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jinxxsims · 1 year

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Full disclaimer to begin with. This is just how I do conversions. There are no doubt other ways, possibly even better ways to convert objects, but this is the way I know how. This post is going to be long and image heavy and I am going to walk through it slowly so nothing is missed. If any of it is still confusing once you've gotten through it, feel free to send me an ask and I will answer to the best of my ability. Part One of the tutorial under the cut!

Programs You Will Need (and links where you can find them):

SimPE

Sims 4 Studio

Blender

Milkshape

Not Strictly Necessary, But Certainly Nice To Have:

The Compressorizer by JFade or @lazyduchess edit which can be found here

A Photo Editing Program - I use Photoshop, but GIMP is a completely free, open-source program and it would work just as well for recolors or texture editing.

Now onto the tutorial!

Step One - Launch Sims 4 Studio. If it is your first time launching Sims 4 Studio or if you had launched it before without maybe knowing what to do, click on "Settings" and make sure everything is pointing where it needs to.

If it's not, the objects from the Sims 4 games, EPs, and kits you own won't show once you get into the studio. Once you've adjusted the paths, hit "Save."

Step Two - From the main screen of Sims 4 Studio, select the "Object" header.

Leave it on "Standalone Recolor." Once you hit the "Object" header, the studio will begin loading all the Sims 4 meshes in your game. It will just take a few seconds for the objects to populate.

Step Three - Choose the object you want to convert.

You can use the "Game Pack" or the Search fields (which I highlighted above) to narrow down the items instead of being bombarded with all of them at once. For this tutorial, I'm going to be converting the "Caress Chair" from the Base Game.

@sims4t2bb is the most amazing database of 4t2 content. Here you can find the various packs and kits and see what has been converted already, so you don't end up converting something that's already out there available for download. Seriously, this is an amazing resource. @lafeeverte-sims and @twentyfourfirst-sims update this database in practically real time. I don't know how they do it. This is easily one of the single greatest resources for the 4t2 converters out there. Bookmark it and check it often.

Step Four - Select the item you're going to convert and hit "next" down in the bottom, right-hand corner.

Once you've clicked "next," you'll be prompted to give your file a name and choose where to save it. THIS FILE IS USELESS. It will not be used at any point during the conversion process. In fact, you can delete it the moment Sims 4 Studio creates it. If having a lot of files around confuses you more, get rid of it right away.

For my own part, I keep it around because I have the short term memory of a goldfish. I use it to set up what I'm eventually going to name my mesh file. So in this particular instance, I named this pointless file jinxxsims-4t2-base-caresschair because it is the Caress Chair and it is from the Base Game. I know, super original, right? It works for me though.

You could name this thing xyz, it wouldn't matter. As I said, the file is never going to be used. Give it a name, hit "save," and Sims 4 Studio will spend a few moments getting the file up and ready.

Step Five - It's time to gather the components of the object. First, let's get the mesh.

Choose the "Meshes" tab. The LOD 0 (High) field should already be selected. Don't change it. Finally, choose "Export Mesh." You'll be prompted to give your mesh a name. I always just name mine "mesh," because I want there to be no doubt about what files I have floating around in my WIP folder.

Once you click "save," the game will spend a few seconds extracting the mesh as a blender file. Once it's done, go to the "Texture" tab.

Step Six - Gather the textures.

Highlight one of the color swatches at the top of the window. The first one will always be the "mesh" color. Click "export." You'll be prompted to give your texture a name. I always save the first one as "mesh."

Click on each swatch and extract the textures the same way. You will be prompted to save each swatch when exporting them. I name all of mine in the simplest way possible.... rc-1, rc-2, and so on.

KEEP IT SIMPLE. Especially when just getting started. Feel free to get fancy once you get the hang of things, but when starting out... simple is best.

This is what my WIP folder looks like after I've exported all the textures. Regardless of what you're converting, yours should look similar.

Step Seven - Double-click the "mesh" file to have it open in Blender.

Full disclosure. Blender absolutely baffles me. I know there are people who can create objects from scratch in it and do other, all kinds of impressive things, but... that is not me. I use it for roughly sixty seconds, just to get the mesh in a format that Milkshape will accept, and that's it.

The first thing we need to do is eliminate the white boxes beneath the chair until the only thing left is the mesh. On the right hand side of the window, there are listings of what the mesh is currently composed of. "s4studio_mesh_0," "s4studio_mesh_1," and "s4studio_mesh_2." Next to each, there is what looks like a little eyeball. Click the eyeball and what that part of the mesh is will disappear.

In this case, when you click the eyeball next to "s4studio_mesh_0," the big white box disappears.

So, we know that "s4studio_mesh_0" is really just that white box. Go ahead and delete it by right clicking "s4studio_mesh_0" and choosing "Delete" from the drop-down menu.

Next, click the eyeball next to "s4studio_mesh_1" and the tiny white squares under each leg disappear, so we know that that layer of the mesh is just more white boxes. Right click "s4studio_mesh_1" and choose "Delete" from the drop-down menu.

You're left with just the mesh on its own, and that's perfect! In my experience, the white boxes are almost always on layers 0 and 1 if there are 2 sets of white boxes.

Step Eight - Export the mesh as an OBJ.

Go to File > Export > Wavefront (.obj)

A panel with settings will appear on the left side of the screen. Leave the default settings, but uncheck "Write Materials" beneath "Include UVs." If you leave it checked, that's ultimately fine. All it does is create an unnecessary file in your WIP folder. I uncheck it because the less unnecessary files you have floating around, the better, because there's less of a chance of confusing yourself.

Set your file path to your WIP folder (that's the black line in the image above) and give your mesh a name if you want to rename it (I just leave mine as mesh) and then click "Export OBJ." Once you've done so, you can exit Blender and delete the Blender file that Sims 4 Studio created.

This is what my WIP folder looks like now:

Step Nine - Launch SimPE. Once the program has opened, launch the Object Workshop. I have mine in a side panel, but you can also launch it by going to Tools > Object Creation > Object Workshop. When the Workshop launches, it will ask you to choose between "Start" or "Open...".

"Start" is for cloning and recoloring Maxis objects. "Open..." is for cloning and recoloring custom objects. When doing conversions of things like chairs, tables, beds, etc., choose "Start" and clone from Maxis objects. Clone from "Open..." when creating objects Maxis doesn't really have in the catalog... like the sprinkler I just shared, the single-tile workout bags I shared, or like an end table with multiple slots when you don't want to add the slots in yourself.

Since this is just a basic dining chair, we're going to choose "Start." This will take a little while for SimPE to load the whole Sims 2 catalog. Just be patient. When it's finished loading, you'll be presented with a list that looks like this:

In this instance, I'm going to choose "Seating" and then "Dining Room" since I'm converting a dining chair. This will make sure that the chair I'm converting has all the functions of a dining chair... like it will be pushed in under a desk or a table rather than be stationary like a living chair.

How do you know which object to clone? Honestly, sometimes it's a bit of a crapshoot. IgnorantBliss on MTS has compiled a list of easy-to-clone objects here that you can download and reference when cloning. I used it A LOT when I first started converting.

When you select an item to clone, most of the time it will tell you which EP it is from. I think it's generally most accepted to clone from Base Game items if there is a Base Game item available to clone from, because the most people will be able to use it, but in my own personal opinion... at this stage in the game and time, clone whatever works for you. The Sims 2 is abandonware. Everyone who wants to play the Sims 2 has access to the full game, with all its EPs for free.

OldGamesDownload works in partnership with the Internet Archive to preserve games that have been abandoned by their creators and keep them available to the public. All Sims 2 (and Sims 1!) games can be found on their website, free of charge.

I say all of that just to say... if you clone a dining chair from Apartment Life rather than the base game... that's fine! You're not obligated to meet everyone's needs, and if someone doesn't have Apartment Life but really wants your dining chair, the means to get it are out there. Create for yourself and your own convenience first.

For this tutiorial, I'm going to clone the base game dining chair "Tea Party in Teak." Once I've highlighted it in the list, I'm going to choose "Next" at the top of the Object Workshop panel.

Step Ten - Clone the object. Under "Task," choose Clone in the drop down menu. My settings look like this:

Once yours match, choose "Start."

This will bring up a panel for you to choose the name, price, and catalog description for your item. Notice how I never told you to close Sims4Studio? That's because I go back to it now to copy the information from Sims 4.

In the Sims 4 Studio window, choose the "Catalog" subheading and copy the information over to SimPE.

I always add a line beneath the description with my screenname. If I'm converting CC from Sims 4 rather than EA content, I also always include the original creator's name. I would encourage others to do the same. This way, if there's a problem with something you shared, people know who to contact. Or, if someone gets a WCIF for an object you shared, it's easy for them to know who the maker is to help a fellow Simmer out. And if you convert someone else's object, it's just in good taste to give them the credit they are due.

Once you've given your object a title, price, and description, click "Finish" in the Object Workshop. You can also close Sims4Studio at this time.

Step Eleven - Finish preparing the clone and save your mesh.

The Scenegraph rename Wizard comes up after you hit finish. In the ModelName field, give your object a name. Not everyone does this, but I do, for neatness and clarity's sake. Once you've given it a name, click "Update," and all the values in the field will be adjusted.

Ta-da! Click "OK" and you'll be prompted to save your mesh. This is when I use that dummy file that I said you could delete immediately from Sims 4 Studio. I click it so it automatically names my new save, then I add -MESH at the end.

In this case, my save file is now jinxxsims-4t2-basegame-caresschair-MESH. I always do all capitalized "MESH" because I think there's less of a chance of anyone deleting the mesh accidentally when it's there all big and bold.

Click "Save" and SimPE will create the file for you. If you hung on to the dummy file like I did, at this point, you can delete it.

And that's where I'm ending "Part One" of this tutorial. I will work on "Part Two" which will take you the rest of the way through conversions later today and hopefully have it up tonight or tomorrow!

#tutorial #resources #4t2 conversion

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lorwolf-salt · 6 months

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Okay, Coop7011 here, SaltyLoria staff, ignore my first post. Weird vore person here (she for those who don't know), not sure if I should be doing this but I figured it's better that people hear from me instead of talking about me and making things up, plus whatever the frick happened in that thread. Keep in mind all of this (besides the thread issue yesterday) happened months ago. And it started in that thread yesterday because I merely said something along the lines of 'I am not in the official Lorwolf Discord for private reasons, and never will be' and random curseword guy got butthurt about that for some reason, even though it's against the rules to discuss moderator actions. I don't know who he is, but I can only assume it was just a guy who really hates vore. And I suspect a lot of people here also hate vore, and that's fine. I just hope some of you can see past that hate and see the truth of what really happened.

Yes, I was banned from the discord, but not because I 'wanted to show little kids NSFW'. Keep in mind that while I was ON the server, my username was not Wholesome Vore Writer, it was Coop7011, the same as it was on the website. You would only see Wholesome Vore Writer if you DMed me. At the time, I did not have Nitro, so when the staff asked me to remove the link to my Ao3 (that nobody has to click, nobody is forced to read, and has warnings and tags everywhere about the content of the stories) then I'd be changing it for every single discord server I was in. They were also forcing me to change my base username, and not just my nickname on the discord server (which was Coop7011 anyway). I felt this was unreasonable, but changed it for a time so I could conclude some trade deals on the discord server. Then, after some time, I admit that I got salty about the staff of one discord server (LW) forcing me to change so much on an account that I use for so many other things. So I changed it back. Things were fine for awhile (because that's how unnoticeable it is, unless someone snoops through my profile or DMs me) but then eventually I was banned without word. I don't agree with this choice, but I've long since accepted it as a fact that I didn't heed to their requests/went back on it and thus they had their right to get rid of me. I didn't care that much as long as I was able to play on Lorwolf itself. Keep in mind that no word of my writing is on the server or the website, all of this is about my base Discord username (hidden since I set my nickname on server to be my Lorwolf username) and a link to my stories on my discord profile. Personally, I also don't agree with calling my work NSFW, as they are not sexual and I don't write them with sexual intent. They are emotional comfort stories to cope with trauma, where no one is harmed (yes vore is people being swallowed, but they're safe in my work). I won't get into too much detail about this, because frankly, I don't think it should matter what I write about off-website. It's not using Lorwolf characters and it's not being posted directly on Lorwolf anything. This is the most I've ever talked about it in a semi public space about this pet sim game. So there you go, that's what happened. And I am deeply sorry to VNX for what happened to the thread, I purposely didn't take part in discussing back and forth because I knew it would go nowhere and would just result in countless removed posts, but I guess someone else did argue about it.

#lw forums #long post #lw discord

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greenplumbboblover · 8 months

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✨Shiny new things!✨

Aaaand back with some more fancy things! Thanks again for Anon with the recommendation of adding lookbooks and more Showcase-like imagery pages :)

Come see it all on Simblr.cc

Lookbooks & Showcases:

This may seem familiar to most of you, but now you can share your pretty pictures in a pretty cool way!

📷 Showcases:

(Title isn't required btw, it's just there because of testing...)

You got some pictures taken today of your sims modelling? Or you got pretty scenery pictures, or just silly gameplay things? Then This is the place for you!

📖 Lookbooks

A special place for simmers who love showing off and sharing what their simmie is wearing today :)

Character Sheets & Overview:

Want to keep track of this legacy you're playing? Or got a story you uploaded and want to share who's who? Or, maybe, you just want to keep track of that chaotic town you're playing in?

