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everythinggeeky · 4 years

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Back To You | Javier Peña

Javier Peña x f! reader

Warnings: angsty, a tinge of fluff, alcohol, divorce/separation

Word Count: 1.8k

Request: Okay but uhhh 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 Javier Peña where he has a kid back in Texas with his ex and he flies in to see them 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 and maybe they uhhhh get back ✨together✨(anon)

A/N: this is it. I’ve plummeted myself into the Javier wormhole. I’d appreciate feedback! Texas Javi is the reason I breathe.

masterlist

You had to keep reminding yourself that this was just a conventional meeting. A meeting to satisfy the requirements of the courts, fulfill the needs of the custody agreement. You rocked your daughter Sofia side to side in your arms, desperately trying to get her to soothe herself back to sleep. Perhaps she sensed your unease; this would’ve been the first time in three years that you’ve seen Javier since he ran off to become DEA and ignore all of his life’s problems that came along with being married to you.

Something itched in the back of your mind; he had ignored the court’s previous attempts to get him to come home, but for some reason, in the thick of Escobar’s destruction on Columbia, Javier had decided that now was the best time to see his daughter for the first time since her birth.

As you watched the clock tick, your pulse elevated one point. There was less than an hour left until his estimated arrival. God help you if he was on time, or early. You quickly whisked the thought away. Javier Peña was never on time, let alone early. He always found something...or someone to occupy his time.

There was a moment in both of your lives when that was each other.

It was a photographic life of domesticity: you had a beautiful ranch on a piece of land that once was owned by Javier’s father, whom he was very close with. Papa would make loving visits to say hi, share a meal, or just to bug Javier about fixing the leaking faucet in the powder room. You would have dinner on the kitchen table by 5 pm, and Javier would drop his keys in the bowl on the credenza next to the front door.

You had gotten married in the backyard of the ranch. It was a special ceremony; just for the two of you and your closest friends, family, and Javier’s coworkers. The ranch was your happy place; there were so many special memories that were kept there.

It was the stereotypical American dream, and it felt like bliss….until it all came crashing down around you.

A year after you had gotten married, you found out you were pregnant in the bathroom of the Piggly Wiggly. You had been feeling sick for the last week and when you missed your period, you decided it would be best if you bought a test on your weekly outing for groceries. The anticipation was practically eating you alive, so you bit the bullet and took the test in the grocery store bathroom. You nervously bounced your feet against the faintly sticky floor and flashed your eyes to the test two minutes later.

You watched the two faint lines develop and before you could process it for yourself, your whole life had changed forever.

You brought the test home to Javier that afternoon, passing it over after dinner.

“This is yours?” he met your eyes.

You nodded, smiling a toothy grin, “you’re gonna be a daddy, Javi.”

“Shit!” he stood, excitedly, a wide smile on his own face, pulling you into a tight embrace.

As happy as Javier was on that day, the fresh excitement dwindled and was replaced by the harsh reality of parenting.

The months leading up to Sofia’s birth had been the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Javier would come home from work, drop his keys in the bowl, but the drop became more half-hazard and louder with every passing day. He came to expect a perfectly cleaned house and a hot, well-balanced meal on the table, and when your health slowly deteriorated because of your pregnancy, things had gotten harder for you and it just wasn’t as easy as it was six months ago. Javier was frustrated with the little things, and in your naivety, had contributed it to the stress from work. Those two combined created the perfect scenario for life-altering meltdowns that ultimately ended your marriage.

The screaming fights were ugly, ending in one of you crying and breaking down, as Javier typically took a breather in his Jeep with a loop around the neighborhood. You pushed one another away, the distance eventually caused him to find an apartment in the next town over, file for divorce, and encouraged him to leave for Columbia before the divorce could even be finalized.

Javier had left your life just as easily as he had come into it.

And suddenly, Javier has weaseled his way into your life once again.

His invitation had come in a letter, and as unconventional as it was, was endearing. He admitted to his shortcomings, wanting to make up for them and make a consistent appearance in his daughter’s life. Perhaps foolishly, in a lapse of judgment, if you will, you accepted his offer and allowed him to make the visit.

He was due to arrive in just over half an hour, and you were dreading it, but you also couldn’t deny that a part of you had a grim curiosity about what his visit would entail.

You heard the Jeep putter outside, and silence after Javier parked on the street. You inhaled a deep, cleansing breath, hoping to rid yourself of the anxiety you had been carrying for the last week. Sofia stirred once again on your hip, looking out the window and gawking for herself.

“That’s daddy, baby…” you hushed to her.

“Da-...?” she stumbled over the foreign words.

“Yeah, Dad,” you sighed, walking to the front door to greet Javier as he knocked.

“Javier,” you reacted plainly, swinging the door to the modest three-bedroom rancher you now kept to yourself, a town over from the ranch.

“Y/N…” he sighed, looking to you first, and then Sofia, “Sofia…you’re so big.”

“Wanna show daddy how old you are, Soph?” you modeled three fingers, to which she mimicked with her childlike chubby fingers.

“Wow….” he sighed in a dreamlike tone, his absence suddenly becoming real.

He had missed what every first time father hopes to see; the first birthday, the first tooth, the first peanut butter (Sofia had handled that one like a champ, scraping the residue off the roof of her mouth, immediately begging for more) and of course, the big ones; the first steps, first words, and so on. You had held those precious memories close to your heart. Sofia was your precious princess; and you had wanted her to blossom into an amazing girl, even if you had to do it on your own.

“Come on….we can go sit in the playroom…” you led Javier into the playroom which neighbored the kitchen.

You sat Sofia down for playtime, to which she immediately seized the opportunity and started playing with her favorite toys. You sat down on the couch, and Javier sat next to you, a comfortable distance between you two. Too close for friends, too far for partners who once shared the same bed.

“Y/N…”

“Listen, Javi….I know you’re here to make good...but I’m happy, and so is Sofie. And we’re doing just fine.”

“That the thing, Y/N, I’m not.”

“That’s not what you said before you left us to chase drug lords in Columbia….”

“I know.”

“Then what? Why are you here?”

“I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

“Listen...I forgave you a long time ago, Javi….but I’m much better off now. And maybe that’s because you’re not here.”

“I want to be here. For Sofia.”

“You don’t get to decide when just to come into her life and then leave again when it’s convenient for you.”

He sighed before starting again, looking down at the toddler playing with a stack of blocks on the rug, “I realized when I was down there how much I needed this….needed a family.”

“What? The War on Drugs is changing your heart? Just like that?”

