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jokerownsmysoul · 2 years

Note

Hello to Mrs. Fleck!! 👀 Wondering what you think about Joker 2 upcoming? I’m personally really, really excited for it because Joker is one of my all time favourite films ever and I just know Todd and Joaquin are gonna knock it out of the park with a sequel!! ❤️❤️

Ohh that's so cute 😂🥺👉🏻👈🏻 hi you! 💙🤗 Ahh thank you for asking 🥺 I tried not to rant too much but I failed miserably, sorry I have no summary skills 😭

I'm very glad to know that you're so happy to get the sequel! 🥺 I agree, Joaquin and Todd can do a movie as wonderful as Joker 2019, if things are done right 🥺 I have to admit that I have very mixed feelings towards a sequel, I froze for quiet a while when I saw Todd's ig post and to this day I'm still trying to elaborate 😂

I'm very worried that they will change Arthur's characters and the nice memory Joker left in our hearts back in 2019. 🥺 I think the movie worked wonderfully as a standalone, tbh. Sometimes it's nice to not getting the answers of everything involving a character, and especially in Arthur's case I think there are lots of things I would rather keep up to personal interpretation only and be happy with that. I find difficult to make a sequel of Joker without answering those questions. 🥺 I would be devastated if the sequel showed an Arthur who doesn't stay true to the kind of Arthur we've come to know in 2019, or if I found out that I've never gotten his character right. Not that I claim to know him better than Joaquin and Todd do of course 😂 but I hope you know what I mean! 🥺 I also hope wholeheartedly that they're doing this movie because the story & Arthur have still something to tell, not just for a matter of money. Sequels made only because of money are never nice 😭 (understandable why they would though)

That being said, I know I would love his character no matter what. It's Arthur. 🥺 No matter what happens in the sequel, it's going to be always our Arthur after all. I don't question it. I think being a bit hesitant is normal, but worries aside I'm just very, genuinely happy to see him again. 💙💙 There's so much about him we still don't know yet and I would love to get to know him deeper. I trust Joaquin and Todd, they are the people who made Arthur the special and unique character who so many people have come to love so deeply and for so long, so I've no doubt that they can do it again. 💙 They love Arthur and care about this movie, and that's what matters. I want to try and put my worries aside, and focus only on the chance that they can do again a great job. 💙 I get so excited if I think that we can get all the little sweet treats we've never gotten in Joker 2019 and we've been fantasizing about these years! 🥺

I rambled a lot already but I also wanted to take the chance and tell you how much I love your gifset, and that you're such a good gif maker! 🥺 I'm always happy when you post something new, getting new Joker contents always feels like Christmas morning and I really appreciate it so I wanted to thank you 🥺💙 and your tags on your gifsets always make me giggle 😂 I hope you're having a nice day and thank you for this ask, I've to admit that I got so happy and excited when I saw your url on my inbox 🙈🙈🙈

#Melis-writes #Ask #I'm sorry I can't never shut up 😩

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lefttigerobservation · 2 years

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killing eve 4x05 SPOILERS CRYING STRESSY.

oh...... black and white?? why?? they said LOOK she has shoes. why do i think this is vill tbh.

oh....... no? whom? IS THIS THE ORIGIN OF THE TWELVE WTF YOU'RE KIDDING.

what is GOING ON. are they all together..... what..... hm. i am intrigued. "not a kid's birthday party"

concerning why are they looking at each other like that-- oh. yes. who the heck are these people i am worried <3 good for the germans i guess?? IT'S _CAROLYN_ WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUU

they just said; reckon with this. enjoy. oh my WORDDDDDDDDDD WHATTTTTT

of Course it would be i'm?? honestly not even so surprised. glad to see villanelle is just chilling here.

NOOO benita :[[[[[ villanelle beloved. THE DESERVING,,,,, hm.

why is eve out here chilling in paris by TENNIS of all things. is. is helene's daughter there??

ah back to the shenanigans of konstantin & pam. dress-up?? is he vibing. oh pam...... sweetheart. konstantin poor man.

