of all you have no idea what you’re going to say to him once you see him. It had been a dream of yours to surprise Lando on a race weekend before - you had always imagined hiding in the driver’s room before FP1 and maybe pulling a cheeky prank or two when Lando showed up, but you had never prepared yourself for something like this.

The key card to Lando’s room lays heavy in your hand, but you want to see if Lando will just open the door for you instead. The sound of your three quiet knocks on his door seem to fill the empty hallway, but you don’t hear any shuffling inside.

“Hey Lan, it’s me.” are the only words you muster before you hear a clatter from inside. Your heart races as you can hear the click of the lock on the door. It’s truly like a scene in a movie, like time has slowed down for just the two of you. Lando rubs at his eyes like he’s seen a ghost, and it’s only when you reach out to touch his cheek does Lando realize that holy shit, you’re really here. He pulls you into his arms so tight that you feel like you can barely breathe and that’s when you hear it. Lando’s not just crying, he’s sobbing into your arms. The dam had finally broken and Lando had someone he could share his burdens with. You’re not sure how long you two stay there like that, Lando’s tears wetting the shoulder of your sweatshirt, you rubbing his back while whispering sweet nothings to him. Your boyfriend clings to you like he’s afraid that you’ll disappear if he lets go, and there’s now a comfortable air between you both. Once you finally pull away and can get a good glimpse at each other, it really sinks in for you that Lando is finally in front of you. While the point of this trip was of course to support your boyfriend, you couldn’t deny that having a long distance relationship for so long had taken a toll on you as well and you were thrilled to finally see him again, regardless of the circumstances.

“Wow Y/N, you look…”

You chuckle and finish Lando’s sentence off for him. “Like garbage I think are the words you’re looking for, Lan” you say as you pick off a piece of cat hair from your sweatshirt that only serves to further prove your point.

“Beautiful, I was gonna say beautiful” Lando says softly, “but honestly I look like a hot mess right now so maybe we’d make a more perfect pair if we go with your description”. He gives you that cheeky smile that you’ve missed so much as he finishes his sentences, and before you know it you’re both giggling like teenagers together. For a moment it feels like you’re just regular Lando and Y/N on the couch back in Lando’s apartment fighting over what movie to watch on Netflix, not like you’re both in the middle of one of the most stressful race weekends of Lando’s career so far.

The rest of the evening is filled with comfort and joy, and when Lando drives to P3 all the way from starting in P10 tomorrow, you’re the first person that Lando searches for in the crowd. A “thank you” is all that he musters out while you’re in his arms, but you can see from his eyes that he means so much more than that.

#f1 imagine #lando norris #lando norris x reader #lando fluff #lando angst #ln4 #lando norris x y/n #lando norris fic #f1 angst #f1 fluff #f1 fic #f1 x reader #lando norris imagine #lando x reader #lando norris fanfic #lando norris x you #formula 1 #lando #ln4 imagine

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f1byjessie · 3 months

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A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS ━━ LN4.

sometimes the right words are hard to come across, and sometimes everything you need to say can be captured in an image.

( lando norris x photographer!reader )

━━ part five.

There’s a part of you that wants to be spiteful and decline his call━ to give him even a minuscule taste of what you’ve been experiencing. It’s hard to just forget days worth of lunches spent locked away in a bathroom stall crying over his radio silence, and if he could feel even a fragment of that desperate helplessness then the fiercely vindictive part of you would be satiated.

At the same time, you also feel like you’ve been shocked back to life. Just seeing his name and catching a glimpse of the grinning selfie he set as his contact image all those years ago, makes you feel like a piece of home has been returned to you. You know deep down that there was never really any other option than to answer.

So you do.

You get halfway through saying his name when he interrupts you━ “Garrett Ward? Of all the people you could date, you choose Garrett Ward?”

The venom in his tone stuns you into silence. He sounds angry━ really, truly, genuinely angry.

Lando scoffs, “I mean, don’t you have standards?”

You’d known there must’ve been a reason for the unresponsiveness, and an ignorant part of you had hoped the unanswered texts and calls were a byproduct of his busy vacationing. You’d wanted to believe that when he called he’d have some wild story of getting lost in the jungles of Bali without signal, or that he’d lost his phone in the wilderness of the Australian Outback.

Ignoring the posts on Instagram proving otherwise was easy enough when you’d been limiting your own online activity to avoid the never-ending hatred splashed across your feed.

Deep down, however, you recognized the avoidance for what it was from the very beginning.

You know you should feel justified in being angry when he has no right to be so judgmental of you and your choices━ if he gets to be petty then so do you━ but the combination of Garrett’s surprise visit and the amendment to your agreement, and now the sudden vehemence of Lando’s own disdainful words have thrown you off kilter. It’s like you’ve taken a step off the worn path and now you can’t tell which way is back to the trail. Everywhere you turn it’s just another metaphorical boot looking to kick you back down.

You want so badly to be angry, and to rage, and shout right back at Lando that he doesn’t know the first thing about what you’ve had to sacrifice to get where you are━ that he doesn’t get to shame you for being with Garrett Ward if it means protecting what you’ve worked your entire life for. But it’s hard to feel confident when so little of your life is actually in your own control, and when someone behind the scenes can take everything you’ve worked so hard for and throw it away with the right words to the right people it makes you feel small and insignificant.

Nothing you do matters if it can so easily be erased.

So instead of yelling right back that Lando needs to watch his mouth and quit spewing shit about things he knows nothing about, you sit there and take it.

“Do you even know what they’re saying about you online?” He keeps talking. “They’re calling you a cheap whore, and a gold digger because why else would anyone in their right mind be with a lowlife like Garrett Ward? Seriously, of all the people, you pick the prick of all pricks?”

Beneath the frustration in his voice you can hear the slur of intoxication, and with anyone else it would give you hope that maybe they don’t mean what all they’re saying━ that the drunkenness is just encouraging him to go on a tangent and exacerbating the teasing he usually takes part in━ except you know that Lando’s drunk words are often his sober thoughts. They’re the things he wouldn’t normally let himself say for any number of reasons, but the liquid courage of whatever he’s had to drink has removed the filter his anxiety normally keeps in place and everything’s coming out whether he wants it to or not.

“I mean, do you know what this could do to your reputation? The comments are just filled with people tearing you apart and saying anyone could probably have their way with you because you’re a slut.”