“Y/N...let me. While I was down there I realized that I was bigger than myself, that I needed something else to live for. My career is about me and what is the best for me, and who knows...maybe someone else. But when I go home at the end of the night to my empty apartment and my empty bed….I can’t help but think back to you. I’ve been thinking about this a lot...and what it means to be a dad...and I want to be that again.”

You inhaled a deep breath, considering his proposal. If you were as naive as you were when you first met him, you might have believed him, but the two years where you were actually married to the man eventually dwindled into the most catastrophic two years of your life.

The fights were incredibly violent when Javi was stressed; he would pour himself a heavy glass of bourbon and would suck it down before you could say anything. Of course, as you floated around him, tending to his every need, he poured another glass, and another, eventually rendering himself intoxicated in the pale light of the hood above the stove, long after you had decided to go to bed. He would stumble up the stairs, mumble something about how the ranch was “too damn big for him to manage like this” and you would roll over in bed and hope he wouldn’t try anything in his current state.

He never touched you when you said no. He was a respectful man. His father had raised him well like that. As a matter of fact, when things started to go downhill, Papa was one of the first people you reached out to, before your own parents. Papa mentioned something about “talking some sense into the boy”, knowing what was best for him; you.

Nevertheless, you fought with Javier. And it went beyond your average, everyday couple domestics. Your fights were brutal and dug deep, riddled with personal attacks and jabs that left a heavy scar in their wake.

As Javier begged for his place back into your life, you couldn’t help but think of the lonely nights spent crying into the duvet of the queen sized bed, while he slept on the couch downstairs. You didn’t think you could bear anymore nights like that, and you staked your claim.

“Javi...I can’t just let you waltz back in here on the promise that you’ll become a better man. I just can’t do that to Sofia.”

“Y/N...I promise I’ve changed. I mean it. I’ve seen what happens to the world when men become too powerful...and I can’t raise my little girl in a world like that without a father.”

“I’m going to need you to prove that to me.”

“I promise. I’ll do anything. Absolutely anything. Once this is all over, and there’s a bullet in Escobar’s head...I’ll come back to you and Sofia and I’ll be the man I’ve always promised to be.”

“Javi?”

“Yes, mija?”

“You better not be lying to me.”

tagged: @smokahuntis

#javier peña x reader #javier peña drabble #javier peña oneshot #narcos netflix #narcos #javier peña #texas javi #javier peña x reader angst #javier peña angst #javier peña fanfic #javier peña fanfiction #back to you #everythinggeeky

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losfacedevil · 4 years

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Quirks Pt 2.

a/n ~This took what seemed like forever, what else is new? As always feedback is welcome and if I’m in anyway misrepresenting anything being spoken about in this chapter feel free to talk to me about it. I’d love to learn more about these disorders as I write!

He always got the pizza.

The older boy had been watching for months and not in a weird way. Carlos de Vil was different, everyone was aware - he didn’t talk or act like the rest of them. The way he turned his combination into his lock one too many times or how he had to sit by the window in class; staring out of it and counting something only he knew was there.

He’d always hang back, taking a few extra minutes to stuff his things into his bags - to avoid the crowds Jay had assumed. So when he was the first one up and out of the classroom today Jay knew something was up. Booking it out of the classroom he watched as Carlos pulled his headphones up over his ears from their home around his neck and ducked his head as he made his way outside.

Even though he knew something was amiss Jay was still intrigued, wanted nothing more than to get to know the boy and thought that maybe getting him a slice of pizza would be the way to go.

Quick like lightening he ducked into the cafeteria and snatched up two trays - one with a slice of pizza, the other a burger for himself. A few minutes later he was out the door and halfway up the courtyard - after promising to bring the trays back much to Fairy Godmothers dismay.

The older boy wasn’t sure how to approach him, fully aware his headphones were still blocking out the world around him. He had witnessed Carlos meltdown once from being startled- the fear and sheer panic on his face as well as the hours long search Evie took him on with her etched in the older boys mind.

Stomping his feet he rounded where Carlos sat - back to a tree and his nose deep in a book; his happy place according to Evie. The older boy cleared his throat, just enough sound passing through Carlos’ headphones to get his attention. The younger boys head shot up, slamming his book shut as his hand came to his chest; a sigh of relief slipping past his lips as he recognized the boy towering over him.

“Hungry?” The older boy wasn’t sure how to initiate the conversation, holding the tray in a way Carlos could see his peace offering. A smile spread across Carlos’ face as he motioned to the patch of grass in front of him, hoping the older boy understood his request. A confused expression graced the older boy’s face as he looked at his feet. “Excuse me?”

Carlos rolled his eyes, nodding to where the older boy stood once more in a feeble attempt to project his thoughts. The older boy continued to watch Carlos - not picking up what he was putting down- as frustration bubbled behind Carlos’ eyes. The younger boy tossed his book to the side, bringing his hands up to chest level. Pointing at the older boy first, he held his right hand horizontally, holding out his index and middle finger as he hooked the same fingers on his left hand and connected the two. Realization crossed the older boy’s face as a chuckled slipped past his lips.

“Oh, you want me to sit? Why didn’t you just say so?” Carlos’ jaw dropped as he hit the palm of his hand off of his forehead earning himself a genuine laugh from the older boy.

Holding out the tray in front of him, Carlos smiled taking it from the boy and placing it down on the ground in front of him. Quickly he brought his hand to his chin, pulling it in the older boys direction. Jay watched as the younger boy twisted his fingers this way and that - something Evie had told him was a nervous tic the younger boy had. “Hey, are you okay?” The older boy asked, surprising himself with how soft his voice had turned. Carlos looked up unaware a question had been asked, eyes meeting Jays for a split second before casting his gaze elsewhere. The younger boy began bobbing his head - either to the music in his head or as a way to mull over his thoughts - which Jay thought was a ploy to ignore his question.

Jay watched as the younger boy’s attention was drawn elsewhere and without thinking he reached out, tapping the toe of Carlos’ shoe. A shocked expression overtook the younger boys features as he pulled his foot towards him; tapping out a series of 5 taps each on the toes of both shoes before turning his attention back to Jay. His shoulders rose and fell in a shrug before a sad look glazed over his eyes. Jay sighed, bringing his knuckles to his chin with his pinky and thumb extended, slowly pulling it away towards the younger boy.