YUSUF AT HER ROOM????? BAHAHAHA the WORRY. was she getting drunk or,,,,, is she like really depressed. OH THE KID. not surprised

VILLANELLE WHAT ARE YOU DOING i'm so worried tbh

smoke machine????? the screw you song???

"women don't stay silent forever" yeah. yeah.

gross what a bizarre...... what...... i mean sure.

THE CHILD WAS STOLEN???? i mean. kidnapped. child abduction???? eve. what. omw eve

is carolyn okay in even the slightest way ever known to man. methinks no

THE GRAY SHIFT WHAAAA. wait is bearded guy konstantin??? like how the young actress reminds me of geraldine. who is this woman though i worry

WHAT ON EARTH WAS CAROLYN'S DAD UP TO TO COVER UP HIS SEXUALITY. she must have been so disturbed mw i do wonder. NO CAROLYN NO TRASHING

i mean to a certain extent villanelle is actually a sweet human being. but what on Earth is she going to go onto a rampage. wait v who's your camilo. pray it's not eve

CAROLINA. OMW hey

oh so johan didn't die but who is johan........... OH SHE'S SALTY BAHA

pam honey,,, that's so sweet. she looks lovely actually. aw the asocial awkeard vibe is such a mood

"i can't see" I LOVE. how the show reminds us. continually. that eve is middle-aged and she Rocks

cupid......... & helene's daughter just. playing on her phone. OH IT WAS HIMohjohandidn'tdieeeeeee

YES GO EVE. LOOK AT YOU BABE GO

"good title. long."

JANICE OMW. please don't let this one die....... oh the footage..... helene....... eve. eve no

OH THE ATTACHMENT OH NO. the way her face morphs,,,,, i'm so worried about her safety rn-- what. what is carolyn doing

the shift in COLOUR i am DYING THIS IS SO UNIQUELY CINEMATOGRAPHIC

OH THE LOCKS YES. my gf would be proud. i know something is Up rn. i freaking love this carolyn exploration tbh though i hope it's timely enough to aid us in developing everyone else

the footage???? the song with it???? i could gif this. btw why does helene type in capitals

EVE JUST REALISING OMW. CRYING. it was carolyn all along...........

i love him for thinking to bring that shenanigan. OH THIS HAS TO BE OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. OHHHHHHHHJHHHHHHKAKEOQKFBKAORBDIA. I KNEW IT WAS HIM I KNEWIT.

THAT WAS HER DAD???????????

HE WASN'T DROWNED. DID SHE. OH MY FKN WORD. I KNEW IT

this is. wow. oh my word. i'm not surprised at all. at all. this makes SO MUCH SENSE.

"if we hadn't done what we did"..... but was normality ever the goal, though? the happy lives. the happy endings. ngl these two make me want to yell

VILLANELLE. IS THAT HER CAMILO. IS HE HER CAMILO.

i'm honestly so proud of eve for getting to this point where she can be so pissed at everyone and realise she wholeheartedly is DONE. ofc she found lars we would think so.

the mild fear on her face......... she is Realising. she has a Plan. terrific also terrifying

"they're always bad for me" BAHA

CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME VILLANELLEEEEEE

oh. oh. yes she Knows folks. good for pam but cry. yeah we've established no one can get out of the twelve mmmmmm. worry

SHE'S SO FUNNY WHEN SHE'S RIGHT.

OH IT'S GONNA BE GUNN ISN'T IT

they're always trying to beat each other..... effed up family hugging w this music........

carolyn be careful challenge when

SO IT WAS LARSJOHAN LMAOOOO

ah. he has a gun. i love how sassy she remains

helene is going to die isn't she. OR SHIT SHE WILL ABSOLUTELY BE HURTING V SOMEHOW HUH. CAN I HURT HER PLEASE

the look on her face.......... heLENE

the jesus imagery what the FUCK. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME I'M SO GLAD WE ESTABLISHED THAT FUCK

EVE. EVEEEEEEE I'M CRYING LITERALLY. who the HELL shoots an ARROW.

they really said have a dramatic sky shot

post scene n credits:

THEY GOT KIM BODNIA'S RELATIVE MAYBE. but also wow eve is Descending huh. carolyn and her actually should team up but they never will tbh........ this will be. a sight to see. THIS WAS SUCH AN EPISODE AAAA

#blue rants #killing eve #killing eve 4x05 spoilers #killing eve 4x05 #liveblogs #blue watches #blue liveblogs #killing eve s4 spoilers #killing eve s4

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rixxy8173571m3w1p3 · 6 years

Text

September Song (2/3)

I’m sorry @kitten-wrath that this took so long, but I do hope you like it. @hoodoo12 @xerxezra thanks for brainstorming with me. Also, Ice Cream Rick belongs @porkchop-ao3. References to the flowers can be found here (The Language Of Flowers) and pizza rolls here (Sick Day)

Also, special thanks go to @her-victori for reading a majority of my fics in a short span of time. You Rock! As well to random anons who leave me sweet words in my ask box.

If you haven't read the first part of this fic then here's the link. (Read Part1 Here)

In this fic the reader tries to be more reserved and mature for Rick, but what will he think?

______

Chapter 2: These Precious Days

The mom and pop ice cream parlor which could be found at the edge of town offered over twenty flavors and twice as many topping options. Rick thought you'd prefer this quiet atmosphere over the crowd that would've surrounded Ice Cream Ricks truck in the Citadel; he was right. Though it really was a shame since Ice Cream Rick was actually pretty nice. After ordering, you two sat by the window with the best view of a lonely backroad and a white GMC truck.

“I-I-I like that you went for the rainbow jimmies.” Rick commented as he popped a mini gummy bear into his mouth.

“Hmm? Yeah, I like the texture.”

Which was true, but it wasn't the whole truth. You loved sprinkles on just about any dessert they could be placed on. They were fun, colorful, and your dad's favorite topping. They reminded you of good times. You continued. “And they're a classic. Wouldn't you agree?”

“I-I do. Would you say that y-your favorite flavor?”

Savoring the flavor of your chocolate ice cream, you nodded. “Yeah.”

Smiling softly, he seemed to be ruminating on this information, before storing it away and eating a spoonful of his pistachio ice cream. After a little while, he managed to get a bit of it on the side of his mouth, which made you giggle. And because old habits die hard, you picked up a napkin and wiped his face clean. Under your fingertips, his skin had that masculine roughness that came from constant shaving. Of course, you were familiar with it, but these slight reminders that came about by chance never failed to amaze you.

However, you were quick to pull your hand back because he wasn't a fan of public displays of affection, though it seemed to have the opposite effect, with him reaching out and placing your hand back on his cheek, and leaning into it. “I'm glad y-you were able to come with me today.”

Seeing as the shop owner was in the back room, you relaxed a little. “I am too.”

Rick was always a little funny when he got sentimental, which was why it didn't surprise you too much when his eyes bore through you as he said. “Me encanta estar c-contigo.”

“Rick,” you began, wanting to let this facade go and declare every single word of affection your heart felt inclined to say, but just as soon as you thought you were going to crack, you restrained yourself, and simply said. “your ice cream is going to melt.”

Several beats of silence passed, and he acknowledged what you had said, but he went on. “You - I-I sometimes wish I could carry you in my pocket, and have you look after me all the time, but th-that's silly isn't it? It's not realistic, and that w-would be selfish.”

“If it's you, then I don't think it is. While it wouldn't necessarily be practical to miniaturize me and carry me around, isn't the beauty of a relationship knowing that you're always on someone's mind and that they are out there somewhere caring and thinking about you?”

“Certainly, but what I-I meant to say is that it'd be nice if this was our life. If I could keep y-you and if you and me ugh - all th-the time…we - if we….” he faltered, fixing his eyes on something else in the room.

“You don't mean eating ice cream do you?”

With a sigh, he relinquished the hold he had on your hand, “N-no.” and continued to eat his ice cream; resigned, and slightly embarrassed. You couldn't help but feel a slight disappointment. It's not like he wanted to say the magic words. Right?

