#i need to be honest with myself too

[strohller27]

.

#i need to be honest with myself too #it is damn scary leaving the security of my job and the house I’m in right now to try to make it living in Canada #but I have all of the credits I need for my master’s degree #so not only do I feel like I’ve worn out my welcome in the linguistics department here #I’ve started feeling kind of isolated from literally everything #i don’t know who to turn to for help because everybody’s already so busy #i don’t know what to do while I’m waiting around to apply to study at McGill university #i want to write an article and get it published because maybe that will set me apart from all the other people who are going to apply #but I don’t know what to write about. i don’t feel like anyone gives a flying fuck about Canadian dialects of English except me #what could I say about them that would get people to care?? #i want to talk about the construction of Canadian national identity; about Canadian Multiculturism and how it’s still quite hegemonic #why is so much of a national identity tied up to place? is that really what gives a group its identity? #I feel like places help to anchor shared experiences across time but do they really give a group their identity? #but why is that important? i don’t know!? why do I have to justify my entire existence?? #if I want funding for my research I have to prove to someone that what I have to say matters. what if it’s not that deep? #what if doing this research helps me to follow a dream I have? a dream that the american dream could never promise me? #what if I dream of living in a place where I don’t have to worry about giant medical bills? #what if I dream of living in a place where I don’t have to drive for 40 minutes to get to an ice rink? #what if I dream of being able to go to the beach and eat seafood that doesn’t cost 10000 dollars?? #what if I want to listen to bagpipes without being reminded of the redneck-ass piper who threatened to kill me because I’m queer? #or the old guys in the pipe band who basically sexually assaulted me? #what if I want to live in a place where I have room to spread out and not in someone’s storage room?? #what if I’m tired of being stuck in the same ‘safe’ place for as long as I have been?? ​what if I want my life to begin already????? #why should I have to justify that? just please let me out of here. let me see the world. let me live. #let me move on

[pixlokita]

Well I want to be honest, my mental health hasn’t been the best the past few months. I’ve been really struggling to the point of crying about several different things and it’s not anyone’s fault. Maybe my situation irl is affecting how I feel online, and it sucks because everyone is so nice and kind but I feel like I don’t belong? Idk how to explain it. It’s a very awful feeling and I’m recovering from several traumatic things I thought I’d gotten over but they keep resurfacing, I think I need to organize my feelings and stop overthinking, but I wanted to explain myself too. I’ll be unfollowing several people and you’re free to unfollow me too 💖🙏 y’all have been nothing but wonderful and a source of inspiration but I need to work on myself ;v;)b

I wish everyone a very lovely evening tbh UwU you’re all the best, bless you 💖

#pix habla #it’s hard to be honest but I have to be ฅ(•ㅅ•❀)ฅ #i could just unfollow but I wanted to explain myself too it felt wrong not to #i tried so hard to reason with my dumb little brain #but there’s too much and I need a break #this has happened before like? three times ? it’s weird #mystery skulls and undertale #hmmm i guess fnaf too then #getting diagnosed with autism made it so much worse actually now I’m convinced people only keep me around because they feel sorry for me #so I’m going to work on that #it’s not personal at all #im sad I can’t feel better no matter how nice and supportive everyone is

[notbecauseofvictories]

Big mistake to go into a career that is 50% reading contracts, when sometimes, the very sight of a contract makes me physically ill.

#though to be honest I think I'm just....burnt out. the last couple weeks have felt like I'm dragging myself from day to day #I literally read 4 books yesterday trying to essentially over-stimulate my brain into getting something done #I woke up at 5am this morning! I will wake up at 5am tomorrow too! #I need a vacation very badly and I'm not even going to plan anything for this one. just quietly sit at home. #sleep past 5am! the dream. #no wonder the company has to secretly manipulate you

[melatien]

tiny yoichi (unwillingly) lures out soldiers by being his helplessness little self so his brother can strike