Then this is the feature for you!

Character Sheets:

You can now upload Character Sheets! You can go in quite a bit of depth if you wanted to :) It even comes with relationships and family stuff (family tree view i'll do on a later date).

To Create a Character:

Create or Choose a project (for creating, go to your Username > My Projects > Create Project. For choosing, on the same page, click on your project)

Under Character under your Project overview, you now should see " Add New Character":

3. Once you clicked that, You'll see a bunch of things you can fill out! Most of them are not required, but it can be fun to fill it all out if you want to :)

Character Overview:

A pretty cool page for you to share with others, where they can also eventually read more on some characters!

Here you can filter, search and check out some characters!

Once you click on a character, this will also lead you to their character sheet :)

Characters in Chapter:

Last but not least: You can now use these character sheets to link what character appears in that chapter!

This way, your readers can get a bit more aquainted with the characters if they wanted to. Or, if they're looking forward to a certain character, they now know who will appear.

How do I set this?

Assuming you've already set up your character sheets, it's quite easy!

Go to your Chapter, and click edit (Skip this if you're making a chapter)

Under "Visuals" (Where you also can write a description if it's a non-carousel post) you now see this (possibly uncollapsed):

Check the characters that are in it, and save/publish your post!

Where did Blogpost go?

It's now called "User posts"! Showcase and Lookbooks should now take over what once was blogpost's purpose (confusing purpose, but it shall live on in our memories :p)

This is just a type of "Other" post you can use for something like: Announcements, Life statusses, pictures of your dog/cat

Come see it all on Simblr.cc

#simblr #simblr.cc #sims 3 #the sims #the sims 3 #ts3 #the sims 4 #sims 4 #ts4 #the sims 2 #sims 2 #ts2 #ts1 #the sims 1 #sims 1 #sims

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morrigan-sims · 11 months

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Morrigan's Custom Rig Tutorial - Making a Base Rig

So the lovely @mattodore asked me how to set custom rig heights, and also about having multiple "outfits" on the same rig, and since none of the tutorials I know of covered that, I decided to do one myself!

We're gonna cover how to set up a "base rig" for your sim, which includes their custom height and multiple outfits, so that you don't have to make a new rig from scratch every time you pose.

This is going under the cut, because it's gonna get long.

Basics:

For the purposes of this, I'm going to assume you know how to use SimRipper and blender at least a little bit. If you've never made a custom rig, this tutorial by @rebouks is a great place to start!

To follow this tutorial, you're going to need the following:

SimRipper

Blender (version of your choice, but remember that only certain versions technically work with s4s. Those include 2.78, 2.79, and anything above 3.3. I personally use 2.79, but that's because I don't like change.)

A sim of your choice, with multiple outfits, placed on any lot in any save.

Let's get started!

First Steps:

First off, you're going to need to rip your sim. Follow the tutorial I linked above to get your sim ripped, and into blender. Once you have your custom rig set up, we're ready to continue.

Optional Step 1: IK Chains

So, before you continue with this tutorial, there's something really easy you can do that will make pose-making much easier! Two things, actually. One of them is setting IK chains, and the other is locking the finger joints.

Setting IK chains means that when you move your sim's foot or hand, their whole arm moves with it, in a natural and logical way. This makes posing arms and legs SO much faster and easier.

To do it, select your sim's hand or foot joint, then go to the Bone Constraints tab in the side bar. Hit "add Bone Constraint" and select "Inverse Kinematics".

Then change the "chain length" setting to 3.

Now go back to the rig, hit "g" and see if your sim's arm moves, not just the hand. If it does, congrats, you did it! Now go through and do it for the other hand and feet.

Optional Step 2: Locking the Fingers

Sometimes when posing, you bend a finger from one direction, only to look at it from another angle and find that it looks broken. Luckily, there's an easy way to make sure that doesn't happen. (Credit to @ratboysims for the original tutorial on how to do this, but it seems to have been deleted.)

Select any of your sims' finger joints. I usually do the 1 and 2 joints, but not the 0 joint, but that's just personal preference. Hit the small plus sign at the top right of your screen to bring up the transform panel.

Under where it says "rotation", toggle the lock icons so that all of them except for the Z are locked.

Now when you rotate your sims' fingers they should only bend up or down, not side to side. If you need to bend them side to side for a specific reason, just unlock the locks, adjust the finger, and lock them again.

TIP: I advise having a blank, uncustomized rig that has the IK chains and locked fingers already done. That way, every time you make a custom rig, you don't have to redo this.

Now onto the part I was actually asked about...

Adjusting the Height:

If your sims are canonically different heights, you're going to want to keep that consistent when you pose them. Adjusting your sims' height in blender is SUPER easy!

Just right-click on any of the joints I've circled here:

Once you have the joint selected, 3 different colored arrows will show up. (If you're looking at them head-on, you'll only see two. That's normal!) Select the blue one, and drag it up or down.

It's important to use the arrows rather than simply the "g" key. This will ensure that your sim isn't crooked.

TIP: Use a combination of all the points I showed above to get a more "realistic"-looking sim. If you only manipulate one or two, you'll end up with some very odd proportions.

Here's an example of what I was able to achieve using height manipulations. The sim in the middle, Nina, is the default height.

Once you have your sim at their desired height, save your file!!! (In case something goes wrong later, or you don't want to add more outfits, you won't have to redo it.)

Adding Additional Outfits

One of the biggest benefits of a custom rig is being able to ensure there is zero clipping by using the exact outfit and hair that your sim is going to wear. But your sim isn't going to be wearing the same outfit in every picture. And what if they're wearing black? Or a dress? Something that makes it hard to see the joints in blender? That's where having multiple outfits on the same rig is helpful.

Export your 2nd (or 3rd, etc.) outfit from SimRipper. This should follow the same process you did the first time. You can choose which outfit to export by clicking on the dropdown menu labeled "outfit".

Save the file as a DAE as normal. If you're saving it in the same folder as the first one (and you haven't deleted the first one), you'll have to name it something different, or put it in it's own subfolder. I tend to name mine something like "[sim name] - Formal" to make it obvious which is which.

Open your custom rig in blender. Go to "file > import > collada (DAE)" and select your new outfit.

This is exactly like importing it the first time, so you can follow the exact same steps. The only different is that now you will have multiple of them.

If you didn't rename the DAE itself, your sidebar should look something like this. (You'll only have two, and also may or may not have the glass versions, depending on if your sim has transparency on any of their outfit.)

Rename those little sub-files into something more descriptive, so you know what you're looking for.

Looking at your sim, it might look a little wild, because all the outfits are overlapping. Just toggle the eye icons so that only the outfit you want to be working with is showing.

Repeat as many times as you want to have as many outfits as you need. (Feel free to delete any outfits you don't need after using them, etc.)

TIP: Have a "naked" version of your sim (aka, them in a swimsuit or underwear) for easy selection of joints and easier viewing of pose details. This is especially helpful if your sim is wearing something that obscures part of the rig (ex: a floor-length dress) or a dark color that hides the joints.

You did it! Now save your file, take a break, get a snack and a drink, and get to making poses! (Make sure you save a version with your sim unposed and at the correct height so you can use it as a base for every single pose. That is the whole point of this, after all!)

If you have any questions, I'd be happy to answer them to the best of my ability. Just send me an ask! <3

#morrigan.txt #tutorial #ts4 #ts4 tutorial #blender tutorial #posemaking tutorial #sims 4 tutorial

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simspaghetti · 4 months

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Hiii love! I like how you edit your screenshots with pictures of traits, moodlets etc. I was just wondering if you know any tutorials for Photopea? I'd love to use it too but I'm a total noob with photoshop/photopea and psds in general😭

Thank you, love!!

I'm honoured that you've asked this, but I wouldn't consider myself an expert or even really proficient with photoshop by any means 😭😭 i just kind of shove stuff together and hope it works, I'll try my best to explain how I edit below, but I apologise if it's not very clear / efficient! this is just the method that works for me

This ended up being quite a long post but I've tried to condense it where I can! ⬇️

I really recommend these bepixeled tutorials, specifically the ones linked on this post - doing photoshoot pictures & banners got me familiar with the tools of photopea when I first started out, so I'd suggest following those if you want somewhere to start :)

And I'd also recommend the tutorials by erasabledinosaur which is how I learned to do the UI elements, I also rely heavily on this icon pack from MTS as well as random pages from the sims wiki here and there - I also reblog other people's tutorials & presets sometimes under the 'resources' & 'tutorial' tag on my blog

I make heavy use of presets, so I don't really do that much of the editing myself - a while ago I answered something where I showed my main preset, but basically, I've combined this one by Strangecowplant and this action by Sterinasims, along with following this tutorial to create a curved outline - I shoved them all into one PSD together

Here's a little tutorial of how I built my franken-preset from the ground up (click through them to read):

I have 3 sizes of screenshot template to choose from when I'm editing (all use the same tutorial above) I've just resized the base template under the 'crop' setting on the left sidebar & resized the rectangle as necessary to fit the size too

Here's what my screenshot sizes look like:

1280x900:

1280x450:

980x980: (these are good for stacking in a post as multiple tiles)

Generally, I think learning how to photoshop requires a lot of trial & error, I spent a long time just cautiously following tutorials like a snail until I got the hang of the tools and was able to start improvising with stuff, there's a tutorial out there for almost anything you could think of! just stick with it and you'll get there with practice :)

Wishing you the best of luck, I hope this was helpful 💞💞

#replies #resources #tutorial #sims rambling

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crystallinecardinal · 4 months

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Hypothermic

There was a time before everything went wrong, back before the Unknowing, where Martin felt the gentle warmth of flame inside him. Nowadays, he wasn’t quite sure if it was still there or not. You get used to your own temperature after a while.

—

Or, in which Martin Blackwood gets tied too heavily to the Lonely, and his body temperature abnormally drops.

AO3 link:

Pairing: Jonathan “Jon” Sims/Martin Blackwood

Now, he sits in the new office he’s been given, secluded away from anyone in the Archives. It makes his job a bit easier, he’ll admit. It isn’t like anyone comes in and out of his workspace anymore. At least, no one other than the new Head of the Institute. Even then, though, that’s tentative. He only ever really shows up if he needs to tell his assistant something. Luckily, he isn’t here now, so Martin continues to type away at his keyboard as a cup of tea rests on the tabletop.

The work is simple, monotonous. It’s the closest to infinite boredom Martin gets, but at least it’s something to do. Half the time, he doesn’t even realize how deep he’s gotten into the same thing over and over again, to the point everything is a haze, even with the ginger locks of hair that fall over his eyes momentarily obstructing his vision.

Such is the same today, just the same routine. Although, something decides to intrude on his space. A click cuts through the empty air, and Martin momentarily stops his typing.

“Oh, hello,” he greets the sound. He doesn’t need to do much to know what it is, he recognizes the hiss, he wouldn’t ever be able to erase it from his mind. Still, he glances over to a clearer part of his desk, and lo and behold, there’s a tape recorder, already running without anyone ever touching it. They always show up at times like this, and, quite honestly, Martin’s given up trying to resist them.

“There isn’t much to hear right now, I’m afraid,” he rambles off to the tape, before focusing his gaze back on the screen in front of him. “I mean, unless you want to hear just work, but that’s not why you’re here, is it?”

He types out a few more words before he stops again, and picks up the tape recorder. “..Fine. I don’t have a statement on hand, there isn’t really a reason for you to be listening.”

The tape stubbornly continues to run in Martin’s grasp, spooling away. Of course, he muses, it isn’t going to stop that easily. “Okay,” he mutters, half sighing. If only it could be easy to get rid of this thing. Stopping the recorder won’t do anything, though, and he doesn’t think he wants to check the batteries.

So, the old fashioned way it is, then. Martin glances around, and listens to his surroundings. All he hears is the ticking of a clock, and the hiss of the demanding tape. Testing the waters, he calls for Peter, but there’s no sound of familiar static marking his arrival. Still, Martin is alone, the slow tick tick tick filling the room starting to lodge itself in his mind.

“Of course,” Martin remarks, unamused. “You know, I’m not sure why I try at this point, it’s not like anyone’s coming. No one really talks to me anymore in the first place, so I doubt there even would be anyone on their way. I guess that’s my fault, though, isn’t it?”

He laughs, hollowly. “It’s weird. I suddenly get wrapped up in this mess, and can barely find the effort to care. I probably should care about that part, I just—“ Martin sighs, holding his face in his hands. There isn’t a spike of warmth with the first second of contact, just the pressure that comes with the motion. “It’s complicated.”

The tape continues to run, the air hanging empty of any response, any little click to tell him he can get back to what he was doing. Martin glances up at the little object in his hands, and purses his lips. Right. You can’t leave an audience hanging. “You still want more, don’t you? Fine. I’ll say more, but we’re making a deal. I’m not giving you to Jon, or Peter, or anyone. I know it’s probably not a good idea at all, but I’m going to keep you right with me. I really don’t want to have to risk anyone hearing, especially Peter. If he found you—“ He pauses, cutting himself off. “Actually, on second thought, I don’t want to imagine that.”

He does, still, imagine it: the passive aggressive lecture that comes with telling him ‘you’re doing it again, caring too much.’ It isn’t like he wants to. He’d gotten into the habit of it over his life, people-pleasing and thinking far too much about things like these. Even if it’s still there, at least the distance is helping a little. It feels safe, and he’s getting used to it.

