#i just feel stuck and left behind

[vanityangel]

Forgive. Forget. Family.

#wrestling #wwe #solo sikoa #jey uso #the bloodline #wweedit #wrestlingedit #my gifs #jey and solo have had a really good rivalry dynamic with everything #also ive thought about this forgiveness thing ever since solo said that line and everyone was like ???YOU dont forgive EITHER??? #'like you did it to jimmy that does make sense' yada yada etc #but i like to think of it in the context of an angry little brother who has BEEN angry for a long time #at the older brothers he feels left him behind #and having not ever forgiven them for that #he just hasnt been communicating it directly do it keeps going over their heads why hes always so mad all the time #jey: idk if i can forgive you (2 months later) ill always forgive you #solo: who tf said i was looking for forgiveness ill do it again #(and he does) #the chicks not ready to make nice is stuck in my head now

[samarecharm]

i love makoto so much but fanon does her so much better (the good parts of the fandom) because in the game her character is so lack luster. they butchered her confidant it is so borning and not even about her. they made her a cop. A COP. they pushed this "canon waifu" role onto her (before sumire came along and did it Even Worse). and it SUCKS because SHE IS SO MUCH MORE!!! SHE IS SO MUCH BETTER!!!! SHE COULD'VE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER!!! the way i feel about canon makoto is the same way i feel about the canon ryuji events post komoshida where he's horribly mistreated and used purely as comic relief: i ignore them <3 my game now <3 never happened <3 my ocs <3

You are so right. I generally apply this to all characters in p5 bc the game does such a shit job of staying consistent with character arcs and personalities. Theres a desperate need to throw in perverse jokes at the expense of female characters and a need to show that the police (as a whole) are reliable people who are not influenced by things like money and power; only the BAD cops do that. Not to mention this obvious fatphobia and homophobia but i feel likes thats a given.

But back to Makoto. Shes a victim of bad writing just like everyone else. Ryuji during the kamoshida arc was fighting with self loathing and genuine anxiety, and aside from the like. One comment on Panthers outfit in the metaverse, hes more than well behaved. All of that is shelved as soon as Kamoshida is gone and replaced with him being weird comic relief (and the focus of alot of sexual jokes that were nonexistent in the beginning of the game). Anns arc about self love and empowerment is completely dropped as soon as the nasty bad guy is put away (so that its good to be weird about her w the Good Guys). Makoto loses her a chunk of her personality to be the mature waifu which is INSANE to me bc shes like. Not okay or normal at all 😭😭😭 she THINKS shes responsible and so does everyone else on her team, but its an act! She doesnt know shit! And she doesnt know that she doesnt know shit bc shes respectful and adults dont care about anything as long as u respect them!

Its very telling that for literally every single thief (and goro), you can see the exact moment the writers gave up on adding anything of worth to their characters outside of the social links. Its like they didnt know what to even do w the characters at their disposal after their main arcs were complete. No mention of friends hanging out without you, no mention of having group hangouts. Everyone is treated as a core, important member of the friend group DURING their arc, but outside of it, they are acquaintances at best. Theres nothing in the game that convinces you that these guys are legitimately friends who care for each other and do Friend Things. And i describe it like that bc there IS a game that treats them all as friends, and its strikers! Strikers/Scramble genuinely feels like the game p5 wanted to be; a road trip w your team where they stay up at night talking to each other and hanging out and doing things together that dont necessarily include you, the player. Its refreshing and lovely but it sucks that u get that kind of attention to detail in a ‘spinoff’ title

