Tumgik
#i straight up wanna kill myself
Text
yknow it's great being substantially more prepared to operate in an academic space than the first time around, but college still makes me want to walk slowly into the ocean and never turn back
2 notes · View notes
whiskingskin · 3 months
Text
My mental health be so good and yummy tasty and then I remember I have to pay rent. Then I remember I have to buy groceries. Then I remember I need to buy gas. Then I remember I need to pay my car insurance. Then I remember I need to pay my renters insurance. Then I remember I need to pay for my cats food. Then I need to pay for my cats litter as well as some toilet paper for myself. Oh shit we're out of detergent- lemme run yo the store and pay for some more cleaning supplies. Oh, but our garbage disposal is broken, let me pay the maintenence man to come fix it. Did you want to have a treat after work? I hope you can afford it. Did you want to work at this place you're passionate for doing something you love? Sorry- we're only open 4 days a week, so you'll need a second job to pay your rent. Don't forget, your family and friends have birthdays coming up! Get them a present so you're not a bad friend. Or make them one- what do you mean you don't have the energy? Dont forget that the new canvas will cost 6.99! Shoot, you're depressed? Luckily, your therapy is only 200$ an appointment- you can pay that, right? And your life saving medications, of course! That'll be 850$- yes, that's with your insurance included. Don't you want to feel better? Please dress better- you're not being very professional. If you can't afford to dress professionally maybe you shouldn't be working professionally. Yes, a laptop is required for this position, but it would be in your best interest to buy it yourself. No, we don't have these hours available for you, even though I just told you how understaffed we are. What do you mean you don't want to work? What do you mean you don't want to pay?
If you're not paying, what are you doing? Stop.
1 note · View note
Text
Tumblr media
TUMBLR. I SEARCHED UP THE WORD BIPOLAR NOT “I’m gonna kill myself��� WHAT THE FUCK
2 notes · View notes
lightningfilledsaber · 9 months
Text
I'm just so fucking glad to be alive
5 notes · View notes
sunhalf · 1 year
Text
made some very minor rules updates! the main one :
i won’t fill out interest checkers or send in rules passwords; it just feels quite formal for what is, to me, a very casual hobby!  if we’re mutuals, I WANT TO WRITE WITH YOU — & as king of pulling AUs out of thin air, there’s almost never a time where i can’t or won’t write with a particular muse.  just assume i’m up for anything & i’ll communicate my boundaries if they come up!
i totally understand the appeal and, especially for folks who can be anxious about approaching others, the comfort of having it in writing that a mutual wants to write before reaching out, but — well, if i didn't want to write with you, i wouldn't be following!! please assume me following is me jumping up and down with glee at the prospect of writing with you. my rules specifically beg mutuals to send me unprompted asks / starters / etc., and that applies to all of you and all your muses! i don't need to know a ton about your muse / their fandom / their world etc to party hard, and some of my favourite dynamics have come about from somebody just chucking a starter at me and being like 'x and y are friends now and here's the starter to prove it.' i am always down, and trust me when i say that if there was a muse on your blog i simply Could Not Stand To See Or Write With the chances of me following you in the first place are ~ 1%
4 notes · View notes
dhampir-dyke · 1 year
Text
HOLY FUCK.
5 notes · View notes
airbenderedacted · 2 years
Note
I love you too!!! /p For the record I also listen to will wood I’m just not a superfan and I haven’t listened to the album because I didn’t have the energy to listen to new music yesterday,,, But anyways yes idk I just remember you talking about listening to will wood a while ago and you were like “I’m a gay little spinel kinnie of course I do” so maybe I had those words subconsciously in my mind… but in any case I . I just wanted to tell you everything will be okay . Because I know you have been sad in the past :( . And being a spinel kinnie if it’s for trauma is inherently sad HASHJSNAD. Anyways goodnight or good morning depending on when you see this. Rest well buddy💗💗💗
"I'M A GAY LITTLE SPINEL KINNIE OF COURSE I DO"
#IMN SIRRY YSYHGS BJNMS IM SORRY I READ THAT PART AND IT SENTM#JKSDFHGVSD NM E SO BAD I LIKE/ .#i think ym whole brain exploded just the inherit humor of that is GODLY im scvreaming#idk what it was i SAID but you remembering it like that is killing me it's jkllk BGHVDFJMK#HELPa#crying that made me completely unable to read the rest of ur ask for like. the past IDK mins straight hjsefhjskjs#BUT ANYWASY UM! okay yeah no i've been doing really well like emotionally and healthily and academically these past few months!!!#i think it so very WILL be okay YEAH!!!! 😄 <3333 that's really nice of you to wanna send me ty <333333#(bc god yeah i was . fucked up SO BAD the beginning of the year. and also for a decent while prior to that. The Foreshadowing to the hrtgh)#(BUT IT'S FINALLY ENDEEEEDDDD YEYAGHDHAAHHHH and it better stay that way god (it probably will lol i've fixed like. a Lot of Thimngs👍💖))#Also. to that last spinel kinnie mention: HELP?#DWNMBDNBSNM OKAY ICAN SAY RIGHT NOW THAT THE KINNIE THING IS NOT BECAUE OF TRAUMA or at least i dont think i can say that#that fyucked up lil wad of pink bubble gum of a gem is just Literally Me and it's insane and yah :)#genuinely. very genuinely. movie premiere bringing her into existence was like having a mirror held up to my mind's eye. crazy#both in aesthetic and being ridiculously relatable on so many fronts both to past and present instances of myself like wtfff#(minus her wanting to hurt innocents during her stupid fucked up and evil phase - that was NOt a mood 😰 girl wtf the fuc)#WHY DID SHE HAVE LIKJE ALL OF MY MANNERISMS AT THE TIME. HER STUPID LITTLE WALK. THAT WAS 2019 ME HELPP#okay anyway done screaming abt being a kinnie ty for the ask and being so sweet and fun to talk to !!! 👋😄😊 <333#fr!!!!!! ♡
3 notes · View notes
Text
ive had everything taken away from me (would have been really excited about a she hulk show 8 years ago and is now just annoyed with the mcu)
2 notes · View notes
closetchild · 2 years
Text
like girl therws literally somethinf wrong with me i dont know why im orientinf where im gonna move around sports but i AMMMM
1 note · View note
valpuduzz · 8 days
Text
god im supposed to be working on a project but i think this is a venty kind of night. i dont feel good at all. im sorry (anything suicidal that im mentioning isnt meant to be taken seriously btw, im just going through it)
