#i wanna cry i feel so stupid

[kodzukoi]

y'all know that thing where it's like too many good things have been happening to you so life throws a bunch of bad things to balance it out? yeah had both my good and bad things today and :,)))))))

#i wanna cry i feel so stupid #the bad things were so preventable but i was SO STUPID AND DUMB AND GAH #sorry guys i'm just very upset at the moment #anyways sorry to the itto theme but i might make a childe theme- #IDK BUT I REALLY LOVE HOW SMART MY 'hey it's your one and oni' THING WAS LSDKFJWEORKSDFLSDF #i'm very sad ab that #typing...

[bidaryl]

admit it. you only came back to atlanta for the hat. don’t tell anybody.

#glenn literally risking his LIFE for the stupid hat. turning back for the HAT #then rick doing the same fucking thing. like. i love them so much #wanna cry over #glenn x rick #like i don't talk about them enough or honestly spiral over them enough but rick and glenns dynamic over the show? i miss it SO bad #twdedit #m #gifs #1.04 #wait also the way the hat also gets passed down to carl then judith like............. i dont even know what im feeling but its feelin STRONG #also beth that one time...................................... something bout the kids of the future somthing about passing things down #somehting bout how even when you're not there anymore.... you're still there #stupid hat. got me emo

[woahjo]

OCD is a real bitch bc I ate a candied apple that is less than 24 hours old today (that had been refrigerated and eaten all in one go when we did take it out of the fridge) and now I’m paranoid that I’m gonna get some fatal food disease from it (bc ive heard that u can) even tho people eat candied apples all the time. and now I’m just PARANOIDDDDDD

#GOD IM SOOO #I hate having this #like I know this sounds silly and stupid but it is genuinely so exhausting #and u may be like “’Callie why did u eat the apple if it makes u nervous?’ wel bc I wanted it and it’s from Disneyland and I’ve never had- #one from there #and also why should I let my disorder stop me #but it’s so exhausting … bc it was hard to enjoy even tho it tasted so good #I feel like I wanna cry #MANNN I HATE IT HERE #tw.mental health #cal.personal

[bunnihearted]

🐰🌧️

#so on my way home.. #i walked by a school and besides the fact that i felt so depressed bc just looking at these kids and adults i have NO hope for the future #i saw two boys on a bench as i walked by... and i just thought they were talking. and too late i realized that no one of the boys were #bullying the other boy. the bully walked away and the other boy just sat there looking so lifeless and dejected #a teacher came and sat down w that boy and i just kept walking. even if i wanted to say smth it's like what would i even do abt that situati #that made me so sad both bc that boy.. he looked so dejected and used to it. that anxiety going to school knowing you're bullied is awful #and like i imagined talking to him and saying heyyy if you're lucky you'll grow up to be 25yrs old #live like a parasite off your mom and be on wellfare and never have had a job :) #you'll have no education or highschool diploma :) you will still struggle to finish hs even at an easier level :) #you will also not have had friends in 10yrs and you'll be terrified of ppl and getting close to anyone and even going outside!! #you'll have no interests and hobbies and skills! you'll simply be a waste of space loser being a burden on everyone around u! #whoop whoop stay alive buddy it will only get worse ❤️ #god i just wanna cry. how did i let my life turn out this way??? i used to be full of dreams and life and passion and HOPE #i used to believe in things and in people. i had so many dreams and i wanted to try and do so many things #now all i can think is 'i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die'. im miserable wherever i go lmao #there's this bridge over the highway i have to cross when i walk to school and every time i look down at the trafic and when a truck drives #by i feel my entire body vibrate. i just wanna jump and get mauled by it. #or i dont *want* to but i feel so deeply and desperately that it's the only way for me #only way to make it stop hurting. and i am weak. i dont know how to just 'stop' or take control of my life. thats why i wanna die #bc i know that i wont be able to. that my life will never amount to anything #for fuck's sake my dream now is just to have my own 1bedroom apartment and have a shitty job - like in a grocery store or whatever!!!!! #not even that can i make happen! bc im so worthless i cant do anything. im also stupid so i wouldnt be able to do my job right #i dont know... i dont know... these feelings and thoughts are too much i just wanna relax #but i cant bc my ribs hurt and idk if it's heartburn or an ulcer 💀 why am i even alive???? what am i doing all this for? 😭 #my thoughts ran away but i meant like seeing that reminded me of how much of a failure i became #bc of my circumstances and all the shitty ppl around me thru out my life