#chattin #i hesitate to use spinoff bc its a pretty big game #and theres an amazing plot with wonderful characterization #and their handling of jails and jail owners is LEAGUES better than the bs they tried to make up w palace users #and all the thieves feel like family. and not in the annoying fandom way; like #were family in the same way a family is forged and tended to. i love you. no one is left behind. no one is made to feel inferior another #its really good and honestly if u want more interactions between everyone i really recommend a playthrough #but yeah #p5 sucks #i love it but i love the version of it i made in my head LMAO #maybe p5r did a better job w the dialogue and some questionable scenes #(i wouldnt know. i didnt play it lol) #so maybe thats what people need to be using as a point of reference #but i only plyed p5 so this is what i have; a group of people who show up for meetings and then go about their life #and that kinda sucks. why make this wholly unique experience in which these teens can only relate to each other #make them bonded over their shared experience w this unbelievable world #and then not only make them NOT interact; but have the end be ‘okay by akira.’ and leave it at that #they just. didnt know what to do w anyone #they needed their girls to be waifubait and the boys to be an afterthought #they needed a buffet of older woman for pathetic men to fuck through their self insert #and they needed a story convoluted enough to keep people stuck trying to figure it out themselves #its bad. its so bad. its so fucking bad. but i have to be here. WE have to be here. #bc who else is going to take these characters out of hell and treat them right ??!!!

[cave-monkey]

Six Ears, and being left.

#mhw09 personal #gif warning #*screaming into knees* #can I draw your attention to his HAND PLEASE #I didn't realize that was going to be a *thing* #that little WAVE #I paid subzero attention to the closing and it was because I was subconsciously protecting my heart apparently #listen to me listen #it's about 'and a double-edged sword cuts your heart in two' #torn between Stone Monkey and *gestures to everything else in his life* *like literally everything* #it's about Stone Monkey going where Six Ears can't follow #and where the line is between staying behind and being left behind #and so he's stuck in place. watching him leave. weights around his ankles. #whether those be his duty to his troop or the demons in his head #always holding back. always in-between. always feeling like he's going to lose *something*. #six ears and that fear that's inside him #I've only seen 11 episodes and have just One Major Spoiler in my pocket am I barking up the wrong tree? MAYBE #but here we are anyway #also Jade Rabbit looking at him in concern from the background! this missing scene is gold. too bad it's on eternal mute.

[melit0n]

.

#tw vent #I am so. so tired #this week hit me like a freight train #I have final coursework to hand in in less than a week and I'm stressing because I was most definitely not given enough time to do it #and everything inside me is telling me I'm going to fail and I'm pretty sure my teachers think so as well #all my friends are high achievers who always get high grades and put their soul into their work and then there's me. Constantly failing #I try so hard but no matter what I do I never make any progress and I'm afraid I'm going to be stuck here #and that eventually my friends will move on academically and maybe socially and I'll be left behind and feel like a scared kid again #I can't go outside for a walk to try and calm myself down because I fucked up my ankle #and I got laid off one of my jobs which means I'm also stressing about being able to actually eat and on top of that I'm stressing about -> #getting another job because otherwise I can't eat or pay gas or shit #so I'm sat here in my room surrounded by work and I can't go outside and I can't leave my room because my roommate has friends around and #I just want to explode #I'm getting to the point where I'm just being unproductive because all I do is sit in bed and rot #and if I'm not doing that I'm working or I'm at school #and of course I can't even sleep. I can't even rest for a moment #this is shit man #so utterly shit #mel's thoughts

[ikishima]

.

#the amount of compassion you have to pour directly into a bad-faith asshole's mouth without knowing whether there's even a point #in order to get them to the point where they're willing to engage at a level where they actually take your feelings & words into account #the point where they even start hearing you and seeing you as a potential equal in conversation #the point where learning and growing becomes a possibility #is fucking exhausting. and i understand why a lot of people refuse to do it. i understand why some people dont practice what they preach #because sometimes the congregation in question is just there to throw tomatoes without any intent of listening #but idc! idc! im not gonna let a bunch of assholes close my heart off. id rather be naive but kind and get taken advantage of #if the alternative is leaving people behind or making a single person feel the way i have felt #having good intentions but being unable to express it w/o negative emotion or without the correct words or not being given a fighting chanc #to never be seen as a person or heard or listened to is so hurtful #i never want to do that to someone #and if i have parted ways with you or made you feel like that at any point please know it is only when i have no other options left #i know it's an autism thing to be so utterly gutted at being misunderstood and i'm most likely giving energy to people who don't deserve it #but i dont care! i dont care! #my compassion IS a renewable resource because i keep feeding it hope and humanity #i get mad sometimes but please know every angry word i've ever said has stuck on my mind like a glue trap #i remember every fight i have been slightly too aggressive and potentially awful in since the fifth grade and i continue to ruminate #on harm i have caused however big or small #i feel so surrounded by hate and anger and i just want to be that person who doesnt get caught up in it and can be compassionate no matter #lots to think about today ... #x

