#i just wanted to make myself uwu

[puppyeared]

i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand

#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona #its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around #one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them #making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth #i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since #memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an #association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont #fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell #on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one #dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong #despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them #interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing #i struggle find a balance between those two things #actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of #her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard #or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it?? #maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard #although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh #yapping #oc talk #oc

[messy-crisantemo]

Pocket-sized MDZS

#I may draw more characters in the future uwu #just wanted to make stickers for myself tbh lol #wei wuxian #wei ying #lan wangji #lan zhan #wen ning #jiang yanli #lan sizhui #jin ling #lan jingyi #wangxian #mdzs juniors #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #my art #mdzs fanart

[yourlocaldisneyvillain]

uh, ladies? i don't feel ready to turn 27

#personal #i currently have 68 euros on my bank account bc two of my pays have been late again #upside: my rent is payed! downside: i am not sure i can currently afford breakfast ajkfdshg #and i got humiliated in an auto body shop and spilled stale mozzarella water all over myself #and got yelled at by random guys to not park literally right in front of my building #and work has been shit #and uni as well #and this is just not how i imagined my 27th birthday lol #to be fair it is tomorrow not today #but still #anyway i wanted to scream into the void #i am overworked and tired and i have been ill for over a week #and i feel like everyone is mad at me and i am continuing to make Wrong choices aaskjfdsg #i hope it is Just A Feeling #and not actual reality #adsjfhghjgfdh #anygay i have emerged to be Sad Emo uwu and now i return to my regularly scheduled suffering #pls someone tell me it's normal for your late 20's to feel like this askfjdshjgdfhjd and i can still have nice things

[boyywithluv]

.

#having a creative rut feeling #gonna rant #im basically a giant baby and i don't handle angst very well #and i constantly worry that im just. idk mentally weak or a deeply uninteresting person bc of it. #every big fantasy artist i see is usually very into making sad or angsty pieces and like i wish i was like that #like i fall into this mental hole very very often that im just holding myself back with how many subjects i dont write or draw #but also like when i DO write dark subjects it doesn't make me feel any better?? #i dont like feeling sad or angry bc once i am its extremely hard to get back out of it. #and thats scary for me. #but also i want to make art that means something instead of my nonestop slew of smut and feelgood content. #i genuinely feel so trapped by my own emotions and its sp frustrating. #i keep getting told how good for you it is to get the negative feelings out but it never helps when i do it #i just feel. worse? i dont feel good. #i kinda wanna delete the one cloud post bc it just doesn't feel good. #ugh #idk i want to have good intelligent things to say and thoughtful art to make #and everything i make feels soft and cheesey and lame. #not that i find those things lame #but just that it feels like im stuck in baby brain. #when i was a teen i would write horror stories!!! i still love horror!!! #but if i make someone suffer in fic now it feels me with this awful awful overwhelming sense of dread and guilt and i end up so upset #im frustrated at me bc this is such a fucking weird sensitivity to have. im tried of telling myself its okay #bc i WANT to feel mentally free enough to create shit that isnt just uwu soft. #i don't think im making sense but like. #you know #I've literally been bullied out of fandom spaces for only making soft content #multiple times. #so idk maybe this is a learned sense of shame #but i feel like a big over sensitive baby and like I'd be able to do so much more if i wasn't #vent ish

[fisheito]

"Who ordered the ugliest effing skirt I've ever seen"

-kuya (1956)

#gonna put the fox in silly little outfits because i want him to wear high heels even while rollerskating #fox ears and tail were not planned. i finished the drawing but then he just. #needed the extra uwu factor #me trying to call myself out like #kuya would NOT have that expression. that expression does not look like kuya #kuya would be smiling. he would be killing it. flaunting it #but. i mean. he would also be extremely unimpressed #like he lets eiden have one free fantasy scenario #and it so happens that last night eiden learnt about retro usamerican diners as some flashy themed dining experiment (thanks internet) #so the magic just defaults to this vague combo of rollerskating maid diner #and when kuya sees the setup and the servitude and the general neon hues of it #he has TACKYTACKYTACKY scrolling through his mind but #it's eiden. so he'll see where this goes #tbh the internet. eiden. and kuyas magic. existing in the same realm of possibility is Dangerous #eiden hanging out the side of the car sayin hey lil mama let me survive one more night pls i didnt mean to make u a catgirl burger server #eiden #kuya

[honeyblockm]

.

