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#i just wanna watch people sometimes when i was younger id want to disappear and then see what people said about me
theevilicecreamsoda · 6 months
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I think i ever processed anything that happened from 2021 to now like ever
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one-night-story · 5 years
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Echoes of You (Spike Spiegel)
A/N: The formatting on this is h e l l. But when nostalgia slaps you and says “Fall in love with Spike Spiegel again.” You do as it’s says. Thus this
Roman Holiday had changed who she was so many times she didn’t remember who she was when she started. She’d been a drug lord, a spy, an informant, a bounty, a runaway. But these days, with blue and purple hair and a coat large enough to hide a pistol, she settled on being a ghost among the streets, listening and picking up information as she went. She found herself on Mars, mourning friends and paying dues. She was going to have to disappear again soon. But first, she needed food, scissors, and some hair dye; though she was uncertain what color. She tried walking into a convenience store when she ran into someone.
“Sorry about that.” The guy said. From that one comment Roman almost got whiplash. That voice shouldn’t be talking to her. That voice should’ve been dead. If not from the first time, then definitely the second time. She looked up at him and sure enough it was him. Spike Spiegel in all his blue suited, disheveled glory. And he looked just as shocked to see her. “Ro-?” He didn’t get to finish her name because she took off, sprinting in the opposite direction as fast as she could. He of course went after her, he always would, and she scaled a building to get to the roof. She pulled her pistol and waited for him to catch up.
“Who are you?” She asked.
“Ro don’t do this.”
“Tell me! Stop playing cruel tricks and just tell me!” She yelled. It couldn’t be him, it shouldn’t be him.
“Roman, it’s really me.”
“Bullshit, you died.”
“I didn’t,”
“Then you died again.”
“I’ve had worse.” He said with his trademark lazy smile. Roman almost let up at that. He still knew her weak points.
“Gimme the word.” She said, lowering her gun but not putting it away. He furrowed his brows and then figured it out.
“Lily.” He said. Roman lowered her pistol entirely and put it away. Her flower of choice. Julia had roses, she had lilies. Her whole form softened, though she was far from the Roman he used to know. Spike took a step forward to see if she’d let him and sure enough, she didn’t move. “It’s good to see you Roman. Glad to know you’re still picking up information.” He said. Roman shrugged and sat down, still keeping her distance.
“Nothing better to do on this dirt rock. You know you threw the whole operation into chaos, right? There’s a power vacuum with at least seven people trying to fill it.” She said. Spike sat across from her, a little closer than she would’ve liked, but she allowed it. She chalked it up to some primal part of her brain still wanting to keep him as close as she could. He pulled a cigarette from his pocket and stuck it in his mouth.
“What’s next for you then? Figure you’re not gonna stick around for that mess to sort itself out.” He said as he fished out a lighter and lit the cigarette. He took a drag and offered it to Roman. She took it and copied the movement. She never smoked unless she was with Spike. Again, she chalked it up to that primal part of her brain that was still 13 years old and hoped that she still stood a chance against a far prettier half-sister.
“I cut my hair, redye it and catch a flight out of here. I’m thinking Ganymede. Or the asteroids. Hell, I could go be a small fry in Tijuana.” She said.
“And what color will it be this time?” He asked. Roman’s mood was usually determined by her hair. She changed it with regimes, mood, the music she was listening to that month, and sometimes when she felt she had no control of anything. He watched as she thought over her answer.
“Red. Probably. Or pink. Julia always thought I’d look good with pink.” She said muttering the last part.
“You would.” He said. Roman tried to not flush to the color in question, but she never did take compliments well. “I remember she was constantly trying to push you out of the shadows.”
“I like the shadows. No one judges me there. I’m useful there.” Roman argued. Spike chuckled and took a drag from his cigarette. The motion was repeated when he passed it to her to take a drag.
“Maybe, but you have no reason to stay there. Unless you wanna start working for the police.” He said.
“I could be a bounty hunter.” She said with a shrug.
“Oh no, I don’t think I could have you competing for my dinner money too.” He said with his trademark smile. Roman laughed at his comment, a real laugh. Something she hadn’t done in a while. As she laughed, Spike watched her. Her face was lit up by the beginnings of sunset and neon. Her and Julia had no personality similarities, but sometimes they did have physical ones.
“I haven’t done that in forever.” She said when she finally calmed down. Spike smiled at her. She seemed lighter now, more at ease. It was like the laughter fit had locked her into a time machine and she had shed so many years of cynicism with ease. “What about you? What becomes of the great Spike Spiegel? Now newly undeceased again.” She asked. Spike thought it over. He wasn’t certain. He didn’t know if he could go back to the Bebop. But he didn’t know any other way of life. Maybe just him and Jet could strike out again. Maybe he needed to go forward. Maybe he needed to disappear.
“No idea. Maybe dye my hair and change planets.” He said. Roman rolled her eyes.
“Hey, don’t steal my one thing.” She said. Spike chuckled and actually gave her a genuine smile. They were silent for a minute, casually passing the cigarette between themselves. For a moment they felt like teenagers again, sharing cigarettes and sharing a moment of uncertainty. At least that’s how Roman always felt in moments like these. Until finally she broke the tension.
