#i want a present from someone i dont even know

[cyber-corp]

I remember Reddit used to have this "Secret Santa" thing where you could give a random user a present for the holiday season, and it was really fun. Does Tumblr have something similar or something to that premise?

#reddit #secret santa #tumblr #gecko boy #cause ngl #i want a present from someone i dont even know #and i want to gift a present to someone i barely know #that sounds fun as shit to me

[sonknuxadow]

sorry i dont really like the shadow is silvers dad theory/headcanon/whatever and part of the reason for it is that people keep presenting it as an actual thing that could be possible even though it makes no sense and all "evidence" people use to back it up is easily disputed

#''they both have white chest fur'' okay ? there are so many other characters who have small physical traits in common #doesnt mean they have to be related #''shadow and silver are lancelot and galahad in sonic and the black knight'' okay and . #im sure there might be SOME meaning to the character choices in the storybook games but i highly doubt their lives are 1 to 1 parallels #or that the character choices are meant to imply anything about the characters that we dont already know #plus amy was nimue and nobody tries to argue that shadow and amy are related because of that? #also im aware that a lot of dad shadow stuff takes place in the future when silver is a baby and shadow has still been alive for a long tim #(which. how would that even work wasnt shadow in stasis again in the future) #but sometimes i see people do it with like present day shadow being a father figure to the silver who time traveled there ? #thats like the horrible combination of people infantilizing silver in a way they dont do with other characters his age or younger #and people pretending shadow is an adult when he isnt . what #also i dont get why people insist that if shadow is silver's dad then the other parent MUST be someone from the existing cast #like . silver is not from a few decades into the future hes from 200 years into the future #none of the characters youre saying shadow is gonna get with are gonna be living that long im sorry to say #and why does silver HAVE to be the child of a couple in the existing cast why cant he just be some random guy #and im not saying every au idea has to perfectly align with canon #but a lot of the people who think shadow is silvers dad arent presenting it as a fun little baseless headcanon #theyre presenting it as an actual plausible theory . when it really isnt . #also ive noticed one of the most common pairings for silvers parents is sonic and shadow . #sorry but that is just not happening i feel so strongly about sonic never wanting to get married or have kids #i think shadow being an older brother figure to silver could be cute . #and the idea of a timeline where shadow doesnt die or get put into stasis or whatever the hell and is still around in silvers time #could be interesting . but im not really on board with the dad thing

[gayestcowboy]

my most toxic trait as an artist who is also primarily an instrumental musician is that it bothers me immensely when people draw incorrectly held instruments. if i had infinite time and energy i would love to make a reference image pack of correctly held musical instruments

#it’s usually the worst with flute and unfortunately flute is my primary instrument #and just googling stock images of people with instruments is how to find the most egregious and horrifically wrong shit #if you want to know how to draw someone playing an instrument id recommend looking up videos of professionals playing and taking screenshots #or even just looking up how to hold it so you have a better understanding #i dont think the modern western flute is a very intuitive instruemnt to hold and it requires specific instruction #so just knowing where the flute rests in your hand will allow you to draw someone holding it correctly #i hope this doesn’t sound condescending lol this is just me complaining because i love complaining #dont ever feel as though you cant draw people holding instruments just because you might do it wrong #i love seeing people draw characters playing instruments it always makes me happy :) #and a lot of my own internal criticism of people in art holding instruments wrong comes from the ingrained western superiority ever present #within western classical musicians #that is our responsibility to examine and unlearn #anyways thank you musicology class for making me Think A Lot #yeehaws

[mazzy-rockstar]

