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faithfromanewperspective · 8 months

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When I look back, I’ve always had this part of me longing for something, a kind of connection I didn’t understand the concept of. There would be something in my head that’d draw me to Wattpad stories, to Tumblr screenshots I found on Pinterest in the mid 2010s. I’d try spend my time doing other things that I found enjoyable, back in the days we still thought screens were evil (or maybe it was the yet uneducated environmentalist in me talking). But a quote always stuck to me that the things you do while procrastinating are often the things you really want to do and should be doing. I didn’t know what it was, but I was collecting perspectives.

I’m good with people, I really am, I have a lot of friends, and I have insecurities and then-undiagnosed neurodivergence but I didn’t think that ever really got in the way of me connecting and anyone who saw me would agree to that. I didn’t know it but I was longing for some kind of deeper connection, a warmth I only ever felt with one real-life person who I fell in love with as a teenager and I thought what I felt was only related to romance. I forgot the little bits of that feeling I felt with my primary school friends before I moved interstate, forgot how magical that was. Forgot how every subsequent connection, even this one, was stained with the hurt of that loss and an avoidance of being vulnerable.

Avoiding the parts of me I see in the characters I love so dearly. I see in people who love them as much, if not more than I do, I see when I finally sit still enough to realise I’m suffering, I’m hurting, and I really don’t know if it’ll ever stop. Maybe it’s like grief, we grow around it, but it stays the same size. I do know what I look like on the surface, to many for whom it’s all they ever bother to see, they don’t know how to see anything else or as my first love once said ‘that’s what they choose to see’. Because it’s been hard for years. Decades. It’s getting harder every year. I can function through anything (it’s one of my greatest skills and biggest misunderstandings with the world), until I can’t.

But I see it in other people, and I relate to the perspectives I collect in some way or another. When we connect on this level, I’ll always relate to you. When we connect over a character who goes through similar, even if not the exact same things, that we do. The way I related to my Wattpad characters and this real life person (but could never acknowledge in real life) I relate to you. And that warmth is magical. Tumblr is a place of escape, but it’s the kind of escape that is safety to be who I really am, a kind of escape I want to bring into my real life with the safety and confidence and deep connection it facilitates. And when I do, it doesn’t feel real.

But it is. That warmth of connection, it’s everywhere. The ‘I want to give you a hug because I just feel that Vibe coming off of you’ and it’s not interspersed with months of silence or diluted by the monotony of day to day life and 'who will run the dishwasher?' The awe at the fact that what this person has survived is incredible. And I’m not part of a world that sweeps this stuff under the rug. We bring it into the light in trust and we cherish it. set our souls on fire from the inside and use that connection to help us face all the battles that are life. Collecting perspectives, it leads to collecting connection. And honestly, that’s how I live.

#personal mental health tag #a love letter to my mutuals #neurodivergent solidarity #neurodivergent liberation #because that's what this is. part of my #neurodivergence

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secretly-of-course · 1 year

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sorry to keep complaining on main but I need to vent about this

I’m just. So Upset. about this whole leak situation.

I’ve tried blocking tags. I’ve tried blocking people. I haven’t opened pinterest or youtube in two days. And it’s still not enough. I still have seen spoilers. Maybe not as many as I would have had I not taken those precautions, but still enough.

And I feel like I’m (and as I’m sure everyone else is) at such a crossroads because like. Now I have to make the decision of watching the leaked episode and not say a word about it or not watching it and risk getting even more spoiled? It’s only been two days how are any of us supposed to last two weeks? Am I just supposed to not go online for two entire weeks? What am I? A cavewoman? As much respect as I have for people who are capable of that I’m too weak-willed for that.

I saw a screenshot of a moment I know would have squealed at in delight had I seen it live, and instead it just made me way to throw up. One thing about me is I hate knowing other people are watching and enjoying something while I am missing out. You know, when Hollow Mind aired I had to work that day, so I set my alarm for 5:30 AM just so I could watch it and react to it before going to work and I was freaking happy to do so.

On the flip-side, when DOAFP season 2 aired I only got through an episode and a half before our internet completely shit the bed. I was so upset that I cried. It took 2 days to fix and when I finally got to see the episodes and got back online to talk about it, it felt like the hype on tumblr had completely died down already and I had missed it. That was 2 days, how is 2 weeks going to effect this fandom?

I was so excited to see this episode, and now my excitement has been completely ruined. I was literally talking to my therapist on Tuesday how I feel I have been so much better mentally recently than I was a year ago, largely in part due to having toh to focus on and the new episode to look forward to. And I know, I know. I knew from the beginning that staking so much of my mental health on one show was a bad idea but frick I couldn’t help it. I haven’t cried yet but man I’m getting close. I already laid face down on the floor a while. Is this a healthy reaction? No. But what else am I supposed to do. I’m trying so hard to remain optimistic, to tell myself that I don’t know the whole story and there will still be surprises, but the truth of the matter is I’m not excited for this episode now and that’s fucking sad.

We should be making theories right now. We should be writing fics and drawing art. We should be rewatching the previous episodes in preparation. And instead we’re fucking dodging leaks left and right.

I wanted so badly to finish my Gus x Matty reunion comic before ftf aired and that’s just been ruined for me. I was even hoping I might have time to do a Hunter x Willow comic too and it just feels pointless now. I am trying so hard to focus on drawing my comic and writing my Steve x Katya fic and I’m just struggling to focus on any of it because I’m too upset. And it sucks because I know if I’m not careful I could easily slip into a creative block again like I was exactly a year ago before toh altered my brain chemistry. I don’t want to go back to being depressed and uninspired like that again.

I don’t know what to do really. I know everyone in the fandom is going through the same thing, I just had to get my thoughts out, even though they are very self-centered. I just don’t know.

#about the leaks #personal

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misqnon · 1 month

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u gotta try harder /j

I WASNT ON TUMBLR MUCH TIL LIKE.. A YEAR AGO... SO I HAD NO IDEA .... that is extremely funny. thank u

theyre in a 3 way qpr with luffy as the center

THAT ZORO IMAGE IS SO FUNYN AHFHSJD

"i like to imagine he speaks with the emojis like you typed them. (“how are you saying that out loud-”)" NAHDIAHE hes magic thats how

i have a big crush on ace too but TRACE HEATFIST.... something abt him.... idk he just hits the spot for me. i love big brother characters n characters that r good with kids.. ace fills that spot.. and then u add his silly smoothness in the 4kids dub and its like wow. u are Perfect.

STEAL THEM!! i have . a pinterest board of . meme image. silly meme image. (is pinterest something ppl still use... i only started using it a few years ago)

NO A CUP MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE... I think u were rightm.

THATS SO FUNNY... see i never thought dragons were real but i DID believe . that unicorns were real for quite a while (i never liked to admit it). honestly i didnt consume much dragon content but i did like to just. think abt them . i had this mobile game i liked playing that was just a choose ur own adventure type story . but ur a dragon. never played spyro (and didnt even know about it til i was like... 12) but it seems rly fun and i would love to play the remaster,, purple dragon ily. i cant believe ur the kind of kid who could beat games... i was so stupid as a kid i didnt even know how to play animal crossing city folk correctly .... YOU ALSO??? FLIGHT RISING???? i joined in uhh 2019? i think? i found out abt it in like 2016 but forgot and then tried to join in 2018 but it wasnt accepting new users.. and then yeah. 2019. so ive been on and off a lot but i LOVE flight rising. i love my dragons. even tho theyre mostly un-gened 1st generation dragons..

sanji is . arguably the most human of all the straw hats.. which is interesting bc he is also the only one who was supposed to be inhuman. ofc i think theyre all very human but sanji has the most moments where i can relate to him. the sanuso fic i was reading yesterday... he was so full of shame... and they wrote him hiding behind his hair.. and i felt so intensely SEEN by that. like oh my god he is ME i do all these things.. i find that my comfort characters are usually... ones who suffer a lot. i love suffering. in media.

SHREK SCREENSHOT..