[s0fter-sin]

i miss when we all interpreted shigaraki’s quirk as true decay rather than just reducing things to dust. i remember fics that had him rot things as he touched them and it was so much more visceral

#when he decayed aizawas elbow thats what it looked like a slow decay and death of flesh #we see when hes a kid he doesnt turn things to dust theres still blood and body left behind #so as his quirk grew it became the complete decay #but a slow rot feels more thematically poignant #the way heroics and hero society has rotted from the inside until an entire city can walk passed a little boy covered in blood #i get that being reduced to dust immediately is scarier bc theres no escape #but the idea that even if you manage to get away from it hes taken a chunk of you with him and left dying flesh behind #there was a fic that did this with bakugou really well i read it like two years ago but its stuck with me bc of how intense it is #i also think its why we feel so betrayed that aizawa doesnt have a scar #his elbow was decayed #the skin and top layer of muscle was killed and dropped off #and youre telling me that doesnt leave a scar? i call bullshit #imagine if the skin around the injury was rotted the stench it would leave behind #how much they had to cut off in order to stop the tissue from dying naturally #bc even if he stopped shigaraki’s quirk nothing stops rot once it’s begun except to carve it out #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #go beyond plus ultra #mha #bnha #shigaraki tomura

[feralnumberfive]

#bitches really hear ''Be kind to me be kind and wait it out'' & ''Getting a life is a little like dying'' and cry (it's me I'm bitches) #I know the song has been out for a few weeks now but inspiration struck to make a low effort meme #Do people hate AJR because they have such relatable songs? Each song is a story of their own and Jack said they're trying to write a song- #about nearly every issue in life like this one is about growing up but still internally feeling young and feeling stuck in life- #and being left behind by your peers while you struggle and just try to ''grow up'' and the fears of becoming an adult #listen I could write an essay over AJR's music and nearly all of their songs I fucking love them so incredibly much #ajr #the dj is crying for help #ajr meme

[gurorori]

im so so sad i wish i could be an adult

#does anyone else get terrified of the fact they will never be an adult and adequately perform adulthood in any capacity #it might be subjective but i know i can't. everyone around us can without question but the moment i try my brain fails #im terrified of doing anything to escape this household bc i will be all on omy own #and i know i can't do that i will not survive but i have no choice and no support system i have NO ONE to rely on i have no outside contact #im so so scared. i was not taught any of the life skills and ilack the capacity to think or act like an adult and i know it's not something #i can acquire at all because everyone did by now. everyone did i wish i wasnt perpetually left behind and flailing trying to stay afloat #i hate everyone around me who set us up for failure i hate them for not being able to provide me at least the care and support i need #if i can hold down a job and that's very very questionable i will at least be happy with myself. that's something. #it's scary and so alienating snd i wouldn't wish it upon anyone i just can't function on the same level #something tells me it's okay bc normal brains supposedly don't finish developing til 25 but this is not considering developmental disability #but im so scared of being seen as incompetent and unserious and unreliable when we're already in our twenties #i wish someone could relate #maybe it's something to do with my source too as a system but i still genuinely feel like not a single thing changed since our teens i feel #so stuck and so stunted #i am nothing. perhaps. #vent #? idont even knoe

[astral-catastrophe]