Monday blues are hitting me hard today

#you can ignore this if you want cause im gonna talk a lot of shit and sads and feelings #but as i’ve realised i literally have no one to empty my heart out to irl #and it’s fucking heartbreaking cause i love my friends but I don’t think they love me back #which is an insane though but I genuinely think it’s true like #i moved away 4 ish months ago and i know that communication comes from both side but like i wanted to test smt #so i stopped texting first and guess what?? only 2 friends texted me #1 because she’s genuinely a good friend i think and the other because she needed money (which i gave her like a fucking fool) #my heart just hurts cause i realised i’m not as important to them as they are to me and I’m completely misreading our relationship and #it sucks because I thought they were going to be my friends for life but now they’re all posting recaps of 2023 and im in none of their pics #even in pics where i was present at the time #and i dont know if it’s intentional or if im just being an insecure little bitch but it fucking hurts #i just want to be important to someone #i want to be someone’s person #not a last resort like #they keep doing stuff together which i get like life moves on and i’m the one that left #but not a single text or a pic or a ‘we miss you!’ #not even a fucking heart on insta stories #am i being desperate?? or do I actually have shitty friends #like i have impostor syndrome in my own fucking friendgroup??? #I can’t just drop them either cause then I’ll actually have no one #idk i must exude some sort of energy #i dont think ive ever had a genuine good best friend like for some reason they leave after 3 years #(and this is why i have trust issues and attachment disorders) #anyway I’ll probably just suck it up and go about my day #ive lived 24 years like this what’s an entire life #it’s wild cause i have a good time whenever i’m with them (i think) and then i leave and it’s crickets #i feel like hired entertainment sometimes #idk my head hurts so I’m probably overthinking but like these feelings come from somewhere right? #i have to stop

[lunarharp]

wip thing...

of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)

they mean the world to me

#bg3 spoilers #?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say..... #it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me. #i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee #i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable. #bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen #makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there. #dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it #augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH???? #my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way. #Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3 #I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE #AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY #grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear #truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol #if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life #being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer. #Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this? #For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online #someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this. #why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness? #What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...? #hellebore..😭😭 AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!! #i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful. #but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting. #I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself #I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing. #I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come. #Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......

[clenastia]

i dont know why the running joke of this chapter is kakashi fearing for his kidneys. where did that come from. WHY did that come from.

i should probably cut that in editing it's a little ridiculous.

except it makes me giggle every time so maybe i should leave it there.

#girl's mind fanfic #clena's writing progress #just have to write ONE more conversation and the whole chapter is done. but DAMN if editing wont be a bitch #still wondering if i should cut jiraiya's 3-page infodump #because while most people dont mind #some people keep commenting saying that my fic is too wordy and i keep adding unnecessary things #and like. they're 1% of reviews but i have the emotional fragility of a china teacup #i cry when i get those sorts of reviews and they ruin my day even tho i get twenty comments who love my rambling #but like. also. i shouldnt delete stuff from my fic just for the 1% of assholes who will say mean things about it #but also i dont want to cry when someone inevitably says something mean about it. #most if not all of said assholes are on fanfiction dot net so technically i could just stop cross posting #except there are people on that site who DO like my rambles so #ugh. why am i such an emotionally sensitive crybaby. my life would be so much better #if i didnt have such thin skin #i'm 90% certain that jiraiya's 3-page infodump is going to get LONGER with editing cause i'm gonna turn it from infodump into #an actual conversation. so who knows how many pages it'll be by the end. the chapter's already 6500 words #which is double my average chapter length #and i DO like the info he presents even if it maybe ISNT strictly required for progressing the story. probably only the last paragraph is #ugh. i wish people would just never say mean things ever. then i wouldn't have a problem with anything xD

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

oh my god i think i just had an epiphany

#bear with me i have been awake for 26 straight hours now. but. #ideal gender presentation: i want to be a drag king who looks like a vampire from the lost boys. but like. permanently #do you understnad me. can anyone hear me #not even ljke one of the specific characters or anything . just. 80s vampire. #who if you put nect to the cast of the lost boys youd be like “yeah he belongs there” #i have also. VERY recently started using he/him pronouns to refer to myself #and this is a very new thing so i havent asked anyone else to do it yet but. smile emoji. idk. feeling more masc than usual lately . #they/them is still default but if u ever wanted to sprinkle in a little hes and hims for flavor... i would not complain. #trying it out. like a new flavor of tea i dont know if i like yet #i NEED to meet someone who does drag i need someone to put me in drag makeup bc i dont know how to do it myself #and im afraid if i do it bad itll scare me away from ever trying again . #i fumbled a little bit with my cwilbur costume for halloween 2022 and it felt good but also i didnt do Much. i need someone talented

