#i think part of why my mom is so supportive is bc she wasn’t diagnosed until her 30s. and she wants me to get all the help i need asap | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spine-buster · 3 years

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peaceful easy feeling ft. b.boeser | one

A/N: Here’s the beginning of my new mini-series! I hope you all enjoy it. It will definitely be a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, so be prepared! There will be five parts!

SUPPORT MY WRITING HERE: https://ko-fi.com/spine_buster

CONTENT WARNING: parents with disease/sickness (Parkinson’s); swearing; sex; alcohol use; lots of emotions.

* * * * *

Brock Boeser felt like he was at some sort of Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, with everybody around the circle introducing themselves and their similar predicaments. The group was in a big meeting room at the local community centre, and when he walked in, he saw a group of dads playing basketball in the gym. He sort of wanted to join them instead of being here, in this room, with all these people that he didn’t know talking about what they were going to talk about, but he’d done this back in Minnesota, at his mother’s behest with his siblings, and he was going to do it here, too, in Vancouver, to make her happy and ease her mind and to make sure that he was easing his own mind.

“Um, hello everyone. My name is Brock Boeser. I’m from Minnesota, but I’m living in Vancouver. And um, I’m here with you all because my dad was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease.”

“Hello Brock,” everyone smiled at him, and he smiled and nodded back.

“So it was your dad that was diagnosed,” the leader, a kind, older woman named Esther who had greeted him at the door and stuck with him until everybody sat down, egged on a conversation. He knew she was doing it because he was new; everybody in this room probably already knew each other. A part of him actually wondered if anybody knew who he was. “When?”

“Um, he—he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in 2010,” Brock revealed, stuttering it out. He knew he’d have to be open at these things – open so people could empathize with him, open so he could empathize with others – but it was still tough for him to do so. “But he—it’s—it’s not just Parkinson’s. Two years after he was diagnosed, he was in a car accident and suffered a traumatic brain injury. In 2017, he was diagnosed with lung cancer. He beat it but then in June it returned to his liver and chest. In July, he had a heart attack and his heart stopped beating for 15 minutes. I was with him and—I—it’s—it’s a lot, as you can imagine,” he tried not to start crying right then and there. Imagine that – first meeting with a Parkinson’s Society of BC support group and he’d bawl like a baby.

“Goodness me, Brock,” Esther said. “He has support at home?”

“Um, well, money isn’t an issue now, but when I was growing up my mom worked three jobs to make sure we were all taken care of,” he revealed. “I’d pitch in too wherever I could, obviously.”

“But it’s been tough for a number of years.”

Brock paused. It had been tough for a number of years. It had been really tough for a number of years. He nodded his head. “Yes ma’am. I try to take it day by day.”

Esther nodded as well. “I don’t know if you pray, Brock, but I know a couple of members around the circle do, and, well – you’ll be kept in all our prayers.”

Brock saw a few people nod their head. Another older woman, probably his mom’s age, clutching a rosary; a Sikh man dressed in a casual suit; a younger woman, probably in her thirties, with short blonde hair. He appreciated the sentiment. He knew that people took prayer very seriously – that people suffering took prayer very seriously. It was, realistically, one of the kindest things somebody could ever say to you: “I’m praying for you.” “Thank you very much,” he said, nodding his head once.

***

There was an arrangement of cookies at the end of the meeting. Even after the 90 minutes of everybody talking about their experiences and emotions, they apparently liked to stick around afterwards as well just to mingle. It didn’t all have to be doom and gloom, he thought. It didn’t all have to be about Parkinson’s or about sick people or losing your loved ones all the time. Maybe some people just wanted to talk about the news. Maybe some people just wanted to talk about sports. The weather. Anything. Anything to make a connection with someone beyond something so tragic.

After stuffing an entire Fudge-O cookie into his mouth, he looked up to see a young woman staring at him, holding her trenchcoat in her arms. She was smiling to let him know she was friendly. He was embarrassed because he knew she just saw him stuff an entire Fudge-O into his mouth. “Hi,” he said, his mouth still full of cookie, the sound of his voice reflecting that fact.

“You’re Brock Boeser, right?” she asked sweetly. “You play for the Vancouver Canucks?”

“Yeah,” Brock couldn’t help but smile. He swallowed the rest of the cookie even though he didn’t really finish chewing it. “That’s me. Are you a fan?”

“My step-brothers are more so than I am,” she said. “But I’m a fan of the team, yeah. I’m Grace Gillespie,” she extended her hand to shake his. “God, they’re not gonna believe me when I say I met you. They’re gonna freak.”

Brock couldn’t help but chuckle slightly. “Do you—I mean, do you want a picture? I don’t mind at all. I’ll sign an autograph on a napkin if you want me to.”

“Well…it’s a bit awkward to ask you at a Parkinson’s Society of BC meeting, but we could go to the Starbucks down the street and I could buy you a coffee.”

Brock was slightly taken aback at her forwardness. He shouldn’t have been. Girls came up to him all the time. All the time. And they were most definitely not shy. But he wasn’t exactly expecting it to happen here, of all places. A bar, sure. Out with Petey or any of the other guys, absolutely. But not here. “Yeah…yeah sure,” he stuttered out.

“Then we should go,” Grace smiled. She turned to look behind her. Brock saw Esther picking up a few Oreos. “Thank you for leading another great session, Esther,” Grace said.

“Oh you are most welcome Miss Gillespie. How is Hamish these days? You didn’t speak much today.”

“He’s been doing fine lately. His caregivers have been working around the clock for him. They just work wonders, don’t they?”

Esther nodded. “They are angels on Earth. Anyways – we’ll catch up next week,” she said, leaning slightly on her leg to look beyond Grace and to Brock. “I hope to see you here again next week, Brock.”

“Thank you, Esther. See you next week,” he said, realizing he made the commitment before he could even realize what he was saying.

***

“I take that was your first meeting?” Grace asked as she set down the two lattes on the table against the window where Brock was waiting.

“Was it really obvious?” Brock asked.

Grace shrugged her shoulders. She didn’t want to make him feel self-conscious. “It was the stuttering that gave it away, at least to me. I know I stuttered a lot the first few times I came to these meetings. I wasn’t the most comfortable talking about my dad’s condition to a room full of virtual strangers. But within just a few months I realized the people in that room are the kindest, most empathetic, most amazing people that I’ve ever interacted with. So I became a lot more open.”

Brock was transfixed by every word that Grace was saying. “So you’ve been coming here a long time,” he said.

Grace nodded. “My dad got diagnosed with Parkinson’s when I was fourteen. I didn’t start coming here until I was about eighteen, though.”

Brock knew he shouldn’t ask. He knew he shouldn’t. But his brain had ulterior motives, and his mouth – well, his mouth listened to his brain, because it apparently needed to know. “Is your—is your dad like my dad?” he asked. “Does he have, like, other problems complicating things?”

Grace shook her head. “No,” she said softly. “But the Parkinson’s is enough for him. I mean he was diagnosed just short of ten years ago and he’s already on puréed foods. It’s not—I mean, you know as well as I do that it doesn’t regularly develop that fast. But that’s…I don’t know how you do it.”

Brock didn’t know either. Some days he didn’t. “I just take it day by day,” he said simply, just like he said in the meeting. “If I think about it too much…that’s when it’s bad.”

“I hear ya,” Grace said, taking a sip of her coffee. “But let’s…not talk about this for too long. Do you like Vancouver? Do you find it nice?”

Brock appreciated the change in topic. “I love it here,” he nodded his head, smiling. “The city’s great. The fans are great. My teammates – I mean they’re amazing. What do you do?”

“I’m a dance teacher at Goh Ballet – little kids and teens, mostly.”

He wasn’t expecting that. She was drop dead gorgeous, sure – Brock wasn’t blind – but he wasn’t expecting to hear she was a dancer. “Do you, like, dance in the real ballet?”

Grace snorted slightly at his phrasing of ‘real ballet’. “No. I pursued it only up until a certain point. I was good, but uh, I stopped when my dad got diagnosed.”

“Why? Don’t they always tell people like us to have, like, an outlet or whatever?”

“They do. But I loved my dad more than I loved dance. And I would have rather spent the time that I was spending on dance with him instead.”

He understood where she was coming from, and he wasn’t there to judge her. “And your brothers you mentioned, did they help too?”

“Oh no no no. Sorry – I should have specified. I’m an only child. Like, the only child between my parents. But they divorced when I was six and when my mom re-married I gained two step-brothers, Jasper and Theo.”

“How was the divorce?” Brock found himself asking.

“You ever see footage of a nuclear bomb exploding?” Grace giggled as she asked the question. It caused Brock to laugh too even though the analogy she was making was dreadful. “It was awful. The type of divorce nobody deserves, you know? I became a pawn, basically, and my parents would only speak to each other through lawyers. Even stuff concerning me. It was bad.”

“That sounds horrible.”

“It was. But it’s the only life I know,” she said. “He was lucky my mom ended up marrying another rich guy. I mean, my mom only marries rich men,” she giggled slightly again. “That’s how Jasper and Theo became my step-brothers.”

“So your family has money?” Brock clarified. “What’s it from? Dad a lawyer or something?”

“Not exactly,” Grace said. “My dad and his brothers own a private equity firm that started like this,” she pinched her fingers together, “and went like…” she continued, spreading her fingers and moving her hands around her like a bomb explosion. “Gillespie Brothers Investments. I’m sure as a Vancouver Canuck you’ve heard of them. I mean they wanted to buy the Canucks before the Aquilinis.”

Brock hadn’t heard of them, but he now knew he’d have to do some snooping when he got home. “I haven’t heard of them. But I mean – sounds like they were successful.”

“Three billion dollars is pretty successful to me,” Grace quipped.

“B—Billion,” Brock sputtered out. “With a B.”

“With a B,” Grace nodded. Brock had no idea he was sitting across from the daughter of a billionaire. She didn’t act like a billionaire. Not like Brock knew what billionaires acted like. He’d never met one before in his life. Well, besides Francesco. “But tell me more about what you like about Vancouver. What about the nature? I always kind of fine a good long walk along the Seawall or through Stanley Park really clears my mind from all…this. What about you?”

Brock smiled. “I find the white noise of downtown clears my mind.”

***

“You want my number,” Grace said as a statement rather than a question as she and Brock exited the Starbucks. They were kicked out. They’d been there for so long that they’d been kicked out because they were closing. Their coffees had gotten cold. They hadn’t ordered new ones. And now they found themselves on the deserted sidewalk, jackets put on hastily, and Grace came up with that.

Brock looked down at her. They’d been able to look into each other’s soul for the past few hours. “Of course I want your number,” he said. There was no reason to hide it. No reason to deny it. No reason to have to wait until next week to see her again as they sat around in a circle in a community centre talking about their parents.

He took out his phone. She gave him her number. He texted his name to hers so she’d have his. When that dance was done, she looked up at him. “I’m really glad I met you tonight,” she said, her voice sincere.

Brock nodded. “I’m glad I met you too. I—I really enjoyed this. And I mean—I needed it.”

Grace smiled, nodding her head. “I needed it too.”

“D’you—” Brock stopped, trying not to get too far ahead of himself. “D’you need a ride home?”

“Oh no no, my driver is right there,” she motioned her head towards a black Mercedes waiting by the curb.

Brock hadn’t noticed the car until now. “Chauffeur?”

“Billionaire dad,” she winked. Brock understood. She took a few steps back before smiling one more time. “Call me,” she said, before flipping her hair over her shoulder and walking towards the Mercedes and getting into the backseat. Brock watched as it drove off, making a right at the end of the street.

He would definitely be calling.