________

After ice cream, you two visited the bookstore on the corner of Kinder St and Lavue Ave; which had not only a coffee shop but a toy store connected to it. As soon as one entered into it, you were met with the latest best sellers, books on travel and wellness, as well as souvenirs; it was one of few places that didn't bother you if it was cramped. To your left next to the window were those mint boxes which said Adventure Awaits, and it filled you with gladness as picked one up; thinking of little things you'd put in it after all the mints were gone. For his part, Zeta-7 seemed to know exactly what he was going for, disappearing in the back where all the used books were. Not knowing whether to follow or look around, you just did as you pleased.

Past the Keychain holder, above the box of mini hands, you found a Mister Rogers mug. You loved that wholesome old man who used to teach lessons and play with puppets on PBS; Rick reminded you of him too. On the label, it said that when you added hot water to the mug, Mister Rogers would change from a suit jacket into his cardigan. Seeing as Zeta-7 hadn't returned yet, you decided to buy it and continued to look around until he soon returned with an older book in hand. “I-I-I hope I hadn't kept you waiting long.”

Facing the bookshelf, pulling out books that you were mildly interested in, you answered. “I knew you would show up eventually.”

Noticing the stack of books you had, he asked sweetly. “M-m-mi corazón, do you want me t-to hold those books for you? They look a-a little heavy.”

You weren't sure how long you could keep up this facade of being mature and not melting into a puddle everytime he said things like that, with him being as darling as he was. Nonetheless, you nodded and he lightened the burden on your arms.

“Wow,” he brightened. “I-I didn't know you liked Alexandre Dumas.” And picking out another book, he wondered. “Have y-you ever read this?”

“The Man In the Iron Mask? No,” you admitted sadly. “but when I was in high school I did read about a third of The Count of Monte Cristo. I even have a postcard that my old English teacher sent me from Europe that had a picture of one of the buildings that was used in the movie.”

“That's s-s-so cool. Do - do you enjoy classic literature?”

Wholeheartedly, you replied. “Isn't it the best kind?”

“I-I-I don't know,” he softened. “but I don't know what I'd do without them.”

You thought of his home library then, with its eclectic mixture of languages, colors, and topics, and it made you feel warm in your soul. “If your home library tells me anything, it's that you have a healthy appetite for books.”

He glanced at your lips after you said this, but made no attempt to follow whatever thought which might've come to mind. Instead, you two carried on a lengthy discussion on books, how many were a social commentary of the time period, and how they influenced the world you lived in. For once you didn't have to pretend you knew something you didn't, cause you did know. Quite intimately in fact. And within the small spaces between shelves and bodies, where you'd normally feel claustrophobic, you were safe amongst all the friends you had yet to meet amongst the pages, and with Zeta-7 whose warm words and tall body shielded you from the curious eyes of the cashier.

_______________

A stack of books sat quietly in the back seat of his car. Crickets chirped, and there were random feral cats here and there, but there was only you and him as far as you were concerned. September Song by Willie Nelson played on the car radio as he led you into a natural waltz next to the town lake, and moonlight reflected in his eyes. If you hadn't been so afraid of drowning, maybe you would've preferred to dance on the dock, but like this, it felt right.

Oh, it's a long long while

From May to December

But the days grow short

When you reach September

When the autumn weather

Turns leaves to flame

One hasn't got time

For the waiting game

With your head resting on his chest, he hummed along to the melody. More than once you heard a sniffle but assumed it was just Zeta-7 caught up in the moment again.

Oh the days dwindle down

To a precious few. ..

September, November. ..

And these few precious days

I'll spend with you.

These precious days

I'll spend with you.

You thought every day spent with him was precious, and you had to admit that you weren't sure at the beginning of your relationship if it would've worked out, but you were glad that the both of you took a chance, and had been pleasantly surprised ever since. And after all this time, now that it was the fall again, you wondered what the next year and the year after that would be like; the possibilities are endless. However, your train of thought was broken when Zeta-7 stopped dancing and stood there; covering his face, wanting to disappear.

“Rick?”

“I'm - I'm sorry, but I-I-I-I can't do this.”