"I WANT TO PUT THE SANJI FEEDING MICE AND THE CREW IS CONFUSED SCENE IN A FIC SO BAD BUT I HAVE WRITERS BLOCK ATM 😭" i will write it for u

"sanji vs. minnie mouse his hardest battle yet" oh my god........ ur mind...... wow...... genius...... crackship time (have u seen . oh wait ur not into jjk.. ok have u seen frollo x goofy... its insane...)

BEING MAD ABOUT SIMPING FOR SANJI IS SO REAL.. please dont be attractive please stop please... please . IVE SEEN THAT OUTFIT and every time i get ANGRY (not for real but y'know.) because he looks SO GOOD and i dont like to admit that.. i hate to admit that. UR RIGHT that outfit is extremely gay like wtf is going on with that tie???? or whatever it is? around his neck??? this is like gay men wearing scarves

"have u seen that post where its drawings of each of the strawhat “rescue teams” of arlong park, enies lobby, and whole cake?" I SAW THAT A FEW HOURS AGO AHDHSH

"law 1: edgy. flipping u off. deranged. a bit evil looking. kinda hot" i see u...

i love law so much he is so antagonizing and then . the contrast.. when he is stupid or cute. its wonderful.

"HE ALSO LOOKS SO SO PATHETIC 😭 SOPPING WET CAT OF A MAN" i LOVE how pathetic he looks. i like pathetic people so much.. like why are u like that.. making me pity u.. only in media tho never in real life 🙏🙏

ZORO LOOKS LIKE A DOG AHEJDHA WHAT IS THAT

USOPP?? USOPP?????? HES THE MEME IMAGE ...

CHOOPA MY GUY.. he looks so silly as a full deer i wish he did that more often

this is blue period but im running out of funny images i have saved ...

dw abt taking a bit to reply!! i am patient /gen

IM TRYING MY BEST

sharing my veteran knowledge

3 WAY QPR IS PERFECT

trace heatfist the magic man. skeazy magician and fuckboy

ace is VERY likeable idk a single person who doesnt like him. even my non one piece friend likes him but i think shes weak to his freckles

i trade memes like pokemon cards. i look forward to this symbiotic relationship

arent unicorns the national animal of scotland…(or ireland maybe…) THAT WOULD MAKE ME THINK THEYRE REAL

I COULD ONLY BEAT SOME GAMES a lot i didnt but usually bc i got out of the rhythm of playing them and left them unfinished. when i was younger i made my older brother play the hard parts for me a lot LMAO. ALSO DO YOU WANT MY FLIGHT RISING DRAGONS. IDK WHAT TO DO WITH THEM ALL MAN I DONT PLAY ANYMORE

i love that sanji is arguably the most emotional of the group (aside from franky or chopper, but for them its just played for laughs) and that overemotional/low self esteem part is exactly what makes him so relatable. i actually really appreciate that oda gave that trait to a male character. sanji cries a lot and is overemotional and kind of hysteric sometimes jdvbvfjdk so im glad they didnt make it like nami or robin who was like that stereotype. GOD I REALLY CONVERTED U TO SANJI TOWN DIDNT I. SORRY WE’RE ALL HERE BECAUSE WE HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM AND PROJECT ONTO THE WEIRDO

*FROLLO X GOOFY????*

I HATE ADMITTING THAT I THINK HE’S HOT BC HE DOESNT DESERVE IT. BUT I DO. I THINK SANJI IS HOT. I DO. UNFORTUNATELY. in that maroon wano suit…ODA WHO TOLD YOU TO DO THAT!!!!!!!

and yes law too…listen. i have a big heart, ready to love, [possessed by sanji]

the little scarf/ascot is the gayest part

“"HE ALSO LOOKS SO SO PATHETIC 😭 SOPPING WET CAT OF A MAN" i LOVE how pathetic he looks. i like pathetic people so much.. like why are u like that.. making me pity u.. only in media tho never in real life 🙏🙏” exactly…PATHETIC FICTIONAL MEN GO HARD

I LOVE THE DOG ZORO SCREENSHOT HE LOOKS LIKE HES GONNA BITE SOMEBODY

AND USOPP KDSJNKJ I USE THAT ONE SO MUCH

i agree i like almost all of chopper’s other forms better than when hes a little baby 😭

IS THAT MAKIMA NSCKJAS???

also u are free to keep sending me e-letters but if you want to just message on discord that is also fine. as i said. message me whenever 🫡

lets see what we have for 2day...

#asks #replies #long post #march anon

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thatsitso · 3 years

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Oh god,,, OH MY GOD where do I even start- I'm obsessed with them OBSESSED

At first I didn't care much about this ship, like they're funny and cute and are like old married couple, of course I hope they'll be canon, but RENGA you know, but then I had a drawing idea with them and started looking at matchablossom content and???? I fell in love idk?? I really don't know why, there's barely anything on insta or Pinterest, idk if I looked at Tumblr at that point but I already lost it. Oh and it was Saturday, Saturday morning, I fell in love with this ship A FEW HOURS BEFORE EPISODE 9 SO IMAGINE- I was drawing them and thinking about them and then I saw 1 screenshot from newest episode 😶. When i tell you I've never watched any anime so quickly after it aired- I didn't even bother to wait for polish translation and watched it right away kskdniskssn AND THEN WATCHED IT SECOND TIME,,, to take screenshots 💀.

So yeah. It's 6th day that I'm thinking only about matchablossom, looking for new fanarts is my new routine, I'm literally thinking about them to sleep 😭😭 and I have so many ideas oh god,,,, And I never appreciated Tumblr so much, there's so much amazing sk8 and MatchaBlossom content ahhhhhhh 😭😭😭

Tho I wouldn't even say it's my favourite ship, I think there are better ships??? Why I got so obsessed with those 2????? It doesn't make any sense??? I guess you can't choose your obsession huh . , .

SO IF THEY WON'T FUCKING KISS-

* I'm sorry my dearest followers, you'll have to deal with this for a while *

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withcolebrock · 3 years

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I Drew That

Corpse Husband x fem!reader

Summary: Corpse finds out that Y/N has a drawing of him as her background

Warnings: swearing :)

