#i made most of these a While ago

[shinkaishoujo103]

You're a real one if you remember my very first enstars textposts

#i made most of these a While ago #and just realised now that maybe i finally have enough to post them #since i was waiting to get a good amount first #enstars #ensemble stars #arashi narukami #kanata shinkai #midori takamine #kaoru hakaze #souma kanzaki #hiiro amagi #rinne amagi #tatsumi kazehaya #mayoi ayase #niki shiina #i should definitely make more textposts actually. i need to make that a habit whenever people are like 'this post is [chara]core' #oh and please do excuse me if some of those were already made #saku rambles

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[redfieldkennedy2018]

this is stupid

#here tumblr take this gif I made a while ago #posted it on tenor first and it has got more than 1k shares by now so hilson nation all over the world thank u #thought these two deserve their own iconic heart locket thingy that I noticed most ships have #hilson #house x wilson #house md #dr house #gregory house #james wilson #hatecrimes md #malpractice md

[xiewho]

could i get a fabian pretty pls… possessed would be cool but anything with him is fine

based on that one fake bad kids twt thread that i Cannot find for the life of me

#my clerical gnomance logo made by veddabredda #<- forgot to add this a while ago aaah sorry #i already had the possession wip in my files when u sent this ask #so i decided to draw another fabian ehe #idk if uve seen it anon but i did end up finishing and posting the possession piece :D #IF ANY1 FINDS THE ORIGINAL FAKE TWT THREAD PLEASE TELL ME BTW ILL RB IT #in my head he's talking to jawbone but this might be the most uncanonical thing ive ever drawn #fabian has not thought once in his life that perhaps he needs therapy. Perchance #fabian seacaster #fantasy high #dimension 20 #fantasy high junior year #my art #guys i will get to all....most....(some) art rqs eventually in uhh due time #i get distracted drawing other stuff xd #asks #reqs

[irlpretear]

#i made this poll a while ago but only made it for 1 day #obligatory yes i know the genres i combined arent the same but i wanted to cover the most ground #punk

[yuzuuu4]

stickers i once made for a small event

#cutting the borders was the worst part (i hand cut most of them) #these were all made in the middle of me taking exams <3 #the event passed a long while ago so i think its safe if i post these now #my favorites are based on what and apartment complex bc i drew them good #i still dont have my own copy of these im so sad #dan heng #caelus #alhaitham #kaveh #genshin impact #honkai star rail #hsr

[expelliarmus]

#mine #doctor who #dwedit #john hurt #billie piper #david tennant #matt smith #haven't made a dotd gifset in a while so time to remake this from a few years ago!! #dotd is almost 10!!! :')))) #also i cannot stop looking at my ten (fourteen....) and donna icon #they make me so happy!!! #tomorrow i get my new class and i've been trying to mentally prepare myself for a bunch of new 5 and 6 year olds #i will most likely be exhausted every day this week lmao...

[ink-the-artist]

so somehow it’s the first time I’ve seen your Dogs illustration from May. it’s very very cool and strongly reminds me of AI-generated art — did you use AI to inspire the shapes? or otherwise influence the piece somehow? interested in your process! very cool.

yes! some more directly reference ai images id generated than others lol

#these were made in artbreeder (formerly called ganbreeder) #theyre obviously shifting their focus to ai art if u couldnt tell by the name change #which is unfortunate but they still have available the original ai image generator i used years ago #these pics are just the ones i remember referencing #i referenced a ton of different images to get a good idea of how to make the dogs sufficiently fucked up #i have a bunch of older horror art on here that was very inspired by ai images but most of the time i didnt use references #just tried to emulate the effect of ai #i want to start using references more often so i can get a better feel for this stuff and get better at emulating that effect without them #its def challanging trying to draw something that just barely registers as a thing without drawing the thing itself #and that emulates the uncannyness of ai images #i also dont want to just draw the ai images one to one exactly as they are i more so want to create the same feeling that they create #while still having it be my own thing #its honestly kinda hard to explain the process of drawing this stuff just bc of the nature of ai images lol

[hansama]

Day 5 - Lazy...

cozy hours.... u////u) ♥ ♥ ♥

(+ bonus undercut)

@sansxyouweek

without the front stuff bc i subtly worked for that sans booty//////

#undertale #sans #undertale sans #sansxyouweek2023 #han #han x skellie #oc #oc x canon #collab #you didn't think just cuz i was busy with the poll I wouldn't post anything for sans x you week did you? #WRONG #this is one my favourite and most anticipated day >///<) ♥ ♥ #bc of this drawing specifically!!!//// #remember a while ago i said i collabed with my friend... yeah... this drawing was actually done last week #my friend (who doesn't want to be mentioned or credited :'DD) did the sketch and I edited it linearted colored and made the bg!! #i put all of my heart into it bc I love it sm >///////< #it's incredibly rare for me to work on a proper han x skellie drawing like this >///> #so.... aaaaaaaahhh >///< ♥ ♥ #my heart is going to burst!!!!

