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skynapple · 2 months

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Budding Romance | Ch. 12

Love and Deepspace | Jeremiah x MC / slow-burn / friends-to-lovers

warnings: none

Multi-chapter | A03 link

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"Barriers | Part 1" Building and breaking barriers

For a while, nothing happened. Social media updates, a cordial text message here and there, never a phone call, never too much, never too far. She would stop by the shop with some new dead plant. Not too often. Not too suspicious. He would always try to be the wingman. That's how it was then, and to him nothing should change. He certainly wasn't picking up on her hints to tell him she wasn't really interested in Xavier. She couldn't stop thinking about the dead azaleas in her kitchen, which she had taken great lengths to attempt to revive.

Maybe they're just dead. Maybe there wasn't even anything there worth salvaging.

She still didn't want to be the one pursuing, but feelings often had a mind all their own. Feelings couldn’t be helped.

Be careful. Take it slow. Be careful. Take it slow.

After a long day of work, slightly bruised and wanting to comfort shop, she headed to Philo, only to see that it was closed for the day.

Maybe it's a sign from the universe.

Frustration bubbled within her at her own sailing thoughts, when she knew she could be spending better time elsewhere, doing things that were more productive, or trying to make new friends. At the very least, there was still a video game level she just could not get past. Even so, the desire to comfort shop outweighed her dejection and she decided to walk around the area, angrily telling herself she’d get rid of those azaleas once she got home.

The road nearby lead to a few boutiques and interesting businesses. For a while she wove in and out, browsing aimlessly in search of something that would be worth her trip. It was almost to no avail, when a stationary set caught her eye. It had little flowers on it, with a matching floral pen. It would at least serve some use on her desk at work since she only really had the impersonal office pens to utilize. After exiting the store, she finally realized that she was in a less familiar part of town. While she knew the decent majority of Linkon like the back of her hand, there were areas and streets that she had no particular reason to visit - or memorize the way home to. After some mild efforts, she managed to find the nearest public transit station.

To her luck, after boarding she got distracted reading a new chapter of a comic she loved and missed her exit. She has no choice but to exit and wait for a the next train in the opposite direction.

As she waited, a sudden Beep, beep from her hunter watch spurred her attention.

Metaflux spiked and cold feeling shot through her veins as the screen on her watch indicated a wanderer was nearby, calling for nearby hunters. She tapped to accept and rushed into action, glad to still be in uniform for once, leaving her items under a bench at the station. The marker on her watch showed the wanderer was on top of her, although as she glanced around the station, she saw nothing in the area. The first and proper action was to evacuate people. It was second nature now, like putting on a mask, immediately launching into professionalism as she raised her voice above the busy crowd. These moments her resonate evol came in particular use, utilizing it to grab people’s attention, command them to remain calm, and guide them to safety. When it was clear that it was likely outside, she ran out of the station, pistol raised and ready.

The wanderer was bigger than the ones she was used to seeing sneaking around barriers, such as pumpkin magus. This one stood on two hind legs, snarling ferociously. The shots she took with her pistols had little effect. In fact, it looked excited and raced right toward her. It wasn’t her first time fighting wanderers alone, but it was still nerve wracking against her tired and bruised muscles with how energetic this one seemed.

I can do this.

Just then, the flash of a gleaming sword cut through it, making it stumble down. Her first thought was Xavier! but as the monster fell forward revealing a masked swordsman, she realized this was not someone she knew.

Or... is it?

The man didn’t look at her, completely focused on the wanderer, who, despite the aggressive cut, still wasn't down. The swordsman wore dark clothing, and a mask over his mouth, but to her the resemblance was unmistakable. It was none other than Jeremiah. His elegant movements attacked in a way that she had previously only ever seen one other person do. With a few more swipes and aided by her continued barrage of pistol fire, the wanderer disappeared into shimmering smoke, leaving a glittering protocore behind. Quickly he grabbed it, observed it, viscerally hesitated, then tossed it to her.

“Jeremiah?"

For just a minute, he turned away from her, appearing to be type something on a mobile device. Her watch flickered and the wanderer warning returned to normal, as if nothing were ever there. He turned back, meeting her eyes, sword poised away from her, eyebrows drawn together. Any softness she had grown to recognize was gone, completely cold and serious, an entirely different person. The mask was adjusted and she suddenly had a sense of deja vu, as if she knew he would leave without a word.

Rushing forward in anticipation, she reached her hand out and blurted. "Don't go!" This stopped him, though he glanced around, and then at his device.

“Shh. There are other wanderers nearby."

The abrupt tone was unnerving, though she drew closer still. Although the sound of it confirmed its owner's identity, however seeing this different side of him felt like being introduced to a total stranger. Hunter training had prepared her for the unexpected, to keep her emotions and her actions controlled. Yet, to realize that there was so much –so much– about him that she didn’t know, and be confronted with it in this manner, was almost overwhelming. Although she’d known that from the start that he was no ordinary florist, given Xavier’s sudden introduction without explanation as he had Jeremiah assist her with tools and a disguise. This much though? It terrified her.

“How do you know that?” She asked, taking a shaking breath, trying to be cautious. A feeling of distrust waned in her heart. “My hunter watch just said it was cleared-”

“-The association doesn’t know everything. Yet." He interrupted. "Wanderer activity has picked up at an alarming rate in this area. It’s...unusual. I’m trying to pinpoint the break to report it.” It sounded believable. It also sounded like a believable lie. She wasn’t sure what to think.

Rather than press it, she adjusted a setting on her gun as an excuse to look away. “Ok… what’s your plan?”

He didn’t respond immediately, just stared before he said, “Go home. I can handle this.”

The frustration from the day and the situation caught in her throat, making it hot and vaguely she could taste something metallic on her lip, not realizing she was biting down hard in anger. “This is my assignment. I won’t let you disappear when I'm not looking.” A sharp bolt of determination and assertiveness made her step forward, standing her ground. “I’m the licensed member here. I have an obligation to keep ordinary citizens safe. Like yourself.”

Now he looked at her fully, pulling the mask down, and it was the sternest she had ever seen him look at her. She would have been chilled, if she wasn’t so wasn’t so worried about who he really was, or why he was acting this way.

“On your orders then, ma'am.”

They walked in silence along the barrier on the limits of the city as she used her scanner to search the area. He'd added something to it, said it amplified signals and could better pinpoint direction.

She was trying to focus, but couldn't stop replaying the image of him in her mind, like monster in his own right tearing into the wanderer.

"What's the matter?" She heard him ask beside her.

"You." She said with bitterness. "You come out of nowhere, dressed like this, and nearly take down a wanderer? With a sword?"

"Look, you weren't supposed to see that." His tone was softer than before, but still colder than she wanted it to be.

"I know that. That's what terrifying."

He didn't say anything in reply, so she continued. "I know you said you and Xavier studied together, but for some reason I thought you ended up studying to become an analyst, or something tech related. I didn't think you were actually..." She had so many questions, but she left it at that for now.

Then he said her name, and she had to look at him, face hot with anger, shoulders clenching with emotion she didn't know how to process or what to do with.

In the forrest near the barrier, the sun had long-set leaving gleaming stars above, and gentle wind that rustled everything around them. Disturbed leaves ripped themselves from branches to settle around them. Between them, a dangerous quiet, and in the distance, birds seemed to call warnings to each other.

"I don't know how to make you trust me," He said, pulling down the mask and tucking it away in his belt. "But we're on the same side."

"Anyone can say that." She responded flatly, returning her gaze briefly to her watch, mindful of the fluctuations.

"Then..." A gleam of light in his palm revealed a sword that shimmered like starlight, its unique metal leaving a ringing note that disturbed the setting around them. It looked like Xavier's, but there were notable differences in the intricate design on the hilt. It was no ordinary sword. It certainly was no hunter's sword.

"Hold on to this." He handed it to her, keeping the blade pointed down away from them.

"Why?" She asked as she took it, skeptical, but not missing the opportunity to confiscate his weapon.

"Because I'm defenseless now. If another wanderer appears -as you said before- you'll be the one protecting this ordinary citizen."

"So, your life is in my hands. Got it."

"Something like that."

She scoffed and turned on her heel, not entirely sure what to do with the sword as she walked. It felt clumsy in her hand, and heavier than it looked. It was a delicate weapon, but she knew the level of dedication it required to train with it to master it well. At the hunter academy, she had learned a variety of weapons. A sword wasn't entirely unfamiliar to her. It just so happened that she became an expert marksman and chosen twin pistols as her weapon of choice.

What unnerved her was that Jeremiah could have had an easy explanation, or an easier one considering she already knew of his past as a possible hunter. Yet, he hadn't. She had thought Jeremiah was a terrible liar. He wasn't - not entirely. What else was he hiding?

Before they could resolve the tension and questions between them, a blip in her watch told her wanderer activity had picked up again.

"The break. It's there." He said behind her. There in the digital enhanced mechanism atop the barrier were scratches as if something had been clawing at it. Something big.

"There's no way anything could have escaped from the no-hunt zone." She said, with a little fear in her voice.

"They always think that." He sighed, then pulled a device from the tool hilt in his belt.

He crouched down, removing more tools before glancing up at her. "I had a feeling one of the mechanisms is damaged. I need to repair it." There was no lack of confidence in his tone as continued, "Cover me. When I disable it... they might come."

She made no move to stop him but crossed her arms, displeased. "This... this isn't your job. I need to report this."

Jeremiah scoffed a little, no longer looking at her as his eyes were transfixed on the digital barrier mechanism. "So they could take 5 business days having a meeting about allocating resources to a repair person who might do the job in time? I'm here now. Report it later."

"That's not how it-"

"That's exactly how it works."

Despite the disagreement, he had a point in that he was here and ready to repair it now. With wanderers already slipping by as they'd encountered earlier, she knew it was imperative that it be repaired as soon as possible.

"Fine!" She grumbled, keeping watch on the barrier as he began climbing up the large tower that it was attached to.

The digital mechanism connected for several meters, creating an extra barrier of protection for occasional wanderers escaping the no-hunt zone. However, with a digital field glitching, every time it glitched became an opportunity for one to slip through. The moment Jeremiah began to work on it, the barrier glitched again, before the section in front of them finally shut off with a crackling sound. In slight discomfort, she looked ahead and behind to make sure the rest of the barrier was still all connected. Seeing that it was settled her a little bit. She would only have to watch this area.

It seemed for a long time that nothing happened. He was too high up for her to converse with him any further. Occasionally she would watch him, not able to really see his face from far below. No wanderers came.

Restless, she would pace the margins of the disturbed barrier area. When her watch indicated a call, the sudden break in silence startled her so much that she jumped. It was Jenna. Briefly she explained that the situation earlier was handled, leaving out Jeremiah's involvement, and then explained that the barrier should be investigated, attempting to leave it as vague as possible. When ordered to head home for the day, she answered in the affirmative and hung up.

She returned to the bottom of the thin tower and called up to him, "Hey!" not wanting to use his name.

"Almost done." He returned, and said nothing else, then got her attention again, asking, "Aren't you watching the barrier?"