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beaufcrts · 4 years

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[ kj apa . 21 . male . he/him ] just saw CALEB BEAUFORT dragging their suitcase up the steps of BILLINGS . good luck living with HIM , word around campus is that they’re MELODRAMATIC , JUVENILE, AMIABLE & SOLICITOUS . makes sense they chose that house now , doesn’t it ? let’s hope this new living situation doesn’t affect their JUNIOR year of SOCIOLOGY [ karis . 20 . she/her . pst ]

hi hellooo ! my name’s karis and i’m so psyched to be here , even if this intro is for sure gonna be a wholeass mess ! feel free to hmu here or on d*scord @𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒂𝒉 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒂 𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒑𝒐𝒆𝒕𝒓𝒚#9808 bc i already think y’all are hella rad :~) now lemme introduce you to caleb ( cal to his friends ) aka king of the himbos ... aka the human embodiment of “ ¿ por qué no los dos ? ”

( i say this bc he is somehow genuinely invested in so many things at once and his interests are ridiculously varied . he just ! loves things a lot ! for example , he thinks the bachelor is the fakest show on the planet , yet watches it religiously , and he cries shamelessly while watching roman holiday and yells at the tv while watching soccer ! he uses the word Bro as if it could be Any part of speech and also is very proud of how well he can do a dutch braid ! i don’t know how he isn’t constantly exhausted . okay , anywAY )

the backstory that he’d insist is Not Tragic but uh ... kinda is :

homeboy grew up in a fairly normal , middle-class home by the beach , loved musical theater and every sport under the sun , and was a pretty typical kid

and then at age 11 he was diagnosed with a nasty case of leukemia and his parents ( his mom is a psychology professor & his dad is a high school english teacher ) were understandably super freaked out

once his hospital bills started rolling in , his parents had to go grovel at the feet of his very waspy , cashmere-loving grandparents who live in the richass suburb of newport beach ... and whom they were estranged from for good reason , so cal’s leukemia was the catalyst for some additional tension in his family

at least at first , he was pretty lonely and suffered under an intense bout of depression because facing his own mortality before he had graduated middle school was … admittedly the Worst

while he was fighting his disease during his pre-teen/teen years , he got into poetry ( aka sobbed while watching dead poets society & almost got in a fistfight while defending byron … while in a wheelchair )

oh , did i mention that he LOVED 90′s boybands ? because he definitely listened to the classics religiously . like the backstreet boys ? boyzone ? *nysnc ? 98 degrees ? he’d regularly tell his nurses that cancer couldn’t take 90′s music away from him

there was a period of time where his prognosis was veeery poor and the doctors were giving him only a few months to live . as a result , tiny 13 year old cal wrote and published his own obituary . it’s still pretty easy to find with a well-worded google search , but he hates it when people bring it up . he’s truly the king of pretending like his near-death experience wasn’t traumatic as hell

with the like . truly extraordinary support system of his family and a few close friends , he managed to brave the storm and , after three and a half years of being in and out of the hospital and doing all kinds of treatments , he was given a clean bill of health

once he was living as a mostly-normal high school kid , his life goals really formed , which are to 1) love and give back to the people around him as much as humanly possible ( but especially his family because the stress of his health was truly a burden / caused a lot of tension between his parents ) and 2) carpe diem the hell outta everything

from that point on :

everything was fairly normal for him and his family ! once cal got accepted to hollis , his grandparents insisted on covering what his academic and soccer scholarships wouldn’t ( they also bought him a sailboat but that’s beside the point lmaooo )

cal chose to major in sociology and minor in creative writing bc he just ... loves people and interpersonal connections ... wanted to learn more about them and create art about them ! this boy has such a pair of rose-colored glasses and is too soft pls don’t @ him

homie is known to say things like “ i’m gonna send her an edible arrangement . as a thank you for sleeping with me . ” or “ i cherish you , bro . i cherish you so hard . ”

he’s still kinda like a kid because he feels like he missed out on so much of his adolescence and he loves being goofy and having fun ( think like … jake peralta or winston bishop kinda demeanor )

he’s also such a jock tho . like , if prompted , he can talk about messi’s footwork or alex morgan’s speed with such enthusiasm . he loves soccer ! he loves seeing the fruits of his hard work ! and he especially loves being a part of a team !

and , on that note ... caleb is the DEFINITION of a ride or die . he’d fling himself into moving traffic for the people he cares about … and he may care about someone after one ( 1 ) conversation about how cars ( 2006 ) is a masterpiece

this boy hella cares about people . like , maybe too much . he’s not afraid at all to show affection , whether that be through physical touch or through words of affirmation … ( this is stolen from the 5 love languages ! i’m a white suburban Mom on the inside ! ) he will hug you ! he will tell you that you are brighter than the north star !

whether he means to or not , caleb can be a Big Flirt bc he loves giving and receiving attention . he wants to be friendly / make people laugh / make people feel loved more than anything , but sometimes it can get a little out of hand

he’s always down for a good time – and that can mean partying , or driving to get food and belting mariah carey on the way , or singing around a campfire . with too much alcohol , Drunk Caleb makes bad decisions and tends to hook up with someone. Sober Caleb thinks ahead ; Drunk Caleb does … not

he briefly dated one of mitt romney’s granddaughters …

and also almost got into a fistfight with one of her cousins over politics . why was this one of the first facts i knew about caleb ? who knows .

anywaY this is WAY too long ... thank you for sticking with me ! let’s plot ! i’m PUMPED :~)

#if u manage to make it thru all of this CLOWNERY #my favorite fact abt my himbo son is at the end #tw:cancer #tw:death mention #hollis:intro

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unfortunatelyilikebnha · 4 years

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(//Britney Spears Voice// Oops I Did it Again)

I was thinking about Sero having siblings which made me think about class 1a and like,, how few of them have canon siblings? & then I was like “well hmm, who has siblings in canon and who do I feel like SHOULD have siblings?” which has NOW spiraled to “whole family dynamic” so. Here’s this (note that I’m not gonna subtract people from families who already canonically exist like however much I’d like to launch End**v*r into the sun this is less “I rewrote things how I’d like them to be” and more “how many of these kids do I think should have siblings and if their parents aren’t developed what do I think they’re like”).

Midoriya: We already know he does not have siblings and tbh even if we didn’t know I’d still think he doesn’t. He absolutely has Only Child Who’s Kinda Lonely And Wanted A Sibling But Never Got One vibes. Also we know he has a single mom and a dad who’s not really in the picture (sidenote I love Inko Midoriya even though she failed Izuku in the past by not believing in him she loves her son so much and is trying her hardest to make up for it and do what’s best for him). I feel like her husband is like,,, not straight up the worst person ever like he’s not abusive but he’s not particularly interested in his family anymore?? Like he pays his child support but doesn’t make any effort to talk to his wife and son? He’d get divorced but he doesn’t want to go through the hassle of that legal process, especially since he’s living on a whole separate continent & would either have to go back to Japan for the legal proceedings or do it from there which would be challenging & he’s “far too busy” to do that

Bakugou: He doesn’t have siblings in canon but he does kinda give off Middle Child In A House With Lots Of Children vibes...that inferiority/superiority complex tho...oh either that or Oldest Child In A House With Lots Of Children vibes...but yeah consider middle child Bkg. Like...maybe 5-6 Bakugou children and he’s either smack dab in the middle or 3rd oldest depending if he has 4 or 5 siblings. Also it’s pretty obvious that Mitsuki’s not a good mom & Masaru is not rlly willing to stand up to her but unfortunately I can’t change that cause I said I wouldn’t mess with existing family members :/ maybe I shouldn’t give him more siblings after all, for their sake...

Todoroki: We know the todofam dynamic already. Tbh idk what kinda vibes he’d give me if I didn’t already know he had siblings, but since I know that he has siblings in canon it makes sense that he’s a youngest child (also sidenote I LOVE the Todorokisibs & I want them to have the time to bond and become like,,, real, close siblings. Also #givereiadivorce2k20). I hope someone yeets Endumpster out of existence one of these days...fingers crossed

Iida: It’s canon that he has a brother and it’s so sweet how much he admires and loves him Iida ily. Again it makes sense that he’s a youngest child; his need to be “worthy of” his brother’s legacy is rlly apparent, & feels like a total youngest sibling trait. Tbh if I didn’t know he had a brother I could also see him as an only child but I’m glad he has Tensei. I feel like his parents are hardworking but make sure to make time for their children as much as they can & make sure they know they’re loved. Iida kinda also considers some of the heroes/sidekicks who work at the Idaten agency family since they’ve been around so much during his childhood & he knows them pretty well. Also since Tensei is friends with Aizawa and Yamada they were definitely Tenya’s babysitters at least a couple times & around the house a lot so he considers them kinda like uncles or something

Uraraka: I know she doesn’t have siblings in canon but it feels like she should. She gives off big sister vibes. Like she’s canonically becoming a hero for her parents, and I think that would be even better if she also had siblings (all younger than her. At least 2 siblings, maybe 3). I want to see Uraraka with siblings @ Horikoshi why did you deprive us of this? Also we know her parents work hard and love her which I love I’m so glad SOMEONE in class 1a canonically has 2 good supportive parents

Tsuyu: We already know she has two siblings and yes she also has Big Sister Vibes. Don’t have much to explain abt this one, she’s just mature and dependable in like the Older Sister Specific Way (not that all older sisters are mature and dependable, just that there’s a kind of mature and dependable that directly comes from being an older sister specifically). I feel like her parents love her and her siblings & taught them to be truthful & stuff but are kinda quiet and reserved with their affection, and they’re often busy with their jobs so Tsuyu had to take on some extra responsibility caring for her siblings

Yaoyorozu: She’s an only child and yeah, it makes sense. Her parents only have one child to focus on, and as such it’s pretty obvious she feels the full pressure of their expectations, giving her pretty obvious Only Child Vibes. Although I guess you could also look at it as youngest child vibes cause I could just as easily see her having a bunch of talented successful older siblings/one Really Talented Older Sibling so she feels the pressure in following in their footsteps (think either Daphne from scooby doo mystery incorporated or Tahani Al-Jamil from the good place except she doesn’t necessarily hate/resent her siblings but is just kinda insecure about her “worth” compared to them. This is where the second guessing she suddenly displays in canon could come in - correct me if I’m wrong but she didn’t rlly show signs of second-guessing herself until the sports festival? So she’s fine in class where nobody rlly knows her but once she’s at the sports festival which is nationally televised she starts to doubt herself because her parents and sister(s) are watching & she’s like “oh no what if my sister(s) would be better than me at this” so that’s why she suddenly loses confidence). I kinda implied before but I feel like her parents are pretty strict & have high expectations for her & while they’re not needlessly cruel, they won’t tolerate less than the best

Jirou: Pretty sure she has no siblings in canon BUT she TOTALLY gives off youngest sibling vibes. I’m thinking she’d have like a cool older brother who likes to embarrass her. Her parents are pretty chill (I think that part’s kinda canon?). She has lots of older cousins who she’s pretty close with and one bad*ss lesbian aunt who’s pretty much her role model (Jirou when she was younger: I wanna be just like my aunt!!! Jirou now: ah. That’s why. I also like girls.)

Kirishima: Again I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have siblings in canon and as for whether I think he gives off sibling vibes??? I’m not entirely sure. I was gonna say I don’t think so cause like. He gives off vibes that he’d be good with siblings but doesn’t actually have them, kinda like Midoriya (but like,,,I also kinda want to give him siblings so I’m not sure). Also you know that fandom headcanon that he has 2 moms? Yeah I love that that’s canon you can’t convince me otherwise. He has 2 moms and they both love him so much & wanna support him however they can (also I kinda put a little thought into them for a fic I started writing and decided that they’re the embodiment of the tattoo parlor/flower shop au. Flower mom keeps some arrangements that are...not necessarily professional in her shop because her wife arranged them for her. Tattoo mom gives flower mom tattoos for free & they have matching tattoos that flower mom designed)

Koda: he gives me Could Have Siblings vibes as in he kinda feels like another middle child but I feel like he’s actually an only child (like he probably is in canon? I think). His parents are quiet like him but they definitely love him and he knows it. He’s really close to his grandparents (who also live with his family) as well. He also, quits predictably, has a lot of animal friends who are kind of like family to him cause they’ve been through a lot together (the Koda family household sometimes looks a little bit like a zoo because 3 people in it have talking-to-animal-related quirks)

Sato: another idk about canon but he has a little sister. I cannot tell you why I think this but he definitely has a little sister. Sato you have been diagnosed with Big Brother Energy. Also he totally has a single dad who owns a bakery which is how Sato knows how to bake so well! They’re not poor but they’re not rich and he hopes to send some of his paycheck to support his family & help his dad expand the bakery. It wasn’t the primary reason he became a hero (that was because a hero once saved his little sister from a burning building & he decided that he wanted to be able to save people like that hero had saved his sister), but he does like the benefit of the paycheck

Tokoyami: tbh my first instinct was no siblings but I think it would be really funny if he had like. 3 really preppy siblings (one older than him two younger) & he was the only goth one in his family. Or like. His dad is also goth but his mom & other siblings r super preppy. He loves them all but is very much introverted and he and his dad are closer than the rest bc they kinda bond over being less energetic. His siblings & mom don’t REALLY understand Tokoyami’s goth-ness but they love and support him anyways. His younger siblings lowkey like Dark Shadow maybe even more than him tho. Dark Shadow was pretty sad when he heard they’d be moving to the dorms because he would miss them