#bases are the most reliable way to find food afo found! #yoichi is crying bcuz he pitys them <3 #not because hes nervous #im gonna be honest i made this idea up on the spot when drawing this #pewdiepies new art video awakened something in me I NEEDED TO REMIND MYSELF I CAN STIL DRAW BANGERS TOO #i didnt disappoint myself!!!! competitiveness is my enemy and my bestie literally #anyways his right eye was an absolute horrendous nightmare to draw it was going so well until i did the hair then it ruined the eye #i actually thought yoichi was wearing shoes at this age but then i looked back at those chapters and realised yoichi was shoeless #WITH ONLY A BANDAGE ON HIS FOOT??!?!!?!? agony #can yoichi not make me wish he had something good in life for ONE SECOND #think of this as like how he responded to afo killing those people that (presumably) beat yoichi up beforehand #we dont know if hes crying because his brother is killing or if he was crying before being 'saved' #ill try do some fluff art soon ive been really interested in body horror related art lately so i wanted to play around!!! #i have a BUNCH of ideas written down ive yet to do #i just keep doing whatever i feel like #i am the master of ignoring the instructions and winging it #mha #my art #yoichi shigaraki #one for all #my hero academia #first ofa user #shigaraki yoichi #mha yoichi #tiny yoichi #tiny yoichi in his shabby little clothes #ive actually been dying to draw tiny yoichi again but KIDS ARE SO HARD TO DRAW!!!!! #i had an art moment though #HALLEJUHAH #art gods had my back fr

[itzsassha]

BODY LANGUAGE

#cyberpunk 2077 #oc: naomi mujuru #thirsty thursday #cp2077 #cp2077 photomode #cyberpunk photomode #cyberpunk screenshots #virtual photography #usually i always end up criticizing my vp and art a bit too harshy to be honest.. i need to be more kind towards myself and my work. #in dis particular case. i really like how these shots came out.. i thinks i will do another series soon.. something more hardcore.. #with Mimi and Placide together

[yukipri]

If work sets a meeting at the wrong time for morning of the next day and no one catches it but me until less than 5 hours before (because I'm the nocturnal fool who doesn't sleep), I should not be obligated to wake up in time for the "early" meeting time that was not set, and should be allowed to sleep until the afternoon time the calendar says the meeting's at...

#YukiPri rambles #i was too honest a fool and mentioned it to my co-worker #Hey all I sometimes feel the need to shout into the void and I'd been using Twitter for that #but Luke Skywalker said don't go on Twitter today #so I'm not on Twitter and trying to wean myself off of it #so here I am instead! You're welcome and I'm sorry lmao #it's past 6:30 AM and no i did not just wake up i have not slept yet. But given i've been staying up till 9~10 AM recently...

[hunsa-jars]

Howdy peepers, I've been feeling pretty down lately but I think I'm on the right path to snap out of it!

See yall on monday hopefully

#to be honest recent political news got me anxious and just.. disheartened #not gonna lie rather depressed #but i guess that's a normal reaction #god it's just so awful #change of subject- i might be a bit burned out too because of all the stressing i subjected myself to this month #but worries be damned my grades ain't overall half bad #THO you just can't catch a break when it comes to college it seems #like we have to sign up for our classes on this website #based on your major obviously #and some people just don't pick the right classes hhhhh #and you see the waiting list for the class you need to sign up to is full because the goofs don't know what their course code is #which is weird like 😭 maybe there's a GOOD reason why your group mates' names aren't on the class list #because you didn't pick the right one aaaaaa #get outta here fella pleaaase #also on an unrelated note: it turns out i have a mild case of rosacea #it's not that suprising skin conditions run in the family #my mom's side of family at least #like my grandpa had rosacea. my mom has it too. my sister had acne (not anymore tho). my older brother too has something going on #i just thought i got lucky and inherited my dad's skin but guess not 💀 #funniest thing is that almost everything makes rosacea act up #heat? cold? spicy food? stress? exercise? stress? alcohol? GODDAMN SUNLIGHT??? #you name it #so yeahh not pleasant #if it won't get better mom will make an appointment with a dermatologist #uhh.. i guess that's all i wanted to say #for now at least #miss you guys hope all of you have been doing well :'> #random squeak

[paperlovesadness]

Biggest Miles Kane fans (in order):

Alex Turner

Miles Kane himself (rightfully so)

You & me Tumblr friend. (And his mum)