“..Anyway,” he begins again, forcing himself out of his internal monologue, “I should probably say something. Just talk, and all. Lay out my thoughts I’ve been having, I guess.”

It’s probably the most he can do, he surmises. As said, still, there’s no one here, and maybe it’ll serve as a good log of things. Or, maybe, he’ll just destroy the tape later. Destroying it sounds good. Even so, he’s starting to understand why Jon used to talk to these things so much. “It’s not like you’ll judge me,” he says, “so I should probably just start from the beginning, shouldn’t I?”

“Things used to be a lot more lively here. And, I know, isn’t that obvious? How could the atmosphere not be dreary after everything we’ve been through? With Jon, Daisy, and Tim appearing to be dead, Peter taking over, all the attacks, and then six months being stuck alone… I guess that’s a rhetorical question. I’m pretty sure all of us know the answer by this point.”

“Working for Peter doesn’t exactly make it better. I mean— It’s okay, I guess? Not entirely bothersome. I never had a problem being alone, it’s a comfort for me. Sometimes the silence feels better than all the noise, and honestly, I’m starting to think that I’d probably take being alone doing work for Peter over sitting in my flat, scared out of my mind over supernatural worms for thirteen days straight.”

He sighs, and slumps over his desk, still holding onto the recorder. “In a way, it does make me miss Jon, though, even with the weird circumstances we were stuck together. Don’t get me wrong, I really don’t want to relive everything with Prentiss. I’m just thinking about those late nights in the Archives.”

An image comes to his mind, the nights he spent staring at the ceiling, familiar loneliness clutching him. At those times, he had usually gone to see Jon, against his better judgment. The Archivist had always been a workaholic, and thus was usually still around, even when it was very late, tending to whatever he hadn’t gotten done throughout the day. Back then, he had only barely allowed Martin to stick around while he continued working, but Martin liked the company, even if it meant sitting in gentle silence.

He quickly pushes the thought away, though. Now, there’s no room for thinking that way, for reminiscencing on the past they lost. Things are different now. “Anyway,” he begins again, “I suppose that’s why you’re here, isn’t it? You miss him too. He’s suddenly back, and you keep listening. Feeding? I don’t know. Still. I haven’t seen him in,” he pauses, trying to count the days before giving up, “a long time. However long it’s been since I last had to run from him. I know I’m not supposed to, but I still feel kind of bad about that.”

“I really shouldn’t, but sometimes I feel like I’m losing my mind over it. It’s like– get over it, Martin, you have new rules to follow if you’re going to make this work! And most of the time, that’s just fine! I can ignore Melanie’s shouts, I turn away anyone who just wants to talk, and I can pass through the Institute without anyone even noticing me. But when I see him, an entire wave crashes over my head. And that’s both good and bad, because well– One, it means it’s harder to do my job. Two, I can’t breathe, and, in some way, it’s exciting, but I also dread it. Which, thinking about it, that’s probably the most terrifying part of it. They don’t tell you when you sign up for pledging your life to whatever these entities are, especially when pledging your life to Peter’s patron, that even the slightest bit of interaction starts to feel strange. If you’re like me, you start to feel detached from everything. Pushing people away has never been easier. But sometimes, you panic. Sometimes, you want to latch onto that wave of excitement, something you haven’t felt in ages, and other times you don’t want to be anywhere near it, because you don’t want to drown. It burns, and I don’t know how. I just know that things got a lot chillier recently, but I’m starting to like it. If I could stay with Jon, I probably would, I think, at least, but there’s too much in the way of that right now. I barely have the energy to do most things, and I know I can’t stay around him. Not if I want him to live.”

“So,” Martin continues, reaching over to his freshly brewed cup of tea, “I guess I’ll just sink into the fog more, and try not to feel any waves over my head.”

He takes a sip of the beverage, expecting warmth in his throat, but finds it feels like it’s been sitting out on a cool winter morning instead. Martin chokes, coughing until his airways are clear. “Ugh— I swear, I just made this a few minutes ago! It shouldn’t be this cold.”

The mug sits unalarmingly, just its usual faded blue ceramic, but Martin continues to stare at it. Suddenly, he remembers the tape recorder, the soft sound of it still running meeting his ears. “Oh– uhm– sorry. That’s all.”

He quickly stops the tape, falling back into his office chair as the silence returns, only broken by the ever steady ticking of a distant clock. He takes a hold of his cup of tea again, eyeing it suspiciously. Okay, really, it shouldn’t be as cold as it is. It’s not like he made it ages ago, it was just before he came in here to get to work. Still, it feels devoid of warmth in his hands.

Martin opts to just drop the subject. It’s fine! He’ll just make new tea later, or suffer through the cold cup. Probably the latter, he doesn’t feel like getting up, and especially doesn’t feel like potentially running into anyone. Not now. Maybe he would’ve in the past, but he’s far past that.

He sighs. Unknowingly to Martin, his breath comes out like fog that swirls around the room he’s in. It’s not like he noticed it in the first place. As said, you start to get used to your own temperature after a while. So, in the end, he begins his work again, finding no point to do anything else. As for the tape in the recorder: he’d make sure to take it home in his jacket pocket, to deal with it there. It’s not like he’d want anyone listening, after all.

And so, the days continue to pass in the Magnus Institute, tendrils of the Lonely only further rooting themselves in Martin’s mind.

~{☁️}~

Sometimes the fog becomes an indulgence. Martin would know that well, with how heavily his heart became tied to it after so many days playing his game and intentionally isolating himself, so much so that it would transform even his ginger hair into cloudy puffs of fog at the ends. He’d know it well, considering his eyes are clouded, his mind is clouded, and he sees nothing but his failures, nothing but his deepest insecurities.

He’s lost in a vast, open space, where somewhere waves lap at the shore. Where that somewhere is, he doesn’t know. He can’t see it, only faintly hear the sound from some other part of his patron’s domain. Yet, still, he welcomes the silence and solitariness. The fog wraps around him, a gentle embrace, and he drowns in the freeze of Forsaken, barely noticeable to his senses. It’s a type of drowning he welcomes, the type where a voice whispers from deeper in the water, “stay here, stay where you don’t hurt, stay where you won’t be a nuisance ever again, stay, stay, stay.” Martin obliges. Maybe he was always meant to be in this place, alone where no one can hear him. That’s what his mind convinces him of.

But then, there’s Jon.

And then, Martin isn’t alone anymore.

When they finally meet again, in some empty part of the landscape, Jon’s touch feels like fire to his skin, warm, unpredictable, and yet, familiar. Even in the distant state of mind Martin finds himself in, where he barely senses a thing anymore, he finds himself gently leaning into the contact, basking in the way it burns. Maybe, if it burns, then some part of him is still alive behind his clouded blue eyes.

Jon doesn’t stagger or falter in the way he holds Martin’s face in his hands, like he’ll never see him again if he retracts his touch. “Martin, look at me,” the Archivist pleads, staring back at him with desperation in his unnaturally green eyes, “Look at me, and tell me what you see.”

And there it is: that familiar wave crashing over Martin’s mind. The wave that drowns him, and yet he welcomes with open arms.

“I see…” He pauses, his voice quivering as something cuts through the fog in his mind. Maybe it’s the burning, maybe it’s the way he’s shivering in the chill. “I see you, Jon.”

He chuckles softly, the burning singeing his skin, reminding him of life. Martin’s clearing gaze meets that of Jon’s, watery sky blue peering into verdant expanses of green, and a smile creeps its way onto Martin’s lips. “I see you!”

When he collapses into Jon’s embrace, it’s a feeling Martin’s been waiting to lean into for the longest time. The idea that he can let go, that he can feel again. “I was on my own,” he whimpers, tears welling in his eyes as his body is scorched by the heat of another. “I was all on my own.”

“Not anymore,” says the Archivist. When he lets go of Martin, allowing him to stand, it’s all too soon. “Come on. Let’s go home.”

“How?”

“Don’t worry. I know the way.”

When Martin takes Jon’s hand and starts walking with him, it feels like touching flame again. He’s too tired and scared to do anything but go along with it. Maybe if he were more aware, he’d do something. Move his hand away? It burns. It’s unpredictable. But still— it’s Jon. And Jon being here means it’ll be okay, right?

As they walk across the vacant landscape, Martin’s mind stays hazy in the empty spaces. At least it’s clearer than it has been, but that’s not saying it’s completely restored. When you get used to the way the fog holds you, the way your mind falls back on it, it’s hard to sense anything else. Maybe he’s able to see now, able to think for himself, but that doesn’t mean he’ll escape unscathed. He knew that since he started to be tied to this place, and he knows it now, even in the half-haze.

Still, at least he’s going somewhere. And somewhere is better than here, because it means he won’t be tempted to stay. Even now, walking at a pace that feels almost routine, part of the Lonely whispers to his deepest fears: stay here, you can’t hurt him here.

Martin simply hangs his head, and continues walking, counting each step and trembling breath he takes. He doesn’t look up, and tries not to think too hard. Maybe that’ll do. He’ll be outside of the Lonely’s hold soon enough, at least, left to try to make do, and find a way to build a new reality.

And when Jon shivers by Martin’s side, a feeling that travels into their interlocked hands, Martin doesn’t even notice it. It’s cold out here in the fog. That’s all it could be.

~{☁️}~

When they finally make it out, it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. They never can have a good ending like that, can they? That would be too easy, and in their little horror tragedy, easy is never the answer to these things.

They drive up to a safehouse after it all. Their coworker Daisy’s safehouse, to be exact, all the way up in the Scottish Highlands. There, they can rest, and hide away from prying eyes. They can learn to be human again, if that’s worth anything at this point.

Martin doesn’t exactly think there’s any “being human” anymore, but he won’t say that to Jon. Not when he knows he’s thinking the exact same thing. He doesn’t need supernatural powers to see that, Jon’s gaze straight forward throughout the long and silent car ride as well as his reluctance to mention the terrors following them says it clear enough.

And yet, despite the way they’ve run from the Institute, the fog follows them under the door.

Martin often finds it’s the worst in the nights. It’s always the worst then, but to be fair, Martin’s had his fair share of sleepless nights. Back then, the cycle had even started to become routine. Lay down, try to sleep, find that he can’t sleep, try to sleep again, and then lie awake.

The loneliness would hit hard in those times, and he’d always find himself doing something he’d regret come morning, most notably calling someone in the middle of the night just to hear another person’s voice, or writing a particularly heavy-hearted poem. He still wishes he could make it up to Tim and Sasha for all the times they picked up when he was too scared to call Jon. Not that the Archivist would’ve picked up back then, anyway.

You’d think the problem would be fixed by the fact that he now lives with the man who was always on his mind both those nights and now, but that notion is only half-correct. Rather, those impulses to reach out have been replaced with staring at the ceiling, feeling nothing but apathy and the ambient chill of the night, even when covered in what are supposed to be comforting blankets.

He and Jon have avoided talking about the Lonely these first few days, so they’ve actively found themselves separated. It’s not that they don’t want to talk about it. It’s not that Martin especially doesn’t want to. It’s just that it’s hard. They’ve finally gotten somewhere safe, and Martin’s been finding it increasingly difficult to return to feeling. He looks at Jon, feels like his heart is drowning, and half of him wants to kiss him until he can’t remember his name. The other part of him simply doesn’t have the energy to move, nor make the conversation that stunt would call for. That’s the part of him that keeps winning as of late.

And thus, every night, when the moonlight shines through the windows, Martin only sighs, watching the way his breath briefly appears in the open air. The cold seeps in from outside the cabin into his bones, and he’s left in a haze of remembrance, that of who he is now, and how he still feels as if there’s nothing left in him. Maybe there’s nothing he can do about that. Maybe the Lonely will always have a hold on him. Alas, he stares up again, another night alone. He’ll sleep when it finally takes him.

The first few nights after they eventually address the things they’ve wanted to say for forever, Martin flinches from Jon’s touch. It feels like burning, it feels almost dangerous, and when they’re stuck like this, it means it’s not going anywhere. Still, the Archivist is patient, and lets Martin slowly crawl to him, where it’s warmer. Martin isn’t used to the warmth, after all, not when it’s been noticeably absent from his life. Even his own body has become one with its absence, each tentative touch like ice. But if patience and a rare, yet soft smile is what it takes to comfort Martin, then Jon continues to play the role. Sometimes, Martin’s mind wants to tell him it’s a lie, but he pushes it away. With time, he learns to welcome some of the touch again, as it fades into gentle heat.

Such is the case one morning, yet another day alone together. Before the lit fireplace, Martin sits wrapped in a soft blanket, an attempt to warm himself up. Jon sits with him, taking Martin’s hand into his, resting in a gentle hold. It’s a routine of theirs, an effort to try to keep each other comfortable despite the hunger that comes from separation from their respective entities.

“You’re so cold,” Jon murmurs, half to himself, gently brushing his thumbs over the skin of his partner’s palm. It feels like fire, and Martin flinches, but lets him continue.

“I don’t feel it,” Martin says. “Everything just feels… normal. Except hot or warm things just feel hotter. A side-effect of being tied to the Lonely, I guess?”

Jon hums. “Not anymore,” he says, but Martin can’t bring himself to repeat it. The way his palm is cold to the touch should say enough, and the way the tips of his hair have become an icy white should confirm it. Instead, he moves his hand to bring one of Jon’s own up to his lips, where he places a gentle kiss to the knuckles. The warmth prickles, and he can see the Archivist shiver.

“Maybe someday, I still, uhm– feel the impulses, I suppose. That, and I still know that I’m a bit chilly.”