[epicdogymoment]

begging people to understand that labels and categories are not inherently meaningful without context. and that whether or not any label is actually useful changes from context to context (including from person to person). and that trying to pin something or someone down as BEING a particular label (rather than something being labelled as a certain thing) is meaningless and unhelpful

#leologisms #this isnt actually About anything in particular but it was of course inspired by gender posts #saying that someone else IS a particular thing because of their experiences is not really helpful. and it doesnt make sense #theres a reason theyre gender 'identities'. theyre labels. theyre something that people either do or dont identify with #theyre tools for finding people with similar experiences. or for exploring and understanding ones own experiences. etc. #trying to say that someone IS agender for not identifying strongly with a particular gender or someone IS trans for wanting to #experiment with gender + presentation or someone IS bisexual because they dated someone of the same gender one time or whatever #isnt actually helpful. do they identify as these things? do they even actually care? #of course the reasons for someones answers to these questions are also important. but thats for them to figure out. #[note. 'someone' also includes you] #there was also an anecdote i was thinking about. from when i was a kid #and i was bugging my mom over dinner about 'what exactly is a vegetable' #'any edible plant part thats not a fruit' didnt include tomatoes or eggplants etc. and that definition didnt satisfy me #well i just kept going until my mom got sick of the question #of course i now know about culinary vegetables. but being a 'vegetable' isnt inherent to anything #and neither is being 'green' or being 'gay' or 'trans' or 'agender' #of course these are useful labels. thats why they exist and thats why people use them #but trying to pin down whether something definitively IS one thing or another is a fruitless exercise

[star-crossed-lizards]

Not to sound transgender but I wish I had a dick

#weird weird spot lately bc like my body is inherently feminine #and dressing masculine and being on hrt like helps I guess but it feels pointless cuz it’s still not actually what I really want #which is to have been born a boy #like even if I could get really good surgery that’s not what I want I want to have been born and raised as a boy #and it just feels like disappointing bc now everyone sees me as a boy (good) #except I don’t. I look at myself in the mirror and I know what that really is. #it’s a very perplexing attitude to have towards myself bc I fully respect other trans people and see them as the gender they present as #like I never see someone who I clock as trans and go YEAH BUT I KNOW THEY REALLY DONT HAVE THOSE GENITALS #I just go oh cool there’s a person and we are cut from the same cloth and I love you for being one of my brethren #but I think. I will just be jealous of cis men forever. the end #I’ve been trying to be like my transness is beautiful and mystical and I walk on both sides and all that #and like it usually works being trans is cool but I just really wish I had a penis

[wickershells]

