#i stand by the fact that peggy jarvis and ana were the only reason tony grew into a decent person | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

enchantedlokii · 3 years

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Know Your Value

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: language

Characters: Edwin Jarvis, Ana Jarvis, Peggy Carter, Howard Stark, Maria Stark, Tony Stark, Daniel Sousa, Steve Rogers

Mentioned: Whitney Frost, Jason Wilkes, Rose Roberts, Aloysius Samberly, Joseph Rogers, Michael Carter, Bruce Banner, Loki Odinson, Natasha Romanoff, Nick Fury, Pepper Potts, Jack Thompson

When Edwin Jarvis first learned that his wife would never be able to have children, he had been devastated. He couldn’t understand what he had done to deserve this. What Ana had done to deserve this. She was never supposed to be injured at the hands of Whitney Frost. She was never supposed to be injured at all.

He only realized it was his own fault as he followed Peggy through the desert. The woman’s words hit him like a truck. He had almost lost the woman he loved because of his actions. Then, he thought it would make it better if he got revenge. Even if he died in the process. For years, he thought he would never forgive himself, but that forgiveness came when he learned that Howard’s wife, Maria, was pregnant.

As much as Edwin loved his friend, he knew that Howard wasn’t the fatherly type. He was rambunctious, inappropriate, and a bit crude at times. And he was a busy man. Especially now, with Stark Industries having reached its peak. He knew that this poor child would never have the father figure that he deserved. So he promised himself that he would do whatever he could to help this child once he was born.

Edwin and Ana didn’t meet Tony until the day that Howard and Maria brought him home, but they immediately fell in love with him. Ana had took him carefully and held him close to her chest, rocking him back and forth and humming a Hungarian lullaby. If it were possible, Edwin believed he fell in love with her all over again in that moment.

As he had expected, Edwin and Ana helped a lot with raising the boy. They could see early on that he didn’t have a good relationship with his father. While he and his mother were closer, Maria Stark was a busy woman and often had to leave him in their care. They never minded, of course, but it seemed to take a toll on Tony. Especially as he got older and was able to understand exactly what his life was.

But there was something special about the boy. They all knew he was smart. To be the son of Howard Stark, one would have to be a genius, but this was more than that. This child was on a whole other level.

“What are you working on?” Edwin asked as he walked into the common area. Tony, ten years old at this point, was sitting on the carpet with parts spread out around him. He didn’t look up as Edwin spoke, but did acknowledge his presence with a nod.

“Hey, Jarvis,” he started, focusing on his project. “I’m trying to. . . Get this. . . Woah!”

The boy pulled his head back as a bolt went flying through the air, landing a few inches away. He grinned and looked up at Edwin. “I found this old radio set in the garage and was trying to fix it, but it’s pretty rusty. I’m not sure I can get it to work.”

“Right, I—” Edwin was interrupted by the sound of a doorbell. Confused, he looked up. “I wonder who that might be.”

Edwin started towards the door, hearing footsteps behind him as Tony followed. He was surprised when he opened the door and saw a familiar face. “Hello, Mr. Jarvis. Sorry to arrive unannounced.”

“Why, Mrs. Carter,” Edwin replied, stepping to the side. “Come in, come in. It’s been quite a while, hasn’t it?”

“Indeed,” Peggy replied, dropping her bags at her feet. “I would have called, but I feared you might be busy. Daniel and I need a place to stay for a couple of weeks. You don’t suppose Howard would mind us crashing here?”

“Oh, not at all,” Edwin told her. “He will be glad to see you.”

Peggy smiled before her gaze lowered to look at Tony, who was watching her with a confused expression. “You must be Anthony,” she started, crouching down and holding out a hand to shake his. “You’ve grown since I saw you last.”

Tony hesitantly took the woman’s hand and gave it a small shake. “Don’t call me Anthony,” he told her.

“My apologies,” Peggy said quickly. “What would you like me to call you then?”

“Tony,” he said simply, taking his hand away. Edwin was a bit surprised by the stiff movements the boy was making. It was as if he didn’t want to see Peggy. He supposed that he would not remember the woman, it having been several years since they relocated to Malibu, but it was unlike him to be so detached.

“Well hello, Tony,” Peggy replied. “My name is Margaret, but you can call me Peggy. I’m a friend of your father’s.”

“I know,” he said harshly before turning to Edwin. “I’m going to work on my radio now.”

Before Edwin could stop him, Tony was already returning to his spot on the carpet. The man was going to apologize before he saw Daniel struggling to carry a bag in. “Oh, let me get that for you, Mr. Sousa.” He took the bag from the crutched man and nestled it in the corner to move later. “Come, we have a lot to catch up on.”

Peggy was perplexed by the way Howard’s child reacted to seeing her. The boy seemed to want nothing to do with her, trying to avoid her in any way he could. It confused her, honestly, and worried her a bit.

“Are you sure about this, Peggy?” Ana asked. “I can stay with him. I don’t mind.”

“It’s not a problem, Ana,” Peggy assured her, holding her friend close in a hug. “You and Mr. Jarvis deserve a break.”

“Oh, thanks, Peg,” Ana said, smiling a bit before pulling away.

The moment Edwin and Ana left, Peggy turned to look around the building. It had been years since she had been here, but it still felt like home to her. She was beyond grateful when Howard and Maria agreed that it was completely fine for her and Daniel to stay as long as they needed.

It felt like old times again. Especially when Howard had proposed that they invite Jason and Rose and Aloysius over for dinner one evening in the near future. It just felt right.

But a lot had changed over the years. Her and Daniel were married now. They had two children together; a twenty-four year old daughter and a twenty-one year old son. Rose and Aloysius were married, but they didn’t have any kids. They did have a cat, however. Jason never got married, but he was one of the top scientists at Stark Industries now.

Then there was Howard. Peggy never imagined Howard settling down. The whole time she knew him, he had bounced from woman to woman. There were only a select few he saw as more than a toy. But he had changed when he met Maria. They ended up married a few years later, and then they had Tony.

“Right. Where is that rascal?” Peggy asked herself, starting her search. She found the boy in the garage, searching through a box. “Hello.”

“Hi,” he said dryly, not looking up.

“I was wondering if you might like to watch a film with me,” she started, trying to not let the boy’s tone phase her.

“I’m busy,” Tony said, continuing to search through his box.

Peggy contemplated for a moment, trying to figure out how to hand him. She started forward and crouched down, reaching to hold the flap of the box. “Maybe I could help.”

Tony glared up at her with a mixture of emotions in his eyes. “Can’t you get the hint and leave me alone?!” he snapped, pulling the box away from her. “I don’t want your help.”

Part of Peggy thought it might be wise to leave Tony be. She could always try to talk to him later, but she knew that it would be harder to get him to open up when there were others around. She had interrogated enough people in her life to know that. So, she instead put a hand on the boy’s shoulder. He flinched noticeably, but didn’t swing at her like she expected him to. “Is there a reason that you are acting this way?”

“Acting what way?” he muttered, refusing to look at her. “I just want you to leave me alone.”

“How come?” she asked. “I only want to help. I would like to get to know you, and I know this is not how you normally act. I asked Mr. Jarvis and he said that you’re usually an extreme good kid.”

Tony was quiet, looking down into the book. He looked like he wanted to say something, but no words came. Carefully, Peggy continued.

“You won’t hurt my feelings if you tell me what’s wrong, Tony,” she told him. “I can see you don’t like me, and that’s okay. But I would like to know why so I might be able to fix that.”

Finally, Tony looked up at her. “My father cares about you more than he cares about me,” the boy told her, his voice wavering slightly. “He talks about you all the time. You and Captain America. Every. Single. Day.”

Peggy felt her heart break for the child. She could easily see how upset he was by the fact. That’s something a child his age should never have to worry about; his parents loving someone else more than they loved them. It wasn’t fair. “I had no idea,” she told him. “I greatly apologize.”

Tony held her gaze for a moment before he sighed, his shoulders drooping. “I guess it’s not really your fault,” he admitted. He opened his mouth to speak again but quickly shut it, looking back down at the box.

“I suppose you want me to leave you alone now,” Peggy started after a few beats of silence. “I apologize for upsetting you.”

Peggy stood and started to turn away. She knew that she would need to talk to Daniel about finding someplace else to stay. She didn’t want to make this child miserable, and she didn’t see any way that she could turn things around. He had a good reason for disliking her, and frankly, she wanted to punch Howard for it. Because he had made his own child feel like there was someone more important than him.

“Mrs. Carter?”

Peggy stopped and looked over her shoulder. Tony had stopped looking through the box and was standing up. He looked hesitant, but finally met her gaze. “Yes, Tony?”