Everything he’s saying now is what he believes.

“Obviously I know you’re not a slut, and the people we work with know you’re not a slut, but nobody else knows you the way I do━” he clears his throat. “We do,” he corrects. “Which means they see those comments about you sleeping with every athlete you work with, and that you’ve only got your job by fucking your way to the top, and they believe them. And I don’t want them to believe them, because you’re not a slut.”

He groans, “But Garrett Ward? Garrett fucking Ward? Like, were you drunk or something when he asked you out? Because nobody in their right mind would soberly agree to be Garrett Ward’s girlfriend.”

Honestly, you wish you would’ve been drunk when you’d succumbed to Garrett’s threats. Maybe it would’ve softened the blow a bit, or at least given you something to blame it all on━ remove the shame by passing the responsibility off onto a bottle of wine, a few shots, maybe a martini or two.

“I thought you were smarter than that,” he scoffs, continuing with his vitriolic rant. “You of all people should know that getting involved with athletes is risky, but especially guys with reputations like his. He’s been caught by the paps going to three different girls’ houses in a single night. Is that the type of guy you wanna associate with?”

You’d thought you would be okay with being berated and yelled at if it just meant getting to hear his voice again, but you’ve realized by now that there’s probably nothing more painful than having Lando be genuinely upset with you.

He pretends to be upset a lot, when he’s joking around. He once spent an entire weekend talking to you exclusively by using Carlos as a middle-man when you’d posted a picture of him for April Fools that hadn’t been the most flattering, and he’d only broken at the end when you mentioned you’d be sure to get his good side, to which he’d chimed in predictably that all sides were his good sides.

Apart from a handful of rare moments that are few and far between, you don’t think you’ve ever actually seen Lando genuinely mad━ and never at you specifically.

It makes you miserable.

And the reason why it makes you miserable makes you even more miserable.

You aren’t sure when it happened━ can’t place it exactly, the change was so gradual━ but at some point in time, the feelings you felt for Lando stopped being platonic and started being more. More than what friends feel for each other. More than what friends should feel for each other, especially friends that work together in an industry where everything exposed to the public eye is scrutinized and studied beneath a microscope to be criticized and torn apart.

When the realization hit you, however, that the butterflies in your stomach, the giddiness in your heart, and the overall sudden behavior change to that of a girl with a schoolyard crush was all for Lando, you shoved it down and locked it away with the thought that if you didn’t acknowledge the feelings, then they might eventually disappear as so many of your other crushes had in the past.

The only issue was that you still worked alongside him and he was still himself, and instead of the feelings fading away with time, they just got stronger. Stronger, more obvious, and harder for you to ignore.

But for the sake of your friendship and your career, you did. You had to.

You kept it all hidden away and played the part of the perfect friend, content that if you couldn’t have him in the way you wanted then at least you could stay by his side in the way you already were. You’d get over it eventually━ you would have to. He’d find someone else, and that would be the end of it.

It doesn’t make things any easier, though.

There’s a voice that sounds suspiciously like Daniel in the background on Lando’s end, but whatever he’s saying is too quiet for you to understand. All you gather is that whatever it is, Lando disagrees, and then the call drops and you’re plunged back into the unsettlingly loud quietness of your office.

There’s a different man’s voice echoing in your head now, and you’re loathe to say it, but you wish it was still Garrett’s.

Just a few hours later and you’ve made it to the end of the day, but it’s still a few hours that you’ve had to sit and stew with your emotions. The frustration and hurt has simmered low in the pit of your stomach and now it burns high, transformed into rage. It feels like a fire curling up within you━ blazing at your insides, leaving everything it can reach singed with the heat of your anger.

If Lando wants to play this game, you will play along.

You’ve played a role for years now━ hidden your real feelings behind the kind of feelings that are appropriate for friends to have, said the things friends are supposed to say, did the things friends are supposed to do. You’re not a stranger to wearing a facade, and this thing you have with Garrett is just another role you’ve been reluctant to accept.

But if Garrett gets something out of this agreement with you, then you might as well get something out of it for yourself as well.

If he wants you to be a good little girlfriend, then that’s what you’ll be, and if it gets on Lando’s nerves then even better.

You find Garrett in the physio’s office, scrolling through his phone with a pack of ice resting on his foot. There’s no one else around, so you figure he’s at the tail end of his appointment and is just following the last of the instructions given to him.

He looks up when you open the door, and raises an eyebrow.

“Can I help you?”

“Actually, you can,” you answer. “I’ll play along with this little plan of yours, like, really play along, be a good girlfriend, the whole shebang. But I want something out of it.”

He scoffs, “ More than the reputation of being a footballer’s girlfriend?”

“If I’m giving my all, then so will you.” You say instead of answering, taking pride in the way his brows dip down low and his eyes narrow.

Your phone pings in your pocket, and you spare a glance down at it.

“Sorry about Lando,” says Daniel’s text. “He was drunk and didn’t know what he was saying. Don’t listen to him.”

You swipe out of it without answering. What’s done is done. Neither of you can go back.

When you look back up at Garrett, he’s appraising you thoughtfully, and then he nods.

“Deal.”

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━━ tags: @maih23 @urfavnoirette @leclercsluv @f1luvur @formulaal @a-disturbing-self-reflection @starlightpierre @chezmardybum @marshmummy @405rry @sideboobrry11 @d3kstar @mcmuppet @happylittlereader @casperlikej @5starl1ght @bellezaycafe @whentheautumnleavesfall @mess-is-my-aesthetic @ssprayberrythings

━━ a/n: this part took so long to write, partly because i was struggling with just how i wanted to do it and then partly because i have just been so busy the past few days and didn't have time to work on it. the last little bit with garrett was actually written on my phone at a club earlier, so if it seems rushed or out of place, that's why, please forgive me, i was just did not want to work on this part any more 🥲

#formula 1 #formula one #f1 #formula 1 imagine #f1 imagine #formula one imagine #f1 x reader #formula 1 x reader #formula one x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #social media au #lando norris #lando norris x reader #lando norris imagine #ln4 #oscar piastri

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chibrary · 3 months

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INTERVIEW: "Ferrari, I won't stop believing in it. I see myself as world champion" (La Repubblica, 2022)

source: alessandra retico, la repubblica published: june 15th, 2022 series: f1, 2022

excerpts:

Do you envy Verstappen at all? No and I don't think he envies anything about me either. We are two different drivers, I focus on myself to be the best version of myself, I will never be someone else. I am happy with my development and will continue to evolve.