[killuaisaprincess]

🌈🩷🌈🩷🌈

#;windy’s edit #gonkillu #hxh #hunter x hunter #gon #killua #gon x killua #WAHHHHHHHHHH #GONKI #FRIEND SENT ME CARDCAPTOR SAKURA SCREENSHOT AND IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT #GONKI WRITTEN ALL OVER IT #SO I GRABBED MY OLD IPAD WITH MY WORKING PHOTOSHOP MIX AND GOT A FREE TRIAL FOR PIC ARTS CUZ I TOO POOR RN AND I NEED THAT BLEMISH FEATURE #AND BAM #I AM SO HAPPPY OMG #THEY ARE SO CUTE AHHHHHHH #KI IS SO CUTE MOST PRECIOUS BABEY #HE IS SO CUTE AHHHH HHHHHHHHHHH #KI CLINGING TO GON OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG #KI IS SO CUTE AND SHY HHHHHHHHH #I JUST WAHHHH LOVE THEM SO MUCH AND #AHHHHHHHHHHH GONS BLUSHING CUZ KI SO CUTE AND KI CLINGING TO HIM AND #KIS SO CUTE AND HIM HIM CLINGING TO GON IS ALL I NEED #OOOOMMMM NOM NOM #IM SO HAPPY I CAN DIE HAPPY NOW #MY STUPID BITCH ASS WAS GONNA MAYBE QUIT EDITS HAH #NOPE THEY MAKE ME TOO HAPPY 😤😤😤😤🤧🤧😭😭😭🤲🤲🤲🤲 EVEN THO THEY MAY TAKE HOURS AND I MAY ONLY GET ONE NOTE WELL I LOVE THEM #THE JOY I FEEL RN IS INCOMPARABLE I AM JUST SO HAPPY #LOOOOOK ITS THEM #LOOK AT KI I JUST WANNA AHHHH CRY #THEY ARE SO CUTE AND KIS SO CUTE SLAMS HANDS DOWN

[v7n5]

I NEED nachojesse carnally and spiritually.

#like goddamn #just let the beautiful boyfriends with the cutest height difference and most trauma-inducing character development make out #most of all i WANT crying sex. they deserve to feel overwhelmed by love and mutual understanding #it's going to be ok. theyve got each other #nachojesse #jesse pinkman #nacho varga #ugh i wanna go back to drawing bcs stuff so bad but my stupid brain just wants me to have a schedule for it #like what do you mean 'it's not time yet'?? just let me do it!!

[infizero]

ok after listening to the english version of the death note musical....... unpopular opinion i think but i actually prefer the japanese version? dont get me wrong, with some of the songs i do think i might like the eng version more but..... idk i like the lyrics of the japanese version a lot more? and obviously i only know them via a translation but i know for a fact that the entire focus of certain songs are different between versions.

like in the english version of the game begins, L is talking about his strategy to track down kira. but in the japanese version, he's more so talking TO kira directly and saying that he's going to take him down from his "god" status to hell. or mortals and fools, which had a wholeee different vibe in the japanese version being called like a cruel dream. and uhhhh am i insane or was rem's song before she dies an entirely different song? cause in english it was like a sort of generic love song that was pretty chill considering the context, while in the japanese version it was this superrr melancholic and striking ballad she sang while floating around misa.

idk but i really do think i prefer the japanese version. but the og english version is good too!!! i really liked hurricane and the way it ends in particular