Tony shuffled his feet as he replied. “A movie. . . A movie sounds nice,” he told her. “If. . . If you still want to watch one.”

Peggy smiled and nodded. “That sounds splendid,” she replied, feeling her heart melt at the way his eyes brightened. A smile formed on his lips and he hurried after her. Maybe she could turn this around.

“Ow, hey!”

Howard held his cheek, rubbing it gently. He had been punched by Peggy Carter before, more than once, but this time he had no idea what he had done to deserve it. “What was that for?”

“Do you care to explain why your child believes you care more about me than you care about him?” Peggy asked. Howard could see fire in her eyes as she spoke. She was furious with him.

“Peg, I swear I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Howard huffed. “The kid is probably just looking for attention. You should just ignore him when he acts like that.”

“Ignore him?” Peggy questioned, following him as he moved to put his suitcase on the table. “Is that what you believe parenting is? Ignoring your child when he’s upset?”

“You know that’s not what I meant,” Howard said sharply, turning to face her once again. “I don’t ignore Tony. I’m busy. You understand that, right?”

“You’re supposed to make time for your children, Howard!” Peggy snapped, throwing her arms out. “They’re impressionable. Especially one as smart as yours. He’s going to remember this when he’s older and it’s not going to be good.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Howard asked. He was a bit offended by her criticism. It was unusually harsh for Peggy. “That I’m a bad parent?”

“If you can’t see that you’re hurting your son, then yes! Yes, it means that you’re a bad parent!” Peggy hissed at him. “Do you not realize how lucky you are to be able to be there for your son?”

“Peggy, you’re talking out of your head. Have you been drinking?” Howard asked lightly, trying to lighten her mood.

Peggy took his shirt in her fist. “Do you forget that Steve’s father died before he was born?” she asked. “Do you forget that my nephew grew up without his father because my brother died when he was f*cking five years old?”

“Peggy—”

“Do you forget that Ana cannot have her own children?” She pressed. “That her and Edwin would give so much to have a child, yet you act like yours doesn’t even exist!”

“Come on, Peg,” Howard started. “The kid doesn’t need me.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” she said, letting go of him. “To be a genius, you’re a bloody idiot. F*ck you, Howard!”

Howard watched as Peggy turned to leave. Before she slammed the door behind her, her gaze burned into him. “Steve would be so disappointed if he found that you idolize him. That you use the fact that you knew him to make your child feel inferior.”

Without another word, she was gone; leaving Howard to run his hands through his graying hair and try to comprehend what just happened.

“You’re leaving already?”

Peggy frowned as she heard the small voice behind her. When she turned, she found that Tony was standing there, giving her a sad look. She sighed and crouched down in front of him. “Is it because of me?” he asked. “I-I’m sorry, Mrs. Carter. I changed my mind.”

“Hey,” she said softly, putting a hand on his cheek. “This is not your fault, Tony.”

The boy was quiet, looking down at the ground. Peggy turned to Daniel and the man understood, limping away into the other room to give them some space. She took a breath and turned back to the child, giving him a small smile.

“You are so incredibly smart,” she told him. “I can see that just from being here a couple of weeks. You have a wonderful mind.”

Tony gave her a small smile but didn’t say anything. “I know that things aren’t perfect here,” she continued. “But I want you to promise me something. Can you do that for me?”

The boy nodded quickly without hesitation. “Y-yeah.”

“Good,” she replied. “I want you to promise me that you will do your best to do what’s right, no matter what the cost. With a brain as big as yours, you could change the world some day. I have no doubt that you will, but I want you to promise me that you won’t let that opportunity pass by when it comes to you.”

“Okay,” he breathed. “Okay, I promise.”

“Thank you,” she replied, pulling the boy close and kissing him on top of the head. “One more thing; know your value, Tony. Know what you’re worth and don’t let anyone try to convince you otherwise. No matter who they are or what they’ve done. No one knows you better than yourself.”

“Big man in a suit of armor. Take that away and what are you?”

Tony wasn’t sure about Steve Rogers even before those words. He had spent his whole life hating this man. The man that his father had always cared about more than him. And then to hear him say that. To hear that he after all Tony had done, this man refused to call him a hero.

Yet here he was, standing in the elevator next to this same man. The man who was holding an opened watch, looking at the picture of the woman they were going to see. Why he had agreed to this, he had no idea. Why he had been the one, when Steve asked him if he knew Peggy; “her and your dad were really close;” he had been the one to say “sure, I still do.” He had actually laughed at the man’s reaction to finding out that she was still alive.

Now that they were here, in the same building as Peggy Carter, he felt like he was betraying her. That he was going against the promise that he had made to her decades ago. That he wouldn’t let anyone talk to him the way Steve had talked to him on the helicarrier.

It was only because of what Bruce had told him after the Battle of New York that he didn’t back out or even humiliate Steve in front of Peggy, telling her what the man had said to him. Because they were all being controlled that day. The stone in Loki’s Staff, the Mind Stone, had been influencing them. All of them. That’s why he and Steve were butting heads. That’s why Natasha tried to convince Fury to lock Bruce up. That’s why Bruce had picked up the staff without realizing it.

“I’m worried she won’t be happy to see me.” Steve’s voice pulled Tony from his thoughts.

“Right. About that,” Tony started. “She might not actually remember you. Not at first, at least. Never fails, she calls me Howard every time I step through that door. I have to remind her who I am. Never remind her he’s dead, but I think she figures it out.”

“She has Alzheimer’s?” Steve asked, a sad look crossing his face.

“Afraid so, Cap,” he replied, sticking his hands in his pockets before making his way out of the elevator. “But she’s a strong woman. It doesn’t bother her.” He paused outside Peggy’s door. “Let me go in first. Try to explain it to her so she doesn’t completely freak out, okay?”

“Okay,” Steve agreed, standing against the wall so he wouldn’t be seen when Tony opened the door.

Tony took a shaky breath and knocked before pushing the door open. He gave a small smile as Peggy turned to look at him. “Hey, Aunt Peg,” he started gently.

The woman’s eyes lit up. “Oh, Howard,” she started. “It’s good to see you.”

Tony tried to hide his annoyance as he moved closer. “No,” he reminded her softly. “It’s Tony. Remember?”

“Oh, yes,” she said with a small smile. “I apologize. You look so much like him.” She shifted in her bed and Tony moved to help her sit up. “You were on the news.”

“Yeah?” he asked, acting surprised. He glanced towards the door, wondering if she had seen Steve too or if had been an interview clip. Either way, she might not fully remember.

“Yes,” she said, lifting a hand up and placing it on his chest where a faint blue light was visible through his shirt. “It was you.”

Tony smiled and put his hand on hers, gently lowering it to her bed. “I brought someone with me that wants to see you,” he told her, speaking a little louder to make sure Steve heard him outside the door. “Is that alright, Aunt Peg?”

Peggy’s eyes flashed with confusion, but she nodded in reply. He closed his eyes and stepped back. “Capsicle?”

Steve stepped in, his hands clasped in front of him as he smiled at Peggy. He looked uncertain at first as Peggy searched his face, trying to recognize him. “Hey, Peggy,” he said quietly. “How’s my best girl?”

Tony could see the moment that Peggy recognizes Steve, and that’s when he decided to step out, leaning back against the wall and trying to collect himself. Part of him said that he should leave. That Steve would be done with him now that he had gotten what he wanted. He would be disappointed if he waited behind. But he stayed anyway, trying his best to not eavesdrop on the conversation that was happening inside. His phone dinged with a message from Pepper asking how everything was going, and at the same moment he went to respond, Steve stepped out of the room, slowly closing the door behind him.

The man stood there for a moment with his forehead pressed against the door. His eyes were closed, Tony noticed, and he was frowning. “I don’t like seeing her like this,” he breathed.

“Yeah, me either,” Tony admitted, standing up straight and pocketing his phone for now. Hesitant, he brought a hand up and patted Steve’s shoulder. “But she’s happy.”

Steve nodded. “Who is he?” He asked after a moment. At first Tony was confused, but then he realized the other man must have saw the pictures in her room.

“His name was Agent Daniel Sousa,” he told him. “A P.O.W. One you saved. He was injured in the war and went on to work for the SSR. She always said he was the first one to treat her as an equal. I met him a few times. Good guy, really.”

Steve nodded slowly, straightening up before facing Tony. “Thank you,” he started. “For bringing me here.”

“Yeah, don’t mention it,” Tony replied, putting his hands in his pockets again. “I should get back to the tower. Ms. Potts has some evening plans, I believe.”

“Right, right,” Steve nodded again. “I should. . . Um, Ms. Romanoff and I were going to train later.” He put a hand over his forehead. “I completely forgot.”