Word Count: 1,818

Author’s Note: I’ve spent weeks trying to write this piece :/ I just couldn’t find a way to make it how I wanted it if that makes sense but I tried my best. This idea was very cute because I can totally see this happening lol. Especially with like the whole flirty voice thing Corpse has been doing with like Brentman and like James and stuff haha. I hope you guys enjoy it!!

~~~

Tonight was one of the many nights that she was playing Among Us. It had taken over her life, a flood of success followed her once she had played with Sean and Felix. She had gained over two hundred thousand subscribers on her YouTube channel. It had changed her life for the better, in many ways.

For the last three rounds, it had been strict imposter wins. Felix won two of those. Everyone was shocked when it was him the second time, Felix was getting great at the game. The group then decided to switch lobbies because Felix was throwing a fit about getting imposter too much. It was the usual group of Felix, Sean, Poki, Rae, Sykkuno, Leslie, Toast, Dave, Corpse, and Y/N.

Over the last few months everyone in the group had gotten a lot closer. Especially Corpse and Y/N. After the first time they played together, a lobby Sean had created, they had talked for hours after the first game they played. This had continued almost every time they had played Most of the time, Corpse would be editing his videos while talking with her. It calmed him as he worked. She would be working on her art or scrolling through Pinterest or Tumblr.

They had even FaceTimed several times, where Corpse revealed his face to her. He made a big deal out of it, saying a whole monologue before he turned the camera to his face. She followed in pursuit being very dramatic as well. Whenever they would talk he would play her his music, waiting to see if she liked it. She loved any song he put out, despite it not being her usual music taste.

One night she was scrolling through Tumblr and found an artist who was drawing Among Us players with their little characters. One particular character made her smile and her heart flutter slightly. It was an amazing drawing of Corpse and his little character sitting on his shoulder. It was an art style she was familiar with, she loved supporting smaller artists. It was the cutest thing she has ever seen. Weirdly, it perfectly described him. She loved it so much, she decided to keep it as her phone Wallpaper.

The round started on Mira, where Y/N was a crewmate again. Throughout the whole night, she still hasn’t gotten imposter. “Dammit,” she groaned at the screen. She stood still at the start of the map, waiting to see if anyone would fake tasks at the start. Everyone ran off, not doing them. She quickly followed.

After a long thirty seconds lights get shut off. She ignores the emergency and continues doing her tasks, she stood by the vending machine when Felix killed her. “It’s fucking Felix again!” she leaned back in her chair groaning. She covered her face with her hands. “He’s gotta stop killing me first,” she shook her head. She tried to hide how annoyed she was.

Her body was called by Poki, she was the only dead one. “Oh my god,” Poki said once the screen popped up.

“Y/N no!” Rae yelled, “You guys, she’s died first the last three rounds,”

“Wait really? Oh Jesus, sorry Y/N,” Sykkuo said, a breathy laugh leaving his lips.

“I’ll protect you next round, Y/N, I promise,” Corpse said. Y/N tried to hide her smile and the heat rushing to her cheeks.

“We’ll avenge you, Y/N!” Sean yelled. Soon after everyone grieved her death they began asking each other where they were. Everyone had a solid alibi making it impossible for them to figure out who did it.

“Guys, guys, Y/N died first the last three rounds right?” Toast started, everyone hummed, “Who was imposter these past few rounds?” he explained. Everyone gasped.

“You really think I would kill her first three rounds in a row?” Felix tried to defend himself as the voting time clock turned red.

“You’ve done it twice already!” Sean yelled, voting Felix. Felix was saved since half of the group skipped. She floated around the map trying to get her tasks done quickly so she could talk to her chat without holding back the rest of the group.

She glanced towards her chat, reading a few questions, she shifted her gaze to the game and thought about the questions. “I’ve been working on a cute little animation for you guys, I might do another art stream with you guys. Only if you guys want it, of course.” she read through a few more questions while answering them, while she waited for the meetings to end.

Once all of her tasks were done, she began to talk about her art and fanart. “Yeah, there’s an artist on Tumblr, they are amazing, they deserve so much more recognition,” she explained as she showed them her lock screen with the drawing of Corpse; without thinking about her chat being curious as to why it was him. Turning her phone back towards her, her eyes widened as realization dawned on her.

The chat began to flood in with questions, begging Y/N to tell them why she had Corpse’s drawing as her background. She chose to ignore the question and continue talking about her own art and showing fan art. Despite trying to change the subject, she sighed dramatically. “Chat, there’s no reason why Corpse’s character is my background, the artist is just good, stop talking about it,” she giggled as the victory screen popped up on her screen.

“Felix what the fuck!” she unmuted in discord. He began laughing as he began to defend his actions. “No, no it doesn’t matter if I know your liar voice, Felix-” After about five minutes of everyone talking the next round started. She was a crewmate again, “I feel like I’m bugged,” she groaned as she started running around doing her tasks. Corpse’s little black character was following her.

“Looks like I got myself a little body guard,” she smiled as she spoke. They walked passed the medbay room, as Corpse moved his character dramatically. She rolled her eyes as they both walked into the medbay room. She didn’t have medbay, but she sat waiting for Corpse to finish. They continued doing tasks together until a body was called. It was Sean’s.

“Y/N’s cleared I was with her the entire time,” Corpse said confidently into his mic. She said the same about him. Poki was acting a little weird during the call, which made Y/N a little suspicious of her.

~~~

When the lights were shut off Corpse was killed by Poki, and he groaned as his body was killed immediately. Poki called out Y/N right away, saying that she was with Corpse the whole time. Corpse glanced towards his chat, finally able to try and read everything everyone was saying. His eyes lit up as he saw her name flash the screen several times.

One person kept spamming the chat saying, Y/N’s has your Among Us character as her background, he smiled as he read it. He knew exactly what the picture was, “Oh really?” he hummed as he continued reading. Everyone was saying how nervous she got when they kept asking her about it. He pressed his lips together nervously. He decided to drop it for now, but he was curious. He looked back up to the screen and began to listen to what was happening during the meeting.

“...You really think I would spend this whole game marinating Corpse for me to kill him in front of Poki? What about that double kill that happened, there was no way I would’ve done that if I was with him.” Y/N explained, over Poki trying to defend herself.

“I think she’s got it guys,” It was down to Toast, Y/N, Sykkuno, and Poki. Everyone quickly voted for Poki. The Victory screen popped up. “I knew you had it, Y/N,” Corpse said as everyone started shouting into the discord.

After a few minutes of them discussing the round, they decided to switch over to Polius. “Hey, Y/N, can I ask you something?” Corpse asked, the group quickly went quiet.

“Sure,” she giggled.

“My chat keeps saying you have my character as your phone background, is that true?” he asked, teasingly. He smiled widely. The entire group started cheering while teasing Y/N and Corpse.

Her mouth dropped open as she tried to find a way to explain it, “Well, uh,” she cleared her throat, “I do actually, it was great art, what was I supposed to do?” she laughed.

“Oooo, someone has a little crush,” Sean teased, Felix quickly joined. The rest of the group was simply laughing along. Corpse stayed silent while the group was teasing Y/N, and Corpse for that matter.

He pulled up Y/N’s Twitter and began to scroll through her feed to find the perfect drawing. He took the drawing that Y/N did of her own Among Us character. It was a drawing of Y/N holding her little character in her hand. It was his favorite piece of art she has done. Mainly because she drew it while on FaceTime with him. He quickly changed it to his iphone background, he glanced back towards the screen, seeing if the game started. He took a screenshot of it and immediately texted it to Y/N.

“Y/N, look at our messages,” he said simply into his mic. The group slowly stopped talking as they waited for Y/N to open the message.

“Corpse, I’m scared,” she whispered, everyone started laughing.

“Just open the message,” he giggled.

She sighed dramatically while she pulled up the messages with Corpse, seeing the screenshot. Her lips fell into a pout as she saw it. “I drew that,” she mumbled into the mic.

“You did,” he whispered, as he felt heat rise in his cheeks. He loved hearing her voice. “It’s my favorite,” he continued.

“Corpse,” she whined as her eyes began to tear up. She didn’t know why, but her heart felt so full. “You didn’t have to do that,” she mumbled, readjusting herself in her chair. She shifted her gaze towards the contact name, Corpseyyy.

“Of course I did, It was beautiful art,” he muttered while he looked back towards his phone, admiring his new phone background.

“Is this..a possible.. New relationship starting?” Sean whispered dramatically into his mic.

“It sounds like it,” Rae interjected. Corpse rolled his eyes dramatically, but he didn’t oppose the idea; neither did Y/N. Rae quickly started the game, letting the tension ease between everyone. Corpse and Y/N got imposter together.

“Oh my god finally,” Y/N said into the mic as she started faking tasks, “Chat, please stop saying I’m blushing, you aren’t helping,” she giggled as she continued the game. She raised her hand to her cheek, feeling the warmth.

#corpse husband #corpse #corpse husband imagines #corpse husband x reader #corpse husband fanfic #corpse imagines #corpse x reader #corpse fanfic #e girls are ruining my life #cat girls are ruining my life #miss you!#agoraphobia

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mangoofthesea · 3 years

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Took me a week but I'm here! I was tagged by @abstract-moth

1. Why did you choose your URL?

I decided to do a revamp of my blog last year after having the same blog url and set up for a few years.