Irritation coursed through her. "Yes!"

"Something's coming." He called out, making her worry suddenly. Nothing seemed to be on horizon, but he was higher up. "I need a few more minutes."

"Ok." She responded, guns already in her hands.

What came up in front of them was an A-class wanderer, definitely one of the larger ones she'd seen. She could feel a protofield forming around her. She knew better than to enter a protofield by herself, it was a rule for a reason.

Not good.

In a split second of anxiety, she glanced up at Jeremiah. He had asked her to buy him time.

Maybe it'll be fine.

Tightening her grip around her pistols in resolution, she went to step forward into the protofield barrier when his voice bellowed behind her.

"Stop!" He called, leaping from where he was already climbing down from the tower.

"What are you doing?!" She yelled back, beginning to lose the sound of her own voice in the fields fluctuation and winds. "You're supposed to be fixing that!"

Jeremiah held his hand out, now at her side. "My only concern is making sure you're not fighting alone."

With no time to argue, she stepped forward, letting him follow her. It was too late to back down now. She could only hope no more wanderers would slip through while they were in the protofield. She handed him his sword, and refocused her attention on the wanderer.

---

For the next few minutes he fought at her side. It was like before, he had a masterful skill, almost like Xavier. She wondered where in the world he'd learned to fight the way he did.

He didn't know her movements, but he soon fell into quick step with her, calling commands to use her evol that she instinctively understood. She realized she had to instruct very little. He knew the very length and width of her steps. It was almost like they had been fighting side-by-side for a long time already.

The enraged wanderer beat its chest, lifting a large boulder of pure ice to smash at them. He dove in front of her, pressing her to the ground as it shattered within centimeters of them.

"You ok?" He asked frantically, helping her up. The look in his eyes was fierce, but just for a second, she saw a genuine care there that comforted her.

"Yeah." She nodded at him then rose her pistols once more.

"I'm going left-" "I'm going right-"

They said simultaneously. Then he grinned, full toothed and bright and twirled his sword, giving her a two fingered salute.

When the wanderer was finally beaten down, the protofield shimmered out of existence leaving them exactly as they were before at the edge of the barrier. There was no time to celebrate. He left her to collect the protocore and scrambled back up the tower to finish the repair. It took just a few minutes more, as predicted.

"Got it!" He exclaimed when it was accomplished, leaping down in cheer as the barrier flashed to life.

She wanted to hug him, she wanted to cheer with him and celebrate, but she couldn't. Something about the whole day twisted her stomach in knots.

"Is it a good one?" He asked, eyeing the glowing cerulean protocore in her hand.

"You can't have it." She retorted squarely.

He laughed, for the first time seeming more similar to the man she knew before that day. "I didn't want it, but gee thanks for offering." Then his voice softened. "You alright? You're quieter than usual."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" She said, teeth clenched, and she didn't mean to say it that way. She didn't mean to sound so bristled, but the emotions in her wanted to spill out, hot tears of anger moistened in her eyes but she would not allow them to spill.

"Are you mad?" He asked, then sighed, shaking his head. "Let me ask you this... Has Xavier ever lead you astray?"

She squinted, wondering what that had to do with anything. "No... He's my partner."

"Ok, well. If I tell you Xavier trusts me, is that going to change anything? We're... working on the same team. I may not be a hunter, but the one thing you can count on is that I'm working on things to help you."

She wanted to yell at him again, tell him he wasn't making sense, tell him that she wanted the truth, she wanted answers. Nothing right to say came to mind. All she could do was clench the protocore in her hand, a reminder of the way he'd fought at her side, protecting her and making sure she wasn't fighting alone.

"Jeremiah, I need you to tell me the truth."

He was quiet then looked off into the distance. "Not here... let's get a drink."

#jeremiah x mc #lnds jeremiah #love and deepspace jeremiah #jeremiah love and deepspace #love and deepspace xavier #lnds fic #l&ds #l&ds jeremiah #l&ds mc #love and deepspace #lnds mc #love and deepspace mc #budding romance #madi writes #the girls are fightinnngggg

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gurugirl · 2 years

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The Tiffany Club Part 1

Summary: Camille is a sex club worker living in NYC. She meets Harry, a private equity CEO millionaire one day and they realize they like each other. A lot. But will Harry be willing to overlook Camille's career choice?

AN/Warning: I will have a * by the parts when smut is included. This warning list is comprehensive for all parts, not all contain smut or listed warnings. NSFW, smut, oral (male and female), 18+ only (as always), angst, dom & sub themes, sex work, light alcohol use, mentions of disordered eating and food restrictions

Pairing: Sex club worker Camille x Harry Styles

Part 1 – Camille

Friday night, 11:00 pm. New York City. The Tiffany Club.

Everyone here tonight is here to get lucky in one way or another. There are a handful of types in attendance this evening. First, there are the out of towners that have no idea what they’re getting into by being here but had heard about the adult member’s only club and were curious (they are usually way out of their league here), there’s the eager influencers (many quite annoying and naïve), then there’s the New York City socialites that either were born to be a socialite or had to start off as a social media influencer and work their way up (both types are overly entitled and far too confident for their status), there are the rich heirs and heiresses as well as generally wealthy individuals who are usually worth at least 8 figures that tend to prefer everything be kept quiet and like a low profile (usually), there are various levels of celebrity (from A and all the way down), and there are the entertainers and staff (which is my category). So, breaking this down, there are the patrons who can afford the show we put on and everything in between and then there are the performers who are working hard to make a buck.

I mean, I can’t really complain about the money. I make more here than I would sitting in the back room of the metropolitan museum dissecting ancient text, and drawings to uncover antiquities unknown. That was what I got my degree in - ancient anthropology and communications. It’s hard to be a well-paid anthropologist in general, but it’s even harder when your subject is prehistory and is no longer in existence. But that’s what I love about it. Unfortunately, I need to earn to survive in this city, so dancing, entertaining, stripping, and… kink service we’ll call it, is what I do. And I’m fucking good at it.

The other good thing about working at Tiffany’s is that I can choose what happens. If the workers want to take it all the way we can and we’ll be protected by security, if we don’t want to, well, we don’t. Obviously the more we’re willing to do the more money we can bring in. I’ve only had sex with one of the patrons in my year and a half at the club and he comes around about once a month. He’s an older man in his mid-50s, married with two adult kids and a dog, lives upstate in his beautiful home, and he’s handsome and polite. He’s quiet though, and he likes it when I dominate him. Which for some reason just works for me in this type of setting. I choose everything when he comes around. Everything is on my terms. I think that’s what makes me feel okay about having sex with Edmond. It’s safe and it only happens how I want.

Two years ago I would have never thought I’d be doing anything like this, but here I am. Who knew the anthropology and history nerd would be bringing in $375k a year by entertaining men and women in the nude five nights a week and dominating an older man once every month? Not me. I grew up in a Christian household but then in college when I began religious studies and ancient history I learned that religion is not what I once thought and that history is so much more than I ever knew. I went through a bit of a transition during the first two years of college and then one day I just decided I was happier away from religious thinking and so I informed my parents and my closest friends and now I am left with two friends who were on the same path as I was and a dad who still occasionally reaches out to me. My mom won’t talk to me. That one hurts the most. The “friends” I lost, good riddance to them. But I miss my mom.

And just because I’m making bank doing what I’m doing, having cocktails and dancing for celebrities, don’t think for one second that I live life large. On the contrary, bitch. I live quite simply. I shop at Old Navy, Target, I buy generic, and workout at home with cheap apps, dumbbells, and a yoga mat. The rest of my money goes to buying things for my dog, paying my bills, buying nice outfits for work (the nicer you look the better you’re paid), and into savings and investments. That’s it. IF I go out for fun I use my credit card and then pay it off at the end of the month, that money getting deducted from savings. But I pretty much loathe going out. I go out for a living. Sure, it’s all under the roof of the club, but I get enough of that life as it is. I like peace and quiet on my days off. It’s either Netflix, tofu curry, and my dog Barry all cuddled up on my bed with piles of pillows or I’m researching diffusion and evolution in ancient cultures (lately it’s the Incan Empire) with a bottle of sparkling water and a joint.

I drink a little at work but rarely outside of it. Drinks tend to be encouraged but within reason while working. So, I keep a good flow of alcohol that keeps me almost-not-quite tipsy. I have gotten used to the slight level of intoxication during work so I always know when to slow down or when I need a little more. Sounds bad, I know, but it helps the nerves and I’d rather that than pills (which are highly recommended in this line of work). And this all just means I don’t go out of my way to drink alcohol on my days off. Plus the shit I like is expensive (yes, there a bit of bougie in me thanks to Tiffany’s) and the calories in liquor just isn’t worth the extra time it would take to work it off.

I guess that’s a good segue into a not-so-good part of the job. The drinking at work is kept to a minimum so it’s not that bad. Nah, I can handle that part. The worst is the constant need to keep my body perfect. I count calories for everything. I usually get a Belvedere vodka with a splash of olive juice - or just a Belvedere on the rocks. Both can be around 120-150 calories (I just round up to be on the safe side), depending on the bartender and how heavy they pour. I also love champagne. I don’t mean the cheap sparkling wine either. I’m talking French champagne from the champagne region of France. The expensive stuff. Dom, Cristal, Moet, Salon, Krug… you get it. A glass of brut champagne is about 100 calories but you have to drink more of it to get tipsy enough so I usually stick with vodka because pound for pound, I can drink less calories and get more buzzed. I usually have 3-5 drinks at work (3 if it’s vodka, 5 if it’s champagne) so that’s 450-500 calories, which is already almost half of my daily allowed calories. It’s not hard to keep track once you’ve been doing it for as long as I have. So, on my days off, those extra 500 calories come in the form of food, not alcohol if I can help it. I cap myself at 1250 calories each day. And I work out every other day, with yoga every morning (it’s technically usually afternoon by the time I wake up).

So, I’m trapped in this strange routine thanks to my job. Count calories, workout, buy high end clothes for work, get dolled up, make money. My eating habits aren't healthy, but if I'm going to keep making as much money as I am it's a necessary evil. On my days off I rarely even leave my little apartment except to take Barry out for a few walks in Midtown.

Yeah, I live in Midtown. I’m renting a tiny one bedroom, one bathroom apartment off 8th Avenue for $3k a month. The building is old but nice, and the neighborhood is stellar and it’s safe. I could live in a cheaper neighborhood but the commute would be further and safety is always a big concern of mine. Plus, my dad helps a little. He sends me $500 a month and honestly, it’s kind of a lifesaver. I don’t need the money, no, but it means I can save more. I told my dad not to but he insists and just like clockwork, at the start of each month, he’s deposited the money into my checking account.

Walking home after working at 4am is also a not-so-delightful part of the job. Sometimes I catch a cab, but I live so near I hate spending the extra cash. I've been lucky and have never had any major issues. I've been followed by creeps, have had people offer me rides, and even once had someone grab at me while walking home but have had no true harm come to me so far. I also do enjoy walking outside when I can. It helps me clear my head after a long night of being sexy and mean to clients (well, mean if they want, and they usually do). Tonight was no different. I was paid to demean and insult a client in a private room while he stood tied to a pole in nothing but his underwear. I shake my head laughing at the ridiculousness of it all but I'm not here to kink shame, it's just not my personal favorite. I have my own specific kinks, but I keep my personal life away from the club.