“Yeah, good luck with that,” he snorted, remembering his own experience sparring with the woman. “I guess I will see you the next time Fury gets in over his head.”

Tony turned and started towards the elevator before he heard Steve sigh. “Wait, Tony,” he started, causing him to look back. “What I said. . .”

“Is forgiven,” he finished for him, shrugging like it wasn’t a big deal. Like it hadn’t caused his thoughts to spiral every night since. “You’re not too bad, Old Man. You have a lot to learn, but you’re not too bad.”

He saw Steve roll his eyes, but he held a smile. He turned and continued towards the elevator. “Natasha’s single, by the way,” he called over his shoulder as he pushed the button.

“And there it is,” he heard Steve mutter. He smirked as the elevator dinged in front of him.

“I don’t need a congressional honor, I don’t need Agent Thompson’s approval, or the President’s. I know my value. Anyone else’s opinion doesn’t really matter.”

#marvel #mcu #avengers #edwin jarvis #ana jarvis #peggy carter #howard stark #maria stark #tony stark #daniel sousa #steve rogers #agent carter #iron man #agent sousa #captain america

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evien-stark · 4 years

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✧I Need You✧ Chapter 95

“Café ou thé?” Tony’s work around, his gentle hand, asking you in a wonderful purr of french- coffee or tea? The two of you had been working on your … traumas, and when phrased like this, there was no spike. No extra voice in your head. No remembering of the immense pain. Just the sound of his voice and a simple question. One you could answer without thinking too much.

“Tea, please.”

Though the vacation didn’t have an end date (and officially didn’t even have a start date, to be fair), you both knew it was coming to a close, soon. Which was fine. You couldn’t stay hidden from the world and all your responsibilities forever. Much as you would have liked to.

When he came around the small table, interrupting your view of the forest and mountains beyond, you tipped your head up, accepting the press of his light kiss at your forehead as he settled a mug of freshly steeped tea in front of you. This was what your life was supposed to be. This was how you wanted to be. It just wasn’t meant to be.

So you had to enjoy it now. And in between little touches of lips and snuggles, tea and coffee gone, you asked, “Can we go on a hike?” There was just so much scenery facing you since you’d gotten here. It seemed a waste to just look at it once and never actually enjoy it.

“You going native on me?”

A little joke, a short shared huff of laughter. And then on a hike the two of you went.

It had just rained- a freezing sort, entering into December now. (Truly a very long lived- deserved vacation.) Maybe it hadn’t been the smartest idea. But you pulled him over one path, and he tugged you over the next. Birds were still singing here, somehow. Or maybe it was just your imagination. The thing that mattered was it smelled earthy, it felt good. Most of your life now was surrounded by screens and walls that trapped you. Just being able to look up into a massive lush sky…

It was as he’d moved to sit on a log, a few hours into such a freeing walk, that you stepped out over a ledge. Holding to yourself as you looked down.

Something blew by you as you closed your eyes. And saw… just the two of you. No one around for miles. Except…

You could have sworn you’d heard him speaking to you- something garbled and soft. Turning, arms folded, you gave him a curious look. “Did you say something?”

He arched a brow. “You hearing things?”

“Must have been the wind.”

----

Since Tony had fulfilled your only ask by way of returning to nature for a handful of hours, before you were due to set off, he asked you to accompany him around Tokyo. You knew this would be a bad decision. There wasn’t anywhere the two of you could go that was that full of people that you wouldn’t be seen.

Which is exactly what had ended up happening. More than once groups of people surrounded the two of you, asking for pictures and autographs. If Tony wasn’t acting like such a shutter-darling, soaking up all the attention (especially when asked to do the famous Iron Man pose), you might have had a problem with it. The longer it went on, the more suspicious you grew. Did Tony want to go out only to get seen? But the real reason for the outing became clear when he took you to a small shop, tucked away from all the screams and shouts, all the hustle and bustle. There he made light conversation with a very old shopkeeper by way of JARVIS for translation (Japanese not his strong suit without assistance, which was fine, you didn’t speak it at all). Once all was said and done he was presented with a very old but beautiful tea set, which the shopkeeper wrapped up so gently in pretty black and silver paper.

Once Tony paid and had it under his arm, he turned to you with one of those softer smiles of appeal. “Mind if we hit DC on the way back?” Ah.

So, very easily you let him know, “Of course not.”

You had a floral arrangement prepped alongside a minimal yet somehow grandiose dinner, as per Tony’s instructions, and called ahead to the nursing home to have them clear a part of the cafeteria for you. The table was wonderfully set, quite cozy and almost… like a home. And the two of you stood, his arm around you a little tight- that small yet steady thrum of anxiousness and that sadness he tried to bury swirling about as a nurse helped Peggy in and sat her down.

As she looked up at him, her hazy eyes lit up. “Oh- Tony- I didn’t know you were stopping by. I thought they were marching me out for some grand final moment in the courtyard.” Chuckling, truly delighted to see him.

You let him go, standing back, so that he could give her one of those quick squeezes, a little peck on the cheek, and the low voiced, “It’s good to see you, Aunt Peggy.”

“You’re as handsome as ever. Like your father- don’t tell him I said that. Getting into all sorts of trouble, I’ll bet.” Giving him a pat on the face, really looking at him as he sat down beside her. “How is Howard? And Maria? I feel like I don’t see them much anymore.”

The painfulness hit you, like a sharp poke in the chest. “They’re fine. Hey- I got you something-” Trying to cut off the cyclical repetition of an aging mind.

“Oh- you didn’t have to do that- and this dinner- that’s you, too, isn’t it. You’ll make the staff work too hard.” She took hold of the carefully handpicked present he’d brought from her.

“That’s what we pay them for.” Sarcastic as ever in the face of it all. When he half turned to give you a look over the fact that you were sort of awkwardly just standing there, you moved to sit down. You’d spoken to this woman a few times now, a little more personally the first you’d ever met her, but… it never stopped being hard.

And as soon as you got comfortable, she looked up at you. “Oh, hello. Who’s this? Don’t tell me you got another assistant.”

“Hi, ma’am-” You’d done this introduction more than once. It never stopped being difficult.

Though she smiled, she looked at Tony. “What happened to Pepper? I always thought-”

“Pep’s fine. Working hard, like always.” He gave her a little gentle touch at her arm. And then… just like the sparse times you’d done this before, he reintroduced you. You sat there, hoping the clouds would dissipate, but knowing they wouldn’t. “-my girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend, goodness. When are you getting married?” Waving a hand at the both of you.

At this he smiled. “For once, I don’t think that’s up to me.”

She put her hand down over yours. “He’s a fine man. For the most part. If you can tolerate that mouth every now and again.”

You couldn’t help your giggles. “Truer words have never been spoken.”

“Hey, thanks.” He put his elbow on the table, and settled his chin in his upturned palm.

“Oh- this is gorgeous- thank you-” Peggy had finally unwrapped her tea set. And yet, seemed a little more preoccupied with the conversation at hand. “I mean what I said, you know. And if he gives you trouble, send him here. I wasn’t afraid to put him in a corner when he was a boy, I’m not afraid to, now.”

“Oh?” Wanting to hear all about that.

“Yes- well. It takes a village to raise a child right- especially a boy- especially a boy like Tony.” And while said boy was about to try and cut this off, you felt the slip, and she put her hand on his arm next. “How are Howard and Maria? Are they coming? And Mr. Jarvis, and Ana… I feel like I haven’t seen them in a while.”

Tony put a firm hand over hers, giving her a squeeze. “They’re alright, Peggy. Everyone’s okay.”

“I love it when I get to see everyone… and Daniel- do you know… I think… I think my room has been empty for a long time…”

There was a flutter of panic- first from Tony. “Dan’s okay, aunt Peggy. Everyone is okay. Hey- are you hungry? I think somebody actually went outside and shot this turkey, so we should probably-” Then from her. “Daniel- I think… I think my room is empty-”

“Hey, look at me, okay?” It took all your fortitude to sit through this. As Tony placed a hand on her face, turned her to look at him. “Everything’s alright.” You weren’t sure what to do. Or, more importantly, if you should do something. But… watching the both of them struggle…

You slipped. You went deep. And with that bright orange sky cast above you, you settled a hand on Peggy’s heart. Everything is okay. Everyone is okay. Imparting calm and a wash of ease.