You're very tidy on the track, are you also very tidy in your private life? No, I'm messy. I reserve order and discipline for motorsport.

In the film [Lightyear], there is a kiss between two women that has already created controversy: does it surprise you? For me, homosexuality is a completely normal thing, I have gay friends, I don't understand how today there are people who don't understand that love is for everyone. F1 must lend a hand to those who don't have such a powerful voice to express difficulties in everyday life.

They have given you many names: predestined, prince, which one do you recognize yourself in? They are all positive and make me very happy, but what I like most is what my father gave me, pins à roulettes when I started racing, I was 4-5 years old, I was all small and you could only see the big helmet.

Were you never afraid? No, never, even if looking back at the accidents I tell myself I was lucky.

What did you buy with your first paycheck? A 1969 Fiat 500, off-white, convertible. The side-by-side? I didn't have too much trouble driving it. Then I went to Indonesia in Bali with my best friends.

A pinhead with wheels underneath. The yellow helmet was so big and he was so small, that his father called him pins à roulettes: "It's the image that corresponds to me and I like best about myself." Even though Dad Hervé is no longer here, Charles Leclerc still goes fast and stings the heart with the same ardor as when he was a child. He has a Ferrari to do it. "I want to become world champion , I will believe in it until it is no longer mathematically possible." Six poles in 8 grands prix but only 2 successes, now he is 3rd behind the Red Bulls of Verstappen and Perez. Two retirements in the last 3 races (Barcelona and Baku) due to reliability problems, in the middle his very bitter Monte Carlo: from 1st to 4th due to a mix-up of strategies. His engine is in Maranello: in Montreal he will fit a new one, to be determined if he will need a fourth turbo which would cost him a penalty.

Still optimistic? I will never give up, this has always been my mentality. I want to win, the World Cup is long. We have to understand the problems we had, they were three tough blows. Not an easy moment, but this doesn't change my motivation.

Doesn't reliability worry you? No, but a lot of attention is needed, the customer teams also had problems. But I have faith in this team and once the problems have been resolved, the pace and performance are there. I believe in it. I may be crazy, but I also believed in the two previous seasons as soon as I put the visor down, even though I could aim for a 10th place at most. This year we're really there, we just need to focus on ourselves and solve the problems as soon as possible. It's an important championship, we have a great opportunity to do well. There is too much positivity when things go well and too much negativity when they go badly. We need to find a balance.

Did you sleep after Munich? I did it, even if it hurt. But already in Baku I reset and got back in very good shape. It will be the same here in Montreal too.

How do you recover from disappointment after delusion? I know well what it means and what it feels like when you win, it's one of the few things that give me such great happiness. It's this that drives me to train every morning. This year we should have had more successes than we have for the reasons we know, but I'm sure it's just a matter of time to get back to where we want to be.

Do you need more calm or a winning mentality? Everyone has their own way of arriving at things. For me, being calm and concentration are fundamental. And when there is an excess of emotions it is important to return to your own bubble without being disturbed.

Do you have anything special about qualifying? I don't know, you can make a difference on the flying lap, because every mistake you make costs you in the end. For now it's gone well, I understand the car enough. But I'm also happy with the race which was my weak point in 2019, I worked on it and I think I improved a lot.

Compared to your partner, Sainz, you seem to have more confidence with the car. I can't speak for Carlos, this year I prepared better than in the past. Lots of simulator and in the pre-season tests I tried things that perhaps didn't make sense but I didn't want to overlook anything and be as ready as possible for the first race, there I wanted to be where I am and give it my all. It paid off. These new cars are difficult to drive and the details of going fast have changed. All the drivers have made mistakes and it's up to me to make as few as possible. I take risks, like in Imola. Even when you can't see it. I think it's the right approach and for now I'm happy.

Do you envy Verstappen at all? No and I don't think he envies anything about me either. We are two different riders, I focus on myself to be the best version of myself, I will never be someone else. I am happy with my development and will continue to evolve.

How did you miss the plane to Montreal? I went home on Monday. The flight from Nice to Paris was delayed. So I missed the connection but then I arrived safe and on time.

You're very tidy on the track, are you also very tidy in your private life? No, I'm messy. I reserve order and discipline for motorsport.

What do you write in the notebooks you read during free practice?

Everything: my feelings on the car and the things I want to try on the track. I get lots of ideas so I write them down so I don't forget them. And I write them in pen so I'm sure I'll find them again, before I used an app on the tablet which often deleted it all.

You voiced a character in the Disney Pixar film, Lightyear: The True Story of Buzz . Do you feel like a superhero? No. I feel like a normal person, even if I do a sport, I don't call it work, very special which isn't for everyone. I'm just lucky.

In the film there is a kiss between two women that has already created controversy, does it surprise you? For me homosexuality is a completely normal thing, I have gay friends, I don't understand how today there are people who don't understand that love is for everyone. F1 must lend a hand to those who don't have such a powerful voice to express difficulties in everyday life.

What are you like in everyday life? I have a routine: diet, gym, rest. Discipline is the biggest change I've made. In a year like this I want to be at 110% for 22 races. Will we get to 24? I'll be even fitter.

You play the piano. If F1 were a musical genre, what would it be? A very strange mix between classical and rock and roll. I think it's an exercise in adaptation between aggressiveness in qualifying and gentleness in tire management in the race. Playing helps me, I did it as a child, my brother Arthur is very good, I I started again during the pandemic by taking back the piano that was from my mother.

Don't you sing? Sometimes in the shower. Out of tune? I don't know, I just wouldn't have the courage to do it in front of someone. Poor Seagull sung in Bahrain? A joke with some of the team. I prefer to invent on the piano, it's something I share with my girlfriend Charlotte who will become an architect in two months. Like me, she is very creative.

Is creativity also useful for being a pilot? You need speed, precision, concentration. And courage. Let's take Jedda: a very fast track, close walls. There you feel the risk you're taking but you have to go and not think about it, this is what I like about this sport. I know it's dangerous, but I like to play with limits.

Were you never afraid? No, never, even if looking back at the accidents I tell myself I was lucky.

What did you buy with your first paycheck? A 1969 Fiat 500, off-white, convertible. The side-by-side? I didn't have too much trouble driving it. Then I went to Indonesia in Bali with my best friends.