#in ''the way it ends'' btw light saying to L ''i've always stayed a step ahead; but you were with me all the way'' almost made me cry WHATTT #WHO MADE HIM FUCKING SAY THATTTTT THATS SUCH AN INSANE LYRIC #but anyway yeah i think i prefer the jp version a good amount #another thing was um. and this might be a stupid thing to be weird about but. L's actor was too passionate for my tastes #<- that sounds insane but if you know anime L you know what i mean right. like hes pretty reserved #and i felt in the japanese production i watched L's actor there was still a great performer and singer like putting work into those songs #while still keeping that air of L being more reserved and like. flat almost? i feel like the guy playing L in the eng version was too much #like ''im BELTTTINGGGGGG HOW IM GONNA FUCKING CATCCHHHH KIRA!!!!!!!!!!'' like bro calm down...... #ITS A GOOD PERFORMANCE it just doesnt read as L to me. and like thats fine whatever its an adaptation #but also in the japanese version they still did that adaptation while making L feel more like himself. so idk man #but anyway I WANNA SEE THIS NEW LONDON PRODUCTION SOOOOOOOO BAD #IVE SEEN PHOTOS AND IT LOOKS SO GOOD THE SET IS SOOOOOO COOL LOOKING OML #i need to see this musical live at SOME point in my life. pleaseeee can we get a north america production after this #serena.txt #death note posting

[chatblancofficial]

Tfw you invite someone to the friend group and their immediately better than you at everything and they're mildly condescending and kinda bulldoze you but you're too shy and wanna get along with them so you just leave and say you have a stomach ache instead of telling the truth 😅

#ooc #im very competitive but i also suck at everything so i get upset easily #:) #i feel stupid rn #like its just a game but why am i so upset over it #im a sore loser and i hate it #haha #hahahaha #haaaaha #wanna cry #it's stupid but i do #idk #i cant be held accountable for anything i post after 10:30pm #because when i stay up too late i get sad easily #idkk #felt sad might delete later #im typing so much #i should stop #vent #tw vent #ugh its literally a game i made up and i suck #uuughhh #sorry

[turdofanerd]

I'm gonna be 16 in a week... yayy

#vent #I don't want to be 16 yet #it's too soon #guys I'm so scared #life is moving so fast #I can't even enjoy myself anymore #I waste my time and then cry when it's gone #and then I'm cramming all my schoolwork that I can't find it in myself to pay attention to #I just... #I don't know... #I hate myself #I hate feeling so... unprepared #so busy #everyone says it'll be alright #and I know it will... #at least I hope so... #but between the stupid papers and reports #plus the AP test that's next Monday #I'm not ready for that either #I wanna get my license but I haven't practiced hardly heh #I feel so behind #and like I'm running out of time #but when I get stressed I need an escape #so I use my phone... #and mindlessly drone on it until I can't think hardly #and now dual enrollment is a genuine topic #I can barely handle my regular work #but I know it's a food opportunity #and I know myself #I'm gonna end up doing it

[a-lonely-tatertot]

seeing a post with a time stamp that says 3 years ago and you just have to sit down for a sec. like god so much has happened and yet it feels like yesterday

#tater rambles #kotlc #<- ig it applies #HI THIS IS ABOUT SPICY FORBIDDEN GATORADE #smth smth how the night changes and how many ppl in those posts are #deactived inactive or just distant #like. ill tell somebody ab then and be like. yeah we were really riding the high of 2020 lockdown but it was really #just a bunch of mostly kids who were queer closeted lonely whatever latching onto a bunch of stuff #that was so utterly ridiculous and yet it still echos today #2020 kotlcblr u will always be famous i remember telling mellie kotlcblr will always feel like home or smth #anyways i was reading the posts while calling a friend and was like. wow this fundamentally changed me as a whole person thats crazy #a stupid post with a gif of molten glass has affected me in ways i cant name #even three years later i still look at those and wanna cry cause its been so long but it doesnt feel like it #ive never wanted to return to a time as badly as then even if it was covid and closeted and depressed we made a little family #sorry im being poetic ab a tumblr fandom again (does this weekly)