And when your vision cleared, you saw her smiling at Tony. Her trembling had stopped. They were talking about something, though the words were muffled. Underneath the table, you held your hands together tightly. “Dear?” But she called your attention forward, and you saw the both of them looking at you. “I’m g̴o̸i̶n̵g̴ ̸t̷o̵ ̷m̸a̸k̸e̵ ̵t̸e̸a̸. W̴̱̊ö̴͚̘́̿̂ͅu̵̢̾̈́̎l̸̲̇d̵̤̑ ̴͓̔ý̴̏̄ͅo̸̯͝ū̷̫̯̳ ̵̟̇́̔l̶̩̝͊ī̵͜k̶͖̕e̸̩͋͝ ̴̱̦̩̏̀́s̴͚̏̈́̓ǫ̶͇͒̌m̷̢̙͉͗̔̏ḛ̷̺̀?̴͚͉̔̓͑?̸?” It came out in dark static. That accent-

You swallowed hard. And held yourself steady through the rise of urgent panic. Tony was dealing with enough. And who knew- if you spiraled, you could potentially kill Peggy.

“Yes- that would be… that would be nice…” Be strong. Be strong…

----

Once outside the facility, Tony took your hand in a grip that threatened to crush your bones. But you let him. Because it grounded you. It wasn’t until the two of you were back on the jet, still hand in hand, your gaze out the window, that he finally spoke- “Thank you. For everything you just did back there.”

You found yourself nodding mindlessly. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry. I should have realized- I should have thought-” About to apologize for the monumental gaff of accidentally inviting you to tea time with his sick aunt.

“Hey… who is Ana?” But now you were the one cutting off a wave of panic, with the undertow of heavy guilt. Because. Honestly. Right now? You just couldn’t handle it. “Ana was Jarvis’ wife.”

Along with Howard and Maria… Tony’s life had been laid bare. A string of accidents and tragedies had left him alone for a very long time. A continual cycle until it had just been him in a big house with a familiar voice… his hand had clutched to yours so hard, so suddenly, probably thinking the same thing. Visiting the one face that had been such an integral part of his growing up, yet was doomed to not be able to grasp the losses they’d all suffered.

The people who had raised him. All gone now. That was the way life was, wasn’t it? But the other man she’d been the most concerned about… it seemed fairly obvious. You put a hand over his to try and ease the grip he had on you. He apologized when he realized, by way of lifting your hand to press a kiss to the back.

In the silence you dared to ask. Just to get the whole picture. Finally.

“Who is Daniel?”

“Dan was Peggy’s husband.”

“Oh.”

You wondered briefly if Steve knew about that, considering…

----

Really none of your business. But- as if you’d invited more storm into your house- the minute that you and Tony had gotten back, the man in question was practically waiting to pounce. Your elevator had only just exited on the top floor, you had only just stepped out, gone into the kitchen for a glass of water with Tony- and then the telltale ding hit the floor, and the two of you stepped around the bend to see him standing there.

Tony, speaking with a mouth half full of stale cookie (that had been sitting on the counter in a box since you’d left), “You okay, buddy? You look like you ran all the way up the stairs- but- I seem to remember hearing our private elevator just open…” Making no effort to show that he was getting annoyed with all the unannounced visits to what was basically your home.

There was little hiding the frustration leaking off of him. He shook a weak gesture Tony’s way before pointing your way. “Can I talk to you, please?” Then, also not hiding the look he gave Tony before his eyes came back to you, “-in private?”

“Oh, good.” Tony answered first, turning back around. “I don’t have to be part of whatever this is. Squabbles over the toilet seat being left up I imagine.” Pressing a little kiss to your temple before departing. There was a quiet message between the two of you here. No secrets, and it had been that way for a long time. So he trusted you to go talk to Steve and deal with whatever this was. And trusted you to talk to him about it if it was serious. And not just over petty living squabbles.

And with the way Steve was looking at you… “Sure. In the living room okay?”

“Somewhere more private. If you don’t mind.”

“Oh.” Although you and Tony had been gone for a month, sure, you had hoped they’d be able to handle themselves. But as usual, the literal second vacation was over, it was back to stress and nonsense. “Sure. Let’s go to my office downstairs.”

“Thank you.” Curt with just as sharp a nod.

Holding back a sigh (and practically all your nerves), you stepped in line with him by his side as you called the elevator back. And then got in. And then… waited in terribly strained silence while it descended. Upon opening onto one of the Stark Industries floors, you got out first, and waved off all the people trying to hand you things and ask for stuff. Opening the door to your office, you allowed him in first, and then closed the door behind you.

As if even this was not enough, after looking around (like he’d never been in here before, which was certainly not the case), he gave you a look. “Nothing we talk about leaves this room, right?”

He wasn’t just asking to speak to you in confidence. And, understanding that, “LUNA, nothing comes in or goes out for the next twenty minutes.”

She answered fairly quickly, “Yes, ma’am. All channels blocked. Nothing leaves this space.”

You gestured for him to sit down on the long couch backed up against the wall, and you sat on the plush chair in front of your desk facing him. “Okay. So. What’s the matter?”

He sat forward, hands clasped together. “What do you know about the Zodiac weapon?”

Unable to help the curious turn of your head, a few blinks- a little pause for thought- as that didn’t sound familiar but… you had to think about it to make sure. And when you were, “I don’t know what that is. Is it something serious?”

“It’s a biological weapon.”

Oh. That was something extremely serious. “Do we have orders to go get it?”

“No need. SHIELD already has it.” The look he was leveling your way was icy. It put you in your place for a moment. It wasn’t just frustration now. It was pretty white-hot anger. “Swear to me you don’t know anything about it.”

It felt very much like he was accusing you of something, and it was hard not to immediately get defensive. “I swear, Steve. I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Giving this room to breathe, keeping your eyes on his. You weren’t sure what was going on (although you could guess), but if he distrusted you, it was going to be one step in a long fall downhill. That much you understood. “What’s going on? Should I be worried?”

He stared at you for a few seconds longer before his eyes closed for a moment as he dropped his head in a shake. “No more so than you and Tony usually are. I know it feels like a long time ago but… I feel stupid for giving the two of you grief back on the helicarrier. Even knowing what we found out then… it just never ends.”

“...Steve?” Really not knowing what to do with that. He was talking about before New York got attacked?

He looked up at you again, gaze softer, but no less serious. “I think you should step away from SHIELD, effective immediately.” He was trying to protect you from something. But…

It was starting to get on your nerves. He was refusing to tell you what this was all about. “Why?”

“You know why.”

Asking you plainly to put the pieces together, so I don’t have to tell you. But that wasn’t really working for you. And when your dead-eyed stare yielded no results… “JARVIS.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Tap the SHIELD grid. Get me everything we have on- what did you say?- the weapon Zodiac-”

Steve put a hand up. “Don’t do that-”

“These files are encrypted ma’am. Level 8 access or higher.”

A small silence came over the room. You were looking at Steve. Steve was looking at you. And then you made your next move, “Give me clearance.” And by that you meant- just go in there and take what I need.

“Yes, ma’am. Allow me a moment, please.”

Steve stood up suddenly, hands tight at his sides. “This isn’t necessary. Look- I’m just asking you to stay out of their business for the time being. I went out on a mission for them and came back with something I didn’t like.”

You stared up at him, crossing one leg over the other, putting your hands on your knee. “I don’t play games with half of the pieces. You should know me better than that. You wanna tell me what’s going on?”

“Just listen to me-”

“I would if you’d say anything.”

“Ma’am.” JARVIS stopped your bickering. “Mr. Stark now has the files.”

And at that you really bristled. “I didn’t say send them to Tony, JARVIS-”

The door to your office opened, and in walked, wouldn’t you know it- “Yeah, well. Mr. Stark doesn’t like being kept in the dark. Also- you have your own programs, why’re you ordering JARVIS around?” Tony, with a tablet in hand, scrolling over whatever it was JARVIS had unearthed.

“That way if he gets caught I can blame it on you.” Joking, of course, but you smiled oh so sweetly up at him.

JARVIS spoke above you, “I never get caught.”

Tony came to a stop in front of your chair and turned the tablet your way, handing it down to you. Although his eye roll was directed skyward. “Oh please.”

Steve was getting upset. “Alright, I’ve had just about enough of this- I was trying to do you a favor-”

You tried to tune him out, but when that wasn’t working, you just started reading aloud. As you did, Tony turned towards Steve, arms folded, narrowing his eyes. “The weapon known as Zodiac was recovered by Agent Margaret Carter in New York City, from a small band of movers, destination unknown. Agent Carter disobeyed direct agency orders to carry out the mission alone.” Reading this part purposefully, as it dampened Steve’s fire and quieted him. Perhaps a terrible thing to do but…

Taking a breath, you continued. “Zodiac is an incredibly powerful and incredibly dangerous weapon, capable of destroying an entire city. Compound list… ingredients…” Skimming through stuff you didn’t understand. “Zodiac listed on record as destroyed effective April 1951- under authorization of Howard Stark and Agent Carter... Moved to bunker facility for further…”

Feeling like you just couldn’t finish the rest of it. What was the point? It was clear what was going on. When you looked up from the tablet, you caught Steve and Tony just looking at one another. ...as always… haunted by ghosts of a past they could not change. Yet it seemed like every time they encountered them, it was all entangled.