You love fashion, when will your first clothing line be launched? I would like to do it in the future, it is one of my passions, I believe that fashion is a means of expressing oneself without speaking. For now I am content with wearing things that I like. My mind is busy trying to win the Championship.

Have you already booked your summer holidays? In Sardinia with my friends on my Riva boat. Then in Ibiza with the family, but I remain focused: gym and equipment within reach.

Who will you cheer for at the World Cup in Qatar? Since there is no Monaco and Italy, France.

How do you see yourself at the end of the year? World champion and that's it.

#year:2022 #series:f1 #format:interview #charles leclerc

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faintingheroine · 18 days

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MC’s immense length (both the runtime of each episode and the number of episodes) is both a curse and a blessing.

Like, it is objectively a bad thing. Watching the entire thing without skipping a second is objectively a waste of one’s precious little time on earth. If it were shorter it would also perhaps be a lot more popular internationally (it is still arguably the most internationally popular item of Turkish popular culture, but it would probably be even more so if it were shorter). And the reason that it is so long is the same reason why every Turkish series shown on network TV is so long: The channels want to get more add avenue while producing less shows. And the cramped production schedule definitely must have effected the writing badly, we would have gotten a lot less bullshit if it were a more compact show. Not to mention the work hours of Turkish television shows for the cast and crew simply being inhumane.

But… As a viewer I must say a little “but”. The length is also a blessing in some ways. MC is this immersive because of its length. We care about these characters so deeply because we spent so much time with them. That’s why the side characters in Season 4 are simply not that engaging even when they technically might be better than some characters in the first three seasons. Like we are typically not fans of Bali Bey or Isabella Fortuna here (and for good reasons) but we probably have more opinions on them than we do about Atmaca and Mihrunnisa despite Atmaca at least technically being a better character. Season 4 is relatively crowded and faster-paced, so it is I think less immersive than the first three seasons. You might say that “insert Western-made quality TV series here” has ten percent the length of MC and it is so immersive and has a huge fandom and is better. And I would agree with that but “insert Western-made quality TV series here” probably has better writing than MC. MC doesn’t have good enough writing to make us care as deeply about this story in 40 an-hour-long episodes.

Also in my own subjective experience, I watched the first two and a half seasons with my sister on television. Watching an episode of MC was like watching a feature film on a Saturday night for us, not like binging a Netflix show on your smart phone. It was an “event”. I also liked that effect.

And this is only indirectly related to the length but I like the goofiness of the show. I definitely have my criticisms of MC (its dynasty-brain, its unnecessary subplots that go nowhere, the later seasons’ morally simplistic worldview) but it being slightly goofy and cringe is not a bad thing for me.

#magnificent century #muhteşem yüzyıl

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yourmovingpaperfantasy · 1 year

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the age of Aquarius

[transcription]

When I'm old I want to have stories to tell. About travels, and adventures, and a life like a movie.

I want to go the path that makes me feel the most alive; and I think traveling the world is the route.

There is so much beauty and wonder in our world and its people.

I want to live and see as much of it as I can. From terraces in Paris, markets in Croatia, rooftops in Siwa, trains in Bali, winter in Yakutza. I want so badly, desperately, to see these places. So badly to experience the love and adoration others have for their country. The beauty, the pain, the joy, the pride, the passion— all of it. That is what I want from this life. To experience true wonderlust.

I want to say, “hmm, how about true Belgian waffles?” and book a flight, "Ah yes, it seems I’m fresh out of ceremonial grade. The one a dear friend gifted, back to Japan!", or "What was that posture called? Drats, I’ve completely forgotten— shh! Just a moment, let me call my guru friend in Nepal."

I want the freedom, the connectedness, and to share it with the world I make for myself; family, friends, loved ones, lay over buddies, whomever. I want to say, "Ugh, you remind me of a friend I've made in Guatamala! Next time I go you should meet." and "I'll have to pass on that espresso, I got a little big for my britches once in Cuba! Never again!"

I want to touch the world, touch people, touch lives - just as they have all touched mine. Every moment precious; whether I'm walking down a dark alley head on swivel, backpack to my chest, or leaving my purse on a cafe table while I go to the restroom.

I want to live a life where I always let the sunshine in.

I want a life I run to. Over and over and over again.

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iamadamdemigod · 1 year

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Two memes-

rules- tag 10 (or less) people you want to get to know better. Thank you for tagging me Tan! @everything-is-crab

I am from Karnataka in South India, and I have a lot of interests from around the world and some things may be unfamiliar to people not from south India soo ye

relationship status- Single and ngl I’m kind of a hopeless romantic but I’m still not ready to get with anyone yet. I think I’m rather young and I think I’d like to commit so I’ll do that when I’ve gotten atleast most of myself figured out cause I’m also quite sensitive-

favorite color- Purple! (all of it’s shades) and Dark blue and black :D (I like all the colours but my favs are these)

song stuck in my head- God’s Menu by Stray Kids, Nxde by (G)I-DLE and labour by Paris Paloma. They take turns in my head hehe (No I’m not a k-pop stan and I don’t know much about them but these songss)

three favorite foods- HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME. There’s soo much 😔 But if I had to chose.... puliyogare, masala puri and chicken fry.

Last song I listened to- Dori’s theme from Genshin Impact! I believe it’s called SHAZAM. I’m not a fan of Dori personally because of many things like her design (Hoyo is so colorist is pisses me off) but her theme is such a vibe omg I love it

Dream trip - I wanna go to Bali and Japan sooo badly! Maybe South Korea and Dubai too! Also I really wanna visit other parts of India, especially Ladakh and the islands.

Last thing I Googled- "demon slayer: kimetsu no yaiba - to the swordsmith village book tickets” I’m too late it’s no longer in the theatre unfortunately :( BUT the season started so yay!

Rules- Post 10 of your favorite movies and then tag 10 different people to share theirs. Tagged by same user.

I don’t watch movies much but I have some favorites. Just letting y’all know, I’m a sucker for horror, thriller and animated movies, so there might be a bunch of them here

The Conjuring (2013, the first horror film I’ve watch at it scared the living hell out of me but it has a special place in my heart)

777 Charlie (2022)

Ocean’s 8 (2018)

A Silent Voice (2016)

Howl’s Moving Castle (2004, the only Ghibli movie I watched so far but I promise I’ll watch more-)

Avane Srimannarayana (2019)

Ready or not (2019, the ending was sooo satisfying also one of my most fav cases of the final girl trope... the mc counts as a final girl right-?)