Kaminari: tbh I first thought he had only child vibes (he kinda does) but then I decided that he has siblings but their age gaps are pretty significant. His older sister has just gotten out of university and is working and his younger sister is like...7 maybe. His siblings both love him but the age gaps between them make it hard for them to connect sometimes. Anyways I feel like his parents are pretty neglectful & caught up in their work. They don’t really pay attention to him or his other siblings, so his older sister had to learn things like cooking and cleaning and do a lot of taking care of Kaminari and he had to help take care of his younger sister, especially after his older sister went to uni. His parents just assumed he’d come to work at their electric company but he didn’t want to do that so while he definitely wants to save people a big part of his desire to become a hero is to make real connections and prove to his parents that he’s worthy of love and attention. He took the UA exam without telling them and when they found out they would have told him no except that they figured the exposure of their son going to the top hero school in Japan would give them more business. When he moved to the dorms he missed his sisters but was glad he didn’t have to be the main caretaker of his little sister anymore (his parents hired a nanny, which they hadn’t wanted to do before because of how much money it would cost, but because they had in fact gotten more business due to Denki going to UA they had a little more money now). (The nanny and Denki’s sister became fast friends, a fact of which he was glad because it meant he wasn’t leaving her alone in an empty house. He called and visited his sister as often as possible)

Hagakure: honestly I’m pretty sure she’s an only child in canon and she DOES give off only child vibes I think...unlike Midoriya tho I don’t think she’d be particularly bothered by it? I mean I feel like she’s kinda lonely but that’s less about lack of siblings & more bc of lack of people seeing her. But her parents rlly care about her & support her however they can, & they also understand her bc they’re invisible too so they know how it feels to have to work hard to be noticed when you can’t exactly be seen

Aoyama: either both his siblings are way older than him or he’s an only child. He does not give me “is super close with his siblings” vibes. He’s definitely seen as the baby in the family and not in a “he gets away with everything & is the parents’ favorite” way in the “they think he’s kinda a failure” way. His siblings look down on him, his mom pities him because he was the only one to inherit her quirk, which hurts to use, & his dad kinda doesn’t rlly care about him one way or the other. The family gives me pretty rich vibes. Like not as rich as the Yaoyorozus/Iidas/Todorokis but still pretty rich. He went to UA mostly because he wants to get stronger both so that his mom can stop pitying/worrying about him and so that the rest of his family won’t look down on him anymore

Ojirou: l also think he has a few siblings (like...no more than 2 tho). I think younger siblings, he’s also a character with big brother energy (tho I could also see middle child Ojirou). His mom runs a dojo which is part of the reason why he’s so good at martial arts. His dad is an artist. They’re pretty close and love and respect each other. His parents were surprised but supportive when he announced he wanted to go to UA

Ashido: an only child. Her parents love her a lot & make sure she feels supported. She sometimes wishes she had siblings but not super often because she has tons of good friends (this along with Kirishima being an only child who wants siblings sometimes only makes their brotp more epic)!! Also she still keeps in close touch with her civilian friends from middle school but kinda feel disconnected from them sometimes because they’re living such different lives than her. Like they’ll talk about the latest movie and ask her if she’s seen it and she just says no and kinda laugh it off because she can’t just say “no, I wanted to but villains tried to kill my class the day we were planning to go”. She also has a hard time telling her parents that because she knows they’d be super worried about her and she really wants to be a hero!

Sero: has siblings (is somewhere in the middle) and also a huge extended family!!! Before the dorms he lived with his mom and siblings but his extended family lived really close to them and visited all the time so he’s really close to both sets of grandparents and his many aunts and uncles and little cousins (though he’s a middle child in his immediate family he’s one of the oldest cousins). Though he misses his family he sees them as often as he can, and is kinda glad for how chaotic and loud the dorms can be sometimes because it reminds him of his home

Shoji: has a little brother, a mom, and a step-dad. It took a while for him to get used to his step-dad, but it becomes clear that he really loves his family so now Shoji loves him too and is fairly close to him. Shoji’s little brother is adopted because there were complications with his mom’s pregnancy when she was having Mezo and while he turned out fine, they found out that it would be risky for his mom to attempt to get pregnant again. His little brother also has a mutation quirk (though it’s not Dupli Arms it’s Bear) and Shoji loves him more than anything else in the world. He wants to become a hero to help combat the stigma around certain mutation quirks (Gang Orca once canonically kinda addressed that that exists when he talked about how children are always afraid of him bc of how he looks) so that the world will be better for people like him and his brother. His mom and stepdad wholeheartedly support him

M*neta: Only doing this bc my brain will not shut up & is making me analyze all of 1a even the ones I don’t consider 1a. I hope he doesn’t have siblings so less people have to be exposed to his...m*neta-ness but tbh I could see him having siblings. His parents are busy and either don’t notice or don’t care what a terrible person their son is

Better purple boy who deserves a place in 1a way more than the grape Shinsou: has no siblings but gives off IMMENSE big brother vibes. Definitely grew up in the foster system (his biological mother, who was a single mother and also had a mind control quirk, became a villain because she couldn’t get hired anywhere, had no way to support her son, and was tired of being villainized by society so she was like “ok you want a villain? Bet.” When Shinsou was like 7, his mom was killed while trying to flee a crime scene. Since Shinsou had no other parent, he was then put into the foster system. Nobody adopted him because everyone thought he was going to become a villain like his mom had, and even the people who didn’t know his mom thought his quirk was “villainous”). Aizawa and Yamada are now eventually planning to adopt him. He kinda has similar vibes to Midoriya in regards to the “Only Child Who’s Kinda Lonely And Wanted A Sibling” but unlike Midoriya he would NEVER admit he wanted a sibling. “I like being alone” he insists. He is a lying liar. However as soon as he meets Eri they instantly connect & he kinda becomes like a big brother to her even tho he will deny it until Eri herself calls him her brother. When this happens he will cry even tho he will say he didn’t

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dxmagedrose · 4 years

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GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER!

Tagged by: my lover @hammurabicomplex I’m tagging: anyone and everyone who wants to pick this one up! share with the class if you feel like it! tag me in it!!

PRESENTING. RANDOM DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO-MUN AT 2AM ;

FIRST NAME Good fucking question… It’s (sort-of) currently Dylann! I was Kieran before that, though; it’s still used as one of my first names and I’m not used to Dylann quite yet bc I’ve just started using it.

Indigo is one of my middle names though, and I’ve used it as an online handle elsewhere forever so I use it here now! [ Fun etymology facts: Dylan(n) is a mythology name generally meaning “born of the wave” (aspiring diver & a water witch at heart). Kieran means “little dark one” bc of my love for horror, && I chose Indigo bc as a kid to be it was neither boy (blue) or purple (girl) and was both and neither as well as my absolute favorite color as this vibrant ass mystical color. ]

STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF hmmmmm…. I’m a horror lover at heart, so as a child (I wanna say 12), I was walking through an antique store (I have a few cool finds, I considered putting my other one as the fact tbh) and I turned the corner and I saw these two dolls staring back at me at the foot of the stairs of this antique building. my blood froze, and i felt my stomach drop. i got actual, physical goosebumps stumbling across these two creepy dolls staring back at me in the corner, and i couldn’t leave the store without them. perhaps the little painted porcelain boy would be somewhat spooky by himself if it wasn’t for the terrifying lidded gaze of the porcelain girl with the hairline fractures and slightly open lips. i cant look at her. i dont really find dolls scary, I like to find the spookier ones ones, and she makes me paranoid as hell. i keep her face covered and her up in my closet except for when i bring her out to show her off proudly as the spookiest thing I have but……. i dont really collect dolls anymore. even thinking about her brings a fearful tear to my eye. i don’t like to think about her for very long, but that’s why I’m so fucking proud to own her. ( YES — I’m THAT white person in the horror film )

TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON hhhhh a beardy jawline, high cheekbones, crooked canine teeth >:3c

A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF b.l.t.’s with avocado. ahhhh. my mouth is watering just thinking about it, oh my god. just a bit of salt and pepper???

A FOOD YOU HATE barbecue anything, i hate the taste of bbq sauce, you keep your nasty black goo to yourselves at the grill. twice in my life i have presented with barbecue pizza and both times i cried literal tears. why would you do such a horrible thing to a person? what kind of a monster are you? how do you sleep at night?!

GUILTY PLEASURE the sims. constantly. always. i’ve sunk thousands of hours into my households. oh also uhhhhhh i run two 80s horror blogs, one being a shitpost blog with occasional art of mine and one gremlin fanfic ship blog for horrible, terrible self indulgent fanfics i’ll get the courage to finish writing & post so i can be cancelled on tumblr for at some point. NO, i won’t link them. as i pretend they’re even all that hard to find, within a day i was found on both by someone i admire here a lot :’) ilu bby thnk u eternally for supporting ur local horrifying dumbass wtf

WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN the same clothes i’ve been wearing all day usually, my sweats & long sleeve raglans or my hoodies. i like being cozy day & and out. and ugh. efoort. just throw me in a blanket in a cool room and im out.

SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS serious relationships with some openness or poly. i wish i could fling! just not exactly easy for demisexual autistics lmao.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE I think I would be adopted by my grandma as a kid. It would save me some trauma but mostly I think it would get my autism diagnosed way earlier and save me angsting all these years of wondering why & thinking it’s my fault I’m struggling so much and so loud and affectionate and different in a world that i didnt fit in the same way.

ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON when i get drunk i text people how much they mean to me in my life. does that answer your question? ahhh. i’m sometimes a cuddle monster with friends, i message people with long texts about how much they mean to me, but I sometimes really don’t like to be touched at all.

A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN FLYPAPER. F L Y P A P E R. FLYPAPER. FLY, and, I can’t stress this enough, fucking PAPER. ( Though also Whole Nine Yards and both Re-Animator & Bride ). I have watched Flypaper already like, 5 times this week and I’m still not done, and the other movies have been on repeat for days in this household within the last year. In the past it has also been Donnie Darko & the new Nightmare on Elm Street. roast me.

FAVORITE BOOK White Fang by Jack London. Have I actually ever finished it? No. Do I still own a copy I’ve had since childhood thru multiple dogs eating it, taking it to and from school, and highlighting and circling all the best parts of chapter one ever since I was a kid and it was too hard of a book for me to read? You bet your ass. If I ever need inspiration I just reread chapter 1. Although one of my other favorites was Broken Monsters by Lauren Beukes. But White Fang is like, a weirdly personal text. We stan London’s writing in this household.

YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE FENNEC FOX!! I used to daydream about having my own named Shiloh when I was a lil kid. they’re adorable little things and i am obsessed. i mean, gimme any fox and im happy, marble foxes, red foxes… but I was obsessed with fennec foxes. Also tbh ferrets. I want a ferret.

TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL] Rosa & @ninetyscnds‘s Luke, Rosa & @iimpulsivity is already screaming my name, Rosa & Constantine, Jesse & Andrea from Breaking Bad, and the joker and harley of 80s sci-fi Dan & Herbert from Re-Ani. I am but a simple opossum.

PIE OR CAKE Pie! I’ll take both pumpkin & melty apple over cake. also, cheesecake is more pie than cake soooo, pie wins.

FAVORITE SCENT my dogs / my blanket. :’) It’s the most grounding smell in the world.

CELEBRITY CRUSH oliver jackson-cohen, i’m fucking GAY and im angry about it. there i was, minding my own business, and i saw that asshole in a certain SHIRTLESS GIF and it AWOKE SOMETHING IN ME. dont talk to me about it, holy shit im obsessed with beardy men now god fuckkdafjaask i hate him why did he make me this gay i was perfectly fine being into girls but NOOOOOO him and his dumb hairy chest and sweet rugged face and I—— I also am obsessed with the archaeologist & television personality Josh Gates and may or may not be considering making a fan blog for him bc idk if my anthropology docuseries host is Dad or Daddy but i love him lots

IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO I would go on a dive with anthropologists and archaeologists doing fieldwork research in the ancient cenotes of the Yucatán Peninsula. My actual dream job, catch me crying & fantasizing about being underwater documenting Mayan skulls given as offerings. Fuckkkk, I love anthropology so much!! take me anywhere in the world to immerse myself into culture & archaeology.

INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT Introvert. I have a real life friend I see roughly once a month, and that’s it. Plenty of online relationships, I’m chatty, message me all day every day. but i dont do people well.

DO YOU SCARE EASILY I used to! Really bad. I don’t as much anymore. I do get paranoia a lot still. Having therapists telling you that the FBI could be outside your house watching you through your windows will kind of nervous. ( no google results for: yes hello fbi i am a writer please dont put me on watchlists i just have research i need to do for this idea im working on, would you like to try again? ) I have nightmares nightly but not they never make me afraid, they just make me feel like crap. jumpscares and loud noises and seeing people reaching into their pockets dont set off as many brain alarms anymore tho!! progress haha.

IPHONE OR ANDROID I like my android better bc of capabilities but meh

DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES My mom, her husband & I play COD for family game night, and Silent Hill is my life’s blood. I’ve sunken hours into Sims & Skyrim, and Norman Jayden from Heavy Rain is my #1 fictional character in existence, why do i love the druggie babies

DREAM JOB Oh… You’re asking me to pick? I’d love to be an anthropologist doing work out in the field. Underwater archaeology is peak, but I’m also heavily considering being a body recovery diver or police diver. I’d love to see myself in uniform someday, if possible. Just the thought makes me teary eyed & proud.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS fund my person creative & educational endeavors. get myself a spooky ass abandoned house to make my own home to create in, and travel to the world’s best dive sites. just live a mild life of education, creation & exploration. that’s the dream TM.

FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE dr. hill is a gross and whiny lil bitch this post brought to u by the miskatonic crew, how is everyone here an even worse bad guy than herbert west precious dan excluded talk shit get hit tho john winchester from spn and both walter white & todd from breaking bad are all in my crew of hated characters. i jusT… the reani novel is difficult to read because i have to deal with this old sack of shit.

FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER Supernatural :-)

… AND THIS CONCLUDES A DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO!! //

#||: && the mundane ( ooc );#( get to know a bitch!! )#( this was... a lot of me rambling about weirdly personal shit at 2 am )

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nacsygen · 5 years

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here’s a fun fact i haven’t shared that’s been going on for a LONG time: at my work, for our logins, we have to change our alphanumeric passwords every quarter. after my first password, which i wasn’t thinking about beforehand so just used an old reliable of mine, i thought “hmm, well, this will be easier to remember if i have a system. hey...17 has thirteen members, and i know their age order, bc that’s how i learned their names to begin with. i can start with one based on seungcheol and go down the line, and if i get all the way to chan, well, i’ll know i’ve been at this job too fucking long.”

welp. i’m on minghao now.

however, with the way life is going, it’s looking like seungkwan’s gonna be my last Password Boy...bc YA BOI IS MOVING TO ATLANTA

probably. most likely. by early summer.

it occurs to me that while i often share anecdotes of the past, i don’t make many posts about my current circumstances. considering this is a new account, with far fewer followers and mostly mutuals, i think i’ll be making more blog-style posts here now.

for those who are newer or just haven’t seen me mention it, i’m currently a scribe, a transcriptionist/editor, working out of an almost call-center-like office in a florida college town. thankfully, having also done call center tech support work, the difference is we just process recordings. (dealing with tech support was so stressful, i got fucking scabies at 23 and missed a month of work, but that’s a story for another day). being a scribe is a phenomenally boring and isolating job, for the most part, and one i am very good at. it’s a very safe job for me, in a lot of ways. it sucks and i hate it, as one can find with basically all scribes throughout history, but it also takes a very particular set of skillsets, ones i happen to have, that make it easy as fuck. there’s good and bad. i set my own hours, within reason. there’s very little management meddling as long as i don’t fuck up. i can easily be a bit late and never have anyone talk to me about it as long as i get my hours done. however, it’s physically painful to sit and type for hours and hours, and psychically damaging, i’m sure, to spend hours a day wishing i was doing something else, to be paid a pittance (but it’s still above minimum wage so i guess i should be grateful?) as a skilled and experienced laborer to type all day about other people’s money, regularly including people who make as much in a month as i do in a year. on the other hand, my gods are some of the oldest and coolest (my favorites are seshat and nabu), and at this point, after almost 4,000 hours of doing this, i’d have to actively work to get fired. it’s safe. there’s no opportunity for advancement, there’s no sense of my time meaning something in the grand scheme of things, there is no meaning at all. i am grease in the wheels of capitalism. it robs me of the energy and prime writing hours to use my hands to put down my own words, not someone else’s. but it’s safe.

my apartment’s getting sold out from under me in a few months, and i was initially panicking, thinking about how i could find new roommates, where i could live that would be easily accessible to my work without a car, even looking up info about the apartment complex next door to it - which, between work, home, and publix, would limit most my external world to about a square mile.

then i was at work earlier this week and realized...why am i having so much anxiety about being able to keep a job i fucking hate?

change is terrifying to me. it’s part of my coping mechanisms with my untreated adhd, i’ve come to realize (with the help of friends who have diagnosed adult adhd and are like no, yeah, you absolutely have it). i have to keep a very regimented rhythm of life just to function at all, which took me way too far into my 20s to even figure out. i need to wake up around the same time every day, get dressed to leave at the same time every day, make sure my wallet is in the outside pocket of my bag, my key is in the front pocket, i’ve got my publix bag rolled up in my purse (and now that it’s winter a hat and gloves just in case), and my umbrella (also just in case), and my tablet that was a gift from my beau (loaded up with pages to read offline while waiting for and on the bus), and a paper book or two (in case for some reason i can’t read on the tablet), and a snack for mid-shift so my stomach won’t spend all day hating me. all of this i verify both before i leave my room and before i close the locked front door behind me, especially the wallet and key.

if this sounds dreadfully mundane, please understand, i had to learn to make this a regimented routine, every step of which i need to consciously account for even while half asleep, or else i will forget something. more than once this compulsive checking to make sure i have my wallet and my key a second time before locking the door has saved my entire day. all that before even leaving the house. i had to learn this on my own to quiet the constant racing anxiety that put me in the ER a couple years ago with an inability to even keep down food because i had no idea how to be a functioning independent person. and so much of that is mentally tied to this apartment, to this job, bc at 26 years old a couple years ago, after over a decade of battling depression and adhd and finally getting treatment for the first, at least, i was finally equipped to and also forced to become an independent human being in a capitalist society. and it was terrifying. but routine is safe, now. i do the same thing every day during the week, at the same times of day, and sleep in a bit on weekends and do nothing. time passes and passes. i invent games and new routines for the day, meaningful boxes to tick, just to establish meaning back into my life.

i’m getting too far off track. sorry, it’s the adhd.

the point is, change is terrifying. but my beau - sorry for the awkward term, but “beau” and “sweetheart” fit us better than bf and gf, especially considering gender and long-distance stuff - told me as soon as i told him the news about the apartment that i could always come to live with him. i dismissed it as last resort at first. like, we’ve known each other for almost 10 years, more couple-y than ever the last two, and he visits me when he can. we’ve never lived in the same city, but in a sense, we both were there to watch each other grew up, despite that we first started talking as friends when i was probably 19 or 20 and he was 31. now i’m 28 and he’s 40. he’s inspirational to me, because for a long time, he was living the kind of life i am now - working bullshit jobs that don’t mean anything, working and living to survive, scrounging meaning and joy in independent scholarship and pop culture. but somewhere in his mid-30s, he changed the whole direction of his life to throw himself into a career in film production. it takes an extraordinary amount of self-motivation, courage, fearlessness, energy, time, EVERYTHING to live the kind of life he does, living the freelance life, going from shoot to shoot all across the southeast, constantly on the hussle. but he has a career. he’s doing something amazing that he’s good at and he loves, and bc he’s about the most likable guy alive, he has contacts everywhere, through all levels of the industry. and he’s just about the most capable person i know.

so when i had my realization, why am i so worried about keeping this job i hate, i realized swiftly on its heels that i was just terrified of change. i wanted to keep things safe, even if it was a marginal existence - still, a safe one. but change can also bring opportunity. moving in with him wouldn’t just be an act of charity on his part, but helping the person he loves to make a meaningful change forward in life. Atlanta is the capitol of the South. i could get a job in publishing in atlanta. i could get a job in the film industry in atlanta (fun fact: georgia is now the center of film production on the east coast. he knows a ton of people that worked on stranger things!). i could write for a living in atlanta. i could be a script doctor like Carrie Fisher, i could edit for a living for more than some finance office’s memoranda ephemera, i could have a life where i was able to create, and not just in my spare time and for fun. i could live in atlanta, and not just survive. my beau, as mentioned, has contacts everywhere, and has already hooked me up with a couple writer-type-creators in the industry to mentor me. i can do it. i will do it. even my mom said i’ll do better there than in the waypoint city i’m in now (and also helpfully reminded me she rents uhauls now as part of her own self-owned business).

tl;dr either in april or june, depending on what i can convince my current fairly indulgent landlord on, i’ll be moving to Atlanta and starting a whole new life. my beau has a two-bedroom (thank god, bc if i’ve learned anything from long-term moved-in relationships is that i need my space, and he also agrees on that on his end) and his place is less than a mile away from a publix and also a main bus line and a MARTA station, so i could be easily independent as a non-driver (important not just from a relationship standpoint, but also bc realistically he’s only home about a week out of a month, cumulatively). also, he has a cat! a tabby boy named dalek! bc he’s a fucking nerd!

#t #don't reblog /#i figure i'll have to get resigned to the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing as introduced to others #i don't super mind it it just doesn't feel...accurate #but if it's necessary to avoid awkward conversations and lend legitimacy in shorthand to how much we very much do love each other #then sure #long post

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surveys-at-your-service · 5 years

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Survey #175

“imagine living like a king someday, a single night without a ghost in the walls.”