Damn it

#Legit just tag your sui and sh posts #I feel like I’m angry for no reason #Feel constantly ignored. Left behind. Left out. Forgotten. Feel invalidated almost. #See people going through the same shit I am #But I’m just ignored #And okay fuck it all I guess #I’ve just complained too much for anyone to mind #It makes me feel bad. But I mean. It’s better this way. I’ll eventually vanish and it’ll be okay bc nobody would notice for a while #And maybe it’s a stupid thing to be sad about #Because like. I shouldn’t need the help. Never got it before. I should be able to manage #Oh well #See others consistently getting help for much less #It hurts because I feel like I’ve only been spiraling further and further and nobody cares and one of these days #I’m fucking terrified I’m gonna off myself because I get so stuck in my own head and so angry with myself #But I guess it would be better off if it happened #Tw suicide #kinda

[bravevolunteer]

thinking about michael between pizza sim and security breach having a conversation with old man consequences…

#i never really thought anything about where his soul went during that time like i didn’t think he’d be any sort of conscious #but having this moment in what is essentially the fnaf version of purgatory before waking up in the pizzaplex. feels right #it wouldn’t last long the passage of time would be different for sure but… hm #would he be Told that his mission isn’t done yet… that he can’t move on as long as the effects of william’s crimes are being felt no matter #how much he’s atoned…. or would he be urged TO give up to let it go to leave the demon to his demons and he just continually Refuses because #he’s imposed this on himself he cannot LET HIMSELF rest easy knowing this is still happening #cassidy and michael parallel except cassidy is the one trapping william in hell and william’s presence left behind is what’s trapping #michael in life it’s the essentially keeping Each Other stuck of it all #i think it’s more likely/fits better with the themes here if michael insists upon it… does he remember?? who knows! i don’t think so! #michael and refusing relief for himself is such a constant it makes me upset #need to stop i could keep pulling out more to say forever but this is already barely coherent #⁂ ･ﾟ: i was looking for a job‚ and then i found a job‚ and heaven knows i’m miserable now ➛ ooc

[urlocalmagicalcat]

nothing will ever describe my life and how I view it as much as Will Stetson’s cover of Unknown Mother Goose

#“If my life is thrown away forgotten by the side then could I here at the end sing of this love inside?” #“One more time would it be fine if I could try to find? One last sign of life stuck in the voice that I had left behind?” #“Through the pain if they still could love it all the same Through the pain if they wished to find love anyway” #“Hey if you’re gonna share all your love Well then tell me my friend who will you meet at the end?” #“Stuck in a box locked I’ll free your heart with a knock Come you’re free a fellow failure like me” #“I had knew it deep down inside That you had always stood to fight Protecting this place we hide there by my side” #“I’ve grown to take it the pain welling in me the breaking and hurting“ #“Joy grief rage and pleasure they all blend together through every endeavor” #“If happiness that I cherish is real and is out there somewhere lost on this earth“ #“Will I wander forever and ever in agony in this darkened and cold world” #“As the blackened the sheep that will never belong anywhere as I live forever? --Don’t leave me like that!” #“How could I grow to adore this world surrounding me? Tell me will I just keep on rolling on eternally?” #“Hey I think I’ll take these feelings no one ever wants” #“Give this world a chance and share them all now with this final song” #“Look at me what exactly do you want to be? Look at me can you tell me what you long to see?” #“My heart breaks apart however it still burns On now more than any other Look at me can you see the one I try to be?” #“Is there light out piercing through the night Guiding me on to my life?” #these lyrics man… it hurts. - 🎡 #(🎡) marz/nep

[eggmeralda]