[terrornothorror]

crisis of faith

[happy birthday season 2]

#ava silva #sister beatrice #warrior nun fanart #warrior nun #avatrice #alba baptista #kristina tonteri young #eternal love for this show it really made me draw fanart again after a long while … #and I have a lot of WIPS of them I want to finish. man . it’s. sugshsjjsjdhjdkskjdksjjsjs #“’everyone remembers where they were’ I was drunk and losing at a drag bingo event and came home to see avatrice kiss spoilers . a year ago #also truly thank u to this show for making me want to try fun illustrations like this like this is not my area of expertise djdjjdjdjdjd #thank you for the love most of all

[luck-of-the-drawings]

smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.

#jrwi show #jrwi fanart #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying #nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess #ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so #i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little. #AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair. #AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair #both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother. #GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home #but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns. #he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again #not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO #i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED #all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis #but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum #and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it #youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales. #YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!! #you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound. #elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now. #this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes #BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply

[sysig]

A very normal scientist doing very normal gene splicing experiments (Patreon)

#Doodles #UT #Handplates #Gaster #Wobbledogs #Sometimes media flooding bleeds over into other interests at the same time and yes that is my only justification for this lol #I'm always most amused by the sequence of things lol - I'd already started in on Handplates again but then got very diverted by Wobbledogs #Which is especially weird to me because I was introduced to the game like half a year ago and it didn't really grab me #It's cute but eh it's fine - and then I watched a proper lightly edited playlist not like jumpcut-jumpcut-jumpcut #That can make for a very punchy one-off but it doesn't really reflect the gameplay loop #So actually getting to see it properly made the difference and I kinda Get It now and also kinda want to own the game lol #MeanWhile - Ghoster's been hanging out as my desktop buddy literally /while/ watching and I was getting new ideas on that front #They smushed together lol #Having him onscreen is just a good excuse to do a quick once-over style of study and follow some silly ideas haha #What would Gaster think of a progressive mutation type game ♪ Watching them grow watching them struggle to walk #Only uses the scold feature - or the worse option that he treats the dogs better than the skelebros noooo haha #Pretty much all of the creatures in Undertale are sentient to some degree aren't they :0 Wobbledogs are just dogs #They're not monsters but they're not humans but they're not exactly just dogs either - just little creachurs haha #It's fun to imagine him nurturing anyone or anything haha ♪ Goes from ''???'' to ''How can I help this reach their full potential'' #Whatever ''potential'' means in his own context hehe #It's cute in its own way

[blushedfemme]

animated robin hood & maid marian are butchfemme coded, aristocats duchess and thomas o’malley are butchfemme coded, etc etc YES but tell me…. when are we gonna pay these two their dues:

what do you know about lady and the tramp 2: scamp’s adventure?? her name is literally ANGEL. half her dialogue is telling the creepy bad guy who’s always trying to flirt with her “i’m NOT your girl 🙄” and so obviously 6 year old me wanted to be her so bad. his name is SCAMP and he’s independent and so earnest and noble but also well. a bit of a scamp!! he wants to run away from home and do his own thing!!! she just wants a home bc she lives in the junkyard and has never felt security and safety!! like are you kidding me

#blushing #the most self indulgent post i’ve made in a while but anyways #butchfemme #sfw post #my synopsis is based on the last time i watched this which was 17 years ago

[soaked-ghost]

okay just 1 (one) more 🤭🤭🤭

#leave them alone ink they're thinking gay thoughts about u #made this a while ago to practice color and shading and all I didn't pay much attention to the dialogue #that was the most fun I've ever had drawing especially with the knight's black shading I think it's turned out wonderful ^^ #ink sans #theknight #undertale oc #sans au #utmv #art #myart #just realized that people might not get why the knight smiling is gay but that's because that edgelord never smiles- #-and fighting for them is like a weird gay thing for them. so them smiling and showing that they like fighting- #-ink specifically is pretty gay to me lolz

[mokutone]

your art makes me wanna start testosterone

i can't read tone well, so this is either an incredibly touching ask, or an extremely funny one, and in the absence of confirmation: both!

i'm in a chatty mood, so i'll share some thoughts about testosterone and my art.

i liked being on testosterone a lot. i had an IM injection every two weeks (on tuesdays!) and because that's a sizeable dose every 14 days that slowly disperses, it can cause some mood fluctuations (every other friday i would have a crisis about not feeling like the world had a place for me in it) but even those were far more manageable than the ones that would come with my previous and current monthly hormone cycle (every month i spend a solid week thinking the world will never have a place for me in it)

It gave me a patchy little bit of scruff on my chin and a whispy mustache under my nose that still struggles on, despite adversity!