Jon chuckles. “Yes, I… I know the feeling. And for the record, I don’t mind the cold.”

Martin smiles, one of the few times he’s been able to in the recent days. A thought appears in his mind, and for the first time in a while, he actually lets himself give into the want to let it pour. “If you ever want to know when it started,” he begins, “because I feel you would probably know the timeline a lot better than I know myself, then– uhm– there’s a tape in my bag.” He glances away, softly laughing to himself. “Although, I do talk about you in it, I remember that.”

“I’ll listen,” Jon says, a little too hastily, and Martin can see the way his partner’s eyes spark from brown to unnatural green for a moment. Quickly, realizing his mistake, the Archivist reels himself back in. “My apologies,” he clears his throat, “Yes, I’ll listen. I won’t deny, I’m a little curious–”

“Hungry,” Martin teases, watching in amusement at the way his Archivist quickly shuts up. “It’s okay. I don’t know if you can really do anything to me by listening to that one. It’s not like you’re digging into my head if I’ve actively told you to listen. I’ll be happy after you’ve heard it, though.”

Jon smiles again, one of those little rare ones that are slowly becoming more common for Martin to see. He savors each and every one. For a second, the room feels a little less cold, especially with the way that within a few moments, Martin’s lips tingle with the sudden heat of a gentle kiss, and his Archivist has gone off to find the tape.

For now, Martin muses, he’ll allow himself a little bit of warmth.

~{☁️}~

Even after what should have been peace, the world is ending. Both Jon and Martin know that well. They were its end, after all, and that’s something that’s just made the days worse and worse. But Martin had long since given up mourning a world that never cared for him, and tried to help his Archivist along the way.

Finally, they’re going to leave soon, and venture across whatever’s left of their wasted world, a horror show for them to find a solution to. The cabin isn’t safe anymore, but really, nowhere is. Nowhere but the place at Jon’s side, somewhere Martin has found ever more familiar and comforting.

And so, Martin grows more accustomed to the warmth. He stands now with a smile on his lips, bag slung around his shoulders and a dull jacket over his torso.

“We’ll do this together,” he tells his Archivist, extending a chilled hand out to him. When Jon takes it, pulling himself up, it doesn’t sting Martin anymore. Rather, it feels like sunbeams.

“Right, together,” says his Archivist, and the two face the open door. The sky may be looking back, but Martin Blackwood isn’t lonely anymore. Slowly but surely, the fog and frigidity will turn back to life-giving heat in his blood, starting with today.

Starting with hand in unlovable hand, standing at the end of the world.

#I had a lot of fun writing this little thing #practice for another au idea regarding TMA :))#fanfiction writing #fanfic #jmart #jonmartin #teaholding #the magnus archives

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kirabook · 3 months

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My Paralives Impressions~

Relationships [link]:

Back when I was much more involved in the brainstorming of paralives with other peeps, this is an idea that cropped up and it's cool to see how they came up with this concept. You aren't just friends or lovers with people, every relationship has multiple different faucets. Great for storytelling. Also would be fun to switch households and learn this para you like a lot maybe secretly hates your guts. I remember someone bring up a relationship where they hate each other's guts but still kiss every other Friday (I can't remember if the devs confirmed that could happen but I imagine it could) I always liked how in Sims 2 relationships were more of a two way street and this is a great modernization of that concept imo.

Togetherness [link]

Obviously they're still filling in animations here and there, but I remember being amazed by how easy it was to create group interactions. No more clicking a character one by one to make them enter a specific room or sit at a table together or whatever. I feel like it could still be improved… the method to select them all I mean. Well, you can still just click on them to select the ones you want instead of dragging your mouse so you've got options. Pretty sure I read once that the Paras you select outside your household won't necessarily agree to being "together" with you. Can't just select the whole town and demand they do push ups or dance with you.

Togetherness Cards [link] (though the video mostly showed them in group interactions, they are in single interactions too)

I'm generally pleased with the direction they decided to go here. Instead of having to click over and over again to keep a conversation going between paras, you can have an ongoing interaction and influence it every now and then optionally. Just feels a little more natural too. Would two strangers with absolutely no chemistry really become besties after one interaction in a typical Sims fashion? Nope, and that's kinda fun. By going with something like this, if an attraction system is put into place (which I can't remember exists yet or not), then two paras who ACTUALLY have something in common or are attracted to each other maybe can naturally become besties in a shorter amount of time and skip some steps in between.

I remember some people wondering if the card choosing could be autonomous (as in, you don't even have to click it, the game could choose for you) so went to check. Here were some dev comments on the matter,

"Choosing cards is the way to advance relationships, and having Paras select one automatically could have big impacts on your game without you understanding why, it's certainly something we could think about tho :)"

So maybe won't be something available for release, but maybe in the future. I like to play it risky with high autonomy myself so I hope it's a thing.

Jobs [link]

A while back when someone posted that youtube video of a guy saying Paralives is pretty much just the Sims with a different coat of paint and don't have enough mechanics to differentiate itself from the Sims. This is the part that made me scratch my head the most. I mean, other than they different take on social interactions and personality, even the careers system is not something I've seen in The Sims. Not even the active careers are like this. I was even more confused when he claimed he was a patron member and saw everything and still had this opinion.

I like that you have somewhat of a choice in what you want to do with your job. Like me right now irl. I'm very comfortable where I am. I'm not trying to climb a corporate ladder or get a promotion. Sure, I'd like a raise every now and then but I like my current job. With a system like this, you don't HAVE to chase the corporate ladder. You can just have your job and slowly build up perks within it.

Also the fact that there's not really "career tracks". You don't start your job at the local hospital as a bed pan cleaner and someday become a top surgeon. You have to actually apply for different positions and sometimes they're not even associated with the same business/company. I really like that little touch of realism. The road to the top isn't a straight line, but a maze with some dead ends along the way.

They said there wouldn't be active jobs at the time of early access release, so I wonder how it's going to work. I mean, we saw Anisa getting a job in the video but not much else. Maybe she disappears when she gets to the building ala Sims 3 career rugs. I would have no problem with something like that since I'm quite used to it. It's not a complete rabbit hole and still allows you to fill out the town with custom buildings and decor. Maybe the more basic jobs like being a Barista aren't necessarily "active", but Anisa will stand there for 8 hours a day taking coffee orders at the register like an NPC/role sim.

Needs/Wants [link]

This is the part I really wanted to see peoples opinions on. It's quite different from LBY, Sims, and Inzoi. There are no needs meters, just a general statement of what the Para is feeling. I'm like 50/50 on it. I actually like the idea, but I wonder how I will feel playing it? It's like forcing you to be less micromanagy and just enjoy playing the game rather than watching your needs meter like a spreadsheet simulator. But what if there's something going on in the world or the para is sick? I would want to know exactly what I need to fix before it gets too bad and all their needs are suddenly red…. but then again, it's kinda a fun challenge to guess how they're actually feeling without the meters?? I dunno. Still hoping fears or something makes a comeback but not sure how it would work here. Maybe if you do the exact opposite of what the "want" stays. Like "I don't want to talk to this para". You make them talk to that Para and they get upset? Dunno.

Anyway, I really love all the concepts they've developed and implemented. They seem to have fun tinkering around with it but I guess the general audience can't truly know how it plays until we get a chance to do it ourselves. I didn't expect them to announce early access even though I speculated maybe they could. So looking forward to next year~

#paralives #paralives game #text

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thesims4blogger · 1 year

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The Sims 5: SimGuruGrant Talks About Project Rene

During today’s Behind The Sims stream, SimGuruGrant (yes THE Grant) gave players some new info bits on the progress of the next iteration of The Sims, Project Rene. You can check out the video interview by clicking this link here, or read the transcript below.

So, tell us, what’s going on with Project Rene right now?

We are absolutely thrilled to finally put this experience in the hands of some of our players. Well, a small part of the experience. What we’re doing is early days playtesting, and this is just the start of an incredibly long journey. There’s a lot to do, and I’m talking years out, but it is exciting. We’re moving and things are finally starting to happen.

Oooh! Playtesting…So, for those who are new to the gaming sphere, what is playtesting, and what did you explore with this first playtest for Project Rene?

It’s a good question. So, with Project Rene we want to develop this hand-in-hand with our players from the very beginning. So, we’re trying to take small snippets of the game, share it with a limited number of people, and find out what works, what’s fun, what’s too complicated, what needs to be revised.

So, what we did this time was something we call Apartment Customization, where we took what a lot of you know as build or buy mode, so you can place furniture, move it around. But you can also go deeper on individual pieces of furniture. So, this couch you have here, you could change the colors, you could change the pattern, the material, the parts, the size…We let players do that. You could also do this in multiplayer with other people in real time. And then all of your creations can be shared, uploaded, downloaded, so that we can start testing our UGC backend. All of this on both mobile and PC. It’s a lot, and it’s been a really fun test to get started on.

I want to ask a little bit more about the playtest, but I do want to come back to a lot of points that you called out. So, starting with PC and mobile, you guys showed that cross-platform compatibility, and with The Sims™ being such a large game, there’s some concern that it might be a little bit of a shallower experience. So, how are you navigating, taking that from a PC system to now a mobile device?

This is a huge challenge. But the thing that excites us so much is that we can basically remove the barriers to play for The Sims™. So, what we mean by this is that you can have that deep dive at home on your PC, play for 4 hours, change every single thing about a piece of furniture that you imagine, typing in RGB values and changing every single part. So, that’s the PC experience. That’s that true, rich experience that you’re used to. But then, on the go, you can grab your phone and maybe it’s a different experience, maybe you’re grabbing archetypes, preselecting templates or grabbing the stuff that you’ve already created. But what this means is that you can now play The Sims™ wherever you are, without barriers, without restrictions. And we think that’s really powerful and really exciting.

That is exciting. So, let’s say I’m inspired by you right now and I take out my phone, create you now, think you look really cool, and then take that creation of you and actually play with this creation of you on my PC?

100%. The idea is that all of your information is wherever you need it to be. So, as an example, I have a toddler at home, so sometimes I get to game when he’s taking his nap. So, in this case, I could be playing Project Rene on my PC at home. Boom. I hear him crying, he’s up. We’re going to go out and about, go to the park. So then, I might continue what I’m doing on the park bench while he’s safely sliding and I can just pull out my phone, continue where I left off. The idea is that we can customize each platform to match the play style, the person, and what they’re doing and when. And again, that’s really exciting. It’s very difficult, it’s not easy. Something we have to figure out, but it’s really, really exciting for us. And so, it’s one of the challenges we’re trying to take on.

I agree. That is super exciting. I’m telling you, I would play The Sims™ all day, and with Project Rene, it sounds like you’re giving me that capability. So, I’m thrilled But I also want to ask a little bit about the multiplayer experience. The Sims™ historically has been pretty much a single player game outside of The Sims™ Bustin’ Out and The Sims™ Online. And there’s been a long-standing discussion on whether the next iteration or the evolution of The Sims™ should be multiplayer or single player. So, I’m very curious to learn where is Project Rene landing in there?

Project Rene can be both. So, this is a big deal. But the reality is that, yes, we know that our players want to have that intimate personal experience where they’re exploring stories and ideas in single player, but there are also really cool things you could do with others, where you could share, create with your friends, the people that you want. We think we could be both. Now, one thing to keep in mind is that Project Rene is not an MMO. It is not this public, shared space where everything you do is always with other people. You could play on your own, on your terms, and then again, when you want on your terms, you can invite others to come and play with you. That’s the structure that we’re pursuing, and we think that’s really cool and perfect for The Sims™.

I love that for me, because I’m a pretty social person, and I would be very, very excited to play with friends. But there’s also times where it’s like, I’m going to disappear into my own story and kind of do my own thing. So, I think that’s super exciting to know that you’re looking for Project Rene to do both. So, my last question, what stage are we at with Project Rene? You know, more playtests, the releasing next month? I’m kidding. Not releasing next month. But where are we at in this journey for Project Rene, and what can players expect to see in the months and years ahead?

Yeah. Right now, we are really focused on analyzing our recent playtest so that we can use that information to make the game better. We have a long path ahead of us to make Project Rene awesome. But right now we need to introduce our tools to our players in a better fashion. We need to make the mobile experience more accessible, and we need to continue to experiment with how we can curate and recommend UGC content that other players have made to other players, so that you find the best stuff that will make your game better. So, there’s a lot there that we need to figure out to put into our current build. So, again, it’s really early days.

We are trying to analyze our last test and really see what we learned and what we could do about it to make the game better. So, you can expect regular updates from Project Rene in Summits. We’re going to keep talking to you, keep sharing. We also have more tests coming out where we’re going to evaluate different parts of the game, new snippets, more details on that soon, and more details on how to be part of these tests. So, it’s years out, early days. It’s a long-time process that we want to work with you on, but we’re going to keep talking about it, and I can’t wait to share more.

#news #ts4 #sims 4 #project rene #the sims 4

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simmillercc · 1 year

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SIMS 4 - UPLOADING TO CURSEFORGE - A MINI TUTORIAL

This tutorial is available on my Patreon (free) if you want to save it for reference. CLICK HERE

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There are a few quirks to uploading to CurseForge, so I thought I'd share my process with you. If you are a creator wanting to get started over there, I highly encourage you to do so. There is a whole new audience and the rewards are awesome.