I’m not complaining. I hope it doesn’t sound like that. My life is good. Great even. I make good money, I’ve saved up a lot, and I’m thankful for my dad. I also get to wake up to the love of my life every morning and come home to him every night (and by night I mean closer to 4 am). He’s always so excited to see me when I get home and he never judges me for what I do at work.

Which is how I found myself waking up the following morning, a long tongue licking over my cheek, whiskers poking my skin, stinky dog breath… Barry is ready for his morning walk and I have only had 4 hours of sleep but duty calls. I drag myself out of bed at 9 am, yawning and stretching. Barry is doing the same on the bed behind me. I pop into the bathroom to brush my teeth and pee, before putting my hair in a ponytail and slipping on my baseball cap to cover any offending stray hairs, drape a coat over my pajamas and slide my vans onto my feet. I get Barry set up, grab our things and out we go. It’s always such a production taking Barry out for walks. Living in a tiny apartment with a 70 lb pit-bull mix is nuts in itself, just imagine us doing this in the dead of winter when he needs his own coat and little rubber booties to protect his paws. Yeah, so fun. But he’s worth it. He’s the best boy, the love of my life.

After we’ve gone a few blocks and Barry has done his business we begin to head back to the apartment. It’s a little after 9 so the streets aren’t overly busy, but NYC is pretty much just a busy city no matter what. When you live here long enough, though, you recognize patterns and this time of day is one of the quietest (even if it’s not actually quiet). It’s also Saturday so many people are off for the weekend, still at home in their pjs.

Just as we’re walking past the pet shop, which Barry is obsessed with by the way, I run into a tall man with dark curls who’s just stepped out of Brooklyn Bagel with a paper bag and a hot cup of coffee, and who is now drenched in said coffee.

“Fuck! Fuck…” he pats at the front of his shirt and frowns, the cup now laying on its side in front of Barry, who’s sniffing at it.

Everything happened so fast. First I was explaining to Barry how we could come back to the pet shop later (after I’ve slept another 3 hours) and now suddenly I’m here.

“God, I’m sorry! Are you alright?!” I keep my distance because I have Barry and plenty of people are scared of him (which is ridiculous because he’s an angel) so the last thing I want to do is make this situation worse, the tall man seems a bit upset.

“Yeah, great. Don’t worry about it.” He replies coldly toward me, never once looking up at me. Which I prefer actually. I look homeless and this man looks rich, and he’s hot as fuck.

I grasp Barry’s leash to move him around the spill so we can continue on, “Okay, good. Sorry again.” I spit out. This time, he looks up at me. His eyes are a soft green and his lips are full and deeply pigmented. His brown curls are pushed back from his forehead, and he’s dressed very smart. When he stands at full height his broadness becomes more evident and I notice his sharp jawline. God, this might be the best-looking man I’ve laid my eyes on in a long time.

I smile and nod as I begin to walk away but then he speaks, stopping me in my tracks, to Barry’s dismay, “Yeah, it’s okay. Really. Didn’t mean to react that way.” I pick up on his accent, British. His voice is deep and raspy. Of course he’s British. I smile at him again and notice how he’s looking over my attire, probably feeling sorry for me.

“Well, I mean, I just made you spill your coffee all over yourself. I feel like your reaction was pretty tame compared to what I’ve dealt with. This is New York City after all.” I chuckle a little and he follows suit. I notice the fucker has dimples when he smiles. He’s adorable and hot at the same time. Jesus.

“Glad to hear it.” He pauses, eyes still on me but now he’s more relaxed and smiling, “Um, well, I’ve got to go grab another coffee and try to wipe this up a bit. You two have a great morning.” He looks at Barry as he says the last part and Barry wags his tale at the eye contact from the gorgeous stranger. If I had a tale it’d be wagging too. And just like that, he was stepping back into the bagel shop with a wave and Barry and I continued our trek back home.

Before going back to bed to sleep a few more hours before I have to get ready for work this evening I can't stop thinking about the stranger I (literally) ran into and sigh, knowing I'll never see him again.

(Part 2 here)

#harry styles #harry smut #harry styles smut #harry styles fan fiction #harry fic #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic

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hext00ns · 7 months

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Can you please give me your headcanons on Drake. ❤️.

Like his first word or how on earth he found that tower. ( Personally I headcanon he was homeless until shush got him)

Do you think he had pets ( for me he had two cats and a bunny over the years.

Ps drake is my baby 💕

Vague questions about hcs are harder to answer tbh. It’s like when you know the answers but the test makes you fuckinn brain dead. However I will do my best to answer what you have and give anything else I can think of!

With the tower, I do think he was on the road for a hot second. I don’t, however, think SHUSH found him. I personally think that Drake has a hideout in the first place cause motherfucker ran away from home and decided fuck the day job I’m vigilante now at like fuckkin 18 or some shit and he did need somewhere to hideout. I will also say, teens are the motherfuckers of finding wild ass placed to vibe so I’m not too surprised this weirdo found out the fucking bridge tower was not only hollow but that he could renovate that shit. You think his hideout is legal? Hell nah. This man is so fuckin lucky that he did end up working for SHUSH eventually. SHUSH keeps the city officials away from his hideout as one of the fun little perks for working with them. I honestly believe that SHUSH has always been Drake’s main income before Launchpad came into the picture. Launchpad is the breadwinner of the house he has a whole ass job as a personal pilot in Duckburg to some rich asshole Drake never wants to meet again. It did, however, take a good moment before he was working for them. He isn’t a full time agent he’s a for hire. They bring him on when they need him (or when he begs for work cause bro needs a hamburger please for the love of god)

It took him a nasty while to get his life set up to where he is by the time the pilot airs. But also from his start as DW to the pilot was almost two decades so like. Yk. He had time that’s for sure.

I don’t think he had any pets. I think he totally wanted like a turtle or some shit maybe a ferret as a kid like the kinda pet that is normal but not as common kinda thing. He never got one though

I also think he built a lot of, if not most, of his equipment. It’s highly implied that this is the case. The more fancy or expensive stuff he had help from SHUSH for but, again, that was a little bit into his carrier. Before he got SHUSH funding he would do odd jobs like mow grass or try to sell some of his less lethal and crime fighting inventions. Nothing lasted very long and he NEVER gave out his name. Drake didn’t start using the name Drake Mallard (a name he gave himself when he came out as trans as a kid to Elmo and his mom and eventually attempted to socially transition in high school) after high school till he met Gosalyn. She is quite literally the reason he took his civilian identity back up. She’s the ONLY reason. When he says in Darkly Dawns the Duck part two “if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have a life worth risking” HE MEANS THAT SHIT FULL CHEST. He is not Drake Mallard without Gosalyn I will die on this hill

SHUSH is the reason he even owns a social security number attached to his chosen name. He went up to them like. Hey. Do me a solid. I wanna adopt a child but I was like 18 when I started this and I don’t have much of a legal identity anymore. Of course, they set it up to where no one knows his identity. Like sending the forms to an undisclosed location then sending them off to a third party with no information about the situation to put into the system. Like shit was handled with UTMOST care and Hooter helped a lot with it. Darkwing is genuinely a huge asset to Hooter so he pulls a lot of strings to get Drake what he needs when he needs it. Having a guy on the outside who isn’t chained down by rules and regulations is way way way more useful to SHUSH than Hooter is legally allowed to say (also why a lot of SHUSH agents don’t realize or know why he’s kept around when he fucks up so much)

#this became really shush focused but also i like shush a lot #thank you double o duck for ur sacrifice #hex chants #drakepad-luv-2000 #darkwing duck #drake mallard

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whyyoualwayssoradical · 2 years

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in your opinion is it even worth it to identify as a male if most people dont like to see you as one? i'm not on hrt or anything and ive never said im a woman but since pretty much day 1 other males have felt inclined to push me out of their "boys club", like they're glad to not have me there and seek so, even gay men do this to me so its like why should i call myself this when its just so futile and painful because i'm constantly subtly and overtly exiled from the tribe i'm supposed to join?

i don't identify as male, i am male because i was born male, it is not an identity but a biological reality. i chose to transition to treat my dysphoria which makes me trans.

i definitely had some somewhat similar experiences when i first came out to my close friend group. this group of friends wasn't a typical boys club type friend group and was much more mixed, but pretty much once i came out they all started treated me differently.

the women friends in the group immediately started giving me things to stay safe with when out and informing me how to stay safe and to always let them know anywhere i went out. this was good and welcome and even before i came out they had all gotten worried about me because i was just out and about all day one day without telling anyone lol.

the guys... kinda more subtly treated me different at first and then after some time one of them became interested in me and despite me turning him down every time he wouldn't let up and made everything weird and awkward. come to find out later his dad also found interest in me which was extra fucking weird and now i think they both have some particular interest in people like me. i didnt want to any dynamics in the friend group to change so i had already decided i wasn't going to date or get involved with anyone yet he essentially forced a dynamic change by treating me almost like a manic pixie dream girl 🤢.

i wasn't really pushed out of anything though in the same manner it seems you were, over time i realized how shitty most of those friends were and how they never really included me in anything properly even before transition. i am also autistic and they couldn't do the bare minimum of just communicating things to me, even when my best friend explicitly told them to tell me about something. i would always find out last minute or just be left out. it got worse after transition + after pandemic hit.

i have had.. interesting interactions with gay men, they usually like me socially but they definitely treat me as an "other", like not exactly a gay man but also not exactly a woman. overall they have always been really nice to me but yeah, not really allowed to join or considered one of them in the same way.

i wish i had a better answer. i wish i could have grown up and been allowed to discover myself properly and then maybe i would have just been a gay man, i don't really know.

i definitely don't really have anywhere i truly belong. i'm already "other" by being autistic, not heterosexual, and then i chose to transition adding even more. my autism is much more similar to autism in women which further others me i feel because even though i relate so much to how they experience it i'm still not a woman like them. i don't really belong with gay men, i feel like they probably don't even want someone like me because i've done everything i can to not be a man so to speak and probably think i'm just self hating or something, i don't really know though. i wasn't strong enough to be a gay man in this world after everything i've gone through, i don't know. it's like my brain is so fucked i just can't.

#i dont know sorrry im a disaster #need to go cry for a bit

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tenzinclimateblog · 2 months

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The Murky Ethics of Climate Finance

I have never been a very pro-finance person, especially living in a suffocatingly capitalistic society. So, when I heard that the panel for the upcoming class would be focused specifically on the role of climate finance and the private sector in the fight against climate change, I wasn’t exactly thrilled. In an ideal world, we would not be having conversations about convincing the private sector or national governments that issues like climate change and systemic inequalities are worth combatting and therefore investing in. Our so-called ‘trusted institutions’ would allocate funding solely to improve and enrich the lives of the people. But in a world where capitalism has proven itself as the enemy of the environment, I am unsure that we can truly move forward looking solely through a neoliberal lens.