can you get burnout from doing nothing

#or am i going through a mental breakdown. based on the symptoms matching whatever the past week has had going on #unless it was caused by trying to socialise online #which i am so bad at and i guess seeing other people easily be all friends with each other kind of made my brain go 😨😱😖🤯 #<- along with various other surrounding emojis #i'm stuck at uni rn bc my band has 2 gigs coming up + rehearsals so i have to be here. but there is nothing to do except Think #but yeah there was the alienated fandom feeling bc idk it always feels like everyone speaks to each other in dms and has all this like #lore with each other and i have no idea what's going on #and trying to actually interact is soooooooo exhausting and i always feel like i'm too slow or behind everyone else and yeah #and then camp weehawken began and i couldn't even deal with seeing everyone doing that and all knowing each other really well and idk #so i just left tumblr briefly. bc of everything. bc i'm irrational #basically the worst feeling is when you have friends in a fandom but then your hyperfixation starts to wear off and turns out they weren't #close friends they were fandom mutuals. btw this isn't about anyone in particular this has happened for most fandoms i've been in #it was more of a sudden realisation that's been creeping up on me for years. so to deal with the fading hyperfixation i just had to Go #and now i'm obsessed with threads. which has like no fandom. so at least the hyperfixation fadeout will be easier to deal with lol #but yeah it's that sort of feeling when you finish at some place and you make some friends but once you leave you never talk to them again #and knowing you didn't really leave a strong enough impact on them that they still wanna keep in contact with you #pretty much like that #at the same time though there's nothing to do atm so maybe i am just bored and overthinking #but still it's annoying to go through especially when it's happened for almost every experience in my life #also like I'd occasionally log back into tumblr to see what's going on but i'd see people liking posts on the swag archive and it's like #cool at least people like the archives :') but anyone could've done those #idk it's like i have to do something like that for people to actually care and as soon as i'm not contributing anything then i'm just #forgettable or something #i wanna come back to tumblr but idk if my brain is ready for that dsjkljf. i told myself i'd only come back when things feel stable #but also i'm impatient lol #again this isn't about anyone specific my brain just LOVES to malfunction it's actually its favourite pasttime <3 #but either way if i seem really negative lately or just. weird. it's just my brain being its classic overdramatic self #i mean the thoughts are very real and based on vaguely true evidence but also my brain loves to exaggerate things to sabotage my life #i'm hitting tag limit so anyway. at least threads isn't happening rn so that's pretty good #ramble

[theheadlessgroom]

https://www.tumblr.com/beatingheart-bride/710130899552993280/theheadlessgroom-beatingheart-bride

@beatingheart-bride

Randall was seated in the more shadowy side of Box Five, unable to be seen by audience, orchestra, and cast members alike: Although he felt very confident in his ghostly guise, he didn’t want to take any risk, and so he always sat in a particular corner of the box, able to observe the goings-on from the darkness-just as he observed Thaddeus Morgan happening to look up at the box, no doubt catching sight of Emily as they talked and watched the rehearsal.

Although he maintained a pleasant, affable tone as he and Emily continued talking, Randall didn’t miss the opportunity to briefly glare down at Morgan from his vantage point, narrowing his eyes in annoyance. Focus on your music, Mr. Morgan, he mentally chastised, annoyed by the persistence of his staring. Wouldn’t want you to miss your next note on opening night, simply because you weren’t paying attention during practice...

Ah, but he wasn’t about to let Morgan ruin his time with Emily, instead happily chatting away with her, telling her of the operas he’d watched from Box Five, and how much he liked it. He’d tried sitting in other boxes, just to see how they compared, and there was really no competition, Five was the way to go, really. It offered the best view of the stage and the best quality when it came to listening to both the performers and the orchestra, and so he wouldn’t trade it for anything. There was no better seat in the opera-not even towards the front, beneath the giant chandelier...

#((the irony is real! the graceys and the de clairs are thinking they'll have a wedding to plan in the future)) #((while in reality dorian just considers emily a good friend! one of the few upperclass kids he doesn't mind spending time with)) #((since she's not stuck-up and doesn't look down her nose at others the way many of their peers do)) #((and he's happy to play wingman to his best friend! he'd see right away that randall was smitten with her)) #((and would be more than happy to see them together; while he has his heart set on elizabeth!)) #((and i defidently agree that emily; like dorian; was probably raised more by servants than her parents themselves)) #((and so being in the presence of someone as warm and motherly as june would do her some good; as it does dorian!)) #((man june really is just gathering attention-starved kids left and right huh? she came to work for the graceys with randall in tow)) #((and practically left with two more kids happily trailing behind!)) #((she would 100% be supportive and encouraging to both emily and dorian! i think she'd see right away how distant their folks are)) #((and it'd just kick her maternal instincts into gear! she'd feel remiss if she didn't!)) #((she'd absolutely encourage emily to be herself; and again i agree that it would do emily some real good)) #((to have such a supportive maternal figure in her life!)) #outofhatboxes #beatingheart-bride #V:Phantasm of the Mansion

[thehealingplum]

When you grow up in a space where your parents word is law, and they belittle you and ignore your views on the world, you tend to lose yourself. You question your judgement and morals. And when you reach adulthood and they still treat you like a child, you constantly feel like a child. Being an adult doesn't feel real because you've never really been treated like one. You feel left behind by your peers. You don't see yourself as a mature adult.