As per his silent request earlier, to kill the maddening silence in the room, you put the pieces together. “Someone stole it from SHIELD. And they told you to go get it.”

Steve looked away. “Not just me. Rumlow and Nat. Both of them knew the truth about the whole thing.” Shit. Rumlow you really couldn’t have cared less about. A STRIKE team lackey. But… Natasha getting on Steve’s bad side was bad for everyone. He finally looked your way again after a deep breath. “They’re trying to justify it as a security measure. That by putting it on record as destroyed, no one would come looking for it.”

Tony scoffed. “Yeah. Why not just actually destroy it?” Bitterness dripping off him. You reached a hand up to sooth over his leg. He stopped holding to himself so tightly, but he was still incredibly annoyed. “This is SHIELD’s MO. You can’t tell me you’re surprised.”

Why not destroy it? Because maybe they’d have use for something that could level a city. Some day. Yeah. That was the SHIELD you knew.

And at this? Steve shook his head. “Not surprised anymore just…”

“Disillusioned.” You finished for him. It was always one step forward ten steps back with them. At what point was it going to stop? “So what do you wanna do about it?” You could bring it to Fury. Get yelled at for digging around. And… then what? Probably nothing. But you didn’t want to just leave Steve hanging.

He shook his head again. “Nothing. I just want you to stay out of their way for a while. ...they wanted you on the mission. It was a good thing you were gone. Both of you.” Redirecting his gaze to Tony. Something softer. Like he’d been thinking about this. A lot. “What would have happened if we’d lost control? You think SHIELD would admit they were at fault?”

Tony’s head tipped forward, a curve of his brow in what was definitely the most dryly sarcastic look he could muster. “What are we doing here? Playing least-likely-scenario? SHIELD will admit they’re wrong about anything the day you do.”

“Hey, I’m not above admitting my mistakes.” Putting his hands up. “Just before you walked in I was saying-”

“It doesn’t matter.” You put a stop to the both of them. Because it really just didn’t. Tony poking at Steve’s supposed righteousness wasn’t going to help. Even if it was somehow in a fond manner. “Look- I work for SHIELD, same as you do. If I stop taking Fury’s calls about that kind of stuff, he might get suspicious.”

Tony shrugged. “Let him. When he decides to show face, I’ll let him know about the extensive life insurance policy we have out, and in the event of a negligent death on their end-”

Finally you stood, rubbing a hand between his shoulder blades. “Okay. Alright. We’re not going there.” He was getting just a little worked up. “Also I thought they wouldn’t provide payout considering our lifestyle.”

He half grinned at you. “Not for both.”

“Wait- so which one of us has one?” Confused now. He was probably joking either way but-

Steve cleared his throat. “Look- I actually have somewhere I need to be. Can I just get a little resolution here?”

Looking his way, Tony threw him another look. “What do you want us to say? We’re surprised SHIELD sent you on a mission they preordained with their secretive bumbling? Or that-”

“I just want her to stay out of their field work for a while. Until I can get a better sense of who we’re working for. Who we trust.”

“You and me both.”

It was impossible to hold back your sigh. “I appreciate the both of you looking out for me. I’ll… try to keep extra busy. And put Fury’s calls through to voicemail. Okay? But… don’t start hammering at the walls here. And… go easy on Nat, alright? I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say she probably put in a scathing report.”

“I’m not ready to call it quits. With anyone. Just… keeping an eye out. I promised to keep things clean between us. I meant it.”

Whether or not what she did was right, Natasha worked for SHIELD. At a deeper level than the rest of you did. And had for a long time. And… as you understood it, owed them a lot. She was no fool, either. If this had been a stupidly dangerous mission, caused over foolishness and ineptness by SHIELD (especially by Fury), you were sure she had gone to Nick’s office and told him exactly how she’d felt.

Tony shrugged, arms still folded. “Debrief right into a shredder, I’m imagining. Nothing in the world changes over word documents. Especially not that world.”

Looking towards Steve you gave him a little nod. “Thank you. For telling me all this.”

At that his brows lifted. “I didn’t.” Then he smiled. “But you’re welcome.”

Stepping closer to him, Tony held out his hand. And when Steve put his hand in Tony’s and gave him a firm shake. “Thanks, Captain.” They sized each other up respectfully, in that way the always seemed to, and then Steve turned to leave. When the door was closed, Tony stuck his hands in his pockets, looking at you. “What did he mean by that- keep things clean?”

You recalled it easily. “When I was watching him at the Retreat- when we snuck out that one night-”

“When I let you out, you mean, yes I remember.”

“-a paparazzi snuck up on us. And I… mildly persuaded him to go back to his car and delete his footage. Steve kinda figured out what was going on, and thought I was put there to manipulate him.”

Tony huffed out a laugh, coming closer. He put his arms around your shoulders, drawing you in. “As if you need the thing to manipulate anybody.” And when you arched a brow at him, hoping he wasn’t insinuating anything terrible, he just grinned. “All you have to do is bat those big eyelashes at somebody and they’ll work for you for free. Believe me. I’m a first hand witness.”

“Excuse me.” You feigned offended, pressing your hands against his chest. “You better not be talking about what I think you’re talking about.”

“Okay- well- in this instance- I put you to work for me- but I think it applies-” He leaned in, nose nuzzling against yours.

It was a shame that he so easily drew giggles from you, but you attempted to stave him off. “I think you’ve been with me too long- is four years too long? You’re starting to view everything from a very romantic lens. And let’s not forget- you were fucking anything that moved for sport back then.” So. He was wrong, in this instance. He didn’t need to rewrite history. You loved him all the same.

“Not you.”

“You tried.”

“Not hard enough.” Silencing your continued giggles as he leaned in, pressing his lips to yours. You indulged him, wrapping your arms around his neck, sinking in easily. You’d only just come back from a vacation all to yourselves, full of moments like this- like this, but no single one the same. Yet there was still always room for more. As he barely parted, his murmur caught you feeling flush. “I told you… it’s always been you.”

“What’s gotten into you?” Not that you minded by any means. But… all things considered, you both had just been told something very serious. And here he was acting like he’d barely paid any attention, and all that had mattered was-

“Not four years- do you realize we’ve known each other a decade?” He said these words in between kisses that were growing longer and longer in length. “I had a feeling- while we were gone but… I had to check my math…”

“Ten years, really? Has it been that long? ...you’re sure?”

“I’m always sure.” His smile pressed to yours. It was that charming confidence, mixed with just this overwhelming feeling of adoration, of love, that really swept you away. The next kiss became the last, sealed in a perfect touch of parted lips. His arms pulling you that much closer to him, yours winding tighter around his neck, pressing yourself against him. It was just as your head was growing dizzy, the faint sound of a deep murmur in the back of his throat-

Interrupted by the sound of your office door opening, and Pepper’s voice- “I tried to keep a giant workload off your desk but I need you to- oh!” The two of you broke apart, and while you, guilt and heat pooling in your cheeks alike, directed your gaze away-

Tony was looking at her rather vexed. “Excuse me- didn’t I teach you a long time ago that a closed door means knock?”

“God- I’m- I’m sorry- also- you two have a whole floor upstairs to yourselves- there’s no reason to- in here? Really?”

You forced your voice to work. “I’ll get right on whatever it is- can you just give us a minute?”

She made a bunch of noise, none of which were actual words, until she found some at least. “Yes- fine- but only a minute. And you better not be doing that when I come back.” Very quickly she shut the door behind her.

A sigh escaped you. “Back to work.”

“Or we could take her suggestion and go upstairs.”

Despite yourself, he poked yet another round of giggles out of you. Maybe it was just how lightheaded you were feeling. “I don’t think that’s what she was suggesting.”

“I’m taking creative liberty here.”

Reaching up to cup his cheek in your palm, you drew him down closer again, leaving a carefully sweet kiss on his lips. “Later. And… thanks for coming to my rescue.” It was no coincidence he’d come running down here after seeing you’d been accessing deep SHIELD files- after being toted off by Steve. It wasn’t because he thought you couldn’t handle it.

It was all too easy to see he’d literally rushed downstairs to check on you. Make sure things were okay. Or get you out of the situation if you needed out. “Always.” Murmured against your lips.

Time enough for one last kiss.

