do you think you could elaborate on what you said about rayj? she's an acquaintance/mutual of mine and we've met before IRL & are friendly. are you sure it's not just stuff that she did as a stupid teenager online? not trying to diminish anything i'm just genuinely concerned
She's never apologized for what she did.
I've been in the camp of not wanting to dig up old drama but I kept this thread up because this was when I started obsessing over every little detail of my comic and eventually stopped making it.
This was a huge smear campaign where she and other people would bully other wolf comic artists at the time. Many of them left the community for good and I'm one of the only ones who stayed. She went to EVERY one of my pages and left mean shit like this, and even when I or my fans responded, she just kept digging.
I've shown this to several people over the years who wanted me to come forward, and I'm just finally feeling up for it. She's the reason I stopped working on my comic because I kept trying to improve to prove her and other people wrong. I was in high-school around the time, like 16-17 and she's the same age as me so it's not like this was "oh she's a teen and didn't know better" she was actively being malicious to her peers. I wasn't going around just being shitty for no reason, so what's her excuse?
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for @prosopagn0sis. In spirit of the event hosted by the mad hare tomorrow, I made this for us. it's a wonderland AU.
The King of Hearts stares at the woman chained beside him, blond hair and eyes grey as the Frabjuous Sea. She has a very sharp jawline, he notices, and he adds it to the list of sharp objects that are running across his head. Unmei's jawline. A beheading axe. An executioner's sword. Mira's tongue, sometimes, when she felt like it.
And she certainly had felt like it lately. So many beheadings. It hadn't been a surprise to find someone else occupying the cell Mira shoved him in whenever he had to stand trial, though he hadn't expected to find someone like Unmei there.
Strong, determined. Talking about things like they mattered, something called 'Mordor Gentamicin Feels' and the Cheshire cat. Very insistent on the Cheshire cat, actually. The King of Hearts had tried explaining to her that talking cats were a dozen a dime but she hadn't budged. Cheshire, Cheshire, Cheshire. And a Hospital, whatever that was, and an absentee father. He can't understand half of the things she says, though this explains why she's here in the first place; she's being put on trial for making too much Sense.
Sense is a rare thing to happen across in Wonderland, but it's so easy to trap that whenever a smidge of it is spotted, the Wonderland residents hunt it for sport; chasing it down and cheering when they manage to do so, quickly getting rid of the carcass it leaves behind. However, too much Sense could upset Wonderland's ecosystem, so it had been intelligent of Mira to stop Unmei before she created too much of it, though something tells him this girl isn't going to stay dead.
"Is it your first time getting beheaded?" he asks, rattling the chains that hold him. Not for any reason, but because there's nothing much to do down here other than talk, and that's been proven to be difficult with such a girl full of Sense, and rattle his chains every once in a while. It felt like a good moment to do so.
"It's my eighth one," he continues, proudly. "So I know a natural when I see them, and you, my dear, look like you're gonna be fine,” assures the King of Hearts, winking at the girl. “You don't strike me as someone who gets stage fright. Me, on the other hand, I was terrified! Good Lord, kept thinking over and over about whether I had pretty blood. Never stopped to consider whether my blood was pretty or not until then, when it was too late to do anything about it. No one complained, though, and it was splattered all across the platform, so I guess people must've found it quite nice."
He tapped his fingers on the floor, rhythmically. Unmei wasn't saying anything; why wasn't she saying anything? Looking at him with big eyes like she was waiting for him to dig his own grave; silly of her, given how she should already know by now he was being executed.
"I’ve been over this so many times, you know,” he says, trying to offer comfort even as a sob wracks his chest. She’s going to be fine, she’ll be able to stand more than eight beheadings. “If I had a name, I don't remember, and if I had a heart, it stopped being mine." Trampled behind Mira’s heel, or tucked away in a hidden corner of the White Queen’s castle, or stuck in an endless tea party at the March Hare’s house.
The chains rattle again, though this time the King of Hearts isn’t aware of it; he’s much more focused on the bloody fingerprints he leaves every time he touches his white shirt and how his body feels equal parts small and big. Too big to fit inside this suffocating cell, too small to deem himself anything other than an observing party, as if none of this was happening to him. Maybe this was a dream and he was still sleeping in his room at the Red Queen’s castle, or… or maybe he was sleeping in the White Queen’s arms, though, no, that couldn’t be it because that’s what had caused this whole mess, hadn’t it? The fact that time and time again he kept making the same mistake and getting caught again, and of course, nothing happened to the White Queen for consorting with Mira’s husband, what with treaties and all, and thank God it didn’t, no, he could not complain about that! But eight beheadings were one too many beheadings, and to top it all, here comes this Unmei person claiming there was something called Mordor Gentamicin Feels which… no, he wasn’t going to entertain that thought. It sounded full of Sense, and the King of Hearts didn’t want more charges to be added to him before his trial.
"I feel like I'm losing it, really," he confides, wondering whether she might've been able to tell already. "Though I didn't expect this to happen on the eighth beheading. Maybe the twelfth? Could've sworn I had at least a couple more beheadings in me."
"And what I'm trying to say young lady, because you have to understand how important this is, is that it's mostly It's fault for losing itself, and there was nothing I could do to stop It, so maybe if you manage to get out of here do make sure to tie It down with a rope, big knot and all, to ensure It doesn't get lost again and with It, your head. But if It does break loose like It sometimes does, just know that nothing is your fault; not the whole thing with your father and not however your story with Cheshire goes.”
He thinks of the White Castle, of the scent of the lilies and white roses. How he rested his head on the White Queen’s lap as she read out loud for the both of them and threaded her fingers through his hair, soft and warm, a stark contrast to the cold, hard and sticky platform Mira used to execute him from time to time. Maybe, if he loses It definitely, and ends up leaving more than his heart behind, he can find a new body in one of the flowers of the White Queen’s garden. One day she’d pick him up, gently squeezing the stem that kept him chained to the ground, to free him and carry him in her palms inside the castle so he can wither away while looking at her. The White Queen. Someone worth losing his sanity over.
“I don’t want the White Queen to think she’s only worth seven beheadings, though. It’s just this stupid body of mine that won’t allow for more. I don’t want to stop, but it’s telling me to. My own body, trying to command me! My brain, failing me! And—and I don’t want to!” he says, even as his voice breaks and his breathing quickens. His hands are probably shaking too, but he’s decided he’s not on speaking terms with his body until it becomes more cooperative, and therefore, he won’t give it the pleasure of acknowledging it. “I wouldn’t lie to you, you know how the saying goes, jailbirds of the same feather…” he realises he’s the one that does not know how the saying goes, and hurriedly adds “something together. But I don’t want to quit.”
Surprisingly, this is what makes Unmei the Sense Maker open her mouth again and speak. Perhaps she’s been hearing his thoughts this whole time, or perhaps he’s accidentally been saying them out loud, because she seems empathetic, as if she’s familiar with the sentiment the King of Hearts can’t put into words. Perhaps she dreads a similar ending than the one she can see in front of her right now, perhaps the King of Hearts’ pathetic disposition has moved something within her; whatever the reason, where he expected scorn or another rant about Mordor Gentamicin Feels, she says:
"You can fail, that's okay. It's the best you can do under the circumstances."
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