The panel consisted of professionals in the climate finance field, which made for a pretty interesting and memorable discussion. One part of the panel that stuck out to me the most was a specific panelist mentioning that we as climate students should not be gearing up to apply to ‘climate jobs.’ His explanation of his overall point was quite awkward, but I boiled it down to him, saying that all professionals (and many already do) have climate experience on top of their typical roles. From what I understand, he wants us to consider ourselves finance professionals who happen to have expertise in climate and social impact investing (for example). While I understand where he may be coming from, I am definitely not the target audience for this sort of rhetoric.

In most of my core classes at Columbia thus far, I have learned about the financial/economic role that institutions like the government and the private sector play in the fight against climate change, so nothing about this discussion was particularly ‘new’. My hesitation for climate finance comes from exactly that: trusting those same authoritative institutions. Time and time again, we have seen how wealth inequities and private interests have harmed BIPOC and lower-income communities. Especially within the field of climate, I think it is imperative that we move away from the same harmful systems that have both created and perpetuated inequality in the first place. I realize that a transition to a completely different global economic system will take a lot of time, and that climate change does not really afford us time. In fact, it might not even be the most appealing angle (to the finance bros at least) to look at climate change through. Regardless of their views or mine, it is clear that we need to allocate funding toward climate change (and not only for the purpose of serving private interests). Although market incentives can be effective, we need to shift perspectives on climate-smart infrastructure from an ‘investment’ to an imperative. And at the center of it all needs to be the people who have been impacted most by climate change. It is only then that we can start to worry about the difference between a climate risk analyst and a regular risk analyst. In other words, if we place too much emphasis on the titles of our jobs and market-favorable investments, we lose the potential energy and resources to place towards actually implementing equitable solutions to climate change.

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ignifilis · 11 months

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[ Spire ] - It’s no Goddess Tower, but it’s the next best thing. It almost rises high enough to make one believe freedom is at hand - but does that really matter when you’re here spending time with someone you love? Plus the view of the stars is gorgeous, and well worth the climb for any singleton too.

The connection between this spire and the Goddess Tower is not lost on Pelleas, but it could never be the Goddess Tower to him. But even if it could not attempt to be a replacement, the trek up here is similarly rewarding he thinks as he looks up to the wide expanse of glittering stars above them.

They were visible down below too, but up here, it somehow looks and feels different. Captivating, wondrous… magical even.

But he is not alone. To his side is a stranger with hair as red as flames, his appearance almost consumed by that color. Pelleas looks to him, fretful as he asks, “ Ah, I'm not interrupting, am I? Sorry. I just… I couldn't help but want to see the stars like this at least once. ”

While the transition from ballroom to garden was certainly jarring, Azelle appreciates the opportunity for a breath of fresh air. He's still becoming acclimated to being around so many people all crammed in one space again.

Evening's chill tempers the heat simmering under the surface of his skin. He wanders, aimless, around glittering flowers waving in a phantom breeze, the merrily gurgling fountain, until he winds up at the foot of a spire.

A little exploration can't hurt. Azelle takes his time climbing up, gaze lingering on the stars above instead of watching where he's going. But he finishes his climb without incident, panting slightly as he leans against the thin, cool wall of the spire.

Peace settles over him like a blanket. The stars glow, unbothered in their sky, and he's struck by the beauty of it all. Tailtiu would love this, he thinks, reminded of their nights in Silesse.

He's so absorbed in his ruminations he doesn't notice Pelleas' arrival. Startled, Azelle jumps, shaking his head. "Oh! No, not at all. I was lost in thought. They're beautiful, aren't they? I feel drawn to them."

Another glance upward before he remembers his social etiquette. "I'm Azelle, from Ve--Silesse."

#support: pelleas #toaball2023 #omg n in da inbox #thank you so much for sending!!

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speedytimemachineflower · 2 years

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october 18th, 2020

You know, life is funny, even at seventeen.

Like I feel like in the past four years of my life so much has happened that I could write forever about it

when I was 14 everything was so simple, everything to me then was about whether the guy in English liked me back, and how I could be prettier, and how to have the most fun, it was before the school was on drugs, before the bitterness of adolescence kicks in and your view of the world is distorted, but also at the same time justified. Back when I had to ask my mom for a ride, and the foundation of my social life was built upon whether my mom was available to drive me.

Im sure I will read this back year after year, as time goes by and giggle at the innocence that is really subjective as you age. However it doesn’t change the fact that I feel any of this.

Maybe I’m writing this as a closure, or a way to organize my thought, or perhaps a letter to my future self reminding me what it was like at this period in my life- I don’t really care, I just wanted to put this on paper, because a part of me breaks at the thought of forgetting it.

“Sweet Jane” by the velvet underground, I saw Miley Cyrus cover it today on youtube, and it reminded me of Tyler and 2018. It made me sad a little bit. There was some sort of aura that year that just felt like things wouldn’t change and that they would last forever, there was this weird certainty about it, I’m not really sure why- maybe thats the innocence of it all. I just remember that song, and it being on the playlist he made me for my birthday that year- I still cannot listen to that song and not get emotional, even two years later. I don’t really know why it makes me so sad, maybe ill find out once I’m done writing this, but it just represents a transition I guess. It represents Tyler and what he means to me in my life. I guess its more about Tyler. The name Tyler will always have this weird connotation for me, it just is so weird. It kinda makes me want to scream thinking about it not going to lie. It makes me more boggled knowing that at one point in my life that energy was worth holding onto. I just feel as if that year and a half, maybe two years 2018/2019 was some sort of time warp, I wasn’t myself then, and I was okay with that. Everything felt off those two years, nothing felt like it was mine, I kept looking outside for myself rather than within. I cannot blame Tyler for me losing my mind, but he still has that connotation. His impact on my life is undeniable, and I forget that more and more, and when I remember that he existed in my life at one point, it blows my mind, and when I realize that he still exists, it blows my mind even more. He just really never felt real, like honestly thats what it is, even when I didn’t like him, something about him seemed like so divine, not fake necessarily but just so like designed.

Its just so sad. I have this bad habit of checking his spotify every few days, I’ve been doing it since freshman year, idk I want to break it, but I also have this morbid curiosity- I guess we all have our vices. Anyways it seems like he’s dating this guy now, and its just funny because I feel like I’m starting a thing with *****- and I hate it- I feel like I’m going to be energetically tied to Tyler forever, i just hate it, I feel like I’m mirroring him all the time somehow, god knows if thats true, but its this complex I have and I hate when little things prove it- basically a Marilyn Monroe complex except with a guy. I wish all the time I could just wake up in a world where he never hurt my feelings as bad as he did- where he wasn’t an asshole, where I didn’t fall in love with him. My ego has never been more sure about something than thinking tyler would be my first boyfriend- I thank god every day for that lesson though- you cannot trust the ego lmao.

Even though all of that shit sucked, I wouldn’t really do anything differently, I’m never going to tell him I loved him, I’m never going to tell him how shitty of a person he is, I’m never going to tell him why I did everything- and I almost did but I’m glad I didn’t. The main lesson was learning about ego and what it is capable of, and honestly, telling him all that shit only satisfies my ego, the only reason I ever wanted to was to get a reaction to “know” that he knows- but he already knows, probably not his ego, but his soul. I know that- I believe I can tell anyone anything through the soul, and I think everyone has the truth deep inside them, but their ego is preventing them from seeing it- like how in summer 2018 I was so sure but it all felt off- I knew, but I didn’t know.

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the-firebird69 · 2 years

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I'm getting close to a deal and it's important because these people might not be in power fairly soon I'm still have anything in place it's usually a real pain. I would like to say I want to say that it's these people's plan as well which it is it's a transition and having a terrible time with it and they'll put him on trial and cuz they've lost so much power either as an excuse and try and threaten him to put a device into a shell if a shatteredome. Please give me the code and Max kicks you out of the Greyhound bus terminal and what you're saying is it's no use going up there there's nothing up there like this oh find it over it and fighting over it all of them so we have to get him some funds. a few things have promise

SS and there are several gap. And I found on a son's behalf in each instance each instance is 5 to $15,000 and there's five of them and they're all looking at it and Tommy f that's his remarks recorded

The $2,500 Ellie found in our son's mattress buried in beneath the full and it was not easy to find and they were flat perfectly flat I'm taking a while to figure it out it took our son a long time and it's on the mattress itself and it has a fold on the top most mattresses don't

The 7500 approximately it's in St Elizabeth's

$200 someone owes him who passed away here and he borrowed it and never paid it back and yeah that was Brad Brad in German but he was in a different format and a wife and kids needed some money it's supposed to work it off but he postpone the pool

Steve no it's another guy he had 50 bucks to so you can pay me tomorrow and it was not at the house never did that there they never pay you back this is the guy who works at the grocery store works at the place where you rent stuff LOL no and it was not garth brother-in-law or uncle. A man and Ken I can't pay them back if it is good but it's not him so we let you think about it. That's right it's labor ready guy

Another $200 and he lent it to his mom and she put it somewhere for safekeeping and it's still there and it's not here with him no.

There's a few more $5,000 Bank of America across the street from Wells Fargo more or less down the street in Northport it says money he's going to try calling and say no we're going to sue them and it's positive social security check it was the gap but not the whole gap

Ellie has sent him money but still also money but she promised to pay him $3,000 for the tile job and other work that he did they sold the house and made money so she's not even come up with that and she said the plane ticket and the state is free cuz it's worth it and he did other work he put the door in and he put stucco on and she said she'd pay him and she said it out back and I had a little meeting and he agreed it was nice but she never paid him she became this off and on but it was a lot worse because they're a couple of imposters one time a man was doing it and it was Trump and that's how I got in imitating Jenna was a wicked b**** now she's trying to pay him money it's usually a sense of stuff it hasn't sent anything and you sent the letter I said what's going on up there and hasn't said anything back so we're wondering what is going on she's still around we think then again Jenna disappeared several times and she sounded different she's a say you need this you need that come here this is a massive a****** it's like Trump is and Gallagher is Trump and that black haired girl looks like it could be someone else. You sent them a car and he sent the card back and finally and nothing and to a different address.

He's wondering where she is, and Trump may have done something to her said it was for what she knew about him whatever it was 19 78 76 so we it looks around out there we know where she is and what she's doing and she's not doing anything and she's like d and she's in Utah usually Visa even helped if something happened. PGA turn down many times and said it said where is she and he wouldn't tell. So he got down so where he was and asked and she said and he said this I don't really want to tell you. So bja got the idea to interview him and it's going to ask him where she is and is moving on it it's been a while and Ellie was not Jenna and Lee was the Carol barnhart type girl and she stopped showing up and she's not killed by her but that's what she looked like. Celebrities a question of who the hell is Jenna Jenna might be Brad's wife where the hell is she so he started worrying everyone is trying to find these people.