I was really into this podcast called You're Wrong About at the time and they had a series on Jessica Simpson and during it they talked about some joke relating to her being made fun of for questioning why a can of tuna had the brand name Chicken of the Sea and i liked the sound of 'of the sea' as the name of something and subed in 'mango' because I really like mangoes and I thought the name as a whole had a cool vibe to it (made these choices all in about 10 minutes the same day I was setting up my new laptop)

2. Any side blogs?

Technically 2 but I don't pose much to them :supernatural-art and spacewordwasaimingforozai, both from different eras of interests

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

pfffft uhh I wanna say since about 2014 since I've had an account which went unused for around a year then started using it from the beginning of 2015

4. Do you have a queue tag?

sometimes I use q but I will just occasionally queue things really

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I saw loads of screenshots on fb and pinterest of tumblr posts and they made me laugh and I wanted to get in on that, as well as hearing it was good for fandom

6. Why did you choose you icon/pfp?

It was when I was doing the blog revamp and I had the picture saved in a 'to draw' file and thought it was a good vibe

7. Why did you choose your header?

same reason as above but a meme folder

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

This one that I made before falling asleep and woke up to find a lot of people could relate then its just kept going up

9. How many mutuals do you have?

At least about 20 I think, some I don't interact with or see active anymore so probably more like 15 that I see regularly

10. How many followers do you have?

694 wow nice c'mon guys get me to 700

11. How many people do you follow?

398. I honestly thought it would be more

12. Have you ever made a shit post?

Probably????

13. How often do you use tumblr?

Basically every day minus when I delete the app from my mobile for whatever reason for a couple days and only use it sporadically on my computer and am active less

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?

Had an argument briefly with someone on a post of mine a few years back about an opinion I had for a show (supernatural) and what they were doing with the plot. I think I technically won it mostly by not getting aggressive and just repeating it was an opinion I had that could maybe happen, but I found it so stressful I deleted all reblogs I had done with the discussion on lol

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog” posts?

I think its nice to do and personally I really like reblogging basically everything but get that other people don't. It's something that can be nice to do and feels very tumblr exclusive which is why I like it I think

16. Do you like tag games?

I love them! So thanks @abstract-moth it's been fun getting tagged in stuff again as it's been a couple years since that's been consistent for me

17. Do you like ask games?

Also love!

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I think maybe akaashiscupofwater as they seem present in the hq fandom quite a bit and I got super excited when they followed me

I’m tagging @wonderlandmoonrose7 , @gats-puckish-rogue , @flannel-wearing-warrior (absolutely no pressure though), and anyone else that wants to do this :)

#tag game #personal #funny

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chaoticlawfulart · 4 years

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Sketchbook 1: Page 57

This is part of a video that Lin made on some deceased social media site. I saw screencaps on a screenshot of a Tumblr post on Pinterest and decided that I HAD to draw it as a fellow Slytherin.

I am half tempted to redraw some of my old art. Though I drew this back in January/February this year, my art style has changed so much and I am so happy with my current style.

#bards art #my art #art #artists on tumblr #sketchbook #sketchbook 1 #lin manuel miranda #Lmm #2018 #2019

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modesty-blaise · 5 years

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Since I'm curious, what caused you to become very possessive of your gifs? Not out of rudeness but curious, since no matter what you do a lot of them show up in the gif function on Tumblr which automatically credits you at the bottom of the gif.

Hey. Tbh, at first I didn’t wanna bother with yet another anon but since I see no ill intent behind this, I decided to go and answer it. Unfortunately, half-way through I realised my reply is turning into incredibly long semi-bitter rant and expands well beyond calling out just one person in Psychonauts fandom (and yes, this is related to Psychonauts fandom – you do know that these anons are not really that anonymous, right?) so… buckle up! All that beneath “read more”.

I’ve been on this hellsite for like…7-8 years? Maybe more? Can’t really tell cause I moved blogs and my old blog now consists of only 4 posts I’ve made close to leaving so I honestly have no idea how much time I’ve spend here before moving. Anyway, during those few years I’ve spent on my first blog I’ve met a lot of creative gifmakers who enjoyed sharing their love for fandoms they were in. I’d like to point out that this was waaaaay before tumblr created that insert-gif option so, back in the day, the only way to add gifs to your post was to: 1. make them yourself 2. take them from someone else. And a lot of people were taking them from someone else which resulted in many gifmakers giving up on making gifs and leaving fandoms and/or even leaving tumblr – and I’ve had many of my friends give up on what they love and have their games/shows/movies/whatnot ruined for them cause people would not stop stealing from them. And many of my friends eventually left tumblr cause they couldn’t deal with it anymore.

Tumblr adding insert-gif option, in my opinion, honestly, just made it worse for gifmakers. Cause now people had the opportunity to use gifs for their posts, with or without creators’ permission/knowledge, but it was alright and it was perfectly fine cause creators were credited. There’s their name at the bottom. It’s alright. Like… it doesn’t matter if they’re actually okay with people using something they’ve put hours into making or if they’re not – tumblr gives them credit so they SHOULD be okay with it. Simple as that.

Well, we’re all different and some people are not okay with that. I’m not okay with that. It took me weeks to figure out how to use photoshop correctly. Took me countless hours of looking through different tutorials and basically trial-and-error-ing my way through the process. Whenever I make gifs, it takes me hours to record videos and then hours trying to achieve that 3mb limit on gifs (thank lord these days we’re beyond 1mb limit). After all that effort I put into creating gifs for games that I love and enjoy, someone is going to make 2 clicks and have that same gif added to their post, without even asking. So how is that okay?

Back to your question. Yes, “no matter what you do a lot of them show up in the gif function on Tumblr”, that is true and that is something I was aware of when I saw you-know-who announcing they would be starting 30 days Psychonauts challenge. So, hating to see my gifs used against my will, and not wanting to start any unnecessary drama and threaten people in advance with reporting them if they do use them, I’ve made my blog as private as I could. It was only accessible through the dashboard, it was not showing in ANY search engines inside and outside tumblr, and my gifs were impossible to find through insert-gif function – I’ve made sure. I did all that cause I just knew that during those 30 days, someone would use my gifs and I would get mad and I desperately wanted to avoid that (hence going extreme). And you know what happened? You know what creator of this challenge (who prevously already reposted my gifs) did? *drums* They used my shit anyway. :3 They just uploaded it from their computer, where they’ve saved it earlier.

And like… a lot of people see pretty pic and decide to save it - I mean, we all do that. Heck, even I have a folder full of shit I saw online and liked it – but i’m not uploading it online cause I haven’t made it. It’s not mine to share.

But some people are not like that.

Some people see fanart of something they like and they want to share their opinion on it – and instead of making their own post, maybe drawing the fanart themselves, they decide to use someone else’s art for their post. Do they know who made it? Do they have creator’s permission to share it? If the answer is NO, then they should be a decent human being and not do that to creators. Oh, they shared it anyway but now people in fandom are calling them out BUT this actually happened on accident? They know who the creator is but, somehow, they accidentally forgot to credit them? OK, well, it’s possible, shit happens, but they better make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Then sometime later these same people decide they want to make a post appreciating their fav character and they want to include pics cause duh, you can’t have character appreciation post without pics, right? Now they have several options: they can get their own screenshots, make their own gifs, maybe draw something… or they can just take someone else’s creation. Do they know who made it? Well there’s my fuckin name on it, and since they’ve stretched it from 245 to 500px, it’s really hard to miss, plus it’s not like there are that many people making Psychonauts gifs. Do they have permission to share it? Hmmm, nope, didn’t ask me. Is this also an accident? Could be. I mean, I’ve seen stranger things happen, so accidentally forgetting to credit content creators twice… kinda suspicious but still possible. Who am I to say?

Now if these people then decide to make a post appreciating their fav ship and they want to add a cute pic of the loving couple – yup, you guessed it! They can either create something or take something. Again: they know who did? They asked for permission? Got the permission? No?!?! But they posted it anyway?!?! :o Could it really be, that after being called out publicly, after being told that reposting is bad (something that’s very easy to understand), after even having tumblr staff intervene and remove stolen shit from their blog, after all that - could it really still be an accident?

Nah, man.

They just don’t give a shit.

Cause if they did, they’d stop with that crap first time they were called out.