“What’s wrong?” Jay asked, signing it once more as a confused expression overtook Carlos’ face. The younger boy sighed, wringing his hands as his shoulders rose and fell in a shrug once more. Jay pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, eyes intent on Carlos’ hands. “You can tell me, de Vil. I don’t bite.” Jay chuckled, watching as Carlos’ eyes widened a bit. Carlos was quick in the way he spoke - letters flying faster than Jays eyes could keep up with. Jay held his hand up, signaling Carlos to wait. “That was so much faster than my mind could comprehend. Wanna try that again? But slower this time.” Jay chuckled, knew Carlos didn’t realize just how quickly his hands moved as he spoke. Holding up his right hand Carlos slowly moved his thumb so it was laying across his palm almost touching his pinky.

“B? Okay, go on.” Jay encouraged, knew Carlos wanted him to understand what he was saying. Proceeding he dropped his pinky and ring finger over his thumb, watching as Jay ran through the alphabet with his own hand. “U? Got it.” Pulling his thumb outward he dropped his middle finger, the shape of the letter clear as day. “L? Wait, are you spelling bully? Is someone bullying you?” Carlos nodded sadly, his shoulders seemingly propped up in a permanent shrug. “Who’s bullying you, Carlos? Is it Charming? I’ll give him a what for if you want.” Jay held his fists up, sending punches in the younger boy’s direction. Carlos’ lips quirked up in a smile as a genuine cackle slipped past his lips. Bringing his hands up he covered his mouth, he tossed his head back as his torso shook with silent laughter. Jay couldn’t help but chuckle as Carlos took a deep breath, settling himself. A smile crept across the older boys face, the corners of his eyes crinkling with pure joy.

“So there are other emotions in there!” Jay chuckled, noting how Carlos picked at his food. Carlos sighed, picking a piece of pepperoni off of his slice of pizza and flicking it in Jays direction. The older boys jaw dropped as it landed on his pant leg. Chuckles erupted from both boys as Jay flicked the pepperoni into the grass. The smile never left Carlos’ face as he reached his right hand up and quickly brushed his index and middle finger over his chin in a ‘come here’ motion. Turning his head to the right he rubbed his chin against his shoulder, hoping the older boy hadn’t understood what he just said. Jays eyebrow rose as he cocked his head to the side, a sly smile spreading across his face.

“Cute, huh?” Jay quipped, intrigued as the unmistakable color quickly overtook the freckled cheeks of the boy in front of him. Carlos turn his attention elsewhere, hands coming up to cover his face. Shaking his head no, he turned back and peeked at Jay through his fingers. “No? You just said cute, did you forget I understand your way of communication?” The younger boy nodded, his cheeks reddening even more. Jay chuckled, reaching out to grab the now empty tray that sat before Carlos. “I mean, I just came over to make sure you were alright. But damn If you’re gonna hit on me I might have to keep you around, de Vil.” Jay teased, earning himself a chuckle as Carlos reached out to swat at him. A comfortable silence over took the boy’s as they turned their attention everywhere but on each other. Jay wasn’t sure what would come of his friendship with Carlos de Vil but he definitely didn’t regret intruding on the boys personal space. “What do you say we go return these trays before FG has Charming out looking for me and we blow this joint for the rest of the day?” He asked, grabbing both trays and standing. Carlos watched him from his seat on the ground for a moment before nodding and scooping his discarded book up off of the ground. Jay held his hand out for the younger boy to take and swiftly helped him up off of the ground. “Y’know, you’re an alright kid, Los.” He mumbled, bumping his shoulder into the younger boy’s before taking off in the direction of the school.

#carlos de vil fanfiction #jay son of jafar #jaylos fanfiction #jaylos #carlos de vil #descendants #descendants 2 #descendants 3 #jay fanfiction

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choices-betch · 5 years

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Lost on You (Mona x MC): Chapter II

Book: Ride or Die: A Bad Boy Romance Pairing: Mona x MC Warnings: Just cursing. Chapter Description: Mona and Lexi come face to face with the realities of past and present. Notes: I feel like this story is going to be longer than 4 parts, but I have commitment issues so I’m not going to sell my soul to specifics. It’ll be as long as it is lol thank you to all who liked/commented/reblogged my other stories! It’s so validating and drives me to want to write more❤️ let me know if you want to be tagged for future chapters!

Tags: @maxwellsquidsuit @scarlet-letter-a0114 @whoinvitedalx @zoe6111 @pauclaws

Chapter Song: oh my god - Ida Maria

Chapter II: The only thing to do was go

Lexi laid in bed, staring at her closet...the one housing the yet to be opened mystery gift. It’d been two weeks and she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it, but some part of her was afraid to open it. She had been plagued by all the possibilities from the moment she thought she saw a glimpse of Mona at her graduation, but it was impossible. Then she came home to the gift, and it created a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts. She didn’t know why; she’d been waiting years for Mona to do some sort of grand gesture, but a bigger part of her was scared about finding that it wasn’t from her. Realistically, how in the hell would she have gotten a gift and handwritten tag from prison? So instead, she avoided.

With a sigh, she threw her covers off and headed to the shower. After getting ready for the day (and another few glances at the gift), she grabbed her belongings and headed out the door, unsure of where she was going but knowing she needed to be away from the reminders that plagued her. She wandered aimlessly down the streets, lost in thought.

It had been a weird two weeks. She’d had positives, of course; graduating, spending some time with her Dad and Riya (who had to do a same day trip due to work). But she’d also slept with a complete stranger then ghosted in the middle of the night to have a complete meltdown, gotten repeatedly, deliriously drunk alone and swiped right on one too many people she regretted in the mornings, and, as always, she was broke and still unemployed. Only now she didn’t have the excuse of being a student.

As Lexi’s existential pondering continued, she ended up downtown, heading into a coffee shop. After six years of an intensive combined law degree program plus volunteer work, she was fairly certain her insides functioned solely on caffeine at this point. She ordered her usual and headed over to the bar to wait, still distracted by questions of when her life became so complicated again. For years things had been slow, predictable. Boring, Lexi mused internally, her brows furrowing. She was beginning to sense a theme of self-destruction when the waters were too calm that hadn’t emerged in years.

Lexi’s name was called at the counter and she grabbed her drink, thanking the barista with a small smile. Right as she turned toward the exit, she came face to face with none other than Jordan.

God, she thought internally as she stared at Jordan wide-eyed, unsure of how to react. Could this day get any worse?

—-

Mona leaned against a tall magnolia tree, scrolling idly through her phone. She looked up every so often, both ensuring she was safely hidden and to give her a good line of vision, but she’d been standing there for at least twenty minutes and was restless.