Spider-man: into the Spider-verse (2018)

Murder Mystery (2019)

Knives Out (2019) and Knives Out: Glass Onion (2022)

I unfortunately know not many people on tumblr so there are very very few I’ll be tagging ehe-

Tagging: @emeryye @xiniemin no pressure to post if you guys don't want to btw <3

This was fun! Thank you Tan once again for tagging me~ 💜💜

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ilovekazuhaa · 2 years

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Isaaa >:D

Have you ever go to Bali before? Yk, the province of indonesia??

I really want to go there so bad>:((

hellooooo :D nope! i’ve never been to bali i heard it’s really beautiful there. i’ve never ever left my country before to travel (i live in the U.S) but i really wanna go to europe so badly though like BADLY lol so i get how you feel haha.

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the-firebird69 · 14 days

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Terlentang Kaku😱 Gadis Cantik Febriana dewi desa Mas Ubud Bali #shorts

This is happening globally as well the minority warlock are not doing well she died and was sick in her brain was damaged badly and she could not be revived they tried. They did not want to keep her cold to revive her later because she would be a zombie and her family is the one to make the decision and she was let go and we don't enjoy these stories but they are taking a very very big hit because of what's happening here and what you people are doing is getting your race killed and you think you're invincible because you're sick. Not even admonished place and talk to us for years and you don't listen we need you out of here we don't like you you're not real rebels you're morons. There's a huge fleet up there that you took and you lost because your idiots and cowards and weeklings. And it's going after Tommy f and you're blaming him and telling him what he should do not do and our son told guys get away from you it's not terrace I'm just going to face the empire for you so the guy left him alone and he said it's not my job and then he said to the other guy anybody can ride these things and he said go away and said no he's doing the job because we couldn't and he needs a break so they let him shop and get whatever he wanted or nothing all the way out he said don't bother asking me for anything if I win. It says maybe I'll put a restaurant where you are and then after they said good we could use that and started saying which one and it started laughing so it helps.

The fleets are just standing there and sitting there in a standoff still

Thor Freya

Olympus

And it was charging me Lord as the security guard John remillard and it's a tough time everyday

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earlgreymaple · 4 months

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Post to end the year:

Top memories for 2023:

Having a baby! We had to try for half a year before we finally managed to do it. Was a bit of trial and error since we didn't test if I was ovulating and we just relied on the app for when we should try every month. It was a pretty long wait I feel cos you only get to try in that one week every month, then you got to wait another few weeks to see if you're successful or not. And going through 6 cycles of that wasn't exactly fun. It was a lot of waiting, anticipating, getting disappointed but not letting it get to you much, and trying again. But we're really glad we managed to (:

Scotland trip! We went to the Storr twice and on the second time we were the last to come down at 10+pm! But got to see it clearly at least I would say it's worth it. We also got to see puffins! And we stayed in a camper van for the first time too! And we took our first business class flight together for the London to SG leg (: (hehe I took once before on our SG to Amsterdam leg courtesy of ex company but TH was in economy heh)

Bali trip. Got so badly sunburnt it was probably the worst in my life. Also went snorkeling while pregnant and ended up with very painful boobs cos of the cold water and possibly the tightness of the life jacket too. Was our first time going to Bali!

What are we most proud of this year?

That we didn't quarrel because of/during our holidays this year. Lol. I can get a bit miffed sometimes because of lack of planning/initiative esp if we miss out on a good deal and end up having to pay lots more (e.g. when booking accoms) and it was actually preventable (meaning we have searched but not acted in time, rather than searching and acting late and therefore not having had that choice tangibly). Or when there's something I really wanna do but there's little/no support on that (I guess when it requires a collaborative effort I.e. I can't execute it by myself) 😂

Th is proud that he stumbled upon Dr Adrian which makes our gynae visits super convenient and efficient.

What is one thing you did this year that you want to do again next year?

Th says have a baby. I'm shocked. If we want a two year age gap, then we need to conceive by end Nov/Dec 2025. So no need to do next year la huh. HAHAHHAHAHAHAH.

Go on a chill and relatively cheap holiday. Lol. Just to rest. Somewhere with a nice beach. We have never really taken chill holidays before till this year where there is almost no activity planning.

How do you think you have grown this year?

To let go. Lol. And prioritise rest. And asking TH to do the same.

On a more jokish side, I've grown about 7-8kg since the start of pregnancy which is not a lot so slightly concerned but baby's estimated weight seems ok.

TH says managing his work better in terms of taking the lead on things and prioritizing things.

What is one place you want to go next year?

I have many places I wanna go but next year seems hard. E.g. Spain, Portugal, Iceland, Canada, South America, South Africa at some point. Baby friendly places would be more Korea, Japan, Australia, all of which I haven't been but maybe when bb is bigger? Not sure.

Visit my friends at Ola and Affinity LOL.

Th says he wants to bring his parents to China to see snow.

What are your hopes for next year?

To be able to manage parenthood relatively smoothly and be a good parent to baby!

TH says to spend a lot of time with baby

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death-cheater · 8 months

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I want to go home but Duty calls...

Another crime fighting day for the duo: Doumeki and Yashiro or as their peers nicknamed them, the YaDou pair. Robbery and murder was what they were looking at. Four people lying on the ground with bullet holes on them, the Jewel store was sacked clean and in total wreckage! Everywhere was broken glass, blood and dead bodies, and Detective Yashiro from the homicide dept. stood in front of it all, grading this macabre work of art. He thankfully was not squirmish to such gore, in fact, he stood there sipping on his coffee. Today was Latté day. Police and Ambulance sirens scream terrifyingly, bystanders gather filming on their phones and whatever else is happening— but nothing can break him apart from his morning coffee.

Officer Doumeki was outside, interviewing an old sweet lady. She was one of the witnesses and hostage survivor. The woman recounted the events, trying not to choke on her words as she was still badly shaken from the events just hours ago. Doumeki wrote down every word. He was good at collecting witness reports. Patient and attentive. After her testimony was taken he called out another officer to take her to the hospital, then walked up to his superior to report back his collected data.