(and if you think Psychonauts fandom is their only fandom and that they’re not doing this crap in other fandoms too - hoooo, boy, do I have some bad news for you! Do you know how many stolen and butchered HP fanart is on their blog? Hobbit stuff? They seem to be one of the most accident-prone users on tumblr. And honestly - it’s a real miracle their blog’s not been terminated.)

Back to what I was talking about - I’m not okay with people using my gifs and I’ve made it very clear. I literally do not give a shit if I’m credited or not, I’ve made it very clear that I don’t want my gifs used without my permission. If you like them and want them on your blog, there’s a fuckin reblog button. It’s sole purpose is to allow you to share other people’s creations. Or shitposts, cause lord knows we all love those.

So that’s why when someone spends hours going through my Psychonauts tag and goes as far as to send me “I love your gifs” anonymous message, but the very next day makes stim moodboard post including one of my gifs, now cut and resized to fit 3x3 format they’re going with, I get mad. And that’s why when someone uses one of my gifs to promote their RP blog, butchering it to fit their aesthetics, and later when confronted going as far as blaming their good friend on it cause god! they’ve had no idea it wasn’t theirs, I get mad. (makes you wonder though: if they friend has such skills, why not making them gifs themselves?)

Like…. I’ve had my gifs stolen plenty of times. I’ve had them stolen for roleplaying, for headers, for imagines, just for notes… I’ve had them stolen by people claiming to run official fan sites (that’s a real wild story but I won’t get into that now)… I’ve seen them on pinterest, weheartit, FB, all those random gif sites… and I’ve seen EVERY. POSSIBLE. EXCUSE. ranging from: “well i found it on google so why should i credit you” “lol dunno who made this but its pretty so im posting it” “ive had it on my computer for years so i don’t remember where i got it from” “i dont know how to make gifs so im using weheartit as a source” “credit to whoever made this” (that’s my fav) to “its just a gif so who gives a shit” (it’s not – it’s hours of creator’s time and lots of love that you’re now shitting on so thanks) and “i have an /illness/ and getting notes makes me feel better so dont u dare blame me for stealing” (I don’t remember exact excuse but it was something along those lines and like… how do you even respond to something that without looking like an asshole?).

And sometimes it really is just an accident. Sometimes people really do forget to credit you and/or ask you for permission. And I’ve had my fair share of those accidents. People in Psychonauts fandom have been using my gifs for various crap but, when approached, they’ve removed it and apologised. And it’s something I really appreciate. (if they actually bother reading this and they recognise themselves: i’m really grateful and thank you for not being an ass)

But you know what I don’t appreciate? People making a call out posts about me, asking about my gifs when they know very well they’re the main reasons why I’m not making those gifs anymore, at the same time failing to address any of the issues I have with them and instead rather explaining to others what happened BUT explaining only the parts that make me look like a villain cause how I even dare be mad about them stealing? How I even dare call them out on it? That is so ridiculous and criminal of me, and it’s so so sooooo bad that they need to call me out. I deserve to be called out by the very same person who’s been stealing my shit.

And their explanation is…well… it’s something.

They were sympathetic and polite? When did this happen? Did I completely missed that part? Please someone fuckin enlighten me with such post/message where they expressed their sympathy and politeness and I’ll apologise right this second.

I told them to “literally fuck off”? Yeah, that did happen, I admit that. Did they bother explaining why I told them to fuck off in the first place? Did they say they were caught stealing from me and had tumblr stuff remove my shit from their blog? Did they get into details of how they demanded the proof of my so very wild and obviously false claims but then when I showed it, they just deleted that “how dare u call me out cause I would never do such thing” post? No, they didn’t and geee, I really wonder why.

Instead, what did they choose to address? Out of all the things I’ve said. Hm? What did they choose? Me telling them to fuck off. Me dropping the F-bomb on them, rudely rejecting their obvious kindness and politeness. Nothing else.

Back to what I was talking about before I got derailed again: no, I’m not mad cause this person used my gifs without crediting me. I mean – I am, but that’s not my main issue with them (and they know it). My main issue is that this is someone who will continuously lie and steal and still deny any of it, even when there’s plenty of proof (and you can always count on me to show up with proof tbh), and then go as far as to publicly ask about my gifs and try to call me out. Like me getting mad that something I’ve put hours of work into, and something I’ve made cause I love the game and I want to share my love and appreciation for it, is now being shared against my will and my knowledge - like me getting mad over something like that is so unreasonable that they need to make an entire post about it while pretending they have absolutely no idea why I’m even mad and why we have issues.

And I have every fucking right to be mad. 3 times is not an accident. 2 times to the same person is not an accident. They know it. But yeah, playing stupid is their defense so it’s not like I expected them to actually address their actions this time either.

And you know what? Just because I swear a lot doesn’t mean I’m wrong. Doesn’t mean there’s no solid ground for my claims. People on tumblr have always been and always will be stealing shit. Sometimes they will credit you, often they will not, and that’s just how it is, doesn’t matter if you’re okay with it or not. But that doesn’t mean I’m just gonna sit quiet and accept someone’s shitty behaviour. Especially when it’s directed at me.

TLDR: giving credit =/= having permission

but my previous posts leading to this ask were not about that

you knew that already

#psychonauts #this is a lot longer than i expected #meh #also: all those posts are now under one tag #so you don't have to check my blog 4 times per day #that hobbit reposter #my psychonauts stuff

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aseriesofunfortunatejan · 6 years

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Motherf*cking PSA about sharing art

This will sound like a rant at first but it’s actually a PSA.

This is not about artists sharing their own art - this is about everyone else. These times around, I have been constantly getting angry because people would keep on sharing art without crediting the artist. I recently joined a Danganronpa Facebook group and people are posting drawing after drawing, extremely rarely giving credit (though a bunch of people have started putting a link, either because I raised awareness or because they’re scared of the mean Jan lady). And get this: most people who do that just don’t know that they should credit the artist. They don’t think about it, because they’re not an artist themselves and they don’t realise what it implies... So you just tell them, they’re sorry, they don’t know the artist for this one, and they’ll try to pay attention next time. That’s called being a decent person. But that’s not all there is; I have stumbled upon people who refused to give credit. Some started to insult me because I dared to “make them look bad by asking for the artist” (keep in mind that since I don’t know who I’m talking to, I’m always being very careful and polite when I do so), some actually stated that they were not sharing the artist on purpose and they would refuse to ever do it. Well let me tell you, kiddo, you’re not some “cool troll on the internet”. You’re a disrespectful piece of sh*t. Disrespectful of someone’s work that you’re also stating that you like. You’re not going to have a lot of friends in life if you take things for granted. So, assuming you’re decent enough to understand, let me explain to you, person who likes to share art that is not theirs (which can be amazing if you do it right), the concept of crediting the artist.

1- Why it is important to credit the artist There is one thing I would like you to know: when you share a piece of art or fanart, you’re not sharing a “picture”. You’re sharing a drawing and someone’s time and work.

It’s not something that just exists and you can use however you want. It’s something a particular person created with their own skills and that sometimes took hours or days. In a piece of art, the artist has put their own skill and style that give it the amazing vibe that you love, oh so much. When someone draws something it’s not just a present to the world. It’s something they made for themselves (or the person who asked/payed them to) and were nice enough to share with the community. Artists. Need. Feedback. I want it to be clear that a drawing is not just something that started existing out of nowhere. It’s directly linked to the person who made it. And the artist absolutely needs to know if people like their drawing, or their art in general. They need for their profile to be seen by everyone so that they can receive good and interesting critics. Artists are people. They are not just something that makes good things. They are people with feelings and if their art doesn’t get feedback well guess what? They’ll stop making it. You won’t get any other of their drawings. Which is a shame because tons of people were sharing their piece uncredited, saying they loved it, on places they don’t know about. Plus, when you share a piece of art with credit, it’s a way to help them out! This kind of sharing is great because more people will see the good art and want to check the artist out, thus giving them more well deserved fans. And you, yourself, by knowing the artist who drew that one drawing you’re fond of, will have the opportunity to see more of their art, that you will probably love too.