Thor Freya

I'm in there too and we do see something she may have disappeared here and someone may have grabbed her to clone her perhaps get a trial going so that was my might be a mac daddy

Bitol and Goddess Wife

Where's my son says typically the same and turns out to be Tommy f so there's a lot of people looking for her and asking him

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phoenixyfriend · 3 years

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Time-Traveled Clones Give Anakin a Mental Breakdown

So @purronronner suggested the below on discord:

mental time travel au but it’s only clones (definitely Cody and/or Rex, possibly others)

Which we obviously all took and just... ran with. Contributors include Purrs, @the-lunar-system, and @atagotiak.

Initial brainstorming was just us trying to figure out how many clones did the mental travel, from when, etc. - Ended up deciding on 'significantly post-O66' and 'some but not all' - Mostly it's the angle that the only people who have an idea of what’s coming are the ones who aren’t even seen as people by most. THey have very little leverage to work with but they’ve gotta do something.

(I personally like the idea that Boba travels because Jango has to deal with the fact that His Baby Boy is suddenly much more adult and serious and also telling him that the whole Kamino thing is going to Destroy Everything Including Mandalore, And Revenge Against The Jedi Won't Be Worth It, but that idea got scrapped because he's got too much influence via dad.)

Rex and the clones that died when Rex & Ahsoka were escaping 66. Because Rex would probably be very regretful he couldn’t save them. The others would probably be understanding of the situation and even worse some of them would be thankful that he stopped them. - Strategic mass desertion via faked KIA reports as medics smuggle people out to investigate what's trying to kill the Jedi through the clones - Also they can manage a lot by doing surgeries and reprogramming Med droids and stuff. At the very least Palpatine can’t manage such a sudden and decisive victory without subverting the clones. The political angle is probably still a complicated mess but he can’t just snap his fingers and do a genocide, y’know? - IMO at least Fives is definitely on the list of time-travelers.

The Krell Situation is, uh... handled. Quickly. - Sometimes friendly fire just happens, you know? Accidents.

Mass Distrust of Anakin Skywalker - He knows they don't like him but has no idea why. - On the one hand, they loved them some TCW Anakin. On the other hand, look where that takes him...

Anakin keeps feeling like the clones are mourning him while he's standing right there. More than the other Jedi, even! All the Jedi feel vague grief from some of the clones, usually in a way that makes no sense, but the vibe they have around Anakin is a mindfuck. - Some of them want to get away and fast, some of them want to figure out how to fix him, none of them are at all happy with this.

He does one of those somewhat concerning TCW things where Imperial March plays faintly in the background, and while in the first timeline the clones would write it off as him being a little bit angrier than most Jedi (and he never takes it out on them, y’know?), this time they’re reacting… poorly. - They're scared of him this time. - And lbr the clones... while they’re largely good, moral people, have less rigid ethical rules than the Jedi and are more used to thinking of things in terms of us-vs-them as well as the Jedi-know-best conditioning, so they probably wrote off a lot the first time around (and now blame themselves, just a little, for Vader).

They, uh, they maybe get a bit twitchy... and the specific fear a few of "Vader's Fist" feel is so similar to the fear Anakin sensed around slaves in Gardulla's that he starts having flashbacks. - Anakin at one point spirals so deep into a flashback that he mutters something about how "she" is going to eat him and nobody can figure out who the fuck he's talking about, because nobody knows about Gardulla, possibly not even Obi-Wan, since that was TODDLER Anakin and while Watto may have come up, Obi-Wan probably didn't even think Anakin would have remembered toddler-age stuff, so Gardulla was never really discussed. - All anyone knows is that Anakin is fine with Ahsoka, so it's not her, but she's the only person on board using she/her pronouns so far since none of the clones are socially transitioning yet. - (Apparently Gardulla just ate her slaves sometimes? And Anakin had to live with the knowledge that that was a possibility for him? Until he was three? Fucked up, bro.) - (I'm just really invested in AUs where Anakin's 'not going evil' path kicks off in part with a breakdown where he can't keep himself in denial about the slavery element of the clones anymore.)

"They're scared of me." "Sir--" "They're scared the way we all were at Gardulla's what did I do?"

This would be pretty soon after Return to Tatooine, and Tatooine Three: Electric Boogaloo so Anakin is like... peak slave trauma rn anyway.

Anakin has a breakdown much earlier than in canon, and in precisely the opposite direction, loudly and blatantly enough that the Temple has to ground him for a bit, and even Palpatine can't get that overturned until the medics say so. - Also one of the key points: Anakin doesn’t resent it in the same way. - It’s uh. Less. The “The Jedi are afraid of my power (and Palpatine says that’s why I can’t just do what I want)” and more “the clones are afraid of my power (arguably with good reason)”

people above you fearing (+ limiting) you: hits right in the slave trauma people under you fearing you: still slave trauma but flipped all the way around

This is just back to back: - Mom died because you couldn't save her, on Slave Planet - You slaughtered an entire tribe of Tuskens, including the children, and have been putting a lot of effort into convincing yourself you're not a monster - You got chained up and threatened with public execution via Consumed by Big Thing (and are abruptly reminded of toddlerhood, where you were at risk of being Consumed by Gardulla, a Big Thing) - Clone army, basically slaves, can't think about that too hard or you'll freak out - (Secret marriage, which is stressful but not hitting the slave trauma button.) - You had to save a baby Hutt -- You had to help a slaver Hutt -- ON SLAVE PLANET AGAIN -- WHILE THE HUTT IS THREATENING TO KILL YOU - (Someone just GAVE YOU A CHILD, which is stressful but not hitting the slave trauma button.) - Half the clones treat you like a more impuslive Obi-Wan, and half of them are... scared and wary and you don't know what to do about that - You did something kinda fucked up and now half the slaves clones are fine and the other half feel like they're waiting for you to kill them in your anger - Fuck - Fuck

#time travel #anakin skywalker #the clone wars #clones #star wars #Ahsoka Tano #slavery mention #Gardulla #Obi Wan Kenobi #Captain Rex #Fives #Phoenix Posts

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boomerang109 · 2 years

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uhhh uhhh top 5 VM head canons nobody can convince you aren't necessarily true

thank you sm for this ask bestie!!!

this will vary wildly from “basically canon,” “thing i thought of once,” and/or “found in some/many fics” and anywhere in between so just deal with it

1. non-binary keyleth! she/they pronouns and they genuinely don’t mind being called she—most people are stuck in the gender binary and don’t understand the fluidity of nature the way keyleth does and they won’t judge others for it and they don’t really care how that causes them to be perceived. however, they do wear a binder for dysphoria purposes—this is where the headcanon came from in the first place, marisha was stressed (watching grog fight in the pit maybe?) and said “i’m so stressed i’m chewing on my binder!” and my first thought was this meant keyleth was biting their clothing

1b. they’re also ace, i’m taking any and all ace rep i can get but our convo about them not actually responding to vax’s kiss as being one of many examples of their a-spec identity just made me !!! (also on ace visibility day i started writing a fic of ace keyleth coming out to percy and it then became him going ‘uhh yeah most people are like that’—he essentially thinks sexual desire is like a social construct everyone pretends to be interested in to varying degrees but they’re actually all faking—and her going ‘no i don’t think so’ which is how percy then discovers he’s also ace and idk if i’ll ever share it but yeah I really made myself laugh writing it)

2. trans vax. i think it’s very fun to say vex and vax are both trans and switched places and their father didn’t notice, however since they’re identical twins i believe it is canon that one of them is trans and i choose to believe it is vax. no real reason at this time, just trans rogue half elf! (however as i also very much want percy to be trans and am a huge Vex’ahlia shipper, i also see the potential for some great t4t content so really you cannot go wrong) (canonically i actually think there’s more support for vex being trans because we know that vax has a left nut, however as of episode 41 i have no knowledge of vex’s anatomy. but also, i have no idea how transitioning physically would work in tal’dorei so maybe grog hit vax in a left nut he didn’t have as a child, i prefer not too think too deeply into such details)

3. no because i wasn’t going to give Trans Percy his own bullet but also. he deserves it. like yes this is probably 90% projection and 30% just because talesin is himself so gender, but the other 28% deserves to be validated. just. at what point did he transition—before or after the briarwoods because yes in canon it probably can only be before (otherwise Whitestone wouldn’t all know his name) and in that case we stan supportive parents, but. imagine if he didn’t transition until after? the double blow of returning home (to Cassandra) not just to rid Whitestone of the Briarwoods, but also to re-introduce himself as Percival de Rolo. Orthax who promised more than just revenge, but also to make him exactly who he wants to be. I could go on all day about trans Percy but I think you get the idea

4. ace pike! okay okay hear me out on this one. so i don’t know if she and scanlan become a couple but in my head it’s very much “ugh he’s cute in like a small child way” for a very long time and then at some point something shifts for pike and she’s like oh shiiiit i actually like this asshole. but! being ace as a cleric has never been an issue—sarenrae doesn’t require chastity but it can show extra respect, or at least that’s what pike has been telling herself for years—but all of a sudden pike is romantically interested in scanlan, the most sexual person like…ever. so suddenly her perception of her own asexuality changes from ‘yes this is a strength that makes me an extra good cleric’ to ‘oh shit, is it even worth telling scanlan i like him back if i’m under the ace umbrella and therefore don’t know if we would be a good match as partners’ and to be clear even if pike isn’t demiace and told scanlan she’d never sleep with him, scanlan loves PIKE so he wouldn’t be weird about it, but i think it would take pike a while to realize that

5. all of the party lives forever and ever and doesn’t die until old age naturally takes them. no i don’t know any spoilers about anyone dying before old age because that doesn’t happen, everyone couples up (except grog) and lives happily ever after

#sorry if any of this is worded weird I mean well #vox machina headcanons #tlovm spoilers #cr campaign 1 spoilers #ask a boomerang #elara tag

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gb-patch · 3 years

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Ask Answers: June 6th, 2021

I’m back with more ask responses! You can also check our Frequently Asked Question sheet if there’s something you’re wondering that’s not answered here.

FAQ Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

Thank you for the patience with these questions ♡

Hey in very beginning of step 3 in the scene where Mr.Holden had a thought dancing on the tip of his tongue but he kept it to himself after MC and Cove were being cute (idk if it makes a difference but this is when they're dating)... Can we know what he was thinking/ wanted to say? It's been bugging me lol

He would’ve gone into a “look how much you’ve grown”, “your dad is so proud of you”, “I’m so glad things worked out with the MC”, and etc spiel, haha. But he resisted the urge to fawn on his baby boy, at least for that scene.

If we planned to move away for college/future plans in step 3, is it implied that MC and Cove would have a long distance relationship for sure? Could MC have convinced Cove to come with them? How is the dynamic of their relationship going to be addressed in Step 4, if that makes sense?

Cove is willing to follow the MC where they went after everything is settled for them there, and if they’re sure they want him to come! You’ll get to decide how things shook out during those transitional years just by making choices about it during the opening prologue of Step 4.

Hi! First off, how does it feel to have created one of the best games when it comes to inclusion for lbtq+ peeps? I've never felt as validated with my identity and sexuality when playing a game and I'm seemingly not alone ♥ Second, and this might be a little too specific, but what kinds of drinks does Cove like as well as dislike? Thank you, you're the best ♥

Thank you for very much! It’s really nice to hear the game felt inclusive. Cove likes regular water and fruit juices/smoothies most! He dislikes coffee and cola, and he’s not super into most teas either.