[bunnihearted]

goddess the body feels sooo good after a workout 🫠

#it feels so warm and heavy and so comfortable omg #have y'all heard about exercise and stretching it is amazing owo #my thighs are super gooey tho like can barely sit and stand #luv it!!! #it feels extra good bc i woke up today super depressed (bc yesterday was rough) #and i just wanted to keep my earplugs in and cry and stay in bed all day #but somehow i managed to get up and walk all the way to the gym #and i worked out for almost 2hrs lol like when i get started i dont wanna leave #i did more on the crosstrainer (my bby i love the crosstrainer) and i dared to use the leg machine i wanted #i could adjust the seat this time phew. and i tried just one bump heaver weight for everything too #owoowowow and for some reason i didnt totally wanna throw up when i had to observe myself in the mirror skskk #so yeah it was a good session today ^-^ #as always tho i do feel stupid and inadequate... bc almost everyone who is there is in great shape #and they know what they're doing and they're doing complicated exercises with very heavy weight and im there #with my 2kg dumbells getting strains in my wrists (im careful tho dw!!!!!) #im definitely doing it at a very low level but last time i worked out was before my knee got fucked and before all of these weird pains #😃😃😃 so im not even as strong as i was when i was overweight.. i never felt weak when i was #but i go to the gym because i enjoy it since it's fun and even the low intensity stuff i do makes my body feel nice #and if i keep going regularly for years maybe i'll also get in good shape and do more and more stuff #i wanna be a gym bunny!!!!!! #i used to actually love the gym so much i wanted to work at one skksks

[sapphicsnzs]

currently crying in the library while studying

#self obs #i’m so stressed and anxious i wanna scream #i hate being negative cause i don’t wanna put my energy on anyone else #but fuck i’m so tired of being positive all the time #i literally have been having bad week after bad week and i can’t talk to anyone about it #i also feel like i’m everyone’s emotional sounding board and no one does the same for me and then i have to hold all my frustration in #no one even asks me how i am anymore or cares enough to listen to the answer #this sounds so dumb but everyone around me only talks about themselves #like literally the past two days i’ve hung out with friends and both times people there were like i didn’t even know that was going on #i’m just so tired of feeling like no one cares about me or that i’m wasting my energy when i say a single thing about myself #i have therapy tomorrow and i feel like it’s gonna be a cry through the whole session kinda day #i’ll probably delete this in like 20 minutes cause i’m being stupid

[toastsnaffler]

thinking abt the touden siblings got me sniffling and weeping....

#im.too emotional abt them to properly explain #just rly glad to see autistic characters in media that i can deeply relate to and share experiences with. its such a rare thing #and i feel so protective of them i dont give a fuck abt fandom normally but some ppls bad takes lately are getting under my skin #like just say u hate autistic people and leave. stop calling laios a fucking freak im going to kill you with my bare hands #ppl think theyre so smart and funny for making posts like haha hes thr type of autistic that makes everyone uncomfortable and wish he- #would shut up or go away. im going to start hitting u with a brick until ur a bloody pulp #and thw way ppl treat falin so differently just bc shes not a guy. even tho theyre both clearly autistic and struggle socially #like wow thats crazy. do you act this way abt autistic ppl irl too #whatever just liberally blocking ppl abt it i dont fucking wanna see ur stupid posts #anyway.. back to thjnking abt their backstories and crying a little. masculinely of course #man i am soooo tired im so glad its the weekend i want to melt into a puddle and soak into the carpet and stain it forever #but we dont.have carpet.in this flat so.i guess ill just go to bed...... #well maybe a little elden ring first #i would reallt like to draw sometime this weekend too. need to muster up some creative courage #but thats a problem for tomorrow... zzz #.diaries

[gregmarriage]

i need to vent, so yeah

why did i almost die, multiple times, a few years ago, only to just feel like everything is the same? like nothing ever changed. like i didn’t even survive. like i’m stuck on the same fucking hamster wheel i’ve always been. to be living in a house where it feels the only reason i don’t get kicked out is because i could die, and not out of anything else, like, cruelty, but not that much cruelty. ‘i suppose i’ll just have to accept it’. is that all i get? i suppose i should be grateful, but i refer you to the line above. i want to live my life, but i can’t. i need to get out, and i fucking can’t!