#the meowing of a cat 🐱#vent#i dont think i want to go to DC anymore for the con. but i also dont want to go to mexico. and i rlly dont want a job#i dont want to hang out with anyone i dont want to see anyone i want to be left alone. i want to rot in my room#i just wanna shrivel up and die and i want to kill myself#i really really want to kill myself#i really really really want to kill myself#it's really hard to cry. i feel empty and on edge and like ive been put into this earth to suffer and yet i cant cry#and oh yeah here we go. crush problems once again. im sorry my dear mutuals#i love him so much i love him i love him but. i have no right to love him. i wish my feelings never latched on to him like this#i barely talk to him except when we voice call in the server im in. i dont have the right to love him like this#i kinda just wish he could straight up just tell me he hates me so i could finally have peace of mind.#i wish i knew how to talk to him. i wish i wish i wish. but i cant. because my desperation is so obvious and i'll come off as a creep#the last thing i want to do is make him uncomfortable#i think what hurts the most is that no matter how many times i tell him he's my friend and that i love him he wont know#the extent of my feelings for him. im jealous of his close friends because i know i'll never be close or special to him#because i dont know how#i already told him how i felt a while ago in march. and you cant confess to someone again#one time is okay. two times is being much too forceful and desperate#ive been trying so so so so fucking hard to get over these feelings. he's just a fucking crush ive only know for like three months#and yet it fucking hurts so fucking bad i fucking hate it i hate that my brain has put aside the friends who actually care about me#for a crush who even though is a dear friend of mine isnt as close to me as the other people in my life#genuinely think i should kill myself for this and im not lying#i hate this so much i hate that ive been abandoning my friends for him. but i love him so much i love him so fucking much#and i cant just randomly say that out of nowhere because he's gonna know im still in love with him and he'll hate me for forcing him#my biggest fear is he forces himself to like me back. i'd never forgive myself#im so sorry to my friends but this crush shit has taken over my mind and it's not good and it's toxic and i hate it#i wish i had an excuse to leave his life but that would mean he'd think he did nothing wrong when he did nothing to me#the only person to blame in this situation is me myself and i#fuck i reached tag limit OOPS
1 note · View note
barbietoiles · 5 months
Text
Yuri qtubbo save me......... Save me yuri qtubbo........
1 note · View note
pissfizz · 7 months
Text
Pissed the fuck off rn
0 notes
Text
.
0 notes
sad-mcmuffin · 11 months
Text
I think Andrew Hozier Byrne was put on this earth to personally victimize me
1 note · View note
juicebuny · 1 year
Text
omgggg fuck this shit i just wanna EAT im so hangry i could bite clean through metal
0 notes
dreaming-medium · 7 months
Text
Stray Kids Kinktober Day 8
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Stray Kids Kinktober Masterlist
Breeding - Bang Chan
Word Count: 8.4k
Summary: Your family’s yearly vacation is here and once again, you’re single. To avoid having your dating life be poked and prodded by your relatives, you decide to turn your best friend for a little help. Everyone already knows him! What’s the worst that could happen if he pretends to be your boyfriend for the week?
—————————————————————————
“It’s going to be a disaster,” you lament, leaning your head back over your couch. Your coffee mug gripped tightly in your hand.
A random movie is playing on your TV, but neither you nor your best friend are paying attention.
“It will not,” Chan chides and nudges your arm with his elbow.
He sips his own drink slowly, watching you throw your arm over your eyes.
“Yes it will! Every year my family goes on this vacation to the mountains, and every year I’m reminded that I’m the only single adult in the family.”
You sigh.
“You’re not the only single one, what about your cousin?”
“He started dating someone about a month after last year’s vacation. They’re still together, so she’s coming on the trip.” Your tone switches to something less dramatic. “She’s lovely, by the way, you’d like her. Very friendly.”
Chan laughs. “So, you’re single and alone there, what’s the worst that could happen? It’s your family. ”
“They make fun of me the whole time! And if I do anything my mom doesn’t like, she’ll go ‘this is why you don’t have a boyfriend, Y/N.’ Ugh!”
“Aren’t there only four ‘older’ cousins?”
“Yes, and I’m the only single one above the age of seventeen. I’m twenty four and I am going to die alone.”
Your arm drops from your eyes and you stare up at the ceiling.
The air in your apartment is warm and comfortable. Candles burn on the table beside you, filling the house with a pleasant warm cinnamon scent.
It was always one of Chan’s favorites.
“How long until the trip?” he asks.
“Next weekend.”
“Not enough time for a dating app, huh?”
You force a laugh, “No. Can you imagine? ‘Coffee was great! You wanna come on a week-long vacation with me and my giant, loud family?’ They would run for the hills.”
“Your family is great and you know it.”
“I know, they’re just… obnoxiously close, that’s all. I love them, don’t get me wrong.” Your arm slides off your eyes and you stare up at the ceiling. “But if I need to listen to my aunt nitpick my appearance in passive aggressive ways to ‘help’, I might kill myself.”
Chan takes a long sip of his drink. “They’re not that bad.”
You roll your eyes. “They love you so much, what would you know? Every time I bring you around them I always get tons of questions afterwards about you. I think my cousin is in love with you.”
“Which one?”
“Lily.”
“She’s twelve.”
“Twelve and in love with you.”
Both of you sit in silence for a moment. Chan’s attention slides back to the TV. He’s looking at it, but he’s not absorbing what’s really playing.
Same with you, you’re too busy wrapped up in your thoughts when an idea hits you all of a sudden.
“That’s it!” you yell, sitting up straight. Your voice startles Chan and he almost spills his drink all over your couch.
“What? What’s it?” he asks quickly, checking his pants to make sure nothing spilled.
“You can come with me!”
“You want me to go on your family’s yearly vacation in place of a boyfriend?”
“I want you to come on my family’s yearly vacation as my boyfriend.”
Chan’s head snaps over to you, his eyes wide and his jaw dropped. You’re already looking at him with pleading eyes.