Have you ever had a teacher hit on you? Not to my recollection. Have you ever seen your ex’s new partner? If so, what do you think of them? I don't know or care if he currently has one. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months? Done it twice now, it's not difficult if you're picky and serious with who you date. Does anybody know about your sex life other than your partners? Well my mom was somewhat aware of things that were happening. What was the last piece of candy you ate? Good question. I got my tongue re-pierced because of a bar length issue with swelling, and now this one is just shy of long enough to disable me from biting down entirely (they're snake eyes, so across the tip). I'm only just getting back into eating soft things very slowly unless I want pain, so candy's a no. I have to wait no less than three weeks to get a correctly-sized bar, and it's only been just over one aaaahhh. Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted? No. Is your room painted or wallpapered? Painted. What is the best kind of pizza in your opinion? I'm an American I stan them meat lovers. Is there something that someone has done to you that you cannot forgive? No. Well actually idk, I still don't know for *sure* if I forgive him. Like I'm completely over it and it no longer affects me, but I could never ever ever ever look at him even remotely the same or even consider trusting him. I don't think that's supposed to happen when you forgive someone. Have you ever broken a plate/bowl? Accidentally by dropping. What is your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden. Has anyone ever drunk called/texted you? I don't think so. Do you know anyone who has a homosexual parent? No. What type of music could this world live without? Pure screamo (no, not as a carpet term for metal). Are any of your pets “overweight”? No. Who’s the last person you cried over? Does myself count? Did the house you grew up in have a fence? Yeah, but not all around. What’s your YouTube channel name? 0zzkat. Who of your FB friends has the cutest toddler(s)? Uhhhh idk. Anastasia's baby girl is pretty cute, I guess. Did you decorate pumpkins this year? No. :/ They were totally gone the day we were gonna get one (the day before Halloween so no, we weren't that surprised lmao). What’s the craziest color you’d dye your hair? More like what color WOULDN'T I dye it? What’s the coolest hobby one of your friends has? Uhhh. Idk. Name a video game you can play over and over again? Shadow of the Colossus. I've beaten it around 30 times. Would be more if I didn't lose the disc, buuut it's actually coming in the mail now! What is something that will make you laugh instantly? Don't show me that fucking Linkin Park "crawling in my crawl" worm video. Name a movie you wouldn’t watch solely based on its name? None come to mind. What’s your dearest souvenir? *shrugs* What was the last strong scent you smelled? Probably coffee bc of Mom. Have you ever been in an unconventional relationship (long distance, polyamorous, same gender, age gap, etc)? If so, what challenges did this relationship present, and were they worth overcoming? Long instance + same-sex simultaneously. Distance is fucking hard when you really want each other's company, especially for emotional support. Being same-sex makes me nervous due to potential violent homophobics, especiiiiaaaally living where I do. I do it regardless, but even just holding hands leaves me worrying some asshole is going to cause a problem. I know my sister's husband isn't at all fond of it either and I'm 99% sure he's why Sara's never met the kids. But anyway, all those things are absolutely worth it. Would you ever consider something like a poly relationship, assuming everyone involved was alright with it? What are some things you think you would or wouldn’t like about it? Absolutely not, because I strictly believe in the exclusiveness of love. What is the most unhealthy relationship (whether friendship or romantic) you’ve ever had? What made it so unhealthy? Do you still talk to each other? Colleen, probably. We are just about the antitheses of each other, yet we were "best friends." We disagreed too frequently, she was drama-ravenous, we kept leaving and coming back, etc. No, we don't talk now, and I refuse to ever do so again as friends. Have you ever been abusive in any way? Were you able to change or make amends, or, in general, what do you think people should do to make amends in that situation? No. I absolutely do not believe in "making amends" with your abuser. Keep them the fuck out of your life. Have you ever forgiven someone for being abusive or allowed someone toxic back into your life? Did this person change for the better or not? Toxic... you mean Colleen? Did it too many times, and no, she didn't. Do you feel like your age matches your emotional development? If not, what age level or maturity level do you feel best represents where you’re at? Part of me says no, another says yes. I guess it depends on the subject. What is one thing about your personality that embarrasses you, but you can’t seem to change it no matter how hard you try? Have other people called you out on this embarrassing thing? Being socially awkward as all hell, and yes. When was the last time you did something “meant” for children? Do you think it’s okay for adults to do these things (ie. watch cartoons, have stuffed animals, dress in cute clothing, etc), or do you think there’s an age beyond which it becomes unacceptable - and if so, why? I was playing Spyro just earlier today lmao. In almost all cases, no. I do believe that something like a full-grown adult playing pretend with dolls or something may be questionable, but even then there's not a real reason I can give you. What was the last thing to “trigger” you (as in, in a true mental health sense, I’m being serious here) and how did you cope with it? What kinds of things do you tend to find triggering? What do you do either avoid or face your triggers? Something PTSD-related, but I can't remember exactly what it was, I guess because I got past it pretty quickly. There are certain songs I should avoid, I canNOT look at the medicine I ODed on, I don't like seeing or being near large knives at all... If you’re diagnosed with anything, do you feel that it accurately represents what you’re experiencing? All of them, yeah. What is a complaint you have about the mental health industry or about the type of treatment you’ve received from a mental health service? Have you ever had any particularly bad therapy experiences? I feel that too many people working in the field care far more about the pay than the people. I can't guarantee a professional truly cared about what I was dealing with until Holly Hill. I've had one particularly horrible psychiatrist that threw diagnoses and pills around like they were nothing (the most ridiculous being ADHD, which I in no way exhibited), and a long-time therapist I had was pretty bad, something I realized only after I started with my current one. She was strict about that "you've got an hour, you're staying an hour, you're leaving no later" shit, and we always ran out of things to talk about so I'd just be sitting there super uncomfortably and numerous times start crying because I felt so awkward, and she'd just take it as a sign that I wasn't telling her something. She drove "and how does that make you feel" and "what're you thinking of" into the goddamn ground. Yeesh, having been a mental health patient for so long, I could really write a novel here. When was the last time you realized you might be the source of a problem and NOT someone else? Hm, idk. I'm so uninvolved with others that that's a hard question to answer. What are some minor physical discomforts that really bug you (eyelash in your eye, a wedgie, rumpled socks, etc)? HAVING THE BOTTOMS OF YOUR PANTS GET WET. I hate chapped lips, too. Do you prefer vertical or horizontal stripes? Horizontal. Have you ever ridden a motorcycle? No. Are you ticklish? YEAH. Have you ever tried to make your own alcohol? No. If you were to join one of the armed forces, which would it be? I wouldn’t. Have you ever been in a submarine? No. Have you ever been in a hot tub or sauna? Only hot tubs. Do you believe there used to be dragons? No. What was your first alcoholic drink? A Mike's hard lemonade. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? Idk, I was a baby. What was your first detention for? Too many tardies. Did you ever have a treehouse as a kid? No. Have you ever been on radio? No. How long has your longest ever phone call been? A few hours. What is a meal you eat extremely often? Or do your meals & food choices vary a lot? Ummm I guess some kind of chicken is common? When was the last time you felt unable or unwilling to speak your mind to someone? Idk. What was the last thing you changed your mind about? Uhhhh how am I blanking, I change my mind on things every five minutes. Who was the last friend you saw, and what did you do together? Sara's both my girlfriend but also the only "friend" I ever hang with now even tho we live several states apart lmao. I was there two weeks, so we did an array of stuff. Who tends to show up in your dreams? Do you ever wonder if you appear in anyone else’s dreams? Hell, I barely ever remember my dreams. Jason still shows up maybe ehhhh around or maybe less than once a month, and I have no clue why other than maybe there's some PTSD effects I don't actually detect or something? It's not like I think about him much, so I really don't see why he shows up, but the theme is constant: awkwardness seeing each other again, and he sometimes tries to get back with me (thank FUCKING GOD even in my dreams, I don't). Sara's in some dreams that I remember. Mom, maybe. What is something you wish you could say to someone who is no longer in your life, or something you wish they could know? Nothing. What is something you do to feel better when you’re scared? I'll usually turn to YouTube for a distraction. Who do you feel you can count on the most in life? Is there anyone you wish you could count on more? Mom. What is the strangest book you have ever read? How did you find out about it? Probably Bite Me by idr-who. I actually don't remember. What was the last thing you broke? How about fixed? Another sensor came off the keyboard. :') I dunno about fixed. Is there a sign or symbol that means a lot to you for whatever reason (eg. seeing certain animals or birds, 11:11 or other repeating numbers, syncs, butterflies, hearts in nature, etc)? Butterflies and semicolons. Hence my semicolon butterfly tattoo. Do you have any personal ghost stories or paranormal experiences? Yeah. What do you get complimented on the most? My hair. What is something unusual that you find attractive? why does?????? everyone hate fedoras tbh?????????? What time do you tend to eat your first meal of the day? And your last? BOY this varies so much like fuck. Sometimes I don't eat breakfast at all, sometimes I do right when I get outta bed. Dinner can be at like almost 10:00 with Mom's schedule, or I may have it like five hours earlier. What was the subject of the last video you watched? I'm getting into a horror LPer and I'm binging her Silent Hill playthroughs. How would you describe your overall aesthetic? I like pink but bloody guts and brains are cool 2. What is the most challenging meal you have ever cooked? N/A What was your favorite thing to do as a little kid? Play video/computer games. Have you ever been close to drowning? No. Do you watch any Japanese anime? Not currently, but I've kinda had the urge to pick an interesting one up? Do you have someone who is protective of you (father, brother, etc.)? Mom and Sara above anyone else. Where was the last place you went, that you hadn’t been to before? Uhhhhh good question. I don't exactly go to new places often. Do you have any bad habits you aren’t working on changing? If so, do you ever think you’ll try to break them? I don't believe so off the top of my head? Then again I think everyone has little bad habits they don't try to improve upon, but I can't think of anything serious. When was the last time someone surprised you with their reaction or behaviors? I'm sure something with Mom, but idk what. Are you good at committing to things like Nanowrimo or Inktober? Nope. What is your preferred method of expressing yourself? Writing. Or drawing if I'm in the mood. Have you ever reached out to a crisis center for mental health support? If so, how was the experience? I tried to reach the suicide hotline via their online one-on-one chatroom because I was too afraid to actually call, but I ended up waiting I think 45 minutes before the OD happened. When was the last time you did something you were afraid to do, and how was the outcome? I drove at night and ordered food at a drive-thru myself. It went well. What is one positive thing you believe about yourself? I have a strong sense of right and wrong. What is something you have been through that has made you stronger? Depression as a whole. Other than money, what is something you wish you had more of in your life? Social life, success, and motivation to name a few. Is there anything that you tend to ignore for the sake of your sanity? Sure. Mental health stuff flares up sometimes if I think about some things too deeply. What was the last thing you argued or debated about? Did you eventually agree, or did you have to agree to disagree? Getting rid of Bentley, and neither, really. Mom knows we shouldn't have him for a world of reasons, yet she refuses to try to find a far more suitable home for him or at least talk to Nicole about it (he's her dog, but she doesn't live here), who's never even paid him almost any attention. I could rant about this for hours. What is something you wish was different about your family? THAT WE WERE CLOSER. What is your main struggle or focus in life right now? Getting out of the house/becoming more of a functioning adult. Are you more dramatic or stoic? I'm neither extreme, really, but I'd say I'm much further from stoic. Are you on medication for anything? If so, do you feel like it helps? Have you ever been afraid to take medication or had a particularly bad experience with it? A lot, but the only ones I feel don't work are the ones for my tremors and knees. I was on one med for a while that I was scared to take because it made me vomit (safe to say I wasn't on it long), and even my life-saver med made me sick at first, but I took prescription nausea pills to ride that out as my body adjusted. Do you prefer having long or short nails? Short, but not too short. When was the last time you had an argument with one of your parents? Idr. Do you tend to eat the same few things all the time or do you vary your intake? Would you consider yourself to be a picky eater? Are there any commonly enjoyed foods that you don’t like? I'm picky and definitely have a limited palate. Some foods I can think of for the last question include fried chicken, BBQ, watermelon, tacos, all cheeses but American, aaaand I'm blanking again in an area I should have a book about. Do you have good body image? Do you feel more confident about your body or your personality? What is one thing about yourself about which you do feel particularly confident? Ha, as if, so personality. I like how open-minded I am. How likely are you to compliment other people? How do you react or respond when you receive a compliment? What are your favorite types to receive? It depends on the person, the atmosphere, and my anxiety level. I sometimes fear complimenting people because I don't want someone to be like "um why is she talking to me?"/"is she flirting with me?"/"why did she notice that?", etc. I become so giddy (at the very least internally) when people compliment me because of how my self-esteem is, and I really appreciate them. The compliments that mean most to me are regarding my photography. With how badly I want to be a successful photographer, people seeming to genuinely like what I do has actually made me smile like an idiot and giggle publicly. It just means a lot to me. Describe the last thing you reblogged? How many posts do you tend to reblog during a day? A clip of Mark having a fit over a dog in RDR2. How much I reblog varies greatly; depends on how much I get on Tumblr that day, what I feel like sharing at that moment, what I queue... Have you ever lost your cool at work or somewhere else important? What happened as a result? No. Do you listen to your friends’ advice when they give it to you? Depends. If it's Sara, I usually do. What’s the last kind of soup you ate? Vegetable. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? It is pierced. The most memorable time that you skipped school, what did you do? I don't recall. Did you ever have a favorite teacher in high school? What made them your favorite? Coach Collie. He was very friendly, wise, his sense of humor was great, he cared deeply for his students, was super chill, shared life advice all the time, etc. etc. Can you think of a time when you were really obviously judged by your appearance? What happened? Not that I recall. What’s something your mother told you growing up that you actually listened to? Mind your manners. What are three emotions you experience regularly? Stress, content, but also discontent. What is your favorite Halloween candy? Reese's. Is there anyone who refuses to communicate with you? *shrugs* What was the last lengthy packet you filled out? Something for vocational rehab. Is there something you still can’t do even though you’re an adult or might be expected to do this thing? I don't have a job or drive. When was the last time you congratulated someone? Were you happy for them, indifferent, jealous? When I found out one of my closest high school friends is pregnant. I was obviously happy for her. What would you say is your STRONGEST emotion? Maybe not the most frequent, but the most intense? And what emotion do you feel most weakly, even if you might feel it more often? Anger; envy (but it's not often). Have you ever gone somewhere in your pajamas? What makes this acceptable or unacceptable to you? Plenty times, but it depends on my level of shits given and the location. Honestly wish pjs were more acceptable in public places cuz like why not, you've got clothes on, just don't go around where everyone can totally see your dick, ass, or tits. Other than the usual things like IDs, etc, what do you always carry with you when you go out? My phone. What type of photography do you enjoy looking at? Do you take any photos yourself, and if so, what types of things do you prefer to photograph? LOTS!!!! I particularly love fantasy-styled portraiture or macabre work, and omg give me soft lighting. I'm a sucker for emotive or conceptual portraits and the like. I like to photograph an array of things, but my faves are nature and animals. Have you ever gone out for the Black Friday shopping rush? Did you enjoy it, or not so much? Or, what’s the busiest shopping day you’ve ever experienced? Nope. Busiest shopping day I indirectly experienced was when I worked at GameStop during the holiday season... nope. It's a small store and it was flooded. I hated it. Idk about one where I/my family was the shopper. Do you enjoy reading diaries or stories you wrote from when you were younger, or does it embarrass you? If you’ve kept them, was there a particular reason for hanging on to them so long? No. No. No. NO. I can't stomach going any further back than '15 at the RP forum because fucking cringe. All old stuff like physical journals and such, they're long gone because I never want to see them again lmao. What would you say was your first true hobby? What about your most recently developed one? Hmmm, probably video games were the first things I was *really* deep into. Recently developed... good question. Is there one thing that throws off your mood more than others, whether it be lack of sleep, lack of food, heat/cold, etc? I'M FUCKING /CRANKY/ IF I'M HOT. Serious lack of sleep makes me moodier. What is one common area of life in which you feel you have little to no experience (college, children, marriage, etc)? Work and independence. What kinds of things are you likely to complain about? HEAT. If it's hot to me, you're gonna know. I'll complain if my stomach especially hurts, sometimes with other pain. Do you like to put any extra effort into your food in terms of presentation, or do you prefer to just put it on a plate and eat it as it is, no frills? I don't cook, so. But I'd definitely be the latter. When was the last time you were mean or rude to someone else? How about the last time someone acted that way toward you? I hung up on this insurance agency or whatever they are that call me every other goddamn day. I dunno about the second question. What kinds of things are most likely to make you lose your temper? Have you ever done something regrettable or embarrassing while angry? I fucking dare you to ridicule the mentally ill in front of me. Goddamn dare you. For the second part, not to my recollection. Do you have a large dog? No, both our dogs are medium-sized. If not, are you afraid of them? Not at all. Do your parents know that/if you smoke? I don't. What is the reason you last received money? Mom borrowed some from me so she was paying me back. Is anyone in your family sick? Not to my knowledge. Are you very upfront about things or do you "beat around the bush"? The latter, typically. Do you ever write poetry just to get your feelings out? Not really anymore. Middle and high school? I was all about it. I wrote only one poem this year. How many bones have you broken? None. Whose house did you visit last? My sister Ashley's. Have you ever bought a fragrance by a celeb because you liked who it was? No. Do you have a gazebo at your house? No. What’s your favorite brand of bottled water? Essentia.