"It was a 6-man job, one being the driver of a getaway. A dark van with no plate." Doumeki said, flipping his notes. "One of the robbers worked here for 2 months, as a night shift security guard."

"An inside job, huh?" Detective Yashiro smirked, gulped down a good taste of that sweet latté.

"Yes. And it seemed they jammed the cctv the night before the attack but no one noticed this."

"Of course… they trusted him." Yashiro handed his paper cup to Doumeki, and stepped closer to the bodies. Broken glass crackled under his feet. He picked up remaining shells and neatly dropped it in a clean transparent bag, and examined it closely for what type of gun they might have used. His eyes narrowed. "Doumeki…" he calmly called. The latter moved close to him. Yashiro looked up to him with a half excited and half apologetic smile. "Call the babysitter, tell her we're not coming home for dinner. This is going to be a loooong day for us."

"......."

___________

Yashiro leaned on the table, flashing up his charming smiles. "C'mon, Ryuzaki. Spit it out already. Who did you sell those guns to?"

"How dafuq would I know? I was on vacation in Bali and why am I handcuffed??"

"It looks sexy on you." The Detective teased playfully. "

Ryuzaki's face turned red, "Fuck you, bitch." He grinned his teeth and rattling his cuff. Yashiro laughed even louder. Ryuzaki's eyes bloodshot at Doumeki standing tall by the door. Expressionless and intimidating. 'what the fuck is with that guy?'

Doumeki only needs to stand still like a king’s guard with a height tall enough to make your neck break, and while he looks down on you like you're the scum of the earth that needs to be dealt with.

"Ryuu~~zaaa~~kii~~~" Yashiro hummed like calling pet, "Stop ignoring me please. You only need to name them, then you'll be free—"

"To hell with that! I know you!! You can't fool me this time!"

"Aw. You still hold a grudge huh?"

"Shut up! Like, I've been telling you I have nothing to do with this—"

"You're the only active underground gun-seller in the country. It would be greatly appreciated if you cooperate."

"HOLEYSHIET that guy talks?!"

Yashiro burst out uncontained laughter by Ryuzaki's reaction, tears forming down his eyes.

"Yeah, he's just pissed we can't go home yet". Yashiro was still holding in his laugh. "So, do us a little favor and tell us which group did you sell to..." And suddenly his tone changed rather tightly with a face that was no longer laughing, his sauvy laid back personality vanished in an instant. Ryuuzaki was starting to perspire…his mouth slowly opened.

"....if I tell…"

"You will be under our protection." Doumeki interject, assuring him. "The sooner we get them, the better for everyone."

Hesitantly, Ryuzaki spelled out. "Their leader's name is—"

#Saezuru short fic #fanfic #They're both police and married. 😌✨#Saezuru fic

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todayisafridaynight · 10 months

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OKOKOK EP TWO AND THREE CLEARED. Keisuke is unbeatable I Am Positive I kept fucking pausing to GIF this and that and I swear I've never had this many GIFs on the hard drive 😭😭I need to hunt him for sport [AFFECTIONATE] Pleeeease drop the Cutest Tsutsumi Characters list... I must know...

DON'T REMIND ME OF TSUTSUMI'S POSSIBLE RETIREMENT I'LL MISS HIM SO BAD 😭😭😭😭😭that aside :] he's a nice man I respect him :] To Say The Least... OH BUT he did some dialect work in Kagerou Touge [only as the transgender chicken he plays not his actual character], Bali Big Brother, Tonbi, First Penguin, and uhhhh Jo's Singular Line LMAO [not all Kansai exactly IIRC but more Kansai-adjacent than Kanto]. Kagerou and First Penguin are my faves though methinks

DEFINITELY CHECKING OUT THE MOVIE WHEN I GET THE CHANCE... very intrigued about how it does things differently and of course the Snap Seal Of Approval means a great deal to me...

Kase is SUCH a bitch in the anime and manga perhaps especially Because he did have potential as a voice of reason but he's just being a hypocrite and abusing his knowledge of the situation; he's able to justify it only because he's Not Forty-Five Which Would Be Creepy But Twenty-One Is Fine Dude Trust Me which... is pretty real NGL guys like that do exist... in the same vein, on one hand I do want him to face some sort of consequence, but on the other hand I guess it's also pretty real for him to be able to get away with it. I Guess.

If nothing else I do really appreciate that episode for the contrasts between how Kase and Kondo act on [basically] the same "date," and how Akira reacts. Like OBVIOUS what the message of the ep is given Akira's thing with the pamphlets but let me cook... 'Cause Kase is conventionally attractive, he's not [as far] out of her age range [although he's still DECIDEDLY out of it], and a lot of girls who don't know any better would be thrilled to be pursued by a "cool mature guy" like him, but Akira cannot stand any of it. But with Kondo, the complete opposite, who is totally unattainable, she feels safe and comfortable.

Even so, she re-enacts Kase's behaviors on her "date" with Kondo, because that's what she knows and kids mimic the adults in their lives whether they know it or not, and it's largely by her own self-restraint that she doesn't go in for that kiss at the end and things don't end as badly as they could... MANY thoughts... head full...

BUT YEAH. NO. YEAH. The last couple eps go SO hard and for WHATTTTT 😭😭😭😭😭Haruka and Akira got me so fucked up... Haruka winning that black cat for her coinciding with Akira starting to back off from Kondo and rekindle things with Haruka instead... the rumor WAS real... uuuuugggggghhhhhhhhhhh

And CHIHIRO MY FRIEND CHIHIRO good god spending the whole fucking show thinking Kondo was just reminded of his wife or some girl-who-got-away by Akira... and then he picks up the book and It's No Help because Chihiro is a gender neutral name... AND THEN TURNS OUT IT'S HIS BOY BEST FRIEND REPRESENTING HIS YOUTH AND HIS PASSIONS AND IT'S ALL IN PARALLEL TO HARUKA AND AKIRA UUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OK that is enough for now I promise I will actually send in something RGG-related at <3 Some Point <3 SORRY to anyone having to scroll past these last couple of asks lmao

THATS WHAT IM SAYING literally my number one selling point for this show at this point is Keisuke Is The Cutest Old Man In Media Ever Please Witness Him. on the subject of Cute Men though the Cute Tsutsumi Chara list is relatively small since most of his roles evidently has him p serious or. Heinous. so like. top five's like:

1.) Keisuke (Tsuma, Shogakusei ni Naru) 2.) Saenai (Super Salaryman) 3.) Nobata (Not Quite Dead Yet) 4.) Ikegami (Why Don't You Play in Hell) 5.) Tsugaru (Hero SP)

a very hard list for me to make considering i think he has plenty of cute roles (if not just cute moments) in one way or another but..... thems the ones that had me going (´◡`ʃ♡ƪ) the most..