“Please, Chan!” you beg before he has a chance to say no. “Please, please, please!” you repeat over and over again.
Placing your coffee on the table, you crawl closer to him on the couch, begging over and over again.
“They already love you so much! It would be so easy ! Plus, it’s all expenses paid! It’s a free vacation to a lake house in the mountains with your best friend!”
“Felix isn’t going.” Chan teases.
You whine and grab his free hand. “No, me! Your best friend! Pretty please Chan! I’ll owe you big time!”
He stares at you for a long moment, thinking it through in his head. You’re staring at him with big, pleading, sparkly eyes. He’s never been able to say no to that look.
He sucks his teeth, head cocking to the side for a second. The hand in yours twitches and he holds it, like a faux-shake.
“Fine,” he says. “But, you owe me dinner.”
Squealing, you throw your arms around his shoulders.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” He wraps his beverage-free hand around you and hugs you back. “You’re seriously the best, thank you!”
“I know, I know. Now can we please finish the movie?”
——————————————
The trunk to your car slams shut, Chan dusts his hands off and then rests them on his hips.
“You look like a dad,” you tell him while coming up to the car with your backpack slung over your shoulder.
“A dad who packed the trunk of your car perfectly.” He eyes the backpack on your shoulder. “That goes in the backseat. I’m not opening the trunk again.”
Giggling, you open the backdoor and toss it in.
“Can you drive?” you ask, batting your eyelashes. “You know how much I hate driving.”
Chan sighs and holds his hand out for the keys.
“You’re the best!” you cheer and toss them to him.
“Yeah, you keep saying that.” Chan rolls his eyes and ducks into the driver’s side of the car. “Do you have the address?”
You duck inside the car and start typing on your phone. “I should have it in my texts, one sec.”
Scrolling through your phone, you try to find the text that your aunt sent you with the address. Your family has rented the same AirBnb every year since you were fourteen and yet you could never remember the address of the place.
As you’re searching for it, a phone call from your mom comes in.
“Oh, hold on.” You say to Chan and hit the answer button.
“Hey, ma!” you greet into the phone.
“Hey, sweetie! Are you on your way yet?”
“We just got into the car, actually. We’re about to leave.”
“I thought you would’ve left an hour ago.”
“Chan got held up at work, actually. Not his fault.”
At the mention of his name, Chan perks up and looks over at you, listening to the phone call intently.
“Ah, gotcha. I still can’t believe you didn’t tell me you two finally started dating.”
“Yeah, well, it’s still kinda new,” you lie through your teeth. You look up and make eye contact with Chan. “We only became official about…”
His eyes widen and he looks around panicked. Quickly, he holds up three fingers.
“About three week-”
He moves about wildly.
“Months! Three months ago! Sorry, I’m a little distracted putting all the bags in the car.”
Chan reacts to your lie comically, his chin jutting forward, head cocking to the side. You wave him off silently. Your mother doesn’t seem to clock your panic about the situation.
“I always saw how the two of you looked at each other, it was only a matter of time, really.”
A blush crawls up your neck and turns your ears and cheeks red. Chan looks down at his lap and coughs nervously, a blush of his own making its way onto his skin.
“Anyway, we better get going, mom! You know how talking on the phone while driving is illegal and all.”
“Make Chan drive! He’s the boyfriend.”
“You’re so right… And he should do so without putting up a fuss.”
Chan motions down to himself, as if to say ‘I’m already the one in the driver’s seat’. You wave him off again, trying to focus on your mother’s voice.
“Okay, okay, I’ll see you soon, but I expect some questions to be answered when I see you, Y/N!” Her voice is teasing, but it makes your blood run cold.
“Of course, mom. I’ll talk to you later, okay? Bye, love you!”
You don’t give her a chance to answer you before you hang up.
The silence in the car is so loud, the air is so still.
“So,” you say slowly. “We need to come up with a backstory, huh?”
“It seems so.”
Another bout of silence.
Neither of you are looking at each other, you’re both facing forward, staring out the windshield.
“I’ll uh… find the address.”
“Yeah.”
You clear your throat awkwardly and scroll through your phone. Chan waits a second before starting the car.
——————————————
Chan turned one of the final corners of the trip onto the street.
“Our first date?” he asks.
“Coffee at the cafe by my apartment.”
“Second date?”
“Movies, we saw Barbie. We went out to eat afterwards. A diner.”
“When did we become official?”
“Three months ago. May 6th. You asked me after our third date.”
“And?”
“You kissed me at my door.”
“Good.”
You both pause for a moment.
“How come I can’t be the one that kissed you?” you tease him.
Chan laughs out loud and turns the car into the driveway. “As if you would ever make the first move.”
You look at him incredulously. “I so would! You’re the one who gets too nervous to do anything. I say I kissed you, not the other way around.”
“No way, I kissed you.”
Chan puts the car into park.
“Absolutely not. I kissed you first.” you reply.
“Keep dreaming. I walked you to your door, we stood there and talked for a minute. You went to walk inside, but I stopped you and kissed you.”
You unbuckle your seatbelt.
“No, after we talked, there was an awkward silence and I could see how nervous you were and how you kept looking at my lips. So, I took the first step and kissed you.”
Grabbing the door handle, you wrench it open before Chan could issue a rebuttal again.
He calls your name from inside the car and lets out a loud groan afterwards.
“You can’t have all the firsts, now can you?” you call back, walking around to the trunk.
The front door to the house rips open and two of your little cousins come tearing out of the house with happy smiles.
“Y/N! Y/N!” they both call out, sprinting up to you.
Leaning down, you scoop both of them up into a hug with both arms, giving them an equally excited hello. Both of them hug you tightly.
They’re five and nine years old, girl and boy– the youngest of the cousins.
“Look who else I brought with me,” you giggle and look over at Chan, who was watching you from the side of the car. The door still opened, his arm leaning on the top.
Both of their tiny gazes turn towards him and just like that, you’re forgotten about.
“Chan!” They both cheer and run at him full tilt.
He wraps both of them up in his strong arms and picks them off the ground.
“Hello, you two!” he coos and gives them both kisses on their heads.