#survey #quiz #questions #random

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ibroughtthisonmyselfpixels · 6 years

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Intermission 2 Replies

I don’t think I’m gonna be getting any more replies on the intermission, and there’s only so long i can leave this until i do, so here’s the reply-to-existing-replies batch now. but first:

@bountifulberries replied to your photoset “So because I have no restraint, I made a very smol tiny Sim called...”

I think a paid surrogate mother would be a very interesting contestant / sim in general!

It’d certainly put a new stamp on the 100bc, that’s for sure

@sevenleafsimblr replied to your photo

“FORMER BC ORGANISER FOUND DEAD IN HOME A once-prominent figure in the...”

��

he died before his prime

sevenleafsimblr replied to your photo “A sweet or agreeable succession or arrangement of sounds.”

it completely flew over my head during the Melody Reveal that "melody" is also a music term and im mad @ myself

Un Der Standable

@jackssims replied to your photoset “Deacon: “…spinning?” ”

It looks like she’s t-posing to asset her dominance

Lissa said by PM:

This is a little silly to mention but -- I think it's kind of cool how you're incorporating old stuff again? Like, between the Wilkersons and a tie to Charlie and stuff. I know that old stuff can be hard for you sometimes, so I Just Think It's Neat ^^

i said at the time that it’s more out of necessity some of it than anything else to flesh out the neighbourhood, but you know what? i change my answer. it’s not that the old stuff isn’t hard for me, it’s that the new stuff is just as hard. i want my being good back

@tosimornottosim replied to your photoset “But back then, when I didn’t have to hide… the Wilkersons and I - we...”

I am terrified of what comes next but I am actually so happy that she has a good support network

without that system in place who knows where she would be. somewhere you wouldn’t wanna read, i’ll bet

tosimornottosim replied to your photoset “At first I liked Jase best, just because he was so quiet and strange...”

They must be very good friends. They survived using the blue shell on one another

Cid is a good dad and won’t ground Lauro for that. Now if he’d used that lightning on him, he might’ve thought about it - that fucking lightning bolt’s the fucking worst

jackssims replied to your photoset “¦it wasnâ€™t always good. Not those times. But that wasnâ€™t because of...”

Those blondes... �� (unless of course I’m reading too much into this, then I redact my eyes emoji, but I’ll wait and see)

That’s true; we never did get a real answer for that, did we?

tosimornottosim replied to the same:

B I t c h e s

Well, yes, that applies regardless

tosimornottosim replied to your photoset “Lynn: “You’ve got it riiiight here! BLEH!!” Melody: “U-under my eyes?...”

Lynn is such a good person..............................;;;;;;

Lynn makes you cry from all six of your eyes. strexgnome

jackssims replied to your photoset “And t- then there was the one that worried everyone… the - I got a,...”

��

tosimornottosim replied to the same:

:eyes:

sevenleafsimblr replied to the same:

uh oh.....

I will only say this: it’s fortunate that the girlfriend didn’t make everything totally and utterly worse for her

tosimornottosim replied to your photoset “Lavandar: *wide-eyed* “Y-you - you dated your own bully?!”...”

I don't trust you Blonde Scarlet and Viola

O KA y whether they’re who you think they are or not that description is fucking hilarious

tosimornottosim replied to your photoset “Estelle: “…Oh god, Melody. Are you okay?” Melody: *shaking* “Please…”...”

Don’t touch her you fucker. Don’t touch her

‘Limp’ is very specific and deliberate consistently-abused-child language, at least to me. If you don’t put up a fight, it doesn’t hurt as much.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Estelle: “…Melody? Melody, can you look at Mommy please?” Melody: “…”...”

Fuck Estelle

tosimornottosim replied to the same:

I want her to die

sevenleafsimblr replied to the same:

estelle can you be a good girl and get some sleep and not wake up

It isn’t wrong, but it is interesting that ‘can you be a good girl’ is what a lot of you replied to throughout this. is it because it’s the most convenient place, being at the end; because it feels weird commenting on the actual violence; or because the emotional manipulation is the straw that breaks the camel’s back?

tosimornottosim replied to your photoset “Lavandar: “Noooope! No no no no, no. It doesn’t work that way,...”

PREACH IT LAV IM SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU LAV

As you well know, this is something I have to work hard to convince myself, hence the soapbox. (Can it be a soapbox if you have trouble holding the soapbox’s beliefs?) It doesn’t help that I do charity work at a bookstore, and Torey Hayden / Cathy Glass / other trauma-porn books come in on the regular - it’s hard to be confident in the legitimacy of how Mum’s affected me when stories that feature kids who’ve been utterly decimated and forgotten over the years are in my line of sight that often.

Incidentally, I hope I haven’t crossed the line to trauma-porn here. This is intended to be an explanation for part of Lorelei’s backstory and why she has a lot of the mannerisms she does (plus a few hints for down the road, but that first thing first and foremost) - obviously making you sad is a goal too, but not to an exploitative extent, you know?

@cafesimming replied to your photoset “Lorelei: “I… I’m sorry. I won’t say it again, I’m sor–”...”

i havent been replying but i just got s chance to read sll this and i love lorelei and i love lavandar and i love this story and im quite literally on the verge of tears reading all this rn and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa love

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

bountifulberries replied to your photoset “Lavandar: *shrinks back, curling up onto herself, breathing shakily* ...”

All of this is making me so sad but it’s so well done!! I literally didn’t wanna go to bed last night bc I wanted to keep waiting for updates to post

get some sleep Kasey. if you’re going back to school you need all the sleep you can get. i can be awake for you and get in trouble for it

tosimornottosim replied to your photoset “I really am sorry, you know. Lavandar. That I’m p- that I’m putting...”

It wasn’t a lack of bravery. You were so brave

there’s two kinds of bravery: to confront, and to endure. Lyra has the confrontational bravery covered. Lorelei is the endurance.

tosimornottosim replied to your photoset “He looked at my arm. He looked at me. H-he… looked at me, like Lyra...”

Zeus bless Jase. In all truthfulness

give him the happiest of marriages and the least of links to that box with the finger in it...

tosimornottosim replied to your photoset “¦He didnâ€™t say a wordâ€¦ to me.â€ Jase:Â â€œâ€¦â€ Pal:Â â€œPoor fucking Melody....”

is. is he gonna make himself talk to help her. is. is he gonna do that. because if he does i'm fucking gonna cry

He!! Did that!!

tosimornottosim replied to your photoset “But I’ll… even with everything… I’ll forever be grateful that he...”

god what a hero

the hero we need but we don’t deserve

jackssims replied to the same:

Good. This is good (I hope)

It was a mixed blessing

tosimornottosim replied to your photoset “I didn’t put two and two together until Jase told me later… but Mom...”

You weren't bad. You weren't bad

Lorelei knows that. Melody does not.

tosimornottosim replied to your photoset “¦what happened after that, Lorelei? Did sheâ€“?â€ â€œShe was held for a...”

oh colby...

I’m not sure where else to put this yet, but designing Estelle was almost as much - not necessarily fun, but it took about as much thought as designing Amelia did back in the day. I think she’s quite handsome, but it’s ruined by her looking almost perpetually sour/disgruntled. I even employed another Enid Blyton trick: her eyes are closer together compared to my other Sims, and a pale blue, much like Prudence from another St Clare’s book. Until they (Prudence’s) turned brown in a later scene in one of the few legitimate continuity errors I’ve seen from Enid but that’s neither here nor there

I’d also like to emphasise an actually salient point: if it wasn’t clear, Estelle isn’t mentally ill in any way that I know of. There may be neuroses there that never got diagnosed, but they're not the root of her behaviour even if there are. She’s reprehensible enough without chemical imbalances there to influence it.

tosimornottosim replied to your photoset “We tried to be safe. She tried to… let us be a normal family. A happy...”

I understand rationally that Colby is a victim of abuse but /damn/ does he make my blood boil rn

I in turn understand why you’d be angry at him - he allowed a very volatile influence back into Lorelei’s life - but honestly I mostly feel pity for him. He’s a bit like, um... what’s a good comparison...? Charlie Swan feels like the closest analogue, though the circumstances are different there. He can try to lay down some rules and speak the truth of it, but when the largest female influence in the house is this dominant, this domineering, and cares more about what he can do for her than what he chooses to do for himself, what chance does he have?

It doesn’t help that being willing to please and put his own neck on the line to keep other people happy is kind of a core part of his personality - he’s the person from whom Lorelei inherited the Good trait (much like Amelia got Perfectionist from Maus), but his manifestation of Good leans more towards Doormat than Empathetic, if you see what I mean. It becomes especially clear if I reveal and then you consider he dropped out of college at twenty halfway through a tech degree specifically to marry Estelle so that she could have someone to keep her company at medical school. Self sabotage for the boosting of others.

(Estelle’s two years and a few months Colby’s senior, by the way)

tosimornottosim replied to your photoset “I was a wreck at home, and a - even worse, at school. I kept my mouth...”

I wish there was a word for like, SHSL Mom. Because that's what Lynn is. She's like a Double Mom

maxi extreme ultra Mom

Vid incidentally got very upset at around the Jase Pal break-up post, for good reason: these people are just kids. this stuff is much too big for them, they didn’t deserve this.

@geezsims liked your photoset “¦to Bridgeport.â€ â€œGod. All by yourself? No one-?â€Â â€œThe journey, y-...”

Han. Han. I admire the like, Han, but I feel like you’ve missed, like, nine tenths of the story here

tosimornottosim replied to the same:

See Colby /this/ is how you Dad

by dying your hair, or sending your kid to a safe place? i’m not sure the intended message here

tosimornottosim replied to your photoset “¦Lorelei Kessler.”

My hero

I need a Lorelei; I’m holding out for a Lorelei til the end of the etc

tosimornottosim replied to your photoset “Lorelei: “I trust you, Lavandar. I trust you. I trust you. N- no...”

Lavender: *a gentleman's guide to love and murder playing* I've decided to marry you! I've decided to marry you!

Blessed Image

tosimornottosim replied to your photoset “Lorelei: “Lyra?! Uh- um -” *clambers up* “You’re - you’re back?” ...”

Man I’m happy you’re going to be here, Ly, but what a buzzkill We almost had a confession!

Like I said in the end credits, we almost had a lot of things ;)

tosimornottosim replied to your photoset “¦ *crunch* *click* *crunch*Â â€¦ Lyra:Â â€œâ€¦okay, and - open.â€ â€“ End of...”

Now you’re the cockblock, Dub

bountifulberries replied to the same:

RUDE

jackssims replied to your photoset “¦ *crunch* *click* *crunch*Â â€¦ Lyra:Â â€œâ€¦okay, and - open.â€ â€“ End of...”

Ending it with a tease, eh?

Okay y’all I understand but like y’all, y’all. y’all. this part of SoS is ultimately Lorelei’s story. If I’d ended it with the full Lyra reveal, it would become Lyra’s story again too much, and a lot of the impact of what Lor’s been talking about would’ve been lost. I felt like I was pushing it as it is

jackssims replied to your post “Intermission 2: Melody End Credits”

This interlude-update was amazing. It made me feel stuff like never before, and I was always refreshing my dash for it. Great job!

holy hell thank!!!! I’ll try to maintain that quality, or at least a small fraction of it, into the rest of the project going forward!