2- How does one credit correctly

The best way is to directly share from the source. Reblog, retweet, share the stuff from where it was posted. But if you’re doing it on another website, well, simply enough, give a link to the original piece, by the original poster. If the only post or website you knew about was deleted, you can at least give their username (or usernames), so that people know who it was made by (in case they stumble into their new page!). If their name is written directly on the drawing (or I’ve seen people share screenshots of posts), it’s still better to give a link, but in case you reeeaally can’t find it, it’s okay as long as the writing is clear and readable (you know, if the quality is low and the drawing is all small, you can’t be able to read the name properly). This also means that if the name is written in Japanese and you’re sharing it on a group/website that speaks another language... People won’t be able to search for the artist. If on some drawing or screenshot there’s written 夜神月 in the corner, I won’t be able to copy-paste it like text (because... it’s on a drawing or screenshot...) nor read it.

3- Common errors to avoid Simply enough, there is some stuff to remember. • Pinterest is NEVER proper credit. Artists don’t post their drawings on pinterest, it’s a website made to share “pictures” from other websites and the worst place for someone like me who wants to scream at the view of uncredited art. • All the booru (danbooru, gelbooru...) websites and zerochan are not proper credit either, because the artists don’t post their art on there, it’s being shared there by other people. Well, it’s at least better because it always leaves the artist’s name somewhere: but since it’s there, you yourself can see it and share it (or at best find their website and share it), because it’s better credit for obvious reasons. • If you see that the page/blog where you found drawing has no other art or drawings with a clearly different style, you can guess that they’re not the original poster. They’re sharing art that is not theirs. Search for credit in their descriptions or for something to punch them with. • Don’t just save drawings... Except for when you do it from some websites (if I remember well danbooru does it right, wouldn’t bet my life on it though) the name of the artist will not be in the file’s name and will be lost forever. If you really want to save a drawing, save it with the artist’s name! Name the file “xxx by [artist]”, this way you’ll be able to find them again or simply credit them if you post the drawing somewhere else. If you’re on your phone, maybe take a screenshot so that you can see the name of the poster too? But in general, I would say, don’t save drawings. Create an account on the website where you found the art and from there like it, or share it. • Instead of searching for art of your favourite characters on Google, do it on a website like deviantArt, tumblr, pixiv or something like that! This way you’ll make sure that you don’t only have Pinterest as a source.

4- What to do if you already have the picture saved and don’t remember the artist • Search for them, obviously. You can use Google Image Reverse Search but it’s not very accurate, especially because if it’s old or made by a famous artist on pixiv, you’ll only find Pinterest links. Recently someone from the same group I was talking about earlier introduced me to this amazing website : SauceNAO. It works almost everytime, you put the picture you saved (in “advanced options” you can put a link) in, and it’ll give you the “best” websites where it found it, the first usually being the one where it was posted. (It also finds it on danbooru pretty often, we’ve talked about that one already) • If you really can’t find them, well... you don’t have to share it. Remember that. You don’t have to post the drawing on that one facebook group or your twitter or I don’t know, you won’t die. Sharing art without giving the artist is disrespectful, period. Hardwork and someone’s creations are things you need to respect and not share around like it’s nothing. You’ll only encourage other people who do it too. If you really really reeeeaaaalllyyy want to share this drawing because it just works too well in a certain situation, at least make it clear that you are not the artist, you don’t know who they are and you are currently searching for them. This way, if someone knows them, they’ll tell you - and people will think of searching for it instead of taking the “picture”‘s existence for granted. And it’s at least the tiniest bit more respectful.

5- Additional info

Right now I only talked about drawings and fanart because it’s what I know the most about, but this also applies for videos, fictions, fanfictions etc. This applies to anything that was created by a particular person and required work, and/or can be considered as art. Just think about this example: Imagine if you'd written an amazing essay and your teacher found it super interesting, so they gave you your good grade but also copied the essay and shared it on his own websites, not saying that you were the one who’d written it. The essay would become famous and no one would ever know YOU wrote it. This is how it feels to have your art shared without credit. You might not even know it.

I think that’s it, and I hope it’s clear. If you’re an artist yourself or love art or are in fandom in general, please share this. Feel free to add something if you think I forgot an element! And if you have some questions, my ask box is open. I think it’s really important that everyone is aware of this and understands it. I decided to make this post because after asking 5 people to give credit to the artists who drew the 12 random different drawings they’d shared of Komaeda each (a boy’s birthday is tough), I saw that one video by Mo Selim being shared on ANOTHER group yet again and had to give credit myself yet again... And I’m just angry that people either don’t know or don’t care.

You need to know. You need to be careful. Thanks in advance for all the amazing artists you’ll give more representation to by sharing their art with credit!

#art #artists #psa #art theft #sharing art #please reblog as much as possible!

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lminnsmars · 3 years

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Designing An ‘Old Skool’ Rave Flyer

Here, I am now going to produce my own rave flyer to which I thought I had loads of ideas and I thought I knew what I was going to create but then when I was looking back through all my posts on Tumblr and my Pinterest board I felt quite lost. In my last post, I decided on producing a design that looked like a product but in fact was a rave in discuse. I though that I liked this idea as it was very different to the rest of the designs but I realised later on that it almost looked childish when I tried to recreate this idea.

In this post, I am showing the ideas I started of trying as I was trying to use some of the ideas from the rave poster I last analysed. I also tried to incorporate some other ideas from other poster designs I have previously analysed.

Below, I have started by producing a border effect. I got this design from the post which I named ‘Graphics That Inspire Me’. The design had these curved corners on both of the top corners. I thought this gave a more interesting shape to the overall design. For some reason, I actually struggled to create this design which is showing below as I got confused on which shapes I should be placing and where to place them too. I decided to use this orange colour along with black as I have seen quite a few 90′s designs use this combination. Looking back, I think I have used too much black compared to orange. After creating this outline, I actually decided to stop this as I wasn't happy with it and felt it wasn't really looking like something I was hoping. I also realised I have only just created the border so I haven't really lost much if I start again fresh.

I have now created this border which was inspired by another of the poster designs from the ‘Graphics That Inspire Me’ post. I previously said on that post at how I especially liked the little details that made up the whole design and this was one of them. I decided to use the two colours yellow and green which I placed as a gradient. I though this would look quite interesting just have this extra detail which also didn't standout too much.

I think I then thought of an idea to which I think I might have deleted this border from the screenshot above. I saw another design which I have analysed previously which I really wanted to recreate as it was quite simple. I decided to use this hexagon shape as I though this would create an interesting and attractive effect. I created this pattern below by drawing the shape with the ‘polygonal tool’. While drawing the shape I held down ‘shift’ as this made sure it was fully proportionally. I then copied and pasted this shape to then decrease it in size. I then placed this smaller shape in the centre of the bigger shape. Next, I clicked on the ‘blend tool’ where you could click on one corner on one shape and a corner from the other shape too. I then double-clicked on the ‘blend tool’ in the tab at the side. I then changed a few settings to how I want it. Firstly, I changed the spacing setting to ‘specific steps’ and then wrote the number of times I wanted the shape to appear. I tried a few time to get the right amount so that it looked effective enough but also wasn't too much as well. I think I chose 45 steps. Below, is showing what the end result looks like. I then placed it so that the shape wasn't exactly in the centre but slightly to the side. Before even doing pattern, I placed this gradient background down as I though it could look more unusual. The colours I chose for this gradient were orange, yellow and green to which I then chose a darker green for this pattern.

I then had an idea to create this pattern again but when I join the two shapes together I use the tool so its not the opposite corners but next one along. Below, is showing the effect this creates which I feel looks really unusual as it almost looks 3D or that its moving.

I then copied and pasted the same shape and played around the position of one of them. I found this which I thought looked quite unusual as it is almost like there two patterns going on.

I then moved it slightly more and got this where there is a solid green colour on the sides. I think having the gradient showing through the gaps looks really attractive too.

The last pattern I managed to get was this where I'm not actually sure how I got it but there is just some minimal lines going through out the design.