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Go here: CREATE A PROJECT

-On this page is a link to their tips and tricks which has a detailed list about nuances that aren't discussed here, but will probably be useful. Go ahead and go through that at your leisure.

Select Game - It's possible to see The Sims 4 just by clicking on the dropdown menu under Select Game. If you don't see it, then type in sims and click on The Sims 4 when it pops up.

Select a Category - choose the one appropriate for your creation. For example, you've made some walls, choose Build/Buy, or you've created some hair or hair recolours, click on Create-a-Sim. You get the idea 😊

Name - project title. Make it obvious but also interesting. "Black Walls" is obvious but not interesting.

"Midnight Walls" is more interesting.

Summary - brief description people see, so be enticing or just very clear. This is also what shows up instead of your project title when CurseForge shares your project on Tumblr. And yes, they promote creators!

Description - pretty self explanatory. If uploading a mesh, it's always helpful to the downloader to know the polycounts. Change the font size, make it bold, embed a picture, etc. CurseForge moderators seem to like a good description and have rejected for something they don't feel is enough. Think about what would catch your interest.

If you want to use code in the description, below it is the type you're going to use. WYSIWYG or markdown are your choices. Click on whichever one you're comfortable with. This isn't a requirement, though, and you can easily make descriptions without coding.

Allow the distribution.... - that's up to you. However, if there are contests you have to allow or no one will see your project.

Primary Category - choose the main category for your creation. This is one of the categories in the dropdown menu in BOLD. If you have made an Aspiration, or something that doesn't have a subcategory, choose it here and skip the next one, Categories. It will give you an option to pick, but DON'T. You'll just get stuck and the system won't let you continue with starting your project.

Categories - more specific category for your creation. You've made a painting suitable for a baby's room, let's say. For this, you would choose Decor, and possibly Kids Room. You may choose up to 4 categories here, but be mindful and only choose those that really represent your project for maximum exposure on the site.

Logo Image - This is a preview of your creation for downloaders. Make it clear and interesting. It doesn't have to be busy, sometimes plain is better. I tend to make sure my project is represented by an image, and then put some large text as a title. Your image MUST BE SQUARE and at least 400x400 pixels. Whatever size you make it, keep the sides equal size. 1283x1283, 1645x1645 work, or anything like that. What won't work is something 1283x1281. The system recognizes the size and won't let you continue if it isn't within their perameters.

Settings - Allow comments or not

This project is experimental - this is an optional section, for if you make a program, utility, or something like that, that you want people to know is new and could possibly need more testing.

Finally, click START PROJECT.

Now your project has been started and you can leave it and continue updating at a later time or dive right in!

➡️ Here's where it's important to do things in order, because as soon as you attach a zip file with your creation, and it has to be a zip, it goes to moderation. So, upload your images first! Recolours, show all recolours. Use as many images as you need. I can't stress enough that most people want to see your creation in game. They have accepted Blender rendered images, however.

Uploading images and project zips is done on the right hand side of the screen by clicking the corresponding word with the arrow.

Changing the description or anything other than images and files is done by clicking on Manage Project on the right, then the tab for what you want to change on the left.

Try to make sure everything is as you want it BEFORE uploading your zip file.

ATTACHING YOUR IMAGE FILES - Click on Image with the black arrow on the top right.

You must upload images one at a time. This is because they require a title and a description for each image.

Titles can be anything like Colours-1, or In Game Image..something basic. Description you can expand on the

title as necessary. Something like "First set of recolours for sweater."

Then click on Choose File and click on the image in your folder. Once you see the name of your picture next to Choose File, click Upload and wait. I have noticed images over 2000 pixels seem to cause problems uploading. I tend, therefore, to keep them under 1900, to be safe.

ATTACHING YOUR PROJECT ZIP - Click on File with the black arrow on the top right.

Upload File - click choose file and click on your zip in your project folder.

Release Type - Release - people will see your project right away. Beta - unsure because I've never used it. Alpha - gets your project in moderation but won't be seen by the public until you change it to Release.

Changelog is more for things like game mods or program utilities, or if you've had to update your project files. Again, choose the code style right below if necessary.

Supported Base Game Versions - pretty safe to just tick the top one. Most people keep their game up to date.

Required Pack Values - Tick these only if your creation requires the downloader to have the pack installed for it to work in their game. For example, you make a recolour of a hair from Werewolves, make sure to tick off that pack or simmers won't see it in their game, or they'll see a black and red checkered sim in CAS where the hair's thumbnail should be.

I haven't yet been able to upload more than one zip, so try to get everything together in one, but if it's too big, possibly separate your project into multiple projects or check the Tips and Tricks mentioned earlier to see if they advise how to do this successfully at project creation. I do know you can upload more files afterwards.

ONCE YOU CLICK SUBMIT FILE IT'S IN THE HANDS OF THE MODERATORS. Wait for them to complete their moderation. This could be a few minutes, or it could take up to 3 days.

Your project will not be moderated until you upload a zip file! So, if necessary, you could leave the project and go back to finish it later if you haven't uploaded your zip.

CHANGING STATUS OF YOUR ZIP FILE AFTER APPROVAL

Click on your project, then go to the Files tab. This is where people can download your file, but also where you will change its status if necessary.

For example, if you want a project moderated but you don't want it released to the public yet, you would have chosen Alpha during the creation process. Click on the file itself, and you'll get a different view.

Above the file itself will be 3 new choices: Archive, Edit, Upload Additional File. For this, you will click on Edit. Release type is there, and you can change it to whatever suits your situation. Then click Update File at the bottom. Done!

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I hope this has been helpful. If anyone has any further tips please feel free to comment!

Happy uploading! 😁

#ts4 curseforge #sims 4 curseforge #curseforge #tutorial #ts4 tutorial #sims 4 tutorial #uploading to curseforge

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ecogothchild · 1 year

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I posted 7,370 times in 2022

That's 2,509 more posts than 2021!

38 posts created (1%)

7,332 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@arsonist-macaron

@little-lamb-lyosha

@teaqueque

@ashes-in-a-jar

@sm0kebreaks

I tagged 415 of my posts in 2022

#the magnus archives - 80 posts

#jonathan sims - 52 posts

#twitch streaming - 32 posts

#martin blackwood - 24 posts

#gerry keay - 17 posts

#tim stoker - 13 posts

#fai d. flourite - 12 posts

#tsubasa reservoir chronicle - 11 posts

#kurogane - 8 posts

#basira hussain - 8 posts

Longest Tag: 133 characters

#i wanted to tear my hair out because there is a part of the game where you play two characters at once and are running from something

My Top Posts in 2022:

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast) Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Gerard Keay/Tim Stoker Characters: Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Gerard Keay, Danny Stoker, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood, Mary Keay, The Stoker Parents Additional Tags: High School AU, Prom is gonna happen eventually Summary:

It was freshmen year when he showed up—a skinny thing dressed in dark oversized clothes and an even bigger black jacket. The new kid was quiet and kept to himself, insisting that people should just leave him alone. He wasn’t going to be there long anyway. Tim was fascinated immediately.

3 notes - Posted November 28, 2022

Hey guys! I'm starting to stream games on twitch from my boyfriend's collection and if anyone wants to join me and come hang out you are welcome! I'm playing Tiny Rails today!

I'm under the same username there! I'm brand new at this so eventually I will figure it all out so bare with me!

4 notes - Posted February 20, 2022

I always forget to post about it here but I added another chapter to Swing Life Away! I think we're at 27 chapters now lol, I'll try to be better about posting updates here ^.^; I hope you enjoy

5 notes - Posted November 24, 2022

Holy shit! Mullisreader13 over on AO3 drew the Tattoo that I gave Jon in the newest chapter of 'Swing Life Away' T.T I can't stop looking at it. She isn't on Tumblr much anymore but gave me permission to post it here so I can link it. T.T

Click on it for a little better quality!

6 notes - Posted April 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast) Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Tim Stoker, Basira Hussain/Alice "Daisy" Tonner, Gerard Keay/Michael Shelley Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay, Basira Hussain, Alice "Daisy" Tonner, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Michael | The Distortion (The Magnus Archives), Melanie King, Georgie Barker, Elias Bouchard, Peter Lukas Additional Tags: Everyone lives, Everyone is sort of shipped with everyone, except elias, Fluff, This is really soft for the most part, Asexual Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Not a time travel fix-it Summary:

Jon's eyes shot open with a sharp gasp. His chest ached but the pain was already quickly fading. He was....he was seated at his desk? Why was he at his desk? That wasn't right....was it? He frowned and looked around. Everything appeared to be in place, except for him. He wasn't supposed to be here. He could feel it. Something important had happened.

8 notes - Posted January 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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adelars-safekeep · 6 days

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moving My Documents Sims 4 folder to another hard drive (win 10)

via The_Only_Zac on reddit

Move your Mods folder to your external hard drive by clicking and dragging it from Documents\Electonic Arts\The Sims 4\ to the external drive while holding shift. Ensure that the popup that appears says "Moving files," not "Copying files." Once this step is complete, you should not have a Mods folder in your Electronic Arts\Sims 4 folder but you will have one on your external hard drive. If you want, you can rename it to something else to make your life easier (eg "Sims 4 Mods" rather than just "Mods").

Press the Windows Key and X at the same time, and click "Command Prompt (Admin)". Paste in the following command:

MKLINK /J "%UserProfile%\Documents\Electronic Arts\The Sims 4\Mods" "[insert path to mods folder on external hard drive here]"

Make sure you replace [insert path to mods folder on external hard drive here] with the actual path to where you copied the mods folder onto your external drive (eg. "F:\Gaming stuff\Sims 4 Mods").

3. Go to Documents\Electronic Arts\The Sims 4\Mods in the file explorer. If you see all your mods, that should mean it worked. Run TS4 and check the options menu to make sure your mods are showing as installed, but do not load any of your saves before checking or else they could become corrupted.

If all goes well, this should create a symbolic link in your EA\TS4 folder that points to the folder on your external hard drive. If you have any more questions, let me know. 👍

EDIT: Since there are a lot of questions, here’s some additional info that might help.

• Do not include the brackets [ ] in the path to your mods folder, but do put it in quotes “”, like this:

MKLINK /J "%UserProfile%\Documents\Electronic Arts\The Sims 4\Mods" "F:\Gaming stuff\Sims 4 Mods"

• If your “My Documents” folder is stored in OneDrive you will need to change the first part of the MKLINK command so it matches where your documents folder is. I don’t use OneDrive, but this should work:

MKLINK /J "%UserProfile% \OneDrive\Documents\Electronic Arts\The Sims 4 Mods" “Insert/path/to/external/drive/Mods/folder/here”

However, this might not actually work because OneDrive is stored in the cloud and it doesn’t like to have symbolic links to non-cloud folders, like your hard drive.

• If you get an error saying “The system cannot find the path specified” when you try to make the link, then you probably have a typo in the path to the folder on your external drive. You can open up your desired folder in File Explorer and copy/paste the path from the address bar into the command prompt to make sure you get it right, but if it has spaces in it then you need to make sure to put it inside quotation marks (“ “).

moving a folder to external drive

#tutorial: misc

0 notes

manonamora-if-reviews · 6 months

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Fix Your Mother's Printer by Geoffrey Golden

============= Links

Play the game (IFComp) See other reviews of the game

============= Synopsis

Fix Your Mother’s Printer is a "family sim" visual novel where what you say changes the story and your relationship with your mom. It’s Sunday afternoon and your mother is calling you on Swoon, the video conferencing app specifically for moms. She’s having a tech emergency and you’re the only one who can help! Will you be the golden child and fix her out-of-pocket printer? Make fun of her and watch her fume? What kind of adult child do you want to be? Remember, it's not just a printer. It's an emotional journey.

============= Other Info

Fix Your Mother's Printer is an Ink game, submitted to the 2023 edition of the IFComp

Status: Completed Genre: Comedy

CW: /

============= Playthrough

Played: 15-Oct-2023 Playtime: about 30min Rating: - [IFComp vote] Thoughts: I'm choosing the throw away the printer option next time...

============= Review

Fix Your Mother’s Printer is a fairly short and linear story, with a visual novel-like interface, where you try to help your mother fixing her printer ahead of an important presentation, through a Zoom-like app. There are multiple points where the game can end: you can go through the whole ordeal and fix the printer, give up before it starts, or annoy your mother and quit half-way through.

Spoilers ahead. It is recommended to play the game first. The review is based on my understanding/reading of the story.

Printers are such fickle beings. They always whine and beeps when you don't use them, and refuse to work every time you have an important job for them. And when something goes wrong, they will never tell you what. Is it enough paper? Or enough ink (or the correct one)? Are the cables properly plugged? Is it a computer issue instead? Or [roll dice to select the issue of the day]? It's already a struggle for people who get printers, so when you don't have the magic touch... you just want to throw it at the wall.

Enters you, called through a fake-Zoom app, asked for help. There are multiple ways to handle the call, every as exhausting and anxious-ridden as the next. It brought back the many many times I've been called to resolve computer-related issues for my family, especially the passive-agressive snippy comebacks, the eye-rolls, and the conversation changes half-way through explanations. I seriously wanted to throw the whole printer away half-way through*. But I did like the little vignettes of the mom, especially when reminiscing old memories. *and of course the solution is dumb, it always is with printers. they are the devil's invention...