“This is stupid,” she grunted to herself with a sigh, putting her phone away and folding her arms across her chest. Why was she even here? When she was about to be released she told herself she wasn’t looking back, and that included Lexi. But then she got that stupid letter which forced her to acknowledge that she had hadn’t let go, and that was infuriating. Mona prided herself on not getting attached, on being able to cut out and start over on a whim, and out of nowhere a stupid 18 year old girl messed it all up.

Mona snapped into focus as she saw said stupid 18 year old girl walking down the street, except now she was an educated, 24 year old woman. And still damn gorgeous, Mona mused. Her eyes followed Lexi’s path until there was a safe enough distance to tail her, then Mona set off in the same direction. Mona was fully aware of the creep factor in her behavior, but she justified it by telling herself she was just making sure she was safe; that she was happy. Whatever that meant, at least.

Mona continued walking behind her, growing increasingly irritated at the lack of awareness Lexi had of her surroundings. Mona could have easily grabbed her on so many corners and nobody would have been the wiser, but Lexi always was far too trusting of others’ intentions and naively confident in her ability to defend herself.

As Lexi approached a coffee shop, Mona stood a few stores down, debating on risking being seen in the coffee shop. After Lexi didn’t come out for almost ten minutes, she thought fuck it and gathered her hair, pulled her hood over her head and placed shades on her face before walking in. Thankfully it was moderately full, so she stood out less. Mona ordered an espresso under another alias, scanning the room for Lexi’s face. She found her sitting at a table with another woman, her eyebrows furrowed just slightly as she chewed on the corner of her lip.

Mona grabbed her coffee and sat at a table in the back corner, blowing on it as she watched the profiles of the two women across the shop. Mona had to laugh at herself. It was almost comical how she continued to allow herself to get in giant messes despite spending her every waking moment not getting involved with anything that wouldn’t directly benefit her. And yet here she was. Former her would have risen from the dead to kick her ass.

Mona continued observing and narrowed her eyes, watching Lexi laugh with a bashful look, tucking her hair behind her ear. She remembered that look. It was a look Lexi frequently got around her. Mona frowned; what the hell was she doing? Who had she turned into that she was following a kind-of-ex around in an effort to “check up”? When the hell did she start giving a shit? Thoroughly irritated, Mona grabbed her espresso and hastily exited the shop, pulling off her hood as she got outside and made her way literally anywhere else but there.

—-

Lexi sat across from Jordan at a table in the cafe, wondering why of all places did she have to walk into this coffee shop. She didn’t want to do this now, or ever really, but she supposed she owed Jordan this much.

“So..” Lexi started, fumbling with her cup as a distraction.

“So…” Jordan repeated, “wanna tell me why you bailed?”

“Not really,” Lexi stated bluntly, her eyes widening as she realized she said that out loud. “Sorry...it’s just…”

“Complicated?”

Lexi grimaced and shrugged slightly. “Kind of.”

“Well, lucky for you I am the queen of complicated, so I probably have a solution to your problem.”

Lexi smirked against her will, chewing on her lip and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she contemplated the offer. She hadn’t been able to talk to anyone about it, really. Riya didn’t ever fully understand the complexities of her actions back then, nor the impact of the relationships she formed. It was an unspoken rule that she didn’t speak to her dad about it after she wasn’t needed anymore.

“Were you the secret love child of a handsome Romanian prince and a commoner mother and therefore your ideas of love are completely fucked?”

Lexi stared at Jordan in confusion then snorted in laughter, covering her mouth. “How many cheesy romance novels have you read in your life?”

“I had to suffer through my mother’s recollection of her Norah Roberts books,” she joked. “Nah but seriously, what’s the deal?”

Lexi started to reply when a flash of black caught her eye. Her stomach and face fell simultaneously, her immediate thought wandering to Mona. She had absolutely no reason to think that could possibly be her, but something in her gut…

“Lexi? You okay?”

Lexi shook herself out of her thoughts and immediately began grabbing her things. “Yeah...yeah, sorry, I...I have to go. I’m so sorry. I’ll...I’ll talk to you later, I swear.”

Lexi ran out of the coffee shop, leaving a bewildered Jordan behind. She looked around frantically, panic building in her chest. What the hell is wrong with me? She walked briskly to the corner of the street, looking every which way again for a figure in black to no end. Lexi snarled in frustration, startling a few people passing her at the corner. She ran her hands down her face and focused on her breathing to gain composure, then headed back home. Clearly she was not meant to be out today.

—-

Mona had no idea where she was headed when she left the coffee shop in a hissy fit, but eventually she stopped walking and caught her breath, scowling at how out of shape she was. TV always made prison look so much more active.

With a heavy sigh she once again questioned what in the goddamn hell she was doing. She came all the way to Oklahoma to see Lexi graduate, cryptically left a gift on her doorstep, tailed her on and off for weeks, and now what? She was just going to take off because six years later Lexi wasn’t spending every waking moment thinking of her? That’s what Mona wanted, right? For Lexi to forget her?

Mona scoffed and shook her head at herself, then pulled up directions to Lexi’s address. She was acting like a little bitch, and Mona did not bitch out of things. With a new determination she headed toward Lexi’s place, hoping she’d beat her there.

As luck would have it, Mona did beat her there. She perched on Lexi’s doorstep and scrolled through her phone for distraction. Mona never was one for patience, but she was sick of having loose ends.

It didn’t take long for footsteps to approach. Lexi was distracted with her keys, not paying attention to her surroundings, as usual.

“How did you survive 24 years without falling into a manhole?” Mona blurted before rolling her eyes at herself. Real fucking smooth. Lexi dropped her keys and looked up, startled, then the color slowly drained from her face. “Jesus,” Mona muttered, standing up and dusting off her pants. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Haven’t I?” Lexi whispered hoarsely, staring at Mona in shock. How was this possible? Had Lexi gone full on psychotic? Was this a hallucination? Lexi rushed forward without thinking and stomped on Mona’s foot roughly, causing Mona to curse loudly.

“The fuck was that for? Goddamn,” Mona hissed, nursing her foot.

“Making sure I wasn’t going crazy…” Lexi trailed off, the shock of seeing Mona in front of her not having worn off enough to realize the hysteria of her actions.

“I think that ship has sailed, sweetheart,” Mona snorted, still grimacing in pain. “You planning on letting me in? I think I need to elevate my foot thanks to you.”

Lexi stared at her, baffled. Was she serious? For weeks Lexi had thought she was completely losing it, seeing glimpses of what she thought was only her subconscious desires in random places, and now she shows up like nothing? Like the last six years hadn’t happened?