“Annie told me you came to see her.” She said as she looked down.
“Yeah. Thought I might finally kill him.”
“Ignored my bounty then.”
“Always did. Whenever it came up, no matter what the price, no matter what name you were under. I wouldn’t do that to you Roman.” He said. It felt like a whisper on the wind. Like if he said it any louder, he’d lose her like he lost Julia. Roman leaned into this, allowing one of her knees to knock into his. She needed this. She needed him. Outside of just that primal part that told her she was once 13 and crushing on the one person in the whole galaxy she couldn’t have.
“I look at you and I think… god what have we done with our lives? And what did it get us?” She said with what Spike could only describe as the truest form of sadness he’s ever seen from her. Roman Holiday kept all her cards close to her chest until one day, she’d die. But now? He felt like he was peering through a brick in her wall. “I loved my sister more than anything in this life. And I chose her happiness over mine, time and time again.” She scoffed and leaned back on her hands. “God I can’t believe I’m saying this.”
“What?” He asked. He wasn’t sure what was coming next, but curiosity killed him to know.
“A million years ago, she said to me “this one’s mine.” So, I stood by.” She said. “And I knew I shouldn’t do anything, I should just leave and pretend I never met you. But Julia,”
“She was too kind for that.” He said as his brain was slowly putting the pieces together. He had always wondered when they were kids, even before Roman became a shadow figure, why she always seemed to fall into that point, even when Julia brought her out, or when he tried to talk to her. But now he got it. She’d been hiding pain this whole time.
“I should go.” She said. She stood up and dusted herself off. Spike stood up as well and grabbed her wrist before she could go anywhere.
“Don’t disappear again.” He said. Roman looked down at her beat up shoes, trying to hide what had just come to pass.
“You can’t ask that of me.” She said.
“Ro, you’re all I’ve got left.”
“And who’s fault is that?” She snapped. Spike wanted to get offended. But he remembered an incident when they were younger, where he’d gotten too close and she’d snapped, and he retaliated. They didn’t speak for a month. Not until Julia forced them to, and not until after he’d brought her lilies. He sighed and plucked the nearly burnt out cigarette from his teeth and passed it to her. She took a drag and then stomped it out. She was still looking down at it when Spike brought her face to look up at him. Roman unintentionally leaned her cheek into his hand, blinking at him a couple of times.
“I won’t let this be the last time I see you Roman.” He said. Spike, at his core, was a deeply sentimental person. He couldn’t lose Roman. She reached up and brought his face to hers, giving him a small, soft and what Spike could only describe as a ghost of a kiss. Like she was afraid of what fully kissing him would mean. He kissed her cheek in turn, letting it sit there a little longer than either of them expected. When they separated, they put the distance back between them. Once again, afraid of what the closeness would do to them. She tossed him a comm unit she had pocketed off some guy and he caught it with ease.
“Call that ship of yours.”
“Wouldn’t that be going backward?” He asked.
“One step backward to go miles forward? I think it’s worth it. Call them Spiegel.” She said. Spike nodded.
“Remember, pink.” He said. Roman gave him a small, soft smile and nodded.
“See you Space Cowboy.” She said as she ran off the edge of the roof, scaling down the building to go buy some scissors, some food, and some pink hair dye.
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mattyslittleworld · 5 years
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Selenas Diner
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Its 1:30 in the morning and I am sat at a kitchen table in Hunter Mountain, near Woodstock. Im in a house that sits on top of a mountain looking over endless land. On the kitchen table are mixing monitors, my MPK 225, my Apollo twin, orange vanilla seltzer, cold black coffee, and a dying phone. Ive been here since 5 o’clock working on beats by myself and I plan on staying till Friday. By myself, talking to nobody, and just finding my soul. This is probably the most stressed ive been with music, this project im working on is bigger than me and I was asked by someone im a huge fan of to work on their album in CT soon, which includes some of the biggest rappers in the WORLD, so I figured id retreat by myself beforehand and get my shit together and cook up some dope shit. Theres an underlining emotion of lonesome in my heart right now. I am utterly alone, emotionally, physically, and socially. I don’t even want to talk. It took coming to the hills and finishing my music work to finally just sit down with no distractions or familiarities to have my heart ask me - what now? Scroll through my phone - nobody. I have run so far away from everything ive ever known that I don’t even know who I am anymore or what I am doing - all I know is I am eternally blessed to be on a path that in due time will work itself out, without a doubt. A new life. New people. New love. New everything. Bleachers came on and it was so loud, it was so perfect, i just basked in the greatness of that band and just danced around singing - it was almost like the universe giving me that moment to enjoy myself, solely for myself, to heal. Ego stripped, pride stripped, to be able to dance around like an embarrassing idiot. I could cry. Music is so powerful. Just the other day, I found myself in an interesting situation. When I was younger I dated a girl, and our first date was in the city - typically Times Square - and in the middle of all the