Generally people with taste 👌

#that's it; that's the order #LOOK AT HIM VIBING TO HIS OWN TUNES AS HE SHOULD #I strive to be at least a quarter as confident in myself as this man is #he's doing it so well too. I just love it for him. It's honest and pure and just beautiful #the way we all used to be our own number one fans when we were very small kids #fighting with other kids over which one of us was 'the best' 'the coolest' or whatever it was #we all loved ourselves at one point. It's natural. it's self preservation. it's a great instinct #then society kills that and we need to fight for any remaining bits of it to be able to lead happy lives #well anyway #the way Miles Kane is proud of himself reminds me of that #it's not cocky or arrogant. It's not a persona or act. It's done the pure amazing way we all used to do it. And should strive to still do #Miles Kane seems to be very in touch with his inner child and it makes me very happy 💛 #(go stream his music!) #// #my posts #Miles Kane #Miles fucking Kane 💘

[dayurno]

#i will warn you only once: tsc spoilers #literally just finished it as i am drafting this its 5am where i live #so you may be subjected to some nonsense #that all being said i have thoughts.and feelings #the kevin was lovely and tasted delicious! jean defending him at every turn even when he swears to hell and back he'll kick his ass #the kevjean was surprising i was only half expecting that #the dog metaphors i have to say i need this one cashed in. nora run me my check #im joking of course dont quote me on it #jean taking kevins promise to the end and living on it is seriously so. well. #'be careful with him' 'take kevin's name out of your ignorant mouth' 'you promised me' #also kevin getting called the court's queen had me tender and on my back oml #jean's relationship with the trojans is sweet and he is very interesting and complicated #a character with many moving parts im sure #there were a few things i did not care for #namely jeremy and the trojans felt remarkably flat to me bar lucas (by far the most interesting) and catalina on occasion #i didnt quite enjoy jeremy's pov and felt like he spent perhaps way too much time worrying over jean? if that makes sense #i wish he had some more complexity to him or really anything to catch a hook on #all we know is hes attractive and smiley and gets along terribly with his family #so much of his character is sucked out by jean he didnt feel like much more than a plot device to me #which i wouldnt mind if jeremy wasnt the literal main character alongside jean #i was living for everything jean thought but had to drag myself through jeremy's pov if im honest #uuuuh what else. neil! funny. deranged. i have to love him #andrew couldnt give less of a fuck about jean which is funny as all fuck #two bugs placed in the same habitat ignoring each other #the thing with elodie i thought was complicated. i wish we knew some more about her or that shed been mentioned a little earlier #but im assuming thats a topic to be revisited #uuuuuuuh yeah so thats most of it. i think my first thought and the one that sticked out the most to me is that the book felt remarkably #pedestrian #not necessarily in a bad way #it lacked to me one of the main appeals of aftg which were the numerous interesting side characters

[soldier-poet-king]

I need to be weirder. I need to hang out/talk with more intensely weird and deeply genuine people, and more frequently

#franposting #apropos of me being weirder and more terrible and more honest lately #and it feels. good? mentally clearer. more at peace #this isnt some oh small talk is bullshit nonsense #it has a place! we need socisl scripts to be polite and function sometimes! #i am simply saying that i personally have spent far too long being the idea of a person. the mask of one #that i want to start being a real person. my pinocchio ass out here like #people pleasing out of fear needs to stop. you can be unsettling. babe. babe its okay. you can laugh ugly and loud and be strange #and too intense and think too much and say strange things #and the world wont end. you can be a person warts and all #it is so weird. and also lowkey pathetic that i am only realizing this now aged 27 #like. my fear didnt make me more palatable or more loved. #it just made me lonely AND more depressed #i might still be isolated and lonely and offputting. but at least i can laugh at myself in joy in the meanwhile #idk if that makes any sense but it does to me so maybe thats all that matters for this post #ANYWAY everyone who ive been talking w lately #(yall know who u are) #im like. thank u. thank u

[solarpunkvince]

on the train to my new gender therapist and looking out the window the world is so pretty <3

#switching gender therapists bc i wasn't vibing with my old one and it was in a different location from my endo #but now i have to have new intake talks and I'm a little nervous #i mean i already have that stupid diagnosis and started T but i still need to get top surgery #and i hope they won't give me issues for that (I'm afraid I was too honest in the questionnaire they sent me) #so I'm just scrolling Tumblr and looking at the pretty world outside to distract myself #and listening to music #blake rouse #found him randomly the other day and have had it on repeat since #vincent.txt

[fangsandfeels]

Going through all the ascended Astarion stories, where Tav either breaks up with him and reconnects years later, bringing the messiest “divorced couple” vibe along, or becomes his spawn and ends up being completely miserable and at the complete mercy of the vampire lord, I got a vision.