Lexi picked up her keys, still stunned, and unlocked her door, leaving it open behind her as she headed toward her couch and sank down. Mona followed suit, closing the door behind her and sitting a safe distance from Lexi on the couch. Mona took in her surroundings, immediately spotting multiple familiar drawings displayed around the space. If she were a good person she wouldn’t have felt some sort of pride in that, but she never was one for taking the moral high road.

“What are you doing here?” Lexi asked, breaking the silence.

Mona paused, taking a deep breath. “Honestly? Your guess is as good as mine.”

“Are you fucking kidding me, Mona?”

“Ooh, when’d you get a potty mouth?” Mona teased with a wink. “Hot.”

Lexi’s eyes flashed and Mona smirked, lifting her hands up in a peace offering. She sighed heavily,

“I don’t know, okay? I got your letter and...I guess I just wanted to make sure I didn’t get shot for nothing and you hadn’t ruined your life. Again.”

Lexi gave her a dubious look. “And you couldn’t have done that in a response to the hundreds of letters I sent?”

“Writing isn’t really my forte,” Mona replied with a shrug.

“But leaving unidentified boxes on people's’ doorstep is.”

“Ah yeah, how’d you like it?” Mona inquired with a grin.

“I didn’t open it!” Lexi screeched, throwing her hands in the air. She felt like she was completely losing her mind.

“Well that’s rude,” Mona teased, leaning back. Lexi stared at her wild eyed.

“It’s absolutely infuriating that you’re so calm. You know that, right?”

Mona shrugged. “It’s a special talent.”

Lexi’s nostrils flared as her jaw clenched in anger. If ever she had wanted to smack someone into the next century...

Mona looked away and covered her mouth by pretending to scratch under her nose to avoid further triggering Lexi. She was really trying here, but it was difficult to take her seriously when her face looked like that.

“What do you want me to say, Lexi?” Mona sighed. “I didn’t come here to rehash history—“

“Then why. did. you. come. here.” Lexi interrupted, gaze intense. Mona stared back at her, all traces of humor gone from her face.

“I told you, I wanted to see that I didn’t go to prison for nothing,” Mona replied through gritted teeth. Clearly Lexi didn’t lose her annoying persistence over the years.

“Bull,” Lexi retorted, crossing her arms over her chest. “Be honest or get out.”

“Because I still give a shit, okay?” Mona yelled, her face screwed up into a scowl. “Though I’m really questioning why at this point in time.”

“Why now?”

“Why does it matter?”

“Because I’ve spent the last six years of my life writing to a ghost, Mona. I’ve gotten nothing from you, and I’ve just been...stuck for years, and then you show up and want to chat it up like it’s nothing? I don’t understand you!”

After a tense moment of silence, Mona responded quietly. “I don’t have the answers you’re looking for, Lexi. I don’t know what to tell you. I’m here now.”

Lexi didn’t know how much time had passed since she got home; it could have been ten minutes or three hours, but she was exhausted. Mona took Lexi’s silence as her cue to leave; she wasn’t going to grovel. She said what she came to say, saw what she needed to see, and that was that. She stood up, running her hands up and down her thighs to get some feeling back in them before turning to stare at Lexi intently.

“Look, do what you want with the gift. Keep it, burn it, use it to wipe your ass. I don’t care. Talk to me, or don’t. But stop straddling the lines for once. Make a decision. You have to take a chance on something eventually.”

With that, Mona dropped a slip of paper on the couch - unbeknownst to Lexi - and left, closing the door behind her with a soft click. Lexi sat curled up on the couch in a daze, losing track of time as she got lost in her thoughts. What had Mona meant? Lexi reflected on the last six years of her life, trying to connect the dots; trying to see how many chances she had missed out on, how many times she had held herself back for one reason or another, and she came to the sudden realization that Mona was right. Even after all these years, Lexi still couldn’t figure out what she wanted; always stuck between the past and present, what she knew and what she wanted but never fully invested in anything.

Lexi stood and started toward her bed, but a flash of white in her peripheral caused her to do a double take. A scrap of paper laid where Mona sat. Lexi eyed it for a moment before curiosity got the best of her. She walked to the couch and grabbed it, unfolding it cautiously to find what she assumed to be the name and address of a bar scribbled inside.

Lexi bunched the paper in her hands, standing still for a moment before walking to her closet. She took a deep breath before grabbing the box from the shelf. She sat on her couch and slowly took the lid off, her breath catching as she looked at the contents. She pulled it out, her fingers running down the plastic protecting the cover of a first edition print of On The Road by Jack Kerouac. Her eyes welled with tears and she closed them, memories flooding back to her.

“God‍‍, do you ever do anything outside of school?” Mona said with exasperation as she entered the game room in the garage, plopping down on the couch next to Lexi and eyeing Lexi’s book. “I mean, aside from jacking luxury cars.”

Lexi rolled her eyes and smirked. “This is purely for fun, rest assured.”

“Nerd,” Mona teased, throwing her feet up on the arm of the couch and resting her head on Lexi’s lap. Lexi paused, blinking at her a few times as Mona grinned in response.

“Uh...do you mind?”

“Not at all,” Mona quipped, settling in further. “Hey, you’re pretty comfortable.”

“Thanks,” Lexi replied sarcastically and rolled her eyes, as if her heart wasn’t beating double time at the contact. Comfortable silence ensued as Lexi went back to reading, Mona still resting her head on Lexi’s lap as she stared at the ceiling.

“Why that book for pleasure?” Mona questioned. Lexi sighed softly, thanking for a moment before shrugging.

“I guess...freedom? I don’t know. I felt trapped for so long. Like I had no idea what I was doing or what my life was supposed to be about. It was nice to escape...to think about exploring what life has to offer, being spontaneous, careless...”

“More careless than being involved in a street gang?” Mona retorted with a raised brow. Lexi flicked Mona’s hair teasingly, earning her a scowl in response. Silence enveloped the room once again and Mona closed her eyes as Lexi went back to reading. Mona hesitated a moment, second guessing self-disclosure as she always did, but maybe she wasn’t as safe as she thought.

“It’s one of my favorites, too.”

Lexi held the book to her chest for a moment before placing the book back inside the box and setting it on her coffee table. She jumped up, walked determinedly to her closet and began grabbing clothes; she was going to be spontaneous and carefree without reservation for once.