Something twinges within your heart seeing him interact with the two of them that way, it goes through you like an arrow. His brown eyes are so warm and sparkly holding your two little cousins close to him.
A genuine, bright smile pulled across his beautiful face.
Chan steps away from the car and puts them on the ground, they both complain. “Come on, I need to help Y/N with the bags. I wouldn’t be a good boyfriend if I made her carry them all by herself.”
Your heart thuds again. Boyfriend.
The two kids groan and give in, running back into the house, telling everyone of your arrival.
Chan watches them for a moment before turning to look at you with a sheepish smile. You smile back and knock twice on the hood of your car.
“Come on then, boyfriend. These bags won't carry themselves.”
He laughs and grabs the bags from the trunk, arguing with you when you try to lift some of the heavier bags. Well, you weren’t going to argue about carrying something if you didn’t need to.
The cold air conditioned house was a familiar sight when you walked through the front door. One of your aunts was near the entrance when you first came in.
“Y/N, Chan, you’re here! We have you both in the room down here, I hope that’s okay.” she says, pointing to the room down the hall. It’s one of only three bedrooms on the first floor.
“Yeah! That’s totally fine, thank you.”
You smile and walk to the room, dropping your bags down on the bed.
The singular bed in the room.
Chan follows you inside the room with your bags, plopping them down on the floor by the door. You turn to look at him, he’s staring at the bed, most likely thinking the same thing that you are.
He closes the door behind you both.
“I didn’t think about this part.” you say quietly just in case someone was outside the door.
He shrugs. “Just don’t hog the blankets,” he jokes. Chan brushes it off so easily.
What you don’t know is his heart is racing just as much as yours is. His mouth has gone completely dry and he had to gulp down some nerves before jesting with you.
It’s just a bed, right? Both of you can share a bed, no problem. Not at all.
The two of you have fallen asleep on the couch together before. But, it’s not quite the same as sharing a bedroom for the next week.
“I didn’t think you would need any blankets since you’re a human space heater.” You open your one bag and pull out a few smaller things.
“You’re just jealous because you’re cold all the time.” Chan stands on the other side of the bed, plugging his phone charger into the wall.
“I’m not cold all the time.”
“You’re in a sweatshirt and it’s eighty five degrees outside.”
“We had the air conditioning on in the car.”
There’s a few knocks on the bedroom door. “Dinner!”
——————————————
Contrary to what you both originally thought, your family did not grill the two of you interrogation style about your relationship. Instead, you were met with a lot of “It was only a matter of time”.
Each time one of your family members said something along those lines, both you and Chan would grow extremely shy, faces flushing and hearts racing.
Dinner was held in the back room attached to the large kitchen, a long dining table sat in the room, benches full of your family members lined it.
There were so many of you: eight cousins, three aunts, two uncles, two parents, one sister, one brother in law, one grandmother.
This was not the first time Chan had been around your extremely large family, not at all. He’s around you all the time, especially when he can’t go home to Australia for holidays. You always invite him to your family celebrations, and each time he’s more than thrilled to be there.
Everyone was so happy that he was there; part of you thinks they’re happier to see him than you.
Dinner came and went, it was filled with laughter and stories, like it usually is. Your dad and his brothers all teased one another, bringing up stories of being young in the 70’s and 80’s.
“Let’s do a movie night!” One of your younger cousins turns to her older brother. “You’ve been promising me that we would watch Star Wars.”
“You want to watch Star Wars tonight?” he replies.
“Yes, please! Cousins movie night!" She cheers and grabs her plate. “We can set the couches up like last year!”
Chan leaned over and whispered in your ear, “Movie night?”
“There’s a den upstairs with a couple couches, we push them together to make a giant bed and all watch movies at night. Very common L/N Family Activity on vacation.” you answer, leaning closer to him. “The adults usually go to bed and all the cousins watch movies.”
“Sounds exciting.”
Both of you chuckle and smile at one another. His dimples showing. You two seem to be in your own little bubble.
Chan’s leaning so close his body heat is radiating through your clothes. The fabric of his shirt is brushing against your bare arm.
“You’ll find that there’s a certain schedule to each day, breakfast, play down at the lake, lunch, back to the lake, get ready for dinner, eat dinner, movie time.”
“I think I can get used to that.”
“You better.”
A throat clears by you. Your aunt is looking at the two of you with a playful smile. “Are you both going to help clean up or what?”
——————————————
“Dibs on sitting next to Y/N!” One of your little cousins calls out after you all finished pushing the couches together.
“No, I want to sit next to her!” Another yells out.
The youngest runs up and throws his arms around your hips, hugging you close to him. Both arms don’t make it around you all the way.
“No, me!”
You laugh and ruffle his hair. He holds you tighter and it knocks you off balance slightly.
“Come on, hon, you got to sit next to me at dinner, let someone else have a turn.” you coo down to him.
“No!” he pouts and hugs you tighter. You grimace and try to pry his arms off you.
Chan comes out of nowhere and picks your cousin off the ground in one fell swoop. “How about me, huh?” he teases and tickles your cousin with his one free hand.
Your cousin starts giggling like crazy.
“Don’t I get to sit next to my girlfriend?” he jokes and tickles him even more.
The biggest smile stretches over your face, heart warming once more.
Chan drops your cousin onto the couches, he bounces a bit, still laughing.
The tickle torture continues now that both of Chan’s hands are free. Giggles turn into cackles.
No matter how hard you try, you can’t fight the smile on your face and the feeling that stirs in your stomach. Are you ovulating? You have to be. There’s no other explanation for the flutter within your chest.
He just looks so natural like that. The teasing looked adorable.
It wasn’t until one of your older cousins came into the room before your gaze was taken away from Chan.
“Lovesick, eh?” he says in your ear.
“Oh, shut up.” You hit him in the arm.
“I know that look anywhere, Y/N. You can’t fool me.” He laughs and then walks to take his spot on the big couch huddle with his girlfriend.
Chan picks your little cousin up by the ankle and starts dragging him around. Both of their laughter was music to your ears.
“Okay, okay! Move time!” You call out to the two of them. Chan looks over at you immediately with the goofiest grin on his face.
Your little cousin groans.
“Give me my boyfriend back,” you tease and climb onto the couch.