I then tried to create the look of pills as I got this from the product poster design which I thought that I was going to create. Here, you can see I have started top to draw it but I felt it wasn't really looking how I wanted and had a change of mind and decide I didn't want to do this anymore.

Although, this screenshot is showing the gradient tab. I have been creating these gradients with this tab which you have to click the little icon with a gradient and this will come up at the side of the screen. At first, I struggled on how to use this gradient but I got the hang of with in the end. To chnage the colours, you need to double-click on the little circle which is beneath the coloured bar. Once you have done this, you can then move the circles up and down the bar to move their position. Once you are happy, you need to save this gradient which you do by clicking the top left gradient image and there is then this download icon which you need to click. You can now use it as many times as you like.

Overall, I think this confusing start was good as I then knew what I didn't want to do any more as my ideas had changed. I could create something very different from what I have been doing as go a completely new direction.

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zzpopzz · 7 years

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Really long rant about how I made Vanilla Twilight, I typed it at 2am so it’s kinda crappy and boring, just skip through this post.

So I'd been thinking about it for a long time now, even before finishing Vanilla Twilight that I'd talk about it if someone asked, well that never happened so I was just thinking that I'd let it go but that post is so important to me so well fuck it I'll just talk about it anyway. I did it completely on a wimp like how cool would it be if I make a lyricstuck for Toumaki like I'd be the first (if anyone did this before me im sorry). The first song I intended to do wasn't VT, it was a much shorter and easier song. I saw the music video first time after a while and the lyrics gave me some scenes to draw right away, like the tones, the atmosphere, the lyrics all fit them very well, made me wanted to draw something happy but sad. The ending for it was a happy one instead of a sad one like other songs I did (I didn't post the ending for any of them, just let the viewers decide what it's gonna be) I was very scared like what if it won't turn out ok and people gonna hate me for it or no one even gonna look at it. Also what I visualized are mostly illustrations with backgrounds, what I never done before so high chance it won't go anywhere. I thought well let's just see how far will I get and won't talk about it at all until I post it so at least I won't be all barks no bite. I was very traumatized that someone might know about what I did so I locked all the files when I shut down my PC in case someone hack into it lmao. I started with making a storyboard(kinda) for it, this is where I first got trouble because there was some part I didn't think of when I visualized what I'd draw at first ( 'I don't feel so alone' part mostly and some in between) and it's only at this point that I realized how many I'd have to draw (over 40 images total) and it's mind blowing for someone who rarely finish a painting like me at that time, that number is more than what I'd draw in a year. VT doesn't have choruses that meant I can't do tricks like repeat some panels (I don't like this anyway). I usually painted on small canvas before that but I wanna make sure I can fix things later and some idea I had was pretty big so I used 3000x5000px canvas then trimmed them down ( I didn't know how big it was and it's huge). The idea was to make a tumblr scroll-post like a lyricstuck (my favorites are by paperseverywhere and toastyhat/emptyfeet , they made really cool tutorials about these) so I tried to drew out compositions that would look good scrolling down panel by panel and have some connections between them (this didn't turn out so good in the end because I wasn't good lol) Since I was scared that people might point out that I draw something wrong, it took me almost a week or something searching for references (check my pinterest board) like the streets, sky, houses, roads, outfits, poses,... I was going to draw. I got some knowledge about bikes by this too, like I can tell the differences between road bike, mtb, touring bikes,... I also see and captured bunches of screenshots and reread ywpd trivia countless time to make sure I won't get anything wrong. If you take notice, every outfit Toumaki wear in there are all canon, from anime or promos. The first few panels was really exciting because I had never painted so many with backgrounds before, I was really happy when I almost finished the first verse even compared to the full 3:50 of the song it was only 20 seconds and I thought maybe I can pull this after all. The last panel was intended to be Makichan standing infront of his house looking at the sky but I wanted to show the sky at the end of the panel and that wouldn't work on scroll-down post so I had to leave it for later, I repainted this panel for about 3 times and finished it just 30' before posting. The first panel of the second verse wasn't turning out alright too because that was my first time doing a 3 points perspective drawing and the colors didn't turn out as I wanted either (my intention was a green/gold dawn scene). Things kinda worked well despite that until the scene when Toudou sits in his ink, gdi I didn't know why I was so caught up in that and painted every piece of that wooden floor, it took me almost a week but turned out better than I expected so I was ok with it. I was going to make sketchy paintings for all of the panel but I did too much details on that one so it gave me the impression that I'll have to do just as much for every others. Now I still had school to go and that semester my uni got me pretty crappy schedule that made me have to wait for classes at school frequently, I was frustrated because I didn't get to paint during that time and I might finish it too late (even though I didn't set a deadline) and when I got home I just spent so much time checking twitter and just can't pick myself up to draw and ended up feeling shitty about it. *Side story* I was so mad because I didn't get anything done and there's still more than half of the whole thing to do and the worst part is that I had no one that I can talk to because I didn't have any friend who ship Toumaki and I also don't want to publicly talk about what I was doing, I wanted to surprise people when I'm done, I didn't wanna give people the expectation then screw it up (I literally thought I'd drop a bomb not a grenade lmao) I can't remember how long was that shitty phase but I felt like it was so long, I barely finished verse 2 at that point. I was so mad at myself and my progress so I spent a few days to look at time management threads and this helped a lot, I changed my habits completely by this and I still apply those methods now, like I used to stay up til 3am to read fics (bless you writers you fueled me with your writings bless you all) then I switch to bed before 12 and get up early for a good start or reduce working time while increasing quality* After that I kinda got things together,I just went ahead with painting tho it's still kinda tiring, I had to work on 5 essays during this time too. At this point I was like screw all, I give no shit about what everyone thinks I'm just gonna finish this and get some good nap (I practiced power nap to get more focus time for painting but dude everyone wants a good long nap) 10 days before uploading I found out that there's a Toumaki day (I'm so sorry), I was going to posted on the first sunday of June (I did researched on which was the best time to post on social medias so I randomly picked a sunday) and Toumaki day is the last sunday of May, that meant I had 10 days left and 15 panels to paint! I was going to ignore that but I already made it big I should make it right too so I shit my pants going through those last panels. I purposely hiding Toudou's face till the last verse to emphasize the feelz and got so relieved that I finally got to paint him (I read some tags that some viewers got emotional at this part so I'm so glad it worked). The whole things was put under Makichan's perspective so I was so sick of painting him at that point, he showed up in every panel and I can't paint him ugly because he's beautiful (especially his hair, I spent shitload of time painting them). I can talk lots about why I picked to do so but that's headcanon shit and it's embarrassing so let's just skip that. The last day I had only 3 panels left and I was hell confident that I've got this and somehow spent the whole evening rewatch Toumaki pingpong ep (end me). Of course that didn't end well, I managed to finish those by midnight but I still had like 3 panels that needed repaint completely and all 43 needed retouch and edits. My plan was to post at 9am sunday (thats 9pm saturday est) so I had to get up at 5am and finish all that, I ended up cutting down 2 panels and simplified the instrumental panel (some tags said that was nice so I was at least relieved). Unlike other songs I did, the length of every line's quite different and the original sizes I did would make viewers have to scroll slower or faster at different parts. I didn't plan this beforehand and had to trim down some panels even the parts that I really liked and spent lots of time on. I also found out that people outside the homestuck fandom might not familiar with this type of post so I made a video too (I’m sorry I have zero skill in editing). After posting I was terrified of people's reactions or worse, there won't be any reaction so I turned everything off and went to sleep and woke up with an unimaginable number of notes I'd got, I set the target of 500 notes and I really didn't think that I'd get past that number like maybe 2-300 (well my other songs didnt even get 200), at the end I got 5000. I spent the next week reading and screencap tags given in reblogs, I put them on desktop and they're still my motivation til now. Vanilla Twilight is the thing I'm proud of the most even until now, when I've done other songs and projects that look somewhat better. If I have to recommend one thing on my blog I'd recommend it despite its' unskilled paneling, poor composition and muddy colors. It was the first time in my life that I'd put so much effort into something and went through such emotional roller coaster, the feelings I put into it was raw and the idea was very original compared to other songs, I improved and changed a lot during the 2 months I spent on it and never once regret doing it. ***Anyway, you sure have much free time to read it this far, here's a little game for you: I put random things in VT and HF like some characters/stuff from other series, my ocs,... (there wasn't anything purposeless in there even the logo on their cups or the bags they wear) just send me anything you find and I'll draw you something in return**

#toumaki #tweetdump #rant #poopask

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engine51104-blog · 7 years

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🎊 One Year Anniversary! 🎊

A year ago on March 11th, I was getting up to get ready for work. As usual, it was never a pleasant experience in regards to my anxiety, because I knew that when I went in, I was probably going to be left alone and given more tasks than I could handle. I was preparing myself for another cataclysm of terror; and as I went in to work that day, I had no idea the new web the universe was weaving for me.