BUT WHAT DO YOU MEAAAN NOT TO REMIND YOU YOU TOLD ME ABOUT IT FIRST (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)(;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) an important thing to remember anyhow.. maybe in the future he can direct movies that feature other cute middle-aged men (❁´◡`❁) greatly doubt any others will ever compete with The Paragon Of Middle-Aged Dudes but they can try...

you had me at Trnsgender Chicken huh. OH BUT YEAH i figured hiroshi was kansai-esque with his mannerisms/speech. bali big brother was one of the movies on my To-Watch list so i know what to look into this week now (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)

OH BUT I THOUGHT YOU SAW THE MOVIE i watched it ahead of time because of that ☠️☠️ BUT i look forward to you checkin it out !! again its p different tonally in some parts, esp with the vibe to haruka and tachibana's relationship (tho of course the underlying issue of their rocky friendship still exists, its just not as evident as it was in the anime).

AH BUT YEAH i appreciate kase for what he does as a narrative device and as a character in THAT regard i really like him: serving as a cautionary reality for people like tachibana who could be taken advantage of if around the wrong people while he simultaneously acts as though he knows what's best for her (and again, he has a point in her and kondo's age difference being egregious, but he's not exactly sailing on smooth waters either). with that in mind i appreciate that aspect of him didn't overstay it's welcome (for multiple reasons of course LMAO)

NOOO BUT HARUKA AND TACHIBANA'S RELATIONSHIP MENDING BY THE END THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING TOO especially when they showed off haruka had her lil cat bro hanging on her bag.. and it was that hot-pink color to balance out the black one tachibana had (very kuromi/melody core if you ask me).... it really was super sweet that kondo and haruka got to mend their past relationships by the end of the anime like AAA it was SOOO good the build up and execution and eveything.. and i LOVE how the anime ends with the implication kondo and tachibana will start to really work on their aspirations- i always like those endings more than the ones where we see them already succeeding (❁´◡`❁)

AND YEYEYE THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT THE BUSINESS WITH CHIHIRO WAS GONNA BE TOO !!!!! IT WAS DEFINITELY INTENTIONAL ME THINKS LIKE ugh... AtR is masterful as all hell for everything it does i truly loved it a lot...

#long post #snap chats #my seal of approval is worth something... and what if i said Teehee LMAOO #BUT i do hope you enjoy it (❁´◡`❁) it might not have tsutsumi in it but yo oizumi certainly does a great job as kondo me thinks #with it being live action and Just A Sprinkle more serious than the anime tachibana isn't as comedically explosive anymore #but she can still be curt. i was a lil upset that yoshizawa and nishida didnt keep their cute relationship #but again i get it.. we only have so much time and we dont wanna bounce around with the focus #again there are some changes that made me like. Hm. BUT nothing i hated #LIKE HOW THEY CUT OUT TSUBU LIKE NOOOOOO MY LIL MAN..... but ill live i suppose....#and again there were changes i DID enjoy- like for one thing i like how tachibana's mom is actually here LMAO #but ill save all that for when you finish the movie 🤭 i hope you enjoy ! and i hope you enjoy the rest of tsuma ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶ #moving on... ye neednt tell me how you respect mr tsutsumi... i am aware no worries friend..#with that in mind it is hard makin my Cute Tsutsumi Charas list...#'snap you put ikegami on the list' i did. because he was cute and silly and just a lil quirky #i was gonna put hiro on the list but then i remember how most of the time i wanted to hit him with a trout #he's still cute to me tho but tsugaru's just a flavor of awkward that i really thinkg is endearing #hiro's cute in that he's a stubborn old man who's still earnest. also he loves his wife and Wife Guys always get points #but alas... his wife isn't around anymore so we don't get to see that much.. have to deduct some of those points...#i also thought toru (pure) was cute but he's more Brooding cute and his cutest moments are with yuka #and i wanted to keep the list limited to Cute Mostly On Their Own #BUT ANYWAY. ENOUGH OF THAT BEFORE I GO ON TOO MUCH.#i couldnt find any of the other kansai-infused media.. i tried looking for tonbi but i wasnt sure which one he was in #and when i checked the cast list of either of them i didnt find him credited.. i COULD just check his imdb but. laziness is an illness yk..#potentially lying on the bali plans too... KA only has the raw footage but i COULD try to 47 Ronin In Debt my way through it...

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fingfamily-blog-blog · 1 year