#i have some questions about the nature of parental relationships that i dont really want to ask #but everyone has to promise to either be very blunt and honest about answering or simply just ignore them #if i ever get around to making myself do the Thing I Don't Want To Do #lol #HEART. strikes a pose #rbs are off but maybe dont reply to this post either uwu for me #delete later

[merchantarthurn]

went back to get some Cool Shots of symon and ended up feeling so very normal about height differences again. get yourself a boyfriend who's just as weedy as you are but looks like a brick shithouse

#bg3 #you can hardly tell what symon's class is [wearing the Bard Hat and Bard Armour for the whole fucking game] #im honestly just hamstringing myself at this point but this is HIS LOOK #the colour only changes cos i wanted the fae green but couldn't get it until act 3 sobs #im sure much to astarion's chagrin he doesn't 'intimidate' much but im sure that makes it Better the few times he does uwu

[lightbulb-warning]

16 classmates means 256 potential dynamics to explore if we only consider 1 on 1 interactions (which i will! ...until this sentence ends) and that means 256 drawings. considering that group interactions exist and it can be any combo that is... a way larger number.

i have 2 hands, 0 time and too much ambition!!

haha! oh no.

#i would like to live my life and also fundematally tear apart my hpfxtn from the inside out and roll in its guts #that's not really possible unfortunately #because TIME #bitches love to hate on me for “quality over quantity uwu” which is valid as FUCK babe you do you #i need to do me and me wants to be engulfed in the concept of interaction. yes specifically through ship art. #that means gotta go fast. #as in. i get told a lot i should not try to improve my drawing speed because i draw fast enough. they fail to consider that i want to!!!! #my brain is an enigma to me too im a barely functioning human if me having social competence comes in the form of free art then #my therapist is gonna make so much fun of me i guess #/lh #mind you. this here talking to myself? this is all silly bullshit ego. i know very well whatever i WANT to do ill end up drawing koquichechi #“ok me we made a plan to practice drawing subtle understated emotions with charact-” “what if we drew koquichechi slapstick instead” #“but the PLAN??” “look at that. it's koquichechi.” #and then i babysit myself into FORCING myself to draw shit i want to draw and would enjoy drawing but it takes SO LONG #an doing things that take time *takes time*. outrageous. how dare you. i hate it. (bla bla bla time is an illusion i KNOW) #and im still figuring out subtle. groooooaaaaaaannnnnnnnn!!!!!!! #eh whatevs! #whether i make ANY of my bullshit projects real or not what matters is having fun with it before i die /lh #its gonna be okay #*yearning* i just think itd be cool!! #shut up maiora #rambling #i get threatened with violence constantly by art friends. they're so completely right. #anyway tell me all about your rare-pairs if you want!! i might scribble em in my free time :> #(use the ask box) #(yes platonic too!) #(i think itd be fun 👉👈) #(i wanna hear people's thoughts!!) #(might be done in pencil ^^') #(im getting distracted HAVE A NICE DAY BUHBYE)

[deityofhearts]

ya know it’s honestly funny and weirdly comforting when my friends call me a fake gremlin or green tea bitch because like despite that they still love me and like having me around