After several minutes of figuring out seating and finding the movie on the TV, everyone was finally settled.
Chan sat directly next to you, his arm on the back of the couch behind you. Both of your legs stretched out in front of you and a shared blanket draped over you both.
The opening title sequence of Star Wars starts playing and silence falls over your cousins for the first time since you got there.
Absent-mindedly, Chan’s fingers lightly brush over the skin of your exposed shoulder from behind you. They trace small shapes lightly.
You can’t even focus on the movie in front of you, Chan’s touch is too distracting.
Your sister and her fiance sat on the other side of you. She leaned over and whispered in your ear about twenty minutes into the movie.
“You can cuddle with your boyfriend, you know.”
A flush crawls up your neck. “Yeah, of course I know that. I just didn’t want to–”
Chan must’ve heard her, his hand closes over your shoulder and brings you closer to him. Your body turns into his, head tucked underneath his chin. His body warmth seeps into you as soon as you press into him.
The cherry on top is when he presses a kiss to the crown of your hair before resting his chin on top of your head. A shockwave of goosebumps ripples through your body.
Thinking you were chilly, Chan wraps his other arm around you and holds you even closer.
Well, if he’s playing the part.
You intertwine your legs with his underneath the blanket. His heart jumps in his chest and he has to fight the urge to press another kiss into your hair.
Chan knew he was pushing his luck with the first one, but it just felt so natural, he couldn’t help himself. Every single time the two of you touch, he instinctually takes it further into a romantic zone.
Previously, he would restrain himself from advancing these moments with you, but now? He doesn’t need to hold himself back. He can let his body react naturally.
The movie continues on, whenever a younger cousin would ask any questions about the movie, one of the older kids would answer.
Whenever Chan was the one to answer, his voice would rumble deep within his chest. The later it got, the raspier it sounded.
Throughout the movie, you both just got more and more tangled up underneath the blanket. You slid an arm around to rest your hand on Chan’s chest; fingers mindlessly playing with the fabric of his t-shirt.
Chan melted into your touch so easily.
In all the years you’ve been close friends, you’ve never been this level of a human pretzel while hanging out. He’s relishing every moment of it. Your shared body heat mingling is intoxicating to him.
He’s such a tactile person, physical touch is definitely his love language.
Chan can’t remember a time he was ever this cozy while watching a movie.
One of his hands moves from your shoulder and into your hair, running his fingers through the strands gently.
Every muscle in your body relaxes when he starts scratching at your scalp lightly. His soft exhales puff out on your head. Normally, this would bother you, but instead you find it soothing.
Both of you were fighting against your eyelids towards the end of the movie. The little kids fell asleep about ten minutes before the credits rolled.
Chan squeezes you tighter for a moment before whispering into your hair, “Time for bed.”
Your heart squeezes. “I gotta help get the little ones to bed.”
“I got it,” he answers. “Go wash up and get to bed. I’ll be downstairs in a few.”
Words can’t even describe how much your heart melts at his words.
Pull it together, Y/N. He’s your fake boyfriend for the week, remember? Not your real one.
It’s Chan – Bang Chan. The same guy who held your hair each time you drank yourself sick in college. The guy who camps out at your dining room table to work because he claims the Wi-Fi is better at your apartment.
Nevertheless, you peel yourself off of him, untangling your limbs and sitting up.
“You’re the best,” you say to him with a sleepy smile.
“I know.”
——————————————
Sunlight streams in through the bedroom window and the air conditioning unit continuously hums in the room.
A strong arm squeezing tighter around your body is what drags you out of dreamland.
A searingly hot body is pressed flush against the back of yours; legs tangled up, back to chest, soft exhales blowing into your hair lightly.
The haze of sleep still has your mind in its grip. All you know in that moment is that it’s so cozy, so warm, so nice that you can’t help but press your body backwards into that serene clasp.
The arm tightens again and brings you even closer.
A nose nuzzles further into the back of your head.
Chan, it’s Chan behind you.
You should care. You should be prying his arm off your waist and scooting over away from him.
But you don’t want to. It’s too nice.
It’s so peaceful, you’re about to drift back to sleep when the sound of two separate footsteps run towards your bedroom door.
They’re so loud, it rips you from sleep and you tense up, preparing for impact.
Your bedroom door is practically flung open.
Chan jolts against your body at the noise, his eyes snap open, arm tightening around you even more in a protective manner.
He has about two seconds to get his bearings before both cousins leap onto the bed, yelling at you both to wake up.
Chan releases you and turns over onto his back with a deep groan.
You groan and squint your eyes closed, bringing the covers up over your head.
“Noooo…” you moan out.
Chan laughs and grabs one little cousin closely, hugging her close to his chest. “Are you in here to sleep in bed with us? I sure hope so since it’s still soooo early.”
She giggles and tries to fight against his strong arms. “No!” she cackles. “You have to eat breakfast so we can go swimming down at the lake!”
Your other, more calm, cousin squirms underneath the covers and cuddles up to you. Slinging an arm around him, you keep your eyes closed and try to let your mind drift off again.
This is not the first time he’s done this, and it most likely will not be the last. It breaks your heart thinking about the year he feels like he’s too old to do this.
Chan is practically wrestling with your cousin next to you. She squeals when he turns on his side with her encased in his arms.
“Chaaan!” she giggles.
After a few moments, he lets her go and she clambers off the bed.
“Come on, Chan! Come sit next to me at breakfast!” She pulls on his hand closest to the edge of the bed.
He laughs and turns his head to look at you. You’re fast asleep again with your younger cousin asleep in your arms.
Chan’s heart slams against his ribcage and his stomach does a cartwheel.
Your sleeping face is so peaceful, and the way your little cousin has the same hair color as you had the cogs in his mind turning.
What if that was your kid in your arms, not just a cousin?
What if it was his?
His eyes flicker all over your face.
Something stirs in his mind, shooting down his spine. If it wasn’t for your other little cousin yanking on his arm over and over again, probably would’ve watched you for a few more moments, allowing his mind to roam into dangerous territory.
——————————————
“You’re staring.” Your aunt sits next to Chan with a plate full of food.
He’s camped out on the back porch of the cabin. It overlooks the wooden stairs that lead down to the dock hanging over the lake.