“Can't do what?”

“I-I-I can't pretend that everything's o-okay. Something's th-the matter isn't it?”

“No there isn't.” you denied.

“Then why are y-y-you so quiet? Are w-we breaking up? Are you - are you leaving me?”

You literally wanted to smack yourself for being such an idiot. “No! Why would you think that?”

Using his phone, he paused the music and passed a hand through his hair in an attempt to calm himself. “Y-y-you haven't been yourself all evening. I thought for a moment that maybe th-things were alright back in the bookstore, but you - I know y-you were holding back. I know how much you love books, and writing is y-y-y-your passion, but you were hesitant in sharing your opinions on either subject. M-mi corazón,” he pleaded, the lines about his forehead and mouth deepening. “please b-be honest with me. Is this it?”

“No, it's not.”

Your plan, which you thought has been working went horribly wrong. So much for trying to act like an adult for once. Man, you only wanted to entice him, which you somewhat succeeded, but because of your stupid games, you'd led him to believe that you were unsatisfied with your relationship. If anything, you were unsatisfied with how you handled this. “Believe me Ricky, you haven't done anything wrong. In fact,” you sighed, your chest aching from the bloom of anxiety. “you've only been sweet and charming. But I….oh, I was only trying to impress you.”

“Huh? Wh-what?”

“Exactly. Whatever I thought I'd accomplish, it…..I only managed to mess it up. Again. You probably wouldn't get it,” Or maybe he would, but you weren't feeling like yourself. “but sometimes I feel like all you did was pull me out of my little bubble so I could wreak havoc. I'm not any different from hundreds of other versions of me, am I? Cause, if I'm like them, then how did I end up with you? How did I get so lucky to be with someone so wonderful? I hope they are happy because I am with you.”

With a hand pressed over his heart, a single tear made its way down his cheek. “M-me too. I'm so happy with you.”

“Somehow, despite all my inadequacies, you want me. I mean, is it stupid to believe that I just wanted to be different from all those other copies? That I just wanted you to think I was mature?”

Zeta-7 looked at you with a wistful hope in his eyes.“No, it's - it's not stupid. You - you did that f-for me?”

“Who else dear honey man of mine? Maybe it can't be helped and I'll just be what I am,” you confessed. “but for a moment I wanted to be different. So I gave myself the look and didn't overreact. And most of all, kept my mouth shut so you wouldn't get bored of my rambling. I know I talk too much.”

“N-no, that's not - have I led you t-to believe you weren't good enough?”

“Not on purpose, but I can't help but feel that way sometimes. We both know I'm not that special. I mean, the only impressive thing I've ever done is eat 37 pizza rolls, and not kill the flowers you gave me. I'm so sorry,” you cried, “I'm sorry you got stuck with an idiot.”

He pulled you in for a tight embrace, smoothing out your hair. “D-don't ever say that.” he cooed. “You're - you're clever, lovely, and always give me something t-t-to smile about.”

“Anyone can do that.”

Pulling back a little, he gave your shoulder a squeeze and softened. “N-no, not at all. Y-you give away dreams, smiles, and kindness. You're reliable, and I-I can trust you. And there is no one in the universe th-that could compare t-to you when it comes to being the perfect woman. If anything, I'm th-the defect here.”

“No, you're perfect Ricky.”

Placing a lock of hair behind your ear, he continued. “I'm glad y-you think so, but this isn't a-about me. You - you dressed up today, in a-a elegant dress that I'd n-never seen before,” and pressing a kiss behind your ear, he whispered with a little gleam of pride in his eyes.. “wearing the perfume I-I-I made you. Smelling like a-a dream.”

Again, how anyone considered this charmer a doofus you'd never know. “I had been saving it for a special occasion.”

“Everyday with you is - is special.”

“Oh Rick. That's…thank you.”

Pointing at your feet, “And I noticed that you're closer t-t-to my height today, but your feet must be hurting by now. Would y-you like to take them off?”