(Short outline: spawn!Tav goes to Avernus to avoid being trapped in a relationship, badassery, horrors, and deep existential issues ensue. Full description of the cringe can be found below)

- Tav agrees to be turned into Spawn by Astarion, ignoring the red flags because they really wanted to believe him and didn’t want to leave him alone. However, after they do, they get slapped with way too many red flags in the face (the “as long as you remember who you belong to” phrase during the second encounter with Araj, the command to shut up after mentioning Cazador’s name, the deceptive reasoning behind why he isn’t making them a full vampire), Tav grows very aware of eternity that awaits them after they defeat the Netherbrain. And it terrifies them. They understand that they don't want to find out what being his consort means. They are no longer sure about anything.

- When Karlach starts burning, Tav talks her out of it and jumps on the opportunity to go to Avernus with her  (and Wyll), before Astarion gets to react and use compulsion on them. They aren't sure it would work, but it does. Small mercies.

- Between fighting off Zariel’s hordes and getting used to their new condition, Tav goes through heartbreak, oscillating between being angry with Astarion to missing him to feeling sorry for themselves. It's a cycle of angst and mental gymnastics, interrupted by battles and stirring trouble in the Hells.

- Ultimately, Tav reflects on the choices and actions that led them to this path. And when they find a way to fix Karlach’s heart, making it possible for her to go to Faerun for good, Tav chooses to stay in the Hells. Not even because they aren’t eager to confront Astarion and get controlled by him, but because they feel they belong there. Cazador might have planned the ritual, and Astarion might have completed it, but it was them who helped him do it -- they can be angry at Astarion all they want, they can tell themselves it's no longer him. They can spend years guessing whether he really wanted it, whether he is happy or not right now. Maybe they did fail him. It all doesn’t matter. They are as guilty for condemning these souls to suffering in the Hells. So, the question is: what will they do about that?

- Basically, a story that doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with Astarion, and is mostly focused on a vampire spawn Tav, who navigates hellish landscapes, occasionally helping whatever poor souls they can, learning sad stories of victims who got lured into horrible deals, musing on existential questions and wondering how should they take their life when their luck runs out on them, and they get captured by Archdevils.

- While they avoid signing any contracts or any deals and focus on honing their skills and new vampiric abilities, they do seek ways to modify their body, so they could increase their chances for survival (yes, I freaking love Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust, how can you tell?).

- For an extra Divine Comedy (and angsty) flavor, Tav talks to an imaginary Astarion (the one they remember so fondly before his Ascension) -- the habit that started from a random “what the Astarion I knew would have said about this?” thought and kinda became a way to stay sane in this place.

#i wish i could write it myself #it can have a happy-ish ending or be a complete existential tragedy with tav finding their peace #but a badass spawn tav who held on to their autonomy and became even stronger is sexy af to be honest #change my mind #don't know how their reunion with the ascended astarion will go and whether there will be a reunion #but i do love imagining the vampire lord astarion throwing a temper tantrum #as in “you could have had all you wanted. all the riches. all the luxury. every depravity. and you chose THIS?” #and scarred seasoned hells-tempered tav just flexes at him brushes his attempts to control them off and responds “yes” #is there a happy resolution to their messy relationship? #does tav see that while their lover is actually lonely and still needs to put others down to feel better about himself... #...while they are actually doing doing better despite literally going through the Hells and being cursed? #i don't know it too #i know that avernus is horrible and it's not possible to survive there without becoming some devil's property #but i'm overwhelmed by the rule of cool and caffeine okay

[eebie]

my bro gave me his old drawing stylus after he heard i lost mine i gotta start animating again i have no more excuses!!