mayhem, we both looked down and found a $100 bill under my shoe. IN THE MIDDLE OF TIMES SQUARE! What are the odds? We grabbed a bite to eat and then went and ran around the M&M’s museum right behind the big red steps. It felt like fate. It was fate. If I wasn’t already in love with her prior - I really was then. Before we left to go home - we took separate trains and mine was earlier than hers but I sat there and chose to take the later one, and waited with her. We sat there laying on each other up against the wall - two young fucked up kids takin on the big city together for the first time. I felt so fucking complete. Everything, man. All hell broke loose with her over the past 4 years, the wildest shit I ever experienced with another human being. Two toxic individuals - who were innocent and full of love from the start just turned sour together and the entire world couldn’t balance out this tension and frustration and static. She’s been on my mind a lot - not because of love - but because I feel like im mature enough to process that time of my life now that everything ive been searching for has been granted. A year ago I went to Times Square and sat on those red steps for hours, just in my headphones listening to J.Cole, fresh into a new genre, fresh in this new skin. Lost. So lost. I was walking out on a maaaaajor fucking ledge with these next few choices I was faced with. If I decided to do this then that b lines my life in another direction, away from everything ive built and everyone ive been growing with. J.Cole in that moment said “my intuition is telling me there will be better days” and I just started laughing as I got the chills. Looking at all of these billboards with people shining over the city, watching everybody get to where they’re going, neon lights. I just felt so connected to life in that moment - because of that line he said. I decided to change my life - leave everybody behind. Never talk to anybody ever again. Turn my back completely. Fuck these people, fuck their drama, fuck their friendships, fuck their loyalty, fuck all of it. My life will change, or I will die trying to change it for the rest of my days. Here, on these red steps, with the M&M’s museum behind me, as I reflect on the true love I lost, as I reflect on the 100 bucks under my foot, and push away my fear.
 I wrote a song called “Quick Love” shortly after. It is a Justin Bieber influenced, reggaeton type, pop single, where I bleed in auto tune about how I need to fall in love just to get my real true love off my mind. I need to fall in half love to fill her void. In the pre chorus I sing “we can get a room in Times Square tonight, ill drink black coffee, you drink wine. Remember when we found a hundred dollars that night? Ive seen the world and theres no home like your heart” 
Fast forward to last week:
I am behind the wheel driving over the bridge - Roberto sitting shotgun. We’re freaking out, as the morning prior I was woken up by texts from Roc Nation (2x) talking business and future royalty splits for a song me and Casanova are doing together. The session is at 11pm at Quad Studios in Times Square. I sent Casanova a bunch of songs but he he liked Quick Love. I produced this entirely myself, about you know what. Me and Roberto are so psyched - this is such a legendary studio where I always dreamed of being in - and in a situation like this? Dream come true for a hard luck kid like me. I was in Gionnas ex boyfriends American nightmare shirt and I looked like shit so I made Rob put up with me going shopping before hand because im mad corny. Casanovas music helped me get through a lot of tough times and I look up to this dude. Seeing him roll with Meek Mill, in all the videos. With Kevin Hart, Jay Z, DJ Khaled, Diddy, songs with Chris Brown, Tory Lanez, Cardi B - I mean like this is the biggest ive gone with music THUS far and im definitely nervous in the most exciting way. I feel proud to get myself, and rob, here. We are waiting out front of the studio and my backs up against the wall. What do you know? IRONICALLY the studio is DIRECTLY next to the big red steps in Times Square. I couldnt believe it. It all makes sense, and as we wait for the session im forced to stare across the street at the M&M’s museum and I just wish she was here, and I wish she could see this, but despite all that - what a time to be alive and go and fucking get it for yourself. In that moment I SAW us vividly find that 100 bucks under my foot, I SAW us across the street laughing holding hands falling in love, I SAW myself on those steps sitting there lost and making the decision a year ago to walk out on the wire - and here the fuck we are baby. Here the fuck we are. Flipping hard times and heart break into something positive. I get snapped out of it and those memories disappear. An intern comes and gets us and walks us through the lobby and we walk into the room and we were greeted with overwhelming love and support, and most of all, comfort. First thing out of Cass’s mouth is “I wanna kidnap you to come work on my new album you better be ready im dead serious” and then all I heard was a MAD loud AYOOO MATTTYYY THEY KNOW MY BODY on the track and I died laughing. We were all jumping up and down laughing and dancing to the track. But heres where it gets emotional - he started singing the Times Square line about the hundred dollars - telling me to make that the hook. We had an amazing session, made amazing fast friends. And this proves you have to trust your gut and walk out on the ledge sometimes. You don’t know where life will take you, if youre brave enough. After me and Roberto went to Tick Tock and had dinner then drove home.
Now I am in the mountains making beats for Casanova. 
Remember when we found $100 that night?
Ive seen the world and theres no home like your heart. 