Oh, your feet were screaming. And now that you weren't pretending, you slipped out of your shoes which made you lose about four inches. Picking up your shoes and shoes and dusting them off, he continued. “That must feel better. I-I-I had to wear heels for a case once. It ugh - it's not practical when y-y-you have to run.”

“Right? I don't see how other women do it, cause I can't. I'm not even sure why I own them. I should just burn those things.”

You'd say it was half relief, half joy that made him laugh wholeheartedly at this, and you didn't see how it could be so funny. You poked him and pouted, and he delighted in this. “See?” he chuckled, looking at you in that funny way he did from time to time.

“See what?”

“This. This is th-the girl I fell in love with,” he stated matter of factly. “the one who likes t-to be comfortable, speaks her mind and prefers those jeans with th-the rip on the side. Not to mention those graphic t-shirts. Or cute pj's.”

Your breath caught a little at this confession. How could the smartest man in the universe adore an impertinent person like you? Maybe the same way you could love the smartest man; you just do. In your girlish voice, you said. “I only wanted you to be proud of me.”

Holding you a fraction tighter, he pressed a light kiss to your temple and chuckled sweetly. “Y-you already do princess. Today y-you made an effort for me, and that's impressive, but honestly, I want you t-t-to be comfortable and dress up how y-you like. You as yourself is what impresses me, because you have s-s-so much spirit, and I - that's what makes y-you gorgeous.”

This time you didn't even try to hide your blush.

“Oh Rick, hearing you say that really does make me feel silly. Why did I do this to myself? What was I thinking?”

“I believe y-you're still trying to figure it all out like the rest of us, and I can't get mad at you for th-that because you're wonderfully human. You had good intentions, and th-that's what counts.”

“Can you forgive me?”

“I al-already have.”

TBC

#doofus rick #doofus rick x reader #rick sanchez x reader #j19z7 #rick j19z7 #rnm fanfic #my writing #my works

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lightseeker100 · 6 years

Note

Hey, can you, like, explain why and how youre a christian and how you cope intellectually with h the lack of empathy in Christians and the icky stuff in the old Testament, etc.? Because I'm not doing a good job with that. I feel abandoned by God. Like I have been for years.

Hello anon! Sorry if it has taken me a long time to reply, I am bad at keeping up with my inbox. Also, this is a big question, so I have a big answer! Even though I am long-winded, I may not explain things perfectly, so feel free to ask for clarification if I don’t explain something well.

Also, just know that what lead me to God and keeps me in a relationship with Him may not necessarily be the same for you. There is no one formula to lead to a strong relationship with God. Just as we are all individuals who think and feel in individual ways, so is our relationship with God suited to our individual selves. He knows us best, and my relationship with God could not possibly be the same as your relationship with God. And that is a great thing! It shows just how grand God’s love is; that He is able to form relationships with ALL kinds of people from ALL walks of life and ALL kinds of experiences!

That aside, I will address your answer in 4 parts to make it easier to organize for myself and for you, and others who may read this.

1) First and foremost, why I am a Christian:

To start, let me say that I grew up in a Christian home. Many may think that this fact automatically takes away any credibility I have about my faith. If it is all I have known, from the moment I was born, how could I possibly be right, if I never left the faith nor tried other things/experienced other faiths? That is a thought many non-belivers may have, and I too have had and struggled with. But, here is the thing. Although I grew up in the faith, that does not automatically mean I always lived it. From middle school to high school God was a crutch for me. He was my personal God. I only came to Him when I wanted something for myself. I only spoke with Him when I needed something from Him. I acted the way a good Christian girl should on the outside. But, on the inside I was wicked. That is not a relationship with God. That is a relationship with yourself, using God as some sort of genie who is meant to serve your wants - or worse, using God as an excuse for your sin or ignoring Him when you know you are doing something He would not approve of. Anyone can tell you a relationship that is one-sided like this can not really be called a relationship at all.

I committed many sins under the title of Christian. Some of which I am not yet ready to share with the world, so feel free to ask me in my private messages about them. Some that I will share are slandering others, gossiping, lying, selfishness, pridefulness, and more.