#Tony Stark #Tony Stark x Reader #INY Chapter Ninety Five

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amythecinnabunny · 4 years

Text

Apartment 42 -- A BuckyNat AU

master and rival assassins unknowingly live together for almost a year, making sure their real jobs remain a secret from each other and everyone around them

Chapter 4

"What time do you get off work today?" James asked as he flipped a pancake.

"Not a damn clue," Natalia grumbled, snatching the pancake out of the air without even looking.

James stared at her as she left, munching angrily and dragging her feet back to her room to get dressed. She probably didn't even notice she'd done that.

"Then when are we going out?" James called.

"I'll make time! I'll try to get off around five-ish!"

James nodded to himself and began planning how he was going to explain the date to Karpov. In her room, Natalia was pacing hurriedly, wondering how she was going to explain the date to Madame B.

Simultaneously, they decided they would continue using their it's-part-of-my-cover excuse.

Once that was decided, Natalia got ready for the day and sped out of the apartment, throwing a rushed "Bye, James!" as she sprinted through.

He couldn't help the amused smile that crossed his lips as he heard the door swing shut.

///////////////

Around four in the afternoon, Natalia found herself crossing the courtyard with Peggy. Peggy pounded on the Jarvises front door. "Ana! Ana, open up!"

"What?!" Ana yelled, almost pulling the door off its hinges.

Peggy pushed Natalia in. "Tallie needs to use your facilities. Howard said he would stay in so she can go out."

"Oh! Okay, well, you remember where everything is, right?"

"Yep."

"Well, go on!" Peggy cried, shooing Natalia further into the house.

"Where's Aunt Tal going?"

The two women turned to the front door. "On a date," they said.

"Aunt Tal has a boyfriend?" Anthony asked, eyebrows lifting.

"She's about to have one," Peggy said, grinning.

"And twenty dollars," Ana huffed.

"Twenty dollars? For what?"

"We bet Tallie when we went to the bar last night," Ana said, "said we'd give her twenty dollars if she went on a date with this guy."

"Just some random guy you saw in the bar? Isn't that . . . dangerous?"

Peggy laughed. "For Tallie? Nothing is ever dangerous! She could kill a man without even touching him."

Anthony frowned. "If you say so."

"Ana!" Natalia shrieked.

"What?!"

"I broke the straightener! Oh, wait, nevermind. I never plugged it in."

Peggy glanced at Ana. Ana raised her eyebrows. Peggy nodded. "I'll go keep her alive," Ana said, jogging towards her bedroom.

"Aunt Tal's really going on a date?"

Peggy nodded to Anthony. "Yes. Why?"

Anthony shrugged. "She doesn't seem like the type to want to date."

"Between you and me, dear, I think she's in this for the money."

Anthony grinned. "Can we stalk her? On her date? It's only right that we should make sure she has a good time."

"Who's we?" Peggy scoffed. "I've got work and Ana's going out with Mr Jarvis tonight. You've got an assignment due next week, mister."

Anthony walked further inside. "I'm calling Rhodes. Can I use your phone, Aunt Ana?"

"You are not stalking Tallie on her date, Anthony Edward Stark!" Peggy cried as Ana called an affirmative from her room.

Anthony laughed, despite Peggy pulling out the full-name card on him. He disappeared into the dining room, where Ana kept her telephone, and dialled the number to his best friend's house.

"Rhodes," he said when the call picked up, "any chance you're free tonight? We're going to stalk my aunt on her first date."

///////////////

Natalia thanked Jarvis for giving her a ride and waved him off before turning and heading into the restaurant. Smoothing down the polka dot dress she'd found stashed in the back of her closet, Natalia took a deep breath and walked in.

This was just so she and James could make an easy ten dollars each off sweet old ladies, right? She'd done worse for less before! So what about James made this so terrifying?

After a minute or less of searching, she found him sitting at a table and making faces at a plate of chips.

"Did they say something nasty to you?"

"They're disgusting," James said flatly. He looked up. "Red's your colour," he added, nodding in approval.

"Thanks. Can I taste your disgusting chips?"

James pushed the plate towards her. "You can have my disgusting chips. I'm going to order the extra cheesy pizza. You want to share that or get something of your own?"

"You know I'm broke, right? That's the whole reason we're doing this. Ten bucks each."

"Right. Sharing it is."

Natalia shook her head. "We should've just gone home for dinner and told them we went dancing."

"I'm pretty sure that doesn't happen on the first date," James muttered.

"James!"

He wasn't even fazed by the yell. "How are you eating that?"

"I'm hungry, James."

"Okay, that's fair. So, since we're out on a date, why don't you tell me something about you? What's your favourite colour?"

"I don't have one," Natalia admitted, realising it for the first time. "You?"

James shook his head, having realised the same as soon as he asked the question.

Both found themselves caught up in the fact that their past left no room for enjoyment, no room for personal things. They were weapons, and they were always reminded of it.

///////////////

"So, are you really Russian or is your family Russian?"

Natalia pursed her lips as she formulated her response. "I'm Russian. Kind of. I mean, I've got citizenship, so I am American, but I didn't get here til I was around sixteen or seventeen."

James frowned. "Why'd you leave? Did you come with your family?"

Natalia shrugged, rubbing her arms. "They disappeared when I was six. I don't know if they died or. . ."

"I'm sorry, Natalia," James said softly. He knew he had no experience in comforting other people, but this felt so natural to him that he couldn't do anything but stop walking and wrap his arms around her, tucking her head under his chin.

"What about you?" Natalia blurted, surprised by the hug.

"Gone," James murmured, "I know they loved me, but I can't remember it. It's like -- it's like I don't miss them, even though I know I should."

"Life sucks sometimes, huh?"

James glanced down at her red locks. "Not always," he whispered, leaning his head against hers and closing his eyes.

As Natalia smiled and tightened her arms around James, she pushed away all thoughts of the Red Room and all its problems.

Both were fairly certain their handlers would have some words to say about the matter, but in that moment, neither cared.

"TONY!"

Natalia looked out into the street at the shout that came from the other side. She noticed the boy who was yelling into the street. He looked slightly familiar. Her gaze moved into the street.

"ANTHONY!"

Breaking away from James, Natalia ran into traffic without hesitation. She grabbed Anthony's wrist and pulled him into the last lane seconds before both got knocked by a car.

Yelling in mixed languages, Natalia gave Anthony a hard shove, trusting James to grab him, before turning to pick up Anthony's brick-like cell phone and her purse.

James stared at the teenager he held. Anthony was clearly drunk, more than most. He looked up and into the street at the sound of loud honking.

"Nat--!"

The sound of the collision nearly stopped his heart. It startled Anthony, enough to sober him up enough that he could stand up again. Rhodes pushed through the quickly forming crowd to get to Anthony while James shoved people aside and knelt down beside Natalia.

Someone called an ambulance.

"Nat-- Natalia? Can you hear me? Natalia?"

She groaned and rolled her head away from the headlights of the car behind the one that had hit her. James felt as if a building had been lifted off him. She was, for the most part, okay. He didn't dare pick her up or move her, just in case she'd broken something, so he sat there and held on to the hand that closed around his.

By the time the ambulance arrived, Anthony had sobered enough to comprehend what was going on.

"I'm coming with! She's my aunt!"

The paramedic looked at James, who had already claimed to be Natalia's boyfriend. James glanced at Anthony. He nodded to the paramedic.

"I'll meet you there," Rhodes said, "call me and let me know, okay?"

Anthony nodded and accepted James's hand into the back of the ambulance. Neither said a word to each other, not until they were left in the waiting room.

"It's my fault. If I hadn't been out there in the street, she wouldn't have been there to get me."

James wasn't sure what the right response was. His own head was still reeling from his own reaction to Natalia getting hit. So he chose a logical path. "Shouldn't you call you parents?"

Anthony scoffed. "Like it'll matter. But yeah, I should call home."

"Got a phone?" James asked, holding out a few coins and gesturing to the payphone in the lobby. Now why was he being kind to the kid?

"No, it's fine. I've got mine. She managed to pick it off the street." Anthony waved James away and stood up. He paced the waiting room as he held his phone to his ear.

"Aunt Peg? It's Anthony. Uh, Aunt Tal got into an accident. She-- okay. Oh, listen! Don't bring my father."

Anthony lowered his arm and stared at the wall. He dropped his head and sighed.

"It's not your fault, you know," James said.

"It feels like it is."

"I know."

Anthony shuffled over and sat down next to James. When a frazzled Peggy stumbled into the waiting room, Jarvis, Ana and Maria hot on her heels, Anthony was asleep with his head in James's lap, while James slept sitting in the chair.

///////////////

It was agony. The pain spread from somewhere on her right. She wasn't sure exactly where.

"Romanova!" Madame B yelled, "hold still!"