It's hard when you're not allowed to grow up at all.

#thinking aloud #personal #i felt like a kid for the longest time #when i graduated high school i felt stuck at 17 for almost a decade #even now i dont feel quite 33 #i still feel like i should be 25 #im not though i just feel #left behind by my fellow 33 year olds #i just didnt have a good upbringing #this doesnt excuse my immature behavior by any means #its just an explanation as to why im such a mess #and im sorry for having been that way #i am trying to grow

[menlove]

today has been such a catastrophic shit show that I can only laugh

#in order: #new frat boy called off 30 minutes till opening shift so I had to open alone #brand new hire gets there for her first shift while I'm dealing with like 3 customers alone #other trainer coming in is late #1 of 2 brewers breaks while I'm alone and is steaming everywhere screaming and leaking absolutely everywhere #which we didn't notice the leaking for a good 2 hours #an espresso head breaks (at this point I just started laughing) #at least 5 asiago bagels get stuck in the toaster conveyer belt #I have to start an insulin pump which is fine but I have to feel that pain get triggered by smth stupid sensation wise & face my weight #I go to get an emotional support diet coke from McDonald's but they're closed for everything but ubereats and mobile orders #fine that's cool then I have to turn left across 4 lanes of traffic #lady behind me gets impatient and gets in the RIGHT turn lane to take the first chance to turn left that I should've had #someone finally brakes and makes eye contact to let me through and then as soon as I go to turn they hit the gas #realize their mistake and then we both have to slam on our brakes so we don't die #get home and the cats have thrown up everywhere #I'm literally...... #and I still have to go pick up prescriptions and vote later so god fucking knows what else is gonna happen I'm expecting aliens or WW3

[713-4th-ward-g]

.

#sigh #i don't think im ever going to get over losing two close friends... #i can't believe im going through this again.. #Edward if only you were alive and not me.. you would have accomplished so much more than i have in these 17 years since you died #i still can't believe i lost my best friend at 10 years old and now i lost two close close friends again... #so much of me just wants to quit.. i have done nothing to build a future with and i know im not close to anyone #everyone of my friends have closer friends... im just here I'm only living for my parents right now #i can't fathom the pain they'll be in I already attempted before and failed and they have no clue of it that was in 2018... #and now its 2022 an ive lost such great friends again i wish i had the bravery to try again but i can't stop seeing my moms face man fuck #im such a failure of a son of a student and as a friend... i dont deserve to have good things... #I've been stuck like this for years this is all my doing and now im turning 27 and im still not doing anything with my life #i don't think i can take this much longer #i really feel my thoughts getting the better of me and im afraid of what ima do to myself in the future... #whats wrong with me i used to be such a happy cheerful person with always something quirky to say... #and now im just this lonely slob of nothingness that deserve nothing #im wearing myself out with these negative thoughts... i stopped taking my anti depression pills cause i want control of myself not sum pill #i still feel like yall are still here and we can just chill and smoke again #i wish i could be better and do better.. i just want to matter.. i want to feel seen and not forgotten of.. #im just a small note stamp in peoples pages left to be seen peripherally and skipped over i am nothing of use i bring nothing to anyone #i just wish i could die already i wish i could skip to my future death and leave this all behind.. i don't want to die before my parents.. #i can't bear to have my mom cry over me.. i was never good at anything other than being sad and lonely.. whats wrong with me #i just want to be loved to feel seen to feel wanted and not something they can just easily dismiss... i dont care about being a priority #i just want to matter and bring something positive to someone im never a good influence.. im such a horrible person...