Now, I did always believe in God. I believed He existed, and that belief strengthened over time. There was no one moment where I just believed wholeheartedly. It was more like a gradual understanding of who God is as I got older and gained more knowledge. Why I believed also changed over time. First it was the scientific evidence that supports creation. Next, it was hearing my mother and others share their spiritual experiences where God spoke directly to them. But, most of all, what enforces my belief today and continuously does is my observations of nature. When I see the trees and the sky and all their intricacies, I wonder how one cannot believe in a Creator. This is why Romans 1:20 is my favorite verse.

“For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God.” (NLT)

Again, these are the things that strengthen my own faith. They do not have to be the same for you. Andy Stanely, a wonderfully intelligent pastor, states that we all have to adopt a faith of our own - not our parent’s faith, nor our friend’s faith, nor the faith of our childhood.

Despite there being no singular moment where I believed in God, there was a singular moment where I realized I was not actually living for God. This past summer, I realized I wasn’t actually fully committed to Him. I was doing better in that I was not always coming to Him for my own needs, but I still wasn’t really truly in love with God. I was lukewarm in my faith. Comfortable in my faith. This came to my attention after reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. You should certainly give it a read yourself. I found it in a box of books while I was actually looking for the book Mere Christianity by C.S Lewis ( another great book if you are dealing with doubts ). I truly think God wanted me to read Crazy Love first though. He wanted me to see that my relationship with Him was strained, and I am so glad I found that book and gave my time for reading it.

Ever since then, I’ve been wholehearted in my love for God! He has given me a renewed passion for Him and I am so thankful for it! He has saved me from the depths of my suffering!

2) Secondly, how I cope intellectually with the lack of empathy in Christians

I will be honest (and I mean this as kindly as I can! I hope it does not appear rude in how I phrase it!) this is a bit of a loaded question. It is better to say “lack of empathy in many/some Christians”. I am friends and have interacted with many wonderful Christians whose hearts break so easily for others. And, they are like that because they are passionately in love with Christ, and they know that without Him they would still be in the depths of their sufferings (as I was too before I committed myself fully to Him). But, I am also friends with Christians who lack empathy, who can be hard on others and judgemental thinking comes easily to them - so I will not pretend they don’t exist.

For those Christians you speak of who lack empathy, know that that is a sign that they either have either 1) a fractured relationship with God 2) no real relationship at all or 3) are at the beginning stages of working on their relationship with God. These people can be frustrating for those of us who feel that we really are living for God, as it can give this appearance that all Christians are this way and in turn gives God Himself a bad appearance. But, those are the people we must pray for even more! We cannot do much to change their thoughts and hearts - only God can do that (see Jeremiah 17:10 and Psalm 44:21). And, we should not judge their relationship with God! I myself was in a broken relationship with God (in fact, I believe all of us who are current followers of Christ can say that there was a time when we were not fully committed to Him) so I could not possibly judge others when I myself was in that exact situation. All we can do is pray for them.

Also, I should add that I am no real intellectual! All GOOD things I say or do cannot come from my own mind, but from God!

“Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.“ (James 1:17 NLT)

I make sure to pray everytime I speak about Him, because I never want my words to honor me - but to honor God and the truth about Him. If I ever speak falsely, I hope others who know His Word better will point it out to me so that I can be corrected! (And it has happened before thanks to the wonderful @john15-10 and @moderndayoutsider and @strawberry-milktea whom you should follow if you want more guidance! They are strong believers indeed.)

There was a time when I found pride in my own intelligence - but now I know that God has granted such to me. I cannot take pride in what is not my own. Rather, I am thankful that God has granted me my mind, and I know my knowledge will NEVER be a great as God’s. Francis Chan explains it wonderfully in Crazy Love. He says we are like a can of soda, and all of God is a vast ocean. Our brain the size of a can of soda, even overflowing, can only hold a tiny fraction of Him.

3) Thirdly, the icky stuff in the Old Testament

I will be honest, I am not 100% sure what you mean by this anon (which is not a fault of yours, but of mine for failing to understand completely!). My best guess is certain things like God calling Abraham to sacrifice His son, or God condemning homosexuality, or God allowing people to die in the flood or people to die when He destroyed Sodom and Gamorra.

