#they were never my fuckingg friend they just treated me like shit

[theevilicecreamsoda]

I think i ever processed anything that happened from 2021 to now like ever

#sniffle… also body dysmorphia hit #i hate this stupid website i hate it i hate how much hate there is but god its where all of my friends are #im really starting to hate someone and im just… god i hate them i wish i never met them id do better being alone in 7th grade #they were never my fuckingg friend they just treated me like shit #‘i hate talking to you so much but im not gonna tell you and i never will’ great your boyfriend told me what you said during an argument lol #worst thing was i hated talking to him i hated it!!! id forget to reply for five minutes then hed be like ‘are you there’ #im just… pissed he didnt speak up but i guess i didnt either #god im just… sometimes i just want an apology or just a hug i feel like some big bad in some dumb show or something #and it makes me wanna isolate so bad i just wanna stop going to school im just so tired #i just want to die sometimes i just feel like everyone hates me and thats why people dont talk to me #i just want to die sometimes or like just be a observer #i just wanna watch people sometimes when i was younger id want to disappear and then see what people said about me #to see if they missed me or anything #its so stupid that that never fully went away #anyways fuck idk why i fucking bothered typing all this nobody fucking cares anyway 💥💥💥🦅🦅‼️‼️❗️❗️ #if youre reading this far sorry #evilsoda.hater

[fatuismooches]

FUCK I TOTALLY FORGOT TO SEND YOU AN ASK ABOUT THE FIC... i just got hit full force but like 89831 different fucking projects all at once MY BAD POOKIE BUT UGHHHHHHH oh my god.... part 2??? yes.. all of it is soooo YESS

YESS you visualized everything what you've been talking about how reader would react when they first wake up after centuries and honestly hella realistic EVEN THOUGH I JUST WANNA HOLD READER AND KISS THEIR FOREHEAD 😭😭😭

reader interacting with the segments has my HEARTTT oh my god.. especially omega.. he's SUCH A DEVIOUS MOTHERFUCKEGUJK,,, also reader naming the segments UGHHH i adore that idea so much pleaseee ,, i love how the segments who didn't give a shit suddenly changed their minds when reader said they wanna give them names... THE SWITCH UP AND THE IMMEDIATE DENIAL...

READER MEETING BABY ZANDY ,,, FUCKINGG hell got me sooo soft i wanna hold baby zandy and treat him soo nicely 🥹🥹

ALSO YESS omgg,,, this part has me sooo fucking soft like reader making friends??? with the other harbingers??? i love it... omg they'd be such good besties with columbina,, i think pantalone helps reader adjust to present time as well, especially with it comes with money or the economy (if you ever ask him about it)

but oh.... to top it all off nicely, you gotta sneak in some subtle angst!!! smh... (im so proud of you tho!! like yasss sis feed me sad shit >:333) poor scara and reader :( i think they would've gotten along if reader wasn't dottore's lover n' scara wasn't dottore's experiment ,,,

ALL IN ALL. fuck you pookie im not excited for the next two parts (im kidding I AM IM JUST... NOT READY... pleas epost it next year so i'll be ready enough thank you /jjj) NO SERIOUSLY THIS TIME,, THIS WAS SOOO GOOOD and i love it so much, really popped off honestly (evil laughs because it's dottore)... like im soo happy to see how much you've grown esp thru writing !!!

have a good day pookie, im going back to my grave where i died for the next few days 💗💗

ALSO I WAS GONNA SEND IN ANOTHER DOTTORE IDEA but i fucking forgot again. FUCKS SAKE i hate not writing shit down...

POOKS DONT EVEN WORRY!! Just make sure to take care of yourself ok?? School can really be an ass i understand-

BUT OMG GRENFRG AHHH YOU'RE MAKING ME SMILE TOO MUCH POOKIE AHHWQ I'm so happy you liked it 🥺 BUT NGL I WANNA GIVE READER THE BIGGEST HUG TOO 😭 i put them through too much don't i 😭 dw they will be getting Dottore comfort next chapter!!

Bro i love writing Omega as a devious mf so much 😭 IM SO GLAD U LIKED THAT PART BC I WAS GIGGLING TO MYSELF ABT HOW THEY DGAF ABT THINGS BUT THEN SUDDENLY THEYRE INTERESTED WHEN UR A PART OF IT

AND YESSSS READER MAKING FRIENDS RAHHHH that part was probably really long for a Dottore fic but. i feel like having friends is so important and fragile reader really deserve some niceness in their lives 🥺 AND OMG NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT. Fragile reader would be freaking blown away from inflation. i don't know how prices were four hundred years ago but they would probably be shocked to their core when they see how much expensive things are now?? imagine fragile reader trying to stop Dottore from buying things for them because of how expensive things are now, and they're having flashbacks to being a broke Akademiya student 😭 And Dottore is just honestly finding it amusing to see you freak out and beg him to save his money (it's okay, he's a Harbinger he's loaded) (as long as he's not spending it on experiments)

BUT YEAH MAYBE IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE... reader and Scara could have been friends :( we'll never know... but yasss i will continue to feed you sad shit >:) hehe I CANT WAIT TO POST THE FINAL PART!! ngl the ending of the fic was like. the first thing i wrote for it because it hit me and i was like i CANT forget this. im telling you pookie its gonna be pretty juicy. BUT THANK YOU YOU'RE BEING SO KIND AHHH it's really sweet of you. thank you for being here for so long in my writing journey (and my descent into Dottore madness) ily 🥺

#smooches talks #moots: kai <3 #kai u should see my drafts. theres a bunch with just one sentence i quickly typed so i don't forget my ideas 😭 #giving my biggest hug to u kai #mwah mwah I MISSED U #and literally baby zandy is the cutest person ever i want to give him piggy back rides #oh my gosh i love brainrotting with u

[electrifythoughts]

Restless on my fucking birthday.