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fullmetalnyuu · 7 years
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Got tagged by @gatsca to do a 20 things about myself post. It's been a while but here the baby is 1. I've volunteered to help with the East Texas Balloon race literally every year since I was like 5 or 6. It's pretty awesome, if you're not familiar with it you should look it up, if you're in the area you should come check it out! 2. Over the course of my life I've owned a dog, two cats, 15 some odd fish, a very eccentric hamster and a bearded dragon. 3. I've had stitches 3 times in my life, all before I was in high school, and all at different parts of my face. I've had to get staples on the crown of my head also, it's kind of a long story so if you wanna hear it message me 4. Theatre's been my life's driving force since I started high school, and I've played almost 20 parts so far ranging from Nazi to priest to a homeless auto mechanic. 5. I've been on live TV once before, when I was about 8. I wandered into the filming of a news broadcast and got to say hi to my town. 6. When I was younger I used to love riding in elevators. So much so that if I was in a building with one my parents would have to keep an extra sharp eye on me because I'd disappear before they knew it and be riding up. 7. I have no allergies to anything that I know of. In fact, lots of things in nature don't bother me much. Poison ivy and poison oak are just any other plants to me, and mosquitos tend to leave me alone while other people around me are getting eaten up. 8. I was a boy scout for a good portion of my life, and went on lots of camping trips, including week-long summer adventures. I got up to life rank but decided that reaching eagle wasn't really all that worth it to me, so when my 18th birthday rolled around I was declared a permanent life scout. It was fun, but since it was attached to one of my least favorite churches I've ever been involved with I kinda just wanted to get out of Dodge as soon as possible. 9. Branching off that point, I'm unfortunately still an official member of the church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints, AKA the Mormon church. I think it's a twisted organization, rooted in even more lies than most other churches could boast, at least around where I'm from. I'm a tentatively spiritual atheist at this point in my life and short of being personally visited by Jesus himself I don't see that changing any time soon 10. I wanted to learn Russian at one point in my life, and I'd still like to, but to be honest the language is pretty daunting so that's one goal of mine I may never reach. 11. I met my best friend in 8th grade, although we'd known each other for a while that was when we really started talking. We became friends after I stole his phone and then gave it back a couple days later when my parents told me to return it, me telling him that I found it. Of course I only told him years later that that was how it happened. He just laughed and said that it sounded about right. 12. There are few foods that I absolutely fucking despise, and one of them is carrots. I remember very vividly an afternoon at my daycare when all the other kids had finished their meal and went to go watch TV. Of course I really wanted to join them but the ladies in charge said I couldn't until I finished my food, which I had, except for some nasty boiled carrot slivers. So, I sucked it up and ate them, only to throw up everything all over the table. I haven't touched cooked carrots since with a 20 ft pole unless they're mixed so well with something I can't pick then out by taste. 13. I'm not a fan of kids at this point in my life. Any kid below about 8 or 9 just gets on my nerves, I don't know why. I'm sure I'll get over it whenever I get a bit older but for now I just can't stand 'em. Being a babysitter would drive me crazy 14. I have trouble sleeping most nights. It's not quite insomnia, but it's common for me to only get about 4 hours of sleep on an average night, and I function to the best of my ability on that 15. I write sometimes. Not nearly as much as I used to a couple years ago, but when the bug bites me I'm caught. I used to be pretty averse to writing though, until I got on fanfiction.net back in 2013. I read a story which was a crossover between the anime Lucky Star and the game Fallout 3. At the time (hell, to this day) it was one of the best fanfics I'd ever read, and it didn't have any kind of sequel so I took it upon myself to write one. I wrote about 48k words and then just..stopped. I realized that id written a bunch of words and got practically nowhere, so I canned it. It lit the writing flame under me though, and helped to teach me a lot of valuable lessons. 16. I've never left the country, and hardly left any states that border mine. The farthest north I've been is Oklahoma, farthest east is Missouri, and the farthest west is New Mexico. I love travelling to death though, and when I have the money I intend to do just that for a while. 17. I don't like using pens for anything. I feel like writing in pen is too final, but I guess that's the whole point of using one. 18. I've known the oldest friend of mine since preschool, and we've stuck together all this time. It's one of the things I feel most lucky for. 19. I'm pretty much blind. My glasses are thicc as fuck, and I've been told that I'll probably go fully blind in the not too distant future. Even with my strong prescription, I have a hard time making out street signs. 20. I got my first ever real paycheck yesterday and opened a bank account. It felt both awesome and terrifying at the same time. Whew, that's a long post. alrighty, I'll tag @rooftopsecrets @galacactus @ahzodiac @thedevilsaparttimeexorcist @deceasedstudentsoul If you don't wanna do it that's a-ok, and if anybody I didn't tag wants to go for it, be my guest
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fiftyshadesofseoul · 7 years
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galsaek piano // min yoongi
       paring: yoongi x reader        warnings: maybe a little angsty?
summary: you never really liked working at your parents music store until 5 months ago a boy with the strongest love for the piano youve ever seen started coming by every week to play the brown old piano in the middle of the store. as each week passed you started falling for the mysterious boy you barley even knew.