#mona x mc #mona x mc fics #mona rod #rod mona #mona ride or die #ride or die #playchoices #choices stories you play #pixelberry

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regular-lord-reckoner · 6 years

Text

so, a dude i used to go to high school with messaged me out of the blue the other day

and me being me (world’s dumbest bitch award recipient 1990-present) i’m willing to give this the benefit of a doubt

i mean...me also being the tired bitch i am just flat out asked him why he messaged me (i wasn’t mean about it, but after the chit-chat catch up stuff it’s like...what do you want from me?)

and basically i guess he’s just in a place where he doesn’t really have a lot of friends in town and he doesn’t really talk to anyone from high school anymore, so he’s reconnecting with some folks and he remembers me being pretty cool, plus a good person to talk to and i guess he’s been having a rough time lately so basically it’s just “hey, wanna get coffee sometime and catch up/talk?” that kind of thing

which again like...alright

it wouldn’t kill me to make new friends or i guess in this case reconnect with an old friend even though we were never really that close in high school, but fine

i’m still...suspicious because i dunno

it’s weird because when i go out into public and just...exist, guys don’t bother me

i don’t get flirted with, i don’t get harassed, nobody tries to get my number or anything like that, which y’know...is pretty nice although internalized misogyny has me thinking “damn, i’m really that ugly, huh???” but regardless like...that’s my jam, right?

any of the attention i ever get is either from dudes online who don’t actually know what i look like or dudes who once had crushes on one of (of multiple of) my friends and after being rejected or realizing it wouldn’t work out they finally notice me and are like, “oh yeah, i guess that’s a girl. yeah, sure why not?”

which...i dunno if this is a sign of what little confidence i do have or if it’s because i hate myself so much that either way i’m just like -___- about the whole thing because it’s not...genuine, y’know?

just for once in my fucking life i’d like someone to take an interest in me not as an afterthought or because they’ve exhausted all other options or because they’re lonely but just...because it’s me, y’know?

call me fucking nuts, but i feel like that’s...part of it? feel like that’s a pretty normal thing to want, idk

i’ve certainly liked plenty of people for who they are and their whole deal in general, not because of like...convenience

and that’s already something i struggle with anyway because in the past i’ve had friendships that i don’t want to entirely discredit because i still feel like somewhere deep down there was...something there, but that nevertheless got to a place where it was just like...this person only keeps me around because i buy them things and/or am willing to drop everything to listen to/try to help them with their problems, but when it’s my turn it’s like...golly anna, i don’t know what to say.

which, to be fair, for my kind of problems i really do just need to see a fuckin’ therapist about because i can’t expect my friends to like...deal with trauma i haven’t even dealt with in almost 10 years or have anyone waste their time trying to rationalize my irrational thinking when we both know no matter what’s said or done...i’m still gonna be super mentally ill about it so like...there’s that

but especially when it’s anything to do even slightly pertaining to relationships or just...anything it really sucks to feel like the only time anyone wants anything from me in that department is as a last resort

because at least for the shitty friendships i’ve had, i’ve also had good friendships where try as my mind might, i don’t think i’m that person who’s only there because like...might as well, y’know?

but with relationships and shit like that...no, i don’t have that reassurance

and again, you can say “oh but anna, you just don’t see the full picture!” but honestly, H O N E S T L Y i don’t think anyone’s ever taken a genuine interest in me because if they have, it’s fuckin’ news to me, it’s never been brought to my attention and that’s not even me being oblivious like...it’s just not there

at best, i’ve had some promising conversations on places like okcupid but shit tends to fizzle out pretty quickly and it never amounts to anything

and again, i guess i’ll...give myself some credit here because i could definitely see how all things combined a dude just messaging me and maaaaaaybe being interested would theoretically be enough for me to be like “holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!!!!” but i’m mostly just...tired.

i dunno

it may turn out dude just genuinely wants a friend and he’s casting out a net to people he thinks are cool and just trying to reconnect with people. i get that.

i obviously love my online friends and i love my real life friends, but i don’t get to see my online friends that much and even my real life friends all live like ~2 hours away from me, so it’s not like i can just get off work and go meet up to hang out just whenever and for the most part, that’s fine, i’m not someone who constantly needs to be going out all the time, but there’s a part of me that’s like...yeah, it’d be nice if i had people closer to home i could just go get some coffee with or maybe grab dinner with sometime

and if that’s the case like...hey, no worries

but if it’s anything more than that i’m already dreading having to shut that shit down because i may not think i’m worth anything, but that doesn’t mean i need to like...exacerbate my problems by letting some dude use me

and i hate to even think that because this dude may have the purest of intentions and, more likely than not, just sees me as a bro and would be thrown off if he knew i was even suspicious but...shit is what it is

it wouldn’t be the first time a dude i went to high school with took interest in me seemingly out of the blue, but only come to find out it’s because they exhausted all their other options (usually my friends, so that was cool) and figured, “meh, this’ll do” or that one time i “””””dated”””” someone for a week and it turns out he was engaged the whole time??? yeah, that was cool. suuuuuuuper cool

i mean...i’m not AT ALL fucked in the head about my self esteem and feeling like in spite of me wanting a relationship super badly that it’s never going to fucking happen for me because i’m either too ugly or too mentally ill or too boring or just...whatever for that to be possible, but on top of that let’s pile dudes who only ever perk up to me when they’re at their lowest and figure drinking gasoline when you’re dying of thirst is better than nothing

it’s FINE

i’m FINE

do i need to go to therapy? uh-yeah, abso-fucking-lutely

and i’m trying to take baby steps, i really am, i’ve been looking at local therapists and shit like that but at the same time i uh...i’m gonna have to...unpack a lot of shit i put in a box about ten years ago and just...never really dealt with

and there’s a part of me that’s like...well, i made it ten years without opening that box, surely i can make it another ten. and then another. and then another etc. (not that i want to live that long anyway, but i also didn’t think i’d make it this far so surprise, 8 year old me who wanted nothing more than to just fuckin’ die. we’re still here, on this bitch of an earth in this fuck of an existence and we’re still...doin’ it)

but i also know that it’s entirely possible one day all of that shit’s just gonna...breach the surface and i’ll likely have a complete and utter meltdown so that’s...not great

also just in general, i have...a lot of shit i need to work on about myself, about how i feel about myself, etc. but boy oh boy is that a rough motivation to stir up when the conversation between you and you is basically:

me: um, hey we should probably like...try to do something about all this? you’re almost 30, don’t you think you should...try to get better? try to be a better you? get a handle on your shit, maybe?