txt

#i just dont really know what to do. my friends never express concern for me and they never tell me they love me without overt irony or some #watering down of the sentence. they never reach out when i need them and everything they say is so detached and distant and cold #and maybe im just in my head again maybe its getting to the time of year when my life routinely falls apart moreso than all the other month #but i feel so abandoned all the time. and stupid. and unloveable. my friend once told me that her love for me would erode #whenever i vanished for mental health reasons so i stopped vanishing and started instead pushing through the illness and opening up more to #her but it was too much for her to handle and all my baggage almost ended our friendship so here i am vanishing again except this time with #the debilitating knowledge that every day she loves me less and less and less. if i am not there she stops loving me and if i am she stops #loving me. what do i do. my illness takes everything from me every damn thing. she wont call me but she bought a ticket to see me in januar #and i cant reconcile it. shes visiting her girlfriend and its the same price to come over here too so i guess why not. its not really #for me. we dont have plans to do anything for my birthday and i doubt she will offer and i dont want to be the one to do so like last year #i want someone to love me without me asking them to. i want to be able to trust people without having it broken. i want to feel like an #equal and not so inferior all the time. i'm not her best friend anymore. she doesnt tell me personal things she doesnt share everything #she used to with me. i try and try to start doing the things we used to but she doesnt do them. i shared my location again but she didnt #share hers. so i stopped again and she didnt even ask me why. she has not asked if im okay in weeks. if i vanished forever i dont think #she would even notice. i cant see her mourning the loss of me. i dont think i matter that much to her. and it is so painful #with both of my best friends i watch them gladly do things with other people and never do things with me unless i beg. i am constantly #excluded from their lives i am the outsider friend. and it is so damn lonely. and every time i'm presented w the opportunity to make new #friends i'm paralysed w fear because how many times have i lost people. i'm either too little or too much or both at once. constantly absen #or constantly sad and it's poisonous i feel poisonous. i'm not fit for community despite how desperate i am for it i just feel perpetually #undeserving. and so stupid and unsuccessful in comparison to them. i'm too much effort to be around and i get why i really do #even this it's just so much heaviness all the time i am such a burden. they just don't love me as much anymore. love lost #added to my family baggage and my dead childhood dog and the nothingness of my future i just can't see myself continuing i don't know what #to do. my parents don't support me my friends are never there the nhs is a joke i am actually genuinely alone lol #what if i can't recover. some people are destined not to. what if that's me. what if i am never happy. i'm never going to accomplish #anything i'm stuck here. stagnant and unmoving. the most disposable and useless person alive #sorry. will delete later as usual. but for reasons stated above i have nowhere else to put these thoughts #and i am drowning in them #vent

[theygender]

Idk how many of y'all watch Good Mythical Morning but I just want to say that as a gnc person it makes me so happy to see Chase get to dress however he wants and have it just be normal. The crop top he always wears during international food taste tests isn't treated as weird, that's just his cartographer shirt, and it's become such a signature look that other people have to wear it while filling in for him. He plays a few female characters that wear dresses, but the fact that he's playing a woman or wearing a dress is never treated like a joke. The actual joke is that the character he's playing is a fancy dancing cow or an alternate universe version of Little Debbie named Giant Deborah who can teleport across dimensions if you chant for her. The dress is just part of the character, and Chase just happens to be comfortable wearing dresses and really good at playing funny characters. Idk, it just makes me feel really happy to see another gnc person out there thriving and living their best life. I've always been hesitant about being out as nonbinary at work bc I didn't think it would be possible for people to just treat it like a normal thing, and recently I've been worried that once I graduate college and go on to more "professional" work my future employers may see my gender nonconformity as unprofessional, which scares me bc it's not even possible for me to conform to any gender expectations anymore. But. Here on one of my favorite YouTube channels there's a gnc person who gets to dress however they want for their job, even having roles where their gender nonconformity is important to the videos, and it's just treated like the most normal thing in the world. If that's possible then maybe the idea of finding a research job that will respect me isn't so far fetched

#good mythical morning #rambling #idk i just get emotional sometimes #as someone whos worried that even gender nonconformity would be viewed as unprofessional in my future field and frowned upon #regardless of whether i would be interacting with the public #seeing someone whos able to be as gnc as they want at a job where theyre being FILMED for the public and posted to an audience #really does kinda give me hope that i can find acceptance one day #its really cool that stevie presents in a gnc way too sometimes but shes not on camera as much #but idk. it just makes me feel happy #im watching the international foods taste test they posted today and chase is wearing an even shorter crop top under his cartographer shirt #and i was just like HELL yeah you GO king!! #as someone whos been watching the show for a long time and has also seen a lot of old episodes from before i started watching #i like seeing how much more confident chase is now that he dresses how he wants to as well #in a lot of the old videos he dressed very much like a stereotypical straight boy and he seemed a lot more shy and timid back then #now you can just tell how happy he is. he seems so confident in himself and he contributes so much to the show now #idk. i want that one day. i hope i can find a stable career where I'll be accepted for who i am #instead of having to pretend to be something else or worry about what people are thinking of me if i dont #my job now is definitely better than some of my old ones but i still dont really know what people think of me now that im somewhat out #and spending 40 hours a week walking on egg shells with your own damn existence isnt fun :( but. maybe its not forever. i hope