The interface was quite playful (you wouldn't have guessed it was made in ink), with your mother's expression changing depending on the situation*, moving around when she had to do something, and showing an unexpected visitor at some point. It was nice to be able to just click the text box to advance the story, rather than finding the arrow every time. And the dark mode is great**! *the images sometimes took a few seconds to load, which I'm assuming had to do with changing "passage" **How are you a tech bro and not using darkmode as your theme from the get go :P

#Fix Your Mother's Printer #Geoffrey Golden #interactive fiction #complete #2023 #ink game #review #ifcomp

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bluejayblueskies · 3 years

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in the reciprocal

Words: 8.3k

Relationships: Jon & Martin (QPR)

Tags: Season 1, Scottish Safehouse, Light Angst, Queerplatonic Relationships, Gray-Aro Martin, Kiss-Averse Jon, Kiss-Averse Martin

Warnings: internalized arophobia, mild external arophobia, mild internalized homophobia, canon-typical Lonely depression and dissociation, teasing someone about a crush (in a friendly manner), mention of canon character death, Martin briefly pretending like he still has romantic feelings for Jon and participating in a romantic relationship that makes him uncomfortable (this is addressed and resolved)

Ao3 link in source

Martin’s relationship with romance has always been … complicated.

He has distinct memories of his early teenage years, when the major topic of conversation had shifted abruptly to who had a crush on who and who had kissed who after school and who had asked who on a date. Martin had never really participated in those conversations, though that could be owed more to the fact that he didn’t have many friends than that he wasn’t interested.

Because Martin was interested. The idea of romance had always intrigued him—a fairy-tale thing where there was somebody who would choose you and love you and never let you be alone ever again—and he wanted, more badly than he knew what to do with sometimes, to be in love.

The world, as Martin quickly learned, was not a fairy tale. No matter how much Martin tried to pretend otherwise. In fairy tales, when people got sick, they eventually got better. In fairy tales, parents always loved their children and showered them with affection. (Or were villainous and cruel, locking their children away in towers and treating them like objects to be discarded. Though Martin was never fond of those stories.) And in fairy tales, love was always easy. It wasn’t something that had to be learned or forced. It was instead like breathing—nearly effortless unless you thought about it too much—and, like breathing, it was something that everyone did.

So Martin couldn’t understand why he was so bad at it.

Just before he’d dropped out of school to work full time after his mother couldn’t anymore, he’d been asked on the first and only date of his entire life. Nino had been his friend for nearly a year and a half, and Martin loved spending time with him more than he loved most things in his life back then. School was growing more difficult as Martin had to take on a second part-time job, his mother was growing sicker and shorter with her temper, and he was quickly coming to the realization that he was … different.

After all, he’d never once felt the same kind of affection toward the girls whose names he attempted to doodle in the corners of his notebooks as he felt toward Nino.

Coming to terms with the fact that his first real crush was on his very lovely, very male best friend was … hard. But one day, Nino had bumped his shoulder against Martin’s as they sat in the library and had said something funny that Martin has long since forgotten, and he’d found himself smiling widely. His heart was a stuttering mess in his chest, his stomach twisted up into knots, and … things hadn’t been so bad, then.

Loving Nino had felt safe. Looking back, Martin is sure that Nino had been able to read all of Martin’s stutters and flushed cheeks and clumsy attempts at affection for what they were, but at the time, it had felt like a private indulgence. Just another way for Martin to spend time with the boy who was gradually becoming the most important person in his life. (Behind his mother, that is. She would always come first.)

What was funny about the whole situation, in a way that was actually not very funny at all, was that Martin was even considering asking Nino out. He liked to fantasize about what it would be like—creating clumsy scenarios in his mind where he would slip a note into Nino’s backpack before they parted ways or blurt it out on their way to the tube or whisper it quietly under his breath in the library so that nobody else could hear it but them. He imagined what it would be like if Nino said yes, his face lighting up with a smile and his hand reaching for Martin’s.

He tried to imagine what would happen after that—the date, the kissing (which he could never quite picture without grimacing and pushing the image quickly away), the hand-holding, the…

Well. He actually wasn’t quite sure what was meant to come after.

(Like breathing. It was supposed to be like breathing.)

It was funny, except it wasn’t. Because when Nino pulled Martin aside on their way home one day, face flushed slightly darker than normal, and hesitantly asked if Martin would like to go to a movie with him in a way that was very clearly meant to be a date, Martin expected to feel happy. He expected to feel relieved, that he hadn’t had to muster up the courage to ask Nino himself, or nervous, that he was finally going to be pursuing a romantic relationship with the boy he cared so much about.

Instead, he felt … stiff. Uncomfortable, like his skin was suddenly just a bit too tight. He felt the sudden urge to hide, or maybe to run, or to vanish into thin air so he didn’t have to be standing here anymore, now desperately trying to avoid the eyes of the boy who had just bared such a vulnerable part of himself to Martin.

Confused, Martin tried to look within himself for that warm, stammering affection that had been there a minute ago and found it transformed into something awkward and tense and devoid of all desire for romance. But that didn’t make any sense, he thought as he stared blankly at Nino, who was becoming increasingly nervous, shifting from foot to foot as his mouth pinched into a thin, anxious line. He remembered liking Nino. He remembered the fantasies, remembered coming up with a thousand scenarios just like this one, remembered stammering and stuttering and wanting so badly to take Nino’s hand in his own.

It was like remembering a story he’d been told. Just a fairy tale.

“You … can just say no,” Nino said finally, and Martin felt a curl of guilt in his stomach at the clear upset in Nino’s eyes. “If you have to think this long, it’s … probably not a yes. Is it.”

Yes, Martin tried to say. It’s a yes—of course it’s a yes, I’m just … surprised. Maybe things would make more sense if they actually went on a date. Maybe Martin would just … sort himself out. He was just surprised, or maybe in shock.

He loved Nino. He did; he knew he did. He just … had to figure out how to bring it back.

He didn’t get the chance. (Though, thinking back on it now, Martin knows that even if he’d tried, it wouldn’t have worked.) Nino pulled back slightly, hands going to the straps of his backpack self-consciously. “Right,” he said, sounding terribly embarrassed, and Martin felt himself mirroring the emotion. “S-sorry, I … I guess I was reading things wrong. I—I thought that you … never mind. It doesn’t matter.” Nino forced a smile then, and it lacked all the bright and shining things that Martin liked about it. “S-suppose I’ll … see you in school tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Martin managed to say. And then Nino was gone, and Martin walked home alone.

He dropped out a few months later. Nino said that he would call, but Martin has always been good at lying and even better at telling when somebody else is doing so. And Nino hadn’t been putting much effort into it.

That was … probably for the best. At least Martin didn’t have to feel that dizzying, sickening sensation of guilt and awkwardness every time he looked at Nino anymore.

So, there it was. The world was nothing like a fairy tale. His mother only ever got sicker, her affection for him only ever grew more a thing of the past, and love was…

Well, love clearly wasn’t for him.

That didn’t stop him from falling hopelessly, irrevocably, head-over-heels in love with Jonathan Sims.

Martin, as a rule, makes a habit of not talking about his love life. For one, because there is a distinct lack of it (a fact that he much prefers but doesn’t generally feel like explaining in detail). And for two, because Martin just knew it would turn into something like this.

Martin places his head in his hands to hide the flaming red of his cheeks. “Can we not talk about it?”

“I think we’re actually obligated to talk about it now,” Tim says with what Martin is absolutely certain is a cheeky grin. “Given that you’ve just admitted that your not-so-mysterious crush is Jonathan Sims.” He drops his voice to an exaggerated conspiratorial murmur. “Is he the one you’ve been writing poetry about then?”

“I don’t have to say anything,” Martin mumbles into the very clammy palms of his hand.

Tim, fortunately, drops the poetry topic. He unfortunately does not drop the crush topic. “I mean, don’t get me wrong,” he continues. “You’ve got good taste. The whole … sweater vest, ‘disgruntled professor’ vibe is attractive, and he’s funny, you know? In his own way.”

Martin lifts his head from his hands and gives Tim an exasperated look that he hopes screams can we please stop talking about this. Tim must misinterpret it as jealousy instead because he holds his hands up in the air placatingly. “Hey, no competition here. We’re just friends, and I’m not really interested in dating anyone at the moment.” A pause. “Though, I suppose if Jon asked, I wouldn’t say—you know what, that’s not helpful.”

“He is pretty hot,” Sasha pipes in from her spot on the break room couch. “I definitely get where you’re coming from.” Then, after Martin turns that same exasperated look onto her: “Just trying to show our support for the cause, Martin.”

“Yeah, well—don’t.” Martin stands, maybe a little bit too abruptly, and crosses the room to where the kettle sits on the counter. He fills it in the sink and then clicks it on, the blue light reflecting off the countertop and faintly illuminating his hands.

“Hey,” Tim says, leaning against the counter next to him and giving him a surprisingly serious look. “I’m sorry. If talking about this makes you uncomfortable, we’ll drop it.” He mimes zipping his lips closed and throwing away the key. “No questions asked.”

“I’m pretty sure talking afterward negates the ‘zipping your lips shut’ thing,” Martin says, which earns him an amused huff of laughter and a gentle elbow in the side. He finds himself smiling, if only briefly before it falls from his lips once again. “And it’s … fine. I’m not upset. It’s just…” He hesitates, considering, and settles on a suitably vague, “It’s complicated.”

Tim makes a noise of understanding. “Say no more, Marto. Consider the subject dropped.”

“Thank you.”

There are a few moments of silence between them, filled only with the gentle hum of the kettle. Martin reaches for the mugs, and as he pulls four from the cabinet, Tim says abruptly, “So wait—is that why you always bring him tea?”

Martin nearly drops the mugs. “Tim.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Tim grimaces at him sheepishly. “I’m dropping it.”

Martin nods and pulls the box of tea from the cupboard. As he gets the mugs ready, however, he can feel Tim’s eyes on him, heavy and curious. Finally, it gets to be too much, and Martin sets the box down with a sigh. “I bring him tea because he never leaves his office and at least this way he’s hydrated. If you absolutely must know.”

“Caffeine is a diuretic, you know,” Sasha says from where she’s still sitting on the couch.

“Yes,” Martin says tersely, grabbing the kettle as it clicks off, “but it’s better than nothing.”

The tea isn’t related to the crush. It really isn’t. But Martin knows that the more he tries to make excuses, the more it’ll seem like he’s deflecting, which will just be counterproductive. So he prepares the tea and passes Tim and Sasha’s mugs to them. Then, fully aware that Tim and Sasha are watching, he grabs Jon’s mug and makes his way to his office.

He doesn’t knock. He found out his first week here that Jon doesn’t like it when people knock and prefers them to verbally announce themselves instead. It wasn’t because Jon had told him; Martin gets the feeling that Jon is too stubborn to admit to that sort of weakness in front of him. It was because of the subtle tension in Jon’s shoulders every time Martin opened the door after rapping three times on the doorframe; the way his voice sounded ever so slightly pinched when he asked what Martin wanted.

So Martin says, just loud enough to penetrate the thick oak door, that he’s coming in, and then, after a moment, he opens it.

Jon is sitting at his desk, mountains of papers and files stacked on either side of him. His laptop is open in front of him, and he’s currently focused intently on something on the screen, the harsh white light of the LCDs reflecting off his glasses. He doesn’t seem to notice when the door opens, but when Martin takes a few steps closer and gently clears his throat, he looks up from the screen, blinking a few times as his eyes adjust to the dimness of his office.

“Ah,” Jon says, his gaze landing on the mug. “Right. You can…” He looks at the disastrously cluttered surface of his desk and, after some consideration, pushes a stack of papers to the side to make a mug-sized gap in the mess. “You can place it there.”

Martin does. He doesn’t mean to linger afterward. Even though things are ... better between them now that Martin is staying in the Archives and Jon seems to have softened slightly toward him, they’re not quite at the ‘hold a casual conversation’ stage of their relationship yet. Still, Martin finds himself standing in front of Jon’s desk long enough for Jon to glance back up from his computer, a small furrow forming between his eyebrows.

“Did you … need something else from me?” he says, sounding more confused than annoyed.

No, Martin means to say. I’ll be going now.

Instead, he says, “How are you doing?”

Jon stares blankly at Martin, like he doesn’t understand the question. Martin briefly curses his complete lack of a verbal filter at the worst times and purses his lips, telling himself that frantically trying to rescind the statement will only make things worse. “I’m … fine,” Jon says with a hint of incredulity in his voice, like he can’t fathom any reason why Martin would want to inquire after his well-being.

Good, Martin opens his mouth to say. Let me know if you need anything else.

Why he says instead, “I just … noticed that you haven’t been going home lately,” he doesn’t know. He hasn’t had a crush in so long—is this what it was like the last time? God, it’s a bit embarrassing, isn’t it?

Jon still looks bewildered, though there is an edge of irritation to his voice when he says, “There is a lot to do here, Martin. I assure you, I can take care of myself.”

“Right, yeah.” Martin fights the urge to rub his hand along the back of his neck, settling for the inside of his wrist instead. “Just … I know I’ve taken your cot recently, and if you’re not going home at night, I—I would hate to feel like I’m making you sleep at your desk.”

“You are not making me do anything. I can make my own choices.” Jon purses his lips for a moment before saying, more gently, “Besides, you … have more need of the cot than me at the moment.”

Martin can’t help the little shudder that goes through him at the reminder of why, exactly, he is in need of the cot. “Yeah,” he concedes. Then, because it’s only been a week or so and he still feels like he hasn’t said it enough: “Thank you again, for … for letting me stay here.”