#deity dialogue #idk like I’m the past I’ve struggled a lot with like ‘performative positivity’ where I wouldn’t ever let myself be anything other than peppy #24/7 even when it was exhausting and I wasn’t happy #and then irl I deal a lot with being treated like an idiot and infantalized and so I’ve in an attempt to make myself feel better #started to lean into it like sure make whatever assumptions you want about me I’ll find a way to benefit from you treating me like this #I’ll pretend to be an uwu sweet angel if that pleases you or whatever. #but like it’s also nice because like around my friends and loved ones I can have actual emotions other than happiness 24/7 #that being said I still talk like an elementary school teacher I cannot change this I’m sorry #that’s not fake I just talk Like That I know I use and excessive amount of exclamation points and question marks this won’t change lmao #I also like to think I’m somewhat peppy and social? sure my social skills suck ass and I’m terrified of everyone ever #but I also love to talk to people and hear from people I’m just kinda at a point where I struggle to even reach out first to most people any #more. it feels like if I try to maintain contact or reach out first that I’m overstepping and should be killed in sight lmao #so again sorry if y’all don’t hear from me much or at all it’s not anything y’all did I just struggle a lot and idk how to not T-T #I have to hope that someday it’ll get easier #rn the main thing helping is the reassurance and patience from ny beloved friends <3 I love my friends sm #the tags r all over the place sorry I’m half asleep

[pinkhysteria]

"dni if you *thing that applies to me*" - "i hate people who *thing that applies to me*" - "*endless posts and/or tweets vaguing thing that i said*" ← somebody who will be following me.

#🧍🏽‍♀️.txt #and it's not about difference of opinion or jokes. 😭 #i have very little in common with my best friend of 10+ years and i love her dearly so that's not an issue. #i follow plenty of people who i don't agree with on every little thing and can even passionately disagree djskjdsk #but i'll just scroll and move along... #i will never voluntarily subject myself to somebody who if i see their thoughts and opinions on their own blog it'll make me furious. #but these ppl... #i'll never forget when someone was in my mentions saying everybody with *mental illness i have* tends to be awful lmfao. #it's Illegal for someone to dislike your uwu fave or be mentally ill but here you are... fraternizing with the criminal! #and it was a problem years ago but there's an uptick w/ppl who would want nothing to do with me if not for access to gifs of whatever. #and having been both cyber and irl stalked i genuinely find being hyper-perceived like and for this deeply aggravating. #just go away. because clearly proximity to lil ol internet me is driving you crazy.

[sysig]

Yellow Birdo, Birdo but make her yellow 💛 (Patreon)

#My art #Birdo #Birdoooooo <3 <3 #The posing's a bit stiff but the important part is that she's here <3 #I love classic pink Birdo so much ahhh ♥ But I also wanted to make a different Birdo myself #I know yellow Birdo is already a playable recolour in some games but all the more reason to draw and accept her! #There's no colour in the rainbow I could choose that would make an ''original'' Birdo so I just went with the one I wanted haha #Yellow's such a bright chirpy colour it seems very suitable for a pretty lad like Birdo uwu #And I gave her a little purple gemstone ring instead ♪ More little detail differentiations #I will continue to find excuses to pull out my scales brush as often as it is tangentially appropriate lol #Almost a dusty kind of look haha #She's cute ♥ I just love Birdos they're all cute #Those nails were fun to draw too haha #Sharp sharp sharp

[sakebytheriver]

....