You’re lounging out on a floaty, pina colada in your hand– courtesy of him. He had walked it down to you only a few moments ago.
When it was announced that it was lunch time, you told Chan you wanted to work on your tan without worrying about your cousins splashing you every five seconds.
Maybe making you a frozen drink was just an excuse to see your face light up when he brought it to you. Maybe it was an excuse to watch the water droplets slide over your body up close.
Chan clears his throat and tears his eyes off your lazing form. Clearly, he’d been caught staring at your bikini clad form.
She nudges his arm playfully. “Don’t be embarrassed, it would be weirder if you didn’t stare, you know.”
Your family can be so crass sometimes.
Chan laughs and takes a bite of the sandwich on his plate. “It’s just nice to see her relaxing for once.”
“Has she been working herself into the ground again?”
“She never stops.”
Your aunt nods and looks back down at you before taking a bite of her own food. “Also helps that she looks good in that bathing suit.” She pauses. “Damn, your kids will be good looking.”
Chan chokes on his bite of food, his body jerks forward and he slams his fist into his chest to try and get it down.
Your aunt pats him on the back a few times, laughing at his expense.
“What?” She questions with an evil chuckle. “Don’t act like you haven’t thought about it.”
“We’ve only been together for three months,” he wheezes out, still hitting his chest. The clump of food is sitting in his throat.
“And?”
“It’s too early to think about stuff like that,” he lies through his teeth.
You’re not even his. You’re not. This week will end and you’ll have to go back to just being best friends.
He’ll have to pretend that he wasn’t fake sleeping for the last hour before you woke up just to have his arms around you for a little while longer.
“Please.” Your aunt rolls her eyes and goes back to her food when another family member joins the table.
Chan takes a long swig of water before letting his eyes flicker to you once more. Your free hand hangs down in the water, head tilted back to dip into the cool lake, exposing your long, beautiful neck.
In his swim trunks, his cock twitches and he takes an even bigger drink of water.
——————————————
The torture continues endlessly for the two of you.
It’s the fourth night when it’s just you and Chan left awake.
Rain is pouring against the windows outside, the fireplace is lit, TV playing something in the background.
“I’m never going to get to bed.”
“I told you that you shouldn’t have had coffee with dessert,” you tease Chan, nudging his arm.
“Your uncle offered me a cup and I panicked.”
“You don’t even like coffee.”
“I know!” He whined.
You laugh at his expense. “Come on,” you tug on his arm. “You promised you would play pool with me.”
“When did I say that?”
“Literally this morning!”
“Fine, fine.”
He allows you to pull him off the couch with a dorky smile on his face. He loves giving you a hard time for no reason at all.
The pool table sat in the front room, just a few steps away from your bedroom.
Every time the two of you had gone to play pool, other family members would get in the way and pull one of you two in another direction.
Tonight was really the first night you both had to yourselves.
“You break,” you tell him once everything is set up. He nods and lines up his shot. After a second, he hits the cue ball perfectly into the cluster and all the balls scatter along the table, but nothing sinks into the pocket.
“Pity,” you tease him.
“Pity,” he repeats, mocking your tone.
Laughing, you bend over and line up your own shot. From across the table, Chan watches your form bend over, his lip pulling between his teeth mindlessly.
You hit the ball and sink one in.
With a cheer on the quieter side, you look at him with a smirk. He rolls his eyes playfully as you line up another shot.
The game continues just like this for a bit. Both of you going back and forth, missing most shots, but also nailing some good ones.
You’re tied at the end, racing to try and sink the 8-ball before the other person.
Leaning over the table right in front of him, you try and set up your aim.
“Wait,” Chan says quietly before you can pull the pool stick back to take your shot.
He leans down over you, pressing his back into yours, arms coming around you. He guides your aim to hit the cue ball differently.
The entire time, your heart rate is increasing exponentially.
“Just a bit more to the left,” he whispers in your ear. Chills rip down your body and you gulp. His voice sounds so low and sensual.
His hand over yours adjusts with tiny, miniscule movements. He keeps changing the aim a bit to the left, then a bit to the right, like he’s prolonging the contact.
Behind you, his hips are pressed into yours. It’s taking every ounce of willpower and control for him not to get hard in his sweats.
Especially, since in this position, he potentially could–
“Pull back,” he rasps. You follow his instructions immediately. He helps guide the pool stick back, hesitating for a moment. His chest inflates with a deep breath.
He breathes in the smell of your shampoo.
“Shoot,” he exhales.
With his guidance, you both shoot the ball, standing up quickly to watch it bounce off the 8-ball and then sinking into the corner pocket.
You cheer and jump up, turning around to face him directly.
“Take that!”
When you turned to face him, he hadn’t backed away yet. You’re practically nose to nose with Chan. A gasp catches in your throat from his proximity.
And yet, he still doesn’t back away. He continues to stare at you, his eyes dart from yours, down to your lips, then back up to your eyes again.
“Y/N,” he breathes out.
You swallow nervously and hold his eye contact.
Chan’s jaw clenches once, his hands ball into fists at his sides. Every single ounce of constraint is being tested within his body right now.
Cracks are going up the dam of his self control.
You’re not moving away; why aren’t you moving away from him?
He watches your eyes flicker down to his lips once and that’s all it takes for his mind to snap.
Chan lunges forward, grabbing your face with both of his hands and smashing your lips together. You let out a surprised noise against his mouth, your pool stick clattering to the ground.
Every bit of pent up aggression from the last few days is poured into the first kiss.
His hands aren’t on your face for long. He can’t keep still, sliding them all over your body; into your hair, down your sides, grabbing your hips, he’s everywhere.
“Fuck,” he growls against your lips. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Y/N. Shit.”
Even though he’s apologizing, he can’t stop himself. He can’t stop slotting his lips over yours, devouring your very being.
Chan’s eyebrows are pinched together painfully. He’s pinning your body against the pool table with his hips.
You grab at his shirt and pull him closer.
“Shut up,” you say in between heated kisses.
“But I–”
“Shut up.” Your tongue runs over his bottom lip and his mind whites out. Every rebuttal fell from his mind, through the floor and into the Earth.