Hi, may i ask what gb patch stands for? Specifically the gb part lol

It stands for my old, silly username I used in places like Neopets as a kid, aha. The company name wasn’t super thought out since it was originally just me making VNs as a hobby. Luckily, “GB Patch” kind of seems like it could mean something reasonable, so I didn’t have to rebrand when it did become a more serious, commercial group.

If we chose to not propose to cove in the step 3 dlc would he propose or would the mc propose in step 4 or the wedding dlc?

Yeah, you or Cove can propose in Step 4 if you’re not already engaged! The Wedding DLC takes place after the engagement so the proposal scenes aren’t there.

will you guys announce if the early access for the new game is out on patreon ?

When beta builds of Step 4 or whatever start coming out on the Patreon we will mention it here on social media too.

Heyy I just had a quick question about Baxter if that’s okay :)?

I saw in an ask+answer that it’s possible to casually date Baxter In step 3, but what leads up to that? I have the step 3 dlc and I’ve tried playing them In a different orders and ways but it doesn’t seem to get anywhere ^^;

The Step 3 DLC is Cove-based because he’s the default guy. There’s a separate Baxter romance DLC that’s not out yet. That’s where you can get him to date you. I’m sorry for the confusion!

Will we ever get any LI's or side characters with physical disabilities or deformities? I think your games would be a great place to have them in since they're always so accepting and safe!

Yeah, we do hope to have representation for that in future projects ^^. Thank you for the confidence in us.

Is it possible to get Cove to take the bed and MC to sleep on the floor?

Not in Step 3, I’m afraid.

So, I have played the prologue of Our Life countless times and I haven't gotten the [Your Life] achievement, why is that?

Steam sometimes isn’t connected properly when an achievement unlocks and so it remains locked on your account. If that happens, unfortunately getting the scene again won’t unlock it. The achievement becomes inaccessible because the game thinks you already have it. Playing with the same Steam account on a different device or fully deleting your game data (more than the only the save files) are the only work arounds we’ve found.

Since when you talk with Jeremy in step 3 it's mentioned he goes on dates with someone (which assume is JB because who else would take this boy on dates) that makes him happy, does that sort of make JB and Jeremy the canon relationship in the first game?

The default for XOXO Droplets is that JB casually goes on dates with each of the jerks! Shiloh would’ve been harsher if Jeremy was the only guy getting her attention, haha. But the player can change that default by dating just one person the whole game for their own story and who she ends up with for real has no default.

Hi, hello! Huge OL fan, thank you so much for the wholesome content, it was very much needed during these times. Managed to get several people to join team Cove, so that's very exciting, I always have people to fawn over him with. I have a little question and I'm sorry if it was asked before, but does it ever come up in the game what Cove has told his mom about us? (who knows, with so many options, one can miss it) Or, alternatively, will it come up in the Step 4 DLC?

Thank you very much for sharing the game with people <3. It’s really great to hear people are liking it. Right now that doesn’t come up in game. Kyra is willing to keep her mouth shut and Cove isn’t gonna have that conversation either. At least not when he’s younger, but yes, perhaps when he’s a fully grown big boy in Step 4 you can ask him about it.

I’ve been thinking about this ever since it has been confirmed that there would be two love interests for OL2, would there be the possibility of forming a polyamorous relationship with both love interests? I’m sorry if you answered this previously, I’m just curious.

We are considering it, but it’s not a guarantee yet. It’d be really great to have but it’d add so many extra alterations that’d need to made, aha.

Hello! You mentioned how Cove would be uncomfortable with kids at 23, but how old would he be when he’s comfortable with having/adopting kids? (Same goes for the other LI’s.) btw, love your game!!

He’d want to be at least 25, but even older would be good. Derek would want to have kids when he and his partner could reasonably support them, the age itself wouldn’t matter. If they were doing good at 22 and wanted kids, he’d be up for it. Or they could wait until their 30s or whatever. Baxter is also more of a “when it feels right” guy rather than having a specific age requirement. Cove is just especially wary of being a young parent because of his own parents. I’m happy you like the game!

does step 4 immediately play after you press "end summer" in step 3? or is there another button/transition (like the story text thingy) before the epilogue begins? what happens after the epilogue? roll credits? 😂

Step 4 will have transition section always and there will be an extra button, if you own the Derek or Baxter DLC. By default the Cove-based version of Step 4 just plays once Step 3 is over. However, having the other guys’ storylines will mean you get to pick which version of Step 4 plays; Cove Step 4 (the basic one), Derek Step 4, or Baxter Step 4.

Happy pride, thank you for all you do for us🥰

I have a quick question though, I recently got a MacBook after my old windows computer broke, and now steam says I cannot download it, but it has no issues with other games, what can I do to download it?? I’m sorry if my English is bad

Happy pride month! Unfortunately, Our Life isn’t available for Mac on Steam right now. To be an approval application Apple requires having special notarization and we as a small group haven’t gotten that. Itch doesn’t care and lets us release the game for Mac there anyway, Steam does care so we’re locked out of putting the Mac build up on their storefront. Feel free to email us and we can try to help the situation out further!

[email protected]

Hello! I was jus wondering if the Baxter and Derek DLCs are still happening? I haven’t heard anything about them on here or patreon in a while so I just wanted to make sure ^^

They’re still coming and we just released a new sprite sketch on the Patreon for the Derek DLC c:. But right now Step 4 is still much more of a priority. Once that’s closer to being done we’ll focus way more on sharing previews for the other guys.

is it possible to tell cove you love him (platonically) at step 3 fondness/selecting him as basically family? i just love the mc and liz sibling interactions and it got me wondering about it (especially if you've selected that option)

You and Cove can be as close as family, but there’s not a specific scene in Step 3 where you say “I love you” in a family context. But there’s always Step 4~

do you intend on ever adding a collectors mode to Our Life? Like a way to collect achievements and CGs for the gallery without it effecting any save files?

We weren’t considering it before. But if a lot of players would find that helpful, we could start thinking on that!

Sorry if it's a silly question haha, but (in crush/love) is Cove really aware of how cute and cuddly he seems to MC? If so, what does he think or do about it? Or does he just ignore it?

He isn’t particular aware. Cove never truly stops being surprised that the MC is interested in/attracted to him, haha.

Would you say that the alone ending of xoxo droplets is worth playing again to get?

Nope, haha. The goal is to make friends/get a boyfriend and so the alone ending is kind of the bad ending for the game. Though there is a consolation prize if you get it by accident.

Is there any possible situation which would ever prompt Pran to bake for his girlfriend? Like I know it's unlikely I mean even if JB broke her leg somehow I'm pretty sure he'd still be like "I considered baking you a cake and doing the frosting the way I think looks interesting but you don't deserve a cake, no one does." right but also ahhh it would be super nice if some day he just surprised her with baked goods one day out of nowhere. JB would be so shocked it would be cute. So is there any possible situation where that could/would be a thing that he would do?

He might bake out of spite, like if he felt he had to prove her wrong on something. Or if JB used some good reverse psychology on him. Or he might do it in a relatively nice way if he could make his GF so shocked by the kind gesture that his amusement with that overrode his insistence on not being sweet. Pran is very difficult in high school, aha.

Is the "one route (where) it can be seen that Everett will drop his seemingly eternal waging with Jeremy pretty easily and can start getting along without thinking much on it" the Lucas route? I'm curious!

Yep! Everett will side with Jeremy if it’s between him and Lucas.

Hi I hope you guys are having a great day :) I just had to ask how Cliff would feel about Cove's partner/fiancé Mc calling them dad whether it be accidental or otherwise and secondly I also wanted to ask how he would feel about being asked to be the one to give the mc away at their wedding.

He would be very touched and excited! I hope you have a good day too :D

Hello! I saw an ask relating to whether Cliff "moves on" after Cove's grown up and stuff (and he stays single), but what about Kyra? Will she be with anyone else or will she stay single?

She does start dating again, but she takes it slow.

Hi! I absolutely love the art for characters in OL and I wonder is this fine to draw my MC in same drawing style and upload online later? Is this something artists would be okay with? Thank you!

Yeah, you can certainly do that C:

Hey there!

I wonder if I'm just being stupid here.. Is Step 4 a DLC? And if so, where can I find it? I can't seem to find it on Steam :< Thank you!

Step 4 is a free epilogue! It’s not done yet, but once it is finished you’ll just update your game file and Step 4 will be there after Step 3 ends.

hi! are step 4 and the wedding dlc two different things?

They are. Step 4 is a free epilogue that’ll be a default part of the game once it’s done, the wedding DLC is an optional paid expansion that takes place after Step 4.

Why did Baxter not receive a step 2 sprite seeing how he shows up later

Sprites are time consuming to draw and take money out of the budget that could’ve gone to other things. His tiny appearance in Step 2 wasn’t worth all the effort to make a sprite, aha.

I just realized, what happens if if you get the patreon exclusive moment but at a later date, when you don't have the membership anymore, it's updated (like a bugs fix update for example)? Would you have to get the membership again?

You would have to get the membership again to redownload the build. But there’s very little chance there’s going to be an update once it’s been out for over a month. If a build gets released with errors, players catch/report them within the first few days. So by the time the first subscription period ends, any problems that were noticeable would already have been fixed. And we’re certainly not gonna be adding new content to it once it’s been released for a long time. There’s no need to worry about missing out on something worthwhile in the future if you cancel your membership. It’s being made with the idea in mind that many players are gonna be getting it and then going.

Hello! Wanted to ask about gaming choice in step 3? Once upon a playthorugh I got the option to buy Cove a bracelet for his graduation present. I played the same basic character again and that option wasn't there anymore. I'm not sure where I went wrong. My Cove wears a bracelet on each hand and my MC is into fashion and jewelry. Do I need to put an earring on him or? Sorry, love your game so much.

He also needs to have liked bracelets in Step 2 for that to be considered a good gift option for him. Sorry for the confusion! I’m happy you love the game :)

Is Step 4 being released at the same time as the Wedding DLC or will the first come before the latter? Thank you!

I’m not sure. Ideally they’ll come out at the same time, but the wedding DLC has a lot of art to get done and we may have to release it after Step 4.

Can mc still get confession from Cove at the end of step 3 even if mc casually dates Baxter in step 3? Such as in crush mode?

I don’t think so. Maybe that’ll change, but generally there’s differences to the Step 3 ending if you were dating Baxter and those differences likely will conflict with getting the Cove confession.

For the patreon moments/dlcs, will it be available for all tiers?

It’ll be available for tier 2 (Fans) and up!