me: absolutely not, i fucking suck, i’ve always sucked, and if you think there’s something underneath all of this that doesn’t suck, my friend, have i got news for you. it’s all suck. all the way down. you know how you’re working on a project or whatever’s a good metaphor here, and you make a mistake, but you try to fix it or just keep going but shit just gets worse and worse and worse and eventually it’s not fixable anymore and from no way, shape, or angle could the finished product be considered good and you’d just do better to throw the whole fuckin’ thing out and start from scratch?

me: i mean yeah, i guess

me: okay, well that’s you, my friend

me: oh worm?

me: worm

so...y’know, it’s rough

i’m not saying i won’t, i know this shit is tough no matter what and my situation is in no way unique it’s just...taking me some time to get to that point where i even feel like i deserve it or that i’d be willing to do it

REGARDLESS i’m willing to give this entire situation a chance

he said something about maybe meeting up saturday to get some coffee or something, so we’ll see if that ends up happening and how that goes and maybe once i actually talk to him face to face i can get a better read on the entire situation

i just...at this point, i really just hope he wants to be friends

i know a young, less jaded me would probably be freaking out because a guy i thought was cute in high school wants to hang out with me, oh boy!!! but present me is a little too cynical and definitely just...tired of feeling like i’m only ever a last resort of last possible option

i guess i’ll...have an update by this weekend, maybe?

although if dude says or does anything that makes it obvious he’s interested in something more i’ll probably just shut that shit down before it goes anywhere because i don’t really know him that well, but based off his social media it seems like he got out of a relationship not too long ago and it’s not to say you can’t be interested in someone else soon after, but i’m not...the person you want to talk to if you want a rebound, my guy

i’m nearly a 30 year old virgin, i’ve got...literally nothing to offer you except for disappointment

this kind of thing just...exhausts me because i feel like i can already see ten miles away how this ends and i’m just...so, so, so fucking tired of feeling like this. i’m so tired of only ever being seen as like...possible rebound option or vulnerable lonely girl ripe for plucking or, my favorite, the girl nobody pays attention to until they’re done fawning over my friends

i’d honest to god just rather go the rest of my life being completely ignored and never bothered than to deal with that again and again and again

but i’ll try not to get too ahead of myself and not be so pessimistic

try being the key word here

#ramblin

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metapikakirby42 · 6 years

Text

Thoughts on RPDR AS3 Ep. 2

Spoilers. So don’t read ahead if you haven’t watched. XO

Milk - she’s making great TV. Is it grating watch someone be delusional? I dunno but some of y’all like Shannel and she was... O.o ... just saying. But I think Milk is aware. And if she isn’t, the jokes on her isn’t it. So don’t get to harsh peeps. It’s not personal, it’s just drag. (Her “meltdown” about Celine. We get it gurl but Trixie was right.) I have to give her credit tho; she wasn’t wrong about Shangela... But hey...drama...am I right ;) ? Also she was joking about SuperModel thing. She smiled. That was the smile of: I’m proud I just told a joke. And if she really believes that then you and I both know that the joke is on her. Either way, she’s on TV and not us, so don’t get too worked up mawma.

Trixie - So like...Trixie is skating by. Don’t channel Pearl. She didn’t win. But her confessionals are 100% on point. Loved her Dolly but didn’t do much. Her rudemption runway was god-awful. She took notes from Katya’s Knitter-Please and Kennedy’s hello kitty look. Disgusting = Toot. (And from the looks of the preview for next week, She’s getting a wake up call.) WAKE UP, TRIXIE!

Thorgy - Well shit. I just identify with her so much. I can’t hate on her because that’s me. I’d be doing the same. Is she petty? Yes. She was Katya’d -- except Katya was saved. I LOVED HER RUNWAY LOOK -- SHOOT! But I’m also just gonna say, Todrick did nothing to help her really. DID YOU SEE HER GET HERSELF SOMETHING OTHER SCENE TO BE IN. BLESS HER FOR TRYING. Did she deserve to go home tho? I mean yes. But what the fuck was she given? NOTHING. And do I want her to go home? No. I agree with her inner saboteur conspiracy, but like there’s nothing she could do. ALSO I CAUGHT THAT SHADE WHEN SHANGELA & KENNEDY STARTED TALKING OVER THORGY. :( . I empathize with her and I can already see the shit she’s gonna get and it just makes me sad because Thorgy honestly just deserves to be constantly happy and positive. BUT THAT ENDING WAS CREEPY AF. I personally want and expect Morgan to comeback but if Thorgy claws her way back I wouldn’t be mad. (Sorry for this rant, but I really love Thorgy and only want her shout “Whoo!” and be her distracted eccentric self). Was the pageant rigged? I’d agree with Thorgy and say yes. It’s unfortunate because I’ll take Thorgy confessionals over Milk’s because all the gays are complaining about Milk...

Kennedy - FIRST OF ALL. HER RUNWAY? SHOOT. Gurl. She did a reveal. She was crystallized for the gawds. It was gorgeous. THAT IS DRAG. You cannot fucking tell me that is not drag. Just for that look. She deserved to stay. Was her lipsync shit? Yes. But I thought the same for Glamazon Airways too... Was her Janet Jackson not perfect? Yes. But like Kennedy can fucking do the damn thing. I’m rooting for her for the Top 4 purely out of spite for these bitches that can’t get their head out of their asses that this is drag show and bitchy queens = great tv. Like I said before, Trixie was right about Kennedy: she’s a grumpy old drag queen that tells it like it is. And if you can’t handle that honesty...bitch then I don’t know what to tell you.

Shangela - Slayed the house down boots. Kicked it into overdrive. She literally became the snow ho. I love it: SHOOT. Thorgy was right though, Shangela literally was given the best part (her and BenDeLa) and she slayed so no surprise there. Lipsync was great. The Jump Rope gag was fun...but...like..well I’ll talk about later. Shangela is going to fucking play this game and I’m READY FOR IT. If she doesn’t make it to Top 4, she’s gonna go far because she’s about to lay down her alliances quickly.

Aja - Didn’t get enough screen time this episode. But she did really well! I almost thought she did better than Bebe. Plus her Princess Disaster look was GORGEOUS. Personally I give it a Shoot because I just love the original disaster and the glow up is AMAZING - WERK SIS! I really want Aja to go far. Imagine the gag if she gets TOP 4. OMG I’d be surprised but it would be amazing television. Keep it up gurl!

Bebe - Did she slay her Diana Ross? YES. Was there bias? HELL YES. Her runway look was perfection -- Bebe doesn’t do wrong. But was it underwhelming compared to the other glow ups? IMO, yes. I love a good business fish look but you know--then again there weren’t really any looks for Bebe to redeem. IMAGINE IF SHE JUST WALKED IN HER ORIGINAL CROWING FINALE OUTFIT? I would have gagged. Still #TeamBeBe tho. I’m loyal. That edit tho trying to mislead you.