You wrap your arms around his neck, bringing his face even closer to yours as he licks into your mouth. With each turn of your heads, your noses brush against one another.
Chan runs his hands down your body and grabs underneath your thighs, picking you up and placing you on the pool table.
Your legs part and he stands in between them, never leaving your lips once.
As he runs his hands up your legs, he squeezes your bare thighs every few inches. It makes your core clench and body tingle.
Your fingers run up through his hair, grabbing tightly and pulling. Chan moans into your mouth and moves his hands to grab at your waist, fingers curling into the fabric of your shirt.
“Chan,” you whisper on his lips. He responds with a grunt. “Need you.”
God.
His hands fly to your legs again, grabbing you by the knees, he yanks your hips forward. Your clothed core comes into direct contact with his erection.
“I can give you exactly what you need, baby.” he nips your lip with his teeth. “I can take good care of you, yeah?”
Trailing his fingers up, he toys with the waistband of your shorts. At the same time, he moves his kisses down your neck. You tilt your head back to give him more access.
“Wanna take these off, babygirl?” he moans when you roll your hips into his.
“Yes, please.” you hiss in response.
Lifting your hips, he grabs the fabric and slides it down your legs, tossing them onto the floor with the forgotten pool stick.
Kisses trail lower and lower down your neck as he lowers to the ground.
Chan pulls away to kneel onto the ground.
His eyes are heated and strong when they meet yours. A dark scarlet color covers his cheeks and down his neck, disappearing into his sleeveless shirt.
Both of his hands grab at your thighs when he looks down at your glistening cunt. You’re absolutely soaking wet by now.
Since the moment he helped you line up your shot, you felt your panties dampening.
Wasting no time, Chan leans forward and runs his tongue from the bottom of your slit all the way up to the top, swirling around your clit and sucking gently.
Your hand flies up to cover your mouth, the other rests on the table behind you to keep your balance.
He repeats the action again, this time with more fervor and you squint your eyes shut, head tossing back from the pleasure that rips down your spine like a zipper.
Chan’s hands tighten around your thighs, eyes staring up at you and studying each reaction closely.
You taste so fucking good. He can’t get enough of you. His tongue greedily scoops up your juices, licking around your clit to feel you grind into his face.
His cock throbs with each moan, each whine that makes it through your fingers held tightly over your mouth.
After one long suck on your clit, Chan dips his tongue inside you, licking at your walls. Your eyes roll back into your head, the hand over your mouth flies down to grip at his hair.
He can’t help but smirk into your folds.
Every single moan is music to his ears.
Slowly, he inches his fingers over and when he moves his tongue up to your clit, he slides a finger into you, immediately curling it up to hit that spongy spot inside you.
“Jesus fuck–!” you cry out as quiet as you can manage.
It doesn’t slip your mind that you’re quite literally in a house full of relatives who could wake up and come into the front room at any moment and see the two of you.
But the fear just adds an extra layer of arousal to you.
“Does that feel good, babygirl?” Chan mutters into your cunt. “Does it feel good to have my fingers inside you?”
He thrusts his finger in and out slowly, those brown eyes studying you like a predator studies prey.
You bite your lip, eyes closed, and nod your head.
Chan adds a second finger and your head tosses back again. He can feel you clench down hard on his fingers when he licks your clit in long, even strokes.
A thin sheen of sweat covers your body.
“Chan,” you whine.
“Yeah, baby?” he teases, licking up slowly, the pace of his fingers is equally as slow. But, regardless of the pace, he’s still coaxing you towards the edge of an orgasm. It’s building slowly, you can feel it in the pit of your stomach.
“Shit,” you buck your hips into his face when he does one particularly hard thrust.
“Use your words, little girl.” He bites your thigh and then goes back to your folds. You clench around him hard at the name.
How are you supposed to use your words when your voice keeps getting caught in your throat? When every time you think you can open your mouth, a sultry moan tumbles out.
“N-Need you,” you manage to strain out.
A devilish smile pulls at his lips. He begins to thrust faster with his fingers, licking your clit quicker.
“Need me?” He asks in between licks. “You need me?”
Veins are popping in your neck from straining to keep your voice down.
“Yes, fuck!” You hiss out. “ I need you.”
In between his legs, Chan can feel his cock weeping with precum. His mind is so clouded with lust he can barely think straight.
Desperately, he wishes that you didn’t have to keep your voice down. He wants to make you scream.
Faster and faster he thrusts and licks at your soaking cunt, greedily tasting your juices.
Your thighs twitch on either side of his head the closer you get to your orgasm.
“Chan,” you grab his attention by yanking on his hair. He grunts and looks up at you through his lashes, lips still devouring you. “Inside, inside. I need your cock inside me.”
Your words go straight to his dick, he licks at your cunt a few more times before standing to his feet quickly to lock your lips together, fingers still buried inside you.
When you taste your own slick on his tongue, your eyes roll back in your head and you clench around him. Chan smirks into the kiss, curling his fingers up.
He’s relentless. Tongue sliding over yours, moans being eaten up by a greedy mouth while his fingers fuck into you.
With more strength than you thought you had, you pry Chan’s lips off yours by pulling his hair back.
“If you don’t fuck me in the next thirty seconds, I’ll pin you down and ride you until your cock can’t cum anymore.”
An exhale is punched from his chest. His mind whites out. Chan’s mouth drops open and his fingers stutter within you.
Did you really just say that? That sounds like a fucking dream.
“Babygirl,” he growls darkly. “You have no idea what you’re asking for.”
Your eyes darken and you pull his hair again. “Fuck me until I can’t walk, Chris.”
Chan rips his fingers out of your cunt, grabs both of your hips and roughly pulls you off the pool table.
He fists a hand in the back of your hair and spins you around, shoving your head down, bending you over completely.
You’re lucky you had half a mind to put your arms out to rest your weight on your elbows.
Using his one foot, he knocks the inside of yours outwards to spread your legs even more.
“Fucking look at that,” he marvels, running his free hand up your ass and kneading a handful. After a second he reels back and brings his hand down with a painful smack.
Your one hand flies to your mouth to cover the squeak that you make.
“Bent over, soaking wet cunt just fucking waiting to take my cock.” His hand tightens in your hair. The other hand rips his sweatpants down to take his cock out. “What a good girl you are.”