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The Beginning of the End

My trip to Surabaya was fine, but limited. Ramadan closed things down for socializing bule (foreigners), so I met with two of my American colleagues, and we stayed in one neighborhod, eating at the same restuarant, drinking at another one. It was fine, but not a wondrous exploration or anything. As I sit on my bed writing this, here is a list of my professional responsibilities over the next 10 weeks: conduct two online writing class sessions, conduct two in-class writing class sessions, grade final papers (10-paragraph essays), submit grades, oversee an essay writing contest, and lead one reading club session. Dear friends, 10 weeks is 70 days! It is a stunning development for me, indicating that things have gone badly wrong between myself and my school, and challenging me in a way I haven't been challenged for 35 years. Indeed, my relationship with my school is at a nadir. Not even my closest colleague, my minder, Ibu Yusnita, is bothering with me much anymore. I accept that this is partially my fault, both in a cultural mismatch, and a personal proclivity sense. But the stretch of time that is open to me is the result of the end of the school year. After three more weeks (two of which will be spent on vacation - celebrating Eid al-Fitr, the end of Ramadan) there's nothing else for me to do. So let me tell you what I am going to do. I'm going to read a novel called, This Earth of Mankind, by Pramoedya Ananta Toer, and take notes on it. I'm going to play guitar and work out regularly. I'm going to do that school work when it comes time. And I'm going to travel. Next week, I'll be taking a trip which stands as perhaps the most unexpected in my life. I've been drawn to the island of Sulawesi just based on its tentacular shape on the map. Any of the Indonesian islands can be considered remote and exotic. But Sulawesi stands in my mind as one of the most. I figured I'd first go to Makassar, in the south - it's close to Java and it has a romantic ring to it, harkening one to the great Spice Trade. But I gather that Makassar as a city is ugly and grungy, and of course the Spice Trade was essentially hundreds of years of resource extraction which enriched Holland and pauperized Indonesia. So I decided to go to Manado, in the far north of the island. Manado has more going on in and around it, islands, volcanic craters, swimming, surfing, etc. This is wonderfully attractive, but what makes the journey so unique in my life is that I'll be staying at a place called Thalassa Dive and Wellbeing Resort, where I'll spend 4 or 5 days learning to scuba dive, and ultimately receiving a certification to dive anywhere in the world, up to 18 meters. Now, that's not "advanced" diving. But considering I'm 58 years old and have never really even wanted to scuba dive, this is a remarkable development. As a result of the snorkeling I've done on Flores island, I want to do and see more. So I'll become a diver! And it means that I hope to be able to dive on the other trips I take before I leave Indonesia. After Manado, I have a plan to spend 9 days in Lombok, the small island next to Bali. I gather it's a bit quieter there than Bali, fewer tourists. That's fine with me. I'll be staying in 4 different locations in those 9 days, so that will keep me busy, two of them are on even smaller islands where I hope to dive again. And I also expect that I'll be hanging out quite a bit, relaxing, practicing my beach bum routine, which doesn't really come to me naturally. Besides those journeys, which are already planned, I expect I'll be taking one last trip in Java, to the eastern-most points of Jember province, the Ijen Plateau, and Banyuwangi. If I can arrange it, I will also try to get to Bandung, in western Java, as I'm told is a nice place. If I finally leave the country from Jakarta, which I expect, then that would seem likely. And I will try to get to Bali once more. And, another big IF, I sure would like to get to the Maluku islands, even more remote and exoitc than Sulawesi. The main town is called Ambon, and if I can find my way there, I'll also try to take the 18-hour boat ride to the very small and historically important Banda islands, EVEN MORE remote and exotic. I also expect that I'll be sitting around my house for much of the time, and that will be a challenge. But, whereas the last time I had such a challenge, in Bangkok in 1988, this time, I'm more mature, and I have plenty of technology to keep me connected to my friends and family, as well as to keep me entertained. I've also recently asked my landlord's staff, who have been feeding me meals three times per week since October, to stop bringing me food. I want to make my own and I want to go out more and try some foods I haven't thus far, in particular Padang food, which comes from Sumatra and is famous all over Indonesia. I've not been professionally happy here in Malang. But I've had numerous positive personal experiences, and with several weeks of travel ahead of me, I look forward to more. Someday this journey will be over, and I expect to have a bevy of wonderful memories to bring home with me!

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moisummertime · 1 year

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These days I feel exhausted with a lot of things. From working, dating, living situation, etc etc... Living abroad has been a challenging situation for me. I never experience such burnout from just being alive not in my country. Visa, rent, social life, working, and so on.

People thought that living abroad/in exotic places, working remotely, meeting new people all the time is a cool thing. It sounds cool, but it's extremely exhausting sometimes. You need to meet new friends, make sure you have enough money to sustain your lifestyle, unable to feel at home, "interesting" new people, different culture, different food, everything all at once just happening. All I wanted was like, "Okay, problems, get in the line, lemme deal with you one by one." but that's not really what happen. Whether I like it or not I need to be able to handle all of them at the same time along with the stress that came with them.

But as always those things resolved.. Everything back to a slower pace, mental stress get better after ranting a lot, physical stress also slowly get better after so much bed rest, yea, the best way to handle a lot of things that are happening at the same time is by slowing down, make a list of priority and urgency, and slowly execute them all. Not doing anything, at all, will only make me depress for sure hehehe.

Being in Chiang Mai somehow relieving despite of all the stress I went through. Surprisingly I have no issue with my stomach acid. It's always worse whenever I get stress and just making my life even more miserable. Well I guess my blood tension got higher lol

It's def overwhelming sometimes when it comes to having to meet new friends, being around so many people where you know nothing about. Got ghosted by some new people. And the cycle goes on and on. The highlight of this pause that I take in Chiang Mai helps me reevaluate my needs and what I look for in my next partner.

But last September when I came here for the first time my intention was to give myself the chance to keep the promise I made with my ex that we will come here together. And I prove it that I will still come to Thailand whether I was with him or not. I mean, we wanted to keep our promises so badly, but maybe the connection wasn't meant to be. But this place is meant to be visited. It's somehow kinda like a pilgrimage trip to Mecca or Jerusalem. A lot of enlightenment happened lately. I finally taking control on how I want the relations I want to be, what kind of man I want, and even the pace. No more "I let you set the pace, cause Im not thinking straight." Last May I was still like that, but Im gonna do white girls shit now.

"New Year New Me."

I was somehow testing my boundaries earlier this year on how far I should go for someone whom I have no feelings for. I def don't like it lol. So I guess Im not doing The Perks of Being Wallflower thing. I'm not gonna accept the love I think I deserve. These days I remember what Anthony told me. "You want Daaaaaaaamn or Meh?"

If it's Meh I def not gonna go for it. I think this time I've reinvented my own value and what I think I deserve. Although sometimes I still kinda feel hurt of what happened last August, I know that choosing me is the way. I should not get swayed with a "Hello" that I've been desperately waiting for 4 months from some man I met for like 7 days. Like the emotional turmoil that I went through means nothing if I just suddenly just choose to take a flight to Bali just because my emotional ass says so.

But it's definitely taught me that when situation changes, the table turns. And all I got is myself. He was perfect for that time. I wish those last but I def should have never wish more than that. And regardless how everything turned out and the leftover feelings I have to deal with, I still appreciate all the feelings he made me feel. Another good life lessons, noted it Universe.

As this year I also asked Universe to show me what I need to see and learn, to guide me to get through all the life hurdles. Earlier this year Universe shows me that using all my logic also not a good approach. Just because the person has a good portfolio, it doesn't mean he's good. I still need to use my feelings and intuition. All these things will help me reaching what I always wanted in life. May I continue living a blessed life. May I always feel grateful for all the lessons I learned through all my experience. May I flourish and bloom. I accept all the love is given and I give the love that I have to those who are meant to be in my life. Everything's gonna be alright.

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