Here is my thoughts with those things. I do not actually see them as ‘icky stuff’. If I were to take these things at face value I would understand completely why you call it that! But, if you really delve into these things and examine them carefully, you will discover that they are not icky at all. They just go to prove how much of a righteous judge God is. Most likely what you are struggling with is that which appears icky is really just the devil fogging up your mind with misunderstandings. Do not rely on your own mind! If you search for understanding outside of your own, you will discover that there is something you may have missed or misinterpreted. Remember the example I shared from Francis Chan: Our brain at its max capacity can only understand a bit of Him. If we could fully understand Him and His plan, then He would not be God.

“’For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.’” - (Isaiah 55:8-9 NIV)

The bible I use currently is an excellent material if you need more understanding of God’s word alongside your bible readings. (Here it is). It gives lots of further explanations of individual verses and adds other information on the history of that time period as well as cross-references other verses in the bible. But, that bible is a bit pricey, so I also suggest these free sites: Desiring God and Focus on the Family. There are also many books sold (that are fairly cheap!) meant to be read alongside your bible to help explain the more complex verses.

Ultimately, seek guidance!! Talk to people who are experts on the bible like a pastor, and they will help you with even the itty bitty things that are causing you to struggle. And, again, pray!! Pray that God will bring you wisdom and understanding. Pray He will provide for you the ability to see His word clearly and not be frustrated, confused, or disgusted by it!

4) Lastly, and most importantly feeling abandoned by God.

This is the most critical section of your question, I feel. It appears to me that everything you are struggling with boils down to this. You feel abandoned. I absolutely can relate to that feeling. I was at that point many times in my life.

Last year, during my sophomore year of college, I went through what I believe was a period of depression. I never went to a doctor to find out if that is what it really was so I cannot say it with certainty. All I know is that there was a hollowness in my heart. I felt apathetic to others. I put up walls and locked out my friends and family. I was easily angered by others. I wanted to ignore the world. But, at the same time, I felt alone. I was deeply lonely, and my foolish solution was to hide from the world. I went to sleep and prayed not to wake up again. I slept at every opportunity because when I was asleep I could escape from reality. I could fall into my dreams where everything was happy and exactly to my liking. When I woke up, I would lie in bed, wishing for the day to pass as quickly as possible so I could fall back into the peacefulness of sleep once again.

I felt abandoned by God at this time. I cried out to Him at night, asking why He hasn’t spoken to me. Why I couldn’t feel His presence anymore. I prayed that He would show Himself to me - would speak out loud, would show me some sign!

What I failed to realize at this time, is that God had never abandoned me. He was not off, helping some other suffering soul and ignoring me. Instead, He was waiting for me.

When we suffer, it is not because God is making us suffer, it is because we are allowing ourselves suffer. We cry out for God, but do not put in the effort to seek Him. When we lose something important to us, do we hope for it to be found and then wait for it to appear before us? No, of course not. If it was truly important to us, we would go looking all over the place for it. We would turn our house upside down until we find that thing we are desperately looking for. This is how we should feel towards God. If He is truly important to us, then we will desperately go looking for Him. Not sit still and wait for Him to find us.

This summer, I realized that the real reason I felt abandoned was because I was stuck in sin and did not really want to get out. It was not because God had abandoned me, but because I abandoned Him. Still I was trying to use Him as some crutch. I was trying to fit Him into a box that was supposed to help my desires right when I wanted them. I wanted God to come and save me, and yet didn’t want to reach out and take His hand that has been right in front of me this whole time.

So, my advice to you is to run after Him!! Go to church and engage with the messages. Worship Him like you’ve never worshipped before. Engage with other believers who are passionate. Read the bible. Read your devotional. Pray and Pray and Pray and Pray.

And, I too will pray for you. May you find God. May you see He never abandoned you. May you fall deeply in love with Him. May you learn more about His true qualities. And then, praise Him with everything you’ve got!!!

#god #christ #christian #christianity #the bible #the holy bible #jesus christ #love #depression #testimony #ask

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