Natalia could not keep completely still. She writhed on the rickety bed as a doctor and several nurses worked to remove the bullet without further injuries.

"The scientist," she rasped, "is he alive?"

"No, Natalia."

Natalia shied away from the hand on her head. Madame B never used her students' first names. Madame B was not a mother. Madame B did not mean anything good when she offered comfort or spoke in a motherly tone. Given that she was held down by the nurses and still had a gaping bullet wound in her side, Natalia could not run from whatever punishment she was bound to receive.

Madame B placed her hand on Natalia's head again. Natalia squeezed her eyes shut, awaiting the worst. When Madame B made no movement aside from the small circles she made on Natalia's forehead with her thumb, the recent graduate stilled. Her attention off her wound, the doctor found it much easier to begin stitches.

"We didn't know he was active," Madame B said softly. "We thought it would be a simple extraction. You performed brilliantly, Natalia."

"Who was he?" Natalia forced herself to say, keeping her eyes shut.

"They call him the Winter Soldier. He is Hydra. He is . . . he is the best. A ghost story, Natalia. He has a hundred percent accuracy and is successful in one hundred percent of his missions." Madam B paused. Her thumb halted briefly before continuing the small circles. "Until tonight."

"What. . ." Natalia stammered for a moment, unsure what her question was. She opened her eyes and watched Madame B.

"What does this mean?"

Natalia nodded.

"Well, Natalia, it means you've passed."

A frown scrunched up Natalia's face. "I've already graduated."

"No. You've completed your training. Graduated our programme. This means you've passed any test we could set for you."

"But . . . the scientist, he--"

"Your task was to obtain his research and thereafter dispose of him. You have delivered and come within an inch of your life in doing so. Natalia, you must understand the feat you have accomplished. No target has ever escaped the Winter Soldier. Ever. He was bred to perfection. The Red Room has lost a good number of incredible agents against him. Never have we sent a graduate against him. Never has one of ours come back from going up against him. You are the first person in history to survive the Winter Soldier. You are perfect."

Natalia lay still, distantly aware of the needle piercing her skin. Her mind buzzed with the words she heard. Still dazed by the blood loss, Natalia could not properly comprehend everything.

"You will be our face, Natalia. You will be the Black Widow."

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theawkwardterrier · 5 years

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things left behind and the things that are ahead, ch. 14

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He’s always taken by surprise when the memories come for him. It will be something small, usually: an article he goes to set aside because Bruce would be interested, or - even after all this time - a reach for his phone to check the weather before realizing the reflex won’t make sense for several more decades. The first Thanksgiving he spends with Peggy, he’s muddled through enough to have the turkey in the oven and the potatoes boiling on the stove and suddenly he remembers being on the run, holed up in an apartment in Sofia with Sam recounting stories of family holidays past as he taught Steve and Natasha to make “the best damn cornbread you’ll ever eat.” (Steve remembers the recipe and serves it at dinner, but can’t bring himself to taste it.)

There’s the time that Rose, independent minded as always, starts calling her new brother Natty, then Nat (over and over - “Nat, Nat, Nat”), until Steve, who does not yell at his children, finds himself barking at her to quit it before leaving the room. He apologizes to them all later, a mulish, wary-eyed Rosie in particular, but none of them ever uses the nickname again.

Once, he is waiting in line at the post office and recalls with a sudden and biting shudder that something of him is out there, frozen and insensate in the solitary ice while Steve lives this life. And then he realizes that Thor is somewhere now too, still young and princely, a warrior, already having lived a thousand years or more. Someone Steve could talk to, someone who would not know him, someone who can’t be reached. (The postal clerk offers condolences as he mails his package.)

The day Tony is born is particularly bad.

Steve knew that Maria was pregnant, knew it was going to happen soon. The date on the calendar triggered something familiar in the back of his mind when he went to write in the sleepover party Emma has scheduled for that evening. But he is still surprised when he gets the call.

It comes in the early hours. Peggy grumbles when the phone shrills into the dim morning quiet of their bedroom - she’d been on a late-night call and only got to sleep around 2 AM - so Steve rolls out of bed and over to the dresser to answer it.

“Steve!” It’s Howard, sounding entirely too awake. “Steve, he’s here!”

Steve massages his eyes for a moment, wondering if he has to rouse Peggy after all. Some diplomat, some dangerous figure he doesn’t know about…? But Howard is continuing, “—told me take her over to Mt. Sinai. Luckily I had Jarvis drive us because that woman really had her claws in my arm - hard to steer with that kind of grip on you. Figured the kid was ready to fall out of her, the way she was acting, but we were there all night.You know they let husbands come in for the main event these days? Crazy times. Thought Ana would be better at that sort of thing, though. Calming presence and all. She came out about an hour ago, brought me in to see him before they took him away. Ten fingers, ten toes and all, did great on that baby score test, and we’ve named him too! Anthony, for Maria’s father, but we’ll call him—”

“Tony,” Steve says softly, but it is lost under Howard’s joyful echo.

He had thought that it would be Jarvis calling, pride and delight masked beneath British propriety. He imagined it like being informed about a royal birth: “It has just been announced that Mrs. Maria Stark was safely delivered of a boy at 3:43 A.M. and that she and the child are both doing well.” He could have stood for that, offered suitable congratulations on behalf of himself and the rest of the family, and hung up. But now it is Howard, bursting with unexpected eagerness about his son over the telephone line, and the appropriate amount of corresponding happiness seems more than Steve has to give.

There’s a sick twist in his gut as he thinks of the disdain and hurt in Tony’s voice whenever he spoke about Howard, and it only gets worse when his mind recalls the vivid details of Tony slumped in his armor that final time - the smoke of it all, the everywhere wreckage. He remembers, too strongly for a memory so far past and so far future, the beautiful sun and silence of everyone at the funeral for this child who’s just been born.

He doesn’t even notice Peggy there until she has eased the phone from his ear. “I hear you’ve some good news for us, Howard,” she says, her tone cheerfully dry in a way Steve can’t manage just now. He leans against the bureau and places his thumb on the inside of her wrist, even though he knows that it means the pulse he’s feeling is most likely his own.

Once she’s had her turn to be exuberantly hollered at, the story told lovingly all over again with little additions (Jarvis’s hurried trip back to the house to find the pre-purchased cigars, the little tip Howard had dropped for the nurses to make sure they didn’t go running to the papers), she asks when they should plan to come up and see the baby.

“Come up next weekend, if you can manage it,” says Howard. “Bring the kids! Well, maybe don’t bring them, but park them with Dr. and Mr. Barnes and bring yourselves over.”

“And you’ve confirmed with Maria that she won’t mind?” Peggy asks. “It’s all likely a bit overwhelming between the birth and caring for a newborn, without adding the stress of entertaining.”

“I bet the Jarvises will be over the moon to see you,” Howard says, either not having heard or choosing to ignore her.

“I see I’ll be checking directly with your better half when she’s had an opportunity for some well-deserved rest,” Peggy says with a slight sigh, and then her voice softens. “And, truly, congratulations again, Howard.” She looks up at Steve’s still and somber face. “From all of us.”

Peggy covers it well, but she always needs a moment to settle in around babies when they’re this young. Steve doesn’t technically have much more practice than she does: he’d held Bucky’s kids at this age - mostly Libby; Davy wasn’t born until they’d moved back to DC - but even Emma was a toddler by the time she came into their lives, which means that he doesn’t have much day to day experience. Still, he knows without being asked that Peggy needs him to step up, so when Maria offers to let them hold the baby, he puts out his arms.

Tony is light and sleepy against him, with only a vague suggestion of dark hair. His mouth works at the air a little, dreamily, crusty suggestions of milk at the corners. Maria fed him just before they came. Steve rocks him a bit.

“He’s a sweet, sweet boy,” says Maria, fond and proud and fierce, even though Steve doubts the baby’s done anything to prove that, even though Maria looks tired through her natural elegance. There’s a bit of spit-up on the shoulder of the long, pale blue silk robe she’d greeted them in.

“You seem like you’re doing a great job,” Steve offers.

Maria, easing herself back to recline on the sofa, laughs. “Only because it’s four against one,” she says. “If I was doing this alone, I’d be crying along with him.”

Peggy stands from her settee and holds out graceful hands to take her turn. Steve passes the baby over gently, careful of his head. Tony makes a cranky little cry despite the precautions, but returns to sleep as Peggy begins to rock him rhythmically.

“He’s absolutely darling,” she tells Maria. “Or at least doing a very good impression at the moment.”

Maria says, “I’m glad you think so,” and Steve can see the sweet canniness to her smile that had once convinced him that she could handle Howard. “Because I—We—Howard and I have a request for the two of you.”