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all you knew about him was his name. min yoongi. he had told you in the second month after his visits became regular. it had taken you two months to even have the courage to talk to him and ask for his name. you never spoke again. you figured he wasn’t really a man of words. you looked at your watch. 4:30. he should be here any minute, you thought to yourself as he always came around the same time. not really paying attention to anything  you didn’t even hear the door opening. you were taken back into reality in seconds when you heard the beautiful sound of the piano. there he sat again, playing the piano like his life depended on it. you knew it was his own music, sometimes he would be there for hours scribbling tiny musical notes onto an empty sheet of paper. he was truly fascinating. you liked watching him while playing. he was attractive theres no denying in that. he looked unreal. you had drawn him into your sketchbook several times. but what attracted you to him the most was the fact that you had never met anyone with such a passion for this instrument before. even you could feel it. he wasn’t just playing it. he was feeling it, living it, like he became one with the piano.  it had been 5 months since he walked into the store for the first time. you didn’t wanna admit it but you were falling for him. hard. you never thought you could possibly fall in love with somebody you don’t even really know but it was happening and you couldn’t change it. it was obvious. you couldn’t wait to spend your weekends working at the music store anymore. basically seeing and hearing him play was the highlight of your whole week since your life wasn’t exactly exciting. all you really wanted was to be able to lay in his arms or listen to him playing the piano for you everyday. but you couldn’t. because even though he had so much love for the piano, he didn’t seem to have love for anything else. he seemed cold and almost emotionless when you talked to him that one time asking for his name. it intimidated you, which made you keep your mouth shut and admire him from the distance. you weren’t really a talkative person yourself, so you could kind of understand him. but it hurt. waiting the whole week until you could see him for a bit before he disappeared again hurt. you knew you needed to talk to him, or it would kill you inside. there were so many questions to ask, so much you wanted to know about him. you had to dig out the tiniest piece of confidence there was in you and go over to him. so you did. he didn’t even notice you approaching him, he was too lost in the music. “why did you choose this piano?”  the music abruptly stopped and he flinched as your sudden speaking scared him. he looked at you with a questioned look “i mean there are so many in this store. why are you always playing on this one, whats so special about it?” you specified the question. he looked at you for a moment not saying anything before hitting the keys again. you sighed disappointed, it was hopeless. you started turning around and walking away when the music suddenly stopped again. “its like the one i used to have” he spoke almost whispering. you turned around quickly “what did you say?” you asked him as you couldn’t hear him clearly. “the piano.” he started, pointing at it “it looks exactly like the one i used to have when i was younger” you came closer “used to have? what happened with it?” his face quickly changed “its not something i like talking about so id rather not tell” he looked sad “it’s okay, i’m sorry i didn’t want to upset you” you placed a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. you almost didn’t see it but he smiled at you softly. it was the first time you’d seen him smile in all this time. you removed your hand. this was the longest you’ve ever talked, if he wasn’t gonna say anything more than that you’d be okay with it. baby steps, you thought to yourself. you started walking away again when he suddenly said your name “Y/N” you never turned around faster, you didn’t think he actually remembered your name. you looked at him patiently waiting for him to continue. “why did you never talk to me again after that one time you introduced yourself?” you were shocked, thats not what you expected. “i - uhm - i don’t know. you just seemed so cold so i thought you weren’t interested in talking to me. but today i had to, it was driving me crazy” you blushed, realizing what you just said. “im sorry i made you think that. i’m just not good with words. thats why i love the piano so much, the music helps me express my feelings.” softly and slowly he pressed some keys “thats beautiful, i wish i could play an instrument so well. i’ve never met anyone as passionate as you.” he started laughing as soon as you said those words, you looked at him confused and scared wondering what you just said “why are you laughing?” “i just think its ironic that your parents own a music store and you can’t play an instrument” he told you. now that you thought about it he was right “yeah it is strange, but i guess its because i already found my passion in something else” his eyes were filled with curiosity after those words“and what would that be?” “art. i draw and paint” you told him. he nodded he seemed to be pretty interested in other peoples passions. “well thats pretty amazing too.” you sat next to him on the piano stool and started playing random keys “since you come here every week anyways maybe you could teach me how to play?” you didn’t know where this boost of confidence was coming from but you were glad you had it in you. he chuckled “im not a very good teacher” you nodded sadly. “every week when i walk in here i hope that no one bought it” you knew exactly what he was talking about “yeah i always hope no one buys it either. when someone else is playing it it just doesn’t look right” it was true, so many people sometimes played on it and each time you prayed they would just end up ignoring it. because you were so scared that if the piano would be taken by someone, yoongi would disappear with it. the thought of it made you shiver. “Y/N are you okay?” he asked confused, you grabbed his hand “please don’t leave me” his face changed from worried to confused in an instant “for the past months you’ve been coming in here, playing this piano and then leaving again without saying anything. yet, i still started falling for you. i couldn’t help it. and every week im afraid you won’t walk through this door and ill never see you again. so im asking you now, min yoongi, please don’t leave me.” there was a single tear in the corner of your eye. it was still like a riddle to you, how he could affect you this much. how he could make you feel things you’ve never felt before. but he did. it was scary how you can get attached to someone so fast. to give them the power to be able to hurt you. he cupped your face with his hands and gently removed the tear from your eye with his thumb. he pulled you closer and gave you a soft kiss on your forehead. “im sorry i haven’t talked to you sooner. i didn’t know you felt this way.” he let go of you and started playing a song. it was one of the most beautiful melodies you’ve ever heard. “i always write my songs about things that go through my mind. i’ve been dealing with a lot lately and didn’t really have anyone. the piano always comforted me but i lost my connection with it for a while. so when i walked past this store and saw the piano through the window, it reminded me of how much i loved to play. so i kept coming and im not planning on stopping.” you gave him a hug and weren’t sure if he was slightly sobbing or not “you’re not alone anymore, you have me now” he pulled away and grabbed your hand. “thank you” you smiled. both of you. you felt this deep connection with him in the pit of your stomach and something about the way he looked at you told you, he felt it too…
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mrmandypants · 6 years
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Wanna fight?....No Me neither!