[piplupod]

today is absolute garbage but i am going to try to do some painting on my project nonetheless, doing my best to attempt to claw my way out of the suicidality goop

#funny how ppl are like ''stay alive for xyz things!'' and that doesnt work for me #like sorry but that is not making up for all the dogshit I've got going on dbdjdl it doesnt come anywhere close to balancing out the scales #if i am staying alive it is entirely my choice made out of stubbornness and occasionally spite #only reason i havent offed myself yet is bc i dont want to hurt people (even that doesnt convince me sometimes) and- #-i can always do it tomorrow. like why not just stick around until things get truly too fucked up to keep going #I'll make art while im around and hopefully leave behind some kind of positive mark on the world fjfkdl #also fucking... jack stauber's ''dinner is not over'' #like yeah dinner isnt over yet. and it wont be until i cant stand another bite. and then i can have dessert. gotta wait til dinner is done! #like do i see there being any way for me to exist in the world? no djdksl not at all #i cant work and disability is not livable and theres no disability housing available rn so fbfjdl its not realistic #but im going to stick around until i get to the point where it isnt feasible to be around anymore dhfksl #and if the situation changes for the better then great I'll keep trucking along #but i genuinely dont think im making it to like... 30. 25 is iffy. 23 is fuzzy. its just not realistic with how society is set up currently #but! doesnt matter! just working with what i have in the present and I'll just keep trucking until i cant anymore dbfjdl #suicide tw #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #sorry this is wildly mentally ill but i am just kind of ... hoping maybe it'll help someone else #all i see for suicide prevention is ''you have so much to live for!'' and that doesnt rly help ppl in my situation #i KNOW I've got a lot to live for but it's simply not realistic nor does it make up for the fact that life is utter dogshit dhdjdl #so i just try to approach it from an angle of almost like... not caring #like I'll keep doing what i can until things get too hard and then I'll take my leave 🤷 sticking around until then!

[zhalar]

wheres that post hows it go. whats worse than having a job. not having one. bro im so fuckign b o r e d. BUT I DONT WANNA WORKKKKK. but i need money to live and buy sweet treats....... but theres no suitable work available in this tOWNNN

#agony->pain->agony->pain->agony->pain->agon #särmäs sermons #i want to rant i want to write i want to read i want to experience autumn i want a SCHEDULE i want to sit silently with someone i want to #be left alone forever i need to do something about my gender or im gonna exploDEeeEEE i need to go to a fucking . dentist one of these days #im so fucking useleeesssss and scareeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed #why didnt i just.... apply for a school in the spring.................... im not cut out for this. any of it!!!! #shouldve gotten that fucking drivers license the fucking minute i turned 18 would make all this so much easier. BUT I DONT WANTT A LICENSE #whew sorry about this! the concept of the best years of my life (irony and jokes are present in this statement) is slipping thru my fingers #Every Fucking Day 24/7 for Months Now ! #and im too chickenshit to do.. self-help or -improvement. even though i definitely could benefit from some of that #was thinking of attending a #demo ?? what a word. anyway . next week. but i live in a littletown far away and i dont wanna pay all that train+bus fare :( #plus other reasons. idk. fucking bullshit asshell dickfuck. im so fucking tired of being like thiiiiiiis #IM ALRIGHT i just havent talked to a human today. you know how it is. #listening to melancholy playlists mightve been an error in judgement on my part