#our life #xoxo droplets #gb patch #ask #gb patch games #Our Life Beginnings & Always

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makiema · 3 years

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finally finished writing about how much stormbringer enhances the skk dynamic which was at a nascent stage in Fifteen and anticipates the developments which happen later and culminate in Dead Apple where the faith they have in each other is absolutely remarkable! the fact that i said i’d do this in a few hours yesterday but it took me like 24 hrs to finish i have an attention span of a whole 2 minutes 💀

my favorite thing about stormbringer is that it actually builds up on the concepts/themes introduced in Fifteen so it's a glimpse into what has changed in dazai and dazai & dhuuya after one year of being together. As much as it's about chuuya confronting his past and his identity this is also about dazai’s development from who he was in fifteen. chuuya and rimbaud both left their marks on dazai and in Stormbringer we see him, actually trying to emulate or follow in a sense a way of life, that chuuya and rimbaud represented. Stormbringer is not just about chuuya, abt his test of humanity, or he coming in terms with who or what he is. it's about dazai too. it's about dazai developing or at least attempting to develop what he calls “boyish”/ “ordinary” in Fifteen. its not about chuya having an identity crisis. in fact what we understand from Code 04's last section is that chuuya never considered it as his crisis and neither did dazai. so to dazai “saving chuuya is important, human or not doesn't matter” and when dazai gives chuuya time to think abt what the operation will cost him chuuya doesnt so much as flinch form his purpose. This goes on to show unlike verlaine he doesnt care about memory and certainly doesnt consider it as the only determinant of someone being human. He cares more abt yokohama and his friends and in that, in caring abt his “family”, he is just as human as the next person. whether he’s factually human or not comes secondary to his desire to save people. This is a message that the quality of being human has more to do with embodying human qualities or humanity than having memories and lineage. so yeah stormbringer is essentially about embracing humanity but this happens on 2 levels: both chuuya and dazai embrace humanity. Going back to the boyish or ordinary bit, im talking abt this segment:

here dazai is shocked because he assumed everyone “gangsta” and everyone crazy powerful delighted in homicide, in deliberately indulging in the macabre. but he is proved wrong. He logically concluded that anyone with power more than average and belonging to the underground would kill people and delight in that because it’s a given they lack any kind of moral understanding. To that end, they’d be exalted at the prospect of relentlessly shooting a dead body, mutilating it and dishonoring it. The mafia code (any general mafia code) works in a way where honor and death goes hand in hand. So only the lowest of the low would do that to a dying person, who even when faced with certain death is loyal to his own organisation. This really shows that even within the mafia dazai is the only person whos like the devil incarnate. So yeah dazai at this sate far lower than even a mafia member. But chuuya who actually embodiess the mafia code and is incredibly loyal to his organisation and “family” [ putting family in quotes bc he himself calls his friends family 🥺] ofc kicks the gun away. From dazai’s pov chuuya being as insanely powerful as he is should also do the same. But chuuya comes along and suggests that even enemies should be shown respect where it’s due. And that is what an ordinary person, oblivious to mafia life (mafia life as in waht dazai makes of it) thinks. So in undermining the binary between “ordinary” and “mafia” chuuya proves that being mafia doesnt necessarily mean selling your soul to the devil and giving up the last smidge of humanity. In fact by embodying qualities like compassion and kindness and mutual respect, you can make the mafia a better place for yourself and for the other members. Now in Stormbringer, we see how this affected dazai. here dazai is introduced as someone mercilessly killing to set up the channel.

Now to expand the channel one would need to keep doing it right? To mercilessly kill ppl and stuff but instead what he does is hand the channel over to chuuya bc he knows chuuya wouldnt handle it like him. im not suggesting that dazai miraculously becomes v good or anything with dazai the key words is “try” or “to some extent” like in Fifteen when Chuuya asks “do u wanna live” he’s like “ not to that extent”. similarly its not to say he doesnt kill people anymore. it is that he tries to lessen the number of casualties by handing over one of the most troublesome channels to chuuya who would manage it in a much more humane way. That dazai draws from his friends/at least tries to is smth we’ll see again later on when he deals with akutagawa. He talks about odasaku and ofc its baffling to him that a mafia member as powerful as him would be taking acre of orphans. and dazai says but he cant afford to be that kind and proceeds to shoot akutagswa but again does so in a calculated way such that he doesnt end up killing him ( im NOT justifying dazai’s abuse not at all im just saying that its hard to believe he coincidentally knew the exact no of bullets that aku could block. and had odasaku’s words and his way of life not been in the back of his mind he could’ve ended up killing aku) coming back to chuuya and dazai we also see him avoiding further conversation on the jewelry channel thing as he says “leave that for now”. He does a similar thing again when mori brings up the concept of double suiciding with chuuya.

Its a HUGE thing for him to digest that him suiciding would inevitably spell the doom for chuuya. this puts an unimaginable responsibility on him. And he avoids further discussion on this. Now we know dazai is the rambly type. Even in the most dire moments he goe son with his LOONG monologues so really he is the last person who’d avoid a conversation but he deliberately does it in these 2 instances because its hard for him to grasp these things. That he can go against his nature and do a conscientious thing by handing over one of the most grisly channels to chuuya (i dont think dazai’s nature is evil. Or even if it is, its a a social construct keeping in mind the war ravaged times or its mori’s construct because he does exploit dazai to the hilt. but dazai ofc thinks of himself as non-human, devious. perfectly devilish...etc.) And also the fact that someone as suicidal as him is actually responsible for the life of someone else is really too much to take in. a whole 10 seconds pause indicates just how much he was thrown off when mori opened his eyes to the reality of things: if he dies, chuuya inexorably dies as a consequence. also i dont think the “wow” here or the next bit :

is something jokey. if it was like haha double suicide with chuuya is the worst haha wanna do it w pretty lady kind of a deal. that pause would have been unnecessary. dazai’s immediate reaction would’ve been whining and shit. the use of “froze” too implies the gravity of the situation. so ofc what is “wow” is how much meaning his life has for someone else. and for some so much....better than him. and what is unacceptable is this sad, sad truth that his life (to which he ascribes no value) would be so inextricably linked with someone else’s and hold so much meaning to them. it is like when a suicidal person at the brink of suicide understanding his life is not his own. his life and death holds consequences for ppl surrounding him. so both of these are huge things to grasp and at both these times dazai is visibly shaken up so much so that he doesnt want to do his favorite thing- ramble in a condescending tone. smth he does in so many instances. this really is a testimony to the fact that things are changing in him. the redemption process has begun. he’s no longer the kind of maniac he was before he encountered chuuya. when zuko underwent his transition in atla he was so shaken up after one (1) right decision he had a fever. i think this is true for anyone who’s trying to change. change is after all a huge thing for everyone. ofc he’ll be unsettled. so anyways this is proof that he has indeed come a long way from being someone who revelled at the prospect of meaningless bloodshed.

now coming to the concept of love he assumes he’d get sick of love and die:

and that death is the singular goal worth chasing after because it makes you feel more alive/get a fuller picture of what living entails. but here he is erring by supposing love is something that’ll bore him/have no meaning. and it cant provide him that “something” he’s looking for. at this point he hasn’t loved so he doesnt know whether he’ll be sick of it or if it'll have no impact. And yet he’s morose and regretful. this is a kind of self-imposed constraint hes putting on himself. he cancels out the v idea of love because hes convinced it isnt worth it. he hasnt even been in love okay scratch being in love that sounds romantic and i really dont mean love in a romantic sense here...its just love. in general. any form is cool. anyway so dazai is not familiar with any kind of love. He is entirely alien to the concept. he doesnt even know what a friend/partner is so he doesnt know what love is. this is cleared out here when rimbaud confesses he did everything for paul and dazai is unconvinced:

chuuya ofc admonishes him and shuts him up for good, he says dazai has no right lookind down upon smth he doesnt understand. he doesnt understand friendship, love. or loyalty. or how important those feelings are at this point. now this situation is turned on its head in stormbringer. but before we go into that let’s look at the message rimbaud had for both of them. ik he specifically asks for chuuya to “live” but there’s purpose behind including both of them in the frame. it’s a message they should both take to heart. and at the end of it its implied both are changed after hearing it:

and in this message the first bit is for chuuya. what he says is basically memory doesn’t make u human... ”you are you” just a frame or not doesnt matter. and even if hes just a frame, he is still beautiful. beauty actually is a v important concept in literature starting right from Plato to Shakespeare. i’d not bring this here but because bsd is so deeply rooted in literature i feel like the reference to beauty, and later on to soul and even warmth and also the universal tone of this message carries some meaning. so the thing is both Plato and Shakespeare were endorsed the idea of love as a force awakened in the world by beauty which then leads the soul to perfection. so humans and by extension, all life are beautiful frames that can inspire love. this concept is also there in Romantic poetry like Keats and Wordsworth all of them talked about loving beauty in nature and how that can elevate the body mind and soul. so essentially in telling this to chuuya what ehe basically means is that chuuya just by being him, by being a beautiful framework can inspire love and warmth in others and thats a great purpose! how much chuuya understands of this purpose with his one (1) braincell and his low self esteem is questionable but he gets some sense of belonging. now this is a two way relationship so ofc dazai has to be factored in. he comes in the next part:

these are from 2 different translation so the disparity im sorry ;-; but anyway, this last part abt the world being a cold place. then paul. then “warmth” is a message to dazai who’s been introduced to us as cold-hearted and having like no bearings of a human being. this is the reason why its important for both o f them to be there. now going back to chuuya being a beautiful framework, the framework can be beautiful in so far as its beauty is appreciate by someone and inspires warmth and love in someone. this again is the whole beauty/beholder nature/the romantic concept that is there in shakespeare and in Romantic poetry where both are a part of a codependent relationship. so what rimbaud implies here is that dazai can have that kind of a relationship with another person (chuuya) just like rimbaud had with paul which makes him warm and the world doesnt feel cold anymore. rimbaud has no regrets about what he did because. so the idea is that dazai and chuuya can share the same dynamic. also after this, the narrative says that their hearts are now changed and wont return to what they were before....and even their souls are refined in a way. but in Fifteen we dont have a concrete proof of how this happened bc the novel ends at this point. Instead, Stormbringer shows exactly how deep the impact of those words is:

this is the third instance of dazai showing hesitation and once again this has to do with chuuya. the seed of the dynamic that rimbaud was talking about is already germinating in him. his reactions, his fidgeting, his hesitancy, in response to chuuya’s situation is such a big contrast to his cocksure self when he’s conversing with adam and verlaine. after this of course we have:

not only does he clearly express his concern but he gives chuuya 2 whole mins to make a decision and based on that he’s prepared to overturn the operation. the success rate of an alternative plan will ofc be lesser than the og one but that doesnt faze dazai. he’s ready to turn the tide for chuuya’s sake and if this is not development idk what is. just a year ago, he was someone to whom the concept of rimbaud going thru all that trouble for his friend was a lost concept. ironically enough, now he finds himself doing something that is along the same lines. he puts chuuya above his mission. to him, chuuya is more important than getting a satisfactory result. another bit that i wanna talk abt is that one controversial section where dazai says he’ll save chuuya, human or not, and then the justification is:

i think a lot of people got mad bc of this and honestly at first glance i was peeved too. as a chuuya stan some of the shit dazai has done so far did rub me the wrong way. i love skk obv but still those were moments that kind of left a bad taste in the mouth. i’ll discuss them later on bc stormbringer helps allay that feeling. coming back to the “i wanna see chuuya suffer” part firstly context is important. ofc someone like dazai cant be expected to be upfront about his feelings with ppl (or AI) he barely knows. so what be relays to adam, is only partly true and its actually a kind of a twist in concept. the things is, and this is smth dazai knows all too well is that ppl suffer simply on account of being human. human suffering is brought on because humans, by virtue of being humans, feel. so when he says he’s willing to acknowledge chuuya as human despite what N and Verlaine said he’s already admitting that chuuya suffers. so there is really nothing “new” to see for him. he knows chuuya suffers already and he does too because they’re both humans trying to make it thru their messed up lives. also chuuya “ceasing to be human” is a p huge concern for him bc he himself is like that. just like with the suicide thing, it bothers dazai when someone else shares his situation/his fate like as long as his life is his own, he has no problem ending it whenever but the situation is complicated when someone else’s life span is determined by that decision. and similarly, as long as he is “no longer human” its not that much of an issue because he’s like resigned to a doomed fate but someone like chuuya ceasing to be human or worse yet never getting to know if hes human or not are pressing matters. so anyways what he actually means here is that in saving chuuya, he saves someone who suffers just like he does and in their case, even the cause of suffering boils down to a shared psychological conflict: what essentially constitutes being human and if im human or not. now this sharing of pain and suffering is the foundation of forming a connection with someone, which makes life a little better. here again, what rimaud imparted to dazai and chuuya is driven home. also dazai’s key anxiety is not finding meaning/anything. this “anything” can be assumed to be something that justifies life. so all his anxiety and frustration stems from the fact that there really is no discernible meaning to be found in the mechanism of life. so it is an empty pursuit because it is true that nothing can explain why feelings of pain and suffering are exponentially heavier than feelings of happiness or why after getting to experience one (1) free day we’re back to square one where life is grueling. these are questions that really dont have an answer so every time dazai like gazes into the abyss and says he didnt find anything, he is not so much asking if he’ll ever find anything as swallowing the hard truth that there is nothing to be found, no singular entity exists that can magically justify everything. again drawing upon literature or philosophy more specifically, there’s a concept called Absurdism which says the only philosophical truth so to say is this that life is absurd and looking for meaning is futile. instead what we can do is accept that it is absurd and deal with it in the best way possible, by finding little sources and moments of happiness, and strewing them together so we feel somewhat content. even if it is just for a fleeting second. and this happiness/contentment amidst a wretched life (altho temporal) can be found in friendship, in sharing, and even in having fun with people you’re comfortable with! this is actually why dazai wants to save chuuya and now it may seem like im interpreting his words through the shipping lens but thats not so and it can be corroborated by looking into dazai’s words to odasaku. after chuuya, dazai’s next attempt at friendship was odasaku who he found “interesting”. now when odasaku sort of like threw hands and chose death over having to live a life without the orphans, dazai tried to stop him not by saying stuff like life is good. and things will def change for the better. but instead he admits that living is hard and the sense of void is ubiquitous and yet he doesnt want him to up and die because then he would be sad. because the little comfort that he got from odasaku and something he probably assumed odasaku also got from him would be gone. [how much odasaku considered dazai a source of comfort remains unclear. in fact the reason odasaku gave up and died was because he did not have this. this feeling of sharing in someone else’s suffering and seeking comfort in friends in the real world. instead he was too vested in his ideal world. his over reliance on an entirely idealistic concept is actually what pushed him over the edge. and this would have been the case for dazai too had he not encountered and sought comfort and companionship in chuuya and eventually in odasaku ] so this again goes on to show how rimbaud’s words changed dazai’s heart. and in a way dazai really has been doing this unconsciously form the v beginning like by teasing chuuya continually in Fifteen. you dont expect someone as cold as him to indulge in friendly bickering and taunting so often but he does. that there is significance and even happiness in that is something he learns over time, after rimbaud’s words to him. although these things seem futile on the surface they give a moment’s respite. so although chuuya spinning dazai on a rope in stormbringer might seem weird to everyone, they still serve a purpose:

what shirase puts forward is particularly relevant here because neither dazai nor chuuya is fully aware of the extent of their feelings (or even what those feelings are like they dont know what label to put. so typical oblivious lovers) for each other or what they stand to gain just by driving each other nuts but there is something intangible but satisfying to be felt. a kind of contentment that helps him continue. one day at a time. there is no one great “thing” that can make him like wake up one day feeling like he doesnt want to die ever again. but again like i said before, the key word for dazai is “extent” so, these little things to some extent contribute to a sense of fulfilment which helps him keep death at bay. thats why he’s bent on saving chuuya bc he knows they can share in their suffering and make life better for each other. its not like he wants chuuya to suffer. chuuya will suffer nonetheless like every other human. but in suffering together there is something to be found so he doesnt want him to cease being human.

this covers more or less the intertextuality between Stormbringer and Fifteen. i just wanna talk a bit more about a couple other moments in Stormbringer that i feel are p important because they put some things in the series in perspective and also made the dead apple moment 10x more emotional 🥺 one thing that really strikes me is the absolute fanon level of comfort that dazai and chuuya share in Strombringer. its like scenes form k-drama lol.

so yeah this stuff. compare this with dazai’s reaction @atsushi when he drops im not saying that its not just a joke and that what im saying should be the right way to look at this contrast. its not like that at all. but what this does is give an estimate to the readers just how close and comfortable dazai feels when its chuuya. and this plus everything i rambling on abt for so long also gives us an estimate about the sincerity of dazais feelings. now 2 things always bothered me : the fact that dazai actually left chuuya and the fact that after the fight against lovecraft he actualy deserted him (this again can ofc be construed as just a humorous bit but still it did leave a bad taste in my mouth) dazai leaving the mafia is ofc something he had to do to fulfil oda’s dying wish but it still dint sit right with me that he would abandon chuuya. just like oda levaing is harder on dazai, dazai leaving is harder on chuuya. its always harder on the one left behind. so anyway, these sorts of things sometimes made me doubt dazai’s feelings but now that stormbringer clears it all up i do think there is a larger motif at work here. when mori offers dazai to come back to the mafia in s2 we see him saying that it was mori who kicked him out and that he did so because he was afraid dazai would usurp his position. so he set it up in a way that dazai would be forced to leave but on his own accord. now more than usurpation i believe what mori really did fear is that dazai had no allegiance to the mafia (which is actually true) bc he doesnt have that sense of loyalty and that to him his friends were more important than swearing allegiance to mori. (which again is true). so by getting oda killed, the message that mori seemed to be giving out was if dazai didnt leave he would do it again. and if we consider ango’s betrayal which had already transpired at that point, the one mori would next target to sort of get at dazai would inevitably be chuuya. this is only conjecture but still, i do believe this might as well be true because then it would explain why dazai didnt carry chuuya back to the base after their fight [something he was v comfortable doing in Stormbringer. in fact in the first case he carries chuuya back to the billiards bar and not to the mafia’s base so he could hear albatross’ last words 🥺] its because mori needs to know unlike dazai, chuuya is absolutely loyal to him which regrettably he is. it kinda becomes imperative therefore on part of dazai to make it seem that way to mori. that they really are at each others throats and that dazai is insignificant to chuuya. and that the mafia comes before dazai. (which is not true bc we see chuuya protecting his friend [shirase] while also staying loyal to the mafia in Stormbringer)

mori also in his own way tries to provoke hostility b/w them like in Dead Dpple when he was all like yeah so dazai is the star and chuuya is merely bait. so it kinda makes sense if dazai left the mafia not only to like do good work but also to protect chuuya from mori. also the fact that chuuya did the same thing— left the Sheep and joined PM to protect Shirase from the mafia makes be believe that my speculation is plausible given all the parallels we find between dazai and chuuya.

and the last bit is about the brilliant Dead Apple scene and how much added context it gets in light of Stormbringer.

in this scene dazai first says: “you used Corruption believing in me?” and then the translation is “how beautiful” which is an okay translation but the exact thing dazai said was “nakasetekurerune” which literally is : youre gonna make me cry you know? now my knowledge of japanese is like duolingo level but i do know “nakasete” has to do with crying and “kureru” is used by the receiver to indicate he’s receiving a feeling/object from someone close. so basically chuuya trusting him is something so beautiful that it could almost move him to tears. now lets look at dazai’s intro in Stormbringer:

dazai, being dazai, ofc would be able to tell genuine trust from fealty out of fear so ofc the fact that chuuya has this kind of blind faith in him is overwhelming for him. also stormbringer really expands on the sight effects of Corruption in full detail. its so PAINFUL and to think that chuuya would jump into it right away for dazai’s sake.....no wonder he is so soft when deactivating him. and then he proceeds to flirt for a little bit with the Snow White and the kiss of life reference. but this flirting doesnt seem even a little out of place now. it doesn't feel like smth meaningless or smth that dazai is just saying as a joke. that there is absoluetly no subtext to making a statement like that. instead that kind of flirting feels like smth inspired from a deep, deep familiarity with someone who really shares his heart and soul. when he talks to chuuya abt the problem of not knowing whether he is human or not, it is a problem that is as central to him as it’s to chuuya. not feeling fully reconciled to a human identity is a problem thats fundamental to both of them. I don’t think familiarity gets any deeper than this where you share the exact same psychological problem. so its really wonderful how we can trace the skk development now: what starts out as a crush on part of dazai or not a crush exactly rather, a feeling of perplexed admiration because chuuya is breathtakingly beautiful inside out, eventually gain all these layers and develops into something meaningful where they have so much faith in each other and where they literally help each other live. knowing someone out there shares your exact issue so you’re really not alone in this is perhaps the greatest comfort in the world. also now its clear how both of them would have turned out had they not met each other and had they not taken in rimbaud’s advice. chuuya in his desire to learn about himself and frustration at not being able to do the same would have perhaps spiralled downward and ended up becoming like verlaine. he is his double here after all. and had dazai not seen chuuya up close being the wonderful person he is, he too would have probably ended up developing a god complex and becoming like fyodor. dazai is there to save chuuya literally from dying a monster and chuuya is there to remind him he too can try and mend his ways and embrace his human side. after all chuuya has so much trust him in! (despite him having questionable methods) for both of them, it starts out as an attempt to be more human, then establishing a fruitful partnership, and finally coming in terms with their feelings to some extent. for dazai, he’s comfortable enough to engage in occasional flirting at this point and for chuuya it’s playing along with dazai’s antics (well with the ones he get 💀 pretty boy has half a functional braincell) and openly showing his concern for him. so really by confirming their feelings what strombringer does is enhance the skk development in a way that Dead Apple doesnt seem like fan service anymore. the fact that dazai would casually flirt or be comfortable with chuuya landing on his crotch 💀 all that isnt as ridiculous as it first seemed because stormbringer lays the groundwork and anticipates all the intimate/flirty skk moments that have happened till now and ig will happen again soon.

#bsd #stormbringer #soukoku #dazai osamu #chuuya nakahara #bungou stray dogs #stormbringer spoilers #bsd meta #bsd analysis

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