Confrontation is something that everyone deals with differently, some people stand up tall, puff out their chest and deal with it head on and some people retract their head into their metaphorical shell and wait for the issue to address itself or disappear. I am very much the second option.
When confrontation rears its ugly head I tend to stay silent and wait for it to kindly go away but that isn't always the case, there have been times where something has wound me up so much or I’ve seen something that triggers me and I lose it. as the old saying goes “everyone can only take so much”....so this post is going to be an example of how I’ve dealt with confrontation, maybe even avoided it.....we shall see! 
FLASHBACK NO.1 When I was allot younger and waaaaay before I fully understood how life worked (not that I really do now) I was watching Blue Peter. on this occasion they were doing a police awareness episode within which they were explaining all the different ways you can contact a special service....now the service that my curious demon child mind latched onto was the 999 service. they explained that if something very bad happened to you and you needed the police all you had to do was dial 999.  my curiosity got the better of me, I grabbed the landline and dialed the numbers, almost instantly I was greeted by a woman's voice....for some reason I hadn't planned what was going to happen after id dialed 999....so i did what any logical child would do....I hung up......End of story.
Oh wait no its not...it gets worse.... So about half an hour later there is a knock at the door of our little Saffron Walden home, my mum unaware of my phone call capers answers the door. so as it turns out if the police get an emergency call where the caller doesn't respond to the call agent they have to treat it as a potential call for help. so they traced the call and came to my house.
Liam did you face up to the police and admit to your silly mistake then laugh it off and go your separate ways....NO I DID NOT....the moment I saw the police I ran and hid in the garden....again I don’t know what I thought would happen but about two minutes later my mother marched two officers out to my brilliant hiding place in the garden and watched in embarrassment as they asked me if everything was OK or if I needed to talk to them.....looking back I could have used this moment as a way for getting rid of my parents....I could have said I needed help and they would have taken both parents away, leaving me to live out my days as a lone wolf...but i did the right thing......cried and said I was sorry.
I cant remember what happened after the police left but I would imagine it involved some shouting from my mum and some crying from me.  its safe to say the police became aware of me at a young age. FIGHT OR FLIGHT........You Decide!!!
In the workplace your bound to bump heads with some people especially when you've had as many jobs as me over the years. In the time since I started working I have indeed come face to face with a handful of people who I did not like and in some cases did not like me.  Now I would like to point out that I strive off of social interaction, even though I can be a recluse at times I do need positive human interaction and I pride myself on being generally really easy going and easy to get along with...several people have told me that they enjoy working with me because I’m calm most of the time and I don’t tend to stress much.
Have you ever seen a Disney show called “RECESS”, there was this episode where the main character TJ became obsessed because he found out that everyone at school liked him except one girl, he spent the entire episode trying to make this girl Ashlee like him...SPOILER ALERT he couldn't, he learnt the lesson that not everyone will get along and that’s fine. This episode touched home for me because I want so much for people to like me.
Back to the work thing, despite trying to get on with people there has been a few who I haven't clicked with or who have rubbed me up the wrong way. Now I don’t want to list particular people or the shit they've done to end up in my death note so instead here’s a quick guide how not to end up on my naughty list.
Do’s and Dont’s of Liam’s happy workplace  1- Don’t act like your better than everyone - This one can be anyone whether your a manager, supervisor or just average Joe.....nobody cares if you think your sliced bread #2...if you walk around like you are then your a dick head.
2-Don’t Take the piss - if everyone is working as a team then don’t go against the grain..... the lone sheep gets eaten as they say
3-Indoor voices please - sometimes we all get a bit loud but there are just some people out there who always talk as if they are speaking to a gathering of people. turn it down yeah!
4-Don’t interfere - I understand that there is a level of this when your a superior but sometimes its just not needed, I once had a F.O.H manageress who would spend the entire shift standing at the kitchen door watching everyone and everything in the kitchen, its not helpful it just puts people off.
I think these four points are enough to guide you through a happy career, I do understand that most people will have done all four of these things before and it doesn’t make you a bad person, all im saying is that if these are your go to life skills then people will likely avoid your presence if they can help 
I am not always a joy to be around at work but normally if I’m not then there’s a good reason, like I haven’t eaten yet because there’s one truth we can always count on.....Liam gets hangry when he doesn't eat!!!