“What?” he asks warily, but just then the door opens, and Howard enters the sitting room. Peggy turns her back, holding the baby away from the sudden draft and the cloud of pollen Howard brings in with him clinging to his suit jacket.

“You didn’t start without me, did you?” he asks his wife, striding over to her.

She takes his hand and replies, “You’re only lucky that I didn’t - you promised to be home before they even arrived and I’ve been throwing the child at them as a distraction to cover for you.”

Howard bends to kiss her cheek. “You’re a very good woman,” he tells her, then goes to shake Steve’s hand and wrestle Peggy for a turn to hold the baby.

This turns out to be a poor idea: Tony makes his opinion of all of their antics very well known, and finally Maria takes the baby back herself and calls Ana to put him in the nursery.

“She means our room,” Howard says. “Spent months choosing the paint and just the right books, tracked down all the baby equipment in the world, but she can’t stand to have him on his own.”

“Volunteering to carry him back and forth a dozen times a night, then?” Peggy asks innocently. “How very helpful of you, Howard.” Maria and Steve snicker as Howard busies himself pouring coffee from the tray Jarvis had left on the side table for their refreshment. (No one bothers to tell him that it was put out when Steve and Peggy arrived and is now room-temperature at best.)

“Well,” says Maria, shifting over to let her husband sit beside her. “As I was saying before the interruption, we have something to ask you.”

“We’d like you to be Tony’s godparents,” Howard says, serious for once, although he ruins it immediately by pulling a horrible face after taking a sip of lukewarm coffee. He puts his cup on the table and tries to recover. “Be his guardians if there’s ever a need.”

Peggy glances over at Steve, who has settled himself to her right. She’d speculated that this was why the Starks had been so eager for them to visit in person, but Steve had insisted that they were simply new parents looking to show off their offspring and that there were surely other people who would be better suited to such a role.

There’s a reason he usually doesn’t argue with Peggy’s hunches.

“I’m honored. Truly,” says Peggy, striving to make clear the sincerity in her voice rather than the fact that she’s stalling. “I’m sure that we both are.”

“Of course we are. And I’m grateful that you would want to trust us with something like this.” Steve leans forward. “But are you sure we’re the right choice? We don’t live close, and things can get a little busy around our place. Maybe someone more local, someone who can offer him more time than we can really promise - plus, if you’re serious about the godparents business, someone who’s actually religious - maybe that would be better. Jarvis and Ana would probably be—”

“Too worn out for that sort of thing.” Maria reaches forward and covers his clasped hands with hers. “This is exactly why we wanted it to be you. You held him for two minutes and you’re already thinking of what’s best for him.”

“Bucky,” Steve tries, one last time. “Buck and Layla—”

But Howard interrupts now, bringing a triumphant hand down on the table. “Didn’t I tell you that he’d be modest about it?” he says to Maria, then turns to Steve and says, “It’s you, pal. The two of you - the smartest, most capable woman I know, who’s already proven she can handle a Stark, and the best thing I ever—The best father in the world - there’s no one better.”

“So?” asks Maria with quiet hope, and it is clear that at least some part of her has registered Steve’s hesitation in a way that Howard hasn’t. She lets go of Steve’s hands and sits back against the couch again, although her expression is still kind. “Will you do it?”

Steve knows without even looking at Peggy that it is his choice and she will have his back either way. He thinks of Tony as he knew him, lost and brilliant and bold, friend and adversary. He thinks of tiny, fragile Tony as he held him just now, unformed and entire. He thinks about Tony’s daughter who Steve never got to hold at that age, who never got to place a grandchild in her father’s arms.

Maybe this time around.

They excuse themselves soon after, Maria clearly worn out and hanging on by the barest threads of her hostess smile. Peggy goes to speak with the Jarvises about joining them in seeing Angie’s new show tonight (“Come now, Mr. Jarvis, there’s no Benny Goodman these days to stop you from enjoying an evening out”) while Howard walks Steve down to the foyer.

“Any chance—” Howard starts, and even though his tone isn’t wheedling or sly the way it usually is, Steve knows what he is going to ask. “Any chance you’ll give me a hint about the future of it all?”

“Howard, you know that I—”

“Sure, sure, I’ve heard it all before. But just this once, tell me if things turn out. For him.”

It’s a selfish bit of manipulation, but a parental one too: “How will my child grow up? How can I protect them from the harm that is in store?” Did such thoughts ever come to the other Howard, the one who was caught up in weapons and cold war and past victories, who seemed to have been gone even when there, cruel and disappointed in a way that led only to more disappointment? Had he showed this sort of wonder and worry in the beginning only to let it fade?

“I can’t tell you things like that,” he says, driving unyieldingly forward over Howard’s protest. “But as a father, I’ll tell you this: you need to take time with him.”

Howard laughs. “Steve, I’m sure I’ll have a few minutes to catch a ball once he actually starts being able to control his own hands.”

Steve shakes his head. “Not just that.” He doesn’t know where the idea comes from or if it will fix anything, but he says it anyway. “You should take a day off every week. One day, to give the rest of them a break and so you can spend time getting to know him.”

“I don’t think there’s much to know about him yet.” Howard laughs again, but there’s an edge to it now, the laugh of a man who isn’t accustomed to interventions into his business. Steve questions if there would be a laugh at all if it wasn’t him, or perhaps Peggy, saying it.

“If you don’t start now,” Steve predicts, “you never will. And, sure, at the beginning you’d be missing sleeping and diapers and crying - things I never got with my kids - but soon it’ll be first steps and first words and first day of college. The time goes fast, Howard, faster than you can believe. You asked for advice, and there’s mine: spend a day out of the office and taking care of your son.”

“Not exactly a convenient time,” Howard says brusquely. “You were the one who said I should throw those AGU characters a bone and give the keynote, and then the whole thing went off between the ones who are saying the planet’s going to explode if we don’t do something and the ones who say the planet’s going to explode even if we do something. Most of them say it’s getting too hot, but then there are the ones who say the problem is cold. And of course there are the ones who say it’s not a problem at all. I’m starting a whole new division to try to straighten things out, so I’m not sure that all those expert scientists I just hired are going to take too kindly to my kicking my feet up for a whole day.”

“You’re in charge. And you did just say that they’re the experts,” Steve reminds him, then tries a different tack. “And who knows? Your boy could be the next expert if you’re around to help him.”

That seems to strike something in Howard. “As if he’d ever be an egghead like that.” He looks irately Steve and adds, “And didn’t I tell you he’s already a genius? Aced everything the doctors threw at him. That’s genetics, pal.”

“So,” Peggy asks as they begin making their way back to Bucky’s. Jarvis had offered to drive them, but they’d declined. “Attempting to engineer fatherhood now, are we?”

“He didn’t do a very good job the first time around,” Steve says.

She looks at him, gentle but shrewd. “And do you expect he’ll actually make the time as you suggested? I believe Howard loves Maria, but since they were married he spends as much time in the office as ever. Perhaps more, now that he doesn’t need to excuse himself to charm the next starlet in the pack.”

Steve shrugs. “I don’t know if he’ll listen, or if it will change things, or if it might make it all worse. But I know I had to try something.”

With a fond sigh but no surprise, she says, “Of course you did.” They continue walking even as are separated for a moment by a tour group taking up the sidewalk, Peggy moving in toward the wall and Steve stepping off the curb into the street. When they rejoin each other, she twines her fingers with his. “I’m sure you feel a particular responsibility too, now that we’ve been named godparents.”

Steve sighs himself. “Well, we’ll see how that goes.”

“What do you mean?” She looks up at him. “They sounded quite firm in their intentions, if you’ll recall.”

“I know that,” Steve replies. “But you might end up changing your mind and sabotaging the whole deal.”

She pulls away. “Steve Rogers, I would do no such thing!” He laughs; sometimes he likes to be reminded that beneath the spy and the director and the mother, there’s the boarding school girl who kept secrets on her word of honor and considered welching a criminal offense.

“You just wait,” he says. “I have the feeling that no matter what I try, some things can’t be avoided - and Tony Stark’s personality might be one of them.”

“That’s no reason to malign me,” she says, settling back against him though clearly still touchy. “I do have some fortitude. I did help bring up Rose, after all.”

They pause at a cross street to wait for the stoplight. Steve glances up at the clearing sky, a brilliant May blue emerging. “You’re right. And so did I. Maybe I’ll actually have the upper hand this time around.”

Peggy tells him airily, “Well, I perhaps wouldn’t go that far. When have you ever with the children?” and laughs when he glares down at her.

The light changes and, clasped hands still together, they step off the curb and cross onward.

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#Steggy fic #Steggy #Steve Rogers #Peggy Carter #things left behind fic

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