Jon’s expression softens into something almost sympathetic, just for a moment, before growing closed-off and shuttered once again. Martin’s traitorous heart thuds in his chest at the sight, just like it had when Jon had listened to his story impassively and then matter-of-factly offered him the cot like it was the only logical thing to do.

(He hadn’t understood why he’d reacted like that—pounding heart, sweaty palms, cottony mouth—until that night, staring at the dark, cracked ceiling of the Archives and running Jon’s words over and over again in his mind. But it wasn’t surprising, was it? Of course Martin would find himself attached to his prickly, no-nonsense boss who kind of hated him the first moment he showed him an ounce of kindness.)

“It’s … really no problem at all,” Jon says, sounding a bit stiff in a way that’s hopelessly endearing, like he doesn’t quite know what to do with Martin’s gratitude. Then, even more stiffly: “You’re … doing all right?”

The tentative concern in Jon’s voice is enough to bring a flush to the tips of Martin’s cheeks that he desperately hopes can’t be seen in the low light of Jon’s office. “Y-yeah. As well as I can be, I—I suppose.”

“Well,” Jon says in a businesslike voice, like he’s delivering a report, “if you need any further accommodations, please let me know. Given that this was a workplace incident and you were investigating the Vittery building on my request, the Institute and I are responsible for ensuring that you remain safe while you’re … displaced from your previous home.”

Martin has always been good at reading people. And for all that Jon wears various masks of professionalism and skepticism and authority, he’s still surprisingly easy to read. It’s easy to control an expression, to control a tone of voice, but Jon’s eyes are always so much more emotive than he probably means them to be. Right now, they’re flitting around the room, from Martin to the floor to his desk to the floor again, like they’re afraid to settle on one place for too long.

It’s easy to identify the emotion as guilt. It takes Martin a few more moments to place what, exactly, Jon is guilty for.

“It’s … not your fault, you know,” Martin says slowly. “What happened with Prentiss. You’re not … responsible for it.”

Martin expects Jon to brush him off—to tell him that he’s being ridiculous. He doesn’t expect him to say, with a voice that leaves no room for argument, “I am not responsible for Jane Prentiss’ presence in the Vittery building, yes, nor for the fact that she followed you home. But I would be remiss not to acknowledge that you encountered her while following up on a statement, per my request, and that I … was not as cautious as I should have been with regards to sending you on dangerous assignments.” Jon’s eyes are sheepish now, and a touch concerned. “I will be sure to take the appropriate precautions in the future, as it would be unacceptable for you to be injured or … otherwise hurt whilst performing your duties as an archival assistant.”

It’s not a heartfelt statement by any measure. Really, it’s just common decency, and definitely what should be expected from one’s superior in a line of work that is (apparently) much more dangerous than it appears to be on paper. But Jon’s eyes when they finally turn to Martin are softer than he’s ever seen them, even as his expression remains carefully neutral and professional, and it feels like Jon has just said something profoundly kind.

Martin’s heart has some stuttering, skipping things to say about that particular fact.

“Um,” Martin says eloquently. “Th-thanks.” He considers mentioning again that Jon really isn’t at fault for sending him into a building that, for all Jon knew, contained nothing more than a few very persistent spiders. But he doesn’t. Instead, he holds the little scrap of kindness he’s been given close to his chest, stammers something about getting back to work, and leaves Jon’s office before he says something embarrassing like I like it when you care or you have kind eyes or we could share the cot if you stay too late.

Tim wiggles his eyebrows at Martin as he takes a seat back at his desk, and Sasha gives him a much more subtle knowing look. Martin ignores both of them and busies himself with the statement sitting on the corner of his desk, diving back into the formatting he’s been struggling with all morning.

Jon is his boss. Jon doesn’t even really like him, when he’s not feeling guilty for almost getting Martin killed. It’s never going to work between them.

A bit of the tension bleeds out of Martin’s shoulders. His eyes drift back toward the door to Jon’s office—the golden nameplate outside it, embossed with Jon’s name, the frosted window, the old, warped wood—and he feels something light and comfortable settle in his chest.

Jon is prickly and lovely and blunt and awkwardly conscientious and completely unattainable. Jon is never going to look at Martin with affection in his eyes and ask Martin to run away with him to pursue a romantic, fairy-tale ending, and Martin is never going to feel that intense, awful discomfort that seeps into the gaps where the love once was. He can blush and stammer and imagine holding Jon’s hand and kissing the inside of his wrist and tangling his foot with Jon’s underneath a table, and nothing will change.

It’s never going to happen between them. And it’s better that way.

The car ride to Scotland is quiet. Jon keeps sneaking glances at Martin when he thinks Martin isn’t paying attention, as if Martin will vanish if he doesn’t keep a watchful eye on him. It should be irritating, but … maybe he’s right. Martin doesn’t feel fully here yet. He still feels empty and numb, like all of the emotion and life and things that make him him have been cut away, consumed by the salty fog that had filled his lungs and stung his throat as he inhaled.

Peter Lukas is dead. Martin had felt it happen with a sort of empty detachment—the ripples of fog as Peter disintegrated into nothing but mist and static. Jon hasn’t spoken about it since they left the Lonely, but Martin had seen the tension in his shoulders as they’d returned to their flats to pack and taken the keys to the car from Basira and made their way painstakingly through London traffic.

Martin had wanted to tell Jon that it was all right—that everything was going to be okay. But his throat refused to form the words. It took all of his energy to remain present and solid, and he just … couldn’t. So he remained silent and gripped Jon’s hand as tightly as he was able and focused on not giving in to the Loneliness that still lingered underneath the surface of his skin.

Now, both of Jon’s hands are on the wheel of the car, his fingers and elbows rigid and stiff. Generic pop music spills out of the radio, the signal distorted enough that Martin only catches about half of the song, the rest swallowed by static. Better than him, he thinks absently. Right now, he feels as if he’s only static.

He can’t remember if he was like this before the air opened wide in front of him and he was swallowed whole by the fog, the panopticon gone in an instant and replaced with nothing but endless gray. He was … close, he thinks. Every day, things grew dimmer, his own thoughts and feelings more difficult to get a handle on. It grew harder and harder to remember why he was resisting at all. What his goal was, other than to just … be alone. He thinks he would have forgotten entirely, had Jon not been three floors beneath him, alive and breathing and reminding him that he was doing this—all of this—for a reason.

It had been … lovelier than Martin ever could have imagined, falling in love with Jon. It grew within him like a garden, new flowers cropping up every day. Some were white and delicate, blooming in his lungs when he looked at Jon and felt the all-consuming need to bundle him up in a blanket and make him tea and hide him away from the things in the world that wanted to hurt him. Others were purple and angular, blossoming with every lunch they had together and story Jon told him. And some were red and thorny, roses with waxy petals that made Martin’s cheeks grow hot every time Jon said his name like it was special or treated him kindly or smiled.

So when things grew difficult—when the loneliness crept too close, when he grew too comfortable being invisible, when he had to look Jon in the eye and tell him that he didn’t want to see him—Martin retreated to the quiet garden in his soul. He ran his fingers along the petals and stems and leaves and reminded himself that he needed to do this, or he’d lose Jon again and the garden would shrivel and die.

It had been an easy decision, in the end.

There’s a soft crunching noise, and Martin breaks free from his thoughts to see that they’ve transitioned from the smooth asphalt of the motorway to an unpaved gravel road. It’s bracketed on either side by trees, and though the sun has long since set, Martin can still see the gentle swell of hills around them, outlined softly in the moonlight. He thinks, for a moment, that he sees fog, clustering around the bases of the hills and swirling around in tight eddies, but when he blinks, the image is gone.

“We’re almost there,” Jon says quietly. It’s one of the few things he’s said to Martin the entire trip. Then, after a moment: “It’s … rather nice out here.”

Martin supposes it is. The landscape around them had been a vibrant green before twilight had washed it out into deep blues, and there have been cows dotted around the fields, shaggy and brown and grazing contently. It’s a stark change from the grays and browns of central London, with buildings on all sides and people everywhere and no chance to ever really see the stars. If circumstances were different, Martin thinks he would be cooing over the cows and trying to get Jon to stop so he could take pictures and enjoying his first trip outside of England.

Instead, Martin just nods.

Jon seems to understand. He sneaks another glance at Martin—full of something soft that Martin, in his foggy state, doesn’t quite know how to parse—but remains silent for the rest of the trip. It could easily be a stiff, uncomfortable silence, but … it’s not. It feels companionable.

When did being around Jon become so easy?

Daisy’s cabin is small and squat, nestled between two hills and idyllic in a way that doesn’t match the rough-hewn, steel-eyed woman Martin had known. The inside is dusty and cold, and Jon mutters something about central heating before disappearing down the corridor and leaving Martin standing in the living room, staring at the place he’ll be living in for the foreseeable future.

The place he’ll be living in with Jon for the foreseeable future.

Martin feels something in his chest stir at that—a strange, twisting emotion that’s there and gone before he can put a name to it. He shivers, in a way he doesn’t think is from the cold, and goes to find Jon.

He … doesn’t think he should be alone right now.

They find an old, rusted radiator that miraculously still works, pumping out hot air with a groan of metal. Jon digs a set of musty sheets out of the linen closet and begins dressing the bed. Martin notes the lack of a second bedroom, and he thinks he might object to the implication that they’ll be sharing a bed if he weren’t aware of the fact that he might vanish if left alone for too long. (Or if he were himself enough to feel embarrassed. Or to feel anything.)

He doesn’t think anything shows on his face, but Jon’s always been keen, even more so now that knowledge drips into his mind like water from a leaky faucet. Jon’s hands flutter over the sheets for a moment before he says, “I … hope this is all right?”

Martin tries to find his voice to agree, but the energy required to summon it is too much, so he settles for a shallow nod. He doesn’t think it’s a sufficiently enthusiastic agreement, but Jon doesn’t question it. He worries his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment, then says, “And … you’re all right?”

It’s a bit of a ridiculous question, really. No, Martin isn’t all right. No, there’s nothing Jon can do about it. No, he doesn’t know when things will be better. Or if they’ll ever be better.

Martin just looks at Jon, eyebrows slightly raised. Jon lets out a small, dry laugh. “Right. I … suppose that was a silly question. I—I meant…” Jon hems and haws for a long moment before finally saying, “Do you feel … safe, here? W-with me?”

That question has a much easier answer.

When Martin nods without hesitation, Jon visibly relaxes. “Good,” he says, voice rough around the edges. “That’s … that’s good.”

They stand there for a moment longer, the silence between them thick and heavy but not uncomfortably so. Finally, Jon clears his throat and says, “Well, I—I suppose we should rest then. We can … talk tomorrow?”

Martin nods and tries to smile. He doesn’t quite manage it, but … that’s all right. For now, this is enough.

Jon retreats into the bathroom, and Martin finds himself overcome with exhaustion. He slips into the soft pajama trousers he’d absently stuffed into his duffle bag, climbs under the covers, and is asleep before the sound of running water from the other room abates.

Martin doesn’t remember what happened in the Lonely. Things had been foggy and disjointed, slipping through his grasp when he tried to hold onto them. He barely remembers what came after, when Jon had led him away from the sand and the fog and the waves, his palm a searing heat against Martin’s. His first few days at the safehouse are spent in a similar fog, like each muscle in his body is frozen solid and he’s slowly attempting to warm them with a matchstick flame.

His third day is … better. His fourth, better still. By the end of the first week, Martin feels more himself than he has in months, if still acutely aware of the fog that now lives in his lungs and creeps out of his throat when he thinks too hard about what’s transpired or when Jon is out of sight for too long.

Martin remembers what it’s like to be happy. He feels it when he shuffles sleepily into the kitchen on their eigth morning in the safehouse and sees Jon standing in front of the stove, hair tied up in a neat bun and eggs sizzling in a pan in front of him. He remembers what it’s like to be frightened. He feels it when he wakes at night, shivering and shaking with the lingering memory of dreams of nothing but endless fog and aching loneliness.

And he remembers what it’s like to be in love.

He remembers it just in time to lose it.

The worst thing, Martin thinks, is that he’d almost managed to convince himself that it would be different this time. He knows, logically, that it’s not that simple. He’d done a little bit of research after what happened with Nino, reading through a few web pages on aromanticism before becoming overwhelmed and closing out of every single one of them. He tentatively returned to them a few years later after realizing that this wasn’t something that he was going to grow out of or move on from.

He had difficulties settling on a label, partly because of the sheer number of them and partly because he … didn’t quite know how to categorize his feelings. How could he categorize something that he’d only felt once before? Gray-romantic seemed the safest option, so that was the one he settled on.

(Not that he ever told anyone that he was arospec. It never seemed important, even when Sasha would needle him about his crush and Tim would make too-loud suggestive comments that could surely be heard through the door to Jon’s office.

… Martin misses Tim and Sasha. He thinks, if he’d had the chance—if he’d had more time—they would have been the first people he told.)

Martin knows that his relationship with romantic attraction is complicated. Yet somehow, he’s still found it within himself to hope that this time, things will be different. This time, when he tells Jon that he’s very in love with him and has been for a while, those words will continue to be true even after they’re spoken. (He ignores the fact that the actual thought of saying them aloud makes his stomach twist and his mouth grow chalky.)

But, just like with Nino, Martin doesn’t get the chance to try. Jon beats him to the punch.