23, bitch. This year has been wild.

You see, I’ve never experienced an actual hearbreak, because I’m in love with looks. Just like material shiny things, superficial, I love pretty boys. That’s not actually love right? so heartbreak is never in my dictionary, Because i’ve never been in love. I just love pretty boys and sex like I love skincare and makeup. But these pretty boys dont love me  obviously. A year back I thought emotional traits follows after a one night stand ( Ok, not literally because I��m still a virgin , I never fuck just everything but fuck) but a year later (now)  I think it’s fictional. The only heartbreak I had was getting cut off by 5 years of friendship. Yup, my first heartbreak is from a bunch of girls. I swear to god it tore me down worst that I expected. 

I don’t know what the fuck had happened, but to cut things short I was not within their expectation of a great friend according to them and im a slut so they didnt like it. But wallahi, I really tried. Anyway the heartbreak went on like a bitch, my batch has cliques and cliques and people just move in groups. I was SO depended on them and attached, and when they decided to cut me off. Well it wasnt easy. I had to swallow the truth everyday every time I encounter them. And oh my god, everyday , my heart breaks everytime i see them. I know I shouldnt give my ‘family is broken’ card, but honestly they were my life because my family life consisted of only 30% in my life. Nevertheless I still had family and i appreciate them alhamdulillah. I was really scarred and it’s hard to go on with life. I know to some people it’s exaggeration but WHAT THE FUCK DO U WANT ME TO DO THATS HOW I FEEL.

Anyway i feel like i can’t move on with next sem, it’s like my existence just  disgust them, they probably dont think so but whenever i saw/ terserempak them im just depressed lah like all the memories just flashback , like how i cried driving from gombak to kelana jaya and left out apa semua . There’s a lot of negativity and it demotivated me. Now a crazy bitch(a new case) is out to get me and I have to deal with that too. And a failed subject (5% short to pass, can u fuckingg believe it????blodyfucking hell i was really improving on all other subject and this just dragged the fuck outta me). So I dont know should i take the sem off, aku malas nak deal with my fam like whats really my problem and all sebab i dont tell my family shit my dad is a commando he never feels this weak feelings/mental health shit is a problem you know?? 

But what the fuck should i do in 6 months??? Dont give me the whole white people shit like i should travel to ‘ explore myself’…………….I dunno im uncertain with my future. I’m really in dilemma. I dont want to fuck a big life decision again

About boys…..I dont seem to catch feelings anymore. I lost count all the boys i liplocked it’s good like this cuz i dont have to go thru the whole atta crush anymore, but it really worried liana and najwa because yknow they dont want me slutty they want me to be stable. BUT HONESTLY WHO DOESNT KAN AND THE ONLY PLACE I TALK TO BOYS IS TINDER WHAT THE FUCK SHOULD I DO THEN????meet people where i barely participated in anything cuz i couldnt catch up with studies????and I have this slut meter i created in my mind. and just keep transgressing it everytime. But ya tuhan, i dont want to do things u dont want me to do but i like intimacy so much AKU NAK KAWIN TAPI TAKDE ORANG AND TAKDE DUIT AND AKU TAKUT RESPONSIBILITY. how now god…i like all the things u haramkan. im 23 youknow, and love never reciprocate back. If i would hve the opportunity i would really be in love and get married and just be a slut to my husband. But im not in love but im a romantic slut.

 The whole goodvibes moment where i was left out again because some people dont want to be around,,,, and people are just fake. So i dragged myself into the surau with my short skirt and a see thru tshirt to pray…..in my rundown mascara because i cried the fuck outta my eye. My shoes was torn and i was left out , barefoot and everyone looked at me like so crazy bitch. A guy trynna grind me (ended up sharing weed with him) because what the fuck life sucks but i gotta get high Anyway yeah I stole the surau’s slipper and went on the festival alone. I was actually embarassed because i thought people care but they just dont.

Btw I be friended with this girl thinking she’s ok. but she went on me batshit crazy about something and accuses me with things i didnt do. Short story short, this is girl is paranoid and make things inside her head. I genuinely thought i could be friends with her I brought her home and all like a friend should do. and she’s been accusing me of shit right now and i blocked her cuz i think she has a problem (read:mental). Anyway i dont wanna speak ill of her because she has a problem.

But like….i thought im nice to people i should be treated the same, but things went extremely contradicted. What did i went wrong? Is it because im too miang its a punishment from god