It redistributed my fat a little bit, but that's long since gone back to pre-T shape.

it lowered my voice! that hasn't changed :^)! even if i never go back on t, that won't change. it was the thing i most wanted, and its the one i'm most grateful for. Pre-T, I didn't speak much. I'm getting better and better at talking and getting more and more comfortable communicating with people because of it.

having been off t now for 3 years, i don't pass anymore—not as a cis man, or a cis woman, certainly not as anything approximating straight. if people look at me and see anything, i'd hazard a guess that they see me as A Queer (the noun—for all it's complicated connotations).

i'm not surprised that my art might make somebody want to start testosterone! a lot of my art was made out of the aching grief that came with being kicked off of testosterone, and how neatly that loss of autonomy over my own body knits in with yamato's loss of autonomy over his own.

how my body started doing things i disliked, how i didn't have the support necessary to access the healthcare i needed—how my inability to give myself what i needed made me feel as though i were trapped inside of myself and abandoned (by both myself and the world at large)

when i write comics about yamato as a trans man, i don't take away his testosterone, because that hits a little too close to home for me. for Ninja War Town Reasons, he has plenty of access to all the HRT he could ever need and nobody questions his need for it—instead, i project my own horrors onto the way Danzō defined his identity for him as a child, the way that Kabuto and Obito dehumanize him as an adult in their war efforts, and reduce him to the thing his body holds (the Mokuton). I give him a kneejerk compulsion to dehumanize himself (out of a feeling that he has a duty to his community to do so) and I give him a slow-growing resistance to that impulse (which comes out of a feeling that the people he loves would frown upon seeing him reduce himself like that)

it's dysphoria! it's not gender dysphoria, but it's a loss of self, and a need to reclaim it. it's a war between the hollow shell of a thing he thinks he has to be, and the vibrant and messy person beneath it that he is. it's a desperate need to say "this is who i am—only i can say it"

I enjoyed HRT a lot. it was a really useful tool in helping me feel like my body was my own, that i didn't have to fight it, that we were the same entity. It's not the only tool, but it was a really good one, and one day I hope to use it again.

(as for the being off of it—it's unpleasant, but i'm enduring! being somebody who now doesn't really pass as anything has put me in a weird and interesting position, where I'm constantly having to declare myself to people, because nobody knows what to make of me on any front. they don't know if i'm a man, a woman, nonbinary, nor even what age i am (Augh!!!!) it forces me to be brave and vulnerable more than I'm comfortable with—if I tell somebody I'm a man, there's no way that they will believe I'm cis, but I'm not about to recloset myself—and I don't think I could at this point anyway.)

(there's something fascinating about the position i find myself in, and while i'd leap back on t the moment that an opportunity presented itself to do so, i do feel like i'm experiencing something interesting and important in this weird zone i find myself in)

#yamswers #anonymous #dysphoria discussion #q slur — only because i literally use it in the noun form most associated w/ dehumanization #i love that u asked this on a tuesday. thank u for asking this on a tuesday #happy testosterone tuesday to all who celebrate #i also got top surgery a while ago—which is responsible for about 50% of my average suicidal idealizations vanishing #because my chest was my second biggest site of dysphoria after my voice #it was far less painful than i dared imagine. and far more satisfying. i had an excellent and lucky recovery #my results aren't perfect but oh man. the joy of being able to press my hand (flat) to my chest (flat). #the way that a binder mimics the exact squeeze around my lungs that a panic attack stimulates— #not feeling that when i'm out in public? thank you modern medicine. thank you. oh my god. no more false flag panic attacks #i had to fight my insurance for two years and all the health providers i contacted told me the hoops i was being made to jump through #seemed utterly ridiculous. and it was still gobs of money but i got it. so grateful u cannot even imagine #a lot of people describe their feelings post op as “relief—finally i could see myself” #but i experience...more delight than relief. joy. is joy the absence of pain or the presence of happiness? can i tell the difference? #on my worst days i can lay a hand on my heart. and i can lay a hand on my heart. and i can lay a hand on my heart. and i can lay a hand on

[aranakula]

he would make a solid minion

#i made this like a year ago at the back of my ds paper #and forgor about it until i found that paper today while cleaning #like damn. scaraminion fr #scaramouche #genshin impact #wanderer #or david. as i call him #it was the most whiteboy name i could find and named him that as a joke #i love david though he is fun to explore with #doodles #my art