“I … I love you,” Jon says quietly. He has Martin’s hand in his, and he’s holding it so gently Martin might cry. There were things Jon said before this moment—a conversation that has led them here—but Martin is having a hard time recalling any of them. All he can think is no, no, not now, not here.

His skin crawls. His hands are clammy, and he’s sure that Jon can feel it. He has the instinctive need to get away, but he’s also frozen in place, the lump in his throat sealing away all of the words that he should be saying.

He should be saying something.

The silence stretches on between them, the vulnerability on Jon’s face slowly morphing into concern. “... Martin?”

He sounds so confused, and Martin … he can’t. He just can’t. He doesn’t think he’ll survive the moment when that confusion turns to hurt.

So Martin swallows sharply and forces his hand to squeeze Jon’s and says, “I love you too.”

And he does, in a way. He wants Jon here, by his side, eating breakfast next to him and rambling to him about whatever latest thing has piqued his interest and listening to Martin describe the cows he’s seen on his walks. The thought of Jon leaving—of losing him, the same way he lost Nino—makes his stomach twist into knots, because Martin loves him.

Just … not in the way that Jon thinks he does. Not anymore.

And Martin can’t help but feel guilty about that fact.

Jon frowns at Martin for a moment more, like he can tell that something’s wrong but he’s not entirely sure what. Martin breathes out slowly and gives Jon as genuine a smile as he can muster, trying to convey that everything is fine. That nothing’s wrong—why would anything be wrong?

It must work, because Jon exhales slowly, his expression softening into one of the gentle smiles that Martin has grown so fond of. He rubs a thumb over the back of Martin’s hand in a motion that should be comforting but only reminds Martin of the fact that Jon is doing it because he loves him.

Martin thinks that Jon is going to kiss him then—isn’t that usually what comes after things like this?—and dread coils in his stomach. But Jon doesn’t. Later, Martin will find out that Jon dislikes kisses just as much as he does (though for different reasons). For now, though, Martin can only feel relief when Jon squeezes his hand once more before letting go and standing. “I’ll go make us some tea,” he says quietly, then retreats to the kitchen.

Thinking back on it, Martin wonders if Jon knew then. That something was wrong. But for now, he just feels relieved that he has the space he needs to breathe.

It’s their second week at the safehouse, just a few days after Jon told Martin that he loves him, that Jon finally sits Martin down after dinner and says softly, “Martin, am I … am I making you uncomfortable?”

“What?” Martin says, like he has no idea what Jon’s talking about. (Like a liar.) “No. What … what makes you think that?”

Jon wrings his hands together. He’s wearing one of Martin’s sweaters, and Martin doesn’t know how he feels about it. The clothes sharing is fine. The fact that Jon is clearly perceiving the clothes sharing as a romantic gesture is … less than fine.

Martin told himself that it would be okay if Jon perceived their relationship as a romantic one and Martin didn’t. He was good at pretending. And besides, how different could things be?

Very different, as it turned out. In all the ways that mattered.

Jon seemed to take any opportunity he could to touch Martin—a hand brushing against the small of his back when he passed behind him to grab a mug, an ankle nudging against his underneath the table as they ate, a head resting on his shoulder as they sat side-by-side and read. Martin had never been particularly touch-averse or touch-starved; touch was just … touch. He’d liked it when Tim had tousled his hair or when Sasha had thrown her legs across his on the breakroom couch, but he didn’t feel like he was missing out on anything on the days he went without any human contact at all.

Now, it’s all Martin can do not to flinch away from Jon’s touches, knowing that each one is delivered with love and affection that Martin can’t return. Though perhaps he hasn’t been doing as good of a job as he’d thought, judging by the concerned look Jon is giving him now.

There have been other things too—whispered I love yous in the early mornings and soft smiles that seem somehow more and little gestures that are so Jon but also so romantic—and Martin wants so badly to disappear back into the fog in those moments. But that … that wouldn’t be fair to Jon. It’s not his fault that Martin is like this, after all.

(It’s not Martin’s fault either. He knows this, logically. He’d spent a long time hating himself for what happened with Nino, for how he couldn’t just be normal and go on dates and enjoy something that the rest of society seemed to prize above all else. It had taken him years to finally come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t broken, and he couldn’t be changed. That this was just … who he was.

It doesn’t mean that sometimes, he doesn’t wish that he could be someone else. And he’s never wanted it more acutely than when he stares at Jon’s kind brown eyes and soft smile.)

So Martin lied and lied and lied. And he thought he’d been doing so successfully. But here Jon is, frowning at him, a careful distance between them, and Martin feels his chest begin to tighten.

“I just…” Jon begins, then stops. He looks down at the couch, studying the ugly floral pattern with apparent rapt fascination. Martin doesn’t know what to say, so he waits anxiously until Jon finally continues, “It doesn’t feel like you’re … happy. I know that things have been hard, a-and … it’s all right if you still need time after the Lonely, but it…” Jon swallows. “It feels like some of it may be because of me? W-when I touch you, sometimes you get … tense. And sometimes…”

“Jon?” Martin prompts after a moment, the word strangled by the growing lump in his throat.

“Sometimes,” Jon says quietly, “when you tell me that you love me, it … it feels like you’re lying.”

And the way Jon says it—tentative, with wide, hesitant eyes, like he’s the one that’s the problem—makes Martin’s desire to keep up the ruse crumble away in an instant.

It still isn’t easy to come clean. But he forces himself to do it anyway.

“It’s complicated,” he begins, then winces. Not a good start. Sure enough, Jon’s shoulders grow tense, and he shifts slightly further away, like he thinks Martin wants more space. Because he thinks he’s done something wrong. “You haven’t done anything wrong,” Martin adds quickly. It’s not you, it’s me, he thinks wryly. “It’s … not your fault.”

Jon opens his mouth—to say what, Martin doesn’t know. He barrels on before Jon gets the chance to speak, his haste making his words harried and blunt.

“I’m aromantic.”

Jon blinks at him, clearly surprised by the abruptness of the statement. After a long, awkward moment, during which it becomes abundantly clear that Jon is waiting for Martin to make the next move, Martin continues, “My relationship with—well, with relationships—i-is complicated. I-it’s, um … it’s hard to explain? A-and I don’t want you to think that I—I don’t care about you. I want to be here, w-with you, just…”

“Not in a romantic capacity?” Jon finishes softly.

Martin exhales heavily, feeling a bit like a hole has been punched in his chest and he’s slowly deflating. “Yeah.”

Jon is looking at him with soft, kind eyes, and Martin doesn’t know what to do with them. So he buries his face in his hands. “I’m sorry,” he says, his voice coming out muffled.

“Hey, hey.” Jon’s hand brushes against Martin’s shoulder before pulling away quickly, and that just makes Martin feel worse. “You haven’t done anything wrong either.”

“Yes, I have,” Martin says into his palms. “I lied. I let you think that I—I was still in love with you, and … Christ, that was shitty of me.”

“I … do wish you had told me sooner,” Jon concedes. “But … only because I care about you, Martin, a-and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable around me.” He hesitates. “You … do know that I’m not mad at you, right? Th-that I wouldn’t have been mad, o-or upset, or hurt, if you told me that you didn’t feel the same way about me?”

Martin takes a deep breath, then another. “But I did,” he says raggedly. “For … for so long, I did. Ever since Jane Prentiss locked me in my flat for two weeks and you believed me when I told you about it a-and let me stay in the Archives. A-and I didn’t lie, in the Lonely. I did love you, a-all the way up until…”

Martin trails off. Jon lets the silence linger for a moment before saying gently, “If you don’t want to explain it to me, o-or if it’s hard, you don’t have to. But … if you can, I’d like to understand. For myself, a-and for you.” He wraps his hands tightly around his knees where they’re tucked against his chest. “This is important, and … I want to get this right.”

Martin exhales. He picks at a loose thread on the couch between them, focusing on it so he doesn’t have to meet Jon’s eyes and can pretend like he isn’t so extremely exposed and vulnerable right now. “I … I do want to explain. O-or I want to try. It’s … hard, though. Mostly b-because I’ve never had to explain it to anybody else? But also because … I don’t really understand why I’m like this.”

Jon opens his mouth, and Martin holds up a hand. “I know, I know—you don’t … have to comment on that.”

Jon closes his mouth and tentatively shifts so his knee is pressing against Martin’s. Martin waits for the tingling of his skin, the pins-and-needles discomfort, but it never comes. Maybe it’s because he knows that this is an act of comfort rather than one of affection. It’s … really nice.

He presses back with a sigh, feeling a bit of the tension and nerves drain out of him. “I—I get that love is difficult for me,” he says quietly. “I’ve just … always had trouble with the fact that what makes it difficult is that I’m someone who apparently never actually wants their love … requited. And if it is, I just … can’t anymore. It all goes away, a-and I just … fall out of love?”

Martin can feel Jon’s eyes on him, inquisitive and searching, but Jon doesn’t say anything. There’s a moment of silence between them, during which Martin tries and fails to collect his mess of feelings and thoughts and emotions into something that he can verbalize. Finally, Martin sighs and says, “It’s ironic, isn’t it. I’ve loved you for so long, a-and I still do, but … not in the way you love me. Not anymore. And now you’re the one who—who loves someone w-who doesn’t … who can’t…”

“Oh, no, Martin.” Jon’s hand is covering his then, and it’s warm and gentle and lovely, and Martin could cry. “I’m not…” He hesitates, squeezing Martin’s hand once. “Well. I am still in love with you. In the … romantic sense. I—I don’t want to lie to you about that. B-but I also love you in … so many other ways. Y-you’re my friend, Martin, a-and you’re someone that I can trust. You … you make me feel safe, e-even when there’s … so much in my life that’s dangerous and unpredictable, and I know that you’ll … always be there for me when I need you to be. I want to be here with you, always. I would … be happy in a romantic relationship with you, yes. But I would also be happy to just be with you. In whichever way you will have me.”

Martin’s throat feels very tight. “Oh,” he says faintly. He feels a pressure at the corner of his eyes and realizes, with a flush of embarrassment, that there are actual tears collecting there. He stares hard at the lamp just behind Jon, trying not to let any of them escape.”You, um … you really … mean that?”

“Of course,” Jon says, like there’s no question to be had about the matter. “You are … such an easy person to love, Martin. In all the ways it’s possible to love someone.”

Martin tries—he really does—to keep the tears back. But it’s just … so much, and Jon is so lovely, and this is more than Martin ever thought he was going to be able to have. So he takes a shaky breath in, and on the exhale, a few tears slip free and trail down his cheek. He brings a hand up and scrubs them away, mutters a sorry underneath his breath, but Jon just squeezes his hand tighter.

“It’s okay,” he says. “It’s okay, I’m … I’m here. I’m not leaving you.” Jon hesitates. “Provided that that’s … all right with you, of course.”

Martin can’t help the shaky laugh that escapes him. “Yes, it’s all right with me. Of course it is.”

Jon smiles, and Martin aches with it. “Good.” He nudges his knee gently against Martin’s. “Because this cottage would get very dull without you in it. Who would I talk to about all of Daisy’s awful romance novels?”

Martin laughs again, and it chases away most of the lingering tension in his body. “Be careful what you wish for. I’m going to start doing dramatic readings next.”

Jon’s eyes sparkle with humor, but his voice is sincere when he says, “I look forward to it.”

True to his word, over the next week, Martin does increasingly dramatic readings of the worn, water-warped romance novels stacked haphazardly on the safehouse shelves. (Skipping the, quote, ‘unnecessarily erotic’ bits to avoid Jon’s pinched look of discomfort and his own beet-red face as he stares down at words that should really not be used in a sexual context ever.) He bakes cookies, laughing when Jon drops the cup of flour he’s holding and ends up covered in it. He spends the first three walks after their conversation wringing his hands together before finally asking, in a series of nervous stutters, if Jon would like to hold hands while they walk.

“But not in a romantic way!” he hastens to clarify. “You just have very nice hands, a-and I’ve always liked the idea of holding someone else’s hand, but—you know, th-the romantic connotations of it aren’t … great, and … you know, now that I think about it, this was a stupid question, you don’t have to—”

And then Jon takes his hand and squeezes it gently, and Martin feels a warmth spread through him that he doesn’t quite know what to do with.

That’s been happening a lot lately. He … doesn’t think he minds at all.

Then, a few weeks after their conversation, Jon turns over in bed to face him and says, without any preamble, “Have you ever heard of a queerplatonic relationship?”

Martin has, but only in passing, so he shakes his head. Jon explains, sounding very much like he’s reciting the wiki page for the concept, which is … more endearing than it has any right to be, probably.

“Does … does that sound like something you might be interested in?” Jon says nervously. “W-with me, of course. If that wasn’t … clear.”

Martin nods before Jon is finished speaking. “Yeah,” he says, maybe a bit too eagerly. Then, quieter: “Yeah. I’d … I’d like that.”

Jon smiles then, bright and wide and lovely, and it occurs to Martin—not for the first time, and probably not for the last—that he can have this. That he can be with Jon—maybe for the rest of his life, though that’s a … big thought that he definitely isn’t ready to look at head-on yet—without the dates and the kissing and all the other romantic gestures that Martin always thought were necessary for something like this. That they can be happy, together.

That Martin can have his fairy tale ending, and it doesn’t have to look like he’s always been told it should.

Martin smiles back at Jon, reaching across the bed to brush his fingers lightly against Jon’s. And for the first time in a long, long while, he finally feels like he’s home.

#tma #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #jonmartin #(in a queerplatonic capacity)#my writing #my fic

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