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lishakiyoko · 7 years
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1: My name? Alisha. 2: Do I have any nicknames? lisha 3: Zodiac sign? gemini 4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? anything mario 5: Book/series I reread? none lol 6: Aliens or ghosts? aliens 7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? what 8: Favourite radio station? the popular ones 9: Favourite flavour of anything? chocolate for sure 10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? amazing 11: Favourite song? i hate those kinds of questions 12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? what they do for work... that's what happens when you're 30 😝 13: Favourite word? butthole 14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? i always forgive 15: Last song I listened to? i think it was a jack black song cos camren was playing it. 16: TV show I always recommend? vikings! 17: Pirates or ninjas? ninjas 18: Movie I watch when I'm feeling down? probably something depressing. not anything to help lol 19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? it always changes. 20: Favourite video games? anything mario or easy like that 21: What am I most afraid of? not living my life to the fullest 22: A good quality of mine? i'm an amazing girlfriend haha 23: A bad quality of mine? i lie a lot 24: Cats or dogs? cats! 25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they're in? so many good ones! i really love natalie portman for an actress and i'm absolutely in love with travis fimmel and charlie hunnam 26: Favourite season? winter 27: Am I in a relationship? yes 28: Something I miss? being young 29: My best friend? my boyfriend 30: Eye colour? brown 31: Hair colour? brown 32: Someone I love? camren 33: Someone I trust? i wanna say camren but even he's hid some big things from me in the past couple years... so that's iffy 34: Someone I always think about? buying things lol 35: Am I excited about anything? a better future 36: My current obsession? ginger tea 37: Favourite TV shows as a child? eurekas castle maybe? i can't remember 38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? i tell camren almost everything. i'm with him all the time anyway 39: Am I superstitious? not really 40: What do I think about most? being a better person 41: Do I have any strange phobias? i'm claustrophobic for sure 42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind! but i wanna try and be in front this year when camren starts his youtube channel 43: Favourite hobbies? i'm boring so idk lol 44: Last book I read? it's been years 45: Last film I watched? ps i love you 46: Do I play any instruments? nope 47: Favourite animal? kitties 48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? uh 49: Superpower I wish I could have? fly! disappear as well 50: How do I destress? lay in bed and watch tv 51: Do I like confrontation? not at all ugh. the worst 52: When do I feel most at peace? when i'm at home and it's quiet. like right now. 53: What makes me smile? i laugh at everything so it doesn't take much to make me smile 54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? off. i need it pitch black 55: Play any sports? ew what 56: What is my song of the week? lights "lucky ones" 57: Favourite drink? pellagrino sparkling water in pomegranate. although it's more like a soda than sparkling water 58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? it's been a long time but i signed something and mailed it out recently haha 59: Afraid of heights? a little. i was pretty terrified when i went to the top of the sky tree in tokyo (2nd tallest building in the world might i add) 60: Pet peeve? messy people 61: What was the last concert I went to see? i don't remember. i hope to see a good one this year tho. 62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? nope. just ate pork last night! 63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? nurse. still a possibility if camren gets more business and i can quit my job... do school full time. 64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? sort of. enemies for a little while but forgave each other. i still hold a little bit of a grudge lol. 65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? something futuristic 66: Something I worry about? getting pregnant before my life is stable 67: Scared of the dark? nah 68: Who are my best friends? cheddar and jonathan 69: What do I admire most about others? being their own motivators. a will to get shit done. being able to drive and have a car lol. 70: Can I sing? a little bit. that's another thing i'll be working on this year 71: Something I wish I could do? drive 72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? pay of mine and my families debt. 73: Have I ever skipped school? yeah 74: Favourite place on the planet? japan 75: Where do I want to live? id stay here in los angeles but other than that probably japan 76: Do I have any pets? two cats 77: What is my current desktop picture? some guild wars thing camren changes out here and there. it's his computer 78: Early bird or night owl? early bird 79: Sunsets or sunrise? sunsets. im not that early of a bird 80: Can I drive? hell to the no 81: Story behind my last kiss? that's private lol 82: Earphones or headphones? headphones 83: Have I ever had braces? twice 84: Story behind one of my scars? they aren't very exciting 85: Favourite genre of music? i hate this question too 86: Who is my hero? i dunno 87: Favourite comic book character? not a comic book fan 88: What makes me really angry? what doesn't make me angry? haha 89: Kindle or real book? real book 90: Favourite sporty activity? i don't do sports. i like to watch hockey tho. 91: What is one thing that isn’t taught in schools that should be? money management 92: What was my favourite subject at school? art 93: Siblings? two younger sisters 94: What was the last thing I bought? a water bottle 95: How tall am I? 5'1 96: Can I cook? barley. just a couple of things i've done over and over like chicken and veggies or eggs 97: Can I bake? my oven doesn't work but if it did there's a bunch of things i'd love to try 98: 3 things I love? my cats, my home, and my boyfriend 99: 3 things I hate? living with a bunch of people, being tickled, being on the freeway 100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? i think it's pretty even 101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? boys. i've always loved hanging out with boys better 102: Where was I born? southern california 103: Sexual orientation? bi curious but never had a chance to explore the other side unfortunately 104: Where do I currently live? north hollywood california 105: Last person I texted? camren. he texted me from the other room to bring him coffee 😒 106: Last time I cried? maybe a week ago? 107: Guilty pleasure? menchies froyo 108: Favourite Youtuber? jaclyn hill 109: A photo of myself. probably my profile pic 110: Do I like selfies? not really. i'm pretty bad at them 111: Favourite game app? i don't play games on my phone 112: My relationship with my parents? it's good 113: Favourite accents? british 114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? new york ( 30th bday tho!! ) 115: Favourite number? 