#bountifulberries #toxoplasmajuice #harmoniouspixels #berriesandbrownsugar #tosimornottosim #autistichatkid #geezsims #sos mm bc

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catastrothicc · 6 years

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when will i learn to write an intro post

hello friens my name is kit im 19 and i use them/they pronouns. i love the color GREEN as u can tell and im a cancer ..... i literally don’t kno who i am besides that so ! ey letz gO .... oh yea my timezone is mdt . bu ckle . ... .. . u p

fiRST we have rocky whomst some of u kNO bc he was That guy in paracosms anD created by the m ost crea tive admins iv’e ever seEN i got blessedt 2 play him and to play him agAIN in literally the most mentally straining au for any character .... paracosms verse ! x

i previously made an intro post for him here so i’m just gonna link it and walk away .. .. .... also his stats page still lives here !!! keeping in mind that he is no longer a drug ring leader ..... he recently discovered that his wHOLE LIFE is a LIE and that he’s a helpless robot stuck in hell with a bunch of other robots who want 2 murder him and every(robot)body he loves

find his pinterest board here , someday a whole ass playlist too

neXT we have minjae ... he’s my oldest character in this batch but that doesn’t mean i especially love him .... just means i’ve made him suffer the longest .... . . . tw: child abuse ( pinterest board , playlist 1 , playlist 2 )

minjae is in the main verse ! find him bullshitting through college and b-boying in the camden streets

he’s twenty-one and a virgo , born in busan , south korea

he found his way to london when his parents sent him away to study abroad highkey because that’s a big fancy thing in korea they can brag about and lowkey to get rid of him for as long as they can

his relationship with his family is ..... interestingly strained . his parents WON’T admit that he’s tiring as hell to deal with and how much stress he causes because they try their best to be supporting/loving parents but honestly minjae KNOWS how much they just wISH he was fucking gONE from their lives ( okay maybe not THAT intense but things rlly blow up in his head ) but he doesn’t even worry about it he just deals with the fact that he’s a terrible son

he was diagnosed with odd when he was eight years old, after his mom got tired and increasingly concerned with his disruptive and violent behavior

a few years prior , minjae’s biological dad left them and his mom kind of took it upon herself to try and make it up to him . that meant she was always careful around him and treated him as if he was fragile because minjae felt some blame that his dad left .

his biological dad did Not have any patience for his kid’s mental health , meaning he and minjae would fight often to the point of getting physical . basically minjae endured a lot of getting locked up in the bathroom kicking and screaming until his voice grew hoarse and the occasional ..... bad beatings .

he went to therapy with his mom for two years before entering middle school , around the time his mom remarried a nice guy who had the patience of a saint when it came to minjae , even after he repeatedly rejected him as a part of their life . eventually minjae managed to warm up to him ..... he just didn’t wanna admit he was afraid he’d abandon them like his bio dad .

despite the therapy he was still unstable and got into frequent fights . he was smart but he didn’t put it into any good use because he would rather fool around and disrupt the classroom at any slight chance . teachers .... hated this fuckass

theN high school !! A Whole Mess ..... he got worse and worse , and it wasn’t until he got expelled from his Second high school that he went back to therapy for anger management .

after months of sessions w/ his therapist he was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder , which honestly explained Everything about his life . it explained his massive issues with interpersonal relationships , massive abandonment fear , massive moodiness , massive personality contradictions .... everythin g

he started b-boying because it was a way to push himself and let go of the anger without picking a fight with someone else ( altho he StilL picked the occasional fight .... highkey still does ) but he loved the control that came with dancing and how it hurt to push his body

he managed to graduate despite what everyone thought ..... and even a bigger surprise is that he went to college majoring in math ..... and an evEN BIGGER SURPRISE is that he went overseas to study which is like ..... quite a difficult and impressive thing to do ..... tho minjae just finds math the easiest out of academic studies bc “all u need to do is understand and follow a formula”

anYWAYS so his personality is generally very contradictory . he just has no fucking idea who he even is . thESE are from an old intro that i’m just putting here bc still tru:

being delusional w/ infatuation/love to the point of a fault vs running away when things actually start to go right with someone because of his fear of being abandoned by them

being so afraid of abandonment that he can’t stand being alone, always needs to be communicating with someone vs pushing people away when he feels like he’s getting attached because he’s afraid of abandonment

swinging between being horny all the time and being sex repulsed

intense mood swings !!! having the time of his life one hour and wishing he was dead the next

thinks he’s the best vs loathes his entire being

wants everyone to love him vs thinking he deserves being alone

incredibly charming and talkative vs distant and moody

loving/cuddly/goofy vs jealous/purposely mean/bossy

also never tell him its ok to text u bc he’ll give u notifications from Hell

dhwani mishra !!! honestly Bae . i’ve had her in my head for mONTHs and this is only the second time i play her rip . anyways say hello to this Hot Mom. tw: abuse , brief abortion mention

dhwani is from chicago , she’s 36 and a leo .... literally The Whole SUN

she grew up w/ a generally large family . two parents , three sisters and a brother . it was a full house that often became suffocating but she managed to survive her childhood and teenhood .

she’s extremely close with all her fam except her dad , bc they have always disagreed in almost everything and it’s just ..... awkward to be around him ?? she honestly doesn’t respect him much , even if she would never show him/tell him that . her dad had an abusive past w/ her mom , and dhwani still feels a lot of resentment that he would ever lay his hands on her in a violent way and mistreat her despite being the mother of his children . when she was a teenager , she would tell her mom to just divorce him but her mom was in a very toxic/old mentality and believed she would ruin her family and her children’s life if she did that .

probably nobody cared about this as much as dhwani .... she promised herself she’d NEVER allow someone to do what her dad did to her mom and was honestly so defensive with guys . little did she kno it was the lesbian raging inside her .

so because she had no idea what a lesbian was or that it was a possibility bc her household was not the type to really go into the topic of sex at all , she eventually got into a relationship with a guy in high school that she could actually put up with .... and got really disappointed when she was finally ‘ in love ’ because of how underwhelming it all was . her dreams about finding ‘ the one ’ were absolutely gone . she was like wtf why are people making such a big deal out of love when it feels like ...... kind of nothing ??

she became pregnant with his child which was completely unplanned and was such a huge turn in her life that she never ever expected . all this time she had been driven to start a career in chemistry and family would come way wayyy later , however she did Not want to give up her child ..... she was so torn about it but now she thinks not getting an abortion was the best decision of her life bc her little boy , one of her two little suns was brought into the world .

she paused her career to raise him w/ her now husband when she was 29 , and three years later became pregnant again , this time w/ her second sun , an adorable lil baby girl . things were already going downhill in her marriage before she got pregnant again , though , and she stupidly thought that maybe another child would help them but ... wrong ! her husband , the man she thought she loved , was turning out to be exactly like her father . she put up w/ him for as long as she could .... but it did just not work out . when her daughter was two and her son five , she divorced him and someway or another managed to pick up her career again .

she moved out with her kids into a small apartment , struggling with money and having to ask her parents for aid which wasn’t rlly good for her pride , despite that she and her mom were like best friends .

sHE made it to london by pure will after juggling her two children and working as a high school teacher , though when she got an offer to teach as a professor in a university w/ heR OWN LAB AND RESEARCH TEAM she could Not pass it up . the only problem was tht this job was across the ocean , and away from her family and everything she and her children knew .

still , she saw a brighter future , not only for herself but especially for her kids , so she packed up and said goodbye to the states .

she’s been teaching in soho for two years now and she still hasn’t really adjusted . it’s obviously a very different life than the one she had in chicago , but she’s very determined to make it work . also she’s recently discovering her repressed inner lesbian so hmu for plots !!! ;)))

shE’S a chemistry professor so ... @ any student connections hmu ... also any students whomst want 2 be on her research team A++

pERSONALity wise .... she’s a mess . she’s very lively and warm and inviting , but she is also extremely stubborn and unrestrained . you don’t agree w/ something she does ? Suck It . you have a stupid opinion ? Time to let u kno how absolutely wrong u are . she is NOT afraid of a fight . also she’s v scatterbrained .... there is so much on her schedule that she can barely keep up w/ so she’s never like ... calm . always going somewhere , always pacing places , chugging her coffee , carrying 789479 folders and books everywhere .

hER class is pretty much this vine

probably one of the least chill professors on campus in the best way possible . she’s so excited about chemistry and teaching her students . altho she is lenient and understanding she can also b strict af and doesn’t allow her kindness to b taken advantage of . rlly good at drawing lines .

also her children are her whole world and she loves to brag about them ... since she doesn’t get enough time w/ them at home she sometimes takes them to her lab on campus or they’re there being a mess during her office hours and stressing her out but she’s 2 fond of them to leave them w/ their babysitter .

oK so here is her v incomplete pinterest board ... expect a playlist Soon

lAST BUT NOT LEAST is santana !!! he is ... a solid trip . this is my first time playing him so i’m puMPED and expecting the worst of him fhuidshfiusdhg. tw: drug use , abuse , alcoholism

he is 23 , a Cancer , n from LA california like that red hot chili peppers song(s)

his childhood wasn’t chill at all . he grew up with four sisters and three brothers , so his parents never really had time for all of them individually . they were always kind of lumped together despite the differences in age . santana was one of the middle children so he got evEN LESS attention .

he honestly does not understand what his parents were thinking when they had EIGHT whole kids , because they were poor as shit . they lived in a tiny house with three bedrooms and two bathrooms , where all the girls would be in 1 room , the boys in the other , and their parents in th third one . you could Not catch a moment of peace in this household . they basically lived on top of each other .

his older siblings were very bad influences , and so were his parents . it was all tough love , so he barely received any kindness or special treatment and had 2 go to school even if he was dying w/ the flu and got hit Bad when he acted out even a little bit bc his parents were Not about to deal w/ any disrespect . he actually pretty much got hit for just existing bc his parents didn’t want dumb kids and santana was failing in Everything at school so his dad especially tried to beat it into him but really he wasn’t dumb he had dyslexia and no one knew or cared enough to find out .

still , they didn’t really respect their children enough to demand their respect . they would cuss all of them tf out and allow them little to no privacy so they all became rEALLY GOOD liars , and all of them learned to have each other’s backs but rlly this only lasted during their childhoods/teenhoods .

santana started doing really stupid shit during high school and once he got caught stealing wine from a grocery store w/ all his dumb little high school friends whomst were in possession of weed and ended up in juvenile prison for two years until he turned 18 . thEN while he was on parole he didn’t learn his fucking lesson and his parents/family were not supportive At All honestly it’s like they didn’t give 2 shits that he was in juvie they were just like ‘that’s what happens when you’re a goddamn moron’ so santana went out and did it aGAIN bc fuck parental guidance anyways

this time he got caught stealing a whole fucking car and in possession of not only weed but cocaine so he got locked up for 4 long ass years . honestly thought that he wouldn’t make it out but he rlly learned a lot in prison and he was used to getting no privacy anyways and just kinda dealt . the prison system he was stuck in Sucked so bad though like the guards were the Worst and he’d try to stay out of fights but Some Fucker would piss him off and BOOM he’d end up in the hole for a whole week .

hOWEVER if it wasn’t for being there he would’ve never discovered his passion of art and drawing . he got Really Fucking good bc he had nothing else to do but sit around and try to find anything to pour all of his pent up energy into and drawing happened to be his greatest outlet . would just sit for as long as they let him and draw his time away .

when he got out he went back to his fam but they were pretty much all split up . shit went Down while he was locked up and somehow his parents ended up w/ a giant grudge on their children and some of his siblings wanted to kill each other while others had just completely moved away to different parts of the states and had absolutely no communication w/ each other .

santana decided to fuck it and pursue his dreams of being a tattoo artist far from LA and just decided to move to a different country entirely .

Now u can find him giving tattoos in his apartment bc he doesn’t have enough $$$ to get a studio and while he Is training under a professional he’s not getting paid by them so he needs to make money somehow . it’s a secret that he’s tattooing when he’s not supposed to tho . Fuck the law .

personality !!!! he’s basically .... very chill .... perhaps 2 chill ....

even tho drugs got him some bad time in prison he hasn’t left them . still very 420 friendly and occasionally does the hard stuff . also loves 2 drink and party .

he’s irresponsible !!!! he feels like he lost a lot of his life in prison so he’s trying to make up for it and while he’s being more careful ..... he still loves 2 fuck shit up .

he gets way too comfortable around people way too easily . he thinks this is a trait he picked up in jail bc he rlly had no other option but to shower with a bunch of dudes and shit out in the open , so he’s very comfortable with his body and being in the nude in general . also a touchy guy , likes cuddles and appreciates hugs . random meaningless touches are a Habit .

he loves to hang and do whatever so if ur his friend chances are tht he’s hitting u up 24/7 to go do something . biggest extrovert there is . does not get tired of being in public / around people . also p flirty and gay as hell .

sO find his pinterest board here and i’m also in the process of finishing a playlist for him hopefully soon

thAT WOULD BE ALL FOR NOW !!! hmu and feel free to add me on discord ( a whole silly boy#2690 , kít (catastrothicc) in the group chat ) for plots and such !!!

#smoke:intros #smoke:ooc #⦁ — › OwO ᴡʜᴀᴛ's ᴛʜɪs? — ⌜ ᴏᴏᴄ ⌟#(#fiNALL Y )#( im srry it took this long )#( what was the build up it suCKS ANYWAYS )#( also ........ im not ashamed of an anime mascot )#( HFUISDHFIUSDHGIUH )#( i LOVE an angry boy )

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phawareglobal · 6 years

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Tarya Laviolette - phaware® interview #136

Tarya Laviolette is a pulmonary hypertension patient from Canada. She is a former Community and Relations Coordinator for Pulmonary Hypertension Association of Canada. Tarya now serves as a Research/Health Policy Officer for the BC Nurses’ Union. She discusses how her nursing team is absolutely integral to her care.