Chi Chi - She nailed Patti. Perhaps she wasn’t perfect, but she did pretty well and was entertaining. See the trick with this is to be funny and entertaining. And Chi Chi did that. Her look was a safe toot for me. I think Chi Chi is beautiful and something about it was fun and youthful. It was a little... teenager goes to a blacklight rave. I’m hoping she serves something more avant-garde soon or something elevated (which stay tuned for next episode cuz she looked gorg). I’m glad she’s safe. ALSO THAT SHADY EDITING IN THE BEGINNING WITH HER CALLING OUT MILK. I see you shady editors. bless you.

BenDeLaCreme - Okay. Next to BeBe, I’m rooting for Ben. And bitch, my other gal is playing the fucking game. She’s playing the congeniality card fucking well. Do I believe her “boo-hoo fish”? Yes and no. She sent Morgan home because of how she was sending people home. She’s PLAYING THE GAME. She is secretly the conniving bitch of this season and I can’t wait. She slayed as Julie Andrews. Except it was no fucking surprise. Her part was also the best and had lots of content to work with. Each queen had a Diva that definitely fit them. But some did have more to work with. Her runway toot. Loved it. Dripping in jewels even more than before. NOW THAT LIPSYNC. I FUCKING SEE YOU BEN. You pulled a Katya. You gave up. You threw that lipsync just to not send another bitch home. You may have done a ruveal gag, but GURL. YOU PHONED IT IN. You had more in you and you could have probably beat Shangela. But you know, I respect you for playing the game bitch. I wouldn’t want to send Thorgy or Kennedy home. Gurl I was waiting for this tactical lipsync throwing shenanigans. I would do it fucking too.

Ben, Shangela, and BeBe are the front runners for now. But I think next episode we’ll start to settle on who’s gonna be there for the long-run. So here’s to another week’s wait for good TV. Also that skit with strip poker? Cute ;) . Also keep up this shady editing. I live for it. It makes ru-watching the episode so much fun. Also this lipsync extravaganza...not great. 5/10. But all the gurls did the best they could.

THORGY RANT CONTINUED:

Imagine Thorgy with any other character. She could have probably have easily done Dolly. She probably could have easily slayed Julie Andrews. HELL, I bet she could of even done Diana Ross. But tell me what the fuck is she supposed to do with Stevie Knicks? What did Todrick give her? NOTHING. -.- . She was Katya’d and she wasn’t wrong. Perhaps I indulge in Delusion (by Jinx) too, but I mean...c’mon.

Her thing with Bob. Is it petty? Yes. But let me tell you, those types of people ARE fucking annoying especially for a person whose constantly in their head. Is that a weakness? yes. Is it something to overcome? yes. But Thorgy isn’t being irrational. Self-doubt and inner saboteur are powerful things that require time and self-improvement to overcome. And Thorgy (and even I) have to continuously work on it. But you forget they’re in the context of stressful competition. IT’S HARD TO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS. IT’S JUST FUCKING HARD. But you can’t blame Thorgy for still doing the god damn thing. She did so well but when she crashes she burns and it’s not fun to see. But I mean, that’s me too. I empathize so much that I can’t give her shit. I just can’t. that pettiness when she was writing her mirror message. It’s not pretty but shit fucking sucks. I don’t think Thorgy is a hateful person. I think she’s fun. But if you cross her, that’s a big no-no. It sucks to feel like you’re being forced to lose. I wish Thorgy was able to muster some bubbly-ness instead of be bitter but it’s hard.

Finally all these bitches always say that Thorgy was destroyed in her lipsync against Chi Chi and like saying she was desperate. Bitch. You a white bitch going into a lipsync for “And I’m Telling You” against a black queen--the Lipsync assassin? Bitch. Thorgy would have one that lipsync against any other queen except for Bob and Chi Chi. That’s the fucking tea. Chi Chi was in an outfit REMINISCENT of fucking Dreamgirls! SHE LOOKED LIKE SHE LITERALLY WAS FROM DREAMGIRLS. HOW THE FUCK IS THORGY SUPPOSED TO FUCKING BEAT THAT? I’m not saying it was rigged, but bitch, let’s be fucking real. Thorgy was fucking sent home the minute Kim Chi was saved. Imagine Kim Chi vs. Chi Chi. Now I was Team Kim Chi, but I ain’t fucking stupid. Kim Chi is not the queen to defeat Chi Chi in a lipsync of “And I’m telling you”. Thorgy was fucking set up to go home. Was her video a mess? Yes. Was her look a mess? I mean...I liked it...not a huge toot...but not an enthusiastic toot. She crashed that episode--HARD. I totally think it did a disservice to Thorgy. THORGY CONCEDED THE LIPSYNC TO CHI CHI. That’s why she did that cartwheel -- cause it don’t fucking matter. That’s why she waved for attention -- she’s waving bye. That’s why she raised Chi Chi’s arm at the end -- she knows she lost. ALL I’m saying. BTM 3: Thorgy, Chi Chi, Kim Chi. Think of the the combinations of lipsyncs. Chi Chi wins both her match-ups. Kim Chi loses either combo. And think of production team and how that could affect who they want to stay. Of course you wanna keep the avant-garde, unique polite likable Kim Chi. And Chi Chi is just a lovable underdog. Thorgy is getting overshadowed by Bob. She makes great TV cause she’s eccentric but Bob is just doing the god damn thing so of course Thorgy has no favoritism to be helped to stay--if she fucks up, she’s out. ALSO DERRICK STAYED TOO LONG, and this is coming from someone who initially was rooting for Derrick. Oh fucking well. Shit happened and there’s nothing we can change. Reference this lipsync all you want about how terrible Thorgy is, but lemme tell you. I would have tried my best too, but when I know I’m beat, I know I’m fucking beat.

*END RANT* I’m just frustrated with myself atm so I just vented. Sorry if you read this. I didn’t mean for you to read word vomit. But I just needed to just type out shit. I love Thorgy. I really wish better for her. <3 And i’m not mad at the elimination, just disappointed cuz this lipsync was still rigged and shit.

#RPDR #RuPaul's Drag Race #Drag Race #RPDR AS3 #All Stars 3 #Episode 2 #VH1 #Divas #BenDeLaCreme #Bebe Zahara Benet #Milk #Trixie Mattel #Thorgy Thor #Chi Chi Devayne #Kennedy Davenport #Aja #Shangela

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