[homo-house]

i am losing. It

#i have three different appointments tomorrow which I feel I should prepare for but I can't #because of a multitude of things #first of all that my room is dirty and i myself am dirty... and i have been struggling with doing anything at all for a month because of it #its not the worst but any amount of dirty is too much for me its enough that i dont know where to begin but my threshold is low #so that means even just five things out of place can and will drive me insane from choice paralysis #i feel so filthy for existing really #anyways the second thing is i cant start preparing for the meetings before i finish this one thing ive been putting off for a month #i juat have to edit a text i wrote based on a tutor's feedback which i received last month but havent opened yet because im so terrified!! #so far 9ve read one page out of like 7 and im scared of going further #its so pathetic but i genuinely feel i need someone to hold my hand so i can open this thing #and third. third im just plain anxious for tomorrow because i will be seeing my profs + parental figures for the first time in 2 months #and i want to be presentable... and to behave properly and contribute meaningfully. to the meeting #BUT IM SCARED!!! im always so scared of everything im so scared of meeting with people i love #im scared of disappointing them etc #Hjhh why why why. why cant i heal faster why cant i be normal #im sickkkk im sick of being sick of being mentally ill im fighting demons just to stay awake!!!! fuck!!! fucj

[deathsdaisy]

Vent about mother.

Me *looking for things to sew, a hobby I adore but don't always have time for*

Mom *barges into my house (not room, house) and asked if I want to go do something I have routinely said no to and have stated that it causes me pain*

Me: no

Mom: why do you always say no to me, you're so mean to me

Me *fed up of this*: because you always ask to walk, which hurts, then you say only a small walk, then push and push and push the fucking goal post, making me feel like shit, and then I'm in pain all day after

Mom: fine sheesh you don't have to [the rest is mumbles as she storms out]

Me *lost all motivation to do the things I wanted to and no longer want food*

#heyyyy what if moms actually listened to you #you think that would be insane #''I never see you in pain. therefore you never are'' #yeah no. nuh uh. not how that works. i dont TELL YOU because YOU act like im hurting you pay saying it #now I have to deal with the aftermath of this bull shit #i just wanna lay down #i want to sleep for three years #i dont want to fucking do this anymore #and i cant say any of this to my irl friends because i dont talk to them about any of this #they batly know the surface stuff #and thats only for emergencies aka i faint or my back seizes up #they see my mom. someone who apologizes when they did wrong. someone who suports what i want (ti an extent). someone who listens #in comparison i have it easy. i cant complain about a mom who doesn't believe in medicine despite having a disabled daughter #not like shes ever used that word. and ill never use it infront of her cuz that will be a huge fight #they dont see the ever present anger #they dont see the heavy drinking. even if its just from thursday to Saturday. i still have all of those fight lodged in my head #the axe never remembers. but the tree never forgets

[ishizizzle]

got my hair braided and now I can see my coworkers interest in me lmao

#it me #he's 19 its flattering and never going to happen lol #i hope he finds someone his age with whatever traits he's become attracted to in me #personally I'm taking notes and applying pressure to the guy i like at work #bc even if it doesn't work i do like being comfortable with my coworkers and do want to be comfortable around a crush #but we never work together anymore so I've been like losing my limerence for him and returned to normal which is lovely #its easier to be myself when i know who she is and everybody else stops being uncomfortable with that #but yeah nah i was taking notes like oo if flattery feels like this i'd like to try it on the person I'm crushing on #I've been too wound up at work idk we've just been getting a lot of incompetent hires when they should just promote from within #specifically one manager whose a good enough guy he just has sleazy personality traits (like he steals street signs #and leaves booze around as bait??bait for what i do not know) who keeps doing the interviews and #he keeps hiring sleazy white frat men i think they're his type (he's gay and gay white male managers in my experience hire who they're #attracted too mostly) #I'm gonna suggest 2 managers or training ones be present during interviews so they know what to look for in a coworker #ANYWAY I DONT CARE ABOUT THAT i want my crush to see my new hair dammit why has the schedule been so against me lately