My name's Tarya Laviolette. I am a PH patient living in Vancouver, B.C., in Canada. I was diagnosed about five, five and a half years ago.

I've been exercise intolerant for just about as long as I can remember. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that I've had some kind of underlying disease since I was a kid. I used to carry a tensor bandage in my backpack because if I found out that we were going to go for a run in gym class, I would just slap it on my ankle and fake a twisted ankle so I wouldn't have to go for the run, because I was embarrassed, because I couldn't keep up with any of the other kids. It never occurred to me that it was a medical issue. I just thought I was out of shape, which is a bit ridiculous, when you think about it, for a 14-year-old girl.

I just adjusted my life for most of my life, and then when I was 30, I got pregnant with my son, and I was so lucky. In retrospect, so incredibly lucky. I didn't get diagnosed in pregnancy. I had a super lovely fantastic pregnancy, and I know that it would have been a lot more stressful had I got that diagnosis. Like I said, in retrospect, it turned out well. I survived. My son survived. We both came out healthy, and I'm very aware that that's not the reality for a lot of people, so I recognize how lucky I am to be able to parent, to have a son, and also to have survived so well through my pregnancy.

Then after he was born, I kept asking for pregnancy tests. I kept feeling pregnant. A lot of those symptoms of, you know, a little bit of shortness of breath, just feeling fatigued all the time, they just didn't go away. I had a very astute family doctor and she heard something in my heart, and she sent me for an echo, and within ... yeah, I had my first echo on a Friday, and the cardiologist called me on Sunday and asked if I could come in the next day, and that's where that whole process of bam, bam, bam, different tests and everything started.

Then I got referred to the pulmonary hypertension clinic in Vancouver, and got on therapy, and did really well for a good chunk of time. I think like a lot of other patients, I've had ups and downs, things like that. Then this last year, ended up having to transition onto IV therapy as well.

We all know this is a rare disease, and I'd never heard of it before, and I didn't know anyone who knew anything about it. One of my first questions at the PH clinic is where I could find a support group, and there wasn't one, which I found was really unfortunate. We have, in B.C., in British Columbia, something called the B.C. Pulmonary Hypertension Society that was started by a woman living with pulmonary hypertension who lived on Vancouver Island, which is about a two hour travel for me. There was sort of a group that was still meeting on the island, but there was nothing locally here in Vancouver.

We did have the Canadian PH Association, which happened to be based here, and so I went in there to see if I could just find people who I could relate to. I had a really nice long chat with the national manager at the time, who was Angie Knott, who now is one of my closest friends. It turns out we have kids the same age, and I'd actually met her husband before at a play group, randomly.

I ended up doing some volunteer work for PHA Canada, and starting a local support group here in Vancouver. Right before I was diagnosed, I had just finished a Masters in Public Health. I had all these advocacy skills. I had a lot of passion, and I really wanted to do something, and I ended up going to work for the Canadian PH Association for about a year. Probably one of the best things I could have done for myself, for my own health, going back to work, having the ability to go back to work, and feel really productive and really make a contribution to my own community. I was really fortunate to have that experience.

I ended up getting an opportunity to go work full time as a Research and Health Policy Officer for the Nurses' Union here in B.C., so I moved on from PHA Canada. My involvement has waned a little bit, but they're still very near and dear to my heart.

When I worked for PHA Canada, my role was Community Engagement, and I used to think Mark Zuckerberg on the daily. I was so grateful for facebook. There's something very powerful about being able to connect with people, even if it's virtually, when you have a rare disease. I wrote my Masters project on peer support, and this was before I got sick. The "I get it" factor, I think, is absolutely tremendous. Having the ability to connect with people online? Huge.

I took a job with the B.C. Nurses' Union, and I work in research and health policy, and it's a really good fit for me and for my skill set. The PH connection that I have is that it's really gratifying for me, in my work, to be able to serve a community that serves me so well. I love my doctors. My doctors are great, but probably 90% of my care is delivered through my nursing team, and my nurses are absolutely fabulous. I just would not get by without them. They're absolutely integral to my care.

It's really nice for me that I can use my skills to give back to that community. When I left the PH Association, I lost that feeling of being able to contribute to my community, but this way, I get to contribute to the community that keeps me kicking.

I'm a research nerd by background. I absolutely love research. I'm not a bench scientist, so I've not worked in clinical trials, that kind of thing. I've done the sort of social research, mental health research, but I think there's a huge amount of value in both of those kinds of research for pulmonary hypertension. When I was diagnosed, I have research literacy, so I dove right into the research around pulmonary hypertension pretty quickly, and I was lucky enough, through being an employee at PHA Canada, to go to conferences, and hear some of the latest, greatest research happening in this area.

I was really excited to find out that there's a tremendous amount of research happening in pulmonary hypertension, and a huge interest in the research community. I know that at some of the Thoracic Society conferences, pulmonary hypertension presentations are among the most popular, and among the most well-attended, because there is a lot of momentum in this area, and there's a lot of new treatments coming out, and a lot of new theories of the disease, which I think is really important, right? That way, you have a branch of research into new drugs and things, but you also have these bench scientists who are really working on that, what is it that's happening? I think maybe it's because there's still the opportunity to be the person who gets it, the person who figures out pulmonary hypertension, so there's still lots of interest, and lots of excitement in that area.

That's where our cure is going to come from one day, right, these really motivated, excited, researchers, bench scientists, working with the microscopes, and working with the stem cell research, or progenitor cell research, working at finding new theories of the development of the disease, and really figuring out what's happening. Transplant techniques, I know there's a lot of research in that area. So I find a lot of hope in that, and I find that that helps me to move forward, and again, want to be able to do all of those sort of regular life stuff, knowing that with all these people in the background, working on this, that that's going to be the thing that keeps me going for a good long time.

I think one of the reasons that I had a really easy time of staying positive was because I was a new mom. Despite the fact that I was going through this really rough time in my life, and I had just lost my dad right before I was diagnosed, it was a really rough time, but I had this tiny baby who had no idea. He didn't know the difference, and he still needed to be fed and cleaned and played with, and he was still super giggly, and so in the beginning, when I was still trying to adjust and cope with this new life, and this new diagnosis, he saved me.

When I did go back to work, I found it very, very helpful. I feel at my best self when I can make a really meaningful contribution to something, when I have something to work towards, and especially because I do, I still have a lot of difficulty with physical tasks. I have an amazingly supportive partner. He works part time and then does all of the domestic duties. He does all of the cooking, all of the cleaning, and a good chunk of the child care, especially when our son was younger. All of the physical aspects of that, he just took all of that on.

I can do really well at a desk, so things that my skill set allows is that I can make that contribution in a different way. I don't need to be bending over to do the laundry, because that's really hard for me, so that has allowed me, I think, to be mentally healthy healthier as well. I think if I, I didn't feel like I was making a contribution, that would be really difficult for me.

I did go off work for a couple of months when I transitioned to IV therapy, and I found it really difficult not having that positive contribution to make, so I ended up working up from home some while I was off, because I find that very helpful.

Now, I don't have to fake it anymore. Getting a diagnosis like this is devastating for sure, but it's also a little bit freeing in that I know why I had so much difficulty. Before, I was embarrassed about it, because I didn't know what it was about, and I assumed it was my fault. I assumed that it was because I wasn't working hard enough. I didn't go to the gym enough. I know that I'm not going to run a mile. On good days, I can still, on a flat surface, walk for a good chunk of time, and I can still play with my son. Those are the things that are more important to me.

My name is Tarya Laviolette, and I am aware that I'm rare.

Learn more about pulmonary hypertension at www.phaware365.global. Never miss an episode with the phaware® podcast app. Follow us @phaware on facebook, twitter, instagram, youtube & linkedin Engage for a cure: www.phaware.global/donate #phaware

Listen and View more on the official phaware™ podcast site

#pulmonary hypertension #phaware #rare disease #lung disease #clinical trials #podcast #PH #asthma

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hegglespeggles · 7 years

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That Mental Illness Thing.

A really good friend of mine just told me she’s struggling with depression, and so i gave her my advice. I figured it might be helpful for other people too so Imma post is here, please feel free to add anything else to it as well! heres my two cents: I'm so incredibly sorry that you feel so shitty, and I understand some of how terrible you feel right now. I want you to know that this doesn't lessen you as a person, and that this will not last forever. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 15, and I have lived a happy(ish ;)) healthy fufilling life despite that. And who knows, maybe its clinical, maybe its situational. I don't know. thats why I'm going to refer you to a bunch of different resources. 1. the family navigation project at sunnybrook works with the families of mentally ill children to help get them the support they need. they are like 85% of the reason I got the help i needed, and theyre super nice and will help you and theyre super knowledgeable, and will check up on you and communicate with you. I was scared and smol and super alone in the whole thing and they made me feel like i wasn't fighting on my own. 100% reccomend. 2. the Delisle youth services are an organization that offer therapy and safe spaces to youth and theyre super fantastic too. Those safe spaces are also very pro LGBTQIA+ ( all of the places im reccomending are, but by far delisle are the most proactive about it) so if you feel like you need a place to ask questions about your sexuality and advice and whatnot, theyre great mate. 3. When i got my diagnosis, I had to go in circles and bounce from organization to organization a lot, so Im gonna cut to the chase here: if your looking for a diagnosis, go to your doctor and have them refer you for an appointment at the youthdale treatment centre. thats where they have child psychs that will assess you and help you figure out what you need. which leads me to: LITTLE FUN FACTS YOU SHOULD KNOWWWWW 1. you are 14< which means that you have complete control over your own medical records. if you want, you can do what i did and your parents never have to find out. you tell the doctor "i dont want my parents to know" and BY LAW they cant say jack shit. Personally, i think that if you are comfortable with it, then it makes the whole this 80000% easier on you mentally to have a parent with you, but far from me to say that it will always be the best option bc i know that things only were worse for me when my parents found out (here i should add the caveat that my parents were abusive pieces of shit and from what you told me your parents are great but idk. you know yourself and your situation best.) 2. Diagnoses are your best friend. theres a few different reasons why imo your first step is a diagnosis: a) it first of all gives you the piece of mind to know that you arent just being lazy, or self pitying, but that you have a legitimate illness that you must treat which makes it leaps and bounds easier to treat because you dont hate yourself (as much) b) the school and other institutions will help you out if you can provide that documentation. Ontario charter of rights and freedoms outlines that you are entitled to certain allowances as you have a legitimate disability. Once you have a diagnosis, you can sit down with a guidance counsellor and get some things set out to help you at school. this means for me that i am allowed to listen to music in class, i get extra time on assignments with no reprecussions, and if i need to walk out of class (panic attacks yay!) then i can. by far this has made my life sosososo much better and easier and made me so much happier. its so comforting to know if youre having a bad episode and cant move from bed than at least your not "destroying your life." also, universities are forced to recognize it too, and that leads to my last point c) as calculating as it sounds, scholarships yo. you heard me. get that mad dough.

3. maybe the first therapist you see wont work for you. maybe you have to shop around. thats okay and normal and 100% fine. the most important part is that you find someone you can work with 4. Kids help phone has an online chat if you ever need to scream about something but dont wanna feel like youre burdening anyone. MY SUPER SUBJECTIVE PERSONAL EXPERIENCE 1. sometimes you just gotta turn your brain off and run on autopilot. sometimes you dont go to rehearsal bc you love it, sometimes you just gotta go because its thursday night and thats what happens thursday nights. 2. Schedule your life. I find that when im depressed, sitting in bed watching star trek for 16 hours feels like a really solid plan. so have a solid-er plan in place so that when you feel like that you can say that "nope i cant find out if starfleet is actually being controlled by changelings because i have to create an outline of my comparitive essay for english by 4 o clock" and so by doing that you become your own mom. i like bullet journalling for this. google it, its fun and productive. 3. Talk to people. I know how hard that can be and im really proud of you for reaching out the way you have. that takes guts, and so im putting this here as a intellectual thing to keep track of and not because i actually think youre stuggling with this part b. messaging people isnt the same as talking to them. so try to get that face-time in. go see a movie. grab some fro-yo. go to the park. see people face to face and that will make everything less shitty. SO FINAL SUM UP. this is a super shitty way to be feeling, and i know its kinda scary, but it doesnt have to suck peripherally, only in the most immediate way, in that your illness is pretty much described as "everything sucks for me always." If you ever need anything i am always right here, and there are resources available at the tips of your fingers. I have a studyblr as well and a lot of it is how to manage mental health when youre in school (and star trek memes. shut up you have your guilty pleasures too) so if you need help getting to work this is also helpful too.

#mental health

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