Chan can’t remember a time he’s ever been this hard.
Casting a look over your shoulder, you look back at Chan. His eyes are blown out, lip pulled in a sneer as he fists his cock, staring directly at your fluttering walls clench around nothing.
“You wanna fill me up, Channie?”
His eyes snap up to yours with a predator-like stare. His hand stops pumping his own cock, hell, he even stops breathing.
Chan’s jaw clenches, every ounce of self control is being drained. How much more of this can he fucking take before he passes out?
“What?” His voice is so strained and hoarse.
Your eyes narrow and you wiggle your hips tauntingly. “Come on, Chan.”
Chan’s eyes darken. He fists your hair and shoves your face down on the table and slams his cock inside you.
Your mouth stretches open in a silent scream, but you don’t let the noise make it out of your body.
Chan’s eyes roll to the back. You feel so fucking good.
“Holy shit.” He moans out. “Jesus fuck you’re so fighting tight.”
He wastes no time, pulling his cock out to slam back inside you. Your back arches and hips press into his to meet his thrust.
Each sharp wave of pleasure shoots down your legs and into your toes.
Small gasps and whines make their way through your lips.
Chan leans down, yanking your hair back to pick your head up slightly. His face comes down next to yours.
“You like this, yeah?” He whispers harshly. Thrust after thrust slams against your cervix. “You like when it’s rough?”
Closing your eyes tightly, you keep your mouth shut, trying to nod with his hand so tightly wound in the crown of your hair.
“Better be quiet, then. Don’t want someone coming out and seeing you look like a cum hungry, whore.”
Over and over again he fucks into you.
After one harsh thrust, your mouth drops open and before you can moan loudly, Chan’s free hand covers your mouth tightly.
“Feels that good to have my cock inside you, huh? Can’t control that pretty mouth, you’re so fucked out.”
You whine and nod again. Nails digging into the felt of the pool table underneath you.
Hot, white pleasure is coursing through your veins. You’ve never been fucked like this in your life.
Chan leans down more and bites at the side of your neck, lapping at the skin and leaving small marks that will fade by the morning.
“You’re fucking lucky you have to be in a bathing suit in front of your family tomorrow. Otherwise I would leave my fucking mark all over you.” He bites, but doesn’t suck. “Make sure everyone knows you’re mine.”
Another whine is stopped by his hand.
“I have a better idea, babygirl.” He bites your earlobe, pace slowing down within you. Instead, he thrusts deeper, you can practically feel him within your gut. “I’m going to do exactly what you said, yeah? Fill you up? Make that pussy sloppy with my fucking load.”
Your hips jerk back into his to try and encourage him to pick up the pace. Chan only tightens his hold in your hair.
“You’re going to take whatever I give you, every last fucking drop. Even after I pull out, I’ll stuff you with my fucking fingers so nothing gets wasted.”
Arching your back, you press into him more.
“You want that, huh?” He growls, biting your ear. His pace picks up gradually, each thrust rougher and faster than the last. “You want my seed inside you?”
You nod pathetically.
“You want me to fuck a baby into you?”
His thrusts start growing erratic.
You never expected him to be this talkative during sex. But he hasn’t shut up once.
Another nod accompanied with a whine comes from you. You’re absolutely drowning in pleasure.
“Gunna carry my kids, got the fucking perfect hips for it, yeah? You’ll look so fucking hot all pregnant with our kids. Fuck.”
He’s so lost and fucked out, he can’t stop his mouth from running, spewing all his fantasies.
Moving his hand from your mouth, he trails it down to grab at your throat.
“Chan!” You moan out, licking your dry lips.
“Can feel you clenching, babygirl. You gonna cum for me? Gunna cream on my cock? Suck up my cum and hold onto it with this tight fucking pussy?”
“Yes yes yes yes.” You pant over and over again. “Kiss me, kiss me, please”
When you turn your head, your lips smash together.
The coil in your gut is seconds from snapping.
You bite Chan’s lip and pull back.
“Fuck me full, daddy.”
Every muscle in his body tensed and his thrusts turn into something animalistic. The hand in your hair is so tight your scalp is screaming.
“Say it again.”
“Fu-huck,” is all you’re able to manage.
“Say it again.” He barks in your ear. You’re not going to be able sit down tomorrow.
“Daddy.”
A bite to your neck.
“Again.”
“Daddy! Fuck me, daddy!”
“Holy shit.” He whines in your ear. Hearing you say that makes him feel fucking insane. His body is acting on its own.
With a few more thrusts both of you are thrown over the edge at the same time. Your cunt clenching around him so tight, Chan can barely breathe.
His cock spurts and sprays within you, painting your walls white.
Every single sensation feels so good you think you leave for body for a few minutes. Your orgasm hit you like a ton of bricks.
His entire body is wrapped around yours. Grunts in your ear keep you grounded.
You feel so full.
Chan came inside you so much that it’s leaking out and dripping down the inside of your legs.
He pants heavily into your ear.
Releasing your neck, he lovingly runs his hand down your side, caressing your hip, massaging circles into the bone.
His hand slides around and cups your lower stomach tenderly.
Slowly, he unwinds his hand from your hair, kissing at the roots he’s been relentlessly pulling on. He scratches and rubs at your scalp to ease the ache.
But still, he hasn’t pulled out.
Chan kisses the top of your head and down to your face, kissing the cheek he’s able to reach.
You can’t catch your breath.
“Y/N,” he whispers into your hair.
You hum back to him, eyes still closed in bliss.
“I love you.”
Your heart jumps in your chest, Chan feels you clench around him.
“I love you too.” It falls from your lips so easily, like it’s been sitting there for so long, just waiting to be heard.
Both of your heads turn to kiss one another.
It’s so ungodly sweet for the events that just took place minutes ago.
His lips are so soft and plush, especially from being swollen from your steamy kisses.
Inside you, you can feel his cock twitch. Is he…?
Breathlessly, you pull away from his sweet kiss.
“Are you still hard?” you pant.
Sheepishly, he smiles and ruts into you. A moan catches in your throat.
“Babygirl, I’ve been waiting for so long to fuck you. It’s going to take a few times before I’m ready to call it a night.”
6K notes · View notes