4 116: Can I juggle? no lol 117: Am I religious? no but i do have faith 118: Do I like space? it's a little scary, especially black holes 119: Do I like the deep ocean? i dunno 120: Am I much of a daredevil? no way 121: Am I allergic to anything? i think cats a little bit 122: Can I curl my tongue?ya 123: Can I wiggle my ears? no 124: Do I like clowns? they're okay 125: The Beatles or Elvis? the beatles 126: My current project? reinstating my pharmacy tech certification ( different from my tech license, i can work anywhere as opposed to just retail) 127: Am I a bad loser? no 128: Do I admit when I wrong? not really lol 129: Forest or beach? beach 130: Favourite piece of advice? none 131: Am I a good liar? yeah lol. i've lied about so much shit 132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? i dunno. the only one i've watched all the way through was the hunger games and i don't even remember who was in what district 133: Do I talk to myself? sometimes. mostly in my brain 134: Am I very social? nope 135: Do I like gossip? yeah 136: Do I keep a journal/diary? no 137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? All the time 138: Do I believe in second chances? yes 139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? keep it lol. i'm a bad person and i love money 140: Do I believe people are capable of change? yes 141: Have I ever been underweight? yes when i was a freshman in highschool cos i got really sick and lost a bunch of weight. i was 96lbs. 142: Am I ticklish? very and don't you ever fuckin try to tickle me cos it pissed me the fuck off 😘 143: Have I ever been in a submarine? no way. claustrophobia 144: Have I ever been on a plane? yes. i used to be terrified but now i love it! traveling is awesome. i love the whole process. 145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? i'm too tired to answer this 146: Have I ever been overweight? i wouldn't consider myself overweight but i am the heaviest i've ever been. 147: Do I have any piercings? ears and nose 148: Which fictional character do I wish was real? jax from sons of anarchy 149: Do I have any tattoos? 3 but i want them removed 150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far? pursuing a career 151: Do I believe in Karma? yes 152: Do I wear glasses or contacts? nope. i have perfect vision 153: What was my first car? lol 154: Do I want children? yes. hopefully in the next 4-5 years. maybe sooner 😇 155: Who is the most intelligent person I know? camren is pretty fuckin smart. it blows me away sometimes. 156: My most embarrassing memory? it was probably something i did while drunk 157: What makes me nostalgic? old music 158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? yes. last time was the night before my flight to japan and it was because i was so excited and nervous. 159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? brains duhhh 160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? black 😁 161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience? i don't think so. other than hearing weird noises at night 162: What do I hate most about myself? lack of motivation to do better 163: What do I love most about myself? i'm funny 164: Do I like adventure? yes 165: Do I believe in fate?yes 166: Favourite animal? cat 167: Have I ever been on radio? no 168: Have I ever been on TV? no 169: How old am I? 29 170: One of my favourite quotes? this too shall pass 171: Do I hold grudges? yes 172: Do I trust easily? no 173: Have I learnt from my mistakes? nope lol 174: Best gift I’ve ever received? my trip to japan 175: Do I dream? yes 176: Have I ever had a night terror? sort of. camren gets them often 177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? i used to have recurring dreams of being in a train that crashes 178: An experience that has made me stronger? my mother being an extreme alcoholic for many years. that toughened me up a lot. 179: If I were immortal, what would I do? kill bad people 180: Do I like shopping? i'm addicted to shopping 181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? rob a bank 182: What does “family” mean to me? stuff 183: What is my spirit animal? lol so stupid 184: How do I want to be remembered? just loving 185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose? driving!! 186: What is my greatest failure? my debt 187: What is my greatest achievement? making a dream come true! 188: Love or money? love 189: Love or career? love 190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? viking era 191: What makes me the happiest? money 192: What is “home” to me? LA 193: What motivates me? money 194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be? i love you 195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens? not really 196: A movie that scared me as a child? exorcist 197: Something I hated as a child that I like now? brussel sprouts 198: Zombies or vampires? zombies! 199: Live in the city or suburbs? suburbs 200: Dragons or wizards? dragons 201: A nightmare that has stayed with me? my mom dying 202: How do I define love? shut up 203: Do I judge a book by its cover? yes. it's a flaw of mine 204: Have I ever had my heart broken? sort of. i think i've just been really hurt and it affected me. but i've done most of the heart breaking. i've only been dumped in high school. 205: Do I like my handwriting? i have terrible handwriting 206: Sweet or savoury? both 207: Worst job I’ve had? bakery 208: Do I collect anything? make up and sunglasses 209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? sunglasses and this necklace i haven't taken off in almost a year 210: What is on my bucket list? going back to japan! 211: How do I handle anger? not very well 212: Was I named after anyone? nope 213: Do I use sarcasm a lot? yes 214: What TV character am I most like? daria 215: What is the weirdest talent I have? i can't make money disappear faster than anyone i know lol 216: Favourite fictional character? i dunno
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