#i just feel so intimidated #like there's all this science to it and a Right Way to do it #but when i realy think about all that stuff i realize it Isn't all that scary but i still #cant helkp but feel inadequate Or like i won't even be able to do it Like i'm actually honest to god incapable #but i know i could learn #ive done it before .. stuff i thought i wouldn't be able to do isn't so scary once i actually start it and give myself a chance to enjoy it #rather than blaze through scared and get disappointed that the stuff i did in 10 minutes isn't that good #anything worth doing is hard to do At first #and takes time and practice #i just need to stop being so scared! #and stop rushing #art isn't something you Get over with i need to stop that #i enjoy the process when i allow myself too. when im not worrying about all the ways i could be doing it better #my rambles

[garrettwrites]

When someone tells you they don't like hugs, that's not an invitation for you to "cure them". It is not a "you" thing, although sometimes it might be. You thinking "they have to get used to it" because "your hugs are different" and "that's how you show love" is not a valid argument. Hugging them out of the blue as a goodbye is not cool either. Fuck off.

#ok to rb in case someone is in the same boat but thinks the post is too personal #this friend of mine... #pretends he's great but can't respect one basic thing #he's lucky I have grown to control my emotions and not lash out #i hate it #don't hug me or touch me end of line #i am honest to god feeling sick #this dude and I have history where I borderline felt incapable of saying no and had sex with him #afterwards I told him how I felt #yet he still pulls this shit #hugs make me sick to my stomach I don't even hug my family #and I really don't wanna hug a man who pretty much made me hate sex (for myself) as a whole #i feel disgusting rn #twice he hugged me and got mad when I refused to hug him again #even after I already told him I hated it #then asks if I'm scared of him because of that like you piece of shit I wanna rip my skin out where you touched it #I may pretend to everyone that I'm a strong confident man but good lord #sometimes I wish I had an over protective boyfriend so he could kick him in the teeth over this shit #it's ridiculous I know but fuck #apologies if you read all these tags but I over drank after this and none of my friends are awake and I needed to vent #garrett.text

[caffeinatedopossum]

I honestly don't know what people mean when they talk about "having dreams" in the sense of like aspirations and ambitions. People talk about it like EVERYONE obviously has one. And I don't. I just kind of hang out and try not to die.

#always had problems with this question #like when people ask what you wanna be when you get older or what career youd like #ive never felt like those things were options to me #i dont think ill ever have a real career #but im honestly pretty content with just working on myself and drawing my silly little characters #and talking to friends when they need someone to lean on and baking some peanut butter cookies #and washing my silly little dishes and taking my meds #it aint much but its honest work #oh oh and listening to music. gotta love discovering new music #sometimes i write music too. or poems or stories. but theyre not meant for other people #just for me 😌 #i would like to sing someone my songs someday #but thats less about a career and more about the human desire to observe and be observed #to impact people the way theyve impacted me

[violinist-rachel]

Howdy!

Just a heads up: it's almost time for another hiatus!

I'm putting this out early to let you guys know that I won't be answering any new questions I get and will only be focusing on my current existing batch.

You guys have been pumping out some really great questions (and even fan art!), and it's been awesome receiving them! However, I need to set this mental boundary for myself, lest the completionist in me goes insane trying to answer everything I get, as they come, and as soon as possible @-@;;

There'll still be updates next week that's dedicated to answering asks, but there might still be some questions that I won't be answering at this time. Some of them are SUPER old and I appreciate your patience thus far! But this is happening either bc I want to draw a response and haven't had the energy to do so yet, or bc I'm intentionally saving them for later when the timing's better.

Like before, I won't give a firm date on exactly when I'll be coming back (it's very important that I don't create that pressure for myself), but during that time, I hope each and every one of you have and/or had some very happy holidays in these recent months!

Thanks again for keeping up with this blog!

#dyntalks #I've been debating on posting this now as opposed to later #but I think I need it to be now #I've been active for WAY longer than I expected #maybe a little too long if I'm being honest #it's largely bc I wanted to end things off on a very specific note before I muck off for like 4 months lol #but gotta look out for myself first and foremost you know? #we'll see if I succeed or not by the end of next week #if not then it is what it is :') #anyway hope you guys enjoy!