#love how i lost a follower because i called the pirate show a slave owner pirate show and they said i was being bad faith 😭😭 #and then when i explained my reasons and dressed down why i dont want to watch two slave owners and traders fall in love #very patiently if i do say so myself they decided to unfollow rather than confront why they think its #in their own words ok to use slave owners as characters since there were lots of slave owners before the 1900s and there still are #so what we just arent allowed to use them as characters now #like yeah buddy i dont think we should be using slave owners and traders as characters in uwu gay fantasy shows #i think its a good rule of thumb that we dont turn slave owners and traders into white gay icons that parasocial tenderqueers go to #the graves of to do some cutesy little ceremonies to honor them as if theyre these peoples blorbos from history #dw babe i blocked you so youll never see anpther post from me 💋 #like EXCUSE ME for thinking some kitchsy little comedy show shouldnt pinkwash two ACTUAL slave owners from history #like im so very sorry i told you that i want better representation for gay people than LITERAL SLAVE OWNERS #i guess im not a very good ally 🙄 #the way they were like we should give them a pass because theyre a big show that is bringing marginalized people to the public in good ways #as if we dont live in an age where we have more rep than ever before and have to give a pass to a show that decided to make two slave owners #into two little uwu smol bean gays for the tumblr communitys consumption 🙄🙄🙄 #i just know they unfollowed because i said id seen better rep and better writing elsewhere 😪 #like no way that wasnt what offended them most 😂

[circuslollipop]

.

#tbqh the whole discussion that drawing imogen round + bespectacled = uwu softening her #makes me not want to draw c3 art #like i liked to draw her like that but i ADORE her canon personality and i dont see why the two have to be mutually exclusive #im not fat myself but i wear glasses and yeah this d/iscourse has been kinda taxing #idk where im going with this. obviously the whole One True Fanon thing bad #also this is a vent not an invitation for a debate #i'll still draw tiefs on the occasion i love my blue and purple beloveds but yeah. this d/iscourse is making cr art Not As Fun for me #as it used to be #and ofc im not saying my designs are better than canon theyre just me having fun #anyway yeah

[cetoddle]

sims game is working got a new job therapy is going well my med situation is getting sorted out.,,things are going too well i’m suspicious

#tmrw i’m going to treat myself to a little shopping uwu #i have just enough left in my account where i won’t feel bad spending a little and treating myself #after the literal hell i’ve been through the past five months i think i’ve earned a day where i just. do things that make me happy #without any regret #im going to go to the library and pick up some new books #and then i’m going to visit a cafe i’ve been wanting to check out #and i’m going to pick up some more packing supplies #and hopefully get a new piercing #and then i’m going to go do some shopping. nothing too crazy but maybe finally buy that dress i’ve had my eye on #buy some makeup i’ve been wanting to invest in #and i’m going to dress up in my favorite outfit #and it’s going to be great #snow.txt

[j-esbian]

so so so fucking tired of people who perceive working in an office as the only “”real”” jobs

#the equivocation of ‘’professional’’ to ‘’white collar’’ #the way people treat those schedules as ‘’the normal one’’ when there’s millions of people working outside those #me every weekend for the past seven months: i only have sunday off #my friends ​every time we want to hang out: can we do saturday instead uwu #and just the disparaging attitude ‘’business culture ‘’ has towards literally any job #tbqh i would rather die than work in marketing and that is. from what i can tell. most of the jobs available #in an office setting #idk maybe this is my outside opinion but a lot of those jobs feel superfluous or like. making their own problems to solve #like that post about the leftist commune where everyone was like ‘i can do admin and project management’’. how is that useful #it just feels very much like the american ideal of ‘if you work very hard you can be a self made millionaire’ #is a lot more prevalent among that class #and like i know it’s also a matter of ‘i make more than you so i’m more important. skill issue’ #but idk i just have the perception that i’m ‘’supposed to’’ go into a field i have no interest in and i’m Doing Something Wrong #and making my life unnecessarily hard on myself. because i have no interest in it #rant paused bc i’m gonna be late to work if i keep going lol #mine

[corrose]

Bro wtf. Why do peach trees need so much maintenance.

#mytext #guess who got. new peach tree #guess whos reading up on the nutso strict fungicide spray and pruning regimen literally required to keep them alive wtf man #all our other fruit trees are basically bombproof #stone fruit tree: uwu if u dont spray me 200000x before i wake up i will shit myself and die uuuu boohoohu #im. a little annoyed. why's it so much effort. i just want to eat peach!!!!!!!! #this is what i get for allowing mom to make an impulsive purchase b4 doing my research