#this is gonna be my life forever isn’t it? i’m gonna be stuck in this fucking house and i’m never gonna have a life #and finding joy in the small things only goes so far bc you know they’re only small things #and i walk around with this fucking weight on my chest #so familiar because it’s always been there and i don’t know who i’d be without it #i can’t talk to anyone about this because talking isn’t the problem #i could talk for hours and it wouldn’t fix the problem #it would only work up to a point #and finding things to live for is so fucking hard #bc if all i have to live for is stupid things then what’s the fucking point? #oh small things matter? well maybe i need more #but i don’t think begging for someone to love me is gonna fix things #i wish all my self worth wasn’t tied up in having a romantic partner #i wish i could actually bring people home to my parents and not get judged #i wish my own fucking family didn’t treat me like shit #maybe i even wish my big sister actually loved me #and i can’t even cry bc i’ll get red eyes and upset everybody bc i’m a fucking burden #i wanna leave so bad but i can’t bc you guessed it i’ll upset everybody #it’d be selfish of me to leave them behind #and it would be selfish of me to make them deal with the aftermath #but i don’t know what the fuck to do #and i don’t wanna hurt myself anymore but i’m hurting myself just existing #it fucking hurts just to be here #and i don’t just mean in this house i mean literally being here alive #bc i don’t feel like i’m living i just feel like i’m surviving just barely scraping by and i’m sick of it #and everything i do to try to change it doesn’t work and that fucking tires you out after a while #not to sound like a whiny fucking baby but why does it have to be so hard #once just fucking ONCE i’d like to actually feel alive and not just be getting by #i’m never gonna see outside these same four walls so i may as well not be here #haven’t even got a life to ruin #got nothing to fucking lose

[effervescent-fool]

.

#i know this is like. childish. but im going to my first obgyn appointment in a few weeks and im. scred #*scared #i literally feel like crying #ive put this off for so so long and i need to see one #but just the thought of an exam makes me wanna throw up #i requested a female doctor but im so scared that they wont have one #and that wont make me any less dysphoric #and ive never even been insecure about my bush but now im stressing over like #“what if i look weird” or whatever #like what if it smells?? what if theres something wrong?? #i get acne fown there too and now im worried that thats not normal #im way too old to be feeling like this #every time i voice my concern i get told that i sound like a child. that i HAVE to do this #ough. i dont like this why did i have to be born in this stupid fucking body

[icterid-rubus]

😕

#scheduled my cat to be put down this Friday #don’t wanna make a post about it but I wanna talk about it #asked my mom to come with to drive me and do the talking. dad asked to come too #except he doesn’t do earnest emotions well and says really stupid and insensitive shit when people are emoting #and I will be sobbing through all this. I already am #on a zoom call with family so they can say goodbye to Chloe and he’s going on about how bad she is sees I’m trying not to cry and says #gee! I don’t think she’ll make it through this! hohoho! #I don’t want anyone to be there with me at all but I know I just won’t be able to talk to the vet and pay #really just a fucked up year. ducked up like 6 years running but whatever #really tired but I can’t sleep. don’t want to talk to people but isolated #I want Chloe’s suffering to be over but I don’t want to let her go. #meanwhile I have bumble person on discord talking to me and it feels like such a slog. I want to ghost. I’m just tired in them and having #to keep up this like essays long reply chain about the minutia of our lives that doesn’t change ever #but that also feels mean because they haven’t been pushy and have been really considerate even when they asked to meet again and I said to #hold off because of my cat and it’s been like two weeks #I haven’t been in instagram because I don’t want fish store person to ask me out #trying to get stuff done for friends baby but realized in all this mess I forgot to block anything. feel like such a failure at everything #making baby presents. keeping my cat alive. making connections #I just don’t want to be perceived at all. I feel like such a non entity #or rather I feel like I should be a non entity. a picture on the wall of a disused room. #I’m so tired.