When I came home that night from yet another stressful day at work, my aunt and uncle were watching a show I had not an inkling of a clue about. I watched it briefly before going to bed because I was just so exhausted, being anxiety sucks every last bit of energy out of your body.

Laying in bed as I was trying to fall asleep, thoughts of the peculiar show picked at the corners of my brain. The characters I saw on screen were desperately trying to draw me in with their unique personalities and differing smiles, and no matter how hard I tried to resist, I wound up following them.

Little did I know that the men and women of both Station 51 and Rampart General Hospital were there to breathe new life into me that night.

I just knew that I had to have more of it. I needed to watch more and see what it was really about; and I found myself sucked into a whole different world. A world of medicine, firefighting, friendship, brotherhood, trauma, and triumph. I’ve only ever seen trauma in my short years here on earth, so all of these were totally new concepts to me and a little overwhelming to take in at first.

But I quickly fell in love. Knowing that this was a piece of fiction meant to entertain while trying to stay as authentic as possible never bothered me in the slightest bit, because that’s not what I garnered from it. That’s not what millions of other fans garnered from it when they grew up and became firefighters, paramedics, doctors, ambulance attendants, and whatever else have you.

I became so much more engrossed in this show that within a year’s time I have experienced so much that has literally changed me as a person. Finding the show was like hitting a gold mine, and when I found other like people with the same interest and passion as me, I really thought I had struck the biggest riches the world had to offer.

Quickly becoming involved in many groups and forums on Facebook, I met a lot of people and they got to know me fairly quickly. At the time I had Roy as my profile picture because he was the first one I became attached to (naturally since I’m just beginning to watch the show and it seems to be heavily centered around the two paramedics), and I was getting friend requests from people left, right and center.

In the meantime, I was witnessing first hand how this fandom was run. You had the people who ran their own Facebook groups, and the people who ran their own Facebook pages. You had people who took screenshots from the show and modified them into beautiful works of art, or the people who took screenshots and made them into hilarious memes. You even had people who drew their own fan art!

Then you had the people who liked to write fanfiction based off of the show. Some of those people even took it a step further and brought it into role play, which is an art form in of itself. I used to role play my favorite movies and tv shows back when Myspace was still cool.

I eventually meandered over here to Tumblr and saw what everyone here was doing with the show, and I just thought to myself, I really want to get involved with that! I want to make my own group, write my own fanfiction, start my own role play, run my own blog; all about my favorite show! How much fun would that be?!

Starting my own group was a cinch, and at first it was going great until I ran into my first trouble maker. I don’t dig confrontation at all, so when the problem occurred, my first instinct was to run and hide. For a night, that’s what I had done, and then the next day I enlisted more help to keep the group under control.

All the while, I was working on my own fanfiction for the show which I thought was going quite spectacularly. I was really digging the storyline and I had it posted to WattPad, where lots of people were reading it and liking it also. But my group wound up getting so out of control with the drama, and with that one trouble maker, said trouble maker slandered my fanfiction so bad that I gave up on writing.

Completely. My passion for writing was sapped out of me like the reaper yanking the soul out of body, and I was just nauseated at the thought of writing another word. I had taken a hearty blow that day, and I honestly wanted to give up Emergency. But that very day, the guys brought me back. What for?

I needed time to heal before I could even think of writing again, and while that happened, I found a group of role players that accepted me as one of their own. I admired their dedication, work, and imagination that went into their work and after a few months of reading what they were doing, I decided why not try and do that for myself? Maybe role playing will help get me back into writing again, you know, like dipping my toe in the water to test if I want to take the swim.

I full on had a crush on Mike Stoker at this point, Roy being a thing of the past lol. Once I found the quiet and handsome fella that barely showed face or voice, I just had to melt for him. I actually made my own role play account for him and tried working through some ideas, to which my friends didn’t like very much. I was disheartened and downtrodden so much again that I gave up my role playing account so they would be happy.

But in turn, no matter what I did, I couldn’t make them happy. So I gave up Twitter completely. I gave up my old Tumblr account that had over 60 followers, I closed down my Emergency! group, and I still didn’t want to write stories.

They always say not to let people get to you, but when you’re sensitive and when something means so much to you as Emergency does to me, it tends to cut very close to the heart strings. I think I’ve had a few of my heartstrings severed and I’m still wounded to this day. I still can’t seem to let go of what was done to me thus far... and I really wanted to give it up this time.

I wallowed in my sadness and wondered what in the hell I did wrong. I fell in love with a show. I joined the community. I met friends. People I thought were friends but turned out to be the opposite. So what was I supposed to do? I think the universe tried telling me that giving it up would have been the easy way out, that I would have been letting these people win.

I would have been proving to the world that slander on a major FB page could easily tear me down, in turn making me weak and afraid. That slander on a personal page of my fanfiction made me a chicken and unafraid to put myself out there in the world. And you know what, I believed those things until I had an epiphany.

One that doesn’t happen just by somebody saying to you, “well I warned you about those people.” No. Some people have to learn by experience, and I’m one of them. So you know what I did? I got up from the floor, I brushed myself off, and I looked the devil right in the eye and said “watch this.”

I created a new Emergency! fan page on Facebook to post my screenshots on called Station 51 Enterprises. In conjunction with that, I have my Instagram, Pinterest, and Tumblr account all linked to the same name.

I went right back on Twitter, created another personal account, AND created my own Emergency! RP accounts. I wasn’t going to allow somebody to tell me or guilt trip me into feeling like I shouldn’t do it out of their own insecurities. And it makes me sad for them because they do have talent.

With April coming up and that being the start of Camp NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), I have a fanfiction idea set up and ready to go, and that’s right... it’s for Emergency!

There comes a time when you need to take charge and say “I’m not going to let these people rule me. They may have the opinions they have about what I’m doing, and that’s their right, but I get to choose how I react to it.” So with that motto, I will be doing what I love to do as being my own individual, independent fan of this show.

I’m going to write my fanfictions, I’m going to post my screenshots, I’m going to role play my role play; and nobody is going to stop me.

These guys have continually lifted my spirits and pushed me through even the darkest bits of the tunnel, and they still continue to to this very moment.

Did you know that before I watched the show, I was deathly afraid of driving and getting my license? Now I’m taking driving lessons and I’ve already learned how to parallel park, do three point turns, and I drive around without barely feeling afraid. It is the strength in finding this show that has given me that power, and it’s truly remarkable.

They’ve gone completely above the call of duty, and they’ve truly saved me. With all of this being said... If you’re running your own group, page, writing your own fanfictions, doing your own role play, etc... Run your group and page with an iron fist and keep it about the rival of memories of this brilliant and influential show. Write your fanfictions and play your role play with so much heart and soul that it will bring your readers to tears, or make them want to madly punch a wall. DO NOT LET ANYBODY TELL YOU OR BULLY YOU INTO THINKING YOU CAN’T DO IT. Because you can. Not only I say that and believe it, but the guys do too. Station 51, 10-4, KMG-365.

#emergency!

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